Parenting
Blog's for March, 2020
http://www.DrLaura.com
Dr. Laura
2024-03-19T12:46:55Z
2024-03-19T12:46:55Z
Dr. Laura
Encourage Your Children to Try New Endeavors
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Encourage-Your-Children-to-Try-New-Endeavors/582001989947274202.html
2020-03-06T21:28:00Z
2020-03-06T21:28:00Z
<strong><em>By: <span>Kathleen Boucher</span><strong> </strong><em> </em></em></strong><br /><span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Nine-Ways-Empower-Tweens-LifeSkills/dp/0228818826" target="_blank">https://www.amazon.com/Nine-Ways-Empower-Tweens-LifeSkills/dp/0228818826</a></span><strong></strong><em></em><br /><br /><br />
<div><strong>Give children the facts so they know what to expect</strong><br /><br />Are you a parent who encourages your child to try new things such as learning how to play the piano, the guitar, Taekwondo, hockey, speed skating, swimming, typing, etc.?<br />Do your kids choose what they want to try or do you? This is very important because the incentive to overcome obstacles starts when new endeavors are their choice. This helps them stay motivated regardless of sore muscles, sore fingers, fatigue, or temporary setbacks. <br /><br />Talk to your children and explain to them that becoming proficient at a new task takes practice. Are they willing to put in the effort? Are they willing to evaluate their mistakes, learn from them, and slowly improve? This should be taken into consideration before they decide to learn a new skill. <br /><br />Here is a conversation I overheard to the contrary and the questions that went through my mind while I waited for my son's class to finish. <br /><br />A parent was talking to another parent at Taekwondo practice complaining that his son wanted to quit Taekwondo after two weeks. The boy found it too difficult. The parent stated he was going to comply with his son's wishes. He was frustrated at how much money he had paid and that his son was quitting. But what else could he do?<br /><br />Do you see a problem with this?<br /><br />Is the father setting the boy up to quit each time he finds something too strenuous? Did he research, along with his son, what was expected of him before he signed up for Taekwondo? <br /><br />Consider this;<br /><br />How did the man prepare his son to try a new endeavor? <br /><br />1. Who decided to take Taekwondo, was it the son's choice or was it the father's dream?<br /><br />2. Did the father discuss what the pros and cons of taking Taekwondo would be? Did he tell him about the type of exercises he would be doing, the sore muscles, the fatigue, the sense of camaraderie, and the thrill of accomplishment? <br /><br />3. Did he visit the Dojang with his boy and introduce him to the instructors? <br /><br />4. Did he give him a chance to speak with other students his own age? These students could explain what it was like when they started. <br /><br />5. Did the boy make a commitment, before he signed up, to keep at it even if he found it difficult?<br /><br />If the father had discussed these things with his son, then when he wanted to quit, they could have a conversation about overcoming obstacles. The father would remind his son of his commitment he made to himself. He would have encouraged him to keep practicing. Imagine the sense of accomplishment the boy will feel when he receives his next belt. <br /><br />Today, children receive trophies even when they lose. Why have we made losing such a bad thing? Have we set up children to be afraid of trying new things for fear of losing? Why not teach them that it is perfectly normal not to be good at each new endeavor at the beginning. It takes hard work, practice, commitment, and a belief that they can reach their goal.<br /><br />Children have to be the ones to convince their parents that they want to try something new. Not the other way around. Parents can help kids research what it takes to achieve what they want. Learning how to research is a life skill. Children require the facts before they can make an informed decision. The commitment to succeed is a commitment that each child makes to themselves. This is stuff dreams are made of. <br /><br />Parenting may have just gotten a bit easier.<br /><br /><br /><br /></div>
<div><em><strong>Kathleen Boucher </strong></em>is an award-winning children's book author, a certified lifestyle coach, a certified neuro coach, a certified stress and wellness consultant, and a registered nurse. Her mission is to inspire kids to follow their dreams. <em>Nine Ways to Empower Tweens #LIFESKILLS</em> gives tweens strategies that empower them. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Nine-Ways-Empower-Tweens-LifeSkills/dp/0228818826" target="_blank">https://www.amazon.com/Nine-Ways-Empower-Tweens-LifeSkills/dp/0228818826</a> Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</div>
Staff
2020-03-06T21:28:00Z
Embrace the Gap in Support for New Fathers Seven Strategies to Offer Comfort, Encouragement and Guidance
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Embrace-the-Gap-in-Support-for-New-Fathers-Seven-Strategies-to-Offer-Comfort,-Encouragement-and-Guidance/815004898875408794.html
2019-09-09T17:01:00Z
2019-09-09T17:01:00Z
<strong><em>By: Jane Honikman, M.S.</em></strong><strong></strong><em></em><br /><a href="https://janehonikman.com/" target="_blank">www.janehonikman.com</a><br /><br /><br />I have been hearing the voices of new fathers since I became a mother myself, however, I wasn't always listening. The first postpartum male voice I heard was that of my husband. Breastfeeding was not going well. He expressed exasperation, desperation and fear by saying, "<em>you're starving our baby</em>". I received lactation help but there was no emotional support for him.<br /><br />Years later I facilitated a new parent's discussion group. A new father expressed his irritation and frustration about his role by saying, "<em>Stop criticizing how I'm putting on the diaper</em>". This time I began to listen.<br /><br />I answered a phone call to the Warmline from a father. He cried while sharing that his wife and mother of their infant had filed for divorce and custody. He had no idea what had happened to his marriage. I actively listened to his tragic story. There were no local resources for him. <br /><br />I heard a man tell how he had accompanied his girlfriend to the first ultrasound appointment. The technician turned her back on him, spoke only to the woman. He felt left out and ignored. <br /><br />The needs of postpartum fathers have been marginalized. There are few, if any, resources designed to include the father-to-be during pregnancy and after the arrival of the infant. What I've learned by listening to husbands and fathers is that we must embrace these gaps. The strategies I used will help you too.<br /><br /><strong>1. <em>Give acknowledgement:</em></strong> The fact is an egg requires a sperm for pregnancy. Nature takes over the woman's body so naturally she becomes the focus of attention. What about the "<em>pregnant</em>" man? Who listens to his joys, and fears?<br /><br /><strong>2. <em>Pay attention:</em></strong> Anthropologists have observed in some cultures a male experience of pregnancy called "<em>couvade</em>". Some men exhibit somatic symptoms that are overlooked and misinterpreted. We need to pay attention to the medical needs of men too.<br /><br /><strong>3. <em>Ask thoughtful questions:</em></strong> The pregnant couple is transitioning from being a duo to parenthood. As individuals and together they are entering a new phase of life. This journey is scary as well as exciting. They are facing challenges, decisions and fears. Pregnancy is a time to have conversations. Who will provide a safe environment where they can talk, cry and won't be judged?<br /><br /><strong>4. <em>Know the truth:</em></strong> Having a baby is hard on relationships and marriage. Statistics challenge the hope that the addition of a baby will preserve or even improve partnerships.<br /><br /><strong>5</strong><em><strong>. Men have hormones too:</strong></em> There may be hormones that prepare men for fatherhood. Studies are limited but perhaps men who are exposed to a pregnant partner may have hormonal changes. Where is the research on the fathers? <br /><br /><strong>6.</strong><em> <strong>Watch for depression:</strong></em> Statistically, rates of postpartum depression are the same in fathers and mothers. We know who is at risk. It is essential to be frank about personal and family histories of mental illness. There is no shame acknowledging the truth. Stigma dos nothing but keep one from getting help. <br /><br /><strong>7. <em>Keys for wellness:</em></strong> Fathers and mothers need to sleep, eat well, exercise, have time for themselves, share their emotions and get support. Pregnancy and the postpartum period wreck routines. It is not easy to accept help but it is a foundation for successful parenting and wellbeing.<br /><br />The role expectations for men as husbands and fathers has changed dramatically during my lifetime. My father never changed a diaper. His role was as the provider and protector. My husband, in contrast, was emotionally invested in our pregnancies and his role as an involved father. <br /><br />Parental mental health is the "<em>new</em>" social movement. Contrary to current thinking, pregnancy and postpartum issues should not be labeled as gender specific. Our children will benefit from listening to the needs of both parents.<br /><br /><br /><br /><em><strong>Jane Honikman, M.S.</strong></em> co-founded <a href="https://www.sbpep.org/" target="_blank">Postpartum Education for Parents</a>(PEP), co-founded the <a href="http://www.postpartumaction.org/" target="_blank">Postpartum Action Institute</a>, and founded <a href="https://www.postpartum.net/" target="_blank">Postpartum Support International</a> (PSI). Jane wrote the <a href="http://praeclaruspress.com/" target="_blank">Community Support for New Families</a>, I'm Listening: A Guide to Supporting Postpartum Families; My Diary: A Postpartum Journey from Pain to Purpose; Postpartum Action Manual: How to Provide Comfort, Encouragement, and Guidance to New Families. For more information visit <a href="https://janehonikman.com/" target="_blank">www.janehonikman.com</a>. Follow Jane on Facebook. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2019-09-09T17:01:00Z
Finding Bridges With Your Teen
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Finding-Bridges-With-Your-Teen/752436698978220367.html
2019-08-23T18:17:00Z
2019-08-23T18:17:00Z
<br /><em><strong>By <strong><em>Julie Samrick</em></strong></strong></em><br /><a href="http://juliesamrick.com/" target="_blank">www.juliesamrick.com</a><br /><br /><br />
<div>Now that 3 out of 4 of my kids are teenagers, I've been thinking I need a mothers' group again like when they were babies. When we first moved from the Bay Area to our current town outside of Sacramento so that I could be a full-time mom I had one infant. The talks I had with other new moms were nothing short of a lifeline for me. At least one morning a week we'd meet- on nice days at someone's home or at a park. On rainy days we'd push our strollers back and forth through an indoor mall. Our topics of conversation grew as our friendships did, but our core topic was our babies. "<em>How many times did he/she wake up last night? What do you like for teething?</em>"<br /><br /></div>
<div>Those years seem easy compared to raising teens. Where are the mommy support groups now? <br /><br /></div>
<div>This summer I've been reminded that teens want to feel independent- in both their personal beliefs about the world as well as through their actions. The tricky part is that we still need to be there to help guide them. Here have been a few actions that are proving to keep my teenagers and me connected- win/wins for us all. <br /><br /></div>
<ol>
<li><strong>Offer food.</strong> There is something innate about parents wanting to nourish their kids and the literal way has been doing the trick of late. Two words get my teenagers home lickety-split: "<em>Dinner's ready.</em>" I remember when one of my sons was younger and he seemed irritable for several days. I over-thought his behavior, wondering if he was getting enough attention, or if someone had said something cruel. I pulled him aside to see if he was okay. Nearly on the verge of tears, he looked up and said, "<em>I've just been so hungry lately.</em>" <br /><br />As soon as I started junior high my mom stopped making my lunch and I remember not liking it, but I didn't say anything. This is one reason I have always made my kids' school lunches. When life is confusing or something is getting them down, teenagers don't always want to talk about it, but serving them a meal is one way to keep a connection without any words at all.</li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Give them opportunities for independence. </strong>I'm always questioning whether something is age-appropriate and I'm tested constantly by children on varying degrees of the spectrum: one of my kids makes me laugh out loud sometimes by daring requests, while another one of my teenagers doesn't even want to be left home alone. They are all different, so instead of following some guidebook, we need to know our kids. My older two, 17 and 15, felt pride when we gave them a certain amount of money to shop for Christmas gifts for their siblings, their dad, and me, instead of the usual me taking them. My younger kids like when I ask them to pick out the cereal, for instance, for the household while we're at the store. This strategy in allowing them to test choices in healthy ways will be a benefit when the choices really are completely left to them as adults. </li>
<br /> <br />
<li><strong>Model community-building.</strong> With the realization that our relationships with other people is what matters most in the entire world after the death of my mom, I've been making it even more of a point to surround my kids with community as much as I can through volunteering together, making more of an effort to see extended family and to host informal get-togethers. The benefits of each have been multi-fold. </li>
<br /> <br />
<li><strong>Have skin in the game. </strong>My friend recently told me she saw her son wiping down their home's kitchen counters after working at a pizza parlor for the summer. I've seen similar results in our home as well. Part-time jobs are good for more than just money. They teach life lessons teenagers may not learn as young. After working with customers, they might even realize that they actually have it pretty good and that their parents may not be so bossy after all.<br /><br /></li>
</ol>
<div>The raising teen tips continue to grow. What would you add? </div>
<br /><br /><br /><strong><em>Julie Samrick</em></strong> is a stay-at-home mother of four children and a published author. Connect with her on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/KidFocusedcom-209494072409111/?ref=bookmarks" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="https://twitter.com/JulieSamrick?s=17" target="_blank">Twitter</a>. You may write to her at <a href="mailto:julieswrites@gmail.com" target="_blank">julieswrites@gmail.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2019-08-23T18:17:00Z
Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Get-Out-of-Your-Comfort-Zone/44948794711745004.html
2019-07-21T18:17:00Z
2019-07-21T18:17:00Z
<br /><em><strong>By <strong><em>Julie Samrick</em></strong></strong></em><br /><a href="http://juliesamrick.com/" target="_blank">www.juliesamrick.com</a><br /><br /><br />It seemed like a good idea to send all four kids on the short flight to Phoenix to see my husband's side of the family. It reminded me of the excitement that my three sisters and I felt to visit our paternal grandparents during summers once we each reached a certain age. Our oldest child started by going and then his brother joined him two years ago. As the days leading up to their trip approached a nagging thought suddenly teased me. What if their plane crashes? <br /><br />I know it's a terrible thought and I didn't speak a word of it to the kids. It tapped me on the shoulder a few more times: How could you send them all together, without you? I kept calm by keeping faith in the fact that air is the safest way to travel. <br /><br />I don't remember the boys ever expressing fears before the same short, direct flight, but our daughters (who have asked, "<em>When can we go too?</em>" every summer) had a few reservations once the trip was two days away. "<em>I don't think the boys would forget each other at the airport,</em>" my youngest declared. "<em>But they might forget u</em>s." <br /><br />She had a point. My kids always pair up by birth order, which is also same gender. The boys don't act particularly protective of their sisters, but their dad or I are always there. I paired one boy with one girl only for the airport portion. The girls smiled at the plan while the boys rolled their eyes.<br /><br />We left in plenty of time to park and for me to get them to the security line. However, it took a record 90 minutes (what ordinarily takes 40) to get to the airport. As I thought of a Plan B in standstill traffic, our oldest, who just turned 17, stated,<em> "How about you just drop us off?</em>"<br /><br />My first instinct was to say no, but I paused, remembering a talk we'd just had the week before about treating him older than his siblings. "<em>You know how to look for the departure gate?</em>" And then, "<em>There are probably lots of flights going to Phoenix</em>." <br /><br />"<em>Yes, mom</em>," he said. "We can do this." Getting out of my comfort zone felt weird, but I wanted to be sure I wasn't stifling his opportunity to grow either.<br /><br />During their five-day trip, the jumps in independence they all gained were as valuable as any school lesson. <br /><br />The most telling happened on the second day during an outing to a waterpark. My 13-year-old calm, mellow, shy daughter called that night to relay the day. "<em>Everything was fine until I almost passed out in line,</em>" she said. "<em>When I opened my eyes all I saw was black...A medic had to come help me.</em>" I stood still, my eyes growing huge. <br /><br />She felt signs beforehand that her body wasn't used to the 111-degree heat that day, but before I could say what she should have done, or what I would have done, she continued. "<em>I had soda at lunch but wish I had water.</em>" Suddenly she sounded 16. Her brother was right there to help her, a patient protector who I didn't know would take his buddy role to the waterpark too. Long story short, one of the first things she told me when she came home was that she counted "<em>nine times</em>" when she could have chosen soda (the return flight home, etc.) but opted for water instead. <br /><br />"<em>You really do feel better when you eat healthy and worse when you have junk,</em>" she said.<br /><br />If I was there to guide them I doubt my kids would make some of the realizations that they did and it even seemed like the four of them grew closer by having to figure things out as a team. <br /><br />We can all flourish by getting out of our comfort zones, though it can be a delicate balance to give kids opportunities to push themselves in ways that are age-appropriate. This time for me it meant physically stepping aside in order to let them find their way. <br /><br /><br /><br /><strong><em>Julie Samrick</em></strong> is a stay-at-home mother of four children and a published author. Connect with her on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/KidFocusedcom-209494072409111/?ref=bookmarks" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="https://twitter.com/JulieSamrick?s=17" target="_blank">Twitter</a>. You may write to her at <a href="mailto:julieswrites@gmail.com" target="_blank">julieswrites@gmail.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2019-07-21T18:17:00Z
How to Talk with Your Teen About Vaping and Juul Without Causing Them to Hate You
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-to-Talk-with-Your-Teen-About-Vaping-and-Juul-Without-Causing-Them-to-Hate-You/559090756348345794.html
2019-06-28T18:17:00Z
2019-06-28T18:17:00Z
<br /><em><strong>By Jennifer <em><strong>Salerno</strong></em></strong></em><br /><a href="http://www.drjennifersalerno.com" target="_blank">www.drjennifersalerno.com</a><a href="http://juliesamrick.com/" target="_blank"></a><br /><br /><br />It's always a fine line-do I bring it up? Is this the hill to die on? When it comes to <a href="https://www.juul.com/" target="_blank">Juul</a> use among teens, it's love at first puff. It fits in the palm of your hand-easily hidden from teachers and parents. It contains as much heart-racing, addicting nicotine as two packs of cigarettes. It even comes in the same flavors as your favorite ice cream, like strawberry, mint, and tutti frutti. <br /><br />With all of these features it's not surprising how fast Juul-one of the newest nicotine vaping products-has shot to the top of the e-cigarette market, and how many of those buyers and users are teens. <br /><br />It's normal for teens to explore things that aren't always good for them and seek out the approval of their peers. So how do we help our teens make the best choices possible (particularly when we are not around) and avoid the decisions that may negatively impact their lives for years to come? Start by talking <em>with</em> your teen. That means having a two-way conversation that involves <em>listening</em> as opposed to lecturing or talking at your teen. Think about it, the more you try to tell teens what to do or how to do it, the less likely they are to follow your advice. It's how teens are wired! That doesn't mean you should refrain from talking with them. Here are a few proven communication techniques to help you kick off constructive conversations about important topics-like the growing Juul phenomena. <br /><br /><strong>1. Ask Permission.</strong> The key to having a 2-way conversation with your teen when it comes to subjects like sex, alcohol or vaping is to start by asking permission. A normal part of being a teen is their struggle for control. Asking permission gives them a sense of control over the discussion and a feeling of respect. When permission is asked and given, teens are more open to hearing what you are sharing with them. You could start with something like this: "<em>I've been hearing more about vaping and Juul and would like to know what you have heard. When is a good time for us to talk without other distractions?</em>"<br /><br /><strong>2. Use Empathetic Statements. </strong>Empathy creates a safe and supportive environment between you and your teen. Saying something as simple as "<em>It can be really hard to manage peer pressure, especially when it seems like everyone is vaping</em>," makes a more productive start to a conversation than, "<em>Would you jump off a bridge if everyone was doing it?</em>" Using empathy might seem like a very soft way to open a conversation, but it sets the stage for teens to feel more comfortable sharing truthful information with you. And don't forget to watch your tone. Teens are very sensitive to our delivery, they will pick up and "<em>tune in</em>" to genuine empathy, while picking up and "<em>tuning out</em>" a tone of sarcasm or frustration.<br /><br /><strong>3. Ask Open-ended Questions.</strong> It's tempting to share a list of all the reasons why Juul is bad when you speak with your son or daughter, and to give them some helpful tips for how they can handle peer pressure. But that's not a 2-way discussion, it's a one-way lecture and teens don't respond well to being told what to do (most of us don't)! A great way to start a productive and honest two-way discussion is with open-ended questions. These are questions that are not easily answered with a yes or no answer. Don't worry, you'll still have the chance to share your thoughts, just find out what they think first. If you'd like to have a conversation with your teen about handling peer pressure and vaping, for example, you could say, "<em>How would you handle being offered a vape pen by one of your friends?</em>" instead of "<em>You would never vape or use Juul, right?</em>" <br /><br /><strong>4. Listen.</strong> When your teen responds to an open-ended question, actively listen. Instead of responding immediately, take a slow, deep breath. A few seconds of silence gives your teen a chance to think about what they are saying and continue their thought. Your goal is to engage your teen in thoughtful discussion so they can think through risky behaviors and possible alternatives to those behaviors. Research shows, if teens have planned a response to a situation in advance, they are less likely to engage in that risky behavior! <br /><br />As a parent, you are placed in an influential role to help keep your teen safe and healthy. But that's no easy task. By implementing smart and proven communication techniques into your discussions, you will not have to dread every conversation or avoid it altogether. <a href="https://drjennifersalerno.com/teen-speak-series/" target="_blank">Teen Speak</a> provides a detailed road map on how to get a conversation started about all types of risky behaviors. By using real-world examples of teen-parent interactions with sample responses to common scenarios, <em>Teen Speak </em>helps support positive change and safer decision-making. <br /><br /><br /><br /><em><strong>Dr. Jennifer Salerno</strong></em> is a nurse practitioner, an internationally-recognized adolescent health expert, author of <a href="https://drjennifersalerno.com/teen-speak-series/" target="_blank">Teen Speak</a>, founder of <a href="http://www.possibilitiesforchange.com/index.html" target="_blank">Possibilities for Change</a>, and proud mom of two. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2019-06-28T18:17:00Z
3 Pitfalls To Avoid When Apologizing To Your Child
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/3-Pitfalls-To-Avoid-When-Apologizing-To-Your-Child/320197740087595039.html
2019-04-11T17:21:00Z
2019-04-11T17:21:00Z
<br /><em><strong>By Donna Moriarty</strong></em><br /><a href="http://www.donnamoriarty.com" target="_blank">www.donnamoriarty.com</a><br /><br /><br />Have you ever completely <em>lost it</em> with your kids? You're not alone. <br /><br />As parents we're over stressed and sleep-deprived, strung out from juggling the demands of job and home, and teetering on the edge of sanity as we deal with our children's worst behavior-toddler meltdowns, fights over the video game controller, texting at the dinner table. <br /><br />And so, inevitably, we reach the tipping point. We scream at them, we take away privileges, we slam doors. Sometimes we may even say things we wish we hadn't. But should you apologize to your child?<br /><br />Some say, absolutely not. There's a common (though unwarranted) fear that an apology is an admission of fault or weakness, or that it undercuts our parental authority. I was raised by parents who never said they were sorry. It didn't matter what the offense was, whether accidentally punishing the wrong kid or taking a huge bite out of your ice cream cone. In fact, none of the adults in my world-neighbors, teachers, parish priests-seemed capable of admitting they had made a mistake, much less apologizing for it.<br /><br />Yet every child knows deep down when someone has done a bad thing, including Mom and Dad. When parents insist they can do no wrong, it sets the stage for moral confusion. The child may start to doubt their innate sense of right and wrong. To ignore this is to risk damaging your child's self-esteem and skewing his or her emerging moral compass.<br /><br />Conversely, parents who can admit their mistakes have a distinct edge over the "<em>not-sorry</em>" parent. By expressing remorse and offering to make things right, a parent models the very qualities they hope to instill in their child: empathy, honesty, courage, responsibility. The practice fosters trust, too, when the parent values the child's emotional security as much as their physical safety.<br /><br />Apologizing to kids doesn't have to be a big deal. Here some tips on how to do it right. <br /><br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Face it. </strong>Whenever you treat your child in a way you wouldn't want to be treated-dropping them off late to school, losing control of your emotions, accidentally breaking a cherished object-stop and notice what you've done. Remember kids feel injury and injustice much more strongly than adults. Be quick to recognize that what may seem minor to you, such as yelling at them in front of their friends, is a much bigger deal to them. Your apology affirms their dignity and their right, as a human being, to be treated with respect.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Feel it.</strong> Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, child experts and best-selling co-authors of the parenting book series "<em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1451663889/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3LDL5U5P88KLQ&keywords=faber+and+mazlish&qid=1552424807&s=books&sprefix=faber+and+maz%252Caps%252C129&sr=1-1" target="_blank">How to Talk So Kids Will Listen</a></em>", offer this perspective: "<em>How would you feel if your boss did that to you?</em>" It's true: being disrespected by a more powerful person cuts deep. Stand in your child's shoes so you can imagine how he or she might be feeling, and your apology will come naturally. Be sure to give them space to express their feelings with tears, anger or both. Unimpeded, kids' feelings pass quickly-and they are quick to forgive.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Fix it.</strong> Be sincere as you make your apology, then do what you can to make things right. "<em>I'm really sorry I forgot to feed your goldfish while you were at camp. I know you must feel terrible that she died, and I feel terrible, too. Would you like to go to the pet store and pick out another one?</em>" This exercise can be surprisingly creative, and you'll find yourself bonding with your child as you work together to make amends.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Change it. </strong>An apology is just empty words if not followed by your resolve to do better. Whether you try out a new parenting technique like <a href="https://www.123magic.com/" target="_blank">1-2-3 Magic</a>, or set reminders in your phone to feed the goldfish, helping your child become a better human being by working through life's ups and downs is a big part of raising awesome kids.</li>
</ul>
<br /><strong>When apologizing, watch out for these pitfalls.</strong><br /><br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Don't make excuses.</strong> Briefly explain if you must, but remember it's not about you. "<em>I promised to drive you to Max's house, but once I got on the phone with Grandma, I lost all track of the time. I'm sorry you had to wait so long for me. I'll keep an eye on the clock next time.</em>"</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Don't guilt trip.</strong> Never defend your bad behavior by telling your kid they caused it. You're the grown-up, with both the maturity and the authority to manage your feelings and the situation. "<em>This morning when the bus drove away without you, I got very angry that we'd both be late. But I'm sorry I yelled at you until you cried.</em>"</li>
</ul>
<div></div>
<ul>
<li><strong>Don't say, "<em>I'm sorry you feel that way.</em>"</strong> This cold and distancing phrase tells your child they are too sensitive, abdicates responsibility and denies their feelings. When you've hurt or disappointed your child, let them know they deserve better. If you can't muster a full-fledged, empathetic apology, just say "<em>I'm sorry,</em>" and leave it at that.</li>
</ul>
<br />With a little practice, apologizing to your child for your own less-than-stellar moments will become easier. You may even find it draws you closer to your child, which is good for both of you-and the rest of your family, too. Everyone benefits when the people around them demonstrate integrity, humility and concern for the feelings of others. <br /><br /><br /><br /><strong><em>Donna Moriarty</em></strong> is a writer, editor and author with a passion for writing, speaking and listening-the most powerful and enduring forms of human connection. She's written and edited award-winning publications, short fiction and nonfiction, book reviews and a one-act play. Her first book, <em><a href="http://donnamoriarty.com/" target="_blank">Not Just Words: How a Good Apology Makes You Braver, Bolder and Better at Life</a></em>, was published in 2018. Follow her on Twitter @demoriarty. <a href="http://donnamoriarty.com/" target="_blank">www.donnamoriarty.com</a> Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2019-04-11T17:21:00Z
3 Reasons NOT to Give Teens 'The Talk'
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/3-Reasons-NOT-to-Give-Teens-The-Talk/877609605932564243.html
2019-03-27T18:23:00Z
2019-03-27T18:23:00Z
<br /><em><strong>By <strong>Dr. Jennifer Salerno</strong></strong></em><br /><a href="http://www.possibilitiesforchange.com/" target="_blank">possibilitiesforchange.com</a><br /><br /><br />It's a scene from many teen movies and sitcoms: mom or dad sit their teen down for an introduction to the birds and the bees. Whether it's oversharing, over scripting, over emotional, over the top, or the good ol' fashioned banana demonstration, when it comes to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dV7ayvWxEgs" target="_blank">talking with teens about sex</a>, it often derails. And there's a reason it's such a classic source of comedy. <br /><br />"<em>The Talk</em>" generally begins by broaching perhaps the most awkward parenting topic possible, for the first time ever, seated face-to-face in a way that most of us only find ourselves confronted when with our physician, spiritual advisor, or employer. <br /><br />Luckily, we have <strong>3 simple reasons why you don't have to give "<em>The Talk</em>" to your teen</strong>:<br /><br /><ol>
<li><strong>If you are "<em>giving</em>" a talk, teens aren't listening.</strong> You may have a lot of great information to share with your teen, but if it's a one-way street it ends up being a lecture instead of a conversation. Teens are hard wired to shut down if they feel like they are being told what to do. A genuine two-way conversation conveys respect and provides teens with the opportunity to ask questions, feel heard, and most-importantly expand their thinking on important topics, like sex. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Most teens have already been exposed to sex.</strong> Sorry to break it to you, but this isn't your teen's first rodeo on a conversation about sex, or maybe even the physical act of sex. In fact, research shows that by the age of 11 many youths have already been exposed to pornography. It's important to state, for the record, that it is truly never too late to communicate with your son or daughter about sex if you've avoided the awkwardness altogether. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>It's not a "<em>once and done</em>" conversation. </strong> A single, BIG conversation can feel awkward, unmanageable, and introduces a lot of pressure (on both you and your son or daughter). Realistically, it's simply not possible to cover all of the sex-related issues and challenges your son or daughter will encounter as they become young adults in one talk. Instead, start small by initiating conversations in the car, during popcorn breaks on movie night, while cooking together...anywhere that's less threatening than a sit-down meeting.</li>
</ol><br />We know it's not easy to parent teens today. From opioid addiction and school violence to the increase of mental health issues among teens, sexual education is just one of many issues you will help your son or daughter navigate during their teen years. <strong>Here's the great news:</strong> with a few simple communication strategies to enhance the conversations with your teen (and lots of practice) it is possible to build a strong, trusting relationship, which makes tackling tough topics together a whole lot easier! <br /><br />Here are a few tips to get you started discussing the birds and the bees and any other difficult topic with your teen:<br /><br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Use OPEN-ENDED questions. </strong> Who hasn't gotten a pithy one or two-word response to "<em>How was your day?</em>" (Great, fine, terrible, it sucked...whatever) "<em>Tell me about your day?</em>" requires much more (from them and from you). Bonus: this tip works on everyone, not just your teen!</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Ask PERMISSION. </strong> "<em>Can I share something with you?</em>" or "<em>When is a good time we can talk about...?</em>" It might seem strange as a parent to ask permission to have a conversation with your son or daughter, but asking permission builds respect and trust, the foundations of good communication. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Talk WITH not AT your teens. </strong> Consider the difference between: "<em>You're not having sex, right?</em>" And "<em>Having sex is a big decision. I care about you and hope that you are making decisions based on what you believe is right for you.</em>" Following-up with some open-ended questions can help you learn more about your teen's beliefs, concerns or challenges, and plans: "<em>What are your thoughts about sex?</em>"</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Above all else, LISTEN.</strong> It might seem obvious, but listening is one of the hardest (and most important) parts of building relationships-especially when tackling tough topics! As adults, we tend to make a list of all the points we want to cover and get preoccupied keeping track of what we have or haven't discussed. You can always circle back to a key point in another conversation, but you might not get another chance to hear what your teen has to say. Actively listen to what's important to your teen and you'll build a trusting relationship that supports them coming to you instead of you always initiating "<em>the talk</em>."</li>
</ul>
<br /><br /><br /><em><strong>Dr. Jennifer Salerno</strong></em> is a nurse practitioner, researcher, author, national speaker, and founder of <a href="http://www.possibilitiesforchange.com/" target="_blank">Possibilities for Change</a>. Her team developed the nation's leading adolescent risk screening system, <a href="http://www.possibilitiesforchange.com/raaps/" target="_blank">RAAPS</a>. Dr. Salerno's book, <em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Teen-Speak-how-guide-behaviors/dp/0997701307/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1547580693&sr=8-2&keywords=teen+speak" target="_blank">Teen Speak</a></em>, and the <a href="https://drjennifersalerno.com/teen-speak-series/" target="_blank"><em>Teen Speak</em> series</a> includes practical communication strategies that have helped thousands of parents overcome the most common challenges of parenting a teen. <a href="http://www.possibilitiesforchange.com/" target="_blank">http://possibilitiesforchange.com</a> Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2019-03-27T18:23:00Z
Tips for Easier Traveling with Kids
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Tips-for-Easier-Traveling-with-Kids/904445778307236967.html
2019-01-11T19:23:00Z
2019-01-11T19:23:00Z
<br /><em><strong>By Katie Dillon</strong></em><br /><a href="https://lajollamom.com/" target="_blank">lajollamom.com</a><br /><br /><br />Family vacations can be a daunting proposition but rewarding nonetheless. Proper preparation helps ease the journey for kids and parents alike and the tips below will help ensure that your next trip is the best one yet.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Manage their Expectations</strong><br />Using an upbeat voice, explain to kids exactly what is going to happen from the time they leave home to the time they arrive at the destination. Eliminating the unknown for them (and making it sound fun) may help ease their stress. The other upshot of full disclosure is that it may flush out concerns that you can address in advance.<br /><br />This is particularly important when it comes to air travel. Find children's books themed around flying for the first time and read them aloud to help kids visualize what it's like onboard an airplane. Cover the entire process, especially the need for seatbelts during take-off, taxi, and turbulence.<br /><br /><strong>Keep Cool</strong><br />As hard as it might be for you to retain composure during a full-blown meltdown, do your best. Kids sense and react to your discomfort and so do other passengers. Maybe you're not in full control and that's okay, who is? Fake it until you make it.<br /><br /><strong>Travel Games</strong><br />Arm yourself with <a href="https://lajollamom.com/best-travel-games-for-kids/" target="_blank">travel games</a> for on the road or in the hotel room such as magnetic checkers, Scrabble, Mad Libs and other convenient games to play. "I Spy" is another favorite. And, don't forget the ones that only require your memory, like knock-knock jokes and the license plate game.<br /><br /><strong>Be Able to Locate Them</strong><br />Wearable child GPS trackers come in a variety of forms including bracelets, watches, and even tiles that can be slipped into shoes and backpacks. Travel ID bracelets labeled with parents' contact information and hotel details provide an extra layer of safety. Talk to kids about a meeting point inside of a hotel or what you feel is best to do in case you become separated by closing elevator doors.<br /><br /><strong>Let them Help Plan and Document the Trip</strong><br />Give the kids input on the trip itinerary. This way, they're more likely to have a vested interest in daily activities and have something to look forward to that they choose to do. <br /><br />Travel journals for kids who can write are another way to hold their interest. They can collect postcards, ticket stubs, take instant photos (the newer Instax cameras print photos like the old Polaroids use to) and other fun mementos to paste inside.<br /><br /><strong>Skip Lines When Possible</strong><br />Thanks to technology, it's possible to skip the lines at major attractions around the globe by having straight-to-the-gate tickets already in-hand. The other good news is that you can often save a little bit of money by doing so, even at places like <a href="https://lajollamom.com/how-to-buy-discount-disneyland-tickets/" target="_blank">Disneyland</a>. Bundled attractions passes, like CityPASS or Go City Cards, are available in major cities worldwide and allow users to skip ticketing queues at participating attractions while enjoying discounted admission.<br /><br /><strong>School Breaks</strong><br />Travel requires extra planning for school-aged children. If the kids are going to miss school, it does layer on some extra work for teachers. Be sure to give them ample notice so that they may prepare lesson plans for your child to take on the road. And, more importantly, make sure it gets done. Believe it or not, a common complaint educators have about students traveling during the school year has to do with the return of incomplete work.<br /><br />For those of us who travel during school and summer holidays, avoiding peak season pricing advanced planning. Hotel rates typically rise closer to the travel dates. Set Google calendar alerts 330 days in advance, or for whenever your preferred airline opens up mileage ticketing on your dates of travel, to jump in and grab those seats.<br /><br /><strong>Loosen Rules</strong><br />Technology has revolutionized family travel. If a few extra hours of screen time is going to keep them happy, let them enjoy it. Going to bed a little later and an extra scoop of ice cream for good behavior won't hurt, either. <br /><br />Remember, it's their vacation, too. And, it will be incredibly rewarding when years later they recognize historic places they've been to or museum artifacts they've seen in their school textbooks.<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Katie Dillon</strong> writes a travel site called <a href="https://lajollamom.com/" target="_blank">La Jolla Mom</a> that is named after her seaside community in San Diego that helps readers plan vacations to <a href="https://lajollamom.com/best-things-to-do-in-san-diego-with-kids/" target="_blank">San Diego</a>, <a href="https://lajollamom.com/things-to-do-in-hong-kong-with-kids/" target="_blank">Hong Kong</a>, Shanghai, Singapore, Beijing, London, and other major cities worldwide. Katie is also the San Diego editor for USA TODAY/10Best, never fully unpacked, and a mom to a and 11-year-old world traveler who has been crossing oceans since she was four weeks old. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2019-01-11T19:23:00Z
Mother and Son Bond: Advice to 'Gift' Him Before He Ties the Knot
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Mother-and-Son-Bond:-Advice-to-Gift-Him-Before-He-Ties-the-Knot/-509345036625796855.html
2018-10-28T18:55:00Z
2018-10-28T18:55:00Z
<br /><em><strong>By: <strong><span>Melissa A. Woods</span></strong></strong></em><br /><span><a href="http://www.gettingpastanxiety.com" target="_blank">gettingpastanxiety.com</a></span><a href="http://www.tonjabsleepconsulting.com" target="_blank"><br /></a><br /><br />Mothers are a very important figure in a son's life. A mother and son bond is established after birth where the child depends physically and emotionally on their mother. Research suggests that when boys have a strong emotional bond with their mothers they are better in school, relationships and the workplace. They also have lower rates of anxiety and depression. So, is the bond still strong after he gets married?<br /><br />To keep the peace and to continue to have a great relationship with your son once he's married and has a strong relationship with your future daughter-in-law, tell him these words to keep close to his heart.<br /><br /><ol>
<li><strong>I am your mother and always will be:</strong> You will still be his mother after he is married and has children of his own. You will be part of his new family, but he will be the head of the household and you will always be there for him when he needs support and love.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>His wife is the most important woman in his life: </strong>When mothers of sons are faced with the reality that they are no longer the sole woman in his life, the experience can lead to having mixed feelings. Some mothers just can't let go of their sons. The phrase, "<em>A daughter's a daughter for the rest of your life, a son is a son till he takes a wife.</em>" Or another way to look at this is, you're not losing a son. You are gaining a daughter.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>I will respect your independence, family and home:</strong> By telling your son that you respect his home and family, you will not talk badly about his wife and children. You will not participate in any lies or hide things for him from his wife. This way you maintain the respect and love between him and his wife.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Never take her or anything for granted:</strong> It's important to establish a strong and lasting marriage so be grateful for the life you've and the love you have found. Listen to what she has to say and put yourself in her shoes while she's saying it. Make time for each other and hold hands every chance you get. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>She can feel your intentions: </strong>Your wife has a very special ability and intuition to sense negative energy so when you're angry, resentful or judgmental, she will know your feelings. She can feel positive intentions too so show respect and love more often then she senses your authenticity. Respect and communicate, you are a team.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>If you are not trying, she has no choice but to take control: </strong>Leadership is an important factor in attraction for a woman. Having leadership will allow your wife to feel safe and trusting. Own your part in the marriage and household duties. By participating shows maturity and creates an environment for her to feel safe emotionally. Lead yourself first so you can lead her to a stronger marriage.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Be yourself:</strong> She is attracted to you. She trusts you and respects you. She loves you for who you are now. Your humor, intelligence, and your heart. Don't lose who you are. Be the man she needs. Love her. Respect her dreams. Know that there will be ups and downs and to expect and embrace them. Share your fears. Be vulnerable. Cry with her. Expect more from yourself. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>I love you as you are:</strong> Tell him that you love him and support him. You are worthy of love. You deserve a life of love, inspiration, and passion. Hearing these words lets him know you trust his decision to marry this woman and make sure he knows you will love his wife as your own child.</li>
</ol><br />Letting go of your son can be difficult but if you approach this time in his life as positive and supportive, it will benefit not only your relationship with him but the bond you can create with your daughter-in-law. <br /><br /><br /><br /><em><strong>Melissa A Woods</strong></em> is the author of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Melissa-A.-Woods/e/B01N181XAH" target="_blank">Getting Past Anxiety</a>, an inspirational novel to reclaim your life (Aviva Publishing, 2017). Follow her on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/author.melissa.a.woods" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and on <a href="https://twitter.com/Melissa_A_Woods" target="_blank">Twitter</a>. For more information and strategies on anxiety visit her website at <a href="http://www.gettingpastanxiety.com" target="_blank">www.gettingpastanxiety.com</a>. <br />Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2018-10-28T18:55:00Z
5 Common Myths About Baby's Sleep
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/5-Common-Myths-About-Babys-Sleep/2129606772627408.html
2018-10-18T19:05:00Z
2018-10-18T19:05:00Z
<br /><em><strong>By: <strong><span>Tonja Bizor</span></strong></strong></em><br /><a href="http://www.tonjabsleepconsulting.com" target="_blank"><span>tonjabsleepconsulting.com</span><br /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-size: xx-small;">I can clearly remember, like most mothers I'm sure, the very moment I gave birth to my first child. I was absolutely buried in feelings of love and gratitude. And then, about ten to fifteen seconds later, I was equally buried in advice, suggestions, and information. This was all thrown at me with the best intentions, but it was overwhelming nonetheless. So today, I want to focus on my area of expertise, that being sleep, and try to dispel some of the more popular myths I've seen in parenting forums or heard from Mom groups I've talked with.<br /><br /><ol>
<li><strong>Sleeping too much during the day will keep baby up at night</strong>.<br />What keeps babies awake at night, more than anything else, is overtiredness. You might think that an exhausted baby is more likely to sack out for a full night than one who slept all day, but it's actually just the opposite. The reason we refer to it as being "<em>overtired</em>" is because baby has missed the "tired" phase and their bodies start to kick back into gear, which keeps them from falling and staying asleep.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Sleeping is a natural development and can't be taught.</strong> <br />Sleeping is natural, absolutely. Everybody wakes up and falls back to sleep multiple times a night, regardless of their age. So no, you can't teach a child to be sleepy. What can be taught, however, is the ability to fall back to sleep independently. The typical "<em>bad sleeper</em>" of a baby isn't less in need of sleep, or more prone to waking up. They've just learned to depend on outside assistance to get back to sleep when they wake up.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Babies will naturally dictate their own sleep schedule. </strong>Our babies need extensive care and help in their development, and their sleep cycles are unbelievably erratic if left unregulated. If they miss their natural sleep cycle by as little as a half hour, their cortisol production can increase which causes a surge in energy, and things quickly spiral out of control. So as much as I wish babies could just fall asleep when they're tired, it simply doesn't work that way. That's not to say that you shouldn't respond to their cues, but you shouldn't rely exclusively on them either.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Sleep training is stressful for the baby and can affect the parent-child attachment.</strong><br />Nope. And this isn't just me talking here. This is the American Academy of Pediatrics. If there's a more reliable source of baby health information, they're astoundingly bad at marketing themselves. And according to a 2016 study conducted by eight of their top researchers, behavioral intervention, (A.K.A Sleep training) "<em>provide(s) significant sleep benefits above control, yet convey(s) no adverse stress responses or long-term effects on parent-child attachment or child emotions and behavior.</em>"</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Babies are not "<em>designed</em>" to sleep through the night. </strong><br />Our little ones need our expertise and authority to guide them through their early years, and probably will for decades after that. This is especially true when it comes to their sleep. Some babies are naturally gifted sleepers, for sure, but don't rely on the advice of those who tell you that babies should dictate their schedules. You're in charge because you know best, even if it may not feel like it sometimes.</li>
</ol><br />Remember, there are endless posts on social media and websites that portray themselves as factual. Regardless of their accuracy find peer-reviewed scientific study on all things baby-related, and trusted sources like the American Academy of Pediatrics, the National Institutes of Health, Britain's National Health Service, Canada's Hospital for Sick Children, the World Health Organization, and other national children's health organizations are excellent sources of information you can feel confident about using to answer questions about your baby's health.<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Tonja Bizor</strong> is the Owner and Certified Sleep Consultant at Tonja B's Sleep Consulting. She utilizes evidence-based practices to help parents teach their children to sleep 12 hours through the night. She offers her families a peace of mind as they navigate sleepless nights. Follower her on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/tonjabsleepconsulting/" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/tonjabsleepconsulting/" target="_blank">Instagram</a>.Visit her website at <a href="http://www.tonjabsleepconsulting.com" target="_blank">tonjabsleepconsulting.com</a> and book your free <a href="https://tonjabssleepconsulting.youcanbook.me/" target="_blank">15 minute consultation</a>.</span><br />Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2018-10-18T19:05:00Z
It's Time to Ban These Three Words: 'Typical Teen Behavior'
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Its-Time-to-Ban-These-Three-Words:-Typical-Teen-Behavior/-149975661767165071.html
2018-08-30T18:01:00Z
2018-08-30T18:01:00Z
<br /><em><strong>By: <strong>Janet Sasson Edgette</strong></strong></em><br /><a href="http://www.janetedgette.com/" target="_blank">www.janetedgette.com</a><br /><br /><br />We use "<em>typical teen behavior</em>" to refer to a broad range of things our teens do, much of it unbecoming. Whenever they appear moody, or stop talking to us, or resist our reminders about from everything from deadlines to hygiene, our go-to explanation is that they're just being typical teens.<br /><br />But are they? Or have we just become so accustomed to thinking about adolescents as defiant and non-communicative that we no longer take the time to try and understand what's really going on when they seem distant from us or unhappy.<br /><br />Take Kayla and her mom. For the past two weeks, sixteen-year-old Kayla has been coming home from school in a bad mood. She snaps at her younger sister and keeps to herself all evening long-unusual behavior for this happy, outgoing kid. Attributing her daughter's moods and withdrawal to being a typical teenager, Kayla's mom reacts with impatience and waits for it to pass.<br /><br />What Kayla's mom doesn't know is that her daughter is experiencing some real problems with her friends at school, who've been spreading rumors about her. Think about how differently things could go were Kayla's mom to look at her daughter's behavior outside of the convenient, but misleading, lens of adolescent angst. <br /><br />For example, Kayla's mom might approach Kayla with curiosity and compassion rather than with annoyance, making room for a conversation in which Kayla could share what was really going on. She might also resist the temptation to normalize Kayla's behavior toward her sister and instead insist that Kayla treat her kindly, even though she's struggling.<br /><br />Here are some ideas to help you move past stereotypes in order to see your own adolescent as a true individual rather than a generic "<em>teenager</em>":<br /><ol>
<li>Accept their feelings at face value rather than automatically assuming they're being a "<em>typical teen</em>." You might say, "<em>You've seemed down in the dumps all weekend. At </em>first<em> I thought you were just being, you know, a 'typical teenager' but I don't want to miss what might really be going on for you</em>." Kids appreciate having their feelings taken seriously, even if you're not sure what to do about them.</li>
<br />
<li>If you're getting a lot of one and two word responses from your teens, consider how you start conversations with them. Questions, for instance, are boring, and make kids feel as if they're reporting in. Tell a story or share some news. I think teens would talk a whole lot more if the conversation itself was more inviting.</li>
<br />
<li>If your teens do decide to open up about their personal lives, be respectful enough to listen closely and patiently. Resist the temptation to interrupt, offer solutions, or tell them how it was no different when you were a teen. What kids want most at those times are your presence and your undivided attention.</li>
</ol><br />Looking at our kids through the prism of teenage stereotypes diminishes both ourselves and them. Moreover, it sets in motion that self-fulfilling prophecy of the moody, uncommunicative teen. Honestly, though, enough teenagers show such notable capacities for engagement, generosity, and reliability that we should really be thinking twice about what adolescents are truly like. <br /><br />Some of the bumps in our relationships with teenagers may stem from the difficulties we encounter in getting them to take us seriously as they develop voices, perspectives, and plans of their own. Angry tirades only alienate them, and lecturers bore them. <br /><br />Granted, teens are pretty good at getting their parents to feel powerless, or as if nothing they say is right. But that doesn't mean we can't respond with disarming candor and multiple invitations to communicate, authentically and honestly. Save being defensive for driving, and offer up your best self to your teenage sons and daughters. You might be pleasantly surprised by how they respond. <br /><br /><br /><br /><strong><em>Dr. Janet Sasson Edgette</em></strong> is a psychologist dedicated to helping parents raise conscientious, respectful children they enjoy having around. Her work with families is consistent with her belief that respect, accountability, and prudent transparency are the cornerstones to healthy, enduring relationships between loved ones. <strong>Stop Negotiating with Your Teen: Strategies for Parenting Your Angry, Manipulative, Moody or Depressed Adolescent</strong> is her popular parenting book, and her most recent book is <strong>The Last Boys Picked: Helping Boys Who Don't Like Sports Survive Bullying and Boyhood</strong>. <em><a href="http://www.janetedgette.com/">http://www.janetedgette.com/</a></em> Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2018-08-30T18:01:00Z
Be Your Kids Super Hero: 9 Habits to Healthify Your Kids Screen Time
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Be-Your-Kids-Super-Hero:-9-Habits-to-Healthify-Your-Kids-Screen-Time/-543605005680203234.html
2018-08-22T18:01:00Z
2018-08-22T18:01:00Z
<br /><em><strong>By: <strong>Tam John, Author of <em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fresh-Wellness-Mindset-Personalize-Gluten/dp/1981340327" target="_blank">A Fresh Wellness Mindset</a></em></strong></strong></em><br /><a href="http://www.TamJohn.com" target="_blank">www.TamJohn.com</a><br /><br /><br />Your hunch the modern invention of all that screen time your kids are soaking up is detracting from their whole being development is genuine. According to Medline Plus, screen time is a term used for activities done in front of a screen, such as watching TV, working on a computer, or playing video games. Three hours of daily TV viewing is common for kids. Total screen time soaring to five and even seven hours daily is not untypical. <br /><br />Reasons for limiting too much screen time are plentiful. Kids living with excessive screen time are more likely to be obese and have poor physical conditioning since screen time uses little physical energy. Insomnia and mood and attention issues are common results of too much screen time. <br /><br />Rather than talk to each other when side by side or even on the phone like a generation or two ago did, kids tap out messages as the means of relating to each other. According to a UCLA psychology study, children's social skills may be declining as they have less time for face-to-face interaction due to their increased use of digital media. The study cites children do substantially better recognizing human emotions when they have limited screen time. <br /><br />Too much screen time could be akin to creating an addiction. A kid not hearing parents isn't new to the 'screen time generation' but it seems the absence of mind creates a trance-like devotion to the screen in front of their face. <br /><br /><strong>9 habits to improve your kid's screen time for their health:<br /></strong><ol>
<li><strong>Don't use the TV as a backdrop</strong> when it isn't being watched. Instead, put on pleasant music if sound is preferred over quiet. Many kids who study with classical music perform well.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Require as much physical activity as screen time.</strong> Play out of doors with your kids. Kick a ball around the yard or park, play catch, go on a nature walk, ride bicycles together, dance classes, swimming lessons, school sports, music lessons, etc. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Have a family night without TV every week.</strong> Play board games, do puzzles, crafts and cook meals. Choose movies to watch as a family and talk about the movies afterward (what was the story, what did they like, dislike, favorite characters, etc).</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Make age-appropriate chores part of daily life. </strong>They should make their own bed, take out the trash, help in the kitchen, care for a pet, put their things away and keep their bedroom floor picked up and so on.<br /><br /></li>
<li><strong>Screen time is a privilege to be primarily used for study and learning.</strong> Sit down beside your kids and guide them to credible research-based sites. Enjoy the wonder of amazing resources to discover the world like National Geographic Kids and the like.<br /><br /></li>
<li><strong>Protect them.</strong> Talk with your kids about the importance to not believe everything online. Block inappropriate sites. There are apps that will do this for you. Require you have access to all devices (passwords) at all times. Look at their browsing history.<br /><br /></li>
<li><strong>No devices two hours before bed. </strong>This will help their brains wind down before bed and promote falling asleep and staying asleep for a <a href="https://www.tamjohn.com/detox-your-brain/" target="_blank">good night's rest</a>. Collect devices so there aren't any cheats.<br /><br /></li>
<li><strong>No devices at the meal timetable.</strong> <a href="https://www.tamjohn.com/get-smart-nourish-your-gutbrain-axis/" target="_blank">Mealtime</a> is the perfect time for the family to come together. Especially if it is just you and a kiddo, mealtime is a perfect bonding time. Physiologically slowing down to notice, enjoy, and taste food promotes good digestion and absorption of nutrients.<br /><br /></li>
<li><strong>Set up a fun reading challenge. </strong>Offer activity rewards such as outings, adventures, or day trips. Read to them before they read. Read with them when they are older.</li>
</ol><br />It isn't always easy to protect your babes from a danger that doesn't appear to be imminent. It takes the determination of any Mama protecting her baby to keep them out of harm. As much as kids will resist, they need their parents to be the superheroes in their lives. <br /><br />With your leadership (monkey see monkey do), consistency and engaging them in interesting pursuits, your kiddos can reap the reward of optimal screen time and wholesome diversity in body and mind. <br /><br /><br /><br /><em><strong>Tam John</strong></em> knows feelings determine healthful choices. Food, drink, the choices you make and how you fend off stress all play together and create how well you perpetually rejuvenate yourself. Tam's approach guides you to sort out your feelings with <a href="https://www.tamjohn.com/services" target="_blank">enlightened guidance</a> personally aligned for your unique being. For a complimentary conversation, <a href="https://www.tamjohn.com/" target="_blank">click here</a> to see if her approach is a fit for you. To learn more about Tam visit <a href="http://www.TamJohn.com" target="_blank">www.TamJohn.com</a>. <br /><br /><em>References:</em> Screen time and children. (n.d.) <em>In Medline Plus online</em>, Retrieved from <a href="https://medlineplus.gov/ency/patientinstructions/000355.htm" target="_blank">https://medlineplus.gov/ency/patientinstructions/000355.htm <br /></a><br />Wolpert, S. (2014, August 21). In our digital world, why are young people losing the ability to read emotions? Retrieved from <a href="http://newsroom.ucla.edu/releases/in-our-digital-world-are-young-people-losing-the-ability-to-read-emotions" target="_blank">http://newsroom.ucla.edu/releases/in-our-digital-world-are-young-people-losing-the-ability-to-read-emotions</a> <br /><br />ALL RIGHTS RESERVED © 2018 EatRight-LiveWell ™ & Tam John Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2018-08-22T18:01:00Z
Don't Do a Victory Dance When Your Kid Says You Were Right
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Dont-Do-a-Victory-Dance-When-Your-Kid-Says-You-Were-Right/-627041479398515398.html
2018-07-17T17:01:00Z
2018-07-17T17:01:00Z
<br /><strong>By: <strong>Dr. Janet Sasson Edgette</strong></strong><br /><a href="http://www.janetedgette.com/" target="_blank">www.janetedgette.com</a><br /><br /><br />Fifteen-year-old Heidi came for therapy with me at the insistence of her parents. "<em>She's been furious with us ever since we had her transfer to a charter school," </em>her mother had told me over the phone when setting up the first appointment<em>. "Her father and I were convinced she'd do better there, and we still are. But every day we hear the same complaints from her, and see the same long face. We're hoping you can get her to see how unreasonable she's being. I don't think she's even given this new school a chance.</em>"<br /><br />When I met with Heidi, she told a different story. Yeah her parents had made her transfer, she said, but that part didn't bother her so much because she knew she needed a different academic environment. And yeah she did complain about the school a lot, but not because she didn't like it. Heidi said her problem was that she did like her new charter school, and wanted to stay there. <br /><br />I asked Heidi how that was a problem. "<em>The problem,</em>" she pointed out, "<em>is that I made such a big deal about how I wasn't going to like it and wasn't staying after the first semester. If I tell my parents now that I actually like the school and want to stay, they'll think they won.</em>"<br /><br />"<em>Won what?</em>" I asked.<br /><br />"<em>They'll think they won the whole 'who was right' and 'who was wrong' thing,</em>" Heidi replied. "<em>And then you know what? They'll look at each other with a stupid smile and think, See? We knew she'd come around. And then they'll use it as proof that </em>-and mocking her mother's voice, Heidi added-<em> 'We know you better than you know yourself!' Ugh, I almost want to go back to my old school just so they won't get that satisfaction</em>."<br /><br />Lucky for Heidi that she had the inner resolve to stay committed to the school of her choice even though it probably meant having to watch her parents do their touchdown dance and tell her they knew all along she'd see it their way. <br /><br />I'm not sure what parents think they're accomplishing when they make a point to say "<em>I told you so!</em>" All it does is offend their son or daughter, and reveal a lack of sensitivity regarding how often kids are made to subjugate their emerging autonomy to the directives of parents, teachers, relatives, and others. <br /><br />By choosing<em><strong> not</strong></em> to claim their daughter's decision to stay at the charter school as their victory, however, <em>and by emphasizing their excitement for her rather than taking credit for her "enlightenment,"</em> Heidi's parents would be allowing their daughter to save face instead of feeling as if she had lost a battle or given in. In doing so, they would be demonstrating a respect for her courage to acknowledge wanting something that her parents also wanted for her, something that for many other kids is a flat out deal breaker. They would receive in return Heidi's appreciation and her trust that they wouldn't seek to exploit opportunities to show who's boss.<br /><br />The need to save face is human and normal but all too frequently-and unnecessarily-activated in our kids by the ways in which we, as adults, try to guide, instruct, care for and counsel them without taking into account the emotions upon which we trod. Kids who <em>have</em> to be right all the time will defend the most ridiculous point simply because for them, being right is better than being smart. <br /><br />Kids who have to be independent will reject a parent's great idea for the sole reason that it wasn't their own. "Solving a problem doesn't count unless you solve it by yourself," a sad, aloof, and lonely girl of thirteen years once confided in me. <br /><br />There are times to help kids develop an awareness of how their need to be right all the time or to avoid relying on others is hurting them. But there are also times when the best thing we can do with our kids is to stop talking so much, and stop making so many suggestions, and realize that what they may need most is our quiet, gracious appreciation of the small indignities they face in their journey toward independence and self-hood.<br /> <br />By refraining from smugly pointing our fingers or doing victory dances or saying "<em>I told you so!</em>" whenever our kids are proved wrong about something or change their minds, we invite our children and teens to see us differently, relate with us less defensively, and understand that, in truth, we're really all on the same side.<br /><br /><br /><br /><em><strong>Dr. Janet Sasson Edgette</strong></em> is a psychologist dedicated to helping parents raise conscientious, respectful children they enjoy having around. Her work with families is consistent with her belief that respect, accountability, and prudent transparency are the cornerstones to healthy, enduring relationships between loved ones. <em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Negotiating-Your-Teen-Manipulative-ebook/dp/B007ZQ3522" target="_blank">Stop Negotiating With Your Teen: Strategies for Parenting Your Angry, Manipulative, Moody or Depressed Adolescent</a></em> is her popular parenting book, and her most recent book is <em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Last-Boys-Picked-Helping-Survive-ebook/dp/B005GSYYWG/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531865419&sr=1-1-fkmr0&keywords=The+Last+Boys+Picked%3A+Helping+Boys+Who+Don%E2%80%99t+Like+Sports+Survive+Bullying+and+Boyhood." target="_blank">The Last Boys Picked: Helping Boys Who Don't Like Sports Survive Bullying and Boyhood</a></em>. <a href="http://www.janetedgette.com/" target="_blank">www.JanetEdgette.com</a> Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2018-07-17T17:01:00Z
How We Heal Our Children's Broken Hearts
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-We-Heal-Our-Childrens-Broken-Hearts/981411099669031273.html
2018-07-09T18:20:00Z
2018-07-09T18:20:00Z
<br /><strong>By: <strong>Jessica Gammell-Bennett</strong></strong><br /><a href="http://www.jessicagammellbennett.com" target="_blank">www.jessicagammellbennett.com</a><br /><br /><br />Over a period of eight weeks, our son went from a sweet boy who liked to give hugs and kisses to one who yelled at us in anguish, hit us, and spit in our faces. We would later learn that the children in his preschool continually spit in his face, hit him as he tried to crawl away, and on one occasion, pushed his face into the water of a kiddie pool. <br /><br />When we learned this, we took him out of school. And thus began our journey of healing our son. In the beginning, he would rage, at times banging his head against a table. And then he would cry. He was full of anger and sadness. We knew we had to heal his pain, not only for him, but also so that it would not be passed onto others. <br /><br /><em>This is the plan we came up with for his healing:</em><br /><br /><strong>1. Swimming and bathing in salt water: <br /></strong>There's a reason the ancients flocked to the Dead Sea: salt heals all wounds. It facilitates healing, is physically and emotionally detoxifying, and clears our energy. We have a salt water pool nearby, and Garrett instantly relaxes when he gets in. For the bath, we put two cups of detox salt in the tub.<br /><br /><strong>2. Communing with nature and animals: </strong><br />Our backyard has big, beautiful trees, lots of birds, and backs up to the woods. We also walk and ride our bikes in the local walking trails. After even a short time in nature, Garrett and I are both more serene. He also likes to lay on JJ, his standard poodle, and that always puts a smile on his face. The unconditional love of an animal is an emotional safety net for children. <br /><br /><strong>3. Connecting and venting:</strong> <br />We have realized that "<em>time outs</em>" only serve to isolate our son during this critical phase of his healing, so we do "<em>time-ins</em>," where we sit with him (usually in his bedroom) and allow him to vent his anger in appropriate ways, and then, when he's ready, we talk about what he's feeling. We have also taught him to throw his stuffed animals, scream it out, and "push his anger out" by taking a deep breath, then pushing his anger out with his exhale. We usually end up laughing by the end. <br /><br /><strong>4. Music: </strong><br />Ever felt the energy of unity at a concert? And the high that ensued? Singing and dancing both increase connection and help us release toxic emotions. Music is a form of sound healing. It doesn't have to be singing bowls or chanting. Any music that both you and your child enjoy will do. <br /><br /><strong>5. Building their vocabulary of emotions: </strong><br />The number of children's books that talk about emotions have exploded in recent years, making it easy to start building their vocabulary of emotions early. Talking about how they're feeling, as well as how we are feeling as the parent and why, helps children to feel validated and build their capacity for empathy. <br /><br /><strong>6. Reiki:</strong> <br />Within the system of Reiki are tools for physical and emotional healing that heal the pain itself so that the behaviors that manifest because of the pain disappear. Anyone can learn basic Reiki in a weekend. You can find a teacher near you <a href="https://www.reikimembership.com/MembershipListing.aspx" target="_blank">here</a>.<br /><br /><strong>7. Homeopathy: </strong><br />Homeopathy was determined by the Swiss government to be as effective as pharmaceuticals, with no side effects. We have successfully used homeopathic remedies specifically designed for releasing anger and sadness. <br /><br />Our son's healing is a process that requires patience on all of our parts, but we are encouraged when we see progress. He now allows us to hug him again, and his behavior is improving as he unlearns the behaviors that he adopted from the other children. <br /><br />We have reason to hope he will make a full recovery: yesterday, he said: "<em>You know Mommy, my heart was broken, but you're putting it back together!</em>" So it is possible to heal a broken heart. And that's what we all must do. If we want to evolve as a society, indeed, as human beings, we all must heal our broken hearts.<br /><br /><br /><br /><em><strong><a href="https://www.reikimastermama.com/" target="_blank">Jessica Gammell-Bennett</a></strong></em> is a Spiritual Teacher, Writer, and Visionary. After a fifteen-year illness, she was able to heal herself holistically and have a child. She teaches that by healing ourselves and our children, we will heal our world. She and her husband have chosen the conscious parenting path to raise their sensitive, spirited son. Follow her on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/reikimastermama/" target="_blank">Facebook</a>, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/reikimastermama/" target="_blank">Instagram</a>, and visit her website at <a href="https://www.reikimastermama.com/" target="_blank">www.jessicagammellbennett.com</a> to <a href="https://www.reikimastermama.com/onlineseminars" target="_blank">sign up for a webinar</a> or read her free Top Ten Wellness Tips. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2018-07-09T18:20:00Z
Pull Your Family Together
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Pull-Your-Family-Together/827801851656870478.html
2018-06-29T17:29:00Z
2018-06-29T17:29:00Z
<br /><strong>By: Tam John, Certified Nutritionist</strong><br /><a href="https://www.tamjohn.com/" target="_blank">www.tamjohn.com</a><br /><br /><br />Keeping your family together need not be an impossible dream. Mealtime is an ideal time to begin a regular ritual of togetherness. Beyond creating time to bond your family and parent the lives of your children; absorption and assimilation of nutrients in food happens optimally when we join with those we love and intentionally slow. Fully enjoying food allows for important physiology to happen. It's how you are designed. <br /><br /><strong>5 Tips to Pull Your Family Together</strong><br /><ol>
<li><strong>Keep Meals Simple:</strong> Cook Thanksgiving dinner every night if you want to, but you really only need a few things for a healthy meal. Include quality protein, healthy fat, and veggies. Ideally include one raw food. Think stir fried chicken and veggies in lettuce wraps or something else that darn simple. Tuna fish salad on quality crackers with apple slices and baby lettuce or spinach couldn't be easier. </li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Choose Family Favorites:</strong> If the kids like hamburgers serve them hamburger. There might be 100 ways to healthfully give them hamburger. Choose the best quality ingredients. Don't give them a reason to resist by announcing your passion for health and you are serving them the ultimate grass fed ground beef and organic veggie sticks for example. Just serve it up. </li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Engage Story Telling: </strong>Kids of all ages love to hear stories about their parents, grandparents and generations past. Relate to stories about a funny time when something went hilariously wrong and then righted itself. Make it easy to be together without questioning them about their day. Soon they will be offering you their anecdotes. </li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Make it fun:</strong> Come up with fun names for healthy food. Blueberries are '<em>brain-berries</em>'; broccoli is '<em>brainoccoli</em>' or '<em>tree toppers</em>'; carrots are '<em>laser vision discs</em>', green beans are '<em>greenie beanie swords</em>' and fish is '<em>oceantastic flippers</em>', salmon is '<em>silly sammy</em>'. <br /><br />You can set up a home fashioned salad bar with a variety of veggies, olives, cheeses and fresh fruit. Use the salad bar to pack a lunch or snack box for the next day with their input of what goes in, being sure to use the fun names you and they have come up with. <br /><br />Give them a prize like a '<em>coupon</em>' for extra family game time when their choices have three or more colors and they eat what they prepared. Carry conversation about the colors and what else is that color, what their favorite tastes and colors are. </li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Get them involved:</strong> Let your kiddos pick what's for dinner one night with your guidelines of a protein, healthy fat and their favorite veggies referred to by its fun name. They will use these skills to make choices when they are away from home. Let them get involved in the meal preparation and clean up. Senses enliven and take over for the combined pleasure of family and satisfying nourishment when you pull them together at mealtime. </li>
</ol><br />Better assimilation of the meal implies reduced snacking; healthy blood sugar balance and fewer dollars spent (snack foods are expensive!) and long burning energy. Long burning energy implies children with attention and behavioral issues. Less attention and behavioral issues imply happier parents. You may even find that sniffles, coughs, and colds don't appear as frequently as they once did because immunity is enhanced.<br /><br />Be strong. Avoid being daunted by the initial eye rolls and the task of putting out well balanced healthy meals regularly. It should be simple so it is sustainable. You are making memories to savor.<br /><br /><br /><br />Tam John, Certified Nutritionist & Author of <em>A Fresh Wellness Mindset</em>, knows feelings determine healthful choices. Food, drink, the choices you make and how you fend off stress all play together and create how well you perpetually rejuvenate yourself. Tam's approach guides you to sort out your feelings with <a href="https://www.tamjohn.com/services" target="_blank">enlightened guidance</a> personally aligned for your unique being. For a complimentary conversation <a href="https://www.tamjohn.com/" target="_blank">click here</a> to see if her approach is a fit for you. To learn more about Tam visit <a href="http://www.TamJohn.com" target="_blank">www.TamJohn.com</a>. This article is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to treat, diagnose, cure, or prevent disease. This article has not been reviewed by the FDA. Always consult with your primary care Physician or Naturopathic Doctor before making any significant changes to your health and wellness routine. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED© 2018<em> EatRight-LiveWell</em>™ & Tam John Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2018-06-29T17:29:00Z
The Real Keys to Success as a Woman and Mother
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Real-Keys-to-Success-as-a-Woman-and-Mother/945899212211055058.html
2018-06-06T18:23:00Z
2018-06-06T18:23:00Z
<br /><strong>By Julie Burton</strong><br /><a href="http://www.modernwell.co/" target="_blank">www.modernwell.co</a><br /><br /><br />When it comes to motherhood, wifehood, and careerhood, I think the word "<em>balance</em>" is bulls** (excuse my French). As a wife of 25 years, mom of four kids ranging in age from 13-23, yoga instructor, author, wellness warrior, and owner of ModernWell, a women's cooperative workspace and wellness center in Minneapolis, I have done my fair share of trying to perfect the act of "<em>balance.</em>" And guess what? It is indeed an "<em>act</em>" and balance is not a reality for most moms, nor should it be a goal.<br /><br /><strong>Why Balance is B.S.</strong><br /><br />When you are mothering a colicky baby and you are dealing with postpartum depression-your balance is about staying alive. When your daughter is being bullied at school and falls into a puddle every day when she walks in the door, and you and your husband are in disagreement about how to handle: balance is not on your radar. When you parent a high school and then college athlete, your balance comes in the form of not falling off whatever bleachers you happen to be sitting on a given day. When you are raising four kids at four very different life stages (toddlerhood, middle school and high school all at once), your husband travels every week, you experience a financial blow, a parent is diagnosed with cancer, and you are peri-menopausal, I dare you to say the word balance to that mom. I even double dare you.<br /><br />And yet, while navigating all of the above and perpetually feeling off balance, I do still love my husband of 25 years, my four kids are thriving (on most days), my health is good (except for nagging neck pain), and I somehow managed to slowly grow my career as a writer and entrepreneur. But I did not do any of this because I was able to maintain balance. I did this by managing and sometimes even embracing the perpetual feeling that I was balancing on my pinky toe in the middle of a hurricane-and oftentimes getting knocked over and being swept out to sea. <br /><br />In yoga, the pose that focuses most on finding balance is tree pose. And yes, while in tree pose, one strives to stay upright and steady while balancing on one leg with our other foot resting on your ankle or above the knee. However, most seasoned yoga instructors will remind you that falling out of tree pose is not only not frowned upon but celebrated. Falling is where and when strength is built and the growth happens. <br /><br />As a self-care expert, I am not saying that falling on our faces time and time again is what we should be striving for or that we should ignore healthy limits for what we take on physically, emotionally or relationally. No, we don't want to blindly throw ourselves into anyone (squeaky wheel) aspect of our lives and completely ignore other important elements of our lives, but what I am saying is that we do need to find a way to accept that while we can aspire to "<em>do it all</em>" we realistically cannot do it all at the same time (or at least not do it all well). And that, my dear women friends, is A-OK.<br /><br />As we aspire to be a great mom, partner, employee, employer, friend, family member, and community leader and whatever else you wish to add to your list, my mission is to inspire women to give themselves permission to let go of that notion of finding a perfect balance or that one even exists. We are pulled in far too many directions to think that our time will be evenly distributed. You can count on the fact that certain aspects of or people in your life will require more attention than others at different times. But in the midst of all the push-pull that you will inevitably face as a woman and mother, staying grounded in yourself and in your commitment to caring for yourself, is your key to managing your "<em>Imbalanced</em>" life.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Why Striving for Balance Can Cause More Harm Than Good</strong> <br /><br />In becoming a mother, we are immediately forced to make internal and external shifts and what balance once meant to us will never be the same. When achieving balance is the overriding goal, and most of us feel off balance most of the time ("<em>I should be working/sleeping/exercising more. I should be spending time with my kids/my husband/my aging parents/friends more</em>" we are prone to triggering thoughts of failure and shame, and the balance paradigm is one more area in which we can beat ourselves up for falling short-- "<em>I am failing at being balanced.</em>" The reality is that we can and need to lean into our motherhood, our jobs, our marriages--continually adjusting and pivoting to attend to the changing needs of all of the above as opposed to trying to find a mythical state of synchronicity.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Be Okay with Falling Over But Understand How to Get Back Up... Time and Time Again</strong><br /><br />If balance is not what we need to be striving for, what are the keys to our success as a woman and a mother? The following list is one that will help you bring your best self forward in all aspects of your life:<br /><br />
<ul>
<li>Be clear on your values. When you know who you are and what you stand for, it is easier to stay true to yourself and make intentional decisions about where you need to devote your energy.</li>
<br />
<li>Be flexible and kind to yourself. Let go of any and all notions of perfection. It ain't going to happen. Your kids will not be perfect, nor will your job, your marriage, and most importantly, nor will you, so you can be a whole lot nicer to yourself when trying your best to do it all. Give yourself grace and compassion, and understand that you can take "<em>tightrope walker</em>" off of your resume. Instead of spending your precious energy on finding balance, set your intention on practicing shameless self-care so you continue to replenish the continuous outpouring of energy that is required to be a woman and mother today.</li>
</ul>
<br /><br /><br /><strong>Julie Burton</strong> has spent the past two decades working as a fitness instructor, freelance writer, author, and self-care expert while mothering her four children alongside her husband of 25 years. Co-founding the Twin Cities Writing Studio in 2015 and publishing <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Self-Care-Solution-Mothers-Must-Have-Well-Being/dp/1631520687/" target="_blank">The Self-Care Solution: A Modern Mother's Guide to Health</a> and Well-Being in 2016, Julie experienced firsthand the power of women supporting women. She was inspired to create <a href="http://www.modernwell.co/" target="_blank">ModernWell</a>, the first co-working, writing, and wellness center in Minneapolis where women are empowered to work, connect, and create while taking care of themselves and supporting one another. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2018-06-06T18:23:00Z
How Our Children Heal Us - When We Let Them
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-Our-Children-Heal-Us---When-We-Let-Them/-217145778534625771.html
2018-05-23T16:40:00Z
2018-05-23T16:40:00Z
<br /><strong>By Jessica Gammell-Bennett</strong><br /><a href="http://www.reikimastermama.com" target="_blank">www.reikimastermama.com</a><br /><br /><br />Right after our son's second birthday, my husband raised his voice to me, and Garrett walked into the room, planted himself firmly in front of his father, and said, in the sternest voice he could muster "<em>No Dada. Stop it. You no yell at Mommy!</em>" while holding up his hand in a '<em>stop sign</em>' fashion. Our jaws dropped. "<em>I am stopping it Garrett,</em>" was all my husband could stutter. I was speechless. While all relationships are mirrors for our inner discord, our unhealed wounds, none are more so than the relationships we have with our children. Our children are our greatest teachers. And they have the power to transform us into our most awakened selves. If we let them.<br /><br />I just finished reading The Conscious Parent and The Awakened Family, by Dr. Shefali Tsabary. What I've learned is that our children have a soul contract with us: we call these souls forth so that we may be given out greatest opportunity: the chance to awaken to our unconsciousness. To choose to see our children as our spiritual teacher, raising us up as much as we are raising them, is to participate in a chipping away of the ego on an epic scale. <br /><br />It is a process of unfolding, a journey that ultimately will not only heal us but bring us to the present moment. It is a process of allowing, surrendering, moment to moment. Of feeling the triggers when they come, but then stepping back and witnessing them for what they are: old wounds, begging to be healed. It is a constant practice. It is exhausting, But no more so that being unconscious. <br /><br />Along the way, I came up with a system to navigate this process:<br /><br /><ol>
<li><strong>Identify the feeling: </strong>At first, it will feel like our children are triggering feelings in us all day long. That is a good sign, a sign that we are waking up and becoming aware of our unconsciousness. Each time we feel a strong emotion, we need to stop and ask "<em>What is this bringing up in me?</em>" </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Identify the trigger: </strong>Each night, I take five minutes to journal and identify where my triggers came from. Sometimes, they're related to my upbringing. In this case, I ask myself "<em>What wounds are being excavated for me to look at?</em>" </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Identify the boundary:</strong> Another form of triggering can occur when we fail to set a definitive boundary, and then we get upset with our child when they force us to look at it. This kept happening at bedtime for us. We weren't consistent with the routine. Now, we set the boundary: two stories and two songs. Period.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Identify the mirroring:</strong> our children mirror or inner state. If they are being aggressive, guess what? We're pissed off about something. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Connect instead of correcting:</strong> Yesterday, Garrett skipped his nap and was exhausted, throwing ice cubes all over the floor. So I kneeled down, looked into his eyes, and said, "<em>What's up?</em>" "I'm tired Mommy," he pleaded. "<em>Okay, so how about you go pick up the cubes, then we'll snuggle on the couch and read a book? Daddy can do dinner, then we'll go to bed early. "Yay! You did it Mommy!</em>" He squealed, and off he went to pick up the cubes. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Identify the lesson our children are teaching us: </strong>The other day we went to a walking trail that starts right off of a busy road. We grabbed Garrett's hands to get him down the trail a bit, away from the road. He kicked and screamed the whole way, so I kneeled down, looked into his eyes, and asked, "<em>what's up?</em>" He wailed "<em>I want to start from the beginning!</em>" So all the way back to the car we trudged. "<em>Now</em>," he said "<em>you walk next to me Mommy</em>." So off we went, with me between him and the guardrail, full of angst, trusting that this was going somewhere. When we got back to my husband, Garrett said "<em>now, that's how you do it Mommy. You walk next to me. You don't drag me."</em> </li>
</ol><br />And that is conscious parenting: we don't drag our children down the path of life. We walk beside them, in partnership, learning from each other. <br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Jessica Gammell-Bennett</strong> is a Wife, Mother, Reiki Master, Teacher and Writer. After a fifteen year illness, she was able to heal herself and have a child with Reiki. Now, she uses Reiki to heal her husband and son. She believes that by healing ourselves and our children, we will heal our world. She is known as the "<em>Reiki Master Mama</em>" on social media. Follow her on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/reikimastermama/" target="_blank">Facebook</a>, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/reikimastermama/" target="_blank">Instagram</a>, and <a href="http://www.reikimastermama.com" target="_blank">visit her website</a> to learn more. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2018-05-23T16:40:00Z
Tired of 'Walking on Eggshells' Around Your Moody, Oversensitive Teenager?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Tired-of-Walking-on-Eggshells-Around-Your-Moody,-Oversensitive-Teenager/-843423219903475527.html
2018-05-17T17:32:00Z
2018-05-17T17:32:00Z
<br /><strong>By Janet Edgette</strong><br /><a href="http://www.JanetEdgette.com" target="_blank">www.JanetEdgette.com</a><br /><br /><br />"<em>Julia is so sensitive I can't say anything to her without it causing a big blow-up!</em>" exclaimed Julia's mom. "<em>How am I supposed to raise this kid when I can't even talk to her?!</em>"<br /><br /><span> </span>Julia's mother had a good point. She needed to be able to "<em>parent</em>" her daughter without worrying what the fallout would be. But Julia was typical of many teenagers who feel entitled to impose their moods or frustrations on others simply because they feel, well, moody or frustrated. Shrewd and savvy, these teenagers have learned to exploit their parents' wishes to avoid a bigger, louder and messier argument. <br /><br /><span> </span>Then, in turn, their parents, calculating the "<em>cost</em>" of speaking out, become increasingly tentative or self-conscious about addressing their teen's behavior or attitude. The teen picks up on his or her parents' hesitation and ramps up the drama while the parents, trying to avoid an even worse argument than the one they're already having, back down. And so it goes.<br /><br /><span> </span>Breaking out of this vicious cycle takes mindful parenting and a willingness to engage with your unhappy teen even if might be uncomfortable or escalate the tension. Parenting mindfully in this situation means responding to your moody or acting out teen not reactively with what you feel you should do in that moment, but <em>reflectively</em>, by taking a few moments to understand what your teenager is actually trying to make you feel or do. <br /><br /><span> </span>Being willing to engage means saying, "<em>Look, I can see you're feeling lousy and I'd help you if I knew what you needed. But I can't keep letting your moods rule the household the way they do. I've avoided confronting you because I knew it would just escalate the tension between us, but I'm not doing you or our family any favors. I understand that no one can control what they feel, but everyone needs to learn to control how they express it.</em>"<br /><br /><span> </span>Most teenagers would be disarmed by such thoughtful, candid response from their parent and simply want to exit stage left. Let them. Pressing a point too hard or too long only annoys kids. Besides, the more important thing here is to put your teen on notice that she should not expect to be able to casually spread her misery without some pushback from you.<br /><br />Also, keep in mind that:<br /><ol>
<li>Getting you to back off is exactly what your teenager is trying to do. She does this in order to escape accountability for her mood, attitude, or behavior. But accommodating repeatedly to your teenager's sullen mood or unpleasant attitude allows her to avoid becoming aware of how her behavior affects other people. It is an unfortunate lesson she will likely take with her into adulthood.</li>
<br />
<li>At the same time, you are asking your teen to better control her behavior, it's important to try better appreciating her genuine grievances and dilemmas. Many of the things kids complain about can sound superficial, but have real significance in their lives and matter tremendously to them even if they don't to you. Parents insult their kids when they react dismissively to their problems, making it seem as if the only problems that matter are the ones adults have. </li>
<br />
<li>It's important to resist the temptation to look past behavior problems you think are too minor, too infrequent, or too inconsequential. Little things do matter and give you a chance to address issues that are too volatile to address constructively when they are bigger and everyone's temperature is higher. </li>
</ol><br />The idea that kids are hard-wired to become moody and self-absorbed once they hit adolescence has got to be one of the most destructive, self-fulfilling prophecies ever perpetuated by our cultural beliefs about teenagers. Adolescents are so much better than that and deserve to be held to a better standard. <br /><br />We sell them short when we hand them exemptions from being good citizens-conscientious, responsible, capable of caring deeply-just because of a collective, and largely unexamined, conviction that they can't control themselves. Of course, they can; they do all the time- in school, among their friends, in front of their friends' parents. There's no reason to accept anything less at home.<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Dr. Janet Sasson Edgette</strong> is a psychologist dedicated to helping parents raise conscientious, respectful children they enjoy having around. Her work with families is consistent with her belief that respect, accountability, and prudent transparency are the cornerstones to healthy, enduring relationships between loved ones. Stop Negotiating With <em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Negotiating-Your-Teen-Manipulative/dp/0399527893/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1526620713&sr=1-1&keywords=Your+Teen%3A+Strategies+for+Parenting+Your+Angry%2C+Manipulative%2C+Moody+or+Depressed+Adolescent" target="_blank">Your Teen: Strategies for Parenting Your Angry, Manipulative, Moody or Depressed Adolescent</a></em> is her popular parenting book, and her most recent book is <em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Last-Boys-Picked-Helping-Survive/dp/0425245438" target="_blank">The Last Boys Picked: Helping Boys Who Don't Like Sports Survive Bullying and Boyhood</a></em>. <a href="http://www.JanetEdgette.com" target="_blank">www.JanetEdgette.com</a> Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2018-05-17T17:32:00Z
6 Tips for Raising Confident Daughters
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/6-Tips-for-Raising-Confident-Daughters/152161047228338154.html
2018-05-02T18:32:00Z
2018-05-02T18:32:00Z
<br /><strong>By Treva Graves, M.A. CCC-SLP</strong><br /><a href="http://www.trevagraves.com/" target="_blank">www.trevagraves.com</a><br /><br /><br />Raising a daughter who is confident, well-mannered and has a good self-image is not easy, especially in today's uncivil world. Growing up, I was not the most confident person, but I've come a long way since struggling with my own confidence growing up. <br /><br />As a mother of a 13-year-old daughter, she watches everything I do, I say and I wear, so I'm very careful about what my impression is on her every single day. As a corporate trainer who teaches how to build confidence through communication, etiquette and image, my hope is to instill in her a feeling of self-worth. For a young teen to feel good about herself is an accomplishment in itself and I want her to have a better experience than I did in those trying middle and high school years.<br /><br />When I was growing up, my parents supported me in everything I was involved in. My father was my basketball, softball and volleyball coach. They never missed a game or activity I was involved in. But I was a target for getting picked on and bullied as I was the "<em>coaches</em>" kid and it wasn't always easy. My daughter does not play sports, but is very active in music, dance and theatre and I can see her confidence build through these activities. It makes me feel so excited and proud of her every day. <br /><br />Kids want their parents to see them succeed. They want you at their sporting events and choral concerts. It makes them feel good for you to see their accomplishments. I praise her at every possible chance I get. <br /><br />My daughter knows who is popular and who isn't, and who is smart and who isn't, but treating everyone with kindness and respect no matter what they look like, who they are or what they've done is an important aspect of learning confidence and good etiquette. These are the aspects of confidence that should be praised, not by how we look.<br /><br />There is no one way to teach confidence, but here are some ways to help you raise your daughters into bright, successful confident women. <br /><br /><strong>Model Confident Behavior.</strong> Always be aware of how you act and speak as your daughter will be looking to you as an example. Girls are influenced at a very young age, so be careful! When she sees you as confident, she is more likely to be that way herself.<br /><br /><strong>Body Image and your Body Language speak volumes about you.</strong> Girls will pick up on this immediately. Be mindful and careful about what you say about your own body. I may not like the way jeans fit or how I look in a swimsuit, but make sure you are not too critical of yourself in front of her. Discuss healthy food choices and keep snacks around the house to encourage healthy eating. <br /><br /><strong>Don't' complain that you need to go on a diet and lose weight. </strong>It will only encourage her to look at herself and criticize her own body. Show her that by being comfortable with your body no matter what size or shape you are will make your daughter feel confident in her own skin.<br /><br /><strong>Self-image perspective. </strong>Your daughter's self-worth should not be tied to her appearance. Teach her how to respect her body by how she dresses it. Praise her for her kindness she shows others, her determination and her positive characteristics. My own daughter prefers to just fit in with the others and not stand out too much. Many girls in middle school want to experiment with makeup and wear clothing that may be too revealing. Show her how what she wears is directly associated with how she is perceived by those around her. Dressing for success starts at a young age. <br /><br /><strong>Self- worth is not about accomplishments.</strong> It's always easy to praise her accomplishments, but it's even more important to show her that hard work and determination are just as important. This is crucial for her success later in life. Perseverance and facing challenges is what builds character. We live in a world today where everyone gets a medal and there are no losers in sports. This is not the real world. You get the job, or you don't. You sell the product or you don't. We don't win every time. It's how you handle defeat that will build her self-worth and character.<br /><br /><strong>Support her passions.</strong> If she loves a sport or the flute, support it! Encourage her to try new things and other activities to see if she has an interest in it. If your daughter does not seem to show an interest in anything, try something together! Take guitar lessons together or go for walks or jogging. You just never know what might happen. <br /><br /><strong>Monitor social media. </strong>This can be such a difficult thing because young girls are so intrigued by what they see and read on all social media channels. Their phone is their best friend and they are lost without it. Monitor their Snapchat and Instagram accounts. My own daughter has limits and I stick to it. No phone after 7 pm. <br /><br />A daughter who is confident with herself and her abilities will be less troubled by peer pressure, social environments and less concerned with her appearance. <br /><br /><br /><br /><em><strong>Treva Graves</strong></em> loves the work she does, specializing in professional training and business development. She is a corporate communication coach, image and etiquette expert. She travels locally and nationally speaking on how to present your best self which leads to confidence and success in your life both personally and professionally. She loves Starbucks, wine tasting and dining with her "<em>foodie</em>" friends. <a href="http://www.trevagraves.com/" target="_blank">www.trevagraves.com</a> Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2018-05-02T18:32:00Z
Is Your Child Being Bullied? 3 Ways Parents Can Step In
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Is-Your-Child-Being-Bullied-3-Ways-Parents-Can-Step-In/-665508767058633285.html
2018-04-24T18:32:00Z
2018-04-24T18:32:00Z
<br /><strong>By Susan Raisch</strong><br /><span><a href="http://askdrangela.com/" target="_blank"></a><a rel="noopener noreferrer" href="http://tangledball.com/" target="_blank">tangledball.com</a></span><br /> <br />
<blockquote><em>"The guiding rule of action should be to intervene too early rather than too late."</em> - Dan Olweus,PhD, and founder of the <a href="http://olweus.sites.clemson.edu/" target="_blank">Olweus Bullying Prevention Program</a> </blockquote>
<br />Although bullying prevention efforts tend to focus on middle schools and high schools, bullying behavior begins at much younger ages. According to researchers and developers of the <a href="http://www.eyesonbullying.org/" target="_blank">Eyes on Bullying Program</a>, Dr. Ronald G. Slaby and Dr. Kim Storey, it starts as early as 4-years old:<br /><br /> When groups of young children who often differ significantly in physical size, skill level, and family experience, get together regularly, patterns of hurtful behavior often emerge. Children make mean faces, say threatening things, grab objects, push others aside, falsely accuse, or refuse to play with others. <br /><br /><strong>A Tangled Ball</strong> <br />In other words, that's when the messy issue of bullying starts resembling a tangled ball. There is a never-ending list of factors that make peer-to-peer mistreatment complicated and unique for each child, household and school, which makes clear-cut solutions seem elusive. To add to the mix, a child can act like a bully one day, be the target of mean behavior the next day or witness it without knowing how to react on any other given day. <br /><br /><br /><strong>Defining the End Goal: 3 Hopeful Strings in the Tangled Ball </strong><br />The short-term goal, of course, is to try to improve hurtful situations but perhaps the most important end goal is that a child feels loved, safe and valued. Every parent wants their child to grow to become their best selves even if they experience mean behavior along the way. <br /><br /><br /><strong>String One: Encourage Communication </strong><br /><em>Tell a Trusted Adult.</em><br />- the most common piece of bullying prevention expert advice. <br /><br />Here's the issue: <a href="http://www.pacer.org/bullying/resources/stats.asp" target="_blank">64% of children who were bullied did not report it; only 36% reported the bullying</a>. <br /><br />If kids don't know how to tell us what is going on, we can't help. If we don't handle it with care, we won't be trusted. It starts with learning how to <a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-anything/id1231126178?mt=2" target="_blank">listen</a>. <br /><br />In their research for the <a href="http://www.youthvoiceproject.com/" target="_blank">Youth Voice Project</a>, researchers Stan Davis and Dr. Charisse Nixon, share critical information about what really helps kids and what doesn't. The Number 1 most positive adult action? Listening. <br /><br /><br /><strong>String Two: Promote Leadership</strong> <br /><br />Teaching leadership skills not only helps your own children, but the classroom as a whole. When a child exhibits kindness, good judgment, and loyalty, for example, they are able to help create a positive school and home climate. <br /><br /><em>Leadership is the anti-bully. </em><br /><br /><br /><strong>String 3: Applaud Resilience </strong><br /><br />Recognize their ability to handle small situations on their own. A bad situation can have a silver lining when they feel powerful and proud...but be there to be their safety net. <br /><br /><em>When confronted with the fallout of childhood trauma, why do some children adapt and overcome, while others bear lifelong scars that flatten their potential? A growing body of evidence points to one common answer: Every child who winds up doing well has had at least one stable and committed relationship with a supportive adult.</em> - Harvard Graduate School of Education (<a href="http://www.UsableKnowledge.com" target="_blank">UsableKnowledge.com</a>) <br /><br /><br /><strong>Bonus String: Pat Yourself On the Back </strong><br /><br />You're a Superhero in Mom Jeans (or Dad Sneakers). <br /><br />As Robert Fulgham said in his best-selling <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Really-Need-Know-Learned-Kindergarten/dp/034546639X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1497820884&sr=1-1&keywords=all+i+really+need+to+know+i+learned+in+kindergarten+by+robert+fulghum" target="_blank">book</a>, <em>You may never have proof of your importance but you are more important than you think. There are always those who couldn't do without you. The rub is that you don't always know who. </em> <br /><br />I know who it is. It's your kids. <br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>Susan S. Raisch is the founder of <a href="http://www.tangledball.com/" target="_blank">Tangled Ball®,</a> a resource that shares expert bullying prevention, leadership and online safety resources. She is the author of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Superheroes-Wear-Mom-Jeans-Anti-Bullying/dp/1542770351/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1501249770&sr=8-1&keywords=superheroes+wear+mom+jeans" target="_blank"><strong>Superheroes Wear Mom Jeans: The Tangled Ball® Guide to Anti-Bullying for Parents of Young Children</strong></a>. Susan was a public affairs consultant for more than 25 years specializing in issues that impact the home, including parenting, <a href="http://www.silive.com/news/2017/07/new_dorp_author_tackles_the_ta.html" target="_blank">education</a> and health. She is married with four children and two grandchildren. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2018-04-24T18:32:00Z
Are You Ready to Have Kids?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Are-You-Ready-to-Have-Kids/-685653394050490970.html
2018-04-19T18:32:00Z
2018-04-19T18:32:00Z
<br /><strong>By Dr. Angela Jones</strong><br /><span><a href="http://askdrangela.com/" target="_blank">www.askdrangela.com</a></span><strong></strong><em></em><br />
<div><br /><br />Perhaps you and your husband have been married for a little over a year. You both want children but want to know when is the best time for us to start trying? Is there ever really a best time? Most of your friends already have children, and you're starting to feel as if you should get started a little sooner than later. That, and both of your parents keep not so subtly hinting that they are ready to be grandparents. But are you ready to have kids?<br /><br />This is a question that crosses the minds of lots of new couples. You are already ahead of the curve on this topic; i.e., you both know that you want children! As trivial as this seems, not all couples can agree on whether or not they want to be parents. I know, you probably are thinking, "<em>why would you marry someone that didn't have the same feelings about children as you do?</em>" Trust me. It happens! <br /><br />Since you both know that you eventually want to have children, the next step is, when? While I know lots of folks will tell you that there never truly is a "best" or "good" time to have children, what if I told you there was? The best time to have children is when you are both ready! While this seems overly simplified, the fact of the matter is that you both may not arrive at this milestone decision simultaneously.<br /><br />Not knowing the dynamics of your relationship; i.e., how long you all have known one another prior to getting married, etc., my response to this question is certainly not a one size fits all. Having said such, I will give you some general things to consider in determining whether or not you're truly ready to be parents.<br />
<ul>
<li>Is your relationship solid? Do you really know each other? If not, use the first few years of marriage not only get to know one another, but to enjoy each other. Once baby arrives, you won't get this time back.</li>
<br />
<li>Are you financially ready and able to provide for a child? As wonderful as parenting is, it's expensive! Between household expenses, school, childcare, medical bills, etc., it certainly can add up. You'll want to ensure you are prepared to take on the additional financial responsibility.</li>
<br />
<li>Are you mentally and emotionally prepared to share your life/world with another human being who will be completely, and unconditionally dependent on you? If the answer is no, it's ok to admit it. Some folks aren't quite ready for this kind of commitment.</li>
<br />
<li>Are you physically ready to be parents? This is where I make my plug for preconception counseling. This is the visit that women have with their obgyn's to ensure that they are at their best, health-wise, to have a happy, healthy, pregnancy. If there are things that need to be better controlled such as high blood pressure, diabetes, weight, etc., these things will be addressed at this visit. This is also an opportunity to consider any family history that may impact a future pregnancy.</li>
</ul>
<br />Parenting is a wonderful thing! An experience like no other. It changes you; makes you grow up. For most, having children is often described as the greatest thing that has ever happened to them. And while all of these things may be true, and certainly are true for most, make sure you are sure. Once you have children, you can't give them back.<br /><br /><br /><br />Wife, mother, Midwesterner, and award-winning OB/GYN, <a href="http://askdrangela.com/" target="_blank">Dr. Angela</a> is equal parts best girlfriend and bold professional, supporting women's health with innovative approaches to care and heavy doses of humor. Dr. Angela has done more than launch a successful practice, she has defined herself as a voice for a new generation of womanhood, established her ASK DR. ANGELA brand committed to authenticity, and built a community rooted in trust, candor, and compassion. You can connect with her on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/AskDrAngela/" target="_blank">Facebook</a>, <a href="https://twitter.com/DrAngelaOBGYN" target="_blank">Twitter</a>, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/askdrangela/" target="_blank">Instagram</a>, and on her website <a href="http://askdrangela.com/" target="_blank">http://askdrangela.com/</a> Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</div>
Staff
2018-04-19T18:32:00Z
Inspired to Make More than Lemonade: How to Explain Charity to Your Children
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Inspired-to-Make-More-than-Lemonade:-How-to-Explain-Charity-to-Your-Children/300832384490078299.html
2018-04-10T18:32:00Z
2018-04-10T18:32:00Z
<br /><strong>By <span>Joanne Sonenshine</span><strong> </strong><em></em></strong><br /><span><a href="http://www.connectiveimpact.com" target="_blank">www.connectiveimpact.com</a></span><strong></strong><em></em><br />
<div><br /><br />When my kids were younger, (ages 5 and 3) they asked me if we could host a lemonade stand in our neighborhood during their summer break, I thought it would be a great opportunity to teach them a lesson in basic economics. Testing a bit of supply and demand theory, we tried a few lemonade stands first, getting a feel for pricing and purchasing. Our sale was a grand success and the kids brought in $33 in gross profit. Having determined in advance that we would give a portion of our profits to charity, I found that our little economic lesson also allowed me to teach my children the basics about philanthropy.<br /><br /></div>
<div>"<em>What's a charity?</em>" they both asked. It felt difficult to explain, and I weighed my words carefully. My children have seen homeless men and women on the street, asking for money, food, etc. Each time we give money and each time my husband and I carefully try to explain why it is that some people go without the basics that we are so fortunate to have: a bed to sleep in, food to eat, and toys to play with. So in explaining charity I had to explain that a portion of our lemonade sales should go help these men, women and children that go without. Knowing that both my husband and I work in a space of philanthropy (my husband with veterans, and I with developing economy communities), my oldest son asked if my husband and I work for charities. I explained that while we do not work 'for' charities, we work for people that need our help as charities do too. That seemed to quell his curiosity. Hoping that my words sank in, we moved onto what our conversations generally revolve around those days: baseball.<br /><br /></div>
<div>I was reminded to revisit our lemonade lessons when I read an article by Paul Sullivan at the New York Times. The article, "<em>Learning Young the Gift of Helping Others</em>" explained how giving back is becoming a more ingrained value in our family routines, and that children are increasingly learning the importance of philanthropy at younger ages. Sure the priority placed on giving back comes from the parent, but more and more children are making decisions about charitable giving and volunteerism on their own. Couple that with an education system that is building curriculum around philanthropy increasingly into its plans, and young children are apt to surpass their parents in charitable giving over the next few decades. One can only hope.<br /><br /></div>
<div>My children weighed their lemonade proceeds options quite carefully, and finally decided to donate the money to our local food bank. Before we delivered the money, my youngest son spotted a man on the street holding a sign and asking for money. He asked me if that man had a bed to sleep in, food to eat or toys to play with. I answered that he may not. Both my sons paused for a minute. I could almost hear their brains churning with the thought about what it would be like to not sleep in a warm bed, eat food for each meal or have toys to play with. That feeling of empathy is the greatest gift I can give as a parent, a woman and professional.<br /><br /><br /><br /></div>
<div><strong>Joanne Sonenshine</strong> is Founder + CEO of <a href="http://www.connectiveimpact.com/" target="_blank">Connective Impact</a>, an advisory firm aiding organizations in partnership strategy and fundraising diversification to address social, environmental and economic development challenges through collaboration. Joanne is a trained development economist and has been living and working in the Washington, D.C. area since 2004. Joanne's book, <em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/ChangeSeekers-Finding-Your-Path-Impact/dp/0999415204/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1505332886&sr=1-2" target="_blank">ChangeSeekers: Finding Your Path to Impact</a></em>, documents how to overcome fear, uncertainty and risk aversion to seek fulfillment in one's life, and truly make a difference. Joanne serves on the board of <a href="http://www.emerging-leaders.net/about-us/" target="_blank">Emerging Leaders</a>, an Oxford, UK based NGO training leaders in vulnerable communities throughout the world. Joanne lives in Arlington, Virginia, with her husband and two boys. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</div>
Staff
2018-04-10T18:32:00Z
Help Your Child Build Healthy Reward Pathways
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Help-Your-Child-Build-Healthy-Reward-Pathways/912749529432998635.html
2018-02-26T18:45:00Z
2018-02-26T18:45:00Z
<br /><strong>By Loretta Graziano Breuning, PhD</strong><br /><a href="https://innermammalinstitute.org/" target="_blank">www.innermammalinstitute.org</a><br /><br /><br />When you reward bad behavior, you literally wire your child's brain to repeat the bad behavior. No parent intends to do that, but it happens so easily. When you know how, you will reward only good behavior, and give your child a good start.<br /><br />Imagine that your child grabs a cookie from someone.<br /><br />You tell them it's not nice, but you let them keep the cookie. "<em>Just this once.</em>"<br /><br />A young brain learns from the cookie more than your words Cookies trigger dopamine, the brain's reward chemical. Dopamine paves a neural pathway that turns on more of the good feeling in similar future circumstances. That wires a brain to expect grabbing to get rewards. Each reward strengthens the pathway.<br /><br />A similar example is the child who screams when you say "<em>no cookie.</em>" You want the screaming to stop for good reasons, so you let them have the cookie "<em>just this once.</em>" Dopamine surges, and builds a pathway that anticipates rewards from screaming. <br />Over time, rewards become subtler than cookies, and bad behavior becomes subtler than grabbing or screaming. But the bottom line is the same: neural pathways connecting good feelings to bad actions. <br /><br />It's tempting to "<em>disease-</em>ify" the problem. Then you bring in "experts" to fix it. But nothing changes as long as bad behavior is rewarded. You can fix this without the baggage of disease labels. You can help a child build new neural pathways by choosing your rewards with great care.<br /><br />Understanding dopamine is Step One. <br /><br />Dopamine creates the feeling we call "<em>joy.</em>" Your brain releases it when you find a way to meet a need. You may think you're too sophisticated to feel joy about meeting a need, but your brain is inherited from ancestors who had to forage constantly to survive. Our brain keeps looking for rewards because dopamine makes it feel good. Social rewards become important once physical needs are met. <br /><br />Neurons connect when dopamine flows, so each brain gets wired to expect rewards from whatever brought them before. Imagine the frustration of a young brain that links good feelings to bad actions. They don't want to do this, but the electricity in the brain flows like water in a storm- it finds the paths of least resistance. You rely on old trails until you blaze new ones.<br /><br />Of course you don't want to go to the other extreme of attacking the bad behavior. That would just wire a child to expect attacking to get rewards. <br /><br />But you must extract the cookie for the non-verbal part of the brain to get the message that bad behavior will not get you rewards.<br /><br />In sticky situations that involve more than cookies, monitor yourself carefully to see what you actually reward with your attention and approval. Adults with the best of intentions often reward bad behavior with their attention and tacit approval. I did it myself! We want our children to do the right thing, but at the same time, we don't want to deny them the cookie. I was a peace-at-any-price parent until I understood the reward pathways I was creating.<br /><br />You can help a child build new pathways by rewarding new behaviors. This may seem hard at first: you don't see many good behaviors to reward; and the reward power of cookies is hard to compete with. But you can learn to zoom in on small steps toward desired behavior, and reward them in healthy ways. Plan your healthy rewards in advance so you don't yield to junk food, junk entertainment, or junk philosophy.<br /><br />Each brain learns from the rewards it experiences. The reward pathways built in youth become the superhighways of your brain for life. We all seek the good feeling of dopamine with the pathways we have. When you reward your child for healthy steps, you give them peace of mind for a lifetime. Nothing is more precious.<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Loretta Graziano Breuning, Ph.D.</strong> is the founder of the Inner Mammal Institute and author of <em><a href="https://innermammalinstitute.org/books/habits-of-a-happy-brain-3/" target="_blank">Habits of a Happy Brain: Retrain your brain to boost your serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin and endorphin levels</a></em>. Her work has been featured on Forbes, NPR, Psychology Today, and a wide range of podcasts. The Inner Mammal Institute offers free resources that help you build power over your mammalian brain chemistry. Dr. Breuning's many books, videos, blogs, and digital resources have helped thousands of people make peace with their inner mammal. <a href="https://innermammalinstitute.org/" target="_blank">https://innermammalinstitute.org/</a> Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2018-02-26T18:45:00Z
3 Reasons Why Your Teenager Rejects Your Excellent Advice
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/3-Reasons-Why-Your-Teenager-Rejects-Your-Excellent-Advice/-387583179285799407.html
2018-02-19T20:07:00Z
2018-02-19T20:07:00Z
<br />By Janet Sasson Edgette<br /><a href="http://www.janetedgette.com/" target="_blank">www.janetedgette.com</a><br /><br /><br />Ever wonder why your teen takes a pass on your advice? Especially when you know for a fact that it's really good? <br /><br />Here are three reasons why teenagers might look elsewhere for solutions or support, or nowhere at all. It can explain those times when they stick with a bad decision even though they know it's bad, or insist on being right even when it flies in the face of all reason. Are they being difficult or defiant? Probably not. Often they're just trying to save face after having painted themselves in a corner, or trying to avoid the feeling that they are losing or giving in. I think if we as parents, teachers, and counselors made it easier for children and teenagers to change their minds or reverse course we'd see a lot more flexibility and better decision-making in the kids we love and care about.<br /><br /><strong>Reason #1</strong><br />Honestly, it is kind of embarrassing to change your behavior or point of view when everyone is watching and waiting for you to do it. Consider the kid whose parents have been trying for months to get him to change his approach to studying for tests. If he continues to insist that his way of doing things is fine or that everyone is over-reacting, he's stuck with the same old outcome (poor grades, angry parents). If, on the other hand, he does change his habits, it can feel to him as though he is admitting that his old ways were all wrong after all.<br /><br />Years ago I counseled parents whose son had been refusing to join the family for dinner. The boy couldn't stand that his dad would always try to turn his concessions into his own personal triumph. I remember saying to the dad that I actually thought his son would appear at the table if he were certain his father wouldn't do a victory dance across the kitchen floor.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Reason #2</strong><br />Many adolescents who are already in trouble of some kind are as unhappy and anxious about their situation as their parents are. However, some of them get stuck on that same track because they've convinced themselves that suggestions from adults are "<em>contaminated</em>." If you think your teen might feel this way try saying something like, <em>You know, sometimes I think you actually like my ideas but feel like you can't use them because I was the one who came up with them first. How come we both can't like the same idea?</em><br /><br /><br /><strong>Reason #3</strong><br />Some kids are so driven to be right they won't give up a point they've been making even when it becomes obvious to them it's not reasonable. At these times, not being wrong becomes more important than doing the smart thing. It's a pride thing, and we've all been there. Try to empathize with your teen when this happens. Tell him or her a story where you painted yourself into a corner and went down with the ship rather than recant and feel humiliated. Too often parents think it's their success stories that inspire their kids. Not always. It can be hard for kids to identify with those kinds of stories when they themselves are struggling, so they get defensive and dismissive. A better story is likely to be the one in which your vulnerability shows through, one where your kid can see that you really do get it. They'll appreciate that you're not trying to cheerlead them through the predicament or use the moment to point out their character flaws. That alone paves the way for your teen to admit being wrong the next time it happens.<br /><br />Kids feel respected when the adults around them appreciate what it means for them to change their behavior when told or instructed to do so. I think many adults overestimate the role of information and advice in influencing change in kids and teens and underestimate the role of the relationship in creating a context in which it feels safe for a young person to make changes or exit a situation. More often than we realize, the teenagers we are trying to help really do want our help. They just need to know they're not going to pay a price for accepting it.<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Dr. Janet Sasson Edgette</strong> is a psychologist dedicated to helping parents raise conscientious, respectful children they enjoy having around. Her work with families is consistent with her belief that respect, accountability, and prudent transparency are the cornerstones to healthy, enduring relationships between loved ones. <em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Negotiating-Your-Teen-Manipulative/dp/0399527893" target="_blank">Stop Negotiating with Your Teen: Strategies for Parenting Your Angry, Manipulative, Moody or Depressed Adolescent</a></em> is her popular parenting book, and her most recent book is <em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Last-Boys-Picked-Helping-Survive/dp/0425245438/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1518742482&sr=1-1-fkmr0&keywords=The+Last+Boys+Picked%3A+Helping+Boys+Who+Don%27t+Like+Sports+Survive+Bullying+and+Boyhood" target="_blank">The Last Boys Picked: Helping Boys Who Don't Like Sports Survive Bullying and Boyhood</a></em>. <a href="http://www.janetedgette.com/" target="_blank">http://www.janetedgette.com/</a> Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2018-02-19T20:07:00Z
Why Raising Upstanders Gets an A+
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Why-Raising-Upstanders-Gets-an-A+/216640122006999966.html
2018-01-07T19:13:00Z
2018-01-07T19:13:00Z
<br />By Susan Raisch<br /><a href="http://tangledball.com/" target="_blank">tangledball.com</a><br /><br /><br />Schools are where children gain knowledge but it's also the place where they create connection and develop as social beings. Hopefully, it's a place where they feel they <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Schools-Where-Everyone-Belongs-Strategies/dp/0878225846" target="_blank">belong</a>.<br /><br /><em>School climate promotes - or complicates - a student's ability to learn and achieve academically. This is common sense. To the extent that students feel safe, cared for, appropriately supported and lovingly "pushed" to learn, academic achievement should increase.-- <a href="https://www.schoolclimate.org/themes/schoolclimate/assets/pdf/policy/school-climate-challenge-web.pdf" target="_blank">The School Climate Challenge</a>, </em>National School Climate Center (NSCC) <br /><br />So what actions by adults positively impact students' sense of feeling valued? Part of the answer is as simple as giving children eye contact, knowing and using their names and engaging them in positive conversation. In other words, helping them be <em>seen.</em><br /><br />In an ideal world, they will always feel respected but as <a href="https://www.stopbullying.gov/media/facts/index.html" target="_blank">millions of kids</a> know, peer mistreatment happens. In those cases, it's the job of parents and school staff to make sure they are not only <em>seen</em> but also <em>heard</em>. <br /><br />The <a href="http://www.youthvoiceproject.com/" target="_blank">Youth Voice Project</a> researchers went to the source and surveyed over 13,000 students in grades 5-12 to assess what advice and actions actually help; which ones don't; and how do kids effectively help each other.<br /><br />According to the students, the No. 1 most helpful adult action was listened to me. <em>Listening, following up and giving advice ranked at the top and told me to stop tattling</em> was at the bottom. Discouraging kids to report hurtful behavior is perhaps one of the worst things adults can do. If they don't tell, they can't receive help. Teaching them from young ages how to report something responsibly versus getting someone in trouble is a critical skill.<br /><br />Kids need adult help but they also need each other. How do we mentor our children when they're the bystander witnessing mean behavior? Turn the role from a bystander to an <em>upstander</em>.<br /><br />The difference between the two is action. Although it's good to ask kids to take action, training them to "<em>confront</em>" the child acting like a bully may not be the way to go. According to the <strong>Youth Voice Project</strong>, it's not the most effective and in some instances, makes the problem worse. Instead, kids report that the following list of peer actions are much more helpful: <br /><br /><strong>Included Me and Spent Time with Me at School</strong><br /><em>Most Helpful Actions Overall</em><br />Walked or spent time with me at school<br />Talked to me at school to encourage me<br />Gave me advice (hope)<br />Helped me get away; made a distraction<br />Helped me tell adults<br /><br />Children can be taught how to <em>"Step Up"</em> to help another child out through empathy, inclusion, even humor and seeking help from trusted adults. By encouraging kids to communicate and then being present for them, the problem may not be immediately solved but the sense of safety will most likely remain intact. <br /><br />It never hurts to go for the A+.<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Susan S. Raisch </strong>is the founder of Tangled Ball®, a resource that shares expert bullying prevention, leadership and online safety resources. She is the author of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Superheroes-Wear-Mom-Jeans-Anti-Bullying/dp/1542770351/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1501249770&sr=8-1&keywords=superheroes+wear+mom+jeans" target="_blank">Superheroes Wear Mom Jeans: The Tangled Ball® Guide to Anti-Bullying for Parents of Young Children</a>. Susan was a public affairs consultant for more than 25 years specializing in issues that impact the home, including parenting, <a href="http://www.silive.com/news/2017/07/new_dorp_author_tackles_the_ta.html" target="_blank">education</a>, and health. She is married with four children and two grandchildren. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2018-01-07T19:13:00Z
Raising Resilience: Parenting Tips that Go the Distance
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Raising-Resilience:-Parenting-Tips-that-Go-the-Distance/-535670948896281393.html
2017-12-19T19:23:00Z
2017-12-19T19:23:00Z
<br /><br />By Julie Gowthorpe, Ph.D.<br /><a href="http://www.drjuliegowthorpersw.com" target="_blank">www.drjuliegowthorpersw.com </a><br /><br /><br />Every loving parent wants childhood to be a positive experience for their kids. When it comes to parenting however, only focusing on the positive is problematic because it derails children's ability to develop resilience. Resilience, the ability to bounce back from adversity, is extremely important when teens move off to college and face problems independently. <br /><br />Because many young people seem armed with a sense of self-importance and confidence, they present as able to conquer any challenge. Unfortunately, high rates of anxiety, depression and even suicide attempts in college-age students indicate that this is not the case. <br /><br />Deluded by the belief that children should be protected from uncomfortable feelings (such as disappointment and sadness), some parents and school systems have completely undermined teaching the importance of work ethic and perseverance. The importance of learning to "<em>try and try again" has been left behind for "everyone gets a trophy just for being you</em>". <br /><br />The problem with the latter is that it breeds entitled thinking patterns and disrupts learning the natural link between effort, skill and success. Without understanding natural outcomes, later-age teens can be psychologically devastated when they experience failure. With no tolerance for the emotional discomfort, it is no wonder that their mental health spirals and academic success suffers. <br /><br />Here are some tips to help parents build resilience with strategies that go the distance into adulthood:<br /><br />1. <strong>Reward hard work: </strong>With good intent, parents and educators have rewarded minimal effort with praise under the misguided belief that all positive reinforcement encourages children to do better. In truth, when everyone receives the same level of reward despite the level of effort, children do not learn the importance of natural outcomes. Reward your child for hard work and effort. Avoid reinforcing entitlement with statements like, "You're so smart", and instead use statements such as "<em>Wow, when you work hard, it really pays off. Congratulations</em>". <br /><br />2. <strong>Allow kids to experience failure and persevere. </strong>The most successful people in western society, from Bill Gates to sports heroes including Michael Jordan, express the importance of perseverance. When parents and educational systems get in the way of this natural learning process, kids suffer. By the time they experience failure, they do so without the safety net of parents and teachers. <br /><br />3. <strong>Teach Kids that to Fail is to Learn.</strong> If we teach kids that they should always win, they become entitled. Instead, use experiences such as getting cut from a team as a learning opportunity where children learn to refocus and invest in building skills and knowledge to find that hard work pays off. <br /><br />4. <strong>Advocate Against No Zero Policies.</strong> More and more research is pointing to the fallout of policies which allow students to pass just for showing up. Teachers have been disciplined for refusing to pass students who did not complete necessary work, including tests and assignments. These kinds of policies not only create a sense of entitlement in kids but, over the long-term, they diminish resilience-building which is essential for long-term educational and career success. <br /><br />When you see your that your child is unhappy with an outcome, avoid rescuing and instead think long-term. Resilient adults have learned to tolerate the uncomfortable feelings that accompany failure and use these feelings to persevere. <br /><br /><br /><br />Dr. Julie Gowthorpe, R.S.W. <a href="http://www.drjuliegowthorpersw.com/" target="_blank">http://www.drjuliegowthorpersw.com/</a> is an internationally acclaimed emotional health and relationship expert. She offers strategic approaches to help people find ways to verbally express, profoundly heal and to finally go the distance required for optimal living. Dr. Gowthorpe <a href="http://www.mix97.com/morningcrew/dr-julie-gowthorpe-talk-ex-villains-and-how-to-cope/" target="_blank">provides engaging, practical advice</a> and speaks about topics involving positive parenting, healthy relationships and mental well-being. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2017-12-19T19:23:00Z
Are Healthy Children in Your Future? 5 Ways to Prepare for a Healthy Baby
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Are-Healthy-Children-in-Your-Future-5-Ways-to-Prepare-for-a-Healthy-Baby/750226907048948641.html
2017-12-11T19:57:00Z
2017-12-11T19:57:00Z
<strong><br /></strong>
<blockquote>
<p><strong>By Hilary Boynton</strong><br /><a href="http://www.liveyumyum.com" target="_blank">www.liveyumyum.com</a><br /><br /><br />Boy, do I wish someone had told me how important a healthy microbiome is for pregnancy when I was young and impressionable! Although would I have listened? - Maybe not. Years of miscarrying and fertility treatments in my mid-twenties brought me to my knees as the desire for a baby overshadowed every other part of my life. No one seemed to have a solution except to head to the fertility clinic to find out why I was 'broken.'<br /><br />In a world of instant gratification, where there is a pill available to seemingly "fix" almost anything, it's easy to be lulled into a false sense of security about the future of one's fertility. <br /><br />Did you know that when a baby goes through the birth canal they swallow a big gulp of their mother's vaginal bacteria? This exposure inoculates the baby's microbiome for life. That's right, you pass along your gut flora (bacteria) to your children...the good, the bad and the ugly, and as science continues to confirm, the health of our microbiomes has much to do with our overall health. <br /><br />The human body wants to be in balance, so by following my top 5 recommendations you will not only be rebalancing your microbiome, but you will be setting yourself up to conceive naturally and give birth to a healthy and happy little baby.<br /><br /><strong>1. Awareness -</strong> Remember, it won't all happen all at once, and that's ok. Now is the time to start familiarizing yourself with your microbiome. What are the key factors that affect its balance? Alcohol, drugs (prescription, over the counter, and recreational), environmental toxins, household and skincare products, diet, stress, sleep, and exercise are all big influencers. Start to take action on the things that you can change.<br /><br /><strong>2. Remove/Reduce Harmful Foods - </strong>Remove or reduce foods that support the proliferation of bad bacteria in the gut, and start to detoxify your body</p>
<ul>
<li><strong>Sugar: </strong>the number one enemy to the body. Eliminate sodas and any fruit juices or sugary sports drinks with artificial flavors and colors. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Processed Vegetable Oils (canola, soybean and corn are some of the worst offenders):</strong> Dining out exposes you to rancid vegetable oils in salad dressings and fried foods. Try cooking with coconut oil, butter, or ghee.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>GMO Foods:</strong> The majority of our corn and soy in this country are genetically modified, so choose organic when possible.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Pesticide-Laden Foods:</strong> Look for organic whenever possible. Familiarize yourself with the dirty dozen and the clean fifteen: <a href="https://www.ewg.org/foodnews/summary.php" target="_blank">https://www.ewg.org/foodnews/summary.php </a></li>
</ul>
<p><br /><strong>3. Introduce Optimal Foods -</strong> Introduce foods that will promote the proliferation of the good bacteria in your gut. Colorful vegetables and fruits are essential. Healthy fats, raw and fermented dairy, fermented foods like sauerkraut and pickles, bone broths, pastured meats and wild caught fish, sprouted legumes, and traditionally prepared sourdough bread are all a good choices. <br /><strong><br />4. Reduce Stress -</strong> Permission granted for self-care! Abusing your body will only set you back. No guilt, no justification necessary - you only get one body, so take care of it, daily, and remember your thoughts create your reality, so think positively. <br /><br /><strong>5. Heal Your Gut - </strong>If you are struggling with heath issues, and perhaps a leaky gut, then take time to heal before having children. Look into the GAPS Diet to truly reset your body for optimal health. </p>
</blockquote>
<br />Once you dive into your new way of life you won't look back. Remember, maintaining good health is a lot easier than trying to regain it. Knowledge is power - If you can start to educate yourself now, and make small changes daily towards a healthier lifestyle, you will set yourself up for success. It's an individual decision to be healthy, and I'm saying to you, decide! Decide to be healthy. Be a leader in this movement - the future generations are counting on you!<br /><br /><br /><strong>Hilary Boynton</strong>, founder of the lifestyle brand Live Yum Yum, inspires others to prevent and reverse disease by embracing healthy lifestyle choices. She is the author of the best-selling cookbook, <em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Heal-Your-Gut-Cookbook-Nutrient-Dense/dp/1603585613" target="_blank">The Heal Your Gut Cookbook</a></em>. Inspired by her family's experience of "food as medicine," she has dedicated herself to helping others on their path to optimal wellbeing. To see what Hilary is cooking up everyday head to her Instagram @liveyumyum. <a href="http://www.liveyumyum.com/" target="_blank">http://www.liveyumyum.com/</a> Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
<p> </p>
Staff
2017-12-11T19:57:00Z
Eight Great Things About Life as an Empty Nester
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Eight-Great-Things-About-Life-as-an-Empty-Nester/137835805715959271.html
2017-11-14T21:25:00Z
2017-11-14T21:25:00Z
<strong><br /></strong>
<p>By Suzy Mighell<br /><a href="https://emptynestblessed.com/" target="_blank">EmptyNestBlessed.com<br /></a><br /><br />My husband has a motto for the empty nest season of life. He says, "You can do what you want, when you want, for as long as you want!" While those sentiments might not always ring true, there are some wonderful things about life as an empty nester. <br /><br /></p>
<ul>
<li><em><strong>Your schedule isn't tied to the school schedule</strong></em></li>
</ul>
<p>You don't need to vacation when everyone else vacations. You don't have after-school extra-curricular activities to attend. Having an empty nest simply makes everything more convenient. It leaves room in your schedule for flexibility, spontaneity, and affordable off-season travel.<br /><br /></p>
<ul>
<li><em><strong>The house stays clean</strong></em></li>
</ul>
<p>As an empty nester, when you put something away, it stays there. When you clean something, it stays clean. It's magical! When our nest emptied, we immediately called the carpet cleaners and painters to undo the years of damage our kids had done to our home. Now we feel like we live in a new house.<br /><br /></p>
<ul>
<li><strong><em>The pace is slower.</em></strong></li>
</ul>
<p>Active and engaged high school kids walk, talk, and eat quickly. When our kids left, we realized we had been frantically trying to match their pace. In the empty nest, you can slow down. Enjoy lingering over your meals and maybe even taking a stroll around the neighborhood when you're finished. <br /><br /><br /></p>
<ul>
<li><em><strong>The quiet is refreshing</strong></em></li>
</ul>
<p>Before life as an empty nester, many people dreaded the quiet that would come when their kids no longer lived at home. Surprisingly, you may find you come to cherish the peace and quiet. After all, it's difficult to think when you are busy talking, answering questions, or helping someone. In the quiet of the empty nest, you may rediscover your love of music, gardening, or yoga. Simply put, you can hear yourself think.<br /><br /></p>
<ul>
<li><em><strong>There is privacy</strong></em></li>
</ul>
<p>In the empty nest, if you're naked and you need something from the kitchen, you just go and get it. No one will interrupt your evening bubble bath with requests for two dozen cupcakes to take to school at 8 a.m. the next morning.<br /><br /></p>
<ul>
<li><em><strong>You can be proactive</strong></em></li>
</ul>
<p>After years of being responsive to your kids (which usually meant putting their needs first and your needs last), you can be proactive and give yourself permission to prioritize what you want for a change. If you're like most empty nesters, this will not come easily at first. One of the greatest adjustments in this stage of life can be giving yourself (guilt-free) permission to focus on some of the areas of life that you set aside while you were busy raising your children. It can take some getting used to and may feel awkward for a while. This is normal. Keep practicing, and it will get easier!<br /><br /></p>
<ul>
<li><strong><em>No explanations needed</em></strong></li>
</ul>
<p>In the empty nest, nobody will monitor your comings and goings. No one needs to know where you are going, what you are doing, and who is doing it with you. There is great freedom in this! When my kids lived at home, they routinely texted me (sometimes from right upstairs) things like, "Where are you?" and "When's dinner?" Now, I decide where I am and when dinner is all by myself.<br /><br /></p>
<ul>
<li><em><strong>You can wear your pajamas all day if you want</strong></em></li>
</ul>
<p>If you're an empty nester and you work from home, go ahead and wear whatever you want. (Yes, even your pajamas.) If not, throw them on as soon as you walk in the door after work. Better yet, take a long hot bath the minute you get home, and then get comfy. You'll be amazed at how relaxed and self-indulgent this feels.<br /><br />Just like any other life stage, the empty nest years come with joys and challenges. It is a significant time of transition, and it can take some time to get used to it. Although many people dread its arrival, there are good things that come along with the empty nest. Focusing on those things can make your adjustment easier.<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Suzy Mighell</strong> is the founder and editor of EmptyNestBlessed.com, a lifestyle website for empty nesters. She writes on all aspects of midlife and the empty nest season of life. Suzy has been married for 30 years and is the parent of 3 adult children. Connect with Suzy at <a href="https://emptynestblessed.com/" target="_blank">EmptyNestBlessed.com</a> and on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/emptynestblessed/" target="_blank">Facebook</a>, <a href="https://twitter.com/EmpTnestBlessed" target="_blank">Twitter</a>, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/emptynestblessed/" target="_blank">Instagram</a>, and <a href="https://www.pinterest.com/empTnestblessed/" target="_blank">Pinterest</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. </p>
Staff
2017-11-14T21:25:00Z
Dr. Toy's Rx: Play Is Essential
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Dr.-Toys-Rx:-Play-Is-Essential/-943841481399661376.html
2017-11-03T19:12:00Z
2017-11-03T19:12:00Z
<strong><br /></strong>
<p>By Stevanne Auerbach, PhD<br /><a href="http://drtoy.com/" target="_blank">DrToy.com</a><br /><br /><br />It is important to monitor children's time spent with electronics, TV and other media. Watching TV is rote and passive, while physical play can contribute to a child's optimal mental, physical, social and emotional development. <br /><br />Play is a natural drive to discover the essence of a happy childhood. While TV and electronics can be an easy, simple substitute, playful interaction with playmates and toys is essential for a child's full development. Turning on TV, and foregoing the engaged time needed for playfulness, undermines the importance of play and its essential role in your child's learning and growth.<br /><br />Babies and toddlers need sounds (music, singing, talking, nature) and playful parents. Balance is essential, not just the first two years, but throughout childhood (and adulthood, too).<br /><br />Playing games, building with blocks or construction toys, creating projects, reading aloud, solving puzzles and playing outdoors are great ways to encourage play. So, too, is playing with dolls, creating a puppet theatre from a cardboard box, having fun with transportation toys, and many other playthings. <br /><br />When young children have plenty of time to play, absorbing, practicing, learning from mistakes, and, most of all, discovering new things, they develop crucial skills. <br /><br />As infants grow, they play with many things around them: their hands, toes, sunbeams coming in the window, and soft toys. They also discover sounds when babbling and talking to themselves. TV and electronic devices, while fun to use, interfere with natural forms of play, and, in my opinion, should not be substituted for hands-on creative play.<br /><br /><strong>Three types of toys contribute to the maximum development of children: active, creative, and educational</strong>. <br /><br /></p>
<ul>
<li><strong>Active </strong>playthings like balls, bicycles and jump ropes, improve a child's physical and mental balance, strength, endurance and provide needed healthy exercise.Creative toys stimulate a child's imagination as the child experiences surprise, delight, expands thinking and self-expression. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Creative</strong> toys include blocks, building toys, crafts, dollhouses, mirrors, musical instruments, puppets, stuffed animals, and art supplies.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Educational</strong> toys help a child learn specific skills, sometimes simultaneously. Any toy can be educational if used in an enriching way. These include board games, books, construction toys, pegboards, puzzles, and audio and video media. Play helps with reading, writing, and building important skills that prepare for math and science.</li>
</ul>
<p><br />While a good play environment and the right types of toys are important, the participatory role of parents is crucial. Regardless of work schedule, taking the time to play reduces stress, improves communications, and adds laughter and relaxation to all members of the family, especially the youngest ones. <br /><br />Parents should encourage and stimulate the child's Play Quotient (PQ). As the child's "<em>Play Guide</em>," parents teach skills to help your child be happier, engaged, and get along better with others. Parents enhance a child's "<em>PQ</em>" by choosing toys carefully, joining in their play, and taking the time to read aloud. Playful parents (and teachers) encourage a child to be playful - a more playful child is more aware, smarter, and resilient. The benefits are enormous. <br /><br />Every library and preschool should consider creating a toy lending library to make toys easier to obtain, share, and learn about. <br /><br />Turn off TV and turn on play, for happier and healthier children (and adults). <br /><br />Let's play!<br /><br /><br /><br /><em><strong>Stevanne Auerbach</strong></em> is a Consultant, Educator, Speaker and the Publisher of Dr. Toy's Guide®. For more play and learning information from baby to age 12 plus special needs children, see Stevanne's book, <em><a href="http://www.regentpress.net/dr.-toy-s-smart-play-smart-toy-by-stevanne-auerbach.html#dr.toyssmartplaysmarttoysstevanneauerbachphd" target="_blank">Dr. Toy's Smart Play/Smart Toys</a></em>, and her website, Dr. Toy's Guide at <a href="http://drtoy.com/" target="_blank">www.drtoy.com</a>, for suggested toys, play pointers, and play products. <br /><br />© 2017 Stevanne Auerbach, PhD; Dr. Toy. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. </p>
Staff
2017-11-03T19:12:00Z
Typical Parenting Mistakes: 9 Ways We Make Things Worse
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Typical-Parenting-Mistakes:-9-Ways-We-Make-Things-Worse/977785282660899685.html
2017-10-27T17:12:00Z
2017-10-27T17:12:00Z
<strong><br /></strong>
<p>By Margaret Puckette<br /><a href="http://www.raisingtroubledkids.com/" target="_blank">raisingtroubledkids.com</a><br /><br /><br />Hey, it's hard not to lose your cool with a difficult child. And once you do, you probably feel guilty or a failure as a parent. You deserve credit for trying to be better, but the easiest way to improve your parenting is to know what you are doing wrong first. Good parenting means knowing what not to do as a parent.<br /><br /></p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Treat your child or teen like another adult</strong> who knows how to behave appropriately and has memorized the rules, even the unspoken ones. Answer your child's frustrations (with you) by offering explanations that show how reasonable you are.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Find fault with your child </strong>and let them know about it over and over again. If they do something positive, let them know it's not enough. Let your tone of voice reveal how frustrated, angry, stressed or resigned you feel because of them.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Pretend your child has no reason for their behavior.</strong> Ignore his or her unique mental health needs or the challenges they may face. Are they being picked on at school or by a sibling? Do they fear abandonment? Are they stressed about an upcoming event? Is your home too chaotic?</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Make rules and only enforce them once in a while</strong>, or have the consequence come later than the misbehavior ("I'll get to you later." "This is punishment for what you did this morning.").</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Don't treat your child appropriately for his or her age. </strong>Make long explanations to a three-year-old about why you've set a certain rule. Assume a teen wants to be just like you.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Expect your child to logically, rationally accept your reasonable rules.</strong> Parents expect common sense from children who are too young to reason (3 or 4), or from teens or young adults (up to the early 20's) who have a long track record of doing things that don't make sense.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Keep trying the same things that still don't work.</strong> Like repeating yourself, talking at them rather than with them, or screaming. (Don't be embarrassed if you've screamed; we've all done this.)</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Jump to conclusions that demonize your child. </strong>"<em>You'll do anything to get your way,</em>" or "<em>You are so manipulative and deceitful</em>," or "<em>You don't listen to me on purpose,</em>" "<em>I'm tired of your selfishness...</em>"</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Make them responsible for your feelings.</strong> If you lose your cool because you're stressed, and blow up over something they did, insist they do the apologizing for their bad reaction.</li>
</ol>
<p><br />If you see yourself in any one of these, forgive yourself and start over. Apologize when you need to, and thereby become a role model of good behavior for your child<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Margaret Puckette</strong> is a compassionate and experienced coach for parents of a child, teen, or young adult with a serious behavioral problem or addiction. She draws on years of personal experience as a parent, social worker, and support group leader. Her <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Troubled-Kids-Emotional-Disorders/dp/1419693425" target="_blank">book</a> and <a href="http://www.raisingtroubledkids.com/" target="_blank">blog</a> of the same title, "<em>Raising Troubled Kids</em>," offer practical and sound information on how to reduce stress at home, help a troubled child, and holistically improve family well-being. <a href="http://www.raisingtroubledkids.com/">http://www.raisingtroubledkids.com/</a> Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. </p>
Staff
2017-10-27T17:12:00Z
Three Good Reasons for Building a Bond with Your Child's School
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Three-Good-Reasons-for-Building-a-Bond-with-Your-Childs-School/-622689769478332955.html
2017-10-20T18:39:00Z
2017-10-20T18:39:00Z
<strong><br /></strong>
<p>By Susan Raisch<br /><a href="http://tangledball.com/" target="_blank">tangledball.com</a><a href="https://themomkind.com/author/alymegms/" target="_blank"><br /></a><br /><br />When my oldest began First Grade, a neighbor of mine who had children slightly older than mine, gave me this advice: <br /><br /><em>"If you're not going to volunteer in the school, don't complain in the schoolyard." </em><br /><br />I felt it was a bit harsh at the time, but in hindsight, it was invaluable. There are so many benefits to getting involved and as the expression goes, "Actions speak louder than words." Contributing time and talents to building a strong and healthy school climate has one huge upside: kids have a better chance for academic and social success.<br /><br /><strong>Build a Positive Home/School Partnership... </strong></p>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRwMUnCjVrc&list=PLvzOwE5lWqhRPzheyprYHcA8SZl9Qvnpz&index=6&feature=plpp_video" target="_blank">For Your Child </a></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.edutopia.org/home-school-connections-resources#graph5" target="_blank">For Your School</a> </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfJGqG-b1uY&list=PLvzOwE5lWqhRPzheyprYHcA8SZl9Qvnpz&index=8&feature=plpp_video" target="_blank">For Yourself</a> </li>
</ul>
<p><br /><strong>Your Child:<br /><br /></strong><em>"Who doesn't want their parents to care about them?" </em>-- Fifth Grade Student<br /><br />Volunteering makes kids feel as if you're interested. They want you to get to know their friends and have an appreciation for where they spend so much of their day. It also makes it easier for them to talk to you when things are going well - or when things need a course correction. And if a course correction is needed, heed the words of principal Diane Hesterhagen: <br /><br /><em>"Say anything but it's all in the delivery." </em><br /><br />When you say positive things about kids or their performance in school, they strive to do better. When you get to know their teacher, it's easier to get a sense of how they're doing in the classroom and how you can support the teacher's efforts at home. <br /><br /><em>Tangled Ball Tip: When the teacher does something right, send a note. Teachers are human, too, and saying positive things is a motivator for them, as well. </em><br /><br /><br /><strong>The School:<br /></strong><br /><em>"I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship."</em> -<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/162578.Bren_Brown" target="_blank">Brené Brown</a><br /><br />Schools need support to prosper and depend on volunteers to create that connection and community. Building a kind environment takes the effort of both homes and schools. It's a process of reaffirming each other's values.<br /><br />According to Scott Seider, author of <em><a href="http://hepg.org/hep-home/books/character-compass_169" target="_blank">Character Compass: How Powerful School Culture Can Point Students Toward Success</a></em>, the most successful schools build on character and understand the power of <a href="http://www.educationviews.org/an-interview-with-scott-seider-character-compass/" target="_blank">synergy</a> between home and school.<br /><br /><em>I think that nearly all of us would agree that the primary character educators in children's lives are their parents. None of the schools profiled in Character Compass would describe themselves as trying to take over this role, but rather to supplement and reinforce the lessons that students are learning at home.</em><br /><br /><br /><strong>For Parents:<br /></strong><br />Work and life pressures often make it hard to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOhZ6U5yaXA" target="_blank">volunteer</a> but it's worth getting creative and carving out the time. <br /><br />A <a href="https://www.edutopia.org/home-school-connections-resources" target="_blank">strong community</a> helps everyone succeed and it's not just our kids who form friendships. Parents often form deep and lasting bonds with other school parents. These bonds enrich our lives and make parenting easier. Children need good and trusted Go-To Adults...but so do parents. Often the best advice comes from our own Go-To Adults. They're often the like-minded people that share our priorities and are volunteering right next to us.<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Susan S. Raisch</strong> is the founder of <a href="http://tangledball.com/" target="_blank">Tangled Ball®</a>, a resource that shares expert bullying prevention, leadership and online safety resources. She is the author of <em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Superheroes-Wear-Mom-Jeans-Anti-Bullying/dp/1542770351/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1501249770&sr=8-1&keywords=superheroes+wear+mom+jeans" target="_blank">Superheroes Wear Mom Jeans: The Tangled Ball® Guide to Anti-Bullying for Parents of Young Children</a></em>. Susan was a public affairs consultant for more than 25 years specializing in issues that impact the home, including parenting, <a href="http://www.silive.com/news/2017/07/new_dorp_author_tackles_the_ta.html" target="_blank">education</a>, and health. She is married with four children and two grandchildren. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. </p>
Staff
2017-10-20T18:39:00Z
Explaining Autism to Siblings in a Positive Way
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Explaining-Autism-to-Siblings-in-a-Positive-Way/-481486070087283891.html
2017-09-29T21:58:00Z
2017-09-29T21:58:00Z
<strong><br /></strong>
<p>By Alicia Trautwein<br /><a href="https://themomkind.com/author/alymegms/" target="_blank">www.themomkind.com<br /></a><br /><br />When your child is first diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, your world can be turned upside down. You will both learn new ways to cope with emotions, balancing appointments, and more. Siblings of autistic children have an adjusting period as well. There are many questions, feelings, and concerns they will have. Explaining autism to siblings in a positive way is extremely important<br /><br />When initially looking up information on how to help with explaining autism to siblings, I was shocked by the first results. It felt they very negative and almost demeaning towards autism. Yes, there are some scary parts about autism, but I personally don't feel the initial conversation needs to be negative. Just like any other disability, I want my children to see the amazing in being different. There's enough negative out there, we all need a little more positive! So here is a list of positive ways of explaining autism to siblings.<br /><br /></p>
<ol>
<li><strong>What is Autism?</strong> Autism means your sibling's brain works in a different way. She might view things a little different from you. Autism is different in everyone, just like there's no one quite like you. She loves to play just like you do, but may like to play in ways you think are funny or strange. You both like to play with cars, but she prefers to spin the wheels of the car instead of pretending to drive them. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>How does that affect me?</strong> Your brother is the same person he was before we told you he is autistic. His diagnosis won't affect how we treat you, or your time with us or your brother. By knowing he has autism, it will help us learn better ways to work together as a family. This will make everyone happier and help make things a little easier.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>How can I help her? </strong>Helping your sister is mommy/daddy's job, but there are things you can do to help when you two play. Sometimes, it takes people with autism a little longer to respond. So, if it things like she is ignoring you, just give her a minute to reply. You may need to ask her again, and that's okay. Sometimes people with autism have a hard time expressing how they feel. If she becomes really frustrated when you guys play, it's okay to walk away and come tell one of us.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Is Autism a bad thing? Can I catch it?</strong> You can't catch autism. Just like you were born with brown hair, he was born with autism. It's just a part of who he is. Sometimes, autism can be frustrating and make everyday things harder for him. That doesn't make it a bad thing though. There are some awesome things about your brother being autistic. He so good at (finding things, puzzles, art, music, being honest, being loyal, etc.). </li>
</ol>
<p><br />Explaining autism to a sibling can be hard, but it doesn't have to be negative. Keeping the conversation positive shapes their outlook on all disabilities and differences. Your focus should be to keep that line of communication open between you and your children. Make sure they feel comfortable asking you any questions. They need to know it's not their job to "<em>fix</em>" anything, and that it's okay to have any emotions related to their sibling having autism. You may have to explain things many times, and sometimes in different ways. It will get easier in time and easier to see the positives as well. <br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Alicia Trautwein</strong> <span>is an autism/parenting writer living in Missouri. She is the creator behind The Mom Kind, a website dedicated to parenting neurodiverse families. She shares her expertise along with her experience in parenting children, both with and without autism. For more information and a free copy of her ebook “<em>Embracing Neurodiversity</em>” v</span>isit <a href="https://themomkind.com/author/alymegms/" target="_blank">www.themomkind.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. </p>
Staff
2017-09-29T21:58:00Z
8 Things Not to Say to an Autism Parent
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/8-Things-Not-to-Say-to-an-Autism-Parent/-835479914153907785.html
2017-09-07T17:57:00Z
2017-09-07T17:57:00Z
<strong><br /></strong>
<p>By Alicia Trautwein<br /><a href="https://themomkind.com/author/alymegms/" target="_blank">www.themomkind.com<br /></a><br />Autism parents have a lot on their plates. There are always multiple doctors and therapist appointments to go to every week. Daily life can present a wide array of stressors. Coping with everything from trying to dress a child screaming and fighting because they don't like how clothes feel to meltdowns because of a ringing doorbell. As a mom of four, two on the spectrum, I have heard my fair share of cringe worthy comments. When these comments were made, I am sure those making them were well meaning. Yet, that does not take the heartache away from hearing them. Here, I will share with you eight of those statements as well as the proper alternatives.<br /><br /></p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Oh! My sister's son has autism. </strong>Yes, this was really said to me. First, I had to get past the fact that she could have just said "<em style="font-size: 12px;">my nephew</em><span style="font-size: 12px;">" has autism. This statement reflects the mindset of "</span><em style="font-size: 12px;">I know so-in-so with autism, so I understand.</em><span style="font-size: 12px;">" Even if your child has autism, autism is different in every person. There's a saying "</span><em style="font-size: 12px;">Once you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism.</em><span style="font-size: 12px;">" A better way to engage with an autism parent would be to ask "I understand autism is different in every person, how does autism affect your child?</span></li>
<br />
<li><strong>I keep hearing everyone saying their kids have autism, it must be over diagnosed; like</strong><span style="font-size: 12px;"><strong> ADHD. </strong>Yes, there </span>have<span style="font-size: 12px;"> been a lot more diagnosis of autism in the last several years. A large majority of this is due to awareness. That does not negate the diagnosis. To receive an autism diagnosis, one must go through an enormous amount of paperwork along with numerous tests and several doctors all agreeing that </span>they, in fact, <span style="font-size: 12px;">do have autism. This is one of those statements better left in your thoughts. If you are ready to actively help bring awareness, then ask "</span><em style="font-size: 12px;">I'd love to help spread awareness, do you know ways I can get involved?</em><span style="font-size: 12px;">"</span></li>
<br />
<li><strong>He's not autistic, why would you think that?! </strong>I love my mother in law to pieces, but yes, she said this to me after we received the diagnosis. For her, it was her way of responding in<span style="font-size: 12px;"> shock and no ill will was meant. This type of statement I have heard several times since his diagnosis. To start, yes, he is. This is not like saying your kid is gold star medalist when they only received an honorable mention. No one wants to tell you their child is autistic unless they truly are autistic. The diagnosis standards are extremely comprehensive. The months of paperwork, interviews, and testing back that up. If you must ask a question or make a statement on this, a better one to ask would be "</span><em style="font-size: 12px;">Can you tell me more about autism and the diagnosis process? I'd love to understand more.</em><span style="font-size: 12px;">"</span></li>
<br />
<li><strong>Really? He looks so normal! </strong>The intention of this is probably meant to be a compliment. However, it's just incredibly awkward for everyone. It's basically saying <span style="font-size: 12px;"> that you think autism looks a specific way. Some autism parents also may see this as a complete insult. It could be the person may feel like autism is a horrible thing. Though neither of these thoughts may be the intended response, it doesn't change how it affects the parent you are speaking to. A better question might be "</span><em style="font-size: 12px;">I really don't know much at all about autism. Can you tell me how it affects your child?</em><span style="font-size: 12px;">"</span></li>
<br />
<li><strong>He just needs to be around more kids. </strong>This one strikes my nerve the most, and many autism parents feel the same way. Everyone wants their children to make friends, have fun, and just be a kid. No one wants to see their child suffer from<span style="font-size: 12px;"> social anxiety, not understanding friendships. There have been many times where I held my breath the entire time my two-year-old has been around other children for fear of what may happen. Sure, I can tell him not to shove your child away from him for just getting to close. The reality is he's two and autistic. I cannot control every action of his and he doesn't mean them negatively. He's not old enough to understand that just yet. My nine-year-old daughter who has </span>autism <span style="font-size: 12px;">must attend different therapies weekly to learn these social skills. It is one of the harder parts of autism. If you would like to offer help, the better way would be to ask "</span><em style="font-size: 12px;">I can see she has a hard time with social situations. Is there anything I can do to make it a little easier?</em><span style="font-size: 12px;">"</span></li>
<br />
<li><strong>You always look so stressed, you should make time for yourself!</strong> There isn't an autism parent out there that doesn't want to make time for themselves. I would be happy to have more than five minutes every three days to take a complete shower. The last thing I need to hear is that I physically look the way I feel. If you really want the person to take some time for themselves, offer to babysit, even if it's just coming over for an hour so they can take a shower or nap. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Oh, that's why I don't vaccinate my kids. </strong>This one makes me furious at times, and other times I just feel sorry for them. This is a myth, plain and simple. This myth came about when Andrew Wakefield back in 1998 published a research article that suggested the MMR vaccine leads to behavior issues. His paper came from research from an unacceptable low sample size, and cause a massive epidemic of parents not vaccinating their children at all. Since then, the CDC has researched and found no link whatsoever between vaccines and autism. This is the reason so much effort put towards autism awareness. To better educate<span style="font-size: 12px;"> those affected and not affected by autism.</span></li>
<br />
<li><strong>(He has autism) Oh, I'm sorry. </strong>As much as it can be a struggle to be an autism parent, most do not want sympathy. What they need is a friend that won't abandon them because things get tough. For most autism parents, balancing friendships is one of the hardest things to do. Their time is focused on their child. They may go long times without speaking to you <span style="font-size: 12px;">or seem abrupt when in conversation. This is when many close friends disappear. Just be there to listen, and ask them if there is anything they need help with. This will mean the world to an autism parent!</span></li>
</ol>
<p><br /><br /><strong>Alicia Trautwein</strong> is an autism/parenting writer living in Missouri. She is the creator behind Adventures of The Mom Kind, a website dedicated to parenting neurodiverse families. She shares her expertise along with her experience in parenting children, both with and without autism. For more information visit <a href="https://themomkind.com/author/alymegms/" target="_blank">www.themomkind.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. </p>
Staff
2017-09-07T17:57:00Z
The Ultimate Newborn Sleep Guide
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Ultimate-Newborn-Sleep-Guide/376168516068959166.html
2017-08-31T19:15:00Z
2017-08-31T19:15:00Z
<strong><br /></strong>
<p>By Sami Cone M.A.<br /><a href="https://babywise.life/" target="_blank">babywise.life</a><br /><br /><br />Developing a <a href="https://babywise.life/blogs/momtalk/starting-sleep-routine-for-your-baby" target="_blank">newborn sleep schedule</a> may seem impossible to a new mom who can barely remember what day of the week it is, but the fact is, training your baby to sleep through the night is easier than you might think.<br /><br />The key to discovering your newborn's sleep pattern lies in recognizing the last word in that phrase may be the most important; in order to formulate a baby sleep schedule, you must first develop a sleep pattern.<br /><br />Before attempting to <a href="https://babywise.life/blogs/momtalk/baby-sleep-problems-causes-and-explanations" target="_blank">uncover infant sleep patterns and problems</a>, parents must first comprehend the importance of sleep itself. Sleep, or the lack of this precious commodity, is one of the most significant influences on a healthy life. Sleep is critically important during the first year because the human growth hormone is released during deep sleep.<br /><br />Equally important are the quality and quantity of an infant's sleep, because they affect more than just the baby-they also impact the welfare of everyone in the household, making the difference between being a joyful, alert parent or a fatigued one.<br /><br />Try to imagine what it would feel like to wake up two or more times every night for an entire week. The destructive impact of sleep deprivation on an adult's central nervous system is well documented. Deficits include diminished motor skills, decrease in ability to think, irritability, loss of focusing capacity, emotional instability, and cellular and tissue breakdown...and that is just a partial list!<br /><br />Now imagine a baby who does not develop healthy sleep patterns. This means they likely will not sleep continuously for 8 hours any night of the year. Is it not possible that many of the learning disabilities common in children today are rooted in something as basic as a chronic lack of sleep? As the higher brain continues to develop during the first year of life, the absence of continuous nights of sleep is surely detrimental to the learning process.<br /><br />On the other end of the spectrum are babies put on a newborn sleep schedule by following the principles of <a href="https://babywise.life/" target="_blank">Babywise</a>. Babywise babies are characterized by contentment, healthy growth, and optimal alertness. These babies truly exude happiness-which after all, is tied back to being well-rested. <br /><br />In fact, healthy, full-term babies are born with the capacity to achieve 7-8 hours of continuous nighttime sleep between seven and ten weeks of age and 10 to 12 hours of sleep by twelve weeks of age. But these achievements require parental guidance and a basic understanding of how a baby's routine impacts health outcomes.<br /><br />Why some babies can sleep through the night early on and others do not, has long been the subject of debate and study. Dr. Robert Bucknam, M.D., co-author of the Babywise method, confirms that a child's body develops faster during the first year of life than any other time. While babies need adequate nutrition to help facilitate healthy growth, they also require extended periods of restorative sleep. <br /><br />Why is that important? <strong>Because babies grow during times of extended sleep.</strong><br /><br />Not only is an infant's sleep schedule important, but newborn sleep patterns deserve equal attention. The kind of sleep a baby achieves determines the true value of his sleep. According to Dr. Bucknam, half of baby's sleep time is spent in quiet sleep (Relaxed Sleep Pattern or RSP) and the other half in active sleep (Active Sleep Pattern or ASP).<br /> <br />Researchers tell us these two patterns alternate about every 30 to 45 minutes during sleep. Noticeable differences exist between the two patterns. During the relaxed sleep state, parents see a peaceful baby. The baby's face is relaxed, eyelids closed and still. He has very few body movements and breathing is quiet and regular. It is also during this relaxed or deep sleep that 70-80 percent of the baby's growth hormone is secreted. <strong>That means healthy sleep habits and healthy growth are connected.</strong><br /><br />Ultimately, if you want to get baby to sleep through the night, you need to start focusing on three things when it comes to developing a newborn sleep schedule: order, quality, and consistency. To increase the likelihood of continuous nighttime sleep, a parent-guided "feed-wake-sleep" routine is essential. Babywise parents not only follow the order of that routine but also focus on the quality and consistency of each of those activities.<br /><br />When your baby begins to sleep through the night, people will invariably say, "<em>You're so lucky</em>," or "<em>You've got an easy baby</em>." Neither statement is true. Your baby will be sleeping through the night because you worked hard to help him achieve the gift of nighttime sleep. You deserve credit for your efforts, but do keep this fact in perspective: training your baby to sleep through the night is not the final goal of parenting, but it does provide a good foundation for everything else that follows.<br /><br />Find more information on newborn sleep training at <a href="https://babywise.life/">https://babywise.life/</a>. <br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Sami Cone, M.A.</strong>, is the best-selling author of "<em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Uncommon-Kids-Biblical-Selfless/dp/0801018781" target="_blank">Raising Uncommon Kids</a></em>", an adjunct professor at Lipscomb University, known as the "<em>Frugal Mom</em>" on Nashville's top-rated talk show "<em>Talk of the Town</em>" and educates over a million listeners every day on her nationally syndicated "<em><a href="http://www.samicone.com/family-money-minute/" target="_blank">Family Money Minute</a></em>". Sami, who also serves as Managing Editor of Babywise Life, is proud to call Nashville home with her husband, Rick, and their two '<em>tweenage</em>' children. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. </p>
Staff
2017-08-31T19:15:00Z
Six Practical Ways to Prepare for Life as an Empty Nester
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Six-Practical-Ways-to-Prepare-for-Life-as-an-Empty-Nester/-41344387390752941.html
2017-08-24T22:23:00Z
2017-08-24T22:23:00Z
<strong><br /></strong>
<p>By Suzy Mighell<br /><a href="https://emptynestblessed.com/" target="_blank">EmptyNestBlessed.com<br /></a><br /><br />If your last child is graduating this year, you probably see the empty nest looming with a mixture of dread and elation, with significant anxiety stuck in there too. It's an odd combination of emotions, to be sure! Know that what you are feeling is completely normal. After 18+ years of focusing on the life-altering task of raising a child, letting go is not as easy as flipping a light switch. It is a process and a significant life transition. Although it may feel daunting, taking the next few months to prepare yourself for life as an empty nester can pay huge dividends in the long run. Here are six tips to help you as you look toward life as an empty nester.<br /><br /><br />1. <strong>Finish Strong as a Parent:</strong> <br /><br />Remind your son or daughter that these are your last few months together and that you will be using this time to make sure they are equipped to leave the nest. Ask for their patience and explain that this is something you need to do as their parent. Then, if you haven't already, show them some simple how-tos in the kitchen, laundry room, and cleaning departments. Have them handle things like making medical appointments, picking up prescriptions, and filling out the associated paperwork. If you can send them off with these skills, you will feel like you've equipped them to handle real-world situations.<br /><br /><br />2. <strong>Have a Few Crucial Conversations:</strong><br /><br />Talk with your college-bound child about expectations and come to an agreement on things like how often to text, call, or FaceTime. Are late-night conversations okay? How will you handle it if one of you isn't able to respond to a text or voice mail right away? How often does your child anticipate coming home for weekends? Will that visit home involve laundry? How do you feel about that? Having these discussions before the actual departure date (when everyone's emotions tend to run high) will be a big help and get everyone on the same page.<br /><br /><br />3. <strong>Keep Your Own Emotions in Check:</strong><br /><br />Without a doubt, you are feeling a complex mix of emotions as you face the empty nest phase of your life. After all, it's a big life change. Know that your son or daughter is facing a big life change right now too. Just as you have feelings of uncertainty about life as an empty nester, your son or daughter has similar feelings about leaving home. Be there to listen and offer reassurance. Remember that you are the adult. You don't want to increase your son or daughter's anxiety by imposing your own emotional neediness onto them. <br /><br /><br />4. <strong>Build Up and Fortify Your Support System:</strong><br /><br />If you're married, talk with your spouse about your feelings. (Chances are they share many of the same ones!) If you are a single parent, talk with friends and family about your upcoming life transition. Most likely, you will find sympathy and understanding. <br /><br /><br />5.<strong> Think About Your Life as an Empty Nester:</strong><br /><br />Make a list of things you'd like to do that you might have put off in the child rearing years. Would you like to travel? Return to the workforce? Learn a new skill? Explore the possibilities and find something that excites you!<br /><br /><br />6. <strong>Plan a Getaway:</strong> <br /><br />Make travel arrangements for a trip sometime within your first month as an empty nester. It will give you something to plan for and look forward to during that initial period of adjustment. You need to celebrate the close of a significant chapter in your life and anticipate the joy of what is to come during the next season.<br /><br />Although you may initially feel like you want to avoid it, taking the time to prepare, both practically and emotionally, will ease the transition. The next season of life will bring significant adjustments both for you and your child. Be proactive in your preparation. Trust me; you will be glad you did.<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Suzy Mighell</strong> is the founder and editor of EmptyNestBlessed.com, a lifestyle website for empty nesters. She writes on all aspects of midlife and the empty nest season of life. Suzy has been married for 30 years and is the parent of 3 adult children. Connect with Suzy at<a href="https://emptynestblessed.com/" target="_blank"> EmptyNestBlessed.com</a> and on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/emptynestblessed/" target="_blank">Facebook</a>, <a href="https://twitter.com/EmpTnestBlessed" target="_blank">Twitter</a>, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/emptynestblessed/" target="_blank">Instagram</a>, and <a href="https://www.pinterest.com/empTnestblessed/" target="_blank">Pinterest</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. </p>
Staff
2017-08-24T22:23:00Z
3 Ways to Survive Parenthood Without Burning Out
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/3-Ways-to-Survive-Parenthood-Without-Burning-Out/-302545024764055357.html
2017-08-19T03:47:00Z
2017-08-19T03:47:00Z
<strong><br /></strong>
<p>By Joëlle Amouroux-Huttner <br /><a href="http://www.joellespractice.com" target="_blank">www.joellespractice.com<br /></a><br /><br />If you are a parent, you know the demands you face every day. We would all agree that while taking care of those little beings is the most rewarding job in the world, it can also be demanding, exhausting and in extreme cases, lead to a burnout. <br /><br />However, daring to admit that this job is anything but a walk in the park can feel like a betrayal. Parents believe they have to constantly and selflessly give to the benefit of their children and the greater good of the family. <br /><br />Having three kids myself, including two with special needs, I was the first person to put myself second when it came to my children.<br /><br />It wasn't until somebody asked me this very simple question "If you are so irreplaceable, (and you are!), what would happen if you were to burnout?" that I stopped in my tracks.<br />Having gone through a burnout myself, I knew firsthand the effects on a family. But burnout was something I associated with my previous life, full of type A, driven and ambitious executives. I felt that I had left that world behind years ago. <br /><br />That's when I realized that while I had moved away from the corporate world, I had not changed my personality. I was still a Type A individual, driven and set on achieving the best possible outcome for my children. I had exchanged one project for another, one with higher stakes than ever before: The wellbeing of my children. <br />Was I on the verge of a second burnout? And what could I do to keep that from happening?<br /><br />I took the lessons I learned during my burnout and applied them to being a parent and strived. <br /> <br />Here are the lessons: <br /><br /></p>
<ol>
<li><strong>You are good enough.</strong> You are the best parent ever for your kid. Like many of my professional clients, I noticed that parents have an inherent feeling of inadequacy, of not being enough. The answer to that question lies in the eyes of the children who think the world of their parents, no matter who they are and what they do. Looking in the eyes of one's child and being told in their special way that the only thing they need is You is a real boost to any parent's self-confidence. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Create strong personal boundaries.</strong> A lack of boundaries is the culprit in many corporate executives' burnout. People are incapable of balancing their personal and their professional lives. Likewise, for parents, getting this balance right is a challenge for most.However, it is paramount to achieve this balance and the key will be boundaries. Parents will achieve this by accepting that they are doing their best and that it is the only thing they can do, with both their strengths and their weaknesses. Accepting their own limits is primordial. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Take care of Yourself. </strong>Setting healthy boundaries also requires parents to accept that they need to take care of themselves. Parents tend to give up on their personal life in order to ensure that their kids are perfectly taken care of. The trick, of course, is that this project is likely to last at least 18 years. There is no end in sight and no sabbatical or chance of career change in being a parent. </li>
</ol>
<p><br />Realizing the key role they are playing in their child's wellbeing can allow them to put things into perspective. They are the leader in that longterm project called parenthood and to see it to completion, they need to take care of themselves. Only them can know what they need and when. <br /><br />The only way to break the cycle of parenthood burnout is to DARE to take care of oneself. <br />Be radical: Put yourself first. <br /><br />By putting themselves first, parents may feel that they are being selfish. But, on the contrary, by taking care of themselves, they actually best serve the people that depend upon them the most: Their children. <br /><br />While at first, they might feel guilty for this approach, they will soon discover that it's ok, because they'll come back to their duties feeling reinvigorated and ready to face another day of the most demanding yet rewarding job of the world: Being a parent.<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Joelle Amouroux-Huttner</strong> is a life coach specializing in burnout. She helps people to consistently flourish and become stronger, more assured in their choices. They go from strength to strength and they take on bigger challenges confidently. If you need a boost in confidence, then Joelle is the coach for you. Joelle holds an MBA, she is an accredited Life Coach and accredited advanced EFT practitioner. For more info: visit Joelle's website<a href="http://www.joellespractice.com" target="_blank"> www.joellespractice.com</a> or her Facebook page <a href="http://www.facebook.com/joellespractice" target="_blank">www.facebook.com/joellespractice</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. </p>
Staff
2017-08-19T03:47:00Z
Want Your Kids to Listen? 3 Ninja Mom Tricks for Reducing Yelling and Getting Your Kids to Listen the First Time!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Want-Your-Kids-to-Listen-3-Ninja-Mom-Tricks-for-Reducing-Yelling-and-Getting-Your-Kids-to-Listen-the-First-Time!/-908037081533330963.html
2017-08-11T17:30:00Z
2017-08-11T17:30:00Z
<p><br />By Ali Katz<br />Author of <em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Get-Most-out-Motherhood-Parenting/dp/151072107X" target="_blank">Get the Most Out of Motherhood: a Hot Mess to Mindful Mom Parenting Guide</a></em><br /><a href="http://www.hotmesstomindfulmom.com" target="_blank">hotmesstomindfulmom.com</a><a href="https://mymunchbug.com/" target="_blank"><br /><br /></a><br />Most parents I know feel like their kids don't listen to them, at least not the first, second, or third time they ask them to do something. Our children are our mirrors for the good and the bad, so this is a perfect opportunity to think about whether we as parents are modeling good listening skills for our kids. Doing so shows them the way we want them to listen to us. Are we making eye contact with our kids when we talk to them and maintaining presence? Are we letting them finish their sentences without being interrupted and making sure they feel heard?<br /><br />When you "<em>listen with love</em>," which is also called active listening, you are fully present to what the other person is saying, without half-listening and simultaneously formulating your response in your head. When you truly listen you are able to connect to the speaker's emotions and really understand where they are coming from. I wonder how often we listen to our kids this way?<br /><br />Here are a few things that have really worked for my own family and my clients for getting our kids to listen, and now I call them my ninja mom tricks: <br /><br /></p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Make eye contact when you ask your kids to do something.<br /></strong>Yelling at your kids from the kitchen that it is time to get shoes on while their eyes are glued to the television is simply not going to work! Taking the quick extra step to get in front of your kids and look them in the eye when you are speaking to them will really pay off and cut down frustration on both ends. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Have them repeat back the request.</strong><br />This has really been a game changer with my own kids, and it takes away the excuse they try to use with me all the time: "<em>I didn't hear you."When I ask my kids to do something I have them immediately repeat it back to me. If I say, "We are leaving in two minutes, please get on your shoes</em>," they must repeat back to me, "<em>We are leaving in two minutes and we have to get our shoes on</em>." If I can tell they are not one hundred percent with me I will ask them, "<em>What is happening in tow minutes?</em>" They say, "<em>We are leaving.</em>" I ask, "<em>What do you need to do?</em>" They answer, "<em>Put our shoes on.</em>"It sounds a bit juvenile and excessive at first, but it works like magic. I am crystal clear, and they know exactly what my expectations and their responsibilities are.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Whisper.</strong><br />Yelling doesn't get my kids to do what I want, and it makes me feel like a crappy mom. Instead I whisper when I really want to get my kids attention. For some reason when I whisper or speak really quietly my kids hang on my every word. Speaking really quietly also helps me to stay calm. I have yelling. I feel horrible and it never ends up accomplishing what I want, so I end up just wishing for a do-over. Become a ninja mom in your home and notice how much easier things flow when you are taking these simple extra steps to be heard so your kids can listen the first time. </li>
</ol>
<p><br /><br /><br /><strong>Ali Katz</strong> is the best-selling author of <em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Hot-Mess-Mindful-Mom-Balance/dp/1510721061/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1502487885&sr=1-1&keywords=Hot+Mess+to+Mindful+Mom%3A+40+Ways+to+Find+Balance+and+Joy+in+Your+Every+Day" target="_blank">Hot Mess to Mindful Mom: 40 Ways to Find Balance and Joy in Your Every Day</a></em>, and <em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Get-Most-out-Motherhood-Parenting/dp/151072107X" target="_blank">Get the Most Out of Motherhood: a Hot Mess to Mindful Mom Parenting Guid</a>e</em>. She is a motivational speaker, and a meditation expert, and has been featured on ABC News, Fox News, MindBodyGreen, and Style Magazine. Ali's uncanny ability to make the concepts of self-care, mediation and mindfulness feel relatable, and downright fun, truly sets her apart from the traditional self-help crowd. Get Ali's "Sunday Prep," her 6 best tips for how to prepare for a stress-free week as a free gift at <a href="http://www.hotmesstomindfulmom.com/" target="_blank">http://www.hotmesstomindfulmom.com/</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. </p>
Staff
2017-08-11T17:30:00Z
6 Things You and Your Teen Need to Know About Social Media
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/6-Things-You-and-Your-Teen-Need-to-Know-About-Social-Media/-395261775991844191.html
2017-06-28T19:31:00Z
2017-06-28T19:31:00Z
<p><br />By Germany Kent<br /><a href="http://germanykent.com/" target="_blank">www.germanykent.com</a><a href="https://mymunchbug.com/" target="_blank"><br /><br /></a><br />For teens, social media is an essential part of their lives, much the way pagers and telephones were important to us at their age. Social media has led teens into believing that you have to have a certain lifestyle more so than when we were growing up. The impact of social media on youth is now at the forefront of concern of many educators, pediatricians, and parents. Here is a harsh reality check about teens and social media. <br /><br /><strong>1. Social media creates a false reality<br /></strong>Social media has created jealous behavior over illusions. Sadly, some kids are envious of things, relationships, and lifestyles that don't even exist. A study in the UK found that 51% of teens said their behavior had changed to negative because of a decline in confidence they felt due to unfair comparisons to others. The Internet never sleeps and thus is delivering reinforcement every time they log on. This ongoing reinforcement makes teens feel like they are missing out. This type of pattern evokes anxiety and causes them to question why everyone is having fun without them. When in reality, what they are viewing is not always the case at all.<br /><br /><strong>2. Social media is addictive</strong><br />Likes and comments are positive reinforcement. Few are able to resist going online to see if any new comments or likes have been added. Studies show that most teenagers log into their social media accounts a minimum of 10 times per day. About 90% of teens have used some form of social media and 75% have a profile on a social networking site.<br /><br /><strong>3. Social media encourages copycats</strong><br />In an effort to "<em>fit-in</em>", may teens may try something new just to post content that they may not have ever tried had it not been displayed to them by someone else on social media. Sometimes teens will do things to make people like them trying to please everyone. Teens don't always make the smartest choices when they post something to a site like Vine, Snapchat or YouTube and usually, the fall-out is greater for the copycat than the person who posted the original message.<br /><br /><strong>4. Social media affects social behavior</strong><br />This generation is greatly influenced by the Internet and cell phones and research indicates that a large part of their social and emotional development is occurring while they are online. Further studies have proven that the effects of social media can range from positive to negative and that not only are youth affected but so are their families and inner social circles. What is interesting is that researchers found that kids who are more anxious and socially insecure are more likely to use social networking sites. <br /><br /><strong>5. Social media has a psychological effect on teens</strong><br />Researchers have found that teens that spend a great deal of time online may be at a risk of depression. This is directly related to rejection, or online harassment, which causes anxiety, sadness, difficulty concentrating, drop in grades, irritability, and insomnia. A teen's desire of gaining peer acceptance online also causes them to separate from parents. <br /><br /><strong>6. Social media is an open invitation for cyberbullying</strong><br />Online bullying is one of the most serious dangers facing teens in the digital age. An organization aimed at Internet safety called Enough is Enough, found that 95% of teenagers who use social media have witnessed cyberbullying and 33% have been victims themselves. Girls are twice as likely to be victims and perpetrators whereas; boys are more likely to be the victims of threats when it comes to cyberbullying. Bullying victims are 2 to 9 times more likely to consider committing suicide. In 2016, over 4500 kids committed suicide directly related to cyberbullying. <br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Germany Kent </strong>writes and speaks about the ethics of social media, branding on social media and the impact of cyberbullying on today's youth. She advocates to end cyberbullying and promotes the use of manners and positivity in digital age communication. She uses her campaign '<em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/You-Are-What-Tweet-Healthier/dp/099614689X" target="_blank">You Are What You Tweet</a></em>' to educate, and evoke emotion in people about Internet etiquette. Kent is an award-winning journalist, professional speaker, best-selling author, media personality and global social media influencer who has been ranked as one of the Top 100 leaders in social media marketing, named Top 100 people to follow on Twitter, Top 25 individuals & brands in social media marketing, and amongst the Top 15 most influential social media marketing influencers on Twitter. <br /><br />Kent has appeared across all mediums (TV, radio, print, online) and has been featured and interviewed as a national authority on social media in Fast Company, Bloomberg Business, Inc. Magazine, The Examiner, Hartford Business, Herald Tribune, Yahoo News, and countless others. Guest appearances on radio and television include NPR, Money Matters Radio, iHeart Radio, CBS, Blog Talk Radio, FOX, The CW, ABC, & NBC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. </p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2017-06-28T19:31:00Z
Helping Your Child Choose A Career
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Helping-Your-Child-Choose-A-Career/-777299698286607538.html
2017-06-08T19:31:00Z
2017-06-08T19:31:00Z
<p><br />By Tom Chorneau<br /><a href="http://www.tomchorneau.com/" target="_blank">www.tomchorneau.com</a><a href="https://mymunchbug.com/" target="_blank"><br /><br /></a><br />You did your part in raising a college-ready student. You ensured good schools and teachers; supervised years of homework sessions; braved entrance exams and the obligatory tour of potential campuses. But now all seems lost.<br /> <br />Your child has just finished the freshmen year and given you news about choosing a major - journalism. Yikes! What can be done?<br /><br />First - know that you are not alone. It might seem counter-intuitive with the dramatic decline the newspaper industry and mainstream media in general, but the number of undergraduate students seeking journalism degrees is actually larger today than ten years ago and nearly 50 percent higher than twenty years ago.<br /><br />According to statistics gathered by a research team at the University of Georgia - about 213,000 students were enrolled in journalism majors across the country in 2013 - the last time the survey was conducted. That's slightly more than the 190,000 enrolled in 2003 but a lot higher than the 128,000 found in 1993.<br /><br />Meanwhile, revenue from newspaper advertising has slid from $46 billion in 2003 to just under $20 billion in 2014, according to the Pew Research Center.So why are kids still signing up to become the next Woodward or Bernstein?<br /><br />"<em>There are still a lot of students who aspire to become journalists, regardless of where they end up working or how they end up doing it</em>," said Lee Becker, a professor of journalism at the University of Georgia who for 25 years helped produce the annual survey of journalism enrollment at U.S. colleges and universities.<br /><br />"<em>There remain a certain number of students who simply are committed to doing journalism,</em>" he explained. "<em>I think we all try to be honest with them that they are going into a business with an uncertain future and that there isn't a traditional career pathway - but it doesn't stop them.</em><br /><br /><em>Remember that there are still students going into dance programs, the creative arts and the theater - because these are things they really want to do, it's in their heart</em>," he said. <br /><br />That said, don't think some young reporters aren't making it big. A quick review of publishing deals over the past year shows a number of millennial authors signing six figure contracts. And some journalism schools are refining their curriculum to encourage students to become more entrepreneurial and creative about establishing themselves as a news-brand, promoting their scoops and skills over social media.<br /><br />One change that has occurred over the years, fewer students are going into the print option, while more are choosing to focus on public relations. According to the University of Georgia research, public relations and advertising attracted the most students within the journalism department in 2013 while print had the fewest.<br /><br />Twenty years ago, the numbers would have been reversed and likely it is the result of the downturn in the newspaper job market.<br /><br />Becker also pointed out that the curriculum that makes up a journalism degree can be applied to a lot of professions. The ability to write, clear and effectively is a skill needed in many jobs. Perhaps even more important, the ability to organize facts and quickly synthesize reports is a sought-after skill in both the public and private sector.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span><strong>Tom Chorneau</strong> is an award-winning journalist with more than three decades in the news business. He has served as a reporter and staff writer at a number of outlets including the Associated Press and the San Francisco Chronicle and his work has appeared in many publications including the New York Times and the Los Angeles Times. His new novel, </span><a id="yui_3_16_0_1_1496962072728_244272" rel="nofollow" href="http://amzn.to/2reqAb9" target="_blank">“<em>Enterprise Reporting: Can anyone ever trust the news again?</em>”</a><span> is available now. For more information visit </span><a id="yui_3_16_0_1_1496962072728_244276" rel="nofollow" href="http://www.tomchorneau.com/" target="_blank">www.tomchorneau.com</a><span>. </span>Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. </p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2017-06-08T19:31:00Z
3 Reasons to Avoid the Kid's Menu and What to Do Instead
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/3-Reasons-to-Avoid-the-Kids-Menu-and-What-to-Do-Instead/433117535559856237.html
2017-06-02T22:31:00Z
2017-06-02T22:31:00Z
<p><br />By Melanie Potock, MA, CCC-SLP<br /><a href="https://mymunchbug.com/" target="_blank">www.MelaniePotock.com</a><br /><br />What if the common restaurant kid's menu was never invented? What if parents ordered right off the adult menu, asking for a side plate to share "grown-up foods" with their kids from the moment they were learning to chew? What would happen? <br /><br /></p>
<ol>
<li>Kids would be exposed to a wide variety of textures, aromas, and tastes. Research shows that <a href="https://mymunchbug.com/picky-eater-advice/" target="_blank">exposure to new foods</a> is the first step to raising healthy eaters.</li>
<br />
<li>Kids would explore new foods, no matter which restaurant they visited. Exploring new foods, essentially food play has been shown to decrease the likelihood that kids will become <a href="https://mymunchbug.com/" target="_blank">picky eaters</a>. Food exploration doesn't have to be messy play. It can include cutting into green beans and counting each tiny bean inside or learning about shapes with parents handing over round slices of zucchini or triangles of spinach frittata. Exploring food is mindful, purposeful and has the intent of creating interest, not just filling bellies.</li>
<br />
<li>Kids would expand their food repertoire over time, as they grew and experienced new restaurant menus. While purees are a nice start for learning eaters, children who linger on purees past the age of 9 months are likely to develop feeding difficulties. Kids who rely on the standard kid fare of chicken nuggets, macaroni and cheese or French fries, never venturing from a kiddie menu, get stuck in a kids' meal rut, with no direction on how to climb out.</li>
</ol>
<p><br />Next time you take the family out to dinner, skip the kid's menu. Bring a child-safe plate in the diaper bag for toddlers and cut up safe-size portions from the adults' entrees and sides. Help older kids choose from the adult menu, perhaps ordering them their own side dish, and sharing your entrée. Expose, explore, expand over time, and raise adventurous, healthy and happy eaters.<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Melanie Potock, MA, CCC-SLP</strong>, is an international speaker on parenting and feeding babies and older kids. She is the co-author of the award-winning <em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Healthy-Happy-Stage---Stage/dp/1615192689/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1463617843&sr=1-1&keywords=raising+a+healthy+happy+eater" target="_blank">Raising a Healthy Happy Eater: A Stage-by-Stage Guide to Setting Your Child on the Path to Adventurous Eating</a> (2015)</em> and <a href="https://www.quartoknows.com/books/9781592337224/Baby-Self-Feeding.html?direct=1" target="_blank">Baby Self-Feeding: Solutions for Introducing Purees and Solids to Create Lifelong Healthy Eating Habits</a> <em>(2016)</em>. Her new book, <em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Adventures-Veggieland-Vegetables-Activities-Recipes/dp/1615194061/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1489940149&sr=1-3" target="_blank">Adventures in Veggieland: Help Your Kids Learn to Love Vegetables with 101 Easy Activities and Recipes</a></em>, will be released October 2017. Visit her at <a href="https://mymunchbug.com/" target="_blank">www.MelaniePotock.com</a> for more tips and videos. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. <br /><br /></p>
Staff
2017-06-02T22:31:00Z
Could My Child Be a School Bully? Tips for Concerned Parents
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Could-My-Child-Be-a-School-Bully-Tips-for-Concerned-Parents/194768096747876103.html
2017-03-01T23:31:00Z
2017-03-01T23:31:00Z
<p><br />By Jodee Blanco<br /><a href="http://www.jodeeblanco.com/" target="_blank">www.jodeeblanco.com</a><br /><br /><br />No parent ever wants to consider the possibility that their son or daughter could be one of the mean popular kids at school, those who shun and dismiss anyone who's different. I call them<em> Elite Tormentors</em> and the caring, compassionate popular students who stand up for the underdog, <em>Elite Leaders</em>. <br /><br />What are some of the warning signs your son or daughter may be in danger of turning into an Elite Tormentor? Pay attention to your child's demeanor on the phone. Does it sound like he/she is making a joke at someone else's expense or gossiping about another student? When he and his friends text one another, are they putting down other classmates? Has your child recently started excluding any of their old friends from social activities and when you ask why they don't have a plausible answer? <br /><br />If your child is posting regularly on Instagram, have they posted any photos that humiliate another child? Be curious. While you may not wish to invade your child's privacy, if he/she is taking advantage of that privacy to hurt themselves or someone else, as a parent you need to pull rank, lovingly demand access to their social networking and texting activity, and retain that access until you're comfortable they are not the cause or on the receiving end of anything harmful emotionally. <br /> <br />Another effective technique for outing an Elite Tormentor is to casually have a conversation with your child about who's popular at school and who's not, coaxing her into revealing the names of those students who struggle to fit in or who strike her as lonely. <br /><br />A week later, ask her if she'd like to host a party, suggesting it might be nice if, along with her friends, she invited a couple of the forgotten ones, too. If she agrees despite what her friends may think, she's not an Elite Tormentor. In fact, she's probably an Elite Leader. If she won't because she's fearful her friends would freak but feels badly about it, she's most likely a bystander. But if she recoils at the thought or acts indignant, perhaps even laughs, chances are you're living with an Elite Tormentor. <br /><br />If your suspicions are confirmed, here are a couple suggestions: <br /><br /></p>
<ol>
<li><em><strong>Boost Their Awareness:</strong></em> <br />Most Elite Tormentors don't even realize they're being hurtful. In their minds, it's all just joking around. You need to teach your child that bullying isn't only the mean things you do, it's all the nice things you never do, like letting someone sit alone at lunch every day or always choosing the same person last when dividing into teams. Perhaps watch a movie together as a family that reinforces this message. One of my favorites that illustrates what bullying and exclusion can do to someone is: How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the Jim Carrey version). </li>
<br />
<li><em><strong>Discipline: </strong></em><br />Try a compassionate form of discipline that will help your child meaningfully reconnect with the kind person inside rather than the insensitive teen they're behaving like. For example, in lieu of grounding your son, require him to perform one act of kindness for a different person every day for one week.<br /><br />Each night before he goes to bed, he must record in a notebook his kind act for that day, the recipients' response, and how the response made him feel. At the end of the week, he must turn in the notebook to you complete with each recipient's name and phone number so you can verify his compliance (recipients under eighteen, parent cell phone number required). </li>
</ol>
<p><br />If he's remiss, then enact a consequence that will resonate. For example, canceling something your child was looking forward to. The consequence must be fair but definitive. <br /><br />Remember that there's no such thing as a bad child, only bad situations that need correcting. With love and patience, your family will get through this. <br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Jodee Blanco</strong> is a Survivor turned activist. She is one the country's most respected and sought after voices on school bullying. The author of four books on bullying, including the seminal New York Times bestseller <em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Please-Stop-Laughing-Me-Inspirational/dp/1440509867/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1488489951&sr=8-1&keywords=Please+Stop+Laughing+at+Me...">Please Stop Laughing at Me...</a></em> she travels to schools, sharing her story to save lives, and has <a href="http://www.jodeeblanco.com/seminars.htm">spoken to over a half-million students</a>, teachers, and parents in gyms, auditoriums and at conferences and conventions worldwide. For more information on Jodee, please visit <a href="http://www.jodeeblanco.com/" target="_blank">www.jodeeblanco.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. <br /><br /></p>
Staff
2017-03-01T23:31:00Z
Tips to Help Kids 'STANd' Up to Bullying
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Tips-to-Help-Kids-STANd-Up-to-Bullying/376900677753112431.html
2017-02-15T23:31:00Z
2017-02-15T23:31:00Z
<p><br />By Signe Whitson, LSW<br /><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank">parentingbookmark.com </a><br /><br /><br />As sure as kids return to school each Fall in the U.S., bullying will be encountered in the classroom. <br /><br />In these early days of classes, would-be bullies are getting a feel for who they think might be an easy mark in the class. <br /><br />As the days wear on and a bully confirms that he or she can pick on specific classmates without their standing up for themselves, the bullying escalates. <br /><br />Assertive responses are particularly effective in countering bullying because the child who masters this type of direct, emotionally-honest communication demonstrates that a bully's attacks will be answered in a fair, but formidable way. Finding the initial target to be too powerful to provoke, the bully will most often move on.<br /><br />Before the school year gets into full swing, parents can teach their kids these four rules for using assertive communication to<em><strong> STANd</strong></em> up to bullying behavior.<br /><br /></p>
<ul>
<li><em style="font-size: 12px;"><strong>Rule 1: Show Strength</strong></em><span style="font-size: 12px;"><br />Showing strength does not mean flexing muscles or challenging a bully to arm wrestle. Rather, teach kids to show their inner strength by speaking with a confident, even voice and standing an appropriate distance from the bully (not in their face, not shrinking back). Also, encourage your child to look a bully directly in the eye. Making eye contact is one of the best ways that young people can demonstrate strength to a bully.</span></li>
<br />
</ul>
<ul>
<li><strong style="font-size: 12px;"><em>Rule 2: Tell a Trustworthy Adult</em></strong><span style="font-size: 12px;"><br />A bully's main strategy is to make a victim feel alone and powerless. The best way for a child to counter a bully's strategy is to tell a helpful adult about what is going on and ask for that adults support. When a bully realizes that he will not be able to keep a victim isolated-that the victim is strong enough to reach out and connect with others-the bully begins to lose power.Sometimes adults fail to acknowledge the seriousness of bullying, but more often, grown-ups are not aware of what is going on. These days, intimidators often use non-classroom time, including the Internet, to bully their peers. It is a kid's job to bring these behind-the-scenes methods to light and to create awareness in adults about bullying.<br /><br /></span>Many kids worry that they will be called a "tattletale" if they tell an adult what is going on. Guess what? That is exactly what the bully wants his/her target to think! The bully is hoping to make a victim feel all alone and powerless. When kids tell an adult about what is happening and get their support, they re-gain their voice! If your child has tried to manage a bullying situation on his own but has been unsuccessful in stopping the bullying, reassure him that telling an adult is the next step and the most powerful thing he can do. </li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong style="font-size: 12px;"><em>Rule 3: Assert Yourself!</em></strong><span style="font-size: 12px;"><br />In the heat of an encounter with a bully, it can be very challenging for a young person to respond effectively. When kids learn and practice assertive phrases for standing up to bullies, they become well-equipped to handle incidents of conflict and <a href="http://signewhitson.com/workshop-and-speaking/friendship-other-weapons-group-activities-to-help-young-girls-cope-with-bullying/" target="_blank">bullying</a> with their peers. <br /><br /></span><a href="http://signewhitson.com/books/bullying-in-elementary-school/" target="_blank">In Friendship & Other Weapons</a>, kids learn and practice using Bully Bans: short, to-the-point, <a href="http://signewhitson.com/books/how-to-be-angry/" target="_blank">assertive phrases</a> that let others know that they will not participate in their bullying, nor will they be bullied. Some examples of <em>Bully Bans</em> include:
<ul>
<br />
<li>Friends don't treat each other that way.</li>
<br />
<li>Not cool!</li>
<br />
<li>Knock it off.</li>
<br />
<li>Cut it out.</li>
<br />
<li>Stop it.</li>
<br />
<li>I don't want to be treated that way.</li>
<br />
<li>I like the way I look.</li>
<br />
<li>That was not funny.</li>
<br />
<li>I can take a joke, but what you said was not funny-it was mean.</li>
<br />
<li>Friends don't do that to friends.</li>
<br />
<li>That's bullying.</li>
</ul>
</li>
</ul>
<blockquote><span style="font-size: 12px;">The important thing to remember about assertive phrases is that they do not put <span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>down or attack the bully, which is never a good idea. <span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Likewise, Bully Bans are not<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span> effective when said through tears or a whining voice. Bully Bans are simply brief, <span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>assertive statements used to stand up to bullies and stop bullying behavior.<br /> </span></blockquote>
<ul>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><em style="font-size: 12px;"><strong>Rule 4: Do it Now!</strong></em><span style="font-size: 12px;"><br />One of the biggest mistakes people make when they are up against a bully is to ignore repeated bullying and hope that the problem will go away. While bullying usually begins in a relatively mild form-name calling, teasing, or minor physical aggression-it often becomes more serious when the bully realizes that his victim is not going to STANd up for himself. </span><br /><br />The longer a bully has power over a victim, the stronger the hold becomes. Taking action against the bully-and taking it sooner rather than later-is the best way to gain and retain power.</li>
</ul>
<p><br /><br /><strong>Signe Whitson, LSW</strong>, is a national educator on bullying and author of F<em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Friendship-Other-Weapons-Activities-Bullying/dp/184905875X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1315065859&sr=1-1" target="_blank">riendship & Other Weapons: Group Activities to Help Young People Cope with Bullying</a></em>. This article features excerpts from <em>Friendship & Other Weapons</em>. For workshop inquiries or additional tips on how to bullyproof your kids, please visit <a href="http://signewhitson.com/" target="_blank">www.signewhitson.com</a>, Follow Signe on Twitter <a href="https://www.facebook.com/8keystoendbullying/" target="_blank">@SigneWhitson</a> and <a href="https://www.facebook.com/8keystoendbullying/" target="_blank">Like her on Facebook</a>. <span>Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. </span></p>
Staff
2017-02-15T23:31:00Z
Managing Anger Between Parent and Child
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Managing-Anger-Between-Parent-and-Child/-68655182154287742.html
2017-02-09T23:31:00Z
2017-02-09T23:31:00Z
<p><br />By Nancy Carlsson-Paige, Ed.D<br /><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank">parentingbookmark.com </a><br /><br /><br />Mothers often say that they get "<em>horribly angry</em>" with their young children. As one mother stated "<em>I get so mad at them sometimes, mostly when they fight, that I end up screaming - no screeching - at them. I even told them I hate them one time recently. I feel so out of control when I'm like that. I know I scare them. Then I feel so bad for unleashing my uncontrollable temper onto my kids.</em>"<br /><br />When we're in an emotional state, we can't communicate or problem solve constructively - our feelings hijack us and block our capacity to focus. We need to find ways to reduce the anger so that we can begin to communicate again.<br /><br />Learning to deal with our own anger is an essential skill for conflict resolution and for life. First, it can help just to notice that you're getting angry. What's happening in my body? Is my breathing more rapid? Does my face flush? Is my voice rising or my heartbeat increasing? Then you can ask yourself, what is it that's triggering my anger?<br /><br />Next, see if you can lower the intensity of your feelings by breathing deeply, using "<a href="http://www.dictionary.com/browse/self-talk" target="_blank">self talk</a>," such as repeating a key calming word or phrase, or taking a step away for a moment, or just simply pausing and waiting. Then try to communicate your anger in an "I" statement - using words that say what you feel, what is making you angry, and what you need.<br /><br />It's worth noting here that anger is often a secondary emotion - that is, it can arise as a response to other emotions such as fear, sadness, or insecurity - and it can be a challenge to go inward and try to find the underlying feeling or need.<br /><br /><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marshall_Rosenberg" target="_blank">Marshall Rosenberg</a>, founder and educational director of the <a href="https://www.cnvc.org/" target="_blank">Center for Nonviolent Communication</a>, explores anger deeply in his nonviolent communication (NVC) approach, set out in a body of work that may be very helpful for many parents. Rosenberg explains that often what triggers our anger is not its true cause; that is, it isn't what people do that makes us angry but something in us that responds to what they do. He encourages us to try to go beyond what triggered our anger and become more conscious of the need that is at its root. His belief is that we get angry because our needs are not getting met, but that often we are not in touch with those needs and instead of recognizing them within ourselves we focus on what's wrong with other people.<br /><br />On the other side of the equation, what happens when we're dealing with a child who is angry? First, if the child is acting aggressively, it's vital before anything else to ensure the safety of everyone involved. Once you've made sure everyone is physically safe, try to listen attentively to the angry child while he or she expresses how he or she feels. Try to reflect back the essence of what you hear.<br /><br />Sometimes this alone is enough, especially for a young child, to enable him or her to move beyond being upset. With younger kids anger often passes quickly, especially if they know they are being listened to and respected for how they feel.For a child whose anger is not dissipating, suggest that they try one or two of the calming techniques mentioned above.<br /><br />I believe that by helping kids develop inner life skills, we're putting in their hands new tools that will help them manage all kinds of life situations. And when there are conflicts, or kids are angry, we can call on these skills to help bring down tension and restore peace. <br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Nancy Carlsson-Paige, Ed.D.</strong>, is a Professor of Education at <a href="http://www.lesley.edu/" target="_blank">Lesley University</a> in Cambridge, MA where she has taught teachers for 30 years, and a research affiliate at Lesley's Center for Children, Families, and Public Policy. She has co-authored four books and written numerous articles on media violence, conflict resolution, peaceable classrooms and global education. Nancy is a consultant for public television, and has worked on shows for Arthur, Postcards from Buster, Zoom and Fetch. Her latest work is a book for parents and all adults concerned about children today called <em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0452290090/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">Taking Back Childhood</a></em>. You can also find her articles at <a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. </p>
Staff
2017-02-09T23:31:00Z
The Entitlement Trap: Why Raising 'Happy' Kids Isn't Enough
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Entitlement-Trap:-Why-Raising-Happy-Kids-Isnt-Enough/730528906562184795.html
2017-01-18T20:08:00Z
2017-01-18T20:08:00Z
<p><br />By Cheryl L. Erwin<br /><a href="http://cherylerwin.com/" target="_blank">cherylerwin.com</a> <br /><br /><br />A boy and his father were sitting in my office trying to solve a problem. "He loses his temper so easily," Dad told me. "The other day, he was messing around with my phone and I needed to make a call. I reached for my phone and he snatched it away. When I finally grabbed it, he lost his temper and all of a sudden, he was yelling at me, 'Give me the phone!'" <span> <br /><br /></span>His son, who was 10 years old, looked embarrassed and uncomfortable. I smiled gently and asked him, "What was going on for you?"<span> <br /><br /></span>The boy-who is a bright, personable kid-gazed down at his knees. When he looked up at me, he looked stumped. "I don't know," he said softly. When I looked at Dad, he just shook his head. "I don't know, either," he said. "But I wish it would stop."<span> <br /><br /></span>I think perhaps I know. It's a problem I see a lot of these days. It's called "entitlement", the sense that you should have everything you want right when you want it and that you should never have to do things you don't want to do. Many of the children and teenagers I talk to feel entitled; it's not an attractive quality and it creates lots of conflict. But no one seems to understand why it's happening to so many nice kids with parents who love them so much.<span> <br /><br /></span>Children, like all of us, learn from experience. In fact, it is experience and the beliefs we form about our experiences that wire the human brain, especially in the early years of life. Children are gifted observers; they notice everything around them. And they make decisions about what works in their family to get them what they need, things like food, nurturing, and comfort. They depend on parents to teach them how the world works.<br /><br />Here's the problem: Too many parents want nothing more than for their children to be happy. Doesn't sound bad, does it? But parents sometimes believe their job is to make their children happy. If they're doing their job as parents well, this logic tells them, their children will be happy. What's more, they will always like their parents. Family life will be peaceful and, well, happy. <span> <br /><br /></span>Unfortunately, it doesn't work out that way. Happiness, as most adults have learned, is often a temporary situation, punctuated by periods of disappointment, frustration, and failure. I know-those are dirty words. Parents often believe that their job is to eliminate the disappointments and frustrations of life, so they provide outings and toys and praise. They offer rewards (otherwise known as bribes) for tasks children should be willing to do just to help out. And children form the belief that a) they should always be happy, b) they should always get what they want, and c) parents can be manipulated by tears, demands, and temper tantrums. The sad part, at least from my point of view, is that these children are so often correct.<br /><br />What can parents do to avoid the entitlement trap?<br /><br /></p>
<ul>
<li><strong>Learn to say no with both kindness and firmness.</strong> A child usually knows what she wants, but it is a parent's job to know what she needs. If you want your child to be willing to work hard for something and to be able to wait patiently for it, there is no time like now to let her practice. Yes, she might cry if she feels disappointed, which leads directly to the following.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Let your child have her own feelings. </strong>Resilience-the ability to deal with failure and frustration-is a valuable aspect of character. And it develops only when a child learns to manage challenging emotions. If you rescue your child and attempt to ensure her happiness, she will expect always to be happy-and will expect the world to take care of her. Give your child accurate words for her feelings, let her know you understand, and then step back. Crying is not fatal.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Teach skills. </strong>Children feel more capable and motivated when they know how to do things. Invite your child to work alongside you and teach her to do tasks for herself. Yes, kids are often messy and inefficient, but childhood is a marvelous laboratory for life skills. Next time you consider "helping" your child, ask yourself if she might be able to do the job herself. If the answer is yes, teach her the skills, supervise well, and let go.</li>
</ul>
<p><br />No one is happy all the time. Have faith in your child's ability to manage life with your encouragement and love. Set yourselves free from the entitlement trap.<span> </span><br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Cheryl Erwin </strong>is the co-author of several books in the bestselling "<em>Positive Discipline</em>" series, including "<em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Positive-Discipline-Toddler-Laying-Foundation-Confident/dp/0804141185/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1484797668&sr=1-1&keywords=Positive+Discipline%3A+the+First+Three+Years" target="_blank">Positive Discipline: the First Three Years</a></em>" and "<em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307341607" target="_blank">Positive Discipline for Preschoolers</a></em>." She is a marriage and family therapist and parent coach, and a sought-after international speaker and trainer. You can learn more about her work at <a href="http://www.cherylerwin.com" target="_blank">www.cherylerwin.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. </p>
Staff
2017-01-18T20:08:00Z
Ten Tips to Help Your Toddler Develop Social Skills
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Ten-Tips-to-Help-Your-Toddler-Develop-Social-Skills/498797502740440479.html
2017-01-05T20:08:00Z
2017-01-05T20:08:00Z
<p><br />By Dr. Laura Markham<br /><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank">parentingbookmark.com</a><br /><br />One of the most important tasks in parenting toddlers is helping them learn to manage their emotions, which is the foundation of interpersonal relationships. This skill set is more critical to their happiness in life than school performance or any of our other conventional measures. In fact, emotional intelligence -- defined as the ability to manage one's own emotions and relate well with others -- will be a crucial factor throughout their lives in not only relationships but academic and career success.<br /><br /></p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Empathize, Empathize, Empathize. </strong>Kids who receive a lot of empathy for their own feelings from the adults in their lives are the earliest to develop empathy for others, and research has shown that empathy for others is the cornerstone of successful interpersonal relationships.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Don't force toddlers to share; it actually delays the development of sharing skills!</strong> Kids need to feel secure in their ownership before they can share. Instead, introduce the concept of taking turns. (<em>"It's Crystal's turn to use the bucket. Then it will be your turn."</em>)</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Before friends come over, toddlers should have a chance to put away their most special toys if they don't want anyone else to play with them.</strong> Use that ritual as an opportunity to explain that the visiting child will of course expect to play with Junior's other toys, just as Junior plays with his friends' toys at their houses. Another useful tactic is for the parent to keep a chest of "Mom and Dad's toys." Junior is allowed to use them, of course, because Mom and Dad share, so Junior sees useful modeling. Equally important, Junior won't feel as possessive about sharing them with visitors, because they aren't his.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Set clear limits on physical acting out. </strong>"<em>I know you're mad, but we don't hit. Use your words. Use this marker and paper and draw me a picture of how mad you are. We can go in the bathroom and shut the door and scream about how mad you are. You can throw pillows at the couch as hard as you want. But no hitting and no biting.</em>" Kids are entitled to their feelings, which have a way of just showing up in human beings, like our arms and legs. But all humans, even little ones, should be held responsible for what they do with their arms and legs and feelings. Our job as parents is to teach them healthy self-management techniques.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>It's never too early to give children language for their feelings.</strong> Labeling emotion is the first step in managing it. "<em>That big dog's bark is scary, but you're safe on this side of the fence and I would never let it hurt you. You don't need to be afraid." "It's so frustrating when you work hard on your tower and it collapses like that. No wonder you're angry.</em>" "<em>You wish you had a truck just like Jeremy's. It's hard to give it back when it's his turn. Here, let's make a road for the truck with the snowplow, and then we can have another turn with the truck on our new road.</em>"</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Remember that underneath anger is always hurt or fear.</strong> Acknowledging those feelings is always more effective to diffuse anger than simply labeling the anger, which just seems to reinforce it. "<em>I hear you're very angry at Jimmy. I wonder if you're hurt that he wants to play with someone else right now.</em>" <br /><br />This is even more important when kids say "<em>I hate him!</em>" because hate is not a feeling; it's a stance. "<em>You feel so angry at your brother right now that you feel like you hate him. Sometimes when we are very, very angry, we feel that way, even toward people we love. Let's go tell your brother how hurt you are that he pushed you off the swing, and how angry that makes you feel.</em>"</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Model working through difficulties.</strong> When she's mad at her friend, for instance, you can say "<em>I know you're really mad at Maria right now, but friends sometimes get mad and then they work things out. We can talk about how you might work things out with Maria when you feel ready.</em>"</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Begin introducing the concept of noticing how other people feel as early as you can.</strong> "<em>Look at Michael. He's crying. I think you hurt his feelings." "That little girl is sure mad. I wonder why?</em>" "<em>Neela hurt herself. I wonder if we can do anything to help her feel better?</em>"</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Stay Calm. </strong>Research shows that one of the most important things parents can do to help kids learn to manage their emotions is to stay calm themselves. Kids need to experience their parents as a "<em>holding environment</em>" -- a safe harbor in the storm of their turbulent feelings. If you can stay calm yourself, and soothe your child, she will eventually learn to sooth herself, which is the first step in learning to manage her feelings.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Remember they're kids. </strong>Just because Robert bites a playmate doesn't mean he'll be an axe-murderer. It's important not to permit bad behavior toward others, but that doesn't mean you don't offer understanding -- and the confidence that your child will learn. "<em>All kids get mad at their friends sometimes. It will be easier, as you get older, to remember how to control yourself when you get mad, so you can work things out.</em>" Kids need to hear from you that they aren't bad people, just little.</li>
</ol>
<p><br /><br /><br /><strong>Dr. Laura Markham</strong> is a contributor of the parenting web site <a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com</a>, offering solutions and inspiration you can use every day to create the family of your dreams. She specializes in helping families nurture the parent-child relationships that protect today's kids. Dr. Markham lives in New York with her husband, eleven year old daughter, and fifteen year old son. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. </p>
Staff
2017-01-05T20:08:00Z
Dealing with Disappointment
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Dealing-with-Disappointment/606041283433342928.html
2016-12-14T05:56:00Z
2016-12-14T05:56:00Z
<p><br />By Valerie Friedlander<br /><a href="http://www.theunlimitedmom.com" target="_blank">www.theunlimitedmom.com</a><br /><br /><br />I asked an acquaintance for help the other day. I'm working on a large project and I wanted her to know about it so that she could share with others that might be interested. We don't know each other very well but we've had pleasant interactions and I helped her with something small a few weeks ago. This project seemed like something she might be interested in, so I expected at least a friendly response.<br /><br />I received the exact opposite. She seemed to withdraw and get uncomfortable acting like I thought she was someone she wasn't. She did end up asking a few more questions, including if I was online because that's a great place to connect with people, and that she thinks this project is great for me. Still the interaction totally threw me.<br /><br />As I walked away, I felt like crying. I thought, "Wow! What is going on that I feel THIS upset? It wasn't a major situation." I checked in with what might be influencing me: I hadn't had breakfast yet, I went to bed too late last night, and I've been immersed in this project so much that I've started feeling a bit lonely. Those are certainly extra influencers but they aren't exactly new. So, why did this minor situation get to me so dramatically?<br /><br />I had expected enthusiasm and was disappointed. I know all about the danger of expectations. However, it was more than that. My work is so personal to me that I interpreted her no as a rejection of me personally. I thought she liked me and we had a good rapport but now I'm thinking that she disapproves of me. Of course, I felt hurt!<br /><br />I know I'm not alone in this experience. Many Moms I know and have worked with held back from asking or even looking for support because the feeling of disappointment and rejection is SO powerfully painful. Yet it's critical we ask for what we need. Muscling through, trying to manage alone only leads to suffering not just for Moms but their children who are getting what's left of Mom, instead of the best of Mom.<br /><br />Here are 3 steps to deal when feeling disappointed and/or rejected:<br /><br /></p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Lean into the hurt feelings, allowing them to move through you, rather than get stuck in you.</strong> Whatever you're feeling is normal for how you're experiencing a situation. Feelings are information about you, not necessarily about reality. Allow yourself to feel without judging yourself, and then explore the thought that's creating them. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Consider how you are interpreting the situation and think of three other ways you<em> could</em> interpret it.</strong> Most of the time we assume we know much more than we really do. Remember, someone's reaction is never actually about you. It's about them and their experiences, perceptions, and attitude as well as whatever is going on for them in that moment. (In this case, my acquaintance could have responded out of concern that I associated her with an organization she wasn't part of. She could be stressed out and unable to take on anything else no matter how small. She might have had a bad experience with a similar project.)</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Keep moving forward. </strong>Just because one or two or however many people said no, does not mean you should stop. Consider what worked and what didn't each time and adjust who and/or how you ask. Grow and learn but don't let a no stop you. Giving up is the only form of failure. Keep asking for what you need. You'll receive it even though it may look differently than you expect.</li>
</ol>
<p><br />The other awareness this experience gave me was regarding my kids. </p>
<ol>
<li>This is a feeling I want to remember to check for when my kids are melting down or acting out. If I found this emotion powerful, it's quite likely they would be overwhelmed by it too.</li>
<br />
<li>They're trying to learn and understand how the world works and what they can expect from it. As the main person they look to for an understanding of the world, it's important I both model handling disappointment productively (as outlined above) and also be clear with my expectations regarding them. When I don't let them know what to expect, they'll make up their own expectations and be disappointed when I suddenly let them know that's not how it's going to go (Boy have I seen that cause problems!)</li>
</ol>
<p><br /><br /><strong>Valerie Friedlander </strong>is a certified professional coach who helps Moms step out of overwhelm, discover the balance that works for them, and create a vibrant life for themselves and their family. If you are tired of just surviving and are ready to start thriving, learn more at <a href="http://www.theunlimitedmom.com/" target="_blank">www.theunlimitedmom.com</a> and join the conversation in the Facebook Group: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/475069432680056/" target="_blank">Empowered Motherhood Journey</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. </p>
Staff
2016-12-14T05:56:00Z
Countdown to Hotel Bliss: Traveling with Adult Kids
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Countdown-to-Hotel-Bliss:-Traveling-with-Adult-Kids/175097667903190614.html
2016-10-31T20:47:00Z
2016-10-31T20:47:00Z
<strong><br />by Annie Leedom</strong><br /><a href="https://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com<br /></a><br /> <br />As a mother of two kids who travels for work, our family has experienced a variety of hotels, motels and resorts over the years. My girls are now young adults and it is a very different world when it comes to choosing a great hotel to enjoy during out travels. <br /><br />We have gone through phases, starting with the classic small, affordable hotel where amenities were not the most important considerations. The kids were small and we didn't need much.<br /><br />As they grew older we needed more activities, restaurants and overall space. And finding a location that provided nearby events and things to do was paramount to keeping kids entertained.<br /><br />However, a major change happened around the ages of 17. Suddenly the typical resort locations became the least attractive option. Hotels became less of a place to sleep, play and hang out to something totally different.<br /><br />I noticed my kids had 3 primary requirements they had to have in our accommodations and I was surprised to find these factors actually were not difficult to find. We just had to know where to look.<br /><br /><ol>
<li><strong>Cleanliness. </strong><br />By far, this was the most important thing to my kids as they grew into adults. They didn't need pristine, but hotels that didn't provide clean linens, floors, dishes etc. immediately created a negative feeling and were to be avoided at all costs.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Friendly staff.</strong><br />Kids are funny. They know when someone is gracious and kind and are quick to be turned off by rudeness and staff who have no pride in their job. We became more discriminating and now <a href="http://www.grangesacramento.com/" target="_blank">choose accommodations</a> that appeared to truly care about their guests.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Character.</strong><br />My kids became very discriminating as they grew up and as a result we gravitated to hotels that offered historic value, character, architecture and other more interesting value over classic resorts or high priced hotels.</li>
</ol><br />I noticed that the more I included my children's preferences and interests in choosing our accommodations, the more we all truly had a wonderful stay, built powerful memories and truly looked forward to traveling together. <br /><br />Traveling can be exhausting and being in a strange place can be very unsettling for kids. Utilizing these three standards led us to new choices, adventures and ultimately an ongoing closeness over the years that bond us all into their adult years. Staying in tune with what they find compelling has educated us and brought the true spirit of fun and adventure back into the travel we do, both for work and for fun! <br /> <br /><br /><br /><strong>Anne Leedom</strong> is the Editor and Founder of <a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank">Parentingbookmark.com</a>. She contributes to many online publications and writes about travel and family. She is an ongoing reviewer for hotels including <a href="http://www.thecitizenhotel.com/" target="_blank">The Citizen Hotel</a> in Sacramento and many others throughout the state of California. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. <strong> <br /><br /><img src="/images/blog/l.jpg" alt="" /></strong><strong><br /></strong>
Staff
2016-10-31T20:47:00Z
Thoughts On Being G-Daddy
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Thoughts-On-Being-G-Daddy/-697989930462004729.html
2016-09-26T22:06:00Z
2016-09-26T22:06:00Z
<strong><br />By Harry H. Harrison Jr.</strong><br /><a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">fearlessparenting.com</a><a href="http://www.aubryhoffman.com/" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank"><br /><br /></a><br />First things first. This picture is not me. This picture is the way I think of me . . . Point being, I am way, way, way, way too young to be a grandfather. <br /><br /><img style="vertical-align: middle; margin: 5px;" src="/images/blog/kjlkjkl.jpg" alt="" width="323" height="331" /><br /><br />I am certainly in the 60 is the new 40's category, but regardless, I wear Italian clothing, work out relentlessly, actually introduced my sons and nieces to <a href="https://twitter.com/MumfordAndSons?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor" target="_blank">Mumford and Sons</a>. I'm not talking about young at heart, I'm talking young. I throw away <a href="http://www.aarp.org/" target="_blank">AARP</a> invitations because they obviously have retrieved my name from a Russian database. I demand people NOT call me "<em>Sir</em>." I'm told women faint when they see me in a swimsuit. I know my wife seems to fall asleep at the sight.<br /><br />Regardless, my son and his wife announced they were pregnant. I knew this was a possible outcome of their marriage ceremony, but I thought they would have the courtesy to wait seven or eight years like we did. Saying I have a daughter-in-law was freaky enough. "<em>My son is pregnant</em>," doesn't sound right. So the feeling occurs to me that I'm less ready to be a grandfather than I was to be a father. It's like being less ready to be 60 than you were 30 even though you thought turning 30 was totally frightening.<br /><br />I'm at that juicy point in life where I'm not ready to be called "<em>senior</em>" or "<em>experienced</em>" or God forbid, "<em>old</em>", but it does seem 8-year-old girls now sail past me on the jogging trail. Plus my shoulders have become useless. They only serve to hold up my shirts. And I've bumped into these weird conditions like <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plantar_fasciitis" target="_blank">plantar fasciitis</a>, torn biceps, not to mention this minor cardiac event that put me in the ICU for four days leaving me with a spiffy new stent in what's commonly known as the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Widow_maker_(disambiguation)" target="_blank">widow-maker artery</a>.<br /><br />Never the less, I can't get my mind around being old enough to watch my children have children. And let me add right here there will never be a Paw-Paw, Gramps, Grand Daddy or Pops in this house. My name is G-Daddy or if I have to relent, G-Pops. I'm told by those men with grandchildren that the kids actually name their grandparent, which sounds way too much like liberal claptrap to me. If my grandson ever wants milk and cookies, to play baseball or come out of the locked cabinet, he will call me G-Daddy.<br /><br />Now that that's resolved, let me talk about the wonder of a parent seeing the results of their parenting. In some cases of course, that wonder is nothing short of a Shakespearean tragedy. I know parents who chose to do other things besides preparing their kids for adulthood, and now they and their kids having to deal with single motherhood, half-way houses, lawyers' fees, peeing in cups and hundreds of dollars missing from dad's house. The terrible thing is, I saw this happening twenty years ago, when their kids were six and four. Scientists know the first three or four years can dictate the rest of a child's life. So do parents in their sixty's. Because we're the ones to blame when our adult children aren't ready to grow up. <br /><br />In our case, watching my formerly wild college student have a bible on his bedside table, go to church twice a week, study and listen to religious shows has literally brought me to my knees in gratitude. To say that I am blessed to live to see both of my sons grow into outstanding young, successful, honorable men is an understatement. I know "<em>To whom is given much, much will be required</em>," but the opposite is implied. "<em>To whom who gives much, much is given</em>." We invited God into our lives early in our marriage and have seen more miracles than could be believed. Now, I've been given the blessing of watching our children raised as God's children become adults, and one of them about to become a parent.<br /><br />For years, it's been my mission to <a href="http://harryhharrisonjr.com/Fearless_Parenting/Home/Entries/2013/1/22_The_worlds_most_simple_parenting_advice..html">guide and inspire adults to be better parents</a>. I've written a number of books like "<a href="http://harryhharrisonjr.com/Fearless_Parenting/Father_to_Son_Book.html" target="_blank"><em>Father to Son: </em><em>Life Lessons on Raising a Boy</em></a>", "<a href="http://harryhharrisonjr.com/Fearless_Parenting/Father_to_Daughter.html" target="_blank"><em>Father to Daughte</em>r: </a><em><a href="http://harryhharrisonjr.com/Fearless_Parenting/Father_to_Daughter.html" target="_blank">Life Lessons on Raising a Girl</a>"</em>, "<em><a href="http://harryhharrisonjr.com/Fearless_Parenting/1001_Things_Mom.html" target="_blank">1001 Things It Means to be a Mom</a></em>" and in every book, I've stressed that the point of childhood is training for adulthood. Not that it shouldn't have it's charms and mysteries and wonders, because children will make that happen magically and inevitably; but that parents need to realize childhood is too important to waste. The preschool years are so important that many scientists (and writers like myself) believe they shape the rest of your life. You slog and grind through the teenage years only to be handed an estimate of college expenses that rivals many nations entire GNP. Sometimes you wonder what's the point of dragging them to church or a synagogue. Sometimes you're ready to cave in on an outfit too skimpy or jeans for a 15-year-old that are more expensive than your suit from <a href="http://www.neimanmarcus.com/" target="_blank">Neiman's</a>. <br /><br />But then you watch your child transition to adulthood. They still don't know things, like to call the plumber when your toilet overflows, not the fire department, but they begin succeeding and failing and starting over and succeeding again. You watch in pride, as the lessons you wondered would ever sink through begin to be exhibited. They start showing up in church. They start making moral choices. They start shaping their lives around what they want of course, but with your voice in the background. My oldest son is in private equity, never married and would walk on his knees through nails for his family and friends. He's that loyal. He doesn't tell me but I know he prays. My youngest son is a successful dentist who married a divine, angelic woman and they're about to have a son.<br /><br />So, here's what I've learned: parenthood is all about watching the children you raised become grownup. Watching them shape their morals and values and faith and persistence they learned from you.<br /><br />Grandfatherhood will be totally different. It will be watching the child I raised act like the father he was taught to be. By me. <br /><br />I only hope I covered everything.<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Harry H Harrison Jr. </strong>is a <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/" target="_blank">NYTIMES</a> best selling parenting author with some 4 million books in print. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs, and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations including <a href="http://www.npr.org/" target="_blank">NPR</a>. His books are available in over thirty-five countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia and in the Far East. For more information, visit <a href="http://harryhharrisonjr.com/Fearless_Parenting/Home/Home.html" target="_blank">www.fearlessparenting.com</a>. <span>Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. </span> <br /><br /><img src="/images/blog/blackstarcafe23.jpg" alt="" /><br />
Staff
2016-09-26T22:06:00Z
The Teen Brain: A Work in Progress
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Teen-Brain:-A-Work-in-Progress/-644872962620841267.html
2016-09-20T06:25:00Z
2016-09-20T06:25:00Z
<strong><br />By Aubry Hoffman</strong><br /><a href="http://www.aubryhoffman.com/" target="_blank">aubryhoffman.com</a><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank"><br /><br /></a><br />If you think that teens are impulsive, emotional, rebellious, prone to poor decisions, and hard to understand you may want to think again. Research and neuroscience are helping us to understand what teens are actually capable of given their brain is still developing. <br /><br />If you understand the way the teen brain works then you can reframe the way you look at your teen. Teen brain development is a time of extraordinary strengths along with hidden weaknesses and vulnerabilities that we must take into consideration as we raise our teens. Here are a few things about the teenage brain that I think every parents needs to know. <br /><ol>
<li><strong>The human brain stops developing at twenty-five.</strong><br />Teens have a brain that is still full of gray matter, meaning there are many synapses that have not yet formed in the brain leading teens to lack the ability to reason, instead of thinking about how their actions may effect them in the future they need to think and act, ''<em>in the moment.</em>" Their brains have not developed the reasoning abilities of adult. The lack of development in the prefrontal cortex will result in cognitive, emotional and behavioral limits for your teens. In other words, stop expecting teens to act like adults. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Teen brain can't handle stress the way the adult brain can.</strong><br />What may seem like a minor issue to you can be very dramatic and stressful for your child. This isn't your teen making a big deal out of nothing this is really a big deal for their brain. This is also the reason many teenagers turn to drugs and alcohol because they are very stressed out and many teens aren't given the tools they need to deal with and manage the high level of stress they are under. As a parent, one of the greatest gifts you can give your teen is effective stress management tools. Teach your teen some kind of breathing or mediation exercise and pick one day of the week to slow down and rest. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Teen brains are wired for late nights.</strong><br />The sleeping habits of humans shift over the course of their life. Babies for instance like to rise early in the morning and go to bed early. The adolescence brain is wired to be up and active late at night. This shifts back to early to bed, early to rise later in adulthood. Teens are kept on the adult schedule of early mornings, which means many teens aren't getting enough sleep because they are naturally staying up late. To help improve your teens sleep let your teen sleep in on the weekend to catch up on sleep and explain to your teen the importance of sleep in reducing stress, anxiety and irritability. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>The teen brain is more capable of learning.</strong><br />The teen's brain is extremely plastic; the ability to learn, memorize and retain information is at an all time high. Studies show that teens actually have the ability to increase their IQ during their teen years. This is a fact that shouldn't be taken lightly. As parents we have a responsibility to make learning as easy as possible. Studies show brains learn best with repetition, including studying in the same place daily. Create a peaceful study place for your teen, preferably not in their room and away from their phone. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>A large percentage of teens struggle with addiction to media and screens.</strong><br />Teenagers today are online more that ever before and social media is an extension of life and part of their daily socialization. Excessive use of media can have emotional and cognitive ramifications on the teen brain. The key is to help teens manage their online interactions so that the interactions are positive and balanced with time away from the screen. Try putting your phones away at mealtimes and eliminating screen time before bed. </li>
</ol>Understanding the way your teen's brain is working is a powerful tool in communicating with and having empathy for your teen. So next time you scratch your head in disbelief at your teens behavior remember their brain is still developing and they may be doing the very best they can. <br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>
<p id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1474914219757_66040" class="yiv3459796456MsoNormal" style="display: inline !important;"><span id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1474914219757_66042">Aubry Hoffman </span></p>
</strong>is a health coach, yoga teacher, author, and speaker. She works to empower teen girls to develop a positive body image and healthy eating habits. Her free eBook, <span id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1474914219757_66052"><a id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1474914219757_66053" rel="nofollow" href="mailto:http://www.aubryhoffman.com/" target="_blank">Guide to Extraordinary Beauty</a> </span>explores what it means to be beautiful from the inside out. It’s a resource to share with your teen that will guide her through the 7 components of true beauty and provides easy-to-follow action steps. For more information about Aubry visit <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.aubryhoffman.com/" target="_blank">www.aubryhoffman.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com<br /><br /><img src="/images/blog/SAHP---Maturity3.jpg" alt="" /><br />
Staff
2016-09-20T06:25:00Z
Juicing It Up for Babies and Kids!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Juicing-It-Up-for-Babies-and-Kids!/-71789403458487612.html
2016-08-22T22:43:00Z
2016-08-22T22:43:00Z
<strong><br />By Cherie Calbom, MSN</strong><br /><a href="http://www.juiceladycherie.com/Juice/" target="_blank">www.juiceladycherie.com</a><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank"><br /><br /></a><br />What kid doesn't love juice if it tastes yummy? A delicious vegetable-fruit juice combination is a great way to get more nutrition into your child's growing body. There has been a lot of concern in recent years about juice containing too much sugar for kids. That's simply not true if you juice mostly vegetables and add a little fruit to sweeten and flavor the combo.<br /><br />We rarely hear any caution about giving kids milk. But an 8-ounce glass of milk has 12 g of milk sugar (<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lactose" target="_blank">lactose</a>) whereas one apple, which is what most recipes call for to sweeten a veggie combo, yields about 1/3 cup of juice and about 9 g of fruit sugar. <br /><br />Following are some questions parents frequently ask about juicing:<br /><br />
<blockquote><strong>Can I juice while I'm pregnant?</strong> <br />You can make your own fresh veggie juices if you wash your produce well. It's important to kill all harmful microbes, like <a href="http://www.ars.usda.gov/News/docs.htm?docid=11013" target="_blank">toxoplasma</a>, which is a parasite that can linger on unwashed fruits and veggies as well as foods such as undercooked meat. <br /><br />Wash your produce with white vinegar and water. Fill your sink with water and add 1/4 to 1/2 cup white vinegar. Soak for 15 to 20 minutes; then rinse. Green juices are particularly nutritious for pregnant women; they are rich in folate and calcium, nutrients that protect your baby from developing congenital defects like spina bifida.<br /><strong><br /><br />Is juicing a good idea when I'm nursing? <br /></strong>Nursing is the time you want to consume as many nutrients as possible. Fresh juice is chockfull of nutrients that are easily absorbed. But some vegetables like cabbage, radish, beets, kale, and cauliflower can cause digestive issues for some babies so it's a good idea to consume them a few hours away from breastfeeding if you notice they affect your baby. <br /><br />You might try juicing a clove of garlic with a favorite juice combination two hours prior to breastfeeding. "<em><a href="http://www.nwh.org/community-health-resources/breastfeeding/faq/" target="_blank">Researchers studying garlic in breast milk</a> found peak levels in the milk two hours after the mother ate garlic. When the garlic levels were high, babies suckled more vigorously and took in more milk.</em>" <br /><strong><br /><br />When could I introduce juice to my baby?</strong> <br />For babies over six months of age, juice can be introduced like any other new food. Give your baby only one juice at a time such as fresh carrot juice or fresh pear juice. Limit the juice to 3 to 4 ounces per day. Choose organic produce as much as possible and wash your produce well. <br /><strong><br /><br />Can I make juice in advance and freeze it?</strong> <br />Forget the old advice that juice loses all its nutrients after 30 minutes. What kills nutrients is exposure to heat, light, and oxygen. If you freeze your juice soon after making it, you'll preserve a large percentage of nutrients. Freeze it in individual glass jars. Don't fill them all the way to the top; leave some room for expansion. Pull the jars out the night before, and you'll have delicious fresh juice in the morning.<br /><br /><br /><strong>What are the best vegetables and fruit to juice for my kids?</strong> <br />Dark leafy greens are among the best vegetables for your child's intelligence. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acetylcholine" target="_blank">Acetylcholine</a> is the most important neurotransmitter for memory and learning-the body makes it from <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choline" target="_blank">choline</a>, one of the B vitamins. <br /><br />Spinach, cabbage, and green beans are among the best sources of choline. Maybe you have a challenge getting your child to eat greens. You can juice spinach with carrot, apple, and celery, with a little splash of lemon and kids love it. Getting more veggies into your child's diet is also very good for the immune system. You'll thank your juicer a bunch of times come cold and flu season when your child doesn't get every bug floating around.</blockquote>
<br /><br /><br /><strong>Cherie Calbom</strong> is known as "<em>The Juice Lady</em>," celebrity TV chef, author of 32 books, and America's most trusted nutritionist, Cherie Calbom holds a Master of Science degree in whole foods nutrition from Bastyr University. Her latest books, "<strong><em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Juice-Ladys-Juices-Green-Smoothies/dp/162136030X" target="_blank">The Juice Lady's Big Book of Juices</a></em></strong>" and "<strong><em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Juice-Ladys-Juices-Green-Smoothies/dp/162136030X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1472253505&sr=8-1&keywords=Green+Smoothies+by+Cherie+Calbom" target="_blank">Green Smoothies</a>" </em></strong>and<strong><em> "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Juice-Ladys-Sugar-Knockout-Cravings/dp/1629987220/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1472253421&sr=8-1-fkmr3" target="_blank">Sugar Knockout</a></em></strong>", have been featured in scores of publications including <a href="http://www.msn.com/" target="_blank">MSN.com</a>, <a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/" target="_blank">NY Daily News</a>, and <a href="http://www.essence.com/" target="_blank">Essence</a> magazine- a reach of more than 250 million people with her Sugar Knockout print campaign. No stranger to healthy diet trends, she joined <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Foreman" target="_blank">George Foreman</a> as the other spokesperson for the <a href="http://www.georgeforemancooking.com/products.aspx" target="_blank">Foreman grills</a>. Now she's knocking out the sugar. Are you sugar addicted? <a href="http://www.juiceladycherie.com/Juice/do-you-have-a-sugar-addiction/" target="_blank">Take the quiz</a>. Join the healthy revolution and get your free juice recipe <a href="http://www.juiceladycherie.com" target="_blank">www.juiceladycherie.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.<br /><br /><img src="/images/blog/kid23.jpg" alt="" /><br />
Staff
2016-08-22T22:43:00Z
13 Dangerous (and Stupid) Ways Teens Get High
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/13-Dangerous-and-Stupid-Ways-Teens-Get-High/-219736599319115541.html
2016-08-08T23:21:00Z
2016-08-08T23:21:00Z
<strong><br />By Dr. Michele Borba</strong><br /><a href="http://simplemommysecrets.com/" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://micheleborba.com" target="_blank">MicheleBorba.com</a><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank"><br /><br /><br /></a>Some things never change: teens have always been risk takers, thrill seekers and want to fit in. But oh the "<em>creative</em>" ways adolescents try to get high these days... like soaking tampons with liquor and inserting them, infusing alcohol into gummy bears and popping them anyplace and anytime, and drinking hand sanitizer. They even have clever ways to store their stash these days like in sandals that come with a handy small canteen and bottle opener on the side, in small flashlights or emptied marking pen holders. But some kid crazes are flat-out dangerous: pouring Vodka into your eye (which could burn your cornea or even cause blindness) or even lethal such as mixing Robitussin DM cough syrup with Sprite and a Jolly Rancher. Many items kids use are right in your home from hairspray, whipped cream, deodorant, glue, nail polish remover, and even cleaning spray. Youtube videos are plentiful and not only sensationalize the craze but provide kids with play-by-play directions.<br /><br />Many of these crazes are not new, some are trending in only certain geographic areas, and a few are just mind-boggling. Regardless, do let your teen know you're aware of these activities. While there are no guarantees, studies show that when teens know they're being monitored, their risky behaviors often decrease. Meanwhile, keep repeating this mantra to your kid over and over: "<em>Getting high - no matter how you do it - has health risks that could be permanent. There are no take backs.</em>" Here are 13 dangerous ways kids and teens are getting high that every parent and educator needs to know.<br /><br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Vodka Eyeballing or Eyeballing</strong><br />Let's start with the unbelievable craze .. "<em>I can't believe a kid would do that</em>"...but they do. It's called eyeballing and it's when a teen holds a vodka bottle to his eye and pours the alcohol directly into the eye. The alcohol is quickly absorbed and enters the bloodstream quickly (through the veins at the back of the eye). It gives teens a fast high <em>and</em> disguises the smell of the alcohol.<em><strong><br /><br />Dangers:</strong></em> The alcohol could scar and burn the cornea and cause blindness.</li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Purple Drinks or Purple Drank (Sizzurp, Drank, Barre, Purple Jelly, Lean, and Syrup)</strong><br />Purple Drank is a slang term for a recreational drink combining over the counter cough syrups (such as Robitussin DM, which contains dextromethorphan with codeine) to a soft drink (usually Sprite, Mountain Dew or 7-Up) and a candy - generally Jolly Ranchers. The purplish tint of the drink comes from the dyes in the cough syrup. The candy, soft drink and cough syrup combo creates a quick tension or aggression "cure." An extra-strength version of the drink is to use prescription-strength cough syrup containing codeine and promethazine which teens order from online pharmacies or borrow from their medicine cabinets. <a href="http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/nation/2006-10-18-lean_x.htm" target="_blank">A University of Texas study</a> found that 8.3% of second school students in Texas took codeine syrup to get high. The drug trend is most popular in the South (particularly Texas and Louisiana) and is celebrated in rap songs. Beware: only 45 percent of teens believe that abusing cough medicine to get high is risky.<strong> Talk!</strong><em><strong><br /><br />Dangers: </strong></em>In large doses the combination can cause hallucinations as well as drowsiness, an inability to concentrate, slowed physical activity, constipation, nausea, vomiting, and slowed breathing. Just a single drink could be lethal. Overdosing on prescription syrup is potentially fatal.</li>
<br />
</ul>
<ul>
<li><strong>Alcohol Soaked Tampons</strong><br /> The craze is soaking a tampon with your liquor of choice (rum or vodka appear to be most popular), and then inserting it vaginally or rectally. The tampon contains about a shot of alcohol which quickly absorbed into the blood stream to produce a rapid intoxication.><br /><br />Teens cite a few reasons for the craze: "<em>It's a fast way to get high,</em>" "<em>The alcohol gets quickly into your system.</em>" "<em>You don't throw up.</em>" "<em>It doesn't take as much alcohol to get high.</em>" "<em>You can't smell it on your breath.</em>" "<em>It's easy to carry.</em>"><br /><br /> "<em>Butt chugging</em>" is another trend among the male set in which guys insert beer bongs rectally, and then get high on the alcohol.<strong><em><br /><br />Dangers:</em></strong> Physicians say that the alcohol can burn or damage the vagina or rectum. The craze also can cause alcohol poisoning and have life-threatening consequences. If the teen passes out or loses consciousness the mental health professional may not know the reason (or know where to look), and delay critical treatment. </li>
<br /><br /><br />
<li><strong>Dexing, Skittling, Robo-Tripping</strong><br />Although <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dextromethorphan" target="_blank">Dextromethorphan</a>-or DXM-(the ingredient found in most popular nonprescription cold and cough medicines) can be safely taken in 15 to 30 milligram doses, when taken in significant doses can produce euphoric. And many kids are taking sometimes as much as 25 to 50 times the recommended dose to get that high.<br /><br />One out of every fourteen kids aged 12 to 17 (more than 2.4 million) admit using cold or cough medicine "fairly recently" to get high.<br /><br />Only 45 percent of teens believe that abusing cough medicine to get high is risky. Check this blog to learn the signs of cold and cough syrup addiction. Cough syrup is readily accessible in stores and online, but most kids say they easiest place to get it is right in their own medicine cabinets at home.<strong><br /><br /><em>Dangers:</em></strong> The American Medical Association released a warning to parents that when kids take this in large amounts it can become a dangerous, even deadly mind-altering drug, and intake is on the rise. Perhaps because medicines containing DXM are easily accessible in drug stores (or medicine cabinets) and is legal, cold-and cough syrup abuse has soared in recent years.</li>
<br /><br />
</ul>
<ul>
<li><strong>Vodka Gummy Bears, Boozy Bears, or Gummy Bear Shots</strong><br />Infusing candy such as gummy bears with alcohol is a popular fad. The bears are soaked in vodka or other liquor in small bowls or plastic baggies), and then stored in the refrigerator or freezer. Websites and YouTube videos (which get huge hits) teach kids the process. Teens then carry the gummies in their pockets or in plastic baggies, and then pop them in their mouths whenever convenient- including with friends, at school, at parties and at home. The gummies are cheap, very accessible, easy to hide, and have no odor. The candy sweetness disguises that harsh liquor taste so it makes it easier for the teen to consume the alcohol.<br /><br /><strong><em>Dangers:</em></strong> Teen risk-taking increases with the consumption of alcohol including car accidents, drowning, falling, or being in unsafe or uncomfortable situations. Drug and alcohol counselors worry liquor-soaked gummy candy could make it more appealing for teens to take their first taste of alcohol, and the earlier kids have their first drink the higher the risk for substance abuse.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Drinking Hand Sanitizer</strong><br />Yes, hand sanitizer, the over-the counter cleanser, and teens are using it to get high. It's cheap, easily accessible and contains 62 percent ethyl alcohol. Some teens use salt to separate the alcohol from the sanitizer, making a strong concoction that is similar to a shot of hard liquor. (Distillation instructions can be found on the Internet).<br /><br /><strong><em>Dangers:</em></strong> Teens are showing up in emergency rooms with alcohol poisoning after drinking hand sanitizer. Watch your supply!</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Alcoholic Whipped Cream</strong><br />This is a new whipped cream product called "whipohol" or "alcoholic whipped cream" that is sold in stores. The cream is infused with 15 percent alcohol. Though the cream may seem tame, what concerns substance abuse counselors is that younger kids are partaking, and the earlier a child has their first drink the more likely the problem for substance abuse later.<br /><br /><em><strong>Dangers:</strong></em> The alcoholic taste is concealed with a cream and sugary sweetness taste so alcohol abuse is easy. Too much or any alcohol, especially on a younger body and brain, can have deadly consequences.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Prescription Drug Abuse or Medicine Abuse</strong><br />One of the riskiest teen behaviors is right in your own medicine cabinet. More than 3.1 million teens ages 12 to 17 report abusing prescription drugs which is a particularly popular habit during exam time. One in ten teens says they have used Vicodin a potentially habit-forming painkiller. OxyContin, stimulants like Ritalin, inhalers (all prescription medications) are also widely used. "<em>Borrowing</em>" prescription drugs from parents or siblings-especially Ritalin-continues to be a hot trend.Watch, count, and, if needed, "<em>lock up</em>" your medications. Also, check your credit card statement since teens admit that prescriptions drugs are easy to purchase online. Pharmacies and drug stores are now locking these medicines up to fight off kid theft.<strong><br /><br /><em>Dangers:</em></strong> Taking and abusing any prescription drug can have potentially lethal consequences. When mixed with liquor they become a toxic combo.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Bath Salts ("Purple Wave," "Zoom," "Vanilla Sky," and "Cloud Nine")</strong><br />Bath Salts sound lovely and relaxing, but they're deadly, and already illegal in some states. They are very different from the product you put into a bath - this type packs as much punch as cocaine or methamphetamines and are highly dangerous. The man-made chemicals most often found in bath salts are methylenedioxypyrovalerone, also known as MDPV, mephedrone and methylone. The products contain clear warnings on their labels that state: "<em>Do not ingest</em>" and "Not for human consumption." They usually are contained in a small packet and can be purchased over the Internet, in convenient stores (packaged as "<em>vitamins</em>" or "<em>energy boosters</em>,"), head shops, smoke shops or in gas stations.<br /><br /><em>Beware:</em> Not all packages are marked "Bath Salts." Related drugs have been sold as plant feeder, insect repellent and stain remover. Teens ingest bath salts by snorting them through the nose, taken orally or smoking the substance.<br /><br /><strong><em>Dangers: </em></strong>Teens say the product gives them "energy" and alertness, but it can also stop their hearts (literally!). Side effects include chest pain or erratic or increased heart rates, hallucinations, confusion, euphoria, nausea, extreme paranoia, and violent behavior, suicidal tendencies. Long-term effects of the drug are unknown.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Huffing or Inhalant Abuse</strong><br />Inhalant abuse (called "huffing") is intentionally inhaling a chemical vapor of some type to attain a "<em>high</em>" or euphoric effect. The primary population of inhalant abusers are kids 12 to 17 years old, and the activity is more common than you may realize. Hundreds of common household products have the potential to be inhaled. Spray paint, rubber cement, whipped cream canisters, hair sprays, deodorant, hair care products, laughing gas (nitrous oxide), paint thinner, glue, nail polish remover, cleaning sprays (like Dust-Off) felt-tip markers, or even gasoline are just a few examples of products kids have been inhaled. Males and females are equally likely to initiate inhalant use. Huffing is the third most abused substance by teens. The 2000 National Household Survey on Drug Abuse found that 18% of eighth graders admitted having used inhalants (huffing) at least once in their lifetime.<br /><br />Watch for missing or empathy chemical containers left around the house or in the garbage. The abuser often has symptoms such as drunken-like appearance, glassy eyes, chemical smell on clothing or breath, slurred speech, or restlessness, nervousness or mood swings.<br /><br /><strong><em>Dangers:</em></strong> Huffing effects can be both short and long term depending upon the substance abuse and in what concentrations they are abused. Huffing can cause permanent damage to the brain, heart, liver, kidneys, and brain. Huffing can also lead to cardiac arrest, asphyxiation, aspiration or suffocation from inhalation as well as death. Serious consequences can occur after just the first time of use.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Marijuana (MaryJ, Pot, Weed, Reefer, Hay, MaryJane, Grass)</strong><br />Marijuana use among teens is on the rise. The study by the Partnership at Drugfree.org found, sponsored by the MetLife Foundation, found that nearly 1 in 10 lighting up at least 20 or more times a month. Besides the traditional way of rolling weed in paper like a cigarette, putting it into a pipe (a bubbler is a hand-blown glass pipe that with a pouch for water) or a bong and then smoking it, there are other methods teens are get high.<br /><br />
<ul>
<li><em>Vaporizing it:</em> The process involves heating up the weed in a vaporizer (a variety of different kinds are available at various price points) to a temperature below its burning point but still high enough to vaporize for inhalation. The Internet provides the directions and YouTube offers the video version which advise teens that "<em>vaporizing marijuana is 'safer' alternative to smoking marijuana traditionally</em>" and there is no smoke!</li>
<br />
</ul>
<ul>
<li><em>Eating it:</em> Not new, but still a hot trend is baking the pot in brownie or cookie batter (or most anything else), and then eating it for a quick high.</li>
<li><em>"Hookahing" it:</em> Teens add marijuana to flavored tobacco, which can disguise the scent, and then smoke the combination (or pot alone) in a hookah.</li>
</ul>
</li>
</ul>
<blockquote><strong><em>Dangers:</em></strong> Marijuana is the most commonly abused illegal drug by teens. Do note the word "<em>illegal</em>" - a record could seriously jeopardize your child's job prospects or future. The new marijuana is also stronger. There are more than 400 chemicals in marijuana, which stay in the body for a few weeks and the impact of those chemicals on a teen's body and brain is a big unknown. There are also many synthetic varieties available.</blockquote>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Spice/K2 (Blaze, Bliss, Black Mamba, Bombay Blue, Pulse, Hush, Mystery, Earthquake, Serenity, Red X Dawn Stinger, Zohia, Summit, Genie)</strong><br />Spice or K2 is a type of synthetic marijuana which is a mixture of herbs or plant materials that have been sprayed with artificial chemicals. The chemicals in these products are very potent and content can vary greatly. The goal is to try and create the safe effects of THC, the psychoactive ingredient found in marijuana.Teens generally smoke this drug so signs to look for include: a strong clove smell, pipes or other drug paraphernalia, or a coffee grinder (which may be yours but has a different smell other than coffee) used to grind the product into a fine powder. Many teens are under the assumption that because Spice is synthetic it is harmless, and nothing could be further from true. K2 or Spice is solid online and in convenience stores and often marketed as incense.<br /><br /><strong><em>Dangers:</em></strong> Physical symptoms of use are troubling: a loss of physical control (including seizures, or a lack of pain response), paranoia, and dysphoria. At this point the long-term effects are unknown. Calls to poison control centers for exposure to this drug have doubled in the past two years.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>The Choking Game (Fainting Game, Pass Out Game, Space Monkey, Flatliner, Airplaning, California-Choke, Cloud-Nine, Space-Cowboy, and Black Out)</strong><br />The basic game rule of the Choking Game is "<em>asphyxiation</em>" or for a child to get a desired floaty, tingling or high sensation achieved by shutting off oxygen/blood to the brain. It is a lethal activity and glorified in YouTube tapes. Techniques to achieve a high include pressing the thumb or hand tightly on the neck; tying a rope, necktie, belt around the neck; hyperventilating by holding the breath "<em>hard</em>"; or putting a plastic bag over the head until you become unconscious. A secondary 'high' is achieved when pressure is released and oxygen/blood returns to the brain.<br /><br />The Choking Game can be "<em>played</em>" as a dare game in a group and has become popular at slumber parties. Kids take turns "<em>choking</em>" each other or another kid gives a hard bear hug from behind or applies pressure under the child's heart (usually with the head of the other participant) until the victim passes out. Many kids say they actually become addicted to the feeling repeating the thrill again and again.<br /><br /><strong><em>Dangers:</em></strong> The "<em>game</em>" has lethal consequences. Brain damage or permanent neurological disabilities due to the lack of oxygen is a possibility and each year is responsible for a large number of juvenile deaths.</li>
</ul>
<br /><strong>Stay educated! Keep talking to your child. </strong><br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Michele Borba, Ed.D.</strong>, is a mom of three, a former teacher, and renowned educational consultant who has presented workshops to one million parents and teachers worldwide. Dr. Borba is the author of <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/078798096X/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back To Basics and Raising Happy Kids</a>.</em> She is a frequent guest on<em> Today, The Early Show, The View,</em> and <em>Fox & Friends.</em> She is also the award-winning author of over 20 books including <em><a href="https://www.parentingbookmark.com/pages/book_PDMAD.htm" target="_blank">Parents Do Make a Difference</a></em>, <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787973335/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">Don't Give Me That Attitude!</a></em>, <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787966177/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">No More Misbehavin'</a></em>, and <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787976628/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me.</a></em> Dr. Borba is an advisory board member for Parents. For more strategies and tips visit <a href="http://www.simplemommysecrets.com" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://micheleborba.com" target="_blank">MicheleBorba.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.<br /><br /><img src="/images/blog/misery.jpg" alt="" /><br />
Staff
2016-08-08T23:21:00Z
Enhancing the Family Dining Experience
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Enhancing-the-Family-Dining-Experience/869223772804700174.html
2016-07-25T22:49:00Z
2016-07-25T22:49:00Z
<strong><br />by <strong>Dyan Eybergen</strong></strong><br /><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com</a><a href="https://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank"><br /></a><br /> <br />Mealtime for families should be a pleasant experience where members come together to share in themselves. Historically, food is a well-known catalyst for bringing people together - from its preparation to consumption - it should be a family affair. Unfortunately, most family dining experiences are wrought with children complaining about the meal, and parents arguing with them to just "<em>eat one more bite!</em>"<br /><br />Parents need to concentrate less on how much or how little their children are eating, and focus more on what the experience of coming together to eat presents. This approach facilitates family unity and promotes food as something to enjoy and be grateful for.<br /><br />
<ul>
<li>Make a weekly meal plan before grocery shopping. Get the kids involved in the planning and making of each meal.</li>
<br />
<li>Purchase healthy choices of food brands so there is little concern about the nutritional value being offered to your children.</li>
<br />
<li>Plan for extracurricular activities at a time other than during the supper hour. If this cannot be avoided, plan to eat as a family earlier or later than the scheduled activity. (Soccer is from 5 to 6 p.m. every Tuesday and Thursday; eat at 6:30 those evenings and use a Crock-pot to save time.)</li>
<br />
<li>If the children really dislike what is being prepared, only substitute on items that will not take extra time (raw veggies for cooked, offer a piece of chicken if a child has an aversion to fish); meals should be about the experience of togetherness, not about slaving in the kitchen to meet everyone's likes and dislikes.</li>
<br />
<li>Sometimes the dining experience makes all the difference. Make sure you are sitting down together at a table away from the TV. Pull out the fancy china and drink milk out of good crystal. Have the kids set the table in decorative ways by using their imaginations.</li>
<br />
<li>At the table, enticing conversation should come easily as people sit together in a circular fashion, facing one another. You learn a lot about each individual family member when there is discussion at the dinner table. Use conversation prompts to get people talking: "<em>Tell me what the best part of your day was and what the worst was. Tell me a new word you learned today and what does it mean?</em>"</li>
<br />
<li>Have theme nights where you learn about a different country/culture and make food items from that place - eat with chopsticks or with your hands only! Go on picnics in the park or right in the middle of your family room. Create a fun atmosphere and remove the pressure of eating from the experience. Concentrate on enjoying each other's company. Once everyone is relaxed, the eating will come.</li>
<br />
<li>Impose appropriate restrictions on picky eaters and on those who refuse to eat but only want the after-dinner treats. "<em>When your plate is finished you may have a desert/treat if you have room in your tummy for it.</em>"</li>
<br />
<li>If children refuse to eat, wrap it up and put it in the fridge for the immediate future, but refrain from giving them anything else. Value a child's need to listen to their own bodies telling them that they are no longer hungry. If they are hungry an hour later, direct them to the fridge to eat what they did not finish at mealtime. When these rules are respected, there will be no more arguing about the quantity (or quality) a child is eating.</li>
<br />
<li>Keep in mind that children also eat less, but more often than adults do; it is unrealistic to expect that children will eat a large plate full at three meals a day. It's probably more reasonable for them to have six smaller portions throughout the day.</li>
<br />
<li>Insist that people do not leave the table until everyone agrees to be dismissed. Just because the food part of the meal is over, it doesn't mean the conversation has to end.</li>
</ul>
<strong><br /><br />Dyan Eybergen</strong>, a child and adolescent psychiatric nurse, has more than ten years experience working as a therapist and parent educator. Eybergen currently resides in St. Albert, Alberta, with her husband and three sons. "<em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Out-Mouths-Babes-Parenting-Perspective/dp/1936236575" target="_blank">Out of the Mouths of Babes</a></em>" is her first book. For more information visit <a href="http://dyaneybergen.com/" target="_blank">www.dyaneybergen.com</a> or <a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.<br /><strong><br /><img src="/images/blog/logan2323.jpg" alt="" /><br /></strong>
Staff
2016-07-25T22:49:00Z
Five Strategies to Stay Close as The Kids Become Adults
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Five-Strategies-to-Stay-Close-as-The-Kids-Become-Adults/-949239880145054273.html
2016-07-18T22:49:00Z
2016-07-18T22:49:00Z
<strong><br />by Annie Leedom</strong><br /><a href="https://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com<br /></a><br /> <br />Parenting is a daunting journey, filled with joy and challenges at every age. Being a mom of young children is a path filled with so many rituals that keep families together. As kids become adults however, this begins to change. They move into their own world and slowly move away from their family in the traditional way. <br /><br />As this began to happen in my home I realized it was time to do something. I wanted to help my adult kids be part of my life in ways that would maintain the wonderful bond we have created for decades to come, regardless of the changes ahead in their new lives.<br /><br />I found five strategies that are giving my family a new foundation to build adult relationships based on common interests, fun and mutual respect as we all grow into new people in this strange, new world of becoming an all-adult family.<br /><br /><ol>
<li><strong>Communication -</strong> This is crucial at any age, of course. However, there is a new level of openness and respect that has to enter into our discussions. This allows them to feel comfortable to come to me and talk to me as they always have. The topics are far more grown up now, and being respectful and interested in their new lives goes a long way to keeping us together.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Fun -</strong> Without question this is a very important factor in building new relationships with my grown kids. Its not enough to support their school, activities and watch a movie. Travelling together has become a great bonding strategy. We fell in love with Monterey, California, when they were younger and it's the only place I have found that makes a perfect transition from childhood to adulthood. Disneyland is fun but it doesn't keep us truly together the way Monterey and Carmel do. We stumbled on the <a href="http://www.portolahotel.com/" target="_blank"><span>Portola Hotel & Spa</span></a> which has everything we need. Great local attractions within walking distance, wonderful and crazy big rooms and the best restaurant ever, called <a href="http://www.portolahotel.com/jacks-restaurant-lounge" target="_blank">Jacks</a>. We tend to stay together the entire time because the activities are ones we all love to do. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Downtime - </strong>Once again I have to rave about Monterey. Its relaxing. Doing very little is actually a GREAT way to bond with your grown kids! They talk now! Its really cool. Find your own Monterey if you can't get to California. A place that is your retreat and build memories and a connection point that goes beyond your home base. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Adventure - </strong>Similar to the retreat strategy, discovering new adventures together can be a great way to keep you close. We love road trips. But it can be anything from kayaking to cooking. Find new hobbies to do as a family and schedule them regularly. If they are fun I promise you, everyone will want to come along!</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Catch up - </strong>Keep track, literally if you have to. This is the busiest time of their lives and they would love to share. But as always, they need us to express real and consistent interest. Its not enough to say what's up. How's it going? Be truly interested and when they trust in that? All the challenges of the teen years, all the distance, all the moments that may not have been so happy...they will all melt away. </li>
</ol><br />Adult kids need the same thing they have always needed. They just need it in a new way. Traditions, acceptance, fun, respect, and a sincere ongoing devotion to their well being and their lives. That will strengthen what you always had and create a new, even deeper bond to carry you through many years to come!<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Annie Leedom</strong> is the Founder of <a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank">Parentingbookmark.com</a> and <a href="http://sandylanepr.com/" target="_blank">SandyLanePR.com</a>. She is a frequent writer for national publications and frequently writes on travel and activities for families. <a href="http://www.portolahotel.com/" target="_blank">The Portola Resort</a> is an ongoing resource for parenting and family activities. For more information visit <a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. <br /><br /><strong><img src="/images/blog/You-never-stop-being-a-parent.jpg" alt="" /><br /></strong>
Staff
2016-07-18T22:49:00Z
Conscious Parenting: Three Ways to Nurture Your Child's Emotional Growth
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Conscious-Parenting:-Three-Ways-to-Nurture-Your-Childs-Emotional-Growth/-424101658126594545.html
2016-06-27T20:11:00Z
2016-06-27T20:11:00Z
<strong><br />By <strong>Eiman Al Zaabi</strong></strong><br /><a href="http://www.eimanalzaabi.com" target="_blank">www.eimanalzaabi.com</a><a href="http://tobyhaberkorn.com/" target="_blank"></a><br /><br /><br />Chaos theory tells us that a force as tiny as the fluttering of a butterfly's wing can ultimately affect the weather hundreds of miles away. In a dynamic system such as the Earth's weather, minor differences in initial conditions can create unpredictable, far-reaching long-term results. <br /><br />A child's emotional life is just as complex as the Earth's atmosphere. One childhood event can send ripples far into the future, even into the next generation. You may think you are simply telling your young daughter she must get her hair cut even though she would prefer to keep it the way it is. But she may conclude that she does not have the right to control her own body and its appearance, and this may affect her decisions as a young woman.<br /><br />For parents, the awareness that small events can have large consequences comes with a huge sense of responsibility. We want to protect our children from damaging experiences, and we certainly do not want to make a careless comment or other parenting misstep that has lasting effects.<br /><br />But take heart. Chaos is not random. It is a productive, dynamic force that drives change and growth. In life, each one of us is exposed to different inputs that shape us. These experiences - both positive and negative - provide opportunities for us to evolve to our fullest potential. They are part of the Divine's plan for us. <br /><br />Each one of us plays a role in other people's lives. As parents, we generate input for the psyches of our children. Our children, meanwhile, are generating input for our own psyches. We shape each other's evolution as we grow to fulfill our potential. Chaos is the norm, and the apparent unpredictability of life is in fact Divine order that we cannot always see. <br /><br />We have a profound responsibility for the effect our input has on our children. How can you make your influence as positive as possible? Here are three ways to nurture your child's emotional and spiritual growth.<br /><br /><ol>
<li><strong>Practice emotional intelligence. </strong>In conversation with your children, be aware of body language or facial expressions that signal dissatisfaction, anger, or sadness. Such cues will help you respond wisely before the child makes conclusions about you and the situation. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Be aware of your impact.</strong> Cultivating awareness of your own emotional state will enable you to realize the impact you could have on your child. You'll be able to contain situations in which you might be angry, agitated, or stressed, and turn those around with words of assurance and acts of love. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Take purposeful action. </strong>Show your children love and security. When you do this, the impact goes beyond the individual and moves into the community and finally into the world. You don't have to be perfect. Your children need practice interacting with people who aren't perfect! Your good intention is what matters most.</li>
</ol><br />Remember that you cannot fully protect your children from negative emotions. No matter what you do, your children could still witness an accident, see something disturbing on the news, or be bullied. These are natural occurrences outside your control. They are necessary for your child's growth and emotional resilience. Don't exhaust yourself trying to ensure that they don't happen. <br /><br />The key lies in passing on the tools of self-awareness. Teach your children to name and acknowledge their emotions. Help them process and channel their feelings productively, and show them that it's okay to release their burdens after a while.<br /><br />When we become aware of our inputs into the lives of our children, we evolve beyond everyday roles and move into conscious parenting. With this awareness, you can't help but be a good parent. You create an emotional and spiritual nest in which your children grow, learn, and then fly as they develop to fulfill the true purpose of their creation.<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Eiman Al Zaabi </strong>is a life coach, facilitator, energy healer, and spiritual teacher who helps clients transform their relationships and careers, heal from past trauma, and live authentically. She is the author of "<em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Art-Surrender-Practical-Enlightened-Well-Being/dp/1504345177" target="_blank">The Art of Surrender: A Practical Guide to Enlightened Happiness and Well-Being</a></em>". For more information visit <a href="http://www.eimanalzaabi.com" target="_blank">www.eimanalzaabi.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. <strong><br /></strong>
Staff
2016-06-27T20:11:00Z
Five Surefire Ways to Get Your Child to Go to Bed
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Five-Surefire-Ways-to-Get-Your-Child-to-Go-to-Bed/-326512917669682030.html
2016-06-20T19:59:00Z
2016-06-20T19:59:00Z
<strong><br />By <strong>Toby Haberkorn</strong></strong><br /><a href="http://tobyhaberkorn.com/" target="_blank">www.tobyhaberkorn.com</a><br /><br /><br />As parents and grandparents, we all understand the importance of bedtime. Many of us have a Sophie or an Ethan who tries to postpone bedtime for as long as possible. Bedtime becomes a nightly battle. Even if Sophie goes to bed, she does not remain in her bed. Sophie has all sorts of reasons for not staying in bed--- worries, unable to sleep, thirsty, need to go to the bathroom etc. The end result of this situation is a grumpy child and grumpy parents. We all deserve a peaceful bedtime. <br /><br />Every night, at the same time, have Sophie get ready for bed by taking a bath or shower, putting on pajamas, brushing teeth and combing hair. Develop a check off list which Sophie completes after each bedtime activity. Sophie, like all children, wants predictability and bedtime routines help her feel secure.<br /><br /><ol>
<li><strong>Getting Ready for Bedtime---wrap up activities </strong><br /><br />Every evening, start a forty five minutes countdown before bedtime. Set a timer in 15 minute increments, giving Sophie time to wrap up activities. </li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Not Tired-a bit of physical activity</strong><br /><br />If Sophie does not get enough physical activity, select a YouTube kid's dance video or buy one. Sophie will love dancing/ exercising to the video for five, fun filled minutes. <br /><br />Then help her cool down with a deep breathing exercise. Teach your child to take a deep breath. Hold for 5-10 seconds. Release slowly. Repeat deep breathing 7 times</li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Next Day Preparation-responsibilities </strong><br /><br />Before going to bed, get Sophie involved in learning about the weather and what's appropriate for her planned activities before she decides what to wear and lays out clothes for the next day. </li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Sleep Time---bedroom environment </strong> <br /><br />Temperature is cool. Sophie's bedroom is dark and all electronic devices are turned off. She loves wearing cozy socks on cold nights. Sophie knows that a dark, quiet bedroom means time to go to sleep.</li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Good Night - security </strong> <br /><br />You spend quiet time (5 to 10 minutes) with Sophie talking about whatever is on her mind before you read her a story. Right before lights are turned off, give Sophie a paper or an electronic calendar to cross off t each completed day. </li>
</ol><br /><br />Start a family tradition by ending each day with the same special goodnight saying. Make up your own saying or find one that's right for your child. A Charlie Brown quote is always worth considering. "<em><strong>Day is over, night has come. Today is gone, what's done is done. Embrace your dream through the night. Tomorrow comes with a whole new light!</strong></em>" Someday, Sophie may remember this tradition and repeat it with her children. <br /><br />Give Sophie a big hug and wish her goodnight!<br /><br /><strong>Remember it takes months for habits to form, so be prepared to work with your child until her bedtime routine is unquestioned. May you and your Sophie or Ethan dream sweet dreams and enjoy a good night's sleep! </strong><br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Toby Haberkorn</strong> has enjoyed a varied career and now pursues her passion for writing books that promote family discussions about difficult issues. She is the author of two books. "<em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/When-Grammy-Forgets-Remember-Perspective/dp/0991623606?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0" target="_blank">When My Grammy Forgets, I Remember: A Child's Perspective on Dementia</a>"</em> explores the bittersweet changing relationship between a young granddaughter and her grandmother who has dementia. This book is posted on the Children's Resource Book list on the National Alzheimer's Association and National Institutes of Health (NIH) Aging web sites. "<em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Bye-Bye-Moon-Bedtime-Toby-Haberkorn/dp/0991623622/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1465596172&sr=1-1&keywords=Bye-Bye+Moon" target="_blank">Bye-Bye Moon</a></em>" is a bedtime story which delights children who fuss about going to bed and the parents who tuck them in. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. <strong><br /></strong>
Staff
2016-06-20T19:59:00Z
Stop Parenting a Child and Start Raising a Citizen of the World
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Stop-Parenting-a-Child-and-Start-Raising-a-Citizen-of-the-World/-901885643846923414.html
2016-06-13T21:04:00Z
2016-06-13T21:04:00Z
<strong><br />By <strong>Diane Danvers Simmons</strong></strong><br /><a href="http://www.ownitfeelitliveit.com" target="_blank">www.ownitfeelitliveit.com</a><br /><br /> <br />Hate to scare you ladies ...but this is the ultimate job of a lifetime. This is your chance to make an impact, a difference in the world, all while creating a unique and special bond for eternity. <br /><br />A child is so much more than the sweet helpless one-year old you swaddle in your arms, with those gorgeous doe eyes that gaze up into yours for security, love and guidance. This is a beautiful soul, that's watching and listening to the person he or she trusts the most, you! <br /><br />You are his or her lifeline and first role model. I'm not suggesting here that you put on your crown and robe and start prancing around like the queen of England...this is not about control, this about bringing out the best in humanity.<br /><br />I'm a mother of four, two from my very own body and two older stepchildren. The rules of engagement are different for both sets, but the underlying values are the same.<br /><br />Your responsibility to your offspring is to nurture and guide them within the protection and support of your love, because the truth is, ''<em>Children Find in the eyes of their parents the mirror in which they define themselves. Fill them with nothing and they become nothing</em>", psychologist <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Glasser" target="_blank">William Galser</a>, conversely...<br /><br />Following are the "<strong>Own it, Feel it, Live it</strong>" guiding principles to prepare your child for a global society. With these principles, no matter what situation they encounter, they will have the strength and know how "<em>within</em>" to endure and succeed in a compassionate, mindful, manner.<br /><br /><strong>Own it:</strong> First and perhaps most important you should own being a mother like a warrior with, confidence and self-respect! If you want to raise your child to "<strong><em>own it</em></strong>" they'll need to learn to be an independent, creative thinker. Teach your child to "<em><strong>own</strong></em>" their place in the world by following your lead.<br /><ol>
<li><strong>Set Safe Boundaries.</strong> The word "<em>safe</em>" is the key here. Kids feel safer when you set boundaries. As your child tests you, they are really testing their place in the world. They are testing your ability to stay rational and present...have you poured a drink yet? You are not there best friend, you are the one safe place where love and truth rules and trust is given, until otherwise shattered. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Instill Confidence. </strong>Trust your "<strong><em>own</em></strong>" intuition and choices, but most importantly your child's abilities and choices. A person can only <strong>feel</strong> confident if they are given the chance to test their place in the world, to explore and try new challenges, so they can feel capable. And, Yes, you are after all the punch bag, be patient! Engage your child in activities so they can gain strength and knowledge through real life, everyday experiences, whether it's making a smoothie that ends up as an artistic wall covering or picking up the leaves after a storm. Be their cheerleader let them "<strong><em>own it</em></strong>" so they in turn can <strong><em>feel</em></strong> self-respect, capable and the power of accomplishment. <br /><br />The alternative is your child will be left thinking, "<em>Why bother, they don't believe I can do anything!</em>" Next they become a slacker, living off mum and dad for eternity...no thank you!</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Nurture Success and Support Individuality.</strong> Everyone comes out of the womb as a valuable member of society. Your role is to create an environment where your child feels their life has meaning and what they have to contribute has value. I'm not suggesting false praise here but genuine validation for success. Be present, listen to what's important to them, so they feel significant and don't judge prematurely. It's their unique gifts the world needs next, not yours. Let go and encourage them to be curious to ask questions and own the outcome with pride and passion. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Encourage Conversation and Eye Contact.</strong> Have lots of them. Remember the quote "<em>fill them up</em>," I wasn't referring to just food! It's only through the simple act of conversation that a child learns interpersonal skills. Ban the mobile devices from the table and teach them to have eye contact, to listen, to exchange ideas, and to respect their own and other opinions. Ultimately the art of conversations gives a child and your future global citizen assurance that they do have a voice and the freedom to express their own feelings, ideas and needs!</li>
</ol><br />If you encourage your child to be the author of their own lives, they stand a good chance of being effective, happy, healthy, members of society. Most importantly they become the best version of themselves, and in turn, you!<br /><br />Own it, Feel it, Live... Raising a Global Citizen if the World!<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Diane Danvers-Simmons</strong> is a passionate, visionary global citizen who offers solutions to inspire women to embrace their core values and live life by their own definition with wit & wisdom. Through inspired <em><a href="http://ownitfeelitliveit.com/blog/" target="_blank">Spirituality in Stilettos</a></em> programming, uplifting <em><a href="http://www.madebysurvivors.com/" target="_blank">Made by Survivors</a></em> jewelry, impactful documentaries, and speaking engagements, Diane creates experiences and brands to raise awareness, uplift souls, inspire action, empower and connect people from all walks of life on one universal journey for a brighter, more enlightened future. For more information visit <a href="http://www.ownitfeelitliveit.com" target="_blank">www.ownitfeelitliveit.com</a>. For your free chapter of <em><a href="http://www.ownitfeelitliveit.com/home.php" target="_blank">Spirituality in Stilettos</a></em> click <a href="http://www.ownitfeelitliveit.com/workshops.html" target="_blank">here</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.<strong><br /></strong>
Staff
2016-06-13T21:04:00Z
7 Steps to Winning the Battle with Your Picky Eater
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/7-Steps-to-Winning-the-Battle-with-Your-Picky-Eater/555103015219110302.html
2016-05-30T23:44:00Z
2016-05-30T23:44:00Z
<strong><br />By <strong>Denise Mira</strong></strong><br /><a href="http://www.denisemira.com" target="_blank">www.denisemira.com<br /></a><br /><br />Have you noticed all the journalistic space dedicated to the 'dilemma' of getting little Junior to eat his veggies? I can't quite relate to a crisis of this magnitude, especially pertaining to a forty-pound child. My five boys have always been expected to eat what's set before them. But in today's touchy-feely, politically correct culture, sometimes common sense gets thrown right out the window. Parents find themselves confused about very simple matters. So, what to do about your picky eater? Let's be discerning in an age of preschooler-pleasing parents.<br /><br /><ol>
<li><strong>Our kids need to be guided in their diet.</strong> When we consider that what Junior's shoveling into his mouth is, quite frankly, a life or death matter, I think some parents ought to be arrested because of how they're feeding their children. Check it out: Type 2 diabetes is deadly, leads to heart disease, and has reached epidemic proportions in our nation, but most often can be avoided by improved lifestyle choices, starting with a healthy diet.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Clean out the cupboards, fridge and freezer and remove the decoys.</strong> Everywhere I go, kids seem to exist on non-nutritive, refined products loaded with white flour, fillers, chemicals, sugar and salt. Ingredients are clearly listed on the items we purchase. Read the labels. Food is defined as '<em>any nutritious substance that people eat or drink, in order to maintain life and growth</em>'. Much of what's going down the hatch simply can't be considered real food. Put it where it belongs - in the trash bin.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Keep an arsenal on hand of everything that grows in the ground. </strong>This is crucial to counter the indiscriminate appetites of the immature. Require the daily eating of fresh, colorful salads with a variety of vegetables and fruit in the mix. Radishes, broccoli, oranges, sweet red peppers, sugar snap peas, purple cabbage, sprouts, sweet onion, spinach, apple, romaine, strawberries, cherry tomatoes, mushrooms, grated carrot, and turnip are some great salad ingredients. I didn't say iceberg lettuce drowning in bottled ranch dressing with so many preservatives it will never die.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Ensure your child's 'hunger factor'.</strong> I never cease to be amazed by moms who overlook what their little ones are consuming throughout the day, so when meal times roll around, there is no hunger to motivate them to eat something healthful. Cut out in-between-meal munching, unless you're offering things like fresh fruit, sliced veggies, and natural peanut butter and honey on whole grain toast. Many popular snacks peddled to modern moms will fill the void but not the need. You'll be amazed at what a hungry kid will eat.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Use the "eat it or go hungry" line.</strong> Mean it. Enforce it. Buddy Hackett said, "<em>My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.</em>" Don't wimp out and fix two meals. You're not a short-order cook. You're a hard-working parent who happens to be training up those little ones to live healthy and grateful lives. Spoiled children regularly turn their noses up at healthful foods. We should be ashamed of ourselves if we let them get away with it.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Ration minimal and rare portions of processed foods</strong> such as sweetened breakfast cereals, deep-fried chips, cheese crackers, white bread, snack bars, and candy. We all love our occasional treats, but remember why they're called '<em>treats'</em>.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Make water the drink of choice at your house. </strong>Buy distilled or invest in a filter if the taste of your tap water isn't nice. Apple juice, soda, energy drinks, and iced coffees belong in the occasional treat category. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. </li>
</ol><br />We cannot feed our kids a standard American diet and expect them to excel. Dad, Mom, perhaps you didn't have the privilege of learning this as you were growing up, but <strong>the power for change in your household is in your hands</strong>. You can pioneer a path of '<em>eating to live</em>' for your family.<br /><ol> </ol>Don't limit your child's future by teaching him to eat only what he likes. Train him to enjoy new and valuable flavors, textures and recipes. Before you know it, these forays into nutritious eating will become lifelong habits with long-term benefits. Begin today! <br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Denise Mira</strong>, is a public speaker, educator, and author of "<em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/No-Ordinary-Child-Unlocking-Leader/dp/1579218555" target="_blank">No Ordinary Child: Unlocking the Leader Within Your Child</a></em>". She's also a monthly columnist, and contributing author to many publications. She has been married to her husband, Gregory, for 31 years. They are the parents of five sons. For more information visit <a href="http://www.denisemira.com" target="_blank">www.denisemira.com</a>.- See more at: <a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.<strong><br /></strong>
Staff
2016-05-30T23:44:00Z
8 Secrets for Raising A 'Can Do' Kid
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/8-Secrets-for-Raising-A-Can-Do-Kid/-570138189507946734.html
2016-04-26T23:24:00Z
2016-04-26T23:24:00Z
<strong><br />By Dr. Michele Borba</strong><br /><a href="http://simplemommysecrets.com/" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://micheleborba.com/" target="_blank">MicheleBorba.com</a><br /><br /><br />If you could give your children a quality that would enhance their chances for leading successful, meaningful and fulfilling lives, what would it be? Though answers may seem endless, many experts say one of the greatest gifts would be instilling a "Can Do Attitude." Here are eight secrets to help you raise a "CAN DO!" <br /><br /><strong>KidREALITY CHECK: Real and authentic self-esteem is a combination of a feeling of Worthiness:"I am likeable, loved and worthwhile" and a feeling of Competence: "I have the skills to handle life." </strong>[Based on <a href="http://www.nathanielbranden.com/" target="_blank">Nathaniel Branden</a>'s work]<br /><br /><strong>Unraveling the Mystery of Building Healthy Self-Esteem</strong><br /><br />The caliber of our children's productivity, inner strength, contentment, interpersonal relationships, and competencies is largely impacted by the strength of their self-beliefs. And the best news is there are endless simple parenting moments to nurture positive attitudes in our children. <br /><br />Focusing on only worthiness-or making your child feel more special than others-is a detriment to a child's character and relationships with others.<br /><br />And always rescuing (or "helicoptering") and solving your child's problems doesn't nurture that sense of competence. <br /><br />So aim to strike a balance in your parenting of building your child's feelings of worthiness and competence. <br /><br />I love James Dobson's analogy of the way to boost self-esteem the right way: "Think of a pilot landing a plane at night- he needs those lights to be on both sides of the runway for a smooth landing. So too does your child."Here are eight tips from my book, "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787988316/?tag=fu0b5-20" target="_blank">The Big Book of Parenting Solutions</a>" that help your child recognize his or her achievements, unique strengths, and cultivate a "Can Do Attitude" and authentic self-esteem.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Secret 1. Discover Unique Strengths</strong><br />There are so many fabulous opportunities to help our children discover their special talents and strengths. My Girl Scout leader from years ago was a master. Mrs. Woolley made us feel great by pointing out what we were good at. I always marveled at how she remembered our personal competencies. Then one day I discovered her secret when I found her notebook opened to a page filled with notes: "Meghan is interested in acrylics, Kelly's soccer game, Joanne's music recital." It was her way of making sure no girl's talent was ever overlooked.<br /><br />Years later I still admire (and use!) Mrs. Woolley's simple but powerful way of helping kids discover their strengths! It's a secret we parents should be using far more. The more our children recognize their unique strengths, the stronger their self-beliefs will be. So help your child become aware of his or her own special qualities and talents. (And halt those comparisons to other siblings!)<br /><br /><br /><strong>Secret 2. Celebrate Special Achievements and Efforts</strong><br />Nothing builds positive beliefs more than succeeding, and those achievements deserve celebrating. One way is having your child start his own Victory Log in a small notebook or journal. Each time your child achieves a special goal-such as finally learn to ride a bike, learn those math facts, or survive her first sleepover-encourage your child to describe the success on a page and then date it.<br /><br />The book can become a priceless keepsake of a child's accomplishments that he can continue for years.For a non-reading child, consider taking a photo of the moment and pasting it into the log.<br /><br />This activity also helps your child learn to track his own successes and develop internal praise motivation instead of waiting for us to praise or reward those accomplishments.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Secret 3. Focus on Actions Not Appearance</strong><br />Recent studies show that too many of our kids - especially girls - base their self-esteem on how they look instead of what they can do. The effect on self-confidence is disastrous. So help your daughter focus more on her actions and less on appearance. Gently turn conversations about looks, dates, and dress sizes into topics about plans and goals.<br /><br />Also, be a role model by discussing your goals and share your pride over any new accomplishments. By talking more about personal achievements and less about appearance, you will help your child develop personal beliefs formed on her accomplishments. In the process she will feel better about herself.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Secret 4. Use Specific, Earned Praise to Cultivate Positive Beliefs. </strong>Everyone loves praise, and kids are no exception. But keep in mind that not every little accolade you say will boost self-esteem. And you don't want your child to become a praise-a-holic expecting every little action to be praised (which does not help self-esteem). Praise that builds "Can Do" beliefs has three characteristics: The praise is deserved, specific, and repeated.Here's how to use those secrets of effective praise to help a child recognize a special ability. The simple tip actually helps the child develop a new and positive image about himself.<br /><br />
<ul>
<li><strong><em>Start by tuning into your child.</em> </strong>Look for a special talent, trait, skill or passion in your child that deserves acknowledgement. Maybe you notice your child displays an artistic skill, or a sense of humor. Maybe she's caring, or persistent, resourceful, respectful, or knows more about dinosaurs than any kid of the block. The more specific the trait, the better.</li>
<br />
<li><strong><em>Next, find a moment when he really demonstrates the talent.</em> </strong>This is when you can acknowledge the skill.<br /><br />Word your message so your child knows exactly what he did to deserve your praise<em>:<br /><br />"Kevin, you are so artistic because you use such wonderful colors and details in your drawings."<br /><br /></em>And always use the same word to describe the talent ("artistic" or "musical" or "kind-hearted.")<br /><br /><strong><em>Hint: </em></strong><em>Using the word "because" in your comment instantly makes your praise more specific.</em></li>
<br />
<li><strong><em>Then, praise the same skill or talent several more times over the next few weeks. </em></strong>That way your child will then be more likely to believe the message, and adopt it to form a new belief about himself. Make sure the praise is earned. Quick, little sincere reminders is the best approach. Halt the rewards and keep your money in your wallet. The right words are the best way to boost behavior.</li>
<br />
<li><strong><em>Keep praising!</em><em> Keep in mind that new behavior habits take a minimum of 21 days of repetition. </em></strong>The lower the self-esteem of the child the more frequently you'll have to repeat the praise. That way your child will then be more likely to believe the message, and adopt it to form a new belief about himself.<br /><br />You might also take a photo of your child that displays his talent (such as his best painting) or the moment he is engaged in doing his talent (he's at the table drawing). Then display the photo somewhere so your child can be reminded of the talent.<br /><br />The moment your child verbalizes the strength and acknowledges his talent or strength is when you know he has internalizes it. You can then help him develop another positive belief about himself...and another..and another!</li>
</ul>
<br /><strong>Secret 5. Accentuate the Positive to Eliminate the Negative</strong><br />A powerful way to help a child develop firmer self-beliefs is to teach positive self-talk. One of the easiest teaching strategies is to model the strategy in front of your child. Just be on the alert for some positive action you are proud of, and then deliberately acknowledge your deed out loud so your child overhears.<br /><br /><em>"I love how my recipe turned out." Or: "I'm really glad I stuck to my exercise program. I lost five pounds!"</em><br /><br />At first you might feel a bit strange, but when you notice your child praising his own strengths a little more, you'll quickly overcome any hesitancy.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Secret 6. Develop a "Can Do" Family Slogan</strong><br />Negativity can quickly become a habit that is deadly for developing "Can Do" attitudes. So squelch any Stinkin' Thinkin' before it starts to breed in your kids!<br /><br />A mother told me she stopped put down comments with a slogan. Whenever any of her kids said, "I can't", other family members learned to say, "<em>Success comes in cans, not in cannots."</em> It was a simple but effective way of encouraging her kids to think more positively about themselves.<br /><br />Is there a slogan you might want to start up in your home? Tune into your own statements as well. Your child is listening and internalizes those comments.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Secret 7. Don't Be a Safety Net</strong><br />No parent wants their child to suffer disappointments, and often our first adult instinct is to try and solve their dilemmas for them. But watch out: doing so robs kids of the opportunity to <em>find their own solutions</em>. Problem solving is exactly the skill kids need when they're on their own.<br /><br />Avoid that temptation of rescuing your kid and solving his problems. Instead, step in only when really needed them you are nearby. Children need to build self-beliefs that say, "I can figure things out for myself." Then do let your child know you believe he can.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Secret 8. Help Your Child Learn From Mistakes</strong><br />I watched a teacher give a small wrapped present to each student on the first day of school. The children were amazed to find small erasers inside the boxes. The teacher said, "You'll be needing these this year, because you'll be making lots of mistakes. That's how you learn." Her simple gift helped "erase" the idea that mistakes mean failure, and can be a chance to start again. And it's an essential lesson for developing "Can Do" attitudes.<br /><br />When your child makes a mistake, stay nonjudgmental and help her focus on what she's trying to achieve. You might ask, "How did you want this to turn out?" or calmly say, "What will you do differently next time?" Above all, help her believe she can succeed in her efforts: "I know you can do it. Hang in there."<br /><br /><br /><strong>Final Thoughts</strong><br />As a parent, you have countless opportunities to reinforce your child's self-beliefs. Your expectations, your reactions and your words can give your children votes of confidence or chip away at their attitudes about themselves. Perhaps one of the most important questions to ask yourself at the end of each day is this: "If my child's self-beliefs were based only on my words and actions today, what would she believe about herself?" Your answer should guide how you interact with your child each time you are together.<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Michele Borba, Ed.D.</strong><span>, is a mom of three, a former teacher, and renowned educational consultant who has presented workshops to one million parents and teachers worldwide. Dr. Borba is the author of </span><em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/078798096X/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back To Basics and Raising Happy Kids</a>.</em><span> She is a frequent guest on</span><em> Today, The Early Show, The View,</em><span> and </span><em>Fox & Friends.</em><span> She is also the award-winning author of over 20 books including </span><em><a href="https://www.parentingbookmark.com/pages/book_PDMAD.htm" target="_blank">Parents Do Make a Difference</a></em><span>, </span><em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787973335/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">Don't Give Me That Attitude!</a></em><span>, </span><em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787966177/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">No More Misbehavin'</a></em><span>, and </span><em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787976628/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me.</a></em><span> Dr. Borba is an advisory board member for Parents. For more strategies and tips visit </span><a href="http://www.simplemommysecrets.com/" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://micheleborba.com/" target="_blank">MicheleBorba.com</a><span>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</span><br /><strong><br /></strong>
Staff
2016-04-26T23:24:00Z
Teaching Kids Stranger Safety
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Teaching-Kids-Stranger-Safety/366533827578510029.html
2016-04-04T23:24:00Z
2016-04-04T23:24:00Z
<strong><br />By Dr. Michele Borba</strong><br /><a href="http://simplemommysecrets.com/" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://micheleborba.com/" target="_blank">MicheleBorba.com</a><br /><br /><br />Listen...can you hear it? It's the familiar jingle of the ice cream truck coming down the street carrying every kid's favorite candy and ice cream flavors. Now suppose your child is with his pals, that truck pulls up and a young, friendly driver steps out.<br /><br />"Hi kids!, he says. "Want an ice cream? I bet I have your favorite. Come look!," he says.<br />Then he slides open the window to reveal an enticing array of choices. Your child may be a bit cautious, but the driver opens the door and invites him or her to step in. "You can't see all the selections from out there. Look what I have inside. I'm giving them out free today," he says.<br /><br />Do I have your radar up? After all, you know that child predators prey on kids vulnerabilities and a free ice cream is a hard for a kid to resist. But you've taught your kid about "stranger danger," and even warned your son or daughter about those ploys.<br /><br />So here's my question: Would your child get inside that truck and fall for that trap? Are you really sure?<br /><br />I'd advise you to not be so quick to say: 'My kid would never...'" despite all your lectures and safety drills. The reality is most kids are vulnerable to predator tactics and tricks, especially when the enticer appears younger and friendly. The pull of negative peer pressure often makes it even harder for kids to apply our stranger safety lessons we assume we so carefully taught and learned.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.nbc.com/dateline" target="_blank">Dateline</a> producers wanted to find out just how school-aged kids respond to the ice cream truck scenario. Do most kids get into that truck or turn down the ploy and walk away? They set up hidden cameras, and had a young actor portray the friendly ice cream man and drive up to kids while their parents watched in anticipation.<br /><br />The result: <em>almost every child got inside that truck much to their parents' surprise</em> - and horror. (That segment on the series, "My kid would never..." aired last Sunday.) Dateline producers then asked me to review the tapes and provide tips for a more effective way to teach kids stranger safety. Here are those crucial tips I offered on the segment as well as on the Dateline web chat with <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natalie_Morales" target="_blank">Natalie Morales</a>.<br /><br /><br /><em><strong>STEP 1: Empower Your Child to Say "No!"</strong></em><br />If you want your kid to stand up for herself, don't get in the habit of speaking for her or rescuing. Doing so can rob a child from developing the very skills she needs to look and sound determined.<br /><br />Instead, find opportunities for child to practice using strong body language and a firm voice so she can learn to defend himself. Here are a few pointers:<br /><br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Give Permission to Say "NO":</strong> Studies show that kids under the age nine rarely say "No" to a sexual offender<em> because they were told "to obey adults." </em>So give permission for your child to yell NO. "If someone tries to touch you in places your bathing suit covers, makes you feel at all afraid or uncomfortable, say "NO! You will not be in trouble." "If someone tells you to do something you know is not right like get in an ice cream truck say "NO!"</li>
<br />
<li><strong>"Use your gut instinct": </strong>A "fear factor" can be a powerful in keeping kids safe, but often isn't used because we fail to help our kids learn theirs. Teach your child that if she ever feels he could be in danger, to use that fear instinct and leave immediately. You'll support her...no matter what!</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Teach 9-1-1: </strong>Make sure your child knows her first and last name, your first and last name, phone number, and address. Program your phone so your child can reach you and dial 9-1-1 instantly. Put a sticker on the "0." Then teach how to dial "operator" to reverse charges, so she can call you from any phone anywhere.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Establish a family secret code:</strong> Choose a memorable code like "Geronimo," to give only to family members or trusted individuals responsible for your kids in your absence. Then stress: "<em>Never</em> leave with <em>anyone</em> who can't say our family's secret code." Create a texted code (like "111" or "123") to be used by the child to contact you if in danger. It recently saved a California teen from abduction.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><strong>"Drop, Holler, and Run":</strong> Teach your child that if he ever needs to get away quickly, he should drop whatever he is carrying, holler, and run. If possible, he should run to an adult (ideally a woman with children) screaming, "Help! This isn't my dad!" If grabbed, he should hold on to anything (such as his bicycle handles or car door) holler, and kick an abductor in the groin or eyes. Dropping to the ground and kicking-tantrum style-makes it more difficult to be picked up. Stress: "I'll never be upset if you hurts someone if you're trying to protect yourself."</li>
</ul>
<br /><em><strong>STEP 2. Help Your Child Recognize Suspicious Adult Behavior</strong></em><br />Instead of scaring (and possibly even confusing) your kids with the "Stranger = Danger" approach, a more effective strategy is teaching kids to <em>recognize suspicious adult scenarios and behaviors</em>.What follows are a few adult behaviors kids should be aware and leery of. These points are <em>not</em> designed for one discussion, but topics for numerous shorter chats over the years with your kids. Talk about each one in the context of your child's age and stage and then watch how your child responds. It may help you recognize your son or daughter's vulnerability (such as "you can have a puppy!") so you can discuss the issue more. <br /><br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Asking for help: </strong>"I need help finding my child. Please help me!" "Can you help me look for my puppy?" Emphasize that your child can always ask a stranger for help, but a stranger does not ask kids for help.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Offering treats:</strong> "Would you like some candy?" "I have a skateboard in my car. Would you like it?" "I'll let you have one of my kittens (or pet my cat), if you will sit on my lap and watch this video."</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Feigning an emergency: </strong>"Hurry! You mom was in an accident. I'll take you to the hospital."* Flaunting authority: "I think you're the kid who hurt my son. Come with me and we'll go find your parents."</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Pretending to be an official: </strong>"I'm with the F.B.I. and this is my badge. You must come." (Tell your child to call you ASAP to verify the situation.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Faking friendship: </strong>"I'm an old friend of your dad's. He asked me to come over. Can you take me to your house?"</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Keeping a "secret":</strong> Predators often try to make kids promise to keep the abuse a secret. Teach your child: "If any adult asks you to keep an uncomfortable secret, tell me." You might say: "It's okay to not keep a secret even if you promised an adult."</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Needing personal information:</strong> "What's your address? If you give it to me, I'll send you a toy." "I need your phone number so I can contact your parent." Stress to your child: "Do NOT give out personal information such as your name, address, phone number, school, parents name, social security number, credit card number." Then teach: "An adult does not ask a child for personal information. They ask the child's parent." (An exception is the child's school).</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Requiring kids to open the door:</strong> Stress repeatedly to <em>never</em> open the door to someone who is not an immediate family member. Explain that anyone who is a friend will understand your rule and not mind waiting. Stress: "Don't say anything-find a parent!" If you're not home, tell your child to phone you from a backroom or 9-1-1 if in danger.</li>
</ul>
<br />These points are not designed for one discussion, but topics for numerous shorter chats over the years with your kids. The secret is bringing up the topic in a relaxed way just as you discuss earthquakes, pool safety and using cross walks and the best time to start those talks is when our kids are young! You are laying the groundwork to not only prevent abuse but also get the crucial help a child might need just in case. The key for kids to learn is: "Adults should not trick kids to do anything they don't feel comfortable doing."<br /><br />You might brainstorm with your child which adults he or she could turn to for help in each situation if you're not around (for instance, in your neighborhood or school): "What if that person didn't help or wasn't there?" or "Who could you go to for help?"<br /><br /><br /><em><strong>STEP 3: Rehearse Stranger Safety Skills Repeatedly</strong></em><br />Keep in mind that the best way to teach any skill is to show what it looks like, and then practice over and over until the child can use the safety skill without you. Look for fun ways to rehearse the skill in context. If you see a child using "assertive" skills, point it out.<br /><br />While there are no guarantees for our children's well being, research shows we can teach a few crucial safety basics that may help them be less likely to be harmed. Though you may fear that talking about frightening issue such as kidnapping will scare the pants off your kids, not doing so is a mistake. The secret is to bring up the topic in relaxed way just as you discuss fire and pool safety. Just consider your child's age, developmental level and the safety skills he needs at that point in his life.<br /><br />Statistics show that the vast majority of child abductors are someone the child personally knows. In fact, research shows that 85 percent of kids found alive after being abducted did not consider their kidnapper to be a stranger, which is all the more reason to teach different types of safety tips.Above all, remind your son or daughter that you are there<em> whatever</em> the situation may be, and you love him or her <em>no matter what</em>.<br /><br />Now, go practice those skills!<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Michele Borba, Ed.D.</strong><span>, is a mom of three, a former teacher, and renowned educational consultant who has presented workshops to one million parents and teachers worldwide. Dr. Borba is the author of </span><em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/078798096X/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back To Basics and Raising Happy Kids</a>.</em><span> She is a frequent guest on</span><em> Today, The Early Show, The View,</em><span> and </span><em>Fox & Friends.</em><span> She is also the award-winning author of over 20 books including </span><em><a href="https://www.parentingbookmark.com/pages/book_PDMAD.htm" target="_blank">Parents Do Make a Difference</a></em><span>, </span><em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787973335/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">Don't Give Me That Attitude!</a></em><span>, </span><em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787966177/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">No More Misbehavin'</a></em><span>, and </span><em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787976628/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me.</a></em><span> Dr. Borba is an advisory board member for Parents. For more strategies and tips visit </span><a href="http://www.simplemommysecrets.com/" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://micheleborba.com/" target="_blank">MicheleBorba.com</a><span>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</span><br /><strong><br /></strong>
Staff
2016-04-04T23:24:00Z
How to Encourage Your Kid's Communication And Productivity Skills
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-to-Encourage-Your-Kids-Communication-And-Productivity-Skills/885760122282882313.html
2016-03-29T23:24:00Z
2016-03-29T23:24:00Z
<strong><br />By Samantha Madhosingh</strong><br /><a href="http://www.askdrsamantha.com" target="_blank">www.askdrsamantha.com</a><a href="https://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank"><br /><br /><br /></a>Productive, confident adults...that is what we all hope our kids will develop into. There are very specific strategies that increase the odds of making that hope all parents have a reality, so let's dive in.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Communication with Confidence<br /></strong><br />Empowering children with the skills of effective listening, self-advocacy, standing up for themselves, and the ability to communicate their needs, are some of the critical communication tools they will need from the preschool classroom to the boardroom. <br />These are the foundation skills of leadership development and can even prevent your child from being the victim of bullying and abuse. You want your kids to be able to say "No" to other peers or adults who may attempt to harm them. Practice with them through role plays, and show them how to be assertive, ask for what they want, and listen carefully to what others are saying. <br /><br /><br /><strong>Productivity Skills and Self-Motivation<br /></strong><br />This is an area where today's "helicopter parents" often struggle to adequately prepare their children for the future. Raising self-starters is hard when you're in constant praise, motivate, and reward mode. For years, parents were encouraged to notice and applaud their kids' accomplishments and we naturally want our kids to feel good about themselves so we were happy to oblige. <br /><br />However, it's important to let accomplishment be its own motivation and reward. Yes, kids love to be praised. However, encouraging their effort and perseverance will serve them more in the long run. Being a people pleaser as a teen and adult will not serve them well as they will end up making decisions based on what they think will gain them approval from others and a "pat on the back" instead of being clear about who they are and what they want. <br /><br />Teaching kids how to be productive requires you to trust them to get things done and letting them know their contribution helps. Often as parents we "know" that we can do things faster and better than kids can do them. However, if you hover over them, continuously criticize, and end up doing it yourself, you don't encourage mastery, you simply keep reinforcing that they aren't capable and not good enough. Kids need to do things, imperfectly at first, and keep practicing until they acquire the important skills. <br />And, we couldn't cover productivity without discussing the need for basic organizational skills. From letting your little ones clean up their messes and their rooms themselves to allowing your teens organize their schedules and their closets you're facilitating their ability to develop skills they will use throughout their lives.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Financial Literacy <br /></strong><span> </span><br />This final skill is so key for mental health and well-being. Just look at the stress that money issues cause most adults. Here are a few ways to encourage healthy financial literacy skills.<br /><ol>
<li><strong>Talk about earning, investing, saving, and spending.</strong> Share age-appropriate information about your family's expenses and income, giving them a sense of how much time it takes you to earn the money used for various expenses. Give them examples from their own piggy bank or allowance too.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Give them a chance to learn for themselves.</strong> Start them early with a piggy bank and ways to earn a small allowance by helping out around the house do things beyond regular chores. Talk with them about how they are going to spend their money, how much they would like to save, and whether they would like to donate any money to charity. With older kids, set up a checking account and basic budget so they have financial experience long before the fly the nest.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Model healthy financial choices.</strong> If you are stressed and fighting over money, you're setting your children up to do the same someday. Don't fall into the "do as I say, not as I do" trap. What you say AND what you do will contribute to their beliefs about money. All the subtle and not so subtle comments and actions are absorbed whether you want them to or not. Teach them what you really want them to believe. </li>
</ol><br /><strong><br />Samantha Madhosingh, Psy.D</strong>. a psychologist, executive coach, bestselling author & speaker specializes in mind, body, & spirit transformation for clients globally. In addition to her bestselling book, "<em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Strike-It-Happy-Reflections-Revolutionize-ebook/dp/B00P2Q5MLE" target="_blank">Strike it Happy! 101 Reflections to Revolutionize Your Life</a>"</em>, she also authored "<em>Magnify Your Brilliance: 5 Keys to a Powerful Life</em>" & co-authored the bestselling books "<em><a href="http://motherhooddreamsandsuccess.com/dr-samantha-madhosingh/" target="_blank">Motherhood Dreams & Success</a>" and "You are Whole, Perfect, and Complete...Just As You Are"</em>. For more tips, visit <a href="http://www.askdrsamantha.com" target="_blank">www.askdrsamantha.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. <strong><br /></strong>
Staff
2016-03-29T23:24:00Z
Ready...Set...STOP! Six Secrets to Truly Relax During Playtime
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Ready...Set...STOP!-Six-Secrets-to-Truly-Relax-During-Playtime/-706731786967937284.html
2016-03-21T22:47:00Z
2016-03-21T22:47:00Z
<strong><br />by Annie Leedom</strong><br /><a href="https://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com<br /></a><br /> <br />From the time my two daughters were born, I have loved showing them the world, keep thing them busy and engaging them in activities. They didn't sleep until noon, they were helpful around the house and always had friends and many things to do.<br /><br />This was never more true than when we went on vacation. While I would have enjoyed just finding a nice beach to sleep on all day, they wanted to do things. So we traveled to cities, starting our action packed 14-hour days and ending them with a happy state of pure exhaustion.<br /><br />My girls are young adults now. They have come to appreciate the value of just relaxing and enjoying each other's company in places that mean something to us. We have learned some sneaky ways to make incredible memories without the constant sense of being on the go.<br /><br /><ol>
<li><strong>Find a beautiful area and walk the town.</strong> It's amazing how much you see that is not on a map. Just enjoying what's in the windows, or a corner café gives me a lot more time to talk with my family and to learn what they like these days.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Discover a secret destination.</strong> On a recent trip to Monterey, my daughter took us to an incredible waterfall at Julia Pfeiffer State Park. It was a bit of a drive and a short hike, that ultimately led us to one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen! We had time to talk, listen to music and take in the view as we drove down Highway 1 and enjoyed on of the most scenic coasts in the U.S.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Take in a show.</strong> Rather than going for something more ambitious like deep sea diving, we chose the Monterey Bay Aquarium. It is a magnificent way to see and learn about the life in the Bay in a leisurely way together. We could move at our own pace and see what we wanted to see.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Enjoy the veranda.</strong> We chose a hotel that specifically had amazing balconies, so we could relax, invite friends over in the area and enjoy the view. There is something truly magical about looking at one of the most beautiful places in the world while you're in your pajamas! The Portola Resort is a true "home away from home" and provided the perfect setting to slow down and enjoy my family.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Create a tradition.</strong> Part of the fun of a great vacation is looking forward to coming back. For us, we found an incredible bakery in nearby Carmel that we adore and it is truly the first stop whenever we return. The Tuscan ambiance and the incredible treats make it a perfect tradition that is just ours.</li>
</ol>Life is about making memories we cherish with people we love. Slowing down to truly treasure our time together is the secret to a vacation we will truly enjoy and remember and won't exhaust us in the process!<br /> <br /><br /><br /><strong>Anne Leedom</strong> is the Founder of <a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank">Parentingbookmark.com</a>, a website offering tips on raising great kids. She is also the Founder of <a href="http://netconnectpublicity.com/" target="_blank">NetConnectPublicity.com</a>, a premier online PR firm based in Northern California. She frequently writes on family and travel for The Portola Resort and is a guest contributor on many national websites. For more information visit <a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. <strong></strong><strong><br /></strong>
Staff
2016-03-21T22:47:00Z
Two Simple Things You Can Do to Build Stronger, More Authentic Relationships with Your Teen
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Two-Simple-Things-You-Can-Do-to-Build-Stronger,-More-Authentic-Relationships-with-Your-Teen/-609221379655267355.html
2016-02-29T21:29:00Z
2016-02-29T21:29:00Z
<strong><br />By <strong><strong>Sam Himelstein, Ph.D.</strong></strong></strong><br /><a href="http://samhimelstein.com/" target="_blank">samhimelstein.com</a><br /><br /> <br />The desire for autonomy and independence naturally arises during the adolescent life stage. It is a part of moving from being a child to an adult. Unfortunately, this can manifest in households as a rebellion against parents, deeper tension, and an overall strain on parent-child relationships. Oftentimes we as parents are taught methods to try and "control" our kids in some way: take away their privileges if they don't do their homework, etc. <br /><br />These parenting methods fit within a paradigm of punishment and reward, and although sometimes can be effective with teens that aren't particularly rambunctious, oftentimes crash and burn with youth who have even a drop of rebellion in them. The stronger the relationship, the more leverage you'll have in asking your teen to do their homework, be respectful, go to school, be honest about drugs, etc. Below are two extremely simple yet transformative practices to build stronger, more authentic relationships with your teens. <br /><br /><strong>1. Listen. <br /></strong> <br />This may sound simple and basic, but it's not. As parents we're conditioned to "direct" our kids. This comes from an authentic place: we need to teach them how to live and survive in the world. We tell them not to put their hand over fire, to be respectful, to behave, etc. It's only natural that we continue issuing directives into adolescence. <br /><br />This is when tension starts to arise in the parent-child relationship, as teens strive for independence. If we want to build and maintain strong relationships, listening is the first step. It shows them we're wiling to give them the time of day, something adolescents universally feel adults don't do. Listening shows that you're curious about their lives. It gives your teen an avenue to be seen, heard, witnessed, and respected. <br /><br />Next time you are in a power struggle with your teen, stop, breathe, and tell him/her that you want to listen to their point of view. And then actually listen without interrupting them. This doesn't mean you can't still enforce boundaries, but it at least lets the teen know you've heard her or his side. <br /><br /><strong>2. Practice Authenticity. <br /><br /></strong>We want our teens to be authentic with us so we can know what's happening in their lives. Authenticity begets authenticity. When we practice being authentic with our teens, it models authenticity and influences them to be more authentic. And yes authenticity is a "practice." It is the conscious awareness of being genuine with another human being. <br /> <br />Disclosing personal information (when appropriate of course) about our experiences, attitudes, opinions, etc., humanizes us as parents and gives our teens a window into our lives outside of simply their parents. This leads to greater empathy, which leads to deeper connection. It is imperative that our children view us as human beings, as then they will start to feel deeper trust, connection, and the ability to relate. Otherwise you simply become a robot authority figure; someone who tells them what to do and cannot be related to. <br /><br />Practice being authentic by being genuine with them about your concerns when conflict arises first before becoming directive: "I'm really scared when you go out late at night," rather than, "YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO STAY OUT LATE!" Make an effort to both listen to your teen's life experiences and reference yours as appropriate. This will help build a culture of trust, genuineness, and ultimately deeper connection. <br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Sam Himelstein, Ph.D</strong>. is the founder of the <a href="http://centerforadolescentstudies.com/" target="_blank">Center for Adolescent Studies</a>, a multidisciplinary training institute that provides top quality training to parents and professionals working with adolescents. He is a psychologist and works with incarcerated and at-risk youth in Oakland, CA. He is the author of the <a href="http://centerforadolescentstudies.com/bars/" target="_blank">Building Authentic Relationships (BARs) with Adolescents Online course</a>; a seminal training on building relationships with youth for both parents and professionals. He's published numerous peer-reviewed articles and two recent books: <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Based-Approach-Working-High-Risk-Adolescents/dp/0415642450" target="_blank">A Mindfulness-Based Approach for Working with High-Risk Adolescents</a></em> (Routledge, 2013), and<em> <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Based-Substance-Abuse-Treatment-Adolescents/dp/1138812544/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1457034168&sr=8-1&keywords=Mindfulness-Based+Substance+Abuse+Treatment+with+Adolescents%3A+A+12-Session+Curriculum" target="_blank">Mindfulness-Based Substance Abuse Treatment with Adolescents: A 12-Session Curriculum</a></em> (Routledge, 2015). Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.<strong><br /></strong>
Staff
2016-02-29T21:29:00Z
4 Positions to NOT Put Your Child In
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/4-Positions-to-NOT-Put-Your-Child-In/-429278706187108890.html
2016-02-23T05:54:00Z
2016-02-23T05:54:00Z
<strong><br />By <strong><strong>Natalie Berthold</strong></strong></strong><br /><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com</a><a href="http://www.meghansphillips.com/" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank"></a><br /><br /> <br />These days, it seems most parents shy away from their main role, which is, well, to parent. It is invaluable to the child to know that you are in control, you are the leader, and you set the boundaries. Of course, there is a fine line and this does not have to come with corporal punishment or any of the other fear-based tactics used in history, but it does mean you need to step into your authority.<br /><br />There are four main roles or positions that can sneak up on us if we are not careful, that we can put or allow our children to take on. These roles can be detrimental to our child's emotional development and can even limit their ability to build and maintain healthy relationships later in life. Unfortunately, I see these role-reversals all too often in my personal and professional life and it is important for us to recognize them early on and put these responsibilities in the right place.<br /><br />Children naturally want to please us. They adore us and will do anything for us--they are, after all, indebted to us for giving them life. Additionally, their survival depends on your well being, so selfishly, they will do whatever it takes to keep you emotionally and physically healthy--even if it means volunteering for or agreeing to these unhealthy roles.<br /><br />Here are 4 positions that you should never put your children in:<br /><br />
<blockquote><strong>1. Your Partner.</strong> Now, I'm not referring to a physically incestuous relationship (which is obviously inappropriate), but so many parents overlook the fact that a type of emotionally incestuous relationship is happening. When a mother or father has a spouse who is not present physically or emotionally, it is not uncommon for them to turn to their children for that support. Boys often feel the pressure to become a man before they are ready and girls become the woman before they are ready, fulfilling responsibilities and roles that a partner would, such as housework, protection, guidance, etc. Make sure if you have an absentee partner, that you are not tempted to either put, or allow, your children to fill that place. Please affirm to yourself and your child "You're not my partner, you are only my child" and act accordingly.</blockquote>
<blockquote><strong>2. Your Therapist.</strong> I see this all of the time. A mom or dad is feeling stressed, tired, vulnerable, or physically ill and turns to their children. Frequently, a child goes up to her mother and pats her on the back and says, "are you ok mommy" and mom turns to her child and tells her all of her woes. Additionally, I have clients who tell their children all about their marital, sexual, health and financial problems and even ask for advice. This is a huge no-no. It is not your child's job to console, nor counsel you. Please affirm to yourself and your child "You're not my partner, you are only my child" and act accordingly.</blockquote>
<blockquote><strong>3. Your 'Gal Pal' or BBF.</strong> This is WAY too common between mother and daughter these days. The daughter is always along for the mani/pedis, the shopping trips, the girlfriend brunches, etc. I often hear women and teens say "my mom is my best friend". This sounds warm and fuzzy,and is certainly okay from time to time, but in excess, it really creates an 'equal' dynamic which can limit the ability to parent and set appropriate boundaries when necessary. The child has enough friends and so do you. Please affirm to yourself and your child "You're not my "bestie", you are only my child" and act accordingly.</blockquote>
<blockquote><strong>4. Your Parent. </strong>This is a HUGE one and unfortunately, quite prevalent. Most of us didn't get all of the care and TLC we needed from our mother and father, but this does not give us license to turn toward our children and expect them to take care of us. This can manifest in many ways such as asking our children for money, or emotional and physical support. Again, this most definitely is not their job. It is YOUR job. Please affirm to yourself and your child "You're not my parent, you are only my child" and act accordingly. Parenting is tough and so is life from time to time.</blockquote>
<br />It is really important that we take an honest assessment of our relationship with our children and make sure that they are NOT taking on the role of our spouse, therapist, buddy, or parent. If you think about your own relationship with your parent, you may find you have a similar pattern with them.<br /><br />It is time to break that pattern and allow your child to be just your child. Seek out help from therapists, friends, partners, support groups, chat rooms or meet-up groups, etc. if you need extra help and nurturing, but don't lean on your children. In addition, your strongest, most life-affirming role is to be a parent...don't rob yourself of that gift! <br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Natalie Berthold</strong> uses a <a href="http://www.natalieberthold.com/about/" target="_blank">variety of modalities</a>, particularly Family Constellation Therapy, to get to the root of the issue. Natalie works in a loving and compassionate way to efficiently and effectively disentangle patterns that have been passed down trans-generationally, and restore the natural order of love, allowing the individual to finally be free from lifelong limitations. Natalie works with all issues, but specializes in disordered eating and limitations with health, career and finances and relationships. When not working, Natalie is most likely found frolicking in the park with her two adorable rescue mutts, Argos and Athena. She is also excitedly awaiting her first child, coming this spring! Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.<strong><br /></strong>
Staff
2016-02-23T05:54:00Z
Just Say No: Four Ways to Curb Misbehavior Fast
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Just-Say-No:-Four-Ways-to-Curb-Misbehavior-Fast/562304618261307411.html
2016-02-02T06:49:00Z
2016-02-02T06:49:00Z
<strong><br />By <strong>Anne Leedom</strong></strong><br /><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com</a><a href="http://www.meghansphillips.com/" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank"></a><br /><br /> <br />My days move along fairly smoothly. Routine, love and a solid foundation keep my family together. However, there is a time some days when everything I hold dear in terms of parenting wisdom goes right out the window. It's the hour when all the demands of family life come together...homework, dinner, tempers, bath time.... Any behavior issues that normally are negligible are certain to rear their horrid heads at this time and I am suddenly at a loss. I find myself acting in ways that would not win me the 'best parent award' of the year.<br /><br />During these times I focus on what really matters. It isn't getting my child to eat their dinner, take their bath or even complete their homework. We focus on the things that our family has defined as foundational concepts. We laugh, we tell stories, provide a hug when needed...we use these frustrations as a great opportunity to show how strong we are as a unit and come together, not apart.<br /><br /><strong>Here are tips on how to keep balanced perspective on misbehavior and know when to use it to strengthen your family and when to "just say no."</strong><br /><ol>
<li><strong>Thinking "It's just a phase." </strong>Bad behaviors don't just "go away." They almost always need adult intervention. The longer parents wait, the more likely the behavior will become a habit. So don't call it a phase: redirect the bad behavior as soon as it starts.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Targeting specific behavior.</strong> It's best to work on improving only one-and never more than two-behaviors at a time. And the more specific the plan, the better. Narrow the focus to target the specific behavior you want to eliminate and your chances of success will increase.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Have a plan.</strong> Once parents have identified the bad behavior, they need a solid plan to stop it. The plan must acknowledge the bad behavior, include a specific plan for change which should include a new replacement behavior and have specific consequences in place if the bad behavior returns.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Perseverance is the rule.</strong> Learning new behavior habits generally takes a minimum of twenty-one days of repetition. Parents need to commit to changing the bad behavior and then continue using the plan for at least three weeks. Only then will they see change.<br /><br />A lot of Moms and Dads feel like their toddler's or child's behavior is driving them crazy. Maybe you're in the same boat - you feel stressed out, and you just want some PEACE. During stressful and hectic times we are most likely to notice behaviors that might only be evident during these times. So pay attention and then follow a <a href="http://talkingtotoddlers.com/?hop=pbookmark" target="_blank">step-by-step plan to eliminate the misbehavior</a> and you can truly enjoy and cherish your times with your kids.</li>
</ol><br /><strong><em>Expert TIP</em></strong><br />According to Parenting Expert <a href="http://micheleborba.com/" target="_blank">Dr. Michele Borba</a>, the most important step a parent can take to curb bad behavior is to praise positive actions. Dr. Borba says, "Don't forget to reinforce your child when she behaves. Let her know how pleased it makes you feel . Make sure you describe exactly what your child did right, so your child is more likely to repeat the behavior. "I noticed how you remembered to use such polite words as, "Please" and "Thank you" when we were visiting Mrs. Walker. It makes me happy to know how well-mannered you can be." Or: "Thank you for waiting until everyone was served before you began to eat. That was being polite."<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Anne Leedom</strong> is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of <a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com</a>. She lives in Northern California and is frequently quoted in national media. She contributes to a variety of national online publications, including <a href="http://www.beliefnet.com/" target="_blank">Beliefnet.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.<strong><br /></strong>
Staff
2016-02-02T06:49:00Z
Five Things Your Kids Won't Tell You
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Five-Things-Your-Kids-Wont-Tell-You/957874263957314718.html
2016-01-11T23:47:00Z
2016-01-11T23:47:00Z
<strong><br />By <strong>Dr. Tim Jordan</strong></strong><br /><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com</a><a href="http://www.meghansphillips.com/" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank"></a><br /><br /> <br />1. Adolescent girls won't tell you about the intense pressures they are under to be perfect. Girls are expected to be perfect at all the traditional "girl qualities", i.e. be pretty, thin, hot, sweet and nice to everyone, put other people's needs first, be good at verbal skills and relationships, be nurturing etc.The difference today is that they are also feeling the heat to be perfect at all the traditional "boy qualities" i.e.. be competitive, aggressive, ambitious, willing to step on everyone to get to the top, be at the top of the class academically and admitted to top tier colleges, performing on super-select club sports teams, and hook up sexually and have it be no big deal, etc.And then they are supposed to grow up and become a woman who is a perfect wife, have an incredible job where they have risen to the top and are making a boatload of money, while still staying thin, pretty, and hot...and make it all seem easy and effortless. This stress and pressure plays out as depression, anxiety, and mean girl dramas.<br /><br /><br />2. Kids won't tell you about what complicated lives they are living, especially compared to their parents experience. Many kids have to deal with divorce, step-parents, parents who fight, unrealistic expectations from parents and teachers to be perfect students and not make mistakes, unrelenting activities that keep them busy and performing for adults, a whole assortment of different ways their families look, the constant bombardment of unhealthy messages and images from the media, and the tension from a 24/7 news cycle of relationship drama from their technology.<br /><br />Way too many girls have sexual experiences forced on them. And they are so busy that there is no time to have quiet time to reflect and process through their feelings and issues.<br /><br /><br />3. Girls won't tell you that the biggest cost to them from all the relationship dramas they experience is that they are giving their power away, and thus losing themselves. They give their power away every time they: compare themselves to others, put up with abuse, avoid conflict and not stand up for themselves, not ask for what they want, let their buttons be pushed, and allow themselves to be seen and treated like an object by boys.<br /><br />They lose sight of who they are, what they are feeling, what they need, and what is right for them. Thus the reason for such high levels of anxiety, depression, cutting, and eating disorders in girls.<br /><br /><br />4. The culture is pressuring them to go for it and make it no big deal, and in a sense their more archetypical female energy has been overridden by the more male archetypical sexual energy.<br /><br />But most girls I talk to regret their 1st intercourse experience, wishing it had been with someone they really cared about vs. an impulsive hook-up. And most girls also have to get drunk before they hook-up, which says a lot about their need to numb out emotionally in order to do it. Girls are wired to connect and bond, and hooking up sexually is a superficial way to do that.<br /><br /><br />5. That they want, and can, and will have it all! But my definition of having it all means this: girls and women have to have the ability to get quiet, go inward, and be in touch with their intuition and feelings and their 'knowing'. They have to consciously decide at every step along the way: "Is this right for me?" "What do I want and need?"<br /><br />If you just 'lean in' and never look up until you are at the top, there is a great chance that your life will be out of balance. And we should be open to having millions of ways that 'having it all' looks like, because each woman ought to be making choices consciously for her and not be so influenced by what they 'should' be doing because of pressures from the 2 polar extremes that get the most attention; i.e. feminists and stay-at-home moms. Every woman can have it all if they are in charge of what having it all means for them as an individual. <br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Dr. Tim Jordan </strong>is a leading expert on parenting girls from 2 - 20 years of age. He is the author of <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Sleeping-Beauties-Awakened-Women-Jordan/dp/0988461366" target="_blank">Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding Transformation of Adolescent Girls</a></em>. He is also an international speaker, media expert and school consultant. He often speaks about girls and their journey through adolescence, relationship aggression, friendship, cliques and bullying and the best practices for parenting girls. For more information visit <a href="http://drtimjordan.com/" target="_blank">www.drtimjordan.com</a> or <a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. <strong><br /></strong>
Staff
2016-01-11T23:47:00Z
Practical Ways To Instill Accountability In Kids
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Practical-Ways-To-Instill-Accountability-In-Kids/146240479939452212.html
2015-12-28T23:05:00Z
2015-12-28T23:05:00Z
<strong><br />By Meghan S. Phillips</strong><br /><a href="http://www.meghansphillips.com/" target="_blank">meghansphillips.com</a><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank"></a><br /><br /> <br />One of the chapters in the parenting book I am writing is on accountability. If I had to pick one thing that I see parents <em>not</em> instilling in their kids these days, it would be this. Being accountable is so much more than just taking responsibility. It shapes the adult you become. Is your child going to be the adult who does the right thing even when it's uncomfortable? This doesn't always come naturally. Responsibility and accountability need to be developed and instilled. <br /><br />Webster defines accountability as, "<em>The quality or state of being accountable; especially: an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions.</em>" Accountability isn't something you teach in a moment or an experience. It is something you instill little by little every day. I am starting to really become aware of just how many times in a day there are opportunities to do this with my kids. <br /><br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Modeling</strong><br />One of the most effective ways of teaching anything to our kids is modeling. There are many times in any given day that I wish I hadn't said or done something, or wished I hadn't reacted in a certain way. These are perfect times to for us, as parents, to own our mishaps. I have overreacted and lost my cool a time or two (or three), and when I thought about it after the fact, most times I was frustrated over something that had nothing to do with my kids. When my kids did something they shouldn't have, or didn't listen to me, I lost it. If and when that happens now, I own it and I apologize and tell them I was upset about something else and I shouldn't have reacted that way. I don't dismiss what they did or didn't do, but I take responsibility for what I said or did. </li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Requiring your kids take ownership </strong><br />In addition to modeling, parents can instill accountability by making our kids take ownership when they do make a mistake. There are so many lessons in this one act. First, no one is perfect. We all make mistakes. The key is to learn from our mistakes. That is how we grow as people. The second is that we cannot become who we were meant to become if we don't take responsibility. Period. You can do this as a parent by making your child apologize when he makes a mistake. </li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Making amends</strong><br />This apology must include the <em>act</em> he or she is sorry for. If your child gets asked to leave music class because he is being disruptive, just saying, "sorry," is not enough. It is a great start, but the real accountability piece comes when you verbalize what the mistake was. So when your child is apologizing to the teacher, it should be something like, "I'm sorry I was disruptive in your class today. It won't happen again." This can be done in person, or in a note. That your <em>child</em> writes. Yes, this is probably going to be uncomfortable for your child. But that is the lesson.<em> Because</em> it is uncomfortable, the hope is they will think twice before doing something similar next time. That is learning from their mistakes. </li>
</ul>
<br />This is how we instill accountability. You make it part of your daily life. It is not a lesson learned in one brief moment. It is learned through consistency. When your children grow into trustworthy, authentic and accountable adults, they will thank you. <br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Meghan Phillips, L-MSW</strong> is a school social worker in an elementary school where she works with kids and their parents. Meghan is writing a book about how parents can make small shifts in parenting that will help children to become in-tune with their authentic selves and live in alignment with their true purpose and desires. Meghan lives on Eastern Long Island, NY with her husband and two children. <a href="http://www.meghansphillips.com/" target="_blank">www.meghansphillips.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. <strong><br /></strong>
Staff
2015-12-28T23:05:00Z
When Parents Don't Agree on Discipline
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/When-Parents-Dont-Agree-on-Discipline/-776277429513865908.html
2015-12-15T04:43:00Z
2015-12-15T04:43:00Z
<strong><br />By Armit Brott</strong><br /><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank">www.Parentingbookmark.com</a><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank"></a><br /><br /> <br />One of the most common concerns among parents is the on going struggle between two parents on how to discipline their kids. One parent is strict and the other is too lenient or perhaps one parent allows behavior that the other parent finds completely unacceptable. This can cause tension and downright anger and resentment between parents and can really take a toll on the kids as they then learn to play one parent off the other. <br /><br /><strong>When it comes to the subject of discipline, it is crucial that parents get on the same page!</strong><br /><br /> The following suggestions can help to ease the battles:<br /><br />1. Agree on a signal that one or both of you recognize the conversation is getting heated and needs to be halted.<br /><br />2. Make a commitment to honor the signal.<br /><br />3. Create clear guidelines on what behaviors will be tolerated and what ones will not be allowed.<br /><br />4. Consider taking a few parenting classes together. When you learn how to approach situations from a fresh perspective that you discover together you are both going to be more likely to respect the concepts and follow through with them.<br /><br />5. Be open and willing to seek out a third party for professional directions and support.<br /><br />6. Remember your successes. You and your spouse have no doubt negotiated and compromised many times in the past. Everyone, especially the kids, will win if you can work toward that goal as the number one priority. <br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Armin Brott</strong> is a Best-Selling author of several books including <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0789210770/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=45275380887&hvpos=1t1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4250377590760311751&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_3r63141cbg_b" target="_blank">The Expectant Father</a></em>. He <span>is also a featured expert for </span><a id="yui_3_16_0_1_1450913056924_3558" class="yiv2389808653" rel="nofollow" href="http://parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank">Parentingbookmark.com</a><span>, a site offering resources on raising caring kids. </span>Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. <strong><br /></strong>
Staff
2015-12-15T04:43:00Z
Six Ways Fighting Will Bring Your Family Closer
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Six-Ways-Fighting-Will-Bring-Your-Family-Closer/49563638129140023.html
2015-11-24T04:09:00Z
2015-11-24T04:09:00Z
<strong><br />by Doug Noll</strong><br /><a href="http://dougnoll.com/" target="_blank">www.dougnoll.com</a><br /><br /> <br />Family fights are never pleasant. Whether you are dealing with whining kids, shut-down teenagers, or a stubborn spouse, the reaction to conflict is messy. At least that's what we have learned to expect. <br /><br />What if it could be different? What if family fights and conflicts could be turned into opportunities to become closer? What if problems could be solved with everyone walking away feeling more deeply cared for and loved?<br /><br />Family fighting is, at one level, about power. Someone is telling someone else what to do. The unwilling recipient is resisting, which itself is an exercise of power. In a flash, emotions are escalated and the fight is on. You can go down that old road or you can try something different. Here are six ways to use a family fight to bring everyone closer:<br /><br /><strong>Don't Fight Power with Power. </strong> Our first reaction is to push back when we have been pushed. Ever wonder why that is? Really, why do we push back against an argumentative child? There are a lot of rationalizations and justifications, some of which have limited merit. The real reason for our unconscious reaction is programming: it's what we learned as children. In fact, the very first conflict resolution lesson most adults learned was "He who has the most power wins." Think about the lesson from the perspective of two years old. It is indelible because at two, we are essentially powerless and completely dependent. That lesson is never corrected so that as adults, we react as we learned when two years old: Resist power. The problem is that this reaction is unconscious and therefore often counterproductive.<br /><br /><strong>Earn Your Turn. </strong> In any fight, you have a need to be listened to and understood. That need may be overwhelming. You want your child to listen and obey. You want your spouse to listen and understand. You want your friend to listen and care. At the same time, the person you are fighting has the same need to be listened to. People raise their voices and shout at each other because they are not being listened to. It's totally unconscious. When you pay attention to arguments, you will see it. The need to be listened to drives most family conflicts. If you can put aside your need for a few minutes, the landscape will change rapidly. This is called earning your turn. You have to earn your turn to be listened to.<br /><br /><strong>Listen for the right things.</strong> If you are going to earn your turn to be listened to, you have to listen for the right information. The best way to do this in emotional situations is to ignore the words. This is counter-intuitive because we think we get most meaning from the words other's speak. However, most of the time, people don't say what they mean because they don't know what they are feeling. The technical word for this is alexithymia, which is not having the ability to identify and label the emotions one is experiencing. Most people suffer from mild levels of alexithymia. They are unable to express what they are feeling with particularity. In fact, most people have very poor linkages between their emotional life and their emotional vocabulary. This is the key: listen for the.<br /><br /><strong>Label the emotions. </strong>Instead of arguing back to a stubborn spouse, label his or her emotions with a simple statement like, "You are angry and frustrated." Keep it simple and direct. If you get it right, your spouse will nod and say something like "Got that right!"<br /><br /><strong>Solve Problems Later.</strong> Many fights occur at really inconvenient times. The power struggle is about whose will may be imposed on the problem. Typically, there are two solutions vying for dominance and the conflict become a competitive "I win, you lose," proposition. Conflict is not the time to solve problems so don't try. Your best tactic is to de-escalate the strong emotions by listening deeply and labeling the emotions you see. The situation will calm down quickly, usually in less than 30 seconds. You can either move on to problem-solving or reach an agreement to work on it at a more convenient time. If you take the time to listen, acknowledge the problem, and offer to work on a solution later, the immediate crisis will pass. More often than not, you will get your way for now.<br /><br /><strong>Make agreements. </strong> Problem-solving is not so great unless you can reach agreement. Good agreements will be specific about time, task, standard, responsibilities, and accountability. You can make perfectly good agreements with young children, provided the agreements are simple. The older the child, the more complex the agreement can be. Agreements with your spouse can alleviate unnecessary conflict and provide the foundation for deep trust. Be careful not to confuse agreements with expectations. Expectations cause a lot of conflicts because they are never clearly expressed nor agreed upon. Your expectation that a room is to be neat and tidy is not an agreement with your child. Make the agreement and eliminate the chaos that comes from unstated and unclear expectations.<br /><br />These six steps implemented over a period of time will bring your family closer together. Everyone will feel respected and listened to, even when there is conflict. Emotions will be appreciated and respected. Agreements will be kept more often than not. These are the true secrets of a close, peaceful family.<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Douglas E. Noll, JD, MA</strong> is an award-winning lawyer, author, speaker, and trainer. After a successful two-decade career as a trial lawyer, he devoted himself to understanding the root causes of human conflict. Today, he shares his knowledge with those interested in transforming their lives and relationships from drama and chaos to peace and love. For more strategies visit <a href="http://dougnoll.com/">www.dougnoll.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. <strong><br /></strong>
Staff
2015-11-24T04:09:00Z
All Grown Up: Signs My Daughter is Proud to Call Me 'Mom'
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/All-Grown-Up:-Signs-My-Daughter-is-Proud-to-Call-Me-Mom/977699235073503103.html
2015-10-26T22:49:00Z
2015-10-26T22:49:00Z
<strong><br />by Annie Leedom</strong><br /><a href="https://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com<br /></a><br /> <br />I can still remember the excitement I felt when I heard the school bell ring across the street. It was time to pick my daughters up from school. Hearing about their day, planning our evening and just having them with me again truly was the highlight of my day. It still is, in spite of the fact they are 18 and 19!<br /><br />The sound of their voices as they rattled off stories about the other kids, the teachers, what they learned and the onslaught of questions about the evening to come gave me the daily validation that I was their mother. It was the greatest joy in my day.<br /><br />Talking came easily in our home. We had very little drama. My girls and I learned quickly to focus on the love, the joy and the goals of each day together.<br /><br />Now, as they are newly adults I have noticed an amazing phenomenon. I always knew they loved me. As the years have passed I now see signs of true pride and it is heartwarming. It gives me a sense that I have done something right along the way. I also had divine intervention and a whole lot of help!<br /><br />Here are 5 ways to determine if your children are filled with true pride and a sense of connection that will last for years to come.<br /><ol>
<li><strong>The cool factor.</strong> Now that they are old enough to go to concerts and events, they still ask me to come before anyone else. They have their friends of course. However, when something truly important to them comes up, Mom is still their first choice for company. An honor and a relief!</li>
<br />
<li><strong>The protective instinct.</strong> Not all people are kind, sadly. As my girls see others treat me in ways they don't feel are respectful and loving, they are the ultimate 'baby bear'. They put my 'mama bear' days to shame, protecting me at any cost. Seeing their fierce protective nature and obvious pain when I am not treated well shows me a profound love and pride I always hoped I to instill.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>The helper syndrome.</strong> My kids have always been respectful and helpful. However, I now see an amazing side of them as they truly start to care for me. Being helpful, offering to take me out to do something fun, and displaying a general attitude and set of behaviors focused on making my life easier. They love to work with me, play with me and we have long talks about life. They choose to engage with me on an adult level and clearly feel a sense of pride and excitement at becoming true friends as the mature.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>The brag book.</strong> I still treasure my photo albums of when my girls were young. Such precious photos from the days when pictures were our record of our time with our kids. Now, my kids brag about me on their social media, snap chat and all the modern methods kids use to display and share their life. And I am allowed into their social sanctuary, whereas so many parents are not. We are 'friends'"...the ultimate sign of approval. This gives me a true sense of how proud they are to have me in their lives, as they become adults!</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Maintaining rituals. </strong>As all kids do, my children become annoyed with me and frustrated and want their time alone. However, I am amazed and grateful for their ongoing persistence to create and maintain rituals to keep us close. Day trips, movie nights, TV Shows, favorite restaurants, getaways and dreams of the future all continue to be pursued as a family. </li>
</ol>As my kids continue to move into their 20's, they will surely create their own lives and we will have more separation along the way. However, knowing they are truly proud of me and the job I did as their mother, and the people they have become makes that separation far easier to tolerate. <br /><br />They are willfully making an effort to forge a loving relationship as adults and I am unbelievably proud of them both and can't wait to see what the road ahead brings as we grow together...and apart, but always with true love and great pride.<br /><br /><br /><br /><strong>Annie Leedom</strong> is the Founder of <a href="https://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank">Parentingbookmark.com</a>, a website offering tips and strategies on raising caring kids. For more information visit <a href="https://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. <strong><br /></strong>
Staff
2015-10-26T22:49:00Z
Hopeful Parenting When Your Kids Are Emotionally Hurting
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Hopeful-Parenting-When-Your-Kids-Are-Emotionally-Hurting/-623162748749014083.html
2015-10-12T17:39:00Z
2015-10-12T17:39:00Z
<strong><br />by Dr. Sue Cornbluth</strong><br /><a href="http://www.drsueandyou.com/" target="_blank">www.drsueandyou.com</a><br /><br /><br />As a parent, you never want to see your child in emotional pain. When you do, you often have a natural instinct to want to do everything in your power to take away their pain. Sometimes, you cannot automatically "fix" your child's situation as quickly as you would like to. Your child has to go through their own healing process to find success on the other side. <br /><br />There is however something very powerful that every parent can do when their child is experiencing emotional pain and that is "Hope" Hopeful parenting is about believing that you possess the inner strength, determination and tools to move you and your children beyond emotional pain.<br /> <br />"Hope" encourages you to move beyond fear and despair and helps you to survive and adjust to tough circumstances. It is the backbone of resilience. It also is the key to beginning your process towards overcoming a traumatic experience. <br /><br />Empathy is a great approach to help you and your children build hope and move through trauma situations. You can do this by:<br /><br /><ol>
<li><strong>Joining with your Child: </strong>Letting your child know that that you would be feeling alone, scared and shameful and sad if you experienced a traumatic experience.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Building Resiliency: </strong>Assuring yourself and your child that traumatic circumst<br />ances do not define everything about who you are or who you will become. Children are young and vulnerable but also resilient. Encourage your child to know that he or she has a choice to form an identity that he or she is proud of.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Encourage Self-Belief:</strong> When a child or an adult views himself or herself as a victim, they believe that they do not deserve nice things and are filled with low self-esteem, hopelessness negative thinking, shame and confusion. When a child or adult learns to become a survivor of their circumstances they begin to feel proud and live in the here and now. They begin to feel hope that their life can be more than they believed it could be. They look towards the future and become a survivor.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Future Beyond The Pain:</strong> If you have a child that has experienced a traumatic event, help them to look at the situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Although your child may only be focusing on the pain they are facing in the moment, help them see that there is a future beyond the current situation and that their future can be good. You will be surprised at how far an optimistic outlook can help a child move forward in the worst of times. Our first natural instinct when our kids are hurting is to take away their pain as quickly as possible. This is a protective instinct for parents. The better gift that you can give them is hope and an empathetic understanding to allow them to move through their journey of healing. </li>
</ol><strong><br /><br />Dr. Sue Cornbluth</strong> is a nationally recognized parenting expert in high conflict parenting situations. Dr. Sue is a mental health contributor for national television shows such as NBC, FOX and CBS. She contributes to national publications and writes a monthly parenting column is Parents Express magazine. Her best-selling book, "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Building-Self-Esteem-Children-Adopted-Fostered/dp/1849054665/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1432151202&sr=8-1&keywords=sue+cornbluth" target="_blank">Building Self-esteem in Children and Teens who are Adopted or Fostered</a>" is available now. To find out more about her work visit <a href="http://www.drsueandyou.com/" target="_blank">www.drsueandyou.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. <br /><strong><br /></strong>
Staff
2015-10-12T17:39:00Z
6 Things Sports Can Teach You from a Teen Perspective
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/6-Things-Sports-Can-Teach-You-from-a-Teen-Perspective/173865698997018018.html
2015-09-29T01:46:00Z
2015-09-29T01:46:00Z
<strong><br />by Brigitte Cutshall</strong><br /><a href="http://www.brigittecutshall.com" target="_blank">www.brigittecutshall.com</a><br /><br /><br />We each have our own reasons for participating in a sport or supporting our children in their endeavors. Many athletes are revered because we all know the commitment that is required to excel. <br /><br />When my 17-year-old son decided he didn't want to play travel hockey this year, we were surprised and disappointed; felt kind of let down actually. Why did I feel this way? Was I too attached to the outcome because of the money "invested" for the past 8 years? Can't focus on those lost costs. He's the one playing hockey, not me or my husband.<br /><br />You want what's best for your child. You take pride in their accomplishments. It's a hard thing to do, but you have to let go at some point. We're glad he spoke up.<br /><br />Participating in sports helps many who are in need too. It played an important role in my life. Sports really was a "place" for me to escape, something to occupy my time so I could avoid going home. Don't get me wrong - I enjoyed it. But my parents were freshly divorced and my home-life was up in the air. My coaches were the ones who pushed me to do better. To be honest, I resented it on occasion at the time; which is normal for a rebellious teenager. Their influence was very positive and I'm grateful to this day.<br /><br />I "surveyed" my two sons and a few of their friends about what was learned through their sports involvement. All male, ages 17-20, variety of sports (baseball, track, cross country, hockey, lacrosse). They all commented that many coaches and parents take it too serious sometimes. Hmmm. It can be all encompassing...their lives revolve around practice and competition. Bottom line sports participation is supposed to be fun. <br /><br /><strong>Here are the 6 points we came up with:</strong><br /><ol>
<li><strong>Sports involvement keeps them busy and out of trouble.</strong> There is a lot of social pressure out there. You will have less free time after school being involved with something. A sport teaches you trust, leadership, and a healthy lifestyle. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>A place to feel good overall.</strong> The adrenalin you experience feels good, especially during competition. You develop friendships that wouldn't have happened otherwise.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Dealing with diversity.</strong> Being part of a team includes people from diverse backgrounds. You learn to work with those that are different than you. A diverse background helps to foster creativity and reduce stereotypes in relation to race, gender, culture and disabilities.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Teaches you respect.</strong> It's important to know how to deal with others you don't agree with. Coaches, other athletes and competitors, even yourself, are all-important. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Gives you confidence.</strong> Sports involvement can help develop your self-esteem. To "compete" is a way to discover your potential to do better, hold yourself to a higher standard, and to expect more of yourself - and deliver.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Teamwork.</strong> Being part of a team teaches you how to rely on and work with others to accomplish a common goal. Setting aside your ego sometimes is easier said than done. Part of teamwork, more than anything else, is understanding what everyone's role is.</li>
</ol>The best sports experience for our youth should be about balance. Find programs that offer a blend of fun, learning and competition that best fits your child. Take an active interest. Be supportive. But most important is to let your child explore sports on his or her own. <br /><br /><br /><strong>Brigitte Cutshall</strong> is a Media Solutions Consultant and a Certified Health Coach and a two-time breast cancer survivor and living with a benign brain tumor. Brigitte obtained her Health Coach Certification from the Institute of Integrative Nutrition based in New York. Brigitte is the author of <em>Real Things: 6 Ways to Embrace Life,</em> published April 2015. For more information visit <a href="http://brigittecutshall.com/" target="_blank">www.brigittecutshall.com</a> and <a href="http://www.realthings.guru" target="_blank">www.realthings.guru</a>. Connect with her on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/RealThings.guru" target="_blank">Facebook</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.<strong><br /></strong>
Staff
2015-09-29T01:46:00Z
Alternatives to Antibiotics - Start with Nature
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Alternatives-to-Antibiotics---Start-with-Nature/-988523088294466639.html
2015-09-21T20:23:00Z
2015-09-21T20:23:00Z
<strong><br />by <strong>Dr. Keith Scott-Mumby</strong> </strong><br /><a href="http://alternative-doctor.com/" target="_blank">www.alternative-doctor.com</a> <br /><br />When it comes to killing germs, healing the body, and preventing future illness, you have two powerful "natural antibiotics" available to you without a prescription, no doctor's appointment necessary, no cost, and no risk of dangerous pharmaceutical side effects. <br /><br />Can you guess what they are? Plenty of sunshine and fresh air. Does it sound too good to be true? These two are some of the oldest concepts in health and prevention of disease. Florence Nightingale actively promoted them as an effective way to save her patients. Her well documented measures of airing out sick wards, exposing patient rooms to sunlight, and many other changes in hygiene drastically improved how many of her patients lived!<br /><br /><strong>Fresh Air </strong><br /><br />In her writings, she explained, "It is necessary to renew the air round a sick person frequently." This and other cutting edge techniques were ahead of their time and saved many lives in the now famous "Nightingale wards." <br /><br />Scientists in the United Kingdom proved this theory just recently and published their results in the <em>New Science</em> journal! Two microbiologists with the Porton-Down bio-warfare facility wanted to know how long airborne viruses would live if released on the population at large. <br /><br />E. coli - a bacteria that strikes terror into the hearts of millions - survived only two hours when exposed to fresh air! Those spores that remained in a controlled air environment survived. Fresh air does not simply dilute dangerous pathogens...it actually destroys them. <br /><br />It is unfortunate that citizens of developed countries spend less time than ever before outside - even during the much anticipated summer months! <br /><br /><strong>The natural benefits of fresh air...</strong><br />
<ul>
<li>Being outside triggers feelings of peace, relaxation, and happiness</li>
<li>Taking a walk during a rainstorm inspires feelings of calm</li>
<li>Boosts your energy levels naturally</li>
<li>Disperses airborne bacteria that thrive in indoor environments</li>
<li>Promotes more oxygen intake </li>
<li>Helps the lungs expel toxins more effectively </li>
<li>Meditation outside improves mental clarity and critical thinking</li>
</ul>
Fresh air is free and plentiful! Even if you live in a heavily populated urban area, you need to scope out the nearest park, settle yourself on a bench, and take a deep breath. <br /><br />Short-lived molecules called hydroxyl radicals are produced as a result of interactions between our ozone and water. Organic chemicals produced by plant life causes further reactions that destroy bacteria. <br /><br />These same reactions can be simulated artificially and with the growing urbanization of our planet, such devices may become necessary. <br /><br /><strong>Sunshine - The Answer to Health You've Been Missing</strong><br /><br />I talk often about the benefits of responsible exposure to sunlight. <br /><br /><strong><em>The natural benefits of sunlight...<br /></em></strong>
<ul>
<li>Kills airborne bacteria</li>
<li>Aids in wound healing by killing bacteria on the skin's surface</li>
<li>Boosts your body's production of vitamin D</li>
<li>Reduces your risk of cancer</li>
<li>Greatly improves the immune system function</li>
<li>Improves mood, fights depression, and prevents loss of brain cognition</li>
<li>Strengthens teeth and bones</li>
<li>Lowers cholesterol and fights atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries)</li>
<li>Raises blood oxygen levels naturally</li>
<li>Helps to control body weight by regulating appetite</li>
<li>Improves the quality of your sleep</li>
</ul>
During the worst of the tuberculosis outbreaks at the turn of the 19th century, doctors opened clinics that focused on using fresh air and sunshine to treat their patients. <br /><br />The buildings of the modern world are sealed up tight against dust, heat, cold, and sound. Unfortunately, they are also sealed against fresh air and sunshine! Most people spend the majority of their lives inside one building or another for work, entertainment, or socialization. <br /><br />We need to get outside for better health overall! <br /><br />Ultraviolet light is naturally antiseptic and when kept under a narrow spectrum wavelength of 207 nanometers (nm), it is safe to use without any adverse effects to your DNA. <br /><br />Columbia University Medical Center discovered that this practice dramatically lowers the incidence of infection from surgical procedures. <br /><br />Annually, more than 640,000 people in the United States fall victim to a hospital acquired infection (HAI). Exposure to bacteria from a trusted medical environment. Many of these bacteria are antibiotic resistant, which claims the lives of more than 75,000 people yearly. <br /><br />You don't have to have a fancy light to prevent infection. Safe and responsible exposure is an incredible way to improve health and fight disease. Allow the skin of your face and hands to feel the effects of the sun for 10-15 minutes in the morning or late afternoon. Any longer and you'll need to apply a natural sunscreen or use protective clothing. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.who.int/en/" target="_blank">The World Health Organization</a> (WHO) urges the use of ventilation to promote healing and a "solar clinic" is being created for citizens of India suffering from drug-resistance tuberculosis.<br /><br />Florence Nightingale would be proud that we've come full circle. <br /><br /><em>(As with any medical advice, please speak to your physician first.)</em><br /><strong><br /><br />Keith Scott-Mumby MD, MB ChB, HMD, PhD </strong>was trained in Britain and now lives and works in the USA. By the 1970s he began research into alternative medicine. By 1990 the press were calling him the world's "Number One Allergy Detective." He now writes and lectures internationally on the themes of diet and nutrigenomics, homeopathy, cancer alternative therapies, the true science of natural remedies, the human microbiome and energy medicine. His best-selling books include <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Diet-Wise-Keith-Scott-Mumby/dp/0983878412" target="_blank">Diet Wise</a>, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cancer-Research-Secrets-Therapies-which/dp/0983878404" target="_blank">Cancer Research Secrets</a>, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Fire-The-Belly-Surprising-Processes/dp/0983878471" target="_blank">Fire In The Belly</a>, <a href="http://www.parasites911.com/1sc/" target="_blank">The Complete Handbook of Parasites</a> and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/How-Survive-World-Without-Antibiotics/dp/0983878420" target="_blank">How To Survive In A World Without Antibiotics</a></em>. To find out more visit <a href="http://alternative-doctor.com/" target="_blank">http://alternative-doctor.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com<strong><br /></strong>
Staff
2015-09-21T20:23:00Z
Secrets to Thawing a Teen's Cold Shoulder (Part 2 of 2)
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Secrets-to-Thawing-a-Teens-Cold-Shoulder-Part-2-of-2/-155413598070954602.html
2015-08-17T19:18:00Z
2015-08-17T19:18:00Z
<strong>By Dr. Michele Borba</strong><br /><a href="http://simplemommysecrets.com/" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://micheleborba.com" target="_blank">MicheleBorba.com</a><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank"><br /></a><br />If you've been getting the cold shoulder lately from your teen, here are the final two steps to help you thaw things out a bit - or discover if that attitude could be something more... (Here's <strong><a href="/b/Secrets-to-Thawing-a-Teens-Cold-Shoulder-Part-1-of-2/-915063357621584738.html">Part 1</a></strong> of this article if you missed it.)<a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank"><br /><br /></a><strong>Step 3. Use Relationship Rebuilders</strong><br />Your next step is to find new ways to respond to your teen that will not only thaw his should but rebuild your relationship. Here are a few that teens tell me they appreciate. The key is to find what works with your teen. Use an attitude of "patient persistence" (translation: "Don't give up!")
<ul>
<li><strong>Use the 80% Positive - 20% Negative Rule:.</strong>Use the "if you can't say anything nice, don't say it" (or bite your tongue) policy. The <em>ideal</em> to strive for is least 80% positive and 20% negative. So slowly stretch your time together without a cold shoulder or blow up. Better to be short and positive to thaw out a relationship.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Say "I'm Sorry".</strong> Apologize when you are wrong and sincerely convey that you hope you never have "another last night." Those two words are a lot more powerful to a teen than you realize.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Give Kudos. </strong>Find <em>anything</em> your teen is doing that deserves recognition. (It's a great way to rebuild that relationship!)</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Hope for the Truth.</strong> Find some truth in what your teen is saying-even if it seems unreasonable. You don't have to agree with what he says. But strive to find one part where he's right. "Can't say I agree, but you sure are learning some great debating principles."</li>
<br />
<li><strong>His Time + Your Time = The Right Time.</strong> Find <em>anytime and anyway</em> to connect. Identify the time your teen is <em>most</em> receptive, then use that as the optimal time to approach your teen. Hint: Most teens are sleep deprived and actually on a different time zone than adults.One University of Minnesota study found that over half of teens studied reported feeling most awake after 3:00 pm. So adjust! They are generally <em>most</em> receptive-and more reflective-to talking to parents later in the evening-the exact opposite time of adults. If you want to connect, then plan to hang out later to catch your teen.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Write Notes. </strong>If you can't get anywhere verbally then write notes. One mom and son used a journal to write comments back and forth (which helped reduce conflict and rebuild the relationship).</li>
</ul>
<strong>Step 4. Know When to Get Help</strong><br />There are times when you've tried it all, but still no change. So when does a parent know it's time to get professional help? Here are my three rules:<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Use the TOO INDEX.</strong> Is the problem going on <em>too</em> long, with <em>too</em> many other people and spilling into <em>too </em>many other areas of your teen's life (not just at home but at school and with his friends). <em>Too severe or too prolonged </em>and <em>always use your instinct. <strong>No one knows your teen better than yourself</strong></em><strong>.</strong></li>
<br />
<li><strong>Use the Three-Week Rule.</strong> If things don't improve despite your best efforts by three weeks or if things increase in intensity <em>before</em> three weeks and last every day for two weeks, then don't wait. Get help!</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Use your gut instinct. </strong>Come on! NOBODY knows your teen better than you. If you have that feeling deep down that something is wrong, then just pick up the phone and get help! Please!</li>
</ul>
<strong>When All Else Fails</strong><br />One dad told me the relationship between he and his teen was so cold that communication was impossible. But the dad refused to give up. He decided if his son wouldn't talk to him, he'd write a note every night and leave it on his teen's pillow. His goal, he told me, was to somehow convey to his son that he loved him no matter what and nothing would ever change his love. The dad kept his pledge. Weeks went by and he kept leaving those notes, but the teen never said a thing.<br /><br />Then one day the dad was late to work because he couldn't find his belt. He remembered his son had borrowed it so he went into the teen's room searching. He looked everywhere and had no luck. The last place he looked was under the son's bed and it was there he found a cigar box. Prepared for the worse (i.e. drugs), the dad opened it and was shocked. Every note he'd written his son was there in that box. The dad later learned from his son that he'd been the cause of the split between his dad and mom. Once he finally opened up, the dad understood the reason for his son's cold shoulder. All he had to do to thaw it, was tell him that he had nothing to do with the divorce - that was between he and his wife. As the dad told me, "I'm so glad I wrote those notes. You just never know with kids. So don't give up!"<br /><br />I couldn't agree more.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Michele Borba, Ed.D.</strong>, is a mom of three, a former teacher, and renowned educational consultant who has presented workshops to one million parents and teachers worldwide. Dr. Borba is the author of <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/078798096X/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back To Basics and Raising Happy Kids</a>.</em> She is a frequent guest on<em> Today, The Early Show, The View,</em> and <em>Fox & Friends.</em> She is also the award-winning author of over 20 books including <em><a href="https://www.parentingbookmark.com/pages/book_PDMAD.htm" target="_blank">Parents Do Make a Difference</a></em>, <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787973335/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">Don't Give Me That Attitude!</a></em>, <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787966177/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">No More Misbehavin'</a></em>, and <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787976628/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me.</a></em> Dr. Borba is an advisory board member for Parents. For more strategies and tips visit <a href="http://www.simplemommysecrets.com" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://micheleborba.com" target="_blank">MicheleBorba.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.<br />
Staff
2015-08-17T19:18:00Z
Secrets to Thawing a Teen's Cold Shoulder (Part 1 of 2)
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Secrets-to-Thawing-a-Teens-Cold-Shoulder-Part-1-of-2/-915063357621584738.html
2015-08-10T18:16:00Z
2015-08-10T18:16:00Z
<strong>By Dr. Michele Borba</strong><br /><a href="http://simplemommysecrets.com/" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://micheleborba.com" target="_blank">MicheleBorba.com</a><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank"><br /><br /></a>Let's face it: teens <em>really</em> are a different species - and for a variety of reasons. Raging hormones, stress, sleep deprivation, growth spurts, self-consciousness and neurological wiring are just a few factors that make teens super sensitive, moody and irritable. So let's have a little empathy - they are stuck in the middle of childhood. They are still dependent, but have that surge to be independent. In fact, more physical changes are happening to their bodies than at any other developmental period. Research confirms that their brains are actually wired differently so we should expect them to be a bit "difficult" and a unique species.<br /><br />It's also important to remember there are things besides a bad attitude that can explain a cold shoulder. That's why is crucial you know your teen so you can spot the difference between "normal" or something else more serious that may be triggering a cold shoulder. You know, the old "When should I really worry?" question that haunts us deeply. We also know that maintaining a strong relationship is crucial with our children - especially during those adolescent years. But oh how they can make things difficult sometimes!<br /><br />If you've been getting the cold shoulder lately, here are four steps to help you thaw things out a bit - or discover if that attitude could be something more. Your task is to decide if you need to go through all four steps in sequence or skip ahead until you find the step that describes your issue with your teen. <br /><br /><strong>Step 1: Rule Out Likely Culprits</strong><br />Your first step is to look beyond your teen's cold shoulder and rule out culprits that are <em>not</em> due to a poor relationship.<br /><br />Here are a few top "cold shoulder causes"-so tune up ones you can. Doing so may make a major difference in your relationship with your child. (Hint: First step is to check your own attitude. Use the "Friend Test" Would you talk to your friend the way you talk to your child?)<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Stress. </strong>School, schedules, tests, worrying about future, college acceptances, and sleep deprivation.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>A bad habit you've allowed to continue.</strong> This "cold shoulder" attitude has been going on for quite some time. The real problem is a lack of respect and you engaging with a disrespectful teen.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Hormonal changes, a growth spurt and adolescence.</strong></li>
<br />
<li><strong>Peer pressure and the social scene.</strong> Girlfriends/boyfriends, fitting in, peer pressure.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Substance abuse.</strong> Don't overlook drugs, alcohol, prescription drugs.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Other. </strong>What's your best guess as to what's really going on with your teen? </li>
</ul>
<br /><strong>Step 2: Avoid Communication Blockers</strong><br />There are a number of ways to improve a relationship with your teen, but your next step to is honestly watch how <em>you</em> respond to your kid. (Hint: make sure you're not giving your kid the cold shoulder, which can happen quite unintentionally.)<br /><br />Here are a few communication blockers that are almost guaranteed to tune teens out - and off - that you should avoid:<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Talking too much or lecturing.</strong> Say as little as possible so your teen can say as much as possible (even if it's 15 seconds). Instead, wait. Stay a little longer. Allow your teen time to think and process.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Sarcasm, put downs, and judgments.</strong> Teens are hypersensitive! Watch your body language. A smirk, tsk-tsk, rolling eyes, or frown shut down a teen, and pronto.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Multi-tasking. </strong>Teens hate we multi-task because even though we are listening they don't think we're focusing on them. When your teen says <em>anything</em>, stop and focus on him.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Intense eye contact. </strong>If your teen is super-sensitive, try talking side-by-side instead of front to front. Take advantage of talking while driving, watching television, or playing video games - all use side-by-side talking and are more comfortable for teens.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Irritable voice tone.</strong> Interactions with teens are often like walking through a minefield. A teen's irritability can quickly turn into a yell and spiral to the parent. Keep your voice tone calm and lowered. Give permission to walk away if things get too tense.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Too rushed.</strong> Don't be rushed when you're with a teen. Build in more time to your talks. Just in case the teen does open his mouth, you don't want to be rushed. Add time if you want to discuss something important. Irritability can cause tension - and you need time to defuse it. </li>
</ul>
<br /><strong>Next week:</strong> Step 3 - Relationship Rebuilders and Step 4 - When to Get Help<br /><br /><br /><strong>Michele Borba, Ed.D.</strong>, is a mom of three, a former teacher, and renowned educational consultant who has presented workshops to one million parents and teachers worldwide. Dr. Borba is the author of <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/078798096X/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back To Basics and Raising Happy Kids</a>.</em> She is a frequent guest on<em> Today, The Early Show, The View,</em> and <em>Fox & Friends.</em> She is also the award-winning author of over 20 books including <em><a href="https://www.parentingbookmark.com/pages/book_PDMAD.htm" target="_blank">Parents Do Make a Difference</a></em>, <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787973335/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">Don't Give Me That Attitude!</a></em>, <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787966177/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">No More Misbehavin'</a></em>, and <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787976628/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me.</a></em> Dr. Borba is an advisory board member for Parents. For more strategies and tips visit <a href="http://www.simplemommysecrets.com" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://micheleborba.com" target="_blank">MicheleBorba.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.<br />
Staff
2015-08-10T18:16:00Z
4 Steps to a More Resilient Child
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/4-Steps-to-a-More-Resilient-Child/-407856173529250081.html
2015-08-03T22:24:00Z
2015-08-03T22:24:00Z
<strong>By Dr. Michele Borba</strong><br /><a href="http://simplemommysecrets.com/" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://micheleborba.com" target="_blank">MicheleBorba.com</a><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank"><br /><br /></a>As parents, we encourage our kids to dream....to reach for the stars and to reach their full potential. Many parents judge their success as a parent by what their kids accomplish when they become adults. How do we raise our kids to want more and to be more, and at the same time help them to learn a healthy sense of caution when it comes to achieving their dreams?<br /><br />Life comes with disappointment. It is unpredictable and will throw kids unimaginably difficult and sometimes devastating curve balls. Luck will not always be on their side and their talents and gifts will not always get them to their goal. Life simply isn't that fair.<br /><br />There are ways we can help our kids cope with the unpredictable nature of the world around them. It's a shift from raising kids with a focus on achieving dreams, goals and potential to a real emphasis on resilience. Nurturing this skill is a critical factor to protecting them from possible devastation when life simply does not always work out as we hope.<br /><br />A resilient child, and someday, adult will still be able to reach for the stars and work toward their goals, but they may be a little more prepared should the unexpected happen so raising a resilient child is crucial for life-long success. There is no set formula that can guarantee our kids will achieve their potential, but we can effectively prepare them for the bumps, big or small, along the road. The key is in building strong self-esteem and a sense of identity.<br /><br />Here are 4 tips to strengthening resiliency in kids:<br /><ol>
<li><strong>Nurture your child's nature.</strong> Find a way to help your child see the wonder in herself. Take time to really think about your child's strengths. During the next few days list them. Keep an ongoing profile of each of her children's strengths. The journal will bed one a treasured keepsake.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Praise a child's qualities, not actions. </strong>Their inside contains traits you can't photograph. These are qualities that last a lifetime such as spiritual values and a kind heart. Choose one or two attributes you want your child to recognize about himself right away. Let your child know how proud you are of them for possessing these strengths.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Teach your child bounce-back skills.</strong> It is important to succeed and fail. Everybody makes mistakes. A child with low self-esteem sees himself as a failure while a child with high self-esteem sees the event as a failure. Help your child view experiences and not themselves as positive or negative.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Teach positive self-talk.</strong> Help your child learn a positive phrase about themselves. When they call themselves stupid or dumb for losing a game, help them learn another way to cope. "I'm doing the best I can," is a much better alternative.</li>
</ol>Through the powers of resiliency they will reach for the sky and not be devastated when they find their feet still squarely planted on the ground.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Michele Borba, Ed.D.</strong>, is a mom of three, a former teacher, and renowned educational consultant who has presented workshops to one million parents and teachers worldwide. Dr. Borba is the author of <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/078798096X/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back To Basics and Raising Happy Kids</a>.</em> She is a frequent guest on<em> Today, The Early Show, The View,</em> and <em>Fox & Friends.</em> She is also the award-winning author of over 20 books including <em><a href="https://www.parentingbookmark.com/pages/book_PDMAD.htm" target="_blank">Parents Do Make a Difference</a></em>, <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787973335/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">Don't Give Me That Attitude!</a></em>, <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787966177/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">No More Misbehavin'</a></em>, and <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787976628/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me.</a></em> Dr. Borba is an advisory board member for Parents. For more strategies and tips visit <a href="http://www.simplemommysecrets.com" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://micheleborba.com" target="_blank">MicheleBorba.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.<br />
Staff
2015-08-03T22:24:00Z
Shy Kids: Tips for Introducing Children to New Experiences
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Shy-Kids:-Tips-for-Introducing-Children-to-New-Experiences/-126951947235497330.html
2015-07-28T02:00:00Z
2015-07-28T02:00:00Z
<strong><br />by <strong><strong>Jyl Camhi<br /></strong></strong></strong><a href="https://www.greatplay.com/" target="_blank">greatplay.com</a>
<p>Signing a child up for an indoor soccer club, a local theater club or piano lessons can be an exciting and emotional experience. It's full of possibilities for parents and their children, but it can also be overwhelming. It becomes even more stressful when a child has trouble adjusting. <br /><br />Teaching kids how to enjoy new experiences and socialize with their peers doesn't always come naturally. Let's face it, just like some adults, children can be introverts. While it's common for parents to worry when a child isn't participating in an activity, there are simple ways to help build your child's confidence. Here are a few tips to help your child overcome social anxiety to better enjoy new activities such as sports leagues, lessons and classes. <br /><br /><strong>Prepare for new experiences:</strong> It's important to establish a comfort zone when it comes to preparing your child for new experiences. Beforehand, take the extra time to sit down with your child in front of a computer and share pictures so they know what to expect. You'd be surprised to see how much your child's face lights up when they notice the gym they're in is the same one they saw in the pictures from the night before. <br /><br /><strong>Let your child watch from the sidelines:</strong> A new environment can be scary for anyone, especially hesitant kids. If your child is afraid to participate during the first visit, they're not alone. It's perfectly normal for kids to be cautious of new environments. Encourage your child to warm up to the class by watching others participate. Kids can get a boost in confidence by simply observing their peers. <br /><br /><strong>As a parent, it's also important to understand that there are different types of children.</strong> Some are leaders while others are followers. If you or a teacher/coach can find a peer leader in the class for your child to connect with, the peer may be delighted to show your child the ropes and your child may be more inclined to participate and follow in their footsteps. Before you know it, your child might be the one who others look to for comfort. <br /><br /><strong>Never force participation:</strong> If your child is hesitant to start a new activity, don't force the issue. When a parent tries to force a child to participate they often become anxious. The anxiety will continue to resonate if you send the message that what they are doing is wrong. Instead, praise them for their efforts and practice positive reinforcement such as enthusiastically jumping into the activity yourself. Your child will feed off your positive energy and will be more willing to try new experiences if they see that you are comfortable and having fun. <br /><br /><br /><strong>Jyl Camhi</strong> is the mother of two sons and co-founder of <a href="https://www.greatplay.com/" target="_blank">Great Play</a> - a franchised kids' gym that offers a developmental, hands-on approach to learning motor skills, sports skills, and physical education for children ages six months through fifth grade. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2015-07-28T02:00:00Z
Four Ways To Give Your Kids Life's Ultimate Edge
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Four-Ways-To-Give-Your-Kids-Lifes-Ultimate-Edge/-8767130751203854.html
2015-07-20T22:44:00Z
2015-07-20T22:44:00Z
<strong><br />by <strong>Dr. Hendrie Weisinger</strong></strong><br /><a href="http://www.drhendrieweisinger.com" target="_blank">www.drhendrieweisinger.com</a>
<p>If you want to give your kids an edge in life, teach them to perform under pressure. Doing so will be more helpful than giving them an SAT tutor, tennis lessors, or sending them to Europe to broaden their cultural awareness.<br /><br />The fact is, most kids crumble under pressure - they perform below their capabilities when they want to do their best. I learned this truth while researching my latest <em>New York Times</em> best-seller, "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Performing-Under-Pressure-Science-Matters/dp/0804136726" target="_blank">Performing Under Pressure</a>".<br /><br />Whether it's taking the SATs, auditioning for a school play, trying out for the tennis team, or having to play their guitar at a family gathering, pressure is apt to worsen your kid's performance. Memory, attention, judgment, decision making, psychomotor skills are all downgraded when they are in a <em>pressure moment</em> - a situation in which they have something at stake and the outcome is dependent on their performance.<br /><br />And if your kids are in grade school or high school, their pressure moments are only going to increase. The <em>APA Monitor</em>, the flagship publication of the American Psychological Association recently reported that today's college students are under more pressure today than ever before to the point that university counseling centers are being overwhelmed by students seeking help. <br /><br />Handling pressure gives your son or daughter life's ultimate edge because it allows them to perform closest to their abilities thus increasing their chances of success. Doing your best is no guarantee of success but for sure, if your kids can't do their best in a pressure moment, they are disadvantaged. Teaching your kids to handle pressure gives them a <em>mobile skill</em> that will be able to use throughout their life. Here are four proven tips to <em>give</em> them so they can do their best when it matters most.</p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Befriend the Moment.</strong> Perceiving a pressure moment as threatening - a do or die situation - undermines self- confidence, elicits fear of failure, and impairs attention, short-term memory, judgment and spurs impulsive behavior. Teach your kids to think of their pressure moments as an <em>opportunity, challenge, and fun</em>. These words are inherent performance steroid and using them - "The test is an opportunity to show off your knowledge; have fun at your audition" - will help your son or daughter approach the moment with a positive attitude.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Second Chances.</strong> Adolescents and young children typically believe that a pressure moment is their only chance to prove themselves, and thus make the moment the "most important" of their lives; exaggerating the importance increases the pressure they are apt to experience. Teach your children to see their pressure moments - be it a test or sporting event - as just one of many opportunities that will come their way. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Write off Pressure.</strong> It's the night before your daughter's audition, son's big game, or SATs and their worried - how can you help reduce their pressure feelings? Spare the pep talk. Instead instruct your son or daughter to write out his or her concerns. Worrying diminishes processing power in our brains. A wide body of research shows that writing about your concerns before a pressure moment diminishes worry thoughts enabling your son or daughter to stay focused and do their best. Expressing their concerns in writing will also provide them (and you) with insights about their sources of pressure.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Anticipate, Anticipate, Anticipate. </strong> What if your guitar string breaks in the middle of your audition? What if the test is an essay instead of a multiple choice? Most kids are thrown off course by the unexpected. Teach your kids to anticipate glitches and to mentally rehearse strategies for dealing with them. They will learn to be adaptive in pressure situations, and maintain their composure so they can do their best.</li>
</ol>
<p>Pressure is an inherent part of life. The sooner you teach your kids how to perform under pressure, the sooner you give them life's ultimate edge.</p>
<p><br /><strong>Hendrie Weisinger, Ph.D. </strong>is a world-renowned psychologist, pioneer in the field of pressure management, the originator of criticism training and the author of two <em>New York Times</em> best-selling books. He has consulted with and developed programs for dozens of Fortune 500 Companies and government agencies and has taught in Executive Education and Executive MBA programs at Wharton, UCLA, NYU, Cornell, Penn State, and MIT. His work has been featured several times in national media including The <em>New York Times</em> Sunday Business Section, and numerous publications. His new book and recent <em>New York Times</em> best-seller is <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Performing-Under-Pressure-Science-Matters/dp/0804136726" target="_blank">Performing Under Pressure: The Science Of Doing Your Best When It Matters Most</a>. For more information visit <a href="http://www.drhendrieweisinger.com/" target="_blank">www.drhendrieweisinger.com</a>. You can also read more of his work <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/experts/hendrie-weisinger-phd" target="_blank">here</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2015-07-20T22:44:00Z
Tested Secrets to Get Kids to Tell You What's Really Going on in Their Life
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Tested-Secrets-to-Get-Kids-to-Tell-You-Whats-Really-Going-on-in-Their-Life/-656430463562843915.html
2015-06-15T12:34:00Z
2015-06-15T12:34:00Z
<strong>By Dr. Michele Borba</strong><br /><a href="http://simplemommysecrets.com/" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://micheleborba.com" target="_blank">MicheleBorba.com</a><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank"><br /><br /></a>Most teachers will admit there are some students who just never leave your heart. Six-year-old Ricky was one of those kind of children. He had a sharp mind, a memory filled with historical facts, and a heart of pure gold. He also had severe attention deficits and learning disabilities which was why he was placed in my special education classroom. One morning I found him at the art center busily creating a beautiful paper heart.<br /><br /> "That's lovely, Ricky," I commented.<br /> "Thanks, it's for my mom," he quietly explained.<br /> "Really? Is it her birthday?"<br /> "Nope," he smiled.<br /> "So what's the occasion?" I asked curiously.<br /><br />I must admit, I've never forgot that child's response. Almost twenty years later, I can still remember his answer: "I'm making her a card because she always makes my feelings feel good. I tell her anything. She listens."<br /><br />Well, I couldn't wait to meet this mother to see just what she did to make her child's "feelings feel so good."<br /><br />I had the opportunity the following week at our parent-child reading party. Within seconds of connecting with her child it was obvious this mom was a master at a powerful secret of effective parenting: listening. And she used such simple strategies to do so: Each time her son talked, she'd stop, look into her son's eyes, and listen with genuine interest. Her words usually were nothing more than repeating back small tidbits of what Ricky just said to let him know she was hearing him. Occasionally she'd add, "Uh huh," or "Really?" She acknowledged him by simply saying how she thought he was feeling "You seem so happy," or "Ricky, you look proud." The effect on her son was dramatic: his whole demeanor brightened, realizing his mom really was interested in what he had to say. Using the simple secrets of active listening encouraged Ricky to talk (and talk and talk) and obviously "made his feelings feel good."<br /><br />Over the years I've had the opportunity of watching other moms who just have the knack of knowing how to listen to their kids. Those same moms also confided to me how blessed they felt in having such strong relationships with their children and told me how lucky they were their kids felt safe to tell them just about anything. But after watching them with their kids, I realized their ability to get their kids to open up wasn't due to luck at all: these moms knew a few secrets as to how to listen the right way so their kids wanted to talk. And the best news is you can use these same tips with your children. Believe me, I've used them with mine. Here are a few secrets to getting your kids to open up to you:<br /><br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Don't push.</strong> Silence sometimes is golden. Wait until the right time and then refrain from sounding like a prosecutor. Think of friends you really feel comfortable talking to. They're usually calm and open. Use that same listening strategy when you're with your child.</li>
<li><strong>Listen during active times.</strong> Some kids (particularly boys) are more responsive to talking when they are doing something active. So find active things your child likes to do (fishing, kicking around a soccer ball, building blocks shooting baskets), and talk together. You may find your child is more conductive to talking.</li>
<li><strong>Talk about your child's interests:</strong> music, his baseball cards, her Strawberry Shortcake doll, his Power Ranger collection. It might be a great entrée to a discussion about what's really going on in your kid's life.</li>
<li><strong>Go to your kid's zone.</strong> If you want some one-on-one talking time with your kid, then go to a place your kid enjoys: a mall, the batting cage, the golf range to hit a bucket of balls, a local malt shop for ice cream. Your child will be more relaxed because he's in his territory and just might be more likely to open up.</li>
<li><strong>Ask specific questions.</strong> Kids get turned off by those generic: "How was your day?" type questions. If you want to invite conversations, then ask more specific questions: "Who did you sit next to during lunch?", "What story did your teacher read today?" "What game did you play at recess?."</li>
<li><strong>Ask questions that elicit more than one-word responses</strong>. Make skillful use of your questions so your child must respond with more than a one-word answer: "How would you have ended that book?" "What would you have done differently in the game?" "What are your feelings about...?"</li>
<li><strong>Find the best time and place for listening.</strong> Research finds parents can learn a lot about their kids en route to school and activities. The car when your kids are locked in the car with you can be a great place to talk. During one of my son's challenging preadolescent days, I realized it was next to impossible to have any kind of conversation with him before noon. (I swear he was on a different time zone). I did finally discover there was a time he was more open: it was around five o'clock in the kitchen. And so that's where I'd plant myself each day when I'd start dinner or do kitchen tasks because I knew that was my best shot for a conversation with him. The result: success! So now think: Where is the place where you and your kids have those great conversations? It's the one spot you don't want to give up on too quickly.</li>
<li><strong>Mandate family dinners.</strong> If your home is anywhere like ours, sports, church group meetings, music lessons, and play practices used to constantly appear on the calendar, taking away from our "together time." So we finally sat down and figured out the times no one had anything scheduled, and those were mandated for family dinners. If your family schedule is equally hectic, you may want to set aside specific weekdays for your family dinners. Don't let anything interfere with your plan: family dinners still are the greatest place to give your kids your full attention and hear what's going on in their lives.</li>
<li><strong>Many parents set a "no phone policy".</strong> They've figured that's the time when their family usually gathers for family meals and sharing their day and they let them know there's nothing more important than what their children have to say. </li>
</ul>
<br /><br /><strong>Michele Borba, Ed.D.</strong>, is a mom of three, a former teacher, and renowned educational consultant who has presented workshops to one million parents and teachers worldwide. Dr. Borba is the author of <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/078798096X/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back To Basics and Raising Happy Kids</a>.</em> She is a frequent guest on<em> Today, The Early Show, The View,</em> and <em>Fox & Friends.</em> She is also the award-winning author of over 20 books including <em><a href="https://www.parentingbookmark.com/pages/book_PDMAD.htm" target="_blank">Parents Do Make a Difference</a></em>, <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787973335/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">Don't Give Me That Attitude!</a></em>, <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787966177/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">No More Misbehavin'</a></em>, and <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787976628/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me.</a></em> Dr. Borba is an advisory board member for Parents. For more strategies and tips visit <a href="http://www.simplemommysecrets.com" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://micheleborba.com" target="_blank">MicheleBorba.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.<br />
Staff
2015-06-15T12:34:00Z
30 Ideas for Parents That Can Help Open and Facilitate Conversation with Their Teen
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/30-Ideas-for-Parents-That-Can-Help-Open-and-Facilitate-Conversation-with-Their-Teen/190495725716282063.html
2015-06-02T05:41:00Z
2015-06-02T05:41:00Z
<strong><br />by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC</strong><br /><a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com<br /></a>
<p><br />This is the technology age, and many teens seem to prefer spending time with their phone over mom and dad. However, parents need to understand that being engaged with their teen is the single best protection from danger associated with sexting, texting and Facebook. Many parents struggle with beginning a dialogue with their teens. Below are twenty five ways for parents to engage and get to know their teen's life better.</p>
<ol>
<li>Make a date with your child and schedule time each week.</li>
<br />
<li>Take an exercise class with them.</li>
<br />
<li>Watch a TV show together and talk about it afterward.</li>
<br />
<li>Work on a puzzle together.</li>
<br />
<li>Bake chocolate chip cookies together.</li>
<br />
<li>Get up early and watch the sunrise with hot chocolate.</li>
<br />
<li>Look at old photos together.</li>
<br />
<li>Play cards or other games with your child that will help encourage talking.</li>
<br />
<li>Make something together. Things such as birdhouses or restoring something in the house are great projects to encourage time to talk.</li>
<br />
<li>Write down old memories so you can tell your child what they were like when they were small.</li>
<br />
<li>Pull out your child's baby book and enjoy their baby years together.</li>
<br />
<li>Talk to your child about recent teen topics you hear about in the news, and share you concerns.</li>
<br />
<li>Ask your child what they think is important with world events?</li>
<br />
<li>Ask your child how they feel about their faith, and their beliefs about God and spirituality.</li>
<br />
<li>Talk to your child about things they think would have helped them more in their elementary years.</li>
<br />
<li>Get a pedicure or manicure with your daughter. With a son, you can take them to get their hair cut. This is a time you can compliment your child, and also be available to listen to their concerns about their body image.</li>
<br />
<li>Practice healthy stress coping skills. Teach your child healthy ways to deal with stress as that is the one constant.</li>
<br />
<li>Cook one night with your child, and let them invite three of their closest friends.</li>
<br />
<li>Talk to your teen about their future. Educate and talk to them about finances. Help them set up a bank account, and talk about the importance of saving money.</li>
<br />
<li>Go for drives with your child, shut off the music and listen to them.</li>
<br />
<li>Share favorite music and talk about the lyrics.</li>
<br />
<li>Share a project together whether it is planting flowers, trees or knitting something.</li>
<br />
<li>Engage via text, phone or email with your child each day. Make sure your child knows where you are at all times, and know where they are.</li>
<br />
<li>Talk to your teens about their Facebook page. Make sure you can look at their page whenever you want.</li>
<br />
<li>Talk to your teens about who they text, instant message and engaged with virtually.</li>
<br />
<li>Make sure your teen knows there is nothing they cannot tell you. Let them know you will save any emotional reaction to securing their safety and health.</li>
<br />
<li>Save at least thirty minutes a day to just sit by your child even if there is no talking.</li>
<br />
<li>When your child is upset give them space, but reassure them you are available when they are ready to talk.</li>
<br />
<li>Keep strong boundaries with rules and consequences in your home, and follow through with what you say.</li>
<br />
<li>Tell your child every day you are grateful they are in your life, and you cannot imagine your life without them.</li>
</ol><br />The teen years can be tough years, but <strong>no other years will influence your relationship with your child in the future as much as these eight years.</strong> Spending time, listening and sharing with your teen is so important. Make the time. You will never regret time spent with your child.<br /><ol> </ol>
<p><br /><strong>Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, </strong>is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman of <em>Start Talking: A Girl's Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever</em>. Read more about the book at <a href="http://www.StartTalkingBook.com" target="_blank">StartTalkingBook.com</a> and more about Rapini at <a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2015-06-02T05:41:00Z
Easing the Symptoms of Postpartum Depression
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Easing-the-Symptoms-of-Postpartum-Depression/-10613926653981943.html
2015-05-26T21:31:00Z
2015-05-26T21:31:00Z
<strong><br />by <strong>Amy-Rose White, MSW, CSW</strong></strong><br /><a href="http://www.thehealinggroup.com/" target="_blank">thehealinggroup.com</a>
<p>The magical glow of a smiling pregnant woman and the cherubic face of a new baby are images women hold onto dearly when picturing adding a new baby to the family - whether through pregnancy or adoption...and whether it's the first baby or the fifth! <br /><br />Unfortunately, the preconceptions described above, that of the "peaceful" and "blissful" mother and child, ring false for many new parents. The unrealistic images of perfection, and the shame and stigma that come when we feel like we are somehow not measuring up, keep us from reaching out for help and support. <br /><br />Enter a far more common and realistic picture...that of an exhausted, emotional, and anxious mama trying desperately to get the diaper bag ready while herding two older kids into the car, and somehow arriving to the doctor's appointment on time without collapsing in a puddle of tears in the parking lot. <br /><br />The term "baby blues" usually involves tearfulness, irritability, and fatigue. It affects around 80% of all new moms and resolves within a few weeks postpartum. However, up to 60% of new moms (in Utah alone) report similar, but more severe symptoms that persist far beyond this time period and often begin during pregnancy. <br /><br />These mothers are experiencing a real medical illness called Postpartum Depression, or "Perinatal Depression", which includes pregnancy and the first year postpartum or post-adoption. At least 10% of fathers will also experience PPD. <br /><br />So what does PPD really look like? Not how you probably think. Most affected moms take very good care of their babies and their other children if they have them, and usually look very "put together" to the outside world. <br /><br />The mom with PDD is usually not under the covers, hiding from life, but she is suffering indescribable anxiety or panic. She experiences constant worry, is tearful, irritable, and feels anger toward herself, her partner or spouse, and sometimes even her children. <br /><br />She may also have intrusive images and scary thoughts she can't control. Mostly, she knows she just doesn't feel like herself. Moreover, because she is "supposed" to feel grateful for her child/children and complete the superwoman fantasy created by our society, she will usually fear she is going crazy and be too ashamed and afraid of disclosing her true experience. <br /><br />So what's a mom to do? The good news is that there are a lot of help and resources available. Here are some ideas for staying emotionally healthy during pregnancy and the first months postpartum: </p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Know your risk.</strong> The bad news is that all pregnant and postpartum women are at risk. PPD does not discriminate. However, lack of social support, fatigue, a history of PPD, family or personal history of anxiety or depression, marital conflict, financial difficulties and general stress all increase the risk of experiencing symptoms of PPD. Most importantly, women with bi-polar or a family history of bi-polar illness are at special risk for the far less common, but more problematic, postpartum psychosis. This type of PPD is what is typically seen dramatized on TV - which scares some women into seeking the help they need fearing they are out of touch with reality. Symptoms of postpartum psychosis include a woman seeing, hearing, and believing things others do not. This type of PPD puts both mother and baby at risk and is considered a psychiatric emergency. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Get as much sleep as you can during pregnancy and the first year postpartum. </strong>The brain needs a 4-6 hour stretch a night to maintain the neuro-chemicals that regulate mood and cognitive processes. Being a martyr about sleep doesn't do anybody any good because it will eventually catch up with you. As soon as another person can help with a nighttime feeding, enlist this help. If a 4-hour stretch is only realistic during the day, find a neighbor or family member to care for the baby during that period of time, at least a couple days a week. Sleep is truly that important and can make all the difference. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Seek social support. </strong>Enlisting a trusted friend, relative, clergy, or counselor, provides the new mom a safe place to disclose her innermost thoughts and feelings on a regular basis - without judgment. Additionally, it's important to have non baby-related interactions that remind her she is not only a mother but also a woman and human being - and hasn't suddenly transformed into nothing but a human milk-making/diaper-changing machine! </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Stay hydrated.</strong> I tell women to drink two pitchers of water a day from the fridge. A dehydrated brain is often an anxious, confused and exhausted brain.</li>
<br />
<li> <strong>Add protein to every snack and meal.</strong> Protein helps regulate blood sugar levels, which can greatly influence mood. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Exercise.</strong> Fifteen minutes of walking a day, when physically able, can do wonders. A walk around the block, in the sunshine, can greatly impact a mom's mood.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Add Fish Oils.</strong> The Omega-3 fatty acids EPA and DHA have been shown to help prevent and treat anxiety and depression in new moms - including those who are nursing. Ask your healthcare provider about dosages. 1000-3000 combined milligrams of EPA and DHA have been approved safe by the FDA.</li>
</ol>
<p>Most of all, pregnant and postpartum moms need to cut themselves some slack. A healthy mom makes for a happy family, and pretending all is well when it's not doesn't really help anyone. Many cities offer free phone and email support and actual support groups for new moms through <a href="http://www.babycenter.com/0_postpartum-support-international_1448.bc" target="_blank">Postpartum Support International</a>, as well as specialized counseling and psychiatric services for moms who are struggling. <br /><br /><br /><strong>Amy-Rose White, MSW, CSW</strong> is a psychotherapist and Director of Maternal Mental Health at <a href="http://www.thehealinggroup.com/" target="_blank">The Healing Group in Holladay</a>, UT and is a survivor of PPD following the birth of both of her beautiful sons. In June 2012, The Healing Group launched the Hey Mom! Campaign, designed to raise awareness, offer support and reduce the stigma associated with postpartum depression (PPD) and related disorders. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2015-05-26T21:31:00Z
Moms Need Mom Friends
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Moms-Need-Mom-Friends/-832442865023856316.html
2015-05-18T19:09:00Z
2015-05-18T19:09:00Z
<strong><br />by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC</strong><br /><a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com<br /></a>
<p>When you were in college, you may have gone through a season of your life where you had as many guy friends as girlfriends. It may have been easier, less drama and better parties. But every woman needs a good girlfriend, especially after she has kids. Not only do you need a girlfriend after kids, but you need a mom friend. Moms give other moms what no one else can: emotional support for those days you're sure you're losing it; physical support when you need an extra pair of arms, legs or a spare car seat; and spiritual support when you need to hear, "Keep the faith; this too shall pass."<br /><br />Mom friends understand when the house smells like dirty diapers, or will talk over a colicky baby without batting an eye. Mom friends understand you crying in the middle of the afternoon because you can't button your favorite dress, and they listen while you vent about your partner coming home late or being on a business trip leaving you alone with the kids. Mom friends are the backbone of every mom at some time or another.<br /><br />Throughout every mother's life--from the birth of her first child to her 80th birthday--she will have friends who have walked the journey with her. Those friends remember her children when they were babies. They become like a tapestry interwoven within the children's lives. I recall every one of my mother's dearest mom friends, and although several of them died before my mother, they were as much a part of my family as my brothers and sisters.<br /><br />With life's fast pace, it's easy to get busy and not take time to develop friendships with other moms like our moms did. However, this is a big mistake.<br /><br />Here are some simple ways to foster friendships with other moms. You don't need a group, but you do need a mom friend. <br /><br /></p>
<ol>
<li>Get yourself out there and take your baby for a stroll or go to the park. Having toys other children can play with will help draw kids and moms to you. Begin the conversation.</li>
<br />
<li>After you meet a mom you're comfortable with, share contacts on Facebook or phone. </li>
<br />
<li>Organize play dates at your home. </li>
<br />
<li>Turn naptimes into coffee times with other moms. </li>
<br />
<li>Find kid friendly restaurants to meet or other kid activities and invite another mom and her children.</li>
<br />
<li>Join an exercise class at the Y. They are inexpensive and many have babysitting where you're sure to meet other moms. </li>
<br />
<li>Sign up for a baby-and-me class and reach out to other moms. </li>
<br />
<li>Be willing to help another mom when you see a need. </li>
<br />
<li>Find a church that has activities or baby classes. </li>
<br />
<li>Send encouraging emails or notes to other moms. This will make you feel better, and they will be more receptive to reaching out and contacting you. </li>
</ol>
<p><br />My children are grown, and my mom friends have become their surrogate moms. My best mom friend hosted my daughter's baby shower and so we began again... <br /><br /><br /><strong>Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, </strong>is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman of <em>Start Talking: A Girl's Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever</em>. Read more about the book at <a href="http://www.StartTalkingBook.com" target="_blank">StartTalkingBook.com</a> and more about Rapini at <a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2015-05-18T19:09:00Z
6 Ways That All Girls and Women Need to Be Self-ish
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/6-Ways-That-All-Girls-and-Women-Need-to-Be-Self-ish/-804537076210250295.html
2015-05-12T00:35:00Z
2015-05-12T00:35:00Z
<p><strong><br />By Tim Jordan M.D.</strong><br /><a href="http://www.drtimjordan.com" target="_blank">DrTimJordan.com</a><br /><br />Research has demonstrated that many girls and young women are not happy these days. By mid-adolescence girls are more than twice as likely to be diagnosed with a mood disorder such as depression or anxiety as boys, with the prevalence at adult levels, 14 to 20%. Seven in ten girls believe they are not good enough or do not measure up in some way, including their looks, performance in school, and relationships with friends and family members. One culprit is girls are still being conditioned to be “good girls” who put everyone’s needs before their own and to be selfless before all else. As a result, resentments build up and unhappiness follows. <br /><br />I encourage girls to be more <strong>self-ish</strong>, and the following are 6 ways to do so.</p>
<ul>
<li><strong>Self-quiet:</strong> Girls and young women need times to withdraw from all of the noise and distractions around them and to find solitude within. It’s in the quiet moments they will find answers to important questions, creativity, new perspectives, and peace of mind.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Self-efficacy:</strong> This is can-do attitude empowers girls to go for it, persevere through challenges, make things happen, and trust they have what it takes to create the life they wish. This ‘grit’ is earned through being allowed to make and learn from mistakes, overcome hardships and obstacles, initiate and create experiences for themselves, solve problems on their own, and to take risks.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Self-insistence:</strong> All girls need to be encouraged to insist upon her right to choose how and with whom she will spend her time, define her boundaries, respond to people, and to live life on her terms. She deserves the freedom to carve out her own path and future. This is a powerful way for women to affirm themselves and their worth.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Self-motivation:</strong> Girls who are supported to derive their motivation from within become more independent and empowered. Autonomy in what you are doing results in higher levels of engagement, and this in turn creates the energy for mastery. Self-responsibility: True freedom comes from taking full responsibility for everything in your life and blaming no one but yourself for your predicaments. Girls who refuse to be victims have the moxie and grit to pull themselves out of ruts and hardships and to get their needs met.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Self-talk: </strong>Accepting and embracing all parts of yourself brings great contentment. It requires being in charge of your self-talk and having the ability to notice and to switch any stinking thinking. It looks like being willing to take time for yourself to relax and recharge your batteries. It means be willing to say no and set boundaries. And it means caring enough about yourself to let others know how you are feeling and what you need.</li>
</ul>
<p>If girls follow the “good girl” script and live a life dominated by self-sacrifice and self-forfeiture, they are on track for resentment and misery. Balancing out being self-less and of service to others with times of being self-ish, i.e. taking good care of yourself, will put women on track to contentment and happiness. Girls need to be given permission and the tools to do so. <br /><strong><br /><br />Dr. Tim Jordan </strong>is a leading expert on parenting girls from 2 – 20 years of age. He is the author of <a href="http://drtimjordan.com/author-of-sleeping-beauties/sleeping-beauty-book/" target="_blank">Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding Transformation of Adolescent Girls.</a> He is also an <a href="http://drtimjordan.com/speaker" target="_blank">international speaker</a>, media expert and school consultant. He often speaks about girls and their journey through adolescence, relationship aggression, friendship, cliques and bullying and the best practices for parenting girls. For more information visit <a href="http://www.drtimjordan.com" target="_blank">www.drtimjordan.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2015-05-12T00:35:00Z
4 Hidden Nuggets for Success Dads Can Uncover for Their Daughters
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/4-Hidden-Nuggets-for-Success-Dads-Can-Uncover-for-Their-Daughters/668559143598518492.html
2015-05-05T00:27:00Z
2015-05-05T00:27:00Z
<p><strong><strong><br /><br />Dr. Tim Jordan<br /></strong></strong><a href="http://www.drtimjordan.com" target="_blank">DrTimJordan.com<br /><br /></a></p>
Girls today are inundated with so many conflicting messages about success, causing them to feel stressed out, confused, and overwhelmed. Adolescent girls have interpreted these messages to mean they have to be more than perfect; they have to be amazing! And I believe much of what they are absorbing is unhealthy and misguided. <br /><br />The following are ideas kids are not hearing from our culture, educational system, coaches, or parents that would point them towards a more healthy and balanced view of success. And fathers could play a big role in both teaching and modeling these concepts. <br /><br /><ol>
<li><strong>Trust your gut:</strong> The best way to make important decisions, especially ones that affect our direction in life, come from following your intuition. This requires girls knowing how to slow down, get quiet, and go within in order to know what they want and what is right for them. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>There is no one right path:</strong> Most adults did not go on a straight line from A to Z with their careers; it looks more like a zigzag pattern with lots of stops and starts and turns. Unfortunately, girls have been conditioned to follow one limiting script that looks like: straight A's in high school with a padded resume, admittance into a top tier university ending with summa cum laude, entering this perfect job and leaning in until they are at the top, and then considering marriage and it's trappings. Tell your daughter your stories about how you arrived at your present calling, highlighting your mistakes and risks and failures along with the victories. She can make it her definition of success on her terms. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Embrace your female energies: </strong>Girls today have taken on the expectation they are supposed to be really good at the traditional male qualities like being ambitious, aggressive, competitive, driven, and willing to step on people to get to the top. They are now playing club sports like the boys, grabbing top honors in school, gaining admittance to colleges and masters programs ahead of their male counterparts, and elbowing their way to more CEO positions and professional degrees - which is all good. But I would like dads to teach their daughters to also embrace traditional female traits like: being reasonable, flexible, intuitive, empathetic, expressive, patient, and collaborative. In the 2013 book <em>The Athena Doctrine</em>, data from 13 countries showed people from around the world felt feminine traits correlate more strongly with making the world a better place. Help girls recognize and appreciate there is strength and powerful leadership contained in these qualities. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Hope, optimism, and grit: </strong>These three qualities are some of the best predictors of success in the first years of college, more significant than high school grades, ACT scores, or IQ. Being allowed to solve your own problems and overcome obstacles and challenges helps girls to develop grit, resiliency, and self-efficacy. And they then become more hopeful and confident they will persevere and come out on top no matter what life throws their way. So dads, redirect your focus from grades and appearance to grit, determination, creativity, critical thinking, passion, and resilience. These qualities are the ones that will guide your daughter on her path to success, achievement, and a happy life. </li>
</ol><br /><strong>Dr. Tim Jordan</strong> is a leading expert on parenting girls from 2 - 20 years of age. He is a Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrician, international speaker, author, media and school consultant. He has studied and worked with girls for over 25 years in his counseling practice, and at his retreats and summer camps. He often speaks about girls and their journey through adolescence, relationship aggression, friendship, cliques and bullying and the best practices for parenting girls. Dr. Tim grew up in a family of eight children. Being a brother to five younger sisters was the start of his caring and interest in helping girls and the issues they face. For more information visit <a href="http://www.drtimjordan.com" target="_blank">DrTimJordan.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com<br />
Staff
2015-05-05T00:27:00Z
A Dating Primer for Young Women
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/A-Dating-Primer-for-Young-Women/21259325667583828.html
2015-04-20T21:21:00Z
2015-04-20T21:21:00Z
<p><strong><strong><br /><br />Dr. Tim Jordan<br /></strong></strong><a href="http://www.drtimjordan.com" target="_blank">DrTimJordan.com<br /><br /></a></p>
California Bill 967 has sparked a lot of discussion recently, which is appropriate because of the complex nature of the issue of sexual assaults on collegiate women. <a href="http://www.collegedrinkingprevention.gov/media/journal/118-abbey.pdf" target="_blank">A 1987 study</a> reported that 54% of women had experienced some form of sexual assault in college, and a 1994 study found that 55% of the sexual assaults reported by college women involved alcohol consumption. In 97% of the alcohol-related sexual assaults, both the victim and the perpetrator had consumed alcohol. Some experts believe rapes and assaults are underreported, while others fear men are too often unfairly blamed for incidences when both parties were intoxicated. Like I said, this issue is complex and confusing, with heated opinions on all sides.<br /><br />I feel that we are missing the forest for the trees here. Instead of fighting over whether or not we are victimizing women or over-blaming men, let's instead focus on the underlying problems college-aged women and men are facing. My experience in talking with and counseling 1000's of high school and college-aged women is they lack critical dating relationship skills. Most young women tell me most people don't date much in high school or college; many are just too focused on their academic achievement and futures to be bothered or held back by relationships. <br /><br />Girls knowingly go to parties with the intention to get wasted and hook up sexually with guys, most of whom they know. They tell me it's fun and meant to be just for that night, and yet they rarely if ever have sex in this way unless they are intoxicated. So despite their cavalier attitude, girls seem to still have some emotional attachment issues around sex and sexuality. That tells me despite their cavalier attitude, there are still some emotional attachments for sexuality for most girls today. <br /><br />The following are 4 skills every person should possess if they are going to embark on dating relationships.<br /><ol>
<li><strong>Know what you want:</strong> We need to teach teens how to get quiet and check in with themselves so they know what they are feeling and what they need in any situation. I have girls write out what they want in a dating relationship, including sexually, so they can spell out clear guidelines about what's right for them when they are the most clear-headed. That way they are prepared to set boundaries in the heat of the moment when they may feel pressured and confused.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Trust your gut: </strong>Girls need to be aware of their internal alarms, i.e. their conscience or internal justice system that goes off to warn them when something isn't right. I ask girls to identify where in their bodies they feel this alarm, and when it sounds to pause and check in with themselves: "<em>Why am I feeling uncomfortable or unsafe? </em>They don't need to figure out the exact answer as much as trust their intuition things aren't right and to take action to take care of them. Their intuition is their best protection vs. potential danger.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Alarm busters:</strong> There are many reasons that might cause a girl to ignore her alarms with guys, including: she really likes him and is afraid she'll lose him if she doesn't comply; she doesn't want to appear lame or like a prude; she lacks the confidence and worthiness that would allow her to set good boundaries; she is drunk or high. I don't believe I would be victimizing my daughter or son if I told them that getting wasted at a frat party is putting them at risk. Women who don't have a good sense of worthiness are more vulnerable to both being a target and for having poor boundaries, but that can be remedied with some personal growth or counseling. Again, work on the causes vs. fight over blame.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Communication:</strong> In any relationship, people need to be sensitive to the other person's social cues, body language, and all of the subtle messages other people are communicating. Both people need to be clear and up front with their needs and boundaries, and then continually communicate how they are feeling in the relationship. I worry young people today may have lost the ability to relate at deeper levels like this because of the lack of face-to-face conversations missing in this age of technology. The days of 3 pages long handwritten love letters has been replaced by being dumped with a 40-character text. </li>
</ol>College students I meet these days seem to lack these critical relationship skills, so we need to do a better job of teaching these skills before we send them off into the world. Otherwise, they may find themselves in vulnerable situations they aren't prepared to handle.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Dr. Tim Jordan</strong> is a leading expert on parenting girls from 2 - 20 years of age. He is a Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrician, international speaker, author, media and school consultant. He has studied and worked with girls for over 25 years in his counseling practice, and at his retreats and summer camps. He often speaks about girls and their journey through adolescence, relationship aggression, friendship, cliques and bullying and the best practices for parenting girls. Dr. Tim grew up in a family of eight children. Being a brother to five younger sisters was the start of his caring and interest in helping girls and the issues they face. For more information visit <a href="http://www.drtimjordan.com" target="_blank">DrTimJordan.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com<br />
Staff
2015-04-20T21:21:00Z
Ghost Kids: 5 Ways We Are Sucking the Soul Out of Children
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Ghost-Kids:-5-Ways-We-Are-Sucking-the-Soul-Out-of-Children/25373998228493794.html
2015-04-13T07:15:00Z
2015-04-13T07:15:00Z
<p><strong><strong><br /><br />Dr. Tim Jordan<br /></strong></strong><a href="http://www.drtimjordan.com" target="_blank">DrTimJordan.com<br /><br /></a></p>
<blockquote>“People have enough to live on, but nothing to live for; they have the means, but no meaning.” Robert Fogel </blockquote>
Daniel Pink, in his book <em>A Whole New Mind</em>, lays out a convincing argument that a new skill set is going to be required for future workers, and that means our children. And highest on the list is creativity, artistic ability, empathy, people skills, and the ability to evoke meaning in products. My concern is that parents and schools have gotten so wrapped up in the rat race of straight A’s, select sports teams, and top tier colleges that critical socio-emotional intelligence and creativeness qualities are being given short shrift. <br /><br />The following are 5 ways we are sucking the heart and soul out of our children’s lives. <br />
<ul>
<li>The grandfather of a 3-year-old boy encouraged him to take things apart to see how they worked, and by age 5 was routinely using tools like soldering irons to build things. He would arrive at school with scars on his hands and arms from his constructions. By age 14, he was creating and selling computer programs, which led to designing many of the electronic products we all use today. I wonder how many parents today would allow their children to use power tools like this boy did. </li>
<br />If you want kids to bust out and let their imaginations go wild, they <strong>have to have the freedom to explore and take things apart and play with ideas</strong>. This also requires enough down time for kids to really get into the flow of their creative processes.
</ul>
<ul>
<li>If a high school senior told their parents they wanted to go to art school, the majority of them would receive a lecture about starving artists and how you can’t make a living blah blah blah. Ask a class of <span>kindergartners</span> how many of them are artists, and you will see a sea of hands go up. By 5th grade, maybe a third will say yes, and by high school you’d be lucky to get more than one or two to admit it. They have noticed that the arts are not valued as much as the 3 R’s or football, and so they get discouraged out of this arena. Budding artists need to be supported not just with paints and clay, but with our appreciation of its importance to our culture. <strong>Give artists and dancers and musicians the same amount of financial and emotional support as you give kids in sports.</strong></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Taylor, 18, a straight A student and captain of her soccer team, hates school. She, like so many other top students, has learned to just play the game of school in order to achieve the holy grail of acceptance into top universities. She studies what she’s told is on the tests and jumps through whatever hoops a teacher lay out for her. But Taylor would tell you her love of learning has gone out the window. The motivation to initiate and create and be fully engaged in passionate pursuits takes a back seat to padding resumes. <strong>Guide kids to pursue their own interests with zeal and to experience flow moments</strong>, for it’s only when they are fully engaged in their passions that they will put in the time and effort for mastery.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Kids are absorbing a cultural mantra that goes like this: get good marks in grade school in order to get into a good high school; get good grades in high school in order to gain admittance into a top college; earn A’s in college so you will get a great job; and finally get a good job so you can make a lot of money. Tim Kasser, in his book <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/High-Price-Materialism-Tim-Kasser/dp/026261197X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1428961224&sr=1-1&keywords=high+price+of+materialism" target="_blank">The High Price of Materialism</a></em>, shows in over 30 countries people who are driven by externals end up with higher levels of mental illness, are less happy and fulfilled, and have worse relationships. <strong>Teens and adults who are driven by internals like being of service and making a difference are happier, more fulfilled, and have richer relationships. </strong>Be very careful with what you focus on.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Twenty million kids register each year for youth sports. The <a href="http://life.familyeducation.com/sports/behavior/29512.html" target="_blank">National Alliance for Sports reports</a> that 70 percent of these kids quit playing these league sports by age 13 -- and never play them again The number one reason for quitting: it was no longer fun. For many kids there was too much emphasis on competition and winning. <strong>Change the focus to having fun, spending time with friends, and learning lessons about hard work, winning and losing, and teamwork.</strong> If I had my way, I’d abolish select, club teams and mix all levels of kids together until at least 7th or 8th grade. </li>
</ul>
I’d like to see kids learning for the love of learning, playing for play sake, and doing the right thing because it’s the right thing vs. what they will get for it. Value passion where you find it no matter what package it comes in. Encourage original thought, creativity in all its forms, and enough down time to allow daydreaming, contemplation, and for kids to pursue their curiosities and interests. This will ensure that kids will have a more soulful childhood. <br /><br /><br /><strong>Dr. Tim Jordan</strong> is a leading expert on parenting girls from 2 - 20 years of age. He is a Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrician, international speaker, author, media and school consultant. He has studied and worked with girls for over 25 years in his counseling practice, and at his retreats and summer camps. He often speaks about girls and their journey through adolescence, relationship aggression, friendship, cliques and bullying and the best practices for parenting girls. Dr. Tim grew up in a family of eight children. Being a brother to five younger sisters was the start of his caring and interest in helping girls and the issues they face. For more information visit <a href="http://www.drtimjordan.com" target="_blank">DrTimJordan.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com<br />
Staff
2015-04-13T07:15:00Z
Is My Teen Obese?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Is-My-Teen-Obese/-892093545637060017.html
2015-04-06T22:09:00Z
2015-04-06T22:09:00Z
<p><strong><br />By Harry H Harrison Jr.</strong><br /><a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">www.fearlessparenting.com<br /><br /></a></p>
<p>As we are deep in the era of feel good parenting, there has been a worrisome trend regarding the health of our kids. Yes, we want them to feel good about themselves. No, we don't want to embarrass or certainly ever humiliate them. But the bottom line is, our kids are growing, well, fatter. That is such an un-pc word that many parents will shrink in fear of even<em> thinking</em> such a thing. And the fact that this is a condition that tends for various reasons to impact girls more so than boys makes it even more intractable. But while it's important for our kids to have good self-esteem, it's even more important for us parents to realize the difference between a healthy weight, overweight and really, really heavy one.<br /><br />The obesity situation in the United States now is alarming. Childhood and adolescent obesity have become an epidemic. Studies by the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry show that between sixteen and thirty-three million children and adolescents aged 12 to 19 are obese! Not overweight. Obese. That's over 20% of the entire teenage population! And these numbers are on the rise. As a result, growing numbers of children and teens are at increased risk for diseases traditionally seen only in adults, including heart disease, different cancers and type 2 diabetes.<br /><br />A lot of factors go into the question about if your teen is the right weight. For instance if your son is 5" 10" and plays left tackle for his high school football team, he's going to weigh a lot more than what is considered "normal" for someone his height and age. At the same time, if your daughter is a long distance runner, she may be considered too thin compared to her peers. So in many respects "normal" is relative.<br /><br />But obese isn't relative. A child or teen is considered obese when his or her body weight is in excess of 20% of what's considered normal. The surest way to answer this question is go to the CDC website - Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and enter <a href="http://nccd.cdc.gov/dnpabmi/" target="_blank">http://nccd.cdc.gov/dnpabmi/</a> which is a Body Mass Index percentage calculator. Fill in the form and you will be told in no uncertain terms whether your child is underweight, overweight, healthy or obese.<br /><br />You will be given specific directions as to whether you should see a healthcare provider or simply change her routine, such as eating healthy foods, drinking more water, getting more physical activity everyday, limiting television viewing (which in today's terminology means anything with a screen) and getting an adequate amount of sleep.<br /><br />But what's troubling is that, parents shouldn't need a BMI calculator to know their daughter is very, very heavy and potentially obese. But sometimes the BMI percentage calculator is a wakeup call to parents who keep thinking their daughter will change. That she'll suddenly start eating salads and join the swim team. Which of course, for the most part is just wishful thinking unless the parents take action. What kind of girl tends to be obese? She's naturally shy, finds it difficult to make friends, her mom tries to make her feel good with cookies, and slowly this girl turns from a heavy child to an obese teenager. She has absolutely zero tools to quit eating or start exercising. Soon food is her best friend only now it's also her worst enemy. She doesn't go shopping with other girls because she's embarrassed about the size of clothes she requires. She has few friends. She's depressed. Hurt. She knows what girls and boys say about her. Her only relief of pain is to eat even more.<br /><br />The situation becomes more cloudy with the emphasis parents have on making their kids feel good. Some clothing stores have spring up to dress "heavy" girls which is cool, but these stores do little to help the problem: their customers are killing themselves.<br /><br /><br /><strong>There are some specific steps parents can take to keep their "heavy teen" from becoming obese.</strong></p>
<ol>
<li>Plan meals and eat dinner as a family. Meal planning means macaroni and cheese go, but lean meats and fresh fruit and vegetables stay.</li>
<br />
<li>Eat meals at a specific time so you daughter isn't prone to snacking.</li>
<br />
<li>Keep unhealthy foods out of the home.</li>
<br />
<li>Encourage exercise. The bottom line is your daughter is taking more calories in than she is expending.</li>
<br />
<li>Do not use food as a reward, or to make her feel good.</li>
<br />
<li>Control portions. Do this by eating slow.</li>
<br />
<li>Focus on your child's strength's and positive qualities more so than just her weight.</li>
<br />
<li>If you or the other parent is obese, start a weight management program now. (50% of obese teens have one obese parent.)</li>
<br />
<li>Don't assume you know what your daughter is eating outside the home. There are snacks at schools, friends and the mall is where calories can fly to outer space.</li>
<br />
<li>And failing all this, seek the help of a doctor.</li>
</ol>
<p><br />An obese teen has an 80 percent chance of becoming an obese adult. And this will sentence her to a life of heart disease, high blood pressure, breathing problems, risky sexual encounters, depression and trouble sleeping. Plus she's at an increased risk for all kinds of cancers. And at all costs you want to avoid lap band surgery, but in some cases it's a better idea than the humiliation your daughter feels.<br /><br />So look up from your iPad this morning. Look at your daughter. Do you see a healthy, happy girl? Or something else. If so, be the parent. Take action now.</p>
<p><strong><br />Harry H Harrison Jr.</strong> is a <em>New York Times</em> best selling parenting author with over 3.5 million books in print. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs, and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations including NPR. His books are available in over thirty-five countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia and in the Far East. For more information visit <a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com">www.fearlessparenting.com</a>. <span>Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</span></p>
Staff
2015-04-06T22:09:00Z
What's the Point in Youth Sports?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Whats-the-Point-in-Youth-Sports/406314305804426198.html
2015-03-30T07:03:00Z
2015-03-30T07:03:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
<p>Finally, someone's speaking out on the increasing madness of youth sports. A former professional athlete turned coach, now father of two, was in my town last week on one stop of a national lecture tour to promote his book <em>"Changing the Game: The Parents Guide to Raising Happy, High Performing Athletes and Giving Youth Sports Back to our Kids,"</em> John O'Sullivan warns parents that pushing kids to play a single sport year-round won't make them better athletes, it will only make them bitter.<br /><br />O'Sullivan said kids want to play sports for fun and camaraderie. When asked about winning, he said kids value it much less than playing time. Because of criticism, intense practice time and serious commitment to one sport, three out of four kids will stop playing sports entirely by the time they're 13, O' Sullivan said. Safe Kids USA confirms this, stating that by age 13, 70 percent of the 30 million American kids who play sports will drop out. The top three reasons: adults, coaches and parents. Kids may not care as much about winning, but parents and coaches do and it's squashing kids' joy.<br /><br />Children would rather play on a losing team than warm the bench for a winning one, O'Sullivan said. Yet the price of admission for kids who just want to play has gotten steep. I've seen an increase in travel and/or year-round alternatives since my own kids have gotten older. Recreational teams seem to be in the minority now as more kids are deciding before they're even double digits what "their sport" is. <br /><br />Recreational teams, allowing kids to play whatever the sport is of the season, shouldn't be dismissed. Here kids can play a few hours a week and still have time for other interests.<br /><br />Yes, many children play multiple sports, but I see more families choosing only "elite" travel clubs with very long seasons, which is multiplying the pressure and intensity on kids even more as they go from this team to that team often in the same day, which means they have to choose. They spend hours a week at practice, but to get "really good" even more money is handed over because parents have been told private lessons on the side are a necessity. <br /><br />O'Sullivan barely mentioned another reason children shouldn't specialize in one sport: the rise of injuries from overuse seen in kids has spiked since 2000. Renowned sports physician Dr. James Andrews has operated on professional athletes for 40 years, including Roger Clemens, Charles Barkley, Jack Nicklaus, Kerri Strug, Peyton Manning and most recently Robert Griffin III. He's been speaking out because he's now seeing young children come to him with the same kinds of shoulder, knee and elbow injuries he had only previously seen in professional athletes and middle age patients. According to the US Center for Disease Control children ages 5 to 14 account for nearly 40 percent of all sports-related injuries treated in hospitals today. Overuse injuries are responsible for nearly half of all sports injuries to middle and high school students. Growing bodies need a break from using the same muscles, ligaments and tendons over and over.<br /><br />Last month competitive soccer tryouts were held in my community. It was three days of intense wheeling and dealing, with kids as young as 7 vying for a spot on their chosen club. One mom stood off to the side as she watched her son and told me, "If he gets on the team or not, my son loves soccer and sees this as an opportunity to play for three days." Good for him. That's what the point should be. <br /><br />Kids should be having fun when they play sports. They should be learning something about working as a team and building friendships with their peers. When that's happening, and the sparkle in their eyes is still there, it's truly a victory.</p>
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2015-03-30T07:03:00Z
Reconnecting with Your Teen on Spring Break
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Reconnecting-with-Your-Teen-on-Spring-Break/487480240737965805.html
2015-03-16T21:01:00Z
2015-03-16T21:01:00Z
<strong><br />by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC</strong><br /><a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com<br /></a>
<p><strong>Spring break is here</strong> and that means family trips. If you're like many parents, you've been busy with your kids' activities, your spouse and your aging parents. It's easy to forget that you are raising teens, and taking everyone on a family vacation may be more challenging than you expected. Teens aren't the easiest to travel with. They have an attitude over things that may not have concerned them before; they insult under their breath; and often they melt into screaming, slamming doors and tears. It can make living with them trying, but traveling with them can push you over the edge.<br /><br /><strong>Rather than give in to your own stress and anger,</strong> it's better to embrace an attitude of reconnecting with your teen(s). This requires you to be an adult, and not take what they say personally, but rather see the vulnerability inside. You want them to be grateful for all the sacrifices you've made, and you have a better chance of seeing their gratitude if you make an adjustment within yourself.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Here are suggestions to help you get closer to your teen on spring break, or any time.<br /> </strong></p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Calm yourself down first.</strong> Vacations can be stressful and when you take your stress out on your teen, you will get it back double fold. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Remember you're the parent.</strong> Your child is not your friend. Don't get drawn into petty arguments with them. There is no worse car trip than being locked inside fighting with your teen.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Respect boundaries.</strong> Your teen needs privacy and that need is present on vacations, too. Create a space for them to be alone at times, and don't guilt them or shame them for needing that. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Talk less, lecture never, and listen always.</strong> Kids will tell you so much if you don't make them feel interrogated. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Kids learn most by watching you,</strong> especially how you treat their other parent, strangers and waiters. If you are rude, talk down or are mean, they learn that it's okay to treat others that way. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Before the trip have expectations listed</strong> and make sure each child understands exactly what is expected on the trip. Teens are less anxious when they know what to expect. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Always look for behaviors your kids do right, </strong>and tell them how impressed you were. Teens need to know they please you. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>The whole family needs to have a set time to unplug on vacation.</strong> Decide that prior to the spring break and enforce it with your kids and yourself. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>The family that plays together stays together.</strong> Lighten up, join your kids in ridiculous laughter and fun. Life without humor would be unbearable.</li>
</ol>
<p><br />If spring break is going to be spent at home instead of away, these same suggestions apply. Use the time to reconnect with your teen.<br /><br /><strong>Spring break is an opportunity to take a break with your child,</strong> getting to know who they are, and reconnecting with them without the pressures of school activities.<strong><br /><br /><br />Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, </strong>is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman of <em>Start Talking: A Girl's Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever</em>. Read more about the book at <a href="http://www.StartTalkingBook.com" target="_blank">StartTalkingBook.com</a> and more about Rapini at <a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2015-03-16T21:01:00Z
Replacing 'Entitlement' in Praise and Creating Self-Respect
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Replacing-Entitlement-in-Praise-and-Creating-Self-Respect/102756417000250304.html
2015-03-09T21:03:00Z
2015-03-09T21:03:00Z
<strong><br />by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC</strong><br /><a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com<br /></a><br />No matter where you are, if little ones are around, it won't take long before you'll hear "You're so smart," "You're so pretty," as well as, "You're the best on the team." <br /><br />It's normal to think your child is brilliant, better looking and more capable than anyone's child you know; however, that attitude taken to extreme might be moving us toward creating a society of kids who feel entitled.<br /><br />Surveys from freshman classes show that kids work less in college than they did 10 years ago, and they think more highly of themselves. The majority of freshman college students score high on narcissism. What did we expect? These kids have been raised by parents who praised their every move. With that praise, they have instilled an attitude of entitlement. Kids actually believe they deserve a high paying job, a beautiful home and exotic trips. When you talk to them in depth, and ask them how they plan to acquire these privileges, they have no plan other than knowing their parents had it, so they will too.<br /><br />The sad part is, they won't. In fact, they cannot because they have not suffered consequences of not being good at something. Their weaknesses have been overlooked or brushed aside in an attempt to build their confidence with praise.<br /><br />Praise doesn't build confidence; in fact, too much praise makes a child less motivated to take risks and try new things. If you continually tell a child how well they spell, they expect and are motivated to get more praise for spelling. Forget the other subjects, or sports, because they get praised for spelling well. This narrows the child's world and they don't branch out or build confidence by trying new things and failing at some.<br /><br />A much wiser approach is something we call <strong>"process praise."</strong> Process praise means you begin to notice and comment on the strategy the child used to figure something out. You focus less on natural talents and more on effort. You teach them that the brain, just like their other muscles, can grow, which helps the child understand that the more effort they make, the more success they will likely see. This helps children understand that challenges are good, and the brain can learn new ways of doing things.<br /><br /><strong>Here are three suggestions for starting a plan of process praise. </strong><br /><ol>
<li><strong>Don't praise as much as you may have in the past.</strong> When you do praise, begin with praising effort or attempts at trying new things. Telling a child you like the way they tried something new is going to be more helpful to them than praising them for something at which they are already good.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Praise their strategy, or thinking. </strong>"Wow, you really had to use your out-of-the box thinking to come up with that plan."</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Never lie to them or tell them they are good at something they are not.</strong> Kids know the truth. If you say it's a good job and it isn't, they will stop trusting you or believing you.</li>
</ol>Kids get discouraged and when parents give blanket praise such as "You're so smart" or "You're such a good pitcher," kids begin to think this is what they are, or do. A child can be compassionate, smart, musical, and so much more. When parents teach kids to accept challenges, try new things and risk not being the best, they challenge them to grow and exercise their brain. In a world of entitlement and everyone being a winner, we've gone too far. Everyone has natural talents and weaknesses. The key is to help a child feel confident enough in their strengths to risk appearing weak in areas that need more strengthening.<br />
<blockquote><strong>Let's bring back good old-fashioned effort and teach our kids the value of working toward their dreams.</strong></blockquote>
<p><strong><br />Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, </strong>is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman of <em>Start Talking: A Girl's Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever</em>. Read more about the book at <a href="http://www.StartTalkingBook.com" target="_blank">StartTalkingBook.com</a> and more about Rapini at <a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2015-03-09T21:03:00Z
6 Foolproof Ways to Get Your Teens Talking
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/6-Foolproof-Ways-to-Get-Your-Teens-Talking/-140167941372387678.html
2015-03-03T06:00:00Z
2015-03-03T06:00:00Z
<strong><br /><br />By: Barbara Greenberg and Jennifer Powell-Lunder</strong><br /><a href="http://www.talkingteenage.com/" target="_blank">TalkingTeenage.com</a><a href="http://www.natalieberthold.com/" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank"><br /><br /></a>I remember the conversations I had with my teen daughter. Some of them were so easy and fun; others were much more difficult.<br /><br />Some of our best conversations seemed to happen when we shared photos of ourselves at similar ages. "<em>Look Amanda-I would say-here I am at the beach at age 15</em>," and we both laughed.<br /><br />I think we both couldn't believe I was ever fifteen. Then, we would start comparing how different fashion was then compared to the contemporary fashion of my daughter and her peers.<br /><br />To follow up, I might show a photo of a teen boy I had a crush on and we'd laugh some more. I guess the idea of her mom being a teenager and having a crush on a boy was such an incongruous concept. We still love comparing photos.<br /><br />Almost every day I hear one or more parents tell me that they are having difficulty getting conversations started with their teens. A "<em>How was your day?</em>" starter is met with silence. <br /><br />"<em>Tell me about your classes</em>" is met with a blank stare. Parents all over are trying so hard to get conversations going, but without success. I've been mulling this difficulty over and, with the help of the parents and teens I talk to, I have some good topics of conversation.<br /><br /><br />Of course, there are some pre-requisites. First, you have to:<br />
<ul>
<li>see if your teen is in the mood to talk</li>
<br />
<li>if your teen is busy with something else</li>
<br />
<li>and whether or not you are available both physically and mentally</li>
</ul>
<br /> For a good conversation to take place both parent and teen need to be present and mindful.<br /><br /><br /><strong>So here are some favorite conversation topics that are not likely to lead to arguments:</strong><br /><ol>
<li>Show interest in your teen's photo collection. Teens are always taking photos.</li>
<br />
<li>Ask about the music that they like and even ask to listen to it.</li>
<br />
<li>Teens sometimes like the question, "Tell me about the drama at school" especially if it doesn't involve them.</li>
<br />
<li>Ask to see the fruits of their hobbies and clubs. If they are into pottery or any other hobby look at what they've made recently. If they are part of a club ask about how things are going .</li>
<br />
<li>Ask about their volunteer work or after school jobs.<em><strong><br /><br />AND<br /><br /></strong></em></li>
<li>You can try my trick and show them your own teen photos. I guarantee that they will be fascinated. Be prepared to laugh a lot.</li>
</ol><br />I guess the bottom line is that you want to show interest in activities other than school. I can assure you your teens think all you really want to hear about are their grades and that is not true, right? <br /><br /><br /><strong>Barbara Greenberg and Jennifer Powell-Lunder</strong> are authors of the hit book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1440504644?ie=UTF8&tag=talkiteena-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1440504644" target="_blank">"Teenage as a Second Language: A Parent's Guide to Becoming Bilingual."</a> They've set up an interactive website for parents and teens to listen, learn and discuss hot topics and daily dilemmas. You can find it at <a href="http://www.talkingteenage.com/" target="_blank">www.talkingteenage.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.<br /><br />
Staff
2015-03-03T06:00:00Z
4 Positions to NOT Put Your Child In
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/4-Positions-to-NOT-Put-Your-Child-In/572136936759300115.html
2015-02-23T16:00:00Z
2015-02-23T16:00:00Z
<strong><br /><br />By Natalie Berthold</strong><br /><a href="http://www.natalieberthold.com/" target="_blank">NatalieBerthold.com</a><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank"><br /><br /></a>These days, it seems most parents shy away from their main role, which is, well, to parent. It is invaluable to the child to know that you are in control, you are the leader, and you set the boundaries. Of course, there is a fine line and this does not have to come with corporal punishment or any of the other fear-based tactics used in history, but it does mean you need to step into your authority.<br /><br />There are four main roles or positions that can sneak up on us if we are not careful, that we can put or allow our children to take on. These roles can be detrimental to our child's emotional development and can even limit their ability to build and maintain healthy relationships later in life. Unfortunately, I see these role-reversals all too often in my personal and professional life and it is important for us to recognize them early on and put these responsibilities in the right place.<br /><br />Children naturally want to please us. They adore us and will do anything for us-they are, after all, indebted to us for giving them life. Additionally, their survival depends on your well-being, so selfishly, they will do whatever it takes to keep you emotionally and physically healthy-even if it means volunteering for or agreeing to these unhealthy roles.<br /><br />Here are 4 positions that you should never put your children in:<br /><br /><ol>
<li><strong>Your Partner</strong> - Now, I'm not referring to a physically incestuous relationship (which is obviously inappropriate), but so many parents overlook the fact that a type of emotionally incestuous relationship is happening. When a mother or father has a spouse who is not present physically or emotionally, it is not uncommon for them to turn to their children for that support. Boys often feel the pressure to become a man before they are ready and girls become the woman before they are ready, fulfilling responsibilities and roles that a partner would, such as housework, protection, guidance, etc. Make sure if you have an absentee partner, that you are not tempted to either put, or allow, your children to fill that place. Please affirm to yourself and your child "You're not my partner, you are my child" and act accordingly.</li>
<li><strong>Your Therapist</strong> - I see this all of the time. A mom or dad is feeling stressed, tired, vulnerable, or physically ill and turns to their children. Frequently, a child goes up to her mother and pats her on the back and says, "Are you okay, Mommy?" and Mom turns to her child and tells her all of her woes. Additionally, I have clients who tell their children all about their marital, sexual, health, financial problems and even ask for advice. This is a huge no-no. It is not your child's job to console nor counsel you. Please affirm to yourself and your child, "You're not my therapist, you are my child" and act accordingly.</li>
<li><strong>Your 'Gal Pal' or BBF</strong> - This is WAY too common between mother and daughter these days. The daughter is always along for the mani/pedis, the shopping trips, the girlfriend brunches, etc. I often hear women and teens say, "My mom is my best friend". This sounds warm, fuzzy, and is certainly okay from time to time, but in excess, it really creates an 'equal' dynamic which can limit the ability to parent and set appropriate boundaries when necessary. The child has enough friends and so do you. Please affirm to yourself and your child, "You're not my 'bestie', you are my child" and act accordingly.</li>
<li><strong>Your Parent</strong> - This is a HUGE one and unfortunately, quite prevalent. Most of us didn't get all of the care and TLC we needed from our mother and father, but this does not give us license to turn toward our children and expect them to take care of us. This can manifest in many ways such as asking our children for money, or emotional and physical support. Again, this most definitely is not their job. It is YOUR job. Please affirm to yourself and your child, "You're not my parent, you are my child" and act accordingly. Parenting is tough and so is life from time to time.</li>
</ol><br />It is really important that we take an honest assessment of our relationship with our children and make sure they are NOT taking on the role of our spouse, therapist, buddy, or parent. If you think about your own relationship with your parent, you may find you have a similar pattern with them.<br /><br />It is time to break that pattern and allow your child to be just your child. Seek out help from therapists, friends, partners, support groups, chat rooms or meet-up groups, etc. if you need extra help and nurturing, but don't lean on your children. In addition, your strongest, most life-affirming role is to be a parent...don't rob yourself of that gift!<br /> <br /><br /><strong>Natalie Berthold</strong> uses a variety of modalities, particularly Family Constellation Therapy, to get to the root of the issue. Natalie works in a loving and compassionate way to efficiently and effectively disentangle patterns that have been passed down trans-generationally, and restore the natural order of love, allowing the individual to finally be free from lifelong limitations. Natalie works with all issues, but specializes in disordered eating and limitations with health, career and finances and relationships. When not working, Natalie is most likely found frolicking in the park with her two adorable rescue mutts, Argos and Athena. She is also excitedly awaiting her first child, coming this spring! <a href="http://www.natalieberthold.com/" target="_blank">NatalieBerthold.com</a> Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.<br />
Staff
2015-02-23T16:00:00Z
Simple Mommy Secrets to Choosing the Right Chores for Kids
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Simple-Mommy-Secrets-to-Choosing-the-Right-Chores-for-Kids/580128436838373625.html
2015-02-17T21:25:00Z
2015-02-17T21:25:00Z
<strong>By Dr. Michele Borba</strong><br /><a href="http://simplemommysecrets.com/" target="_blank"><a href="http://micheleborba.com" target="_blank">MicheleBorba.com</a></a><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank"><br /><br /></a>Several years ago I learned a Mommy Secret from my girlfriend about kids' chores that I've never forgot. Cindy and I were busy chatting away when she announced to her kids: "Chore time!" As quick as a wink they jumped up from playing and scurried to the kitchen where they proceeded to unload dishes from the dishwasher, putting them in the cupboard. And they did so without an ounce of help or uttering one complaint. When finished they turned for their mom's sanction (she nodded approvingly), then grinned and ran back to play. (Oh, by the way: her kids were 3 and 5 years old. Cross my heart!)<br /><br />So what was the secret to the mom's success? Three simple secrets which I used that afternoon with my own kids. <br /><ol>
<li>Cindy chose tasks that fit her kids' developmental abilities. </li>
<br />
<li>She planned for chore success. (For example: She bought no-break plastic dishes, and cleared a bottom cupboard so they could put dishes away without help). </li>
<br />
<li>She first modeled exactly how to do a chore, and then made sure they could do it alone. </li>
</ol><br />The result: success! You can use these same secrets with your children to boost their helping attitudes. <br /><br />Here are a few chores appropriate for different ages:<br /><br /><br /><strong>Chores for Toddlers:</strong> It's never too early to begin, but let's be realistic. Do not expect a toddler to do any "chore" on his own, but you can gently encourage his helping spirit. Here's how:<br />
<ul>
<li>Toddlers love to help and learn best by copying and working next to you. So purchase a pint-size broom, rake, or vacuum (that looks like Mommy's). Your little one can grab his broom and copy you.</li>
<br />
<li>Set out a special box, bin or basket for your toddler to help you put his toys away. He won't do this alone, but would love to help you do the task (for a few seconds anyway).</li>
</ul>
<br /> <strong>Chores for Preschoolers:</strong> The important Mommy Secret for this age is if you expect this age of child to do chores first alone, they are likely to give up in frustration. So if you want your preschooler to succeed (or really any age child), first show them exactly how to do the task right. They probably will still need your guidance. Here are a few appropriate chores:<br />
<ul>
<li>Set and clear the table and fold napkins: Be on the lookout for placemats that provide inked-in outlines of a fork, knife, spoon and plate. Some moms make them by drawing utensil outlines using permanent black marking pens on construction paper and then covering them with clear laminating paper.</li>
<br />
<li>Sponge off tables and counters: Hand him a damp sponge and a squirt bottle filled with water and a bit of your favorite cleaner and let him go to town cleaning away</li>
<br />
<li>Pick up toys: Provide a box, basket, or bin for your child to put away his toys</li>
<br />
<li>Recycling: He can stack magazines and papers (do specify exactly where you want items placed) and empty small wastebaskets.</li>
<br />
<li>Gardening: Fill a water can and designate certain plants that should be watered.</li>
<br />
</ul>
<strong>Chores for School-Age Kids:</strong> School-age kids are ready to help out in the household as well as some yard work. Go through each new chore step by step with your child so that he clearly knows how to do it. Then observe him doing it at least once to make sure he can handle it.<br />
<ul>
<li>Routine household chores: Set and clear table, put dishes in dishwasher, put clean ones away, vacuum, dust, sweep.</li>
<br />
<li>Laundry: Gradually increase the repertoire until your child can do the majority alone.</li>
<br />
<li>Meals: Make their lunch and be responsible for cooking one part of evening meal</li>
<br />
<li>Pet care: Feeding, taking them on walks, brushing, bathing, cleaning out cage.</li>
<br />
<li>Gardening: Weeding, watering plants, raking leaves, mowing the lawn, sweeping patio</li>
<br />
<li>Personal bedrooms: They should slowly become their soul responsibility including dusting, making the bed and changing sheets.</li>
<br />
<li>Laundry duties: Putting his dirty clothes in hamper, emptying hamper, folding and sorting lights and darks.</li>
<br />
</ul>
<strong>Chores for Preteens and Teens:</strong> In a few short years this same kid is probably will be living on his own. So think of assigning chores to help prepare him for independent living.<br />
<ul>
<li>Cooking: Learning a few basic cooking recipes to cook alone</li>
<br />
<li>Laundry: Completely doing own laundry</li>
<br />
<li>Bathroom: Cleaning their shower, toilet, tub (My kids' roommates have thanked me)</li>
<br />
<li>Car care: When she gets that license make her responsible for maintaining car appearance washing exterior, cleaning windows, filling it with gas, even taking in for service.</li>
</ul>
<br />It's never too early for your child to help out with the household chores. (Okay, do wait until your child is at least out of diapers and can talk). But the fact is the sooner you begin chores, the easier it is be to nurture your child's responsibility muscle. Remember to choose tasks that match your child's abilities, show your child exactly what you expect, and finally stand back. The real mommy secret is this: Don't do any task your child can do alone. Kids needs to see themselves as responsible family contributors.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Michele Borba, Ed.D.</strong>, is a mom of three, a former teacher, and renowned educational consultant who has presented workshops to one million parents and teachers worldwide. Dr. Borba is the author of <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/078798096X/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back To Basics and Raising Happy Kids</a>.</em> She is a frequent guest on<em> Today, The Early Show, The View,</em> and <em>Fox & Friends.</em> She is also the award-winning author of over 20 books including <em><a href="https://www.parentingbookmark.com/pages/book_PDMAD.htm" target="_blank">Parents Do Make a Difference</a></em>, <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787973335/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">Don't Give Me That Attitude!</a></em>, <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787966177/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">No More Misbehavin'</a></em>, and <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0787976628/parentingbookmar" target="_blank">Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me.</a></em> Dr. Borba is an advisory board member for Parents. For more strategies and tips visit <a href="http://www.simplemommysecrets.com" target="_blank"><a href="http://micheleborba.com" target="_blank">MicheleBorba.com</a></a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.<br />
Staff
2015-02-17T21:25:00Z
Are You Physically Fit to be a Good Mom?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Are-You-Physically-Fit-to-be-a-Good-Mom/532517763512769454.html
2015-02-02T21:19:00Z
2015-02-02T21:19:00Z
<p><strong><br />Lisa Barwise<br /></strong><a href="http://www.mummyshapeschool.com/" target="_blank">www.mummyshapeschool.com </a></p>
<p><br />Who was your greatest role model growing up? Your mom, your dad, a teacher, a TV personality?<br /><br />There was someone in your life that you aspired to be like, admired and probably mimicked- in a good way.<br /><br />That's what a role model does.<br /><br />My mom and dad were older when they had me- my mom was 36 and my dad 40. By the time I become my most energetic around 7 or so, I was running rings around them. I was so active and spritely I am sure I drove them nuts. I was lucky to have big brothers who were sporty and played more physical games with me. But by the time I was 11, I missed having parents that would do things outside with me. You know, run and play cricket in the garden or take picnics outside.<br /><br />My dad was overweight and didn't like being in the sun due to having skin problems and my mom was just too busy doing housework and it just wasn't her thing.<br /><br />So, I began to look outside my family for people to admire or to be sporty with which meant I spent less and less time at home.<br /><br />What I have realized now more than ever is that I love to be outside. I love to run, jump and skip and I love that I get to do that with my son. Josh is definitely my boy. Too much energy that he doesn't know what to do with! <br /><br />When Josh was 4, we did a charity walk for 7 miles and he ran most of it, just for fun. And afterwards he wasn't even that tired. At age 6, he ran 3 miles with me in the park continuously without stopping and wasn't even out of breath.<br /><br />So, I decided to embrace our passions and focus our energy. Now, with our new puppy in tow, we walk or run for miles or Josh rides his bike and we spend hours, even in the winter, in the park, in the woods or by the river, walking, climbing and running. This is the time we spend together. The most precious of time. We have been walking like this since Josh was 2.<br /><br />I have the energy to want to run outside with him, to kick or throw a ball for our puppy and to plan wonderful trips to the river or woods together. And guess what, is doesn't cost a thing to spend this quality time. It's good for all of us to be out in the fresh air, to get exercise, to move and be active.<br /><br />So, you need to ask yourself, am I physically fit to be a good mom? Can I be the role model to my family to achieve optimum health and fitness? Do I get to spend that precious time with them - together- being active?<br /><br />If your answer is no, then look at what can you do to get yourself closer to this goal. Make the decision today, set a goal and look for people to support you. <br /><br /><br /><strong>Lisa Barwise </strong>is a Transformation Coach - certified health and human potential coach, weight loss advisor and fitness instructor and is the creator of Mummy Shape School. Mummy Shape School is an online healthy weight loss community for busy moms where kids are the reason not the excuse. For more information visit <a href="http://www.mummyshapeschool.com" target="_blank">www.mummyshapeschool.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2015-02-02T21:19:00Z
The Greatest Gift We Can Give Our Children
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Greatest-Gift-We-Can-Give-Our-Children/747259626470489638.html
2015-01-28T19:08:00Z
2015-01-28T19:08:00Z
<p><strong><strong><br />Linda Newlin</strong></strong><br /><a href="http://www.GrowingUpWhole.com" target="_blank">www.</a><a href="https://www.growingupwhole.com/" target="_blank">GrowingUpWhole.com</a></p>
<p>What do children really need? <br /><br />I dare say it's WHOLENESS. Yes, it's wholeness.<br /><br />Children need to know that they are whole just as they are and they need to feel whole within themselves. <br /><br />As parents we are often focused on what they need to fix and do differently. This can erode away their sense of "I'm Ok, even if I'm learning how to be in the world and learning all these things about life."<br /><br /><strong>Our challenge as parents is to balance our corrective input with connective input.</strong> <br />How can we help our children stayed connected and feeling whole inside?<br /><br />What is wholeness really?<br /><br />It is many things: </p>
<ul>
<li>self confidence</li>
<li>health and well being</li>
<li>a sense of belonging</li>
<li>resilience (ability to bounce back from hard times)</li>
</ul>
<p><br />What does wholeness feel like? <br /><br />It can feel like peace, strength, groundedness, joy, ease, and flow.<br /><br />How do we cultivate wholeness in our children? <br /><br />One way is to validate their uniqueness and mirror it back to them. When a child is grounded in who they are and what their unique gifts are they can shine their light in the world and navigate life with much more ease.<br /><br />Developing a practice of focusing on what is right with our children and who they are provides a foundation of acceptance and self-esteem that will help them navigate life's difficult passages. <br /><br />This can take the form of a validation ritual where you encourage them to acknowledge things they have done well each day and to instill this as a self - loving practice to sustain them through life.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Linda Newlin</strong> is a coach, author, teacher, consultant and parent who is passionate about authenticity, wholeness, sustainability and self-love. See her secret to being whole at <a href="https://www.growingupwhole.com/" target="_blank">www.GrowingUpWhole.com</a> or <a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Linda+Newlin" target="_blank">Amazon.com</a> for her books and music. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2015-01-28T19:08:00Z
Seven Important Reasons to Eat Dinner as a Family
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Seven-Important-Reasons-to-Eat-Dinner-as-a-Family/-872700156294121890.html
2015-01-19T15:29:00Z
2015-01-19T15:29:00Z
<p><strong>By Harry H Harrison Jr.</strong><br /><a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">www.fearlessparenting.com</a></p>
<p>Every new parent is told over and over again to eat dinner as a family. But no one has ever explained why. So because it's said over and over again, a lot of young parents believe this is just one more piece of fiction handed down from their parent's generation.<br /><br />Parents are busy today and dinner as a family, at the same time every night, seems impossible. Here are seven reasons why you must change your thinking about this.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">1. Research by Dr. Almudena Sevilla of the School of Business and Management at the University of London and Cristina Borra of the University of Seville suggests "the more time we spend with our children, the better for cognitive development." In fact, a 2012 study by social scientists at the University of Chile looking at the time diaries of mothers and children showed that one more hour of maternal time per week can move a child as many as five positions higher in a class of 30. Take away eating as a family and you're risking the development of your child.<br /><br />2. Several years ago, Pediatrics reported a study suggesting, "Regular family meals improve children's nutrition and encourage healthy eating habits. But the most important finding is that eating regular family meals can impact childhood obesity. The results show children and adolescents who share at least three family meals per week are more likely to be a healthy weight and less likely to have developed an eating disorder than children who didn't have regular family meals. This can have a huge impact on their high school years.<br /><br />3. Family meals lay the groundwork for a child's future. I know a young dentist who spent 18 years listening to his father talk about his advertising agency at dinnertime. Five years after he graduated from dental school he has eight dental practices, because of the marketing skills he learned over nightly meals.<br /><br />4. Listening to their parents discuss real world issues every night enables a child's vocabulary to jump leaps and bounds. When else will they learn words like "civil rights," "advocacy," "democracy," and "justice," unless it's over dinner when they are five. Eighth grade? This of course will dramatically impact a child's ability to read when they are young as well as taking tests like the College Boards years later.<br /><br />5. Family dinners are where a child learns how to express their opinions and that it's safe to do so. By listening to their news of what happened that day, you teach them that what they have to say is important. They also learn how to listen and not interrupt. You'll be surprised at how even the youngest child can participate in a conversation.<br /><br />6. Family dinners are where you pass along your morals and values to your children in an unthreatening and uncritical way. Research has shown parents who take the time to eat dinner with their kids at least five days a week are more likely to raise kids who understand and respect boundaries. And research has demonstrated the amount of time parents and kids eat together has a direct correlation to reduced high-risk behaviors. If you just wave goodbye to your kids in the morning, you're waving goodbye to their future. Because you'll have no idea what's really going on in their lives, until a principal or police officer tells you. <br /><br />7. Families who eat dinner together tend to eat more healthy meals. I'm making the gigantic leap that dinner has been cooked at home. Because a home-cooked meal generally includes more fruits, more vegetables, less Coke and the kids, once introduced to healthy meals, will soon be all over the Internet learning about nutrition and organic eating and so on. Moms and dads tend to cook less fried foods, probably because it's a pain to make, but also they start thinking about their kid's health. </p>
<p>Like all things about good parenting, serving a home cooked meal every night, making sure everyone shows up for dinner rather than getting a thirteen-year-old to talk about her day can be a pain. But it's worth it. Because it eliminates so many parenting problems down the road. <br /><br /><strong><br />Harry H Harrison Jr.</strong> is a <em>New York Times</em> best selling parenting author with over 3.7 million books in print. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs, and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations. His books are available in over thirty-five countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia and in the Far East. For more information visit <a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com">www.fearlessparenting.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2015-01-19T15:29:00Z
What Our New Puppy Has Taught My Kids About Parenting
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/What-Our-New-Puppy-Has-Taught-My-Kids-About-Parenting/103563189715282929.html
2015-01-12T21:45:00Z
2015-01-12T21:45:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
<p>When I was 6 years old, my parents told my three sisters and me we were adopting a baby boy. When I got off the school bus on the day of our much-anticipated special delivery, my mom was there to greet us. "Meet your new little brother," she smiled, pointing to what would become our faithful companion for the next 14 years, a Springer Spaniel, St. Bernard mix the size of the latter. We laughed because she'd tricked us, but we didn't mind. It was as exciting as Christmas morning that otherwise ordinary spring day. We named him Snoopy after our favorite TV dog. Abandoned at one of the homes my mom toured as a realtor, the vet figured he was about a year old. So though we had many adventures with Snoopy we never experienced the puppy phase. <br /><br />Many years later I'm now raising my first puppy, a 12-week old Havanese we've named Smoky. I'm finding it's not unlike having a human baby in many ways and it's been great to witness our children act like little parents to him too. <br /><br /><strong>Here are some of the lessons in parenting the kids are realizing in just one month:</strong> <br /><br /><strong>It takes a lot of thought</strong> and usually some family politics to pick out a name for a new member of the family. In our case, we chose the first name no one protested.<br /><br /><strong>Night wakings</strong> are part of having a new baby. My boys thought it would be fun to a have puppy in their room, so over Thanksgiving, Smoky slept with them. In the mornings, they complained he was annoying and they were tired. It reminded me when I thought it would be bonding to have my kids sleep in our room until the reality of endless sleepless nights kicked in.<br /><br /><strong>Once housebreaking is a possibility, it's on everyone's mind.</strong> When the time's right for toddlers, parents can't think about anything but potty training. Lives revolve around sticking close to a familiar toilet, the clock and which reward is most successful. All six of us repeat the outdoor cue words, "Go Potty," more than any other words the past month and we've figured out that a single Cheerio is his favorite reward. <br /><br /><strong>Spoiling doesn't make anyone happy.</strong> If we indulge Smoky too much by giving him treats just because and/or let him roam the house without boundaries this teaches him bad manners, which isn't fun for anyone. <br /><br /><strong>Good parents put their own needs aside for the baby.</strong> When the kids are groggy in the morning and the puppy is his most energized, I smile when they throw the ball for him without prompting. <br /><br /><strong>Safety first. </strong>When Smoky wriggled from a young friend's arms and landed on the deck with a whimper there were four young parents immediately by his side to make sure he was OK. They get after each other if one isn't holding him properly and since the vet said to watch out for hawks and owls, they've turned into the best outdoor supervisors. While Smoky can't be around other unvaccinated dogs just yet, or take walks in public places, they've begun to understand shots aren't some cruel punishment concocted by parents and doctors together, but vital to our well-being. <br /><br />Our kids finally make us realize what our own parents meant by having unconditional love for us. As for my kids, I've already seen their hearts double in size for a little being that depends on them. <br /><br /><strong><img src="/images/blog/011215_smoky_a.jpg" alt="" /><br /><br /><br />Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2015-01-12T21:45:00Z
10 Parent Do-Overs For 2015 Including 'Embrace the Mess'
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/10-Parent-Do-Overs-For-2015-Including-Embrace-the-Mess/968336802173813118.html
2015-01-05T23:27:00Z
2015-01-05T23:27:00Z
<strong>by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC</strong><br /><a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com<br /></a><br /><br />When my first daughter was six and my youngest was two, I came to a realization that helped me parent in a much different fashion. You see, I've always been a neat freak and I prefer structure and order in my home. Beds made, no dust, and I'm happy. No one told me I couldn't have that and kids too, but it wasn't long before I realized I would stress myself into a heart attack if I continued.<br /><br />When you have kids, you should actually think of living in a barn because kids are hoarders; they're messy; they spill anything they carry; and they are curious and forgetful. They don't close doors, clean up toys, worry about mud, clean up art supplies or Cheerios. And, unless you pacify them with electronic gadgets (which don't stimulate their creative ingenuity as well as hands on manipulating things), your home will be full of rocks, leaves, sand and bugs.<br /><br />Every parent I know who has a teenager or college-bound child reminisces about what they would do differently if they had a baby or small children now. Many of the things they say are enlightening and helpful when you are sure you're losing your mind with the little ones. I have come up with a list of ten things for parents to consider for 2015 as they continue raising their children.<br /><br />I've found that hindsight gives you great insight, and if you hang in there a few more months, what drives you mad now will be gone with the next thing your child finds interesting. So, stay curious and take naps.<br /><br /><ol>
<li><strong>Play with your child every chance you get.</strong> Instead of putting them in front of the TV or iPad, get down on the floor and play with them. Your child's brain is developing at a speed you cannot understand. Every opportunity to play is an opportunity for your child to connect with you and their environment.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Work on your relationship with your spouse.</strong> Your child will be far better off if you keep your marriage intimate and close. They need your marriage more than they need you 24/7. Dads give children something moms cannot, and visa versa.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Power nap with your child.</strong> Instead of thinking about all the things you can get done at naptime, lay down and nap. Your power nap will give you more energy and clearer thinking, and both of those will benefit your child more than cleaning.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Forget the electronics.</strong> Coloring, gluing, and cutting are much more important for your child's motor and cognitive development than an electronic alphabet game. Being able to create new ideas with art supplies and blocks is not only a way for them to develop motor skills, but it also builds confidence and cognitive skills.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Go to the park any and all chances you get.</strong> Being outside and running, swinging, jumping, and observing is everything to your child. You playing with them helps them grow closer to you and the wonder of all they see. Talking on the phone or distracting yourself with work is not worth it when you are at the park with your child. Take the time...and be there.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Make lunches and cook with your child.</strong> Yes, it will be a mess, and yes, you will have to clean it up, but children who touch food and learn to make healthy food choices are also at an advantage as they grow older and become more independent.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Quit stressing over what is normal for your child.</strong> Kids grow at different rates and no two children are at the same height and weight at the same time. Relax. Use your intuition and parent sense to help guide you.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Your child is not going to go to prison because they won't share their toys.</strong> New parents make mountains out of molehills, and if their child is more stubborn or temperamental, they make the issue worse than it is. Staying structured with rules and following through with discipline is important, but don't stress over the little stuff.</li>
<li><strong>Hug your child EVERY chance you get.</strong> Someday you will miss when they no longer want you to carry them, and they will grow out of wanting to sit in your lap during story time.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Never parent with guilt.</strong> Sometimes you have to be firm and that means teaching your child there are consequences for their actions. But, yelling or screaming at your child should never be done, and they are very forgiving; so always apologize. </li>
<br /> </ol><br /><strong>No one tells us how to parent, and kids don't come with an instruction manual</strong>. So, it is wisdom of hindsight that helps new parents feel comforted during the rough times...and there will be rough times. Kids get sick, they don't sleep, they like bugs and messes and spill water, milk and anything liquid. Love them anyway. <br />
<p><strong>Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, </strong>is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman of <em>Start Talking: A Girl's Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever</em>. Read more about the book at <a href="http://www.StartTalkingBook.com" target="_blank">StartTalkingBook.com</a> and more about Rapini at <a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2015-01-05T23:27:00Z
6 Tips to Avoid the Holiday Blues
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/6-Tips-to-Avoid-the-Holiday-Blues/60123469634003934.html
2014-12-22T08:05:00Z
2014-12-22T08:05:00Z
<p><strong>Mia Redrick<br /></strong><a href="/http;/www.findingdefinitions.com" target="_blank">www.findingdefinitions.com<br /></a></p>
<p><em>(originally published Dec. 2012)</em><br /><br />According to a recent poll conducted by the American Psychological Association (APA), the holidays are a source of "multiple stressors." 69% of respondents cited "lack of time" as a major stressor, 69% cited "lack of money" and 51% blamed extra stress on "the pressure to give or get gifts."</p>
<p>Stress is bad for our health, our attitude, our happiness, and our overall well-being. The APA study also asked respondents how these stressors manifest themselves in their lives. 59% said they experienced sadness, 56% said they were having trouble sleeping and 55% said they had a lack of energy.</p>
<p>As moms, the last thing we need is additional stress so I've compiled a list of 6 tips to help moms avoid the holiday blues.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">1. <strong>Be prepared:</strong> preparation is the great anti-stress. In fact, proper preparations can help you actually enjoy the holidays. You can begin your shopping now, for example. Get organized by making a list of who you are buying gifts for, what they might like, and make an initial budget. Spend the next few months shopping at your leisure. Shopping months ahead of time might help you save money as well. Make a calendar of all of the events and parties and study it. If things seem too condensed or busy, don't be afraid to politely decline some invitations.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">2. <strong>Avoid the hustle and bustle:</strong> If you are a stress junkie, participate in "Black Friday." Nothing defines holiday stress like late-November at the mall-"Jingle Bells" at full blast, frantic, wide-eyed shoppers, hungry sales associates, and inflated prices. Shop online or go shopping during the middle of the week. Decide what you are buying and where and go to the store with focus.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">3. <strong>Watch your diet:</strong> The last 20% of the year is full of unhealthy eating options from Halloween candy to a giant Thanksgiving dinner to Christmas cookies. There's nothing wrong with a little indulgence but realize a poor diet will add to your guilt-related stress as well as make it more difficult for your body to physically deal with the extra stress that comes with the holidays.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">4. <strong>Maintain your kids' routine: </strong>The holidays are full of excuses to let them stay up late, let them eat junk food, and give them license to do things they wouldn't normally be allowed to do. Of course, a holiday like Halloween almost requires you let your kids stay up late and eat some candy, don't let it become a habit. Kids thrive on routine. A routine will keep them well-behaved and in good spirits in the end, even if they protest. Any lack of consistency can introduce chaos into the parent-child relationship and, ultimately, make your life more difficult. Stick to mealtimes, bedtimes, and pre-established rules.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">5. <strong>Enroll your support network:</strong> maybe you and your friends can synchronize the holiday shopping or get together and make Christmas cookies with each other. This will give you an opportunity to spend time with the one's you love (which is what the holidays is really all about) and accomplish holiday goals at the same time.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">6. <strong>Don't forget about Mom-me time:</strong> In all the craziness, the hustle and bustle, the parties, the church events, the kids' recitals, the shopping, the gift-wrapping, the cooking and cleaning, still make time for yourself. Take yourself on a date once a week. Overall, don't forget about your routine. However, this doesn't mean you have to do everything you normally do on top of your holiday obligations. Blend. Perhaps your weekly date with yourself could be attending your office holiday party - by yourself. Just enjoy the off-time with your coworkers. Or maybe your weekly date is holiday shopping with the girls. Just remember to enjoy it - make a day of it. Have a coffee before you start shopping and see a movie afterwards, for example.</p>
<p><br />The holiday season doesn't have to alter your life. Remember it is a time for family and friends and not only about gifts and sugary treats. Continue to treat yourself right as if nothing is different.</p>
<p><br /><strong>Mia Redrick</strong>, Mom Strategist is a mom of three, author and speaker empowering one million mothers to practice better self-care. Redrick is the author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Time-mom-Me-Essential-Strategies-Self-Care/dp/0979627303/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1288711627&sr=1-1" target="_blank">Time for mom-Me: 5 Essential Strategies for A Mother's Self-Care</a>. For tips from The Mom Strategist visit <a href="http://www.findingdefinitions.com" target="_blank">www.findingdefinitions.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2014-12-22T08:05:00Z
Why Your Kid Should Major In Philosophy
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Why-Your-Kid-Should-Major-In-Philosophy/-323369025726860590.html
2014-12-08T21:10:00Z
2014-12-08T21:10:00Z
<p><strong><br /><br />By Cliff Ennico<br /></strong><a href="http://succeedinginyourbusiness.com/" target="_blank">SucceedingInYourBusiness.com<br /></a></p>
<p><br />Maybe it's the change of seasons, (I've always been a big early fall fan), maybe it's because I just turned 60, but I've been spending more time than usual reflecting upon my past. <span> <br /><br /></span>Whenever you reflect on "things you should have done differently," you almost always end up going back to your high school and college years. A lot happened during that eight year period that made you the person you are today. Some social psychologists believe our personalities are 99% fully formed when we reach our early 20's. The paths we chose back then were not triggered by careful planning, but by some stupid little thing that wasn't important at the time.<span> </span>In my case, that little something was the decision not to take a high school calculus class. <span> <br /><br /></span>Back in high school, I wanted more than anything to be an engineer. I excelled in math and physics and I knew, without a single doubt, that I did not want to be a doctor. That left engineering. Hey, I even wore a pocket protector and short hair.<span> </span>When I got to senior year, I figured I would sign up for calculus just like all the other geeks. But there was a problem. The calculus teacher at my high school insisted that if you took his class, you also had to take another class he taught on statistics, probability and finite mathematics (the sort of math you need if you're headed to business school). And that second class was offered at the exact same time as a fourth-year Spanish class I needed to take in order to "exempt out" of college foreign language requirements.<span> </span>I decided to put off taking calculus. "After all," I remember thinking, "every college in America offers freshman calculus. I can always take it when I get there." <span> <br /><br /></span>Famous last words . . . <span> <br /><br /></span>I enrolled at a college that, at the time, had the most formidable mathematics department in America (its professors had developed the BASIC computer language, among other achievements). I dutifully signed up for freshman calculus, along with 300 other young men and women who were aspiring to pursue careers in medicine, engineering and the sciences.<span> </span>Every single one of whom had had calculus in high school.<span> <br /><br /></span>Midway through my freshman year, it became apparent that I was not going to follow the engineering track. It was simply too competitive. I was working 80-plus hours a week to keep up and coming home with B's and C's in math courses for the first time in my life.<span> </span>I had to change my plans, but didn't have a "Plan B" in mind.<span> </span>Late in my freshman year, I signed up for an introductory philosophy course. I don't remember why I chose that course. probably a friend of mine talked me into it, or maybe I felt you shouldn't graduate college without reading some Plato and Aristotle.<span> <br /><br /></span>As they say in romantic comedies, philosophy had me at <em>hello</em>. While most of my fellow students found subjects like metaphysics, ethics and existentialism too abstract and theoretical, I understood them instantly. My mathematics background turned out to be an excellent preparation for formal logic and analytical philosophy. I even found my Spanish language fluency to be helpful. My senior thesis, on the influence of late 19th century Spanish thinkers on later continental European philosophers, was circulated to academic journals for publication.<span> <br /><br /></span>Upon graduation from college I was offered (but politely declined) a fellowship to study abroad with the goal of joining the college's philosophy faculty once I obtained a Ph.D. <span> <br /><br /></span>Having decided against becoming a professional philosopher, I did the next best thing, I went to law school. While many of my fellow students found it hard to read and dissect legal cases, I found it a snap. A legal opinion is, after all, nothing but a logical argument and I had had four years' experience tearing those apart.<span> </span>A discipline where you learn to "question everything" and read texts both critically and closely was also the best possible preparation for a career spent drafting and interpreting legal contracts. <span> <br /><br /></span><strong>Virtually every day in my professional life I make use of the skills I learned in my college philosophy classes. </strong>Which is why it depresses me when I read that today's college students are turning away from the humanities in favor of more "practical" courses designed to look good on their job resumes. College recruiters no longer value the (admittedly, sometimes intangible) skills that students develop in literature, philosophy, and language classes (that Spanish also came in handy, let me tell you).<span> <br /><br /></span>It's important, of course, to develop useful, marketable skills. However, what good is a doctor or software engineer who doesn't understand human nature, a politician with no grasp of ethics, or a citizen who accepts uncritically everything the media says? A little philosophy never hurt anyone. It's also more fun than calculus.<br /><br /><br /><strong style="color: #000000;">Cliff Ennico</strong><span style="color: #000000;"> </span>(<a href="http://www.succeedinginyourbusiness.com/" target="_blank">www.succeedinginyourbusiness.com</a>), a leading expert on small business law and taxes, is the author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1593374062?ie=UTF8&tag=sucinyoubus-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1593374062" target="_blank">“Small Business Survival Guide</a>,” “<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/081447425X?ie=UTF8&tag=sucinyoubus-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=081447425X" target="_blank">The eBay Seller’s Tax and Legal Answer Book</a>” and 15 other books. <span style="color: #000000;">COPYRIGHT 2014 CLIFFORD R. ENNICO. DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.</span><span style="color: #000000;"> Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</span></p>
Staff
2014-12-08T21:10:00Z
Are We There Yet? Six Signs You Raised a Caring Kid
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Are-We-There-Yet-Six-Signs-You-Raised-a-Caring-Kid/-689326550116208168.html
2014-11-18T00:00:00Z
2014-11-18T00:00:00Z
<p><strong><br /><br />By Anne Leedom</strong><br /><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank">parentingbookmark.com<br /></a><br /><br />Childbirth, caring for a newborn, SIDS, pre-school, picky eating, toilet training, bullying, homework, friendship issues, discipline, tween issues, teen issues, dating, college...is that really what the last 20 years of my life has been about? Ok...I am actually thrilled that is what the last two decades represent. <br /><br />My kids are at the end of the rainbow...talk about the Wizard of Oz! Yet when I pull away the curtain now, there is no wise, elderly man shaking in his boots. It's just me! And I have only one question to ask...only one question that will be asked of me. Did I do it "right"? Do I get the Academy Award for great parenting and raising great kids?<br /><br />According the today's leading experts there are several qualities that demonstrate that kids will thrive as adults. Here are six to consider:<br /><br /><strong> </strong></p>
<blockquote><strong>1. Compassion: </strong>According to author and International parenting expert, <a href="http://alysonschafer.com/" target="_blank">Alyson Schafer</a>, "Human beings are social animals, and as such, they are wired for caring and compassion towards others. That faculty however, needs to be stimulated and developed. This is the job of the parent. Even a 2-year-old can be helpful to others by helping hold a door open for another, or by pushing in their chair after leaving the table. They can help their parent by putting cans on a shelf, or by tidying their toys after playing. In these small ways we show children the give and take of living with others, which ultimately develops care and concern for others. After all, that is really what compassion is all about."<br /><strong><br />2. Reliance:</strong> Raising a resilient child is crucial to life long success. Don't be afraid to challenge your child, academically, spiritually or socially. The more your child overcomes obstacles using their internal compass, the more they will develop this critical trait. Learn the difference between protecting your child and sheltering your child. <br /><strong><br />3. Empathy: </strong>Parenting expert and author <a href="http://micheleborba.com/" target="_blank">Dr. Michele Borba</a> says one of the top traits kids need to thrive as an adult is empathy. According to Borba, "to teach kids empathy, you must show kids empathy. The best moments to teach empathy are usually not planned - they just happen. Capitalize on those moments to help your child understand the power 'feeling with others' can have."<br /><strong><br />4. Flexibility:</strong> Mom Coach <a href="https://jameetenzer.com/" target="_blank">Jamee Tenzer</a> says teaching kids to admit when they have made a mistake and make amends is a crucial trait for success. "Has your child ever made a mistake and fixed it? It doesn't matter if they hurt someone's feelings or missed a due date - were they able to fix the problem?Making mistakes is a part of life. Learning how to acknowledge those mistakes and take responsibility is a skill that will serve your child in all situations."<br /><strong><br />5. Connection:</strong> Loneliness is the source of much pain in life and failed goals. Give your kids a way to connect to others in a meaningful way no matter where they are. This will help them always know they can contribute, make a difference and connect, giving them the gift of focus, pride and a sense of community. All of which are essential ingredients to true happiness.<br /><strong><br />6. Self-Care:</strong> Caring for others starts with caring for one's self. Nutrition and proper eating is by far the biggest challenge most parents face, especially in older kids. Research suggests an expectant mother's food choices while her child is in utero can affect a child's weight, how they store body fat, disease risk, and even the desired foods far beyond birth. <br /><br />
<p> </p>
</blockquote>
According to best-selling author and nutritionist <a href="http://eatlikeagoddessbook.com/" target="_blank">Erika Herman</a>, "it's harder to change a teenager's dietary habits if a nutritionally conscious foundation has not been laid earlier on." Herman says "if you focus on what can be done at home, you can set your children or teenagers up to make smarter choices simply because you're leveraging their biochemistry to not crave junk food. You achieve this mastery over cravings by eating for satiety."<br /><br />Herman offers two tips to achieve this. First, serve more satiating meals and snacks (read: fat-rich and moderate protein). Second, decrease sugar (even natural sources) and excessive starch consumption. These two simple shifts will balance the reward centers of children and teenagers' brains so when they are away from home they are less compelled, on a neurochemical level, to crave sugary, starchy, vegetable-oil filled junk foods - all of which are inflammatory, heighten disease risk, suppress the immune-system, and lead to weight gain.<br /><br />Raising caring kids is no simple task. Role modeling, daily care and concern, and a true rapport with your child will go a long way to enjoying a caring adult who will then also care about you and the world around them
<p> </p>
<p><strong>Anne Leedom </strong>is the Editor of Parentingbookmark.com, a website offering resources and experts on parenting and character education. For expert tips, strategies or to hire a coach visit <a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2014-11-18T00:00:00Z
Ever Feel Like You Don't Have a Clue?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Ever-Feel-Like-You-Dont-Have-a-Clue/65196933021463429.html
2014-11-10T19:00:00Z
2014-11-10T19:00:00Z
<strong><br />By Jamee Tenzer, PCC, BCC<br /></strong><a href="http://www.shesarealmother.com" target="_blank">ShesARealMother.com</a><br />
<p><br />It can seem that the more we learn, the more we realize two things:</p>
<ol>
<li>We don't seem to know a flippin' thing for "sure."</li>
<br />
<li>Not being "sure," is much less stressful than having the answers.</li>
</ol>
<p>When we are just starting out, we pretend we know a lot. We "act as if" we have the answers and often guess right. When we are not right, we may panic and berate ourselves. We are embarrassed and cover up. We vow to try harder - to know more - and to have all the answers.<br /><br />Does this sound anything like you when you were just starting out as a young adult? Like a toddler mimicking an older sibling, we eventually learn to use a fork without spilling on ourselves - in other words, we can make it through entire days without making one mistake. But to be honest, what we were really getting good at was hiding the fact that we were "spilling on the carpet" every day. <br /><br />And then we become parents. Another learning curve. Another opportunity to know a bunch of stuff. Another opportunity to spill on the carpet daily. <br /><br />In the beginning, we read a lot of books. We ask questions of experts and mothers who we admire and respect. Like a child gathering candy under a broken piñata, we scoop up information like it's our last chance to learn all that we will need for a lifetime of parenting.<br /> <br />And then we realize something. <a href="https://jameetenzer.com/kids-cant-always-get-what-they-want-but-if-try-they-get-what-they-need/" target="_blank">Our children are unique.</a> Sure, some of the situations you find yourself dealing with, are similar to something your friend went through last year. But, there is only one combo of you, your child and your life circumstances. You are making this up as you go along, aren't you? <br /><br />The decisions we make for our children are based on our experiences, our comfort levels, their needs and wants, our life circumstances, what we know, what we don't know and so much more. There are no "right" answers and there doesn't seem to be a "right" way to do any of this.<br /><br />It can be so daunting. <a href="https://jameetenzer.com/letting-children-make-mistakes/" target="_blank">If there are no "right" answers, how can we know what to do?</a> I've been a mother for 20 years and with each passing year, I realize that the best decisions I have ever made were made from intuition fed by knowledge - not knowledge alone.<br /><br />Letting go of knowing the answers and being the expert, is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Sure, you know a lot. That will never change. But if not knowing, is just as ok with us as having all the answers, we've got more fun in our future and less worry over "spilling on the carpet."<br /><br /><strong>Tips for Not Having a Clue:</strong></p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Trust: </strong>Adopt the perspective that you are always making the best decision based on the information you have in that moment. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Free Yourself:</strong> Let go of looking like you have it all figured out. It's exhausting.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Tell the Truth:</strong> If you don't know what to do or which decision is best, admit it. </li>
<br />
<li><strong>Embrace Flexibility:</strong> Remember that most decisions can be changed or modified and be willing to make a change if you feel you need to.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Enlist Your Child's Help:</strong> When appropriate, ask your child what he or she thinks or wants and take it into consideration.</li>
<br />
<li><strong>Intuit and Do It: </strong>Trust your gut. It's usually correct.</li>
</ol>
<p><strong><br />Jamee Tenzer, PCC, BCC</strong> has been coaching women worldwide for 12 years. She specializes in coaching 40/50-something moms, female executives and women in the entertainment industry. Jamee is a Mentor and Trainer for the International Coach Academy. For more information and resources visit <a href="https://jameetenzer.com/" target="_blank">www.jameetenzer.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2014-11-10T19:00:00Z
5 Ways Parents Mess Up their Children
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/5-Ways-Parents-Mess-Up-their-Children/-422225758909088586.html
2014-10-20T22:25:00Z
2014-10-20T22:25:00Z
<p><strong>By Tim Jordan M.D.</strong><br /><a href="http://www.drtimjordan.com" target="_blank">DrTimJordan.com</a><br /><br /><br />There are several ways that I have noticed parents today are hindering the successful development of their children. Here are 5 of the most harmful.<br /><br /></p>
<ol>
<li><strong>My parents are setting me up to fail in college! </strong>The best predictors for success in college are having high levels of grit, hope, optimism, and self-efficacy. Too many parents rescue their kids, solve their problems, and take responsibility for their boredom, happiness, and motivation, leaving them weak and unable to handle the normal ups and downs of life. <br /><br />Qualities like grit, optimism, and self-efficacy are earned, not given as gifts. You've got to be able to overcome obstacles and challenges, take risks and make mistakes, and push through tough times to earn resiliency and confidence.</li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Parents are setting their kids up to be miserable adults!</strong> The mantra kids are absorbing from parents and teachers today is this: get good grades in elementary school so you can get into a good high school; get top grades in high school so you can go to a top-tier college; go to an ivy league college so you can get a good job; get a good job so you can make a lot of money. UGHH!<br /><br />Research across 40 cultures has shown again and again that people who are driven by externals, i.e. making money, and gaining fame or status, end up with higher levels of mental health problems like depression or anxiety, poorer quality relationships, and are more unhappy and less fulfilled.<br /><br />People focused on intrinsic values like being of service, personal growth, and having strong relationships score higher on all the important markers of happiness, health, and fulfillment. We need to shift our focus so our kids shift theirs.</li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Pressures on kids to be perfect, especially academically:</strong> An all too familiar refrain heard by kids every day is:<em> "We don't care if you get all A's, as long as you are trying your best, 24/7."</em> Is that really reasonable? I have asked countless audiences of parents at presentations I give if THEY were<em> 'working to their potential'</em> in grade school, middle school, and high school.<br /><br />I typically get about 10-20% of them to respond in the affirmative at each level, with the vast majority saying they didn't really get invested in their education until after high school. And they came out just fine.<br /><br />The point I make to parents isn't to tell their kids to slough off for the first 12 years of schooling. What I want them to do is <strong>remember</strong>, and to watch the pressure they are putting on kids to be perfect in everything they do, and especially with schoolwork. There are lots of ways to get to the promised land of being a successful adult, and many kids aren't wired to take the conventional path.</li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>How are parents and the culture messing up girls today? </strong>On the one hand, we are conditioning girls to focus on being competitive, driven, and ambitious; willing to step on people to get to the top; and create individual achievement. But we are still holding girls to the standard of being 'good girls'; i.e. be nice to everyone, put other people's needs before your own, don't stand out, be obedient and follow the rules, wait your turn etc.<br /><br />These mixed messages put a lot of stress on girls, causing a constant internal tension. So you're supposed to be perfect at everything, be at the top of your class, and on the best sports teams winning national championships, but there is also always this constant voice in the back of your head saying: "not too high, not too loud, not too to a lot of things." <strong>You can be whatever you want to be, but...you can't be yourself!</strong> It's no wonder girls feel depressed, anxious, and overwhelmed a lot.</li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Forcing teenagers to be forever reachable:</strong> When kids get their first cell phone, there is an unspoken agreement they will from that moment on be reachable 24/7. If a parent calls or texts them and don't receive an immediate response, parents freak out and threaten to call the police to start hunting them down. Unfortunately, this is often not an exaggeration.<br /><br /> I like to remind parents that when we were out and about in our teen years there were no cell phones, and so our parents didn't know our constant movements. They trusted us enough to figure things out, to make good choices, take care of ourselves, and to make it home safely. And for the most part we did.<br /><br />Too many kids today are not learning to be self-reliant and to learn street smarts. And thus they aren't prepared to go out into the real world and be successful. Letting go is a process, and we need to include technology in this endeavor</li>
</ol>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>Dr. Tim Jordan </strong>is a leading expert on parenting girls from 2 – 20 years of age. He is the author of <a href="http://drtimjordan.com/author-of-sleeping-beauties/sleeping-beauty-book/" target="_blank">Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding Transformation of Adolescent Girls.</a> He is also an <a href="http://drtimjordan.com/speaker" target="_blank">international speaker</a>, media expert and school consultant. He often speaks about girls and their journey through adolescence, relationship aggression, friendship, cliques and bullying and the best practices for parenting girls. For more information visit <a href="http://www.drtimjordan.com" target="_blank">www.drtimjordan.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2014-10-20T22:25:00Z
Teaching Girls to Speak with Authority
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Teaching-Girls-to-Speak-with-Authority/-858343564559881922.html
2014-10-13T20:05:00Z
2014-10-13T20:05:00Z
<p><strong><strong><br />Dr. Tim Jordan<br /></strong></strong><a href="http://www.drtimjordan.com" target="_blank">DrTimJordan.com</a><br /><br /></p>
<p>Sophie, 14, has a younger brother with Downs Syndrome, and she loves him dearly and flutters around him like a mother hen. Ben has been hospitalized many times, and was close to death on several occasions. Sophie sobbed deeply as she described how terrified she is that Ben will get sick again and die. The whole family's life evolves around Ben and his care, causing Sophie to grow up quickly and to become super mature, independent, and responsible.<br /><br />It took a lot of prodding to get Sophie to admit she sometimes wants her parents to notice her too. But she feels guilty asking for time, and thus is learning that other people's needs are more important than hers, or even worse, to believe that she shouldn't have needs, period. <br /><br />It has become a cliché to talk about girls needing to <em>"find their voice"</em>, but we don't often talk about how to do that. The following are 5 ways I teach girls in my retreats to speak with authority and get their needs met.<br /><br /></p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Time:</strong> Sophie, like many girls I meet, has a difficult time asking for what she wants. The 'curse of the good girl', as Rachel Simmons describes in her book of the same title, means girls are conditioned to not speak up, not make waves, avoid conflict, and to put other people's needs first. At the retreat, Sophie got to practice asking her parents for special one-on-one time so she would have the confidence and words to do so when she went home. Most girls I work with are hungry for more intimate connection time with their busy and distracted parents. Teach your daughters that being aware of your needs and being able to express them in effective ways is a necessary ingredient for happiness. </li>
<li><strong>Care:</strong> When confronted with the opportunity to tell friends what they want, like what movie to go see, many girls slip into the selfless <em>"I don't care"</em> mode and go along with the crowd. I teach girls that for the sake of their self-confidence, they need to care. Even if they aren't really invested in the issue, caring enough to give your opinion teaches friends you matter and deserve to have input. If your daughter is in the habit of automatically saying <em>"I don't care"</em>, encourage her to pause before she gives a response, check in with herself to see what she wants, and then to express her thoughts and desires.</li>
<li><strong>Know:</strong> When I ask girls how they are feeling about challenging experiences, the most common answer I get these days is: <em>"I don't know."</em> I tell them they <strong>do</strong> know, but they'll have to quiet themselves down and go inward to identify what's going on with them. Knowing what you are feeling and expressing emotions in healthy ways is another prerequisite for feeling happy and grounded. Make your home a safe place where all feelings are welcome.</li>
<li><strong>No!:</strong> Setting clear boundaries is vital for girls, and it is easier to do so if your level of worthiness is high. Many preteen and teen girls are afraid to stand up for themselves because of their fears of hurting the other person's feelings or causing them to be mad and potentially lose the friendship. Teach them healthy relationships include times of disagreement, and teaching people what is and is not okay with you is the only way to create lasting and wholesome friendships. </li>
<li><strong>Lead:</strong> Christina is a powerful 6th grader at an all-girls school who questioned whether or not she had been too harsh with a friend at lunch. The other girl was slacking on her cleanup duties, and Christina reminded her to pitch in and help out. She was appropriately holding the girl accountable, but she has already absorbed the cultural conditioning that tells girls to not stand out, not be too powerful, and lead but quietly and mostly from behind. She is a natural born leader who is afraid of being labeled as 'all that' or a bitch. Instill in your daughters that the world needs more confident, influential, assertive female leaders, and that becoming such a trailblazer might mean sometimes being too aggressive as she grows in her power. Give her lots of practice in being a leader, initiating and creating new endeavors, and putting her ideas and passions out there.</li>
</ol>
<p><br /><br /><strong>Dr. Tim Jordan</strong> is a leading expert on parenting girls from 2 – 20 years of age. He is the author is <a href="http://drtimjordan.com/author-of-sleeping-beauties/sleeping-beauty-book/" target="_blank">Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding Transformation of Adolescent Girls.</a> He is also an <a href="http://drtimjordan.com/speaker" target="_blank">international speaker</a>, media expert and school consultant. He often speaks about girls and their journey through adolescence, relationship aggression, friendship, cliques and bullying and the best practices for parenting girls. For more information visit <a href="http://www.drtimjordan.com./" target="_blank">www.drtimjordan.com.</a> Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2014-10-13T20:05:00Z
A Loving Tribute to My 'Original Authority Figure'
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/A-Loving-Tribute-to-My-Original-Authority-Figure/-775706979215713297.html
2014-09-29T23:19:00Z
2014-09-29T23:19:00Z
<p><strong><br /></strong></p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong>By Cliff Ennico<br /></strong><a href="http://www.succeedinginyourbusiness.com" target="_blank">SucceedingInYourBusiness.com</a><br /><br />My mother, Ruth Frenz Ennico, passed away earlier this year at the age of 85. The following is taken from the eulogy I delivered at her memorial service last week.<span> <br /><br /></span>It's never easy to lose your mom. No matter how old or ill she was, no matter how prepared you think you are for her passing, the actual event always comes as a shock.<span> </span>A friend of mine explained it best shortly after hearing of Mom's passing: "virtually all of our early childhood memories are memories of our mothers."<span> <br /><br /></span>My mom, like me, was an only child. A member of the Greatest Generation, she lived and suffered through the Great Depression, World War II, and the Cold War as they all did. But in my mom's case, that suffering went much, much deeper. My mom had a childhood that can truly be described as Dickensian.<span> <br /><br /></span>Mom's early years were spent in a fourth-floor walk-up apartment in Manhattan's Harlem neighborhood. There were four apartments on that floor, with one shared bathroom. One of Mom's earliest memories was of her father going into that bathroom in the morning and stamping his feet so that the rats would run for cover.<span> <br /><br /></span>In 1936, when Mom was 8 years old, her father abandoned her and her mother, taking to the rails as an itinerant worker (translation: hobo or bum), never to be heard from again. Her mother could no longer afford the Harlem apartment, so she and Mom packed up and moved in with a relative in the South Bronx. Mom had to give away all of her toys, dolls and clothing except for two or three outfits that would fit into a single desk drawer, because that was all the room available for her possessions.<span> <br /><br /></span>Can you imagine what it must have been like for an 8-year-old to lose her father, her home and her possessions all at once, without any warning? <span> </span> <br /><br />This is a sad story, but I tell it because it explains so much about my mom, the woman she became, and the things she loved. Often, especially during her last decade, she would behave in ways that were eccentric at best, exasperating at worst. Whenever she did, I always tried to remember that little 8-year-old girl, and I always tried to cut her some slack. <span> <br /><br /></span>So what were the things Mom loved?<span> <br /><br /></span><strong>She Loved Her Possessions.</strong> When Mom got hold of something, she never, ever let it go. Everything in my Mom's apartment, over 12,000 items at the time of her death, had a deep personal meaning to her. She wouldn't part with anything. If you accidentally broke something in her apartment, she wouldn't talk to you for weeks. <span> <br /><br /></span>Whenever we would go to a restaurant to eat she would bring a huge empty leather purse, into which she would empty the entire contents of the salad bar. I know it sounds funny, but remember that 8-year-old girl.<span> <br /><br /></span><strong>She Loved Shopping.</strong> When I was a boy I dreaded shopping for clothes with Mom. If there were 32 pairs of slacks available in my size, I had to try on each and every one to make sure I was getting the best possible pair. When Mom bought you a gift, she would spend hours, even days, looking for that single perfect gift you would cherish forever, as she herself would. I never saw her give a gift certificate to anyone, ever.<span> <br /><br /></span><strong>She Loved My Father.</strong> Mom and Dad shared an amazing 50 year romance. They argued and squabbled just like anyone else, but they also made it a point to demonstrate their love for each other each and every day they were married, until my dad's passing in 2000. There was no way my dad was going to end up riding the rails.<span> <br /><br /></span><strong>She Loved Me.</strong> I cannot say that I was spoiled the way many only children are. Mom expected much from me, and believed (I think correctly) that kids don't push themselves to excel unless someone pushes them first. At the time I misunderstood her pushing as coldness, but I wouldn't be where I am today if she hadn't.<span> <br /><br /></span><strong>She Loved to Talk.</strong> Mom loved to talk, for hours, on the telephone to people she hadn't seen in years. If she felt she had a captive audience, she wouldn't let you go. She could take a trip to the grocery store and turn it into an Icelandic Saga, talking for hours without pausing for breath. <span> <br /><br /></span>Today I speak about 40 to 50 times a year to business and professional groups throughout North America. I am known for my storytelling skills, my podium humor, and my ability to explain things so that a sixth grade child can understand them. Gee, I wonder where that came from?<span> <br /><br /></span>Thanks, Mom. I love you. Rest in peace.<br /><br /></p>
<strong>Cliff Ennico</strong> (<a href="http://www.succeedinginyourbusiness.com" target="_blank">www.succeedinginyourbusiness.com</a>), a leading expert on small business law and taxes, is the author of "<a href="http://www.cliffennico.com/sm_bus_survival_guide.html" target="_blank">Small Business Survival Guide</a>", "<a href="http://www.cliffennico.com/ebay_tax_legal.html" target="_blank">The eBay Seller's Tax and Legal Answer Book</a>" and 15 other books. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
<p> </p>
Staff
2014-09-29T23:19:00Z
Ten Things to Leave at Home When They Go Back to School
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Ten-Things-to-Leave-at-Home-When-They-Go-Back-to-School/-508291972767765433.html
2014-09-08T19:03:00Z
2014-09-08T19:03:00Z
<p><strong><br /><br />By Harry H Harrison Jr.</strong><br /><a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">www.fearlessparenting.com</a></p>
<p>Parents, mainly moms, are cramming into malls in a frantic effort to clothe their kids with the latest designs, outfit them with the coolest backpacks and wire them up with iPads and computers. But there are a list of things schools would rather see you leave at home this fall.<br /><br /></p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Your "help". </strong>Yes, I know it's hard to fathom, but your "help" is getting in the way of educating your kids. You do the science project, you do their homework, you write dumb excuses why your child needs extra time on the test and in fact, you even phone the teacher asking for a copy of the test in advance. The danger here is what? They fail to do their class project and get horrors! a bad grade? Or they show up to school without their homework and the teacher then writes down an "F" for the grade they earned? Ask yourself, how long will this go on? Through college? Through their first two jobs? Sure, check their homework. Sure, enforce study rules. For your kids. Not for you.</li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Your blaming the teacher. </strong>Inevitably, this year thousands and thousands of moms will jump in their car and scream to schools to scream at the teacher for . . . handing their child a grade she deserves. But, we don't think our kids can handle life. Certainly not a 72 in seventh grade English when all they really had to do was ummm, read the chapter. Say it with me now, "It isn't the teacher's fault for your child's terrible grade." Repeat that. It isn't the teacher's fault. It's your child's fault. And if you haven't established regular study hours, shame on you. Leave the teacher alone. Take it out on your spouse. </li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Your keeping up with Jones'. </strong>My wife, an ex-English teacher never failed to be amused by the girls who carried $400 purses to middle school as well as a note from their mother that a book the class was studying was too expensive to buy. Drop into a middle school or high school and you might think you've wandered into a European fashion show. Here's the thing. You can either teach your kids designer names don't matter, or you teach them designer names mean everything, then cry with them when their Burberry purse, iPhone, or Beats Headphones are stolen. Your kid shouldn't be envying other kid's possessions, but the grades of the kids who study. </li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Your guilt.</strong> Why would a mom try to get a teacher fired after he had caught her daughter cheating? Why would a mom text a teacher her 11th grade son's chances of going to medical school would be destroyed if she didn't raise his F to an A? Moms do this every day from their guilt of not doing the right thing. Parents need to sit down with their kids when they study to make sure they won't be texting their buds all night. They need to go through their child's backpack to find the notes the teachers have sent home about their kid's grades going down the drain. They also need to put the kids to bed at a decent hour. Many parents will literally abandon their kids with permissiveness until the report card comes and then blame the teacher, principal, and school district. </li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Your low expectations of your child.</strong> While all moms want their kids to be Ivy League material, the fact of the matter is many moms don't want their kids to compete for grades. So instead of making their children study all night for a test, we tell their teacher that their precious child has ADD and cannot possibly take their test in one hour. Three days might be more like it. It's like today, we expect our children to be unable to handle the rigors of eighth grade, but believe they are totally competent to face down medical school. If they can have extra time on the MCAT, don't expect the worst out of your child, expect the highest and best. High expectations breed amazing behavior. </li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Your absence of rules.</strong> One of the great mysteries of modern day parenting is just when exactly did parents hand over the keys to the house and car to their kids and say, "Okay, we'll do it your way." Teachers are seeing the most undisciplined kids they've seen in years and it all starts with the parenting. A student is stunned to learn he can't cuss out a teacher because he regularly cusses out his mom. Another student's feeling are hurt because the principal has decided a skirt that shows her underwear is too short and she needs to go home and change. Another child is perplexed about the big deal over marijuana in his locker. After all he can smoke it at home. Buy a parenting book. Grow some gonads. Make some rules.</li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Your hungry kids.</strong> Anybody remember breakfast? Your family may not be eating it, but your kids need it. They show up tired, exhausted and hungry. This isn't ideal for learning anything. Put something in their stomach that isn't pure sugar in the morning. Bacon and eggs and toast will actually do their brain a world of good.</li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Your tired. </strong>Kids think about this. You go to bed about ten or eleven and you wake up tired at 6 am. Your kids are Facebooking till 1am or later, then stagger to school tired and hungry (see above). Every doctor on the planet says that teens need 8 to 9 hours of sleep a night. Younger kids need even more sleep. My wife, the English teacher, reports that many teens (mainly boys) are unconscious by the afternoon. Take away their phone and make them go to sleep. They'll reward your efforts by graduating. </li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Your ambiguous morals.</strong> This is the clincher. The reason many of today's kids don't know right from wrong is their parents don't seem to know it. Their parents smoke marijuana so what's wrong with showing up at school stoned? Their mother dresses like she's 15-years-old, so what's wrong with showing a little skin in the classroom? Dad proudly talks how he cheats on his income tax, so no wonder their son is caught with a stolen exam. Their daughter is upset with another girl, so Mom slams the girl on Facebook. We need to have morals and values so we can teach our kids to have them. Don't depend on the school to replace parents here.</li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Your non-support.</strong> You could fire a cannon through most high school PTA meetings and hit nothing, but this is where the decisions are made. If you want to be involved in your child's education, here's what you do: cut off the TV, sit down with your kids and make sure they study in front of you. Get involved in your PTA. Find out if your school need volunteers. (You'll be amazed at the impact on your child if she sees her mom walking through school.) Get to know the teachers, the principals, the rules. See for yourself what a teacher has to deal with. In other words, don't be the problem. Be the solution.</li>
</ol>
<p><strong>Harry H Harrison Jr.</strong> is a <em>New York Times</em> best-selling parenting author with over 3.5 million books in print. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs, and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations including NPR. His books are available in over thirty-five countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia and in the Far East. For more information visit <a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">www.fearlessparenting.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2014-09-08T19:03:00Z
Breast Milk Storage Tips
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Breast-Milk-Storage-Tips/453894245115264263.html
2014-09-02T21:02:00Z
2014-09-02T21:02:00Z
<strong><br />By Cheryl Tallman</strong><br /><a href="http://www.FreshBaby.com" target="_blank">www.FreshBaby.com</a>
<p> </p>
<p>Breastfeeding is the ultimate bonding experience between you and your baby. You will cherish it forever! Sometimes it's not always easy to breastfeed your baby directly so storing breast milk for safe consumption later is very important. Here are some tips for safely storing breast milk.<br /><br /></p>
<ol>
<li>Wash your hands with soap and water before expressing milk and be sure the area where you are working is clean.</li>
<li>If you are having trouble getting the milk to flow, keep an item that reminds you of your baby close by, this can really help!</li>
<li>If you are still having trouble expressing milk, apply warm moist compresses and gently massage the breasts for a few minutes.</li>
<li>Be sure to store the milk in clean, BPA-Free containers with lids, covered ice cube trays or freezer-safe storage bags.</li>
<li>Label the container with the date.</li>
<li>Store milk in the coldest part of the refrigerator or freezer.</li>
<li>Always use the oldest dated milk first.</li>
<li>Do not mix fresh milk and frozen milk in the same container.</li>
<li>Milk left in a baby bottle after a feeding should be thrown out. Do not save it for use at another feeding.</li>
</ol>
<p><strong><br />Safely Thawing and Warming Breast Milk</strong><br /><br /></p>
<ul>
<li>Thawing breast milk in the refrigerator is the best method. If time is an issue, breast milk can be thawed quicker in a closed container or bottle under cool running water.</li>
<li>Some babies accept breast milk right from the refrigerator and others prefer it warm.</li>
<li>To warm the breast milk, gradually increase the temperature of the water to warm the milk or immerse the container in a pan of water that has been heated on the stove.</li>
<li>Do not heat the breast milk directly on the stove.</li>
<li>Never bring the temperature of breast milk to boiling point.</li>
<li>Avoid using a microwave oven to thaw breast milk. They do not heat liquids evenly and the oven's high temperatures could destroy nutrients in the breast milk.</li>
<li>Always check the temperature of the milk before feeding your baby.</li>
<li>Do not re-freeze breast milk once it has been thawed.</li>
</ul>
<table class="MsoNormalTable" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 1in;" width="96" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong>Type</strong></p>
</td>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 189pt;" width="252" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong>Condition</strong></p>
</td>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 94.5pt;" width="126" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong>Life</strong></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 1in;" width="96" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 11.25pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Fresh</p>
</td>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 189pt;" width="252" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 11.25pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Room temperature</p>
</td>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 94.5pt;" width="126" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 11.25pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;">6-8 hours</p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 1in;" width="96" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 11.25pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Fresh</p>
</td>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 189pt;" width="252" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 11.25pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Insulated cooler bag with ice packs</p>
</td>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 94.5pt;" width="126" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 11.25pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;">24 hours</p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 1in;" width="96" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 11.25pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Fresh</p>
</td>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 189pt;" width="252" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 11.25pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Refrigerator</p>
</td>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 94.5pt;" width="126" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 11.25pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;">8-10 Days</p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 1in;" width="96" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 11.25pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Frozen</p>
</td>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 189pt;" width="252" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 11.25pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Freezer within refrigerator</p>
</td>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 94.5pt;" width="126" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 11.25pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;">2 weeks</p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 1in;" width="96" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 11.25pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Frozen</p>
</td>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 189pt;" width="252" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 11.25pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Freezer with separate door</p>
</td>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 94.5pt;" width="126" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 11.25pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Up to 6 months</p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 1in;" width="96" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 11.25pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Frozen</p>
</td>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 189pt;" width="252" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 11.25pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Chest or upright deep freezer</p>
</td>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 94.5pt;" width="126" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 11.25pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Up to 12 months</p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 1in;" width="96" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 11.25pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Thawed</p>
</td>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 189pt;" width="252" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 11.25pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Refrigerator</p>
</td>
<td style="padding: 0in; width: 94.5pt;" width="126" valign="top">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 11.25pt; line-height: 15pt; vertical-align: baseline;">24 hours</p>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
<p><strong>Cheryl Tallman</strong> is the co-founder of <a href="http://www.FreshBaby.com" target="_blank">Fresh Baby</a>. creators of the award-winning <em>So Easy Baby</em> Food Kit, and author of the <em>So Easy Baby Food Basics: Homemade Baby Food in Less Than 30 Minutes Per Week</em> and <em>So Easy Toddler Food: Survival Tips and Simple Recipes for the Toddler Years</em>. Visit Cheryl online at: <a href="http://www.freshbaby.com/" target="_blank">www.FreshBaby.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2014-09-02T21:02:00Z
Easing Back-to-School Jitters
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Easing-Back-to-School-Jitters/-391582223688964665.html
2014-08-18T20:41:00Z
2014-08-18T20:41:00Z
<strong>by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC</strong><br /><a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com<br /></a><br />School bells are ringing and kids are everywhere. As you drive slowly through school zones, you can see and feel the excitement in the air. Kids are walking to school, getting out of buses, and being dropped off on the curb. Some of them look excited and are laughing, while others look confused, withdrawn and afraid. Parents have a powerful influence over their child no matter how old their child is in regards to their school-year success. Easing back-to-school jitters is an important step that parents should prepare for and encourage their child to prepare for as well. <br /><br />School jitters don't begin the first day of school. Most likely, they were going on during the last third of the summer. Sometimes parents are so busy with work and vacations that many forget to look for the signs. Did your child act more moody, restless, fatigued or erratic? Many kids have these feelings and adjust fine after school has started, but 15% do not. These 15% may have difficulty adjusting to the school year, and may require parental interventions to help them get on track. <br /><br />How can you, as a parent, help your child adjust, so they feel confident and capable to handle the requirements for their grade level?<br /><ol>
<li><strong>Begin by talking to your child and listening</strong>. Ask them how they feel about the new school year and if they are nervous about any particular aspect. If they tell you their fears, DO NOT try to talk them out of it. Listen and validate how they feel by telling them you can understand how their fears would be worrisome. Then help them write down alternatives they can act on if their fear comes true. For example: if your child is afraid they won't have anyone to sit by during lunch, then write down three actions they could take. In this particular example, they could choose to sit with someone or organize a pizza party at their house to meet more kids prior to school beginning. This would help them break the ice in the comfort of their own home. Another option may be to have one friend they can call the night before school begins and make plans with that person to eat with them during lunch. </li>
<li><strong>Do not ignore signs of distress</strong>. If sadness, anxiety, crying or anorexia goes on longer than two weeks, it isn't a stage...it is a problem. Most problems that bring kids to counseling were not serious when they first began. They were denied until they became serious.</li>
<li><strong>Plan with your child </strong>what supplies they need prior to school. Do they need a desk, computer or quiet area for schoolwork? If your child is going away to school, they will be more secure if the structure of their room is complete. Kids away from home do better when they like their room and feel secure there. The same is true for your child at home. Everyone does better when they have their own space to work.</li>
<li><strong>Encourage your child to set healthy expectations</strong>. It takes time to get into the groove of a new school year. This is true whether you are in college or grade school. After a short time of adjustment, you can raise your expectations as you have more experience to draw from in regards to what is expected.</li>
<li><strong>If your child is going away to school,</strong> stay connected to them, but not intrusive. Let them know you are there and they have a secure home base. Be available, but give them space to work out their problems without intervening unless necessary. </li>
</ol>If you notice your child is struggling and not able to cope, begin to talk to your child about visiting a counselor. Many times children do want help, but are afraid to ask. If parents talk to their children and reassure them that a counselor will be helpful, most children can talk to a counselor in regards to what they are feeling and how to better handle their concerns.<br /><br />Here's to a happy, healthy new school year.<br />
<p><strong>Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, </strong>is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman of <em>Start Talking: A Girl's Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever</em>. Read more about the book at <a href="http://www.StartTalkingBook.com" target="_blank">StartTalkingBook.com</a> and more about Rapini at <a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2014-08-18T20:41:00Z
Preparing to Breastfeed
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Preparing-to-Breastfeed/419499139681225079.html
2014-08-11T20:00:00Z
2014-08-11T20:00:00Z
<strong><br />By Cheryl Tallman</strong><br /><a href="http://www.FreshBaby.com" target="_blank">www.FreshBaby.com</a>
<p><span>Breastfeeding is a special time in you and your baby’s life. During pregnancy your body has been getting you ready to breastfeed your newborn baby. While your body is getting you physically ready, you may want to do some preparation in your last trimester to ensure breastfeeding is an enjoyable success.</span></p>
<p><strong><span>Learn as much as you can about breastfeeding.</span></strong><span> </span></p>
<p><span>Talking to other nursing moms is a great place to start learning. You can also read books or jump online to find articles that will introduce you to breastfeeding. Consider taking a breastfeeding class (offered by most hospitals) sometime in your last trimester.</span></p>
<p><strong><span>Arrange a support group (or person) to help get you started. </span></strong></p>
<p><span>It is nice to know you have someone to call if you are having trouble. You may have a mom, sister or friend who has successfully breastfed. Ask this person if you can reach out if you need help. You can also ask your healthcare provider for a name and phone number for a lactation consultant or breastfeeding specialist. Don’t be afraid to call and ask questions. These professionals can be very supportive and very helpful.</span></p>
<p><strong><span>Communicate your plan to breastfeed.</span></strong></p>
<p><span>Let your hospital delivery staff and your health care provider know you plan to breastfeed. You will want to begin breastfeeding your newborn within the first hour after birth. Make sure your baby will not receive pacifiers, bottles and supplements of formula, unless needed for medical reasons.</span></p>
<p><strong><span>Stock up on supplies.</span></strong></p>
<p><span>While you technically were born with all the equipment you need to breastfeed, there are some supplies you can purchase that may ease your path to success. Since you may not have a lot of time to go shopping after your baby is born, you might consider purchasing the following items before the big day:</span></p>
<ul>
<li><strong>Nursing Bras</strong> <strong>or camisoles</strong> have special flaps that make nursing more convenient</li>
<li><strong>Lanolin</strong> can soothe sore nipples and is safe for your baby</li>
<li><strong>Nursing Pads</strong> slip inside your bra to absorb excess milk and reduce spotting on your clothing</li>
<li><strong>Breast pump</strong> may come in handy in your first few days to help your milk production. Some insurance plans will pay for a breast pump, so check with yours.</li>
</ul>
<p><strong><span>Breastfeeding Preparation Tips for the Third Trimester</span></strong></p>
<ul>
<li>Avoid caffeine and alcohol</li>
<li>Get fitted for a nursing bra</li>
<li>Become familiar with using a breast pump</li>
<li>Review all medications that you take with your doctor. Some medications end up in breast milk.</li>
<li>Attend a support group for expecting mothers. Bring your partner so they learn helpful tips to and can be your supporter.</li>
<li>Breastfeeding will take practice and time until you are fully comfortable, and having that support system ready will help ease your nerves and stress level.</li>
</ul>
<p><strong>Cheryl Tallman</strong> is the co-founder of <a href="http://www.FreshBaby.com" target="_blank">Fresh Baby</a>. creators of the award-winning <em>So Easy Baby</em> Food Kit, and author of the <em>So Easy Baby Food Basics: Homemade Baby Food in Less Than 30 Minutes Per Week</em> and <em>So Easy Toddler Food: Survival Tips and Simple Recipes for the Toddler Years</em>. Visit Cheryl online at: <a href="http://www.freshbaby.com/" target="_blank">www.FreshBaby.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2014-08-11T20:00:00Z
Electronics Have Replaced Mom and Dad at the Dinner Table
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Electronics-Have-Replaced-Mom-and-Dad-at-the-Dinner-Table/88172322111312192.html
2014-07-21T17:59:00Z
2014-07-21T17:59:00Z
<strong>by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC</strong><br /><a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com<br /></a><br />Recently, my husband and I went to a family restaurant we both really like. It's low key, just the right amount of noise, and the food is wholesome and fresh. The restaurant attracts families because of the prices, but the families eating there are different than they use to be. Family dinners are fun because the whole family gets together, talks about the day's events and who said what to whom. Moms and dads can be heard laughing at their kid's antics and expressions. This particular night there was some of that interaction, but also a new interaction that I call "electronic parenting." <br /><br />At several of the tables, we noted kids with iPads or phones engaged in their activity. There was absolutely no communication between Mom, Dad, and the kids. The kids were careful not to spill food on their electronic devices and what seemed to make the biggest impact was one time when one of the mom's almost dropped the ketchup on the child's iPad. The kid became animated and basically scolded Mom. I was hopeful that if the electronics were babysitting the kids at least Mom and Dad would have some intimate time, but no, that wasn't the case. Mom and Dad didn't really engage with each other either; Dad was fidgeting with his phone or Mom looked frazzled. I thought about this scenario for several days because I am concerned about what these kids' concept of family will be.<br /><br />Family dinners are so important for continuing communication among the family members. Dinnertime is a time we listen to one another, are reminded of table manners and also mentored about appropriate behavior between Mom, Dad and the kids. You don't have to eat at home to have a family dinner, but a family dinner is so much more than eating. It's important families realize the invaluable opportunity to have an electronic-free meal. Parenting has a lot to do with setting boundaries, saying no, and also making sure you teach your child appropriate social behavior. If your child is on the phone or iPad during dinner, they are in their own virtual world and not engaged with the family.<br /> <br />There is no doubt we are moving in a more electronic wave for the future. Smart phones are smarter than many humans, and as we continue to evolve and grow with technology it will be more and more important families keep their boundaries strong to preserve the unity of family. The only way to do this is to stay engaged with your kids and your spouse, and keep sacred some of the family rituals such as family meals. Below are some suggestions for keeping your family together and engaged. Your kids may groan, but believe me, in time they will come back and thank you.<br /><br /><strong>Here are some thoughts on having a family dinner:</strong><br /><br /><ol>
<li><span style="font-size: 12px;">As much as possible, have family meals during the week. These don't have to be done at home; however, they should include your whole family.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12px;">Have a plate or a container where all electronics are dropped prior to dinner. Make sure you silence them as the noise of a text or email incites the mind and distracts from family.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12px;">Conversation at the dinner table should be kept at a level where everyone can hear one another and you can also enjoy the food. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12px;">Make sure you remember you are parents at the table and not your child's friend. If a derogatory word or motion is made at the table, correct your child/spouse. The dinner table should remain family friendly. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12px;">Continue to show respect and manners with your child at the dinner table. One of a parent's most important jobs is socializing their child so the child can feel confident in their ability to demonstrate manners and respect for others.</span></li>
</ol>We cannot go backwards in time, nor should we, but as we continue into the digital age there are some rituals we must keep sacred as a family. Family dinners are one of those. A family is only as strong as its leaders; so parents, it's time to parent at the dinner table. Electronics can never teach your child family values as well as a parent.<br /><br />
<p><strong>Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, </strong>is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman of <em>Start Talking: A Girl's Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever</em>. Read more about the book at <a href="http://www.StartTalkingBook.com" target="_blank">StartTalkingBook.com</a> and more about Rapini at <a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2014-07-21T17:59:00Z
10 Simple Dos and Don'ts for Parents to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/10-Simple-Dos-and-Donts-for-Parents-to-Raise-Emotionally-Healthy-Children/-176234490090131670.html
2014-07-14T21:06:00Z
2014-07-14T21:06:00Z
<strong>by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC</strong><br /><a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com<br /></a><br />Everyone wants happy successful children, but some parent in ways that increase the chances this will not happen. The reason is simple: parenting great kids is a lot of work. It's uninterrupted, consistent, hands-on dirty work at times, but if you delegate parent's work to teachers, youth leaders, or someone other than yourself, then your kids don't end up getting what they need. What do they need? Well, they don't need more after school programs, computer classes, or the latest game.<br /><br />They need discipline, chores, family dinners and engaged adults who are willing to be parents and not friends.<br /><ol>
<li><span style="font-size: 12px;"><strong>Do pay attention to your kids</strong> when they are talking and demand they do the same with you. Having your focus on your phone when your child is trying to talk to you tells them their feelings don't matter. Minimizing or ignoring your kid's feelings is a big no-no.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12px;"><strong>Do not</strong> be your child's friend. <strong>Do</strong> be their parent.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12px;"><strong>Give your child chores and follow through with consequences</strong> when they don't do them. Taking something away from your child means you take it away with a chance for them to earn it back.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12px;"><strong>Don't bend rules or be inconsistent with rules</strong>. Whatever was a rule yesterday should remain a rule today, tomorrow and next week.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12px;"><strong>Don't compare your child to you when you were a child</strong>, to their sibling or to a friend they have. This only leads to judgment, resentfulness and anger. Your child will show you with their behavior what your constant comparing has done to them, and you won't like the way it looks.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12px;"><strong>Don't ever talk badly about your child's other parent</strong>. This makes children anxious and depressed and they end up with distorted views about what love is.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12px;"><strong>Encourage your child to take calculated risks</strong>, and don't bail them out when they make a mistake. Your child is supposed to make mistakes. This is how they learn. Constantly hovering or making excuses for them turns them into enabled, entitled adults who cannot think for themselves without wanting help.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12px;"><strong>Do let your kids come to you for advice</strong>, but let them work out solutions for their own interpersonal and school-related relationships. The one exception is bullying, and this is an area you should get involved with taking your child's side if they are the victim.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12px;"><strong>Do become part of your child's team</strong>, but don't baby them. If they have an assignment due in the morning and they must stay up late, make sure they have a well-lit place to study, but don't make yourself a martyr staying up late with them. Compliment their commitment, but go to bed. In real life, we all have to make sacrifices for our choices. School represents work for a child.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12px;"><strong>Whenever possible, no matter how old your child is, hug them</strong> as much as you can and tell them how happy you are they are yours.</span></li>
</ol>Parenting will always be the toughest job any of us can take on, but if you decide to take it on, do it with the commitment and follow through you give your other jobs. You cannot parent part-time, nor can you take a sabbatical when times get tough with your kids. Signing your kid up for one more class can never fix what is broken at home. <br />
<p><strong>Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, </strong>is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman of <em>Start Talking: A Girl's Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever</em>. Read more about the book at <a href="http://www.StartTalkingBook.com" target="_blank">StartTalkingBook.com</a> and more about Rapini at <a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2014-07-14T21:06:00Z
When Amazing Is Not Enough
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/When-Amazing-Is-Not-Enough/191341924740149490.html
2014-07-07T17:59:00Z
2014-07-07T17:59:00Z
<p><strong><strong><br />Dr. Tim Jordan<br /></strong></strong><a href="http://www.drtimjordan.com" target="_blank">DrTimJordan.com</a><br /><br /></p>
<p>Grace, 14, is a straight A student, a star on her select basketball team, and tries desperately hard to be perfect in everything that she does. And, in her words, it’s not enough to be perfect; <em>“I feel every day like I have to be amazing!” </em>That’s obviously an impossible benchmark to live up to, but Grace continually strives to reach it each and every day.</p>
<p>If that’s not bad enough, even being an amazing young girl seems not good enough these days. The level of competition amongst girls in academics, sports, socially, and with their appearance is incredibly intense, and it’s a 24/7 contest with no end in sight. Girls constantly compare themselves to their peers, and almost always unfavorably. It’s not sufficient to be smart or at the top of your class; you also have to be thin, pretty, cool, popular, and hot. And it’s more important to be hot than smart. Oh, and you’re supposed to look effortlessly hot as well.</p>
<p>Girls have heard the mantra that <em>“You can be what ever you want to be”</em> their whole lives. But they are interpreting this freedom to be limitless to mean that they are expected to be perfect in all they do, and also to be everything for everybody. The pressure from parents, teachers, and coaches is intense. And that doesn’t even count the cultural imperative of leaning in until you are a CEO or bust. Throw in the burden of having to look like a model and to measure up for boys, and it’s not hard to understand why so many of our adolescent girls are so stressed out and anxious these days.</p>
<p>We all need to do a better job of being aware of any undue pressure we might be placing on girls. They need to understand the costs of comparing themselves to anyone, and learn to develop their sense of themselves from within. I want us all to slow down, breathe, and remind ourselves that you do not have to go to a top tier college to be successful or happy in life. I want girls to know that getting into college should not be the end in mind, just the start of the next leg of their journey. They need to become media savvy and to question every image they see so they are no longer at the mercy of the unhealthy messages and conditioning they are bombarded with each day. </p>
<p>Finally, we all need to re-examine the impossible standards we have set out for girls and women: being the perfect daughter, wife, mother, career woman, friend etc. I believe every girl <strong>can</strong> be all that she can be, and she <strong>can</strong> have it all, but it’s got to be on her terms and her definition of what that means for her. Girls need to be directed to value their inner resumes more than the external, and to direct more energy inward to know who they are and what is right for them. If we would start providing such guidance, direction, and support for our girls, than<strong> that</strong> would truly be amazing!</p>
<p><strong>Dr. Tim Jordan</strong> is a leading expert on parenting girls from 2 – 20 years of age. He is the author is <a href="http://drtimjordan.com/author-of-sleeping-beauties/sleeping-beauty-book/" target="_blank">Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding Transformation of Adolescent Girls.</a> He is also an <a href="http://drtimjordan.com/speaker" target="_blank">international speaker</a>, media expert and school consultant. He often speaks about girls and their journey through adolescence, relationship aggression, friendship, cliques and bullying and the best practices for parenting girls. For more information visit <a href="http://www.drtimjordan.com./" target="_blank">www.drtimjordan.com.</a> Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2014-07-07T17:59:00Z
Left Behind: Exposing the Myth Children Handle Divorce Well
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Left-Behind:-Exposing-the-Myth-Children-Handle-Divorce-Well/275117018369977938.html
2014-06-23T20:42:00Z
2014-06-23T20:42:00Z
<p><strong>By Harry H Harrison Jr.</strong><br /><a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">www.fearlessparenting.com</a></p>
<p>Fifty-percent of all marriages end in failure. That’s 50% of evangelical marriages, 50% of secular marriages, 50% Jewish marriages, 50% of gay marriages, 50% of all marriages just end in failure. And that’s just the first marriage. Statistics show that in the U.S. that not only do 50% <em>percent</em><em> </em>of first<em> </em><em>marriages</em><em> </em><em>fail</em>, but 67% of <em>second</em>, and 73% of third <em>marriages end in divorce</em>.</p>
<p>And the current modernist thinking about this, is well, the kids will be all right. A couple of tough months maybe, but hey, now they can have two Christmas’s, two birthdays, and two Thanksgivings. And the occasional blood feud between Mom and Dad over money, or time with the kids, or things allowed here but not allowed there . . . it’s just part of growing up.</p>
<p>So let's put all the goofy studies about kids and divorce to bed. The kids collapse. They’re afraid, they feel abandoned, they feel threatened, and everything they know about a stable life has been shattered. And all the research in the world indicates things never get better, emotionally and often mentally. Their grades go down. They are more likely to experiment with drugs and alcohol. They frequently become more sexually active. All children of divorce experience serious separation anxiety. There’s mourning following divorce finalization. There’s confusion and anger when parents start to date, there’s maddening grief when they argue and these emotions can last for decades.</p>
<p>Recent research by the American Journal of Orthopsychiatry notes that adult children of divorce are at a greater risk of suicide than those from stable households. And the thinking that, “Well, our children are only three and five, they won’t remember this in two years,” is bonkers too. Again research has shown that as these kids get older they have even more trouble trusting parental relationships than teens do when their parents are divorced.</p>
<p>The bottom line is your children’s feelings, their futures and their emotional stability need to be recognized and dealt with immediately after two supposedly right thinking adults believe they can no longer live together, to hell with the kids.</p>
<p><strong>So what to do?</strong></p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Depending on their age, tell them what’s happening and why.</strong> But keep it simple and age specific. A teenager will understand adultery, a ten-year old won’t.</li>
<li><strong>Agree to never ever put your kids in the position of defending the other parent.</strong> Never talk about their jerk father or their insane mother. Be the adult here.</li>
<li><strong>As much as possible, minimize changes on the kids.</strong> Keep them in the same bedroom, even though they’ll have another bedroom in mommy’s new home.</li>
<li><strong>Live as close together as possible,</strong> ideally across the street. This way kids can stay in the same neighborhood.</li>
<li><strong>Reassure them over and over and over again that you both love them.</strong> You’ll both be there to help them with homework, to play with them, to take them to school. You just won’t be living in the same house.</li>
<li><strong>Stay connected to your kids</strong> with text messages, Tweets, Tumblr postings, Facebook, whatever. Constantly send them messages of love and support.</li>
<li><strong>Don’t use your kids to send messages</strong> back and forth to the other parent. </li>
<li><strong>Don’t bitch, complain or moan about the other parent ever.</strong> Follow the adage “If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all.”</li>
<li><strong>Don’t act jealous or upset about the time your kids spend with the other parent</strong>. Take it up with the other parent, don’t force your kids to choose sides.</li>
<li><strong>Keep an eye on their grades, their dress, their language, and their friends.</strong> Agree to agree here.</li>
<li><strong>Alert their school that you are getting divorced.</strong> Their teachers will be especially attentive to them. They may be the first to spot signs of anger or depression.</li>
<li><strong>Don’t bring strangers home to your bedroom</strong>. And don’t talk to your kids about your love life. Remember they’re your kids, not your best friend. If you need a best friend, get one.</li>
<li><strong>Get God involved.</strong> Pray for them constantly. Pray with them. If they’re at your house on Sunday, get them and you to church and get them involved in a church youth group. They need other kids to talk to and you can help determine who their friends are.</li>
</ol>
<p>Finally understand the most important thing: even though you failed as a couple, you don’t necessarily have to fail as a parent. Talk to each other about how the kids are doing.</p>
<p>How are they acting? What are the reports from school? Show your children all the love, kindness, and gentleness you can muster. Keep your home stable and quiet when the kids are around. But don’t let them use your guilt to manipulate you.</p>
<p>There’s no getting around the truth of it all: divorce is going to be hard on your kids. But two grown people acting like loving parents can soften the blow.</p>
<p><strong>Harry H Harrison Jr.</strong> is a <em>New York Times</em> best selling parenting author with over 3.5 million books in print. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs, and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations including NPR. His books are available in over thirty-five countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia and in the Far East. For more information visit <a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com">www.fearlessparenting.com</a>. <span>Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</span></p>
Staff
2014-06-23T20:42:00Z
The ABC's of Retro Baby Activities - Promoting Attachment, Brain Development, & Confidence
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-ABCs-of-Retro-Baby-Activities---Promoting-Attachment,-Brain-Development,--Confidence/224633801068589991.html
2014-06-16T20:57:00Z
2014-06-16T20:57:00Z
<p><strong>Anne H. Zachry <br /><a href="http://drannezachry.com/" target="_blank">DrAnneZachry.com</a></strong></p>
<p>During the early weeks and months of life, your infant is constantly growing and developing, and as a parent, you play a pivotal role in supporting that development. It’s important to know that expensive equipment and fancy toys are not required to foster your child’s development. Instead, go back to the basics and carry out a variety of simple, retro activities with your little one. You and your infant will have loads of fun and you’ll be fostering your child’s attachment to you, while also his promoting brain development and confidence.</p>
<p><strong>A is for Attachment</strong></p>
<p>From the first days of life, it’s important that you and your baby have a healthy bond. When a baby is securely attached to his mother, he feels safe and knows that he can rely on you to meet his needs. Attachment is important because it a key predictor of your baby’s ability to socially adjust as he gets older. A significant bond between mother and child helps the child cope appropriately in stressful situations and unfamiliar environments leading to a confident, socially-adjusted adult.</p>
<p>As a parent, how can you ensure your infant develops a healthy sense of attachment and security? Start engaging with your baby early! From the first days of life, hold your baby and talk to him constantly. Smile at him, sing to him, and respond when he cries. These actions let your baby know you are always there for him. Through your love and affection, your infant will learn how to be an emotionally responsive, well-adjusted child.</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>Retro Attachment Activity: </em>Face-to-Face Tummy Time</p>
<p>Tummy time is the perfect opportunity to bond with your baby. You can begin exposing your infant to tummy time from the first days of life. Starting early ensures your baby will accept being tummy down as a natural position. Position your newborn on your stomach or chest while you lie in a reclined position on a chair, bed, or the floor—face-to-face with baby. Making eye contact, speaking in an animated voice, and exaggerating your expressions will bring a smile to your baby’s face and foster bonding. Enjoy this special time with your infant.</p>
</blockquote>
<p><strong>B is for Brain Development</strong></p>
<p>As a parent, you can promote optimal brain development in your infant in a variety of ways. Your newborn’s brain is constantly forming new nerve connections, and the richness of her life experiences directly impacts the number of connections that form. Imagine your baby’s brain is like a computer with a wide variety of interconnections: more enriched life experiences lead to the formation of more connections, which means learning is taking place. That’s why it is critical to expose your infant to a balanced, yet stimulating environment.</p>
<p>Language exposure plays a critical role in brain development. The more words your child hears as an infant, the greater her vocabulary will be when she’s a toddler. That is why it is important to spend time talking to and playing with your baby during the early weeks and months of life.</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>Retro Brain Development Activity: </em>Chatting It Up</p>
<p>It sounds so simple, but carrying on a conversation with your baby is a wonderful way to promote brain development. Take every opportunity to model language, speaking to your baby in complete, meaningful sentences. For example, point to different body parts as you name them, saying “This is your ear! You listen with your ears,” or “Here are your eyes! You see Mommy with your eyes!”</p>
<p>As you carry out your daily routines, explain what you are doing to your infant. “I’m folding laundry. Look, this is Daddy’s blue shirt, or here are Mommy’s pink socks. There are two socks: one, two!” The more language your baby hears, the better!</p>
</blockquote>
<p><strong>C is for Confidence</strong></p>
<p>Early life experiences influence your child’s self-confidence. By meeting your infant’s basic needs, making frequent eye contact, and spending time with your baby, you provide a solid foundation for her self-esteem. You can also build her confidence by providing plenty of opportunities for exploration and social interaction.</p>
<p>Additionally, every time your little one successfully completes a task, she feels a sense of pride and competence, and her self-confidence gets a boost. Always use positive language and praise your baby for her accomplishments. Research tells us that early self-esteem is related to emotional stability in adults, and individuals with self-confidence are more resilient.</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>Retro Confidence Building Activity: </em>Mimic Mommy</p>
<p>From a very early age, your infant can successfully imitate simple actions, such as sticking out his tongue, clapping his hands, and making noises. While positioned directly in front of your baby, lean in close to his face and stick out your tongue. Allow him plenty of time to copy your action, and as soon as he succeeds, say “Good job! You stuck out your tongue!” Continue the activity, encouraging your baby to imitate various facial expressions, actions, and sounds. Every time your baby is successful, her self-confidence is boosted.</p>
</blockquote>
<p><strong><a href="http://drannezachry.com/" target="_blank">Dr. Anne Zachry</a></strong> is a pediatric occupational therapist and Assistant Professor of Occupational Therapy at The University of Tennessee Health Science Center and author of the parenting book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/1581108117#purchase" target="_blank">“Retro Baby, Cut Back on all the Gear and Boost Your Baby’s Development with over 100 Time-Tested Activities.”</a> <span>Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</span></p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2014-06-16T20:57:00Z
Every Sunday Could be Father's Day
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Every-Sunday-Could-be-Fathers-Day/303816899163338563.html
2014-06-09T20:08:00Z
2014-06-09T20:08:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
<p>My uncle is in the end stages of ALS and was moved into comfort care this week. Though my dad has four daughters, the family he created with my mom, he’s said it’s a lonely feeling to be losing the last remaining member of his original family. At 67-years-old, my dad’s even used the word <em>orphan</em> to describe his new life. His mom died 25 years ago; his father passed in 2006 and his older sister, at just 4-years-old, succumbed to polio when my father was 2-years-old. His younger brother was born shortly thereafter.</p>
<p>My sisters, mom and I have thrown around a lot of dramatic words over the years while my dad sat on the sidelines watching us describe our joys, fears and irritations. We even laugh at the time all the girls in the family (and even our maternal grandma who lived with us) sat at the dinner table and described what was going on in a soap opera with such conviction my father’s head volleyed back and forth until he finally asked, “How do you know Bo and Hope?”</p>
<p>Like my husband now, my dad just wants to catch the end of the game. Instead of luxury vacations, he took four daughters tent camping and taught each of us how to change our own oil. We spent summers out on the delta water skiing because of him. In the winters he’d get up before dawn to take us snow skiing and drive back again the same day. Once I became a parent, he told me he planned family activities to be the adhesive that kept four girls from drifting away during the teenage years. He was right.</p>
<p>Once a year my dad hosts a football party with his son in laws and grandsons. If we were ever in a pinch, a granddaughter could certainly go, but we’ve all wanted to see it be a “no girls allowed” event for him, and it has. After all, he never expects to be invited to our many showers and other girly get-togethers. </p>
<p>Even my dad’s birthday falls on Mother's Day once every six years and he’s never pulled rank.</p>
<p>Sonora Smart Dodd is the one who chose to celebrate Father's Day in June because it was her father’s birth month. Dodd lived in Spokane, Washington and officially proposed a national holiday for fathers in 1909, wanting to honor her own father, William Smart, a Civil War veteran and farmer who’d been widowed and left to raise six children.</p>
<p>The first Father's Day celebration was held in June of 1910. In 1972 President Nixon finally declared the third Sunday in June a national public holiday.</p>
<p>Florists, greeting card makers, telephone companies and restaurants say their biggest profits of the year are on Mother's Day. I’m always stumped what to get my husband, father and father-in-law after being treated so nicely the month before. I tell my husband he can do anything he wants on his special day too, just as we’ve always told my dad. When our kids were babies he was happy if he didn’t have to change a dirty diaper. Now all he wants to do is go for a run and then work in the yard. When I was a child my dad always chose to have his parents over to barbecue on Father’s Day. I think many men are the same.</p>
<p>So this year, thinking of all he’s lost, I wanted to make sure the holiday is extra special to my dad, only to be informed several months ago he’d “forgotten about Father's Day, honey,” and would be off to Alaska instead.</p>
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2014-06-09T20:08:00Z
Managing Yours and Your Child's Stress
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Managing-Yours-and-Your-Childs-Stress/-888714030339965035.html
2014-05-26T18:00:00Z
2014-05-26T18:00:00Z
<strong><br />by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC</strong><br /><a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com<br /></a><br />Our kids are growing up fast and in a generation with electronics their parents never knew. Recent family statistics mention that: <br />
<ul>
<li>on average, 53 hours per week of a child's life is spent interacting with some sort of screen media</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>kids are sleeping less</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>children are involved in more non-family activities</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>children are being treated more as confidantes by their parents rather than as a child</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>kids have less time to be still or interact with family.</li>
</ul>
<strong>These <em>don't</em> come without consequences.</strong><br /><br />One of those consequences is increased stress. A second consequence is a need for immediacy, and awkwardness with normal communication. Kids also feel more overwhelmed with emotions they don't understand or have the ability to process. The brain changes as we grow and continues to change as it acquires new information.<br /><br /><strong>An overload of information, or inability to manage the information, leads to anxiety, depression, and stress in our children.</strong> The evidence is everywhere. Attention deficit disorders are a real issue, but environmental influences cannot be overlooked. Many parents are as stressed, if not more, than their children. And when children don't understand what is going on, it is likely they will try to help Mom and Dad by taking on some of their unspoken worries and concerns. <br /><br />Parents traveling with their jobs, taking on more work, venting personal information to their children, or signing their child up for one more class or activity at night to help with carpooling may help everyone get home, but it may also be the very activity that pushes a healthy balance to an unhealthy point for their child. Just as parents need "down time," their children do, too. The loss of childhood is a serious and complex problem facing many families in America.<br /><br />How can we protect our children's youth, help them manage necessary stress and minimize unnecessary stress? Below are a few suggestions for parents in managing their own stress as well as helping their children.<br /><br /><strong>Parents' stress:</strong><br />
<ul>
<li>The number one way to manage stress for parents is to prevent it from happening. Prepare yourself as a parent to not expect perfection. If your child is getting all Bs with one C or D, focus on the Bs with encouragement toward improving on the C or D. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Minimize stress with exercise and healthy foods. When you make healthy choices, you become happier. Taking ten minutes for you each day to exercise can minimize stress and anxiety while helping demonstrate a healthy lifestyle to your child.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Take care of yourself spiritually. Your faith and beliefs can help you relieve stress. Praying, meditating and sharing your life with a community helps you feel less burdened, using others as a sounding board is more appropriate than using your children.</li>
</ul>
<br /><strong>Parents, help your children minimize and manage stress by:</strong><br />
<ul>
<li>Talking to your kids about what is causing them stress in their life, and less about what is causing stress in your own life.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Focusing on helping your child develop a routine to follow each day. Consistency and structure minimize stress in kids.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Making sure you have a bed time plan and your child is getting plenty of sleep. Catching up on weekends is not okay.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Planning family meals rather than going out for fast food will reduce stress. Healthy eating doesn't have to be time consuming, and it allows you to spend more time engaged with your child.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Choosing fewer planned activities allows children time to journal or work on hobbies giving them more control and encouraging healthy coping skills and stress management.</li>
</ul>
<br /><strong>You cannot escape stress--and some stress is good for us. </strong> However, when your child becomes anxious, weepy, and unable to focus, it's time to make changes in your family's lifestyle.<br />
<p><strong>Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, </strong>is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman of <em>Start Talking: A Girl's Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever</em>. Read more about the book at <a href="http://www.StartTalkingBook.com" target="_blank">StartTalkingBook.com</a> and more about Rapini at <a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2014-05-26T18:00:00Z
How to Teach Kids the Importance of Memorial Day
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-to-Teach-Kids-the-Importance-of-Memorial-Day/-849614792368883172.html
2014-05-19T18:43:00Z
2014-05-19T18:43:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
<p>For many people Memorial Day conjures images of 3-day weekends, discounts at the mall, and when we can officially wear white shoes without looking tacky. But it’s important we pause to reflect and teach our kids why we have a <em>Memorial</em> Day but once a year, a day of serious reflection and remembrance for those service men and women who have given their lives serving our country so that the rest of us may be free.</p>
<p>And what does it mean to be free? That’s a pretty big abstract noun for kids to grasp, but we can break down its meaning to concrete examples they understand. We are a Democracy (demos in Greek means <em>The People</em>) and so we the people get to vote for our President and other offices through free and Democratic elections. Just point to what we’ve seen unfold in the Middle East in recent years. There are people fighting and dying to break from dictatorships, wanting nothing more than the freedom to have their voices heard through the act of voting.</p>
<blockquote>
<p><strong>We also have the freedom to dress however we choose.</strong> Though many women around the world choose to wear burquas for religious and cultural reasons, there are many who don’t want to wear them but must for fear of reprimand or even injury.</p>
<p><strong>One of the reasons this country was founded was for religious freedom.</strong> As Americans we can choose to attend any religious house of worship we choose, or choose not to. There are millions of people around the world who are still dying for this right.</p>
<p><strong>All children have the right to go to school in America</strong> and as adults we can further our education as much as we choose. In many countries caste systems or economic conditions still dictate when or if a child is to be educated at all.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>We can do different things on Memorial Day to show our pride for fallen soldiers in action to our children. We can hang our American flags for all to see. We might attend a Memorial Day ceremony in our communities. We might do something as simple as offering a prayer. <strong>Do something that will make an impression on the kids. </strong>Perhaps they will take those traditions with them when they build families of their own.</p>
<p>After years of informal memorials to fallen soldiers dating back to the end of the Civil War, President Nixon finally declared the last Monday in May to forever be Memorial Day. <strong>One day a year is <em>not</em> enough to thank the thousands, if not millions, of those in our military who paid the ultimate sacrifice for us.</strong></p>
<p><br /><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2014-05-19T18:43:00Z
Middle School Phone Wars
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Middle-School-Phone-Wars/-197452401601038512.html
2014-05-12T22:10:00Z
2014-05-12T22:10:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
<p>The verdict is still out whether or not the MTV effect will work on my sixth grader. When I was his age my mom delayed letting me watch MTV long enough that by the time I had the freedom to watch it, I’d never developed the habit and lost interest. My son still doesn’t have a phone, and he reminds me pretty much every day "he's the only one." Think if I delay long enough he’ll lose interest? For now it’s not looking likely, but I'm still betting on the long term.</p>
<p>My husband and I offered our son a phone, but that’s not what he wants; he wants the “smart” part, complete with 24/7 entertainment. He has an iPod, but that loses its Internet connection as soon as we leave our house. Good for us; not so much for him.</p>
<p>Up until now the reasons we’ve delayed getting him a phone are many: to avoid subdivided attention (ADHD diagnoses have skyrocketed with smartphones); antisocial behavior (head down, tapping away in public places); an overall exposure to things that when I was his age were much harder to come by (porn, violence); and cost (I recently saw young girls yell, ‘Throw your phone!’ while in a laughing fit, tossing the expensive, mini computers like trash).</p>
<p><strong>Yet my biggest resistance: I don’t want a smartphone to become a substitute for books and reading.</strong></p>
<p>Then I received an email from one of my son’s teachers last week that reminded me to stay strong. <em>We had an interesting presentation from one of our county sheriff’s officers regarding problems and issues he sees in middle schools, </em>it said<em>. While we did talk about drugs, he feels that the two biggest issues that are not addressed adequately by parents or teachers are cyberbullying and sexting. He reminded us that a smartphone is a computer through which our children are able to access the entire Internet without supervision. Most kids have these phones with them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. He told us that 100-percent of cyberbullying and sexting occurs through these smartphones. He reminded us that as parents, these phones belong to us, the parents, not our children. He encourages parents to check their child’s phone randomly and regularly. He also stressed that phones should not be in a child’s room at night, and that this is when most behavior that children come to regret happens.</em></p>
<p><em>Please know we are in no way assuming our students’ phones aren't already being monitored by parents but thought that it was valuable information we should</em> <em>pass along.”</em></p>
<p>The last part got me: <strong>I’m not sure I <em>could</em> supervise as much as needed if my kids have access to this much information.</strong></p>
<p>The next day several friends emailed the article, <a href="http://www.checkupnewsroom.com/7-dangerous-apps-that-parents-need-to-know-about/?utm_source=Facebook">7 Dangerous Apps that Parents Need to Know About</a>. “It’s downright scary,” writes the author. “Technology can be very deceptive. Your kids may be downloading apps that you think are innocent and just a simple way for them to keep in contact with their buddies, but unfortunately, this isn’t always the case.”</p>
<p>She went on to call out Yik Yak, SnapChat, Poof, Kik, Omega, Whisper and Down. Most of these apps have features that delete content after it’s posted so prying adults will never know. So how can we supervise their phones if we don’t even know what’s on them?</p>
<p>In the comment section, posters called out at least a dozen more apps that the writer could add to her list.</p>
<p>So now I have even more reasons why my son still doesn’t have a phone.</p>
<p>I may be an island, some might even say overprotective, but when the day comes there's a great big world with both good and bad in it that'll still be there, waiting patiently with open arms. My kids will either run quickly toward it or hold back just a bit, a tad wiser, to take a closer look.</p>
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2014-05-12T22:10:00Z
To Raise a Disciplined Child, Be a Disciplined Parent
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/To-Raise-a-Disciplined-Child,-Be-a-Disciplined-Parent/914307345843571002.html
2014-05-05T17:59:00Z
2014-05-05T17:59:00Z
<p><strong>By Harry H Harrison Jr.</strong><br /><a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">www.fearlessparenting.com</a></p>
<p>A life devoid of discipline is a life of chaos. But many of us are afraid of using that word “discipline,” because we think it translates into “punishment” or that “disciplined” means turning little children away from the fantasy and wonder of childhood and into little robots.</p>
<p>Fearless Parents know discipline is the fine art of doing things you don’t want to do when you don’t want to do them. Discipline is why a college student will pass up a night of partying to study for a chemistry exam. Discipline is why an athlete will practice four hours in the freezing rain while her friends are sitting by a fire inside. Discipline is why a young banker will stay up all night finishing an Excel spread sheet.</p>
<p>If our children are going to make it as adults, they need to develop the mental and spiritual discipline to face the world, to get knocked down and get up again. Discipline is required to work at a problem until it's solved; discipline is needed to write a fourth and fifth draft of a term paper. It takes discipline to stay on a budget, to pay bills when they’re due. It takes discipline to show up on time, to keep your word, and to not gossip. When life gets rough, it can take discipline to go home to your spouse instead of a bar, to not yell at your kids just because you’ve had a bad day, and to give back to God when it doesn’t seem He’s giving a lot to you.</p>
<p>Discipline is the learned ability to shake off setbacks, and reapply yourself to the issue in front of you. It takes discipline to not buy everything you want, to not use a charge card when you don’t have the money and to not go into mountains of debt. Yet so many kids come out of high school without the discipline to sit at their desk for an hour and read a book that it’s frightening.</p>
<p><em>Fearless Parents know the power of discipline is the power to achieve against all odds</em>. It’s the power to start a company; to be faithful in a marriage; to have a meaningful relationship with God because you have the discipline of prayer, thanksgiving and tithing.</p>
<p>Discipline is the door to unbelievable accomplishments, to incredible self-fulfillment, to sanity and peace of mind, but many parents want to rob their kids of this tool, so they, the parents, can feel better about themselves and not worry about their kids’ happiness. So we do their homework for them, peel off $20’s whenever asked and complain to their teacher about them failing a test.</p>
<p>It takes parental discipline to establish rules and boundaries and consistently enforce them.</p>
<blockquote><ol>
<li><strong>Give your kids chores </strong>to accomplish the same time every day or week.</li>
<li><strong>Enforce homework</strong> hours<em> before</em> Facebook, video games or TV. </li>
<li><strong>Establish consequences for behavior</strong> – both good and bad - and consistently apply them.</li>
<li><strong>Insist they get a job</strong> and announce they now have to show up on time, follow the rules and not bother you for any more money.</li>
<li><strong>Encourage them to practice</strong> longer and harder if they want to make first string or first chair or win the lead part.</li>
<li><strong>Urge them to double down on their effort</strong> if they don’t succeed.</li>
<li><strong>Remember it’s not your job to make their lives easier, but to prepare them for adulthood</strong>.</li>
</ol></blockquote>
<p>The key to this is simple: don’t feel sorry for them. It takes parental discipline to watch a child try hard, not succeed, and suggest she try even harder. We feel like we should be taking more action for our child when it’s we ourselves who need the discipline to leave taking action up to our child.</p>
<p>It’s hard to teach the value of discipline day after day. But we <em>must</em> be fearless about this. This is where foolish parents gum it up. They think discipline is all about restrictions and boundaries. It’s about freedom. The freedom to spend money knowing your budget; to party knowing you’ve done your studying; to enjoy dating knowing how far you’ll go. Discipline is the ability to do what’s needed to be done, time after time, no matter the circumstances.</p>
<p>The world of adulthood can be brutal, unforgiving and highly competitive. By teaching our kids discipline we’re opening the door to unbelievable power and stunning achievement. Discipline will enable them to act and think like an adult so they can succeed in the adult world. Be fearless about this. Be disciplined about this. </p>
<p>Because discipline is a gift that can change their lives. </p>
<p><strong>Harry H Harrison Jr.</strong> is a <em>New York Times</em> best selling parenting author with over 3.7 million books in print. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs, and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations including NPR. His books are available in over thirty-five countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia and in the Far East. For more information visit <a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com">www.fearlessparenting.com</a>.</p>
Staff
2014-05-05T17:59:00Z
How to Create Strong Math Students Before Kids Even Start School
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-to-Create-Strong-Math-Students-Before-Kids-Even-Start-School/796503425914215395.html
2014-04-22T16:02:00Z
2014-04-22T16:02:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
<p>The years before kindergarten are optimal for playing games to create bright students later on. By specifically embracing numbers at an early age don't be surprised when your child is at the top of his math class later on.</p>
<p>Sometimes when we wait to introduce concepts to kids, it takes them longer to grasp. I'll use potty training as an example. If a child shows the signs of wanting to potty train and we ignore those cues, the child may eventually take longer to learn.</p>
<p>This is what happens to children when they start kindergarten without knowing their letters and numbers. The building blocks aren't solid and so each year of school that they aren't solid, there's more slippery space for them to not regain footing of the material. This is one reason there is such a huge gap in learning for children by the time they are in high school. Some kids can master college level reading and math, while others are reading, writing, and doing math at an elementary level.</p>
<p>Working on numbers with kids as young as 9 months old introduces math concepts. For little ones, start by learning and identifying numbers.</p>
<ul>
<li>For children 9-12 months old, write out numbers 1-10. Say each one as you point to it. Then, ask child if she can point to the 7, for instance. You'll be amazed.</li>
<li>Once the numbers 1-10 are learned, scramble the numbers to see if the child can still identify them out of order. This is a process that could take weeks or even months.</li>
<li>When kids are 2, write out dashed numbers 1-10 and show how to trace the letters in. Then write dashed numbers 1-10 out again and ask the child to trace them in. They will not be perfectly in the lines, and that's OK. Their fine motor skills, such as drawing on the line, will get stronger when they get older.</li>
<li>When 1-10 is mastered, work on 11-20, then 21-30. By 4 years old, children are capable of recognizing numbers up to 100.</li>
<li>Point out numbers everywhere for reinforcement- in books, magazines car thermostats. Say, "This says 50," Or, "That's 17." Remember, they are sponges that are absorbing much more than we see.</li>
<li>Show shapes and point out wherever you go, e.g. stop signs are octagons, the cereal box is a rectangle, etc. Keep on talking to them. They are listening!</li>
<li>Use your finger to move across the numbers left to right. It helps kids see that numbers move left to right, which will also help them with reading later.</li>
<li>By 3 years old, you can ask a child to find page numbers in books and magazines. "Where is page 7?" "Where is page 22?" Kids seem to have the hardest time grasping the teen numbers, or 11-19. The one before the number can throw them off. Don't be surprised when this happens. The earlier you work on numbers with young children, the earlier they will grasp this. </li>
<li>Ask your child to pick up 5 things at clean up time and count with him as he does this. As kids get older, ask them to pick up 10, 15, 20 things at pickup. This helps them with numbers, but also with good citizenship. For some reason, my kids are more likely to pick up when we do it this way. I think they like breaking up the process by focusing on a number, instead of just saying, "Clean up your toys."</li>
<li>Alternate counting between you and your child. You say,"1." Point to your child for what's next and she should say, "2." Go back and forth between you until she gets stuck and then you know how high she can count. </li>
<li>When children are five years old you can then alternate counting by 5s, 10s, as age-appropriate. 10, 20, 30, 40 will be easier than 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. My five-year-old is currently working on 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12. Learning this will help them grasp their multiplication tables in third grade more easily.</li>
<li>With 4-year-olds ask, "Which number is bigger, 77 or 68?" Any number combinations up to 100. This can be done driving in the car or when you're making dinner. This is another easy game that can be done just about anytime, anywhere.</li>
<li>4 year olds can practice adding and subtracting on fingers. Soon they will be able to add 2+1 in their head and then they will know their addition facts by memory from all the practice by the time their first grade teacher expects them to.</li>
<li>Work on 1 or 2 digit carrying in addition at 5 years old or so. First start on the right and move to the left- tell them this is the opposite of how we read. Even though your child can look at the following problem and add 1+1 and then 0+1 to get 21, it helps to get him in the habit of adding 0+1 and then 1+1 because when he is carrying larger numbers later, he'll already be in the habit of moving right to left.<br /><br /> 10<br />+ 11<br />_______<br /> 21 <br /><br />This will logically lead to carrying, like this<br /><br /> 29<br />+12<br />______<br /> 41<br /><br />Work on 1 or 2 digit carrying in subtraction at 7 years old or so. Teach them to check their work by adding the answer and the bottom number.<br /><br /> 13<br />- 4<br />_____<br /> 9 (9 + 4 = 13)</li>
<br /><br />
<li>Bake cookies together- count your stirs, eggs cracked, just keep counting. The repetition and patterns are great for kids' brains.</li>
<li>Find a reason to count everywhere you go. Count stairs climbed; count the dark squares on the grocery store floor in an aisle. This will lead to counting change, etc. Just keep counting.</li>
<li>Teach kids in 3rd grade and up how to read recipes and let them give it a try.</li>
<li>Ask multiplication while playing catch or while jumping on the trampoline. When kids are bouncing or doing some sort of physical activity, studies show they often remember concepts better.</li>
<li>Play cashier: Have 7-year-olds and older make change for you.</li>
</ul>
<p><br />Try these easy, fun ways to help your children be strong math students later on today while they're still young. No expensive materials or tons of formal study time needed.</p>
<p><strong><br />Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2014-04-22T16:02:00Z
Ten Ways to Be a Stronger Parent
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Ten-Ways-to-Be-a-Stronger-Parent/605381754995060216.html
2014-04-14T19:08:00Z
2014-04-14T19:08:00Z
<p><strong>By Harry H Harrison Jr.<br /></strong><a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank"><strong>FearlessParenting.com</strong></a></p>
<p><br />It seems as if today so many parents don't actually want to be parents. Oh, they love their kids. They just don't want to raise them because that can bring up well, using the word "no", which could lead to tears and crying and the dreaded "You're not my friend," or worse, "I hate you." Then being the guilt buckets we are, we rush in and hold their hand and soothe their feelings and tell them of course we'll buy you a Corvette at 15.</p>
<p>Here's the problem: The natural course of human events relies on a child striving to please his parents. It's imperative for civilization to continue. A child does things she doesn't want to do because it necessary to please her parents. A teenager walks away from drugs and alcohol because he fears his father's wrath worse than his friends' peer pressure. This is how they learn to make mature decisions, which they then take out into the adult world.</p>
<p>A parent striving to please his child is a new phenomenon and one guaranteed to bring civilization to its knees. Many of today's parents are so fainthearted that the idea of their child being upset with them that they resort to 12-step meetings, shrinks' couches, and doing really stupid things: like supplying beer kegs to a teenage party, putting their 13-year old on birth control pills, or stay up all night writing a term paper for them.</p>
<p>Rules upset children and teenagers. Being told no angers 2-year-olds and 16-year-olds. Suffering consequences of bad behavior can result in slamming doors, moodiness and the silent treatment. If you're the kind of parent who hurts when their child is mad at them, then it's easy to wave consequences, forget rules and start saying yes to more and more outlandish demands (i.e. "I want a limo for my seventh grade graduation, etc.").</p>
<p>Why do parents do these things? Because they can't handle the pressure of their own child's anger! Like it actually matters if a middle schooler is mad at her parents. Yet today we have a bunch of hard-charging 40-somethings who run companies, chair PTA meetings, and kick-box three times a week coming home quaking at the thought their high school junior will be too mad talk to them. Having their kids like them is more important than teaching them honor, integrity, morals and values, because you know, these things are difficult lessons and like, can make our kids upset.</p>
<p><strong>Fearless Parents remember ten things:</strong></p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Children are natural-born emotional terrorists.</strong> They can sense weakness in their parents; they know how to exploit it and go right for the heart. They are masters of manipulation and say they hate you because they know it works.<br /><br /></li>
<li><strong>If we're going to be the kind of parents our kids</strong> need, we need to remember not only do we have to stand up to their anger, we have to parent through it. <br /><br /></li>
<li><strong>Don't forget teens especially are emotional basket cases.</strong> Their brains are still developing so trying to reason with them is like trying to reason with a head of cabbage. You can't change their thinking but YOU CAN change how you react to it.<br /><br /></li>
<li><strong>Allow your child to be angry</strong>, but not disrespectful or immature. <br /><br /></li>
<li><strong>You don't have to be seething to express your anger</strong>. When they deserve it, show them flashes of anger and demand change even though you can turn around and wink at their mother. The key issue is who's trying to please who. <br /><br /></li>
<li><strong>Insist that when they are angry </strong>they watch their words and behavior. <br /><br /></li>
<li><strong>Accept your child's anger goes with the job</strong>, and that today's reason for a meltdown will replaced by tomorrow's. <br /><br /></li>
<li><strong>Realize the less you react to your child's anger </strong>and the more you just accept it, the less of problem it will continue to be for both of you.<br /><br /></li>
<li><strong>Don't explain "No." </strong>"My house, my rules, no," is really all you have to say. Anything more they can argue with.<br /><br /></li>
<li><strong>Accept the fact you can be mad at your child</strong>, you can even yell at your child, you can throw down consequences for bad behavior, but that doesn't mean you don't love your child.</li>
</ol>
<p>Fearless parents know abandoning their child when they really need a parent just to be their friend isn't just spineless, it's a disaster. With no rules, no consequences, no expectations, no discipline we're raising a generation of kids who will stay kids forever.</p>
<p>Our kids need us to be the adult, they need us to be resolute, they need us to be fearless. The fact is, if our children never get angry with us, then we're not doing our job as parents.</p>
<p><br /><strong>Harry H Harrison Jr.</strong> is a Ne<em>w York Times</em> best-selling parenting author with over 4 million books in print. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs, and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations including NPR. His books are available in over thirty-five countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia and in the Far East. For more information visit <a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">FearlessParenting.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2014-04-14T19:08:00Z
How to Teach Kids to Organize Their Rooms and Why it's Important
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-to-Teach-Kids-to-Organize-Their-Rooms-and-Why-its-Important/958595572447894639.html
2014-04-07T18:07:00Z
2014-04-07T18:07:00Z
<p><strong>By Sherry Borsheim<br /></strong><a href="http://www.simplyproductive.com" target="_blank">SimplyProductive.com</a></p>
Why does it matter if your children learn how to organize their room and keep it that way? How does that benefit you and them? Who even has the time to teach their children how to organize their room when you're so exhausted at the end of a long day of work and driving them from one place to another. Or maybe you think you're doing your children a favor by picking up after them to avoid the whining and complaining.<br /><br />Adding one more task to an already hectic schedule can be overwhelming. Parents ultimately want their children to live a happy and fulfilling life. Teaching them healthy habits for life-long learning - like organization - benefits them in so many ways. <br /><br />It's important to teach children to contribute at home and take care of their things. Giving them tasks to complete builds their confidence and a feeling of accomplishment. And if organization doesn't come natural to you, don't worry, learn together with your children to create order and eliminate chaos at home. <br /><br />I've organized a lot of children's rooms over the years and I always get them involved in the process. It's been my experience, kids love organization and they love to help you. I get them involved as early as 2, like putting clothes they've outgrown into the donation bag. And I give them things to carry when putting items away.<br /><br />By age 3, they really want to get involved and help out. They can easily pull items out of a closet and group like things together. Give them tasks that keep them busy and part of the process. I even get them using my label maker by pointing to the letter for them to press and spelling out the word. Kids love this and think it's fun to print labels.<br /><br />At the age of 4, they know what toys they like to play with and what they don't use anymore. If they have too many toys, put some away and they'll be like new when you bring them out again 3 months later. Help them try on clothes that may not fit. I get them to carry things for me, put things away and get them involved in organizing their toys, books and clothes. Yes, I could get it done faster on my own, but the skills they are learning are so important and the fun times we have together are priceless. <br /><br />At age 6, ask them where they like to play with their toys and help them contain and label their organizing systems. <br /><br />Between the ages of 8 to 11 they have fewer toys and more electronic devices and more homework. Set up a homework area and help they organize their papers and school work. In their teenage years, their rooms will need to be organized based on their interests and study habits. <br /><br />Build in a fun reward at the end of each organizing day to celebrate their accomplishments. <br /><br />Don't assume they will learn on their own to be organized. The good news is: "Organization is learnable skill and there is no one-size-fits-all solution to getting organized. There's only what works for you." So don't leave this to chance or put it off. Organization is a skill your children will take with them throughout their life.<br /><br />Keeping their room organized teaches them the importance of chores and how it makes the home run smoother. It also teaches them the responsibility of doing their part, teamwork and contributing to the overall goal of keeping the entire home organized. It also teaches them the importance of starting and completing a task and the feeling of accomplishment and a job well done.<br /><br /><strong>Be a Role Model</strong><br /><br />Children pick up your habits and behaviors. Don't just tell them to do something, show them how to organize their toys, books and where to put the dirty laundry. Show them how to make their bed and where to put their clothes away and make sure you do the same. <br /><br /><strong>Establish Routines</strong><br /><br />Establish a morning and evening routine. Use a checklist and chore chart to remind them what their responsibilities are like putting toys and clothes away, hanging up their coat and back pack and putting their shoes away when they come home from school. Responsibilities will change as they get older. <br /><br />Schedule four clean-out days a year to help them unclutter and organize their room. Good times to do this are just before school starts in September, after Christmas, after their birthday and at the end of the school in June. Repeating this year after year creates a ritual and habit of clearing out the clutter and keeping their room organized. This will benefit them in their college years and continue into their life work. It also teaches them about consumption and how immediate gratification of always buying something new can pile up. <br /> <br /><strong>Teach them the Value of Donating and How Others Benefit</strong><br /><br />Help your children select a charity they'd like to support so when they are uncluttering their room, they understand where their good quality used toys, books and clothes they've outgrown are going to. Take them with you when you drop off the items to a family in need or the charity they chose. This teaches them the value of giving back and how they can help others.<br /><br /><strong>So They Can Find What They Need When They Need It</strong><br /><br />Just like adults, kids get frustrated when they can't find what they are looking for. Help them create zones in their bedroom by grouping like things together. Create a homework zone with all the supplies they will need, their schedule and a place for their books. Create a reading zone by their bed and one place for all their books. Contain their toys and games and label shelves and containers so they know where to put things back. <br /><br /><strong>Planning Skills</strong><br /><br />Kids love to display their artwork, awards, photos and things that inspire them. Hang a magnetic white board in their room to display items that inspire them, their school schedule and after-school activities. A family calendar is great and mom typically is the keeper of all the schedules. Take it a step further and teach your kids to prepare, plan and schedule for their own activities. Planning skills are essential to effectively manage their time for studying and completing homework and assignments. As they grow older show them how to use a paper or digital schedule like Google Calendar and sync it to their mobile devices.
<p><strong>Sherry Borsheim</strong> is the founder of Simply Productive, is an International organization expert, and has appeared on national media including HGTV. Sherry is an author and sought-after speaker who loves helping busy professionals, business owners and moms organize their chaos at home, at work and in their life. Sherry believes there's no one-size-fits-all solution to getting organized and that your organizing systems need to work for you and the people in your life. Contact Sherry to get organized today at <a href="http://www.simplyproductive.com" target="_blank">www.simplyproductive.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2014-04-07T18:07:00Z
Sex Education 2.0: 7 Ways to Teach Children About the Birds and the Bees
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Sex-Education-2.0:-7-Ways-to-Teach-Children-About-the-Birds-and-the-Bees/-267377451906445366.html
2014-03-31T14:15:00Z
2014-03-31T14:15:00Z
<p><strong>By Tim Jordan M.D.</strong><br /><a href="http://www.drtimjordan.com" target="_blank">DrTimJordan.com</a><br /><br /><br />When most parents think about their role in educating their children about sex, they get stuck on "the talk", i.e. the birds and the bee's discussion that is all about mechanics. And this makes even the most hip parent a bit queasy.</p>
<p>Parents today have been inundated with scary stories about teen pregnancy, STD's, AIDS, and early dalliances with oral sex. Or perhaps worse yet, your own stories from your teen years come back to our consciousness, and we don't want our kids to suffer through our mistakes or rock with our wild times. So what's a parent to do?</p>
<p>I believe that the majority of sex education should be relationship education, and this teaching starts in the preschool years. Here are 7 ideas that can serve as your instruction manual.</p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Building solid relationships at home:</strong> Children's first connections are usually at home with parents and siblings. If parents are there for their child, consistently meeting their needs in healthy ways, kids grow up feeling loved, important, safe, accepted for who they are, and able to trust other people. This becomes the template for all future relationships, so it pays to get a good start. Teens who feel loved have the best boundaries with other people, because they know they deserve to take good care of themselves.</li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Learn and practice relationship skills at home:</strong> Kids can learn to have a voice, be assertive, resolve their own conflicts, set boundaries, stand up for themselves, and get their needs met with their parents and siblings. There are more than enough opportunities to teach these skills and provide chances for practicing them. Kids will then take these tools with them to school and use them with their peers, solidifying the lessons and giving them confidence that they can take care of themselves. Thus, their friendships are healthy and fulfilling. Eventually they will employ these same skills when they are in dating relationships. It will be easier for these teens to make the tough choices and set good boundaries since they have been doing it since they were toddlers.</li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Don't push kids to grow up!:</strong> I always cringe when I hear adults teasing little kids, especially girls, about whether or not they have a boyfriend. Too many girls get the message that they should have one, and if they don't they are abnormal and behind. Let kids come to that stage in their life when they are ready.</li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Strengthen their identity:</strong> I love to see girls who are passionately engaged in an interest, because this gives them confidence, fulfillment, and an identity that is not about how they look. Girls also get a boost in their confidence when they know how to voice their thoughts, needs, and concerns with authority, have healthy ways to express all of their emotions, don't worry so much about what other people think of them, and don't compare themselves to other people. They are true to themselves, and carry themselves with pride. Girls who radiate this energy are usually not pushed by boys. Needy girls with poor esteem are the ones I worry about most.</li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Teach teens how to connect in non-sexual ways:</strong> Deep conversations, dating in groups, hugs, sports, and being a trusting and loyal friend allows teens to feel loved and close to people they are attracted to. Kids who have grown up in this sex-saturated culture need alternatives.</li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Use everyday events:</strong> A pregnant classmate, relationship and sexual situations in books, TV shows and movies, news stories about naughty politicians and professional athletes all provide grist for the mill. Discuss these life events, ask kids what they think about it, listen to their logic, give them your perspective and other ways of looking at situations, and add your wisdom and values to the mix. Remember, when kids feel heard and respected, they are more likely to listen and take things in.</li>
<br /><br />
<li><strong>Trust your gut:</strong> Many teens I see in my counseling practice and camps have put up with abusive treatment and let their boundaries get crossed because they didn't hear and trust their intuition. Teach your kids how to be aware of their internal alarms that go off at critical decision points, and how to get quiet to go inward in order to know what is right for them. I teach girls to get clear about their sexual boundaries when they are alone and quiet, so that when they are in the back seat of a car, they won't make bad choices in the heat of the moment.</li>
</ol>
<p>Teens with a high level of confidence, self-awareness, good relationships skills, and years of practice in creating close, healthy connections will be in charge of their romantic relationships, and they will deal with sexuality on their terms.</p>
<p><strong>Dr. Tim Jordan </strong>is a leading expert on parenting girls from 2 – 20 years of age. He is the author of <a href="http://drtimjordan.com/author-of-sleeping-beauties/sleeping-beauty-book/" target="_blank">Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding Transformation of Adolescent Girls.</a> He is also an <a href="http://drtimjordan.com/speaker" target="_blank">international speaker</a>, media expert and school consultant. He often speaks about girls and their journey through adolescence, relationship aggression, friendship, cliques and bullying and the best practices for parenting girls. For more information visit <a href="http://www.drtimjordan.com" target="_blank">www.drtimjordan.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2014-03-31T14:15:00Z
'Bossy' Should Be the Least of our Worries
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Bossy-Should-Be-the-Least-of-our-Worries/-65387098316340580.html
2014-03-24T14:10:00Z
2014-03-24T14:10:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
<p>When a girl takes the lead she's often called bossy, yet when a boy's bossy he's seen as a leader, so say influential American women such as Facebook COO Sharon Sandberg, Girl Scouts USA CEO Anna Marie Chavez and former Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice. In a recent piece to discuss the "Bossy Campaign", the <a href="http://www.courtneyluv.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/banbossy.jpg" target="_blank">cover photo</a> on <em>Parade</em> magazine shows two girls standing back to back with the caption, "Don't call us bossy."</p>
<p>There's a caveat that states rude or bullying behavior isn't the same as "bossy," but I think they're synonyms for each other. Anytime anyone comes across as bossy, whether that person be male or female, it's not a positive interaction. In fact, showing leadership is a far cry from being bossy.</p>
<p>Why can't a girl be a nice leader? Why can't she be confident, smart, and strong while also being funny, kind, and sensitive? Why must she be either/or?</p>
<p>Let's be more concerned for girls turning on the television, tablet, computer or smart phone in 2014 and seeing so many American women and girls glorified in the media for crazy antics or good looks-just about anything besides showing strong character or minds.</p>
<p><strong>Instead of focusing on that other b-word, let's try these to help girls:</strong></p>
<ul>
<li>Encourage positive female role models in girls' lives.</li>
<li>Mothers, be mindful not to talk down about yourself in front of your daughters. Instead of talking about dieting or being "fat," walk the walk and show girls what healthy living is.</li>
<li>Keep girls involved in sports or physical activities.</li>
<li>At a very young age, if a girl wants to dress herself, let her. It's a huge confidence booster and sends the message at an early age she is competent to make choices and complete tasks on her own.</li>
<li>Remind your daughter she is a cherished being who should not give herself away so easily to a boy as so many girls do today.</li>
<li>When math or science prove difficult, remind girls nothing worth doing comes easy.</li>
</ul>
<p><strong>Julie Samrick </strong>is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2014-03-24T14:10:00Z
Ten Ways to Cope When Your Children Embarrass You
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Ten-Ways-to-Cope-When-Your-Children-Embarrass-You/102846176540149519.html
2014-03-10T14:20:00Z
2014-03-10T14:20:00Z
<p><strong>By Harry H Harrison Jr.<br /></strong><a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank"><strong>FearlessParenting.com</strong></a></p>
<p><br />Pity the parent of an undisciplined child. Their life is chaos. They never know when the eruption will come: in the middle of a grocery store because their child wants a toy; in the middle of a furniture store because their child is bored and starts jumping on sofas to the consternation of the sales staff; in the middle of a neighborhood party when their child starts screaming over a toy it can't play with.</p>
<p>Obviously the list goes on...and on...all the way to high school when they're sitting in the principal's office after their teen has been caught cheating on tests, copying homework and skipping school. And they think about what friends and family have all wondering for the past 18 years, "What kind of child are you raising? And what kind of parent are you?"</p>
<p>So let's remember a couple of things: all kids act like kids. They spill things. They run into things. They can break down into tears or take a swing at another child for taking their toys. They might even try talking back to their parents to see what happens. But here's a rule you can write down on your refrigerator: a child who's an embarrassment to his parents at 3, at 10, at 14, at 18 will also be an embarrassment to them when their kids are 30.</p>
<p>Why? Because they've never learned discipline. Discipline is the art of not doing something when you want to, and doing something when you don't want to. Yes, this involves disciplining your kids, (horrors I know), but even more important, teaching them an internal discipline that override their emotions, the feelings and their impulses.</p>
<p>Here's how to do that.</p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Remember expectations of behavior should start early.</strong> We can love and cuddle our baby and toddler but the first time he hits and hurts us, an instant consequence should follow. One day my young son was playing with his mother in her closet when he hauled off and smacked her with a shoe in the face. Stunned, she popped him firmly, not violently, back across the face to startle him, registering with him what it felt like. He never hit her again.</li>
<li><strong>Be firm in your expectations of your children's behavior.</strong> Talk about them at dinner frequently. Don't relax them because it's her birthday, or because he's tired, or because she had a fight with her best friend. This is where children learn discipline can overcome their emotions.</li>
<li><strong>Be around your kids frequently.</strong> Plop them in the stroller at courtside when you play tennis, take them with you when you play golf. Model the behavior you expect when you hit a bad shot or can't find your ball. Show them life can be fun, even when it isn't going your way.</li>
<li><strong>Never, ever, ever put up with them talking back in public.</strong> Yank them out of the store, into your car and yes, with an open hand, swat them across the butt. Remember this: the fear of physical pain should far, far outweigh the actual pain. You want to stop negative behavior in their tracks. If they are afraid of your reaction, they will curtail their behavior.</li>
<li><strong>Do not offer bribes for good behavior.</strong> Soon you'll be buying them a Corvette so you can eat dinner in peace.</li>
<li><strong>Watch their playmates.</strong> If their friends are spoiled brats, get new friends. Kids learn from other kids.</li>
<li><strong>While I don't condone bribery, a reward for good behavior every two or three months is a good thing.</strong> By making it irregular, a child doesn't expect every time, but learns there is a future reward.</li>
<li><strong>Be careful in your praise.</strong> Good behavior should be an expectation, not as a means to being told, "You're the best little girl in the world."</li>
<li><strong>Don't ever be embarrassed by your child's lack of athletic skill or musical skill or if she let in the winning goal.</strong> Your child needs to experience love and acceptance when she fails, not your misplaced egotistical embarrassment over their failure.</li>
<li><strong>Work on being proud of your children.</strong> Of their mistakes and failures, of their successes and triumphs. You may have to pray to God for Him to show you your child's outstanding qualities. Seriously, don't laugh. Many parents do this.</li>
</ol>
<p>The bottom line is, the more we instill discipline in our child, and the more we recognize what is wonderful and God-given in our child, the more we will be proud of them. And that will lead our children to accomplish even more wonderful things.</p>
<p><br /><strong>Harry H Harrison Jr.</strong> is a Ne<em>w York Times</em> best-selling parenting author with over 3.5 million books in print. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs, and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations including NPR. His books are available in over thirty-five countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia and in the Far East. For more information visit <a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">www.fearlessparenting.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2014-03-10T14:20:00Z
Play Games to Help Your Child Succeed in School
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Play-Games-to-Help-Your-Child-Succeed-in-School/-417627766722481281.html
2014-03-03T15:15:00Z
2014-03-03T15:15:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
<p>When my oldest child turned one a friend gave him alphabet magnets for his birthday. We placed them on the refrigerator and he'd reach for them, so we moved them lower, showing him first how magnets work. Soon they ended up on the kitchen floor and seeing the 26 letters brought the ordering of them and the alphabet song to mind. I'd sing the ABCs and point to each letter as it was said. </p>
<p>Without really meaning to, just by playing simple games like this, our little baby knew his ABCs before he could talk. Family would visit and marvel that at 18 months our son could easily identify any one of the 26 letters of the alphabet, whether it was upside down, right-side-up, or sideways. No matter what, his pudgy little hand pointed to the right letter time and again when asked.</p>
<p>Today that same son is in middle school has always done excellent academically. He is the only child in his grade to go to the district Spelling Bee every year since first grade, and his younger fourth grade brother is the only child in his grade too. Did we buy fancy curriculum or pound facts into them like drill sergeants? No. I firmly believe the everyday games and skills I've worked on with all four of my children at home, starting with those alphabet letters, are why they all were more than prepared for kindergarten but more importantly, why they are all lovers of learning.</p>
<p>More than ever parents need that extra boost to help their kids prepare for school. We live in California and my kids go to public school. I have never spent money on outside tutors or on expensive curriculum. Budgets continue to be slashed, which has meant larger class sizes and less individual attention for my children. <strong>Yet, with the core building blocks I have worked on with them at home they are still thriving in school.</strong></p>
<p>Games are so important to a child's development. We have a coffee table in the family room. Even if the television is on or we only have a few minutes, there are easy ways to play.<strong> Here are some of the games that have been great teaching tools without my kids even knowing it:</strong></p>
<p><strong>Play Cards</strong><br /><strong>1. Go Fish- </strong>this card game helps kids sort and it helps them think ahead, or strategize. This kind of critical thinking is what many schools sorely lack. Schools often ask kids rote memorization questions, but critical thinking is the muscle that when flexed causes big learning.</p>
<p><strong>2. Uno-</strong> I started with my son when he was 3. We had an actual Uno deck of cards with the color coordinated cards. You can also play Crazy Eights with a deck of cards. Just like Uno but eights are wild cards. Kids learn card suits with this game, which is a good skill to have.</p>
<p><strong>3. Kings in the Corner- </strong>this game spreads across the table, showing kids the order of cards. It is pattern practice as well. The cards must be laid out black, red, black, red, and from Kings down to Aces. Even young children 3 and over can grasp this. Their later teachers will be impressed they are already familiar with pattern formations too.</p>
<p><strong>4. Old Maid- </strong>deal all of the cards. Each person picks a card from the opponent to their left and discards pairs until one person is left with the Old Maid. With the set we have, Ursula from the little mermaid is the old maid. Young children may have a hard time holding all their cards so have them place them on a table with something to block them from view. The rest of the game is easy enough and it will excite kids about cards, strategy, and help practice good sportsmanship.</p>
<p><strong>Other Games:</strong><br /><strong>5. Work on a puzzle together</strong>- some families I know always have a puzzle out on the coffee table.</p>
<p><br /><strong>6. Blow bubbles</strong></p>
<p><strong>7. Invest in a magnetic erase board</strong> like the Magna Doodle- tons of fun and you aren't using any paper. I used this toy with the kids so often I even wrote an article- Ode to the Magna Doodle. Starting about 18 months you can play one of baby's first games with it- I call the game day/night. Black out the screen and say "Night." With one swipe erase and say "Daytime!" Kids even that little will chuckle- it's so cute. Soon thereafter kids understood light and dark- as soon as they're old enough to walk, they can help sort laundry after this game. We have the daytime (lights) pile and the nighttime (darks) pile to this day.</p>
<p><strong>8. Hangman- </strong>another great game on a magnetic erase board like a Magna Doodle. Very young children can play hangman with 2 and 3 letter words. Older children can play for longer words and phrases. Turn the table and let your child make up the word. When they're young, they may misspell the word, "but there has to be a vowel!" It's great practice and they'll get it soon enough</p>
<p><strong>9. Yahtzee-</strong> Today you don't have to buy the full game. You can print the score sheet off the Internet and grab 5 dice. Bunco is also very close to, and less complicated, than Yahtzee. Dice games like these help with early Math.</p>
<p><strong>10. Scrabble-</strong> great about 5 or 6 on. Encourage one app for your older child- Words With Friends and play with them.</p>
<p><strong>11. Memory-</strong> Starting at 3 years old, this is sure to be a favorite. There are inexpensive memory games targeted to boys, girls, or gender neutral.</p>
<p><strong>12. Play Monkey in the Middle</strong> with a third person- throw the ball over one person's head. If she catches it, she doesn't have to be the monkey anymore.<br /> <br /><strong>13. Dots and Boxes</strong>- my 4-year-old loves this game. The person to close the square gets to put his or her initials, which claims the square once it's time to tally up the boxes. You can play with older kids too by adding more squares. It's great for teaching kids to think strategically. (show image)</p>
<p><strong>14. Pictionary- </strong>write simple 3 letter words like "pig" "lip" for 3 year olds to read and then draw. For older kids write out more complicated words and phrases.</p>
<p><strong>15. Play Sorry. </strong>At four years old my kids have been able to play this game. With the four pieces having to make it around the board before someone wins, it's helped them learn to problem solve as well as early reading. The Sorry cards are straight forward "move forward 3 places." They see the number and then start to recognize words like "forward."</p>
<p><strong>16. Say patterns out loud.</strong> A, B, A, B, See if your child knows A to be next in the pattern. You may also do with numbers. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, _. As they get older try, banana, apple, orange, banana, apple, ___? My daughter begs to play this game whenever we're in the car.</p>
<p><strong><br />Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2014-03-03T15:15:00Z
Are You A Helicopter Parent? Land Safely in 4 Easy Steps
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Are-You-A-Helicopter-Parent-Land-Safely-in-4-Easy-Steps/-64355080182943799.html
2014-02-10T15:10:00Z
2014-02-10T15:10:00Z
<strong><br />by By Jamee Tenzer, PCC<br /></strong><a href="http://www.shesarealmother.com" target="_blank">ShesARealMother.com</a><br />
<p>As mothers, we receive plenty of input about what we should be doing, should have done or should do NOW. Frankly, we should have known better, thought of that before AND been one step ahead. No wonder some of us fall into the dreaded trap of HELLi-parenting - sticking our nose into our child's business when it would be best to let them make their own choices and fail if need be.</p>
<p>It has gotten to the point where colleges and universities have found it necessary to bar parents from inserting themselves into the college application process. (We are invited to the financial process, of course.) Is this because parents are filling out applications, meeting important deadlines, deciding majors and minors and making a myriad of decisions that they have no business making? Probably.</p>
<p>Now we are told children are TOO dependent upon us - after all, more college freshman are finding it impossible to successfully stay in school, than ever before. Is it because they miss us or they are missing the information they need to survive and thrive on their own?</p>
<p><strong>What Makes Us Want To Take Flight?</strong><br />The Internet and other technological revolutions have given teenagers more opportunities to make big mistakes but less freedom to make the kind of small mistakes needed to grow up.</p>
<p>Back in my day (just hum-a-dee-hum-hum years ago,) you could behave like an idiot - make a couple of ridiculous mistakes - magically escape without killing yourself - get grounded - learn the lesson - and only a few people found out; your best friend, your mom, your dad and MAYBE the principal.</p>
<p>Now if a kid does something dumb, it's Tweeted, Snap-Chatted and Tumbled for all to see, forever.</p>
<p><strong>Why Are We So Protective of Our Little Whirly-birds?</strong><br />Because we want our children to be happy and healthy and we are willing to do just about ANYTHING to make that happen! That's nothing new. It's the same incentive that has gotten parents into action for millennium. And that's not all bad. After all, if that little cave kid had asked for a pogo stick instead of a bicycle, we might never have gotten the "wheel."</p>
<p>After all, the kids can't even put a sock on their own foot for the first two years of life - and then moments later they are moving away. Some of us cannot process this transition in real time - let's give ourselves a break while we make a change in our flight pattern.</p>
<p><strong>4 Tips for A Safe Landing:</strong><br /><strong>1.</strong> Satisfy your desire to do things for your children by mothering them in small ways; make their favorite dessert, neaten their room as a special surprise or put a note in their lunch. Leave them to take over the tasks that will teach them about life.</p>
<p><strong>2.</strong> Make a list of all the things you have done that prove to YOU that you are a good mother. (Everyone else already knows you are a good mother.)</p>
<p><strong>3. </strong> Ask your children to take something on you want them to do. Children assume we know what is best - they haven't yet learned we are making this up as we go along.</p>
<p><strong>4. </strong>Appreciate the fact you love your children as much as you do. It's a great feeling - kind of like flying.</p>
<p><strong>Time To Retire The Chopper - But, How?</strong><br />Let's just agree none of us wants to be a heli-parent. And I think we can also agree we love to take care of our children. Plus, we have information they don't have - and talents and abilities they have yet to develop.</p>
<p><strong>What's the balance? Of course you have to find that for yourself.</strong><br />But the next time you are doing something for your child they should be doing themselves, see if you can slow down those propellers and include them in the process. Yes, it takes longer and they don't know what they are doing - just like you and me when we were their age.</p>
<p>Enjoy watching them fly solo and be there for the occasional bumpy landings.</p>
<p><strong>Jamee Tenzer, PCC</strong> is a Life and Executive Coach for Women. She specializes in coaching working mothers, women in entertainment and 50-something moms. She is also a Trainer for the International Coach Academy and Mentors new coaches. Click here for mom tips and more free stuff: <a href="http://www.shesarealmother.com" target="_blank">www.shesarealmother.com</a>. Check out Jamee's book: <a href="https://jameetenzer.com/balance" target="_blank">https://jameetenzer.com/balance</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2014-02-10T15:10:00Z
Teens and Their Parents' Money
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Teens-and-Their-Parents-Money/981294380676605532.html
2014-01-20T08:03:00Z
2014-01-20T08:03:00Z
<strong><br />by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC</strong><br /><a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com<br /></a><br />
<p>Although everyone is concerned with the national debt and their own finances, in a recent poll, teens reported feeling very optimistic about theirs. It appears the reason they are so happy-go-lucky about their finances is because they are expecting Mom and Dad to take care of them until they are twenty-seven years old. What a change this is compared to twenty years ago when most kids couldn't wait to leave home and get out from under Mom and Dad's watchful eye.</p>
<p>The president of Junior Achievement USA, in a recent statement, said that teens expect to live with their parents longer because many of them are unsure about their ability to budget or use credit cards. Interesting too was the finding that 33% of the teens surveyed in the Junior Achievement USA said they do not use a budget, and even worse, 42% of that group were not interested in learning to budget. Although the majority of the kids polled thought students were borrowing too much to pay for college, only 9% of them were currently saving for college. One third of them hadn't even talked to their parents about higher education.</p>
<p>Schools do not have time to teach kids about saving money, budgeting, or opening a savings account or any of the other issues related to finances. This has to come from parents because parents are still the number one influence on how their children save money, budget and pay for expenses. College costs and debt have reached an astronomically high number, and the average kids finish college now with at least a $20,000 debt. No age is too young to begin teaching your child the importance of money and saving. It all begins with a piggy bank, and expands with savings accounts, bonds and other types of investments.</p>
<p>Below are some suggestions of ways to help your child understand the value of a dollar, so they will be more realistic about their future and their money instead of depending on yours.</p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Begin when they are a baby.</strong> Saving money for college or higher education should begin with the first day of your child's life.</li>
<li><strong>Kids learn best when chores are rewarded with money</strong>, and teaching them that some of that money should go into savings. Parents who talk to their kids about saving some money raise kids who automatically have money saved.</li>
<li><strong>No chores, no allowance.</strong> An allowance is sort of like paying someone for vacation or existing. Who does that in the real world? Why would you teach your child that lesson?</li>
<li><strong>Set an example:</strong> You cannot have everything you want. Explain to your child you have to earn enough to buy things you want.</li>
<li><strong>Many parents parent with guilt instead of discipline</strong> when teaching their children about money. If you give your child what they want, you are telling them you don't think they can earn it. Confidence is built when we work toward a goal or desire and our hard work pays off.</li>
<li><strong>Teach your children to price shop </strong>and also look for bargains. This can be taught by clipping coupons and checking prices from one store to another. It also helps your child re-evaluate how much they want something. Sometimes this alone will deter them from spending money on a frill they didn't really want or need.</li>
</ol>
<p>College debt is a huge problem in our country. Kids take out huge loans yet are never really prepared for what to expect in regards to their financial debt after college. Living within your means and teaching your children to do the same is part of parenting.</p>
<p>Lessons taught young correlate highly with adults who understand the importance of saving and budgeting. Your kids don't need the "stuff" money can buy half as much as they need the time you give teaching them about how long it takes to save for that "stuff."</p>
<p><strong>Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, </strong>is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman of <em>Start Talking: A Girl's Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever</em>. Read more about the book at <a href="http://www.StartTalkingBook.com" target="_blank">StartTalkingBook.com</a> and more about Rapini at <a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2014-01-20T08:03:00Z
Good Parenting Can Make Your Kids' Brains Bigger
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Good-Parenting-Can-Make-Your-Kids-Brains-Bigger/-537105794599477858.html
2014-01-13T15:09:00Z
2014-01-13T15:09:00Z
<p><strong><br />By Armin Brott</strong><br /><a href="http://www.mrdad.com">MrDad.com</a><br /><br /><br />Scientists have known for a long time that low-income children have smaller brains than their more economically secure peers. And they've suspected that limited access to health care is at least partially responsible. But according to new research, the culprit may actually be excess stress that interferes with immune system function, damages cells and DNA, causes inflammation (which, generally speaking, is never a good thing).</p>
<p>The results: less white and gray matter and a smaller hippocampus and amygdala, two parts of the brain that are involved with, emotion, learning, and memory.</p>
<p>"Generally speaking, larger brains within a certain range of normal are healthier brains," said Joan Luby, a professor of child psychiatry at St. Louis's Washington University School of Medicine, and the lead author of the study. "Having a smaller brain within a certain range of normal is generally not healthy. It's associated with poorer outcomes," Luby said in an interview with Reuters Health.</p>
<p>Fortunately, there may be a relatively easy way to eliminate some of the brain shrinkage-specifically in the hippocampus and amygdala. Good parenting. Yep. Lots of warm, emotionally supportive parent-child relationships.</p>
<p>Sounds kind of crazy, doesn't it? But that's what Luby and her Washington University colleagues found when studying the brains of preschoolers over several years. The researchers used MRIs to track the size of the children's brains. The connection between poverty and brain size didn't surprise them much-other studies have reached similar conclusions. But part way through the study, they decided to evaluate the kids' parents as well. And they came up with an interesting way to do that.</p>
<p>They gave each child a tantalizingly wrapped gift but told them they couldn't open it until their parent, who was within view, was finished filling out a long form. Predictably, the preschoolers-who are not known for their patience or ability to delay gratification-started bugging their parents.</p>
<p>Luby and her colleagues then monitored the parents' reaction on a scale that ran from "supportive" (praising the child for waiting patiently) to "hostile" (threatening to punish the child). Surprisingly, when matching up the parents' behavior to their child's brain size, it became clear that the kids with the supportive parents had a hippocampi and amygdalae that were completely normal. "The effects of poverty on hippocampal volume were mediated by caregiving support," the study said. There was no connection between supportive parenting and other brain areas.</p>
<p>What does all this mean to us? I think the message here is that everything we do as parents can have an effect on our children. And although we all experience stress, warm, emotionally supportive parenting can help our kids get through almost anything.</p>
<p>The study, "The Effects of Poverty on Childhood Brain Development: The Mediating Effect of Caregiving and Stressful Life Events," was published in the journal JAMA Pediatrics. You can read an excerpt <strong><a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24165922">here</a></strong>.</p>
<p><br /><strong>Armin Brott</strong> bestselling <a href="http://www.mrdad.com/store/index.html" target="_blank">books</a> including the recent release <em>Fathering Your School Age Child</em> have helped millions of men around the world become the fathers they want to be-and their children need them to be. Armin has been a guest on hundreds of radio and television shows, writes a nationally syndicated column, "Ask Mr. Dad," and hosts a weekly radio show. He lives in Oakland, California. For more information visit <a href="http://www.mrdad.com">www.mrdad.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2014-01-13T15:09:00Z
'My Daughter Is Too...' 4 Girls That Worry Us the Most
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/My-Daughter-Is-Too...-4-Girls-That-Worry-Us-the-Most/773750246080695857.html
2014-01-06T15:47:00Z
2014-01-06T15:47:00Z
<p><strong><strong><br />Dr. Tim Jordan<br /></strong></strong><a href="http://www.drtimjordan.com">DrTimJordan.com</a><br /><br />In this age of early sexualization, lookism, perfectionism, and materialism, it's easy to worry about how our daughters can stand up to all the unhealthy messages and conditioning rampant in the culture. There are 4 types of girls that seem to cause us to lay awake at night the most, so let's meet them and see if we can reframe how we look at them.</p>
<p><strong>1) My daughter is so sweet, naive, and innocent </strong>I am afraid she will be eaten alive in middle school and beyond: I want all girls to have the freedom to grow up at their own pace, and not be pushed beyond where they are comfortable. Late bloomers will blossom in their own way and in their own time if we can stay out of their way. It helps if they can find friends who are where they are at developmentally and who share the same interests. It's okay for a grade school girl to still play with her dolls.<br /><br /><strong>2) My daughter is shy</strong> and I am afraid she won't speak up and stand up for herself: Girls find their voices at different times as well, and you can practice at home by giving her lots of opportunities to speak her mind, offer her opinions, and set boundaries. Parents who were shy growing up and had bad experiences because of it have the hardest time accepting this temperament in their offspring. Acknowledge her when she does speak up, don't push her beyond where she is ready, and accept her for who she is. She will find her voice, although it may take going through times where she suffers because she lacks the courage to speak her truth. That may become the motivation she needs to stretch out of her comfort zone and express herself more fully.<br /><br /><strong>3) My daughter is bossy,</strong> and I'm afraid she won't have any friends if she doesn't change: Most of the dominant girls I meet are powerful creatures who have rough edges when it comes to exerting their authority. They have to learn how to be a strong leader without blowing people away.</p>
<p>We need to find opportunities for them to channel their power in appropriate ways, to also focus on making other people successful, while at the same time not feeling like they can't speak and lead with authority. Many women in influential positions have shared with me they were like this when they were kids. These girls need guidance and support to find a good balance.</p>
<p><strong>4) My daughter is obsessed with being popular</strong> and getting into the popular group at school: Girls are hardwired to connect, to be part of groups, and to avoid conflict and maintain social harmony. And they have absorbed the message from TV shows, movies, books, and magazines that fitting in is their most important social task. Schools need to step up and guide girls to create safer, close learning communities. Girls would care less about popularity if their class was more united and clique-free. They need to become aware of the costs to them and their class when so much energy is placed on fitting in vs. the benefits of being authentic, kind to all, and collaborative. Have your daughter make a list of the qualities she most values in a best friend, and then have her look at all the girls in her class and see who best matches the list. Those are the girls she might want to hang with the most.</p>
<p><strong>Dr. Tim Jordan</strong> is a leading expert on parenting girls from 2 - 20 years of age. He is a Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrician, international speaker, author, media and school consultant. He has studied and worked with girls for over 25 years in his counseling practice, and at his retreats and summer camps. He often speaks about girls and their journey through adolescence, relationship aggression, friendship, cliques and bullying and the best practices for parenting girls. Dr. Tim grew up in a family of eight children. Being a brother to five younger sisters was the start of his caring and interest in helping girls and the issues they face. For more information visit <a href="http://www.drtimjordan.com" target="_blank">DrTimJordan.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2014-01-06T15:47:00Z
Yay or Nay to Elf on the Shelf?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Yay-or-Nay-to-Elf-on-the-Shelf/400698479969107390.html
2013-12-16T22:07:00Z
2013-12-16T22:07:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
<p>Who knew a little Christmas elf could create internal conflict and spark a mommy war? It wasn't designed this way. The Elf on the Shelf was created by a mom in 2005 as a promise for more magic at Christmastime. Each household's elf reports naughty or nice behavior back to the North Pole each night. By 2011 when it became a holiday staple across America, many parents said they'd never seen their kids behave so well.</p>
<p>Flash forward two years later and the mere mention of the Elf on the Shelf is just as likely to draw groans. No longer is he the silent observer in the home during the holidays; these toy elves evolved to play tricks much like leprechauns do on St. Patrick's Day. Imagine the mischief of leprechauns or Tooth Fairy visits stretched out every night for all of December. For every child who giggles and begs, "More! What will Tootsie the Elf do next?", there's a mother nearby cursing the invention, overwhelmed by the pressure of having to make one more thing Norman Rockwell perfect at Christmas. </p>
<p>There are entire websites devoted to Elf on the Shelf antics. One site suggests: "Make a vignette involving your Elf and other characters." Barbie in a convertible with Nick the Elf, anyone? Or "Make mischief around the house." A pillow fight during the night could make a fun mess of feathers for the kids to see next morning. Oh, did Silly Skip take all the ornaments off the tree? <em>Oh dear.</em></p>
<p>Not surprising, the same web author said it's hard to keep up the tricks (and damage control) from Thanksgiving to Christmas so has shortened her Elf's welcome by a week.</p>
<p>The reasons for not wanting an Elf vary. Parents who don't invite elves into their home may want to focus on the reason for the season, the birth of Jesus, or they may feel Santa is more than enough. For others the Elf creates an atmosphere of pressure, not to mention competition. Whose elf is more thoughtful and fun? Children like to report back about how great their friends' elves are. Does this mean these kids have more amazing moments to carry with them through life?</p>
<p>For any parent still on the fence about whether to get an Elf or wonder whether their Elf is active enough, don't be so hard on yourself. Ask yourself instead whether you're there for what matters. Many parents I know spend hours of time volunteering at their kids' schools. I often marvel at how many dads attend school events held during the day where I live. Though my childhood was a pretty good one, my dad never stepped foot on my elementary school campus.</p>
<p>Giving kids attention won't make them spoiled. In fact, the opposite is true. Kids whose needs are met and given love in spades are often kind and polite- eager to lend a helping hand. Now add Elf on the Shelf to this mostly harmonious scene and you get an extra, over-the-top childhood.</p>
<p>If you have an Elf and enjoy it, more power to you. Yet many moms have added it as another "must do" to the long list of giving their kids the ultimate childhood experience. More importantly parents should focus on the marathon and not the sprint of parenting. Give kids what they need most: your time.</p>
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-12-16T22:07:00Z
More Precious Than Gold?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/More-Precious-Than-Gold/800339723871152766.html
2013-11-11T18:35:00Z
2013-11-11T18:35:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
<p>Several orthodontists in our town offer a candy buy back the day after Halloween. Our orthodontist says he does it because so many kids break their appliances with sticky, chewy candy. Most parents I know would like to see it gone for a plethora of other reasons, our own waistlines included, but how?</p>
<p>When I told my sons about their orthodontist's cash incentive they were quick to request only chocolates to pass out on Halloween. They both meticulously traded their chewy, sticky caramels, taffies, and lollipops while still in their costumes so they wouldn't have to sell any of their stash. At $1 a pound, I thought the orthodontist's offer was a pretty good one, but on November 1 I heard crickets could be heard in his office.</p>
<p>My boys had a couple of hard candies slip through the cracks. When I offered my own buy back plan, at 25 cents per piece, they looked at me, and without batting their little candy-starred eyes said, "No thanks." Instead they traded with their little sisters.</p>
<p>A friend on Facebook posted pictures of wads of cash (in the neighborhood of $60?!) plus gifts for each child in exchange for their Halloween loot. Minutes later, after everyone praised her parenting savvy, she wrote, "My son is saying he thought he was getting more money and my daughter is crying, 'Where's my candy?'"</p>
<p>For the past few years Jimmy Kimmel poses the video challenge to parents to capture their kids being duped into thinking their Halloween candy is all gone- that the parents ate it all. You'd think limbs had been lost. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RK-oQfFToVg" target="_blank">Check it out here</a>.</p>
<p>We have our kids' candy practically under lock and key- and absolutely none in their bedrooms allowed. They get maybe 1-2 pieces a day, so at this rate it'll last until next October 31.</p>
<p>I put the bulk of it in the freezer, yet they still feel comforted to know it's there, a tangible, sugary security blanket.</p>
<p>For parents of kids older than 6, the post-Halloween candy excess can be hard to combat; it's often just as hard for parents to practice self-control too.</p>
<p>In my experience, here are Halloween candy tips that work:</p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Appeal to their sense of doing something nice for others.</strong> There are several organizations that ship candy to military men and women overseas like <a href="http://www.operationgratitude.com/" target="_blank">Operation Gratitude</a>. Money may not talk, but it's priceless to see kids choose to give some of their treasure to others who will see it as treasure too. Every child I've ever asked, my kids' friends included, have parted with some candy for this cause.</li>
<li><strong>Explain that freezing candy will make it last much longer.</strong> It's also harder to pop a piece in your mouth without thinking about it if it's frozen solid.</li>
<li><strong>Remind kids that candy is a privilege.</strong> Positive behavior and healthy living are ways to be rewarded with a small piece after dinner each night, for instance. Have a set time they may enjoy the special privilege.</li>
<li><strong>Don't bring other junk food into the home,</strong> or go out for treats like ice cream, while you still have Halloween candy in the house. When the kids ask, say, "Nope. We still have Halloween candy."</li>
<li><strong>Have a cut off date</strong> when the candy will be tossed or given to Dad to take to the office to share. Until that day comes, be sure to stick to #4.</li>
</ol>
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-11-11T18:35:00Z
To Brush or Not To Brush: Secrets to Removing the Tooth Brushing Battles
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/To-Brush-or-Not-To-Brush:-Secrets-to-Removing-the-Tooth-Brushing-Battles/-15169629251424376.html
2013-11-04T16:08:00Z
2013-11-04T16:08:00Z
<strong>Alyson Schafer</strong><br /><a href="http://www.alysonschafer.com" target="_blank">www.alysonschafer.com</a><strong><br /></strong><br />
<p>I have yet to meet a parent who hasn't fought the battle of brushing teeth at some point. You are trying to get tuck-ins done and over so you watch your favorite show and instead you are held hostage in the bathroom with a kid who won't open his mouth!</p>
<p>There are few proven tips to trauma-free tooth brushing.</p>
<p>Apply logical consequences. One gift we can give our children is the understanding that life, freedom and responsibilities go together. Applying logical consequences teaches children this connection.</p>
<p>In order for logical consequences to be effective and not punitive, it must meet our 3R requirements:</p>
<ul>
<li>Reasonable</li>
<li>Related (to the freedom or right)</li>
<li>Revealed in advance (to the child to he or she can make their own choice) </li>
</ul>
<p>Children would like to have the freedom to eat and sugar and sweets. That freedom comes with the responsibility of caring for their teeth by removing the sugar that causes the decay. Eating sweets and tooth brushing are a package deal if you want sugar, ya gotta brush. It's simple.</p>
<p>Here's how that's going to play out...<br />Let your child know that as long as you see him being responsible in caring for his teeth, you are happy to allow him to have some sugar. However, should he choose not to care for his teeth, you'll understand that he is choosing not to have sugar and you'll provide a "tooth-friendly diet of good, wholesome fresh foods instead.</p>
<p>When your child refuses to brush, say, "I see you are choosing not to have sugar" and then move right along to the next activity (tuck-ins or leaving for school). Do not make it a battle. Simply drop the subject. Don't worry about the effects of one or two days (or even a week) of missed tooth brushing while you are training your child to understand the connecting between this freedom and responsibility. </p>
<p>Cavities won't happen in that short a period. Focus on the long-term goal of developing good oral hygiene for life.</p>
<strong>Alyson Schafer</strong> is a psychotherapist and one of Canada's leading parenting experts. Alyson is the best-selling author of three parenting books: <em>Breaking the Good Mom Myth, Honey, I Wrecked the Kids,</em> and her latest, <em>Ain't Misbehavin</em>. Alyson is the media's go-to person and speaks regularly on parenting issues involving kids of all ages. For tips on discipline, bullying, sibling rivalry and other daily parenting issues, visit <a href="http://www.alysonschafer.com" target="_blank">www.alysonschafer.com.</a> Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2013-11-04T16:08:00Z
Halloween Safety Tips
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Halloween-Safety-Tips/381695917885751575.html
2013-10-28T15:03:00Z
2013-10-28T15:03:00Z
The <a href="http://www.nsc.org/Pages/Home.aspx" target="_blank">National Safety Council </a>has put together some holiday tips to keep children safe this Halloween. <br /><br />Halloween is a cherished tradition but the excitement of the night can cause children to forget to be careful. There is no real "trick" to making Halloween a real treat for the entire family. The major dangers are not from witches or spirits but rather from falls and pedestrian/car crashes. Many communities officially designate a "Beggars' Night" and assign specific hours for trick-or-treat activities. Both children and adults need to think about safety on this annual day of make-believe. <a href="http://www.nsc.org/news_resources/Resources/Documents/Halloween_Safety.pdf" target="_blank"><strong>Read tips</strong></a> for Motorists and Parents, plus Costume Design, Face Design, Accessories, On the Way, and Treats. <br /><br />Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com .
Staff
2013-10-28T15:03:00Z
Keep Talking
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Keep-Talking/-383937155409727389.html
2013-10-21T15:00:00Z
2013-10-21T15:00:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
<p>I served as a juror last week and along with eleven of my peers found the defendant guilty. The young man had been charged with drug crimes, yet it was still a tragedy to see him squandering his life away. I kept thinking of my own sons, ages eleven and nine, and how someone just a little older than they are could already be so far down the wrong path.</p>
<p>Whether it be internet use, bullying at school, peer pressure, drugs or alcohol, sex, you name it, most parents are concerned about their kids and want to help them make the right choices.</p>
<p>I went to a presentation given by a District Attorney in my county several months ago about cyber safety and the number one thing I took away from it was to keep talking to our kids. </p>
<p>There is no way we will get ahead of cyber predators' savvy skills or bar children from accessing every questionable website or app out there. Instead, she kept repeating, "Talk to your kids and talk some more."</p>
<p>Recently news circulated on the web about a mom receiving a "fat letter" from her 11-year-old daughter's Florida school. Apparently <a href="http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/florida-mother-outraged-school-8216-fat-letter-8217-183900818.html" target="_blank">her muscular, athletic sixth grader</a> has a Body Mass Index of 22 and that, to school officials, was alarming. I asked the executive director of an eating disorder clinic in my area about this to which she said, "As a parent and the wife of a teacher, I understand that the intention in sending these letters is to educate or support families by making them aware of their child's health and wellness. If the intention is to provide support, then we need to do more than just send a confusing, incomplete letter.</p>
<p>At our treatment center, we never use the BMI - it was never intended to be an assessment tool, and it does not take into consideration bone structure, cultural differences or muscle mass. As a provider in this field for more than 10 years and someone who has done extensive prevention work in schools, I am well-aware of the challenges associated with finding a cost-effective way to measure a child's wellness. But this is not the tool. In that sense, it is taking a shotgun approach to a complex problem.</p>
<p>I recommend that we educate children about what is normal in terms of weight, puberty and changes during adolescence. I would also take a thorough evaluation of what a typical week looks like in terms of family meals and activity. Finally, I recommend identifying activities the family and child actually love. Goals would focus on increasing cooking together, family meals and engaging in a diverse array of activities most days of the week. And most importantly, drop the diet-based, good food/bad food talk, and if there is a scale in the home, throw it out.</p>
<p>The most important thing is to promote balance across the board, from food to exercise, from academics to downtime. The messages that should be promoted are that we need food for fuel and food for fun, and we need to engage in activities that we love. It may sound simple, but given our stressful and overly scheduled lives, trying to incorporate these simple things is no small task. It's important to support families and children without shaming them, and make goals simple and achievable in order to promote sustainable change." It boils down to the same theme: communication.</p>
<p>My hairdresser has a son in 12th grade and he is often my sage, parenting counsel. "Parents need to keep talking to their kids," he often says. "When they're little they may share things that seem mundane, but they're not mundane to them- they're really important issues. When parents brush off that talk, before long those kids will stop talking."</p>
<p>I sometimes expect to sit down when I'm ready and my kids will spew their lives to me. Though some kids are that way, mine aren't and neither are many others. Instead, try doing an activity with your children and if you have more than one, try special alone time with each child. It's amazing how they start to talk. Just last week I jogged around our neighborhood with my daughter while she rode her bike. Within minutes, she started to share the latest social dynamics of second grade, which she hadn't done yet this school year. Instead of trying to solve her problems or chime in too much, I listened and tried not to act surprised, which is another tool to having your kids open up. If you act shocked, they often withdrawal.</p>
<p>The answers aren't always so crystal clear, but communication with our kids is the best defense against bad choices. Keep talking, and then keep talking some more.</p>
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-10-21T15:00:00Z
Five Ways to Cope Effectively with Toddlers
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Five-Ways-to-Cope-Effectively-with-Toddlers/-984341431608417421.html
2013-10-14T15:07:00Z
2013-10-14T15:07:00Z
<p><strong>Dr. Paul Holinger<br /><a href="http://www.paulcholinger.com" target="_blank">paulcholinger.com</a></strong></p>
<p><br />Toddlers can be challenging but understanding why they act and react as they do can make the daily interactions with one far more pleasant and productive. Here are five tips to a happier and healthier toddler.</p>
<p><strong>Why Do Toddlers Whine?</strong><br />Toddlers "whine" because they are expressing their feelings of distress and anger. The trick is to figure out what they are distressed and angry about, and then be attentive to that. One can also help them turn the "whine" into a more productive communication: "Please tell me what you are distressed about...the whining does not give me much information. Tell me what is going wrong and I can help fix it."</p>
<p>Parents: please remember that whining---ie distress and anger---are SOS signals. Your toddler is saying "something is wrong here."</p>
<p><strong>Why do Toddlers have temper Tantrums?</strong><br />Toddlers have temper tantrums because they are expressing their anger. The trick is to label the feelings ("you really are angry!"---i.e. put words to the feelings) and then talk about what they are angry about. The keys are: listen and put words to feelings and talk!</p>
<p><strong>How Should I Talk to My Toddler?</strong><br />Talk to your toddler in an adult manner. Toddlers are much smarter than we used to think. They learn at a tremendous rate. Thus, put feelings into words, and label your own and their feelings with words. Listen and talk! And keep the decibels down...don't start raising your voice.</p>
<p><strong>How Can I Help My Toddler Develop Healthy Self-Esteem?</strong><br />There are two major issues with self-esteem:<br /><br /><strong>First:</strong> Listen to your toddler and figure out what he/she is passionate about---and validate this feeling of interest, and help him/her run with it.<br /><br /><strong>Second:</strong> Praise your toddler when he/she does something positive. Be realistic: false praise is not so helpful. Try to find something realistically positive...four praises for every one criticism. If the criticisms and negativity overwhelm the praise, erosion of the healthy sense of self will follow.</p>
<p><strong>What Are Common Reactions to Stress in Toddlers?</strong><br />The common reactions to stress in toddlers are the feelings of distress, anger and shame. Keep thinking "what are the feelings" in all these situations...then put those feelings into words.</p>
<p><strong>Paul C. Holinger, MD, MPH, </strong>is Dean of the Chicago Institute for Psychoanalysis, Training/Supervising Analyst and Child/Adolescent Supervising Analyst, and a Founder of the Center for Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy at the Chicago Institute. He is also Professor of Psychiatry at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago. Dr. Holinger is Board Certified in Psychiatry by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology and Certified in Psychoanalysis (adult and child/adolescent) by the American Psychoanalytic Association. He is a Distinguished Life Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association. His best selling book, <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/What-Babies-Before-They-Talk/dp/0743406672" target="_blank">What Babies Say Before They Can Talk</a></em>, has been translated into several languages. For more information visit <a href="http://www.paulcholinger.com" target="_blank">PaulCHolinger.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2013-10-14T15:07:00Z
Yearning for Tradition, Meaning and More Extraordinary Experiences
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Yearning-for-Tradition,-Meaning-and-More-Extraordinary-Experiences/-679694835930070700.html
2013-10-07T15:15:00Z
2013-10-07T15:15:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
<p>I'm fascinated by a trend that's growing stronger: boys are asking girls to formal dances with the sort of over-the-top gestures that rival grown men proposing marriage. Remember, the latter are men asking women to share their lives with them, compared to teenage boys asking girls to accompany them to one hours-long evening. There are stories circulating during this homecoming season (and prom last spring) of boys impressing girls via fireworks, a football stadium full of witnesses, public twerking and lots of documentation on You Tube.</p>
<p>Apparently several years ago reality teen stars on the show Laguna Beach first aired this dance proposal idea. Kids across America followed suit, making it the norm today.</p>
<p>It's nice to see chivalry isn't dead, but it's too bad for that shy guy who just wants to call up and quietly ask the girl he likes from geometry to go to the dance.</p>
<p>One local mom I spoke to said her ninth grader would like to go to the homecoming dance, but he's too nervous to put himself out there like that. I'd bet a lot of kids feel the same. It makes sense that another trend is equally prevalent: groups of girls go to these dances without any guys.</p>
<p>Another mom of teens I spoke to said it's all about peer pressure. "One kid does something cool and then everyone has to follow suit or they're the loser," she said.</p>
<p>Yet another mom really got me thinking when she said, "I wonder if some of the desire for romantic gestures comes from living in a very casual world now. People rarely dress up; dating and relationships are casual; communication is casual now with texting. Maybe girls (and possibly some boys) yearn for more romance, so thus we have one place where romantic gestures are acceptable - the dance 'proposal.'"</p>
<p>I think she hit it right on. This reminds me of another trend in the past decade: holidays have become grander and flashier, but the true meaning behind them has been blurred. Christmas decorations are bigger and better than ever and thanks to marketers jumping on our need for special occasions, they're in stores ever earlier each year. Easter egg leggings and glittery candy cane shirts are now staples of nearly every little girl's seasonal wardrobe and mega-hits like the Elf on the Shelf promise more special memories with our little ones. Meanwhile, less people actually go to church in preparation for the religious holidays. Instead, more and more holidays are cropping up. Did you celebrate Pi Day or Dr. Seuss Day when you were a child? They are full-blown holidays now.</p>
<p>In the end, our yearning for tradition, meaning and more extraordinary experiences just might be because we've relinquished those things in other areas of our lives.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-10-07T15:15:00Z
5 Ways to Thrive Staying Home with Kids During the Elementary Years
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/5-Ways-to-Thrive-Staying-Home-with-Kids-During-the-Elementary-Years/696711236710910352.html
2013-09-23T14:00:00Z
2013-09-23T14:00:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
Now that my four kids are 5, 7, 9 and 11, I've noticed my routine has readjusted a bit in order to run a smooth household and stay joyful as a stay-at-home mom. <br /><br />Here are five reasons I'm still thriving as a stay-at-home mom during the elementary school years:<br /><br /><strong>1) Divide and conquer.</strong> Life gets busy, and when kids are in school, you may feel pulled in a million different directions. Should you join the PTA? Be a yard duty? Work in your child's classroom every week, or even every day? Unless you're passionate about these things, don't stretch yourself too thin. Remember, the biggest gift you can give your child's school is a well-prepared, well-behaved student. Though it's nice to be involved, when in doubt, spend time with your own child. Read to him. Go for a bike ride with her after school. Save the bulk of your energy taking care of the children who matter most - your own. <br /><br /><strong>2) Let children establish some independence. </strong>Have them help a little more with household chores like setting the table, taking out the garbage, or taking the dog for a short walk. Encourage them to make plans for playdates with their friends instead of you always taking the lead. Don't hover over their homework unless they ask you for help.<br /><br /><strong>3) Keep it simple.</strong> It's easy to get caught up in multiple sports and activities. With four kids, we made the decision to have a one-sport-at-a-time policy from the start, and we've never regretted it. It's important to keep time for just, well, downtime, which has many benefits of its own.<br /><br /><strong>4) Limit electronics.</strong> It's tough to do these days, but it's amazing how much of a time suck technology can be. At every turn, little kids can be seen on handheld devices in restaurants or at youth sporting events. It's a habit, and it's one best broken early - <em>before</em> children are older and it's impossible to pry their electronics away when they're home from college. We have a no technology policy during the school week. On Friday afternoons and on Saturdays and Sundays (within reason), technology is a treat in our household, and it's working out great thus far. <br /><br /><strong>5) Keep resting.</strong> Moms of babies and toddlers are told to rest when the baby rests, but moms of 5- to 11-year-olds should heed the same advice. I used to go out in the evenings when my kids were babies to catch an occasional break with mommy friends, but I've noticed now that my kids are all in school (my youngest is in half-day kindergarten), our needs have all flipped and the evenings are now when I spend time with my children and when I'm needed instead of during the day as it used to be. I'm learning to catch up on my reading or time for myself and the occasional lunch with friends or lunch with my husband while the kids are in school so that I'm fresh when they need me while they're home. Now that they're getting up earlier, I am too, so I am more diligent of getting some Zzzzzzs.<br /><br /><br />You may also like <a href="http://kidfocused.com/5-ways-to-thrive-staying-home-with-kids-under-5/" target="_blank">"5 Ways to Thrive Staying Home With Kids Under 5"</a>.<br /><br />
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-09-23T14:00:00Z
We Focus on Whether They're 'Good Kids,' But Are They Kind?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/We-Focus-on-Whether-Theyre-Good-Kids,-But-Are-They-Kind/64221250450243705.html
2013-09-09T23:50:00Z
2013-09-09T23:50:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
<p>A new school year is upon us and nostalgia’s knocked me out yet again. Every year this is when the speedy passage of time especially strikes and gives me pause. Whenever I tell anyone with grown children, they listen, unfazed, and say matter-of-factly, “It’ll only go faster.” </p>
<p>Now I even feel nostalgic when I see my friends’ kids, whether it’s in the flesh or when they post the first day of school photos that have been making the rounds on Facebook. Who is that young woman, a mere memory of the pig-tailed, mommy’s-helper sibling from our infant playgroup days? And who is that young man with facial hair, towering over his mom when only yesterday he stood at her hip?</p>
<p>I've recently realized that as a parent I've been focused on civilizing my children the first chunk of their lives. If it’s not toilet training or teaching them why they shouldn't run up the park slide when others are waiting at the top, it’s been reminders not to talk with their mouths full or to get thank you notes out in a timely manner.</p>
<p>Yet now for my two oldest children, I’m focused on whether they have their priorities straight. Are they compassionate? Are they kind? These are characteristics that may be innate in some, but for most of us they are learned through experience.</p>
<p>I’d been thinking about our larger community of kids today and this issue when, serendipitously, I witnessed two examples of young people at their best. Our area high school partnered with the county food bank to bring awareness that even people in the suburbs struggle to get food for their families most days. The students leading the outreach were impressive to talk to- yes, they're wise beyond their years and fun, but more notably they are kind and patient, too.</p>
<p>There’s a mother of two who founded a youth community service organization. After five years, they’ve reached thousands of less fortunate people and today 1,200 kids from area schools help and to talk with any of them is nothing short of delightful. The founder said she formed the service organization after an epiphany when her sons were focused on not having the latest gaming device. “I decided I wanted my boys to grow up to be compassionate, caring individuals that look beyond themselves and strive to make this world a better place whether through little acts of kindness or big outreach projects,” she says. </p>
<p>One thing is striking about the organization’s mission and goals, however. More and more parents want to sign their kids up to help, but they don’t have enough adult mentors to oversee all of the great things they want to accomplish. In hearing this, the answer to my question: <em>How to raise genuinely caring people</em> became clear: it starts with me.</p>
<p>It starts with other adults, too. Adult mentors from the high school and food bank guided the students, for example. Their positive guidance and support helped the student planners soar in making the outreach project a success. This also happens on youth sports fields, in youth groups, in classrooms and wherever there are adult mentors, everyday. How parents instill in their own homes on a daily basis what it means to be a kind person is just as important.</p>
Yes our kids may be growing up before our eyes, and sometimes they may act like they may not need us, but the opposite is actually true. Newly civilized kids, not just our own, need our help to understand they have the power to change the world.<br /><br />
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-09-09T23:50:00Z
Say What? Three Tips to Help Parents to Make Communication with Teens Easier
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Say-What-Three-Tips-to-Help-Parents-to-Make-Communication-with-Teens-Easier/-526105857074339093.html
2013-08-26T22:31:00Z
2013-08-26T22:31:00Z
<strong><br /><br />By Dr. Jerry Weichman</strong><br /><a href="http://www.drjerryweichman.com" target="_blank">www.drjerryweichman.com</a><br /><br />Parent: "How was your day?"
<p>Teen: "Good."</p>
<p>"What did you do today?"</p>
<p>"Nothing."</p>
<p>Does that sound like a recent conversation you had with your teen? Parents desperately want to communicate with their kids. But few know how to get a tight-lipped teen to open up. The result is a dead-end "chat" that leaves both parent and child feeling disconnected.</p>
<p>Deeper, richer conversations are possible. In fact, they're vital to a family's health. As a parent, you're modeling communication skills and showing interest in your children's lives, concerns and successes. If you think your kids would rather do just about anything than chat with you, think again. It might seem that way, but deep down, they're hungry for your attention, and you can get it.</p>
<p><strong>The Right Time To Talk</strong></p>
<p>Bad timing can end a conversation before it's even started. As soon as their children get home from school, parents often pounce: "How was your day?" "Do you have any homework?" "How about tests?" "How did that French exam go?" "Who’s driving you to soccer practice?" The kids haven't even had a chance to shrug off their backpacks and they're already being barraged with questions.</p>
<p>To your teen—and really, to anyone—this is overwhelming. Every day they travel from home to a non-stop world of tests, quizzes, notes, teachers, friends and social dramas. When the last bell rings, they're catapulted back home again. Their brains are full and their stomachs are probably empty. And the minute they arrive home from school, they're subjected to what may feel like an interrogation. It's no surprise that teens shut down or provide only monosyllabic answers.</p>
<p>Everyone needs transition time. How many times have you barely set foot in the house when you're pressed to settle squabbles, help with homework or prepare dinner? What you really need is a few minutes to settle in, put your things away, wash up and put on your parent hat. You're a much better parent when you do.</p>
<p>Give your teen 30 to 60 minutes to adjust when she arrives home from school or extracurricular activities. Then, when you ask how her day was, you'll be much more likely to get a meaningful answer. If you're still getting one-word utterances, simply ask her to give you the high points and low points of her day and in return, you will leave her alone. </p>
<p><strong>One-on-One Time</strong></p>
<p>Your teens may claim that they'd rather do just about anything than be seen with you. Don't believe them. Regardless of what they say, they want and need a relationship with you. That's true for all of us, no matter how old we—and our parents—are.</p>
<p>Whether you had a loving or difficult relationship with your mom and dad, whether they are dead or alive, there is still a part of you that even as an adult needs your parents in your life. This is even truer for teens, who need guidance as they grapple with independence, sexuality, self-esteem and heartache.</p>
<p>Plan one-on-one time with your child at least twice a month. Your teen may initially balk, but that's normal. Don't be deterred. Tell them you love them and have not spent enough time with you lately and want to take them out. If they protest, say: "Hey, I'm sorry I love you so much. Let's go."</p>
<p>Eating a meal together is an easy way to spend time together. After all, everyone needs to eat. And a meal is a limited and brief period of time. You're also on neutral ground and surrounded by other people engaging in conversation.</p>
<p>When you’re alone with your teen, create some empty space for conversation to flourish. I’ve found that teens, who are used to technology's constant stimulation, are uncomfortable with "down time" and feel they must fill it up. That's exactly what you want! So as you open your menus, intentionally create awkward silence.</p>
<p>Your teen will feel compelled to talk, and he or she will likely provide some of the content you've been so eager to hear. "So I’ve got this friend..." they'll begin. Listen attentively. Let go of any desire to control the conversation or lecture. Just listen. You'll be astonished—and delighted—by how much your previously uncommunicative teen has to say to you.</p>
<p> <strong>Making the Connection</strong></p>
<p><strong></strong>Getting blood from a stone might seem easier than drawing your close-mouthed teen into conversation. Here are three tips to help conversation flow:</p>
<ul>
<li><strong>Give him some breathing space.</strong> Let your teen unwind for 30 to 60 minutes after arriving home before you ask about his day.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><strong>Set aside time just for him.</strong> At least twice a month, spend one-on-one time with each of your children. Take them out for a meal or to a sports or arts event, or go for a walk or run together.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><strong>Embrace silence. </strong>If you want your teens to talk, be an attentive listener. Kids are quick to fill "awkward" silences with revelations and conversation.</li>
</ul>
<strong>Jerry Weichman, Ph.D. </strong>is an expert on teen and preteen issues and has a clinical psychology practice based at the Hoag Neurosciences Institute in Newport Beach. He is the author of the teen self-help book, <em>How to Deal</em>, and a popular speaker about parenting, bullying, and adolescent coping skills. As a result of overcoming a childhood lower leg amputation and becoming a Division I college football player, Dr. Jerry has a unique perspective on coping with - and surmounting - the challenges of adolescence. Follow him on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/DrJerryWeichman" target="_blank">@drjerryweichman</a> or visit <a href="http://www.drjerryweichman.com." target="_blank">www.drjerryweichman.com.</a> Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.<br />
Staff
2013-08-26T22:31:00Z
When Sibling Rivalry Turns to Sibling Bullying
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/When-Sibling-Rivalry-Turns-to-Sibling-Bullying/-180449850621798281.html
2013-08-19T14:01:00Z
2013-08-19T14:01:00Z
<strong>by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC</strong><br /><a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com<br /></a><br />Siblings naturally fight and argue, and most of us have experienced fighting with our brothers or sisters while growing up. This is not only considered normal, but it is a rite of passage in our childhood memories. The problem comes about when sibling rivalry takes on a tone of bullying. This is seen when one child is always the one victimized, and the other child actively plots how they can break that child down. This sort of bullying is not normal, and parents should intervene to minimize anxiety, depression in the child being victimized, and aggression in their child bully. Both kids will suffer the loss of good mental health if this behavior is allowed to continue, says a new study in the July issue of the <em>Journal of Pediatrics</em>.<br /><br />When the researchers studied sibling bullying, they did not extend past adolescents, but much of counseling deals with sibling rivalry and bullying behavior. Sometimes siblings form alliances against one of the other siblings and cut them out of the family entirely. A child who grew up being picked on may continually be picked on well into adulthood. It is not uncommon for a parent to begin overprotecting this child and continue into adulthood. Children of the "weaker, picked on child/adult" are favored over children of the bully child (now adult). These patterns, unless intervened with in childhood, can forever change family dynamics, making them toxic and uncomfortable for family and friends.<br /><br />Intervening in sibling rivalry should be done with careful thought and diligence. Allowing siblings to work out their own jealousy and conflict is important, but when parents are both working and one sibling is angry and aggressive repeatedly toward another child, the child being picked on may become victimized with little recourse. Many times children are told that if they tell a parent, they will be hurt or worse, and if a child worries about being beat on they will begin showing physical and emotional signs of distress. There are ways parents can intervene wisely when children are fighting too much.<br /><br />Below are suggestions to help your kids improve their relationships with one another. <br />
<ul>
<li>If you have one child who is a bully and wants control over the other child or children, one thing is clear: this child suffers from self-doubt and an error in thinking. Telling them frankly, "When you get mad, you think it is OK to hurt someone else, but it is not OK in this family." Telling them this behavior is bully behavior and that you will not tolerate it, and then following through with consequences each and every time they bully is paramount to any other action.</li>
<li>If you have one angry or aggressive child, encourage empathy by rewarding signs of it in your home. Limit TV and movies or anything else that is violent. </li>
<li>Get both of your children involved in activities that will help them physically work out their frustration or stress. </li>
<li>As parent, never compare your children to one another out loud or within earshot of the children. Some children are very sensitive to this, and it can increase jealousy and mistrust.</li>
<li>Have one area in your home where kids can talk things out or bicker. If you hear bickering in their rooms or wherever, take them to the table. Setting up a time each evening for them to bicker at a table can help minimize the behavior. Enforce this for best results. </li>
<li>Never referee the fight or conflict. As much as you can, try to stay out of it.</li>
</ul>
Parents who raise children who have learned how to resolve conflict and still love one another are gifting their children and generations to come. Home is where the heart is, and it is supposed to be safe. If you are a child and you live in fear of being home with the people who are supposed to love and care for you, your home becomes a war zone. There is no love or peace in a child's memory or the adult they grow to become.<br />
<p><strong>Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, </strong>is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman of <em>Start Talking: A Girl's Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever</em>. Read more about the book at <a href="http://www.StartTalkingBook.com" target="_blank">StartTalkingBook.com</a> and more about Rapini at <a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2013-08-19T14:01:00Z
Why I Won't Let My Sixth Grader Have a Cell Phone
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Why-I-Wont-Let-My-Sixth-Grader-Have-a-Cell-Phone/-411836451587243688.html
2013-08-12T14:03:00Z
2013-08-12T14:03:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
My oldest child begins middle school this week, and his pleas for more technology have reached crescendo levels. He'd like Instagram on his iPod, and he frequently wants to check YouTube on my laptop "real quick". Many of his peers have received cell phones for sixth grade, and he'd like to know when he might enjoy this rite of passage too. <br /><br />Parents with older children tell me that a simple flip phone (if not a full-blown smart phone) is an essential part of the middle school years. It allows them to stay in contact with parents, and it's even a way to stay connected with peers. "Kids kind of miss the boat if they don't have a phone number to pass out to friends those first few weeks of middle school," one parent told me just last week.<br /><br />Now that we've had summer to mull it over, I don't see the point of getting him a phone just yet. Let's skip past the idea of an expensive piece of equipment in his pocket, or in any 11-year-old boy's for that matter. Judging by how things went this summer, there wasn't one time when he was deserted and needed to call me. <br /><br />How did we survive without cell phones at the same age? When I'd take off to be with my friends, ride my bike to the store or detour to the community pool, I'd call home from my friend's house, or I'd run home first to clear it with my mom.<br /><br />So a simple flip phone defeats what most kids really want today. They want apps. They want to play Clash of the Clans or check a video on YouTube "real quick". They want to text, not talk on the phone. <br /><br />"That's so old-fashioned," my son said when I recently told him to call his friend instead of asking me to email the mom.<br /><br />The average teen sends hundreds of texts a day now, but many parents of teens have told me that when their kids get together with friends in person, "It's awkward; they don't talk. They're all just checking their phones."<br /><br />I talked with my cousin at a family reunion in Michigan this summer about how she monitors the phone usage of her high school girls and college-aged son. "I don't," she said. "You can't." <br /><br />That sealed the deal: I am not ready to surrender to this just yet.<br /><br />Technology isn't going anywhere and, for better or worse, it will continue to permeate our world. The ultimate reason I am prudent with it in our home is because I see that it affects what is the most important, cerebral pastime for kids and adults alike: reading for pleasure. Why reach for a book when there are a dozen bells and whistles pinging every minute? <br /><br />A personal hero of mine, author Kelly Corrigan, recently gave a speech at TED talks, an annual conference for discussing ideas worth spreading. Her talk was on the importance of reading more. "Read personal narrative, read poetry, read op-ed, read Doris Kearns Goodwin and Louisa May Alcott and Captain Underpants," she said. <br /><br />She echoed what I fervently believe: everyone is a reader if you find the right book.<br /><br />Without once discussing the impact of technology, these were Corrigan's key points, and she explained how being a reader for pleasure combats them all:<br />
<ul>
<li>33 percent of high school graduates never read a book after graduation.</li>
<li>After college, the number goes to 42 percent.</li>
<li>When the state of Arizona forecasts how many beds they need for their prisons, they look to the number of kids in fourth grade who read well.</li>
<li>The number one cause of divorce is poor communication.</li>
<li>The number one predictor of occupational success is vocabulary.</li>
</ul>
One of my favorite movie quotes ever comes to mind. It was when Matt Damon's rough-around-the-edges, but brilliant, character in <em>Good Will Hunting</em> said to the snobby, elitist college kid, "You dropped a hundred and fifty grand on an education you coulda got for $1.50 in late charges at the public library."<br /><br />
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-08-12T14:03:00Z
What Is Your Toddler Really Thinking?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/What-Is-Your-Toddler-Really-Thinking/-784670858135376898.html
2013-07-29T14:05:00Z
2013-07-29T14:05:00Z
<p><strong>Paul C. Holinger, MD, MPH</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.paulcholinger.com/" target="_blank">www.paulcholinger.com</a></strong></p>
Kids may say the darndest things, but toddlers seem to have the market cornered on defiant expressions of opinion when once sweet and inarticulate babies suddenly turn into fountains of "no!".<br /><br />Sometimes, it may sound as if your 2-year-old doesn't like you much anymore: "No." "Go Away!" "Mine!" "Stop!" But toddlers aren't looking to make you mad. They're just not yet fully fluent - at 24 months, they only have about 200 words to express all their complex feelings. And that turns into blunt-sounding expressions of their likes and dislikes.<br /><br />Remember, as toddlers start to talk and walk and explore the world around them, they're developing a sense of self. That's why you'll notice that your 2-year-old is beginning to separate from you, a bit at a time - sometimes defiantly, sometimes confidently, and sometimes fearfully. <br /><br />Toddlers' new mobility (boy can they run!) feeds their natural curiosity and that's the cornerstone of an active, intelligent mind. But as a parent, you're forced to find a balance between supporting exuberant exploration and keeping your child safe. And you may even experience your own sense of loss as your growing child becomes able to come and go, attach and disappear at will.<br /><br />No wonder having a toddler in the house is a time of remarkable opportunities and challenges. <br /><br />But you can turn your time together into an exciting adventure that you both enjoy. The key is to realize that your toddler is far smarter - and much more able to understand things - than we used to think. Kids this age are a soup pot of feelings. If you know the ingredients that make up your child's emotional life, you'll be a lot better at managing his or her rambunctious and contrary expressions of self, and nurturing positive personality traits.<br /> <br />Infants' and toddlers' built-in emotions (we all have these hard-wired into our nervous systems) are expressed through nine signals: interest, enjoyment, surprise, distress, anger, fear, shame, disgust, and dissmell (that's an aversion to smell; don't ask why academics use that word!). <br /><br />A parent's role is to act as a translator of their child's actions and awkward expressions of feelings (raw surprise, blatant fear, sheer enjoyment), so that they really GET what the child is trying to tell them. Then they can help the child shape his/her feelings in ways that lay the foundation for a happy personality - a blossoming little person who can become socially adept, resist peer pressure, and control anger and frustration in ways that allow for a productive life. <br /><br />To do that, my mantras for parents are: <br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Put words to the feelings.</strong> When your child acts out, offer them the words to express what they are feeling; if you get it wrong, they will let you know. If you get it right, it should help them calm down.</li>
<li><strong>Maximize positive feelings. </strong>No toddler was ever too happy or too self-satisfied; the world will dish out enough hardships later on. Now you want to make them feel confident, secure and brave.</li>
<li><strong>Minimize negative feelings. </strong>Their causes, not the child's expression of them -a toddler has to vent and feel as though he/she has a right to feel those emotions. If you don't want your child to vent like that or have those negative feelings, then you have to identify the triggers and remove them. And at the same time, you have to help your child learn alternative ways to express frustration and anger. That's called tension regulation and it's key to becoming a happy, successful adult.</li>
</ul>
<br />Whew! I know that's a lot to think about! But it's really important for your happiness - and for your child's.<br /><br />
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong>Paul C. Holinger, MD, MPH,</strong> is Dean of the Chicago Institute for Psychoanalysis, Training/Supervising Analyst and Child/Adolescent Supervising Analyst, and a Founder of the Center for Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy at the Chicago Institute. He is also Professor of Psychiatry at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago. Dr. Holinger is Board Certified in Psychiatry by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology and Certified in Psychoanalysis (adult and child/adolescent) by the American Psychoanalytic Association. He is a Distinguished Life Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association. His best-selling book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/What-Babies-Before-They-Talk/dp/0743406672" target="_blank"><em>What Babies Say Before They Can Talk</em></a>, has been translated into several languages. For more information visit <a href="http://www.paulcholinger.com/" target="_blank">www.paulcholinger.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-07-29T14:05:00Z
The Magic of 3
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Magic-of-3/-483188706418927514.html
2013-07-15T14:05:00Z
2013-07-15T14:05:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
So much gets easier once children turn 3. They're beginning to really communicate, potty training is a thing of the past, and fewer or no naps equal more freedom for all. And though these little steps are undoubtedly great, I was most excited by going back to the movie theater once my youngest turned 3.<br /><br />For a decade, I forewent the big screen. Six months later, DVD releases were the closest I got to current films. We missed Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter and couldn't appreciate the Team Jacob versus Team Edward T-shirts. Along with Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow, I'm just now catching up with the mega-hit franchises of the past 10 plus years.<br /><br />Now that I'm back and relishing mostly kids' movies with the family, I see other parents holding on tightly to their pre-children movie day reins. The problem is, they're bringing babies and toddlers into the theater! Not surprisingly, the parents are not having a good time and neither are the babies. <br /><br />Just last week, I took my kids to see <em><a href="/b/Despicable-Me-2:-Best-Parts-Are-the-Originals-Leftovers/139469755648819609.html" target="_blank">Despicable Me 2</a></em>. There was a young family behind us - a mom and dad, a 4-year-old, and a newly-walking toddler who was probably about 1. All he wanted to do was roam, to freely try out his new mode of transportation. The parents were exasperated. They'd alternate who'd take him to the hallway, craning their necks to catch a glimpse of the movie they'd paid a small fortune for. The baby would screech every second; his parents hissed "SHHHHH!" By then, nobody was enjoying the movie. <br /><br />I wanted so desperately to tell them, "Don't worry - you'll be back to the movies. One of you might take your older child and the other stay home with the baby...Please, just wait until he's 3."<br /><br /><strong>What else gets easier once a child turns 3, or any age for that matter?</strong> <a href="/askdrlaura?utm_campaign=0715The-Magic-of-3&utm_medium=sahparenting&utm_source=website&utm_content=07.15.13&utm_term=link" target="_blank">Send Dr. Laura an email</a> to answer.<br />
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-07-15T14:05:00Z
Why Are Our Children No Longer Excellent?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Why-Are-Our-Children-No-Longer-Excellent/651603156175998984.html
2013-07-01T14:05:00Z
2013-07-01T14:05:00Z
<strong>Harry H. Harrison Jr.</strong><br /><a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">FearlessParenting.com</a><br /><br />Excellence is an elusive goal of parenthood. We all want our children to be excellent, but exactly at what? Throwing a football? Playing the trumpet? Doing a double-back somersault off a balance beam? Can your child be an excellent student <em>and</em> an excellent basketball player <em>and</em> an excellent dancer <em>and</em> an excellent person at 13? Or is "good enough" OK? Can we be happy with a child who's good enough? Can our children be happy knowing they aren't even above average?<br /><br />This is the dilemma of parents. Should we want our children to be excellent and if so, how do we turn this young boy eating doodle bugs on the porch into an excellent dentist?<br /><br />The fact of the matter is that parents in western countries have lost their focus on excellence for several reasons. Which is why the U.S. now tests so low in math and science, and why even though the number of students attending college has risen 50 percent in the last 25 years, the number of math, science, engineering and technology majors combined doesn't equal the number of visual and performing arts graduates. And over 40 percent of those attending will leave without a degree, mired in debt.<br /><br />As a nation, we subsidize education, but when our college students are borrowing hundreds of thousands of dollars for degrees that they might not be able to pay back in 20 years because there is simply no demand for their B.A. in Artistic Dance, then excellence becomes a national concern. When there are no new engineers or doctors because those degrees are too hard, that is a national concern. When adult children are moving home because their degree doesn't qualify them for a high-paying job, that means there are no new houses being sold, no new furniture being built, no new Internet connections being laid, and no need for new plumbers and electricians. An economist at Moody's Analytics estimated that each time a new household is formed, that adds $145,000 to the economy. Multiply that by millions of kids moving back home, and you have a national economic crisis. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the proportion of 16 to 24 year olds either working or looking for work is the lowest since 1948. Over 40 percent of today's young people aren't bothering to look for a job. Almost half of the population doesn't even pay income taxes.<br /><br />Simply put, we have lost our focus on excellence, and not only are we feeling it now, but it will come to haunt us in future generations.<br /><br />As parents, we know when something is wrong, even if we're hesitant to do anything about it. A 2011 survey by the Pew Research Center's Global Attitudes Project found that 6 in 10 Americans believe parents do not put enough pressure on their children, as opposed to China where 68 percent of the population believes parents put <em>too much pressure</em> on their kids. This no doubt is why China is on the verge of eclipsing the U.S. as the world's superpower.<br /><br />So, how have we so missed the mark on developing excellence in our children?<br /><br />Any discussion of excellence can be confused by two issues. The first issue is mistaking excellence with perfection. Perfection is not possible, so sweep that from your mind. Even Jesus was hardly the perfect child. He exasperated his mother and father by disappearing at 13, causing a frantic search for him. Excellence does not require perfection. The best surgeons lose patients. The finest priests wrestle with demons. The most dedicated students can blow a test. Developing perfection is not possible. But developing excellence is.<br /><br />The second issue that must be addressed is the belief that excellence is a gene. It is not. It is something developed over time by practice, responsibility, suffering, mentoring and setting ridiculously fantastic goals. It is also the result of a decision. We can train our children in the habits that lead to excellence, we can instill the character and demand the accountability that leads to excellence, but the child is the one who ultimately decides on excellence. Of course, many things require a gift of innate skill. Not everyone is born to be an NFL quarterback or a doctor or a nuclear physicist, but we all can be excellent at something. And only a tiny fraction of people born with innate skills actually become excellent at them.<br /><br />Here's the problem: excellence requires suffering and we don't want our kids to suffer. We are at a time in our country where the last thing we emphasize is excellence, and it has hurt us greatly. If we are to survive as a country, all of us need to be challenged to be a different kind of parent, educator or mentor to a child. It will change their lives. And it will change the world too.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Harry H. Harrison Jr.</strong> is a <em>New York Times</em> best-selling parenting author with over 3.5 million books in print. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs, and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations, including NPR. His books are available in over 35 countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia, and in the Far East. For more information visit <a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">FearlessParenting.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com<br />
Staff
2013-07-01T14:05:00Z
Dos and Don'ts for Parents of Summer Campers
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Dos-and-Donts-for-Parents-of-Summer-Campers/315282618032231671.html
2013-06-24T14:10:00Z
2013-06-24T14:10:00Z
<strong>by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC</strong><br /><a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com<br /></a><br />
<p>The official start of summer is here, and for many parents and kids, that means summer camp. Many of us grew up with wonderful memories of summer-filled days at camp. Songs by the campfire, canoe races and a sundry of other events and new friends fill our minds with good memories. Today, sending your child to camp involves an understudy of camping knowledge and skill. There is an ever-expanding list of possible camps: general camps and ones that can help enhance any weakness your child may need help strengthening. It doesn't matter if your child is going to a baseball camp, math camp, science camp or a basketball camp, each one has a long list of what kids should and shouldn't bring. But what about a list of dos and don'ts for parents?</p>
<p>Most camps are meant for kids, not their parents. However, if you are a first-timer sending your child away to a summer camp, you will note a heightened sense of anxiety. How do you know if your child will be OK? Are you sure this camp will address their individual needs? What if there is an emergency? All sorts of possible crises run through your mind. There are always things that can happen, but most of them can also happen almost every other day of your child's life - with or without camp. In addition, your heightened sense of anxiety may affect you and turn you into a model parent for what NOT to do when your child is at camp.</p>
<p>Below are a few of the dos and don'ts for being the type of camp parent your child won't be embarrassed to travel home with.</p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Let go and let your child learn</strong> new experiences with trained counselors. Your child has an opportunity to return from camp feeling accomplished and more self-assured. You can help facilitate this by reassuring your child before they leave for camp and reminding them of other times they felt unsure or insecure and did wonderfully. Also, reassure them that you will be there if they need you. Parents who cannot let go and allow the camp counselors to teach their child new skills and offer them opportunities, stifle their child's emotional growth.</li>
<li><strong>Communicate with them as appropriate.</strong> Camps have rules about ways and how much to communicate with the camper. Parents who follow these rules and make sure their child has the appropriate communication are sending their child the message that they trust them and have confidence in them. Parents who try to over-communicate or indulge their child with gifts throughout the week, send their child the message that they are not like the other kids and need more attention. This prevents the child from bonding with the other campers and learning to self-soothe when they feel stress or homesick. Camp counselors are instructed on healthy ways to de-stress children. Allow your child the opportunity to learn these and more healthy tips.</li>
<li><strong>Having your child away at camp </strong>can also be a relationship retreat for you and your spouse. Take advantage of being a couple again and enjoying late dinners or evenings spent out. When your child comes home full of new experiences to talk about, you will both be eager to listen. Your relationship will be stronger and closer. Don't spend the camp week or month feeling anxious and alone without your child. Camp is an opportunity for both the child and the parents to grow.</li>
</ol>
<p><br />My daughters both went to camp and would come home with stories to tell and memories they still smile and talk about. The experience has them humming a tune they learned long ago. It was also a wonderful week for their dad and me. We were able to be a couple again, which restored and helped our marriage. Summer camps are part of a child's history and one they will pass on to their children. Ensuring your child has a wonderful experience begins with embracing the camp, following the rules and trusting your child's ability - as well as yours - to let go and thrive.</p>
<p><strong> Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, </strong>is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman of <em>Start Talking: A Girl's Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever</em>. Read more about the book at <a href="http://www.StartTalkingBook.com" target="_blank">StartTalkingBook.com</a> and more about Rapini at <a href="http://www.maryjorapini.com" target="_blank">MaryJoRapini.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2013-06-24T14:10:00Z
Four Ways to Prevent Losing Yourself in Motherhood
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Four-Ways-to-Prevent-Losing-Yourself-in-Motherhood/585040543908304886.html
2013-06-24T14:03:00Z
2013-06-24T14:03:00Z
<p><strong>Mia Redrick</strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank"><br /></a><a href="http://www.findingdefinitions.com" target="_blank">FindingDefinitions.com</a></p>
<p><br />So many women lose themselves in motherhood. I call this the "Silent War," the process of slowly fading away from yourself, your interests and your passions without even realizing that it is happening.</p>
<p>At some point, all mothers face this crossroad in parenting. We come up for air and realize that we can't answer even the most basic questions like: When is the last time you read a book and finished it? What is your favorite place to shop for clothing? What are your hobbies? When is the last time you had fun doing something that you love?</p>
<p>Mommyhood is a busy, never-ending, demanding world of diaper changes, bottle and breast feedings, sleepless nights, laundry, dinner, carpooling, and homework checking. Not to mention our role as chief love-magnet and nurse.</p>
<p>Upon becoming pregnant, we moms are so focused on preparing for the new baby that we very seldom consider how to navigate this transition and our own personal growth once the baby is born. Most of us spend our time planning pediatrician visits and searching for baby items. It would sure be nice to have compassionate mom mentors telling us about the pitfalls to avoid from the beginning of our pregnancy.</p>
<p>Every mom gets it wrong before she gets it right, but many mothers still struggle with being vulnerable. We must redefine who we are once we become a mother - all with less sleep, clarity and the greatest responsibility that we have ever had to assume. And it isn't just new mothers who struggle with having to constantly adjust either.</p>
<p>Fourteen years ago, when I was six months pregnant with my first child, my mother had a conversation with me that changed my life. My mother explained to me that she had lost her own identity in motherhood. While in pursuit of being a good mother, she forgot to be kind to herself. She told me that the best gift I could give my family is a whole mom: A woman who liked herself, knew herself and respected herself enough to experience her own life.</p>
<p>This translated to weekly "me dates" where I learned to move away from all of my roles as wife and mom for a few moments. It meant that I had to get to know "me" and to think about my life. In the beginning, I visited Barnes & Noble a lot, but as the years went on, I began to purchase tickets to my favorite speaking series or go for a bike ride.</p>
<p>When we think about identity theft, we think about an impostor posing as another person. Yet in motherhood, we are the imposters in our own lives. And it is the result of the admirable quality of wanting to give everything to our children. We forget the most important rule of self-preservation: You cannot give long-term what you do not have. Also, you share more of who you are with your children as you connect with the woman you once were. Making the decision to end the "Silent War" is a decision that each of us has to make in our own time and season. We get to decide what happens in our own lives.</p>
<p>Here are <strong>Four Ways to Reconnect with Who You Are After Motherhood</strong>:</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>1. Create a weekly ritual that allows you some time alone.</strong> Select the same day and time of the week, and schedule this time on an ongoing basis.<br /><br /><strong>2. Ask yourself, "What can I do right now to make me happier?"</strong> Whether it's being happier at home, finding a new hobby or volunteering, your next step is to act on what you have realized.<br /><br /><strong>3. Create a vision board of simple goals that you have for your life.</strong> Include your plans like starting an at-home business, losing 50 lbs from pregnancy or completing a 5K, for example.<br /><br /><strong>4. Enjoy something that you did before you were pregnant</strong>, like ride a bike or travel.</p>
<p><br /><strong>Mia Redrick</strong>, Mom Strategist, is a mom of three, author, and speaker empowering one million mothers to practice better self-care. Redrick is the author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Time-mom-Me-Essential-Strategies-Self-Care/dp/0979627303/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1288711627&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><em>Time for Mom-Me: 5 Essential Strategies for a Mother's Self-Care.</em></a> For tips from the Mom Strategist, visit <a href="http://www.findingdefinitions.com" target="_blank">FindingDefinitions.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-06-24T14:03:00Z
The Graduation Speech Your Kids Really,Really Need to Hear
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Graduation-Speech-Your-Kids-Really,Really-Need-to-Hear/890202253653894646.html
2013-06-18T07:05:00Z
2013-06-18T07:05:00Z
<strong>By Cliff Ennico</strong><br /><a href="http://www.succeedinginyourbusiness.com" target="_blank">SucceedingInYourBusiness.com</a><br /><br />
<p><em>This column, which originally appeared in May 2009, is one of the most requested and reprinted "Succeeding in Your Business" columns, especially during "graduation season." </em></p>
<p>Members of the Class of 2013:</p>
<p>I was sorry to hear that the reality TV star who was to have been your commencement speaker today had to bow out at the last minute. I was delighted, however, when the Trustees called me an hour ago and asked me to fill in.</p>
<p>Now, I've never done this before, and I wasn't given a whole lot of guidance, except to tell you to "follow your dreams" and "reach for the stars". Apparently there's a federal law requiring those statements to be included in all graduation speeches.</p>
<p>While I know some of you already have jobs and some (OK most of you) do not, I know that all of you are wondering today what your lives are going to be like. </p>
<p>I have two pieces of information for you. They are not fun to talk about, but I feel you need to hear them and no better time than today. First, whatever dreams you hope to accomplish in your lives, you won't be able to achieve them until you have first achieved financial security for yourself and your loved ones. For most of you, unless you were born wealthy (and sometimes even then), finding and holding onto that financial security will be the primary, if not the only, thing you will spend time on for the next 50 years.</p>
<p>The second thing is that it has never been a more difficult time to make a decent living in America. I'm not just talking about the current recession or the high unemployment rate. I'm talking about some longer-lasting, structural changes in our economy.</p>
<p>For your grandparents, it was easy. You signed up with a large corporation, worked your way up the corporate ladder, and retired at age 65 with a pension, Social Security and a gold watch. You can forget about doing that today.</p>
<p>Years ago, when America dominated the world economy, corporations viewed employees as scarce assets to be cultivated. In today's brutally competitive global economy, they view employees as costs to be reduced or eliminated. If you can buy technology to do the work employees are doing, you buy the computers and fire the employees. If you must hire people to do a job, you hire the cheapest people you can in developing nations. And if you really must hire Americans, you "outsource" them as independent contractors rather than employees. That way you don't have to pay them benefits. If you work for a large corporation today, odds are you will be unemployed in a few years.</p>
<p>Social Security, Medicare and other government programs that helped your parents and grandparents probably won't be there when you are ready for them, at least not in their current forms. </p>
<p>And if you think you can scale back your expectations and join the blue-collar workforce, there's a massive wave of immigrants from Asia, Africa and Latin America who are only too willing to take these jobs for salaries you won't want to accept.</p>
<p>Ladies and gentlemen, there is only one person you can rely on to help you build your future and success, and that is you. One day, you will find that you are no longer employable, and you will have to build your own career or business. That moment of realization may happen next year; it may not happen until you turn 50. But it will happen someday, so start planning now to take control of your income and your life. You will need to become an entrepreneur, whether you like it or not.</p>
<p>I know all of you want to do good for the world, and that's admirable. But charity requires money too - ask the President of this college why he spends so much of his time raising money from alumni/ae.</p>
<p>If you want to do good for the world, start a business. Provide solutions to people's problems they are willing to pay for, and hire people to help you. Succeed, and your business will make the world a better place. Guaranteed. What is more, you will achieve the financial security you need, and whatever money you don't need, you can use to make the world an even better place. </p>
<p>I have had the pleasure of working with over 15,000 business owners in my career. They come from all walks of life and backgrounds. The beauty of this wonderful country of ours is that anyone - I mean anyone - can succeed in business with the right training, the right outlook on life, and the courage and determination to do what others are too squeamish or hesitant to accomplish. </p>
<p>So by all means reach for the stars and follow your dreams, for without faith, hope and passion you will never succeed, even if you're as smart as Einstein. </p>
<p>Just whatever you do, don't run out of money.</p>
<br /><strong>Cliff Ennico</strong> (<a href="http://www.succeedinginyourbusiness.com" target="_blank">SucceedingInYourBusiness.com</a>), a leading expert on small business law and taxes, is the author of <em>Small Business Survival Guide</em>, <em>The eBay Seller's Tax and Legal Answer Book</em> and 15 other books. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com <br />
Staff
2013-06-18T07:05:00Z
Fun Facts About Father's Day
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Fun-Facts-About-Fathers-Day/848996508229755780.html
2013-06-10T14:30:00Z
2013-06-10T14:30:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
June is a great time for Father's Day. There are barbecues to be had, baseball games to attend, and other fun, outdoorsy things to do, like fishing and camping. But why did we choose this specific month for dads to revel in our gratitude? <br /><br />It was Sonora Smart Dodd of Spokane, Wash. who officially proposed a national holiday for fathers in 1909, wanting to honor her own father, William Smart, a Civil War veteran who'd been widowed and left to raise six children on a farm by himself. <br /><br />The first Father's Day celebration was held in June of 1910. Dodd actually chose June because it was the month of her father's birth.<br /><br />Father's Day finally became a national public holiday in 1972 when President Nixon declared the third Sunday in June to forever be the day we honor the fathers and father figures in our lives.<br /><br />Fathers are low maintenance. Florists, greeting card makers, telephone companies and restaurants say their biggest profits of the year are on Mother's Day. Always treated like a queen on that special day, I tell my husband he can do anything he wants on his special day too. When the kids were little, that meant no dirty diapers to change. This year, I asked if he'd like to go to a baseball game or have a special meal. But all he wants to do is go for a run and then work in the yard later in the afternoon.<br /><br />With those kinds of simple requests, every Sunday could be Father's Day!<br />
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-06-10T14:30:00Z
Why Parents Cry at Milestones
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Why-Parents-Cry-at-Milestones/-964802400854131890.html
2013-06-03T14:05:00Z
2013-06-03T14:05:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
As graduations and other milestones abound this time of year, it reminds me of the bittersweet moments in all parents' lives when our kids grow up and move on to a new phase a little too quickly for our comfort sometimes. I've thought a lot about why these moments are bittersweet - why we are so happy to see how far our children have come, to see a glimpse of the big person he or she is becoming, yet deep down, there's a feeling of "they don't need me anymore."<br /><br />I hope you can relate to this story no matter how old your children were when you felt those growing pains...<br /><br />And just so you know, the baby I talk about below will begin kindergarten this fall.<br /><br />----<br /><br />With an arch of her back, our symbiotic relationship was done, the ritual of breastfeeding abruptly shifting from her number one reason to wake to something that burdened her, an act that kept her cloaked from really living. It's often said babies need nine months in the womb and nine months out before they are whole. I think it was nine months to the day that my baby, my youngest of four, proclaimed she wasn't a baby any longer.<br /><br />With only two teeth, the recently exposed world of table food held her in its grasp. My Natalie went from nursing four times a day to one morning not wanting one more solitary drop... zilch, cold turkey, nada.<br /><br />I took her to the Doctor.<br /><br />"Is she sick?" I asked.<br />"Nope, she's just being a stinker," he replied.<br /> <br />With a lump in my throat, my hormone levels rose each day her milk strike went on. <br /><br />By day four, the feeling of "she doesn't need me anymore" swallowed me whole.<br />As silly as it sounds that a not even mobile infant wouldn't need her mother any longer, it's how I was really feeling. Along with her refusal to breastfeed, no longer were her giggles and stares of admiration just for me. When others came near, she suddenly came alive, the world at once exciting and colorful.<br /><br />Days later, I was vacuuming the carpet and trying to swallow the lump of sadness that choked me, when for the first time ever, I got a call from my oldest son's school. He had fallen and hit his head during recess, and they wanted me to bring him home for observation. On the way to the school, the choking lump let up a bit, leaving its gentle friend in its wake that hugged, "Your kids will always need you, though the shape and form of their needs will change." <br /><br />Now, each time I feel one of these parental growing pains, I try to remember that phrase instead.<br />
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-06-03T14:05:00Z
Five Things Parents Worry About That Don't Matter
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Five-Things-Parents-Worry-About-That-Dont-Matter/198650657087584640.html
2013-05-28T14:05:00Z
2013-05-28T14:05:00Z
<strong>Harry H. Harrison Jr.</strong><br /><a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">FearlessParenting.com</a><br /><br />There are times I think that when an obstetric nurse hands the rapturous parents their beautiful newborn child, another nurse should be sticking a 20-year prescription for Xanax in Mom's purse or Dad's pocket. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating medicinal, mood-altering therapy for the frantic parental reasoning and heartbreaks guaranteed to follow, but . . . well, maybe I am. Because today's parents tend to become unhinged by things that - follow me closely now - have <em>nothing </em>to do with raising a child to become a successful adult. For instance:<br /><br /><strong>1. Sports. </strong>Well, here, medical and talk therapy are highly recommended because while mom is dying inside if her daughter has competition to make the team, or has committed an error that causes a loss, or is flagrantly fouled, and dad has painted his stomach and chest in the pink and blue of the team's colors, 6-year-old Heather is more concerned about what's for snacks at the end of the game. And while club and high school sports are even more demanding and dads push their kids to work out harder and send them to sports camp (forget the fact that they like guitar better) hoping and praying they can be starters, the reality is that very, very, very, very few kids will be good enough to land a scholarship. So instead of screaming at the refs, arguing with the other team's parents, and chewing your child out for a poor performance, remember that while sports is a great way to get healthy, develop character, and learn to handle competition, the game itself has no influence on whether she becomes a product manager for Apple at 25. The bottom line is sports are good for kids, but terrible for parents' health. <br /><br /><strong>2. Popularity.</strong> It's hard to tell who exactly is the "in-crowd" today, but all parents are concerned with is whether their kids are in it. And if they're not, it's because of mean girls, bullies, religious hatred, being in the wrong part of town, and so on. But here's the deal: it doesn't mean squat. The fact is, a lot of the popular guys from my high school are dead from drugs, and some of the most popular girls have had too many husbands, boyfriends, and babies to count. Popular or not, everybody has to deal with life. The point of high school is to learn and make your grades, so you can have vice presidents sucking up to you one day.<br /><br /><strong>3. Labels.</strong> Some moms are so nuts about this that they cut off labels like "Seven" and "Juicy" and "Neiman Marcus" to sew them on their daughters' clothes. Some even paint the soles of their daughters' shoes red. There are teenage boys would rather go naked than wear jeans with the word "Gap" on them. The truth is, if we and our kids are more worried about the labels we wear and drive than who we are as people, in 20 years or so our kids will have one label they can't shake: loser.<br /><br /><strong>4. Suffering.</strong> Today, the thought of our children "suffering" brings both moms and dads to their knees in their own suffering. Our children's suffering is why we badger teachers for higher grades than the 0's our kids have earned, it's why we do their homework, why we hire them lawyers for that little shoplifting incident, and why we agree a summer job is a bummer and fund the grand or two they need to stay happy. Of course, when adulthood and its attendant suffering arrives, they are totally unprepared to deal with job interviews, upset spouses, keeping credit cards in their pocket if they don't have enough money in the bank, and working all night to meet a deadline. Because they weren't allowed to suffer in childhood, they are miserable in adulthood.<br /><br /><strong>5. Sororities. </strong>This is totally a mom thing (though I've known a few dads who broke out in hives come pledge time), but really, an almost 50-year-old woman breaking down in tears because her daughter wasn't offered a bid by the Tri-Delts? Tears? Heaving, snot-slinging tears while searching for a Valium or two? So are we telling our daughters that if you're not a Tri-Delt you are nothing? You're better off dead? No woman has become a successful hedge fund manager, or a better mom, or a kinder wife because she attended four years of Tri-Delt parties. Thank goodness our kids quit listening to parents when they are about 16. We seem to get crazier as they get older. <br /><br />The bottom line is this: childhood is too important to be wasted on the stupid stuff. It's a fun time, it's a magical time, but it's also the time we train our kids for the adult world because if we wait until they are 22 to try and teach them responsibility, well, the battle is over and our Tri-Delt daughter has lost. If somehow we can teach our kids to be honorable, hard-working, kind, compassionate, grateful, inquisitive adults by the time they are 18, we've done our job. And our panties are a lot more comfortable not being tied in a knot.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Harry H. Harrison Jr.</strong> is a <em>New York Times</em> best-selling parenting author with over 3.5 million books in print. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs, and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations, including NPR. His books are available in over 35 countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia, and in the Far East. For more information visit <a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">FearlessParenting.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com<br />
Staff
2013-05-28T14:05:00Z
Pride Can Only Be Earned
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Pride-Can-Only-Be-Earned/-833192251080888875.html
2013-05-28T14:05:00Z
2013-05-28T14:05:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
<img style="float: left; margin: 10px;" src="/images/blog/julie_samrick_gorilla_a.jpg" alt="" /><br />Can you tell what this is? It's a clay gorilla, created in its entirety by my 7-year-old daughter. The school assignment was to create a rain forest animal at home and to search for facts about it for their first little research report. It was a great idea. I loved watching her learn how to take simple notes for the first time and then learn to distill that information down to answer the report questions. She even got to include her own fun facts that she found interesting, and it was great to see what she'd choose. Did you know gorillas always walk on their knuckles, and that they only eat meat when they're in zoos? Left to their own devices, gorillas are vegetarians.<br /><br />Yet, when my daughter came home from giving her report and sharing her clay gorilla, she said matter-of-factly, "Some people had a lot fancier animals. Mine didn't look so good next to theirs."<br /><br />I flashed back to two years before when my now third-grade son did the same, cute rain forest report on vampire bats. At open house, all of the clay figures were on display. My son's looked like a first grader did it. Many others looked like full-on masterpieces. Naïve to the issue at the time, I side-whispered to my husband, "Obviously art doesn't run in our family." But since then, I've realized that parents, not 6- and 7-year-olds, made those clay projects. <br /><br />I just want to know: why? These are good, well-meaning parents, but it boggles me.<br /><br />Now this isn't a self-esteem post about how I don't want others to showcase their accomplishments because it will hurt my daughter's feelings. No, kids need to learn to be resilient and realize that there are many other smart, artistic, athletic, (you fill in the positive word) people in the world. It's good for them to handle situations where they may feel inadequate or even envious without turning their anger or anxiety inward (or outward, which would look like bullying). <br /><br />What it really comes down to is that we need to let our kids do their own work, which will in turn allow them to make their own decisions and experience their own ups and downs. This might start in the first grade by stepping back and letting them solve social issues on their own, or by letting them do their own homework and projects with our help only when asked. I hear more and more stories of parents going to job interviews with their grown children or even calling the manager after the interview to ask why their child didn't get the job. There are many years between both scenarios, but the leap from one to the next isn't so huge.<br /><br />Instead of coddling kids, give them independence. It is true that the more autonomy we give them within reason (being neglectful would be the opposite extreme of helicopter parenting), the more opportunities they have to earn pride. Because, you see, when kids are allowed to do something on their own (fill in the blank of what age-appropriate thing that might be), they will feel pride, and pride is, in turn, the pillar of self-esteem.<br />
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-05-28T14:05:00Z
May Is the Cruelest Month
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/May-Is-the-Cruelest-Month/994179611452802533.html
2013-05-20T14:05:00Z
2013-05-20T14:05:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
Dear Tracy,<br />
<p>I am sorry I can't make your bachelorette party later this month. I would like nothing better than to kick up my heels with you, dance, and celebrate the next wonderful chapter of your life. But you see, it's May.<br /> <br />It was the writer T.S. Eliot who called April "the cruelest month," but he obviously didn't have kids.<br /> <br />Despite its short and cute name, the most petite and innocent sounding name of all the months, May, is the perfect storm of craziness, when all activities come slamming together at a crowded intersection. I would love to end May with you and enjoy your last days as a single woman, but I'm afraid that by the end of the month, I will probably be eating chocolate under the covers in a very dark room.<br /> <br />Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this. Ignorance is bliss, right?<br /> <br />By the way, I hope your honeymoon is somewhere wonderful and relaxing, and that you can spend at least a week there (but wouldn't two weeks away really be something?).<br /> <br />We've got two little league teams in full swing. That's four games a week. There is also an entire Saturday devoted to Little League Day in May. Swim team just started, and though we have a one-sport-at-a-time policy in the Samrick house, they overlap for several weeks. We're at the pool three days each of those weeks. The first swim meet and one of the last baseball games fall on the same day. You can try to plan and be strict about keeping free time for the family, but somehow the calendar still fills up in May. <br /> <br />Will there be swimming during your bachelorette party weekend? I'll be with you in spirit, or maybe I'll jump in the pool at swim practice in your honor and start a trend with all the other moms, who I know secretly want to cannonball into the pool with me (if only we could).<br /> <br />But I'm getting ahead of myself. Before then, as school gets out just before the month's end, there is a marathon of reports to help with, last-minute dashes to Michael's, Teacher Appreciation Week, Open House, baking, Pioneer Day, end-of-the-year parties, concluding catechism classes, graduations, field trips, a First Communion to attend, and a quick jaunt up to Pollock Pines for the county Spelling Bee.<br /> <br />Around the house we're contending with warm weather dress code debates, late to bed and even earlier to risers, piano recital practice, allergies, a fear of male swim coaches, and a battle with mosquitoes (which I've recently learned hatch, and are at their pinnacle in May).<br /> <br />There are date nights to put off until June, and bunko, leisure reading and haircuts to fit in. But I would gladly give up any of those anyway if I could spend the weekend with you.<br /> <br />May is indeed the cruelest month for moms. Thank goodness it also includes Mother's Day (I wonder, is that a coincidence?).<br /> <br />Don't get me wrong. Motherhood is wonderful. You will never feel more needed or purposeful. Just beware when May rolls around!<br /> <br />Until then, know that I will be the first to wish you well at your wedding... in July.<br /> <br />Love,<br /><br />Julie<br /><br /><em>This article originally ran in May of 2011, but is just as applicable (if not more so) today.</em><br /> <br /><br /><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-05-20T14:05:00Z
Seven Strategies for Balancing Your Life
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Seven-Strategies-for-Balancing-Your-Life/142330641636696767.html
2013-05-06T14:05:00Z
2013-05-06T14:05:00Z
<p><strong>Mia Redrick</strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank"><br /></a><a href="http://www.findingdefinitions.com" target="_blank">FindingDefinitions.com</a></p>
<p>Is your life balanced? What does that mean?<br /><br />Do you often say, <em>"There are not enough hours in a day!"</em> or <em>"I just wish I had more time?"</em> If you answered YES, then this may be a sign that your life is out of balance.<br /><br />How do you find balance in your life?<br /><br />The symptoms of being out of balance are feeling rushed, hurried, and anxious as you take on daily events. When we are out of balance, we find it difficult to enjoy life.<br /><br />Many times, poor scheduling dictates the quality of our lives. Instead, we need to build a life that reflects our values and priorities.<br /><br />I do believe that it is possible to have it all in a lifetime, but not necessarily all at the same time.<br /><br />What are your obligations and responsibilities?<br /><br />Balancing our lives comes in many different sizes. For one parent, finding balance might mean increasing the ability to let others help out, delegating tasks to others, or perhaps finding services that can ease day-to-day responsibilities, such as a pick-up and drop-off laundry service. For another, family balance might mean identifying ways to coordinate the challenges of work with the demands of finding quality family time.<br /><br />As for me, balance means living a life in accordance with my values. It means making time every day for solitude, family, and my personal passion. By prioritizing my time according to the things that I value, I create a life that is abundant.<br /><br />Because I am clear about what I value, my priorities are my litmus test for what I should do next. Balance to me means that I create opportunities to delegate the unnecessary and purge the ridiculous.<br /><br />As parents, it is very easy to become so busy that we forget to hone in and consider what is most important.<br /><br />Here are <strong>seven strategies to balance your life:</strong><br /><br /><strong>1. Delegate</strong><br />Create a weekly meeting with your family to discuss household responsibilities. During this time, review household responsibilities and delegate age-appropriate chores. Hold the meeting during the same time each week, and review what is working and what is not. For children under the age of 10 years, provide a goal chart so they can check off each task for accountability.<br /> <br /><strong>2. Consider outsourcing</strong><br />The laundry, grocery shopping (there are many grocery stores that deliver), or basic yard work can be outsourced to create more opportunities for quality time.<br /> <br /><strong>3. Plan your life</strong><br />If you want to have days filled with less anxiety, you are going to need to plan in advance the activities of the family, work, and other significant items. Planning allows us the necessary time to adjust and be proactive about the choices in our lives. This reduces stress and anxiety.<br /> <br /><strong>4. Eliminate what is not working</strong><br />Look at ways you can add time to your days. What can you live without? Do the children have to go to gymnastics this semester? Be reasonable.<br /> <br /><strong>5. Seek quality not quantity</strong><br />Identify five activities that you enjoy that take very little effort. Incorporate a movie night on Fridays. Have the movie delivered to your door, and add some popcorn and a pizza. This is a wonderful way to have both a quality family event and add no additional stress to your day.<br /><br /><strong>6. Give yourself a break</strong><br />Be reasonable. Are you trying to make dinner, do the dishes, get baths going, read nighttime stories, clean the house, and pay the bills all in the same evening? Ask yourself, is it possible to accomplish any of these items another day?<br /><br /><strong>7. Exercise</strong><br />It's a great way to reduce stress. Take a walk with your family three times a week for 20 minutes. </p>
<p><br /><strong>Mia Redrick</strong>, Mom Strategist, is a mom of three, author, and speaker empowering one million mothers to practice better self-care. Redrick is the author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Time-mom-Me-Essential-Strategies-Self-Care/dp/0979627303/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1288711627&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><em>Time for Mom-Me: 5 Essential Strategies for a Mother's Self-Care.</em></a> For tips from the Mom Strategist, visit <a href="http://www.findingdefinitions.com" target="_blank">www.findingdefinitions.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-05-06T14:05:00Z
Three Tips for Parents About to Lose Their Cool
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Three-Tips-for-Parents-About-to-Lose-Their-Cool/309729320632773771.html
2013-04-22T14:05:00Z
2013-04-22T14:05:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
<p>As parents, we all know that feeling when we're about to lose our tempers. "Blood-boiling" is so cliché, but it's indeed how it feels. Deep breaths and walking away are effective with people and with most life situations in general, but I know when I get frustrated with my children, it usually has to do with something pretty specific - usually their behavior. Either they're doing something I don't want them to be doing (fighting, being destructive with our property), or not doing something I wish they'd do (putting their things away, washing their hands, etc.).<br /><br />I've noticed transitions are also when I'm most likely to get frustrated (like when the kids are getting ready for bed, or when they're getting out the door for school in the morning). Building in extra time so things run smoothly has worked, but for parents about to lose their tempers, <strong>the following three tools I've discovered have been nothing short of MAGIC:</strong><br /><br /><strong>1) Lower your voice instead of raising it.</strong><br />This takes practice, but I promise it works. Before you know it, it will become second nature. Saying, "Do not use that tone with me," in a monotone voice (not a pleading one) when a child is being disrespectful will get him or her to calm down. Speaking loudly or being shrill will only give your child more power while draining you, and it will most likely escalate the situation. <br /><br /><strong>2) Point to what you want instead of vocalizing it.</strong><br />Like most parents, I hate hearing myself nag or saying something more than once. So I've learned to point to what needs to be done at times instead of speaking. If I pass the boys' room and see the folded pile of laundry for each is still there and they are in the vicinity, I will look at it and point while we make eye contact. I'll even smile when I do it, which makes me feel calm.<br /> <br />Just this morning, I looked at my 7-year-old daughter and mimed brushing my teeth. She skedaddled right to the bathroom to do it. I'm not sure where I got this idea, but once I realized it helps when I'm about to lose my temper, I've been practicing it ever since with great results.<br /> <br /><strong>3) Say, "I'll be waiting in the _____" and walk away.</strong><br />This goes back to walking away when you're about to lose your temper. For me, the blank is almost always, "I'll be waiting in the car," in the mornings just when I think it's time to go and I feel the need to nag. I then walk away, sit for a minute in peace, and know it's up to them to get their backpacks and lunch boxes, etc. <br /><br />Last weekend, we were at a friend's house and after saying "Let's go" at the door several times, I finally turned, said a final goodbye to the hosts, and then in a calm voice said, as they continued to play with Legos at the dining room table, "I'll be waiting in the car and expect you'll be there in 20 seconds." I also used strategy #1, a calm voice, and they were indeed out within seconds. The mom even commented that she liked that idea, which gave me the idea for this post.<br /> <br />In the end, expending our own energy out of frustration does nothing but, well, expend our energy, leaving us with less joy to appreciate the wonderful parts of raising children. These are tools to help parents stay full of energy so we may continue to do the toughest (but most rewarding) job there is.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-04-22T14:05:00Z
Help Your Child to Persevere
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Help-Your-Child-to-Persevere/-196207599743139162.html
2013-04-15T14:05:00Z
2013-04-15T14:05:00Z
<strong>By Michele Borba, Ed.D.</strong><br /><a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com</a><br /><br />Many historians feel that one of Winston Churchill's greatest speeches was given at a graduation ceremony at Oxford University. He had worked on the speech for hours. When the moment finally came, Churchill stood up in front of the cheering crowd, and in a strong, clear voice shouted just three words: "Never give up!" He paused a few seconds and shouted the words again, "Never give up!" He then reached for his hat and slowly walked off the podium, satisfied that he had told the graduates the message they needed to succeed.<br /><br />We need to make sure we pass on Churchill's message to our own children. Only when children realize that success comes from hard work and diligence will they be the best they can be.<br /><br />The following techniques, from my latest book, <em>Parents Do Make a Difference: How to Raise Kids with Solid Character, Strong Minds, and Caring Hearts</em>, are designed to help your child understand how critical perseverance is to achieving success in every arena of life.<br /><br /><strong>1. Define "perseverance."</strong><br />Take time to explain that perseverance means "not giving up," or "hanging in there until you complete the task you started." When your child sticks to a task, point it out: "There's perseverance for you. You hung in there with your work even though it was hard."<br /><br /><strong>2. Teach "don't give up" words.</strong><br />Help your child tune in to the language of persevering individuals so that he or she can learn to use the terms in his or her own life. Ask, "What are the kinds of things you have heard people who 'don't give up' say?" Write a list of phrases, such as, "I can do it!", "I'll try again," "Don't give up!", "I don't quit!", and "I'll give it the best I have." Add the heading, "Don't Give Up Words," and hang up the poster; encourage everyone to say at least one phrase a day.<br /><br /><strong>3. Model effort.</strong><br />Make a pledge, especially this month, to show your child how you don't give up on a task even when things get difficult. Before starting a new task, make sure your child overhears you say, "I'm going to persevere until I am successful." Modeling the trait is always the number one teaching method.<br /><br /><strong>4. Start a family "never give up" motto.</strong><br />Begin using the family motto, "Don't quit until you succeed." A father once told me that conveying this life message was so important that they spent an afternoon together brainstorming family anthems about perseverance, such as, "Try, try, and try again, and then you will win," and "In this family, we finish what we start." They wrote them on index cards, and his kids taped them on their bedroom walls. Develop your own family anthem as a reminder that your family code of behavior is to never give up.<br /><br /><strong>5. Create a "stick to it" award.</strong><br />Ask your child to help you find a stick at least the length of a ruler to acknowledge "stick-to-itiveness." I know a family in Seattle who uses an old broomstick, and another mother said her family uses a yardstick. Print "Stick to It Award" across the stick or dowel with a black marking pen. Now tell everyone to be on alert for family members showing special persistence for the next month. Each night, have a family gathering to announce the names of family members who didn't give up, and print their initials on the stick with a marking pen. Make sure to tell the recipients exactly what they did to deserve the award. Make it a contest to see how long it takes to fill the stick with family members' initials. Children love to count how often their initials appear on the stick!<br /><br />Children learn best through repetition, so why not make perseverance your family theme of the month? Print the word "Perseverance" on a large poster and hang it on your refrigerator as a reminder, and then, everyday take a few minutes to point out to your kids why it is such an important trait of success. And above all remember: parents do make a difference!<br /><br /><br /><strong>Michele Borba, Ed.D.</strong>, is an educational psychologist, former teacher, and mom who is recognized for offering research-driven advice culled from a career of working with over one million parents, educators, and children. A frequent morning TV show guest, Michele is also the author of 22 books. For more information visit <a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.<br />
Staff
2013-04-15T14:05:00Z
Testing the Waters
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Testing-the-Waters/-228415155140742200.html
2013-04-08T14:05:00Z
2013-04-08T14:05:00Z
<em>Tweens love to try new things, including dangerous, addictive drugs. Would you be able to tell if your kids were sampling drugs - and how would you respond if they were?</em><strong><br /><br />By Dr. Jerry Weichman</strong><br /><a href="http://www.drjerryweichman.com" target="_blank">www.drjerryweichman.com</a><br /><br />I'd like to be able to tell you that teens don't use drugs. Unfortunately, that's not true. I wish I could assure you that tweens - kid ages 9 to 12 - wouldn't think of using drugs. But I'd be lying.<br /><br />In my practice, I see tweens every day who are experimenting with alcohol and drugs, always without their parents' knowledge. It's not uncommon for tweens to first try drugs in middle school. Even if they don't become hard-core users, just this short exposure can have dire consequences for the rest of your child's life. <br /><br />Drug and alcohol exposure is especially dangerous during the growth years because it primes the brain for addiction. Scientific research has shown that the earlier a person is exposed to drugs or alcohol, the greater the likelihood he or she has of becoming dependent on these substances. <br /><br /><strong>Getting Started</strong><br /><br />Tweens often begin experimenting with drugs by drinking alcohol or smoking marijuana. They may seek a high from non-prescription cough suppressants such as Robitussin or decongestants like Coricidin. Others use prescription drugs such as Oxycontin, Xanax, Vicodin and Ritalin, or other drugs that treat attention-deficit disorders. I've seen kids using heroin too; they think smoking it is safer than injecting it.<br /><br />I'm also noticing more tweens and teens experimenting with ecstasy. This stimulant and hallucinogenic was once the drug of choice for "ravers," but its popularity has spread. Some studies have shown that ecstasy use can lead to a lifetime of increased depression and anxiety, plus immediate side effects that include confusion and disorientation. I routinely see young people in my practice who have been sexually assaulted or committed sexual acts they regret while high on ecstasy, which profoundly impairs judgment.<br /> <br /><strong>"Spice" and Salvia</strong><br /><br />There are scores more drugs that you probably don't know about - but your children might. Synthetic marijuana, often called "spice," offers the same mind-altering qualities as pot and is largely undetectable by most drug tests. So is salvia, the hallucinogenic drug that "Hannah Montana" star Miley Cyrus was filmed smoking on her 18th birthday. Salvia is legal in California, but that doesn't mean it's safe. <br /><br /><strong>Considering how much drug education our society and we as parents provide, why are tweens using drugs? </strong><br /><br />Some may have older siblings who use drugs. Others are trying desperately to persuade themselves and others that they are mature and "cool." For those struggling socially, becoming a "partier" quickly gives them acceptance. Others are self-medicating for depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. <br /><br />Meanwhile, the Internet and texting have increased teens' ability to connect to ideas and one another. Hearing their classmates talk casually at lunch about weekend drug use or seeing party pictures on Facebook has desensitized adolescents to the idea that drug use is dangerous and illegal. Instead, they feel that it's no big deal because everyone is doing it.<br /><br /><strong>Protecting Your Kids</strong><br /><br />In my practice, I see many caring, educated and involved parents who are stunned and heartbroken to learn that their tween has been using alcohol and drugs. They did not know their children were experimenting with, testing, abusing and ingesting these mind-altering substances. <br /><br />You can help protect your children from the dangers of drug and alcohol abuse. Here are a few suggestions:<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Use a drug tester and breathalyzer to test your teens periodically. </strong>That alone may give them second thoughts about sampling illegal fare at parties. And they can use it as a convenient excuse to say no to friends who urge them to try dangerous substances.</li>
<li><strong>Take a zero-tolerance stance. </strong>Kids have a tough time with the idea of moderation, so make it easy for them: Give them a clear red light. No drugs. Ever.</li>
<li><strong>Don't share your experiences with substance use or abuse until your children are older.</strong> If they see that you experimented but turned out OK, they'll consider the consequences to be minimal. And they'll think you're a hypocrite for applying a different standard to them than you did to yourself.</li>
<li><strong>Monitor cell phone and Internet use.</strong> If they're interested in experimenting with drugs or alcohol, they'll discuss it with peers. On my <a href="http://www.drjerryweichman.com." target="_blank">website</a> you can find a comprehensive list of alternate terms and lingo that kids use for drugs.</li>
<li><strong>Have clear consequences if they violate your rules.</strong> Yelling or lecturing does nothing. Consequences have a lasting impact.</li>
<li><strong>Keep them busy.</strong> The more structure and fulfilling activities that tweens have in their lives, the less time they have to get into trouble.</li>
</ul>
<strong>Sources:</strong><br /><a href="http://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugfacts/spice-synthetic-marijuana" target="_blank">http://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugfacts/spice-synthetic-marijuana</a><br /><a href="http://www.abovetheinfluence.com/facts/drugsecstasy" target="_blank">http://www.abovetheinfluence.com/facts/drugsecstasy</a><br /><a href="http://www.drugs.com/ecstasy.html" target="_blank">http://www.drugs.com/ecstasy.html</a><br /><br /><strong>Jerry Weichman, Ph.D. </strong>is an expert on teen and preteen issues and has a clinical psychology practice based at the Hoag Neurosciences Institute in Newport Beach. He is the author of the teen self-help book, <em>How to Deal</em>, and a popular speaker about parenting, bullying, and adolescent coping skills. As a result of overcoming a childhood lower leg amputation and becoming a Division I college football player, Dr. Jerry has a unique perspective on coping with - and surmounting - the challenges of adolescence. Follow him on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/DrJerryWeichman" target="_blank">@drjerryweichman</a> or visit <a href="http://www.drjerryweichman.com." target="_blank">www.drjerryweichman.com.</a> Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.<br />
Staff
2013-04-08T14:05:00Z
What Really Causes Eating Disorders
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/What-Really-Causes-Eating-Disorders/-972736113829447264.html
2013-04-01T07:05:00Z
2013-04-01T07:05:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
<p>For many of us, eating disorders are a great mystery. What causes them? Why are they so difficult to cure? Why doesn't the young girl battling anorexia just <em>eat</em>? We want to rationalize something that's difficult to understand. One common rationalization is that young people with anorexia or bulimia have controlling or demanding parents, and so the disease manifests as a way to take control of their own lives, even if it's only about what foods they do or don't put into their mouths. <br /><br />When I sat down and talked with a woman who knows more about the issue than anyone, I found it's much more complicated than just control. There are actually five factors loved ones can look for to determine whether a person is more likely to develop an eating disorder.<br /><br />Jennifer Lombardi has been a recovered anorexic for the past 18 years. She is also a mother of two, a licensed marriage and family therapist, as well as the Executive Director of <a href="http://www.sedop.org/" target="_blank">Summit Eating Disorders and Outreach Program</a> (SEDOP) in Sacramento. SEDOP is a nationally recognized eating disorder treatment center that is unique because it is medically supervised. They have medical doctors, nurses, nutritionists, and more supporting positions on staff.<br /><br />Lombardi said one-third of her patients are children, and they are coming to SEDOP younger each year. "Hospitalizations for eating disorders in children under the age of 12 have increased by 119 percent in just the past few years, and in the past two years, we are seeing double the number of middle school kids," she said. "I am seeing kids as young as 7 these days. It's heartbreaking." <br /><br />Lombardi explained that why a person develops an eating disorder is like a five-piece puzzle. All five pieces are indicators that a person is at risk, though some factors can be more prevalent than others. "The first two have to do with nature, or the cards we're dealt at birth," she said. "The last three have to do with nurture, or a person's environment."<br /><br /><strong>Here are the factors to look for in yourself, your child, or a loved one:</strong><br /><br /><strong>#1. Mood (nature)</strong><br />Some people are simply born with a stronger predisposition for anxiety or depression, which are predominant moods that people with eating disorders have.<br /><br /><strong>#2. Personality (nature)</strong><br />If a person is more driven and/or a people pleaser, both are factors that need to be monitored.<br /><br /><strong>#3. Culture (environment)</strong><br />It could be a person's school, family, or even in what city he or she lives. For example, the greater culture of technology kids live in today exposes them to many more confusing messages and images than past generations experienced. Pro-anorexia boards on social media sites have become more common. <br /><br />And women are not the only ones who struggle with eating disorders - more than one million males are fighting an eating disorder, and it has even been given a name: "manorexia" (which can be anorexia and/or binge eating). Nearly one-third of teenage boys use unhealthy forms of weight control, including skipping meals, fasting, smoking cigarettes, vomiting, and taking laxatives, according to Lombardi. Surely the culture boys live in today feeds these messages.<br /><br /><strong>#4. Trauma or a loss (environment)</strong><br />A particularly painful time in life can make people more susceptible to hurt themselves.<br /><br /><strong>#5. Relationship issues (environment)</strong><br />This can be the aforementioned controlling parents, but it could be an array of other relationship situations as well. <br /><br />Kids and adults can develop an eating disorder because of one or more of these reasons. "They may stumble onto a diet site or read something about skipping meals, and while others would move on, it actually is much more tempting for them," said Lombardi. <br /><br />Patients explain how they feel to Lombardi, telling her things like, "I just like how I feel when I don't eat," expecting to be put down by her. "Yet there's actually biological truth to how they're feeling - they're wired differently, and it probably <em>does</em> feel better to them to not eat," explained Lombardi. "At places like Summit, patients are given coping tools to deal with the hand they've been dealt."<br /><br />As a recovering anorexic, even Lombardi said events and feelings still trigger old ideas of anorexic behavior. But because she's learned coping skills like how to be more assertive in conflicts and how to "let things go" by making a conscious effort to be less of a perfectionist, she's able to stick to her current healthy habits. "I recognize the urges now," she said, "Though they have become less powerful and less frequent over time." They usually come when she's "tired, stressed, or when she hasn't given herself enough self-care."<br /><br />At SEDOP, patients are given the tools to work with their own unique circumstances. They are then practiced, and support is there for the long haul. <br /><br />Summit offers three levels of care, ranging from outpatient to partial-hospitalization. They see an array of eating disorder diagnoses like anorexia and bulimia, but also more atypical ones such as food phobias, picky eating syndrome, and body dysmorphia. <br /><br />A free assessment can be given in person or over the phone by calling (916) 574-1000. "Sometimes the conversation stops there," said Lombardi. "But wondering about someone suffering, but not pursuing help for them, is a dangerous game to play."<br /><br />If callers do need more help and they do not live in Northern California, they can still be referred to a treatment center near them.<br /><br />"Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness," said Lombardi. "Therefore, it's extremely important loved ones are persistent with people they think may be suffering. Patients rarely call for themselves - so expect pushback because it is such a private disease."<br /><br /><br /><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-04-01T07:05:00Z
Where Is the 'Off Switch' on this Thing?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Where-Is-the-Off-Switch-on-this-Thing/-49731910430072565.html
2013-03-11T07:20:00Z
2013-03-11T07:20:00Z
<strong>By Cliff Ennico</strong><br /><a href="http://www.succeedinginyourbusiness.com" target="_blank">SucceedingInYourBusiness.com</a><br /><br />It's "spring speaking season" once again - that wonderful time of year when the crocuses are blooming, the snow is melting (except of course in New England), the birds are migrating, and I'm racking up frequent flier miles on really cheap airlines traveling around the country speaking to trade associations, professional organizations and other business groups on topics such as Internet sales taxes, social media legal issues, "crowdfunding" and the finer points of information technology consulting contracts (hey, it pays the bills).<br /><br />Whenever I'm speaking somewhere, I always check out the other speakers to learn the latest trends. By far, the hottest topic for professional speakers right now is "how to use social media to grow your business."<br /><br />At every conference there is always at least one speaker (sometimes more) singing the praises of Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and YouTube. These speakers are invariably young (well, younger than me), speak incredibly fast, jump around the stage like cheerleaders (or teenagers on Red Bull), and scream at the top of their lungs. Their mantra is always the same: "Social media is here; social media is the future; social media is gooooood; you better get on board with social media or your business will go bankrupt." It used to be that only religious fanatics ordered you to "convert or die." Now it's technology gurus.<br /><br />Generally, I agree with these speakers. But before we wildly embrace a social universe in which everyone is connected to everyone all the time and anyone in the universe can grab me by the tookus 24/7 and force me to pay attention to them against my will, we should consider one major issue:<br /><br /><em>Whether or not technology should come with an "off switch."</em><br /><br />During one recent presentation, the speaker showed a video of a cute 19-month-old girl who had figured out how to use her father's tablet computer and download apps. After demonstrating his daughter's technological prowess, her father then took away the tablet and gave her a magazine. His daughter repeatedly stabbed her finger at the magazine, trying to make it interact with her. When it didn't, she threw it away in frustration. She then looked curiously at her finger and started jabbing herself in the leg...to make sure her finger wasn't the problem!<br /><br />Of course, everyone in the audience said it was the funniest thing they had ever seen. But I hope I wasn't the only person watching this video who was totally horrified by the fact that this little girl - at only 19 months - was already a slave to technology.<br /><br />We are becoming increasingly engulfed and surrounded by media. Go to your local coffee shop and there's a wide-screen television blasting at you with another one by the cash register scrolling ads and coupons in your face. We have televisions in our cars, and we text while we're driving. We will soon have automobile windshields that can access the Internet, and toilets that can diagnose bowel problems and report them to your doctor online (don't laugh - the patents are pending). <br /><br />All this technology is fine, as long as you have the power to choose when to be connected. The minute you lose that freedom and surrender your privacy to the point that you are publicly available 24/7/365, you also begin to lose control over your life.<br /><br />When you are using your technology, it is increasingly able to use you. Like Santa Claus, it "knows when you are sleeping, it knows when you're awake" (and sometimes also when you're bad or good), it knows what you are doing and where you are at all times, and it penalizes you when you don't play by its rules.<br /><br />A friend told me a story about his teenage daughter. It seemed that he and his wife were finding empty plastic bags in their bathroom wastebasket every time their daughter used the shower. At first, they feared drug abuse. But when they confronted their daughter, the story turned out to be quite different.<br /><br />It seemed that a week before, one of their daughter's friends had texted her about a party at someone's house. When their daughter didn't respond within five minutes, the friend assumed she had other plans and didn't include her in follow-up texts. The party went on without her, and her friends teased her for weeks about her absence. <br /><br />Their daughter started bringing her smartphone with her INTO THE SHOWER to make sure that didn't happen again (hence the plastic bags).<br /><br />Don't get me wrong. I'm very excited about the brave new world we will have when all the world's information is at our fingertips, instantaneously accessible. But we will need some common sense rules to ensure it is used intelligently and responsibly, and "off switches" to ensure that the world can't grab us when we don't want to be grabbed. Without those, there's a real danger we will become slaves to a master that is blind, deaf, and dumb, without a heart and without a soul.<br /><br /> <br /><strong>Cliff Ennico</strong> (<a href="http://www.succeedinginyourbusiness.com" target="_blank">SucceedingInYourBusiness.com</a>), a leading expert on small business law and taxes, is the author of <em>Small Business Survival Guide</em>, <em>The eBay Seller's Tax and Legal Answer Book</em> and 15 other books. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com <br />
Staff
2013-03-11T07:20:00Z
Is It Time to Bring Back College Curfews?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Is-It-Time-to-Bring-Back-College-Curfews/693873065874676369.html
2013-03-04T18:20:00Z
2013-03-04T18:20:00Z
<strong>Harry H. Harrison Jr.</strong><br /><a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">FearlessParenting.com</a><br /><br /><br />Wow, am I suggesting a return to the 1960s where freshmen girls were required to be in their dorm by 9 p.m. and boys by 11? <br /><br />Well, actually yes. <br /><br />And here's why: Since 1970, the rate of freshmen graduating from college has plummeted. Every study shows that there are more freshmen entering college than ever before, yet fewer of them are actually graduating than ever before. The percentage of students receiving their degree has dropped from 46.7 percent in 1970 to 36.4 percent in the early 1990s and continues a downward trend starting 50 years ago. More students were graduating in four years in 1965 than they are today, more are dropping out, and more are literally lost in the system so the government has no idea what's happening to them. There are 37 million Americans who have some college credits (and college debt) but no degree. And the U.S. Census Bureau reported in 2009 that, nationally, only 9 percent of 18- to 24-year-olds and only 27.5 percent of those 25 years and older had a bachelor's degree or higher. However, some 60 percent of all jobs in the U.S. require a degree. And the pay gap between those with college degrees and those without has doubled since 1980.<br /><br />OK, so we know the problem. Now why is this happening? I have written extensively about the rigors of college and how to deal with them at <a href="http://www.harryhharrisonjr.com" target="_blank">HarryHHarrisonJr.com</a>, and my book, <em>1001 Things Every College Student Needs to Know (Like Buying Your Books Before Your Exams Start)</em>, is one of the best-selling college preparation books on Amazon. One reason students are failing is that they are simply showing up for college unprepared to do college-level work. They took the easy way out in high school. They didn't take AP classes or in many cases, literally took their senior year off. Other reasons include what you would expect: they don't show up for class, they're not prepared when they do show up, they don't start papers until the night before, they spend more time in college bars than in the college library, etc. And then there's college romance, drugs, alcohol, and finances that force a student to work more than study. <br /><br />But in an era when more kids are dropping out than ever before, the college that's generally regarded as the one with the toughest curriculum graduates an astonishing 81 percent of its students in four years, almost twice the national average. What's the difference?<br /><br />West Point has an 11:30 p.m. curfew. <br /><br />The service academies may well be the only colleges left in the U.S. (except for some religious colleges) that have a curfew. So why should a curfew create more successful college students? <br /><br /><strong>Five reasons:</strong><br />
<blockquote>1. Most college freshmen show up on campus having dealt with a curfew at home. Suddenly, they are free to roam the streets at all hours of the night, and few have the maturity and self-discipline to not party, drink, and hook up. They're not ready to be adults. They won't be ready for another six years or so. College is supposed to be a transition to adult living, but it's not. We want our college students to act like adults from day one. That is fantasy thinking. <br /><br />2. Missing class is one of the big reasons students fail out. They miss class because they're still in bed having gotten back to their dorms at 4 a.m. A curfew ensures a bright-eyed college student in the morning.<br /><br />3. A curfew forces a student to meet other kids on his or her dorm floor, set up study groups, or just give them somebody to complain to. That's important because another reason kids drop out is they have no roots. They have no friends. A curfew brings even the most introverted student new friends because everyone is there.<br /><br />4. A curfew keeps kids safe. The most violent crimes and shootings occur in the wee hours when there are less likely to be any witnesses.<br /><br />5. Finally, like your mother said, nothing good happens after midnight.</blockquote>
If colleges in the United States really want to confront the graduation problem head-on, they would do what the military does: get their students home by 11:30.<br /><br /><strong>Harry H. Harrison Jr.</strong> is a <em>New York Times</em> best-selling parenting author with over 3.5 million books in print. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs, and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations, including NPR. His books are available in over 35 countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia, and in the Far East. For more information visit <a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">FearlessParenting.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com<br />
Staff
2013-03-04T18:20:00Z
What a County Prosecutor Wants Your Middle School Student to Know
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/What-a-County-Prosecutor-Wants-Your-Middle-School-Student-to-Know/716105794129847630.html
2013-02-25T08:10:00Z
2013-02-25T08:10:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
<p><br />My county's Deputy District Attorney led cyber-safety presentations for the students at our neighborhood public middle school last week, educating them in the online pitfalls kids their age are most likely to encounter. She opened by talking about "stranger danger" as they've always known it, and that the boogeyman isn't just the obvious man in sunglasses asking children if they'd like a piece of candy anymore. There are, in fact, scores of unknown people hiding on the web, trolling to find their next victims. Deputy DA Lisette Suder gave a parallel presentation to 75 parents that same night, where she stressed that parent education coupled with parent-child communication is the best way to keep kids safe.<br /> <br />Suder has seen an explosion of cyber crimes related to the sexual assault and child endangerment cases she prosecutes in El Dorado County. "The Internet isn't just TV or reading a book; it's interactive, alive and real," she said. More than half of the kids in the audience raised their hands when she asked if a stranger had ever texted them or approached them online, which wasn't surprising to Suder, though it was to the parents. She said it is a common practice for predators to call random numbers until they reach a child. Further, "A predator's number one goal is to get kids offline to try and meet them," she said. Throughout the evening, she stressed how cyber danger is a real thing and that people are victimized right here in our seemingly safe suburban communities.<br /> <br />However, completely shielding kids from technology isn't realistic, nor is trying to stay ahead of the criminals. "The sophistication of the criminal mind is advancing," warned Suder. "We could never have the time or resources to figure out all the modern ways kids can get caught up."<br /> <br />Instead, we need to monitor what children are up to. Specifically, if parents don't recognize an app on their child's phone, find out what it is. And, Suder said, arm children with these specific online safety tips. <br /><br /><strong>Never, never, never:</strong></p>
<blockquote>
<p><br />- Reply to someone you don't know</p>
<p>- Give your name</p>
<p>- Give your address or where you go to school</p>
<p>- Send pictures to someone you don't know<br /> <br /></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Many kids these days think they're too smart to fall for a predator's lines, so warn them that by talking to strangers online, they could also be putting their family or friends at risk. By giving out personal information or even sending out a photo, (which can give a GPS location - called Geotagging), a home can be robbed. Giving out personal information can also lead to someone hacking into parents' bank accounts, etc. In addition, a whopping 600,000 hijacked log-in attempts are reported on Facebook each day alone.<br /> <br />"Middle school aged kids are the perfect victims," said Suder. "Their bodies are changing and they often feel like no one understands them. Kids who feel lonely will tell an adult anything if they spend enough time talking." She also wanted parents to know that boys are just as likely to be victimized as girls.<br /> <br />Beyond unknown predators, kids can get themselves into trouble all on their own. Sexting and cyberbullying (also known as "flaming") were discussed. Parents were given an eight-page pamphlet of sexting codes kids use today. Suder offered this tip to kids: "If it's something you wouldn't show or say to your mom, dad or teacher, then you know it's inappropriate and DON'T push send." And later to the parents, she said, "Don't assume your kid wouldn't do this."<br /> <br />The school principal closed with this: "Kids are living in a world that has a whole different realm of communication than we had as kids. And because of that, we want them to be safe in cyber space, just as we expect them to make good choices in other parts of their lives."<br /> <br /><br /><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-02-25T08:10:00Z
What Today's Girls Need
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/What-Todays-Girls-Need/-636366010774472319.html
2013-02-18T08:15:00Z
2013-02-18T08:15:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
<p><br />"Why are those girls so nice to their mom?" my first grader innocently asked as we watched the original film adaptation of Louisa May Alcott's <em>Little Women</em> over the holidays. She then asked to watch it over and over again, reminding me how much I also loved the story as a child. <br /><br />Set during the Civil War, <em>Little Women</em> is the story of four sisters coming of age under the guidance of their mother, affectionately called Marmee. The film starring Janet Leigh and a very young Elizabeth Taylor was a favorite when I was a child too, but I always thought it was because we also had a family with four daughters. I see now that the heart of the movie shows what girls need most to thrive: unbridled fun as well as at least one positive, older female role model.<br /><br />Marmee is deeply respected by her daughters. They witness her live a dignified daily life of humility, love, and service. In one scene, the girls decide to sacrifice their $1 cash Christmas presents from a wealthy aunt to buy presents for Marmee. Following their mother's example, they also donate their one lavish meal of the year, their Christmas breakfast, to give to a family who needs it far more than they do. <br /><br />Sure it's just a scripted movie, but its timeless appeal is a reminder that girls are hungry for our guidance and that they will emulate us more than we realize. We know that a mother influences her daughter's own body image and can even shape what kind of a parent her daughter will be herself one day. A recent study even found that a mother's (not a father's) drinking habits directly correlate with <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/9591703/Mothers-ruin-mums-determine-their-childrens-drinking-habits.html" target="_blank">her children's later drinking habits. </a><br /><br />Dr. Leonard Sax, a family practice doctor, psychologist, and author of the recent book, <em>Girls on the Edge</em>, argues that a good chunk of what should be a precious phase of girlhood (that time between childhood and adulthood when girls should be having innocent adventures like riding bikes, playing in creeks, and giggling with their friends) is being replaced by sexually charged images and expectations that have made them make the leap to adulthood much too quickly. Losing their girlhood and thereby growing up too fast is a detriment to their development, he says, and it's causing unprecedented increases in anxiety, depression, and loneliness in girls today. <br /><br />Where are the carefree, fun-loving girls like Punky Brewster, Laura Ingalls Wilder, or the four March sisters when girls flip on the television in 2013? Those characters have been replaced with far more serious ones like Selena Gomez, Miley Cyrus, and Rihanna (three of <a href="http://thechive.com/2012/12/07/the-most-googled-women-on-the-web-in-2012-50-pics/" target="_blank">the most Googled young people in 2012</a>). <br /><br />One of the antidotes to this is to pair girls with older mentors. Though their peer group is strong and it's normal for teenage girls to want some separation from their parents as they develop an identity of their own, other female adult role models can be positive as well. We saw this in quilting communities of generations past and in some single-gender organizations. When I first became a mother, I joined a community of knitters and was the youngest in the group by at least 30 years. These women told me stories as they doted on my baby, teaching me to knit while they also doled out advice and welcomed me into a tribe of sorts. At different times in a girl or woman's life it may not be possible for her to have her own mother as a mentor, and that's where other women can help.<br /><br />Several months ago, Dr. Laura talked on-air about a remarkable girl she knows and how this girl's mother has been "a phenomenal mentor" to her. The word choice was striking: I hadn't thought of one's own mother being a mentor. A teacher can be one, or a coach, or an aunt, but a mother? She was so right.<br /><br />Mothers have a responsibility to be upstanding role models for their daughters to look up to. Yet, all women should share in this endeavor whether their children are grown, or they have sons instead of daughters, or they have no children at all. Younger people really do want to hear our stories and feel that sense of acceptance by us even though we may be years apart in age. </p>
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-02-18T08:15:00Z
Valentine's Day Is Here to Stay
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Valentines-Day-Is-Here-to-Stay/-934278795965080390.html
2013-02-11T15:02:00Z
2013-02-11T15:02:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong></p>
<p><br />"Whoa! That's a lot of Valentines... Are you a teacher?," a man asked as he stared at my cart incredulously while my kids and I checked out of the Dollar Store last weekend. Toting 100 paper Valentines plus a piece of candy to attach to each one, I was genuinely happy to answer, "No I'm not, but my kids are taking Valentines to their classes at school."</p>
<p>Later that same evening, my husband grumbled about all the candy I'd bought, how it's just "one more thing" we needed to do for school. I had to disagree. You see, I was actually giddy to buy all that candy. Of all the things kids don't get to experience at school anymore, I am happy to say Valentine's Day is (hopefully) a tradition that's here to stay.</p>
<p>A lot of traditions and holidays have been done away with in many of our nation's elementary schools. The Pledge of Allegiance might be said once a week, if at all, in 2013. And classic playground games like dodgeball are now a no-no while Red Rover got the ax long ago. The word "Christmas" has been eradicated, substituted for "holiday," and there are no longer classroom "Easter" parties or "Easter" egg hunts, but "spring" hunts and parties are plentiful. Anything Halloween has been replaced by "harvest" - harvest parties, harvest festivals, and harvest attire too. A straw hat and overalls are fine on scarecrow day, but children must not wear Halloween costumes on October 31st for fear they'll simply be too distracting. Last year, I mistakenly told my son he'd better wear green on St. Patrick's Day or be prepared to be pinched, only to be told his teacher had already warned his class that pinching wouldn't be permitted.</p>
<p>I've slowly begun to accept the fact that childhood staples like bringing birthday cupcakes to class are passé. And where at least small gifts like pencils from the birthday child for the other 30 students were a welcome sub-par substitute for a little while, now those are gone as well.</p>
<p>Instead, other annual events have been embraced and elevated in most public as well as private elementary schools. The anti-drug "Red Ribbon Week" is a weeklong affair, as is "Teacher Appreciation Week." Chinese New Year gets the royal treatment and the 100th day of school oddly gets all the bells and whistles, too.</p>
<p>Holidays and celebrations at school have changed, but Valentine's Day has remained as stable as ever. Not only may my kids bring paper Valentines to their school classmates, but they get to bring candy too?! But really, who could deny a day that says, "I care about you," all day long? There's just nothing non-PC about it, except for maybe the astronomical prices of flowers or the impossibility of getting dinner reservations...but let's get back to the kids. </p>
<p>Valentine's Day certainly started with controversy. St. Valentine was a martyred priest in Rome - he was beheaded in 500 A.D. for secretly officiating the weddings of Christian soldiers, who were forbidden from getting married at the time because they were being persecuted under the Roman Empire. Legend states that before his execution, Valentine wrote, "From your Valentine," as a farewell to the jailer's daughter, whom he'd befriended.</p>
<p>In present day, February 14th is simply a worldwide day of red, pink, roses, and candy, timeless symbols of peace, love, and happiness. Even if someone doesn't have a romantic love, he or she can smother their family and friends with adoration and appreciation, and I'm glad we still celebrate it. Happy Valentine's Day!</p>
<p><strong><br />Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-02-11T15:02:00Z
Ten Ways to Know if Your Child Is Ready or Not for College
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Ten-Ways-to-Know-if-Your-Child-Is-Ready-or-Not-for-College/-856009384512320379.html
2013-02-04T08:10:00Z
2013-02-04T08:10:00Z
<p><strong>By Harry H. Harrison Jr.</strong><br /><a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">FearlessParenting.com</a></p>
<p>Spring is the time of year when high school juniors are learning about different colleges and high school seniors are receiving their acceptance letters. Yes, and a great many high school seniors will receive those other kinds of letters as well: "You've been waitlisted," or even worse, the rejection letter. But sometimes a rejection letter means a college is just saving a student from him or herself.</p>
<p>We are all so wrapped up in the process - in filling out the applications, visiting campuses, talking about roommates, and getting professional help on the college essays - that we forget to ask ourselves one critical question: Is my child ready for college?</p>
<p>Fifty percent of parents get this question wrong! They send their brood off to college holding a high school diploma, a computer, and a FACA loan without ever really considering if college is the right choice <em>right now</em>. I've spoken to thousands of high school students, I've written a number of books on college preparation, and I know that this year almost half of the incoming freshman class will fail to graduate. This statistic cuts across race, ethnic, religious, and demographic lines. So, is your student really ready for college, or are they ready to crash mid-semester? Sit down with your student and ask these questions:</p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Is your student doing college-level work now?</strong> Many kids buckle down their junior and senior year to do college-level work in high school. Their ability to succeed here is a strong predicator of success. If they're not doing college-level work now, it will be difficult their freshman year.</li>
<li><strong>Is your student taking the last semester off or taking a full load?</strong> The college landscape is littered with freshman who took it easy their senior year only to be crushed by the college workload. If they're taking the semester off, they're not ready.</li>
<li><strong>Is your student organized? </strong>This seems straightforward enough, but given the amount of homework and reading due, unorganized students study the wrong chapters for tests, turn in the wrong homework, and wait until 2 a.m. the night before to start on a semester paper due at 8 a.m. The ability to organize is critical to college success.</li>
<li><strong>Is your student disciplined?</strong> Do they have the discipline to study six hours a day before they go out that night? Do they have the discipline to start a term paper the first week of school, make early use of the writing center, and show up on time for class? Students who lack the discipline to even just show up fail out.</li>
<li><strong>Does your student have a major in mind? </strong>The simple fact is kids who show up on campus knowing what they want to major in tend to graduate faster. They know the preparatory classes they must take, they know where they should intern in the summer, and they know the skills required for success. Not having a major or even changing your major isn't degree threatening, but kids who know what they want out of college tend to get it.</li>
<li><strong>Can you afford it?</strong> A loan for a college education is one of the best financial decisions you can make, if you graduate that is. Although working through college is admirable, if you HAVE to work just to PAY for school, you need to find a cheaper college or save up a year. Otherwise, you could wind up with college debt but no college degree.</li>
<li><strong>Can your student make friends easily?</strong> This sounds trivial, but the fact is kids who can make friends easily tend to stay at college because they know people. This is not to say shy kids can't make it, but maybe they need to go to a school closer to home or attend a college where their friends are going. </li>
<li><strong>Is your student prepared to think like an adult?</strong> College exposes our parenting mistakes. Can your kid take the responsibility for planning their day, studying instead of partying, and walking away from dangerous situations and people? Can they handle the incredible world of possibilities, problems, and setbacks that college will throw at them, or would they be better off taking a year to mature, study at a junior college, and grow up?</li>
<li><strong>Are they choosing a college because that's where their high school flame is going?</strong> That is the single stupidest reason for picking a college. Broken hearts bring more kids home than you can believe. </li>
<li><strong>Is college the right choice? </strong>As a society, we have bought into the belief that every child deserves a college education, when in reality every child deserves to learn skills that will help them succeed in the adult world. There are a lot of plumbers out there doing better than MBAs. My electrician has five rent homes.</li>
</ol>
<p>These are serious questions that parents and their kids need to really think about and talk over. College is the right choice for many kids. But it's not the only way a young adult can make it in this world. Just ask my electrician.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Harry H. Harrison Jr.</strong> is a <em>New York Times</em> best-selling parenting author with over 3.5 million books in print. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs, and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations, including NPR. His books are available in over 35 countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia, and in the Far East. For more information visit <a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">FearlessParenting.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2013-02-04T08:10:00Z
Playing Manners Scenarios with Kids
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Playing-Manners-Scenarios-with-Kids/-490211868243691093.html
2013-01-21T08:05:00Z
2013-01-21T08:05:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.KidFocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused<br /></a></strong><br />Depending on their age, you can work on different manners with your kids by acting out the situations in which they would use them in an age-appropriate way. It's really fun, and by playing out the situations instead of verbally telling kids what to do, the lessons will resonate more with them.<br /><br />My kids now often say, "Let's play the manners game!"<br /><br /><strong>Interrupting</strong><br />Recently, while we were riding in the car, I showed my 4- and 6-year-olds how interrupting someone is bad manners. I pretended to be the child while they had a conversation. As they were talking, I blurted out, "Mommy, mommy, mommy!" They understood right away how that sounds from my point of view.<br /><br />We talked about two ways to politely get someone's attention by acting out the scenarios. I acted first and then they took a turn. <br /><br /></p>
<ol>
<li>Wait until there is a break in the conversation and then ask your question (unless it's an emergency).</li>
<br />
<li>Politely say, "Excuse me," and then ask the question. </li>
</ol><strong>Handshakes</strong><br />My parents instilled in their four daughters the importance of giving a proper handshake. The lesson stayed with me as one of the more important first impression social lessons. I am now passing this lesson along to our 8- and 10-year-old sons. They are getting to the age where it's nice to greet a male adult with a handshake. For a female adult, we are telling our sons to offer their hand if the woman offers hers first.<br /><br />For this scenario, my husband and I pretend like we are greeting them as another adult (not just Mom or Dad).<br /><br /><ol>
<li>Say, "Hello," and outstretch your hand to them one at a time and look down shyly, not making eye contact. I barely grip their hands, maybe even just touching a few of their fingers or giving a loose squeeze instead of putting my hand fully into their hands. We discuss the phrases "dead fish" and "wet noodle" - the kind of handshake I've given them, which are no-no.</li>
<br />
<li>For the proper handshake, say, "Hello," while looking into their eyes and smiling. Offer a firm handshake, not too hard and not too soft. At this age, they especially like to practice <em>extra firm</em> handshakes - we stress that's as bad as a dead fish handshake.</li>
<br />
<li>We talk about the difference between the two. Which one is friendlier? Why?</li>
</ol>Practice this with them every week or so until they have it.<br /><br /><strong>Holding the Door Open for Others</strong><br />Children should be taught to open the door for others when they are about 6 years old, or strong enough to do so. I particularly like to see young boys doing this, but all kids should be taught to leave the door open for others. <br /> <br />Last week, I took my 8- and 10-year-old boys to a store. There were two elderly women coming from behind us toward the store entrance too. I gave a quick, hushed reminder of "Hold the door for the ladies, boys." They opened the door and stood back so the ladies could enter first.<br /> <br />The women oohed and aahed and thanked me once inside for teaching my kids good manners.<br /> <br />"It's an ongoing process," I told them, "But thank you for the nice compliment."<br /> <br />"Yes, it is ongoing," one of the ladies said. "I'm still teaching my kids and they're 50 and 52."<br /> <br />It won't happen overnight, but modeling polite manners while being consistent and kind with our reminders is key. <br /><br />
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-01-21T08:05:00Z
The Blurring of Need Versus Want
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Blurring-of-Need-Versus-Want/-697436293530121927.html
2013-01-14T15:05:00Z
2013-01-14T15:05:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused<br /></a></strong></p>
The fiscal cliff has been averted for now, but it's only a matter of time before America faces more tough financial decisions. This can be said about our own lives too. Our wants versus what we really need to pay for has clouded our thinking, so much so that luxuries like big screen TVs are now seen as necessities for many Americans. In the 1950s, the most wished for Christmas list items by 6- to 12-year-olds were Matchbox cars and Barbie dolls. 1980s children were all about Rubiks' Cubes and Cabbage Patch Kids. Today? The most asked for Christmas list item by 6- to12-year-olds during this 2012 holiday season was an iPad; the MacBook computer came in a close second. And the older kids get, the pricier the wants become. For every parent of a teen I talked to who said their kid asked for modest things this Christmas, nine said that their teen wanted cash to save for (or flat out directly asked for) items in at least the three-digit price range.<br /><br />Why not? Young people are barraged with the message that material goods buy happiness now more than ever. The fleeting financial bubble we built around ourselves earlier this new century started the self-justified indulgences of many and then the explosion of so many convenient technological gadgets in just the past four years alone have only sped along the "I want it now" syndrome. Kids growing up today don't know any different. Let's help them put things in perspective.<br /><br />As my 15-year-old niece informed me at Christmas, not having a smartphone pretty much means a less convenient, less connected, and less than full life, and that she is miserably the "only one at her school who doesn't have an iPhone." I, on the other hand, had to applaud my sister for standing her ground. <br /><br />Children follow the trends of celebrities. Kim Kardashian's teen sisters, who are launching their own fashion line at just 15 and 17 years old (an anomaly years ago - now commonplace), tweeted to their adoring young fans this past week about their many pairs of $1,000 luxury shoes. It's no wonder that a recent University Research study cites a spike in specialty or designer stores for 12- to 20-year-olds in the past 10 years. <br /> <br />It shouldn't be too shocking that a new online industry of "arrangement sites" is cropping up at college campuses nationwide. At least half a million young people, mainly young women, are selling themselves for sex. They are labeled "sugar babies" in the industry and are connected to older, wealthy "sugar daddies" (of which there are nearly two million registered today, and the industry is booming since first launching in 2008).<br /><br />These young people <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/sugar-daddies-cover-debts-sugar-baby-dates/story?id=16623859#.UOZyAKUm9FI" target="_blank">say the arrangement</a> helps them live the lifestyles they feel they deserve - enjoying lavish trips, buying fancy clothes, even having plastic surgery. Another large portion claims to be victims, arguing that they sell themselves out because it is necessary to pay for the steep cost of college today. Whatever happened to getting up early and waiting tables at the weekend breakfast shift to work through college? These 18- to 24-year-olds say that the high rate of tuition coupled with parents who are equally cash-strapped are the reasons they have no other choice than to sell their bodies. It seems as though there were never a tougher time to be young than today. <br /> <br />Struggling through some lean years while starting out in life has been an inevitable part of young peoples' lives for generations just as wearing hand-me-downs or not getting everything we want for Christmas has been a part of coming of age too. Let's dump this notion that anyone who can't get what they want or must wait a little longer to get it is a victim of a bad economy or otherwise.<br /><br />
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2013-01-14T15:05:00Z
Safe Holiday Tech Gadgets: Five Things Every Parent Should Do
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Safe-Holiday-Tech-Gadgets:-Five-Things-Every-Parent-Should-Do/342560633432859434.html
2012-12-17T15:05:00Z
2012-12-17T15:05:00Z
<strong>By Mary Kay Hoal</strong><br /><a href="http://www.marykayhoal.com/" target="_blank">MaryKayHoal.com</a><br /><br />The countdown to Christmas has already started. Because Santa's elves need help, you may have asked your children to create a holiday wish list, and if your kids are like mine, there's at least one technological gadget on their list this year. My 8-year-old wants a new iPod, my 12-year-old wants a new Xbox and my 13-year-old wants an iPhone 5. <br /><br />Whatever the gadget is, if it connects to the Internet, there are five things you need to do <em>before</em> giving it to your child. These precautionary steps are key to making sure your child has a healthy, happy, safe, and age-appropriate experience with their new digital device.<br /><br /><strong>First, start by talking to your child. </strong><br /><br />Regardless of their age, it's important that your children understand your ground rules for technology use. Technology isn't a right, it's a privilege - and a fun and educational one at that. Conversely, there are many concerning aspects to the use of technology that begs for parental involvement and attention. <br /><br />If you have room in your budget to purchase the specific gadget that your child wants, let them know that you want them to experience all the great benefits that it has to offer. Also, let your child know that there are rules they will need to follow if they want that gadget, and that you expect them to follow those rules without any exceptions.<br /><br /><em>Help your children follow your family's technology rules with this <a href="http://internet-safety.yoursphere.com/2012/04/technology-contract-helping-your-child-follow-your-rules-for-a-safe-digital-experience/" target="_blank">printable Technology Contract.</a> </em><br /><br />Once you've established a comfortable dialogue related to their technology use, keep the conversation going on a regular basis. It's critical that your children confide in you when they have questions about safe tech etiquette or, worst case scenario, something really concerning comes up. Soon they will realize that, while you may not be an expert, you care about their safety and you're fully aware of the fact that there's much to be gained with new technology when used responsibly. <br /><br /><strong>Second, if necessary, steer your child in a different direction. </strong><br /><br />I told my 8-year-old daughter, who is an avid reader, that I'd much rather see her reading than spending time in front of an iPod just playing games (that's why she wants one). We sat down and I showed her some alternatives that cater better to her interests, such as Amazon's Kindle, the Nook by Barnes & Noble, and the new tablet from Toys R Us. While Santa's purchase decision is still-to-be-made, she had no idea that tablets like these could hold hundreds of her favorite books and games too! <br /><br />If your child is relentless about getting an iPod - they're a wonderful gift - please be sure to read <a href="http://internet-safety.yoursphere.com/2010/11/how-to-have-a-safe-ipod-touch-and-a-happy-kid/" target="_blank">how I made my son's family-friendly ready</a> so he was able to enjoy all that it offered, and I didn't have to stress out about the content he was accessing.<br /><br /><strong>Third, consider waiting a year before you jump in too far. </strong><br /><br />Recognize that a smartphone is the exact same thing as putting a computer in the palm of your child's hand, minus all the safeguards and filters you have on your home computer. Four out of five of my children have their own cell phone. Each of them had to wait until they were 12 to get their first phone, and you can bet we didn't start with smartphones. I wanted each of them to first prove, for a year, that they could follow our family's technology rules. A year later, they were able to graduate on to a safety-enabled smartphone that came with limitations, like AT&T's Smart Limits. Most of the major cell phone providers have family safety plans like this - you can find them listed <a href="http://internet-safety.yoursphere.com/2011/09/mobile-parental-controls-att-verizon-sprint-t-mobile/" target="_blank">here.</a> These tools made it easy for me to put the same types of filters and restrictions that exist on our home computer on their smartphone, allowing my children to follow our family rules more easily.<br /><br /><strong>Fourth, get your child's "buy-in" before you gift the digital device. </strong><br /><br />My son, who wants an iPhone 5 for Christmas, knows that his phone will be safety enabled. That means Safari will be replaced with the AVG Family Safety browser, and restrictions will be set related to his age on apps, music and videos. <br /><br />My son also wants an Instagram account, to which I've said no. If you want to know why, you can read about the facts <a href="http://internet-safety.yoursphere.com/2012/02/instagram-is-it-okay-for-kids-what-parents-need-to-know/" target="_blank">here.</a> He and I have talked about my specific concerns after he read the research related to the app. While he understands the reasons for my apprehension, he isn't happy with my decision. He still hasn't committed to putting the phone on his final "wish list" since it won't come with everything he'd like. So Santa is giving him another few weeks to decide since his buy-in is key.<br /><br /><strong>Fifth, safety-enable any gadget that you give your child before it's wrapped. </strong><br /><br />These links provide you with step-by-step picture instructions that show you how to safety-enable the following devices:<br />
<ul>
<li><a href="http://internet-safety.yoursphere.com/2010/11/how-to-have-a-safe-ipod-touch-and-a-happy-kid/"><strong>iPod</strong></a></li>
<li><a href="http://internet-safety.yoursphere.com/2011/06/how-to-set-up-parental-controls-on-the-ipad/" target="_blank"><strong>iPad</strong></a></li>
<li><a href="http://internet-safety.yoursphere.com/2010/09/a-safe-iphone-and-a-happy-kid/" target="_blank"><strong>iPhone</strong></a></li>
<li><a href="http://internet-safety.yoursphere.com/2010/01/how-to-set-parental-controls-view-browsing-history-and-lock-google-safesearch/" target="_blank"><strong>Windows-based computer or laptop</strong></a></li>
<li><a href="http://internet-safety.yoursphere.com/2011/06/how-to-set-parental-controls-on-mac-os-x/" target="_blank"><strong>Mac-based computer or laptop</strong></a></li>
<li><a href="http://internet-safety.yoursphere.com/2011/10/wii-parental-controls/" target="_blank"><strong>Nintendo Wii</strong></a></li>
<li><a href="http://internet-safety.yoursphere.com/2010/10/your-guide-to-the-xbox-360-family-settings/" target="_blank"><strong>Xbox 360</strong></a></li>
</ul>
<strong>Finally, enjoy!! </strong><br /><br />There are lots of age-appropriate apps and games that you can set up on your child's new digital device. For a list of what I recommend, review this list <a href="http://internet-safety.yoursphere.com/app-reviews/" target="_blank">here.</a> Whether it's a membership to the award-winning kids' social network <a href="http://www.yoursphere.com/">Yoursphere.com</a>, or a fun video game like <em>Dance Central</em>, enjoy the experience with your family.<br /><br />The bottom line is: You shouldn't lose sleep over technology. Responsible parenting these days demands being <em>digitally involved, digitally educated, digitally aware</em> and <em>digitally proactive</em>. Exercising these simple steps will help you become that kind of parent, and that's a wonderful place to be in this holiday season and as we move into the New Year!<strong><br /><br /><br />Mary Kay Hoal</strong> is a nationally recognized expert on children's social media and online safety. She is the founder and president of Yoursphere Media Inc., which focuses on the family and publishes the kids' social network <a href="http://www.yoursphere.com/" target="_blank">Yoursphere.com</a> - sign your kids up today! Mary Kay also offers parents Internet-safety information at <a href="http://www.yoursphereforparents.com/" target="_blank">YoursphereForParents.com</a>. She has been profiled on CNN, BBC, E!, Fox & Friends, TIME, Lifetime TV and many others. Mary Kay is a contributor to ABC's <em>20/20</em> as their family Internet-safety expert. For more information, visit <a href="http://www.marykayhoal.com/" target="_blank">MaryKayHoal.com</a>.<strong> </strong>Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2012-12-17T15:05:00Z
Kids Need Concrete Tools to Combat Bullying
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Kids-Need-Concrete-Tools-to-Combat-Bullying/71145350105742012.html
2012-12-10T15:04:00Z
2012-12-10T15:04:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused<br /></a></strong></p>
<strong></strong><br />The <em>American Journal of Public Health</em> recently reported that suicides have surpassed car crashes as the nation's leading cause of injury-related deaths. Even my own small community has been hit hard by suicide with the untimely deaths of three young high school students this year alone.<br /> <br />The too common stories of troubled American teens at large are getting bolder and more desperate too. Just last week, a ninth grader from Utah shot and killed himself in front of classmates, and a girl from New York recently jumped into an oncoming train while her horrified friends stood by.<br /> <br />Despite anti-bullying assemblies and measures, bullying seems to only be getting worse. One father in my town angrily told me this week that bullies have picked up new vocabulary from all of these news stories. His son has been asked, "Why don't you just kill yourself?" many times. It wasn't until he was recently hospitalized for having such extreme anxiety he couldn't breathe that the boy broke down and finally told his parents everything.<br /> <br />Bullying is a bigger beast than it used to be, with technology serving as one of its chief steroids. Today, someone's personal humiliation can be made public within seconds, with just the press of a button.<br /> <br />However, expecting to stop bullying behavior is missing a larger point. Aggressive or taunting behavior has always existed, and it always will. Even when kids grow up, they will see grown-up bullies at their own kids' sporting events, at the workplace, and more. There will always be angry people looking to spew their frustrations on others. <br /> <br />What we need to do is equip kids with tools to combat bullying instead of thinking we can eradicate it. This needs to be done at home.<br /> <br />I now talk about bullying with my older kids (8 and 10) on a regular basis. I reinforce a lesson I used to do as a teacher with my high school freshmen years ago, when they were "low men on the totem pole." They came to the new school fed with rumors to be on high alert because they could be "canned" - dumped into a garbage can by an older student - at any time.<br /> <br />Kids think concretely - it's hard for them to understand the abstract, powerful motivations and feelings behind bullying and being targeted. So we did an exercise where one kid held a ball (the ball signified his pent-up anger, frustration, irritation, you name it), and he then threw the ball to someone else (signifying his bullying words/behavior spreading so that someone else "holds the ball"). We talked about how to get rid of the ball without holding it or passing it to a new person. My older son really got into it, opening up more than I thought he would. "What if a kid throws a real ball at you and then acts like it was an accident?" he asked. I was stumped at first, imagining yet again how complex some social interactions are for kids.<br /> <br />It's hard to expect a child to sit holding the ball of anger and not pass it off to someone else. Even if kids do cling to the ball, it eats them up inside and that's where we see them wanting to hurt themselves. It's a lose, lose situation.<br /> <br />No, all bullies are not horrible people from terrible families, but all kids need to understand in concrete terms what happens when we give our pent-up frustrations to others. In addition, any child has the potential to add to bullying. There are the bullies, but there are also the many, many kids who stand by and do nothing. <br /> <br />We can't expect teachers to know everything that's going on at school or to have the time to perform the ball exercises mentioned above. As parents, <em>we</em> need to talk with our kids, and talk with them often.<br /> <br />
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2012-12-10T15:04:00Z
The Evolution of Birthday Parties
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Evolution-of-Birthday-Parties/239350591112996104.html
2012-12-03T15:05:00Z
2012-12-03T15:05:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused<br /></a></strong></p>
<strong> </strong><br />Being in the birthday party phase of life (we're in the thick of it having four kids under eleven), I've noticed some changes in how kids celebrate their big day today. Here are five ways birthday parties have changed over the years:<br /> <br /><strong>1. Supersized</strong><br />Gone are the days of celebrating a child's birthday with "pin the tail on the donkey" or a homemade cake for a few friends at home. Yes, even birthday parties have been supersized in the 21st century. These parties come equipped with common staples like bounce houses, award-worthy experiences, and themes adhered to so strictly and so imaginatively that Martha Stewart would be proud. Even if these birthday parties aren't planned for as part of a family's household budget, they've certainly been given plenty of time and attention. <br /> <br /><strong>2. The Younger the Better</strong><br />By my third child's first birthday, I discovered that 12-month-olds don't remember the hoopla. So, I consciously cut myself a break. <br /><br />Instead of planning a huge party, think of it as a continued celebration of the baby's arrival. First birthdays are a great way to reconnect with family after new mothers start to feel somewhat normal again. But parents should take it easy on themselves and only plan what they really want. Just remember, the baby won't remember any of it. By our fourth child, we simply ordered pizza and were sure to snap a few pictures for her memory book. We were all happy.<br /> <br /><strong>3. Kids Don't Know Any Better</strong><br />Kids don't know any different from these lavish parties, so they shouldn't be blamed for acting entitled to them. Last year, we held a simple birthday party at home. The kids played simple party games and ate chips around my dining room table. I thought they had a really nice time. However, one little boy asked, "This is it? There's no bounce house out back?" That's just been his reality. It's been most kids' reality. <br /> <br /><strong>4. More Politics</strong><br />I had a solid group of friends from first through 12th grade. Our sleepovers were revolving doors - a constant rotation of whose house we'd all plunk down in. Different house, pretty much the same people, but the group grew larger as we got older and met more kids. Everyone was invited. Today, guest lists and how or why kids get invited to parties seem much more exclusive and complicated. <br /> <br /><strong>5. Awkward Moments Spoil the Laughs</strong><br />Several people with daughters have told me about a new party trend they're seeing lately where up to half the kids are invited to spend the night after the party, but the other half are sent to the door with goody bags and a parent who's picking them up. I hear time and again, "It's very obvious to all the kids that some were chosen to stay longer," or, "It's awkward." <br /> <br />However parties have changed, it's important to remember why we're having the party in the first place - to help kids celebrate their special day. Don't let politics, time, or money get in the way of that. It's always OK to keep it simple.<br /><br />
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of four young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.</p>
Staff
2012-12-03T15:05:00Z
What to Do When You Learn Your Child Has Cyberbullied
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/What-to-Do-When-You-Learn-Your-Child-Has-Cyberbullied/491149688104897411.html
2012-11-26T15:05:00Z
2012-11-26T15:05:00Z
<strong>By Mary Kay Hoal</strong><br /><a href="http://www.marykayhoal.com/" target="_blank">MaryKayHoal.com</a><br /><br />When you first find out that your child has been involved in a cyberbullying incident as the perpetrator, your emotions can be overwhelming. You might feel shock, denial, embarrassment and anger towards your child, and though these feelings are normal, they need to be put to the side because your first responsibility as a parent is helping your child learn from their mistake. You will be successful at doing just that by holding your child accountable for their actions and making sure they understand the consequences of those actions. <br /><br />Understanding the consequences for cyberbullying is critically important because:<br /><ol>
<li>While laws vary by state, a cyberbullying offense can result in academic expulsion and/or misdemeanor/felony charges, depending on the severity of the case.</li>
<li>You, the parent, may find yourself sued for libel due to your child's online actions.</li>
<li>Consequences help your child learn valuable life lessons.</li>
</ol>It's important for your child to know that you are there to help them learn from their mistake. To help rectify the situation:<br /><ol>
<li>Your child needs to apologize to the victim in person. Go with them so they know they have your support.</li>
<li>Next, your child needs to apologize to the parents of the victim.</li>
<li>If any other child was involved in the same cyberbullying incident, then both you and your child need to alert the other parents so they are aware and can respond appropriately.</li>
<li>Your child should delete the offensive material that was shared and post an apologetic comment instead.</li>
</ol>In parallel with your child's actions, it's important that you:<br /><ol>
<li>Implement a family technology contract or agreement, if you haven't already. This will help your child understand that there are rules related to their use of technology, and consequences for breaking any of those rules.</li>
<li>Limit your child's use of technology for awhile. Let them know that technology is a <em>privilege</em>, not a right. They are obligated to learn how to become a responsible digital citizen.</li>
<li>Remind your child that it is never, ever OK to be disrespectful, hurtful or mean to another person, online or offline, and that such behavior won't be tolerated. </li>
<li>Use monitoring software so you can be alerted to and aware of any concerning online or cell phone activity. This will allow you to be proactive versus reactive.</li>
<li>If the school is aware of the incident, let them know of the action you and your child have taken. </li>
<li>Finally, give your child a hug. Remind them how much you love them. Let them know your first job is to be their parent and that you're there to help them rectify and learn from their mistakes.</li>
</ol><strong><br />Mary Kay Hoal</strong> is a nationally recognized expert on children's social media and online safety. She is the founder and president of Yoursphere Media Inc., which focuses on the family and publishes the kids' social network <a href="http://www.yoursphere.com/" target="_blank">Yoursphere.com</a> - sign your kids up today! Mary Kay also offers parents Internet-safety information at <a href="http://www.yoursphereforparents.com/" target="_blank">YoursphereForParents.com</a>. She has been profiled on CNN, BBC, E!, Fox & Friends, TIME, Lifetime TV and many others. Mary Kay is a contributor to ABC's <em>20/20</em> as their family Internet-safety expert. For more information, visit <a href="http://www.marykayhoal.com/" target="_blank">www.marykayhoal.com</a>.<strong> </strong>Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2012-11-26T15:05:00Z
A Parent's Survival Guide to Teenage Boys
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/A-Parents-Survival-Guide-to-Teenage-Boys/-153583452250832039.html
2012-11-12T15:05:00Z
2012-11-12T15:05:00Z
<strong>Bill Schoeffler</strong><br />featured on <strong><a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a><br /></strong><br />"Help! An alien has possessed my sweet little boy!" <br /> <br />Parents are often astonished when their "tweener" grows a foot taller and becomes uncommunicative and sometimes explosive. Welcome to the world of a teenage boy.<br /> <br />The first thing parents need to understand is that this is a natural phase boys go through during their development to adulthood. The mix of testosterone flowing through their system and a natural need to separate from their parents creates an interesting, yet volatile, mix.<br /> <br />There you are - you look at your son and ask him to do a task. He bursts out in anger. His limited verbal skills prevent him from being able to express or explain his emotions. You take this response as a personal attack and some sort of defect in your son. <br /><br />Take a step back and breathe deeply. This scenario has happened since the first day there were teenage boys.<br /> <br />The stereotypical teenage boy is seen as a rebellious, wild teen that is continually at odds with his parents. Although teenage boys have their emotional ups and downs, they also have a sensible and sensitive side.<br /> <br />The key drive for teenagers is to develop independence. This is manifested in ways that will frustrate parents. A boy who was usually conforming to his parents' desires will suddenly assert himself and express his opinions. They strongly rebel against their parents' control and create their own moral code.<br /> <br />Parents need to step back and understand that teenagers (boys and girls) need to develop and create their own lives. Do you listen to your children when they are expressing their thoughts and opinions? Do you allow them to have different thoughts and opinions from yours? You need to consider their thoughts and opinions as you would with any other adult. <strong>Of course, reasonable parental judgment and intervention is to be expected for dangerous or damaging desires/thoughts.</strong><br /> <br /><em><strong>Talking to Teenage Boys</strong></em><br />Communication with teenage boys often takes a huge effort with minimal returns. The monosyllabic replies such as "OK," "No," "Yeah," "Dunno," and "Whatever," will frustrate the calmest of parents. Those simple (non)responses lead parents to ask more questions with the intent to have the boy open up or provide more details. The teenager's system will respond with a flash of hostility or anger. He may counter with a look of disgust or an audible sound of angst.<br /> <br />Despite the occasional lack of communication, teenage boys can engage in a flurry of detailed communication in a topic of interest. Pay attention. Don't discount or ignore them when they open up; otherwise you will lose credibility.<br /> <br /><strong><em>Mothers</em></strong><br />Less is more when it comes to communication with a teenage boy. A well-enunciated grunt can take the place of a long sentence. Women need to realize that they are wasting their emotional energy trying to explain things in detail. A teenage boy is only capable of hearing five to 10 words. After that, they shut down. Cut down any communication to one or two sentences, or even less moms!<br /> <br /><em><strong>Fathers</strong></em><br />Teenage boys need a good adult man to be a role model. There are many studies on the detriment to boys due to the lack of a father in their lives. Human males have a programming that needs them to experience a transition from adolescent to adult. Traditionally, this involves a rite of passage set up by other adult males. A mentor, such as a father, will prepare the adolescent for this rite of passage. Our current society is set up much differently from most of human history. However, this programming still exists. Today, we do not adequately address this programming need, which contributes to some of today's societal issues. <br /> <br />Fathers or male role models need to walk their talk. Dads, get your act together first. Male role models not only need to pass on their wisdom on relationships, money, work, business, life, etc., but also demonstrate it. Boys learn more by doing than talking. Dads, your responsibility is to help your sons learn how to be men.<br /> <br /><em><strong>Physical Activity</strong></em><br />Most teenage boys need to keep active. Participation in a sport or other physical activity will let them expend testosterone and socialize. Boys like to be competitive and physically challenge each other. Think of male puppies or bear cubs - play-fighting is a major part of their development. <br /> <br />Be OK with boys pushing and shoving. Dads, let your son physically challenge you to wrestling, basketball, mountain biking, etc. Don't just "let them win," but instead match their ability. Continuous defeat will be discouraging. At some point, they will deservedly beat you. Appropriate and consistent physical contact is an important bonding technique for parents.<br /> <br />Moms can also engage in physical activities with their sons. It is also OK for them to give their sons a friendly bump when passing or a gentle punch. A back scratch or massage can be a welcomed physical contact with either parent. Let them feel your presence.<br /> <br />Sitting in a chair is a challenge for many boys. There is a story of a rabbi who taught his male student the <em>Talmud</em> by reciting the verses while taking him on a jog. Let them move while they learn. Perhaps they can read while on an exercise bike.<br /> <br /><em><strong>Be Strong</strong></em><br />Despite the often lack of communication skills, teenage boys can send out a barrage of nasty words in a parent's direction. They will seem to hate you one moment and then ask what's for dinner the next moment. It's not personal, it's just hormones. Come on moms, you know you can relate to <em>that</em> situation.<br /> <br /><em><strong>Be Aware</strong></em><br />Keep in mind that the teen years are often a time of experimentation. Sometimes, experimentation includes risky behaviors. Don't avoid the subjects of sex, or drug, alcohol, and tobacco use. Discuss these things openly with your son before he has major exposure to them. This will increase the chance that he will act responsibly when the time comes. Share family values with your teenage boy and talk about what you believe is right and wrong.<br /> <br />Make an effort to know your child's friends and their friends' parents. Communication between parents will help create a safe environment for the teenagers. Parents can help each other keep track of their teenagers' activities, without making the kids feel like little children by personally directing their activities.<br /> <br /><em><strong>Humor and Fun</strong></em><br />Teenage boys like to have fun and laugh. The humor might seem juvenile to adults - well, it is. Let them be silly. You might cringe at what you hear teenage boys laugh about. Give them a quick reminder on appropriateness and move on.<br /> <br />Keep in mind a hearty laugh can be an appropriate response to a teenager's automatic response to a parent's request. Let them know their negative response does not always need a serious and dramatic reply. Sometimes a good tickle and a smile will help quell bad feelings.<br /> <br /><em><strong>Put Yourself in Their Place</strong></em><br />When things start to fall off track, stop and ask where your teen is coming from. Keep in mind that they have different feelings, opinions, fears, desires, etc. They are going to see the situation differently from you. Get their perspective before things move to the next level. You may want them to wear different clothes. Be open to the fact that they have their own reasons to wear something different. If your position is important, stand your ground after you hear them out. Be open to compromise if the situation allows flexibility.<br /> <br /><strong><em>Pick Your Battles</em></strong><br />Parents and teenage boys will butt heads. It is important to differentiate between critical issues and minor issues. Critical issues are ones that will impact your son or family in a significant way. Minor issues are ones that will pose a temporary setback. Be firm on the critical issues and flexible on the minor issues.<br /> <br />When there is a dispute, talk it out. Get their opinion. Share your opinion. Clarify the pros and the cons. In other words, treat them as an adult when discussing the issue. Be a parent when making a decision.<br /> <br /><em><strong>Set Expectations</strong></em><br />In general, children need to have set boundaries. Teens will be able to have a more elaborate argument when there is resistance. Underneath the resistance is an understanding if the expectations are logical.<br /> <br />As young adults, it is important to have them participate in the creation of expectations. Open up a dialogue and get their feedback on setting parameters on school grades, behavior, chores, etc. When they help set the rules, they are more apt to follow them. Without reasonable expectations, your teenage boy might feel he is on his own or you do not care as a parent.<br /> <br />Without this sure knowledge of what to expect, they can be insecure and will keep testing you to find where the real boundaries are located in their world. For boys to be content, they need to know who is in charge, what the rules are, and what the consequences are for disobeying the rules. <br /> <br />The whole concept is to first start with trust. Let your teenage boy know that you trust him until he proves otherwise. If the trust gets broken, make sure he understands that he will be allowed fewer freedoms until he earns the trust back.<br /> <br /><strong><em>Keep the Faith</em></strong><br />By definition, the teenage years are only seven years long (between 13 and 19). As a parent, you survived an infant screaming through the night, the terrible twos, potty training, kindergarten, and another seven or so years of typical childhood trials and tribulations. Raising a teenager might seem like a setback for your previous parenting skills. Instead, it is a test of your adult training skills. Your teenage boy should not be treated as a child. Instead, become his mentor to adulthood.<br /><br /><br />This post was featured on <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to current children's issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook</a> too.<br /> <br />The author, <strong>Bill Schoeffler</strong>, is a father of two teenagers. He is a business consultant and personal coach with 20 years of experience helping people change and reach their success. He is a Certified NLP Master Practitioner (Neuro Lingustic Programming). He can be reached at <a href="mailto:bill@chrysalisfinancial.net" target="_blank">bill@chrysalisfinancial.net</a>. You can find out more at <a href="http://www.chrysalisfinancial.net/" target="_blank">http://www.chrysalisfinancial.net</a>.<strong> </strong>Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2012-11-12T15:05:00Z
Twenty Things Teachers Don't Need to Know About Your Kids
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Twenty-Things-Teachers-Dont-Need-to-Know-About-Your-Kids/788184730320666670.html
2012-11-05T16:04:00Z
2012-11-05T16:04:00Z
<p><strong>By Harry H Harrison Jr.</strong><br /><a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">www.fearlessparenting.com</a></p>
<p>Fall is when many moms are busy making a list of all the things every teacher should know about their child. And not only do moms spend days on this list, they honestly believe that a teacher who averages six classes a day with sometimes 30 kids each actually remembers every child's name, quirk, allergies, sleeping schedule, or has time to remember Heather's dad was a math genius so she only may appear to be numerically challenged.</p>
<p>The fact is teachers don't need to know how special, needy, wonderful, talkative, sweet, quiet, smart or moody our kids are. They don't need to know what motivates them or scares them or excites them. They don't need to know their dad is president of a bank or a VIP at a tech start-up. They just need your kids to show up to class on time happy, well fed, awake and if necessary, properly medicated.</p>
<p>But that doesn't stop moms from scheduling times with overworked teachers to impress upon them that their child requires special attention, consideration, kindness, gentleness, favor and allowance for behavior. So before you book your next appointment with your teacher, here is some information the teacher <em><strong>doesn't need to know:</strong></em></p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">1. Your child has difficulty reading.<br />2. Your child can't sit next to a specific person.<br />3. Your child doesn't like to write.<br />4. Your child doesn't like math.<br />5. Your child is super friendly.<br />6. Your child is withdrawn.<br />7. Your child embarrasses easily.<br />8. Your child tries really hard.<br />9. Your child has a phobia about cats.<br />10. Your child doesn't like bread crust,<br />11. Your child is left-handed.<br />12. Your child likes to sit in front of the class.<br />13. Your child only likes audio books.<br />14. Your child's father doesn't help around the house.<br />15. Your child doesn't like to cut and glue things. <br />16. Your child freezes up during tests.<br />17. Your child gets her feelings hurt easily. <br />18. Your child is a left-brain learner.<br />19. Your child's Facebook page.<br />20. Your child thinks the teacher hates him.</p>
<p>The bottom line is that no matter how special you think your child is, it's best to let the teacher make his or her own assessment. Kids behave differently when expectations are different. If you convince your kids' teachers that your kids are unable to cope without divine intervention, congratulations, you've convinced them your kids are morons.</p>
<p>Your job is to be a parent. Your child's job is to learn. The teacher's job is to teach. Amazing things can happen without your interference.</p>
<p><strong>Harry H Harrison Jr.</strong> is a <em>New York Times</em> best selling parenting author with over 3.7 million books in print. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs, and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations including NPR. His books are available in over thirty-five countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia and in the Far East. For more information visit <a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com">www.fearlessparenting.com</a>.</p>
Staff
2012-11-05T16:04:00Z
Sibling Rivalry
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Sibling-Rivalry/272739240092974464.html
2012-10-29T07:04:00Z
2012-10-29T07:04:00Z
<p><strong>By Anne Leedom</strong><br /><a href="http://www.mom-911.com/">www.mom-911.com</a><br /><br /><br />I must have been about 13 when my father and I were taking a drive and I mentioned to him something about life being fair...or needing to be in my opinion. He looked right at me as he always did when he wanted to impart some worldly wisdom and asked me whoever said life was supposed to be fair? I was very surprised, as I certainly did believe at that point that life was indeed supposed to be fair. I can't think of a more prominent arena for the concept of fairness to be played out than when it comes to siblings.</p>
<p>However, I have learned that as a parent treating kids equally is plain unrealistic: they come packaged with different temperaments, interests, and needs. So don't drive yourself too crazy trying to make things always fair. It just isn't realistic. Besides, real life really isn't fair. The trick is to minimize conditions that break down sibling relationships that can cause long-lasting resentment. The bottom line to this behavior problem: while some rivalry is plain unavoidable, parents can discourage sibling disharmony by giving careful attention to how their household atmosphere is structured.</p>
<p>There is no miracle to eliminating sibling rivalry but by compassion and caring behavior and following these tips, your home can be more harmonious.</p>
<p><em><strong>Don't compare.</strong></em> Never compare or praise one kid's behavior in contrast to a sibling: it can create long-lasting strains. It unfairly puts pressure on the sibling you praised and devalues your other child.</p>
<p><em><strong>Listen openly to all sides.</strong></em> Listening fairly to your kids is a powerful way to convey that you respect each child's thoughts and feelings. The key is to build a fair relationship with each sibling so they trust that you value each opinion and you're an unbiased listener.</p>
<p><strong><em>Nurture a unique strength for each sibling.</em></strong> All kids deserve to hear from parents what makes them unique. Knowledge of that talent nurtures their self-esteem as well as setting them apart from their siblings. Once you identify the talent, find opportunities to cultivate and validate it so each child can be acknowledged for their strength.</p>
<p><em><strong>Create special alone time with each child.</strong></em> One way to let each child feel treasured is by spending alone just with each parent. Make a date with each sibling to have special time just with you then mark it on the calendar.</p>
<p><em><strong>Reinforce cooperative behavior.</strong></em> Don't overlook one of the simplest ways to boost sibling harmony: catch them supporting each other. The moments may be few and far between, but when they do help, share, cooperate, and work well together, tell them you appreciate their efforts. They're more likely to repeat the behaviors because they know that's what you want them to do.</p>
<p>Your child's sibling is the only person they will know and have in their life from cradle to grave. Teach them to value and be grateful for that relationship. Having three siblings myself I can truly say that in spite of many years of interesting moments, I feel very blessed to have these relationships and I look forward to watching my girls place the same value on their siblings as I do mine.</p>
<p><br /><strong>Anne Leedom</strong> is the publisher of <a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com</a> and the creator of the App Mom 911. For more information visit <a href="http://www.mom-911.com" target="_blank">www.mom-911.com</a>.</p>
Staff
2012-10-29T07:04:00Z
Tough Lunch
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Tough-Lunch/406831331209162830.html
2012-10-15T14:05:00Z
2012-10-15T14:05:00Z
<strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a><br /><br /></strong>The price my kids pay for me to pack their school lunches is to simply put their lunch boxes in some visible place where I can find them. I've suggested the counter after school, or the pantry would be just fine too - I'm not picky. I just don't have time to dig through backpacks or scavenge through the car to look for little containers as I'm juggling breakfast and making lunch for three other people (and that's only half the family). I think this is more than a fair price to ask, right?<br /><br />For some reason, my 6 and 8-year-olds remember this routine, but my 10-year-old does not. However, instead of nagging, "Where's your lunch box?...If you'd just put it...Blah, blah, blah!," I now simply place the contents of said son's lunch on the counter for him to pack when I don't see the lunch box. Sometimes I slip up and nag because if I don't pack his lunch, his water bottle (which is in his lunch box) won't be filled up, which makes me crazy.<br /><br />I'd been better about biting my tongue until yesterday when I blurted out, "I don't see your lunch box."<br /><br />"It's right in the pantry," he said, looking in the dark closet to retrieve the small black container. "Awww... he's catching on," I thought, pleased and proud...for just one fleeting moment.<br /><br />"Gosh Mom, look a little harder," he said, practically tossing it to me.<br /><br />To simplify the rest of our interaction, let's just say for this week he gets to pack his own lunch <em>and</em> make it too.<br /><br />It's hard to practice tough love with our kids, but it's extremely important we do. Case in point: As his younger brother grumbled about not having the breakfast cereal he wanted this morning, my 10-year-old said to him, "You should show more appreciation for what you have around here. You have a really good life!" <br /><br /><br /><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of 4 young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2012-10-15T14:05:00Z
Let's Be More Aware of the Subtle Sexualization of Our Kids
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Lets-Be-More-Aware-of-the-Subtle-Sexualization-of-Our-Kids/183308796273744516.html
2012-10-08T14:05:00Z
2012-10-08T14:05:00Z
<strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a><br /></strong>
<blockquote><em>"The problem with exposing kids to sex has far more to do with trivialization and objectification than simply encouraging kids to do it. It has to do with what kids are taught about human connection." <br /></em><br />-Dr. Laura Schlessinger</blockquote>
Dr. Laura hit the nail on the head today in her recent blog post,<a href="/b/Sexualizing-Our-Kids/-819098764627816422.html" target="_blank"> "Sexualizing Our Kids."</a> Sure, it's rare to find a parent who actually tells his or her child, "Go ahead, honey, and have sex! You have my blessing!," but by trivializing sex and ignoring messages that go against our moral code, we may as well be telling our kids to do just that. <br /> <br />From fashion to television programs, we send the message that sex is not such a big deal and ignore what we allow to come into our homes. For example, I recently heard what I thought was just a catchy song by popular singer Flo Rida. It's called "Whistle," and as of this writing, it's the No. 3 song on the Billboard Top 100 Chart and playing on radio stations everywhere. <br /> <br />The chorus goes like this:<br /><br />"Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby?<br />Let me know<br />Girl I'm gonna' show you how to do it<br />And we start real slow<br />You just put your lips together<br />And you come real close<br />Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby?<br />Here we go."<br /> <br />The reason why he couldn't leave out the word "my" and keep it simply "whistle baby" is because a sexual message is blatantly intended. It's subtle to little kids, who have no clue what Flo Rida actually means by "blow my whistle." However, once they figure it out (as I'm certain anyone over 13 already has), they must wonder why the adults around them are singing the lyrics.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of 4 young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2012-10-08T14:05:00Z
Mommy Likes Me Best! - 6 Ways to Avoid the Favoritism Trap
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Mommy-Likes-Me-Best!---6-Ways-to-Avoid-the-Favoritism-Trap/-795673321653881807.html
2012-10-01T14:05:00Z
2012-10-01T14:05:00Z
<strong>Alyson Schafer</strong><br /><a href="http://www.alysonschafer.com" target="_blank">www.alysonschafer.com</a><strong><br /></strong><br />Which one of your children do you love the most? I know what you're thinking: "You don't ASK parents that! We're not supposed to have favorites. That's hurtful. We should love all our children equally right?" You're correct, congratulations, you passed the pen and paper test. <br /><br />But do you <em>really</em> walk the talk? Children are keenly sensitive to their parents' actions and attitudes in developing their own sense of self. We must guard against anything that would result in our children developing feelings of being "less than" or "less loved" or "less worthy" than their siblings. <br /><br />Yet, we unwittingly do just that in several ways that many of us are completely unaware of. It's always easier to see when OTHER people are favoring a child, but it's much harder to notice it in our own families. Check the list below to make sure you're not accidentally leaving one child feeling second fiddle in your family. <br /><br /><strong>Here are the 6 Ways to Avoid Showing Favoritism: </strong><br /><br /><strong>1. Never Compare</strong><br /><br />Sometimes parents hold another child up as an example, hoping the old "shame as punishment" method will somehow be motivating. Well, it isn't. <br /><br />"Sean's room is nice and neat. Why can't you keep your room tidy like your brother?" <br /><br />"Sean's eaten everything on his plate, what's your problem?" <br /><br />"Sean's already done his homework, if you'd have sit still and concentrated like him you'd be done by now too." <br /><br />OK - don't you just hate Sean already? These types of comparisons dissuade a sibling from even trying because they feel they could never keep up with the "golden child," so why even try? In fact, if they try and come up short, that will only serve to confirm their feared notion that they hold a second-class status in the family. <br /><br /><strong>2. Never Pit Them in Competition</strong> <br /><br />We've all done it: "First one to the car wins!" or "First one to pick up their toys gets to pick the bedtime stories." You might temporarily speed up your children, but you've stoked the competition between your children for your approval by subtly conveying the message that if you win the competition, you move up in your parents' esteem. We act like it's just a game, but children confuse winning competitions with winning parental love and approval. <br /><br /><strong>3. Never Agree to Act as Judge </strong><br /><br />Even if you don't initiate the competition, children will do so themselves and try to pull you in as the judge: <br /><br />"Mom - which one of us held our breath underwater the longest?"<br /><br />"Dad, whose swing went higher?" <br /><br />"Which somersault was better?"<br /><br />I am telling you - don't go there. Sure it sounds like you could be an objective outside observer, but it will bite you back. Someone will think your judgment is biased and that you took sides. Instead, say, "Does it really matter whose is better? Why not encourage each other to improve on your personal bests?" <br /><br /><strong>4. Never Expect Kids to Set an Example</strong><br /><br />"Don't swear in front of your brother. Do you want him to learn that?" or "Use your manners and set an example for your brother." Asking an older child to subvert themselves or adapt their behaviors for the betterment of a younger sibling can leave the older child feeling resentful and complaining, "You care more about him than me." It's better to say, "Swearing is rude - let's clean it up, please," or "Please use your manners, it makes for better company at the table." <br /><br /><strong>5. Never Accommodate for the Lowest Common Denominator </strong><br /><br />"We can't watch that DVD. It's not appropriate for your little brothers." <br /><br />"Be quiet - your sister is napping." <br /> <br />"We have to leave the park now - your sister needs her nap / diaper changed."<br /><br />While I don't expect you to suddenly put on a slasher movie at bedtime, I do recommend that you listen empathetically and show genuine concern. "I know it can be tough having a baby sister that limits some of what we can do. Is there another time we can cuddle up and enjoy your movie? I really like watching shows with you too. It's not favoritism, it's just a logistics problem we have to solve together." <br /><br /><strong>6. Never Take Sides in a Fight </strong><br /><br />Perhaps the biggest contributor to having one sibling feel their mom or dad prefers their other sibling occurs when parents get involved in their squabbles. When parents see a conflict, they feel it's their parental duty to step in. Unfortunately, parents usually see one child as the aggressor and in the wrong, so one gets punished and the other gets felt a tad sorry for. But the fact is, it takes both of them to have a fight! It's just cooperation that is misdirected. If you want to avoid showing favoritism, I suggest you adopt the rule, "Two do the crime - two do time," meaning BOTH children experience the same consequence for fighting. If they can't share the computer without fighting over it, they both lose their computer time. If they fight physically, they both go to their rooms for a time-out until they get along together - regardless of who is the hitter and who is the hittee. <br /><br />Try these suggestions out and see if things don't become more harmonious in your home! <br /><br /><strong>Alyson Schafer</strong> is a psychotherapist and one of Canada's leading parenting experts. Alyson is the best-selling author of three parenting books: <em>Breaking the Good Mom Myth, Honey, I Wrecked the Kids,</em> and her latest, <em>Ain't Misbehavin</em>. Alyson is the media's go-to person and speaks regularly on parenting issues involving kids of all ages. For tips on discipline, bullying, sibling rivalry and other daily parenting issues, visit <a href="http://www.alysonschafer.com" target="_blank">www.alysonschafer.com.</a> Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2012-10-01T14:05:00Z
To Be a Younger Sibling
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/To-Be-a-Younger-Sibling/-674718729556480743.html
2012-09-24T14:05:00Z
2012-09-24T14:05:00Z
<strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a><br /><br /></strong>My younger sister had to be scrappy. In our loud family, she was either going to get lost or have to fight hard to be heard as the baby or four girls, which is what she did.<br /> <br />Once when she was about 5 years old, we were returning home from somewhere, all six of us packed in the station wagon. She suddenly blurted out, "I threw a rock through that window over there," and pointed to an unfamiliar neighbor's house down the street.<br /> <br />"What?!" my dad asked, incredulous that his little daughter would say something so nonchalantly, let alone do such a thing. The car came to a screeching halt, and then my dad marched up the front steps of the now identified window victim's home and rapped on the door while my sister, who still seemed unfazed, stood stoically by his side. <br /> <br />"Yes?" a man asked from behind a partial opening.<br /><br />"My daughter here, uh, says she threw a rock through (that) window, recently," he said and pointed.<br /> <br />I could only see their body language from the car, but later pieced together what happened. The next thing I knew, the two of them came walking back, hunching down to inspect the obviously still pristine, nowhere cracked window.<br /> <br />Dad came back to the car red-faced, even more flustered than before. <br /> <br />"I made it up!" my sister confessed. "I wanted to have good stories to tell around the house, too!" she cried.<br /> <br /> *****<br /> <br />I've been thinking about that story lately, as I too now have four children and can see similar dynamics beginning to play out in my own household. <br /> <br />Our youngest, a 4-year-old girl, tries to one-up everyone. "Milk comes out of <em>cows' eyes</em>!" she shares as the others hunker down to do homework. <br /> <br />She declares at the dinner table, "I know of a place where if you don't wear <em>blue </em>on St. Patrick's Day, you get <em>kissed</em>!"<br /><br />When she's one-on-one with any of us, she lets her guard down, but when she's in groups, you have to be on high alert. She will pick more fights with her oldest brother than with the two siblings closer to her own age. While the other kids clamor to pick up their things before I make my threatened pass with the Good Will bag of donations, she waits to see if I'm bluffing. Natalie also wants to know why she can't have as many play dates, sleepovers, or even as much <em>food</em> as her fifth-grade brother.<br /> <br />Indeed my youngest has a resilient, fighter trait now just like my little sister did when we were kids. And with all that time to think and absorb so many characters, they are also two of the most imaginative people I know. <br /><br /><br /><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of 4 young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2012-09-24T14:05:00Z
How 9/11 Changed My View of Starting a Family
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-9/11-Changed-My-View-of-Starting-a-Family/601532463133510881.html
2012-09-10T14:05:00Z
2012-09-10T14:05:00Z
<strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a><br /><br /></strong>I was a high school teacher on September 11, 2001, not yet a mother. My husband and I had been married for just over a year and we'd recently begun talking about starting a family. Were we ready? And when it did happen, I wondered about when I was obligated to tell the principal I wouldn't be back because I already knew I was going to be at stay-at-home mom. <br /> <br />And then that horrific Tuesday morning occurred.<br /> <br />I woke early to my usually light-beat morning radio show, but heard the personalities' voices oddly serious this time. They were saying something about a commercial plane crashing into one of the towers of the World Trade Center in New York.<br /> <br />I thought of two girlfriends who were both United flight attendants at the time. Could they have been on those planes that <em>accidentally</em> crashed?<br /> <br />My teenage students were abuzz when the first period bell sounded, many of them still not knowing what happened right up until that point. I tried my best to keep their routine the same, but my mind was on New York.<br /> <br />Never more eager to get home from work, I sat transfixed, glued to the television set like the rest of America. My heart alternately broke and swelled with pride. When stunned friends and relatives held up pictures of their missing loved ones on live TV, when hundreds and hundreds of people clamored for 10 seconds to say their brother's, sister's, father's, friend's, coworker's, or fiancé's, name, the reality sunk in that this much angst and destruction was caused <em>on purpose</em>.<br /> <br />Tears streamed down my face, and I seriously considered enlisting in the Army when I saw American flags flown everywhere - <em>everywhere</em> - and the feeling of American togetherness that I had never known up until that point encompassed us all. There were no politics: we were one, big American family.<br /> <br />I remember the interviews and the emphasis put on the hundreds of pregnant widows in the days that followed. The question kept arising, in many shapes and forms, "Who would want to bring a child into a world with so much hate?"<br /> <br />I was struck by that question.<br /> <br />I thought about it, but the answer was an assured and thundering, "I do!" More sure than ever in our decision to start a family, I knew right then that the best antidote to all that hate was love, the love I would give my future children and the goodness they'd bring to the world one day.<br /> <br />Just a few weeks later, I learned I was in fact pregnant. My son was born in June 2002, just nine months after September 11th.<br /> <br />On this 11-year anniversary of the attacks, I pause to think about the countless other children who have been born since 9/11. These children will only learn what it was like to live through that time from our stories and their history books. Yet, their presence must also remind us that it's our number one priority to shape them to be good, honorable people. And that is the best way we can honor those lost on September 11, 2001.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of 4 young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2012-09-10T14:05:00Z
Find Your Zumba
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Find-Your-Zumba/-167474645816798859.html
2012-09-04T14:05:00Z
2012-09-04T14:05:00Z
<strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a><br /><br /></strong>Last spring, I stumbled upon a Zumba class and it changed my life, but perhaps not for the reason you might think. Unlike any formal exercise I had ever done, I never once looked at the clock; instead, I smiled the whole time, moving to the salsa music and drumbeats, feeling revitalized at the same time I got a great workout. With 25 other moms dancing with me, I felt as much community and joy as I used to feel when I went dancing during my carefree college years.<br /><br />So I've been going to Zumba on a regular basis, and even got the Zumba for the Wii so I could dance even more at home. Then it hit me. I had quit my job and dedicated myself to my husband and four children 100 percent of the time, and until now, forgotten to keep up with my own hobbies. <br /><br />Although I used to feel spent, after Zumba I feel recharged. Even though I go right back to being a stay-at-home mom afterward, my entire outlook has changed. It's been a reminder of what people mean when they talk about recharging and wellness, especially for full-time moms.<br /><br />Janel Crawford, M.D., is an OB-GYN at Kaiser in Folsom, California. She sees a lot of women who forget to take care of themselves. She stresses the importance of pushing ourselves to do the things we once found enjoyable before we had kids and to keep gaining more interests throughout our lives. To ward off stress and depression, she encourages moms to take time as individuals, even if it's as simple as getting a pedicure, taking up knitting, or going for a bike ride at your own pace. <br /><br />Dr. Crawford thinks it's important for parents to find an activity they enjoy so they'll keep up the habit, and if that hobby also comes in the form of exercise, it's even better. "Exercising for 30 minutes five days a week is great for your physical health," she says, "but it can also ward off anxiety and depression." And if done 10 days before the start of a menstrual cycle, data shows that it reduces PMS.<br /><br />Psychologist Michael Brickey, Ph.D., is the author of the book <em>Defy Aging</em>. He says hobbies not only reduce stress, but they can also provide a sense of accomplishment. This is particularly necessary for parents who are home with their kids all day and often forget what they enjoyed before they had kids.<br /><br />"Hobbies can be thought of on three levels," says Dr. Brickey. "The first is as a diversion. Hobbies help us pass the time. The second is as a passion. When a hobby becomes a passion, we become truly engaged in doing something we love. The third level is as something that creates a sense of purpose. We all need that." The ideal hobby, he says, combines all three levels.<br /><br />And just as exercise buddies keep us motivated, finding hobby partners who fuel our enthusiasm is also a good way to keep it up. Dancing to the Black Eyed Peas with 25 other parents every Tuesday evening is much more fun than dancing alone!<br /><br />For most moms, downtime is filled increasingly with housework and chores. Dishes, laundry, Play-Doh recipes, and contemplating the psyches of little people consume us. We need to recharge ourselves so that we can keep on giving. To do that, parents need to carve out the time, whether daily or weekly, to do whatever truly rejuvenates them. <br /><br />I recently took up guitar as well. My 4-year-old goes with me to my weekly lesson and gets to see that mommy learns new things too. I was inspired to take up the guitar after my husband and I went to a friend's 40th birthday party, but instead of a regular party, it was a gig to see him play in his weekend band - his own way to recharge on the weekends after working a nine-to-five job and raising two kids with his supportive wife. <br /><br />We all have different interests and different dreams, but whatever your activity, I hope you find your Zumba.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of 4 young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2012-09-04T14:05:00Z
Can You Hear Me Now?: 6 Tips to Prevent Cell Phone Abuse with Our Kids
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Can-You-Hear-Me-Now:-6-Tips-to-Prevent-Cell-Phone-Abuse-with-Our-Kids/-246678021869010856.html
2012-08-27T14:05:00Z
2012-08-27T14:05:00Z
<strong>By Bonnie Harris<a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank"></a></strong><br /><a href="http://www.bonnieharris.com/resources.html" target="_blank">www.bonnieharris.com</a><br /><br />
<blockquote><strong></strong><em>Once upon a time there was a family and they all had phones, even the baby. But one day, the mailman plopped down a chest of gold and said, "You only have it for one day." But the parents were too busy to put things in their wallet. The next day, the mailman took the chest. The next day, they packed for vacation but they forgot the phone. They went on vacation and had shakes and chocolates and everything. But when they got back, they pressed a phone button and got a burn across the hand because they hadn't used it in a long time, and they never used the phone all day again. </em><br /><br /><em>~ I made this book 'cause my parents always use their phones. THE END.</em></blockquote>
A story by Riley Rose, age 6<br /><br />Much has been written about restricting children's screen time to insure their safety and well-being. Yet, little has been said about the child's perspective of unavailable and distant parents - victims of their parents' own screen dependencies.<br /><br />The unavailability of a parent on the phone is nothing new. What is new is the availability of our phones - our new favorite toys. We have a new culture of parents accustomed to having the world accessible in their pockets. Parents talk or text while pushing a stroller, driving a car, supervising playtime, etc., with no thought to the effect of their behavior. <br /><br />Unintentionally, the message to the child is <em>I'm unavailable</em>. Is it any wonder children are demanding attention with louder and more dramatic behaviors?<br /><br />With the developmental stage of egocentrism happening in the first six years of life, together with an immature prefrontal cortex not being able to analyze incoming data, the young child takes it like it is. She doesn't understand that Dad is learning new information or connecting with a friend. She is more likely to feel that she is unimportant. <br /><br />No teaching tool is more powerful than modeling. It has been wisely said that we need to be the people we want our children to become. Children learn from what we do far more than from what we say. <br /><br />In her story, Riley sees precious opportunities her parents are missing (the pot of <br />gold = precious time with her). Her unplugged family vacation was as blissful as chocolates and shakes. Hopeful for the future, she writes that her parents, burned by their phones, learn their lesson and never use their phones again. <br /><br />Parents must take responsibility for the messages sent to children when tech devices appear more important than them. If they seem so valuable, where do we expect the child's focus to land? Earlier and earlier, children are demanding their own cell phones, iPads, and iPods. 31 percent of 8 to 10-year-olds have cell phones. Earlier and earlier, children are getting hooked into the unemotional, non-interactive world of cyberspace where anything goes.<br /><br />It is our job as parents to own and take responsibility for our actions and emotions - our modeling - and never blame them on our children. "Stop bothering me while I'm on the phone" sends the unintended message, <em>"You are not important to me." </em>Frustration over an interruption while texting says, <em>"You are a bother."</em><br /><br /><strong>6 Tips for Healthy Parent On-Screen Use</strong><br />To take control of your modeling, here are a few simple tips:<br /><br />1. Put devices away in the presence of your child. <br />2. If you must use a phone, keep it on vibrate and check messages later.<br />3. Choose times of the day for use when your child is napping, in school, playing with friends, or you are out. <br />4. When out with your child, leave your cell phone at home.<br />5. If you are on a cell phone around your child, make sure to use a headset.<br />6. When you must be on your phone or computer, respond with understanding to your child's anger and frustration.<br /><br />Most children are not able to directly say, "Mom, I don't like it when you are on your phone and not paying attention to me." However, their behavior will tell you, if you know how to interpret it. Validate her cues with, "I bet you don't like it when I'm on my phone. It must seem like I'm not even here." Keep communication open now and always so it doesn't break down when it is most necessary later on.<br /><br />All it takes is awareness of what you look like to your child on a cell phone or iPad to set standards for yourself that will serve both you and your child.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Bonnie Harris, M.S. Ed.</strong>, director of Connective Parenting, child behavior and parenting specialist, author of <a href="http://www.bonnieharris.com/resources.html" target="_blank"><em>When Your Kids Push Your Buttons</em> and <em>Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You'll Love to Live</em>.</a> Bonnie counsels parents, speaks, teaches workshops and offers professional trainings internationally. She founded The Parent Guidance Center in New Hampshire and has two grown children. To learn more visit <a href="http://www.bonnieharris.com/resources.html" target="_blank">www.bonnieharris.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2012-08-27T14:05:00Z
A Case for Year-Round School
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/A-Case-for-Year-Round-School/-324176593873085405.html
2012-08-20T14:05:00Z
2012-08-20T14:05:00Z
<strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a><br /><br /></strong>As a kid, I loved the thrill of returning to school after a three-month summer break. Crisp, back-to-school clothes were worn with pride. Clean pencil boxes and stiff cartons of crayons were handled carefully those first few days back into the new routine.<br /> <br />And later, as a teacher, summer vacation was an essential recharge for the next school year. I felt the same joy every night before my first day of school then too, anxious to meet my new students, curious for the unique dynamics that would set the tone for the year to come.<br /> <br />To this day, I still think of the demarcation of time in terms of the traditional school year. And when I meet someone's child, I always think in terms of what grade he or she is in.<br /> <br />Yet, it's time we rethink the traditional school calendar that's been in place for over a century in America, and alter the much beloved summer vacation. That long break from school was originally planned for the majority, agrarian families who made up the population in the late 19th century, when as many bodies as possible were needed to harvest the crops during the long days of summer. It was more hard labor than a vacation, to be sure, but now 99 percent of us have other forms of livelihood. Do we still need all that free time at once?<br /> <br />Many American school children are enriched during the summer. They may go to science camp, or more importantly, they spend time with adults who offer sustained learning opportunities, sometimes simply just by being there and engaging them.<br /> <br />But there are plenty of American kids who are left to do, well, nothing. A friend of mine who works in the Oakland public school system says that many of her fourth-grade students were sad to be out of school this year because they had nothing to do and nowhere to go this summer. For 10 weeks, the television may be their only teacher and companion.<br /> <br />Studies show that all children lose skills gained during the previous school year. On average, one month is lost for every month of summer, <em>but for kids who are not academically engaged during the summer months, the loss is even more severe.</em> <br /><br />By the time students reach ninth grade, two-thirds of the academic achievement gap between peers can be attributed to the learning loss that occurs during the summer months of the elementary school years, which only compounds with each passing summer. This chasm deepens so much year after year that by high school, it's common for some kids to read at a college level while others are still reading at a second-grade level. <br /> <br />When I taught high school English before having children of my own, I was constantly reminded of the reading discrepancies among my ninth through 12th grade college-prep students. <br /> <br />Principal Jim Shoemaker oversees a public high school in Northern California. Though he fondly remembers the summers of his own childhood, he still thinks it's time we change the traditional school year. For one thing, "Kids today can't just hop on their bikes and safely ride to the neighborhood creek or ice cream store and stay out all day like generations past," he said. "That's a long summer to just be idle." Criminologists agree, saying juvenile crimes peak during the summer months.<br /><br />Even more importantly, the principal is all too aware of the learning lost during the summer months. "I see teachers spending the first quarter of the school year just making up what was lost since the end of the previous year," he said. He believes a 8:2 ratio would be the perfect balance, a cycle of eight weeks of school, and then two weeks off. "Push kids hard for eight weeks and then let them be kids for two weeks," he said.<br /> <br />Even if some kids do get enrichment during the summer months, wouldn't it be nice to have year-round school with more intermittent breaks so we don't have to worry about the learning loss that happens to all students at some level during the long summer break?<br /> <br />Until then, all parents can do simple things to help kids learn and stay sharp over the summer (or any other time!). <br /><br />Here's how: <br /> <br /><strong>• Engage your child in "brain teaser" activities.</strong> Play a game of Hangman with a simple pen and paper to work on spelling and critical thinking - short words for younger kids and longer phrases for older kids. You can also play cards and board games together.<br /><br /><strong>• Go to free library events and pick up books your child is interested in while you are there.</strong><br /> <br />•<strong> Take advantage of inexpensive summer programs.</strong> Many summer camps are pricey, but churches often offer very inexpensive enrichment camps. Don't overdo it, but sign your child up for a session.<br /> <br /><strong>• Stay connected to your home school. </strong>Dedicated teachers are often there working in the school garden or sprucing up the computer lab over summer. Arrange for your child to go with other friends to help.<br /><br /><strong>• Keep television and other technology to a minimum.</strong><br /><br /><br /><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of 4 young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2012-08-20T14:05:00Z
8 Things You Wish Someone Had Told You About Motherhood
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/8-Things-You-Wish-Someone-Had-Told-You-About-Motherhood/497550964903372044.html
2012-08-13T14:05:00Z
2012-08-13T14:05:00Z
<strong>By Mia Redrick</strong><br /><a href="http://www.findingdefinitions.com" target="_blank">www.findingdefinitions.com</a>
<p>No matter what stage of motherhood you are in, you have probably wished at some point that someone had been around to tell you all the things you had to learn the hard way. You've probably read quite a few parenting books, which can be helpful, but no book covers all the bases. What advice do you wish someone had shared with you once you became a mother?</p>
Most of the lessons I have learned have been through trial and error, and I certainly wish that someone had told me the best places to nurse in my local mall, for example, or what the real story is with vaccinations -- almost like Cliffs Notes for parenting.<br /><br />None of us have a crystal ball to see what is ahead, yet we all see the value of perspective. It seemed that if I asked a direct question to a group of local mothers, I could get an answer, but mostly it took my making a mistake for someone to share their wisdom with me. Generally, people don't want to impose or have others think they're sticking their nose in their business -- and that is certainly a risk when giving unsolicited advice.<br /><br />So from one mom to another, I'm offering this short list of things I had to figure out for myself. Adhering to this list won't change your parenting style because when it comes to your family, you know what's best. It will just make your life easier and a bit more manageable.<br /><br /><strong>1. If you want your spouse to help you more, you must be clear about what you need.</strong> Do not wait for your spouse to read you mind or to pinch-hit for the family.<br /><br /><strong>2. Self-care is an important part of motherhood.</strong> Taking time to improve your mental and physical wellness benefits both you and your entire family.<br /><br /><strong>3. The difficult times in motherhood come in seasons. </strong>There is a season for sleepless nights, colic, fevers, extracurricular activities, middle school, and smart talk from your teen. Sometimes it's more than one season at once. And while it might seem that what you're dealing with now will last forever, it won't, so hang in there.<br /><br /><strong>4. Create a supportive family culture that shares the age-appropriate responsibilities.</strong> It often seems easier to just do it all in motherhood, but doing so means that your children don't get the benefit of learning how to do things for themselves and...well...you won't have to do everything.<br /><br /><strong>5. Ignore moms that compete with you because your best is good enough.</strong> Just make sure to do your best.<br /><br /><strong>6. Let your children know what you like and share your hobbies with them.</strong> It is so easy to be the mom and forget to share the person that you are with your family.<br /><br /><strong>7. Set boundaries with relatives who stress you out. </strong>This can be initially awkward, but worth it in the end.<br /><br /><strong>8. Let your children sleep with you periodically if it allows you to rest, but they shouldn't be in your bed if it prevents you from sleeping or enjoying quality time with your spouse.</strong><br /><br />As a mother of three, I still don't know it all and I'm still learning things the hard way. Let's get interactive and help each other out. What do you wish someone had told you about being a mother?<br /><br /><strong>Mia Redrick</strong>, Mom Strategist, is a mom of three, author and speaker empowering one million mothers to practice better self-care. Redrick is the author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Time-mom-Me-Essential-Strategies-Self-Care/dp/0979627303/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1288711627&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><em>Time for Mom-Me: 5 Essential Strategies for a Mother's Self-Care</em></a>. For tips from The Mom Strategist, visit <a href="http://www.findingdefinitions.com" target="_blank">www.findingdefinitions.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2012-08-13T14:05:00Z
Kids Need Our Guidance, Not More Legislation
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Kids-Need-Our-Guidance,-Not-More-Legislation/507379004843013673.html
2012-08-06T14:05:00Z
2012-08-06T14:05:00Z
<strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a><br /><br /></strong>As 12 people senselessly lie dead and scores of others are wounded in the aftermath of the Colorado movie theater shooting, some say the lesson we should glean is to treasure every moment with our loved ones because this fragile life is fleeting. Debates have, once again, surfaced about gun control. Some wonder whether the gunman, 24-year-old James Holmes, is clinically insane or just plain evil.<br /> <br />Lawsuits have already been filed against the movie theater and there are sure to be more. Extra security measures moving forward are already being discussed -someday our ancestors will marvel that there was a time when theaters didn't include metal detectors or pat downs. <br /> <br />These legislative Band-Aids won't cure our deeper crisis, though. As families and communities break down, more young people feel lonely and troubled than ever before. It was recently reported that antibiotics for children are down, but more chemicals for mood disorders like ADHD are being prescribed. I recently read about a 9-year-old Detroit boy who jumped to his death, and yet, the headline was that no ambulance could come to collect his body due to the city's drastic budget woes. The headline in my mind kept screaming, "<em>9 years old</em>?!"<br /> <br />I am not justifying the Colorado shooter's actions or placing blame on anyone but him - I hope swift justice is served in his case. <br /><br />Yet, as a society we can look for troubling signs and understand young people's depression before it escalates. Holmes now joins the ranks of the teen Columbine killers, the Norway shooter of last summer, and even Hitler. Not only have they all inflicted great atrocities on their fellow man and captured the world's attention by resorting to shocking violence that's rattled us into shocked wonder and sorrow, but they are also all males who showed signs throughout their lives that their silent depression was manifesting into rage, which then finally ended in violent, attention-seeking action.<br /> <br />Over a decade ago, I read a book that I now think about often called, <em>Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood</em> by Dr. William Pollack. It's touted as a must-read for anyone who lives or works with boys and men (which would be all of us). Pollack's argument is that we must understand the myths that are shaping our young boys into men and the crises these societal rules of conduct are causing, starting with depression. The last resort for depressed boys - and later men - Pollack argues, is violence against themselves or others.<br /> <br />Girls don't normally reach the same levels of depression as boys because they talk to one another. The new anti-bullying talk presentations cropping up at schools are perfectly suited for girls, but how well are they helping boys? <br /> <br />Pollack notes males are taught at a very young age to <a href="http://www.daycaresdontcare.org/faqs.htm" target="_blank">pull their negative feelings inwards</a>, but they must be released at some point, just like a simmering pot of water will eventually overflow if left unattended. As parents we can help - the best way for boys to feel connected is to build healthy relationships with us. Instead of flat out asking the boy in your life how his day was, try shooting hoops or watch the news with him instead. These activities will get him to open up with you.<br /> <br />Most movies and television shows today aren't helping. They <a href="/b/Boys-Are-Now-the-Ones-Slighted/-194888006705960319.html" target="_blank">depict wimpy men</a> who have lost the John Wayne toughness of yesterday, while villains are glorified. Details have emerged that Holmes dressed like the villain of the Batman superhero franchise, even dying his hair like the character and calling himself "The Joker."<br /> <br />I recently talked with several other mothers about how numb we've become as a society to the skewed representations in movies and television today, not to mention more sex and violence. Most of them shrugged their shoulders in resignation and said, "There's just no getting away from what kids are exposed to - it's everywhere."<br /> <br />In the end, more laws, regulations, or even censorship can't replace what kids really need: consistent adult role models who help them navigate this increasingly busy, colorful, and complex world.<br /><br /><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of 4 young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2012-08-06T14:05:00Z
9 Steps to Calmer Parenting
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/9-Steps-to-Calmer-Parenting/636434989534175297.html
2012-07-30T14:05:00Z
2012-07-30T14:05:00Z
<strong>By Susan Stone Belton</strong><br /><a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://susanstonebelton.com/" target="_blank">http://susanstonebelton.com/</a><br /><br />Parenting is the toughest job in the world, but also the most rewarding. The journey is long, and how we approach each day makes a huge difference in how we feel. Remaining calm is not only good for our own mental health, but also a wonderful lesson to our children. Children often act the way their parents act. <br /><br />So take a deep breath, remember that this stage will soon be over, and demonstrate a sense of calm and control. The calmer you are, the calmer your children will be.<br /> <br /><strong>1. Take care of yourself</strong><br />It's hard to take care of your children, your spouse, and your home when you haven't first taken care of yourself. In order to be the best parent you can be, you need to make sure that you are feeling as good as you can. So exercise, eat right, say "no" when you want to, and don't feel guilty. Your children deserve a happy and healthy parent. <br /><br /><strong>2. Stop trying to be perfect</strong><br />There is no such thing as a perfect parent, so stop aiming for that. Just be the best parent you can be; allow yourself to make mistakes and show your children that striving to do your best is always the goal.<br /><br /><strong>3. Sleep in one weekend morning</strong><br />When I was a young parent, Sunday was the morning I could sleep in. This meant I did not have to be the first adult out of bed at the first sound of a kid's voice. Having an extra 20 minutes in bed alone was a weekly luxury that helped start my Sunday in a calm mood, and actually made the whole week better because I knew my morning was coming.<br /><br /><strong>4. Stick to a schedule</strong><br />Having a regular time to wake up, leave for school, eat dinner, and put the kids to bed makes the day go much more smoothly. Being consistent with your schedule eliminates a lot of decision making, and contributes to a calmer household.<br /><br /><strong>5. Have date nights</strong><br />You chose your spouse for a reason, but it is sometimes difficult to remember why during the chaos of raising kids. But one day the kids will be grown, and you two will be alone again. Keep your relationship fresh with a weekly or monthly date night. Just a simple movie and dinner with adult conversation is a wonderful treat. <br /><br /><strong>6. Stay connected to your friends</strong><br />You spend a lot of time setting up play dates for your kids. Well, set some up for yourself. You deserve to have fun too. <br /><br /><strong>7. Be yourself</strong><br />Of course you are a parent, but you are still you, complete with emotions, hopes, and ideas. Parent the way you want, not how your mother-in-law expects. Allow your children to see your true feelings and your silly side. Don't let the title of "Parent" make you into a new person, just a more special one. <br /><br /><strong>8. Relax</strong><br />Not everything is an emergency. And some things can wait. So just take a deep breath and enjoy this roller coaster ride of parenting. Enjoy the highs but don't get too low with the lows. Things will always get better. <br /><br /><strong>9. Don't yell. Just talk</strong><br />When our kids yell at us, we feel tense. When we yell at out kids, we feel worse. It is much easier for people, including your children, to listen to a firm but calm voice than to a yelling voice. You want your kids to listen to your words rather than to focus on your anger.<br /><br /><strong>Susan Stone Belton</strong>, Family Coach & Motivational Speaker (<a href="http://susanstonebelton.com/" target="_blank">http://susanstonebelton.com/</a>) is a certified Special Education Teacher with over 40 years experience working with families. She has presented hundreds of talks to Bay Area groups and works with individual families to help solve their parenting concerns. (<a href="http://susanstonebelton.com/speaking-coaching" target="_blank">http://susanstonebelton.com/speaking-coaching</a>). Susan is the author of <em>Real Parents, Real Kids, Real Talk</em>, a book for parents with children of every age. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2012-07-30T14:05:00Z
Why Happiness Is the Enemy of Excellence in Our Children
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Why-Happiness-Is-the-Enemy-of-Excellence-in-Our-Children/-6824184157128746.html
2012-07-23T14:04:00Z
2012-07-23T14:04:00Z
<strong>By Harry H. Harrison Jr.</strong><br /><a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">www.fearlessparenting.com</a><br /><br />I can hear it now.<br /><br />"What? Don't we want our kids happy? That's the whole purpose of parenthood!"<br /><br />Trust me. That kind of thinking is the problem. <br /><br /><em>Parents would rather their child be happy than excellent.</em> That's just a fact of life. Few parents alive would trade their kid's present day happiness for future excellence. We want our children to be happy. Not just content, but wildly, insanely happy. This is why we throw $2,000 birthday parties for 3-year-olds, why preteen girls are now enjoying $1,000 spa days, and why parents will buy their teenager a $50,000 car. We want them to be ecstatic and feel joyful, and seeing them so exultant makes us happy and feel like good parents. But the converse is also true: seeing them unhappy makes us feel like rotten parents. <br /><br />Focusing on our children's happiness has become nothing short of a national obsession. When we go to bed at night, we don't worry if our children are becoming excellent. We worry if they are happy, or if a principal, coach, or teacher has made them uncomfortable. <br /><br />And the worry that our kids might suffer pain from losing has led to ribbons and trophies for not falling down dead during a race, the elimination of spelling bees, and even the abolition of valedictorians because other students could get distraught that even though they "did everything right," they didn't make it. It's also led to such ridiculous grade inflation that some "top" high school students can't pass freshman college English.<br /><br />Many athletic leagues don't keep score for the simple reason that everyone needs to leave happy. We're destroying our children's competitive drive because any competition will produce winners and losers, and OMG!, losers will be unhappy. No wonder America is losing its excellence.<br /><br />We fear our children aren't happy enough, they're not popular enough, they don't have enough, they have to work too hard, and they're not being treated fairly. These fears shape the way we raise them. Instead of teaching them how to struggle, we eliminate struggle from their lives. Instead of teaching them how to persevere, we tell them not to try so hard. Instead of teaching them to do without, we teach them that all they have to do is ask. Instead of teaching them to be adventurous, we make them risk adverse. Instead of teaching them how to succeed, we continually ask them if they are happy. So our kids grow up parent dependent instead of independent. Our continual focus on their happiness creates wildly unhappy grown children.<br /><br />It's natural to say, "I just want my kids to be happy." But we need to realize happiness isn't a goal, but the result of how you live your life, how you face difficulties, and how you overcome struggles. The secret to happiness isn't in "acquiring things" and "avoiding consequences," but in achieving success, serving others, and maintaining your personal morals and values. We think if our kids are happy, we're good parents. If they're unhappy, we must be terrible parents. Their unhappiness sears us to the soul. We must take action, or give in, or buy or excuse or defend. We forget that most teenagers haven't been happy since they were 13. <br /><br />What we need to do is take a moment to measure the cause and impact of their present day unhappiness. Are they unhappy because they were caught cheating? Because they don't have an iPhone? Because they're 14 and just, you know, unhappy? Instead of rushing around to change something or buy something, maybe it would be better to hug them, feed them, listen to their complaints about how life sucks and how other kids have it easier, and ask them what they themselves could do to make their life happier before sending them back upstairs.<br /><br />We need to become more comfortable with our children learning uncomfortable lessons even if it means they're unhappy. If you're tempted to come to their rescue or buy them out of their unhappiness, you must ask yourself this question: <em>"What can I do to that will help them become a healthier adult?"</em> Don't collapse under the strain of your child's unhappiness. Show your kids how to deal with it: read the assigned chapters two or three times so cheating isn't necessary; get organized so the wrong books aren't brought home; develop some gratitude instead of envying other people's stuff; accept responsibility and deal with the consequences that come with bad decisions. <br /><br />As parents we need to remember the following: happiness does not produce excellence. Excellence, however, produces happiness. <br /><br />So many parents and educators have it turned around.<br /><br /><br />Excerpted from <em>Fearless Parenting, Raising a Child to Face the Adult World</em> by <strong>Harry H. Harrison Jr.</strong> To sample the first chapter visit <a href="http://amzn.to/J4mc4b" target="_blank">http://amzn.to/J4mc4b</a>. Harry is a <em>New York Times</em> best-selling parenting author with over 3.5 million books in print. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations including NPR. His books are available in over 35 countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia, and in the Far East. For more information visit <a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">www.fearlessparenting.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2012-07-23T14:04:00Z
Maintaining a Healthy Relationship with Your Teen
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Maintaining-a-Healthy-Relationship-with-Your-Teen/733378279380935071.html
2012-07-16T14:05:00Z
2012-07-16T14:05:00Z
<strong>By Dr. Jerry Weichman</strong><br /><a href="http://www.drjerryweichman.com" target="_blank">www.drjerryweichman.com</a><br /><br /><em>It's not easy to be the parent of a teen...forgiving them for a mistake can be harder than it seems.</em><br /><br />Just when you think you've seen it all, your kid goes and screws up in a way you never even imagined possible. Even though you expected the teenage years to be difficult, you just never imagined...this. <br /><br />While it is completely normal for a teen to make a mistake or two (or many) along the way, I experience more and more parents who are struggling to let go of their teen's slipups, whether big or small. As a result, the parent-teen relationship develops into an unhealthy cycle of pain, distrust, and resentment from both sides. <br /><br />Hanging on to old mistakes, rehashing past issues over and over again with your teen, and taking your teen's behavior as a personal affront can make for a bitter few years to say the least. <br /><br />Are you finding it difficult to forgive your teen for their mistakes? Here are five tips to help you navigate your path back to a harmonious and healthy parent-teen relationship:<br /><br />
<ul>
<li><em><strong>See your teen for who they are, not just who they appear to be.</strong></em> Volumes of research show that the teenage brain is not just a mini-adult brain. Brain development continues well into the 20's and the last part of the brain to develop is the frontal lobe, responsible for logic, impulse control, and rationale. So often, I hear from teens in my office who are coping with the ramifications of a poor choice they made. Typically these kids know that they should not have made the choice but they just could not help themselves in the moment. This isn't to say that teens should be let off the hook for making bad decisions. However, understanding that the teen brain is not fully developed in the areas that control reasoning may help parents not to take their teen's mistake so personally. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><em><strong>Issue the punishment and move on.</strong></em> When you're fuming about your teen's screwup it may seem hard to keep a calm head. I often teach the parents I work with my "issue the ticket" technique of discipline. When you are pulled over by a police officer, they usually stay calm, there is little lecturing, and the officer does not take your infraction personally. An officer simply issues you the ticket and moves on. As a parent of a teen, you need to try to practice "policing" your teen the same way. Stop engaging in heated discussions and debates over your teen's mistake. Just stay calm, issue the punishment, and move on. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><em><strong>Maintain regular "parent" dates with your kids.</strong></em> The lives of both parents and teens are busy and schedules are tight. Regardless, it is an absolute must that you fight for regular time with your teen, even if you don't seem to get along most of the time. Schedule the date and keep it. Sharing a meal or even going for a walk together might seem strained at first, especially because all cell phones should be ignored during your dates. However, you will find that it is during these uninterrupted times that your teen will eventually open up to you and discuss what is really on their mind, especially when you allow them to control the dialogue. Don't pepper them with questions. Just sit back and listen. In the end, the critical message your teen receives from you via these dates is that they are a priority and spending time together matters to you. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><strong><em>Find something (anything!) to be positive about and share it with your teen</em>.</strong> Teens often complain to me that they only hear what they are doing wrong and what they need to do better. Over time, this dynamic causes a teen to view all interactions with their parents as critical. Spend 15 minutes writing down what you admire or appreciate about them. Take at least one off the list every week and share it with your teen. Hearing about what is good, what is positive, and what strengths they have puts wind into a teen's sails and boosts their self-esteem and confidence. Even if they seem to brush it off, trust me when I say that it matters to them more than you realize. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><em><strong>Remember the big picture.</strong></em> The right decision and the popular decision are rarely the same. Often times you will have to issue a punishment that is difficult. Don't forget that parents who do their job well are focused on raising independent, successful adults. This often means that a parent has to give up what is easy in the short-term for what will best benefit their kid in the long-term. Being a parent of a teen is often a thankless job. Do not forget that you are planting seeds and in time, they will sprout. There will be a time in your life where your child comes back around and thanks you for what that you have taught them. Keep your eye on the prize. </li>
</ul>
<strong><br />Jerry Weichman, Ph.D.</strong> is a clinical psychologist focused solely on teen and preteen issues. Based out of his private practice at Hoag Hospital's Neurosciences Institute in Newport Beach, Dr. Jerry is also an author of a teen self-help book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/How-Deal-Jerry-Weichman/dp/1435717473/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1304884296&sr=8-1" target="_blank"><em>How to Deal</em></a>, and a noted <a href="http://www.drjerryweichman.com/how-to-deal.php" target="_blank">public speaker</a> on teen-related topics including parenting, bullying, and adolescent coping skills. Overcoming a lower leg amputation as a child to eventually become a Division I college football player provided Dr. Jerry with unique perspective on coping with - and overcoming - difficulties during the adolescence. Keep up with his tips for teens (and parents of teens) at <a href="https://twitter.com/drjerryweichman" target="_blank">twitter.com/drjerryweichman</a> or via his home page, <a href="http://www.drjerryweichman.com" target="_blank">www.drjerryweichman.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2012-07-16T14:05:00Z
Right Brain Parenting
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Right-Brain-Parenting/-62455867068527989.html
2012-07-09T21:03:00Z
2012-07-09T21:03:00Z
<strong>By Dr. Andrea Weiner</strong><br /><a href="http://www.drandie.com" target="_blank">www.drandie.com</a><br /><br />Have you ever felt that this parenthood journey you signed up for was not exactly what you thought it would be? In many entertainment magazines and tabloids, parenthood has been a cause de célèbre, especially when movie stars make being a parent the new "in" thing. You see pictures of celebrities taking their young children to the park or on other outings looking blissful and beautiful. And you wonder why these stars look so happy and you are not, right? <br /><br />The truth is parenthood is the most challenging yet rewarding "jobs" we will ever have. There are moments of pure joy mixed with times of sheer frustration and terror. The question is can we realistically expand more times of joy being a parent? Practicing right brain parenting might be the answer. <br /><br />Right brain parenting is defined as the ability to use the part of the brain that is emotional, creative, playful, and intuitive while parenting. This approach came to me while asking a good friend of mine how he came up with an incredible, creative game with his son. It was not only fun for him and his child to partake in, but it also had a learning component to it. I realized that the joy he got from doing this came from using his right brain.<br /><br />The brain is divided into two hemispheres that control different functions yet are connected to one another. Left-brain functions include analytical and mathematical thinking. When you are being creative, allowing yourself to daydream, or using your intuition, the right side of the brain takes over. <br /><br />Often while parenting children, we are constantly in a state of questioning our actions, with thoughts like, "Is this the right way to handle this situation?" or, "What if he/she can't do this task and what <em>should</em> or can I do about it?" These thoughtful questions allow our left brain to take over to come up with logical answers. There is nothing wrong with these kinds of left-brain induced thoughts, but it begins to become tiresome when there is no balance of right brain parental action. You know this happens when you feel more stressed and overwhelmed, and get less joy out of parenting. <br /><br />Here are a few ways to activate the right brain while parenting and get more fun and joy out of being a parent:<br /><br /><strong>1. Allow a creative flow of ideas in the form of games or projects to play with children. </strong><br /><br />Start off with an idea of what could be a fun way to teach or explain something to your children. It could also be some way you want to spend time and interact with them. Don't overanalyze the idea and enjoy having fun playing around with the creative aspects of it. You can include your children in this right brain idea formation and ask for their suggestions. The how to's of putting it into action will be the left brain's job to do.<br /><br /><strong>2. Tune into that intuitive "voice" when unsure of how to handle a situation with your child</strong>. <br /><br />Instead of immediately reacting to a situation, take a few deep breaths, and then ask yourself, "What way would be in my child's best interest to handle this particular situation?" Listen for the answer that sounds like a voice talking to you. It's our right brain tuning into the wisdom that comes from our intuition that is usually correct. The stress in parenting comes from the not knowing how to handle a child's problem or issue.<br /><br /><strong>3. Create more right brain parenting thoughts</strong>. <br /><br />For every "I <em>should</em> do this for my child" thought, counter it with a "what would I <em>enjoy</em> doing with my child?" thought. Too often the "shoulds" of what to do make parenting tiresome. Also when you switch the thoughts around, this allows you to see different perspectives and gives you more choices while parenting. <br /><br />You do not have to react to every right brain thought or even do them at that moment, but it alleviates the stress of too much logic in parenting and not enough fun. And fun in parenting leads to more joy!<br /><br /><br /><strong>Dr. Andrea Weiner</strong> is the founder of Emotionally Smart Beginnings, educational products teaching emotional and social skills for children and parents. She is the author of <a href="http://www.drandie.com/store.html" target="_blank"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Best Investment: Unlocking the Secrets of Social Success for Your Child</span></a> and <a href="http://www.drandie.com/store.html" target="_blank"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">More Than Saying I Love You: 4 Powerful Steps That Help Children Love Themselves</span></a>. Her books have made her a popular media guest, parent coach, lecturer and workshop leader. For tips on how to help your child develop lifelong skills based on social and emotional intelligence and well-being visit: <a href="http://www.drandie.com" target="_blank">www.drandie.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2012-07-09T21:03:00Z
What Are We Supposed to Eat Then?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/What-Are-We-Supposed-to-Eat-Then/-601696348306291255.html
2012-07-02T14:03:00Z
2012-07-02T14:03:00Z
<strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a><br /><br /></strong>My kids now say, "Ewwww!" whenever we drive past a McDonald's. Those pictures of warm, tasty nuggets on billboards don't deceive them now that they've seen how they're really made. Apparently the pink goo in the photo circulating around the web isn't a strawberry milkshake, but the beginning of "chicken nuggets."<br /><br />We are barraged with confusing information about how to choose what to eat. For instance, we are told to stay in the outside aisles of the grocery store, away from the packaged, processed foods in the center. The periphery is where the meat and produce are, the simple foods without additives even our forefathers ate long ago. But be careful to choose animal products that haven't been injected with hormones! Hot dogs and lunch meats? Run, don't walk, from those nitrate laden cancer causers! No wonder meat consumption is down 12 percent since 2007. Yet people younger than 30 and those over 65 are the ones cutting back. The other bunch of us in the middle are still cooking dinner every night and searching for practical meal options for our families, scratching our heads over what we're supposed to serve.<br />We are also told to shop organic; then, not to be fooled by the "organic" labels - they are just a way to ratchet up prices. And remember, produce equals pesticides, so it's best to skip the store altogether and just plant your own garden. <br /><br />Then when we want to forget it all, maybe take our kids to a restaurant, we're confronted with those staggering caloric index reminders, or back to the images of pink slime we still can't get out of our heads. <br /><br />It's become clear to the average citizen that with the abundance of food today, the quality of it has fallen. Cheaper fillers are added to make more products for less money. "60 Minutes" recently aired an episode on the pervasiveness of sugar in the American diet, even calling it a "toxin" and blaming it for much of the illnesses that plague our society today. The problem: it's hard to find anything on grocery store shelves that doesn't contain sugar. For the past few years, high-fructose corn syrup, an artificial and cheaper alternative to sugar has been called out as the true villain. Experts are telling us to eat table sugar in its place. The message got across loudly from consumers that they didn't want it in their food anymore. If you read labels carefully, much of the HFCS has been replaced with sugar once again. Many moms like me even gravitated towards healthier sounding sugars like "organic cane juice" when label shopping, but we are finding sugar is sugar, despite its different names. <br /><br />We need to get back to basics. In the 2008 bestselling book <em>The Omnivore's Dilemma</em>, author Michael Pollan proposed we should only eat meat we hunt ourselves. Really? This is his solution for taking matters into our own hands as to what quality of food we consume? Last I heard, only people like Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg have the time, resources and stomach to follow Pollan's advice; I know I don't. <br /><br />Our lives won't get any less busy, and for many parents it just makes sense to buy the frozen bag of meatballs than to hand roll each meatball from scratch. But wouldn't it be great if we could get a bag of frozen meatballs made with truly quality ingredients? <br /><br />There is only one simple tactic that has always worked when enough people care: let not just our voices, but our wallets, do the talking. Within days of the McDonald's "pink slime" story going viral, McDonald's issued a statement that they "will no longer use the ammonium hydroxide process." The people were definitely heard. Let's keep it up and demand better food for our families.<br /><br /><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of 4 young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2012-07-02T14:03:00Z
The Graduation Speech Your Kid Needs to Hear, but Probably Won't
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Graduation-Speech-Your-Kid-Needs-to-Hear,-but-Probably-Wont/821240805143098135.html
2012-06-25T14:05:00Z
2012-06-25T14:05:00Z
<strong>By Cliff Ennico</strong><br /><a href="http://www.succeedinginyourbusiness.com" target="_blank">www.succeedinginyourbusiness.com</a><br /><br />Lately there has been much wailing and gnashing of teeth about this year's crop of college graduates and the tough time they will have finding decent jobs. Yet the commencement speeches today's graduates hear at their ceremonies don't talk about any of that. Instead they are being told to "follow their stars," "make the world a better place," and so forth.<br /><br />Which, of course, is totally safe, I get it. Nobody wants a commencement speech that's a total downer. <br /><br />But I do wish today's graduates were getting a dose of reality and solid advice along with the platitudes. Here's the speech I would love to give if given the opportunity:<br /><br /><br />"Ladies and gentlemen, I am delighted at the opportunity to address the graduating class of [name of college], though I am sorry the reality TV star who was supposed to be here canceled at the last minute for a better opportunity. <br /> <br />It is customary for commencement speakers to inspire you, make you laugh, reminisce about the great times you had here, and challenge you to follow your dreams and make the world a better place.<br /> <br />But here's an inconvenient truth: before you can realize your dreams, you are all going to have to figure out a way to make a living and support yourself, maybe a spouse and children, and maybe your aging Baby Boomer parents who never saved anything for retirement or nursing home bills. I don't have to tell you that it has never been harder in America to do that.<br /> <br />It gets worse. Many of you here are woefully unprepared for the real world of work. You have crammed your heads full of information, among other controlled substances, and the best among you have learned some important lessons about meeting deadlines, thinking critically, performing research, and arguing positions. Those are all very important skills.<br /> <br />But they won't get you a job, much less launch you on a career.<br /> <br />What you need in today's world of work are marketable skills. Sadly, your academic program didn't help you develop those - you are educated, but you are unskilled labor. And hardly anybody will pay you for the stuff you did learn here.<br /> <br />So here is some practical advice on surviving in the real world. Ignore it if you wish as the ranting of an out-of-touch Baby Boomer, but those of you who listen will profit from it.<br /> <br />First, if you don't already have a job, get out there and get working. Take whatever is available, whether it makes use of your degree or not. Get a job that pays as much as possible, then get another one to fill your time on evenings and weekends. Unpaid internships are for losers (and rich kids). If an internship won't lead to a paying job in six to 12 months, you're better off waiting tables. <br /> <br />Work as hard as you can, and save as much money as you can. That's what new immigrants to the United States have always done. They work a gazillion hours a year at jobs nobody else wants, they spend as little as possible, save every penny they make, and eventually they have enough to start their own business, buy a business, or make highly profitable investments. <br /> <br />While you are doing this, look for opportunities. What emerging new industries and technologies will dominate the American economy, and what services will be in demand in the next five, 10, 15, and 20 years? Position yourself for the future, not the past. Forget about traditional jobs, even lucrative ones, that will eventually be eclipsed by technology and an evolving digital world. And forget about law school - we have far too many lawyers, and not enough good clients.<br /> <br />If there truly are no jobs to be found, consider joining the U.S. Armed Forces. Too many young people have been taught to be cynical about America and its institutions. A couple of years spent serving your country is the best cure for that. Also, you will get some discipline, you will learn some marketable skills, and you may get the chance to pursue further education, all at the taxpayer's expense. Not a bad deal. <br /> <br />Be very careful about relationships and commitments. Don't take them on until you are emotionally and financially ready for them. Much of the happiness and misery you will have in your life comes from the person you choose as a life partner. Choose wisely. Love your family, but don't let them hold you back.<br /> <br />America is, and always has been, a land of opportunity, not a land of guaranteed success. If you want something badly enough, you'll get it badly enough. Find out what you want to get out of life, figure out what it takes to get it, and then pursue it ruthlessly, with everything you've got, and without distraction. Follow that plan (not the stars), and you will succeed, no matter what the economy does or what life throws at you."<br /> <br /><strong>Cliff Ennico</strong> (<a href="http://www.succeedinginyourbusiness.com" target="_blank">www.succeedinginyourbusiness.com</a>), a leading expert on small business law and taxes, is the author of <em>Small Business Survival Guide</em>, <em>The eBay Seller's Tax and Legal Answer Book</em> and 15 other books. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com <br />
Staff
2012-06-25T14:05:00Z
'50 Shades' of Destruction to Our Kids
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/50-Shades-of-Destruction-to-Our-Kids/653656240648619576.html
2012-06-18T14:06:00Z
2012-06-18T14:06:00Z
<strong>Julie Samrick</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a></strong><br /><br />I can see why <em>50 Shades of Grey</em> has enamored grown women everywhere. The story of recent college graduate Anastasia Steele's dark and sexually charged relationship with extremely wealthy, dashingly handsome Christian Grey has only one hitch - Grey's kinky, S&M fetishes are non-negotiable if Ana wants to be his girlfriend. Christian is as deviant as Ana is chaste, yet Ana must decide whether to go to the dark side or stay true to her own convictions. This is no otherworldly vampire book or farfetched tale about kids forced to kill one another like the other recent megahits <em>Twilight</em> and <em>The Hunger Games</em>. This book is much more dangerous in the hands of the young readers it's trickling down to because it exploits something very real - love and commitment, and what young people should expect they deserve when navigating their first romantic feelings or relationships.<br /><br /><em>50 Shades of Grey</em> depicts the train wreck sort of relationship many young people experience in their teens and 20s, but it goes one step further. It's the classic story of a good girl desperately trying to reach a bad boy, to be the only one who can ultimately save him with the power of her love alone. Most of us know how this ends - plenty of heartbreak is a given and good is usually corrupted. At worst, the good girl becomes jaded to trust and commitment. Even if bad boy Christian is miraculously reformed, it sends the wrong, misguided message that men like him can be "saved" - just what young girls are hoping to hear.<br /><br />For women in healthy marriages <em>50 Shades</em> offers a voyeuristic peek (no S&M pun initially intended) into a relationship anyone with real life experience knows is doomed. Though this is what keeps us reading, we can't take our eyes off the train wreck even though we know we should really look away.<br /><br />However, an ordinary character like Ana also normalizes the deviance of the S&M world, while sex is characterized as demented, lonely, and free from respect or commitment. Again, that might not be so troubling for the swarms of married ladies giggling over this book in their book clubs. What does concern me is the thought of high school girls getting their hands on it - making the fringe lifestyle of bondage, whips, and sexual torture commonplace, warping their thinking at a very impressionable age. <br /><br />Many young people want to read the book simply because they're watching their mothers read it now. It's no different than some kids bragging they'd seen<em> 9 1/2 Weeks</em> when I was a kid because we'd all heard the buzz about it on the schoolyard. My son recently begged me to read <em>The Hunger Games</em> for much of this past school year to no avail. He didn't even know what it's about, but he did hear lots of kids talking about it at school. Many of his 4th-grade classmates then watched the PG-13 movie (which is even more violent than the book). Kids just aren't as experienced in deciphering such heavy ideas as we are.<br /> <br />The fact that the franchise has spawned a return to hair braids in young girls' fashion is proof that <em>The Hunger Games</em> has trickled down to kids. My 10-year-old niece recently attended a <em>Hunger Games</em>-inspired archery birthday party. After learning more about the plot, my sister was the only mom who didn't also let her daughter attend the movie afterwards.<br /><br />Today, many girls in 9th and 10th grade identify as "cougars," going after younger, less experienced middle school boys. The term became popular with <em>Sex and the City</em>, a show that is now rerun on cable television and heralded by a new generation of young fans. A prequel to Carrie Bradshaw's story, set during her teenage years, is set to hit the big screen soon. Who do you think the target audience will be?<br /><br />With this current trend, I cringe to think "whips," "chains," and "bondage" will soon become conversational terms in high school cafeterias across America.<br /><strong><br />Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of 4 young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com <br />
Staff
2012-06-18T14:06:00Z
How to Keep from Overpraising Your Children
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-to-Keep-from-Overpraising-Your-Children/799899967055232924.html
2012-06-04T14:22:00Z
2012-06-04T14:22:00Z
<strong>By Harry H. Harrison Jr.</strong><br /><a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">www.fearlessparenting.com</a><br /><br />Right now, many parents are seemingly in a race to see who can award more gold stars to their children every week. Well, here's a fact every gold star giver needs to think about: the winners are often the losers. Here's why:<br /><br /><strong>1. Constant praise teaches children that it's other people's duty to give your children self-esteem.</strong> They grow up believing if you feel bad about yourself, it couldn't be because you failed a test, or got caught cheating, or because you spread malicious gossip about another student. No, you feel bad about yourself because someone failed to tell you how special you are today. <br /><br /><strong>2. Overpraise only makes parents feel better.</strong> We praise our kids nonstop, and publicly shouting their names at school plays or soccer tournaments does not really make our kids feel better, but rather helps us deal with their supposed failures. Our children know being a tree in the school play isn't the same as being the star. They know they sit on the bench because another play is better. But we as parents feel better because we're good praisers.<br /><br /><strong>3. Kids see through the crap that is false praise.</strong> They don't need adults praising them for getting to breakfast on time or going through a whole day without cheating. It doesn't make them happier or more prepared for the adult world. It just confirms their suspicions that adults are clueless. And it conditions them to a world where praise must continually be fed to them, even when what's most needed is a kick in the butt. <br /><br /><strong>4. Overpraising teaches kids why bother.</strong> Why bother seeking praise from a parent who ladles it out like candy? It will sound just like the praise received for wiping your nose on a Kleenex, not your shirt sleeve. So the honest praise for a job well done will sound hollow.<br /><br />That's the problem. But with a few attitude adjustments on our part, we can turn a child who expects praise for showing up for breakfast into a young adult in training for the real world:<br /><br /><strong>1. Expect excellence and only occasionally reward it.</strong> All kids are hardwired to strive to meet their parents' expectations. This is true with even rebellious teens. If parents expect their children to always do their best, to study, to overcome obstacles, to stand for what's right, to give thanks at night, to be honorable and courageous, curiously enough those are the kind of young adults that emerge. By expecting excellence and occasionally rewarding it is how our kids learn that it's their actions that make them feel good about themselves, not the praise of mom for being "so good."<br /><br /><strong>2. Learn the power of encouragement.</strong> Encouragement is much more effective for raising an adult than effusive praise. Encouragement lifts a discouraged child up. It doesn't gloss over the setback. Kids need to be encouraged to study harder, to practice longer, and to not be afraid of trying something new. They need to be encouraged to stay with a difficult task, to sacrifice, to achieve, and to persevere in the face of defeat. This kind of parenting doesn't praise non-achievement or bad behavior, but encourages the behavior that all successful adults demonstrate.<br /><br /><strong>3. Let your child learn the awesome impact of achievement, self-esteem and self-respect.</strong> The fact of the matter is self-esteem is something earned, and it's earned by achieving. Self-esteem is what a person feels overcoming a difficulty, scoring well on a test, finishing an "impossible" task, and defeating competitors. It's not earned when a doting mother says, "I'm so proud of you," to a 13-year-old who handed in a sloppy paper because it wasn't started until 10 p.m. the night before. Developing self-esteem leads to a healthy respect for oneself. And self-respect is what allows a teen or young adult to say to him or herself, "I can handle this."<br /><br /><strong>4. Remember praise is a parenting tool, not a substitute for parenting. </strong><br />Many overpraisers find it easier to praise their child at bedtime or scream their name during a soccer tournament than they do putting in the countless, mind-numbing hours of parenting. The fact is, loud and wild public praise doesn't replace spending evenings reading with your child when you'd rather be watching TV or cleaning the house. Making time to be a parent is what shapes our kids to be adults. Hand out praise to commend outstanding effort, not to cover up the fact you've dropped the parenting ball. <br /><br />Excerpted from <em>Fearless Parenting, Raising a Child to Face the Adult World</em> by <strong>Harry H. Harrison Jr.</strong> Harry is a <em>New York Times</em> best-selling parenting author with over 3.5 million books in print. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations including NPR. His books are available in over 35 countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia, and in the Far East. For more information visit <a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">www.fearlessparenting.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2012-06-04T14:22:00Z
When Too Much Self-Esteem Can Backfire In Children
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/When-Too-Much-Self-Esteem-Can-Backfire-In-Children/-130793667868764097.html
2012-05-22T14:15:00Z
2012-05-22T14:15:00Z
<p><strong>By Dr. Andrea Weiner</strong><br /><a href="http://www.drandie.com" target="_blank">www.drandie.com</a><br /><br />The concept of self-esteem is not a new concept and it is one most people recognize as an important characteristic to have. Simply defined, self-esteem can be viewed as the way a person values oneself. Most parents, when asked, what they would like for their children to have in life, the notion of having self-esteem would be high on the list. But can too much self-esteem in children create power struggles among <a href="http://www.drandie.com/online_articles.html#friendships" target="_blank">friends</a>, create an overly superior attitude towards others, and a lack of resiliency in the face of a possible failure? It can and here's why.</p>
<p>Self-esteem focuses on the strengths of an individual to create a sense of personal value or self-worth. Back in the 60s and 70s when the self-esteem movement was at its height, parents were told to praise their children for their positive attributes to build high levels of self-esteem. Praises like "You are so smart", "You are beautiful", or "You're the best baseball player on the team" was viewed as a way to build up a child's self image and worth.</p>
<p>The problem with this approach is if children do not believe this positive praise about themselves, no amount of words from others can alter their doubting beliefs. The flip side of this is that a child never learns to accept their weaknesses. We are all imperfect, and those unacceptable weaknesses get squelched and become unbearable "secrets" we don't want anyone to discover.</p>
<p>There is a line where self-esteem tips over into superiority and dominance and the false assumption one is better than the other. Those squelched weaknesses get covered up with braggadocio and creates false esteem that leads to condescension, superiority, and power struggles in friendships and other relationships.</p>
<p>Self-esteem without self-knowledge is arrogance. It can stop children from persevering towards a defined goal when the "going gets tough" because false self-esteem is superficial and doesn't allow one to access the deep reserves that true self-esteem can provide.</p>
<p>To insure children develop true self-worth, here are some tips parents can do:</p>
<ul>
<li><strong>Use praise appropriately:</strong> Praise is important for children but it needs to be specific to the accomplishment. This allows them to know exactly what they did to deserve the praise and it is directed back to them. For example, "You should be very proud of that "A" on your spelling test since you really studied hard to learn those new words. Good job!" This lets them know exactly why they are being praised, which increases their internal validation about their talents and efforts.</li>
<li><strong>Help children practice empathetic acceptance:</strong> Empathetic acceptance embraces all aspects of who we are including our strengths and weaknesses. Helping children to be aware, without judgment, that their weaknesses and limitations allow them to see a complete picture of themselves, not just the "edited" version. Accepting oneself with all of our frailties and good qualities is the true act of self-love.</li>
<li><strong>Teach empathy on how it feels to "be in someone else's shoes":</strong> Ask your child how it would feel if someone acted better than them and tried to boss them around. Would he/she feel angry, sad, or upset? Point out it's great to love and appreciate oneself but not when it crosses the line of superiority and smugness.</li>
<li><strong>Provide experiences that require effort to learn success:</strong> The greatest self-esteem experience is when a child can succeed through hard work, effort, and working through any possible fear or limitations. By supporting, encouraging, and allowing children to go through the throes of a challenging situation or circumstance can turn it into a life changing "can do" experience and lead to higher levels success and self-worth.</li>
</ul>
<p><br /><strong>Dr. Andrea Weiner</strong>, is the founder of <a href="http://www.drandie.com/store.html" target="_blank">Emotionally Smart Beginnings</a>, educational products teaching emotional and social skills for children and parents. She is the author of <em>The Best Investment: Unlocking the Secrets of Social Success for Your Child</em> and <em>More Than Saying I Love You: 4 Powerful Steps That Help Children Love Themselves</em>. Her books have made her a popular media guest, parent coach, lecturer and workshop leader. For tips on how to help your child develop life long skills based on social and emotional intelligence and well-being visit: <a href="http://www.drandie.com" target="_blank">www.drandie.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2012-05-22T14:15:00Z
Coping with Bullies Who Text
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Coping-with-Bullies-Who-Text/702404993486068349.html
2012-05-15T23:39:00Z
2012-05-15T23:39:00Z
<p><em><strong>When SMSing Becomes "Textual Harassment"</strong></em><br /><strong>By Dr. Jerry Weichman<br /></strong><a href="http://www.drjerryweichman.com" target="_blank">www.drjerryweichman.com</a><br /><br />By now we know online bullying can leave a trail of destruction in its wake. It occurs fast and can have long-lasting repercussions. But what about a bully who doesn't just try to tear you down by posting on your Facebook wall or anonymously on Formspring but who also attacks you directly via your cell phone?</p>
<p>When friends have a falling out, former besties can turn into bullies. Many times those who feel the most comfortable with their victim, such as ex-friends or boyfriends and girlfriends, turn to text bullying to hurt, embarrass, and intimidate their target. This sort of "textual harassment" is more common than most adults realize and happens on a regular basis.</p>
<p>Most often text bullying is in the form of name calling or threats. However, textual harassment can also be defined as the repeat sending mean, embarrassing, untrue, or hurtful message to or about someone and also includes sexting, or sending sexually suggestive texts.</p>
<p>By hanging onto a text message that is disparaging about another individual or a suggestive photo sent via text, it is typical for a bully to commit what amounts to "textual blackmail." The bully uses the old text as ammunition to discourage a victim from reporting their bullying or to entice the victim to provide them favors.</p>
<p>Text bullying is especially harsh because it is a direct message to the victim that can be received any time and any place. While a victim can attempt to evade an online cyberbully by shutting down their computer, it is not often tweens and teens are without their cell phones. Victims feel like they cannot escape the text attacks.</p>
<p>And unlike cyber-bullying, many parents do not even consider to ask their teen about whether or not someone may be harassing them via their cell phone. As a result, the victim of a text bully often ends up feeling isolated, violated, and fearful.</p>
<p>While most victims of text harassment know the identity of their bully, it is not always the case. Some text bullies will send messages from a friend's cell phone or ask people to forward a bullying text to the victim. Even worse, many pay-as-you-go phones do not require proof of identity to purchase them and keep no record of the owner. Text messages sent made from these types of cell phones are basically untraceable. Text bullies use these phones to harass their victim, making it seem like "everyone hates you" while still avoiding identification.</p>
<p>Are you dealing with a text bully or know someone who is? Here are four tips for coping with "textual harassment":</p>
<ul>
<li><em>Do not respond.</em> It doesn't matter whether your response is an attack back or if you are trying to clarify or question something. Responding in any way simply serves to escalate the conflict. By replying to a harassing text message, you are telling your bully that you will reply to their behavior and they will continue to attack via text message.</li>
<li><em>Do not delete.</em> If you can, forward the text messages to a place where you can print them or at the least, keep a record of the harassing texts you receive, including date, time, and the number they were sent from. You will need a record of the messages, and ideally the texts themselves, in order to make a report and end the harassment.</li>
<li><em>Do not keep it to yourself.</em> While it may feel embarrassing or scary to show parents or another trusted adult the text messages you are receiving, it is critical that you reach out for help and support. Whether you decide to report the harassment to your cell phone provider, change your phone number, or file a formal complaint either through the school or law enforcement against your bully, an adult can help you navigate the process. Finally, if the texts are physically threatening in any way, it is key you share them with police sooner than later.</li>
<li><em>Do not ever text revealing photos of yourself to anyone, even people you trust.</em> When friendships or relationships end, these images can be passed around or posted online with negative (and even legal) consequences.</li>
</ul>
<p><br /><strong>Jerry Weichman, Ph.D.</strong> is a clinical psychologist focused solely on teen and preteen issues. Based out of his private practice at Hoag Hospital's Neurosciences Institute in Newport Beach, Dr. Jerry is also an author of a teen self-help book, <em>"How to Deal," </em>and a noted public speaker on teen-related topics including parenting, bullying, and adolescent coping skills. Overcoming a lower leg amputation as a child to eventually become a Division I college football player provided Dr. Jerry with unique perspective on coping with-and overcoming-difficulties during the adolescence. Keep up with his tips for teens (and parents of teens) at <a href="http://www.twitter.com/drjerryweichman" target="_blank">twitter.com/drjerryweichman</a> or via his home page, <a href="http://www.drjerryweichman.com" target="_blank">www.drjerryweichman.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com </p>
Staff
2012-05-15T23:39:00Z
Too Many Activities Are Driving Us Mad
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Too-Many-Activities-Are-Driving-Us-Mad/168208844137375754.html
2012-05-15T23:31:00Z
2012-05-15T23:31:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick<br /></strong><a href="http://www.Kidfocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused<br /></a></p>
<p>My husband gave me a knowing look as other moms and I clamored at a school event to discuss day camps for our older children this summer. I've never been big on sending my kids to camp, but relish the freedom from constricted schedules that summer brings instead. Yet as my son is about to turn 10, it seems more of his peers are scheduled a good portion of the time now, and I want to pencil him in.</p>
<p>My husband later reminded me of our agreement not to get sucked into too many activities for our kids. "When I was growing up, I just rode my bike around with friends or we went to each other's houses in the summer," he said, reminding me of my own carefree, childhood summers but also of how prevalent camps, clinics, sports and all other extracurricular activities have become for kids today.</p>
<p>Why are our children so busy? Whether we're all keeping up with the Joneses or simply wanting to give our kids more opportunities than we had, there are plenty of reasons why we must stop the hamster wheel of keeping our kids so busy all the time.</p>
<p>For one, kids would rather have downtime and most parents aren't happy about carting them around all the time either. How often do parents secretly cheer when rain cancels practice, or celebrate the rare, free weekday night? Writer Jennifer Conlin argues American parents as a whole aren't as happy as European parents in her recent story "The Non-Joie of Parenting" in <em>The New York Times</em>. Conlin lived overseas when her three children were young and when she moved back to the United States she saw a stark contrast: "In America our whole adult lives revolve around our children's activities," she said.</p>
<p>This reminded me of the flummox my book club friends and I were in while planning to see a play together on a Saturday this September- how would our husbands juggle all those Saturday soccer games without us? We all agreed any other month would have its conflicts too so we took the plunge and bought our tickets, albeit a bit guiltily.</p>
<p>I've explained to many parents why my sons had to choose between playing baseball or flag football this spring. "We have a one sport per child policy in our house," I said, "Plus, my kids can't be busier than me!" I was <em>half</em> joking about the last comment, but have gotten some surprised looks nevertheless. </p>
<p>Jennifer Conlin shares how her waistline has grown since moving back to America, too. Frantic living and activity hopping has her family zipping through drive-thrus instead of sitting down to have homemade meals or take leisurely walks together.</p>
<p>Too many activities may also be a reason our students are academically lagging behind their global peers. I often wonder what would happen if kids spent as much time reading or studying as they spend taking part in their combined evening and weekend activities.</p>
<p>With all of the terrible stories in the news, no wonder parents want to keep their kids in structured activities instead of letting them jump on their bikes to go to a friend's house. However, according to the head of the Crimes Against Children Research Center, nationally we have the same crime rate as 1970. So if you grew up in the '70s or '80s, today is actually a safer time to be a child. And it isn't because we have been keeping kids indoors. No, awareness and other reasons are given for the drop in overall crime rates.</p>
<p>Last, we should also take more structure out of kids' lives and let them have more down time to see what kind of creativity and self-reliance they can foster when left with the chance to make some choices on their own.<br /><strong><br />Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of 4 young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com </p>
Staff
2012-05-15T23:31:00Z
5 Ways To Thrive Staying Home With Kids Under 5
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/5-Ways-To-Thrive-Staying-Home-With-Kids-Under-5/-714656469200089596.html
2012-05-07T14:39:00Z
2012-05-07T14:39:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick<br /></strong><a href="http://www.Kidfocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused<br /></a></p>
<p>In my 10 years of experience as a stay-at-home mom I've been asked quite often how I run a smooth ship and (usually) manage to keep a smile on my face.</p>
<p>Here are 5 tips for how I've thrived staying home with small children:</p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Stick to a routine. </strong> As much as it's fun to sometimes throw caution to the wind and do things out of the ordinary, kids and adults alike feel less stress when they consistently know what to expect. As young as infancy, I've kept my kids on a routine. When they're younger than 5, it's especially nice to stick to an early bedtime routine for them. That has given me my evenings to myself, or to spend with my husband. That's a routine we've also grown accustomed to!</li>
<li><strong>Take care of yourself.</strong> Exercise, eat right, and take care of your relationship with your spouse by making date nights a priority. When my kids were under 5 that might have only happened once a month, but no matter what, don't neglect doing it. I also always have smoother days when I do my hair and put a little make-up on, even if it's just lipgloss or tinted moisturizer. I don't wear business clothes, but I also try to dress in clothes that flatter me.</li>
<li><strong>Get out of the house every day. </strong> Even if it's as simple as going to the grocery store, there should be some sort of activity to break up the day for you and the kids. A change of scene is good, right? Joining a mother's club was a lifesaver when my kids were babies. There is always someone you'll connect with and it's an inexpensive, enriching way to stay connected to others in the same phase of life. Going to a mother's group playdate once or twice a week for an hour is just the right amount of time. </li>
<li><strong>Keep it simple. </strong> Don't get involved in too many activities. In other words- say NO at least twice for every time you say YES to something else.</li>
<li><strong>Start, or keep, hobbies.</strong> Stock up on art supplies. Do some yourself along with your kids. I often tell people I have more hobbies now than I did pre-kids. I've learned to knit, play the guitar some, and I'm definitely becoming a better cook. Hobbies are a wonderful way to remember the individual you are, who is still learning and loving life, not to mention it's great role modeling for your kids. We ditched cable when our kids were very young. It can be so easy to get sucked into the "boob tube" when you're a stay-at-home mom. Ever notice it's sometimes harder to find something to watch on 500 channels than it is on 20? Better to go read or do one of your hobbies when you get free time instead.</li>
</ol>
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of 4 young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com </p>
Staff
2012-05-07T14:39:00Z
Is Mothering Truly the Hardest Job?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Is-Mothering-Truly-the-Hardest-Job/154803954411195561.html
2012-05-07T14:29:00Z
2012-05-07T14:29:00Z
<p><strong>By Bonnie Harris MS Ed.</strong><br /><a href="http://www.bonnieharris.com" target="_blank">www.bonnieharris.com</a><br /><br /><br />Thanks to Democratic strategist Hilary Rosen's comment about Ann Romney (stay-at-home-mom and wife of presidential candidate Mitt Romney) for never working a day in her life, the subject of mothering has come to the fore once again-just in time for Mother's Day.</p>
<p>While I believe parenting, whether done primarily by a mother or a father, is indeed the hardest and most important job anyone will ever undertake, I do not think society as a whole gives mothering any more than lip service. On Mother's Day we can give mothers that pat on the back fulfilling our obligation and then be done with it. If indeed it is the hardest job, why do we not feel the need to give parents every opportunity to do the job well?</p>
<p>We certainly consider doctoring a critically important job, hence the years of training necessary to do it. The same can be said of any job. We need education to drive a car, fly a plane, work in a bank, be a neighborhood watchman. But giving birth requires no education at all. We place so little value on the job of mothering that it's easy for a highly educated woman to make the comment Mrs. Romney has never worked a day in her life.</p>
<p>Every mother out there, whether satisfied or dissatisfied with her parenting will tell you how important it is to know what to do and how to do it. From understanding child development and individual temperaments in order to know what is appropriate to expect of a child; to understanding child behavior and what it means so a mother doesn't fly off the handle every time a child screams, "No," a mother's-day-in-and-day-out responses to her children are critical to the future of our society.</p>
<p>I will argue that every abhorrent and dysfunctional behavior that costs our society megabucks as well as lives can be traced back to dysfunctional family relationships-to parenting. We can argue we have been raising children from the beginning of time and there's nothing to learn. Oh yeah? How many parents have argued, "I was raised that way, and I turned out just fine." Exactly the evidence needed to argue for parenting education. None of us even know our potential had we been raised in a better way. And how different is our present day culture from the one we were raised in, our parents and grandparents were raised in? Things change; the need for educating parents on the latest research and in the context of more and more technology is a no-brainer.</p>
<p>As a society, we don't even understand the meaning of behavior. We react to it at face value. If we like it, we reward it, and if we don't, we punish it. Never do we look below the surface to see the needs that are provoking the behavior. Rarely do parents even understand what a child's needs are.</p>
<p>Many mothers do better jobs than others and many children are easier to raise than others. The fit of a mother's and a child's temperaments often make the critical difference between raising a healthy child whose needs have been satisfied and an unhealthy child who requires external stimulation (often at the cost of society) to fulfill those needs. Many of our addictions, dependencies, physical and mental health issues have direct roots in parenting. And any parent's current parenting has roots deeply embedded in their own childhoods.</p>
<p>Isn't it about time we celebrated Mother's Day with the gift of valuing the job done by supporting parents with parenting classes in all communities, with huge tax credits for any parent who chooses to stay home to raise or home-school children, with more focus on flex time in work environments. Would we get stuck in the quagmire of invasion of personal rights or would this save the government billions and help us raise a healthier society?</p>
<p><br /><strong>Bonnie Harris, MS Ed</strong>, director of Connective Parenting, child behavior and parenting specialist, author of <em><a href="http://www.bonnieharris.com/resources.html" target="_blank">When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You'll Love to Live</a></em>. Bonnie counsels parents, speaks, teaches workshops and offers professional trainings internationally. She founded The Parent Guidance Center in NH and has two grown children. To learn more visit <a href="http://www.bonnieharris.com" target="_blank">www.bonnieharris.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com </p>
Staff
2012-05-07T14:29:00Z
Whose Dream Is It Anyway?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Whose-Dream-Is-It-Anyway/-863503279819217112.html
2012-04-30T14:49:00Z
2012-04-30T14:49:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick<br /></strong><a href="http://www.Kidfocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused<br /></a></p>
<p>Caroline can't remember a time in her childhood when she didn't play tennis, and not just leisurely hitting the ball around, but strenuous workouts to perfect her natural gift for the sport. She often played up to 5 hours a day as a young girl growing up in a suburb of Cincinnati, believing the pressure to play by her mother and to be the best is what made her void of any love for it. <br /> <br />Caroline is the 11th of 12 children, born to traditional Catholic parents, who themselves grew up in the Depression era. They valued hard work and they got just that from their children. All 12 of them earned college degrees, for one. Yet when their children were young Caroline's parents chose tennis as the family's sport, a way to keep the kids active and self-disciplined; they even built a tennis court in their backyard.<br /> <br />Why tennis? It was the 1970s and tennis reigned supreme in the United States. Little girls everywhere wanted to be Chris Evert and all eyes were transfixed on a young man who first burst on the scene with a passion and a powerful swing that was unparalleled - it was John McEnroe.<br /> <br />8 of the 12 siblings in her family continued to play tennis, but when little Caroline came up the ranks it was undeniable she was truly gifted and she excelled at the sport. When she was 8 she played in her first competitive tournament. At 10, Caroline was on the Junior Circuit competing at the national level. At 14, she was ranked the 9th best youth player in the nation. At 20 she competed at the U.S. Open.<br /> <br />If she wasn't at school, young Caroline was on the court. By high school, when others went to Friday night football games and dances, Caroline was traveling to compete internationally. "I loved the perks and notoriety and I definitely loved the travel," says Caroline. As a teen she traveled to Japan and South Africa. She represented the United States at Jr. Wimbledon and at the Jr. French Open. At one time later in her career, Caroline even bested Martina Navratilova in a match. "The lows were low and the highs were high," she says of the time.<br /> <br />Yet Caroline didn't love tennis - it felt more like a job.<br /> <br />"There was always pressure and an emphasis on winning," says Caroline. "Try your hardest," is what she always heard from her mother and coaches. She desperately wanted someone, anyone, to talk to her about fun, sportsmanship, or to even help foster friendships among the players.<br /> <br />"Life on the pro tour was a lonely time in my life," says Caroline. After a full ride scholarship to USC in the 1980s and five years on the professional circuit, she gave up the sport at the age of 28 in hopes of a more normal life. She does say, however, her time in college was when she enjoyed tennis the most - she relished the camaraderie she had with the other girls on the USC tennis team; it was the first time she had the opportunity to develop true friendships.<br /> <br />"I feel really bad for young people today who are in the spotlight. With the media, endorsements and so much more money on the line for young athletes, there must be an insane amount of pressure on them - much more than I had," she says.<br /> <br />On a smaller scale, Caroline feels for the kids who need to pick "their sport" sometimes as young as 1st grade. "It's crazy - if they don't try out for the select or competitive team, their opportunities to continue to play can already be over at such a young age," she says.<br /> <br />Today Caroline is a married mother of two elementary school aged children. She is still fit, yet tennis isn't part of her routine anymore. "I only miss tennis for the exercise," she says.<br /> <br /> She tries to keep her kids balanced with their extracurricular activities and sports and she also makes sure they have plenty of time to just play and be with friends, too. Her own childhood experience has instinctively made her critical of herself and her kids, but she tries really hard to combat it.<br /> <br />All of those trophies and awards she earned during her illustrious career? "They're still at my mother's house," she says. In a way, they always belonged to her mother anyway. <br /> <br />"One time I said I wanted to try volleyball and my mom put all of my tennis clothes in the cedar chest, visibly upset. I left her a note, taking it all back, and we never talked about it again," she said, quick to defend her mother as doing the best she could.<br /> <br />Caroline's story is a reminder of what many of us parents do. It may not be tennis, but it's common we see a skill or a talent in our children (or maybe it's our own talent or passion) and we push them in that direction. <br /> <br />"Being pressured took all the fun away - and as good as I was, I still didn't try my hardest," Caroline says now, looking back. "Maybe I would've liked it more if I had 2 hours on the court instead of 5, I don't know," she said.<br /> <br />Caroline's advice to other parents? "If you see a talent in your kids, encourage them, but also make sure they actually want to pursue it too."<br /> <br />Where <em><strong>do</strong></em> our children's true passions lie? It is our job to expose them to different experiences to find out, but when they do reveal their preferences to us, as parents we need to stand back, watch and listen to them.<br /><strong><br />Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of 4 young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com </p>
Staff
2012-04-30T14:49:00Z
Lessons Learned by a Grandfather
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Lessons-Learned-by-a-Grandfather/947817443389298214.html
2012-04-23T14:42:00Z
2012-04-23T14:42:00Z
<p><strong>By H. F. Parkhurst<br /></strong><a href="http://www.hfparkhurst.com" target="_blank">www.hfparkhurst.com</a><br /><br /><br />After many years and being a grandfather, I'm learning to consider children as young people. They're bright and shiny pennies filled with the wonder of discovering the world. They rush this way and that as though they're on wheels and are filled with a never-ending supply of questions. For them there are no mountains they cannot climb, no oceans they cannot sail and no stars they cannot reach. </p>
<p>But all too often at the mall or in a restaurant I hear parents and grandparents telling their children to be quiet. They say don't do this, stop bothering me, or why should I listen to you? You're a kid and don't know anything. When I hear these words I'm reminded of the story about the truck.</p>
<p>Not too long ago, an eighteen-wheeler tank truck was stuck in a tunnel under the river between New Jersey and New York City. As you can imagine, traffic backed up for miles in the busy tunnel and a normal half hour trip to the city ended up being three hours long. It didn't take long for tempers to flare and angry words to pass back and forth between the drivers.</p>
<p>Expert engineers and traffic officials rushed to the scene to solve the problem. Try as they might, no one could think of a solution. Engineers and traffic officials were baffled. The long truck couldn't be backed out and cutting down the truck wouldn't work either because the truck carried flammable chemicals. </p>
<p>A single lane of slow moving traffic passed the wedged truck and the frustrated officials and engineers. Dozens of officers directed irate drivers around the truck and the swirling lights on the police and emergency cars strobed and flashed incessantly. As an old rusted pick-up truck inched by, a little girl of eight or nine leaned out the truck window.</p>
<p>"Let the air out of the tires," she yelled in a loud voice. "Let the air out of the tires." And then she sat back as the old truck putted away.<br /> <br />One of the engineers heard her and with the help of several traffic officials, let the air out of the trucks tires. Fifteen minutes later the truck made its way through the tunnel and out the other side. A seemingly impossible situation found a solution because someone listened to a young person.</p>
<p>Young people continue to amaze and delight me with their insights into a wide range of issues, now that I learned to listen. It doesn't seem to make a difference if they're seven, seventeen or thirty-seven. Each one offers perspectives I find unique and intriguing. I can't wait to talk to the next one.</p>
<p>As one of those dreaded 'oldsters', there are a few challenges that must be overcome when conversing with young people. Some learned lessons worth considering occur to me. </p>
<ul>
<li>The first action I find necessary to follow is to invite conversation without expecting or asking for it. This is the most difficult but could be as simple as wishing someone could help you solve an 'oldster' problem.</li>
<li>Another action involves talking to each young person as thought they are an adult. No baby talk and no condescending looks or words are used.</li>
<li>Next and perhaps the key, is listening closely to hear the young person's thoughts, and responding with an honest expression of positive acknowledgement about what they said. Nothing seems to end a conversation quicker than scoffing unless done in obvious jest, or negative feedback. A worthwhile conversation and one that will lead to others tends to be an open-minded exchange of ideas no matter how bazaar or radical they may seem.</li>
</ul>
<p><br /><strong>H.F. Parkhurst</strong> enjoys spinning outrageous tales based on his real life experiences, flavored by a fertile imagination. Living with his wife in Florida, he currently works on two novel series, first Adventure/Fantasy and second Action/Adventure. For more information visit <a href="http://www.hfparkhurst.com" target="_blank">www.hfparkhurst.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com </p>
Staff
2012-04-23T14:42:00Z
The Part of the Hilary Rosen Debate That Irks Me Most
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Part-of-the-Hilary-Rosen-Debate-That-Irks-Me-Most/757276644635103799.html
2012-04-16T17:27:00Z
2012-04-16T17:27:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick<br /></strong><a href="http://www.Kidfocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused<br /></a></p>
<p>Every so often the temperature spikes on the issue of working outside the home mothers versus stay-at-home moms. Last week the topic was brought up once more when DNC advisor Hilary Rosen said Ann Romney,"has never worked a day in her life." I've mostly heard people defend stay-at-home moms since the conversation was reignited, and that staying at home to raise kids is, indeed, work. <br /> <br />What I have also heard a lot of, and do take issue with, is that staying at home is a luxury (which implies it's not hard work) or that it's a gift only to the mom to stay home. I agree - it has been a gift to stay home raising my family for the past 10 years, but I am glad I also gave that gift to my husband and my kids. None of us would have it any other way.<br /> <br />However, it is a <strong><em>CHOICE</em></strong> to stay home - not a luxury. My husband and I moved 100 miles from the area we'd lived our entire lives so we could afford to buy a house for our growing family, which was impossible to do in the Bay Area at the time. If I'd chosen to work outside the home, we would still be in the Bay Area to this day. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's been a sacrifice, because again, I think it's been a gift to our family, but we have had to make sacrifices. We left everyone we knew and moved so I could stay home. I remember wanting to sign my son up for weekly gymnastics classes but they were more than we could afford. I remember budgeting for groceries in the early years of marriage, worried if I went over the weekly allocation. I certainly haven't had a luxurious life like some insinuate stay-at-home moms do, and 90% of the stay-at-home moms I know don't either.<br /> <br />Yes, there are people who would love to stay home but can't afford it, but there are also a lot of people who could stay home if they choose.<br /><strong><br />Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of 4 young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com </p>
Staff
2012-04-16T17:27:00Z
The Secret Skills Your Child Needs to Succeed (Surprise...It's not their IQ!)
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Secret-Skills-Your-Child-Needs-to-Succeed-Surprise...Its-not-their-IQ!/348009121296904772.html
2012-04-16T15:16:00Z
2012-04-16T15:16:00Z
<p><strong>By Dr. Andrea Weiner</strong><br /><a href="http://www.drandie.com" target="_blank">www.drandie.com</a><br /><br /><br />Parents get bombarded fairly early on regarding the importance of having their child academically ready. A young child is barely out of diapers when reality hits parents on how to help them succeed academically. Suddenly the cart in the leading toy store is filled with educational toys that teach letters, numbers, reading, colors, shapes and whatever the newest, greatest way to get our children a "leg up" academically.</p>
<p>We are a society that strongly values intelligence which is usually viewed in terms of grades and achievement scores. Yet, our children's first connection to the world is a far cry from academics; they are born socially and emotionally relating to the world.</p>
<p>Social and emotional skills are not based on heredity traits like IQ and the amazing aspect about these critical skills is they can be developed to very high levels. These are the abilities that involve how to identify one's emotions and know how to express them appropriately, being able to be empathetic to other's points of view and situations, optimistic in the face of life challenges to better navigate difficult circumstances, and having the ability to relate to people in the social arena of day-to-day life.</p>
<p><strong>Five benefits children with high social and emotional skills possess</strong><br />1. They can actually boost academic performance. Research shows children with strong social/emotional skills increased their improvement on standard achievement tests by as much as 11 points (CASEL, 2009).<br />2. Schools that promoted social/emotional learning programs found their students had better school attendance and more positive attitudes about learning. <br />3. Children are more engaged in school and learn how to be good problem solvers. By understanding and knowing how to deal with their feelings appropriately, they can be more focused on their schoolwork.<br />4. The ability to relate to others using empathy, a quintessential social skill, and being caring enables children to develop better friendship skills. Being able to be a good friend attracts good friends into a child's life.<br />5. Employing optimistic thinking can help a child get through life-challenging difficulties and ward off stressful situations. By not using pessimistic thoughts of permanence like "This always happens to me" or "Nobody ever likes or plays with me!" they can change their approach to a much more positive, helpful one.</p>
<p>So to answer the question of which is better: social/emotional skills or academic skills, the answer is to have <strong>both</strong>. Being brilliant with facts and numbers alone will not help your child be the next future president of a Fortune 500 company or the President of this country.</p>
<p>You also need to have the power to know how to relate, listen, and to be an effective cooperative leader. We need to recognize the importance of both types of skills and equally engage our children with both to ensure positive outcomes academically and personally for lasting long-term success in life!</p>
<p><br /><strong>Dr. Andrea Weiner</strong>, is the founder of Emotionally Smart Beginnings, educational products teaching emotional and social skills for children and parents. She is the author of <em>The Best Investment: Unlocking the Secrets of Social Success for Your Child</em> and <em>More Than Saying I Love You: 4 Powerful Steps That Help Children Love Themselves</em>. Her books have made her a popular media guest, parent coach, lecturer and workshop leader. For tips on how to help your child develop life long skills based on social and emotional intelligence and well-being visit: <a href="http://www.drandie.com" target="_blank">www.drandie.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2012-04-16T15:16:00Z
The Secret Advantage of Chores for Toddlers
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Secret-Advantage-of-Chores-for-Toddlers/-21423476717034009.html
2012-04-09T14:43:00Z
2012-04-09T14:43:00Z
<p><strong>By Alyson Shafer</strong><br /><strong><a href="http://www.alysonschafer.com" target="_blank">AlysonSchafer.com</a></strong><br /><br /><br />Does your toddler do chores around the house? I know, I know, you're probably thinking what could a toddler possible do? They can hardly walk, talk or blow their own nose. How could they possible be responsible for helping around the house? Chores from the youngest age are not only possible; they also have secret advantages.</p>
<p><strong>Why So Young?</strong> <br />Starting chores at a really young age sets the expectation everyone in the family should pitch in, at least to the best of each person's ability. Harness the toddler's "ME DO IT" attitude that is the hallmark of their budding independence. Starting chores at a young age allows you to capitalize on your toddler's natural curiosity and their desire to learn, imitate and become masterful at a variety of skills from flushing the toilet to using a vacuum. </p>
<p>If you wait until your child is older to introduce chores, they are more likely to feel you're punishing them instead of feeling proud of being given responsibility. They'll whine "why me?" "Why now?" After all, adults always did everything before.</p>
<p><strong>Why Chores are Important</strong><br />Children who are raised always being served develop a self-righteous outlook and come to expect service from others. Chores are the antidote! Giving children jobs to do ensures your child experiences the "give and take" of life. Helping out and participating in making the home function is also the natural way children come to feel a sense of their importance and belonging in the family. </p>
<p>Helping others is part of the glue that makes the family cohesive. It helps your family to work more like a team. One for all and all for one! Having jobs around the house also helps build a child's self-confidence and self-esteem as they learn they are competent at handle life and can conduct themselves in a positive worthwhile way.</p>
<p><strong>Too Busy?</strong> <br />Yes, it would probably be easier and faster, and who we kidding - a lot better quality job if we just grabbed the broom and swept the kitchen floor ourselves. Many parents simple say they don't have time to supervise and teach a toddler how to help. I think you don't have time NOT to. Children who don't feel connected to the family or important in the home will engage their parents through misbehavior instead. </p>
<p>I'd much rather be teaching a happy toddler how to use a broom and make cookies than yelling at one to stop jumping on the couch! A competent child can do more things independently and in the long run will free up more time for you.</p>
<p><strong>But what CAN they do, really?</strong> <br />Here is a list of a few ideas of jobs your 2 or 3 year old could get started on. <br />1) Pick up unused toys and put in the proper place.<br />2) Put books and magazines in a rack.<br />3) Sweep the floor or use a hand held dustbuster<br />4) Place napkins, plates and silverware on the table. The silver is on but not correctly at first.<br />5) Clean up what they drop after eating. <br />7) Wipes up own spills.<br />8) Carrying boxed or canned goods from the grocery sacks to the proper shelf. Putting some things away on a lower shelf.<br />9) Clear own place at the table. Puts the dishes on the counter after scraping the leftovers off the plate.<br />10) Fill the toilet paper rack with rolls of toilet paper.<br />11) Clean a mirror or windows with spray bottle and paper towel.</p>
<p><strong>Alyson Schafer</strong> is a psychotherapist and one of Canada's leading parenting experts. Alyson is the best selling author of 3 parenting books; <em>"Breaking The Good Mom Myth"</em> and <em>"Honey, I Wrecked The Kids"</em> and her latest, <em>"Ain't MIsbehavin"</em>. Alyson is the media's go-to person and speaks regularly on parenting issues involving kids of all ages. For tips on discipline, bullying, sibling rivalry and other daily parenting issues visit <a href="http://www.alysonschafer.com" target="_blank">www.alysonschafer.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2012-04-09T14:43:00Z
Middle School Cougars
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Middle-School-Cougars/395430814376454795.html
2012-04-03T22:56:00Z
2012-04-03T22:56:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick<br /></strong><a href="http://www.Kidfocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused<br /></a></p>
<p>It's been nearly 20 years since the Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky scandal made "oral sex" a household term; young kids went from skipping that phase of sex altogether to offering it or receiving it even before a first kiss on the lips.</p>
<p>According to <em><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/16/national/16sex.html?_r=1" target="_blank">The New York Times</a></em>, "Oral sex is very much part of the teenage sexual repertory. More than half of all teenagers aged 15 to 19 have engaged in oral sex - including nearly a quarter of those who have never had intercourse."</p>
<p>Then shows like <em>Sex and the City </em>came along in the late 1990s, which, for the first time, portrayed normal, likable adult women as sexual aggressors and the new status quo, female Lotharios bucking convention and jumping into bed with anyone of the opposite gender meeting their fancy.</p>
<p>That mentality has trickled down to the young girls who are now coming of age, and we're currently seeing it played out in middle schools and high schools across America, as the new trend for high school girls is to go after middle school aged boys, even calling themselves "cougars." Gee I wonder where they get <em>that</em> term for themselves?</p>
<p>For any other generation, going after a younger boy would be mortifying. My birthday is in January and I remember once having a crush on a boy who had a summer birthday. Our 7-month age difference quickly quelled any crush I had on him! </p>
<p>Talking with parents who are currently experiencing this new phenomenon, it's evident many 15 and 16-year-old girls think it's cool to practice with younger guys, to feel hero worship of a younger boy panting for them... an easy catch. They don't have to worry about being rejected. Perhaps they are even shielding themselves from the more aggressive actions of older boys. With younger males, high school girls can be the all powerful, female sexual aggressor who is heralded in our culture, or at least is on the surface. So, I guess it all makes sense that as a culture we have come to this, yet it is still awfully sad.</p>
<p>I think it will be easier to explain to my two young daughters someday why these sexual messages our culture is sending to young people will set them up for nothing but trouble and heartbreak.</p>
<p>But what do we tell our boys? How do we equip them for these "cougars'" advances? We know sex education is most meaningful when taught at home, and we need to talk with our kids not just about the biology of sex, but its moral implications too, especially before they hear about it in a mocking or degrading way from their peers. </p>
<p>I began to give information to my older son specifically about the topic of forward girls when he was in 2nd grade, two years ago. He came home from school one day and was smiling as he told me about some boys with older brothers who said they'd dreamed about two girls wearing "bitinis" in a shower together. I could tell he had no idea what he was talking about, but he was smiling, as though he knew it were a tantalizing topic. </p>
<p>I could've easily moved past the discomfort of the conversation, but I took him aside and said, "Some day a girl <em>may</em> say you should watch her show off in a bikini (which is a 2-piece bathing suit), but if you aren't married to her you can figure she is asking lots of other boys to watch her too." He was awestruck, but he got it.</p>
<p>These conversations can be modified to any age, and built on over the years, but when kids come to us with topics that are ripe for lessons, don't dismiss them. Start talking calmly with your kids, with your values built in, right from the beginning and they will have the tools needed to deal with any issue that may otherwise catch them off-guard in the future.</p>
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom of 4 young kids and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site devoted to children and family issues. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a> delivered weekly to your inbox and connect with us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/KidFocusedcom/209494072409111" target="_blank">Facebook </a>too. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com </p>
Staff
2012-04-03T22:56:00Z
10 Ways to Help Your Kids Do Better in School
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/10-Ways-to-Help-Your-Kids-Do-Better-in-School/-9484792083542622.html
2012-04-03T22:50:00Z
2012-04-03T22:50:00Z
<p><strong>By Steve Reifman</strong><br /><a href="http://www.stevereifman.com" target="_blank">www.stevereifman.com</a></p>
<p><br />Parents are their children's first and most important teachers. In this critical role parents have the greatest impact on their kids' academic, physical, social, and moral development and the greatest impact on their children's motivation to learn. In my experience, parents are typically eager to do everything in their power to contribute to their children's success in school, but they're not always shown how to do this. The following suggestions will help parents empower their kids to be the best they can be.</p>
<p><strong>1.</strong> Commit yourselves to playing an active role in your child's education. Frequently, many parents leave the responsibility for their child's education solely with the teacher. No matter how satisfied you may be with your child's teacher (and I hope you are very satisfied), this practice is unwise. Remain involved on a consistent basis, and feel free to ask questions and raise any concerns you may have about your child's progress.</p>
<p><strong>2.</strong> Repeatedly express to your child how important it is to work hard, take school seriously, and achieve as much as possible academically. Explain all the benefits which come from learning, such as increased pride and confidence, greater educational and career options, and a greater ability to participate in community affairs and activities. You can never repeat this message too many times.</p>
<p><strong>3.</strong> Develop a homework policy with your child. No television until all homework is complete? No play time? Discuss these issues with your child so both of you are clear about your family's expectations for home study. Then be sure to hold your child accountable with regard to these expectations. Completing homework should not require a nightly battle.</p>
<p><strong>4.</strong> Provide your child with a quiet study area. If possible, supply a desk and a spot to keep all necessary books and materials organized. With or without a desk, however, it's critical your child have a consistent, well-lit place to study that is free from distractions. Providing such an atmosphere will not only enable your child to have an easier time studying, but also it will send a clear message you think doing homework is an important priority.</p>
<p><strong>5.</strong> Encourage your child to complete homework activities as independently as possible; offer help only when necessary. Giving too much assistance may cause your child to become too dependent on you while not giving enough may cause frustration. Strive to achieve the right balance so your child exercises responsibility while you still remain actively involved in overseeing their efforts, both on daily homework activities and during long-term projects and test preparation.</p>
<p><strong>6.</strong> Respond promptly to all notices your child's teacher and the school office send home. Do your best to stay on top of these matters.</p>
<p><strong>7. </strong>Discuss school events and happenings with your child as frequently as possible.</p>
<p><strong>8. </strong>Be sure your child gets enough sleep each night and eats a nutritious breakfast each morning. Students perform significantly better academically and are able to put forth consistent effort when they are well-fed and well-rested.</p>
<p><strong>9.</strong> Be sure your child takes to school each day all needed supplies. Of particular importance is a sturdy folder or binder in which students can securely transport homework papers and other important documents to and from school.</p>
<p><strong>10.</strong> Encourage your child to exercise as much as possible. More is being written every year about the importance of exercise and its powerful impact on the brain. Exercising before school has been shown to improve children's focus and attention.</p>
<p>Following these suggestions dramatically increases the likelihood students will be successful in school. Specifically, when parents consistently emphasize these priorities, kids will be more responsible, organized, and motivated. In addition, they will work with greater focus and greater purpose and be far more likely to maximize their considerable potential.</p>
<p><br /><strong>Steve Reifman</strong> is a National Board Certified elementary school teacher in Santa Monica, CA. He is also the acclaimed author of several books, including <em>Changing Kids' Lives One Quote at a Time</em> and <em>Eight Essentials for Empowered Teaching and Learning, K-8</em>, and the creator of the <em>Chase Manning Mystery Series</em> for kids 8-12. For tips and strategies on teaching the whole child, visit <a href="http://www.stevereifman.com" target="_blank">www.stevereifman.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2012-04-03T22:50:00Z
Moms and Dads...Don't See Eye To Eye on Raising Your Kids?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Moms-and-Dads...Dont-See-Eye-To-Eye-on-Raising-Your-Kids/-933027073201760829.html
2012-03-27T23:17:00Z
2012-03-27T23:17:00Z
<p><strong>By Harry H Harrison Jr.</strong><br /><a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">www.fearlessparenting.com</a></p>
<p><br />What do parents fight more about than sex or money? Ask any parent: It's how to raise their children. The dilemma is while both parents love their children, may even have agreed beforehand how to raise their children, may have read every parenting book ever published since 1950, nobody really knows what kind of parent they're going to be until they are actually confronted with a smiling, gurgling baby...Or a thirteen year old daughter who is demanding a $1700 Burberry purse...Or a fifteen year old son who at 2 a.m. is standing intoxicated at the front door -- with a policeman.</p>
<p>Then all agreements are off the table. The couple suddenly sees each other as they really are:</p>
<p>The father is no longer the gentle caring new age male she fell in love with, but a caveman who believes his kids are sucking him dry and would toss them to the wolves at the first opportunity.</p>
<p>And the mother is no longer the sexy thing he married, but a delusional, gullible, mother hen who believes her poor 18 year baby can do no wrong, even if he's in handcuffs.</p>
<p>Not surprisingly, disagreements about how to raise kids is one of the leading causes of stress in a marriage and leads to a number of divorces. But it doesn't have to be.</p>
<p><strong>Here are five things moms need to understand about dads.</strong></p>
<p>1. Dads show affection differently than moms. A woman will hug, cuddle, and just watch her baby sleep. Then Dad will walk in, hang the baby by her ankles, tickle her, toss in the air all the while the baby is screaming with delight. Mom of course is groping for a bottle of Xanax in the house. But all this is Dad loving on his baby.</p>
<p>2. Dads have this genetic thing about providing for their family. They worry all the time about money. So while you think he's being stupid by freaking about the cost of diapers or formula and later, college and cars, what's really happening is he's worried sick about providing.</p>
<p>3. Dads want their children, especially their sons, to grow up. It's a mom's tendency to hand out money and comfort to children like it's candy, where as a dad will demand their children go to work -- like he did...when he was ten.</p>
<p>4. Dad's say "no" more often. "No" to new clothes, "no" to a new BMW, "no" to sending a teen to summer in Europe, "no" to sleeping in on a school day. Sometimes, it's the only word they'll say to a thirteen year old for six months.</p>
<p>5. Dads aren't as worried about the kids as moms are. He won't understand why you're up at 2 am worried by the fact your son has no date for the prom. Getting into a fight over the fact he's not worried enough is pointless. Dads simply believe things will work out without a parent's help. Moms know better.</p>
<p><strong>Now here five things dads need to know about moms</strong></p>
<p>1. Moms don't care what the cost is to feed, clothe, transport, educate and tutor their children. They hand out money to teenagers like its tissue paper. They are wired to give their kids everything they want and need, and to suggest they are spending too much on the children is a sure fire way for hell to rain down on a husband.</p>
<p>2. Moms think about their children's happiness all the time. If you are on the sidewalk unconscious and bleeding from a piano falling on you, they'll still be more worried about their daughter not making the school's drill team. It's easier for moms to stop breathing than it is to stop worrying about their kids.</p>
<p>3. Moms feel sorry for their kids. They are convinced their children are working too hard in school, that teachers don't understand them, that they risk social harm because they don't have an iPhone and they cannot possibly get a part time job as that would mean life would totally un-fun and so you, dad, need to raise their allowance.</p>
<p>4. Moms don't believe in discipline. That's why their greatest threat to their kids is "I'm going to tell your father," and often her kids can talk her out of telling dad anything, She will be upset when you lay down the law because you clearly have no understanding how wonderful your child is, despite the fact they were caught cheating by three teachers.</p>
<p>5. Moms say "yes" to everything. This is why kids will always ask their mothers instead of their fathers for money, for a gold card, for a $1000 new purse, for a later curfew. The only time a mom will say "no" is when her husband begs her to quit saying "yes."</p>
<p>This yin and yang of parenthood is really the best reason I can think of for couples to stay married. Children don't need to hear "yes" all the time. <br />And being told "no" twenty-five times a day can lead a child to develop some serious anger issues. Children need the fun play of dad as well as the nurturing of a mom. They need the discipline of a dad as well as the un-judgmental support of mom.</p>
<p>The fact is, while tension between mom and dad is inevitable, it's worked for thousands and thousands of years. Both parents just need to realize a healthy child needs what both parents are genetically equipped to give: love in their own way.</p>
<p><br /><strong>Harry H Harrison Jr.</strong> is a NYTIMES best selling parenting author with over 3.5 million books in print. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs, and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations including NPR. His books are available in over thirty-five countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia and in the Far East. For more information visit <a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">www.fearlessparenting.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2012-03-27T23:17:00Z
Kid Trappers! Keeping Your Child Safe From Predators
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Kid-Trappers!-Keeping-Your-Child-Safe-From-Predators/-139151338564728909.html
2012-03-26T21:10:00Z
2012-03-26T21:10:00Z
<p><strong>By Julia Cook</strong><br /><a href="http://www.juliacookonline.com" target="_blank">www.juliacookonline.com</a><br /><br />Sexual exploitation and victimization of children is a worldwide epidemic. We can sum society's historical attitude about this epidemic in one word: DENIAL. Most people do not want to hear about child molestation, and would prefer to pretend it just doesn't occur. We know however this is simply not the case. In order to stop this abuse from occurring, we must discover ways to increase our awareness as a whole, and become proactive as opposed to reactive.</p>
<p>The key to preventing sexual exploitation and victimization of children is education. If we want to stop these terrible, ugly acts, we must teach our children to become aware and proactive.</p>
<p><strong>How to Spot a Child Molester:</strong><br />Probably well-known and liked by the family and the child.<br />May be a man, or a woman, married or single.<br />May be a child, adolescent, or adult.<br />May be a parent, step-parent, relative, family friend, teacher, clergyman, baby-sitter, or anyone who comes into contact with children on a regular basis.<br />Is likely to be a stable, employed, and respected member of the community.<br />May be highly educated - Education and intelligence doesn't prevent someone from being a child molester.</p>
<p><strong>As you can see, it can be anyone!</strong><br />A sexual predator will do just about anything to meet his/her own needs. They will go to extremes to develop a good relationship with your child, and will then involve an imbalance and misuse of power in that relationship to get what they want and avoid getting caught. Misused power can include: blackmail or bribes, misuse of trust, threats against loved ones, physical strength, force and even weapons. Once an imbalance of power is established, the child becomes trapped.</p>
<p><strong>What you would hear from a sexual predator:</strong><br />I convince your child he is responsible for my behavior.<br />I make your child think no one will believe them if they tell.<br />I tell your child you will be disappointed in him for what he has done with me.<br />I warn your child he will be punished if he tells.<br />I may threaten your child with physical violence against him, a loved one, or even a pet.<br />I may make your child feel sorry for me.<br />I may be so good at manipulating children your child may try to protect me because I have convinced him he loves me.</p>
<p><strong>Becoming Proactive:<br /></strong>The best way to prevent a child molester from trapping your child is to establish open communication. Let your child know you love him unconditionally, and there is nothing he can't talk with you about. The child who is seeking adult mentorship from someone other than his parents, is a blazing target for a child molester. </p>
<p>Discuss in depth the differences between a good secret (i.e. a special surprise that will make someone happy) and a bad secret (i.e. anything that makes the child feel uncomfortable, or anything that is hurtful or harmful to someone.) Explain you would never want your child to have to keep a bad secret. </p>
<p>Tell your child the body parts that are covered up by a swimming suit are different from other body parts. They are special, private and their own. Body parts covered up by swimsuits should never be touched by anyone you as a parent are not aware of.</p>
<p>Know where your child is at all times and pay special attention to who he is hanging out with, and how much time he is spending with people. It takes a lot of time for a Kid Trapper to groom a child.</p>
<p>With child victimization, we cannot undo what has already been done. Our only option is to move forward, heal, and prevent it from ever happening again.</p>
<p><br /><strong>Julia Cook</strong> is a former teacher and school guidance counselor. Julia is the recipient of several book awards including the AEP (Association for Educational Publishers) Distinguished Achievement Award. The goal behind all of Julia's books is to actively involve her readers into her fun and creative stories, and teach them how to become life-long problem solvers. Inspirations for her books come from working with children and carefully listening to parents and teachers. <a href="http://www.juliacookonline.com" target="_blank">www.juliacookonline.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2012-03-26T21:10:00Z
Other Mothers: Step-parenting Teens
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Other-Mothers:-Step-parenting-Teens/255736741926047120.html
2012-03-19T14:12:00Z
2012-03-19T14:12:00Z
<p><strong>By Ronae Jull</strong><br /><a href="http://www.RonaeJull.com" target="_blank">www.RonaeJull.com</a></p>
<p><strong>Dr. Laura recommends parents not remarry until their children are 18 years old</strong>, but if you have already married a guy with kids, these principles may help.</p>
<p>Nearly 30% of children in the United States live in blended families. If you are an <em>Other Mother </em>of teenagers, your job as a parent can feel exhausting and hopeless. Your teenager may compare you to their biological mother, create conflict between you and their father, and say, "You're not my real mom and you can't tell me what to do!" Step-parenting a teenager is like asking you to swim laps without arms or put out a fire with just a spoonful of water. Whether your teenager's biological mother is gracious or completely awful, your spouse is supportive or distant, and your teen is a nightmare or an embarrassment, there is hope!</p>
<p>Here are four important principles that will go a long way towards making your task as an <em>Other Mother</em> less painful and more effective.</p>
<p><strong>Reduce the adult confusion.</strong></p>
<p>Blended families struggle with an overdose of confusion in the parenting department, and the first order of business is to get on the same page as your spouse. Talk about the roles you each want to play as parents and the complications you each face based on your ex's and your teen. If your spouse supports your parenting ideas and backs you up when there's conflict, you've got a bonus! But that kind of support may not happen in many families. Perhaps the best place to start is to ask, "What situations would you prefer I simply stay out of?"</p>
<p>If your spouse is not willing to sit down and have a serious discussion about parenting issues, it might be time to pull in some outside help. Often men who can't hear <em>you </em>can hear the exact same message delivered by a coach or counselor.</p>
<p><strong>Reduce your teen's confusion.</strong></p>
<p>Your teenager is in an uncomfortable position. They are trying to find a way to adjust to having an <em>Other Mother</em>, making comparisons, wondering where they fit now in the affection of their father. They may have a hard time going back and forth between two families with different rules and expectations. If you've agreed with your partner on what the expectations are with your teen, be proactive in communicating those expectations clearly. Anticipate some acting out, anger or depression. But don't expect your teen to be able to read your mind or already know how you want to be treated. You can help your teen let go of their confusion by steadily communicating your role and expectations clearly, then allowing them the grace to take time to adjust.</p>
<p><strong>Learn to keep your mouth shut!</strong></p>
<p>Having a negative opinion about your spouse's ex is expected. Expressing it is a big no-no. If your stomach churns listening to an argument between your teen and their dad, grab the Tums or go for a walk, but stay out of it. When you're tempted to jump in and dish out your words of wisdom, try this: "That sounds like a tough situation. Are you hoping for ideas from me, or do you simply need to share it?" Say it even when you're absolutely sure your teen would benefit from your input or when their perspective is flat out wrong, and one day they may ask for your advice.</p>
<p><strong>Hold your own heart gently.</strong></p>
<p>You have been handed a nearly impossible task of stepping into a ready-made family as an <em>Other Mother</em> to a teenager. You will feel exhausted, unloved, and ignored. You'll wonder if you did the right thing, if you have what it takes, if maybe you should just take an extended vacation. Develop a network of friends you can lean on when you're sure you're not cut out for this job.</p>
<p>On the good days, you'll remember why you chose this path. On the bad days, you'll question your sanity and wonder if any <em>Other Mothers</em> have it as tough as you do (they do!). Keep growing, and you will find moments that fill your heart as you build a relationship with the teen you have chosen to love.</p>
<p><strong>Ronae Jull</strong> knows that parenting is tough. Visit <a href="http://www.ronaejull.com" target="_blank">www.ronaejull.com</a> today and sign up for the free HOPE Notes newsletter, preorder "My Teenager IS the Problem", and check out <a href="http://ronaejull.com/resources-press/coaching-services/" target="_blank">HOPE Coaching</a> for personal coaching from a "been there-done that" perspective. No matter how discouraged you're feeling about your teenager, there is always HOPE! Permision granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2012-03-19T14:12:00Z
The Do's and Don'ts of Ending Power Struggles - Forever
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Dos-and-Donts-of-Ending-Power-Struggles---Forever/100114432933173905.html
2012-03-12T18:12:00Z
2012-03-12T18:12:00Z
<p><strong>By Bonnie Harris</strong><br /><a href="http://www.bonnieharris.com" target="_blank">www.bonnieharris.com</a></p>
<p>When my daughter Molly was five, I was exhausted. I couldn't see a way out of our daily power struggles. She was pushing all my buttons and I was reacting with hostility. But it was the mental notes playing in my head that got me the most. I was worried we would fight always. Fortunately I was wrong.</p>
<p>One morning, the same whiny, angry face with its protruding bottom lip approached-but something was different. Every other morning when I saw this face, I thought to myself, "She's out to get me." This particular morning I thought, "Wait a minute, she's not out to get me. She's miserable." Suddenly I saw her differently. Instead of a resistant, defiant-okay I'll say it-brat, I saw a very upset little girl who didn't want to separate from me. I was battling her and she was anticipating the battle. It was all she could do to get me to understand her, and I wasn't cooperating.</p>
<p>My shift in perception-she wasn't <em>being</em> a problem, she was <em>having</em> a problem-changed our relationship. Yes, forever. My emotions switched from anger to compassion. Once I got there, I didn't have to fight her anymore.</p>
<p>A power struggle is a fight to the finish when you and your child are both out to win. If you win, your child <em>must</em> lose. It's your fear that fuels your need to win. Your child becomes defiant, and you're afraid you're a terrible parent and your child will become a terrible person. When that power struggle begins, you do have a choice even though you feel trapped. You can fight back or not. There is no power struggle if you choose not to engage. Here are some tips to keep in mind:</p>
<p>Let's start with the <strong>Don'ts</strong>:</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">* <strong>Don't try to reason with an upset child</strong>. Rational thought is impossible when the system is stressed.<br />* <strong>Don't resist in response to resistance.</strong><br />* <strong>Don't punish, threaten or coerce.</strong><br />* <strong>Don't give in or try to fix it.</strong> If you feel responsible for your child's feelings, you will try to make him happy (which is not within your power), you will inevitably lose, and then you'll feel like a failure.<br />* <strong>Don't take it personally.</strong> It's not about you. Your child is expressing upset in the only way he knows how right now. <br />* <strong>Don't ask questions.</strong><br />*<strong> Don't worry.</strong> Easier said than done, but this too will pass and soon you won't remember what it was about.</p>
<p>Here's what you can <strong>Do instead</strong>:</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">* <strong>Detach. </strong>This is your child's problem, not yours (until you make it yours). <br />* <strong>Observe and listen.</strong> Allow child's feelings to come out until they dissipate. <br />* <strong>Maintain a "holding" attitude.</strong> See the hurt she is feeling and empathize.<br />* <strong>Do hold her </strong>as soon as she will let you.<br />* <strong>Acknowledge her feelings and intention.</strong> "You really don't want to go to school today. I bet you wish you could stay home and play with me."<br />* <strong>Give in fantasy what she can't have in reality</strong>. "Wouldn't it be fun if you had a magic wand. What would be the first thing you would change?"<br />* <strong>Find a way to honor desires</strong>. "How do you think you could make that happen?"<br />* <strong>Offer a choice</strong>. "Do you want to put your clothes on or would you like me to today?"<br />* <strong>Be an intentional parent.</strong> Plan, anticipate, give warnings, set predictable expectations and be firm and clear with limits.</p>
<p>When your child feels accepted for his desires, he is more likely to cooperate when he can't have what he wants. His resistance is merely telling you that he doesn't like being pushed around. Some children are more sensitive to that than others. Don't try to change him but do let him know that you understand even when he has to do it your way.</p>
<p><br /><strong>Bonnie Harris,</strong> MS Ed, is the director of Connective Parenting. She is the author of <em>When Your Kids Push Your Buttons </em>(2003), and teaches <em>Buttons</em> parent workshops and professional trainings internationally. Her second book <em>Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You'll Love to Live With</em> was released in 2008. Bonnie is the mother of two grown children and lives with her husband in New Hampshire. For more information visit <a href="http://www.bonnieharris.com" target="_blank">www.bonnieharris.com</a>. Permision granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2012-03-12T18:12:00Z
Ostrich Parenting Ostracizes Kids
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Ostrich-Parenting-Ostracizes-Kids/-296274197157426220.html
2012-02-27T15:28:00Z
2012-02-27T15:28:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick<br /></strong><a href="http://www.Kidfocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused<br /></a></p>
<p>Our family's recent activities have reinforced an ugly pet peeve of mine: misbehaving kids whose parents are nowhere to be found or who choose to do nothing about it. I've come up with a term for this type of parenting style: ostrich parents. Whether we've been at the park, sports practices, or even standing in line, I've seen the situation countless times of late. A kid misbehaves and his or her parent either isn't there to see, or doesn't want to deal with, the transgressions. What's really sad is these kids aren't learning how to get along in the world and they wonder why kids don't want to play with them.<br /> <br />Just this morning we were at a park and there was a kid throwing sand at everyone within reach. He was about 3, cute, definitely curious, but made kids three times his age run in fear of his sand wrath. I looked around, expecting his parent to tell him to stop. Who was watching this kid?<br /> <br />My blood pressure rises slightly at our indoor swim lessons when all of the kids huddle around three showers to rinse the chlorine off after lessons. There is one girl who must push the automated nozzle, which runs for about 30 seconds, 20 times at least, despite many other children waiting. I used to look around, waiting for her parent to say, "That's enough. Give someone else a turn," but it never happened. I have said things to her a few times, but really wish I didn't have to. Plus, she ignores me anyways.<br /> <br />Standing in line just last week to buy movie tickets a 5-year-old pushed an older boy, who was standing behind him, in the stomach. The older boy had no escape. His mom stood there as helplessly as I did during the sand escapade, looking around for the child's own parent to intervene. Later, when the same little boy yelled at his mom, making a scene as they made their way into the theatre, she smiled and tried to soothe him, having a patience threshold that was much higher than most moms I know. <br /> <br />Life is much more fun and a whole lot easier if we face it when our kids are out of line, correct them, and move on. They learn better social skills and over time we can take them anywhere and everywhere (well just about) and they know how to behave.<br /> <br />Not that my kids are perfect angels and never misbehave, but I supervise them and the minute I see them doing something that is not considerate of others, I intervene. This helps everyone in the long run, including them.<br /> <br />Doing the discipline work and being consistent hasn't always been easy. I remember having to follow through on a threat to leave a birthday party when my son was younger. As much as I wanted to stay and socialize, we left 10 minutes after arriving.<br /> <br />Having to do that a few times early on, and following through every time, has made life much more peaceful and fun. We were able to leave all 4 of our kids with another family who has 5 well-behaved kids over night this past weekend to attend an adults-only wedding. The parents said they couldn't believe they had 9 kids because it went so smoothly. "It was a pleasure," the mom said, "Really, anytime." And I know she meant it.<br /> <br />I would much rather watch 9 well-mannered kids over 1 who is not any day.</p>
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom to 4 young children and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site for children and family issues today. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a>, delivered weekly to your inbox. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2012-02-27T15:28:00Z
Four Ways to Connect to Your Teen
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Four-Ways-to-Connect-to-Your-Teen/-326292916903712528.html
2012-02-21T21:44:00Z
2012-02-21T21:44:00Z
<p><strong>By Anne Leedom</strong><br /><a href="http://www.lifepalz.com" target="_blank">www.lifepalz.com</a></p>
<p>As the lives of our growing teens become more demanding and involved, they move further away from the family routine of their childhood. Being excited about mom's help in school, playdates and the general support parents provide to young children fade as they progress through their teen years and become more dependent on friends and others outside of the family circle.</p>
<p>Many parents struggle with this time as it means trying to find new ways to connect. Some parents take the 'let's be buddies' route. Hanging out as one of the group, knowing all the hit songs, TV shows and what's cool gives parents a feeling they are still involved...even if its not really what our teens would always prefer.</p>
<p>However, there are simple and magical ways we can still connect to our teens and keep that strong connection all through their later teen and early adult years.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>1. Food.</strong> No question this is the favorite topic of most teens. Not necessarily traditional family dinners, but rather standing around the fridge at midnight. A late night pizza or a bowl of ice cream can become a parent's strongest ally.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>2. Travel and fun.</strong> The budget of most teens is a bit limited. So when they are informed of a family ski trip, a visit to Disneyland or other destinations that allow them to engage in their favorite sport or activity, most teens jump at the chance.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>3. Movies.</strong> Many teens are easily enticed to participate in family movie night if the movie and the hours meet with their approval. You may have to begin the movie at 10:00 at night. You lost plenty of sleep when they were two year olds. It's not any less important at 15. A midnight showing of Twilight will reap far more benefits than the cost of losing a little sleep.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>4. Hobbies.</strong> As kids age their hobbies become more streamlined. They tend to focus on fewer activities and ones they truly love. They are generally more interested in something specific like one sport, theatre or dance. When a parent truly supports that endeavor on a more global scale it can be a tremendous bonding tool for years to come.</p>
<p>Teens will inevitably draw a line in the sand parents aren't allowed to cross. They will clearly state what is acceptable to them. As parents we need to honor that, giving them the respect they deserve as individuals. However, we also need to show them we still care a great deal about what is important to them. That may be an activity or event, but it may be to just take the time to show interest and to give them support while they pursue their dreams....in our homes, our towns or the world at large.</p>
<p><strong>Anne Leedom</strong> is the Founder of <a href="http://Parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank">Parentingbookmark.com</a> and <a href="http://LifePalz.com" target="_blank">LifePalz.com</a>. She lives in Northern California and can be reached on her website at <a href="http://www.netconnectpublicity.com" target="_blank">www.netconnectpublicity.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2012-02-21T21:44:00Z
Talking With My Kids About Whitney Houston
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Talking-With-My-Kids-About-Whitney-Houston/594969684688560948.html
2012-02-16T01:14:00Z
2012-02-16T01:14:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick<br /></strong><a href="http://www.Kidfocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused<br /></a></p>
<p>Leaving my son's basketball game, I gasped along with the rest of the world when I looked at my phone and read the shocking news: "Whitney Houston Dead at 48." My kids were all with me and so they naturally asked, "What?!" of my outburst.</p>
<p>I immediately thought of shying away from the topic of drugs with them; I thought about acting like I didn't know how she passed. And as of this writing, it hasn't even been confirmed drugs are the culprit, yet a healthy person rarely just dies so young. We do know Houston had been in the news in recent years for her erratic behavior and admitted drug use.</p>
<p>I thought of Elvis and Michael Jackson's early deaths as well, and the sad, common denominator those talented, tortured souls shared: they all abused their bodies and died much too young.</p>
<p>I talked with my kids (ages 3, 5, 8 and 9) about fame and how it's hard sometimes for people to cope when the spotlight isn't always shining on them. It's hard to cope when the spotlight IS shining on them too. And of course, there are millions of every day folks who seek solace in drugs, not just iconic figures like Elvis, Michael Jackson, and Whitney Houston.</p>
<p>It was also a lesson in we never know what's really going on behind closed doors- sometimes when it seems someone has it all, we may not see what's really going on in their lives.</p>
<p>I told them God gives us all special gifts and talents we are to share with the world and we should never squander those precious gifts.</p>
<p>The little girl in me flashed back to my own youth- to what a beautiful, classy, inspiration Whitney Houston was to me and legions of other children of the 1980s. I had a hard time comparing her talent, her soaring, incomparable voice to anyone alive today my kids would know.... What a shame.</p>
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom to 4 young children and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site for children and family issues today. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a>, delivered weekly to your inbox. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2012-02-16T01:14:00Z
The Chance to Dream
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Chance-to-Dream/650959948407031859.html
2012-02-06T22:37:00Z
2012-02-06T22:37:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick<br /></strong><a href="http://www.Kidfocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused<br /></a></p>
<p>Did you know Steve Jobs did not allow his 3 children to watch television? It is ironic the creator of so many technological inventions was also an advocate of unplugging. He believed only when we literally and figuratively quiet the outside world would we realize the distinct paths we should take.<br /> <br />"Do not go and live someone else's life," Jobs urged in his 2005 Stanford commencement speech, which has gone viral since his death last fall. In the 15-minute speech Jobs imparted to young people what he believed are the 3 great lessons of his life, the greatest among them doing what we love and pursuing it with uncompromising tenacity.<br /> <br />Discovering what we love is easier said than done, though. My husband just told me this morning he didn't truly find his passion, what he wanted to be when he grew up, until he was 35 years old. And he considers himself lucky. Some people never find it. "Experts" on television tell us what we should do, while our elders tell us what we'd be "really good" at. Many of us follow aimlessly in one direction until one day we wake up and ask, "What am I doing? I don't even like x, y, or z."<br /> <br />Jobs explained his biological mother placed him up for adoption. An unwed graduate student, she simply wanted his adoptive parents to have college degrees. When it was later learned his adoptive parents did not have college degrees, they promised to make sure Jobs got one. Nevertheless, 17 years later, Jobs decided to drop out of college after only 6 months, calling it one of the best decisions of his life. It was then, in the unstructured time that followed, Steve Jobs discovered his passion.<br /> <br />The graduates cheered when Jobs told the story of dropping out, thinking him a hero; a free thinker bucking the system. I'm sure parents in attendance rolled their eyes. They probably thought, <em>What is this guy telling our kids?</em> However, Jobs stressed the fact that just because he dropped out of college, he never stopped working hard; he never stopped doing his best work.</p>
<p>If we follow our hearts, choose to follow the path where we're supposed to be, it just makes it easier to work our hardest, and to do our best work. But finding passion can be elusive because it takes contemplation. And contemplation often requires boredom, something our kids aren't familiar enough with.<br /> <br />In the fast-paced, instant access world we live in it's almost impossible for young people, for any of us, to feel bored. Boredom is practically a bad word in our society. Yet boredom forces free play, and free, unstructured play is when creativity is most likely to flow. My 3 sisters and I were bored when we wrote songs we still sing together today. We were bored when we started our own small business (does the restaurant in our garage when we charged neighbors 25 cents for a PB&J count?)<br /> <br />How will the next Van Gogh, Mozart, Dickenson or Jobs cultivate the great works he or she is capable of if we always watch DVDs in the car on the way to Grandma's or thrust a Wii remote into his or her hand every time boredom comes a' knocking? Now there's the rub.</p>
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom to 4 young children and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site for children and family issues today. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a>, delivered weekly to your inbox. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2012-02-06T22:37:00Z
Flashcards and Beethoven Do Not a Genius Make
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Flashcards-and-Beethoven-Do-Not-a-Genius-Make/240342654599692102.html
2012-02-06T22:31:00Z
2012-02-06T22:31:00Z
<p>(Ten things you don't know about the brain of your child.)<br /><strong>By Harry H Harrison Jr.</strong><br /><a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">www.fearlessparenting.com</a></p>
<p><br />1. Let's start with the flashcard and Beethoven. Lord knows where this idea originated, yet there is not one shred of scientific data supporting the theory that flashcards and Beethoven do anything more than bore both the parent and child to death. Time is much better spent simply hugging and reading to your child. And listening to maybe Twisted Sister or ColdPlay.</p>
<p>2. While the first three years are important to brain development, the next sixteen are critical. Many parents believe if they read to their kids six hours a day while they are very young (good but rather excessive) then their job is done. They forget the childhood brain is still under development and it's important to keep developing and nourishing it through high school. And those things like drugs, alcohol and environment can undo all the good work.</p>
<p>3. The first five years are important, but they do not write your child's future. Experts used to believe - and many parents still do - you can turn a child into a priest, a beggar, a doctor or a thief by age five. Neuroscience research has revealed the enormous capacity for change in a child's brain. It's this capacity for change parents and teenagers need to be aware of and embrace. Just because your child was a flop in middle school science doesn't mean he won't major in chemistry in college.</p>
<p>4. By age five, the child's brain is about 95% of the size of an adult brain. But filled with gray matter that's thickening. Jay Giedd, a neuroscientist at the National Institute of Mental Health who has spearheaded research on changes and growth in the adolescent brain explained the gray matter, or thinking part of the brain, continues to thicken throughout childhood as the brain cells get extra connections, much like a tree growing extra branches, twigs and roots. In the frontal part of the brain involved in judgment, organization, planning, strategizing -- those very skills that teens get better and better at -- this process of thickening of the gray matter peaks at about age 11 in girls and age 12 in boys, roughly about the same time as puberty. But then the brain does something unexpected. It begins pruning or eliminating unnecessary "twigs".</p>
<p>5. Every normal brain has the potential to be extraordinary. Neuroscientists are now beginning to understand the incredible potential a pre-puberty brain possesses. With all of the "twigs" and "connections" it is forming, it literally is wired to do about anything. But at age twelve or so is when the pruning takes place - the pruning to be a musician or an artist or an athlete or a video game player. In other words, the brain cells we use at the onset of puberty are the brain cells we keep for the rest of our lives. This is the critical time in a child's brain development, right at the moment she doesn't want anything to do with her parents. The brain prunes the connections it isn't using. Like that connection to read. Or do math. Or speak a language. Scientists believe if a child doesn't use these connections, they lose them.</p>
<p>6. The same teenager who can develop the mathematics of a satellite radar system doesn't have the frontal lobe development to understand the consequences of driving down a highway with six drinks under his belt. People are always asking how could such a smart kid do something so stupid. But the fact is the frontal lobe of the brain, the part that's in charge of planning, strategizing, organizing and thinking about consequences, is not fully developed until age 25.</p>
<p>7. Physical activity helps develop the cerebellum's ability to control cognitive processes. The cerebellum sits at the back of the brain and is responsible not only for muscle coordination but also mental coordination, the kind of thinking that helps a teen steer through the pressures and complications of her social life without appearing clumsy or nerdy. As teens get less and less physical exercise, scientists have little idea of the long term impact but believe that recess may be more important to brain development than academic courses.</p>
<p>8. Boys' brains and girls' brains are incredibly different. This is not what many feminists want to hear. The differences are astounding. Boys are more prone to ADHD, autism, dyslexia, learning disabilities, and Tourette's syndrome; while girls are more prone to anorexia nervosa. The male brain is 10 percent larger than the female brain, but there is no difference in I.Q. Girls' brains do seem to mature faster than boys' brains though some parents of girls might wonder if their own daughter was born with a boy's brain.</p>
<p>9. Teens think you're mad at them when you're worried sick about them because they can't read facial clues. Every parent of a teenager knows the frustration of explaining to a fifteen year old you're not mad <em>at</em> them, you're not screaming <em>at</em> them, you're just afraid <em>for</em> them. Take heart. Their brains literally cannot tell the difference. They are incapable of reading facial clues except the one that says you can have a raise in allowance. The scientific explanation for this by Deborah Yurgelun-Todd, director of neuropsychology and cognitive neuroimaging at McLean Hospital in Belmont, Mass. is that their brains work differently than adults when processing emotional information from external stimuli. That may be but it's still like arguing with a head of cabbage.</p>
<p>10. A teenager's brain is a mystery. Even with all the scientific imaging and research, we still don't know how a brain actually <em>functions</em>. We know the parts but not why they do what they do. Or why a teenager like Alexander the Great led an army at 16, but why another child wastes away his years on the couch. So as a parent, remember, you're not alone in this. Science is just as confused as you are.</p>
<p><br />Harry H Harrison Jr. is a NYTIMES best selling parenting author with over 3.5 million books in print. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs, and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations including NPR. His books are available in over thirty-five countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia and in the Far East. For more information visit <a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com" target="_blank">www.fearlessparenting.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2012-02-06T22:31:00Z
Dealing With Your Angry Child
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Dealing-With-Your-Angry-Child/325545313607409841.html
2012-01-30T20:50:00Z
2012-01-30T20:50:00Z
<p><strong>By Julia Cook</strong><br /><a href="http://www.juliacookonline.com">www.juliacookonline.com<br /></a></p>
<p>Anger is an emotion that is felt by everyone. Some people experience anger to a greater degree than others, but everyone has symptoms of the anger flu floating around inside of them. Anger can be caused by many factors. Sometimes the cause of anger can be easily identified, other times it cannot.</p>
<p>It is very important to teach children that at times, it's ok to feel angry. It's what they choose to do with their anger that can make the difference. Bottling up anger or repressing it can have devastating health consequences. On the other hand, letting anger out in inappropriate ways can be destructive and even dangerous.</p>
<p>If you can teach your children how to recognize and manage their anger, and then channel it toward productive or at least acceptable outlets, they will be more successful in life.</p>
<p>Here are a few tips:</p>
<ul>
<li><strong>Think of anger as bubbles inside of a two-liter bottle of pop.</strong> When the bottle is shaken, the amount of bubbles and the pressure inside of the bottle increase. If you carefully unscrew the top of the bottle, you can let the pressure out without losing any of the liquid (your self-control.) If you don't unscrew the cap and you keep shaking the bottle, the pressure keeps building until the bottle explodes...your cap goes flying off and you lose your self control. A flying cap can be destructive and at times, even dangerous.</li>
<li><strong>Teach your child to recognize the signs of anger onset.</strong> If a child can learn what anger feels like when it first starts, it will be easier for that child to keep his/her anger from escalating out of control. Anger starts out as an irritation. Often, a irritated child will experience physical signs of anger onset, such as increased heart rate, an adrenaline rush, warm face or ears, tightness of the jaw, tense shoulders etc. Think of anger onset as fizz in a pop bottle.</li>
<li><strong>Teach your child to control their fizz.</strong> When your child first starts to feel angry, teach him/her how to loosen their bottle cap before the pressure inside of them builds up. Techniques include:</li>
</ul>
<p style="padding-left: 60px;">1. Take five deep breaths.<br />2. Walk away and find a quiet place to sit down and relax your muscles.<br />3. Do the <em>Push, Pull, Dangle </em>(Push down on the seat of your chair while you count to ten; pull up on the seat of your chair while you count to ten; Dangle your arms at your side and feel all of your stress leave your body.)<br />4. Go into your room and play your music really loud.<br />5. If you feel the need to hit something, punch your pillow.<br />6. Get plenty of rest. (It's hard to control your fizz when you are tired.)<br />7. Eat healthy. (It's harder to control your fizz if your body doesn't feel good on the inside.<br />8. Never screw your bottle cap on so tight you can't loosen it. If you do your anger will build up inside and if it can't come out through your cap, it will end up making you feel sick.</p>
<p>Teaching your child to recognize, manage and be in control of their anger is not an easy task, but it can be done. Keep in mind, laughter is the best medicine when treating the anger flu, and do your best to hold onto your own bottle cap! </p>
<p>Julia Cook has a Master's degree in Elementary School Counseling. She is a national award-winning children's book author who has presented in over 700 schools across the country, regularly delivers keynote addresses at national education and counseling conferences, and has 26 published children's books. Julia's books have been referenced in such publications as <em>Parent's Magazine</em>, <em>The New Yorker</em>, and <em>babyzone.com</em>. In her spare time, Julia enjoys spending time with her husband and family. For more information visit <a href="http://www.juliacookonline.com" target="_blank">www.juliacookonline.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2012-01-30T20:50:00Z
5 Building Blocks to Raising Resilient Children
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/5-Building-Blocks-to-Raising-Resilient-Children/-30446996652254879.html
2012-01-24T00:01:00Z
2012-01-24T00:01:00Z
<p><strong>Bonnie Harris</strong><br /><a href="http://www.bonnieharris.com" target="_blank">www.bonnieharris.com</a></p>
<p>How well does your child manage adversity, cope in difficult situations, and learn from disappointments? In other words, how resilient is she? We often think our job is to protect our children from tough situations, but in fact, our protection is only protecting us. We don't want to deal with their anger, sadness, and fear. In many cases, we were not allowed these feelings as children so we don't know how to manage our children's feelings. It's easier if they don't have them.</p>
<p>When we overly protect our children and try to make them happy, we inadvertently reduce their ability to cope with life's inevitable frustrations and situations beyond their control. Their problem solving muscles atrophy so their answer to "What do you think you can do about that?" becomes "I don't know."</p>
<p><strong>Building resilience in children requires us to:</strong></p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">1. Trust our child's ability to cope.<br />2. Convey in words and body language confidence in their capacity to rebound from disappointment.<br />3. Allow, accept, and provide outlets for feelings of sadness, fear, anger, and disappointment. <br />4. Do not jump in to rescue them or fix problems without their engagement. <br />5. Balance our own wants and needs with theirs.</p>
<p>Children are so much more capable of dealing with and solving problems than we give them credit for. Our natural sense of nurturing and can easily switch to sacrificing and overprotection when we think we are responsible for their happiness.</p>
<p>We do not serve them by protecting them from disappointment or telling them they shouldn't feel what they are feeling. Let their tears flow; allow their meltdowns. You don't have to do or change anything. Simply acknowledge and empathize so they know they are heard and their feelings are normal.</p>
<p>Many situations are too intense for young children: a school environment that lays on too much pressure, a truth that is too much to handle, etc. But life inevitably throws us curve balls, and how well our children are able to get over them and move on depends on their resilience.</p>
<p>A schoolmate who taunts with a hurtful name, a desired toy you think inappropriate or unaffordable, a limit that feels unfair, an expected event that falls through all cause natural feelings. Expressing those feelings, problem-solving situations, making choices about how to handle them helps children make sense of their experience.</p>
<p>Resilience is a sign of strong connection and healthy attachment. In order to provide the 5 building blocks, we parents must:</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">* Know the difference between our problems and our child's problems.<br />* Allow our children to experience and solve their own problems. <br />* Help and support them but do not tell them what to do.<br />* Provide them with outlets for feelings and aggressive actions.<br /> - Punching pillows, role playing, fantasies, objects to kick or jump on<br />* Have confidence in our own ability to cope with our children's feelings.<br />* Trust that we do not need to have the answers.<br />* Teach our children to problem solve.</p>
<p>Often parents ignore difficult situations not knowing what to do. You do not need to know the answer. It's actually best if you don't so you don't impose your way on your child. Once you accept and provide outlets for your child's natural feelings, guide him to find his own answers. You can make suggestions if he is stuck, but it's best to lead his own thinking with questions and curiosity. He is capable of finding answers you would never think of.</p>
<p>When we tell our children what to think, do and say, we risk creating their dependence on someone else to solve their problems.</p>
<p><strong>Bonnie Harris, MS Ed</strong>, is the director of Connective Parenting. She is the author of <em>When Your Kids Push Your Buttons</em> (2003), and teaches Buttons parent workshops and professional trainings internationally. Her second book <em>Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You'll Love to Live With</em> was released in 2008. Bonnie is the mother of two grown children and lives with her husband in New Hampshire. For more information visit <a href="http://www.bonnieharris.com" target="_blank">www.bonnieharris.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2012-01-24T00:01:00Z
The Most Overlooked Consequence of Television on Children
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Most-Overlooked-Consequence-of-Television-on-Children/-483602821601754183.html
2012-01-23T23:57:00Z
2012-01-23T23:57:00Z
<p>By Clayton Thomas<br /><a href="http://www.claytonpaulthomas.com" target="_blank">claytonpaulthomas.com<br /></a><br />The television in today's home can mean so many things. For some, it's a status symbol. For others, it's instant babysitting when a parent needs a break. Most of us also wouldn't dispute the entertainment value. But, there's a hidden consequence not talked about often which may have you think twice before your child watches the next latest greatest show.</p>
<p>The hidden secret behind watching television is it slowly keeps us from building our character. William Shakespeare once said, "All the world's a stage and all the people are merely players." But, he said it at a time before the television was invented. Nowadays, people don't have to be players on a stage. All they have to do is turn on a television and watch other players at work. Reality TV anyone?</p>
<p>But what does that have to do with building our character? Two of the ways people build character is the process of cleaning up the "messes" in their lives and building on the positive things. Keep in mind; I am using the term "messes" pretty loosely. This could be as simple as a child cleaning a mess at a dinner table to an adult working on their marriage (which can get awfully messy). Obviously, there are a lot of "messes" in between. Each time we clean one of life's little messes; we are slowly building our character. Think about someone you know who had great character. Next- think about the messes in his/her life that had to be overcome. Most successful people we know have remarkable stories.</p>
<p>Now, let's get back to the television. When a child (or anyone else) watches television, it serves as an escape to the things in life which need our attention (i.e.- a child's homework, playing with friends, family bonding time, a hobby which could be a full time business if we only had the time). In moderation, watching television can be healthy to a certain degree. But, when the time watching television goes unchecked, the neglected messes left unattended can multiply or cause undue stress once the television is turned off. That's because once the television has been turned off, reality kicks back in although precious time has been lost. An easy example of this would be a child who has a test the next day but only started studying after watching <em>Jersey Shore</em> on M.T.V.</p>
<p>Building character takes time, patience, and desire. In essence, when children watch a lot of television, those three things are taken away. All of us have 24 hours in day and 7 days in a week. It's up to us as to what to do with the time. I also feel parents have a responsibility to keep their child on track. Sometimes that means taking the remote control and pressing the on/off button. There's a reason we call people who watch a lot of television "couch potatoes." It's not an endearing term.</p>
<p>The best advice I can give to parents is this. Chart how much time television is taking from the life of your child for a day/week. Decide how much of that time was excessive, then determine if the time could have been spent doing something more worthwhile. I can pretty well guarantee you if you chart this correctly, the results will be surprising.</p>
<p>I appreciate all of you who have stopped by to read my article. If you like it, please feel free to let me know with your comments. Feel free to pass it along to others as well. I wish nothing but the best for you and your family!</p>
<p><strong>Clayton Paul Thomas</strong> is the author of Tantrums, Troubles, and Treasures. As a former houseparent at an orphanage and a former elementary school teacher, Thomas has worked with over 400 children ranging from birth to 15. He provides practical solutions to complex problems. His blog can be followed at <a href="http://www.claytonpaulthomas.com" target="_blank">http://www.claytonpaulthomas.com</a>. Thomas is married and the father of two children. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2012-01-23T23:57:00Z
5 Parenting Resolutions to Ease Your Life
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/5-Parenting-Resolutions-to-Ease-Your-Life/869678237218446653.html
2012-01-16T08:27:00Z
2012-01-16T08:27:00Z
<p><strong>Bonnie Harris</strong><br /><a href="http://www.bonnieharris.com" target="_blank">www.bonnieharris.com</a></p>
<p>Do you spend much of your day trying to figure out how to get your kids to behave, how to stop the chaos, how to make them happy, and how to gain peace in your family? The answer may be surprising. You're doing too much.</p>
<p>Imagine having more time in your day, relieving mental exhaustion and enjoying your children more. It's easier than you think and often can be the hardest thing you'll ever do.</p>
<p>I offer you five ways to release agony, enjoy more of your life, and give your children more of what they need on top of it:</p>
<p><strong>1. Don't try to fix your child's problems.</strong><br />Children come to us (hopefully) with all their complaints, injuries, difficulties, and disappointments. We try to fight our children's battles, keep the boogie-men away, protect them from the big, bad world and take on their responsibilities so they won't fail.</p>
<p>When we try to fix their problems, whether school issues, sibling battles, fears and upsets, we set ourselves up for failure and send our children the message they are not capable of solving their own problems and must depend on someone else to do it for them. When we step back and acknowledge their problems, we are better able to help them figure out how to solve them.</p>
<p><strong>2. In the middle of a meltdown, do nothing.</strong><br />When children are wound up into fifth gear, they cannot hear, much less think rationally. That goes for us too. Reactions are automatic, impulses take control, and nothing positive can be taught.</p>
<p>The best thing to do is nothing. Wait until the storm has passed, and come back to it when emotions have calmed. You will be surprised by the amends your child is able to make and the lessons you are in better shape to teach.</p>
<p><strong>3. Accept your children. Don't try to make them different.</strong><br />Do you have a child you didn't bargain for? Or one you just don't understand? We spend a lot of time trying to get our children to think, feel, and behave like us, or at least the way we want - in other words, beating our heads against the wall.</p>
<p>Acceptance is the most important gift you can give your child. He comes with his own package, his own personality blueprint. You can influence him positively or negatively but you cannot change him. The more you try, the more he learns he is not okay the way he is.</p>
<p>Find qualities you admire, focus on strengths, and let him know there is no one else you would rather have in your life than him. Remember, he's your teacher.</p>
<p><strong>4. You don't have to have the answer, and you'll always have doubts.</strong><br />Not only do you not have to know the answer but often you shouldn't. When we think we have the answer, our agenda takes control, and we aren't open to alternatives. It's fine to say, "I don't know. I need time to think about it." Or, "Hmm, what do you think?"</p>
<p>Doubt is the barometer by which we can tell if we are flexible or inflexible. Doubt keeps us consciously searching and learning. It protects us from complacency and neglect and allows for mistakes, apologies and negotiation.</p>
<p>We will always wonder what to do and teeter on either side of the line. If we don't rigidly hold the line or fall far from it with inconsistency, it means we are paying attention.</p>
<p><strong>5. Talk less, be more.</strong><br />Ever feel like a broken record? We nag, prod, push, and provoke-all out of fear that without it, our children will fail. The message to them is you can't do it without me. We unintentionally push them into fulfilling those prophesies.</p>
<p>Trust more and your child will not want to betray that trust. Listen more and talk less and your child will feel heard. Simply be more and you and your child will develop a deep, heart-felt relationship.</p>
<p><strong>Bonnie Harris, MS Ed</strong>, is the director of Connective Parenting. She is the author of <em>When Your Kids Push Your Buttons</em> (2003), and teaches Buttons parent workshops and professional trainings internationally. Her second book <em>Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You'll Love to Live With</em> was released in 2008. Bonnie is the mother of two grown children and lives with her husband in New Hampshire. For more information visit <a href="http://www.bonnieharris.com" target="_blank">www.bonnieharris.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2012-01-16T08:27:00Z
Moms Addicted to Their Smart Phones
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Moms-Addicted-to-Their-Smart-Phones/554809693868992085.html
2012-01-16T08:25:00Z
2012-01-16T08:25:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick<br /></strong><a href="http://www.Kidfocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused<br /></a></p>
<p>One day last summer I was enjoying myself at the State Fair with my kids until I lost my brand new iPhone. I'd put it in my back pocket so I'd hear my parents call when they arrived. Next thing I knew it was gone. That hot, itchy, hive-like pang of panic reminded me of the time I'd pulled an all-nighter writing an essay in college, only to lose all my work just as the sun was coming up and the deadline loomed near. This time was much worse.<br /> <br />"An iPhone 4?" the Lost & Found attendant asked, confirming with one incredulous look I would never see my little purple clad darling again.<br /> <br />I was desperate. I borrowed a phone to text mine and asked whoever "accidentally had it to please meet me by the tilt-a-whirl" and I'd give him or her $50 right then and there, no questions asked. The phone never buzzed.<br /> <br />For the next few days I had moments of panic when I reached for my phantom smart phone. I couldn't take calls at swim team practice or respond to e-mail as soon as it came in. I shivered when I thought of my Words With Friends games stretching out until (gasp) the server would automatically resign me. After a few days my jitters, like withdrawing from a drug, began to diminish and I was struck with inspiration. I wrote more and found new time to read. I didn't feel as anxious either.<br /> <br />After 10 days I finally got another phone, but one lesson I gleaned was to remember the way I felt, and how I actually survived, when I didn't have one.<br /> <br />This got me thinking about kids today, the first generation that has never known life without computers and smart phones and iPads. Today the average teen sends 54 text messages a day. A recent Kaiser Family Foundation study states technology use is up dramatically among 8 to18-year-olds since 2004, and for minority youth it's even more. Not only do they have more televisions in their bedroom, but laptops, gaming devices and iPhones have boomed in their age demographic too.<br /> <br />But what's so bad about this? Haven't the latest fads in technology and innovation worried elders about brain rot since the beginning of time? Even Socrates worried the development of writing would be a poor substitute for the thoughts contained inside the human mind.<br /> <br />Education therapist Kristin France says the availability and constancy of so many forms of technology is dividing kids' attention, affecting the frontal lobe of the brain. In her 15 years in the education and neuroscience fields, France has seen an increase in students struggling with their executive functions (organization, attention, detail, etc.). This corresponds directly with the explosion of technology. While studying, the average student doesn't contend just with background music or maybe even a TV on in the background like my generation did. Today phones buzz repeatedly with text messages; game devices beckon and more. This is all proving to be too much for the brain to process and kids are beginning to suffer in school.<br /> <br />The <em>New York Times</em> recently reported adults are not immune to this phenomenon either. The German automaker Volkswagen is starting and stopping their company's internal e-mail server 30 minutes before and after work every day so their employees can't send or receive work emails 24/7. Apparently their employees are experiencing a high rate of burnout; sleepless nights and frazzled states are pointing to the constancy of media at our disposal.<br /> <br />What to do? "Don't be afraid of technology," says Kristin France, "It can be a wonderful tool. Just know how to use it wisely." One tip she offers is to shut down all technology one hour before bedtime at night, as it engages the brain and makes it harder to fall asleep.<br /> <br />According to the same Kaiser Family Study, only 3 in 10 kids have limits on technology use at home. It's hard for adults to set limits on themselves (believe me, I know), but we really need to model how to unplug. We are, after all, the ones who remember what life can be like when we just look out the window to think.<br /><strong><br />Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom to 4 young children and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site for children and family issues today. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a>, delivered weekly to your inbox. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2012-01-16T08:25:00Z
Expectations Can Never Be Too High
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Expectations-Can-Never-Be-Too-High/-945898555502624560.html
2012-01-03T16:05:00Z
2012-01-03T16:05:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick<br /></strong><a href="http://www.Kidfocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused<br /></a></p>
<p>There was a piece in the New York Times this week that listed the <a href="http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/12/30/2011-stories-that-changed-the-way-we-parent-now/" target="_blank">parenting stories of 2011</a> we're still talking about. Of course, Tiger Mother Amy Chua made the list. I still remember the audible gasp that was heard on every playground across America last winter as parents debated the Yale Professor and self-professed "Tiger Mom" Amy Chua's article "<a href="http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html" target="_blank">Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior</a>" ahead of her later book.</p>
<p>As a refresher, Chua described what recipe creates the stereotypically successful Asian child, and it's diametrically opposed to what she calls the soft model of Western parenting. Where a Western parent lets her children have a say in their extracurricular activities, encouraging them to play sports and instilling in them that learning is fun, Tiger moms, who can come in all races and from any background, never let their children choose their own activities or play team sports. Instead they have a single-minded focus on academics.<br /> <br />Tiger Cubs must be the No. 1 student in all subjects except gym or drama, always.<br /> <br />While I was at first shocked by many of the anecdotes of hyper-parenting Chua relayed, once calling her daughter "garbage" when she'd been disrespectful, or forcing her other daughter to practice the piano for hours on end until she'd mastered a certain piece, I couldn't help but go back to the idea that children rise or fall to our expectations. While as a nation our education system has declined and student learning continues to plummet, parents like Ms. Chua have very high academic standards for their kids and it seems their kids by and large meet them. Yet we must also have high expectations for our kids in other areas, namely that they are responsible human beings.<br /> <br />Being with 150 teenagers each day during my time as a high school teacher was the best parenting class I could've ever taken. I had many students who came from Tiger Mom families. They were focused, driven and they valued school. They seemed to enjoy learning and they were also very respectful. If they didn't receive stellar grades the parents worked tirelessly with them at home.<br /> <br />I had just as many students whose parents swooped in to rescue them at every turn. The students from these homes expected easy A's. Several times these parents came to me and demanded to know why their child didn't receive an A on a test or assignment. One accused me of running my class like an Honors English class, when it was supposed to be college prep. (Hey, I was rigorous, and would love for my kids to have the same.) A few of these students, with full parental support, transferred to another English class where the teacher was legendary for showing movies everyday. Students sat in the dark, throwing paper airplanes, while he napped. These parents wanted their children to get guaranteed A's on their transcripts. At what cost?<br /> <br />Having my own kids reinforced the idea that whether kids are 2, 8 or 16 they need reigning in and guidance. If we expect and model that they are to speak to others with dignity and respect they will do that. If we yank them from the playground after a warning to not push others, and do that every single time, they probably won't be the school bullies later on. If we expect a child can learn to read before kindergarten and we are consistent as their first teachers, they will indeed be early readers.<br /> <br />One of Ms. Chua's daughters later published an open letter in the New York Post not only defending her mother, but also thanking her. "If I died tomorrow, I would die feeling I've lived my whole life at 110 percent. And for that, Tiger Mom, thank you," she said.<br /> <br />Both Chua's now teenage daughters seem successful by many measures, but they also seem genuinely happy, their self-esteem gained from hard work, proving Chua's point that mastery takes practice, and with that comes pain. With this sequence of events, though, pride and happiness are the return. So when we also do the hard work as parents, teachers and communities, modeling to our children to do the same, the rewards are immeasurable.</p>
<p><strong>Julie Samrick</strong> is a stay-at-home mom to 4 young children and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site for children and family issues today. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a>, delivered weekly to your inbox. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2012-01-03T16:05:00Z
My All-Time Favorite Kids' Toy: Ode to the Magna Doodle
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/My-All-Time-Favorite-Kids-Toy:-Ode-to-the-Magna-Doodle/-716184786993489805.html
2011-12-20T00:46:00Z
2011-12-20T00:46:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick<br /></strong><a href="http://www.Kidfocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused<br /></a></p>
<p>I've been scratching my head over what to get my 3-year-old for Christmas. As the 4th child, she has plenty of toys already at her disposal. We already have Candyland, dolls and tricycles just waiting for her use.</p>
<p>After some careful consideration, I decided to replace something that's been an enduring toy in our household because it's fun for all ages. Even though the $40 price tag stung a little (were they always this expensive?), I bought a new Magna Doodle.</p>
<p>As a kid the closest I had to it was the Etch-a-Sketch, the handy writing board with the knobs that drew charcoal colored straight lines. To erase we shook it heartily. Remember? Since then some genius improved on that idea and created the Magna Doodle.</p>
<p>It's a writing board that has a magnetic pen, so the artiste can draw anything she wants, much better than simple, often uncontrollable, straight lines. A fancy Magna Doodle even comes with magnetic shapes. And with the simple horizontal slide of a lever, the canvas is smoothly cleared, ready for the next creation.</p>
<p>When my kids were toddlers I'd have them completely black out the screen by scribbling on it and then we erased it to clear in an instant. They always chuckled when I'd say, "Nighttime (when it was dark), Daytime (when we cleared it)."</p>
<p>Around 2 years old, I'd practice shape and letter recognition with it. I write out the upper and then lower case ABCs and sing the Alphabet song as I point to each one. We practice letter sounds this way too.</p>
<p>My 3-year-old likes to draw funny faces on it. Never able to draw more than silly faces anyways, she loves when I show her different and amusing facial features. We practice writing 3 letter words like bug, rug, hug that she's learned to spell and sound out.</p>
<p>My kindergartner and I like to play Hangman on it and I'm teaching her how to spell more complicated words like "knee, wrist, and laugh." It's like a game when we use the Magna Doodle and she loves to learn with it. <br />My second grader likes to show me how excited he is to learn cursive next year. We also play Hangman.</p>
<p>My fourth grader and I practice multiplication facts and I'm introducing him to long division. I write out a few problems, pass the board to him, and he works it out on his own.</p>
<p>I like that the Magna Doodle saves paper and there is no mess. If only I could get them to carry it by the handle, and not by the pen that somehow has never popped off the obviously steely, attached string.</p>
<p>By the way, the lever pooped out on our old one, but that pen was miraculously functional and intact till the end. We definitely got our money's worth the first time around. $40 was a steal for 8 years of learning and fun. Time for a new one!</p>
<p><br />Julie Samrick is a stay-at-home mom to 4 young children and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site for children and family issues today. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a>, delivered weekly to your inbox. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2011-12-20T00:46:00Z
Tis the Season To Be Patient
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Tis-the-Season-To-Be-Patient/-515546756796730701.html
2011-12-12T15:19:00Z
2011-12-12T15:19:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick<br /></strong><a href="http://www.Kidfocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused<br /></a></p>
<p>Just home from a relaxing Thanksgiving at my sister's, I was slow to get into the bustle of the season this year. By November 30th the kids were asking when we'd get our tree, when my husband would put the lights up, and when we'd get our one to one Christmas shopping done. I started to feel a little overwhelmed, stressed by multiple obligations, long lines, and keeping up with everyone else. </p>
<p>I felt the need to nest. I spent the whole day in the garage sorting through hand-me-downs and rearranging a decade of family living; camping gear, soccer thermoses and toys my kids lost interest in long ago. </p>
<p>Doing this actually made me feel relaxed. </p>
<p>I had the garage door open while I worked and the kids played on the front lawn. I watched them while I thought of my extended family and friends and the memories made as I sorted through photos, snow gear and even a stack of dusty baby shower invitations I'd made to celebrate my nephew's impending arrival 11 years ago. </p>
<p>This is what I want the holiday season to mean to me, I thought. This is what makes it "the most wonderful time of the year."</p>
<p>At an Advent talk at our church a few years ago, one presenter explained she actually lives slower during Advent, or the 4 weeks preceding Christmas. She explained to our incredulity how she declines many invites to holiday parties, for instance. We all have our areas of stress at Christmas and that was hers. She reminded me the Christmas season should be a time of waiting, patience and reflection just as "advent" literally means "arrival."</p>
<p>When I was heavily pregnant with my second son 8 years ago at this time I nested as most mothers do. Since I was 9 months pregnant on Christmas, though, I was forced to not do some of the regular things I would normally have done. I rested and prepared for his arrival instead. I couldn't tell you today what I didn't do on the obligation list that year but I do remember it was a peaceful Christmas. <br /> <br />One of the things I did to prepare for Christmas season while keeping it meaningful this year was to decorate the house 2 things at a time, which is one of my particular areas of stress at Christmas. The stockings and festive dishtowels came out one day; the front door wreath and stair garland the next. The rest would just have to wait. I'd much rather snuggle up with the kids on the couch to read a book or bake cookies with them instead. </p>
<p>What parts of Christmas make you stressed and what do you do to stay calm?</p>
<p><br />Julie Samrick is a stay-at-home mom to 4 young children and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site for children and family issues today. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a>, delivered weekly to your inbox. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2011-12-12T15:19:00Z
6 Tips to Avoid the Holiday Blues
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/6-Tips-to-Avoid-the-Holiday-Blues/220740755631248556.html
2011-12-12T15:14:00Z
2011-12-12T15:14:00Z
<p><strong>Mia Redrick<br /></strong><a href="/http;/www.findingdefinitions.com" target="_blank">www.findingdefinitions.com<br /></a></p>
<p>According to a recent poll conducted by the American Psychological Association (APA), the holidays are a source of "multiple stressors." 69% of respondents cited "lack of time" as a major stressor, 69% cited "lack of money" and 51% blamed extra stress on "the pressure to give or get gifts."</p>
<p>Stress is bad for our health, our attitude, our happiness, and our overall well-being. The APA study also asked respondents how these stressors manifest themselves in their lives. 59% said they experienced sadness, 56% said they were having trouble sleeping and 55% said they had a lack of energy.</p>
<p>As moms, the last thing we need is additional stress so I've compiled a list of 6 tips to help moms avoid the holiday blues.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">1. <strong>Be prepared:</strong> preparation is the great anti-stress. In fact, proper preparations can help you actually enjoy the holidays. You can begin your shopping now, for example. Get organized by making a list of who you are buying gifts for, what they might like, and make an initial budget. Spend the next few months shopping at your leisure. Shopping months ahead of time might help you save money as well. Make a calendar of all of the events and parties and study it. If things seem too condensed or busy, don't be afraid to politely decline some invitations.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">2. <strong>Avoid the hustle and bustle:</strong> If you are a stress junkie, participate in "Black Friday." Nothing defines holiday stress like late-November at the mall-"Jingle Bells" at full blast, frantic, wide-eyed shoppers, hungry sales associates, and inflated prices. Shop online or go shopping during the middle of the week. Decide what you are buying and where and go to the store with focus.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">3. <strong>Watch your diet:</strong> The last 20% of the year is full of unhealthy eating options from Halloween candy to a giant Thanksgiving dinner to Christmas cookies. There's nothing wrong with a little indulgence but realize a poor diet will add to your guilt-related stress as well as make it more difficult for your body to physically deal with the extra stress that comes with the holidays.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">4. <strong>Maintain your kids' routine: </strong>The holidays are full of excuses to let them stay up late, let them eat junk food, and give them license to do things they wouldn't normally be allowed to do. Of course, a holiday like Halloween almost requires you let your kids stay up late and eat some candy, don't let it become a habit. Kids thrive on routine. A routine will keep them well-behaved and in good spirits in the end, even if they protest. Any lack of consistency can introduce chaos into the parent-child relationship and, ultimately, make your life more difficult. Stick to mealtimes, bedtimes, and pre-established rules.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">5. <strong>Enroll your support network:</strong> maybe you and your friends can synchronize the holiday shopping or get together and make Christmas cookies with each other. This will give you an opportunity to spend time with the one's you love (which is what the holidays is really all about) and accomplish holiday goals at the same time.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">6. <strong>Don't forget about Mom-me time:</strong> In all the craziness, the hustle and bustle, the parties, the church events, the kids' recitals, the shopping, the gift-wrapping, the cooking and cleaning, still make time for yourself. Take yourself on a date once a week. Overall, don't forget about your routine. However, this doesn't mean you have to do everything you normally do on top of your holiday obligations. Blend. Perhaps your weekly date with yourself could be attending your office holiday party - by yourself. Just enjoy the off-time with your coworkers. Or maybe your weekly date is holiday shopping with the girls. Just remember to enjoy it - make a day of it. Have a coffee before you start shopping and see a movie afterwards, for example.</p>
<p><br />The holiday season doesn't have to alter your life. Remember it is a time for family and friends and not only about gifts and sugary treats. Continue to treat yourself right as if nothing is different.</p>
<p><br /><strong>Mia Redrick</strong>, Mom Strategist is a mom of three, author and speaker empowering one million mothers to practice better self-care. Redrick is the author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Time-mom-Me-Essential-Strategies-Self-Care/dp/0979627303/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1288711627&sr=1-1" target="_blank">Time for mom-Me: 5 Essential Strategies for A Mother's Self-Care</a>. For tips from The Mom Strategist visit <a href="http://www.findingdefinitions.com" target="_blank">www.findingdefinitions.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2011-12-12T15:14:00Z
Give Kids Concrete Tools to Combat Bullying
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Give-Kids-Concrete-Tools-to-Combat-Bullying/-764007555110621207.html
2011-11-28T22:43:00Z
2011-11-28T22:43:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick<br /></strong><a href="http://www.Kidfocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused<br /></a></p>
<p>I had to double check what I read recently - that a fifth grader, a 10-year-old girl, killed herself. Things had gotten so bad in Ashlynn Connor's mind that she had just asked her mom to homeschool her the day before she was found hanging by a scarf in her closet.<br /> <br />So many things about <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2011/11/was-a-10-year-old-honor-student-bullied-to-death/" target="_blank">this story</a> are disturbing. First of all, Ashlynn's young age. Kids are thrust into difficult situations younger and younger and we're seeing it reflected in horrific new stories. Why is this?<br /> <br />As a mother of a 9-year-old 4th grader, I was taken aback that 10-year-old Ashlynn already had access to email and texts. Apparently she was called "fat, ugly and a slut" (a word whose meaning she didn't even understand) via text and email messages, reminding me yet again of the instant access age we live in, when someone's personal humiliation can be public within seconds, with just the press of a button.<br /> <br />It is hard to compare my own youth with what kids are going through today. Yes, bullying is a bigger beast than it used to be, with technology serving as one of its chief steroids, but I still think pointing to stopping bullying behavior is missing a larger point. Bullying has always existed, and always will. We need to equip kids with the tools to combat it, instead of thinking we will eradicate it.<br /> <br />There will always be bullies - even when kids grow up they will see them at their own kids' sporting events, at the work place, and more. I was at a grocery store in a different part of my state last week, and a woman careened around my cart like she was going to hit me, making a crashing sound that stunned me.<br /> <br />There will always be angry people out there, looking to spew their frustrations out on other people. I told my son about Ashlynn's story. My first instinct was to shield him from it, but then I figured if a girl one year older than him experienced so much with bullying, he must have more experiences with it than I know.<br /> <br />I taught him a lesson I did with my high school freshmen years ago, when they were "low men on the totem pole," and they came to the new school fed with the rumors to always be on alert because they could be "canned" at any time - dumped into a garbage can by an older student.<br /> <br />Kids think concretely - it's hard for them to understand the abstract, powerful motivations and feelings behind bullying and being targeted. We did an exercise where one kid held a ball (the ball signified his pent up anger, frustration, irritation, you name it) and he threw the ball to someone else (this is his bullying words or behavior spreading so someone else "holds the ball"). We talked about how to get rid of that ball. My son really got into it, opening up to me more than I thought he would. "What if a kid throws a real ball at you and then acts like it was an accident?" he asked. I was even stumped with this one, imagining yet again how complex some social interactions are for kids.<br /> <br />It's hard to expect a kid to sit holding the ball of anger, not to expect him or her to pass it off to someone else. Even if they do cling to the ball, it eats kids up inside, like poor Ashlynn. I didn't have a ball handy when I talked with my son, but we sat at the kitchen table and I used one of the grapes he was eating instead. He got the picture when I said, "This grape is anger, frustration, sadness." And then I passed it to him.<br /> <br />All children have the tendency to add to bullying. I am sure not all of Ashlynn's bullies are horrible people from terrible families, but kids need to understand in concrete terms what happens when we give our pent up frustrations to others. We are, after all, human.<br /><br />Julie Samrick is a stay-at-home mom to 4 young children and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site for children and family issues today. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a>, delivered weekly to your inbox. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2011-11-28T22:43:00Z
College Girls Looking for 'Sugar Daddies' Abound
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/College-Girls-Looking-for-Sugar-Daddies-Abound/-190645883731071773.html
2011-11-14T20:20:00Z
2011-11-14T20:20:00Z
<p><strong>Julie Samrick<br /></strong><a href="http://www.Kidfocused.com" target="_blank">Kid Focused<br /></a></p>
<p>Watch out parents of young women, there's a new Satan in town looking to tempt and then profit from your daughters. The problem is, there isn't only just one. There is a plethora of on-line dating sites, calling themselves arrangement sites, where young women looking to pay down college debt are matched to older, wealthy donors. What is not advertised, but is clearly understood by reading young women's confessionals in a <a href="http://http//www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/29/seeking-arrangement-college-students_n_913373.html" target="_blank">Huffington Post piece</a> about "sugar daddies" and the financially beleaguered "sugar baby" girls, is that these arrangements are for paid sex, and the industry is booming.<br /> <br />One college student, "Taylor," describes how she earned $350 for an afternoon of sex from an older sugar daddy she'd never previously met.<br /> <br />The article goes on to describe the win-win trend of these couplings and the scores of people who sign up for them. 35% are college students on sites like arrangementseekers.com, who advertise upfront only that they are looking to pay down debt.<br /> <br />Noel Biderman is the 39-year-old founder and CEO of Avid Life Media. He's also the creator of several of these arrangement websites, including one for married people looking to have affairs. He says most members are registering online from large cities like New York and Los Angeles, where there are higher standards of living and more expensive student loans. Students from NYU make up the most sugar babies, while students from UCLA and UC Berkeley are close behind.<br /> <br />A decade ago it may have made sense to say, "Hold your daughters close; send them to small, private colleges, away from this kind of exposure." But as many of us know, just flip on the television set and watch 10 minutes of MTV or VH1 (which don't even play music anymore) and you'll see the pressure and warped reality high school and college aged kids face today, where viewers quickly become immune to binge drinking, casual sex, teen motherhood and overall shallow thinking.<br /> <br />By the way, Biderman admits unashamedly he advertises his sites on MTV and VH1, since both television stations appeal to the demographic he covets.<br /> <br />And the girls, the "sugar babies," who are making it all happen? They are certainly not victims in all this. I contest this is not only about falling victim to debt and a weak economy, as is offered as explanation in the article. Student loan debt has been an inevitable part of young peoples' lives for decades. No, what has changed in our culture is increasingly the prevalent messages to young people, to all of us even, that casual sex and the lure of money buys happiness. What is truly unfortunate is these girls are making bad decisions with these lies in their minds to justify their actions.<br /> <br />When, after the train ride home, Taylor breaks down in tears and says the experience with the older man for $350 made her feel "dirty," she should've listened to that voice, to her conscience. Instead, she is now back online looking for another sugar daddy arrangement, as a new college semester has begun.<br /> <br />I actually blame the girls in this matter even more than the older men. If the girls weren't there, the men wouldn't have anyone to pay. And those girls who say casual sex is no big thing are lying, by the way. At least there are some girls who admit to how it makes them feel about themselves afterwards.<br /> <br />These girls also have friends who contribute to, or at the very least condone, what they're doing. Peer pressure is one of the most powerful forces in a young person's life. I wish there were more young girls who would have the courage to tell their friends what they're doing is wrong in this case.<br /> <br />No wonder the rate of married couples has plunged in the past 20 years. Why get married when one can have sex whenever? Why get married when one can have a baby and raise the baby without a spouse? Why get married when a girl sees men as greedy opportunists, and not as loving partners?<br /> <br /> <br />Most everything young people see in the media today sends the message it's OK to have recreational sex. So I really shouldn't be surprised after all that sex for money is the next leap.</p>
<p>Julie Samrick is a stay-at-home mom to 4 young children and the founder of <a href="http://kidfocused.com/" target="_blank">Kid Focused</a>, a site for children and family issues today. Subscribe to the free <a href="http://kidfocused.us2.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=bdb270f7e82b12d1fd161b6cb&id=f87064d037" target="_blank">Kid Focused newsletter</a>, delivered weekly to your inbox. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2011-11-14T20:20:00Z
Be the Anti-Bully: There's No Such Thing as an Innocent Bystander
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Be-the-Anti-Bully:-Theres-No-Such-Thing-as-an-Innocent-Bystander/939519446548676770.html
2011-11-07T17:37:00Z
2011-11-07T17:37:00Z
<p><strong>By Dr. Jerry Weichman<br /></strong><a href="http://www.drjerryweichman.com" target="_blank">www.drjerryweichman.com<br /></a></p>
<p>In case you haven’t heard, bullying is a hot topic this school year. It is likely you have already sat through a bullying awareness assembly at school, seen your favorite celeb blog about standing up to bullies, or have read about another tragic teen suicide triggered in part by bullying. And if you haven’t been a victim of a bully, I’d be willing to bet you have witnessed some of this drama firsthand.</p>
<p>“So what?” you’re probably saying. “It’s not like anyone is actually pro-bully.”</p>
<p>The thing is it’s not enough just to know the signs of bullying or how to report to your parents or school administrators that you’re being bullied. </p>
<p>To be a person of character, to make a difference, to save a life…you have to learn how to be an anti-bully. </p>
<p>When it comes to addressing and ending bullying, it is not just about dealing with the bully and his/her victim. There is a third person involved who makes the biggest difference of all: The bystander.</p>
<p>The bystander sees it all. You know what I mean. The bystander witnesses eye rolls, the name calling, the Facebook wall posts and likes, the Formspring messages, and even the more aggressive bullying techniques like physical violence. But often times the bystander does nothing. After all, were we not taught to mind our own business? Don’t we have our own problems to deal with?</p>
<p>Here is the deal. The bystander is all of us at one point or another. We have all seen people being treated unjust or victims of mean-girl drama or guy bullying. By not taking a stand for what is right, the bystander becomes a contributor of sorts. </p>
<p>When it comes to bullying, the bystander is not innocent. In fact, anti-bullying bystanders who adopt a “cruel’s not cool” mentality can make the biggest impact of all. Think about it. If a bully is shamed by his peers for the names he calls his victim at school or if she is chastised for the false rumors she spreads on Facebook about her victim, why would they continue to behave this way? Removing any social stock a bully feels they obtain via bullying can go a long way to neutralizing this behavior.</p>
<p>Bystanders stay quiet for a variety of reasons but the ones I hear most often have to do with fear of being ostracized themselves or retaliation from a bully. The good news is all of this bullying awareness has caused parents, school administrators, and even the police to start taking bullying much more seriously. Some might even argue there is liability for authority figures who don’t take bullying reports more seriously. </p>
<p>So if you see something, say something. It will be ok. As the bystander, you have the power to step in, stand up for what’s right, and maybe even save a life.</p>
<p>Here are five tips about safely reporting what you see:</p>
<p>• Recognize bullying is not just a schoolyard fight. Social drama, mean girl behavior, and spreading false rumors or name calling online is also considered bullying.</p>
<p>• Report incidences of cyber-bullying, which most parents and administrators don’t see. You can print out pages, remove identifying info if you want, to prove what you are seeing.</p>
<p>• Go to the top. While you may have a teacher you feel more comfortable with, most principals and assistant principals have been trained to take bullying reports very seriously.</p>
<p>• Don’t rest. If you witness repeated bullying, say something again or report it to someone else if nothing has been done to stop it.</p>
<p>• Don’t let other people define who you are. You may feel pressured to stay quiet or mind your own business but if you want to be a person of integrity, you will stand up for what is right. Period.</p>
<p>Jerry Weichman, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist focused solely on teen and preteen issues. Dr. Jerry is in private practice at Hoag Hospital’s Neurosciences Institute in Newport Beach. Dr. Jerry is also the author of the teen self-help book, “How to Deal,” and is a noted public speaker on teen-related topics including parenting, bullying, and adolescent coping skills. To receive tips for teens and parents, register your email at <a href="http://www.drjerryweichman.com" target="_blank">www.drjerryweichman.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2011-11-07T17:37:00Z
Confidence or Arrogance: What Kind of Child Are You Raising?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Confidence-or-Arrogance:-What-Kind-of-Child-Are-You-Raising/-254136034742702801.html
2011-10-31T21:10:00Z
2011-10-31T21:10:00Z
<p><strong>By Anne Leedom<br /></strong><a href="http://www.CatchtheLifeBug.com" target="_blank">CatchtheLifeBug.com</a>, <a href="http://www.LifePalz.com" target="_blank">LifePalz.com</a> and <a href="http://www.Parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank">Parentingbookmark.com<br /></a><br /><br />We all know the feeling...the moment of pride when someone notices how outspoken or articulate our child is. We bask in the knowledge our child is smart, has a great sense of self-esteem and succeeds at virtually everything they attempt to do. There is a fine line between confidence and pride and arrogance.</p>
<p>Experts agree a child's ability to believe in themselves is a major factor in helping to form the foundation for their emotional, social, academic, and moral development. However, there are critical elements children need to also have to cultivate true confidence rather than an arrogance that will form a barrier to happiness their entire life.</p>
<ol>
<li>Confident kids say, "I can do it." An arrogant child says, "I can do it better than anyone else and that's the most important thing."</li>
<li>Confident kids say, "I am proud of what I accomplished" whereas an arrogant child says, "everyone is impressed with what I accomplished."</li>
<li>Confident children say, "I learn from failure." Arrogant children hide from failure and feel personal shame rather than potential opportunity for growth as a result of mistakes.</li>
<li>Confident kids review and assess their own behavior. Arrogant kids perceive others as competition and judge everyone they meet with a judgmental eye.</li>
<li>Confident kids are ruled by compassion, viewing everyone with a sense of fair play. Arrogant children are driven by competition with others and a sense of '"its either me or you." They view everyone as a threat on some level.</li>
<li>Confident children are team players and aren't concerned with who gets the glory for success. Arrogant kids focus on being known for their contribution and want to stand out.</li>
<li>Confident children value the opinions of others and actively invite other's perspectives. Arrogant children are dismissive and unconcerned about other's ideas and input.</li>
<li>Confident children decide for themselves if they have met their goal. Arrogant children wait for outside approval before deciding if their actions were acceptable.</li>
<li>Confident kids care deeply about the opinions and support of those around them, but yet ultimately they make their own decisions. Arrogant children make their choices based solely on how they will appear to others.</li>
<li>Confident children work to support others, even if that means others will be more successful. Arrogant children are willing to hurt and exclude others in order to achieve their goal.</li>
</ol>
<p><br />There's much we can do to nurture our children's lives and to help them become the best they can be. Good parenting is not about how to create little prodigies but rather its how to help our children live their lives to the best of their abilities, while maintaining compassion, a sense of community, and a true sense of what success is about.</p>
<p>Personal happiness in life comes from being proud of ourselves based on what we want for ourselves and in being true to ourselves. Teach your kids to focus from the inside out rather than from the outside in and your confident child will become a confident adult for life.</p>
<p> <br />Anne Leedom is the Founder of <a href="http://www.CatchtheLifeBug.com" target="_blank">CatchtheLifeBug.com</a>, <a href="http://www.LifePalz.com" target="_blank">LifePalz.com</a> and <a href="http://www.Parentingbookmark.com" target="_blank">Parentingbookmark.com</a>. She is frequently quoted in national media and lives in Northern California. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2011-10-31T21:10:00Z
High Blood Pressure: Is Your Child At Risk?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/High-Blood-Pressure:-Is-Your-Child-At-Risk/-744918001163102643.html
2011-10-17T08:00:00Z
2011-10-17T08:00:00Z
<p><strong>By Dr. James A. Hellinger, MD,</strong><br /><strong>Attending Physician, Clinical Faculty at Tufts Medical Center</strong></p>
<p>"High blood pressure in kids? That's what my grandmother has!"</p>
<p>Nearly 2 out of 3 American adults have unhealthy blood pressure. Hypertension, or high blood pressure (HBP), cuts off nearly 5 years from an average person's life. It is more common beyond middle age. Hence, what comes to mind when discussing HBP are adults challenged to maintain a healthy lifestyle: regular exercise, a healthy diet, and weight control, simple routines that help prevent HBP.</p>
<p>However, HBP can start rather early. Although it is difficult to imagine, children and adolescents are also at risk of HBP, and HBP at a young age may be a precursor to hypertension in adults. As stated in a recent study involving a group of children and adolescents aged 3 to 18 years (Falkner B., 2010, "Hypertension in children and adolescents: Epidemiology and natural history," Pediatr. Nephrol. 25(7): 1219-1224, Epub 2009 May 7), HBP in children and adolescents exceeds 3%, or nearly 1 in every 30 children.</p>
<p>The risk in children is serious enough that the 2004 US guidelines from the American Society of Hypertension recommended BP screening for children to start at age 3.</p>
<p><strong>Surprisingly, HBP rarely causes any symptoms.</strong> However, if left unrecognized and untreated over the years, it can be a serious condition and can lead to heart attack, stroke, and kidney failure.</p>
<p>Despite the lack of symptoms, there are certain conditions that increase the chance of your child having or developing HBP:</p>
<p>* overweight/obesity<br />* abnormal amounts of cholesterol in the blood<br />* family history of heart attack before age 55 <br />* types 1 and 2 diabetes<br />* chronic kidney disease</p>
<p><strong>BP Screening in Children</strong></p>
<p>Because of the absence or lack of symptoms, HBP can be easily overlooked, more so in children. You as a parent should take the initiative when you next take your child to the clinic. Have your child routinely checked up for HBP. Every clinic and most pharmacies can do this.</p>
<p>For an accurate blood pressure measurement, it is important that your child is at rest or relaxed at the time of the BP checkup. If he or she tends to be stressed around doctors or in clinics, it would be better to have the BP reading at school or at home. </p>
<p><br /><strong>Tipping the Balance in Your Child's Favor</strong></p>
<p>Early identification of HBP in children means early treatment. Managing HBP in young people can keep them healthy now and healthier as they grow up.</p>
<p>The following are measures you should take to prevent HBP in your children or to ensure its early detection and treatment.</p>
<p>* Find out if your family has a history of hypertension</p>
<p>If the answer is yes, there is a high possibility that you and your children will develop HBP in the future. Your goal is to delay or prevent this as long as possible. As a preventive measure, start them off with good habits such as keeping to a healthy diet and doing regular exercise. Be sure to consult a physician.</p>
<p>* Ensure that your kids consume less calories, fats, and salt</p>
<p>A diet meant to control blood pressure is one low in calories, fats, and salt. Eat with your kids at home so you can better monitor their intake.</p>
<p>Encourage your children to eat more fruits and green vegetables. Bake, broil, or steam some fish. If your kids like meat, choose lean cuts, and cook chicken without the skin. Also, replace salt with fresh herbs.</p>
<p>* Promote exercise in your children as early as possible</p>
<p>As childhood HBP is closely linked to obesity and lack of exercise, you must help keep your children be physically active. Slip appropriate physical activities into your children's daily routine. Be creative and vary the activities so they will have fun and develop a positive attitude toward exercise. You can also encourage your older children to participate in sports.</p>
<p>* Ask about HBP</p>
<p>Ask as many questions as possible. The best way to help your children fight HBP is to have a clear understanding of the condition. Ask your doctor to clarify technical terms, to speak in a language that you can understand, to explain natural approaches and medications to treat HBP, and to update you on recent medical information.</p>
<p>Take these simple steps to reduce your child's risk of having hypertension. Have your child's blood pressure monitored regularly, and choose prevention as an approach to keep your kid heart-healthy. </p>
<p>To learn more about <strong>hypertension</strong>, visit <a href="http://www.focusappsstore.com/" target="_blank">http://www.focusappsstore.com/</a>, a website featuring revolutionary animated mobile apps on medical information/education. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2011-10-17T08:00:00Z
Ten Ways to Keep Kids Safe Online
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Ten-Ways-to-Keep-Kids-Safe-Online/-227578347699335629.html
2011-10-10T19:00:00Z
2011-10-10T19:00:00Z
<p><strong>By Mary Kay Hoal<br /></strong><a href="http://www.marykayhoal.com" target="_blank">www.marykayhoal.com</a></p>
<p>One question I’m always asked is, “Is it really possible as a parent to keep up with technology and to make sure our kids are safe when they often know their way around technology better than we do?” And my answer is always an emphatic yes! There are steps you can take and those steps depend on the age of your child.</p>
<p>Three of my children are in elementary school, one is in high school, and one in is college; my college-aged son is an adult, so at this point we talk a lot about the subject of online safety, but I don't take the same safety-approach as I do with my younger children. No matter what your child’s age, one thing will never change: dialogue, dialogue, dialogue.</p>
<p><strong>Below are 10 things you can do today to keep your kids safe online:</strong> <br /><br /><strong>For children 12 & under -</strong></p>
<ul>
<li>Create separate user accounts on the home computer for each child.</li>
<li>Enable strict content filtering. </li>
<li>Install anti-virus software as well as monitoring software that flags/detects any concerning phrases or words. </li>
<li>Establish a select list of sites they’re allowed to visit. My children and I talk about the sites they’d like to visit, and I make sure to go through them first by clicking several pages into the site. This allows me to understand the site content and culture they’ll be exposed to.</li>
<li>Enable YouTube Safety Mode on all web browsers (no matter what the age of user). Remember, you have to enable Safety Mode per child, per account set up.</li>
<li>Set time limits on computer use just as you would with TV or video games. </li>
<li>Use Google SafeSearch (no matter what the age of the user).</li>
<li>Watermark their photos. It helps protect the photos from being used as a cyberbullying tool, or from being stolen and manipulated by someone with ill intentions.</li>
<li>Facebook is meant for adults, and it’s against a federal law for children 12 or under to join the network. If they want to join a social network, make sure it’s one meant for kids.</li>
<li>Safety-enable any electronic devices your child uses: iPod Touch, iPad, iPhone and iTunes.</li>
</ul>
<p><strong>For children age 13 – 18:</strong></p>
<p>The same advice applies, with the addition of:</p>
<ul>
<li>The list of select sites allowed to visit will expand significantly and it’s really hard to limit the list to a select few. It’s still important however you investigate the content found on the site. </li>
<li>Teach your children the importance of being kind online. Online actions have real-world consequences.</li>
<li>Know the password to their social networking accounts. If applicable, be their "friend" on the network.</li>
<li>Don’t allow them to use applications that allow a third party to access all their information. Make sure to read the application’s Terms of Use. </li>
<li>Disable Facebook Places and photo geo-tagging. </li>
<li>Teach your kids not to post or share personal information (such as last name, date of birth, phone numbers). They wouldn’t share this information with a stranger, so they shouldn’t online. </li>
<li>Sign up for Google Alerts with your child's name. </li>
<li>Remove your family contact information from sites like Spokeo and Zaba Search. </li>
</ul>
<p><strong>Is your child over 18?</strong></p>
<p>Though your child is an adult, they’re never too old to talk about the importance of how they conduct themselves online. Remind them recruiters often use social networking sites as a tool to determine if they are the right candidates.</p>
<p><strong>Mary Kay Hoal</strong> is a nationally recognized expert on children’s online safety. She is the founder and president of Yoursphere Media Inc., which focuses on the family and publishes the kids’ social network <a href="http://www.yoursphere.com/" target="_blank">Yoursphere.com </a> - sign your kids up today! Mary Kay also offers parents Internet-safety information and tips at <a href="http://www.yoursphereforparents.com/" target="_blank">YoursphereForParents.com</a>. She has been profiled on CNN, BBC, E!, Fox & Friends, Lifetime TV and many others. Mary Kay has appeared on ABC's 20/20 as their family Internet-safety expert. For more information visit <a href="http://www.marykayhoal.com/" target="_blank">http://www.marykayhoal.com/</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com</p>
Staff
2011-10-10T19:00:00Z
The Crucial Skill Teens Need to Succeed in High School
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Crucial-Skill-Teens-Need-to-Succeed-in-High-School/10082.html
2011-09-12T07:00:00Z
2011-09-12T07:00:00Z
By Anne Leedom<br /> <a href="http://www.lifepalz.com/" target="_blank">www.lifepalz.com</a><br /> <br /> It's that time of year again. Stores have been cleaned out, clothes purchased and backpacks are full. Kids from Kindergarten through High School are anticipating the new school year and all of the adventures and challenges that can bring. Parents and teachers have read the latest methods on coping with bullies, Internet safety, and they are preparing for the onslaught of homework, budget cuts and changes in routine.<br /> <br /> As a mom of two girls heading to High School, we face unique challenges in the coming weeks. I honestly wasn't sure how to approach the variety of issues we have been forewarned about. High School is certainly a diverse environment with many potential areas to trip up even the most responsible and caring teenager. My girls and I have had all the necessary talks and they are as informed and ready as they can be to move into a world drastically different then what they are used to.<br /> <br /> One particular piece of advice from my mother keeps coming to mind and given what lays ahead for my girls, it is the best advice I have heard to date on how to help my girls deal with any difficulties that may arise. Regardless of the quality of the teachers, the attitudes of the other kids, or how effective the curriculum may or may not be, their success is going to come from what their expectations are more than any other factor as they move forward now in life. Expectations are something that are unique to all of us as we become teenagers and then adults....it's not something younger children have as much control over, as their world is what we make it for them for the most part.<br /> <br /> Empowering our teens with the knowledge they ultimately control how they feel about what happens in their lives is truly one of the most important lessons they can learn. It will help them thrive regardless of any circumstances they encounter from the beginning of High School all the way through their lives. So use the mornings, after school drives and dinner time to remind your teens to expect much from themselves at this point and not quite as much from the world at large.<br /> <br /> This is a critical shift as it is reasonable to expect the world to take care of us when we are young. As kids mature they need to move into an entirely different perspective. I realize High School presents a wonderful opportunity to help my teens learn attitude is everything. Good attitude comes from having reasonable expectations. Going into new environments is never easy. Knowing the environment is filled with challenges is even scarier. Reasonable expectations help teens form a healthy attitude and will be enormously helpful to teens succeeding...in High School and in life!<br /> <br /> Anne Leedom is the Founder of <a href="http://www.lifepalz.com/" target="_blank">www.LifePalz.com</a>, a resource offering online enrichment activities for all ages. She is also the Founder of <a href="http://www.parentingbookmark.com/" target="_blank">www.parentingbookmark.com</a>, a resource for raising caring kids. She lives in Northern California. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2011-09-12T07:00:00Z
Back to School: Calming Kids Fears
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Back-to-School:-Calming-Kids-Fears/10047.html
2011-08-30T07:00:00Z
2011-08-30T07:00:00Z
<img src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg" alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" /> By Anne Leedom<br />
<a href="http://www.lifepalz.com/">LifePalz.com</a><br />
<br />
Heading back to school is an experience filled with a mix of so many changes...being the new kid or entering into a new dynamic with kids your child has been with their entire life....anxiety is the number one emotion as teens work on navigating these new and uncharted waters.<br />
<br />
Here are tips by parenting expert Dr. Michele Borba to ease their transition and make the start of the new school year smoother and as stress-free as possible. <br />
<br />
<strong>STEP 1: Listen to Your Child's Worries and Anticipate Concerns</strong><br />
Make sure you set aside time to chat with your child. Convey that worries are normal - other kids have the same back to school anxiety pangs and they usually fade away in a few days. You might share your own back to school worries from "years" ago. Most typical back to school worries involve these issues: "Will I be <em>safe?</em> ...."Will I <em>fit in</em> (and be accepted and find friends)?... "Will I be <em>capable</em> and be able to do the work?"...."Will the teacher be <em>nice</em> and not yell or be too hard?" <br />
<br />
<blockquote class="webkit-indent-blockquote" style="border: none; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 40px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px;"><strong>*</strong> <strong>Don't trivialize the fear.</strong> Keep in mind that as much as your child's worries may seem unrealistic, they are real to him. So don't try to talk your child out of his concerns. Instead, thank him for sharing.<br />
<strong>*</strong> <strong>Find a book to help younger kids open up a dialogue.</strong> Read a book to help your child open up her feelings and learn others have similar fears.<br />
<strong>*</strong> <strong>Offer solutions for simpler problems.</strong> Spend time each day talking over what happened at school and what your child's concerns are. Strategize ways to navigate the new situations they are dealing with. The solutions are important but the crucial factor is they know they can talk to you.<br />
<strong>*</strong> <strong>Share "bigger worries" with the teacher.</strong> A parent's military deployment, a job loss, an illness, divorce or a traumatic experience with a bully are the types of issues that could impact your child's learning. Make an appointment to share the information with the counselor and teacher so they can offer support. You'll be much more effective in easing your child's stress by working together as a team.</blockquote><br />
<strong>STEP 2. Help Children Learn School Routines and the Lay of the Land</strong><br />
Boosting your child's comfort zone about a new location and their peers helps reduce jitters. One hint: Don't over-hype the new school or teacher. "What a gorgeous campus!" or "You're going to be soooooo happy here!" type of comments don't ease jitters. In fact, they can backfire and cause more anxiety. So don't build up false expectations so much as to disappoint your child if things fall short of your build-up. Keep your excitement to yourself.<br />
<br />
Here are ways to help your child feel more secure about a new school or transition:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="webkit-indent-blockquote" style="border: none; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 40px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px;"><strong>* Visit the school.</strong> A few days before the big send off, take your child for a tour so he can find key places like his classroom, playground, school office, cafeteria, water fountain, lockers, and restroom. A large campus can be intimidating even to an adolescent-especially if your teen has multiple classes in different locations so anticipate or identify those spots on his "worry list" and make sure he visits those.<br />
<strong>* Take an online tour.</strong> Many schools have websites that give online tours that show not only the school layout but also what the students look and dress like.<br />
<strong>* Print a map and schedule.</strong> Obtain a map of the school (go online) and print out his class schedule. Then help your child walk that campus until he feels secure.<br />
<strong>* Get a school handbook.</strong> The more your child is aware of school rules and rituals the more comfortable he'll be. Check the school's website or stop by the school or district office and ask for a school handbook. Then review those rules and schedule with your child. In particular, find out the dress code, bell schedule, school rules as well as the name of the mascot, school motto and colors, and any song.<br />
<strong>* Find a buddy and teach how to "fit in."</strong> Knowing just one classmate can minimize first day jitters so help your kid learn the name of at least one peer. The two kids don't have to become soul mates - just acquaintances!</blockquote><br />
<strong>STEP 3. Prepare for Separation for Younger or More Anxious Child</strong><br />
Rehearsing a goodbye can help a younger or more sensitive child feel more secure when the big moment really comes. Doing so also helps reduce anxiety so the child knows what to expect.<br />
<br />
Ease the back to school fears by slowly stretching your child's "security" levels. Slowly increase the number of caregivers to second circle (teacher, friends) and finally outer circle (strangers). Gradually stretch separation times. <br />
<br />
Find people your child trusts - a babysitter, relative, or friends to be watch your child. Then "come and go" to help your child build confidence, recognize he can survive without you and you do come back.<br />
<br />
Here are a few ways that might help (depending on the age of your child).<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="webkit-indent-blockquote" style="border: none; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 40px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px;"><strong>* Create a special goodbye.</strong> Practice a special private "goodbye" just between the two of you like a secret handshake or special kiss to help your child start to pull away. Then tell him you'll be using that same goodbye each time you drop him off.<br />
<strong>* Teach coping skills.</strong> Studies at the University of Minnesota found when kids feel they have some control over what's happening, anxieties decrease and smooth the transition. <br />
<strong>* Teach: "Talk back to the worry."</strong> Researchers at the University of McGuill found teaching a child to "talk to back to the fear" helps reduce anxiety. It makes the child feel like she is in charge of the worry and not the other way around. The trick is to have your child practice telling herself she'll be okay to build up confidence.</blockquote><br />
<strong>STEP 4. Have a Positive Sendoff</strong><br />
A kid's anxiety increases if you make too big of a deal about leaving or draw out the goodbye. The key is to establish a consistent pattern of goodbye so your child knows what ritual to expect, realizes she can make it through the time apart, and that you really will return. <br />
<br />
Here are a few things to help:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="webkit-indent-blockquote" style="border: none; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 40px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px;"><strong>* Point him to "The first thing."</strong> Not knowing what to do or where to go upon arriving at a new scene increases anxiety. So offer "first thing" suggestions.</blockquote><blockquote class="webkit-indent-blockquote" style="border: none; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 40px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px;"><blockquote class="webkit-indent-blockquote" style="border: none; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 40px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px;"><em>For a young child:</em> Point her towards an activity she enjoys-like a puzzle or blocks.</blockquote><blockquote class="webkit-indent-blockquote" style="border: none; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 40px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px;"><em>For an older child:</em> Suggest he go to the basketball court that he enjoys or meet up with that acquaintance he met at the park near the water fountain.</blockquote></blockquote><blockquote class="webkit-indent-blockquote" style="border: none; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 40px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px;"><strong>* Say goodbye and don't linger.</strong> Don't draw out the goodbye...doing so actually increases anxiety. A simple and matter-of-fact: "See you soon! and then leave..is a better approach. A matter-of-fact: "See you soon" is better than long-drawn out ones. Don't sneak!<br />
<strong>* Stay calm and put on a happy face.</strong> Your child takes cues from you, so be cool to help show confidence in your child. Hold back those tears!<br />
<strong>* Be on time.</strong> Be sure you or your designated caregiver picks your child up when you said and at the exact spot you prearranged. In fact, be there five minutes earlier for the pickup will eliminate the agonizing moments a child has waiting if you're late. If he cries when you pick him take it as a compliment! It usually means he's delighted to see you-not that he hates school.<br />
<strong>* Be patient but know when to worry.</strong> Adjustment may take from a day to several weeks, so be patient. For most kids separation anxieties are normal and will pass. The key is to watch for a gradual increase in confidence and a diminishment of school and separation worries. If the anxiety continues or increases, check in with the teacher or counselor to see if they have suggestions to help your child adjust.</blockquote><br />
Adjustment may take from a day to several weeks, so be patient. Learning to say good-bye is just one more part of growing up. Helping your child learn to separate and handle life confidently without you is just one more important developmental milestone. So hang in there! Happy back to school!<br />
<br />
<br />
Tips from this blog were adapted from the chapter, <em>"Stressed"</em> in the book, <strong>The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries by Michele Borba</strong>. For more information on parenting solutions visit <a href="http://www.lifepalz.com/" target="_blank">LifePalz.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2011-08-30T07:00:00Z
The Truth About Family Dinners
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Truth-About-Family-Dinners/10024.html
2011-08-22T07:00:00Z
2011-08-22T07:00:00Z
<img src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg" alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" /> By Dr. Polly Dunn<br />
<a href="http://www.childpsychmom.com/" target="_blank">ChildPsychMom.com</a><br />
<br />
Earlier this year I happened upon an article by a respected family psychologist and parenting expert. In it, he provided lots of ideas on how parents could improve their family life, a number of which I completely agreed with. But then I got to his recommendation about family dinners. He suggested families today should gather around the dinner table six nights a week. Six nights? Out of seven!<br />
<br />
I know there are some families out there who are able to achieve this lofty goal, but my family is simply not one of them. Between soccer practice, homework, dance, work, and the rest that life throws at us, dinner often lands at the bottom of a very long to-do list.<br />
<br />
When I read that article it made me feel a bit guilty I was no where near meeting the recommendation of this well known parenting expert. After thinking about it though, I realized I probably am not the only mom out there who knows the importance of gathering the family for dinner but can't seem to make it happen as often as I'd like. <br />
<br />
Studies have found lots of compelling reasons why we should all make the family dinner hour a priority. Children of families who eat dinner together regularly are less likely to have problems with drugs and alcohol as teens. They are more likely to get better grades. They have improved scores in language and literacy. Even when the families themselves are "dysfunctional," regular family meals with quality conversation and dialogue correspond to positive outcomes in many important areas.<br />
<br />
So instead of feeling bad about not eating around the dinner table every night, try these tips to help make the dinner hour at your house something to be proud of, whenever you manage to gather together:<br />
<br />
<strong>1.</strong> <em>Don't worry so much about the food.</em> I know that might seem like an unusual recommendation, but sometimes as parents we get so overwhelmed by coming up with the perfect meal we end up giving up and serving the kids cereal while they watch television in the den! Of course you should aim to provide healthy and yummy meals as often as you can. But if menu planning is what's keeping you from gathering your family around the dinner table, accept you can share quality time as a family at dinner whether you're eating hot dogs or filet mignon. <br />
<br />
<strong>2.</strong> <em>Develop a few family dinner rituals.</em> Sit at the table. Say the blessing. Use your manners. Take turns setting the table. Help clean up after dinner. Whatever routines you can establish during the family dinner hour will model for your children what's expected of them around the table. Even if you only eat together twice a week, try to follow the same routine at each meal.<br />
<br />
<strong>3.</strong> <em>Keep technology away from the table.</em> As best you can, try to keep the dinner table a sacred spot free of the distractions technology offers. Turn off your television, cell phone, iPod, computer, and other gadgets or leave them in another room while you eat.<br />
<br />
<strong>4.</strong> <em>Make conversation a priority.</em> Some of the best family conversations happen around the dinner table. But sometimes it's hard to get everyone talking, especially if this hasn't been a part of your normal dinner routine. To get the conversation started at our dinner table we go around to each member of the family and say "Tell us about your day today." We like to hear about the activities of the day, the best part, and the worst. Each family member (including mom and dad) takes center stage and the kids love it. Don't get me wrong, we still have normal conversations, but this activity never fails to get each child involved and get us all talking.<br />
<br />
<strong>5.</strong> <em>Repeat as often as you can.</em> We may not all be able to sit around the dinner table six out of seven nights. No matter how hard we try, we may only get there two or three nights a week. Just try to have a family dinner as many nights a week as you can.<br />
<br />
<br />
Dr. Polly Dunn is a licensed psychologist, specializing in child clinical psychology. As a mom of four, she's found that many of the textbook parenting techniques are hard to apply in real life. At <a href="http://www.childpsychmom.com/" target="_blank">www.ChildPsychMom.com</a> her 'Perfectly Imperfect' parenting solutions combine expert advice with real world tips to best help you on your parenting journey. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2011-08-22T07:00:00Z
Moms: Nine Things Me-Time Can Do for You
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Moms:-Nine-Things-Me-Time-Can-Do-for-You/9954.html
2011-07-18T07:00:00Z
2011-07-18T07:00:00Z
<img src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg" alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" /> By Mia Redrick<br />
<a href="http://drlaura.com/LinkClick.aspx?link=http%3a%2f%2fwww.findingdefinitions.com%2f&tabid=121&mid=456" target="_blank">www.findingdefinitions.com</a><br />
<br />
Being a mom is the hardest job in the world. We wear so many hats and have so many responsibilities that are not always seen by the naked eye. We are often overwhelmed and numb to outside stimuli. At this point, not only are we hurting ourselves, but we're doing a disservice to our friends and family. If you're tired and immune to emotions, your children will be especially affected by your lack of enthusiasm. It's not a luxury that detracts from your parenting station; me-time is a very-necessary, therapeutic regrouping that will return you to your station in peak condition. Here are nine things me-time can do for you:<br />
<br />
<strong>1. Quiet:</strong> With all the schedules, parenting responsibilities, other obligations, and more, you may find it difficult to explore your own thoughts. If you step away from the usual rigors of motherhood for just 30 minutes and allow your mind to wander, you can give yourself a break from prioritizing and planning. Sometimes we just need to be quiet and allow ourselves to just "be." Find a time in your daily life when you can arrange absolute quiet. Take a hot bath and close your eyes; enjoy the silence and allow your thoughts to drift in nonsensical directions.<br />
<br />
<strong>2. Clarity:</strong> As mothers, sometimes we are forced to make difficult decisions or judgment calls that need careful consideration. A mom has so many thoughts jumbled together throughout the day and can usually make snap decisions on any topic, but when the subject calls for more than just a passing glance, you need to step away from the day-to-day. Take a walk, go for a drive, and eliminate all distractions to allow yourself to mull things over. The things that are truly important will become clearer to you.<br />
<br />
<strong>3. Intention:</strong> Me-time is the key to starting your day off right. The promise of a new day begins with the sunrise. Set your alarm; get up before everyone else and stretch. Grab a cup of coffee and sit on your porch; enjoy the sounds of morning as you clear your mind. This will help you set the pace for the day and decide it is going to be great. When you intend for the day to be great, then it certainly will be.<br />
<br />
<strong>4. Gratitude:</strong> We all have things to be thankful for, but when we feel constantly rushed from one thing to the next, it's hard to see how we are truly blessed. Taking some time for yourself will allow you to see what you have and be able to express gratitude for it.<br />
<br />
<strong>5. Peace:</strong> As mothers, we feel the need to give and give of ourselves until there is nothing left, but when you spend just 15 minutes alone, you gain an inner peace that allows you to give back without feeling resentful. Giving is a major part of being a mom, and it takes great peace to do that successfully every single day.<br />
<br />
<strong>6. A Plan:</strong> If you allow yourself some me-time, you can plan ahead for the day. If you know your daughter has soccer practice, you can create a plan to get her to that practice without feeling like you're juggling too much at one time. Planning ahead is the key to getting everything done.<br />
<br />
<strong>7. Focus:</strong> Avoid newspapers or news programs and just focus on what's right in front of you. If you have a busy day ahead, this is the time to breathe and prepare. If you take the time to line your schedule out, you can work smart-not hard. Try to think of ways to minimize your work or things you can say to encourage your children. These subjects are often overlooked but valuable to you and your family. Without taking the time to focus, you may miss out on some great opportunities to combine chores, trips, or other tasks that could be done in less time.<br />
<br />
<strong>8. Emotions:</strong> No matter what, don't allow yourself to become numb to your surroundings in your fast-paced, demanding life. A mother's love is all encompassing, and if you're spreading yourself too thin, great opportunities to show it are missed. Many times after the occasion is passed, we think of the things we should have said or done. As mothers, we must make time for our emotions or we will miss out on a great deal life has to offer. We are emotional beings, so it's important to embrace that and make time for those emotions.<br />
<br />
<strong>9. Resourcefulness: </strong>Some days it takes a great deal of acrobatics just to get everything done, but when you take time out for regular me-time, suddenly you're able to create solutions in places where all you saw were problems before. If you can't shake the guilt of leaving your children behind to pamper yourself for a couple of hours, find ways to do other chores outside the house. Go to the laundry mat instead of your laundry room; buy groceries for the coming week or take your vehicle in to get the oil changed. If you blend your me-time with errands, you're multi-tasking. You create quiet time for yourself while these other things are getting done.<br />
<br />
Spending at least 15 minutes a day by yourself is vital, as are regular dates with yourself. You should plan ahead and take an entire day away from your demanding life once or twice a month. Dating yourself is very important in order to stay in touch with who you are. Plan for a day at the gym alone; a trip to the salon or even a library can offer you a peaceful getaway. You'll be a better mom because of it. <br />
<br />
<br />
Mia Redrick, Mom Strategist is a mom of three, author and speaker empowering one million mothers to practice better self-care. Redrick is the author of <em>Time for mom-Me: 5 Essential Strategies for A Mother's Self-Care</em>. For tips from The Mom Strategist visit <a href="http://www.findingdefinitions.com/" target="_blank">www.findingdefinitions.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2011-07-18T07:00:00Z
The Truth About Tired Teens: Why Parents and Teens Fight Over Sleep
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Truth-About-Tired-Teens:--Why-Parents-and-Teens-Fight-Over-Sleep-/9863.html
2011-06-15T07:00:00Z
2011-06-15T07:00:00Z
<img src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg" alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" /> By Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE<br />
<a href="http://expert.parentstoolshop.com/" target="_blank" style="color: #3e81b5; text-decoration: none; font-weight: normal; font-size: 12px; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">expert.parentstoolshop.com</a><br />
<br />
<strong>
Most Teens are Sleep Deprived</strong><br />
The research is in: most teens get 25-33% less sleep than they need. Anyone not getting enough sleep has difficulty focusing, reasoning, driving safely, learning, and working. <br />
<br />
Most researchers agree: many of the common traits of adolescence --- moodiness, impulsiveness, disengagement, and depression, even obesity --- are symptoms of chronic sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation impairs memory, so teens probably aren’t being irresponsible when they forget their books and assignments; it’s likely a symptom of chronic sleep deprivation.<br />
<br />
According to Dr. Avi Sadeh at Tel Aviv University, “A loss of one hour of sleep is equivalent to the loss of two years of cognitive maturation and development.” Since the effects of sleep loss are cumulative, it can impair judgment and performance within several weeks.<br />
<br />
<strong>
Why Teens Don’t Sleep</strong><br />
During puberty, the circadian rhythms --- the cycle of changes the body undergoes in a 24-hour period --- drastically change. This affects when teens get hungry, when they are most alert, when they want social contact, and the sleep/wake cycle. So even if teens go to bed earlier, they probably can’t go to sleep. This is why most teens are “night owls.”<br />
<br />
In reality, teens have <em>two</em> sleep problems: because their brains are developing so much, they need a lot of sleep, but because of the circadian shift, they get tired later than everyone else. Yet, because of traditional school schedules, teens often have to get up earlier than everyone else. They are chronically sleep deprived.<br />
<br />
Since teens are short on sleep during the week, they often sleep until early afternoon on the weekend. This can throw of their sleep/wake cycle even further. They are essentially fighting a losing battle with their own bodies to stay awake.<br />
<br />
<strong>
How Much Sleep Do Teens Need?</strong><br />
During REM sleep, the brain stores information. So the more you learn during the day, the more you need to sleep that night. Teens need about 9-1/2 hours of sleep every night, yet they tend to stay up late. Just 15 minutes of extra sleep can increase school performance. One hour more can make a dramatic improvement in teens’ overall functioning and school/work performance.<br />
<br />
<br />
<strong>
How To Help Teens Sleep?</strong><br />
In a perfect world, schools would adjust their schedules to accommodate adolescent development by having high school classes start later than other grades. A high school in Edina, Minnesota, did just that. They changed their high school start times to start one hour later. This boosted math SAT scores up 56 points and verbal SAT scores a whopping 156 points. Students also reported higher levels of motivation and lower levels of depression.<br />
<br />
On the home front, you can encourage your teens to go to bed at a decent hour, even if they can’t sleep. You can also encourage teens to cut out stimulating activities late at night. Limiting caffeinated beverages, TV, video games, and phone after nine or ten can help convince the adolescent brain it’s time for bed. Also encourage quiet reading, quiet music, and other mellow activities to make the transition to sleep time.<br />
<br />
On the weekends, be tolerant of your teens’ need to catch up on sleep, but be sure they don’t’ get their days and nights mixed up. Sleeping until ten or eleven in the morning is probably fine. Staying in bed until two or three in the afternoon may do teens more harm than good.<br />
<br />
As with many developmental stages and the resulting parenting challenges they can bring, “This, too, shall pass.” But adults can be proactive, instead of fighting a losing battle. School administrators and parents can do their part to understand adolescent brain development and adjust schedules accordingly. By educating teens about their bodies, it will help teens self-regulate their sleep.<br />
<br />
Get more information from Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE, second-generation parent educator, president of Parent’s Toolshop® Consulting, parenting expert to the media worldwide, and author of 100+ practical parenting resources, including the award-winning book, <em>The Parent's Toolshop</em> at: <a href="http://expert.parentstoolshop.com/" target="_blank">expert.parentstoolshop.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2011-06-15T07:00:00Z
When Teens Say No to Homework Help
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/When-Teens-Say-No-to-Homework-Help/8391.html
2011-05-17T03:51:00Z
2011-05-17T03:51:00Z
<img src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg" alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" /> By Ann Dolin<br />
<a href="http://www.anndolin.com/" target="_blank" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; color: #448ccb; text-decoration: none; font-weight: normal;">www.anndolin.com</a><br />
<br />
Living with a teenager is challenging in and of itself; trying to assist a student who may not want help is even more difficult. Teens desire nothing more than independence from their parents. They crave autonomy even though they still want parental feedback and approval. Teens are known for testing parental boundaries and limits. In addition, hormonal changes can wreak havoc on teens' daily moods. One moment an adolescent can seem perfectly secure and happy and the next she can snap over an innocuous comment. Homework and academic expectations add another layer of stress. If this situation sounds familiar, try any one of the following strategies.<br />
<br />
<strong>The Ball Goes Into Their Court</strong> - To parents, teenagers often appear to have all the freedom they could want. After all, they can drive, stay out later in the evening, and have part-time jobs. Frequently, however, their anger comes from the feeling others have all the power, and they have none. Instead of insisting your teen accept your homework help, give him a choice. For example, if his biology grade isn't what it should be, ask him if he'd like to work with a study group, stay after school for teacher help, or work with a tutor. Allow him to make the decision of how he will accept help. Getting assistance isn't an option, but the way he obtains it is. <br />
<br />
<strong>Become A Supporter</strong> - Be there to offer support and guidance, but resist the urge to correct or provide answers. A good rule of thumb is, "A parent's pen should never touch the paper." Any mark on a student's paper should be his alone. Help him to interpret directions and get started and, if necessary, review the assignment when he's done. Do not criticize wrong answers or he'll be turned off to your help. Teens often don't want to work with their parents because they feel judged, whether their perception is true or not. The assignment just has to meet teacher expectations and reflect the course's guidelines. Striving for perfection can inspire rebellion, especially in adolescents. <br />
<br />
<strong>Plan Ahead</strong> - Arguments over homework often occur at stressful times, especially when a deadline is approaching. Pick one evening every week to preview the upcoming workload. If the week is going to be particularly stressful, determine what extra-curricular activities can be skipped. Teens tend to hunker down and resist support when they're feeling overwhelmed. If this is what's happening in your household, plan a weekly meeting to work out a less hectic schedule. By planning ahead, both you and your student will be more at ease. <br />
<br />
<strong>Stick To It</strong> - Parents often ask me how they can establish routines when their adolescent has his own schedule, friends, and social agenda. The bottom line is parents of teens should still make the final decisions concerning academics and socializing. Parents can insist schoolwork comes before socializing or screen time, but allow your teen to choose his homework schedule. For example, if he likes to start after dinner and is able to get it done, then fine. He's more likely to stick with a schedule if he chooses it. Establishing the "work before play" family policy (for all kids, not just your struggling student) is important. It sends the message school is the number one priority. Enforce this policy consistently, instead of haphazardly, and your teen will adjust in time. <br />
<br />
<strong>Use Technology</strong> - Teenagers these days are extremely tech savvy. Use their interest in everything online or interactive to provide additional support during homework time.<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Math</strong> - When your teen is resisting your help, identify key websites where he can find support. There are many resources online where students can find additional explanations of topics, problems, or concepts, as well as supplementary practice to reinforce trouble spots. </li>
<li><strong>Writing</strong> -There are many software programs out there to help students with all aspects of the writing process, from brainstorming to essay organization. These programs also help students overcome the initial hurdle of "getting started." Check out Inspiration (<a href="http://www.inspiration.com/" target="_blank">www.inspiration.com</a>), Co-Writer, and DraftBuilder (<a href="http://www.donjohnston.com/" target="_blank">www.donjohnston.com</a>).</li>
<li><strong>Reading</strong> - If your child struggles with reading, consider utilizing books on tape. Many textbooks have audio versions that allow students to listen to chapters while they follow along in their book, providing both visual and auditory input. These are available through the publishers or online. Be sure you purchase the full text and not an abridged version. Kurzweil 3000 is a more expensive option, but it allows students to scan in book pages that are "read" to them by the computer. It also includes highlighting and note-taking features that many students find helpful. </li>
</ul>
<br />
<strong>Leave It Alone</strong> - It can be difficult to decide how much support you should provide your teen as she matures, but it can be the case the more you "hold her up" the less she learns. Ultimately, providing too much support may cause her to fall even harder down the road. Build a strong foundation to keep her afloat, but know high school students should function fairly independently. And remember, your teen's actions are not always a reflection of your parenting abilities. At some point, there will be diminishing returns on the work you put into the situation. Letting your child be a self-sufficient learner may be difficult, but this is a way for her to learn and internalize new skills.<br />
<br />
<br />
<strong>Ann Dolin</strong> received her M.Ed. in Special Education from Boston College. Ann founded Educational Connections Inc. and employs over 160 tutors, serves the metropolitan D.C. area, and has worked with over 5000 students. Ann sits on the board of CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder) and the International Dyslexia Association. Ann is also the author or the newly released book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Homework-Made-Simple-Solutions-Stress/dp/0971460981/" target="_blank">Homework Made Simple - Tips, Tools and Solutions for Stress-Free Homework</a>. For more information visit <a href="http://www.anndolin.com/" target="_blank">www.anndolin.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2011-05-17T03:51:00Z
Being a Good Enough Mother
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Being-a-Good-Enough-Mother/8392.html
2011-05-03T06:29:00Z
2011-05-03T06:29:00Z
<img src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg" alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" /> By Mia Redrick<br />
<a href="http://drlaura.com/LinkClick.aspx?link=http%3a%2f%2fwww.findingdefinitions.com%2f&tabid=121&mid=456" target="_blank">www.findingdefinitions.com</a><br />
<br />
<br />
Every mother has struggled with the question of whether she is doing a good enough job. It's only natural to worry about our children, and whenever one of them does something wrong, we ask ourselves if we did anything to cause the behavior. So how do you conquer these inner uncertainties and become a mother who knows she is not only good enough, but great?<br />
<br />
<strong>1. Release the inner critic.</strong> No mother should ever compare herself to any other parent. Just like children, no two mothers are alike, and each parenting style has its own place. We are always our own worst critic, and it is far too easy to compare ourselves to Susie Homemaker or Cathy Corporate. However, you can bet that Susie and Cathy are probably comparing themselves to you and also asking why they can't be more like you. <br />
<br />
<strong>2. Your best is good enough.</strong> We all strive to do our best, but the problem begins when we feel like our best isn't good enough. No matter what we do, we might feel that our efforts come up short, but just think for a minute about how your son or daughter sees it, especially while they're young. Do you think they will see that mom never had the money to buy them the Halloween costume they wanted? No, instead they will remember the fun times they had helping you make their costumes, even if those costumes never turned out exactly right.<br />
<br />
<strong>3. Take better care of yourself so that your best is possible.</strong> Self-care is an important part of being a mother. A mom who doesn't take care of herself is unable to take care of her children. For example, a mom who is extremely sick and doesn't take the time to go to the doctor may become weaker and weaker until she can't even get up to get her child food. On the other hand, if she went to the doctor and got some antibiotics, the illness would not have been so bad and it would all have been over in a couple of days. The same is true of healthy mothers. A mother who never takes time out for herself will feel stressed and unloved. When she feels stressed and unloved, she is unable to love others, especially her children.<br />
<br />
<strong>4. Less is more.</strong> Children, especially when they are young, enjoy the simple things in life. Kids may not remember the elaborate lengths you went through to throw them the perfect birthday party. They won't remember the big pile of presents, but they will remember that one small special gift you bought. A child's focus is scattered onto so many things all at once, but these small moments you create will shine a bright light in your child's memories.<br />
<br />
<strong>5. Communication is the key.</strong> Regardless of how much your child does or doesn't talk to you, communication is about much more than the number of words that come out of your child's mouth. It's about being actively involved in their interests. Spend some time listening to your son's music or sit and play video games with him sometimes. Just realize that knowing what interests your child has will give you an insight into him that you never would be able to have otherwise, even if you try to spark a conversation with him. Establish this type of communication early so that by the time your daughter is a teenager, it doesn't seem strange that mom is checking out her music or asking to meet her friends. <br />
<br />
<strong>6. Date your kids individually.</strong> Every child needs to feel important, and one of the best ways to make your children important is to spend time with each of them individually. Sure, family time is important, but make sure that you have some time set aside for each child, and use this time to communicate and learn about their interests. <br />
<br />
<strong>7. Change what you believe.</strong> Sometimes being a mother is about stretching our beliefs. We are all raised with a very specific set of believes that create the foundation of who we are, but sometimes the world changes and things are thrown off-kilter. Every mother has images of her perfect child, tall or short, lanky or muscled, athletic or smart. But what happens when your child doesn't fit your expectations? You have to be able to change what you believed about your child so that you don't end up forcing him to be what he isn't.<br />
<br />
<strong>8. Do less well.</strong> Often we feel like we have to be Super Mom, wear boots and a cape, and fly around to do everything. We think we have to have the house perfectly clean at all times, help our kids with their homework, and have a hot, homemade meal on the dinner table. Of course in reality it's pretty hard to do all of this at the same time, so just choose one thing you can focus on and do it very well. <br />
<br />
<strong>9. Make sure the discipline matches the crime.</strong> There are all kinds of schools of thought about discipline, but the most important thing to do when disciplining is to make sure that the punishment fits the crime. If the child is a little older, ask her what she thinks the punishment should be. If the child is too young to understand this, make sure that the punishment is directly related to what she did. <br />
<br />
<strong>10. Allow your kids to fail.</strong> No parent should ever run around behind their child fixing all of their mistakes. Of course it's important to be there if your child makes a big mistake and to make sure he knows that he can turn to you. But sometimes it is necessary to let him fail. If his girlfriend breaks up with him because he spent too much time playing video games and not enough time with her, let him figure out on his own what he did wrong. It's ok to clue him in, but don't fix it for him. He will never learn how to live life and fix problems himself if mom is always there to make corrections.<br />
<br />
<br />
Remember, being a good enough mom isn't a matter of perspective. It's a fact that you are already good enough. You only have to believe.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Mia Redrick, Mom Strategist is a mom of three, author and speaker empowering one million mothers to practice better self-care. Redrick is the author of <a href="http://drlaura.com/LinkClick.aspx?link=http%3a%2f%2fwww.amazon.com%2fTime-mom-Me-Essential-Strategies-Self-Care%2fdp%2f0979627303%2fref%3dsr_1_1%3fie%3dUTF8%26s%3dbooks%26qid%3d1288711627%26sr%3d1-1&tabid=121&mid=456" target="_blank">Time for mom-Me: 5 Essential Strategies for A Mother's Self-Care</a>. For tips from The Mom Strategist visit <a href="http://drlaura.com/LinkClick.aspx?link=http%3a%2f%2fwww.findingdefinitions.com%2f&tabid=121&mid=456" target="_blank">www.findingdefinitions.com</a>. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2011-05-03T06:29:00Z
The Wisdom of Grief, Part 2: All the World's a Stage
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Wisdom-of-Grief,-Part-2:-All-the-Worlds-a-Stage/8393.html
2011-04-12T06:11:00Z
2011-04-12T06:11:00Z
<img src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg" alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" />
By Erik Fisher, PhD, AKA Dr. E...<br />
<a target="_blank" href="http://drlaura.com/LinkClick.aspx?link=http%3a%2f%2fwww.drepresents.com%2f&tabid=121&mid=456">www.DrEPresents.com</a><br />
<br />
I had intended my last post to be a one part blog on children and grief, but my daughter amazed me with how she worked through her grief, and I felt compelled to share her innate wisdom. As I said, in my last post, kids express grief in different ways and may not show at all in ways we would expect. So here is how she seemed to work through her grief of the loss of my Dad at the age of five.<br />
<br />
My wife and daughter and I were doing our Saturday morning thing and taking it easy. She was playing with her dolls and pushing a shopping cart around, and then out of the blue she said, "Hey Daddy, I am going to get on a plane and visit Big Daddy in the hospital in Arizona."<br />
<br />
I said, Grace, he is not there anymore. That is where I went to see him before he died."<br />
<br />
Then she said, "No, Daddy, I am going to play like I am going to visit him in the hospital. Come here. Come here, and lay on the couch. You can be him in the hospital."<br />
<br />
I said, "Okay." My wife and I looked at each other, and I went with it. So I lay on the couch with my eyes closed, and I said, "Grace, this is how Big Daddy looked when I got to the hospital. His eyes were closed, and it looked like he was resting. When I came in, he moved his head, so I knew he knew I was there."<br />
<br />
She came up and gave "Big Daddy" some of her pets and said, "I am sorry that you are going to die, Big Daddy. I wish I could help you, but I can't. I love you Big Daddy. Here are some of my pets to take care of you."<br />
<br />
After she said this, I said "I know you want to help me Grace, and I know you love me. I will always be around you, no matter where you are, and I will love you even when I am not here. I feel so happy I got to know you, and I will look forward to seeing who you become, as I watch over you. I will always feel proud to be your Big Daddy."<br />
<br />
So we played these roles for a little bit more. She gave me, in the role of "Big Daddy", a hug, and I gave her one back, and she wanted Big Daddy to have her pets after he died so he would not be alone. My wife and I said will be with his Mommy and Daddy, my brother, and pets we had that died before him. He would not be alone at all. About five minutes later, she was on to the next thing, and we moved on. I let her decide when we were done. This was not for me or about me, but was an honor to be a part of this healing moment.<br />
<br />
Since that exchange and "play" we did, she has seemed more at peace with the situation. There are still some issues at school, but some of these issues are the virtue of Grace being Grace. I still check in with her, and I know she is going to be okay. What I feel happened was that she was not ready to talk about it in "adult terms", and needed time to work it through her way.<br />
<br />
It would have been very easy, from our part as parents, to get caught in our discomfort and grief and shut her down, but we didn't. I saw her incredible wisdom, she needed a moment to say goodbye in her way. I also saw her desire to wish she could have helped him in some way, and I was in the position to set her free from this and continue their relationship in an unspoken way. He will always be around her. Not to judge her, but to support her and love her unconditionally. I know that is how he would have wanted it, and maybe in that time, I channeled my Big Daddy and what he wanted to say to her if he could have.<br />
<br />
About the author: Erik Fisher, PhD, aka Dr. E..., is a licensed psychologist and author who has been featured on NBC, CBS, FOX and CNN. Visit him at <a target="_blank" href="http://drlaura.com/LinkClick.aspx?link=http%3a%2f%2fwww.drepresents.com%2f&tabid=121&mid=456">www.DrEPresents.com</a> to learn more about his books <em>"The Art of Empowered Parenting"</em> and <em>"The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict" </em>or to check out his blog. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com<a target="_blank" href="http://www.drlaura.com/LinkClick.aspx?link=http%3a%2f%2fexpert.parentstoolshop.com%2f&tabid=121&mid=456"></a>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2011-04-12T06:11:00Z
The Wisdom of Grief: Understanding Your Kids When Someone Close Passes On
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Wisdom-of-Grief:-Understanding-Your-Kids-When-Someone-Close-Passes-On/8394.html
2011-03-28T22:04:00Z
2011-03-28T22:04:00Z
<img src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg" alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" />
<p></p>
By Erik Fisher, PhD, AKA Dr. E...<br />
<a href="http://drlaura.com/LinkClick.aspx?link=http%3a%2f%2fwww.drepresents.com%2f&tabid=121&mid=456" target="_blank">www.DrEPresents.com</a><br />
<br />
A few weeks ago my Father, aka Big Daddy, "graduated from the school of life with honors", as I refer to it. He was quietly a remarkable man who raised four successful kids, surviving the death of his oldest son 36 years ago, and continuing to live with honor, dignity and integrity. After living with cancer for 13 years and having a few health scares over that time, my family and I were somewhat prepared for his mortality, and when his body was too tired from his long and graceful fight, we knew it was time for him to go.<br />
<br />
We each will experience our grieving process, as adults, but what about our kids? While there are certain expected phases to the grieving process: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance, not everyone will go through this process the same way, and the duration of this process will vary. Kids also experience grief, however, the way they experience emotions will likely not be the same way you do.<br />
<br />
<strong>Acknowledging the Truth</strong><br />
<br />
My daughter is a precocious five year-old in some ways and in other ways all of five years old. When I knew I had to leave to try to see my Dad before he "graduated from life" I told my daughter, with tears in my eyes, Big Daddy was sick and may not live through this, knowing she would not fully understand. When I was trying to tell her about "Big Daddy", she understood something not good was going on, and she was trying to change the subject, kept turning away, and then grabbed my face to try to make me laugh. It was clear she was feeling upset, and my daughter does not like to cry. Instead, she will do things to distract, be funny, change the subject... It is very important to know how your child responds to emotions and to not expect them to behave like you do.<br />
<br />
After my dad's death, I had hoped to be able to come home from Tucson and talk with her together with my wife about what happened, but because of some family events that occurred my wife had to tell her. That was okay with me, as life often happens when you are making plans, and my wife did a masterful job with this discussion. Sometimes in life, things don't happen as we want them to and you may have to make do with what you have. Don't expect to be able to control what happens or to control how your child behaves, especially when it comes to the death of loved one.<br />
<br />
When I came back home, we talked. I asked her how she was feeling and she said she felt sad, she then asked, "What happened?" I told her Big Daddy had been sick for a while, and his body was tired and it wore out. He lived a long life and we would always have our memories. I said Mommy and I were not sick and expected to be here for her through the years, but I stopped short of making promises I know I couldn't keep. Over the past few weeks, we continue to ask how she is feeling about Big Daddy about every third day, and she often says she feels sad, and I let her knowwhatever she is feeling is okay. I want her to know it is okay to talk about the situation and her emotions.<br />
<br />
<strong>Celebrating A Life</strong><br />
<br />
A few days after my dad died, we, as a family, got together on Skype (for those who could not be there), ate pizza together and told funny and heart-warming stories about Dad. My daughter was part of that. I wanted her to tell stories about the things they did and see that when someone moves on in life, we can celebrate their life and each determine how they are remembered. We all laughed together and celebrated his life and our lives with him, instead of his death. One can argue this was easy for us, because Dad lived a long full life, but I can also say when I was eight and my brother died, we all did the same thing with his friends, which made some very difficult days easier to handle. For me, no matter how long or short a life is, I feel blessed to have been graced with that person's presence. I want my daughter to also be exposed to that view, as well as honoring the views of others.<br />
<br />
What I also told her is Big Daddy will always be around us and in our hearts and memories. We won't have to use the phone to talk to him either. We may not be able to hear his answers, but know he is listening to us. My daughter also never ceases to amaze me. The other day we were talking to my Mom on the phone, and Grace was there and says to my Mom, "Mumsy I'm sorry Big Daddy died. We miss him a lot. He was a very, very special special man to your son." My wife and I looked at each other and picked each other's jaws off the floor and saw even deeper into her brilliant little soul. And last night at dinner she commented in her dinner prayer about Big Daddy. Sometimes your kids will have some of the most profound words of wisdom. Listen and acknowledge them. Don't dismiss these moments.<br />
<br />
<strong>The Emotional Roller Coaster</strong><br />
<br />
In the last week, many of those who care for our daughter have noticed her behavior being more distracted and escalating lately. Kids (and adults) often regress emotionally and behaviorally when under stress. This type of behavior is not uncommon, but often when parents are in the middle of their own grief, they miss their child's behaviors as a symptom of grief as to why their child is misbehaving and punish them, sometimes further squashing their child's processing of grief.<br />
<br />
When we realized this behavioral trend in the last few days, I took another opportunity to ask her how she felt about Big Daddy and if she knew why she was making the choices she was making. She said, once again she felt sad Big Daddy died and that was why she was behaving like she was. Almost just as quickly, she changed the subject and wanted to talk about something else. But even then a few minutes later, she wanted my wife to get her dressed for school, seeming to push me away. I still got her dressed, because it was my day to do that, and just as quickly, she moved through that and was off and running. If your kids need to tell you a thousand times they feel sad, let that be okay. However, if it their behavior continues to get more disruptive and complicated, ask for help from a professional.<br />
<br />
<strong>The Tip Sheet</strong><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>It is important after a death to re-establish structure and stability. Kids respond much better to this. If everyone's world falls apart and there is no structure, this can feel scary to kids and they may act up even more.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Know that your children's reactions are often not because of you. You are still responsible for your actions. Don't blame your and their actions on others, but help them understand that grief may be a reason for their behaviors.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>If you do "lose your cool" with your kids regardless of their behavior, take responsibility for it and make efforts to change it.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>When you talk to your kids about their emotions, especially around death, don't expect them to answer you when you want or how you want.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Know your kids are having a hard time understanding their emotions and what death means to them and others.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Know your grief is not their grief.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>I feel glad my daughter saw my tears and knew I felt sad and felt loss. This is part of being human, but don't lean on them for emotional support. While it is important they know how you are feeling, they shouldn't be expected to take care of you.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>While it is important to keep the memories alive, don't use that person who has passed as someone who is going to know everything they do and think poorly of them if they misbehave.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Most importantly, be aware to give your kids and yourself time to process their grief, their way and you your way.</li>
</ul>
<br />
There is an unspoken wisdom to grief. It is a process that allows us to work through transitions in life, and the emotions we experience are necessary and vital to this process, however we may experience them. My daughter will continue to work through this change in her relationship with her Big Daddy, and I look forward to being there to help her with it. She has already been a great help to me.<br />
Through the grieving process, keep in mind that your child's soul may be much older and wiser than you think... Listen carefully. I love you Grace. You inspire me.<br />
<br />
About the author: Erik Fisher, PhD, aka Dr. E..., is a licensed psychologist and author who has been featured on NBC, CBS, FOX and CNN. Visit him at <a href="http://drlaura.com/LinkClick.aspx?link=http%3a%2f%2fwww.drepresents.com%2f&tabid=121&mid=456" target="_blank">www.DrEPresents.com</a> to learn more about his books <em>"The Art of Empowered Parenting"</em> and <em>"The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict" </em>or to check out his blog. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com<a target="_blank" href="http://www.drlaura.com/LinkClick.aspx?link=http%3a%2f%2fexpert.parentstoolshop.com%2f&tabid=121&mid=456"></a>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2011-03-28T22:04:00Z
Should I Take My Child Out of School for a Family Vacation?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Should-I-Take-My-Child-Out-of-School-for-a-Family-Vacation/8395.html
2011-03-15T03:50:00Z
2011-03-15T03:50:00Z
<img class="blog-icon-large" alt="Icon" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg" />
<p> </p>
By Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE<br />
<br />
According to a Travel Industry of America poll, some 16 million parents "let children miss school to gain travel experience." In most cases (43%), children missed only one day and 29% missed only two days. The percentage of traveling students who missed more than one week was only 11%. Interestingly, "Parents who have studied for or attained a master's degree are more likely to let their children miss school to travel." This may reflect a perception of travel having educational value.<br />
<br />
When parents and educators weight in on the debate, it's clear that the decision whether to take a child out of school for a family vacation is controversial. Some parents fall at the extremes ends of the debate, "I'd never do that!" or "It's no big deal." Most parents fall somewhere in the middle. So here are some factors to consider before making this decision and guidelines to follow.<br />
<br />
<strong>FACTORS TO CONSIDER</strong><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Does Your School Allow It?</strong> Check your school's policy on travel-related absences. Many educators worry that allowing travel sends a message that school attendance is not important. </li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>What Grade Is Your Child In?</strong> Parents of infants, toddlers, preschoolers and even half-day kindergartners can take advantage of off-season travel discounts. Pulling a child out of a few days of elementary school is usually fairly easy. Middle school is harder, because students rotate among teachers and subjects. It's especially difficult for high school students to miss any time, because every day and grade counts, and should be avoided. </li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Time of the academic year:</strong> If possible, schedule your trip for later in the school year. The first month or two of school is a time of adjustment, regardless of age. October is usually a busy month while the week before Winter break is usually slow. Always avoid testing periods. </li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Extra-curricular activity schedules:</strong> If your child is involved in any extra-curricular activities, double-check registration deadlines or competition dates. </li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Child's school performance:</strong> If your child is already struggling or grades are low, a vacation can make it harder for them to make up necessary work and stay on track. </li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Length of absence:</strong> An absence of more than a week in Grades 3 and up means major catch-up and possible re-entry problems. </li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Educational value of the travel:</strong> If the vacation coincides with school lessons, it can be an educational trip for your child. </li>
</ul>
<br />
<strong>How Does Your Child Feel About Missing School?</strong> Your child may have a special project, weekend game, dance, or other school event that he or she doesn't want to miss. <br />
<br />
<strong>GUIDELINES TO FOLLOW</strong><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Meet With Teacher(s) Beforehand: </strong></li>
</ul>
<ol>
<li>Ask the teacher if it would be okay to take your child on vacation, instead of telling her you are going. You are creating extra work for the teacher, so be respectful of his or her needs. </li>
<li>Ask for the lesson plan, not just the missed homework. Go over the lesson plan with your child during the trip. </li>
<li>Offer to have your child do an extra credit report or school presentation about the trip. Then have your child research the history or geographical features of the area you visit. </li>
</ol>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Plan Ahead</strong>. Give the teacher at least three weeks' notice and a reminder a few days before you leave. </li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Keep the Trip Short</strong>. If possible, plan around a long weekend so you're only missing a couple of days. Longer absences start cancelling out the educational value. Long flights can cause jet lag, which makes it even harder for children to get back into the school routine. </li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Don't Make It a Habit:</strong> Pulling children out of school for vacations should be the exception, not the rule. </li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />
As you can see, the decision to take kids out of school isn't clear-cut. You need to weigh out the factors and plan ahead, to reduce any possible detriment your child's absence could cause.<br />
<br />
<strong>Get more information from Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE</strong>, second-generation parent educator, president of Parent's Toolshop® Consulting, parenting expert to the media worldwide, and author of 100+ practical parenting resources, including the award-winning book, <em>The Parent's Toolshop</em>® at: <a href="http://www.drlaura.com/LinkClick.aspx?link=http%3a%2f%2fexpert.parentstoolshop.com%2f&tabid=121&mid=456" target="_blank">expert.parentstoolshop.com</a>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2011-03-15T03:50:00Z
Six Tips to Get Your Teen Talking
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Six-Tips-to-Get-Your-Teen-Talking/8396.html
2011-02-14T22:02:00Z
2011-02-14T22:02:00Z
<img src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg" class="blog-icon-large" alt="Icon" />
<p>By Erin Munroe<br />
<a target="_blank" href="http://erinmunroe.com/">erinmunroe.com</a></p>
<p><a target="_blank" href="http://erinmunroe.com/"><br />
</a></p>
<p>Have a teenager? Maybe you don't have one yourself, but you have a niece or nephew who is at this wonderfully tumultuous time in her life. How do you get her talking? While one-word answers might be fine on some days, it is important to get to know what is going on with your teenager so you can keep her safe and guide her through tough situations (without being too much of a control freak or nuisance!).<br />
<br />
</p>
<p>1. Stop talking. You may be thinking, "Wait! But I have so much to tell her!" And while that may be true, and you may have a wealth of information for her, you need to know what she needs from you right now. If you tell her how to deal with test anxiety when she is struggling with how to approach her first big date - you will be wasting your breath and missing a great opportunity. So first things first, don't start talking until you have given her a chance to talk. Ask, "What happened in school today?" And let her talk. Wait for more than the one word answer.<br />
</p>
<p>2. Have patience. Want her to tell you everything you want to know as soon as she walks through the door? Think about that for a minute. How do you feel when your boss jumps on you as soon as you get in to work? Give her some time to relax, have a snack, and get settled. <br />
<br />
</p>
<p>3. Keep your judgments to yourself. While it is easy to listen to your teen vent and totally agree, that, "Yes, Jennifer is really mean, I never liked her either. I am so relieved you have finally seen the light and have stopped hanging out with her." Watch out! The enemy on Thursday may again become the BFF by Friday (and if that is the case, be prepared for those comments to be thrown back at you during the next argument you have with your teen). Instead of judging her friends, you can definitely agree certain behaviors of her friends don't seem very nice or like good ideas. You can certainly give suggestions on how to handle certain situations; But steer clear of judging them in the heat of the moment, or dictating how she <em>must</em> handle situations.<br />
<br />
</p>
<p>4. Take a trip down memory lane. Remember what it was like to be a teenager? Not fun. The highs and lows are honest highs and lows, even though they seem like total drama to adults. Remember teens aren't equipped to cope with these situations - all of these experiences are brand new. Appreciate how difficult it is for a teen to be left out of a party, broken up with, made fun of, fail her first class. This is all new, and she is building the experience we as adults already have behind us.<br />
<br />
</p>
<p>5. Forget about performance and focus on the journey. Are you a parent who is full of the following comments: "Make sure you do well on the test today!" "What was your grade on that test?" "Did you win?" Instead, think about asking or commenting about the effort your teen has put into things. "You seem to be studying really hard for the history test. Nice work, but make sure you take a break!" "Did you have fun after school today?" Put less stress on the outcome, and more emphasis on what steps she takes to get there.<br />
<br />
</p>
<p>6. Relax. Stop with the urgency. Although the years go by quickly, stop thinking about what is next and always planning for the next thing. Enjoy the day and be present with your teen. Sometimes we need to stop and smell the roses, and appreciate those roses for where they are in the moment. Watch a cheesy movie with your teen. Giggle over board games. Just having fun can be great for your relationship!<br />
<br />
</p>
<p>Try these tips. See if you connect more with your teen. It is amazing how a patient, non-judgmental approach can help your teen open up and see that you care about her day to day life, not just which college she is going to or how she will perform at her next volleyball match.<br />
<br />
</p>
<p>For over 10 years, Erin A. Munroe, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, and author, has been working with families on the issues that arise when a child is growing up. As the adults in the world we need to demonstrate to our children how to appropriately cope with the world and succeed in life while still laughing and enjoying it. Information on Erin and her books can be found at <a target="_blank" href="http://www.erinmunroe.com/">http://www.erinmunroe.com/</a>.</p>
<p> </p>
Staff
2011-02-14T22:02:00Z
Three Ways to Help Your Middle Schooler Succeed
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Three-Ways-to-Help-Your-Middle-Schooler-Succeed/8397.html
2011-01-18T06:49:59Z
2011-01-18T06:49:59Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>By Joe Bruzzese
www.middleschoolyears.com/
The New Year often brings a resurgence of emotional gusto that drives change. Use this energy to instill a sense of responsibility in your middle schooler.
Have You (Really) Chosen to Lead?
Parents guide their children through the twists and turns of life. In addition to putting food on the table, parents take on a leadership role, guiding their children through life's twists and turns. How you lead has a dramatic effect on your family's continued success.
Step 1: Parents Lead
Do you ever find yourself completing tasks that you know are not the best use of your time, but you want them done right? You have heard that old expression, "If you want something done right, you just have to do it yourself." The expression lacks essential trust in your leadership qualities where the goal is not to do everything yourself, but to inspire, encourage and support others for the ultimate benefit of the group, in this case--your family.
You may need to release your grip on having things done your way, and promote the growth of someone (your child) taking on new responsibilities. In the beginning, you may need to invest more time explaining the task than it would have taken you to do the job yourself. However, this exercise is more of an investment in the person, the process and your family. This eventually frees up more of your time to graduate to a higher level of activity, or perhaps result in a few moments of free time. You may need to ask yourself, "Am I the best person for this task?"
Step 2: Leaders Play in the Bigger Game
Hope is not a strategy for achieving goals. Challenging children with growing levels of challenge ensure that they will persevere and eventually achieve despite adversity. Modeling this process for a child takes time and effort on the part of parents.
The key to doing this successfully is having a full inventory of everything you expect your children to take responsibility for and then to hold ongoing conversations so there is still time to act if an unexpected situation arises.
A common exchange that teens have with their parents: Although John, age 14, and his dad (Bob) lead busy lives they check-in on a daily basis to talk about their goals and achievements. Their shared passion for soccer creates a place where they can begin a conversation.
After a short recap of the day's soccer practice or match their conversation segues into John's recent academic challenges. Bob is concerned about his son's progress but knows from past conversations that an advice-filled lecture will bring their conversation to an abrupt end.
Perhaps the following lead-in question would prompt a richer conversation, "How much time will you need to finish up with your projects this week?" Asking John to talk about what he needs, in order to solve a problem, shifts responsibility away from Bob needing to provide a study schedule, and keeps the conversation moving in a positive direction.
With John in control of the conversation Bob also has the chance to share ideas without having his words perceived as advice from Dad. When their conversation comes to a close Bob has a clear understanding of John's goals and his plan for achieving them. John leaves the conversation feeling acknowledged for the effort and responsibility he has taken in creating a plan for achieving his goals.
Step 3: Leaders Improve On Every Situation
The final key to successful leadership as a parent is the family meeting. Scheduling a consistent time to meet with your family allows for an ongoing review of your family's progress. Reviewing progress provides a valuable opportunity for you to talk with your children about how things could be done differently in the future-a learning strategy that results in real change. Each time your family meets, your children build on their past success and consider opportunities for change in the future.
With a renewed focus on building a connection among all family members the traditional family meeting can become an effective tool for keeping families moving forward.
Joe Bruzzese, author of
A Parent's Guide to the Middle School Years
and parent education expert, speaks to parents across the United States offering practical and long terms strategies for overcoming the struggles of the middle school years. Download your free checklist, "Is My Child Thriving or Just Surviving" at
www.MiddleSchoolYears.com/list
. For information on Joe's work visit
www.middleschoolyears.com/
.
Staff
2011-01-18T06:49:59Z
Five Ways to Discovering Nurture Your Child's Entrepreneurial Spirit
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Five-Ways-to-Discovering-Nurture-Your-Childs-Entrepreneurial-Spirit/8398.html
2011-01-18T05:37:39Z
2011-01-18T05:37:39Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>By Anne Leedom
http://www.netconnectpublicity.com/
Does your child dream of owning their own business and one day? If this is the case then you can nurture their entrepreneurial spirit as they grow and help them create the life of their dreams. There are certain considerations that can give you great insight and help you decide if your child has what it takes to be an entrepreneur.
1. What is their motivation? Ask your child if they would want to be an entrepreneur regardless of how much money they might make as they build their business. If their goal is simply to achieve a certain income their chances of success, and more importantly, personal satisfaction are limited. Their real motivation must come from something inside, not from external rewards like monetary goals or praise from others.
2. Who will it benefit? Is their dream based on something they want to give, or is it more about something they want to receive? A true entrepreneurial spirit includes a desire to do something that reaches beyond oneself. This is the reward that spurs the spirit of an entrepreneur.
3. How hard are they willing to work? One of the biggest misconceptions about becoming an entrepreneur is that life will be easier than working for someone else. Rarely is this the case. Becoming successful requires tremendous commitment and usually the hours reflect the level of dedication to their dream.
4. Are they prepared? What are they planning on bringing to the table? Even if this is their own company, you need to have the experience and knowledge required to succeed. Ask them if they would hire themselves? If the answer is no, then spend some time becoming educated at what they want to really do. If this doesn't sound compelling then entrepreneurship may not be for them.
5. Can they handle success? How comfortable are they with personal success? One of the number one reasons independent businesses fail is the fact that many people are their own worst enemy. Some people like the idea of success and independence, but as their new business grows, self-sabotage becomes a factor and dreams become financial nightmares. Know right from the start that they are not someone who gets in his or her own way. Be certain that your child knows that they will always be their own advocate and that they must be willing to go the distance to protect and fight for their dreams. They will encounter obstacles and negativity and doubt somewhere along the path. True entrepreneurs never accept defeat, and they never create it for themselves. Their entrepreneurial spirit pushes them past any difficulties and their greatest joy comes from the pride and sense of satisfaction that comes from living your dreams.
Anne Leedom is the Founder of
http://www.netconnectpublicity.com/
, an online placement agency for experts, products and services. She is also the Founder of
http://www.parentingbookmark.com/
, a national website on character education. She lives in Northern California with her two daughters.
Staff
2011-01-18T05:37:39Z
The Gift That Keeps Giving
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Gift-That-Keeps-Giving/8399.html
2010-12-14T00:20:36Z
2010-12-14T00:20:36Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>By Erik Fisher, PhD, AKA Dr E …
www.DrEPresents.com
We teach our kids to give gifts to other family members, and they often learn that you do that because that is what you are supposed to do, but these gifts are often given in exchange of gifts given to them. Let's talk about giving selflessly to people in need and teaching your child the same.
Every year for the past seven or eight years, my wife and I have picked up a Christmas wish list for children who are in foster care from the local Department of Children and Family Services. Through my career, I have worked with many children who have been in foster care, and see how much love these kids need. Since my daughter was born, we have continued that, and as she has gotten older, we have talked with her about helping a little girl or boy have a merrier Christmas that does not live with their family. We talk about our good fortune and that we feel blessed for what we have and we want to spread that around. We also talk about some of the challenges that people have, and it is important to help others.
Last year, when we talked with my daughter about helping a little girl out with Christmas who did not live with her own family, she asked if the girl we were providing Christmas gifts for could live with us. My wife and I both looked at each other with that "Wow" look, and while we knew she did not fully understand what that would mean, we felt proud of her willingness to open her heart to someone in need. I talked to her about what it means to live with a foster family and that she was safe and taken care of with the foster family. We wanted to help her to have a happier Christmas and get her some things that she needed.
We take my daughter out to shop for the foster children and also have her help wrap the presents. We want her to feel included in this process and want her truly feel the Spirit of Santa in her heart. As she grows older, we will have her continue to become more involved. I will never demand that my daughter gives to others at Christmas or on any occasion. I do hope that she sees the example that we have set and will follow that example and take it even further in her own life.
If you don't do this already, I would encourage you to start a new holiday tradition this year or next. I would also encourage you to see that many kids in foster care need love every day. There are plenty of ways that you can help. I encourage you to contact your local foster care organizations to see how you can make a difference not only your child’s life, but in the lives of others
About the author:
Erik Fisher
, PhD, aka Dr. E…, is a licensed psychologist and author who has been featured on NBC, CBS, FOX and CNN. Visit him at
www.DrEPresents.com
to learn more about his books "The Art of Empowered Parenting" and "The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict" or to check out his blog. Permission Granted for use on Dr.Laura.com.
Staff
2010-12-14T00:20:36Z
December Disciple for Naughty Children
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/December-Disciple-for-Naughty-Children/8400.html
2010-12-04T08:39:23Z
2010-12-04T08:39:23Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>By Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE
During the holidays, many parents get their children to behave by saying "you better be good or Santa won't bring you toys!" Since it usually works, it's tempting to use this trick.
Aside from the fact that the holidays are the only time parents can use this response, parents want to avoid this approach because it violates a major parenting principle: "
Just because a parenting tactic works in the short-run, it doesn'
t mean you should use it!"
The Problem
If we take this idea to the extreme, we can see just how flawed this kind of thinking is: For example, "If I tape my child's mouth shut with duct tape, I can make him be quiet." Well, yes, that might work, but it’s also disrespectful to the child, overly harsh and even borderline abusive!
Many common parenting practices fall into this category of "quick fixes that work in the short run but have a high risk factor of bringing on negative long-term problems." Bribes, rewards, threats, smacking, slapping, and spanking are just a few examples.
Your Choice
So parents have a choice to make --- and it's a choice that presents itself almost daily: Do I use a parenting tactic that will work the fastest, even if it is disrespectful or there is some risk of it backfiring later? Or do I invest some thought and effort into learning, choosing and using an approach that is
respectful
,
works
in the short run,
and
gets
more
effective
long-term
results?
The choice parents make shows whether they are a "Reactive" or "Proactive" parent. Generally speaking, Reactive parents are more likely to do whatever comes to mind first or that “works” immediately. Proactive parents take the time to learn the
most effective
approaches (there are
dozens),
then choose from those options, to get even better
long-term
results.
If we run "The Santa Threat" through this decision-making filter, we see that it is just a quick fix. It might work at that moment --- or for about six weeks at the most --- but it is manipulative and it would be cruel to follow through with it. So parents are better off to resist this holiday temptation and use whatever discipline they normally would use in a similar situation.
Get more information from Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE
, second-generation parent educator, president of Parent's Toolshop® Consulting, parenting expert to the media worldwide, and author of 100+ practical parenting resources, including the award-winning book,
The Parent's Toolshop
at:
http://expert.parentstoolshop.com/
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-12-04T08:39:23Z
Baby's First Holiday Dinner
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Babys-First-Holiday-Dinner/8401.html
2010-11-29T14:23:56Z
2010-11-29T14:23:56Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>By Cheryl Tallman,
www.FreshBaby.com
Sharing the fabulous flavors of the Holidays with your new baby is an experience that you’ll cherish. Socializing is part of the fun too, so reserve a seat (high chair) at or near the dining room table for baby to join in the celebration.
Even though your baby may not be eating all types of table food yet, there are plenty of foods choices that can make a festive and delicious Holiday dinner. For Baby’s holiday dinner, stick with foods that you have already introduced. Introducing new foods could cause tummy aches or an allergic reaction – neither of which you want to deal with during this fun time.
Here are a few ideas to serve up a Holiday Dinner for your baby:
Baby's Age: about 6 months:
Common first food purees that have a Holiday Flavor
Sweet Potatoes
Squash (this includes pumpkin)
Green Peas
Apples
Pears
Recipe: Apple or Pumpkin Cutie Pie
For the "crust": combine a crushed graham cracker with oatmeal cereal and breast milk (or formula) in a small bowl
For the pie filling:
Pumpkin Cutie Pie:
Combine Pumpkin Puree (from scratch or 100% pumpkin from the can) and apple puree. Spoon this mixture over the cereal crust. Refrigerate until ready to serve.
Apple Cutie Pie:
Combine apple puree with a dash of cinnamon. Spoon this mixture over the cereal crust. Refrigerate until ready to serve
Baby's Age: 7-12 Months:
Turkey (2 options):
Pureed: Puree chopped turkey and a little chicken broth in a blender
Finger food: chopped in small pieces
Roast Beef (2 options):
Pureed: Puree chopped roast beef and a little beef broth in a blender
Finger food: chopped in small pieces
Note: Use broth or soup stock instead of gravy to puree your baby’s meals. Gravy tends to be high in fat and salt.
1-Dish Casserole Ideas:
Make a yummy casserole by combining vegetables, fruits, and meat together to make one-dish meal. Depending on your baby’s feeding skills, choose the appropriate texture for these meals: smooth puree, lumpy (fork mashed) or finger foods.
Gobble Gobble Casserole:
Peas, mashed potatoes and turkey
Apples, mashed sweet potatoes and turkey
Broccoli, cauliflower and turkey
Roast Beast Feast:
Green beans, mashed potatoes and roast beef
Corn, green beans and roast beef
Asparagus, mashed potatoes and roast beef
Baby’s Age: over 12 Months:
If your baby has been introduced to most foods and is ready to enjoy the feast like a big kid, here are few tips:
Take a quick taste of each food before putting on your child’s plate and make the determination if the flavor is appropriate for your child’s palate.
Avoid foods that may contain ingredients that are choking hazards
If your child has not been introduced to high-allergen foods such as nuts or eggs, ask the chef about the ingredients of foods in advance of the meal.
Planning your baby’s meal:
If the Holiday dinner is at your house, you can prepare your little ones meal right alongside the rest of the family’s. Simply remove foods you would like for your baby before adding seasonings, butter and salt. Then make the appropriate texture (i.e. puree or mash) for your baby.
If you are the guest of another family, you can bring the fruits and vegetable for your baby in a small tote bag. Simply add the main course, such as turkey or roast beef before the meal begins. If you plan to puree the main course, bring a small amount of broth (chicken of beef) with you in the tote bag.
About the author:
Cheryl Tallman
is the co-founder of Fresh Baby, creators of the award-winning So Easy Baby Food Kit, and author of the
So Easy Baby Food
and the new book
So Easy Toddler Food: Survival Tips and Simple Recipes for the Toddler Years
. Visit Cheryl online at
www.FreshBaby.com
for more delicious tips. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-11-29T14:23:56Z
Pull the Plug on Material Access with your Kids
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Pull-the-Plug-on-Material-Access-with-your-Kids/8402.html
2010-11-16T07:16:43Z
2010-11-16T07:16:43Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>By Mary Simmons, M.A.
Author of
Discipline Me Right
, with Bert Simmons, M. Ed.
A few Teen Commandments about what we should provide for our kids:
"Take me shopping."
"Thou shall give me what I want."
"Thou shalt spoil me rotten."
"Thou shalt leave everything to your kids when you die."
"Thou shalt shower thy youth in riches."
These are the same teens who wisely ask parents to set rules and enforce them, provide discipline, hold them accountable, and be role models. However, when these same kids start thinking about money, different things come out of their mouths. Suddenly they sound like shallow, petulant brats.
We have arrived in the 21
st
century with an attitude that our kids deserve everything bigger and better than what we had, including the latest electronic gadgets. Parents feel pressure to provide the material goods - the visual proof - that they have "made it" and their kids have the best. But where is the consideration of how this materialism really affects our families?
Say No
. We know our kids respect us when we say "no."
Just say no if you can't afford it, don't like it, or don't like the way they asked for it. Stand your ground. Remember, you're the parent, and you are standing for something. Be honest about why you won't finance the new iPod, the car, the $200 prom dress. You can do this respectfully, calmly, and with "I" statements:
"I'm sorry, Kaitlin, but I hear a tone in your request that I don't appreciate."
"Ryan, I feel like you don't understand how hard I work for the money I make, and that we live on a budget for a reason."
"No, Mike, the iPod (cell phone, computer, etc.) you have works just fine. I'm not buying you a new one."
Once you have laid down the law, if they continue to argue:
One thing you can do is walk away.
The other thing you can do is say, "You have a choice. You can continue to argue with me but there will be a consequence (then name it - "You won't be able to drive the car" - "You won't be able to go to the game/party," etc.). Your other choice is to stop arguing and accept that I have made my decision on this matter."
Make them work for it
. We know that working for things creates character. However, sometimes parents find it easier just to give in than teach a lesson. But these are our kids…what could be more important? Stand your ground. Remember, you're the parent, and you are standing for something. The next time your 6-year-old or 16-year-old asks you for a hand-out, calmly state that you might help them if they work for it. The terms are completely up to you. Here are some suggestions:
Jobs for 6-year-olds:
Making their bed
Picking up their toys/clothes
Clearing the dishes from the table
Spending more time reading than watching TV
Remembering to keep water in the dog’s dish
Jobs for 16-year-olds:
Washing your car
Weeding, Painting, Sweeping, Mowing, Dusting, Vacuuming
Keeping their room orderly
Keeping the grades up
A job outside the home for pay (as long as it doesn't interfere with study time)
We know that material things cannot compensate for a lack of love and attention.
Kids with healthy self-esteem have parents who spend time with them and enjoy it; these kids know they are lovable. Interestingly, kids who are bonded to their parents have a much easier time accepting their parents' "No" answers and understanding the reasons why. They know other kids have parents who throw material things at them to compensate for their absence in their kids' lives. Kids want to know that you, their parent, expect them to grow up to be people of substance, not mindless consumers.
~Stand your ground. Remember, you're the parent, and you are standing for something.~
Mary Simmons
is a teacher, parent, and author. Her father,
Bert Simmons
, is an educational consultant in the area of school discipline. Together, with the insights of Mary's teenaged students, they have put together a powerful, comprehensive guide to instilling and reinforcing positive, respectful behavior in children.
Discipline Me Right
is available through Amazon.com and your local bookstore. For more parenting tips and information about the book, access the website:
www.disciplinemeright.com
. Permission granted for use on
DrLaura.com
.
Staff
2010-11-16T07:16:43Z
Your Privacy: Disabling GPS Tracking of Your Whereabouts
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Your-Privacy:-Disabling-GPS-Tracking-of-Your-Whereabouts/8403.html
2010-11-09T00:45:13Z
2010-11-09T00:45:13Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>By John Sileo,
www.ThinkLikeaSpy.com
Geotags make it very easy for friends, relatives, bosses, spouses, parents, enemies, law enforcement, stalkers and thieves to know exactly where you are.
With the increased use of Internet-enabled mobile devices such as the Blackberry, Droid and iPhone, geotagging has seen a huge increase in popularity. When social media users take a picture or video and upload it to their page, they are probably transmitting far more data than they think. With the ability to quickly add GPS information to media, smartphones make geotagging a simple task.
So What is Geotagging?
Simply, geotagging is where location or geographical information, such as your GPS coordinates, are added and embedded to different types of media (.jpg, .mov files, etc.). Invisible to the naked eye and the casual observer, geotags are part of the meta-data, or underlying data about the data, that accompanies each file. Examples of meta-data include when the file was created or modified, by whom, using what device and software. This data is often loaded on to your computer along with the original file. Browser plug-ins and certain software programs can reveal the location information to anyone who wants to see it.
Twittervision makes great use of geotagging. Twittervision is a web mashup combining Twitter with Google Maps to create a real time display of tweets across a map. It also has a 3D mode that displays a globe of the Earth which spins to pinpoint arriving messages from Twitter.
So, who would want to know where you are?
While most of the uses are not fully apparent yet, your real-time location can reveal your home address, work address, places you visit often and at what time of day. It can reveal if you go to the doctor, a lawyer, a court date, or any other type of private meeting. Geotags make it very easy for friends, relatives, bosses, spouses, parents, enemies, law enforcement, stalkers, and thieves to know exactly where you are.
Telling everyone on your Facebook status that you are out for the evening can invite burglars; geotagging can do the same without you updating your status in any way.
By taking a picture at the Barry Manilow concert and uploading it to your twitter account, you are broadcasting the fact that you are probably over 40, away from home and, thanks to the geotag, exactly how far away you are.
If you've never seen
Minority Report
with Tom Cruise (where ads are served up to you on giant screens based on biometrics and your current location as you walk through the city ), it's worth your time. Of course the movie exaggerates reality, that is one of the hallmarks of science fiction. But it does so in order to make you think about the possibilities and future realities. And that is exactly what corporations are doing. Using geotags that you upload into social networks (photos, videos, check-ins), they can see that you enjoy Starbucks and live in a certain neighborhood, so they may purchase a billboard in the area or more likely, target an ad to you on your Facebook wall. Although this can seem harmless, it will eventually raise larger concerns on consumer privacy.
In this fast paced electronic world, more and more people are using smartphones and therefore we can expect an increased use of geotags in the future. The problem with geotagging is that since it is not visible to the naked eye, most people don't even realize they are sharing their location data. So what if you don't want to transmit your location data?
Keeping location data private can be difficult, but here are some places to start:
Understand that anytime you take a picture, video or post an update from a networked device (somehow connected to the internet), your location is probably being appended to the file, even though it is hidden from you. As with all things technological, there are advantages and disadvantages to all features. Location based services also allow you to use handy tools like maps; give you Big Brother-like power in tracking your kids' whereabouts, and allow thieves to burgle you when no one is home using tools like Foursquare and Facebook Places.
Disable geotagging application by application on your
iPhone 4
. In your phone, go to Settings, General, Location Services. Here you can set which applications can access your GPS coordinates, or disable the feature entirely (which could cause you problems using maps, restaurant finders, etc.)
Disable geotagging for photos on your
BlackBerry
. Go into picture-taking mode (HomeScreen, click the Camera icon), press the Menu button and choose "Options". Set the "Geotagging" setting to "Disabled". Finally, save the updated settings.
Disable geotagging for photos on your
Droid
. Start the Camera app (this is the menu on the left side of the camera application; it slides out from left to right). Select "Store Location" and make sure it is set to "Off".
Although Facebook does remove geotags from uploaded photos, other social networking sites do not. Look into your privacy settings and turn off location sharing. As mentioned above, you can generally turn this feature off in your camera or phone as well.
Take particular care if you are uploading photos to a website where strangers will see them -- such as Craigslist or Ebay.
Consider installing a plug-in on your browser to reveal location data - such as Exif Viewer for Firefox or Opanda IExif for Internet Explorer, so you can see geotagged data for yourself.
Take the time to stay informed about geotagging and other types of new technologies. By knowing what is out there, you can ensure the next photo or piece of media you upload won't share your location with the World Wide Web
John Sileo
speaks professionally to organizations that wish to avoid the costs associated with identity theft, data breach, social media exposure and insider theft. His satisfied clients include the Department of Defense, Blue Cross Blue Shield, the FDIC, Pfizer and hundreds of corporations of all sizes. Learn more about his entertaining and effective presentations at
www.ThinkLikeaSpy.com
or contact him directly on 800.258.8076. Permission granted for use on
DrLaura.com
.
Staff
2010-11-09T00:45:13Z
Halloween Safety Tips
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Halloween-Safety-Tips/8404.html
2010-10-23T07:31:13Z
2010-10-23T07:31:13Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>National Safety Council
ncs.org
The National Safety Council has put together some holiday tips to keep children safety this Halloween:
Halloween is a cherished tradition but the excitement of the night can cause children to forget to be careful. There is no real "trick" to making Halloween a real treat for the entire family. The major dangers are not from witches or spirits but rather from falls and pedestrian/car crashes. Many communities officially designate a "Beggars' Night" and assign specific hours for trick-or-treat activities.
Both children and adults need to think about safety on this annual day of make-believe.
<a href=" http://www.nsc.org/news_resources/Resources/Documents/Halloween_Safety.pdf"><b>Read tips</b></a> for Motorists and Parents, plus Costume Design, Face Design, Accessories, On the Way, and Treats.
Permission granted for use on
DrLaura.com
.
Staff
2010-10-23T07:31:13Z
Extra-Curricular Activities Can Pose Extra-Stress on Families
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Extra-Curricular-Activities-Can-Pose-Extra-Stress-on-Families/8405.html
2010-10-18T22:35:58Z
2010-10-18T22:35:58Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>By Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE
When I was a coach for an extra-curricular activity, trying to plan practices, I was surprised how many children had commitments almost every day of the week! I could understand parents not wanting children who were couch potatoes with withered brain cells, but saw the stress it caused for both the parents and children.
Most parents would like their child to be involved in enriching activities, but it's easy for schedules to quickly spin out of control. When it does, parents live in their cars and forget what their spouse looks like, while children try to manage their time like a corporate project manager.
Parents can fall into the over-scheduling trap for variety of reasons:
Parents want their children to use their time wisely, but accidentally take on too much.
Children want to do everything. Parents don't want to disappoint them or hear endless nagging, so they let them.
Parents want to keep children busy so they won't get into trouble, instead of teaching children how to be well-behaved away from home.
Some parents want their children to experience every opportunity - all at once - which is overwhelming.
Parents may expect their children to be super-achievers, whatever the cost.
To determine whether your family's schedule needs scaled back, ask yourself, "Does my
child
want to do all these activities or do
I
want them to?" When parents register children for activities without asking children first, it’s a red flag that parents need to back off. If children want to do everything, think "moderation" and remember that responsible parents do not give children
everything
they want.
The reality is that when anyone adds too many kettles to the fire, they are bound to get burned out or not perform as well at each activity as they could if they were more focused.
Short-term, over-scheduling often affects children's schoolwork, quality family time and increases the stress levels of the children and parents involved. The long term result of over-scheduling is a generation of stressed-out workaholics who don't know how to set priorities, say "no," focus on one task, and have balance in their lives. What?
We
are part of a generation of stressed-out workaholics? Then it's time to break the cycle.
Children need "down time" as much as adults do. They need time to play and just be a kid - even teens. Will they get bored? Probably, but learning how to use one's imagination to handle boredom creatively and responsibly is a valuable life skill.
To regain control of your family life and reduce scheduling stress, establish a policy of two activities per season. Have children rotate seasonal activities or reach one goal, then strive for another. Over-scheduled families rarely spend time together when they aren’t eating, driving or discussing schedules, but weekly family time is one activity
worth
scheduling.
Setting limits on extra-curricular activities teaches children how to budget their time and responsibilities and to handle disappointment. Children learn how to set priorities and concentrate on doing their best at a few chosen activities. Rarely are activities "once in a lifetime" opportunities. Usually, there is a time and season for every activity. We and our children just need to pace ourselves, instead of racing to do everything all at once.
Get more information from
Jody Johnston Pawel
, LSW, CFLE, second-generation parent educator, president of Parent’s Toolshop® Consulting, parenting expert to the media worldwide, and author of 100+ practical parenting resources, including the award-winning book,
The Parent's Toolshop
at:
http://www.parentstoolshop.com/
. Permission Granted for use on Dr.Laura.com.
Staff
2010-10-18T22:35:58Z
Homework, Whose Responsibility is it?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Homework,-Whose-Responsibility-is-it/8406.html
2010-10-12T06:40:45Z
2010-10-12T06:40:45Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>By Joe Bruzzese, MA
www.middleschoolyears.com
"My homework is done!"
Imagine hearing the words above, before having to ask the question. Wouldn't it be wonderful to know that the homework was complete and your child was ahead? The reality of middle school is most kids struggle to manage their workload and the expectations of multiple teachers. The transition from elementary school with one teacher and one classroom to multiple classes and expectations creates a plethora of paperwork and increased pressure to stay organized.
Parents can help their children stay ahead of the homework game with the following strategies:
Designate a Consistent Homework Time
Most families don't have the luxury of eating dinner every night at 5 pm followed by a few hours of uninterrupted homework time. If your child's after school schedule varies, the homework schedule may need to vary as well. The goal is to create a schedule and stick to it as often as possible. Recent research suggests that students who study in the same location for a consistent amount of time show far greater academic growth than students who continually vary both their study schedule and location.
Create an Effective Study Space
The child should be the driving force behind the design and location of their study space. If the amount of noise in the study space is a concern, consider asking your child this question, "Is there anything that might distract you while you work?"
Designing and adapting a study space to meet a person's individual needs, takes time and experimentation. Allowing your child to try a variety of locations will ultimately result in a consistent location. Keep the focus on what counts--completing quality work by the deadline.
Bring in the Snacks
Following the "Smarter, not Harder" philosophy allows kids to alternate blocks of study time with short breaks and gives parents a chance to drop in with favorite snacks. With a small snack in hand, kids regain their focus for the next chunk of study time.
Keep the Supplies Stocked
After returning from the annual school supplies trip, hand over responsibility for setting up the study space to your child. Support your child's efforts to work efficiently by regularly checking the stock of supplies. When critical supplies begin to run low ask your child this question, "Are there any supplies you need from the store?" If he hasn't recognized the need to replace anything, follow the first question with, "I noticed you might be running a little low on ________. Would you like me to pick up a few more?"
The parents' role is to support the child's effort to maintain the study space not take charge of maintaining it. Whenever possible give your child opportunities to demonstrate responsibility and independence. Maintaining an effective study space is one way for middle schoolers to practice these skills.
Joe Bruzzese,
author of
A Parent's Guide to the Middle School Years
and parent education expert, speaks to parents across the United States offering practical and long terms strategies for overcoming the struggles of the middle school years. Download your free checklist, "Is My Child Thriving or Just Surviving" at
www.MiddleSchoolYears.com/list
. For information on Joe's work visit
www.middleschoolyears.com
.
Staff
2010-10-12T06:40:45Z
Teaching Is Your Job
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Teaching-Is-Your-Job/8407.html
2010-10-02T04:44:00Z
2010-10-02T04:44:00Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>By Erik Fisher, PhD, AKA Dr E…
www.ErikFisher.com
It is true the expertise of the school faculty is to help provide your child with an education. It is also your job to support that end. One of the biggest challenges is many parents do not feel skilled at educating their kids, and many times the techniques or ways their kids are being taught can be difficult for parents to understand at teach at home.
For many people when they feel inadequacy or failure, they would often rather not play the game instead of playing the game and losing. Parents are people too, and if we all look honestly at this, this could be part of the motivation why we may not be more involved in our kids' education. If we are going to model more productive behaviors to our kids, we have to be willing to face our emotions, and even ask for help on how we can understand what are kids are learning. Also, be willing to feel happy your kids are learning possibly more than you did, because that may open up more opportunities for them.
One of the tendencies of people when we feel failure is also to blame others so we are off the hook for our emotions (remember the victim wants to be off the hook). This is often why we want to blame the teachers, the school books, the system… Aren't we then playing the victim? But who is going to rescue our kids, and what are we teaching them. Who inspires your children more than you? You can inspire them to want to be better people, or you can inspire them to believe that when things get tough, it is someone else's fault. How much do we see the latter in our culture?
The entitlement I see from many parents when it comes to their children's education is not based in a right to demand the school teach your kids, it comes from a dependency on others to deal with things they don't want to and an arrogance they should be off the hook. Your kids see this and learn from this. As I have said before, "Your kids are always watching." Know and realize partnerships often result in better outcomes. No one can win a team sport by themselves. Your child's education takes a team to win. Become a part of it.
I would like you to consider taking my pledge. Repeat after me (well, you know what I mean). "I, (State your name), love my child enough to make sure they get the best education I can help them to receive. It is my hope they one day will know more than I do, and I will be the wind that fills their sails to propel them where they want to go to help them grow. I will do my best to advance their education not only in school, but in life. I acknowledge I am always learning and my child will always be learning. Life is full of opportunities and I will seek to embrace them openly for and with my child."
About the author:
Erik Fisher, PhD, aka Dr. E…
, is a licensed psychologist and author who has been featured on NBC, CBS, FOX and CNN. Visit him at
www.ErikFisher.com
to learn more about his books "The Art of Empowered Parenting" and "The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict or to check out his blog. Permission Granted for use on Dr.Laura.com.
Staff
2010-10-02T04:44:00Z
Ten Ways to Tell If YOU Need a Time-Out
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Ten-Ways-to-Tell-If-YOU-Need-a-Time-Out/8408.html
2010-09-25T07:05:45Z
2010-09-25T07:05:45Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
A time-out is something one takes or is given when one needs a break from their surroundings. A time-out is what we need when we're sad and want to be alone. It's useful when we are feeling hurt and don't know what to say. A time-out is valuable when we're confused and don't know what to do. A time-out is an opportunity to reenergize and get ready to effectively address the situation at hand.
Children need time to calm their minds and relax their bodies when they’re frustrated. So do adults. Adults as well as children can use a break from the world around them when they are angry or frustrated. They need an opportunity to get themselves ready to learn a new skill or face a problem. They need time to get back into a solution-seeking mind-set.
The concept of taking time out as it was originally designed was an attempt to give children time to cool down. Its purpose was to provide a safe space and time for a child to calm herself. Adults need that safe place to calm themselves as well. This can be achieved by taking a walk, riding your bike, or closing the bathroom door. It can be created through gardening, mowing the grass, or hiring a babysitter for an hour.
But how do you know when it is time for a time-out? How can you tell when it would be helpful to enter time-out mode? Check the following guidelines. Here you will find ten ways to tell when taking time out would be helpful.
Are you yelling? Is the volume of your voice escalating rapidly? Have you forgotten that increasing the volume of an ineffective verbal skill only makes it a loud, ineffective verbal skill? When you hear yourself yelling, be assured that it is time for a time-out. Yours.
Are you feeling anxious? Do you have knots in the pit of your stomach? Is anxiety racing through your body? Do you feel your stomach muscles tightening as you prepare to deal with the latest behavior chosen by your child? If so, you could benefit by granting yourself permission to take a time-out.
Do you have a strong need to be in control? Are you regularly bossing your children, ordering them about, and telling them what to do? Are you having trouble letting them do it their way? If so, you are overfunctioning and need a break. Give yourself a time-out.
Have you noticed that you are not mentally present when you are physically present? Have you been thinking about other things when you play with your children? Are you preoccupied with your adult agenda when you are with them? Then it is time for a time-out.
Do you find yourself coming up with new ways to keep your kids occupied, distracted, or entertained? In other words, are you creating or buying things they can do so you can keep them out of your hair? Parental expediency—doing what is easiest for you, what meets your needs—does not always meet the needs of your children. It is a sign that a parental time-out is in order.
Have you been hearing any sarcasm come out of your mouth lately? Sarcasm is not funny. It is not a joke. It is a thinly veiled putdown that mocks your child and prevents them from receiving honest, open, descriptive feedback. It is a sure sign that you could use a timeout.
Have you struck your child recently? Hitting—yes, this includes spanking—is a major indicator that the time is ripe for you to be in time-out. If you are hitting children, you need to get a grip, get yourself under control, get your temper in check, take control of your runaway ego, and move from the animal part of your brain to the frontal lobe, where reasoning, solution-seeking, planning, and listening can occur. Time out is a good place for that to happen.
Are you playing the blame game? Are you good at finding fault in your children without looking inward to see what role you played in creating the current situation? Blaming exhausts your present moments and keeps you from searching for solutions. Take a time-out and use it to reorganize your thinking.
Are you using inappropriate language? You know what words we mean. The ones that you don’t want your children saying, the ones they get in trouble for using at school. Watch your language. When you hear yourself use one of these inappropriate words, take a turn in time-out. Use that time effectively by coming up with appropriate synonyms.
Have you been engaged in the exact behaviors you want to eliminate in your children? Do you threaten them to stop threatening their sister? Do you tease them about their teasing, hit them so they will stop hitting, yell so they will talk more softly, or bite them to show them how it feels to be bitten? Stop. Proceed immediately to time out.
Use time out to calm down, get centered, and relax. When you can see things differently, from a new perspective, you are ready to return. Focus on solution-seeking, listening, and creating mutual understanding. Take a teaching stance first. If consequences are called for, use them with an open heart. Come from a space of love and caring. Leave anger, annoyance, and frustration back in time-out. Let the child be the child. You be the adult.
Chick Moorman
and
Thomas Haller
are the authors of
The Only 3 Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need.
They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free Uncommon Parenting blog. To obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today:
www.uncommon-parenting.com
. Permission Granted for use on Dr.Laura.com.
Staff
2010-09-25T07:05:45Z
Teaching Children How to Make Friends at School - How Social Relationships Contribute to School Success
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Teaching-Children-How-to-Make-Friends-at-School---How-Social-Relationships-Contribute-to-School-Success/8409.html
2010-09-17T06:59:50Z
2010-09-17T06:59:50Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>By Dyan Eybergen, RN
When asked what makes them happy at school, kids most often answer: friends! Children have better attitudes about education and learning when they have friends at school.
It's important for children to adopt healthy attitudes about school and learning. Beliefs regarding education should first be modeled by parents; however, this will take a child only so far in transcending those values into positive experiences. Children will eventually rely on other factors relating to the school environment when deciding whether or not they are enjoying it. Having friends tends to be one of those key factors.
How Parents Can Teach a Child to Make Friends
Children are not born socially competent. The behaviours needed for positive interpersonal interactions are learned through the relationship a child first has with his/her parents. Through interactions with their parents, children practice and fine tune how to behave in socially acceptable ways. Children will navigate their way through future social exchanges, including friendships, based on the skills their relationship with their parents has taught them.
The following skills are important in the acquisition of friendships and should be among the skills parents instil in their children:
Planning and Decision Making
Whenever possible and appropriate, parents should give children choices. When given the opportunity to practice decision making skills, children are exercising their ability to weigh options and choose what is in their best interest. By carefully considering what each choice means for them, children can think about and plan for the consequence of each choice. Making the wrong choice also prepares them for future similar events. Once a child has made a mistake, he/she is less apt to choose that way the next time. Choices help guide children in a direction that is right for them. Having friendships often comes down to making choices about who to be friends with, what game to play, who to invite to a birthday party, etc.
Interpersonal Skills
Empathy is taught by giving children a feelings vocabulary where they learn to articulate their emotions and understand how their actions impact the feelings of other people. Children who have a strong foundation in emotional literacy tolerate frustration better, get into fewer fights, and exhibit less aggressive behaviour than children who do not have the language capacity for expressing themselves. This skill alone makes a big difference on the school playground!
Cultural Competence
When children know about and are comfortable with people of different cultural, racial and ethnic backgrounds, there are fewer incidences of intolerance and prejudice bullying. When children are taught acceptance they do not factor in exclusion criteria for being friends with someone of a different colour or religion. And children who are of a minority are not ostracized, further broadening the opportunity to make friends.
Resistance Skills and Conflict Resolution
Children need to be taught to resist peer pressure and make decisions based on their moral character and value system. Parents cannot preach this to their children, it needs to be practiced in order to be learned. Parents can give their children different hypothetical scenarios where they are asked to refuse peer pressure. By the acquisition of the above mentioned social skills, children will be developing a healthy self-esteem through social confidence where they are better able to walk away, than succumbing to the negative requests of their peers.
If conflict arises in these situations, children need to be able to resolve issues in a peaceful, non-violent way. Conflict-resolution skills can be thought of as competence in advanced interpersonal relations and communication. Conflict resolution is an important tool that will be useful not just during the school years, but for the rest of a child's life.
Making and keeping friends is probably one of the most important aspects to the social-emotional development of a school-age child. When children are socially competent and feel good about the friendships they have at school, the experience of going to school will be far more enjoyable for them.
Dyan Eybergen, BA, RN
. Is a nationally recognized parent educator and a recipient of a Mom's Choice Award for her book
Out of the Mouths of Babes: Parenting from a Child’s Perspective.
She is a frequent guest expert on CTV South Western Ontario's Health and Lifestyle and Edmonton's CTV News at Noon. You can find her on the Web at
www.dyaneybergen.com
. Permission Granted for use on Dr.Laura.com.
Staff
2010-09-17T06:59:50Z
Advice To A Young Engineering Student
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Advice-To-A-Young-Engineering-Student/8410.html
2010-09-11T07:27:00Z
2010-09-11T07:27:00Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>By Cliff Ennico
When I was a boy, one of my favorite times of year was early September. Why? Because it was then I could look forward to returning to school (later, college).
Yeah, I know, I was a weird kid.
But seriously, the fall has always been my favorite season. I was never much of an athlete as a boy. Anything to do with running, jumping, swimming, throwing, pitching, catching, blocking, tackling, or breaking a sweat just wasn't my thing.
That didn't mean I wasn't competitive. Quite the contrary, most of my contemporaries would probably say I was one of the toughest competitors around. Just not on the athletic field. The classroom was my arena. Books, term papers, exams and science projects were my weapons. Before a blackboard I was unbeatable. Each year I looked forward to the fall semester the way a college quarterback looks forward to the Big Game. It was my chance to show that I had the right stuff and was the equal of anyone (although, truth be told, the girls weren't as impressed).
I didn't realize until recently that my nephew shared that same attitude. He enrolled as a freshman this week at a prestigious local college, with a concentration in engineering.
Now, I've given advice to young lawyers and business people before in this column, but engineering's a first for me. I don't know much about how engineers are trained, especially at the undergraduate level, but for the sake of my nephew, here's my best shot.
Prepare for the Future, Not the Past.
I wouldn't waste much time with mechanical engineering courses unless they are required. Nobody's manufacturing anything in America anymore. The future's in high technology - computer science, systems engineering, biogenetics, nano-thingies, and other areas where the United States (at least for now) maintains knowledge leadership. You want to be preparing to contribute to tomorrow's technologies, not yesterday's. You want to work for a company that is "cutting edge", not a company that's "perfecting ways of making sealing wax" (The Rolling Stones, "19th Nervous Breakdown," 1964).
This means you need to know what's happening in the technology world beyond campus. Take out subscriptions to
Wired
and
Technology Review
magazines, as well as some of the many technology oriented blogs on the Web (for a directory of some leading technology blogs, go to
www.topsites.blogflux.com/technology
). You will not understand all of the articles and blog postings at first, but commit to reading three or four a day in your area of interest and sooner or later you will be up to speed, which will help you predict which companies, industries and technology platforms will be looking for qualified engineers when you graduate.
Also subscribe to a world-class business magazine such as
The Economist
. Each weekly issue has "Science and Technology" updates from around the world, and four times a year the magazine publishes a "Technology Review" section with detailed articles on new developments. Devour these articles as you would Holy Writ.
Take Some Business Courses.
A top-rate engineer can someday hope to be head of his company's Research and Development (R&D) department. A top-rate engineer with business skills can be his company's Chief Executive Officer (CEO) or board chairman. Take some accounting courses and learn the language of business. Take some business mathematics courses such as probability, statistics, "finite math" and logic on which many high-tech business models are based. If your college offers classes in entrepreneurship, take them all. Technology is useless unless it can be sold to someone – learn how that happens.
Learn An Asian Language, or Two.
It's only a matter of time before leadership in most technologies passes from the United States to Asia, particularly China and India. Most colleges offer courses in Mandarin Chinese and (sometimes) Arabic. While the various Indian dialects are usually not taught in American colleges, you might be able to arrange a foreign study program (perhaps at one of the 16 prestigious Indian Institutes of Technology) where you can pick up a basic grasp of conversational Hindi or Urdu.
Go Where the Best Engineers Are.
Most colleges encourage you to take one or more terms abroad during your undergraduate years. Take advantage of this opportunity. Find out where the best engineering programs are in your field, and apply for a term abroad there. Look for summer internships with fast-growing technology companies and sign up for them, even if you have to room with 10 other students and work nights at a Burger King to stay alive. Heck, if you're interested in a particular company, shoot an e-mail to their CEO and volunteer to work for free next summer.
Study Psychology.
Most colleges require their engineering students to take some "liberal arts" courses to keep them well rounded. Make sure to include some psychology courses. Nothing is more fascinating than the study of the human mind, how it works, and what motivates people to do the things they do, and buy the things they buy.A second-rate engineer only studies mathematics and physics. A first-rate engineer studies people, and dedicates his mastery of technology to solving their problems, enhancing their enjoyment of life, and satisfying their needs, wants, fears and passions.
Or think of it this way. A first-rate engineer at a large company can command a yearly base salary of $100,000 to $200,000, perhaps a bit more. A first-rate engineer with a "marketing brain" who develops new products and technology solutions that people are actually motivated to buy can become a billionaire.
Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg (the founder of Facebook) all did it. It's your turn now, nephew.
Cliff Ennico
(
crennico@gmail.com
) is a syndicated columnist, author and former host of the PBS television series "Money Hunt." This column is no substitute for legal, tax or financial advice, which can be furnished only by a qualified professional licensed in your state. To find out more about Cliff Ennico and other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit our Web page at
www.creators.com
. COPYRIGHT 2010 CLIFFORD R. ENNICO. DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM
Staff
2010-09-11T07:27:00Z
Five Things Parents Can Do To Help Their Children Succeed: in School--and Life
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Five-Things-Parents-Can-Do-To-Help-Their-Children-Succeed:-in-School--and-Life/8411.html
2010-09-11T07:10:53Z
2010-09-11T07:10:53Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>By Maria Chesley Fisk, Ph.D.
www.ThinkParenting.com
Help your children take healthy, productive steps toward their 21st century adult lives this school year. Here are five things you can do to help your children learn and succeed in their new classes and beyond:
1.
Help your kids connect what they are learning in school to the real world.
You can modify the suggestions below to match your child's age and skill level:
Math. When at the checkout counter, let your child figure out how much cash to pay and how much change should be returned. Ask her to take into account the driving time needed and tell you what time you need to leave for school or an activity.
English/Language arts. Look with your child or point it out when you see spelling and vocabulary words in magazines or on the web. Invite him to relax, snuggle, and read with you. See suggestions for studying spelling words at
www.thinkparenting.com/parenting-resources.html
.
Foreign Language. Spend time eating and shopping in a community where the new language is spoken. Help your child follow blogs and websites that interest her and are written in the language. Rent movies or TV shows in the language, familiar stories may be most comfortable for new learners.
Science and Social Studies. See if there are museum exhibits or other places nearby you can visit to make this year's content come alive. Look on the internet together for websites that connect to the science or social studies content and interest your child. Consider printing pages that he would like to reread.
2.
Have high expectations and provide needed resources, but don't take over.
If your children are intrinsically motivated to learn, they are more likely to apply themselves and take advantage of the resources around them. If they are motivated primarily to please you or to earn rewards for grades, they are less likely to really delve into the content and less likely to remember it for long.
3
.
Remember that much our future adults need to know and be able to do is taught at home.
At home, kids learn and practice crucial, practical life skills. These skills include interpersonal, emotional, and communication skills; the inclination to think deeply and creatively; and the ability to work with a team. Abilities in these areas will surely be more valuable in the 21st century than specific knowledge learned at school.
4
.
Instill in your children this belief: The harder you work, the smarter you get
. It's true at school and true for all your children are learning at home, including social and emotional, practical, creative, and analytical skills. We are constantly changing our brains. We strengthen neural connections around what we learn and practice, and we lose neural connections we do not use.
5.
Teach your children to lead a cognitively healthy lifestyle.
People of all ages need adequate exercise and sleep, a healthy diet, stimulating social connections, and new and challenging activities that use our brains. A healthy, balanced lifestyle will help your children perform better at school, feel better, and establish habits that can last a lifetime.
Best wishes for year that stimulates, inspires, and prepares your children for their 21st century lives!
Dr. Maria Chesley Fisk
is an educational consultant, speaker, and author of
Teach Your Kids to Think: Simple Tools You Can Use Every Day
. She has served as an elementary teacher, teacher trainer, and consultant to school leaders and is the mother of two boisterous boys. For more information on developing your child’s analytical, creative, social & emotional, and practical intelligence, visit Dr. Fisk's website
www.ThinkParenting.com
.
Staff
2010-09-11T07:10:53Z
Getting Children to Sleep and Stay in Bed - Without Fears or Power Struggles
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Getting-Children-to-Sleep-and-Stay-in-Bed---Without-Fears-or-Power-Struggles/8412.html
2010-09-04T02:59:07Z
2010-09-04T02:59:07Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>By Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE
Many parents have children who go to bed, but have problems falling asleep and staying in bed.
There are many different types of bedtime hassles parents may experience. At least two of them occur after the child is in bed. Here are some tips for handling them.
To get the best results, your response must address and resolve the core issue causing the misbehavior. If all you do is try to stop the behavior without resolving this core issue, you won't get good results.
Going to Sleep and Staying in Bed
Problem #1: Children are Scared
Children's fears are real -- to them, so avoid belittling the child or denying the emotion. Instead, acknowledge the child's fear without agreeing that what they are afraid of is real. For example, say "It must be scary to
think
there's a monster under your bed" instead of "You're scared of the monster under the bed."
Brainstorm ways the
child
can overcome the fear. Empower
children
to be their own heroes instead of putting on your cape and rescuing them. Use their imagination to conquer their imaginary fears. Here are a few ideas:
They can make magic spray and use it themselves.
Tell them since it's their room all monsters must get their permission to come in. Have them practice telling the monster to get out in an assertive forceful voice.
Tell them they can control the size of the monster. They can point at the monster. As they move their finger down, the monster will get smaller. They can do this until it is so small they can stamp it out or kick it like a ball.
With children ages three-years-old and older, explain that fears always start with a thought and can be controlled by choosing a different thought. Help them create an imaginary safe place or protector to recall when they are scared. Guide them through this calming visualization the first few times. Then encourage them to do this for themselves when they are scared.
If they fear something that actually happened that was traumatic, explain what steps you've taken to assure it won't happen again. Teach the child EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to de-program the post-traumatic reaction that haunts them. See http://snipurl.com/EFT_emofree.
Problem #2: Children Keep Coming out of Their Room
Prevent this problem by having bedtime routines that give positive parental attention. Then children must stay in their rooms even if they aren't asleep. Use a systematic check-in routine: Check on them every two minutes. If they aren't crying or haven't come out after two minutes, then increase the time and check on them every five minutes. When they handle five minutes, increase to every ten minutes, and so on. Only increase the time when children handle the current length of time.
You can also give children three objects. They must give you one object each time they come out.
The first time, take the object, deal with the issue, and return them to bed.
The second time, do the same with a reminder that they only have one more object, so they need to choose wisely whether they really need to come out of their room.
The third time, do the same with a reminder that they have no more objects, so you will ignore any further requests from them.
If they come out, ignore them; they are invisible. Just go back to their room at the regular check-in time, even if they aren't in the room. They'll follow you! Once in the room, you can notice them, put them back to bed in a matter-of-fact way, and tell them when you'll check on them next.
If the plan doesn't work the first night, tell children that however late they finally go to bed and fall asleep is how much earlier they will start bedtime the next night. For example, if they didn't stop coming out of their room until an hour after their scheduled bedtime, the next night you would start the bedtime routine an hour earlier, repeating the plan consistently.
Chances are, children will test your commitment to your plan, especially the problem #2. Simply lay the groundwork, follow the step-by-step plan and consistently follow through in a loving, matter-of-fact, self-controlled way. It won't be easy, but if you do, it will break children's bad habits (and the parents') and will empower children with the skills they need to manage their own bedtime and sleep patterns.
Get more information about this topic from Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE,
second-generation parent educator, president of Parent's Toolshop® Consulting, and author of 100+ practical parenting resources, including the award-winning book,
The Parent's Toolshop
at:
http://www.parentstoolshop.com/tele/telearchive.htm
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-09-04T02:59:07Z
Ditch the Smothering Love: Let Them Get Dirty
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Ditch-the-Smothering-Love:-Let-Them-Get-Dirty/8413.html
2010-08-28T07:45:16Z
2010-08-28T07:45:16Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>A few Teen Commandments about allowing children the freedom to learn:
"Don't be overprotective."
"Thou shall let us make our own mistakes"
"Let us learn from our own mistakes."
"Thou shalt not worry about EVERYTHING."
When I was little, my mother told me a story about a little boy whose mother fretted about germs and didn't let him get dirty. The boy was always sick, and finally the mother asked her doctor what to do. "Roll the kid around in the dirt," the doctor said. "He has no immunity. Let him go. Let him have fun. Let him get dirty." I've always remembered this story. We don't grow and get strong if we aren't given the chance to explore, fall down, mess up, and get up again.
I'm not going to say, "Don't hover," because there are appropriate times to hover, such as your child learning to ride a bike or teaching your toddler a new behavior like going to the store without making a scene. When they're teenagers, discussing the do's and don'ts of dating, abstinence and even birth control is essential because some issues are just too huge to be left to chance. Certainly there are times you have to watch them like a hawk, but it can be overdone. Not everything is a huge issue, and the hovering can become smothering.
The media has created an environment of fear for parents. As a result, many parents overprotect, and the kids grow up resenting all the restrictions and the lectures. Kids know they need to rub up against the world and get some dirt under their fingernails. We have to give them some credit. Research shows that after age 7, if a kid has been raised with love, discipline, and respect, he or she is a natural humanitarian: She wants to do what is right, he is proud of his good choices.
Yes, mistakes will happen; our kids will experience pain. But we parents have to realize that making mistakes is a kid's birthright. Kids want opportunities to make their own mistakes and learn from them. They want the responsibility and consequences. However, all too often parents hover and rescue. Watching our child face disappointment, obstacles and opposition makes us sad and scared, but that is our problem, not the kid's. And the truth is that the child will internalize a life lesson every single time a conflict occurs.
In the course of writing this article, I asked a friend who is a father of teens what comes to mind when he thinks of "overprotective parents." Immediately he said, "My sister. My parents didn't allow her to date during high school; it was absolutely forbidden. They refused to talk to her about sex until she was 18. So while her friends were dating and having experiences, she felt like an absolute freak."
"What kind of message does that send to the kid?" I asked, thinking the obvious message was a lack of trust.
"It gave her the message that they believed she was weak," he said to my surprise, "and my sister struggles with mental illness as an adult. Please tell your readers that overprotection can seriously affect a child's future life."
Sure, we have to protect our kids from real dangers. At the same time, we must allow them the freedom to grow into strong, responsible people. We must allow them to develop an immune system of values that protects them
from within
.
This can only be done with immediate experience, choosing right and wrong, grappling with the real challenges of real life.
Our children need our trust and our belief in them as good people - especially when they make mistakes. Doing this right takes skill.
Examples of non-verbal praise:
WinkThumbs Up"High 5"Smile
NodPat on Shoulder
Special Handshake
Hug
Examples of verbal praise:
"I'm proud of your effort!"
"You really showed sportsmanship."
"I can see real improvement here."
"I have just the thing to get out those stains!"
So fold up the helicopter, fold out the lawn chair, smile and let them play in the dirt. Forget the fear, ditch the lecture, and let parenting be the true joy it was meant to be.
Mary Simmons
is a teacher, parent, and author. Her father,
Bert Simmons
, is an educational consultant in the area of school discipline. Together, with the insights of Mary's teenaged students, they have put together a powerful, comprehensive guide to instilling and reinforcing positive, respectful behavior in children.
Discipline Me Right
is available through Amazon.com and your local bookstore. For more parenting tips and information about the book, visit
www.disciplinemeright.com
. Permission Granted for use on Dr.Laura.com.
Staff
2010-08-28T07:45:16Z
Getting Your Children Ready for School
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Getting-Your-Children-Ready-for-School/8414.html
2010-08-20T08:14:30Z
2010-08-20T08:14:30Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Back to school is in the air. Parents are currently being bombarded with back-to-school sales in magazines, newspapers, television ads, and store flyers. Whether you shop online or wait in line, advertisers suggest that their store or website has everything you could possibly need to get your child school ready.
Have you made your list yet? Most lists include: a book bag, pens, pencils, glue stick, spiral note pad, compass, calculator, 3-ring binder, gym shoes, and clothes. You may even have a lunch box on your list.
But are these things what your children really need in order to be ready for school? Perhaps getting your child school ready involves more that buying things. Maybe supplies are not what you need to supply for your children to get them off to a good start this school year. It just might be that the best getting-ready-for-school strategies you can employ are not found at the mall or your local department store.
Below are five suggestions for getting your children school ready. Do they need to be on your back-to-school list?
Start the school schedule early.
Break the summer sleep-in/stay-up-late mode. Begin the morning and evening school routine at least two weeks before school actually starts. Don't expect that your child will be able to make the adjustment to getting up for school quickly or easily without a break-in period. Take the full two weeks to work into the routine slowly by adjusting the bedtime and wakeup time a few minutes every day until the desired time is reached. Your goal is to have the schedule set prior to the first day of school.
Create a positive attitude about going back to school.
Talk to your children about being able to see their friends, meet their new teacher, and all the opportunities that being at school provides. Focus on your child's area of interest and emphasize the ways in which school helps make it possible for her to pursue it. When your child speaks negatively, redirect him into the positive.
Visit the school.
Reacquaint your child with the school. During the summer, classrooms change, teachers transfer to new buildings, principals are reassigned, and new playground equipment gets installed. Don't wait for orientation day to get reacquainted. Go to the school and play on the playground, meet the new principal or office personnel, talk to the janitor.
Set goals for the upcoming school year.
Help your children create realistic expectations for themselves about school. Talk about what they want to accomplish this school year, not what you want them to accomplish. Remember, not all of school is about grades. Making new friends, speaking up in class, standing up for oneself, staying organized, and managing behavior are all crucial skills for a successful school year.
Model learning.
Create a time in your home when everyone is involved in learning-related activities such as reading, playing with numbers, telling family stories, journaling, or quiet reflection. Turn off the television and video games and have a set time for the whole family to feed their brain. In fact, model learning year round, even through the summer months. This will set the stage for homework. A study time can be a logical extension of the learning time you have in your home.
Give your kids every opportunity to be ready for school this year. Head to the mall or department store with your list of needed items, and remember to add to your list the suggestions above. By doing so you will give your kids what they really need to begin this school year: structure, energy, enthusiasm, and a positive attitude.
Thomas Haller
and
Chick Moorman
are the authors of
The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose
. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how they can help you or your family, visit their website today:
www.personalpowerpress.com
.
Staff
2010-08-20T08:14:30Z
Mothers and Daughters: Boundaries are a Good Thing
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Mothers-and-Daughters:-Boundaries-are-a-Good-Thing/8415.html
2010-08-15T06:33:46Z
2010-08-15T06:33:46Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>If Robert Frost is right and good fences make good neighbors, are they good for families as well?
The boundaries in the mother/daughter relationship are complicated because our daughters expect to be taken care of and also need to individuate. These boundaries evolve as our daughter grows-up, but they don’t dissipate. Today, many mothers are staying invested long past the time when adult daughters should be making more decisions on their own, often confusing where their life ends and their adult daughter’s life begins.
Christiana, 32 years old said, "It is hard to know where my mom ends and I begin. In fact it takes a lot of effort. I often ask myself, so why am I doing this? Why am I buying the conservative black pants instead of the edgy, fashionable ones? Am I doing it because I want to, or because my mom always said, "High fashion is stupid? Before you know it you’ll be giving that away in a hefty bag."
To be successful, creating boundaries must be an ongoing, conscious and mutual process. Both mothers and adult daughters must be clear about expectations, needs and limitations. We’ve heard many mothers repeat this mantra over and over again, "I need to know the limits, not guess." Clear and honest communication and respect for one another are essential ingredients to successfully navigating the new relationship, as they both move from the daughter’s childhood into her adulthood. This is not a cakewalk.
Setting limits with adult daughters often require mothers first get their own emotional houses in order and take care of themselves before addressing their daughter’s needs. This is for their daughter’s benefit as well as for their own. For example, if you have dinner plans on a Saturday night and your daughter makes a last minute call to ask you to baby-sit, your first reaction may be to say yes to avoid disappointing her.
However, by sacrificing your plans you also may feel a bit intruded upon. If you are resentful, this feeling may emerge when you least expect it; sometimes inappropriately. Your discomfort with setting boundaries will convey to your daughter the message that you are always on call, which is not necessarily the message you want to give and certainly not the basis for an adult relationship. Unlike mothers, friends are not expected to provide a rationale for how they spend their time. Making a statement that says your time matters enables your daughter to find other sources of support so your relationship with her can be more balanced.
With self-awareness, you can distinguish more readily between your own needs and those of your daughter. If you don't take the time to understand where you leave off and your daughter begins, you are much more likely to behave inconsistently. By your demonstrating confidence, your daughter will more easily develop her own boundaries to become self-reliant. Ultimately, we don't and shouldn't have control over the decisions that our adult daughter makes. Mothers, who value their daughter's independence, will have an easier time accepting her choices. It's human for us to want our daughters to act in ways that are familiar to us.
Try to remember healthy boundaries protect feelings and create positive mother-daughter adult relationships.
Permit yourself to say what you really need to feel comfortable.
Communicate directly in a straightforward manner.
Refrain from hovering.
Avoid quid pro quo.
Don't allow grown children to manipulate you, nor should you manipulate them.
Respect each other's feeling and accept differences of opinion.
Avoid words like "should," "must" and "ought."
Linda Gordon
and
Susan Morris Shaffer
are the authors of
Too Close for Comfort: Questioning the Intimacy of Today's New Mother-Daughter Relationship
. While exploring the complexity of the mother-daughter relationship, the book demonstrates mothers and their adult daughters have formed a greater friendship than past generations. .For helpful tips and practical advice on staying connected to your children visit
www.parentingroadmaps.com
. For more information on categories of mothers
click here
for our chart of Mother Archetypes. Permission Granted for use on Dr.Laura.com.
Staff
2010-08-15T06:33:46Z
Is it Puppy Love? What To Say About Your Child's First Crush?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Is-it-Puppy-Love-What-To-Say-About-Your-Childs-First-Crush-/8416.html
2010-08-15T06:20:26Z
2010-08-15T06:20:26Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>There is only one "First Love" in each of our lives. Do you remember yours? Although it may be far in the past, most of us can still feel the excitement of that first crush. We can even feel butterflies in our stomach just thinking about that special puppy love? We usually smile when thinking about it, even though it ended, because it wasn't "real" love. We file it away in our memory banks with the logical level-headedness only boring old adults can attain.
So when our children experience their first crush, we recognize it as puppy love, a passing crush that most likely will end. Some of us might worry about our children getting their hopes up only to be disappointed later. A few of us might actually take steps to say or do something to try to spare our children that disappointment. Rarely, but all too often, parents might say or do something that crushes the child far more than the eventual death of the crush.
So here are the big DON'Ts:
Don't tease children about having a boyfriend/girlfriend - especially in front of relatives and immediate family members. Children feel shameful about having positive loving feelings when they are teased and humiliated for having them. They may close themselves off to love in the future.
Don't overreact and worry about it becoming "serious." It's highly unlikely. Nevertheless...
Don't tell the child you know it will pass. This minimizes the feelings the child has, which are very real and intense.
Don't act like it isn't happening. From the children's perspective this is one of the biggest events that's happened to them so far. They are feeling loved and lovable. If parents don't notice or care about something this big, children may conclude the parents don't care about them.
Don't keep asking about the person every day. This just adds pressure for something to develop from the relationship.
Instead, here are some helpful DOs:
Be positive, nonchalant, and show interest.
Ask the child about the qualities he/she likes about the person. Comment on how those positive traits are good traits for people to have and how people often like people with those traits.
Show you are open to listening to the child and let the child initiate the conversation. If you haven't heard anything after a week or two, show interest by inquiring about how that person is doing. The attitude of the child's response will tell the parent whether the crush is still alive or not.
Often, the relationship will suddenly and almost effortlessly pass on one day. Sometimes for no reason. If, however, your child is hurt or confused about what happened, validate their feelings and try to explain it in general terms. So instead of "Johnny/Jane lost interest in
you
" be general, "Sometimes people can change their minds about what they like for no reason at all! It IS confusing and hard to understand!"
When we respect and honor the specialness of our children's first loves, they are more likely to file it away in their memory banks with the same smile, butterflies and good feelings that only a first love can bring.
Get more information from
Jody Johnston Pawel
, LSW, CFLE, second-generation parent educator, president of Parent's Toolshop® Consulting, parenting expert to the media worldwide, and author of 100+ practical parenting resources, including the award-winning book,
The Parent's Toolshop
at:
parentstoolshop.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-08-15T06:20:26Z
Mean What You Say, and Say What You Mean - Part I
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Mean-What-You-Say,-and-Say-What-You-Mean---Part-I/8417.html
2010-08-15T06:16:44Z
2010-08-15T06:16:44Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>When was the last time that you really thought about the true meaning of what you were saying? If you have ever taken a foreign language, you may have heard from your instructor that English is one of the most difficult languages to learn because of all of the rules and exceptions, in addition to the many situations when there are no rules. Furthermore, depending on where we live in the country or world, two people could say almost the same thing, but mean two different things. I believe that the most critical times that we express ourselves is when we try to communicate our feelings and emotions with others.
There have been many books and lectures provided on how men & women and children & adults communicate differently and misunderstand communication. However, beyond our gender and age differences, there are basic sentences and phrases that we use when discussing feelings and emotions that potentially set up misperceptions that carry through generations of us. In other words, do we really think through the semantics of what we are stating, or do we just speak as we have been spoken to in the past?
Semantically Speaking…
Semantics is the field of language that assesses and addresses the accuracy and true meaning of language. Semantics has to do with understanding the difference between statements or questions such as, "Can I go to the bathroom?", and my 4th grade teacher’s sarcastic correction, "I don’t know if you can go to the bathroom or not, but you may go to the bathroom if you feel the need to go."
There are countless situations in our communication with others in which we use inaccurate language to express ourselves to others. In most languages, people use slang and other colloquialisms to simplify communication and/or create a sense of commonness or unity within a group of people. Teenagers, for example, have coined different phrases from generation to generation such as hip, cool, gnarly, bad, dope, da bomb… that separate them from adults and increase their sense of familiarity and group homogeneity.
When simplifying language, it may be quicker to use some forms of language, but it often detracts from the accuracy of the statement and can lead to confusion for those who may not be skilled in the language usage. Children are especially sensitive to misinterpreting slang usage, because developmentally, their brain understands things very literally. Think of the favorite children's joke, "What is black and white and red (or read) all over?" The answers: "A skunk with diaper rash, or a newspaper." This kind of humor is funny to children because they understand it very literally.
If you have ever talked with a foreigner who was school trained in English, you may have experienced situations where they had difficulties understanding what someone was saying until the person thought about what they were saying and communicated more precisely. Furthermore, foreigners, who were taught English in their schools are often more adept at correctly speaking and writing English than most Americans, because they have not learned much of the slang and "lazy usage" that we pick up in our day to day usage.
But Can You Talk the Talk?
If we really started to pay attention to the meaning of what we are saying, we may start to realize that we use the English language very carelessly. I tend to believe that we try to communicate with each other using as few words as possible. But the words we use still have meanings that subtly affect the way we feel about ourselves and the world around us. As a psychologist and an astute observer of language usage, I have seen that what we think and say is an indication of what we feel internally. But how often do we really think about the words that we are saying and how it reflects our internal attitudes, emotions and beliefs?
So with this verbose and somewhat circumlocuted introduction, you may be wondering, "What is he getting at?" What I would like to address is the verbiage that we use to communicate emotion. To address the issue of communication of emotion, what does it mean when someone says, "I am angry at you." If we begin to dissect this phrase, the words I would like to consider are "am" and "at you". The word "am" is a form of the verb "to be" which means "to exist". To demonstrate what I am addressing, think of how we introduce ourselves to others, "Hello, I am John Doe." In this statement, I will always be John Doe, all day, every day, from birth to death. To the literal mind, when I say, "I am angry", it literally means all of me is always angry. In other words, I have become Anger embodied. We could spend time refuting the exactness of this, but the issue being addressed is literal semantics, not colloquial usage.
The next piece of the phrase is what it means when I say "I am angry at you." What "at you" means is "all of you," not part of you or your actions. To a child, this phrase can feel very intimidating and overpowering. The child tends to interpret the phrase as them being "bad or wrong", not what they did. The thought to consider is that we are powerless to change who we are, but we do have the power to change our behaviors and choices.
What we are probably meaning to say when we communicate emotion is, "I feel anger (frustration, confusion, irritation) with what you did." This phrase takes a few more words to state, but I hope you can appreciate the accuracy of what is being stated. The most accurate way to communicate emotions is with the verb "to feel," not the verb "to be."
Another issue to address is when we state our emotion with the verb "to feel", we can "feel" more than one emotion at a time, but it is difficult to "be" more than one emotion at a time. The second part of the communication, "at what you did," addresses the issue of the action of the individual, not the individual themselves. When we address the action or behavior of the person, it is very clear what they can change.
In educating children and adults on the "semantics of emotion", I often tell children that their parents will always love them, but they may not like what they do. If we address the action, behaviors and choices of the individual ("at what you did"), it points out what they can change. If we address the individual as the object of our anger ("at you"), it is difficult to know what to change.
Another important aspect to consider with the statement, "I am angry (sad, afraid, stupid,…)," is that we are only communicating the most salient or obvious emotion (anger), while almost always feeling other emotions internally. When we say, "I am angry at you," we are also likely feeling frustrated, hurt, disrespected, threatened, fearful, sad, misunderstood, confused, as well as other combinations of emotions.
The reason why we do not take the time to communicate these other emotions is because many times we do not take the time to be aware of what else we are feeling, and we also may fear that stating the other emotions could communicate weakness or vulnerability. When we consider communicating our emotions to our children, it is in the best interest of all to consider what we are teaching them through our own patterns of communication. They are often learning oversimplifications of emotions, as well as how to manipulate others through our own language usage.
(to be continued…)
About the author:
Erik Fisher, PhD, aka Dr. E…
, is a licensed psychologist and author who has been featured on NBC, CBS, FOX and CNN. Visit him at
www.ErikFisher.com
to learn more about his books "The Art of Empowered Parenting" and "The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict or to check out his blog. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-08-15T06:16:44Z
Mean What You Say, and Say What You Mean - Part II
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Mean-What-You-Say,-and-Say-What-You-Mean---Part-II-/8418.html
2010-08-15T06:10:35Z
2010-08-15T06:10:35Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>continued….
Baby Talk
In terms of emotional oversimplification, children rarely learn to look below the surface of the most salient emotions to understand how emotions such as anger, sarcasm, or arrogance may be triggered by other emotions. More simply, they are not taught to do this. Also, because children are learning a "new" language (English) the do not know many of the words. They tend to confuse the meanings of emotions, which often results in additional difficulty with communication of emotions. Relative to manipulation of emotions, children understand, at some level, how they feel when someone says to them, "I am angry at you." They often feel guilty, fearful and shameful and understand through trial and error, in the least, that they are supposed to respond in some way to try to correct the situation.
When children begin to understand their feelings and how other people may manipulate their feelings, they often want to try the things on others that have been done to them. It's like playing with a new toy. When they begin to try to play the "I am angry at you" game with others, they are expecting that the person they showed anger toward will feel guilty and respond to correct the situation. Young children may play this game through showing temper tantrums, "the silent treatment" and even by communicating their feelings directly ("I hate you. You are a mean mommy."). Unknowingly, many parents do respond to these tactics, further increasing the likelihood that children are going to try this with others, not only to find that it doesn’t work but they may receive harsh reactions from some. Do we and our children recognize when we are playing the game? Many times, no.
When parents and others respond harshly to children’s guilt-provoking statements, the child is beginning to learn about their power and often questions why someone else has the right to do that to them when they apparently do not. These types of interactions are formative events in children’s struggles for power and can be the source of much confusion, conflict and resentment throughout their lives.
To provide a sample interaction, Billy is playing with a friend, and his mother tells him that it is time for his nap and his friend will have to go home. He does not want to take a nap and begins to resist. He starts to cry, and as his mother picks him up Billy yells, "I am mad at you. I don’t like you." His mother then tells him, "You have no right to talk to me like that. I am your mother." Just the day before when Billy wouldn’t go to his room when told to, his mother said, "I don’t like you when you don’t listen, I am very angry at you." Between the two incidents, Billy is not able to understand the difference between what he is supposed to say and what his parent is allowed to say because they are the parent (Is there a double standard here?). Billy only wants to get what he wants. He knew that what his mother said to him the day before resulted in him feeling fear, guilt and shame, which affected his behavior, and he was only wanting to do the same toward his mother. The result of the interactions and statements made by the mother is that Billy feels confusion, misunderstood, and unfairly treated.
You're making me so very angry…
An example of another type of inaccurate emotional statement to examine is, "You are making me angry" (sad, confused…). When this statement is made, it is literally telling the other person that we have given them the power to "make" us feel something. The purpose of statements such as this are also often meant to evoke a feeling of guilt, blame, or responsibility in others, or to evoke a feeling of intimidation and warn the other party that if we react to what they said, our reaction is their fault. This statement furthermore allows us to not take responsibility for our reactions and "makes" it easier for us to play a victim role. If we react to them, we feel justified in stating that our reaction to their statement was only to protect ourselves. It is in our best interest to accept our power and understand our emotions so that we can take responsibility for our emotions and actions.
What I try to help others to recognize is that we have the power to choose to feel what we want to feel. Furthermore, we have the power and choice to communicate our emotions more accurately. Other people can say what they wish, and some of what they say may evoke feelings within us, but it is always within our power to feel what we want or choose to feel. It is in our best interest to recognize more accurately what we are feeling so we can choose to react in a manner that is respectful to all. It is integral to own our ability to recognize that no one can take our power away from us, unless we choose to give it away.
It is important to understand that if there are others trying to take our power, it is almost always because they feel vulnerable or threatened in some way. We can choose to manipulate their vulnerability to externally promote our own sense of power, or we can understand what they are feeling and respond in a manner that is respectful to us. Depending on the situation, anger and rage may be our best emotion to react with, but those events are rare. One has to use their power to choose to feel their own emotions wisely, because it is easy to use defenses such as rationalization and denial to avoid feeling our emotions or manipulate the emotions that others may be trying to "make us feel". We also may choose to manipulate their emotions in return when we feel that they have manipulated ours.
Ch Ch Ch Changes
In order to begin changing the manner in which we communicate to others, we first have to be willing to listen to what we are saying. It is very easy to rationalize and say, "It doesn't matter how I say things, others will know what I mean." That statement is often hiding the fear that it is too hard to change, and "What will I feel if I realize that others have felt hurt by the way I communicated feelings?" Our likely internal emotional response is guilt, shame, frustration, sadness, regret, and others, as well as anger toward ourselves.
As you may decide to change your language patterns, it is important to understand that it is like changing a habit. Habits form over time, and it takes time to develop new habits. It is in our best interest to allow ourselves the freedom to make mistakes in order to see where we need to improve our behaviors. As we realize the various inaccuracies in our communication, it allows us to recognize inaccuracies in our belief systems, since what we say is an indication of what we believe. We owe it to ourselves to be aware of our communication and how it affects our own emotions, as well as how it affects the emotions of others, especially those we love.
About the author:
Erik Fisher, PhD
, aka Dr. E…, is a licensed psychologist and author who has been featured on NBC, CBS, FOX and CNN. Visit him at
www.ErikFisher.com
to learn more about his books "The Art of Empowered Parenting" and "The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict or to check out his blog. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-08-15T06:10:35Z
You're the Parent: Take Charge, Clarify Your Role
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Youre-the-Parent:-Take-Charge,-Clarify-Your-Role/8419.html
2010-08-15T05:59:23Z
2010-08-15T05:59:23Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>A few Teen Commandments about being a Role Model:
"Set a good example."
"Thou shall raise me.
"
"Thou shall help me when I need it.
"
"You shall realize you are a role model and should do your best."
Know your role.
With political correctness, the line between adult and child has blurred: everyone is "equal," and no one should be offended. But political correctness doesn’t work in the parent-child relationship. You, as the parent, are the family leader. Your role is leadership and the modeling of values. If your child misbehaves, he or she must be disciplined. The problem is that many parents do not know their role.
Clarify your role.
Children need to be reminded of your role as parent and their role as child because the culture is full of mixed messages. There comes a time when a child or teen literally needs to be asked, "Who is your mother?" - "Who is your father?" The kid has disrespected your authority in some way, and the conversation may sound something like this:
"Who is your mother?"
"Well, you're my mother," the child will say.
"Who's in charge here?"
The child may say, "You're in charge," or they may answer with, "I'm in charge of my own life." Whatever the child says, make sure you make it clear that you are in charge of the family. If necessary, say it again. You may sound like a broken record. That's OK: Repeat yourself, calmly and without hostility: "I'm the parent, I'm in charge, and I'm the leader of this family." Then be ready to back up what you say.
Teaching is like parenting.
As a parent, I know that even good kids need reminding about the role of the parent and the role of the kid. As a teacher, I see a similar dynamic at work. Some kids do not know their role in the classroom. These kids think they are their teachers' social and academic equals. An example is an 18-year-old boy who cries over a B grade and then demands an A. Another example is an 18-year-old girl who runs to her counselor when she receives a B+ - and then badgers the teacher for a better grade. (These are real examples.) These kids have no sense of proportion; they have no boundaries or humility when it comes to the teacher-student relationship. They bully their teachers, and it appears this attitude comes from home. An assertive teacher takes charge by saying, "Let's get our roles straight: I'm the teacher, and you're the student. I've been trained to assess your performance; you have not." And assertive teachers repeat this message when necessary. Assertive parents need to do the same. Do not allow your child to bully you: Clarify your role, calmly and without hostility. Repeat if necessary.
Some parents will play catch-up.
Parents who have established a positive authority with their children will have a much easier time reminding their kids of who is in charge. People with oppositional kids will be playing catch-up, probably in middle school or high school. The kids will push, push, and push because parental authority has not been established. But the good news is that it's never too late.
Kids want us to raise them and be role models.
Even though they don't always act like it, kids want and need the parameters that adults set for them. They need us to be in charge. They need us to be the parent, and teacher. They need us to model values. They need us to be people of integrity.
Remember: What matters is that you do what you say you're going to do and also remember that parenting should be a joy.
Mary Simmons
is a teacher, parent, and author. Her father, Bert Simmons, is an educational consultant in the area of school discipline. Together, with the insights of Mary's teenaged students, they have put together a powerful, comprehensive guide to instilling and reinforcing positive, respectful behavior in children. Discipline Me Right is available through Amazon.com and your local bookstore. For more parenting tips and information about the book, access the website
www.disciplinemeright.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-08-15T05:59:23Z
What are Multiple Intelligences?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/What-are-Multiple-Intelligences/8420.html
2010-08-15T05:54:16Z
2010-08-15T05:54:16Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>There are lots of ways to be smart! We need a range of abilities--analytical, creative, social & emotional, and practical--and the motivation to use them. Yes, we are probably born with tendencies toward particular strengths and thinking styles in these areas, but all of them are affected by what we learn and experience. Parents, this is where you come in! You have the opportunity and responsibility to help your children develop their intelligences so they are well prepared for their adult lives in our increasingly complex world.
There’s no agreed upon definition of intelligence, but we know intuitively that intelligence gets at what it takes to be successful, however it is that each of us judges our success. In the 1980s, researchers in psychology, education, and neuroscience began to think of intelligence in terms of systems or multiple intelligences.
When I became a parent (and realized it’s not as easy as it looks), I created a framework parents can use to keep in mind the basic range of smarts our children need. Drawing on important theories by renowned psychologist Robert Sternberg and others, my framework includes analytical, creative, social & emotional, and practical intelligences. Other researchers have identified more and different intelligences, and we can learn from them too. My purpose is to provide a general framework, easy for parents and other educators to use.
In all of these important areas, you can help your child get smarter:
Analytical Intelligence: Using analytical intelligence can involve evaluating information and arguments and judging their reliability and value. It includes noticing things that just don’t make sense, predicting what might happen next, recognizing when you need to know more, making appropriate inferences, and solving problems.
Creative Intelligence: Creative thinking includes thinking “outside the box” and using your imagination to experiment, create original ideas, and add to other people’s ideas. Creative thinking is flexible thinking--for example, we can think of the number 8 as 15-7 or 4x2 or 24/3.
Social & Emotional Intelligence: Emotional & social intelligence includes the ability and inclination to understand and manage your own feelings, have insight into how others are feeling, and work effectively in groups.
Practical Intelligence: Practical intelligence is important for getting along and feeling successful in particular settings such as school, camp, and summer jobs. We often just pick up practical abilities through personal experience, but we need them to be successful in our work and adult lives.
These four areas of intelligence are interrelated and overlapping. You can be analytical and creative while using your social intelligence, for example. But people do not necessarily develop intelligences in a balanced way. You can surely think of a person who very smart in a traditional way, maybe a straight-A student, who was not able to fit into the social scene or be successful in the world of work. That person has analytical intelligence and underdeveloped social and/or practical intelligence.
We are probably born pre-wired to have particular strengths and weaknesses in these four areas of intelligence. The tendencies we are born with are shaped by our experiences; intelligence is without a doubt an interaction of nature and nurture. Any person can increase their ability in any area, and it is generally easier to learn new things as children when our brains are growing rapidly. That’s one reason the everyday and special experiences we provide our children matter so much. We can, naturally and without overparenting, help them develop their multiple intelligences in a balanced way. By doing so, we are preparing our children for the complexity and change they will experience in their 21st century lives.
Dr. Maria Chesley Fisk
is an educational consultant, speaker, and author of Teach Your Kids to Think: Simple Tools You Can Use Every Day. She is the mother of two boisterous boys and a former elementary teacher, teacher trainer, and consultant to school leaders. For more information on developing your child’s analytical, creative, social & emotional, and practical intelligence, visit Dr. Fisk's website
www.ThinkParenting.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-08-15T05:54:16Z
Conflict Schmonflict: My family gets along just fine'
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Conflict-Schmonflict:-My-family-gets-along-just-fine/8421.html
2010-08-15T05:48:52Z
2010-08-15T05:48:52Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>How often is that we see people in our extended families and our community that believe that their family gets along just fine and doesn't have any problems, only to find that screaming, yelling, name calling, and physical aggressiveness is almost the norm? There almost seems to be a denial that there is a deeper issue, and because of this, the conflict continues and people believe that destructive behaviors are acceptable. Whether it is sibling rivalries, parents behaving badly, physically or verbally abusive behaviors, and/or conflicts between extended family members, these patterns of conflicts often endure from generation to generation. What are the factors that start these conflicts and continue them across time?
The Power Trip
The underlying issue that drives all conflicts is power in the way we are taught to look at power. It's that simple. In our world we are often taught that there are different levels of power that people have, and we are either supposed to find where we fit in or advance our position by undermining, controlling, or manipulating other people's power. This is no different in our families. After all, this is where we are first taught this. We often grow to feel that our parents to manipulate our feelings of power through threats, punishments, and painful words, and it is from these behaviors that we develop a mistrust of our parents and then the world. The unfortunate result is that we believe that we have to be the ones to protect our own power, often at any cost. These challenges to our power are often played out in the conflicts in our families and extend.
In my years of experience in working with families, I find that most families with problematic conflict either have parents that 1. Are manipulative and try to push the buttons of their children with threats, empty promises, or gifts; 2. Are directly controlling and try to force their kids to do things that breed resentment and conflict; 3. Are inconsistent and send mixed messages to their kids without consistent guidance or support letting their kids try to establish dominance among themselves and against their parents; and/or 4. Have unwittingly or purposely pit their kids against each other, regardless of their motivation. In almost all these situations, the parents are either blind to the way they're approaching these issues and/or are unable or unwilling to admit that they do these things even when confronted. When your children feel that you as a parent are looking out more for yourself than them, they stop trusting you. Where there is no trust, there is no sense of safety or security. When people do not feel safe, they live with a feeling of fear and often feel that they need to take matters into their own hands. Therefore, they will either challenge you and/or others for power and control or will surrender their wants and needs to others and let themselves be controlled.
Fear This
The emotion that underlies our drive for power in our world is fear. If we feel that we are in a position of powerlessness, we fear others have more power than us to harm us or control us. If we feel that we are in a position of power, we fear that the people ”below us” either want to take it or we are responsible for them and the risks of failure are increased. Keep in mind that although we may live with his underlying fear, we don't want to show that to others because we are taught to look good and/or strong and/or right that we can win (we hide our feelings or perceptions of feeling bad, wrong and/or weak).
If you look at most family conflicts they often continue because one and/or both people are looking to try to prove that they are better, stronger, more correct in a belief or attitude than the other person. Kids are often competing for love and acceptance from their parents, and parents may indirectly encourage these conflicts while wanting to push their kids to be better. Because parents have to feel they are good, strong, and/or right, they have a hard time admitting when they may have made mistakes. This then teaches their kids to deny that they make mistakes. The outcome is a family full of people that don't accept responsibility for their actions and everyone blames the others.
Solution to Resolution
Whether the conflicts are passive aggressive or outwardly aggressive, they often don't get resolved in families continue from childhood into adulthood. It is going to be the way that a parent handles these conflicts that is going to help resolve them. Here are some tips to help you resolve these conflicts so that you can live in a more peaceful family.
Take a look at your family of origin and see if you can find some similar patterns that are happening in your current family. Often the patterns are played out from generation to generation of people can't or don't want to see them. What did you learn about trust and fear in your family? How did you work out conflicts? How did you express love?
Look very closely at your own behaviors and motivations and ask your spouse to do the same. Be willing to seek help from a professional on these issues. Often parents will ask friends or other family members if they see any problems or patterns, and many do not feel comfortable giving honest feedback and/or may have some similar issues and therefore don't see them.
Look for patterns of conflicts in the relationship with your spouse. Did your kids learn how to fight and argue from the two of you? Is conflict the norm in your family? Do you think that all families fight and argue? Do you think that screaming he yelling and hitting are signs of showing love? Hopefully your answers to these questions are no. This is not the way that families have to be.
Communicate with your kids. Don't turn conflicts into lectures and punishments. There may be consequences after your kids may get into a conflict, but ask them how they may be feeling. Parents are often surprised to find out that their kids feel unloved and/or treated unfairly.
If your kids do share their feelings with you, be careful not to excuse their feelings or explain them away. It can feel frustrating for parents to hear that their kids feel betrayed, cheated, unloved, rejected, or treated differently than siblings. The temptation is to tell them how they are wrong. Listen to how they may be right and look for solutions
Find consistent consequences for your kids and follow through on them.
Encourage your kids to find solutions to their conflicts. Don't always come to the rescue, and be careful to notice if you take of your kid’s side over the others.
Don't use age or gender as an excuse for a child's behaviors or responsibilities. Try to focus on their strengths and weaknesses instead. For example don't say, Your little brother's younger and doesn't know better.", or "She's just a girl and… ". Kids will figure out your attitudes and beliefs and will play on them to their advantage.
See if you can find a creative way to have your kids work towards a common goal. Often when we have something that were working for together, the differences and are conflicts start to fall away.
If you and/or your spouse is having a consistent struggle with one or all of your kids, looking yourself more closely and know that you may need help. It takes more courage to admit to weakness, faults, or failure in our culture than it does to accept that we need to learn.
About the author:
Erik Fisher
, PhD, aka Dr. E…, is a licensed psychologist and author who has been featured on NBC, CBS, FOX and CNN. Visit him at
www.ErikFisher.com
to learn more about his books "The Art of Empowered Parenting" and "The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict or to check out his blog. Permission Granted for use on Dr.Laura.com.
Staff
2010-08-15T05:48:52Z
Fathers and Fear
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Fathers-and-Fear/8422.html
2010-07-17T07:22:53Z
2010-07-17T07:22:53Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Dad, do you ever get scared?
I remember asking my father that question one evening before bedtime. My world was scary even without the constant news of inflation and the threat of nuclear war with the now-dead Soviet Union. I had an upcoming test for which I hadn’t studied and there was a Neanderthal who made my life hell in the school hallway. My gut was twisted and I dreaded bedtime because I knew that it was followed immediately afterwards by the start of a stressful new day.
My own father seemed to be made of an iron core that nothing shook. He took surprise with great steadiness and acknowledged the constant mantra of doom with equanimity. I might see him dance on the bed to Motown - a surreal sight - but I never saw him scared. He might be concerned perhaps, with his face set in a taut mask when something major happened but I never saw him scared. I was surprised when he answered that question with Yes, at times I am. Everybody gets scared, but I think that things will be alright. He talked about fear as something that everybody - everybody - had but he then added that if you stepped back and considered it, the fear was generally overstated. It was one of those conversations that you afterwards look back upon and consider as special.
You had to live in the 1970s to really appreciate what a time that it was. Rising prices and job losses that struck repeatedly. School thermostats turned low enough that I routinely wore my coat to classes and occasionally gloves as well. In the midst of all of this, I asked my father if we would be alright or if we would lose our home should he lose his own job. His response was that we would be fine and come through this, so you take care of school and let me worry about the rest. I went upstairs that evening feeling relieved and reassured that things would indeed be alright.
It wasn’t until my adulthood that I learned and understood more about my father. Of the nightmares that awakened him for decades, a Chinese infantryman charging him with a foot-long bayonet aimed at his stomach, of moving in with his grandmother after his family was evicted from their home after his own father’s heart attack during the Great Depression; of wrapping himself around a Scotch bottle provided by the Army dentist who removed all of his teeth in pre-painkiller days.
It’s especially during times like these that I miss the old man and what he taught me. It's fine to be scared and okay to even admit it to the kids. But it's imperative to master ourselves and reassure the kids because they deserve and need to feel secure. Part of that is because they're our children and we love them, and part is because what we teach them by our behavior , our response to adversity, will be absorbed and passed along to their children.
Shortly after the birth of our eldest child, my wife and I took her to visit my folks at our old house. Dad excused himself from the kitchen and reappeared several minutes later carrying a bundle wrapped in a blanket. He deposited it with a clank on the kitchen counter and unwrapped it to reveal three 100 ounce silver bars that he'd purchased in the 1970s as insurance in case the economy went to hell. It never did and the bars sat in the attic until he figured that there was a good need for his own grandchild. And that was the final part of the lesson: after admitting the fear and reassuring the kids, work to offset the problem as best you can.
Don Harrold
is the creator of
www.practicaldad.com
and a father who resigned from corporate life to manage the household and raise three children. Along with discovering the trials and joys of fatherhood, Don shows Dads how to redefine what it is to be a father who's blending that with roles previously held by the mother. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-07-17T07:22:53Z
10 Tips for Making Your Family Vacation the Best Ever
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/10-Tips-for-Making-Your-Family-Vacation-the-Best-Ever/8423.html
2010-06-19T07:23:19Z
2010-06-19T07:23:19Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Summer is fast approaching and school is coming to an end. Soon it will be time to load the family in the car and head down the road on a vacation you hope will be more than fun for all.
Perhaps you're thinking of vacationing somewhere new this year and taking in the sights of our beautiful country. Or maybe you're planning on spending some much needed R & R around a campfire at your favorite campground. Whether you plan to vacation for a full week or a few long weekends, how you prepare the family can make or break this year's vacation. The 10 tips below can help you make this year's family vacation the best ever.=
#1 ESTABLISH A MUTUAL PLAN - Allow every member in the family to have input on the type of vacation and/or activities they would like to experience. Pick a destination together. Reach consensus on what type of vacation you want to create. Then brainstorm all the possible sites to visit and potential activities. Build a list of things you want to do, making sure that each family member has a top priority on the list. When everyone has a say, you built commitment and lower resistance towards the activities.
If your children are younger, establish the destination with your spouse and present the various options to the children for discussion. As your children become older, increase their input on decisions.
By allowing every family member to have input, ownership is established. Each family member can now look forward to the specific part they desired while allowing other family members to enjoy different aspects of the vacation. Each person can enjoy the part they wanted as well as tolerate the choices of others.
#2 VACATION WITHIN YOUR FINANCIAL MEANS - Plan a vacation that you know you can afford. Stress builds as the money dwindles. Only do what you can afford to do. If you cannot afford to do the vacation the way you would like, plan to do that vacation at a later date and get everyone involved in building the funds to do so. Agree that for now we will vacation within the limits of what the family can afford. This models fiscal responsibility for your children and teaches them to work and save for something desirable.
#3 STICK TO THE CHILDREN'S REGULAR DAILY SCHEDULE/ROUTINE - The younger the child the more important it is to stick to your regular schedule. While on vacation, children under the age of 10 need to go to bed, get up, and eat at the same time they normally do. Young children's bodies are not able to adjust quickly to time changes and schedule adjustments. The more adjustments in their traditional schedule your child is called upon to make the more mood swings and irritability you are likely to encounter. For less stress and a relaxed vacation, keep the changes in schedule to a minimum.
#4 BE FLEXIBLE - No matter what the plan, be willing and able to adjust it. No matter how well you planned before hand, surprises and unexpected events will occur. Flexibility allows you to bring variability and energy to your vacation plan. Stubbornly insisting that the plan be precisely followed when roadblocks occur, can create unwelcome stress and tension. Relax and roll with the punches.
#5 DON'T ATTEMPT TO DO IT ALL - Slow down. The more you and your family members attempt to "fit it all in," the greater the chance that irritability and frustration will occur. Set a steady pace that attempts to accomplish a little bit of the plan at a time. Do not push to accomplish everything on your list. Remember, a vacation is about enjoying and savoring the time away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.
#6 REMEMBER BOREDOM IS A CHOICE - When traveling (especially by car) take a variety of games, toys, books and videos to occupy time. Be creative. The words, "I'm bored," or "This is boring" are a cue to make a different choice and change to another activity. Perhaps it is time to get out of the car and run around. It could be time to stop at a new restaurant. A travel center could provide treasures of trinkets, books, and brochures to rekindle interest.
#7 DON'T ATTEMPT TO DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER AS A FAMILY - It is OK to split up. You don't have to do everything together as a family all the time. Different people have different interests. Allow for opportunities to explore these different interests without those people who are less interested and prone to "grumble and moan" through the activity. Seek opportunities to have one-on-one time with each of your children. The experiences of the individual will add life and energy to the family as they are shared and talked about later.
#8 FOLLOW A HIGH VOLUME DAY WITH A LOW VOLUME DAY - Give yourself and your children the opportunity to recuperate and reenergize. Mix a day of rest and low activity in with the fast paced, high energy days. The entire family will be able to enjoy the high volume day when everyone's energy is strong. Your family will only be as energetic as the least energetic person.
#9 EAT HEALTHY WHENEVER POSSIBLE - So many vacations are riddled with fast food and high sugar drinks. As your vacation progresses the body's ability to manage stress challenges the immune system. Eating healthy and drinking water instead of soft drinks increases the body's ability to adjust and cope with change. No one wants to be sick while on vacation. Eating healthy increases your chances of staying healthy and full of energy.
#10 MAKE A "BE" CHOICE - Discuss and choose how you are going to "BE" at various parts of the vacation. Decide to "BE" playful at times, serious at other times. Talk about the various choices in mood and temperament that are available to everyone during a specific activity. If a trip is planned where waiting in line is likely, some choices are to "BE" observant, friendly, patient, frustrated, curious, or talkative. Help one another make choices that enable the vacation to be enjoyable for the entire family. Support one another in making a helpful "BE" choice and in BEING that choice.
Once your vacation is complete, come together as a family and discuss how it went. View pictures together and reflect on what each person remembers about that moment. Debrief and evaluate what worked and what did not. Consider adjustments that would make the next family vacation smoother and more enjoyable. Begin to plan the next trip, keeping in mind the highs and lows of the trip that just passed. Do so and you will be on your way to making your next family vacation the best vacation ever.
Chick Moorman
and
Thomas Halle
r are the authors of Teaching the Attraction Principle to Children: Practical Strategies for Parents and Teachers to Help Children Manifest a Better World. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, conscious children. They publish a free Uncommon Parenting blog. To obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today:
www.uncommon-parenting.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-06-19T07:23:19Z
Surviving Summer Boredom with your Kids
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Surviving-Summer-Boredom-with-your-Kids/8424.html
2010-06-12T08:12:50Z
2010-06-12T08:12:50Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Sometimes, especially with younger children, cries of boredom are really calls for companionship and attention-their friends may be away on vacation and without the structure of school they may find it difficult to keep occupied during long summer days. Prolonged intervals where the kids have nothing to do can be stressful for parents. When bored, children often become whiny, cranky and demanding.
Here are 5 easy tips to help parents' combat summer boredom and help kids develop the internal resources that are important for developing creative, resource and time management skills:
Put a weekly calendar together so as not to overwhelm yourself with planning entertainment for an entire summer, just take it one week at a time-day trips, arts and craft activities, play-dates, reading time, nature hikes, picnics, bike rides, a trip to the movie theatre etc. This way kids will have something to look forward to during down time. A calendar also helps with getting kids prepared for what comes next.
Ask: "If you could do anything, what would you like to do?" Try and encourage your children to generate their own ideas for activities-they are more apt to have fun when they thought it up on their own! Reinforcing that children use their imaginations will also help them develop a sense of resourcefulness and get them in the habit of making their own choices about how they will spend their time.
Keep an "art box" handy full of supplies: scissors, fabric, felt, glue, paints and brushes, stickers, paper, markers, canvass, needle and thread, beads, yarn, picture magazines etc. Rummaging through a box of art supplies can ignite the imagination and occupy children for long periods of time. They could even begin an entrepreneurial enterprise and sell their wares at the end of the summer.
Inspire them to play with water. Water is very calming and soothing for children and they can while away many hours playing and keeping cool. Get them to wash the car, hose off the deck, or run through a sprinkler. Take them to a community splash pad or pool, make musical instruments by filling different shaped glasses with varying amounts of water; fill a kiddie pool and bathe the dog, even wash the dishes and blow bubbles with the detergent!
For children too young to get a summer job and too old to be entertained by a craft box or a water "slip N slide", invite them to volunteer at the local hospital or animal shelter or start their own business by cutting the neighbour's lawn or washing windows. These types of endeavours help fight summer boredom and also instil qualities like compassion, kindness and a sense of work ethic in children.
Dyan Eybergen, RN 2010 ©
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-06-12T08:12:50Z
When You Live with Parents (or They With You): Putting Ground Rules in Place
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/When-You-Live-with-Parents-or-They-With-You:-Putting-Ground-Rules-in-Place/8425.html
2010-06-09T07:55:35Z
2010-06-09T07:55:35Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Boundaries separating you from family occur automatically when you're independent, formed either by the physical distance or the amount of contact you orchestrate. When you live together again with family, boundaries can blur rapidly.
One of the first orders of business is to install ground rules that reshuffle the boundaries to ensure everyone's freedom and comfort. If you want rules, make them clear, but not in an authoritative way-more in the manner you would tell your husband or wife, "I know you need to know this."
Ground Rule #1: Being Considerate
Being considerate can be contagious. Sometimes if you help one person, the other person figures out that he has to help. If you are sharing cars, for instance, and your parent inconveniences herself so you can have the car one day, you remember her generosity the next time she needs the car. In this way, a whole scheme of cooperating evolves within the family.
Ground Rule # 2: Protecting Your Privacy
You can make your room strictly off-limits for any reason, particularly to maintain privacy. It's hard to believe, but there are parents of twenty- and thirty-somethings who enter their offspring's bedrooms without warning, as if the occupant were still in grade school.
Ground Rule # 3: Sticking to Food Preferences
Establishing boundaries may include what's in the cupboard and put on the table. For those who are dieting or with strong preferences or nutritional needs, you will want to discuss the matter, or decide you can live with someone else's choices.
Ground Rule # 4: Protecting Your Time
For those who would monopolize you, these time-protection options help reaffirm that you are not abandoning the home front, and will allow the other person to adjust his or her level of neediness and dependency to your availability.
Time-Protection Options
Figure out if the desire to be together or compunction to be accessible is a problem-and whose it is.
Refuse to tend to time-eating tasks the other person should be able to execute on his own.
Assess if giving in to family wishes will curtail your freedom significantly.
Go over your schedule to demonstrate how restricted your time is.
Although you don't have a lot of free time for your parent or adult child, explain that you love him or her, regardless.
Determine the time you want to devote to family so that it doesn't disrupt your life and giving it doesn't pressure you.
Whether you're the adult child, parent, grandparent, or sibling in all this, you are likely to be happier when you keep your boundaries sharply delineated and secure. And, when people in your family overstep these boundaries, be sure to let them know.
Susan Newman, Ph.D.
, social psychologist, blogs for Psychology Today Magazine and is the author of several books including the recently published
Under One Roof Again: All Grown Up and (Re)learning to Live Together Happily
(Lyons Press), For more information visit
www.susannewmanphd.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-06-09T07:55:35Z
Ten Twitter Tips For Work-at-Home Moms
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Ten-Twitter-Tips-For-Work-at-Home-Moms/8426.html
2010-06-02T07:00:13Z
2010-06-02T07:00:13Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Social Media is quickly growing into one of the most-used marketing tools for work-at-home moms. One of the largest social media websites, Twitter.com, can be an effective way to spread the word about your business and learn from other top representatives in your business niche. However, it can take a lot of time to determine the best ways to use Twitter effectively for business. Below are ten tips to help shorten that learning curve.
1. Choose a Meaningful User name
If possible, grab your business name as well as your own name for use on Twitter. Having an easy-to-find and easy-to-remember username is essential.
2. Brand your Twitter page
Don't leave your Twitter page boring and plain - spice it up. Make sure you add your logo, contact information and any other information that will be helpful for customers and visitors to your page. You can use a website such as TwitBacks.com to create a free or very low-cost background to bring life to your page.
3. Learn the Lingo
Twitter can be very useful, but it can also be very frustrating ... especially if you have no idea what all those little symbols mean that fly across the screen. Take the time to research the meanings of the tags most often used on Twitter. One great place to do so is right on Twitter itself:
http://help.twitter.com/portal
4. Follow industry leaders
Veteran entrepreneur Diana Ennen shares this tip: "I love to follow industry experts on Twitter and gain all their business insight. It's almost like being right there in their office and getting in on their trade secrets. Not only do they post tips and how to information, but often share their business successes and mistakes and that allows me to learn from them. It's so worth it!"
5. Interact
Don't be shy! Take a few minutes each day to comments on what others are discussing or to throw out a question or idea. You never know when a topic is going to spark a response and help you build relationships with customers and your fellow Twitter users.
6. Don't make it all business news - be YOU
It's great to share about the things going on in your business and you certainly will want to share specials, discounts and other items of interest to your customers. However, as a small business owner you have the unique ability to put a personal face on your business. Let your customers and readers get to know a little about you as well as your business.
7. Run Contests
Twitter is a great fast-paced way to a run a contest. By having a great prize you can create a viral network of "tweets" about your company and the giveaway you're holding. Sit down beforehand and plan out some great 140 character tweets that you can use throughout the giveaway time - whether that be minutes, hours or even days.
8. Share
Make your Twitter feed a worthwhile read for your customers. Share tips that apply to your target market, links to articles and other informational tidbits. Create a #hashtag for your business or topic (see #3 above) so that you can track re-tweets and mentions of your posts.
9. Be Thankful
A great way to make friends and build contacts is to thank others who re-tweet (RT) your posts. Send a shout-out saying thanks or feature them at special times like FriendFriday (#FF). They'll know that you're grateful and you'll build a community that supports you - and each other.
10. Promote Others
Contrary to popular belief it IS in your best interest to work together with other entrepreneurs and to help spread the word about great things that they may be doing. Not only will people be drawn to your Twitter feed for great information, but they will see that you're willing to share about more than your own interests. Another great benefit is that those you help promote will one day be there to help promote you as well.
Twitter is a great marketing tool for work-at-home moms. It can help drive traffic to your website as well as aid you in building relationships with your target market. Use the tips above to help guide you in how to best use social media to benefit your business and your customers.
Jill Hart's
entrepreneurial career began in her teens when she spent a summer working with her father who ran his own business. When he put her in charge of a Coke machine and allowed her to keep the profits, she saw the benefits of being her own boss. She is the founder of the popular Christian work-at-home website
CWAHM.com
and mentors business owners at
Successful Christian Women
. Jill is also the co-author of So You Want To Be a Work-at-Home Mom (Beacon Hill Press, 2009). Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-06-02T07:00:13Z
Can a Mother Be Her Daughter's Best Friend?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Can-a-Mother-Be-Her-Daughters-Best-Friend/8427.html
2010-05-27T07:57:37Z
2010-05-27T07:57:37Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Can a Mother Be Her Daughter's Best Friend?
By Linda Perlman Gordon and Susan Morris Shaffer
www.parentingroadmaps.com
There is an old Chinese proverb that states "One Generation plants the trees; another gets the shade," and this is how it should be with mothers and daughters. The intimate nature of the relationship between a mother and daughter is sometimes confusing. If close, the relationship can simulate friendship through the familiar characteristics of empathy, listening, loyalty, and caring.
However, the mother/daughter relationship has unique characteristics that distinguish it from a best friendship. These characteristics include a mother’s role as primary emotional caretaker, a lack of reciprocity, and a hierarchy of responsibility. This hierarchy, combined with unconditional love, precludes mothers and daughters from being best friends.
Because the essential ingredient for friendship is equality and there is always an imbalance when one person in the twosome is the parent of the other, mothers and daughters naturally can’t be best friends. Marina, 27 years old says, "I love spending time with my mom, but I wouldn’t consider her my best friend. She’s MY MOM.
Best friends don’t pay for the dress you covet in a trendy clothing store that you wouldn’t pay for yourself. Best friends don’t pay for your wedding. Best friends don’t remind you how they carried you in their body and gave you life, and sometime gas! Best friends don’t tell you how wise they are and trump your opinion because they have been alive at least 20 years longer than you. I love my mom, and I want her to remain a mom."
This doesn’t mean that the mother/daughter relationship can't be very close and satisfying. While some adult relationships are still troubled, many find them to be extremely rewarding. So many moms spoke to us about how happy they are to be finished with the "eye rolling" and look from their adolescent daughters, a look that says, "You must come from a different evolutionary chain than me."
Daughters also adopted the famous Mark Twain quote about aging, with some slight alterations, and their feelings about their mothers. Mark Twain said, "When I was a boy (girl) of 14, my father (mother) was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man (woman) around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man (woman) had learned in seven years."
This generation of mothers and adult daughters has a lot in common which increases the likelihood of shared companionship. Mothers and daughters have always shared the common experience of being homemakers, responsible for maintaining and passing on family values, traditions, and rituals. Today contemporary mothers and daughters also share the experience of the workforce, technology and lack of a generation gap, which may bring them even closer together.
Best friends may or may not continue to be best friends, but for better or worse, the mother and daughter relationship is permanent, even if for some unfortunate reason they aren't' speaking. The mother and child relationship is, therefore, more intimate and more intense than any other. As long as that hierarchy exists, it's not an equal relationship.
Daughters should not feel responsible for their mother's emotional well-being. Not that they don't care deeply about their mothers, it's just that they shouldn't be burdened with their mother's well being. As one mother said to her daughter, "I would gladly dive under a bus for you and there is no way that I'm diving under a bus for my friends." Her daughter responded, "And I'd gladly let you dive under the bus to save me!"
The mother/daughter relationship is so much more comprehensive than a best friendship. It's a relationship that is not replaceable by any other. This unique bond doesn't mean that when daughters mature they can't assume more responsibilities and give back to their mothers, but it's never equal and it's not supposed to be. Mothers never stop being mothers, which includes frequently wanting to protect their daughters and often feeling responsible for their happiness. Mother always "trumps" friend.
Linda Perlman Gordon
and
Susan Morris Shaffer
are the authors of
Too Close for Comfort: Questioning the Intimacy of Today's New Mother-Daughter Relationship
. While exploring the complexity of the mother-daughter relationship, the book demonstrates that mothers and their adult daughters have formed a greater friendship than past generations. .For helpful tips and practical advice on staying connected to your children visit
www.parentingroadmaps.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-27T07:57:37Z
Your Body is Not Disneyland - Part II
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Your-Body-is-Not-Disneyland---Part-II/8428.html
2010-05-27T07:55:08Z
2010-05-27T07:55:08Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Your Body is Not Disneyland - Part II
By Erik Fisher, PhD, AKA Dr. E…
www.ErikFisher.com
Welcome back. In my first installment, I discussed the nature of our relaxed attitudes toward sex. I feel that we are in a precarious position, and our children are in danger of suffering from our lack of self-respect. So let's pick it up from here. What I always tell people is that even though we may have roots that connect us to the animal world, we also have a brain that functions at a higher level. The gift of our frontal lobe is that we can use our ability to reason to help manage our unavoidable more primal and animalistic tendencies. The goal of this article series is not to become moralistic and judgmental, it is to challenge people to consider their intentions, values, emotions, attitudes, and choices. I hope you will evaluate yours.
How Do I Love Thee???
Let's first look at our concept of love. We have one word that describes so many different emotional states, and this lack of attention to detail to this very important concept is a major problem in our culture, IMHO. There is a popular urban legend that says that Eskimos have more than one-hundred words for snow, and while the figure has been grossly exaggerated, the idea is that concepts that are important to a culture will have much more specificity than those that aren't as important.
So, just how do we "love" things, let me count the ways… You can love your mom, your dad, your kids, your sister, your brother, your friend, your uncle, your aunt, your cousin, your teacher, your boss, your student, your country, your team, your school… You can also love a sunny day, an ice cream cone, the beach, skiing, baseball, football, as well as your pets. Some even say that they love sex.
The question is, even with this short list of things we may say that we love, do we love them the same way? I think not. Yet we use the same word to describe so many states of emotion. Do we have some words that describe different states of love? Yes, but our use of the word love is somewhat careless and leads to a lot of confusion that I firmly believe affects our relationships and attitudes toward intimacy and sex.
It has been said that Sanskrit had 96 words for love and ancient Persian had 80. Greek has three: Agape, Philos, and Eros. I will explain those, because it takes a takes a lot less time to convey the point. Agape is considered to be a more spiritual love. It is described in the Bible as to how God loves man, and I would describe it as our admiration and connection to people on their journey in life. Philos or philia is a brotherly type of love and overlaps into how parents love their children, how siblings love each other, friends love each other, and even how some people may love their pets. As you can see only three words is already getting a bit sticky. The third type of love is eros, which describes a romantic type of love. It involves the attraction between two people that is sexual and ranges from physical attraction to blind infatuation.
Well, what happens when we only have one word to describe so many states? It leads to emotional confusion and a great deal of discomfort. Let's say that a girl loves a boy in a philos way, but the boy feels eros? They both love each other, but the boy is feel that he wants to take the relationship to the next level, while the girl is enjoying the closeness with the boy. She may then feel pressured by him to take the relationship where he wants to go or fear losing him and the love she feels from him. They both "love" each other don't they? But does it mean the same thing, and are either of them ready for sex?
Age Is A Relative Term
What I try to teach people, as young as twelve years old through adulthood, is that in order for any intimate long-term relationship to survive, both people have to feel all three components as the relationship develops and grows. Too many times, people in our culture believe that feeling that eros attraction, which is often as strong as a mind-altering high, is enough to take a relationship to the next level. Eros will always wear off, because that is, in part, a neurophysiological experience (I will explain more about that later). The problem is that when the eros wears off, what are the two people left with? Too many times they are left with nothing, and the relationship dies. What happens when either person wakes up and one finds themselves pregnant or they find themselves married?
Developing a deep friendship (philos) and admiring the person (agape) that you are in a relationship are crucial to a successful relationship. It is easy to open ourselves up to our more primal urges and let emotion take over only to find ourselves in the walk of shame the next morning, but I feel that we were born with the ability to reason beyond our more primal self and learn to respect ourselves and those we relate to. We owe that to ourselves.
In my next installment, we will discuss "The Ultimate High…"
About the author:
Erik Fisher
, PhD, aka Dr. E…, is a licensed psychologist and author who has been featured on NBC, CBS, FOX and CNN. Visit him at
www.ErikFisher.com
to learn more about his books "The Art of Empowered Parenting" and "The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict" or to check out his blog. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-27T07:55:08Z
It IS My Kid's Fault!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/It-IS-My-Kids-Fault!/8429.html
2010-05-27T07:48:42Z
2010-05-27T07:48:42Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>It IS My Kid's Fault!
By Mary Simmons, M.A.
Author of Discipline Me Right, with Bert Simmons, M. Ed.
www.disciplinemeright.com
A few Teen Commandments from Discipline Me Right: "Discipline your child and show responsibility." "Thou shall give us consequences for our negligent or irresponsible behavior." "Hold me responsible for my actions."
We live in an enabling age.
That is not a good thing. Many parents make it easy for kids to side-step their responsibilities, but, surprisingly, that is not what kids want. It feels good to take responsibility for one’s actions, good or bad. Something inherent in human nature wants what is good and right. As I note in my book,
kids want to be good
, which means taking responsibility for their failures and negative actions.
A mother allows her teenaged son to turn off his snooze alarm several times until he has only 15 minutes until the first bell at school. She finally cajoles him into a quick shower, and as she is driving him to school she phones the attendance office to say it is her fault her son will be late, and he will need a pass when he arrives. He walks into 1st period with no consequences and believes it is all right to inconvenience his mother and the school staff, and to disrupt 1st period, all because he wants to sleep in.
Enabling parenting: What does it look like?
Enabling parents make excuses for their children's academic failure and bad behavior. They accept marginal and failing grades without penalty. They ignore sloppy work, tardiness, and cheating. Sometimes they condone or encourage cheating. (Some even do their children's homework for them!) Enabling parents say their child failed, or cheated, or punched another kid in the hallway because he was having "family problems." They take the blame for their kid. The result is kids who can't see past their personal circumstances, blame others for their problems, and avoid challenges because they aren't familiar with the satisfaction of succeeding on their merits. Parents are enablers for a few reasons.
They feel guilty.
Stop feeling guilty.
Parents feel guilty for being hostile and angry, for divorce, for drinking too much -- any number of things. Parents often try to make up for something painful that happened earlier in their child's life. You cannot make your child's life perfect. You have to forgive yourself for not being perfect.
Your child is here on earth to learn; don't hinder that process
. Clean up your act, tell the truth, hold your child accountable, and encourage him or her to do better. Show your child you believe he or she can accomplish something.
They don't respect themselves.
Respect yourself and don't allow disrespect
. Enabling parents show appalling signs of disrespect toward themselves. They allow themselves to be manipulated by their children and political correctness ("everybody's equal and never at fault"), and they allow themselves to be deluded about what is true and false when it comes to their children's deeds. As a parent you must respect yourself. That means you
do not allow any disrespect toward yourself
. It does not mean that you are arrogant, conceited, or concerned about always being right with your child. It does means that you know you are basically a good person and deserve to be treated well.
They're afraid.
Stop being afraid
. Your child isn't going to stop loving you. Loving you is hard-wired into their system. In fact, they will love and respect you more if you are a person of integrity and hold them accountable for their actions. That means dishing out consequences for destructive and disrespectful behavior. It means taking away privileges if their grades are low. If you're afraid of conflict, then you'll need to think ahead and formulate a plan, anticipate the conflict and know what you'll do if the argument escalates.
Not being afraid means taking charge and doing what you said you will do if your child misbehaves
.
Assertive, in-charge, self-respecting parents live by these words:
I cannot allow you to do anything that is not in your best interest - or mine.
Mary Simmons
is a teacher, parent, and author. Her father,
Bert Simmons
, is an educational consultant in the area of school discipline. Together, with the insights of Mary's teenaged students, they have put together a powerful, comprehensive guide to instilling and reinforcing positive, respectful behavior in children.
Discipline Me Right
is available through Amazon.com and your local bookstore. For more parenting tips and information about the book, visit
www.disciplinemeright.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-27T07:48:42Z
PracticalDad: Praising versus Overpraising
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/PracticalDad:-Praising-versus-Overpraising
-
- /8430.html
2010-05-07T09:10:06Z
2010-05-07T09:10:06Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:10:06Z
Halting Homework Hassles
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Halting-Homework-Hassles
-
- /8431.html
2010-05-07T09:10:06Z
2010-05-07T09:10:06Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:10:06Z
Eliminating Empathy Deficit Disorder?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Eliminating-Empathy-Deficit-Disorder
-
- /8432.html
2010-05-07T09:10:06Z
2010-05-07T09:10:06Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:10:06Z
How Should I Punish My Kid?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-Should-I-Punish-My-Kid
-
- /8433.html
2010-05-07T09:10:05Z
2010-05-07T09:10:05Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:10:05Z
Your Body is Not Disneyland
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Your-Body-is-Not-Disneyland
-
- /8434.html
2010-05-07T09:10:05Z
2010-05-07T09:10:05Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:10:05Z
Dealing with Adult Bullies
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Dealing-with-Adult-Bullies
-
- /8435.html
2010-05-07T09:10:04Z
2010-05-07T09:10:04Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:10:04Z
Do I have to be Available to My Daughter Every Minute?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Do-I-have-to-be-Available-to-My-Daughter-Every-Minute
-
- /8436.html
2010-05-07T09:10:04Z
2010-05-07T09:10:04Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:10:04Z
Will Our Love Last?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Will-Our-Love-Last
-
- /8437.html
2010-05-07T09:10:03Z
2010-05-07T09:10:03Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:10:03Z
Ten Ways to Tell If Your Ego Is Hurting Your Parenting
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Ten-Ways-to-Tell-If-Your-Ego-Is-Hurting-Your-Parenting
-
- /8438.html
2010-05-07T09:10:03Z
2010-05-07T09:10:03Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:10:03Z
The Best Insurance for Raising Safe and Happy Kids
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Best-Insurance-for-Raising-Safe-and-Happy-Kids
-
- /8439.html
2010-05-07T09:10:01Z
2010-05-07T09:10:01Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:10:01Z
Get Back to Family Dinner
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Get-Back-to-Family-Dinner
-
- /8440.html
2010-05-07T09:10:01Z
2010-05-07T09:10:01Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Get Back to FamilyDinner
By Dr. Lynne Kenney
www.lynnekenney.com
Families today are busy. Withafter school sports and other activities driving our lives, a sit downdinner often falls off the "to-do list." But a family dinner is morethan just eating vegetables: research shows that sitting down to dinneris an important protective factor in maintaining the health andwell-being of your children.
Dinnertime is the perfect opportunity to relax, connect and talk aboutyour day. It's a non-threatening environment that can really help yourkids open up to you and tell you what's going on in their lives. It'syour chance to get to know one another, learn about your likes anddislikes and create memories. Make it relaxed, have fun and enjoy.
Not sure where to start, here are two steps to getting back to familydinner:
1. Establish a set dinnertime:By making it part of your routine, it becomes a comforting norm. Dinneris anticipated and expected. You don't really have to be at the dinnertable in your home. Make dinner wherever you are. Family dinner cantake place anywhere, by the soccer field, in the driveway or whilewaiting for your daughter to get out of gymnastics. The key is to bepresent with your children, engage with them, take the time to get toknow who they are as they change and grow.
2. Engage your children in activitiesthat extend beyond the dinner hour: Help your kids do theirhomework after dinner.nbsp; Play card games, make-up math fact fun, orpaint, draw and write songs. Any activity that brings you togethermakes mealtime meaningful. Take your time, talk, laugh and talk forminutes or hours.
On the nights when you eat at the table, you can even establish aspecific theme for each night of the week:
Monday Night is Discovery Night
Bring the "Discovery Box" to the dinner table. Place unique, familiaror fascinating objects in a box and allow each child to pull an objectand talk about it. After dinner go on-line or take a trip to your locallibrary to learn more about topics related to the things in yourdiscovery box.
Tuesday Night is Reading Night
Prepare early readers by bringing everyday objects to the table thathave words or print on them, such as cereal boxes and other items inyour cupboard. Play reading and guessing games using the printedmaterials. Play games with the words, making silly sentences, tonguetwisters and fun stories.
Wednesday Night "You are a STAR"
Play find your "Star Word." Assign one word to each child. That is theword that makes them A STAR at this meal. Frequently occurring wordssuch as "The, and, it, him, her, she, he" are good beginning words.Then have each child bring a book to the table, choose a page, and namehow many times their STAR word appears. That number becomes the child's"Magic Number" for the night and every time he encounters that numberfor the rest of the evening he gets to make a wish or discuss hiscurrent life dreams and aspirations.
Thursday Night is Show and Tell
Play show and tell at your family table. Have your children bring anobject, a piece of art, a song or something to share. Shine the"spot-light" on one child at a time and allow only him or her to share.
Friday Night is Family History Night
Bring family photos, heirlooms or pieces of family history to the tableand talk about your family ancestry and historical family members' lifeexperiences.
Saturday Night is Game Night
Play board games, cards, chess or checkers at the table after dinner toenhance your family experience.
Sunday Night You're on Broadway!
Put on a show, dance, sing, do a skit. Laugh and "lift each other up"with genuine compliments, enthusiasm and joy.
Dinnertime is your time to connect so whether stationary or on the run,you enhance family relationships and help your children develop trustwhen you extend your family dinner with family fun!
Dr. Kenney is an avid writer,blogger and media producer. She co-produced six videos with BabyFirstTV, and appears as a resident expert on Sonoran Living ABC 15. Lynnehosts The Family Coach Solution Studio on BlogTalk Radio. Her BetterLiving Content has appeared on ABC, the Montel Williams Show, andvarious child/family websites (including Ladies Home Journal and BetterHomes and Gardens). Dr. Kenney is a consultant to The InternationalNanny Association and The National Head Start Association, for whom shewas National Ambassador, 2007. Find more at
www.lynnekenney.com
. Permissiongranted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:10:01Z
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Unattainable Perfection for Both Mothers and Daughters
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Mirror,-Mirror-on-the-Wall:-Unattainable-Perfection-for-Both-Mothers-and-Daughters
-
- /8441.html
2010-05-07T09:10:00Z
2010-05-07T09:10:00Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:10:00Z
Love is Like MoneyAre You Investing?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Love-is-Like-MoneyAre-You-Investing
-
- /8442.html
2010-05-07T09:10:00Z
2010-05-07T09:10:00Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:10:00Z
The Trouble With Kids Today
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Trouble-With-Kids-Today
-
- /8443.html
2010-05-07T09:09:58Z
2010-05-07T09:09:58Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:58Z
Five Things You Need To Know When Your Parents Retire
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Five-Things-You-Need-To-Know-When-Your-Parents-Retire
-
- /8444.html
2010-05-07T09:09:58Z
2010-05-07T09:09:58Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:58Z
If It's Broke, Don't Fix It
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/If-Its-Broke,-Dont-Fix-It
-
- /8445.html
2010-05-07T09:09:58Z
2010-05-07T09:09:58Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>If It's Broke, Don'tFix It
By Erik Fisher, PhD,AKA Dr. E#133;
www.ErikFisher.com
Some of you may be thinking, "Dr.E#133;, you#146;ve got that all wrong. It#146;s supposed to be 'If it ain't broke,don't fix it'." Well let me tell you all, we've got trouble#133; right herein River City#133;with a capital T that rhymes with P#133; (sorry, I digress).But seriously, we do have problems that we need to face in our culture,and consistently we don't face them. We close our eyes, turn our deafear, blame others, play the victim and look to be rescued, and oftenpick sides on issues that directly affect us all that does nothing tosolve the problem. Furthermore, even when we choose to address anissue, we often take the shortcut and expect the best.
So what I want to talk about has to do with integrity and commitment,and if we look around we will see a lack of both in the world aroundus. The best way to understand what integrity truly is, is to look atbuilding structures. When a building is built with integrity,
every part of that building is in line with the other parts from thefoundation on up to the spire on top the building. Integrity alsoextends to the ground that the building is built on. Furthermore,integrity does not only apply to how that structure is built from thetop down, but is it strong from side to side. The reason for structuralintegrity is so that the structure can withstand what life throws at it.
We have all recently been tragically educated on what happens whenbuildings are not built in integrity from what we have seen ontelevision from Haiti. The buildings were fine for what may happen ineveryday experiences and even some hurricanes, but what happened whentheir foundation was shaken? They crumbled like a tower of children'sblock with much greater consequences.
Commitment has to do with how we follow through on decisions, goals,plans and/or intentions when we decide to take them on. Similar tobuilding a structure, if one doesn't see their intention and commitmentto a task through to the end of the construction process, thatstructure will lack integrity. Too many times people may have had thebest intention to build a structure that would withstand the tests oftime, and somewhere along the way, for whatever reason, they lost theircommitment, and we have seen the consequences throughout history.
"So why all this talk about buildings and structures Dr. E#133;? I don'tbuild houses." Well, if you haven't figured it out, we are like ahouse, and we have to recognize that we have to look at ourselves fromour foundation to our top floor and even the ground on which we werebuilt.
In our culture, our families are challenged, more than half themarriages in the U.S. end in divorce, our education system is showingsigns of age and wear, our financial system almost crumbled, ourathletes are doing anything to win, and our political system is rifewith conflict, betrayal and mistrust. We don't have to look far to seethe problems, but what are we doing to fix them and/or rebuild what isbroken beyond repair? To repair our culture, we first have to startwith our "house".
In life, it doesn't serve us to just live and plan for the tomorrowthat brings sunshine or showers. It is easy to show people what we wantthem or ourselves to see. What are we doing to live our lives throughthe earthquakes in life, when everything we hid underground is heavedup to the surface? Have we put the time, energy and commitment intolooking at our own foundation in our personal, parental, marital,spiritual, political life???nbsp; Regardless of how we got here, wehave to be willing to fix these problems, all the way down to ourfoundation. That will be through finding the integrity and commitmentto live our lives to the fullest. So what can you do to do this?
Ask yourself, "Are mybeliefs, attitudes, emotions, intentions and behaviors in line?"
What can you do to get themaligned? Do you need to set goals? Communicate better? Evaluate mycommitments?
Evaluate your personal,parental, spiritual, community, and even political integrity. Are theyin line or do they need to be rebuilt?
Get active in the changeprocess, but know it will take time. There may be shortcuts, but theyoften don't work.
Consider all of the peoplethat are impacted by your integrity and commitment, but also make sureyou make changes in your life for you.
I would ask each of you to lookaround your "house" and see what may be broken and in need of repair.What do you stand to lose if you don't fix it?
About the author: Erik Fisher, PhD,aka Dr. E#133;, is a licensed psychologist andnbsp;author who hasbeen featured on NBC, CBS, FOX and CNN. Visit him at
www.ErikFisher.com
to learn more about his books "The Artof Empowered Parenting" and "The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict orto check out his blog. Permissiongranted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:58Z
Getting Your Kids to Write Thank You Notes
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Getting-Your-Kids-to-Write-Thank-You-Notes
-
- /8448.html
2010-05-07T09:09:57Z
2010-05-07T09:09:57Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:57Z
A Perfect Mother is Not an Ideal Mother At All
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/A-Perfect-Mother-is-Not-an-Ideal-Mother-At-All
-
- /8446.html
2010-05-07T09:09:57Z
2010-05-07T09:09:57Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:57Z
I Told You So
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/I-Told-You-So
-
- /8447.html
2010-05-07T09:09:57Z
2010-05-07T09:09:57Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:57Z
Practical Dad and The College Process: Stepping In or Stepping Back?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Practical-Dad-and-The-College-Process:-Stepping-In-or-Stepping-Back
-
- /8449.html
2010-05-07T09:09:56Z
2010-05-07T09:09:56Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:56Z
Medicine and Kids: The Do's and Don'ts
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Medicine-and-Kids:-The-Dos-and-Donts
-
- /8450.html
2010-05-07T09:09:56Z
2010-05-07T09:09:56Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:56Z
When Mothering Becomes Smothering
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/When-Mothering-Becomes-Smothering
-
- /8451.html
2010-05-07T09:09:56Z
2010-05-07T09:09:56Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:56Z
Of Course I'm Listening!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Of-Course-Im-Listening!
-
- /8452.html
2010-05-07T09:09:56Z
2010-05-07T09:09:56Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:56Z
The Grinch Effect: Identity Theft at Holiday Parties
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Grinch-Effect:-Identity-Theft-at-Holiday-Parties
-
- /8453.html
2010-05-07T09:09:55Z
2010-05-07T09:09:55Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:55Z
Parenting on the Fly: The Joys of Holiday Air Travel
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Parenting-on-the-Fly:-The-Joys-of-Holiday-Air-Travel
-
- /8454.html
2010-05-07T09:09:55Z
2010-05-07T09:09:55Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:55Z
Mothers and Adult Daughters: What is too Close for Comfort?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Mothers-and-Adult-Daughters:-What-is-too-Close-for-Comfort
-
- /8455.html
2010-05-07T09:09:55Z
2010-05-07T09:09:55Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:55Z
The "Don't Buy Me Any Stuff" Gift Guide
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Dont-Buy-Me-Any-Stuff-Gift-Guide
-
- /8456.html
2010-05-07T09:09:54Z
2010-05-07T09:09:54Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:54Z
Teaching Kids How to be Appreciative
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Teaching-Kids-How-to-be-Appreciative
-
- /8457.html
2010-05-07T09:09:54Z
2010-05-07T09:09:54Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:54Z
Scrooge's Top 5 Holiday ID Theft Protection Tips
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Scrooges-Top-5-Holiday-ID-Theft-Protection-Tips
-
- /8458.html
2010-05-07T09:09:54Z
2010-05-07T09:09:54Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:54Z
Stuff You Don't Need to Worry About
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Stuff-You-Dont-Need-to-Worry-About
-
- /8459.html
2010-05-07T09:09:52Z
2010-05-07T09:09:52Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:52Z
The Benefits Of Music With Children And Family Relationships
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Benefits-Of-Music-With-Children-And-Family-Relationships
-
- /8460.html
2010-05-07T09:09:52Z
2010-05-07T09:09:52Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:52Z
Extra-Curricular Activities Can Pose Extra Stress on Families
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Extra-Curricular-Activities-Can-Pose-Extra-Stress-on-Families
-
- /8461.html
2010-05-07T09:09:52Z
2010-05-07T09:09:52Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Extra-CurricularActivities Can Pose Extra Stress on Families
By Jody Johnston Pawel
It is a common issue#133;we want our kids to spend their non-school timewisely, but they often watch more TV than then we would prefer. Inspite of activities to structure their time we have to look at otherways to keep kids busy so they are not caught in the TV trap.
Parents are wise to limit kid's TV watching to a couple of hours eachday. It's a difficult limit to stick to, but if parents can establishthis habit early on, it's easier. Selective TV watching preventschildren (and adults) from turning into couch potatoes with witheredbrain cells.
Many parents turn to activities to keep their kids busy. They oftenlive in their cars and have forgotten what their spouse looks like.Parents fall into the over-scheduling trap for variety of reasons. Thefirst motive is the healthiest and the last is the most damaging:
Parents want their childrento use their time wisely, but accidentally take on too much.
Children want to doeverything. Parents don't want to disappoint them or hear endlessnagging, so they let them.
Parents keep children busyso they won't get into trouble, instead of teaching children how tomake planned responsible decisions to be "good" children.
Some parents want theirchildren to experience every opportunity - all at once, which isoverwhelming.
Now and then, parents expecttheir children to be super-achievers, whatever the cost.
To determine whether your family'sschedule needs to be scaled back, ask, "Does my child want to do allthese activities or do I want them to?" When parents register childrenfor activities without asking children first, it's a huge red flag thatparents need to back off. If children want to do everything, think"moderation" and remember that responsible parents do not give childreneverything they want.
The reality is that when anyone adds too many kettles to the fire, theyare bound to get burned out. Over-scheduling often affects children'sschoolwork, quality family time and increases the stress levels of thechildren and parents involved. The long term result of over-schedulingis a generation of stressed-out workaholics who don't know how to setpriorities, say "no," focus on one task, and have balance in theirlives. What? WE are part of a generation of stressed-out workaholics?
Then we need to break the cycle.nbsp; Children need "down time" asmuch as adults do. They need time to play and just be a kid - eventeens. Will they get bored? Probably. But they need to learn how to usetheir imaginations to handle boredom creatively and responsibly.
To regain control of your family life and reduce scheduling stress,establish a policy of two activities per season. Have children rotateseasonal activities or reach one goal, then strive for another. Also,families need time together when they aren't eating, driving ordiscussing schedules and life-changing issues. Weekly family time isone activity worth scheduling.
Setting limits on activities teaches children important skills andvalues that benefit them as adults. They learn how to budget their timeand responsibilities and to handle disappointment. These children knowhow to set priorities and concentrate on doing their best at a fewchosen activities. Rarely are activities "once in a lifetime"opportunities. Usually, there is a time and season for every activity.We and our children just need to pace ourselves, instead of racing todo everything all at once.
Jody Johnston Pawel is a Licensed Social Worker, Certified Family Life Educator, second-generation parent educator, founder of
The Family Network
, and President of
Parents Toolshop Consulting
. She is the author of 100+ parent education resources, including her award-winning book,
The Parent's Toolshop
. For 25+ years, Jody has trained parents and family professionals through her dynamic
workshops
and interviews with the
media
worldwide, including
Parents and Working Mother
magazines, and the
Ident-a-Kid
television series. Jody currently serves as the online parenting expert for
Cox Ohio Publishing's
mom-to-mom websites
and also serves on the Advisory Board of the
National Effective Parenting Initiative
. Permissiongranted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:52Z
Hey Mom, Need Some Help?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Hey-Mom,-Need-Some-Help
-
- /8462.html
2010-05-07T09:09:50Z
2010-05-07T09:09:50Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Hey Mom, Need Some Help?
By Annie Fox, M.Ed.
www.anniefox.com
Recently read a cautionary tale from Dear Abby. The letter writer was a martyr... ahem, a
mother
describing how her two adult daughters arrive for Thanksgiving each year expecting guest-treatment. For some mysterious reason, these "girls" never offer to help their mother with the annual banquet she produces for 20+ people. That is, not until Mom, frazzled and frustrated slumps to the kitchen floor in her gravy-stained apron and whimpers like a pathetic dog. At which point the princesses exchange eye-rolls and deign to lift sponge or dish towel.
My blood pressure climbed and I too became frustrated and resentful... at the mom! I mean, really, where does she think her lovelies learned to blithely ignore household tasks? How in the world had they reached adulthood without a pinch of common courtesy that demands that even if you truly are a dinner guest you offer to help. (You are also, as my mom taught me, required to bring bakery goodies in a pink box.)
So, Dear Abby Mom, if you're wondering where Drizella and Anastasia acquired their unattractive attitudes, look in the mirror. Do
not
get distracted by smudges and reach for the Windex! It's time for serious self-reflection about the kind of parent you are. But wait! Faultfinding is a waste of time and Thanksgiving's around the corner. Here are some quick tips for changing the family dynamic this holiday season and forevermore. And for anyone else needing help getting help around the house, these are for you too:
Apologize to your daughters and/or sons today. (I'm serious!) You've taught them that your job is to serve them throughout eternity. So it's not their fault they bought into it. But you were wrong. Your job, as their parent, is to prepare them to be fully functioning independent adults. By compulsively doing for them that which they should learn to do for themselves, you do them no favors. In fact, you've held them back in their development of a cooperative spirit. How they act now, as young adults, is not your doing, but you certainly contributed to their self-centeredness. Admit it. Apologize. Move forward.
Make a list of all the things that need to be done between now and the dinner bell on Thursday. Oh, and don't forget to add one general last item: "Clean up after dinner."
Share the list with your kids and any other able-bodied family members who will be attending. Say, as assertively as possible (no shouting, pleading, guilt-tripping, etc.) "This is what needs to be done. Which of these tasks are you going to take responsibility for?" If you have no confidence in their promises (due to past flakiness) then get it in writing. After each self-selected assignment, say, "Thanks. We're all counting on you."
Make a statement. Get used to saying, whenever necessary (holiday or not) "Hey guys, I need some help in here." Notice that it's a statement, not a question as in: "Will you please help me?" There's a good reason for that. Annie Fox Research shows that when you want something done by your spouse or your children, your chances of compliance drop to a mere 20% when you pose your request in the form of a question that has a "yes" or "no" answer. Dear Abby Mom shouldn't be asking, "Can I count on you to help?" "Can I ask you a favor?" "Do you have a minute?" No, no, not now, Mom. See what I mean? Make a statement.
Know that you are loved. You don't need to do it all to be loved and admired by your family. You already are loved and admired. And guess what? No one will love you less if they know that you didn't personally crush each cranberry and do everything else without help. But you will probably appreciate everyone more if you all work together.
Teach them! If you don't get the whole family involved in the process, how will they ever learn to a) make a killer feast on their own some day at which you will be an honored guest and b) teach your future grandkids how to be cooperative members of the family? And you want them to learn all that, right? Right!So good luck with the new program and Happy Thanksgiving, from our home to yours!
Annie Fox, M.Ed. ia an award winning author, educator, and online adviser for parents and teens.
www.anniefox.com
Read excerpts from her books: Too Stressed to Think? And the new Middle School Confidential#8482; series. Download (free) her entire Teen Survival Guide to Dating Relating,
http://teensurvivalguide.com
Listen to her podcast series "Family Confidential: Secrets of Successful Parenting." Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:50Z
Before, During, and After: How to Declare a Truce at the Holiday Dinner Table
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Before,-During,-and-After:-How-to-Declare-a-Truce-at-the-Holiday-Dinner-Table
-
- /8463.html
2010-05-07T09:09:48Z
2010-05-07T09:09:48Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Before, During, and After:
How to Declare a Truce at the Holiday Dinner Table
By Sharon M. Rivkin, M.A., M.F.T.
www.sharonrivkin.com
With the holidays fast approaching, our emotions seem to jump all over the place. We're excited, anxious, stressed, because there's so much to plan, and we want the holidays to be perfect. Yet, the thought of the holiday dinner quickly reminds us of past events that have been anything but loving and peaceful. Most families have some kind of history of arguments that seem to erupt at the yearly holiday dinner table.
Can you avoid these uncomfortable, often repetitive, and predictable confrontations, when you are the one hosting the holiday dinner? Is it possible to declare a truce to make the holidays more enjoyable? Here are some tools to make that happen:
Preparation Before the Holidays
Most families naively think that this year will be different and that the same old arguments will just magically disappear. Don't be fooled. Yes, a year has passed, but unless the offending parties have worked on changing their patterns, nothing will be different. Patterns will repeat again and again! Rather than kid yourselves and "hope for the best," be proactive by preparing for the inevitable. It's as simple as having a plan that is talked about ahead of time, so that there's actually a chance to change recurring dynamics!
Acknowledge that the problem exists and talk to those family members who get into it most often at the dinner table. Is there any way for them to discuss their issues ahead of time as an opportunity to understand the other's point of view? If not, can they make a truce to avoid the "hot" topics at dinner? For example: "I will not bring up politics, because I know it drives my mom crazy and starts a fight."
Appeal to each person's love for the other, reminding them of their good feelings for each other and how badly they each feel when they fight at the holidays.
During the Dinner Feast
Whether or not you had a chance to prepare ahead of time, or if your efforts were in vain and the fight still happens, you can still be prepared with the following steps to deflect the argument during the holiday dinner:
Intervene lightly, yet effectively, "Hey, we've been here before, let's table this for now and talk later. We'll all feel better if we don't continue down this road."
Acknowledge that each of their points of view is valid and that their feelings are legitimate - it's simply that the timing is wrong.
Don't take sides, just suggest to them to make a truce at that moment. Remember, if you get involved in the fight, it will only make it worse. Your job is to help the arguers save face and give them a chance to recompose themselves, as quickly as possible.
Change the subject. "Hey, let's focus on how great Grandma's pie is. I know we ALL agree on that!" Or call attention away from the argument by acknowledging the new puppy or grandchild. This not only helps the arguers, but also the other guests who are surely feeling uncomfortable!
Use humor if possible. Have a joke ready that everyone can appreciate.
The Aftermath
If the fight happened, it is important to talk about what happened later when the timing is right. This will help you get ready for the next event with some new tools.
Talk to the arguers together and/or separately to remind them that you know they want to be happy at family events. The arguments are just a misguided way for each of them to be heard, seen, and appreciated. Help them each to take responsibility for their part of the argument, rather than blaming and shaming the other.
Remind them that the argument cycle will repeat itself unless everyone does something different to break the destructive cycle. Discuss ideas.
You have an opportunity to make this holiday season different. With preparation, knowledge, and the use of past experiences, start now to create the holiday dinner you really want! It is possible to change old habits; it just takes time, energy, and a commitment to do this. Make this a holiday to remember for its happiness, and your success for making it that way!
"What's the big deal? All I said was . . ." Sound familiar? Argument/Affairs Expert and Therapist Sharon Rivkin helps couples fix their relationships by understanding why they fight. Sharon says, "If you don't get rid of the ghosts that haunt your arguments, you'll never stop fighting!" Read her new book,
Breaking the Argument Cycle: How to Stop Fighting Without Therapy
, to learn the tools of therapy to break the cycle of destructive fighting visit
www.sharonrivkin.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:48Z
Cell Phone Tapping: Are You at Risk?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Cell-Phone-Tapping:-Are-You-at-Risk
-
- /8464.html
2010-05-07T09:09:48Z
2010-05-07T09:09:48Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:48Z
The Bully in Pigtails: Girls & Bullying
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Bully-in-Pigtails:-Girls-amp;-Bullying
-
- /8465.html
2010-05-07T09:09:48Z
2010-05-07T09:09:48Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:48Z
The Ten Best Things to Say to Your Child
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Ten-Best-Things-to-Say-to-Your-Child
-
- /8466.html
2010-05-07T09:09:47Z
2010-05-07T09:09:47Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:47Z
The Fine Art of Disciplining Other People's Kids: What to Do and How to Do It
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Fine-Art-of-Disciplining-Other-Peoples-Kids:-What-to-Do-and-How-to-Do-It
-
- /8467.html
2010-05-07T09:09:47Z
2010-05-07T09:09:47Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:47Z
Breaking Through the Label Clutter
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Breaking-Through-the-Label-Clutter
-
- /8468.html
2010-05-07T09:09:45Z
2010-05-07T09:09:45Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:45Z
How to Increase your Marriage IQ
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-to-Increase-your-Marriage-IQ
-
- /8469.html
2010-05-07T09:09:45Z
2010-05-07T09:09:45Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>How to Increase your Marriage IQ
By Mort Fertel
Let me begin with an email I received from a woman in my
marriage help
program. See if you can relate.
Dear Mort,
We are in week 2 of the silent treatment! It all started over something little and ridiculous! We are both adults, old enough to know better than this! He is a judge, I am a social worker! He won't budge! I need help!
Jodie
The dreaded silent treatment. The big stand-off. Horrible, isn't it?
The most intense prayers in a household come during these silent treatments: "Oh God, I hope that's not him/her pulling into the driveway."
Or, "Oh God, when will he/she go upstairs already?"
Sometimes you feel like you could explode, right?
Most silent treatments start like Jodie's started; with something "little and ridiculous." Most couples can't remember what the impetus was. And if they could, they'd be too embarrassed to admit that something so small blew-up into something so big.
So what are these silent treatments or stand-offs REALLY about? And how can you avoid them or end them soon after they begin?
It's interesting that Jodie made a point in her email to say that she and her husband "know better." In other words, they're intelligent, educated, and accomplished people. Jodie's husband is even a judge, an expert in distinguishing between right and wrong. They know that treating each other this way doesn't make sense. They know IT is wrong. But they also know that THEY are right.
And that's exactly the problem!
Silent treatments ensue when both people feel they're RIGHT. And the more intense each spouse's conviction to their perspective, the longer the silence lasts. And, ironically, the more intelligent and the articulate the couple, the MORE LIKELY they are to endure silence between them. Because intelligent and articulate people have confidence in their position and justification for holding their ground.
Although Jodie is surprised that her and her husband, intelligent people, could be so petty; the fact is that one reason they're holding their silence for so long is BECAUSE they're intelligent. In other words, intellectual capacity and marital satisfaction can be INVERSELY related. Let me say it another way: When it comes to your marriage, you can be right or you can be happy. But sometimes you can't be both.
In a courtroom, a hospital, or an office, right and wrong determine success or failure. The decision to prescribe the right medicine, for example, could be the difference between life and death. The relationship between the doctor and the patient is secondary. Being RIGHT is what matters and what is rewarded.
But in marriage, being right has no value. All that matters is the relationship.
Sometimes you have to choose. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happily married?
Just because you're "right/wrong" paradigm works at the office doesn't mean that you should bring it home. "He who is a hammer thinks everything is a nail." Some things work perfectly in one area of life and fail terribly in another. In marriage, you have to be like a carpenter and know which tool to use. The right/wrong mode is the WRONG tool to use in your marriage.
The more you insist on being RIGHT, the more you will be miserable in your marriage. Don't go for RIGHT; go for LOVE.
Jodie expects that because she and her husband are "intelligent," they shouldn't find themselves in these petty stalemates. But just because Jodie and her husband have a high IQ, doesn't mean they have a high EQ.
IQ is a measure of your INTELLECTUAL intelligence. The higher your IQ, the better your ability to process information and determine what's "right."
EQ is a measure of your EMOTIONAL intelligence. The higher your EQ, the better your ability to connect with people and succeed in relationships.
Just as some athletes are strong but not fast, so too many people have a high IQ but a low EQ.
Bottom line: Intelligence, in the way Jodie means it, has little bearing on her and her husband's ability to succeed in their marriage. In fact, a high IQ coupled with a low EQ can be a disastrous combination for a marriage.
The good news, however, is that EQ can be developed. Anyone can increase their EQ and learn to make their marriage RIGHT.
Mort Fertel is a world authority on the psychology of relationships and has an international reputation for saving marriages. He's been a featured expert on NBC, the Fox News Network, and in Family Circle.
Click here
for Mort's FREE report "7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage." Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:45Z
Giving Up the Fantasy of the Perfect Mate
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Giving-Up-the-Fantasy-of-the-Perfect-Mate
-
- /8470.html
2010-05-07T09:09:43Z
2010-05-07T09:09:43Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:43Z
You're not Allowed to Play with Him Anymore
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Youre-not-Allowed-to-Play-with-Him-Anymore
-
- /8471.html
2010-05-07T09:09:43Z
2010-05-07T09:09:43Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:43Z
Trust Intuition when Raising Children
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Trust-Intuition-when-Raising-Children
-
- /8472.html
2010-05-07T09:09:43Z
2010-05-07T09:09:43Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Trust Intuition when Raising Children
By Dyan Eybergen, RN
Most parents know instinctively that their child is a unique blend of character traits, personality and temperament; that no two children are alike. Most parents respond to their child's distinctiveness through intuition during the first few years of their baby's life by interpreting their baby's cries and responding appropriately. But with regards to parenting their child past the toddler stage, many parents fail to continue to "listen to their gut" and go in search of quick-fix methods that promise solutions to parenting challenges. As a consequence, the parent's ability to tap into their intuition becomes compromised and the child's uniqueness is lost to the one-size-fits-all approach to parenting.
Contemporary parenting solutions are not all bad, it just that they often do not take into consideration an individual child's needs, personality or family's dynamic. So often, the child is being raised in ways that go against the child's natural disposition. As a result, there is often parent-child conflict, stressed out moms and dads and anxious kids.
Here are some ways you can improve the quality of knowing and understanding your child which will help you return to parenting him/her from a place of intuition:
Always keep the lines of communication open. Make an effort to know your child: his/her friends names; favourite colour, movie, bands, food; how your child feels about certain issues like smoking/drinking, recycling, pollution, bullying; etc.
Keep a journal: record the things your child says and does; what he/she is most interested in and how he/she reacts to certain situations or responds to you. Look for patterns or changes in your child's behaviour: How does he/she process his/her emotions? Which parenting approaches work? Which approaches exacerbate a situation? Where does your child excel, what comes easy to him/her? Where does your child struggle? Write down anything that would be helpful in discovering the true nature of your child's personality so you can begin to utilize parenting strategies that compliment who he/she is.
Write about the day your child was born and list everything you remember about him/her in the first few weeks of life. Do any of those words you use to describe your infant still ring true for them today? Was your baby quiet and remains quiet or shy as a nine-year-old? Or did he/she come out of the womb crying with fierce determination and is a feisty indomitable 12 year-old now?
Create a time-line picture collage following the life of your child from infancy to present day. Label the pictures with captions that give meaning to the pictures and the child's experience in that situation. This will create a story of identity for your child and bring your emotional connection with him/her back to where you started when you relied heavily on your instincts to parent.
Tell tales of character traits of family members and see who your child most identifies with in terms of personality. You know your brother "Sam"? Is he most like your eldest son? So how would you describe your brother? Does your daughter remind you of your mother? What is your mother like?
Take a personality test of your own so you will gain a basic understanding for personality development. You may come to appreciate that the way you are made differs from your child's make-up and that these differences may be why there is conflict between you. This will go a long way in helping you to parent your child according to he/she is and not according to who you think he he/she should be because of who you are.
Dyan Eybergen, a child and adolescent psychiatric nurse and award winning author has more than ten years experience working as a therapist and parent educator. Eybergen currently resides in St. Albert, Alberta, with her husband and three sons.
Out of the Mouths of Babes
is her first book. For more information visit
www.childperspectiveparenting.com
.Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:43Z
Living Life as a Mad Mom: Hope and Help for Angry Moms
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Living-Life-as-a-Mad-Mom:-Hope-and-Help-for-Angry-Moms
-
- /8473.html
2010-05-07T09:09:42Z
2010-05-07T09:09:42Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:42Z
Ten Tips for Kindergarten Preparation
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Ten-Tips-for-Kindergarten-Preparation
-
- /8474.html
2010-05-07T09:09:42Z
2010-05-07T09:09:42Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:42Z
Find Your Unique Parenting Style
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Find-Your-Unique-Parenting-Style
-
- /8475.html
2010-05-07T09:09:42Z
2010-05-07T09:09:42Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:42Z
7 Hazards of Social Networking
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/7-Hazards-of-Social-Networking
-
- /8476.html
2010-05-07T09:09:42Z
2010-05-07T09:09:42Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:42Z
Now Aren't You The Prettiest Little Thing?: Helping Your Children Find Beauty from the Inside Out
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Now-Arent-You-The-Prettiest-Little-Thing:-Helping-Your-Children-Find-Beauty-from-the-Inside-Out
-
- /8477.html
2010-05-07T09:09:40Z
2010-05-07T09:09:40Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Now Aren't You The Prettiest Little Thing?:
Helping Your Children Find
Beauty from the Inside Out
By Erik Fisher, Ph.D., aka Dr. E...
www.ErikFisher.com
I picked up my 2 and a half year-old daughter from our caregiver's home and to my shock her caregiver said, "Show Daddy your pretty nails." My daughter then showed me her painted nails. They had a nail painting party that day. My wife and I had not painted our daughter's nails before, nor did we plan to for some time. As a psychologist and a father, I take a deeper look at the parenting experience and all of the potential issues that influence our children. Some parents may read this example and think, "What's the big deal?", while others may share my concerns. I ask this: "What is the first thing that people say when they see a little girl who is showing them her nails?" Often the response is, "Don't you look pretty with your nails."
I want my child (and every child) to feel absolutely beautiful, but from the inside out, not the outside in. I also want her to believe in who she is, not what she wears or what she does to her body.
The messages that our children are given about beauty begin very early in life. They range from the very subtle, "Don't you look pretty in that dress", to the very obvious, "You shouldn't eat so much, or you will get fat."
Societal pressure is one culprit, and it has only grown more intense since I started my research into body image more than 20 years ago. We compare clothes, jobs, schools, homes, cars. We surrender our power, and ultimately the power of our children to everyone else to tell us if we are pretty, smart, talented, successful, strong... It feels good when someone compliments us, however, how many of us thirst for those compliments? How many of our children do?
We don't start out as parents wanting to cause pain and heartache to our children, however, somewhere along the way, our children are absorbing very subtle and obvious messages about themselves, some from us and others from society. What are we going to do, and when are we going to look at ourselves? Here are some things that you can do to help your child feel empowered from the inside out:
Let your children know that beauty starts from within. The more you let them know that beauty is who they are, not what they are, the more it will sink in. If they wear pretty clothes or wear nail polish, tell them that the dress or the nail polish looks pretty, while letting them know that they are always beautiful.
Teach your children to believe in themselves. If your child feels that others have done or said things to hurt them, let them know that they have the power to let it bother them, or look at why the other person may have behaved as they did. We teach our daughter to look at why she may have done things that may hurt others and why others may have done things to hurt her.
Be aware of how you dress and how much you talk about your body, the clothes you wear, how much you or others make and the things you have. Do you focus on fashion and your appearance? Parents, sometimes without realizing it, talk about their weight, food intake and appearance. They talk about the new car or house their neighbor has. Kids listen to everything, even when you think they aren't.
If people are communicating messages to your children that you do not want them to be exposed to, tactfully say something to them. Try not to confront them in front of others. Find some time to talk with them on the side and let them know what happened and what you would like to have happened. In terms of our sitter, for example, the next time I saw her, I let her know that my wife and I did not want our daughter's finger nails painted, because we felt that it sent a message about outward beauty. I explained that I wanted my daughter to feel pretty from the inside first. She was very receptive to this feedback, and we have not had an issue since.
Be aware of the movies and television shows your kids watch, as well as the toys that they have, because some have messages that foster unhealthy comparisons, and focus on looks and materialism. For example, I am not a fan of older Disney movies such as
Cinderella
and
Snow White
because they send the message for women to wait for a man to come rescue them. On the other hand, Disney movies in the last ten years, like
Mulan
, send a more empowered message for girls and women.
Talk to your children about some of these issues in our society. Also, watch them around others. Listen to what they are talking about. You may be surprised at what you hear and see. Ask them how they feel about themselves. Ask them what they think makes someone pretty or handsome. Ask them if they worry about what others think of them. We can't prevent our children from life, but we can prepare them for it.
Parents often don't realize the power of their actions and are not trained and/or have become immune to looking at where our children absorb their messages. As you understand where you may have learned some of the messages you absorbed, you can then begin to change what your child may be learning. Let's make sure our kids start healthy and stay healthy.
About the author: Erik Fisher, PhD, aka Dr. E..., is a licensed psychologist and author who has been featured on NBC, CBS, FOX and CNN. Visit him at
www.ErikFisher.com
to learn more about his books "The Art of Empowered Parenting" and "The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict or to check out his blog. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:40Z
Five Secrets to Keeping Your Patience with Your Challenging Child
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Five-Secrets-to-Keeping-Your-Patience-with-Your-Challenging-Child
-
- /8478.html
2010-05-07T09:09:39Z
2010-05-07T09:09:39Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:39Z
Back to School Readiness
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Back-to-School-Readiness
-
- /8479.html
2010-05-07T09:09:38Z
2010-05-07T09:09:38Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Back to School Readiness
By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
The first sign that summer is coming to an end has been spotted. You can't miss it. It's the sale of every school supply imaginable. Book bags, pens, pencils, glue sticks, spiral note pads, compasses, calculators, three-ring binders, gym shoes, and clothes have already been observed for sale in a variety of stores. Soon to follow will be back to school sales in magazines, newspapers, television ads, and store flyers.
Many parents have begun the process of thinking about what their children will need to go back to school in style. Their thoughts have been initiated by the plethora of materials in plain sight in many stores. But what do children
really
need in order to be ready for school? Perhaps getting children school ready involves more than purchasing
stuff
. Maybe something more than mere school supplies is what is needed to give children a great beginning to the school year. Maybe the best get-ready-for-school items are not found at the mall or your local department store. Maybe they aren't even items.
School readiness can not be purchased in a store. It can only be created by conscious parents who set out to create that readiness with purpose and intentionality. School readiness is a process and a state of mind, not a series of products. Consider the following.
Start the normal school schedule early. Break the summer sleep-in/stay-up late mode. Begin the morning and evening school routine at least two weeks before school actually starts. Don't expect that your child will be able to make the adjustment to getting up for school quickly or easily without a break-in period. Take the full two weeks to work into the routine slowly by adjusting the bedtime and wakeup time a few minutes every day until the desired time is reached. Your goal is to have the schedule set prior to the first day of school.
Create a positive attitude about going back to school. Talk to your children about being able to see their friends, meet their new teacher and all the opportunities that being at school provides. Focus on your child's area of interest and emphasize all the ways in which school helps to enhance that topic. When your child speaks negatively, redirect him into the positive.
Visit the school. Reacquaint your child with the school. During the summer classrooms change, teachers transfer to new buildings, principals are reassigned, and new playground equipment gets installed. Don't wait for orientation day to get reacquainted. Go to the school now and play on the play ground, meet the new principal or office personnel, and talk to the janitor.
Set goals for the upcoming school year. Help your children create realistic expectations for themselves about school. Talk about what they want to accomplish this school year, not what you want them to accomplish. Remember not all of school is about grades. Making new friends, speaking out in class, standing up for oneself, staying organized, and managing behavior are all crucial skills for a successful school year.
Model learning. Create a time in your home when everyone is involved in learning related activities such as reading, playing with numbers, telling family stories, journaling, or quiet reflection. Turn off the television and video games and have a set time for the whole family to feed their brain. In fact, model learning year round, even through the summer months. This will set the stage for homework. A study time can be a logical extension of the learning time you have in your home.
Give your children every opportunity to be ready for school this year. Head to the mall or department store with your list of needed items and remember to add to your list the suggestions above. By doing so you give your kids what they really need to be prepared for this school year---structure, energy, enthusiasm, and a positive attitude.
Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are authors and leading parenting authorities. Visit their blog at
www.uncommon-parenting.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:38Z
Child Identity Theft: A Growing Concern
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Child-Identity-Theft:-A-Growing-Concern
-
- /8480.html
2010-05-07T09:09:35Z
2010-05-07T09:09:35Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Child Identity Theft: AGrowing Concern
By John Sileo
sileo.com
Are you as protective of your kids as I am of mine?
My wife and two highly-spirited daughters are more than just the centerof my universe - they are the compass by which I set my course in everyaspect of life. If something is not good for the family, then it isn#146;tgood for me. And that means that I want to do everything in my power tokeep them safe.
You and I are called on to protect our children from many things,starting in the womb. Even before they are born, we practice goodpreventative care. We take specially designed pre-natal exerciseclasses, coax ourselves to eat right for their benefit, learn CPR andLove and Logic and screen regularly for signs of trouble. Once they areborn, we provide the best nourishment, the finest medical care, ampleplaytime, rest and an infinite flow of unconditional love. You get thepoint#133; we do everything in our power to prevent complications and togive them the best chance to grow up healthy, happy and in harmony withthe world around them. That is our responsibility, our purpose and ourjoy.nbsp;nbsp;
But how often do you check their credit report?
Their WHAT?! I can feel the surprise in your blank stare. I can hearyour questions: "Check my kid's#133;credit report? But she is only seven! She doesn't even have her frontteeth yet, let alone a credit card! There are so many years to gobefore we need to worry about that. Right?"
Unfortunately, no. Because children have untouched and unblemishedcredit records, they are highly attractive targets. Thieves steal achild's identity early on, nurture it until they have a solid creditscore, and then abuse and discard it.nbsp;
How Does it Happen?
All an identity thief needs to ruin your child's bright financialfuture is her name and Social Security Number.nbsp; "Shouldn't mychild's age show up on any credit background check, shouldn't themerchant recognize that the person in front of them buying a car oncredit isn't seven years old?" you ask. Yes, it should, but the peoplescreening the credit report rarely give it the time and care necessaryto detect fraud.nbsp;
All too often, background checks involve simply matching the name andthe Social Security Number provided. This leaves doors wide open forscandalous minds to wreak havoc on your child's perfect credit. Themost unsettling part is that the ageof the applicant (in this case, the person posing as your child)becomes official with the credit bureaus upon the first creditapplication. This makes clearing a sabotaged credit record evenmore difficult because you have to prove to the credit bureau that yourchild is only seven and isn't responsible for thousands of dollars ofdebt.
In no time at all, your child could have a maxed out credit card,unpaid bills and a huge mortgage for beachfront property across thecountry. You might not discover the illegal purchases until your childopens a bank account, applies for a job, tries to get a driver'slicense or enters college. At that point, you are left with thetime-consuming dilemma of cleaning up someone else's fraudulent mess.If only clearing up a credit report was as easy as cleaning up afteryour kids.
Do the gaping holes in our current credit system and the audacity ofcriminals leave you enraged? Me too. And it is imperative that you useyour anger as fuel to protect and prepare your children's future beforeit is too late.
Child Identity theft is the fastest growing sector of the identitytheft "industry," and the numbers are staggering. Although it'sdifficult to estimate exactly how many children lose their identitiessince the crime can go undetected for years, the FTC states that 5% ofidentity theft cases target children, which translates into 500,000kidnapped child identities per year, and growing. The Identity TheftResource Center discovered that in 54% of the cases, the child wasunder the age of six.
Who Does This?
The identity thief is not always a stranger. In many cases, it's arelative with bad credit who takes advantage of a child's pristinecredit. Conveniently, these family members generally have access to theinformation necessary to maximize the fraud with little attention.
This seems absurd, but imagine a parent who is strapped for cash, has abad credit score and needs to buy groceries. In this case, short-termthinking blinds the relative or friend to long-term consequences.nbsp;In other instances, the child's future is not taken into considerationat all.
Frankly, it doesn't take much to get the crime underway; all a criminalneeds is the child's name and Social Security Number. These pieces ofpersonal information are exposed in a variety of ways:
When registering fordaycare, schools and recreational sports
On medical, dental andhospital records
When joining organizationslike the Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, etc.
When the above informationis permanently stored and accessed by volunteers or employees
When one of the aboveorganizations is breached by a hacker or malicious software
When an adult befriends yourchild on a social networking site (MySpace, Facebook) and eventuallysocially engineers private information out of them
TheThree Basic Types of Child Identity Theft
Child Identity theft generally falls into these 3 categories:
1.Financial identity theft occurswhen the name and Social Security Number is used to establish new linesof credit.
2.Criminalidentity theft happens when the criminal uses the child'sidentity to obtain a driver's license or substitutes the child'sidentity if caught in a criminal act.
3.Identitycloning entails using a child's identity (via informationcollection or a black market #145;purchase' of personal information) forfinancial, criminal and governmental purposes. The most common form ofcloned identity theft is committed on behalf of undocumented workerslooking for an identity that will keep them working in this country.
For parents, cleaning up the disaster of identity theft for theirchildren is costly and incredibly time consuming. Getting a new SocialSecurity Number is almost impossible, and rarely the best option.
Taking steps right now to protectyour child from this horrible crime is one of the greatest investmentsyou will ever make in their financial and emotional future.
Protecting Your Children
Acting now on behalf of your child will protect them from consequencescommon to child victims:
Starting adulthood with acredit rating low enough to scare away the hungriest of loan sharks
Being denied a first loan,credit card or apartment rental because of a crime committed 10-15years earlier (the passage of time makes this crime very hard to clearup)
Being denied access tocollege or a new job
Having a warrant out for herarrest for crimes that she didn't commit
In the same way that you can'tprotect your children from every bruise and scrape, you can't entirelyremove the risk of identity theft. You can, however, prevent or softenthe fall if it does happen.nbsp; Take these steps first:
Stop giving out your child's personalinformation. Until you are confident that it is absolutelynecessary to receive the services desired, withhold their personalinformation. More than 80% of organizations that ask for your child'sSocial Security Number don't actually need it to establish services. Ifyou must give it, ask them how they will use it, how long they willkeep it and how it will be protected while they have it. Vigilance ishighly effective. Never carry your child's SSN with you.
Order a free credit report for your childat least once a year. All three major credit reporting bureaus(Equifax, Experian and TransUnion) offer one free credit report peryear per individual. Order one for your child at the same time youorder yours and review them both for any red flags indicatingfraudulent activity. I recommend that you order the first one (Equifax)right now; order a second report (Experian) in 4 more months; order thethird report (TransUnion) four months after that and then repeat theprocess the following year. For a more convenient option, use anidentity monitoring services for you and your family.
If you find evidence of fraudulentactivity, contact the police, the source of the fraud and all threecredit bureaus. Filing a police report helps to establish yourchild's innocence in an official way. Have the credit bureaus FREEZEyour child's credit for maximum protection. Keep detailed records ofall correspondence between yourself, the police, the merchant and thecredit bureaus. It will come in handy should you ever find yourself incourt, as I did.
Educate your children on the importance ofprotecting their personal information. Teach them about thevalue of their personal information: their name, address, phonenumbers, email address, Social Security Number and any passwords andPIN numbers. Reinforce that they own their private information and thatit should not be shared with friends, over the internet or with anyonewhom they don't know or trust. Education is absolutely the bestfinancial gift you will ever give to them.
Because you love and protect yourchildren as much as I do, you should start this process immediately. Inthe case of child identity theft, an ounce of prevention is worth alifetime of financial security. Don't let the center of your universebecome just another statistic.
About the author: After losinghis business to data breach and his reputation to identity theft, JohnSileo became America#146;s leading identity theft and data breach speaker.His recent clients include the Department of Defense, the FDIC, BlueCross Blue Shield and Pfizer. To learn more about John, visit
sileo.com
. Permission granted for use onDrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:35Z
Teaching Your Children Values Through Volunteerism
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Teaching-Your-Children-Values-Through-Volunteerism
-
- /8481.html
2010-05-07T09:09:33Z
2010-05-07T09:09:33Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Teaching Your ChildrenValues Through Volunteerism
Erik A. Fisher, Ph.D., aka Dr. E#133;
www.ErikFisher.com
In today's society, so many of us feel that children are growing upwith unhealthy values and unproductive attitudes. Children and teensare sometimes viewed as self-centered, seldom thinking about others intheir family or community. While there are many factors that contributeto their behaviors and beliefs, there may be ways to guide and affecttheir belief systems and develop a closer relationship in the process.
Often children develop a self-centered view toward the world eitherthrough observation and/or lack of exposure to helping to others. Asparents and caretakers of children, have we ever really looked atourselves of being a source of unproductive, self-centered modeling. Inthe formative years of our children's lives, we are the most importantmodel to them, and whether we realize it or not they see and hearalmost everything we do.
Work, Work, Work
As we feel we have to scramble to make ends meet we may feel that timeto do anything else is compromised that much more.
Between the responsibilities at work and home, many parents feel thattime for themselves is almost non-existent. We may not want to look soclosely at ourselves, but have we asked ourselves how our children seeus spending our time when we are at home? They may see us at homeresting, watching television, cleaning, cooking, helping them withhomework, shopping, playing sports#133;We may believe that we sacrifice andvolunteer much of our time for our children by driving them to games,friends houses, movies; working our fingers to the bone to make surethat they have food, clothes, and a roof over their head#133; But we stillneed to recognize that all of these efforts also serve our own purposeat some level, and frankly our children often expect this of us. Ourchildren do not realize that we are volunteering our time to them manytimes.
When was the last time that we volunteered our time to people in need?Even more, when was the last time we, as a family, volunteered our timeto people in need? For many of us the answer to the first question maybe "a long time", and the answer to the second question may be "never".On the other hand, sometimes we feel that we ARE the people in need,and in some ways we may be; however, if all that we expect is to begiven to when we are in need, what are our children learning. They saythat if you give a man a fish he will eat for a day, but if you teachhim how to fish, he will eat for a lifetime. Giving back to others isteaching the man to fish. It creates a cycle of giving and receiving,and frankly, what got us into the mess we are in now was more takingthan giving and excessive entitlement that seemed to be taught from thetop down.
United We Stand
The family unit has the ability to be a very strong cohesive team, butthe members of the family have to learn to work as a team first.Volunteering, as a family, can teach many positive lessons. When wecontribute our time and effort, it helps us to feel better aboutourselves, teaches a stronger work ethic, contributes to learning aboutthe world around us, results in us meeting different people and formingdifferent relationships, and provides confidence-building experiencesin a variety of different job tasks.
If, as a parent, you feel that you work hard enough at what you do,then you have to be very careful of the message you are sending yourchild. If you spent only three hours on a Saturday morning once a monthwith your kids cleaning up a shelter or planting flowers, or commitpart of your day around Thanksgiving or Christmas to feed people at ashelter or church, it still sends a positive message that your childrenwill value the rest of their lives.
Sometimes we allow ourselves to find different barriers, obstacles, orexcuses that prevent us from feeling the richness of giving our timefreely to others. It doesn't matter how much or how little money yourfamily makes, the time of day that you can volunteer, where you live,if you can walk or talk#133; there are always ways to find time tovolunteer. If you find yourself finding reasons to not volunteer yourtime, then pay attention to the messages your children might bereceiving.
Parents are often looking for ways to spend quality time with theirchildren. Giving our time freely to others, as a family can be one ofthe richest forms of quality time. Even more, volunteering is free. Ifyou are looking for ways to volunteer your time, contact some of thesesources: Animal Shelters, Churches, Homeless and Battered Women'sShelters,nbsp; After School programs, Meals on Wheels, Nursing Homes,Hospitals#133; In terms of thinking of what to do to volunteer, talk toyour children and ask them what they would like to do. They may havegreat ideas on unique ways to volunteer time. When you listen to yourchildren and include them on decisions, they feel more valued. Alwaysremember that our children are a gift to us and the time we spend withthem is priceless.
About the author: Erik Fisher, PhD, aka Dr. E#133;, is a licensedpsychologist andnbsp;author of two books whose work has been featuredon CNN, NBC, CBS, FOX and CNN. Visit him at
www.ErikFisher.com
. Permission granted for use onDrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:33Z
The Three Pillars to Being a Good Role Model
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Three-Pillars-to-Being-a-Good-Role-Model
-
- /8482.html
2010-05-07T09:09:32Z
2010-05-07T09:09:32Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:32Z
Giving Up the Fantasy of the Perfect Mate - What REAL Marriages Are All About
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Giving-Up-the-Fantasy-of-the-Perfect-Mate---What-REAL-Marriages-Are-All-About
-
- /8483.html
2010-05-07T09:09:31Z
2010-05-07T09:09:31Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Giving Up the Fantasy of the Perfect Mate
What REAL Marriages Are All About
By Sharon M. Rivkin, MA, MFT
We all seem to think that we need to find our
perfect
mate or
soul
mate. But does a perfect mate even exist and, if so, does this mean that the only way to be happy is to find this perfect soul mate? What if you don't? What if you spend your entire life looking, only to end up alone in your fantasy delusion because you didn't find him/her? Are we really searching for fantasy in our relationships?
To some degree, I think most of us have bought into the fairytale myth that we will find Prince or Princess Charming and AUTOMATICALLY live happily ever after. This belief in
fantasy, soul mates,
and the
perfect partner
, are all contributors to being unhappy and dissatisfied in our marriages. We want the fantasy mate and most relationships begin with perfect bliss with the perfect partner. But when this fantasy starts to fade into reality after the first 6 months of a relationship, we're disappointed, try desperately to keep the fantasy alive by sweeping disagreements under the rug, or start looking elsewhere for that perfect mate. But the perfect mate really doesn't exist...except in our fantasies. Our fantasies are always more compelling than our reality that can become boring, repetitive, filled with logistics, bills, jobs and dirty dishes. Fantasy is filled with feelings of being on top of the world, of things coming to us easily, of soaring, and feeling our hearts are full of love 24/7. Who wouldn't choose fantasy over reality and hold onto it as long as we can?
So, how do we get over this desire for fantasy, the desire to feel that
in love
feeling ALL the time? How do we make a REAL marriage work and simultaneously keep the love alive when reality of the everyday chores, struggles, and inconsistencies of our partner sets in? Here are 7 truths to remember about REAL marriages when the fantasy turns into reality:
Real marriages are based on a solid foundation of mutual love, respect, and an understanding of differences in your partner. It is based on two people being balanced in their individual strength and their ability to share and connect with their partner.
Real marriages are able to handle the hard aspects of life through open communication and realistic expectations.
Real marriages are based on two WHOLE people enhancing each other, rather than two people EXPECTING their partner to complete them: filling in their weak spots, rescuing them, or taking care of them at their own expense.
Real marriages are two people who know they are human and, therefore, know that everyone makes mistakes and likewise exhibits tolerance for this humanness.
Real marriages are based on the deep knowledge that it's a give and take from both partners. They know themselves and take responsibility for their actions, rather than projecting onto their partner who they feel their partner should be.
Real marriages are about companionship, appreciating your partner's differences and uniqueness, and knowing that love is deeper than only sexual desire and feeling
madly in love
all the time.
Real marriages are about knowing and loving yourself so that you don't need a fantasy partner or a perfect mate to complete your life. You instead need a partner who enhances your life and adds to it.
Lasting, REAL marriages are based on a solid foundation of honesty, respect, and love... love, not in the fantasy sense that the Prince or Princess saves me, but love based on a deep knowledge of yourself and your partner. "In love the paradox occurs that two become one and yet remain two." When we follow the above 7 truths about a REAL marriage, we can enjoy the reality of our deepening union more than any fantasy we could imagine!
Sharon M. Rivkin, author of
The First Argument: Cutting to the Root of Intimate Conflict
, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, and conflict resolution and affairs expert. Sharon is also the developer of the "First Argument Technique," a groundbreaking, three-step method that heals and saves relationships. She has been in private practice for 28 years in Santa Rosa, California, and her work has been featured in several national magazines and websites including
O: The Oprah Magazine, Reader's Digest, Yahoo.com, and Dr.Laura.com
. Sharon is an experienced public speaker, has appeared on television, and makes regular radio appearances across the U.S. For more information, visit
www.sharonrivkin.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:31Z
Don't Say "Don't"
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Dont-Say-Dont
-
- /8484.html
2010-05-07T09:09:30Z
2010-05-07T09:09:30Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Don't Say "Don't"
By Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE
When I was eight years old, my parents took a parenting class and went on to teach parenting classes for over twenty years. I was old enough to remember what my parents were like before and after that class. One might think I had a perfect family, but my older brother experienced a traumatic childhood event that left him with severe emotional, mental, and behavioral difficulties. My parents' use of the parenting skills, in addition to the professional assistance they received, resulted in a truly miraculous recovery. I was so impressed with my parents' skills that I took my first parenting class from my mother at age seventeen, long before I had any children. I have been teaching parenting classes ever since in my profession as a licensed social worker.
For more than fifteen years I have taught hundreds of parents, from all walks of life, who have told countless stories about how these skills have changed their lives. I have also done extensive research to pool together the best techniques available to parents (and weed out the abundance of bad advice) so parents can learn to be the most effective parents possible with less confusion and more confidence. Each month, I will share some of these tools as well as solutions to common problems.
In all the years I have taught parenting classes, one skill has stood out as a four-star skill for gaining cooperation from children and preventing problems like power struggles and tantrums. I call it "Don't say Don't".
Have you ever told your child "Don't go in the street!" and they walk out in the street? or "Don't fall!" and two seconds later they skin their knees? Why is it that children seem to do what we tell them not to do?
If you look at it from their perspective, it becomes clear: When I say "Don't spill the milk", what image do you picture in your mind? Most people picture the milk spilling. Children are no different! An adult can take that image, figure out how the milk might spill, the options available to prevent this and choose the best alternative -- all in a split second!
The younger a child is, the more difficult it is for a child to turn a "don't" around. Children will usually enact the picture created in their minds. So, instead of telling your child what not to do, tell them what to do. Create the picture in their minds.
Say,
"Keep the milk in the glass!"; "Stay on the sidewalk (or grass)."; "Watch where your feet are!"
While this sounds simple, it can be far from easy to change our habit of saying "Don't". We are so used to noticing what children do wrong, we have a hard time picturing what we want them to do right. Put your creativity and imagination to work and practice this skill often. Remember . . . "Don't say Don't!"
Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE is a second-generation parent educator and president of Parent's Toolshopreg; Consulting. She is the author of 100+ resources for parents and family service professionals, including her award-winning book,
The Parent's Toolshop
, at
www.ParentsToolshop.com
. Since 1980, Jody has trained parents and professionals through her dynamic presentations and served as internationally recognized parenting expert to the media worldwide. Get practical parenting resources, including more information about
this
topic at:
www.parentstoolshop.com/tele/telearchive.htm
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:30Z
All Have Won, and All Will Have Prizes?: The Challenges of Youth Sports
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/All-Have-Won,-and-All-Will-Have-Prizes:-The-Challenges-of-Youth-Sports
-
- /8485.html
2010-05-07T09:09:27Z
2010-05-07T09:09:27Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>All Have Won, and All Will Have Prizes?:
The Challenges of Youth Sports
Erik Fisher, Ph.D., aka Dr. E...
www.ErikFisher.com
See Jimmy pitch the ball. See Dick hit the ball. See Dick run to first base. See Dick get called out. See Dick's parents yell at the umpire. See other parents join in. See Dick walk back to the bench and hide his head in his hands. See Dick's dad yell to Dick telling him to "Be a Man, and suck it up."
For those of you who have been to see youth sports, you may know that these occurrences are not uncommon. According to a survey of parents, 84% of them have seen violence in sports, and 45% kids report that they have experienced comments and abuse of some sort. Parents want to see their children succeed and sometimes don't know the limits to their enthusiasm. As parents, we have to keep in mind that every child on the playing field in any sport has dreams, hopes and emotions. Also children's greatest teachers are not only their parents, but other adults around them. The question that we want ask ourselves is, "What do we want our children to learn from sports?" Skills acquisition? Confidence? Cooperation? Social Skills? How to win and lose with class and dignity? Integrity? Honor? Or do we want them to learn, poor sportsmanship, aggression, complaining, cheating???
The Game of Life
I think that we all can agree that in life, we are going to have many more experiences of loss in life than we will have "wins". Being human and having the opportunity to experience emotion presents us with many opportunities. We have choices with every interaction. In my humble opinion the greatest learning in life comes from the losses. As I teach many people, the purpose of failure is that it tells you when it is time to learn. When you find yourself feeling emotions that are unpleasant to you, ask yourself what the emotions may be trying to tell you... ask your children the same thing. Let sport be more than an opportunity to play. Let it be an opportunity to learn about life.
So, just what is your underlying goal in helping your child? Many parents want to keep their child from experiencing pain, and for so many of us, we see failure and loss as painful. So, if our kids win, they don't feel pain... right? Not so fast, my friend. What if they won but did not play. Another question is who else's pain do we want to avoid??? Our own. Our kids often become extensions of ourselves, so when they fail, we fail... when they lose we lose. In our own aversion to pain, we can take those feelings out on any number of people (other players, refs, coaches, and our own kids) without seeing its impact. The impact on our children is often that they believe if they win, people will love them more. After all, look at the way we idolize professional athletes. So they learn to win at all costs, and that is one of the most destructive messages that has permeated our society.
Anger Everywhere
Why is there so much aggression and arrogance in sports today? 44% of kids surveyed stated that they dropped out of youth sports because they were unhappy. 56% of kids feel that youth sports are too competitive. So why do we define winning from the score at the end of the game. This does not sound like our kids are winning. When I was coaching 6-8 year olds in soccer, one of my players came up to me and asked me what the score was. I asked him if he had fun playing, and he said, "Yes." I said, "The score doesn't matter. We all won. Just have fun." Learning is winning, and learning comes from the experience gained in losses.
In sports, we want our children to learn confidence, respect, pride and integrity among other things. It is not a sign of confidence or integrity to mock other children and do the victory dances in the end zones while pointing at the other team. You have to ask yourself, that if your children are doing this, is this an extension of what you want them to learn? I haven't seen any physicians mocking each other after completing a difficult surgery or see businessmen spiking their briefcases after big deals (well not exactly).
Life Lessons
As a parent, keep in mind what you want your children to learn. I have presented some pretty challenging viewpoints here. I hope you will consider them. As a parent, you have a tough road -- to monitor your own emotions while guiding your children, to lead by example, and to prepare them for the rest of their lives. What I ask people to ask themselves at the end of every day is, "Did I live my life with truth, honor and integrity to myself and others?" Ask yourself this at the end of your child's sporting events, and hopefully you will continue to make better choices as the season progresses. I will end this with a top ten list that I wrote for the
Chicago Tribune
a few years ago. I wish you and your family all the success in learning to grow together. Remember to have fun.
Top Ten Ways to Know When You Are Too Wrapped Up in Your Child's Sport
10. You want to be an official of your child's sport because you think you can make better calls than the other referees.
9. You have your child practicing every night at home until after dark.
8. You start talking about your games when you were a kid during your child's games.
7. You start calling players on other teams names and make calls or noises when they're trying to focus.
6. You start calling players on your child's team names or make calls or comments, hoping they'll mess up and your child will get more playing time.
5. You coach your child's team and let your kid play more than others because you think he or she is better than anyone else on the team.
4. You make your child cry before, during or after a game by your actions or comments toward him or her.
3. Your child wants to quit playing and you want to keep coaching, telling him he's a quitter or a loser.
2. You encourage your child to play with an injury or illness, telling her she's a loser or weak if she doesn't.
1. You threaten your child, a player, another parent, coach or official with physical harm for any reason.
About the author: Erik Fisher, PhD, aka Dr. E..., is a licensed psychologist and author of two books whose work has been featured on CNN, NBC, CBS, FOX and CNN. Visit him at
www.ErikFisher.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:27Z
The ABC's of Sideline Etiquette for Parents
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-ABCs-of-Sideline-Etiquette-for-Parents
-
- /8486.html
2010-05-07T09:09:26Z
2010-05-07T09:09:26Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:26Z
The Do's and Don'ts of Teaching Kids Self-Control
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Dos-and-Donts-of-Teaching-Kids-Self-Control
-
- /8487.html
2010-05-07T09:09:26Z
2010-05-07T09:09:26Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Do's and Don'ts of Teaching Kids Self-Control
By Dyan Eybergen RN
Self-control is a skill that enables a person to discern what is right from wrong. It is the ability to keep emotions from becoming overwhelming, to stay focused, delay impulses and actively problem solve instead of reacting to a situation.
Children begin to exhibit forms of being able to regulate their emotions as early as 12 months, but the process of developing self-control takes years. At 18 months, children start to separate their identity out from their caregivers-they begin to recognize themselves as independent beings. By age two, children can imperceptibly think about consequences to their own behaviour "I wonder if mommy will be upset if I play with her make-up?" but won't necessarily stop misbehaving because of these perceptions. By age four, children begin to understand cause and affect relationships. They become aware of how other people see them and how their actions or behaviour affect others.
As they become older, children become better at self-regulation as they learn to moralize and follow rules. They start to foresee and understand the repercussions for breaking the rules and make decisions based on whether or not it is the right thing for them to do.
Parents can help their children develop self-control through the ways they interact with them. It begins when their children are infants through responsive parenting and physical contact and continues throughout their children's development by teaching them why their behaviour is unacceptable and offering them more appropriate behaviours to replace undesirable ones.
Here are some do's and don'ts of teaching self-control
DON'T: tell your children they have done something wrong and arbitrarily punish them (lose a privilege like watching TV because of hitting a sibling). In this instance children only come to rely on other's telling them what to do instead of learning about alternative acceptable behaviours that they can choose for themselves the next time ("I will ask mom for help with getting my toy back instead of hitting my sister").
DO: be flexible. Effective parents are constantly changing and adapting to who their child is. They tailor their parenting to meet the child's needs. For example: if a 13 year old is not very responsible, a responsive parent would not let that child babysit younger siblings, regardless of his age. They would help their child to learn more responsible behaviours so he can be left alone to babysit, when he is ready.
DON'T: tell your child you're not interested in her excuses or explanations for why she has done something wrong. This gives children the message that their feelings are not important. You don't have to agree with how your child is feeling but you do need to respect that her feelings are real.
DO: give your children a "feelings vocabulary". Start as early as possible labelling their feelings for them "I can see how upset you are". "I bet that made you feel very angry?" "I can appreciate how frustrated you must be". This way, as children expand their capacity for language they will have words to express themselves instead of acting out. They will also be able to tell how someone else is feeling as a result of their behaviour "I can tell by the look on my Aunt's face, she's angry that I ate the whole bag of chips". Perceiving how others are feeling about how they behaved will go a long way in helping children to problem solve.
DON'T: constantly tell your children what to do. But don't let them do whatever they want either. Children cannot learn about rules if their environment is so restrictive that they are not allowed to make mistakes they can learn from. Nor can they learn about rules if they have never been taught to follow them.
DO: Set limits, but allow your children input (as they get older) into what those limits might be and the consequences for not adhering to them. Children need lots of practice in making decisions about their behaviour and opportunities to see the impact of those decisions from both their successes and their failures.
Dyan Eybergen, a child and adolescent psychiatric nurse, has more than ten years experience working as a therapist and parent educator. Eybergen currently resides in St. Albert, Alberta, with her husband and three sons.
Out of the Mouths of Babes
is her first book. For more information visit
www.childperspectiveparenting.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:26Z
Stop Playing the Blame Game
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Stop-Playing-the-Blame-Game
-
- /8488.html
2010-05-07T09:09:24Z
2010-05-07T09:09:24Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:24Z
Setting Limits
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Setting-Limits
-
- /8489.html
2010-05-07T09:09:24Z
2010-05-07T09:09:24Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Setting Limits
By Armin Brott
www.mrdad.com
DearMr. Dad: My wife and I have been talking a lot about the importance ofsetting limits for our two children, ages 5 and 7. We know we must dothis but we aren't sure how to go about it, especially since the kidscontinually challenge us on every new rule. But it's so exhausting. Anysuggestions?
A: You're absolutely right tobe talking about setting limits. Boundaries are essential for raisingwell-behaved kids, especially in this age of "anything goes." I wishyou had started your discussions a few years ago (and you probably dotoo), but it's never too late.
Why is it so important for parents to set boundaries#150;and for thechildren to respect them? Well, start by thinking of your family in alarger context. Every civilized society has rules and regulations. Somemay be reasonable and others less so, but just imagine what the worldwould be like if everyone made and followed their own rules, whileignoring and breaking everyone else's. (To a child, that might soundlike paradise, but as adults, we can hopefully see the larger picture.)
Unfortunately, children aren't born with a pre-loaded set of rules. Soif we don't teach them the difference between good and bad behavior,healthy and dangerous habits, kind and hurtful actions, how will theyever know what's positive and acceptable and what isn't?
Okay, now that we've got the philosophy of limit-setting down, let'stalk about how to start establishing rules and how to make sure they'rethe right ones for your family. Here are some guidelines I think you'llfind helpful:
Boundaries should bereasonable and clear to a child. It's sometimes a delicate balancingact, but you've got to find the middle ground between being too lenientand too strict.
Limits should beage-appropriate. What works now for your 5 and 7-year-old, won't workfor a teen. And in fact, what works for your 5 year old probably won'twork for the 7 year old.
Be flexible. As yourchildren get older, you'll need to modify your house rules accordingly.
Make sure the kidsunderstand why each rule is necessary. You may say, for example, thatthey're not allowed to go to a friend's house alone because they're tooyoung to cross the street by themselves. Explaining the reason behindeach boundary will show them that you don't make the rules arbitrarilyjust to curtail their freedom, but, rather, to protect them in apotentially unsafe environment. That said, make sure your childrenunderstand that while you're happy to discuss certain rules, there aresome--health and safety issues, for example--that are non-negotiable.
Establish clear consequencesfor breaking rules. Kids have to be held accountable for their actionsso they grow into responsible and trustworthy adults. When--notif--they test the boundaries or break the rules, be prepared to enforcethe consequences right away. If you don't, the kids will learn thatbreaking rules is okay or that there's always one more "last warning."That's not a lesson that will serve them well in adulthood, when theconsequences for bending or breaking the rules will be harsher.
All in all, setting boundariesisn't going to be easy--we want our children to love us and don't wantthem to be mad at us, which is exactly what will happen when theyinevitably bang up against the rules. But it's our job to stand firm.The result will be more respectful, better-mannered kids who will growinto responsible, likeable adults.
Armin Brott is America's most trustedDad#153;. He's the author of seven bestselling books on fatherhood.He has written for dozens of major publications such as Newsweek, The New York Times Magazine, Men's Health, and Parenting Magazine, and appeared onhundreds of radio and television shows including Today, Fox News, CBSOvernight, and Politically Incorrect. Armin has taken his experience asthe father of three beautiful children, interviews with thousands offathers just like you, and with the very latest research, and writtenbooks specifically for Dads.nbsp;
www.mrdad.com
nbsp;Permissiongranted for useon DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:24Z
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past Provides Haunting Moments for Moms
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Ghosts-of-Girlfriends-Past-Provides-Haunting-Moments-for-Moms
-
- /8490.html
2010-05-07T09:09:23Z
2010-05-07T09:09:23Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:23Z
Help Wanted: Mother
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Help-Wanted:-Mother
-
- /8491.html
2010-05-07T09:09:23Z
2010-05-07T09:09:23Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:23Z
Where Does Your Pretty Come From?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Where-Does-Your-Pretty-Come-From
-
- /8492.html
2010-05-07T09:09:23Z
2010-05-07T09:09:23Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:23Z
The Art of Allowing: Parent Control from the Inside Out
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Art-of-Allowing:-Parent-Control-from-the-Inside-Out
-
- /8493.html
2010-05-07T09:09:22Z
2010-05-07T09:09:22Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:22Z
The Key to Successful Relationships: Put Yourself First
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Key-to-Successful-Relationships:-Put-Yourself-First
-
- /8494.html
2010-05-07T09:09:22Z
2010-05-07T09:09:22Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:22Z
How to Offer Children Choices Within Limits
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-to-Offer-Children-Choices-Within-Limits
-
- /8495.html
2010-05-07T09:09:21Z
2010-05-07T09:09:21Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:21Z
4 Ways to Survive the Hard Times and Come Out Closer
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/4-Ways-to-Survive-the-Hard-Times-and-Come-Out-Closer
-
- /8496.html
2010-05-07T09:09:21Z
2010-05-07T09:09:21Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>4 Ways to Survive theHard Times and Come Out Closer
By Sharon Rivkin
www.sharonrivkin.com
Isit possible for something good to come out of the economic downturn?Can a relationship, even one that may be experiencing its own hardtimes, come out better for surviving the hard times?nbsp; Here aresome ways to use the recession to your benefit:
Back to Basics.nbsp; View this asan opportunity to get back to the basics.nbsp; We live in such a busyworld, accomplishing a lot, but losing touch with our partner, family,and friends.nbsp; When we don#146;t have a lot of money to spend on"activities," we have an opportunity to get closer and talk to oneanother. Re-learn the value of family time.nbsp; Rather than everyonegoing in different directions, create simple activities with yourfamily.nbsp; Instead of going out to eat, cook at home with your kids,have a picnic and bring along the frisbee, or take a long walk andenjoy the fresh air.nbsp; Play cards or games#133;all the things we usedto do before video games and TV shows invaded family time.
Keep it Simple.nbsp; When theeconomy is good, you have more money.nbsp; More dollars in your pocketallows you the freedom to distract yourself with more activities andopportunities to do things separately.nbsp; This may cause you andyour partner to drift apart.nbsp; Because our wallets are slimmer nowand we#146;re staying home more, this gives us the chance to sit still,slow our lives down, and start dealing with the unaddressed issues ofour relationship.nbsp; By keeping it simple and going back to talkingto each other, you have a chance of getting closer and reviving thespark that drew you together in the first place.
Reevalute.nbsp; Now's the time toreevaluate our relationship to money.nbsp; What are we spending ourmoney on that we really don't NEED?nbsp; In flourishing economictimes, it#146;s easy to get carried away and confuse our wants and ourneeds.nbsp; This is the time to differentiate the two. Talk with yourpartner about ways to pare down.nbsp; Use this as an opportunity toteam up and work together on ways to save money. You#146;ll both feelbetter with a plan of action.
Finish, Rather than Start. Use thisas a time to look at the loose ends in your environment.nbsp; Is therea project you could finish together that doesn't cost a lot?nbsp; Whenthe economy is good, we tend to start a lot of things without finishingthem.nbsp; Get creative and save money by trading weekends withfriends. Get your buddies together and alternate weekends by helpingone another with household projects.nbsp; This week at my house, nextweek at yours.nbsp; Then wrap up the day with a simple barbeque andgood company.
We come from a culture of doingand achieving, with less emphasis on slowing down and enjoying thesimple things that life offers.nbsp; The recession gives us anopportunity to go inward, instead of outward, to think about what we'regrateful for and what we appreciate, and just how lucky we are to bealive.nbsp; Ultimately, we want closeness and companionship, and nowis the opportunity to cultivate what#146;s really important.
Relationship and Conflict Resolution Expert, Sharon M. Rivkin, M.A., M.F.T.,author of The First Argument: Cuttingto the Root of Intimate Conflict, helps hundreds of couplesbreak the argument cycle with her proven, groundbreaking technique thatresolves the most painful issues, stops repetitive conflict, savesrelationships, and puts the love back in your marriage.nbsp; Sharonhas been featured in O: The Oprah Magazine, Reader#146;s Digest, and majorwebsites such as YahooPersonals, DrLaura.com, Hitchedmag.com,SheKnow.com, and many others.nbsp; Visit Sharon at
www.sharonrivkin.com
. Permissiongranted for useon DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:21Z
The Art of Allowing: Parent Control from the Inside Out
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Art-of-Allowing:-Parent-Control-from-the-Inside-Out
-
- /8497.html
2010-05-07T09:09:20Z
2010-05-07T09:09:20Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:20Z
Retool Your Parenting
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Retool-Your-Parenting
-
- /8498.html
2010-05-07T09:09:20Z
2010-05-07T09:09:20Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:20Z
Allowance and Household Chores
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Allowance-and-Household-Chores
-
- /8499.html
2010-05-07T09:09:19Z
2010-05-07T09:09:19Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:19Z
No-Cost Stress Relievers for Getting Through Tough Times
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/No-Cost-Stress-Relievers-for-Getting-Through-Tough-Times
-
- /8500.html
2010-05-07T09:09:19Z
2010-05-07T09:09:19Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>No-Cost StressRelievers for Getting
Through Tough Times
By Winn Claybaugh
www.beniceorelse.com
Somedays, it seems like bad news just keeps coming. Unemployment is up. Thestock market is down. Gas prices are up, down, and up again. You maynot be able to control these things, but you can control your reactionsto them#151;and you can do it without spending a dime. Try these quick,easy and free stress busters.
Humor and Laughter
If it's true that high stress can lead to physical calamities, thenperhaps it's also true that humor and laughter can heal. In his book Love, Medicine, and Miracles Dr.Bernie Siegel wrote that humor not only may have the potential torelieve pain directly, but that it also diverts your attention andhelps you relax.
In truth, it's not stress that causes physical problems; it's the wayyou react to stress. Instead of letting stress make you ill, how aboutusing humor and laughter to help you heal? When you laugh and have fun,your body releases natural opiates called endorphins, the ultimate naturalhigh. Finding humor and laughter when you're all stressed out may seemlike a difficult task, but like anything else, it can become a habit ifyou practice long enough.
Go Through the Motions
To build your levels of happiness, joy, purpose, and fulfillment,sometimes you might have to go through the motions of offering yourselfgifts that you don't believe you deserve. If you knew your sweetheartwas having a bad day, you might draw a nice bath, light candles aroundthe tub, and place special salts or oils in the bathwater. Maybe you'dplay soft music, turn down the lights, and turn the telephone ringeroff. You'd then greet your sweetie at the door to grab her briefcase orpurse, hand her a glass of wine, and send her in for a stress-meltingbath. You'd do that for a lover, but when was the last time you treatedyourself with such respect and love?
My challenge for you and for myself is to just go through the motions.Tonight you might be sitting in that bathwater thinking, "What on earth am I doing here?"That's okay. Eventually, actions become habits, and habits become partof your personality, which builds your character and turns you into thetype of person you were always meant to be: filled with happinessinstead of stress.
Let's Be Clear
I used to believe that if I had a grievance, an opposing opinion, or alegitimate complaint with someone, I had to bite my tongue in order tobe perceived as a nice guy. On those rare occasions when I chose totell the person how I felt or how they'd wronged me, I felt as though Iwas attacking them. And I'm not the attacking type, so I learned tokeep it to myself. If you believe in a mind-body connection, as Ifirmly do, then you know that bottling things up leads to stress,uneasiness, and disease.
You're obviously going to have disagreements on occasion. To keep frommaking yourself unhealthy, practice being clear with people. If youhave a disagreement that needs to be resolved, remember to keep itbetween the two of you, discuss it in private, stick to the facts, andstay focused on your desire to restore harmony and retain therelationship.
Bottom line: All three strategies will help increase your nice factor,and being nice is a surefire way to help get rid of your stress.
Winn Claybaugh is the author ofBe Nice (Or Else!) and "one ofthe best motivational speakers in the country," according to CNN'sLarry King. Winn is the co-owner of hair care giant Paul Mitchell'sschool division. His clients include Southwest Airlines, the IrvineCompany, Vidal Sassoon, Entertainment Tonight, Mattel, For Rent magazine,Structure/Limited/Express, and others. Visit
www.BeNiceOrElse.com
to sign up for his free monthly Be Nice (Or Else!) newsletter. Permissiongranted for useon DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:19Z
The Dangers Of Over Parenting
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Dangers-Of-Over-Parenting
-
- /8501.html
2010-05-07T09:09:18Z
2010-05-07T09:09:18Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:18Z
It's True Moms: Technology Can Spell Salvation
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Its-True-Moms:-Technology-Can-Spell-Salvation
-
- /8502.html
2010-05-07T09:09:18Z
2010-05-07T09:09:18Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>It's True Moms: Technology Can Spell Salvation
This article was brought to our attention and we thought it may help you#133;
Think you're not a tech-savvy mom? Don't underestimate your digital know-how. 10 Tips columnist Laura T. Coffey shares tech-related advice that can make your life as a mom easier. Read:
It#146;s true, moms: Technology can spell salvation
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:18Z
Busy but bored: Stay-at-home motherhood is a great many things-yet, some days, it can be unbearably dull
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Busy-but-bored:-Stay-at-home-motherhood-is-a-great-many-things-yet,-some-days,-it-can-be-unbearably-dull
-
- /8503.html
2010-05-07T09:09:16Z
2010-05-07T09:09:16Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:16Z
Mid Life Crisis Management: Avoid Sharp Objects
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Mid-Life-Crisis-Management:-Avoid-Sharp-Objects
-
- /8504.html
2010-05-07T09:09:16Z
2010-05-07T09:09:16Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:16Z
Five Things Nature Will Teach Your Child
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Five-Things-Nature-Will-Teach-Your-Child
-
- /8505.html
2010-05-07T09:09:16Z
2010-05-07T09:09:16Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Five Things Nature WillTeach Your Child
By Mark J. Stevens
www.luisasnature.com
Deep in the woods, something small is lurking and just waiting to bediscovered. Leading children into the arms of nature will expand theirhorizons and help make them become well-rounded individuals. Here are 5things your children will learn by interacting with nature:
JOY: The varying strength ofair blowing on leaves will teach yourchild the joys of the subtle differences of sound intensity floatinginto their ears. The gifts of rotating seasons will enlighten theireyes with ever changing surprise. The smells of wood or a passing skunkcan excite the smallest of explorers and teach them the effects ofdiffering wind direction or dampness. Sticks and stones come in manyshapes, sizes and consistency. Once your children appreciate thediversity below their feet, each outing into nature will be a joyousoccasion.
SHARING: If you talk to yourchildren about your discoveries in naturetogether, they will learn the very valuable skill of sharing. Just siton a log and look at a tree or long grass or a caterpillar or at theclouds and talk to each other about what you see and feel. If yourchild enjoys silence, you can discuss the walk through the woods or inthe fields afterwards. Words are a good way for your children to sharetheir experiences with you or their friends. But they can also draw apicture of their favorite spot in nature #150; another creative way ofsharing their experiences.
SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT: Giveyour children some tasks to achieve innature. Start with simple tasks such as finding a pinecone or acorn.Then move on to more difficult challenges such as finding threedifferent-colored lichen or moss or insects. Go at your child#146;s pace.It makes no sense to overwhelm children with impossible challenges.They should have fun while successfully completing a task and gainingknowledge. This will instill a sense of pride in your children.
CURIOSITY: Plant tomatoes andflowers in the backyard with yourchildren. Let them till the soil, put the seeds in the dirt and waterthem. You will not only see the tomato plants grow gradually, but yourchildren#146;s curiosity will grow in leaps and bounds. Ask them how theirplants are coming along and you will see their sense of pride andcuriosity abound. They will regularly run out into the yard to see howtheir plants are doing. They will learn how the soil, weather andinsects affect their plants. Similarly, by asking your children somesimple questions about the birds and the terrain along any given trailyou will open your children#146;s eyes and make them curious. They willsoon be asking questions that even you will have to research to getthem the right answers.
GRATITUDE: When taking a walkwith your children along a stream or neara lake or simply in the rain, the topic of water will come up at somepoint. Once your children learn about the source of water, they willgain an appreciation for a simple glass of water that they need tosurvive. They will learn how individual parts of ecosystems areintertwined and will develop gratitude for our oneness with nature. Ifyour children have the opportunity to take a walk with you through thedesert or in a dry climate, their appreciation for the basic elementsof nature such as water will grow even more.
You can inspire your child to keep a journal of his or her naturediscoveries. The combination of exploring and writing will be a sourceof learning that will grow in time like branches on a tree. The pageswill be replete with words of joy, sharing, sense of accomplishment,curiosity and gratitude.
Mark Stevens, author of LUISA'S NATURE (Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing,Spring 2008), is a news journalist currently working in Europe. Formore information, visit
www.luisasnature.com
.Permission granted for useon DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:16Z
Make Yourself Dispensable
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Make-Yourself-Dispensable
-
- /8506.html
2010-05-07T09:09:14Z
2010-05-07T09:09:14Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Make Yourself Dispensable
By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
Are you at all interested in raising a thirty-year-old Nintendo player who lays around your house all day eating cold pizza and sucking up diet Pepsi? Probably not. If your are like many of the parents who attend our parenting workshops, creating a thirty-year-old video game player is not high on your list of parenting goals. Our prediction is that you are probably a lot more interested in raising a responsible, caring, conscious youngster who somewhere between the ages of eighteen and twenty-five, is capable of leaving home and living successfully on their own.
Raising a responsible young adult, one who can function effectively in today's world does not happen by luck, coincidence, or magic. It occurs only where parents set out to make it happen by working diligently and purposefully throughout a child's life to see that the child learns about independence, responsibility, and personal power. It happens where and when parents work intentionally to make themselves dispensable in a child's life.
Are you interested in making yourself more dispensable so your child can become more responsible and independent? If so, use the suggestions below to will help you move closer to your goal of raising an independent, autonomous, fully functioning young adult.
1. Believe that making yourself dispensable is your main job as a parent. If you believe that your job is to be needed, that your central role is to
do for
your children, you will have a difficult time implementing the ideas that follow.
Helping doesn't always help. Sometimes it creates learned helplessness. When you
do for
your children the things they can do for themselves, you are over-functioning. Over-functioning begins with the belief that my children need me to
do for
them. Change that belief to--- my job is to help my children
do for
themselves.
2. Refuse to
do for
your children what they can do or can learn to do for themselves. Do you do laundry for a teenager? Do you pack your fifth grader's lunch? Do you tie the shoes and zip the coat of a six-year old? Do you look up phone numbers for your fourth grader? If so you could be over-functioning.Remember, the more you function, the less your child has to.
3. If you want a behavior, you have to teach a behavior. Children do not naturally know how to bring in firewood, clean the fish bowl, set the table, dry the dishes, or take their own dishes to the sink after dinner. If you don't teach behaviors, you could end up doing them all yourself.
4. Refrain from answering for your child. We recently overheard a conversation where a friend approached a parent and child and spoke to the child, asking her a direct question, "How are you doing today, Maria?" The mother responded for the child replying, "She's not in a very good mood today." The silent message the parent delivered to the child was: "You don't have to speak up for yourself. I will take care of you."
When the doctor asks, "Why are you here today?" the neighbor inquires, "What was you favorite birthday present?" or grandma wants to know, "How do you like school this year?" stay out of it. Allow children to answer for themselves.
5. Teach your child to ask for help. One way to do that is to not help them until they ask. Parents often rush in with help before the child has articulated a desire for help. Why would a child ever need to ask for help if help always arrives without asking?
6.Teach children to solve their own problems. Do not say,"Don't say anything to your mother. I'll handle it for you. I know your mother well and I can catch her in a good mood."
Say instead, "You're going to have to handle this with your mother. Let me teach you what I know. I generally try to catch her in the afternoon because she gets real busy in the morning. If she's having a bad hair day, forget it. Also, she responds better if you make it sound like a suggestion rather than a demand. Hopefully, these tips will help. I know you can handle it." This style of speaking announces to your child that you believe in him and that you see him as capable.
7. Refrain from rescuing children from experiencing the legitimate consequences of their actions. Do not rescue, save, bail them out, let them slide, accept excuses, or fail to hold them accountable for the choices they make. When you refuse to protect children from the choices they make, you allow them to take responsibility for their lives.
Raising responsible children is not an easy task. It takes effort, energy, and persistence. You can do that best when you take steps like the ones listed above to make yourself dispensable.
Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the co-authors of
Teaching the Attraction Principle to Children: Practical Strategies for Parents and Teachers to Help Children Manifest a Better World.
They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for educators and another for parents. To sign up for them or to learn more about the seminars they offer teachers and parents, visit their websites today:
www.thomashaller.com
and
www.chickmoorman.com
or visit
www.uncommon-parenting.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:14Z
Getting A Second Wind At Romance
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Getting-A-Second-Wind-At-Romance
-
- /8507.html
2010-05-07T09:09:12Z
2010-05-07T09:09:12Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Getting A Second WindAt Romance
By Emily Sue Harvey
www.renewalstories.com
How many of us know that male and female ways of saying "I love you"can vary as widely as grilled steak to scrambled eggs? And bothapproaches are exquisitely profound. And how many know that as theyears pass and the children marry and leave, romance can be evenhotter? Hah! You didn#146;t expect that, did you?
It's true. Romance can be just as exciting after you get your secondwind. How to do that? I asked my husband, Lee, which memories of mylove offerings through the years have really stuck. At the same time,as a love exercise, I replayed those moments when his tributes to mecaused the moon and stars to glow brighter. How many of us know that itis this gender-uniqueness that gives romance sizzle and endlessdelights?
The phenomenon is universal...and timeless. Despite culturaldistinctions, boiled down to man/woman affairs, romance is a deliciousgift. One that needs, from time to time, to be cultivated and nurtured.
How to Get A Second Wind at Romance:
Masculine Ways to Say I Love You:
BE THE PROTECTOR:
Nothing says to a woman "you are loved" like her man's protectivestance. He is her rescuer by taking charge when things get rough. Likecar trouble and a busted water pipe. And, in my case, helping balancethe checkbook. Lee#146;s mind is more mathematical than mine is and he's mywalking calculator (while I'm his spell checker). At other times,during tragedies and loss, his presence is like that of a goldenknight. Those strong arms and rumbling voice do magic to lift mywounded spirit. All these add up to a dynamic role: hero.
BE WILLING TO CHANGE:
My spouse grew up in an alcoholic home where chaos reigned. For years,he fought his demons of mistrust and anger. Because his love for me wasso strong, he sought help in conquering those demons. Throughcounseling and therapy, he emerged a man's man who knows who he is andisn't threatened by anybody or anything. A man who can submit to suchscrutiny and humility is, in my book, a real hunk.
VALIDATE HER:
Daily, my spouse let's me know that I'm important to him. That I am nota threat to his sense of self and masculinity. That my love offeringsto him don't go unnoticed. He thanks me for every caring gesture. Thismorning, as I went about tidying up the kitchen, he sat down at thetable and read from Proverbs 31, prefacing it with, "this is you," andwent on to extol the virtues of the virtuous woman. I grinned wheninstead of the wife sitting at her spinning wheel, he had her sittingat her 'computer.' Ahh. Modern day life. He tells me daily how"beautiful" I am and how lucky he is that I chose him. Several times aday, in fact. What woman can resist such affirmations?
TOUCH OFTEN:
How many of us women know that his touch is like no other? We need thatmasculine stroke, gentle yet territorial and protective. It's the onethat wakes up and finely tunes our sexuality. Makes us think "what aman!" Ahhh. Need I say more?
Feminine Ways to Say I Love You:
NURTURE:
Surprise! Sexual overtures did not lead Lee's parade of memorablelove-gestures references. Rather, he expressed appreciation for thenurturing role I play in his life. In particular, he enjoys the nice,clean home I provide for him. So all that mundane cleaning activity isnot in vain, huh? My taking care to prepare his favorite foods giveshim pleasure, as does his always having clean clothing to wear.
ENCOURAGE:
I was surprised when Lee told me I played a big role in the formationof his ethics. That my encouragement and validation, through the years,helped shape his ideals. I try to daily thank him for who he is andwhat he is in my life. Too, I express my joy that he chose me. I amhumbled by the fact that this has such an impact on his life. I, too,have tried to change with time and circumstances. To be adjustable is ablessing, not only to my spouse, but to myself as well.
BE HIS PARTNER:
Another surprise: my taking an active role as his teammate is high onLee's accolades totem. That I stand shoulder-to-shoulder with him inlife, facing and fighting the same challenges is gratifying andsupportive to him. The financial arena is one in which teamwork andcommon goals are essential, one we work at. Each partner is equal inpower. We don't have the same strengths but somehow, mystically, in thefinal analysis and resolution, they meld and blend until we don't knowwhere one ends and the other begins.
SEXUALITY AND GROOMING:
Aha. Here it comes. I was delighted to know that my grooming habits hadnot gone unappreciated. My care to keep myself clean, fresh-smelling,and attractive paid great dividends. Yep. It really, really did. Itgoes hand in hand with being sexually appealing, from both mine and hisend of the romance. He, too, treasures my touch. Yes, he really, reallydoes. After all, this is the bottom line in a passionate relationship.
Isn't love fantastic? Romance can be renewed all throughout life. Yes,indeed, it can. All that's needed sometimes is that second wind tospark it back to life!
Emily Sue Harvey writes to make a difference. Her upbeat storieshaveappeared in dozens of anthologies including
Chicken Soup for theSoul,Chocolate for Women, From Eulogy to Joy, A Father's Embrace, TrueStory, Compassionate Friends Magazine, and Woman's World
. Emily Sueserved as president of Southeastern Writers Association in 2008-2009.Peter Miller's NY Literary and Film Agency represent Emily Sue. Herfirst novel, Song of Renewal, published by Story Plant, will bereleased in the spring of 2009. For more information visit
www.renewalstories.com
.Permission granted for use onDrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:12Z
Write Your Own Love Story
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Write-Your-Own-Love-Story
-
- /8508.html
2010-05-07T09:09:10Z
2010-05-07T09:09:10Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>SOUND CHANGES#153;
Write Your Own Love Story
By Ellen Simon, M.S., M. Ed., LPC
www.imadulation.com
Valentine's day is that time of the year when we think about hearts,flowers, cupids amp; mostly love.
As human beings, we have a natural desire, a need to feel loved. Wecrave this feeling and look for it, even in places where it does notexist. We look for love in food and drink, in objects and activities.Yet this feeling of love originates within your heart and is mostdelightful when shared and mirrored by another. Living in the light oflove breeds confidence, strength, joy and serves as a great cushion forthe bumps and bruises of life. So how can we have more love in ourlife? We increase love when we cultivate in ourselves:
The capacity and desire to be kind
The capacity and desire to bring joy
The capacity and desire to ease pain
The capacity and desire to allow each other to be free
Romantic love may bring forth images of Romeo amp; Juliet,Antony amp; Cleopatra, John amp; Yoko. And who doesn't wish for theglory of exalted love? How will you get more love on this Valentine'sDay and the days hereafter? It starts with how we treat each other,which can serve to enhance or diminish the warm tender feelings andintimacy that love creates.
The images you hold in your mind can serve to fan the flames or squelchthe passion. Realizing that love is a conscious choice creates for youlife's greatest opportunity. The benefactors of this choice will beyour loved ones- your significant other, your children, parents, familyand friends, even strangers on the street can benefit from a genuinesmile and heartfelt good wishes. And you will benefit most of all. Youand only you are responsible for choosing the path of love.
Start by using your creative imagination to choose loving images thathelp cultivate more loving feelings. You can just as easily choosenegative thoughts that will lead you down a very different path. Whenyou realize the power of this choice your life will change. Choose loveand use your intention to:
Be Present - let go of the past let go of worry about the future
Show appreciation and joy being in the presence of your beloved
Demonstrate compassion and the ability to relieve suffering inthe other
Let go of pride and be willing to share your feelings and ask forwhat you need
Forgive and let go of past hurts. Remember and nourish the qualitiesyou appreciate and love in others rather than focus on what you do notwant or what you think is wrong. The more you think about what youappreciate and love, the more it will grow in your life. Feelinggratitude for life opens the heart to love. This Valentine's Day,rather than waiting for love to find you, may you find love waitingwithin you. Take cupid's arrow and redirect it towards your heart andenjoy a day and a lifetime of renewed hope, happiness and love.
Ellen Simon is a nationally recognized expert in the field ofmind bodyhealth. Ellen's unique brands of audio programs are in use in hospitalsand health care facilities across the country. Ellen is the author ofover 25 titles. This article is adapted from Food for Thoughtreg;, a 6audio CD set
www.imadulation.com
.For more information visit Permission granted for use onDrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:10Z
Ten Things Your Relatives Will Be Looking For - Frantically - In An Emergency
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Ten-Things-Your-Relatives-Will-Be-Looking-For---Frantically---In-An-Emergency
-
- /8509.html
2010-05-07T09:09:09Z
2010-05-07T09:09:09Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Ten Things Your Relatives Will Be Looking For - Frantically - In An Emergency
By Cliff Ennico
www.creators.com
"My Mom passed away just before the holidays. There are three children, and we get along really well, but we all live in different cities and none of us live near Mom. Right after the funeral, the three of us gathered at Mom's house to try to figure out how we were going to split up things, but we couldn't find a copy of her will. Heck, we couldn't find ANYTHING in the mess she left behind! After two days of trying to find important papers and valuables, we just gave up and hired an estate appraiser to go through everything and put together an inventory, which is going to cost us all a fortune. There has to be a better way. Do you know of any resources that can help?
You never know just how much stuff piles up around the house until somebody dies and you have to get your hands on important papers quickly. The best will in the world won't be worth the paper it's printed on if you can't find the bloody thing.
If you truly love your relatives, and want to make sure the right things happen when you die or become seriously ill, put together a list of important papers and valuables and where they are located in your house. Then, give copies of the list to one or two relatives who are organized, unemotional and likely to "take charge" after your death or serious illness.
Here are 10 of the most important things that should be on that list:
Your Current Will.
You would be AMAZED how many people put these in their safe deposit box. This is a bad idea, because a bank won't let you have access to a relative's safe deposit box unless you can show them copies of "letters testamentary" appointing you executor of the estate. And guess what? You can't get "letters testamentary" from a probate court without a copy of your relative's will!
Keep your current will somewhere in your home, and make sure the attorney who drafted it keeps a copy in her office. Also, be sure to destroy all prior wills so there is no confusion about which one is current.
Insurance Policies.
Especially your life and disability policies, as many of these require you to notify the insurance company within a few days of a relative's death or disability if you plan to make a claim. Also, homeowner's policies may have "schedules" listing valuables, artwork and other heirlooms.
Tax Returns.
These are among the first things your estate attorney will ask for when you die - try to keep your federal and state income tax returns for the past five years in one place.
Bank and Brokerage Account Statements.
If you bank electronically, make a list of the banks where your accounts are located, the account numbers, your computer passwords, and the name and telephone number of a contact person at the bank who knows you personally. Do the same for brokerage accounts. Be sure to include the locations of any safe deposit boxes.
Retirement Accounts.
Your IRA, SEP, 401(K), pension or other retirement plan account numbers should be noted, along with the name and telephone number of the bank or financial institution that serves as "trustee" of the account.
Your Good Jewelry.
Do you really trust a local jeweler to help your relatives figure out what's "costume" and what's not?
Family Heirlooms.
If you want something to go to a particular relative and haven't made a specific bequest in your will, say it in your list - if your relatives get along, they probably will honor your wishes even though they're not legally binding.
Your House or Apartment Keys.
Only one or two of your most trustworthy relatives should have these, or know where they are. A client once told me that when his grandmother died, one of his cousins got access to the grandmother's apartment within 48 hours of her death and removed all of her valuable antiques before most other family members even knew she had died. Because no one could prove that Grandma actually owned the antiques, the cousin got to keep them, although he isn't too popular at family gatherings nowadays.
The Location of Secret Compartments in Furniture or Other "Hiding Places".
Don't laugh! I inherited a fold-out desk from a maiden aunt who died in 1986, and only two months ago while cleaning it I discovered a hidden compartment containing love letters from her old boyfriends - circa 1922!
Names and Telephone Numbers of . . .
the attorney who drafted your current will;
your accountant;
your doctors (in case of sudden stroke or illness where you are unable to speak);
your insurance agent;
relatives and friends you wish to be notified of your death (be sure to include your profiles on any "social networking" websites); and
the funeral parlor you wish to handle your remains.
Cliff Ennico (
cennico@legalcareer.com
)is a syndicated columnist, author and former host of the PBS televisionseries 'Money Hunt'. This column is no substitute for legal, tax orfinancial advice, which can be furnished only by a qualifiedprofessional licensed in your state. To find out more about CliffEnnico and other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit ourWeb page at
www.creators.com
.COPYRIGHT 2009 CLIFFORD R. ENNICO. DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE,INC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:09Z
SOUND CHANGES™: Six Sound Strategies to Stress Less
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/SOUND-CHANGES8482;:-Six-Sound-Strategies-to-Stress-Less
-
- /8510.html
2010-05-07T09:09:07Z
2010-05-07T09:09:07Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>SOUND CHANGES#8482;
Six Sound Strategies to Stress Less
By Ellen Simon, M.S., M. Ed., LPC
www.imadulation.com
Stress happens in your body but starts in your mind. In addition to the perception of danger or life threatening events, there are two thinking habits that activate the stress response in the body.
The first is negative attention, or focusing on what you don't want/like, rather than what is good, right or challenging in a growth producing way. The Law of Attraction will bring into your life that which you focus on and play on the movie screen of your mind.
The second common habit to induce stress is an insistence and needing that things be a certain way, rather than preferring the same. Insistence on things being a certain way implies an attachment to a particular outcome, and thus sets you up for disappointment. If instead you prefer an outcome, you still identify your wishes and desires, yet this attitude contains energy of letting go. Preferring carries an element of trust in the unfolding of life and the confidence that whatever happens, you have the resources and ability to handle life.
It's better to have what you need than to need what you want.
The 6 strategies to stress less and enjoy life more follow:
Thinking healthy - focus on what you do want rather than what you don't want, let go of insisting or clinging to a particular outcome. Where are your thoughts? Are you focusing on what is wrong? Or is your awareness on the solution or even on the blessing that if often revealed down the road? Are you turning your wants into needs? When you NEED what you WANT then you create unnecessary stress. Try shifting your needs into preferences, relaxing, breathing and looking at the big picture.
Breathing - breathe in fully and completely let go of your breath. Breathing is a metaphor for life. Take it in fully and let go of what you do not need.
Moving - stretch your body and keep it flexible and resilient like your mind.
Awareness - maintain a consciousness of your habitual patterns. If something is not working, cease the pattern and make another choice.
Communication - be assertive, state your truth with harmless intention and allow another to have a truth that may differ from yours. Respect your needs and celebrate diversity in your loved ones.
Sound Sleep - crucial to managing stress and feelings of well-being. If needed, create a routine for yourself that includes a soothing and calming ritual before bed. If there is something on your mind, talk to a friend or journal - get those feelings out of your body and onto some paper or into a friend's ear! Meditation prior to bedtime can create a nice transition to sleep. A spray of lavender or nutritional supplements may be considered to support a healthy sleep.
Keep in mind these six strategies as you remember that you are the choice maker. One of the few things you can choose is what thoughts you entertain and how you respond to life!!
copy; 2009 by Ellen Simon www.imadulation.com. Permission to reprint if left intact.
Ellen Simon is a nationally recognized expert in the field of mind body health. Ellen's unique brand of audio programs is in use in hospitals and health care facilities across the country. Author of over 25 titles this article is adapted from Food for Thought(r) a 6 audio CD set. For more information visit
www.imadulation.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:07Z
Real Life Support for Moms: Back-up plans: What to do when you're down to the last diaper, forgot a bib, run out of milk ...
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Real-Life-Support-for-Moms:-Back-up-plans:-What-to-do-when-youre-down-to-the-last-diaper,-forgot-a-bib,-run-out-of-milk-...
-
- /8511.html
2010-05-07T09:09:05Z
2010-05-07T09:09:05Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:05Z
What to Do When Your Partner Has Become Your Enemy
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/What-to-Do-When-Your-Partner-Has-Become-Your-Enemy
-
- /8512.html
2010-05-07T09:09:05Z
2010-05-07T09:09:05Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>What to Do When Your Partner Has Become Your Enemy
By Sharon Rivkin, M.A., M.F.T.
www.thefirstargument.com
Where has all the love gone that you once felt for your partner? Do you seem to fight about everything? Has your partner become your enemy? How did it happen?
The process of "building a case against our partner" begins quietly and unconsciously, so we hardly notice what we're doing. The emotional battle often begins after the
honeymoon
phase of a relationship and
reality
has set in. Suddenly the one who could do no wrong, can't seem to do anything right. The one who used to make us happy is slowly becoming the enemy...someone to defend against and distrust. We're certain they're doing things just to annoy us and make us angry. We retaliate by doing things to them that get the same result. Slowly we have forgotten that we love our partner and now wonder what to do.
One of the most important things to do to begin to regain the love you once had for your partner is to start giving them the benefit of the doubt, like you would a friend or even a stranger. In order to do this, remember these three things:
Step out of yourself and listen to your partner. What is she/he really saying if you weren't already expecting the worst and waiting to defend yourself?
Example: Your partner is upset that you've come home late and says, "Here we go again, you're late for dinner and you didn't even call me." Your first reaction is to defend yourself with excuses of why you're late. Instead, just listen to your partner...when we're busy talking, we don't really hear what our partner is trying to communicate. You may see that your partner is simply trying to tell you that she/he's hurt, and not that you're a bad person. By holding back your defenses and addressing your partner's upset, a conversation can ensue rather than a defensive arguing match. In this situation, apologizing for being late, listening, and seeing the situation from your partner's point of view would dramatically alter the dynamics of the situation.
Don't take everything your partner says PERSONALLY. In other words, don't just react impulsively from JUST your emotions. Let your head help you to think about the situation and what's been said, rather than assuming your partner is trying to hurt you. To help you NOT just react from emotions (taking a remark as a personal attack), try asking yourself these simple questions: How might I respond to my partner if I did not take what she/he is saying personally? What if what she/he is saying ISN'T about me? If this was true, would I hear her/him differently? Would I respond differently?
Example: Your partner's had a hard day and has been unable to talk to anyone about it. Then you walk in and start talking about your day. All of a sudden your partner is angry that you never listen. If you take a minute to THINK about the situation, without immediately reacting, you may realize that your partner did have a hard day and needs to be HEARD, not necessarily that you NEVER listen. By not reacting to your own hurt, you might be able to be there for your partner...and then they're more likely to be there for you. Again, a potential argument could transform into an intimate conversation.
What if I didn't see my partner as my enemy? How would I respond if I still loved/liked my partner? How did I respond in the beginning of our relationship?
Do you want to be right or do you want a resolution for the argument? Do you want a healthy relationship? The healthiest relationships are the ones where both people can be right and have the opportunity to express their feelings and be heard. It only takes one person to change the pattern of the relationship. Be that person. Stop attacking and putting your partner on the defensive. Begin with an act of kindness to yourself and your partner by giving them the benefit of the doubt. By doing so, you begin to change the pattern of your relationship from negative to positive, from attacking to understanding, from fighting to intimacy, from enemy to friend, lover, and partner. One act of kindness goes a long way, leading to a different and healthier way of communicating.
Sharon M. Rivkin, Marriage and Family Therapist, and author of
The First Argument: Cutting to the Root of Intimate Conflict
, has worked with couples for 27 years. Her unique insight into the first argument was featured in
O: The Oprah Magazine
and
Reader's Digest
, and has attracted people throughout the United States and abroad for consultation, workshops, and courses. For more information on Sharon Rivkin and her book, or to contact her, visit
www.sharonrivkin.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:05Z
Four Ways to Keep Family Harmony
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Four--Ways-to-Keep-Family-Harmony
-
- /8513.html
2010-05-07T09:09:03Z
2010-05-07T09:09:03Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Four Ways to Keep Family Harmony
By Emily Sue Harvey
www.renewalstories.com
History itself affirms that the family is the foundation of society. It is the glue that holds together civilization itself. Block by block, it builds nations. But the most important place for family is inside each of us; it is who we are. We're living in days when the traditional family is challenged to the hilt. More than ever, parenting and nurturing roles are important and necessary. Like an orchestra, each family member is an instrument, with notes that blend the unit.
Four Ways to Stay in Family-Tune
1. Fill Your Place
My father's sudden, accidental death drove this home to me. My biological mother died when I was ten. My wonderful stepmother, my other "Mom," was my surrogate parent from the tender age of eleven.
Years later, when Dad died, the earth was yanked from beneath me. I wasn't certain, in those hours, who I was exactly, with 2 full siblings and three half-siblings. Oh, we'd never even used the 'half' term. We're extremely close.
But was Dad, father to us all, after all, the glue? In my initial shocked state, the family unit felt shattered. But hours later, when I entered Mom's house (not Dad's anymore) I heard her call, "Susie," her voice soothing as she sailed like a porpoise and gathered me into her arms. "I'm sorry about Daddy. He's with your Mama now," she whispered, tears in her eyes. I was aghast at her selflessness in that moment.
And my place in the family galvanized. I've seen family members vacate that space because some sibling, parent, or relative offended them. They were willing to abdicate their rightful position in the orchestra, creating dissonance and frailty of tone. The perception is yours. And only you can take your place. The orchestra is not quite right, a bit hollow, without you there playing your notes.
2. Play the Right Notes
We all hit sour notes in our families. All of us miss opportunities to keep the family harmony solid. One way to do that is to simply 'be there' for each other. I'll never forget failing in that role. While in my teens, with a new boyfriend, my little sister asked me to please ask Lee, my beau, go get some toothache drops. His was the only car available at the moment. Her tooth hurt. Living in a rural area with no corner seven-eleven or pharmacy, I dropped the ball, not willing to ask Lee to aid in the problem.
Looking back, I see that he would have gladly done so but at that time my insecurity prevailed. Later in the evening, an aunt came by, saw Patsy's problem and immediately drove to a neighbor's, borrowed the merciful pain reliever and administered first aid to my relieved sister. For years, I carried guilt. I've since tried to remedy that lapse. But it was a hard lesson learned about just being there.
3. Re-Tune
Forgive the out-of-tune times. Patsy, my above-mentioned sister, married a Baptist minister. Years after my unconscionable lapse of mercy, she invited me to a "special service" at their little country church. Turned out the service was to honor those SPECIAL ONES in folks' lives. Patsy stood and began speaking. "I want to honor my sister, Susie, today. She's always been there for me. Always."
She went on extolling virtues I was supposed to possess. Each word made me feel more despicable, like slithering through the floor cracks. Smiling, she presented me with the certificate bearing my name. Later, after service, I apologized again for that long ago night when she had a toothache. She looked puzzled. "I don't remember," she said, shrugging. "But I'll forgive you anyway. I only remember what a great sister you were, always validating and nurturing me." She didn't remember. I was forgiven. Wow. I felt renewed inside and out. It was re-tuning time!
4. It's Not All About Me
Family is the ultimate, universal orchestra. Family is teamwork at its quintessential best. One reason it's so effective is that it's propelled by love. So why do families erupt into chaotic dissonance? It usually starts with a "what about me?" attitude.
Granted, we're more relaxed with family, more prone to just let 'er rip with the let's play fair, now! And that's okay. We do, to a great degree, police each other within the family unit, do a regular power check and balance. It's when one or more members refuse to let go of the' what about me?'... long enough to do family/team negotiation.
The scratchy dissonance grows in direct proportion to the self-absorption, the my way or the highway mentality. My mother's recent death required our six siblings to perform like the Boston Pops Orchestra regarding the proceedings of the probate, will, organization of estate sale, the actual estate sale, and distribution of the estate.
Two sisters were more able to do the organizing. One, because of health problems, was not able to assist. Two brothers helped with the heavy lifting during organization and estate sale. One brother lived too far away to participate. And guess what? It was okay that four did most of the work. Unconditional love and teamwork made the entire process sound like the Hundred and One Strings Orchestra playing Debussy's Claire De Lune!
So, tune up your love and take your place in the family band. Make music to the renewal of mind, spirit, and body!
Emily Sue Harvey writes to make a difference. Her upbeat stories have appeared in dozens of anthologies including
Chicken Soup for the Soul, Chocolate for Women, From Eulogy to Joy, A Father's Embrace, True Story, Compassionate Friends Magazine, and Woman's World
. Emily Sue served as president of Southeastern Writers Association in 2008-2009. Peter Miller's NY Literary and Film Agency represent Emily Sue. Her first novel,
Song of Renewal
, published by Story Plant, will be released in the spring of 2009. For more information visit
www.renewalstories.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:03Z
Give Presence Not Presents
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Give-Presence-Not-Presents
-
- /8514.html
2010-05-07T09:09:01Z
2010-05-07T09:09:01Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Give Presence NotPresents
By Thomas Haller and ChickMoorman
www.personalpowerpress.com
The holiday season is fast approaching and many parents are concernedabout the family financial situation and the money problems they may beexperiencing? As if rising food prices, stock market instability andskyrocketing health care costs weren#146;t enough, parents now have theadded concern of finding available money to put a few presents underthe Christmas tree or share a gift during the family's Hanukkahcelebrations.
The giving of gifts is an honored tradition in most homes during theholiday season. Many parents are wondering what they will give thisyear as they tighten the money belt and attempt to weather thefinancial storm through the holiday.
Perhaps the answer lies in the gifts that are given. Give children whatthey really want from their parents, presence not presents. Allchildren spell love T-I-M-E. What we can give to them is our attention,our availability, our mindfulness, our closeness, our time.
Are you being fully present with your children? Can you let go of yourworry about money and the giving of gifts? Can you suspend your agendato focus on theirs? Can you learn to be there for and with yourchildren?
Consider the following suggestions as a way to give the most importantpresent, your presence this holiday season.
Be there regardless of what you are doing. The holiday seasonrequires an added measure of balancing kid's schedules, workresponsibilities, visiting family, cooking elaborate meals as well asregular requirements of keeping up with the laundry, etc.. When feelingpulled in several directions many parents turn to multi-tasking. We'resuggesting that you avoid the urge to multi-task and strive to stayfocused on the moment at hand. When you sit with your children, whetherit#146;s to play a game or read a book, give them your undivided attention.
Make a "Be" choice. How you choose to "be" affects whatever youchoose to do. When you are with your children choose to be interestedin what they are interested in. Choose to be happy that you have thetime to focus on their needs and wants. Choose to be excited about thetime you have with them. Even when misbehavior occurs in your children,choose to be glad that you have the opportunity to help them learn anew behavior or a new way to communicate a desire or express a feeling.
Focus on listening rather than telling. Children spend a greatportion of their day following directions such as, pick up yourclothes, make your bed, sit down, be quiet, go play, chew with yourmouth closed, stop picking on your brother, hang up your coat, brushyour teeth. The list of commands seem unending. Remember, children havevaluable things to say too. Many times parents get so focused ontelling that they forget to listen. Value your children#146;s opinion.Allow opportunities to vent. Embrace their point of view. Invitesuggestions. Listen to their voice.
Connect physically. Touch is a powerful way to communicate "Ilove you." Get close and touch your children#146;s heart with a warmembrace or a gentle squeeze of the shoulder. Snuggle under a blanketand read together. Go for a walk and lock hands. Wrestle on the livingroom floor. Distribute hugs, smiles, winks and an occasional high five.
Connect emotionally. Feelings are always more important thanthings. Create an environment where it is safe to be emotional.Encourage the expression of feelings. Allow your feelings to extend toyour children as you share traditions, reflect on holidays past andgather as a family. Have empathy, compassion and understanding.
Unplug from the electronic world. The television, computer,video games, and ipods have the potential to create a disconnect frompersonal interaction. Unplug, turn it off, and walk away. While ridingin the car unplug the headphones, turn off the DVD player and tell yourchildren a story about the day they were born or about a favoriteholiday memory. Shut down the computer, turn off the x-box and play agame of chess, checkers or monopoly together. Stand up, walk away fromthe TV and go shoot baskets, skip rope, or ride bikes with your child.
Play by the kid's rules. Play with your children at theirlevel. Build mud pies, jump in rain puddles, roll down a hill, sprayshaving cream on the kitchen table and join in the creation of artisticdesigns. Cover the driveway in sidewalk chalk. Let your children takethe lead and change the rules of a game if they want. Know that play,no matter how childish or silly it may appear, is an investment inconnecting with your children. Play regularly and remember the reasonfor play is to play, not to win.
Make a commitment this holiday season to give the best gift you cangive by being present in your child's life. Be active and interactiveon a daily basis with your children. Be the parent you were called tobe. Give your presence.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of
The 10Commitments:Parenting with Purpose
. They are two of the world's foremostauthorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. Theypublish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or toobtain more information about how they can help you or your group meetyour parenting needs, visit their website today:
www.personalpowerpress.com
.Permission granted for useon DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:09:01Z
Money Talk: The 10 Best Things You Can Say to Your Children about Money
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Money-Talk:-The-10-Best-Things-You-Can-Say-to-Your-Children-about-Money
-
- /8515.html
2010-05-07T09:08:59Z
2010-05-07T09:08:59Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Money Talk: The 10Best Things You Can Say to Your
Children about Money
Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
www.personalpowerpress.com
Many parents do not know how, do not want to, or lack the communicationskills necessary to talk to their children about money in general. Sowhen a money crisis develops, the potential to pass fearful andnegative attitudes towards money to the next generation increases.
How effective are you at talking about money? What words do you usewhen you talk about money in front of or directly to your children?Below you will find a list of the ten best things you can say to yourchildren about money. Use it to gage your money talk skill level.
10 Best
"It's allowance time. Everybody get your envelopes!" Oneof themain reasons for having allowances is to teach children aboutbudgeting. The envelope system will help you do that. Children areconcrete thinkers. That means if it is not in their hands, it is not intheir minds. Envelopes will help you make the teaching of budgeting aconcrete process. Label envelopes with several budget areas, includingsavings, investment, charity, and spending. Children can divide theirown allowance by placing the amount of money they choose in theappropriate envelopes.
"I'm willing to pay part of it." This phrase is usefulwhen yourchild wants something that exceeds the budgeted amount you hadearmarked in your budget. If you had $80 set aside for sneakers andthey want a pair that costs over $100, this sentence defines yourlimit. It also invites the child to take responsibility for coming upwith the difference. It curbs feelings of entitlement and allowschildren to take ownership for achieving their desires. In addition, ifsome of their money is invested in the article, they are more likely totake care of it.
"Did you bring any of your money?" This money talkquestion ishelpful for those situations where children ask impulsively for thingswhile you are shopping. It helps them to see that they need to haveforethought in the money purchases they make.
"The car needs to be washed. What do you think that's worth?"Thepurpose of a child's allowance is so they can learn how to spend, save,and use money. If they want or feel they need more money than theallowance provides, there are additional ways to get it. Doing out ofthe ordinary jobs around the house, over and above their normal chores,is one way for them to earn additional income. This will help theminternalize the concept that if they want more they can work more.
"Help me figure out the tip." This type of money talkhelpschildren in several ways. In addition to providing a real life exampleto use basic math skills, it also gives children the awareness of thecost of the meal so they can appreciate what is being provided forthem. Learning about tipping also gives children the message that beingappreciative for the service provided is expressed in the form of atip.
"Oh, I think you gave me the wrong change." Allow yourchildrento overhear you telling cashiers or waiters when the change isincorrect. If you were short changed it models sticking up foryourself. If you received too much change, your words demonstratehonesty and communicate integrity around money.
"Our charity jar is almost full. What should we do with themoneythis time?" Teach the charity habit by contributing to a charityjarregularly at allowance time. Set a goal as a family as to how much youwant to accumulate during a specific time frame. Watch as the jar fillsup with the individual family contributions. Decide together where todonate the money. Give your children opportunities to have input onthis important decision.
"Wow! I found a quarter. The money just keeps on coming."Money comes to us in a variety of ways and inunexpected times and places. Finding a coin on the ground is a signthat the universe is continually active in providing money for thosewho are open to receiving it. Stay open and allow the AttractionPrinciple to bring you money even in the smallest of ways. It is a signthat more it is on the way. Appreciate what you receive verbally sothat your children can hear your gratefulness.
"Bummer. Sounds like you have a money problem. What can you doabout it?" This piece ofmoney talk communicates to children that the current money problem theyface is their problem. It informs them you will be the supportivelistener, but not a rescuer. With this style of language, you alsoremind yourself that there are times when allowing children toexperience the consequences of their actions and choices is the bestway for them to learn.
"You don't have to wait until you're a grown-up." Childrencan makemoney, own a business, save money, invest in the stock market, and giveto charities. Money is not just for adults. It is for anyone who hasparents that are willing to help their children become financiallyliterate.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of
The 10Commitments:Parenting with Purpose
. They are two of the world's foremostauthorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. Theypublish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or toobtain more information about how they can help you or your group meetyour parenting needs, visit their website today:
www.personalpowerpress.com
.Permission granted for useon DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:59Z
Dr. Greene's Top Parenting Dos and Donts
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Dr.-Greenes-Top-Parenting-Dos-and-Donts
-
- /8516.html
2010-05-07T09:08:58Z
2010-05-07T09:08:58Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:58Z
Why You Can't Get Anything Done
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Why-You-Cant-Get-Anything-Done
-
- /8517.html
2010-05-07T09:08:58Z
2010-05-07T09:08:58Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:58Z
6 Tips for Resolving Your Thanksgiving Hassles NOW
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/6-Tips-for-Resolving-Your-Thanksgiving-Hassles-NOW
-
- /8518.html
2010-05-07T09:08:58Z
2010-05-07T09:08:58Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:58Z
'Yes' is a Good Thing - In Moderation
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Yes-is-a-Good-Thing---In-Moderation
-
- /8519.html
2010-05-07T09:08:57Z
2010-05-07T09:08:57Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>'Yes' is a Good Thing - In Moderation
By Laura Stack, The Productivity Proreg;
www.TheProductivityPro.com
Have you ever found yourself trying to make plans with a friend, just play with the kids, or do something fun for yourself, only to find your planner so full that "maybe next month" is the best you can do? If so, you probably have that old Ado Annie syndrome...you're "just a girl who cain't say no."
We all want to feel like great parents, accomplished at work, and like we're giving back to the community. It is human nature to want success and to please others. It's good to feel that way - to be ambitious, to be busy, and to get things done. But how much is too much? "Yes" is a good thing - in moderation.
Productivity doesn't mean filling every moment of every day with tasks that further some agenda. Prepare yourself for upcoming burnout if your schedule is so full that there isn't time for family, friends and yes - YOU.
Because you are good at what you do, people will always ask for your help and your input. They want you to join another board, sew the costumes for the school play, or write the homeowner's association newsletter. Just because your calendar has a blank spot, it doesn't mean you have to say "yes" when someone wants to fill that time.
Look at your priorities and take the time to set boundaries for yourself so that you only take on the tasks and activities you truly can and want to complete. What activities on your task list can you outsource? What can you eliminate completely? You know you're going to get a call or email soon saying "will you...?" Be prepared. Take a deep breath and say it with me - "No." See - it wasn't that hard, was it? Well, it may take some practice, but you CAN do it!
It's OK to say "no" without guilt and without apology. Give yourself that permission right now. Your time is valuable. You simply have to leave some of it for yourself to enjoy those things in life which bring you pleasure and joy. That's the kind of time that is the juice which "recharges your battery" so that when you are on task you can be productive. Give yourself the gift of some time. You're worth it.
(c) 2008 Laura Stack. Laura Stack (
www.TheProductivityPro.com/blog
) is a motivational speaker who helps busy workers Leave the Office Earlierreg; with Maximum Results in Minimum Time#8482;. She is the president of The Productivity Proreg;, Inc., a time management firm specializing in productivity improvement in high-stress organizations. Since 1992, Laura has given presentations on improving output, lowering stress, and saving time in today's workplaces, for companies such as Microsoft, Starbucks, and 3M. She is the bestselling author of
The Exhaustion Cure
(2008);
Find More Time
(2006); and
Leave the Office Earlier
(2004). To have Laura speak at your event, call 303-471-7401. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:57Z
Reducing Holiday Meal Frenzy
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Reducing-Holiday-Meal-Frenzy
-
- /8520.html
2010-05-07T09:08:55Z
2010-05-07T09:08:55Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Reducing Holiday Meal Frenzy
By Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers
www.FreshBaby.com
Is it your turn to host Thanksgiving this year? Lucky You! The holiday season can be stressful enough without the extra added pressure of making one of the "big" holiday meals for 15 of your closest relatives or friends. We wish we could give you an "Easy" button for your holiday meals, but the best we can do is offer you a few terrific tips that will help you get through it smoothly!
Write down the menu: The best way to get started with the task of planning a big meal is to develop the menu. This can be lots of fun. Start this task with the guest head count divided into adults and kids and before setting the dinner menu, check with your guests about any food allergies. Buy a few magazines or look through cookbooks for ideas. Unless you have a lot of cooking experience, we don't recommend picking all new dishes. It's best to pick a few new items and few stand-bys that you know how to make.
Don't overdo it: Holiday meals should be feasts, but you don't need to make an entire cookbook worth of side dishes. Side dishes are often the most time consuming part of making the meal. Select a menu that includes 4-5 side dishes that compliment your main entreacute;e.
Accept help: When you call your relatives and friends to extend the invitation, be ready when they offer "What can we bring?" Most people grew up with holiday meals where everyone pitched in. Try to match up people with things they do best. Have a suggestion ready, but don#146;t be too specific. Ask your friend to bring a vegetable dish, not broccoli with hazelnuts in a sherry cream sauce. Or you can ask if they have a special dish and let them tell you what it will be. Adjust your menu accordingly. If your relative does not cook, ask him to bring a no cook item - wine, juice, dinner rolls, etc.
Select make-ahead foods: The less you need to do the day of the event, the more you will enjoy it. Most foods can be made 2-4 days ahead and warmed up prior to serving. Many foods often taste better when they have a chance to set. Review your menu and identify the dishes you will make ahead of time and set aside the time to make them a few days before the event.
Buy prepared foods and ingredients: It's a holiday meal not a test to see if you can perform the culinary act of making dinner for 20 completely from scratch. Don't be afraid to buy prepared ingredients that will make meal prep easier - canned soup stock, chopped nuts and dates, stuffing mix, etc... If you don't know how to make gravy, buy it. If you are not a baker, ask someone to bring desserts or buy them at the bakery.
Get the table ready: Set the table the night the before. Get your serving dishes ready too. Write down your menu items on small pieces of paper and place each piece of paper in the serving dish you plan to use for that food. If you are serving buffet style, set out the serving dishes as you want them for the meal. This organization allows guests who volunteer to help get dinner on the table to be most helpful.
About the authors: Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers are sisters, the mothers of five children and founders of Fresh Baby (
www.FreshBaby.com
). They are the creators of the award-winning So Easy Baby Food Kit and Good Clean Fun Placemats, available at many fine specialty stores and national chains including Target and Whole Foods Markets Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:55Z
Bailout Plan for Parents
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Bailout-Plan-for-Parents
-
- /8521.html
2010-05-07T09:08:54Z
2010-05-07T09:08:54Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Bailout Plan for Parents
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
www.personalpowerpress.com
Bailout Wall Street. Bailout the banks. Bailout the people and institutions that got us in this financial mess to begin with. Is that a good idea?
Who knows? Certainly not us. We do not know enough, nor do we claim to know enough, about the current economic crisis facing our nation to be telling people what to do about it. We do not have sufficient understanding of all the interlocking ramifications of doing or not doing a financial bailout. The situation is outside our area of expertise.
What is not beyond our level of expertise, however, is what to do about the issue of bailing out our children. We firmly believe it is not helpful to rescue, save, or bailout children for their inappropriate choices or actions that result in natural consequences that would not be a health or safety risk to them. If fact, it is harmful. When you do so, you teach your children they do not have to be responsible for their choices and actions. You show them that the cause-and-effect relationship that is at work in the universe does not apply to them because someone will always be there to save them from experiencing the legitimate consequences of their actions.
Do you bail out your children? Are you inadvertently teaching them they do not have to act responsibly because they will not be held accountable for their choices? Consider the following.
If you are running lunch, homework, gym shoes, band instruments, or other forgotten objects to school, you are bailing out your children. You are not giving them a real reason to remember the forgotten object next time. Your job is to teach your children a system for remembering. Their job is to use the system.
Do you return home to get forgotten shin guards for soccer or a teeth guard for karate? Again, teach your children a system for remembering. If they forget, allow them to experience the natural outcome of their behavior. Give them a real life reason to remember in the future. Why would they ever have to remember if someone keeps bailing them out?
Do you give advances on allowances? If so, you are rescuing. One of the reasons for allowances is to help children learn that if they spend it all the first day, there is no more until next week. You are depriving children of the opportunity to learn an important lesson when you bail them out. Allow them to deal with the outcomes of their spending, saving, or budgeting choices.
Are you a rescuer with your child's homework? Do you care more than they do? To step out of the rescuer role, be available to help with homework, set a study time and create a study place. Once again, your job is to create the structure. Their job is to use it. If they come to you at 9 p.m. and inform you they need a poster board for a project, resist the urge to jump in the car and drive all over town trying to find one. Procrastination on their part does not necessitate an emergency on your part. Allow them to experience the consequences.
When your teen gets in over her head with a cell phone bill, parking tickets, or lack of gas for her car, rejoice. She now has the opportunity to learn a valuable lesson about the importance of keeping control of her spending behavior. Allow her to learn the lesson. If she doesn't learn it now, she will have to learn it later when the stakes are higher. Debrief the situation with her and help her create a system for keeping track of her spending. This will come in handy when she goes off to college and someone offers her a free T-shirt if she accepts a credit card. Better to learn this lesson now rather than later.
Did your son visit an inappropriate Web site on your computer? If so, it is time to remind him that opportunity equals responsibility. When responsibility in using the computer goes down, so does the opportunity to use it. Hold him accountable so he can experience the consequences before he gets another opportunity to use the computer. Then increase your level of monitoring and reset your Internet safety programs.
If your child accidentally breaks a neighbor's window with a football, help her create a plan for paying for it. Help her learn that her actions produce results and that she is responsible for the results she creates. If you bail her out by paying for the window without having a payment plan in place, you teach her that she doesn't have to be responsible for her actions.
Resist the urge to bailout your children regardless of what you see modeled in our culture or government. When you regularly hold your children accountable (with an open heart), they will learn to see themselves as the cause of the results they produce. As you help them experience the direct relationship between cause and effect, they will become more empowered and view themselves as both capable and responsible. We could use more of that attitude today in our government, in our businesses, and in our world.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or to obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today:
www.personalpowerpress.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:54Z
Let's Be Clear: 3 Simple Guidelines for Airing Grievances Nicely
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Lets-Be-Clear:-3-Simple-Guidelines-for-Airing-Grievances-Nicely
-
- /8522.html
2010-05-07T09:08:53Z
2010-05-07T09:08:53Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Let's Be Clear:
3 Simple Guidelines for Airing Grievances Nicely
By Winn Claybaugh
www.beniceorelse.com
I used to believe that if I had a grievance, opposing opinion, or legitimate complaint with someone, I had to bite my tongue to be perceived as a nice guy. On those rare occasions when I chose to speak up, I felt as though I was attacking the person. Since I'm not the attacking type, I learned to keep it to myself, all locked inside. If you believe in a mind-body connection, as I firmly do, you know that bottling things up and keeping them inside can lead to stress, uneasiness, and even disease.
In every marriage, you'll occasionally have disagreements and do the wrong thing. To keep from making yourself unhealthy, and to make sure your marriage grows and flourishes, you need to practice being clear. Here are some guidelines.
Keep It Between the Two of You
In high school, you'd get four friends on "your side" by telling them about the horrible thing someone else had done to you. Then you'd go to that person and say, "You're an idiot, and they all agree with me!" When disagreements arise, keep them between the two of you. Don't allow little battles to interrupt the sanctity of your marriage. It's so easy to divide a household with the tiny, seemingly insignificant comments you make about your spouse.
Always Clear Privately
If anyone else is there when you share and clear, the person you're clearing with will feel ganged-up on and attacked, and will therefore feel the need to defend themselves. One-on-one feels like communication from a friend and loved one. Two-on-one feels like a firing squad.
Stick to the Facts
Share only the actions and words that upset or hurt you. Let's say your spouse said something mean or unflattering about you at a party. Unless your spouse always says mean things about you in public, this was just a case being human and perhaps it was an isolated incident. Rather than making the statement, "You're such a mean person," simply describe how you felt when you heard the comments.
Focus on Your Desired End Result
Decide in advance how the best possible outcome would look and feel. Sometimes you'll be tempted to rehearse a horrible outcome in your mind. You imagine yourself telling your spouse how he or she wronged you, and then you picture your spouse firing back a defense and subsequent attack. As you plan to clear with your spouse, imagine the two of you talking it through, confirming your love and appreciation for each other, and ending the chat with a hug. Your end-result mantra could be: "You and I will be closer for having gone through this. I will honor myself and I will honor you as I clear with you. This experience is for our growth."
Winn Claybaugh is the author of Be Nice (Or Else!) and "one of the best motivational speakers in the country," according to CNN's Larry King. A business owner for over 25 years with over 8,000 people in his organization, Winn is the co-owner of hair care giant Paul Mitchell's school division. Winn has helped thousands of businesses build their brands and create successful working cultures. His clients include Southwest Airlines, the Irvine Company, Vidal Sassoon, Entertainment Tonight, Mattel, For Rent magazine, Structure/Limited/Express, and others. Winn is a frequent guest on national radio and a regular contributor to online publications. Visit
www.BeNiceOrElse.com
to sign up for his free monthly Be Nice (Or Else!) newsletter. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:53Z
Making Election Day a Family Affair
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Making-Election-Day-a-Family-Affair
-
- /8523.html
2010-05-07T09:08:52Z
2010-05-07T09:08:52Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:52Z
Families in Nature: Connecting School Children with Nature
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Families-in-Nature:-Connecting-School-Children-with-Nature
-
- /8524.html
2010-05-07T09:08:51Z
2010-05-07T09:08:51Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Families in Nature:
Connecting School Children with Nature
By Mark Stevens
www.luisasnature.com
Outings in nature are vital for school kids to appreciate nature and make them well rounded in this computer age.
Schools should have science rooms in which children-under adult supervision-can observe plants, animals and elements.
A class walk through the local woods is another great way for children to get to know the local terrain. Interaction with nature should take place at least once a day. This does not mean that the children need to take a field trip every day. Once children are inspired to "see" things in nature, they will be creative on their own in the science classroom and during school recess in the immediate fields surrounding the school.
To inspire children, school events can range from a small hike along a dirt path, on which the ants show off their busy habits, to identifying trees, looking at growth and movement near and in streams-pointing out the flowers, moss and other plants and animals that live on or near them.
A schoolbook that teaches children about nature is good. But the experience is not complete until the kids have smelled and touched the grass, bark, water, mushrooms and insects both in and outside of the classroom.
At the end of a field trip through the woods, it is a special treat for the children to take a break in a picnic area to enjoy some of the local fruits and vegetables. This is a great way to connect boys and girls to the earth.
School children not only learn about nature but they grow their social skills by talking with their classmates and teacher about their new discoveries and observations. Group and team challenges such as crossing a stream together or finding leaves or nuts in the woods necessitate cooperation and communication. This gives the children practical experience and common sense that they can use later in nature and in life in general.
Observing nature takes a fair share of patience as well. To see the habits of birds and squirrels, it is important to be quiet and observant. To wait for a gopher to come out of its hole might often necessitate too much patience. In such situations a bit of luck is involved. But the more knowledge kids gain, the more likely they will get in tune with the animals#146; habits, such as the feeding time when the animals are more likely to come out and "play."
Climbing and building outdoors help kids learn about the elements of nature such as sand and stone. Hiking and climbing promote physical fitness. Building with the elements helps advance scientific knowledge to better understand the text in schoolbooks and maybe even inspire the next generation forest rangers and architects. A nighttime outing under the stars can literally open new worlds for school children.
Schools can help educate children in nature, so that our next generation can not only appreciate but also better manage the elements of this small world.
Families in Nature
is written by Mark J. Stevens, author of LUISA'S NATURE (Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing, Spring 2008). Mark is a news journalist currently working in Europe. Fluent in French, Spanish, and German, he has enjoyed extensive travel much of his life. Shaped by the rural New Jersey setting of his youth, Mark continues to explore the richness of nature with his wife and two children on the outskirts of Munich, Germany. He also belongs to several parenting and nature organizations in the U.S. and Europe. For more information, visit
www.luisasnature.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:51Z
Fearless Living
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Fearless-Living
-
- /8525.html
2010-05-07T09:08:49Z
2010-05-07T09:08:49Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Fearless Living
By Dr. Santi Meunier
www.santimeunier.com
Fearless Living is for people who want to live out their dreams, not their fears. All of us are here living at this moment in time for a reason. For some of us the purpose of our lives is apparent. We know who we are and what we want to do and we do it. The majority of us, however, feel lost to one degree or another. We look at those other people with envy and awe. How is it that they are so clear and focused? What can we do to find our way when the only path we see is riddled with fear and confusion?
Before we can do anything to change our current state, we have to undo some common, self-defeating mental habits.
Stop comparing your self to others. Our ego sets us up by doing this and it is a losing proposition. Judging our insides by someone else's outside appearances is like trying to determine what something tastes like by the way it looks. Sure that may work once in a while, but would anyone eat a coconut based on its "hairy" shell?
Realize that no one gets a free ride in this life. We all have challenges and lessons to learn. If we are a good, diligent student we will gain not only knowledge, but self-esteem and happiness.
Mind your own business. Many people are so busy focusing on what others "should" be doing that they ignore their own work. This is an avoidant pattern that has to stop. We can care about others, but let them do their own work.
If we are overwhelmed by fear and self-judgment, recognize that those thoughts reinforce the very things we are trying to escape. Mental discipline is essential - one thought at a time.
Stop operating on "should" and "have to". When life is full of "should" and "have to", our energy drains out of us. When fear has reached a point of immobilizing us we feel stuck and start to procrastinate, which over time creates a vicious cycle of self-sabotage.
Stop blaming yourself. Anyone can become overwhelmed with fear. It is what happens next that separates the fearful from the fearless. Staying overwhelmed cannot be an option. We alone are responsible for our lives.
Quick Tip: Ask to be a gentle observer. When you find yourself caught up in any of these thoughts - witness it and then release it. We can take back a thought at anytime. Don't just correct it, take it back. Example: "This job is killing me!" Realizing that is not what you want to create say, "I take that back. This job is difficult, show me how to better cope with what is put in front of me." Be still enough to receive any guidance that may come your way.
We strengthen what we focus on. Focusing on our fears creates more fear. Because we are all in a constant state of creating, both consciously and unconsciously, it is very important to pay attention to what our mind is doing. Mental discipline begins when we realize when we are focusing on our fears. We can then, "move a muscle to change a thought". Do something! Take an action#133;to break the grip of the fear state.
Positive self-talk is very important as well. Listen to what we say to ourselves. Is this thought helpful or not helpful; positive or negative?
Breaking free from the grip of fear, and learning how to create what we want instead of what we fear is available to all of us.
Make a decision. Is fear going to be in control of you, or are you going to be in control of your fear?
Challenge the fear. Often we just let fear tells us what is true without ever questioning it. Start questioning the truth in what your fear is telling you.
Do it anyway. Be afraid and do the right thing for yourself and your life. Then you will have less fear than before. The sure fire way to get more fear is to give into fear. It is like the Sesame Street cookie monster, It always want MORE!
The key is to begin. No one else can fill your place in the great scheme of things. Remember, the world needs you to succeed and to bring to it your unique contribution.
Author and speaker Dr. Santi Meunier is recognized for her unique style and her ground-breaking strategies for personal and professional growth. Her program,
Practical Spirituality for Fearless Living
has helped thousands to enrich their lives and realize their dreams. For more information visit
www.santimeunier.com
. Permission granted for use on drlaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:49Z
Tools for Getting Through to Your Preschooler
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Tools-for-Getting-Through-to-Your-Preschooler
-
- /8526.html
2010-05-07T09:08:47Z
2010-05-07T09:08:47Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Tools for Getting Through to Your Preschooler
By Annye Rothenberg Ph.D.
www.perfectingparentingpress.com
Preschoolers amaze us. They are learning so much so quickly, trying to make sense of the world around them. Preschoolers' conversations are fascinating as they try to piece information together: Looking for the sugar bugs on their teeth after they eat candy. Insisting that
Mommy
go to time-out when Mommy makes them mad. Explaining that they can't start kindergarten yet because they didn't meet the "dead lion."
Preschoolers are also challenging, because they think so differently. They are often oppositional, impulsive, self-centered, inflexible and illogical #150; especially when upset. They have narrow and literal understanding of the meaning of words and figures of speech. Sometimes it seems adults and preschoolers are speaking different languages. Preschoolers' actions and behavior usually make ages two through four the hardest for parents to predict and understand.
In a typical situation, we tell our preschooler to clean up his room and he refuses. He argues when he's told he needs to do it because he was the one who made the mess. He insists that it was his 4-month-old baby brother who left everything out. Or he says he can't clean up because his hand is too tired #150; a complaint accompanied by a dramatic collapse on the floor and a plea that you help. You feel confused, annoyed and clueless about what to do.
Preschoolers say no to many of our requests and directions. When we insist, they often become defiant and may get stuck in rigidity that they can't get out of on their own. If we get rigid in response #150; "you spilled the water on the floor, so you will clean it up or no TV today" #150; preschoolers' reactions can easily escalate to extreme frustration and anger #150; expressed verbally ("you're a mean, stupid mommy") or physically (hitting parents with the water cup). When they're stuck on "no," we get annoyed with them and threaten them or force them to cooperate. Then the oppositionality that normally recedes by kindergarten gets entrenched in their behavior.
But giving in and cleaning up the water ourselves is not the solution, because children must learn not to constantly challenge, disrespect and disregard our authority. We worry about what will happen when they're teenagers if they don't listen now.
Here are six important strategies for success:
Phrase your directions so they sound fun and/or interesting. "Pretty soon, it's going to be time to make some holes in the paper cup so we can take it in your bath and play." If you can't come up with anything, you can emphasize something he can look forward to doing when he's done brushing his teeth. Or try having his toys "talk" to him: "I don't want to lie on the rug. I want to be in the box with my friends, green and blue Duplos." Preschoolers love that. You only need to do this about half the time. They often can't stop themselves from saying no, but we can help the "no" to dissolve and become a "yes" by making it easy for them to cooperate.
It's also important to watch how you phrase your directions to preschoolers. Most parents say something like "How about picking up your toys?" or "Do you want to come inside now?" when it's not really a choice. Preschoolers are so literal that they hear it as a question, which they answer with "no." Phrase it as a fun and/or interesting request, not as a question.
When you want your preschoolers to do what you ask, giving advance notice is respectful and effective: "In a little while, it will be time to#133;"
It's best to have routines and regular times for dressing, eating, tooth-brushing, toy pickup, TV watching, bed, etc, to reduce continual limit-testing.
When there are siblings in the household, spend one-on-one time with your preschooler regularly #150; at least weekly #150; doing something that's fun for both of you. She should know you're doing it just because you enjoy her company. This is like putting money in the bank to draw on when you want her cooperation.
Preschoolers need enough sleep at regular times #150; 12 hours for a three-year-old, 11 frac12; hours for a four-year-old, 11 hours for a five-year-old. Falling short by more than an hour is a problem. Insufficient sleep triggers defiant and moody behavior. They also need about an hour a day of heart-pounding exercise (running after a soccer ball, biking, jumping, etc.).Sleep, exercise and regular meals and snacks are essential to enable kids to control themselves better. You can help them develop these important habits.
Preschoolers need special handling and understanding. Adapting our approaches to fit their capabilities helps make family life happier and more satisfying. And don't fear that you'll need to "make it fun" forever. As children become kindergarten age, they become more rational and logical, responding to reasoning more often. Preschoolers are delightful and amazing. Enjoy them.
Annye Rothenberg, Ph.D., author, has been a child/parent psychologist and a specialist in child rearing and development of young children for more than 25 years. Her parenting psychology practice is in Emerald Hills, California. She is also on the adjunct faculty in pediatrics at Stanford University School of Medicine. Dr. Rothenberg was the founder/director of the Child Rearing parenting program in Palo Alto, California, and is the author of the award-winning book
Mommy and Daddy Area Always Supposed to Say Yes #133; Aren't They?
For more information about her work, visit
www.perfectingparentingpress.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:47Z
Handling the Interruption Disruption
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Handling-the-Interruption-Disruption
-
- /8527.html
2010-05-07T09:08:46Z
2010-05-07T09:08:46Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Handling the Interruption Disruption
By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
Do your children interrupt you when you're talking? Does the house seem completely quiet until you pick up the phone, and then your children immediately demand your attention? Have you ever attempted to have an important conversation with your spouse, but the kids couldn't seem to leave you alone? If so, then you're experiencing a common frustration for many parents: the interruption disruption.
So what can parents do about this situation? How do we get our children to stop interrupting without sending them the message that we don't want to hear what they have to say?
The key to handling the interruption disruption lies in teaching children
how
and
when
to speak up. Simply put, if you want a behavior, you have to teach a behavior. Children do not understand when interrupting is or is not appropriate. Nor do they often demonstrate the skills that will enable them to speak up effectively when it is appropriate. They don't understand the power of words and how to use them to create positive change in their lives.
To help your children learn to curb the interrupting habit, start with these steps.
Step 1 - Create a signal. Before you find yourself in the situation where interrupting occurs, establish a signal or sign that your children can use to let you know they want to talk to you. You might try having them place a hand on your shoulder or touch you gently on the side. These are signals used by many parents.
Step 2 - Practice the signal. Practice the signal several times by role-playing before putting it into use. Then have a few of your friends or relatives call you on the telephone when your children are around. See how it works, and debrief as needed.
Step 3 - Teach children the difference between important and unimportant reasons to interrupt. Talk to your children about what is and what isn't an acceptable reason to interrupt. One acceptable reason is if someone is hurt or in danger. If your son witnesses a dangerous situation, teach him to communicate it quickly and directly. Give him some starter words that will tip you off that he is communicating potential danger. "Mom, I see danger," "Shannon needs help," or "Trouble alert" work well as clues that danger is at hand.
Unless there is immediate danger, inform your children that you will turn your attention to them when a break in the conversation allows. This means that they might have to wait fifteen or twenty seconds after they give you the signal as outlined in step one. Once you feel or see the signal, you don't have to immediately end your discussion and attend to your child. However, fifteen seconds is a long time in the mind of a young child who is working on being patient, so you want to move in that direction quickly. It is important that you practice this scenario, too. If you wait several minutes after getting the signal before you give your child attention, you will sabotage the entire process.
Step 4 - Give friendly reminders to encourage use of the signal. Your children will not automatically start using the signal the first time they feel like interrupting. You will need to remind them as they learn this new behavior. "Michael, that's interrupting. Please use the signal we practiced" and "Angel, touch me on the shoulder if you are wanting my attention right now" are examples of ways to encourage a return to signal use.
Have patience with this fourth step. Be ready for some misuse and some forgetting of the signal. It is going to take your children time to learn that you have not forgotten them and that you will attend to their need in a timely fashion. Children are used to the world revolving around them, and it is often difficult for them to wait while you meet some of your needs. When they regularly experience having you slowly stop your conversation, attend to their need, and then return to your conversation, they will realize they are still connected to you and that you are still available to them.
It may also take time for you to remember to respond to the signal quickly and give appropriate reminders to your children. Keep refining the process until it works smoothly for all concerned. Remember, the end result of your effort is a child who grows into an adult who knows how and when to interrupt. By implementing the above strategies with respect, patience, and understanding we help our children gain skill and confidence when speaking up for themselves.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of
The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose
. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or to obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today:
www.personalpowerpress.com
.Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:46Z
The Top Three Back to School Tips
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Top-Three-Back-to-School-Tips
-
- /8528.html
2010-05-07T09:08:44Z
2010-05-07T09:08:44Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Top Three Back to School Tips
By Paula Statman
www.kidwisecorner.com
There are a million back-to-school tips out there and if you try to follow all of them, you'll run yourself ragged before the first day of school. So, I've chosen my top 3. They cover family communication, planning ahead and organizing routines, and safety.
Tip #1
This one is a must-do. While you still have a few days before you have to start packing lunches, sit down with your kids individually and ask them, "What can I do to help you have a positive school year? What did we learn from last year that we could repeat or improve upon this year?"
Discuss your expectations about grades, friends, behavior, extracurricular activities and anything else that poses a challenge in the coming school term. Address any worries or anxieties they have. They may bring up anything from using the bathroom, to riding the bus, to bullies. Your job is to offer reassure them and have good information handy.
Then together schedule future discussion dates on a calendar. Although your kids might protest a little, remember that children appreciate it when their parents stay informed and involved. And these days, given what our kids are dealing with at school, we can't afford not to be.
Tip #2
If morning routines have been a source of stress in the past they will likely be again this year. Make up your mind to turn them around once and for all. Organize and streamline early morning tasks and make it clear that everyone must do their fair share. No nagging (you) and no complaining (them).
One of the simplest strategies is to do as much as possible the night before. Selecting next day outfits, loading backpacks, and making lunches are all tasks that can be done in advance. If your morning routines are hit and miss, make a solid plan that includes an agreed upon wake up time, showering schedule, and being dressed in time to eat a healthy breakfast. If your kids are young, stickers and charts are good motivators. If they are older and late bedtimes are part of the problem, get a handle on that early in the year.
Tip #3
This tip is a combination of proven safety strategies. Your peace of mind about your kids' safety #150; as well as their age and where you live -- has a lot to do with you letting them walk to school. Walking to school as good exercise should be factored in, too.
First, rehearse the safety route to school, even if your kids will be walking with adult supervision. Be sure they are prepared with and use good pedestrian safety skills. Take a practice walk or two, noting potential dangers along the way. Find a direct, safe route with crossing guard support, if possible. Be sure they understand and use stop light rules, walk in the crosswalk, and look both ways before crossing.
Then, along with those skills, teach them to be aware of their environment and the people in it. Go over how to respond if a stranger approaches them. Don't plant images of scary looking people in their head. Prepare them to act safely if a nice, friendly person asks for help, offers them a ride, or a treat or gift. Also, teach them to stand arm#146;s length from the curb.
While having them walk with a buddy is safer, buddies aren#146;t going to be much help unless they are stranger-wise and street-smart. The rule of thumb is if children cannot spot and turn down bribes, it is too soon to let them walk independently. Keep practicing with them until they can. Your goal is gradually help them gain the confidence and skill to navigate safely without you.
Paula Statman, M.S.S.W. is an internationally respected educator, speaker and award-winning author. Her practical, positive approach to raising safe and strong children has benefited hundreds of thousands of parents. Paula is a repeat guest on
Oprah
and the
Today Show
, has appeared on over 200 radio and television programs, and is featured in publications such as
Parents, Child, Redbook,
and USA Today.com. The founder and director KidWISE Institute, Paula lives in Oakland, California with her husband and daughter. For more information visit
www.kidwisecorner.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:44Z
Avoiding the Packrat Syndrome
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Avoiding-the-Packrat-Syndrome
-
- /8529.html
2010-05-07T09:08:42Z
2010-05-07T09:08:42Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Avoiding the Packrat Syndrome
By Laura Stack
www.TheProductivityPro.com/blog
Perhaps your parents said, "Don't throw anything away! Everything has value." And you're still holding on to those beliefs. While necessary during the Great Depression, that type of thinking today will create a society of pack rats who can't throw anything away but desperately need to.
The underlying drive behind this behavior is an excessive concern that a given object shouldn't be discarded, as it might be needed later. This behavior can also include excessive acquisition, such as compulsive shopping, extreme collecting, or hoarding free items, such as free newspapers or junk mail. Following the acquisition behavior is extreme indecisiveness about what to keep; the indecisiveness is so extreme that the hoarder completely avoids the decision-making process and ends up keeping everything. Then, the hoarder experiences difficulty figuring out how to best organize all the kept items.
Sometimes hoarding behavior becomes severe. Not only can it extend to the office and one's vehicle, but fire marshals have even declared such residences a fire hazard. In one extreme case, a hoarder rented a second apartment to live in because his own had grown too full of belongings. This behavior is more common in men than women. If your behavior is severe -- such as having to create pathways in your home and avoiding having guests -- you can obtain help from a psychologist or psychiatrist.
It is not uncommon for compulsive hoarders to also experience tension in all manner of interpersonal relationships, low self-esteem, weak decision-making skills, poor social skills, and even occupational or legal issues. Treatment focuses on sorting items, developing decision-making skills, analyzing unwarranted emotional attachments, and curbing the acquisition of additional possessions. If your symptoms are mild -- in other words, if you're like most people -- the ideas below will help clear your clutter and boost your energy immensely.
Unworn clothing, unwanted gifts, ancient paperwork (not needed for tax purposes) -- just get rid of it. If you haven't used it in two years, ditch it.
Start a bag or box for charity; keep it in the basement or garage. There are so many worthy causes to choose from: Goodwill, women's organizations, Salvation Army, St. Vincent DePaul, church organizations. Add to your box or bag regularly. When it's full, take it with you to donate when you run errands. Get a receipt each time you drop off a donation for your IRS records.
Sell it on eBay. If you don't have an eBay account, set one up on
www.ebay.com
. Locate all your possessions that have strong resale value -- but are of no use to you whatsoever and are only collecting dust. Take digital photographs of them. International commerce -- what a fun way to get rid of duplicate or unwanted gifts. Turn your junk into money.
Write a yard sale date on the calendar. The kids can sell lemonade and get a nice little math lesson about making change, plus a little lesson about earning a profit. Get the neighbors involved, and turn it into a fun multi-household yard sale to boost your profits even more. Donate whatever is left over to a local charity.
At the office, keep only one hard copy of final documents. Recycle the rest. If you have a digital version, only keep the paper copy if required by company policy. Be sure to do a daily backup of all your computer files.
Keep financial documents only as long as IRS regulations require. For tax returns, that's six years from the filing date. The same holds true for investment purchase and sale records, from the tax filing deadline in the year of sale. Cancelled checks and bank statements should likewise be kept for six years. Shred documents that have become outdated at home and work. Devise a plan to repeat this process at the same time every year; just after the New Year is a great time, when you're in the mindset of making a fresh start.
For non-IRS documents at the office, decide how many years that you'll keep things on file. Certain things may have historical value, such as annual reports. But for anything that doesn't possess inherent historical value, get rid of it. You don't need that coffee-stained piece of paper with a rusty paper clip on it. Go through all your files and recycle everything that's now outside your time frame or from the job of the lady who had your office before you. This will also prevent you from having to keep buying more and more filing cabinets, which also helps retain ample space. Again, devise a plan to repeat this process at the same time every year.
Look at your possessions through your children's eyes. Pretend what it's going to be like for your children when you pass away and they have to sort through your belongings. Do you really need those love notes from sixth grade? The lock of your mother's baby hair? Keep it. Your grandmother's retro red diva suitcase? Keep it. Do you really need that box of photos from the junior high field trip? You're not even in any of the photos. Your children won't even know who these people are.
Do you keep unwanted gifts due to a sense of guilt, simply because they're gifts? Do you have rented storage units to hold all the stuff you never use? Do you have boxes of things in your crawl space you haven't used in years-if you even know what's in there? Worse yet, do you surround yourself with things that make you miserable? Do you keep a "thin section" in your closet? You know-the things you'll wear again once you lose twenty pounds? Every time you look at an item of clothing that doesn't fit, you feel deflated. Your energy plummets as you focus your attention on how fat you are versus finding something attractive that fits your "real" body.
Instead, accentuate the positive. There's a reason women burn photographs of their old boyfriends. If you're hoarding tangible proof of emotional baggage, you're sabotaging your energy, not to mention your mood. You're keeping that figurative negativity hovering around your life. Clear the air. Get rid of it. If there's one particle of anger attached to it, get rid of it. Why take up valuable space with outdated physical negativity? Don't keep mementos of failed relationships. If it's a legal issue such as divorce, or custody dispute, keep only the bare minimum of final legal documents that you need. Out with the old, and in with the new.
copy; 2008 Laura Stack. Laura Stack (
www.TheProductivityPro.com/blog
) is a motivational speaker who helps busy workers Leave the Office Earlierreg; with Maximum Results in Minimum Time#153;. She is the president of The Productivity Proreg;, Inc., a time management firm specializing in productivity improvement in high-stress organizations. Since 1992, Laura has given presentations on improving output, lowering stress, and saving time in today#146;s workplaces, for companies such as Microsoft, Starbucks, and 3M. She is the bestselling author of
The Exhaustion Cure
(2008);
Find More Time
(2006); and
Leave the Office Earlier
(2004). To have Laura speak at your event, call 303-471-7401. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:42Z
Bringing New Life to your Lifetime Relationship
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Bringing-New-Life-to-your-Lifetime-Relationship
-
- /8530.html
2010-05-07T09:08:41Z
2010-05-07T09:08:41Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Bringing New Life to your Lifetime Relationship:
3 Tips for Making Marriage Last Forever
By Winn Claybaugh
www.beniceorelse.com
A good friend once shared the idea that people enter your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. A "season relationship" can happen with a new friend you meet on vacation. You have a wonderful time together but once you both head back home, the relationship is over. A "reason relationship" occurs with an individual who enters your life to teach you something, through either a good or a not-so-good experience. "Lifetime relationships" last a lifetime, plain and simple.
Divorce statistics notwithstanding, marriage is still intended to be a lifetime relationship. Unless you categorize your marriage as a lifetime relationship, you risk missing out on something that could provide growth and love and serve both you and your spouse for many years to come. To make your marriage the lifetime relationship it's meant to be, you must constantly seek to grow and improve it. Unless you interject new beliefs, habits, and practices into your marriage, it can become old, boring, or stagnant. Here are three ideas for bringing new life to your lifetime relationship.
Think Back
Think back to all those wonderful, romantic things you used to do for your spouse or partner while dating. I believe that if everyone continued to do those things, we wouldn't have the divorce rate in this country that we do. I find it very interesting that when people have an affair, they start doing all those romantic, wonderful things with the "new" person in their life. Just imagine what would happen if they went home and did those things with their spouse instead.
Write a Gratitude Letter
What are you grateful for in your life? What events do you want to remember? There's something quite profound and empowering about making a list or writing a story about what's right in your life. When you stop to think about the good things in life, you'll feel nicer and be nicer, which will make you a nicer and better spouse.
Your gratitude letter can begin with a mention of the most obvious things you're grateful for, such as family and friends. You could write about the gifts of your heart, mind, and soul; your worldly possessions; and your personal discoveries, benchmarks, and growth. You may even want to express gratitude for a painful experience that helped you be a better person or appreciate your family more. Write your gratitude letter, and acknowledge the experience and lessons you've been given in life.
It's Never Too Late
Journaling and letter writing are powerful ways to express thoughts, beliefs, and intentions of the heart. I believe it was author and speaker Marianne Williamson who taught me that it only takes one person to make the shift in a relationship that has gotten off track. Even if the other person decides not to participate, the work that you do to make your apologies, forgive yourself, and express your love and gratitude can be all that is required to proclaim, "That relationship is healed. I can now move forward with peace, love, and resolve."
Winn Claybaugh is the author of Be Nice (Or Else!) and "one of the best motivational speakers in the country," according to CNN's Larry King. A business owner for over 25 years with over 8,000 people in his organization, Winn is the co-owner of hair care giant Paul Mitchell's school division. Winn has helped thousands of businesses build their brands and create successful working cultures. His clients include Southwest Airlines, the Irvine Company, Vidal Sassoon, Entertainment Tonight, Mattel, For Rent magazine, Structure/Limited/Express, and others. Winn is a frequent guest on national radio and a regular contributor to online publications. Visit
www.BeNiceOrElse.com
to sign up for his free monthly Be Nice (Or Else!) newsletter Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:41Z
Bacteria Risks and Pregnancy
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Bacteria-Risks-and-Pregnancy
-
- /8531.html
2010-05-07T09:08:39Z
2010-05-07T09:08:39Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Bacteria Risks and Pregnancy
By Dr. Alan Greene
www.drgreene.com
There are certain microscopic bacteria that can pose special health risks to pregnant women and to their babies. Although most people can safely eat food containing a type of bacteria called
Listeria
, pregnant women are ten times more likely to get sick if they eat those same foods. And if they do get sick, the infection can be devastating for the baby. The tricky thing about
Listeria
is that, unlike many bacteria, they can thrive at refrigerator temperatures. To be sure, ensure your partner avoids the following:
Soft cheeses such as Brie, Camembert, feta, and Mexican queso fresco, or any cheeses with blue veins. Most hard cheeses are fine, as are pasteurized cream cheese, cottage cheese, cheese spreads, sliced cheese and yogurt.
Foods from deli counters (prepared salads, meats, and cheeses), unless they are heated to steaming right before eating.
Hot dogs, packaged cold cuts, meat spreads, pate, smoked seafood, and leftovers, unless they are heated to steaming right before eating. Canned or shelf-stable products are generally fine.
Raw or unpasteurized milk during pregnancy, including goat's milk, and foods that contain unpasteurized milk. Raw and partially cooked eggs, meat, and poultry can harbor other unwanted visitors. In addition to
Listeria
, be cautious about
E. coli
,
salmonella
, and
Toxoplasma
by doing the following:
Cook ground beef until no pink is visible, and be sure pork and lamb are well done. For turkey or other poultry, cook thoroughly to 180deg; F (with a thermometer).
Cook eggs until both the whites and the yolks are firm. Soft scrambled eggs aren't a pregnancy treat.
Remember hidden sources of raw or partially cooked eggs, such as cookie dough, unpasteurized eggnog and Hollandaise sauce.
You've heard not to change kitty litter during pregnancy to avoid Toxoplasma. This is good advice, but pregnant women can also pick up Toxoplasma from unpasteurized milk and undercooked meats. Be sure milk is pasteurized and meats are cooked to at least 150 degrees F.
Even if cooked food is safe, microorganisms can still live on hands or utensils while cooking. Wash before and after handling raw foods. Always wash cutting boards, kitchen surfaces and utensils after use.
Dr Alan Greene, author of
Raising Baby Greene
, is a graduate of Princeton
University
and the University of California San Francisco. He is a Clinical Professor at Stanford University's Packard Children's Hospital. In addition to being the founder of
www.DrGreene.com
, he is the Chief Medical Officer of A.D.A.M., and the Pediatric Expert for WebMD. He is the Chairman of the Board of The Organic Center and on the Advisory Board of Healthy Child Healthy World. Dr Greene appears frequently on TV, radio, websites, and in print including appearances on
The Today Show, Fox and Friends, The Wall Street Journal, Parents Magazine,
and
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:39Z
School is in Session and the Bully is Back
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/School-is-in-Session-and-the-Bully-is-Back
-
- /8532.html
2010-05-07T09:08:38Z
2010-05-07T09:08:38Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>School is in Session and the Bully is Back
By Derek Randel
www.stoppingschoolviolence.com
School started this week. As the Sanders ate dinner, Rick just moved his food around without eating. The nine-year-old looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. His parents knew something was wrong, but he just kept repeating, "nothing is wrong" to all their questions.
At bedtime, he finally let out what was bothering him. The same four boys from last year started bullying him again. The Sanders were very lucky that Rick told them what was happening because most students will not tell their parents. Most students are worried about being retaliated against, humiliated even more, and how their parents will react. The Sanders have built a relationship around communication so Rick knew his parents wouldn't go ballistic.
As a former teacher, I have seen parents handle these situations in many different ways. Most are expectedly upset and emotional, but coming into the school blaming, threatening, or accusing the staff is not the way to get results. You can expect your child to tell you not to contact the school because he thinks it will make the situation worse. However, you are your child's advocate and it may be necessary to contact the school. What is most important is to go into the school and let them know there is a problem. You need to work with the school staff since you're on the same side. Working together instead of attacking each other will work much better and will be easier for your child
Here are six important steps to follow whenever approaching the school about bullying:
Document each bullying incident. Look at it this way#151; if it is not documented, then it didn't happen. Include helpful information such as when, where, and who. Your child needs to keep this record if he expects it to stop.
Contact your child's teacher even if you're asked not to. You do not have to tell your child you did this. If you cannot go in the school, then call or email him/her. There is a chance that he/she is completely unaware of what is happening. Being calm, supply the teacher with your information.
Contact the school's administrative office in writing if you're not satisfied with how the situation is being handled. Request a meeting to discuss your documents.
When meeting with the administration, ask for a written copy of what was discussed. Schools will usually tell you that they cannot discuss the discipline of another student with you, but still document what transpired in the meeting.
If your child is being bullied, then it is obvious that what is being done is not working. Continue going up the ladder to the superintendent and school board. Too many children are being bullied without anyone getting involved. Everyday 160,000 students do not go to school because they are intimidated. This is unacceptable.
Don't quit if you're not satisfied; see an attorney if needed. You can also contact the police about filing charges against the bully and then follow this by contacting the media.
Too many students consider school a living hell because they are being bullied. Being a victim can lead to depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and much more. If you do not receive the desired results to end the bullying, then another option is to pull your child out of that school. You can pull your child from a public school at any time. Consider all options for their education, but keep in mind that all students need to feel wanted, safe, and successful.
Derek Randel is a parent coach who speaks nationally on how to remove the yelling from your home and how to protect your child/student from bullying and school violence. Derek has been seen on many television shows and is heard on radio shows around the country. He is the author of Stopping School Violence and was nominated for a Disney American Teacher Award. He also is a certified stepfamily coach through the Step-Family Foundation. For more information visit
www.stoppingschoolviolence.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:38Z
Use Nature to Boost Your Child's Learning
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Use-Nature-to-Boost-Your-Childs-Learning
-
- /8533.html
2010-05-07T09:08:36Z
2010-05-07T09:08:36Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Use Nature to Boost Your Child's Learning
By Mark Stevens
www.luisasnature.com
Nature can play a big role in helping your children advance their learning. There are many activities you can do with your child to help him or her mentally and emotionally grow during the outdoor season. Exploring parks and nature preserves, travel, and observing plant and vegetable growth in your own garden are excellent ways for children to expand their minds and learn about life.
Exploring parks and nature preserves
Get out on the path or trail with your children and see just how many plants, birds, and other growth and animals they can discover. Parks and preserves are usually great places for bird watching. Have your kids use their ears to detect the birds' location, for example. Once they spot a particular bird, have them note the different characteristics they observe: eating habits, color, song, twitching tail, type of flight. On another outing, you can ask your children to choose a tree and note the growth and insects that rely on its bark. What kind of leaves does the tree have? Is it tall and thin or wide and short? Does it bear fruit? If there is a river or ocean nearby, is it low or high tide? What color is the water? What is lurking in or near the water or in the nearby woods?
Traveling through nature
While on the road with your kids, talk to them about what they see outside the car windows. Take turns pointing out something in the landscape. Once this exercise gets tiring, don#146;t just give up and watch your kids play video games for the rest of the trip. Put an audio book in your car#146;s CD player and let your minds paint a picture of the action and setting that your ears take in. You can then discuss those stories just as you would any goodnight story you read to your children. Sharing nature through your observances from the car and taking in an audio story or two together not only promotes learning, it also strengthens the family bond.
Observing plant and vegetable growth in your own garden
Growing a garden with your children gives them a lesson in nature and in understanding where our food comes from. Why do we till the soil? What tools do we need? Plants need water just like we do. Talk about that and about the many other aspects of gardening with your children. What characteristics does each of the vegetable plants have? Why do the bees fly to the blossoms? Let your children practice their math skills: number of plants, different plant species in the garden, branches on individual plants, weeds remaining to be removed. Teach your children about the benefit of using compost in the garden. Lead the way to your children's learning experience in nature. Before long, they#146;ll be pulling you off the couch with their green thumbs.
Mark J. Stevens, author of LUISA'S NATURE (Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing, Spring 2008), is a news journalist currently working in Europe. Fluent in French, Spanish, and German, he has enjoyed extensive travel much of his life. Shaped by the rural New Jersey setting of his youth, Mark continues to explore the richness of nature with his wife and two children on the outskirts of Munich, Germany. He also belongs to several parenting and nature organizations in the U.S. and Europe. For more information, visit
www.luisasnature.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:36Z
Dr. Greene's Top Parenting Dos and Don'ts
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Dr.-Greenes-Top-Parenting-Dos-and-Donts
-
- /8534.html
2010-05-07T09:08:35Z
2010-05-07T09:08:35Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Dr. Greene's Top Parenting Dos and Don'ts
By Alan Greene, MD
www.DrGreene.com
Each day I see parents trying their best to do what's right for their families, but no one has the perfect guidebook that tells parents what to do. Here are the top eight solvable problems that I advise parents to remedy today.
Do#133; Have confidence in your parenting style.
Don't#133; Worry about what your parents or the neighbors or your child's teacher thinks about your parenting style. Create a parenting style that makes you comfortable and relax.
Do#133; Create an exercise program for yourself.
Don't#133; Skip it because you don't have the time. Kids follow our example. If we're not exercising, they won't learn to either. So take care of yourself and teach your kids to do the same.
Do#133; Take the time to create healthy love foods for your family.
Don't#133; Settle routinely for food isn't helping them build a strong body and mind.
What children eat is vitally important and the foods they learn to love when young will often be their favorites as adults. You can create healthy love foods for them by what you feed them now and give them a life-long gift.
Do#133; Give your kids a good multi-vitamin each day.
Don't#133; Trust our food sources to provide all the nutrients kids need. Most kids don't eat 5 servings of fruits and veggies a day. Even if they did (and I do encourage at least that many) our food's nutrient density has gone down. Kids need a good multi-vitamin each day to round out their nutritional needs.
Do#133; Stay consistent with your rules.
Don't#133; Let whining wear you down. If you want a child to sleep in her own bed, then letting her sleep in your bed "just this once" is going to make it much harder later.
Do#133; Think about the things that matter.
Don't#133; Pick the wrong things to worry about. You need to pay close attention to some things, like your kids' safety. But don't sweat the small stuff even if it means your kids sleep in their street clothes instead of pajamas.
Do#133; Take advantage of today.
Don't#133; Wait until tomorrow to build life-long memories. Time flies. Plan something every season that your kids will look forward to year after year.
Do#133; Pay attention to both your perspective and your child's.
Don't#133; Lose sight of your needs or theirs. If we focus too much on whatever children want, or too much on what we want, they miss out on learning both to give and receive.
Dr. Alan Greene, author of
Raising Baby Greene
, is a graduate of Princeton University and the University of California San Francisco. In addition to being the founder of
www.DrGreene.com
, he is the Chief Medical Officer of A.D.A.M. He is the Chair of The Organic Center and on the Advisory Board of Healthy Child Healthy World. Dr. Greene appears frequently on TV, radio, websites, and in print including appearances on The Today Show, Good Morning America, Fox and Friends, The Wall Street Journal, Parents Magazine, and US Weekly. Dr. Greene is Clinical Professor of Pediatrics at Stanford University's Packard Children's Hospital. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:35Z
Working with Nature to Stimulate Your Childs Senses
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Working-with-Nature-to-Stimulate-Your-Childs-Senses
-
- /8535.html
2010-05-07T09:08:33Z
2010-05-07T09:08:33Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Working with Nature to Stimulate Your Child#146;s Senses
By Mark J. Stevens
www.luisasnature.com
From the first week of our child#146;s birth, we encouraged her connection to nature through all of her senses. Her ears perked up at the sound of the nesting birds#146; melody. Her eyes opened to the vastness of a mountain lake and her perception increased gradually with each passing week as we said the names of the plants animals, insects, stones, etc. She smelled and felt the grass, leaves, flowers, and water as we passed through our surroundings. She later tasted the berries we picked for her along the way. And she is still always intrigued by the sound of a passing brook. We use our imagination to inspire and develop our senses every day. Here are some of the ways you can help your child do so, too:
Follow your nose: Make sure you clarify to your child that he should only eat things you give him. But once you know how to navigate to the edible mushrooms, berries, and vegetables in the woods and fields, it#146;s snack time! With time, you will realize how many little snacks you can enjoy with your kids along the way. In addition, pack a little picnic with bread, cheese, and fruits. If you are exploring near a clean stream, have a drink to supplement the drink you have with you.
Have a bite: Without warning kids can suddenly hit their limits and patience begins to wane rapidly. Too often parents try to dictate in this moment how they want their child to behave. Unfortunately, the barometer is rising and our wishes will almost certainly fall on deaf and increasingly angry ears. As soon as you notice the struggle, begin to take the child aside to a quiet location and try to reason with them. For example, #147;I don#146;t want to take a bath#148; can become a conversation about whether to take a bath or shower. In these crucial early moments, giving kids a small choice can go a long way toward preventing a potential meltdown.
Open your eyes: Look at those little ants and caterpillars below you. It is likely that your child will discover them before you anyway. After all, kids are closer to the ground than you. Give the animals or insects a name. Encourage your child to hold them or even to say #147;good morning,#148; as our daughter used to do to the ants near our house. Talk about the different color of lichen on the trees or moss on the forest floor. This will encourage your child to observe even closer and to get dirty making new discoveries of their own#151;opening not only her eyes, but her mind and other senses.
Touch and feel: Fill your hat with acorns, grass, wheat, sticks, and stones. Ask your child to feel the things in the hat#151;first while looking at the objects. Ask them what each object feels like. Then ask them to touch the objects without looking at them and to guess what they are. This improves your child#146;s sense of feel and his differentiation between different textures. Soon, your child will be gathering new objects and expanding on his or her sense of touch. Also, sit down and feel the wind blowing against your hand and hair. Your child will likely do the same. This will inspire his ears to do their part as well.
Hear the magic: Not only will your child feel the direction in which the wind is blowing, but she will hear the effects of the wind on objects surrounding her. Your child can hear the branches swaying in the wind or the rain pitter-pattering on the leaves on the forest floor. Your child#146;s ears will be touched by the waves on the lake caused by the wind. When there is practically no wind at all, the birds, the bees, and the flowing stream will enchant your child#146;s ears. When simply taking a walk, what does the crunch under your feet on different terrain such as wood, stones, leaves sound like? What is that noise off in the distance#151;thunder, a falling tree, a howling wolf?
Getting your kids out in nature is the first step to awakening your child#146;s senses for a lifetime of joy and learning. This encourages creativity, independent thinking, and an appreciation for the natural world.
About the Author: Mark J. Stevens, author of LUISA'S NATURE (Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing, Spring 2008), is a news journalist currently working in Europe. Fluent in French, Spanish, and German, he has enjoyed extensive travel much of his life. Shaped by the rural New Jersey setting of his youth, Mark continues to explore the richness of nature with his wife and two children on the outskirts of Munich, Germany. He also belongs to several parenting and nature organizations in the U.S. and Europe. For more information, visit
www.luisasnature.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:33Z
RELAXATION: Be the Master of Your Universe
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/RELAXATION:-Be-the-Master-of-Your-Universe
-
- /8536.html
2010-05-07T09:08:32Z
2010-05-07T09:08:32Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>RELAXATION: Be the Master of Your Universe
By Laura Stack, The Productivity Pro
www.TheProductivityPro.com/blog
It may seem a tad paradoxical, but you can't be productive if you don't know how to relax. Leisure activities and relaxation like reading, talking, playing games, and other non-gadget pastimes can reduce your stress levels and increase your energy.
Step off the merry-go-round. If you've recently undergone a particularly busy spell, you may be addicted to going full-throttle. When your mind's sick and tired of working, but your body can't stop, you need to slam on the brakes.
Understand that rest isn't a bad thing. You don't feel guilty about going to the bathroom, so why feel guilty about resting? While too much rest can cut into your productivity, an occasional break is necessary to top up your energy reserves.
Set aside some "me" time. Pamper yourself occasionally; it's okay to think about yourself and do something simply for the pleasure of it. It's not about being selfish; it's about self-care and energy replenishment.
Don't feel guilty when you play. When you're playing, don't dwell on what you could be doing instead. Be present in your play and enjoy yourself. After all, if you wait until all your work is done before you play, you'll never play.
Don't be a workaholic. If you're a workaholic, get help. Too much work can literally make you sick. You're likely to burn out, which can lead to depression, excessive physical and emotional stress, and a shortage of physical energy.
Learn to unwind. If you find yourself unable to relax after a stressful day, try progressive relaxation for 30 minutes. It quiets your mind, and it's particularly helpful if you suffer from insomnia.
Take regular vacations. Stress and leisure are inversely proportional: the less leisure time you build into your overall life, the more stress you'll experience -- and that translates into less energy. Take all the vacation time you're due.
Don't jam up vacations with work. Work and play are meant to be separate, so make sure they stay that way. A working vacation isn't a vacation -- it's work. The quality of a vacation isn't measured by the output, so leave your cell phone, Blackberry, and laptop at home.
Learn to take it easy to you can become more productive than ever. This might sound like something Zen, but the truth is that even seemingly quiet, relaxing uses of free time are energy-builders -- not energy drains.
copy; 2008 Laura Stack. Laura Stack (
www.TheProductivityPro.com/blog
) is a motivational speaker who helps busy workers Leave the Office Earlierreg; with Maximum Results in Minimum Time#153;. She is the president of The Productivity Proreg;, Inc., a time management firm specializing in productivity improvement in high-stress organizations. Since 1992, Laura has given presentations on improving output, lowering stress, and saving time in today#146;s workplaces, for companies such as Microsoft, Starbucks, and 3M. She is the bestselling author of
The Exhaustion Cure
(2008);
Find More Time
(2006); and
Leave the Office Earlier
(2004). To have Laura speak at your event, call 303-471-7401. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:32Z
Silent Mentoring
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Silent-Mentoring
-
- /8537.html
2010-05-07T09:08:30Z
2010-05-07T09:08:30Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Silent Mentoring
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
www.personalpowerpress.com
"Hello Jasmine," Mrs. Roberts said as she passed the thirteen-year-old middle schooler in the hall between classes. Deliberate and sustained eye contact accompanied the simple greeting. Jasmine nodded and both student and educator continued on their way toward individual destinations.
The scenario above appears to be a typical exchange between a teacher and her student, the kind of thing that occurs routinely in any middle school, on any day, in any part of the world. In reality, this meeting is far from typical. Mrs. Johnson does not have Jasmine as a student and the greeting was planned deliberately with specific intention. It was part of a much larger effort called Silent Mentoring.
Silent Mentoring is a program currently being implemented by many schools who are concerned about students who do not appear to be connected. These isolates have few friends and spend much time alone. They eat by themselves, study by themselves, and walk the halls by themselves. They seem to be on the outside looking in and are never really part of the action. Silent Mentoring is an effort by professional educators to reach out to these students and connect.
Students are identified as candidates for this program based on observations made by teachers, administrators, and counselors. The students are not told that they have been selected. They are matched with a volunteer educator, one who does not currently have the student in class. Not every teacher in these schools participate.
Once the educator and student are matched up the educators are expected to make three
reach out
efforts a week.
Reach out
strategies can include morning greetings, asking the student how he liked the assembly, or commenting on the book the he selected in the media center. Other strategies that are detailed in the Silent Mentoring handbook include;
A.Sending "I noticed" Statements.
"I noticed you like to wear red."
"I noticed you read a lot of sports books."
"I noticed you got here a little late this morning."
"I noticed" is not designed to evaluate as in "I noticed you did a good job." It is intended to deliver an important message, "I see you. You are not invisible here."
B.Touch with Your Eyes
Use sustained eye contact. Eyes say, "I care about you. You are important to me."
C.Engage in Proximity Behavior
This strategic placement move puts you in the proximity of the student you wish to influence. Purposefully be in the vicinity of that student more than you normally would. Making a conscious effort to be around him or her shows interest and concern. And this happens simply by your presence.
D.Smile
Do this with intentionality. Be genuine and sincere.
E.Use Names
The sweetest sound in any language is the sound of your own name.
"Good morning, Juan."
"Melinda, you look like you are in a hurry."
"Is this seat taken, Tevi?"
Silent Mentoring takes its name from the fact that no formal announcements are made that the event is happening. There is no structured time in which it has to occur. No newspaper articles are written. No sound bites are delivered. The entire process is pretty much a secret.
Silent mentoring happens best and has the biggest impact when students least expect it. That's why students are not assigned to their regular teacher. If the
reach out
program is implemented in the classroom students often think it is being done because it is your job. After all you are their teacher. You are being paid to like them. Reach out in the hall, in the lunchroom, and at the basketball game. Do it if you run into the student downtown or in the mall.
Do not require students to respond. You might say "hello" and get nothing back. Eye contact and smiles may not be returned. Keep reaching out anyway. You are touching this student on some level whether you see the results or not.
Do you know an isolated student who feels that no one likes them? Do you see someone who doesn't seem to fit in or belong? Are you aware of someone who needs some connectedness in their life? Do you know that for relationships in general can improve for this student she has to develop a relationship with someone and realize that someone likes her? Guess who has the best chance of becoming that person for this student?
Why not be a Silent Mentor?
Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of
Teaching the Attraction Principle#153; to Children: Practical Strategies for Parents and Teachers to Help Children Manifest a Better World
. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for educators. To sign up for it or to obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your professional staff development needs, visit their website today:
www.personalpowerpress.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:30Z
School's Out, I Thought it Would Stop: Bullying at Summer Camp
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Schools-Out,-I-Thought-it-Would-Stop:-Bullying-at-Summer-Camp
-
- /8538.html
2010-05-07T09:08:28Z
2010-05-07T09:08:28Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>School's Out, I Thought it Would Stop:
Bullying at Summer Camp
By Derek Randel
www.stoppingschoolviolence.com
My ten year-old son, Kevin, was sitting at dinner last night playing with his food. I could tell something was wrong. Finally, he let it out, "I thought I wouldn't be picked on, at least for the summer." It turns out that he was being bullied again at day camp.
I contacted the camp director and informed him of what Kevin told me. His response was, "We didn't see anything so there is nothing we can do." If I understand this correctly, at least one of his campers is scared to return to camp and he says there is nothing he can do about this situation? This is not acceptable. I believe there is a lack of concern at the administrative level and a lack of training and support for the counselors.
Most camp counselors are high school or college students. How much do they know about recognizing, addressing, and preventing bullying? Many people believe bullying is something that happens to all children and#8232; we're just making a fuss over this. They will get over it, right? Maybe we should just tell them to grow up and handle it? Wrong. Adults shouldn't be ignoring it. We need to stop the "boys will be boys" mentality.
Signs Something Might Be Wrong
Discuss these areas with your child and their counselor if you suspect he/she is being bullied.
Notice if he always seems very hungry. Maybe someone is taking his lunch or lunch money.
Does she have a fear of going to certain activities? There is a reason she may have this fear: it could be her dislike for the activities, she may not be confident about the craft, or possibly, she is being bullied.
Does he have missing belongings or torn clothes? You may want to look at whether this is his normal pattern or completely out of character. How often does this happen? Does he have lots of bruises or cuts?
Does she play alone or with friends while at camp?
Does he have stomachaches, headaches, anxiety, sleeplessness, depression, and flashes of anger or hostility? Does he need to see the camp nurse often?
Options for Parents and Counselors:
Our job as parents, teachers, and counselors is to provide tools for #8232;our children to handle bullying. Empowering your camper to handle each #8232;situation is the best way to get involved. We want the victim to know that the bullying is the problem, not him. He has the right to feel safe and secure at all times.
Tips for Counselors:
Talk to the campers about feeling safe. This is the easiest place to start, but most do not do this. #8232;Encourage the child to report any bullying incidents to you.
Validate your camper's feelings. It is normal for the victim to feel hurt, #8232;sad, and angry.
Ask the camper how they have tried to stop the bullying.
#8232;
Coach the camper in alternatives: playing in a different place, playing a different game, staying near a#8232; counselor, and looking for new friends. #8232;#8232; Avoidance can also be an excellent #8232;strategy.
Encourage the child to seek help from all camp personnel including the #8232;support staff.
#8232;#8232;#8232;#8232;
Teach about self-respect. A good topic for open discussions is: why does someone else's opinion of you count more than your own?
Avoid labeling or name-calling. Model the behavior you want. Counselors must model desired behavior. Hazing, name-calling and making fun of campers cannot be permitted.
What to Look for in a Summer Camp
We want our children to feel wanted, safe, and successful at camp. Here are a few items to discuss with the camp director before signing your child up.
Ask about camp supervision of children. This has been found to be of prime importance. Low#8232; levels of camp supervision, particularly on the playground, locker rooms, and in#8232; cabins, need to be addressed.
The camp climate needs to be one of warmth and acceptance of all#8232; campers. Counselors' attitudes toward aggression, skills with regard to#8232; supervision and abilities to intervene can change how campers react to each bullying #8232;situation. How much training do the counselors receive?
Counselors have reported that locker rooms are prime locations for bullying. How many counselors are placed in the locker areas? There needs to be at least two because one counselor shouldn#146;t be in the locker room or showers alone with campers.
Good communication between the camp and parents is very important. How often do the counselors talk with the parents?
Does the camp have group discussions about bullying? This topic needs to be out in the open.
How does the camp staff address bullying incidents? Do they talk with the bully and victim separately or together? It needs to be done separately.
#8232;
Do they monitor the behavior of the bully and the safety of the victim on a #8232;camp-wide basis? All personnel need to be involved. If the counselors are#8232; not aware of who is bullying whom, then how will they be able to watch #8232;specifically for the bully or the victim?
Just like in schools, bullies must be held accountable for their actions. Counselors must set limits and boundaries without using idle threats if they want to be taken seriously. Parents must ask their camp directors about their counselors#146; training. If you're uncomfortable with their answer, then there is always another camp for your child. Summers are supposed to be fun, and above all, safe.
Derek Randel is a parent coach who speaks nationally on how to remove the yelling from your home and how to protect your child/student from bullying and school violence. Derek has been seen on many television shows and is heard on radio shows around the country. He is the author of Stopping School Violence and was nominated for a Disney American Teacher Award. He also is a certified stepfamily coach through the Step-Family Foundation. For more information visit
www.stoppingschoolviolence.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:28Z
PG-13 Isn't For Young Kids
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/PG-13-Isnt-For-Young-Kids
-
- /8539.html
2010-05-07T09:08:27Z
2010-05-07T09:08:27Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>PG-13 Isn't For Young Kids
By Nancy Carlsson-Paige
www.nancycarlssonpaige.com
ALTHOUGH THE recently released movie
"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull"
is rated PG-13, it is being marketed to preschoolers through TV ads and movie-linked toys and merchandise.
This kind of marketing is unethical and has been going on for years. The Federal Trade Commission, in its landmark report published in 2000, exposed the movie industry for marketing to children younger than the ages the industry's own rating system considers appropriate. Even so, the wrongful practice continues. Film companies have aggressively marketed PG-13 movies like
"Hulk," "Spiderman," "X-Men," "Iron Man,"
and many others, to young children through toys, many of them violent, fast food tie-ins, TV ads, and merchandise. Promotions to young children are already underway for this summer's violent blockbusters
"The Incredible Hulk"
and
"The Dark Knight,"
with hundreds of toys and child-targeted merchandise.
I have interviewed hundreds of parents who say they feel exasperated and helpless by how films are marketed to their children. One parent, Nina, said to me recently, "My 5-year-old son, Jacob, saw the ad on TV for the
"Iron Man"
toy at Burger King, and now he's begging to get it and to seethe movie." Such marketing campaigns confuse many parents. The toys are labeled appropriate for young children and carry no information indicating that the movie may not be. The industry says parents should decide what's right for their children to see but then does everything to undermine parental choice and control.
From my years studying child development, I know that entertainment violence can confuse, scare, and desensitize children. Young children don't see what adults see when they see violence on the screen. Violent images have a stronger impact on children because they can't put these images in a context of motive and plot or pull away from them by thinking about something else. Children can't be sure that the violence they see is pure fiction. Young children confuse fantasy and reality. Maybe this can really happen to them. Perhaps this frightening character can come through their window at night
"Transformer"
toys armed with heavy machine guns for 4-year-olds and toys poised with rifles and guns in both hands for preschoolers teach powerful lessons: Violence is fun. We do it for play. Violence is how you settle conflicts; the world is made up of "good guys" and "enemies," hurting others is OK - it's even entertaining. As teachers around the country report, children bring these "social lessons" into their relationships in school and into their play, and both become more violent.
The American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Medical Association and other medical groups have reviewed research and issued warnings: Viewing entertainment violence increases aggression and antisocial behavior and desensitizes children to violence, hardening them to the pain inflicted on others. This is troublesome because we want children to learn empathy for others in the early years, not develop a numbness to how others feel. We have seen many worrisome examples in recent years of young people who can shoot classmates and inflict pain on others without any apparent feelings for them:
We need government regulations that will stop the deliberate and unethical marketing of PG-13 films to young children. The Motion Picture Association of America could take action but it refuses to do anything. We need a film ratings board that operates outside of industry control.
Regulations wouldn't limit choices for parents. They would still be free to take their children, no matter what their ages, to see the films parents choose. But the industry would no longer be allowed to interfere by enticing children with TV ads, toys, food tie-ins, and merchandise - with the decisions that parents want to make for their children. And if these harmful marketing practices were to stop, it would help the nation's children take a step away from violence toward greater empathy and a stronger sense of security and emotional well-being.
Nancy Carlsson-Paige is author of
"Taking Back Childhood"
and a professor of education at Lesley University. For more information visit
www.nancycarlssonpaige.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:27Z
Are Your Children Being Deprived?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Are-Your-Children-Being-Deprived
-
- /8540.html
2010-05-07T09:08:24Z
2010-05-07T09:08:24Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Are Your Children Being Deprived?
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
www.personalpowerpress.com
Some parents give their children designer clothes, foreign trips and a personal TV. Others give them attention and experiences and hold them accountable for their actions. What do your children get? Are you unknowingly depriving your children of important lessons and learnings? Find out here by taking the Deprived Child Test. See how you score.
Which of the following items do you give your children? Rate yourself for each on a scale of 0-3.
0= never
1= rarely
2= once in a while
3= regularly
Do you give your children . . .
Regular trips to the library. Buying your children 100 books does not count. Do you take your children to the library and allow them to select books of their own interest and let them be responsible for returning them on time? Creating a spot in your home for library books that are to be returned helps young children take some responsibility for their care.
Instruction about and responsibilities for lawn care. Does your teen know how to run a lawn mower? Does your ten-year-old know how to fill it with gas? Does your eight-year-old know how to clean it off when you are finished using it? If you hire a lawn service, you are depriving your older children of opportunities to participate and your toddlers of seeing you perform the important tasks.
Responsibilities with laundry. Do the younger children put their dirty clothes in the hamper? Do those who are older help you sort the laundry by colors?nbsp; Does your preadolescent help you fold it? Does your teen do his or her own laundry? Does everyone take their clean laundry and put it away? If adults take total responsibility for laundry in your home, subtract one point. Your children are deprived.
Opportunities to see plants grow. Do you have a flower garden? Do you grow corn or carrots? Does your child have a tomato plant that is his to care for and nurture? Has she seen a seed turn into a flowering plant and had an opportunity to discuss the miracle it represents? Bringing home flowers from the florist does not count.
Respectful disagreement. Have your children seen you and your spouse disagree respectfully? Have you provided them with a model of fair fighting, honoring different perspectives, and listening to the other in the face of disagreement? If you yell or pout you are depriving your children of witnessing incidents of mature disagreement and of living with mature individuals who serve as role models for how to disagreed with respect and civility.
Sex stereotypes. Do you create opportunities for your children to see men and women working as equals? Does your son witness women being as capable as men and is his mental attitude one of equality between the sexes as a result of having witnessed his parentsrsquo; role-modeling equality? Do you allow your daughter to participate in lawn care duties or only in chores that concern the inside of the house? Does your son help with cleaning the house and doing dishes? Do your children see both parents share the duties of parenting equally?
Experiences with nature. Do your children play outside as much as inside?nbsp; Does your family walk through the woods and take trips to a nature center? Have you been to the beach or fishing in a stream? Can your children identify the names of trees, birds, and other wildlife? If your child spends more than one hour per day watching television or playing computer/video games, subtract one point for each hour over that time limit..
Accountability. Are your children held accountable for their actions in a way that helps them understand the relationship between cause and effect? Do you establish outcomes for your childrenrsquo;s choices that are reasonable, related and respectful? Do you follow through with consequences or deprive your children of a culture of accountability by caving in and regularly giving them one more last chance?
Construction. Have you built a snow fort, a sand castle, a tower of blocks, a house of cards, a pillow fort in the living room, a double-decker cake, a model airplane, or a puzzle with your children in the past few weeks? Have you made a piece of clothing or a pizza from scratch? Remember, when you build together you are not only creating the physical structure or object, you are also building a connection and a stronger parent/child relationship.
Laughter. When was the last time you went rolling down a hill with your children and ended up laughing hysterically? Do you share jokes and funny experiences with them? Do you have a tickle party where you tickle and let yourself be tickled? Do your children know what makes you laugh? Do you laugh together? Subtract two points if family laughter occurs when others make a mistake or appear foolish.
Mess making. Have you ever put shaving cream on the kitchen table or mixed ripped toilet paper with wet soap shavings to make ldquo;cleanrdquo; mud? Have you tipped over the couch to make a tunnel fort or pitched a tent in the living room for indoor camping? Have you played in spilled milk, splashed in mud puddles or slid in the grass in the rain? Have you participated in a water balloon fight lately or sprayed each other while you washed the car? Do you let happy messes happen or are you keeping a lid on every moment of each experience so that nothing gets dirty or out of place?
Time. Do you have regular conversations with your children? Do you have scheduled family meals that everyone attends? Do you shoot baskets, play checkers, ride bikes, and build paper airplanes? Do you have a family hobby like baseball card collecting, scouting, putting puzzles together, camping, or horseback riding?
Add up your score and determine where you fit on the scale below. Be honest with yourself. You donrsquo;t have to show your results to anyone or get down on yourself if you donrsquo;t compile a high score. Treat this as a learning experience that will help you make sure your children are not deprived.
The Deprived Child Test Scoring Scale
36-30hellip;hellip;hellip;..Congratulations. You are regularly providing your children with a healthy variety of opportunities to learn.
29-24hellip;hellip;hellip;..You and your children are missing valuable lessons in a few areas. With a few adjustments you can quickly design new and enriching experiences that will help your children grow and expand in important areas.
23-18hellip;hellip;hellip;..It is clearly time for you to get conscious about your role as a parent and make some major changes. Your children will continue to be deprived unless you purposefully create more learning opportunities for them. The time to begin is now.
17-0hellip;hellip;hellip;....Your children are badly deprived. It is time for you to totally revamp what you do as a parent by making serious changes in your everyday activities. Get moving, doing, being with, and experiencing with your children.
Use the information you glean from taking and scoring this test to strengthen the type of experiences you provide for your children. Congratulate yourself for areas where you scored high. Use your low scores as valuable information to help you and your family move forward toward creating and sharing quality experiences for all.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of
Teaching the Attraction Principletrade; to Children.
They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or to obtain more information on how to bring their expertise to your family or group, visit their website today:
www.personalpowerpress.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:24Z
Expecting and Expectations: Are You and your Spouse on the Same Page?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Expecting-and-Expectations:-Are-You-and-your-Spouse-on-the-Same-Page
-
- /8541.html
2010-05-07T09:08:22Z
2010-05-07T09:08:22Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Expecting and Expectations:
Are You and Your Spouse on the Same Page?
By Joanne Baum
www.respectfulparenting.com
When you#146;re pregnant you soon become full of expectations. You dream about what your baby will be like, you dream about how you and hour husband will parent. You dream about how you will handle any problems that come up. You dream about being a family and how family life will be. You dream about how you#146;ll juggle real life and motherhood and fatherhood. You know what you want, you know how you#146;ll handle it, you know what #147;it#146;ll#148; be like. You#146;re getting ready based on your dreams and fantasies. But is your husband on the same page or are you assuming he is?
Ten Steps to Help Expectations Come True:
Talk with your spouse and ask him if he#146;d be willing to share his specific dreams and expectations with you and if he#146;d be willing to listen to yours.
Ask your husband to tell you his dreams before you tell him all of yours so he#146;s not trying to please you and he feels free to offer his dreams and expectations.
Don#146;t be upset if he doesn#146;t have as many as yours.
Share your dreams with the idea that you both want to see where your dreams and expectations overlap and where you have a mismatch. Talk to each other about your fears and concerns #150; share them without feeling like the other person is supposed to fix them. See if you two can #147;team#148; together and come up with creative strategies to meet both your needs.
Where there are differences, work through them. Don#146;t assume they#146;ll go away on their own. Differences usually get bigger with sleep deprivation and reality.
To work through them talk about each of your wants and needs. See if you can strategize together how to get needs met, but make sure they are truly needs and not intense wants.
Call upon a parenting coach or therapist to help you two resolve your differences if you can#146;t do that together. If you can do this before your baby arrives you#146;ll have less stress in those beginning wonderful, exciting, sleep deprived and confusing weeks. If your baby is here and you#146;re having difficulties that are upsetting you, try getting some help before they build over time.
Respect each other#146;s ways of doing things #150; there is more than one way to be a healthy and happy family.
Continue to make couple time even if it#146;s for fifteen minutes a day where you get to be adults together.
Leave room for flexibility, creativity, and spontaneity. Dreams and expectations are based in your head; they#146;re your fantasies. When your baby arrives, you#146;ll need to get to know your baby. You#146;ll want to see what your unique baby brings to your dreams. Follow your baby#146;s lead and allow your dreams and expectations to be fantasy and not a reality you impose on your baby. Enjoy who your baby is and realize you figured out the best you could before you were handed the gift of reality. Now it#146;s time to re-figure and live with your baby rather than your dreams and expectations. Those were a springboard to prepare you for becoming a parent and not a recipe for family life.
Joanne Baum, PhD., LCSW, has been a therapist, parenting coach, educator, and writer for over thirty years. Her latest book,
Got the Baby Where#146;s the Manual?!?
won the 2007 IPPY Gold Medal in Parenting. You can find more information and order her book on her website
www.respectfulparenting.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:22Z
The Biggest Mistake That Parents Make
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Biggest-Mistake-That-Parents-Make
-
- /8542.html
2010-05-07T09:08:21Z
2010-05-07T09:08:21Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Biggest Mistake That Parents Make
By Archer Crosley
www.baldmommy.com
The biggest mistake that a parent can make is to try to be their child#146;s friend.
How can I say this nicely without offense; you are not your child#146;s friend, nor their drinking buddy; you are their parent. Unfortunately, many parents want that love that their child brings; and they will do anything to ensure that their child continues to love them, even foregoing discipline. Now maybe someday, when your children are in their twenties, you can develop a unique friendship with them; but that won#146;t happen if you fail in your parenting responsibilities when they are young. Indeed, without respect, there can be no love. And if you fail to discipline your children, they will come to disrespect you.
It is imperative that your children understand who is the boss in the relationship. You and your child are not co-equals, and your family is not a democracy. Think of your family as a benevolent dictatorship, and you will have at least eliminated one myth, the myth of the democratic family as a successful model, standing in your path to having a successful family.
This is a tough concept for many parents to grasp, especially those parents who came from families where discipline was perhaps too strict. Many of these parents rationalize #147;Well, I don#146;t want to be a strict as my parents were.#148; It#146;s a nice concept in theory; but I can assure you that a family without discipline is like a house without walls.
The walls of the house are nothing more than rules that guide people down pathways; pathways that make the house run more effectively. Now imagine if you had a house with no walls where everybody could see everybody and anyone could walk anywhere unimpeded. Can you imagine someone cooking two feet from where you are trying to sleep? Can you imagine another person skipping merrily through the bathroom on their way to the garage as you are washing up? Of course not! These scenarios are unworkable.
One of my close friends who did discipline his children effectively put it this way, #147;My kids can do what they want after they are adults and living away from the house; but when they are here, they follow my rules.#148; This friend couldn#146;t have cared less if his kids liked him or not with regard to the rules that he made and enforced.
But when he spoke to me about rule-setting, it wasn#146;t just what he said, it was the way he said it. He asserted himself in a casual but firm tone as if he had been applying his rules for a lengthy period of time. The rules that he set forth were second nature to him and his family.
Now, if you go home and try to adopt what I am saying in a very hysterical and aggressive manner, you will fail. If you make a speech to your kids that there is a new sheriff in town who isn#146;t going to put up with this type of behavior anymore, they may laugh at you behind your back and continue their same patterns of behavior.
If you are having problems at home right now, what I recommend is that you begin slowly. Enforce simple rules, such as clean up your room before dinner, or, everyone must eat dinner together, and follow through with them - quietly. Don#146;t make a big show about it; you don#146;t need to; you are holding all the Aces. Gradually enforce more rules as time goes by.
Don#146;t worry when your children start crying, #147;You don#146;t love me anymore.#148; This is a ruse that children use to manipulate their parents. Remember your kids are pretty smart; they have the same intelligence that you do; and pretty soon, they will learn that the rules are the rules; and that their parents are the ones who set the rules.
The true love that you desire will gradually follow from this framework of respected
Archer Crosley, MD has been practicing pediatrics for over 25 years and is the author of What Successful Families Do, The Bald Truth about Parenting. Dr. Crosley lives in McAllen, Texas. Dr. Crosley graduated from the University of Kansas Medical School in 1982. He finished his residency in pediatrics at the University of Texas Health Science Center in San Antonio in 1985. For more information visit
www.baldmommy.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:21Z
The Family Dinner
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Family-Dinner
-
- /8543.html
2010-05-07T09:08:19Z
2010-05-07T09:08:19Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Family Dinner
By Archer Crosley
If I had to stress one thing that you could do for your family to enhance its quality and productivity, it would be the family dinner or meal.
I believe there should be one meal per day where the family gets together and shares a common experience.
The family dinner is not just a time to exchange pleasantries; the family dinner is when the family sits down and reviews family affairs. How are the kids doing in school? Is Johnny cleaning is room? Where would they all like to go on summer vacation?
Communication is
the
key to having a successful family, and the family meal is where an important part of family communication takes place.
One large difference that I have noticed over the years, between a family that is working well and one that is not is the level of communication.
Having a family dinner can be tough when both parents are working and the kids have varying schedules. Still, there should be at least fifteen to twenty minutes per day when you can all sit down together.
The length of the meeting is not important; what is important is that everyone, including kids, show up, and for these reasons:
The family dinner sends a statement to the child that there are family obligations, and by extension societal obligations, that are mandatory. When we tell our children that they must eat dinner with the rest of us, we are sending a subtle message that they don't live in a free-for-all universe where anyone can do anything they want any time they want.
The family dinner sends your child a message that they count as a member of the family, that what they have to say is important. Now, if all you are going to say at the family dinner is "shut up," then you are missing the entire point of having the family dinner.
The entire point of the family dinner is to make your family better and more cohesive; it's a working meeting; it's not a "show meeting" to give you the parent the illusion that you are living the life of the perfect family (which does not exist anyway).
These meetings provide the opportunity for you the parent to impress your values. Basic civil values such as giving thanks, using words like please and thank you, and asking to be excused from the table are important to the development of your child. These values teach your child how to more effectively communicate with others now and in the future.
Too many families make the mistake of breaking up the family dinner as the kids get into the teen-age years. I think that is a mistake; your teen-agers are far from being adults; and there is still a lot that they can learn from you. Don't forfeit your involvement to a television set in their room (where they go to eat by themselves) or another youth who just wants your kids to bum around and engage in activities that they are not yet ready to handle.
Teen-agers are not adults yet; and they require more involvement more so than ever. There are plenty of ways for teen-agers to express their independence; the family meal should not be one of them.
If they don't like it, too bad. You're the one with the experience, and you're the one paying the bills and the clean-up expense for their mistakes.
Make your children attend the family dinner, and make sure that their privileges are contingent upon that.
Your kids will thank you in the long run.
Archer Crosley, MD has been practicing pediatrics for over 25 years and is the author of
What Successful Families Do, The Bald Truth about Parenting
. Dr. Crosley lives in McAllen, Texas. Dr. Crosley graduated from the University of Kansas Medical School in 1982. He finished his residency in pediatrics at the University of Texas Health Science Center in San Antonio in 1985. For more information visit
www.baldmommy.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:19Z
Helping My Child When I Was Diagnosed with Cancer
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Helping-My-Child-When-I-Was-Diagnosed-with-Cancer
-
- /8544.html
2010-05-07T09:08:18Z
2010-05-07T09:08:18Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Helping My Child When I Was Diagnosed with Cancer
By Cathy Nilon
www.chemocat.com
As a 43 yr old mother with a young son, when I was first diagnosed with Stage 2-b invasive breast cancer, I frantically searched for a book to help him understand my illness and what I would be going through in order to get well. There was nothing suitable that would hold his attention. I wanted to be honest with him discussing my surgery and treatment in broad strokes and answering his questions as they arose.
Below are some tips that got us through this painful journey.This is our story, each family and situation is different; this is simply what worked for us.
Digest the news of your diagnosis before telling your child. This way, your anxiety and fears will not scare him or her. Have a few age appropriate books on hand to explain what will be happening.
Let your child know the news of your illness as early as possible. This gives the family time before surgery and treatment so the child won't blame him or herself for the sadness that may become apparent in the house. You also don't want him/ her to hear it from a well meaning neighbor.
Be honest and don't hide the diagnosis. Our son knew something was amiss and tense in our normally happy household. Telling him that mommy was sick and needed some strong medicine, made him realize that my initial depression and tears were not his fault. He thought it was cool that I would be bald. Girls at his school clearly did not share this idea! We gave the cancer the correct name; mommy had breast cancer.
Let the child take the lead. They will ask in their own time what they wish to know. One day in the post office my son asked: "Can boys get breast cancer?" The long line of customers leaned in for the answer (which I promptly and honestly answered in the car). "Very few boys or men get breast cancer. You shouldn't worry about that, you will be fine." This was also a good time for me to mention that he couldn't "catch" cancer. The question that brought me to my knees was," Will I be getting a new mom this spring?" I answered, while holding back the tears, "I will always be your mama no matter what life brings."
Include the children in the process from treatment to recovery. Quiet games were a must, and kisses and hugs were the very best medicine. We played endless games of chess and bingo. Our son liked to be in charge of bringing me water and getting the "puke bucket".
Schedules are important for children but it is perfectly ok and even beneficial to bend the rules as needed. Our son got to watch a bit more TV than usual; he is none the worse for the wear.
We also had a gift stash. When I was too weak to even play bingo; we pulled out a new toy. I received many gifts during that time; why not spoil the child a bit as well?
Children are resilient; just let them know daily that they are loved immensely.
Give the child room to vent his/her frustrations and anger. I allowed my son to use bad words - only if he shouted them into his closet with the door shut. He was also able to draw all over the walls of the closet (walk-in) as a safe place to express his emotions. He ended up drawing on the door with markers a family portrait including God. We all had pig noses! I wish I saved that door after our remodel.
Pray! If you already pray, step it up a few notches. Now is the best time ever to take up prayer with your family. Faith will help to answer the tough and seemingly unanswerable questions.
In summary, be yourself, be honest and know that your family will grow from this devastating experience in the most amazing and positive way.
Cathy Nilon is a breast cancer survivor and native New Yorker who now lives in the Seattle, WA area. She wrote and illustrated
Chemo Cat
with her son Luca. Educated in New York City at The High School of Art and Design, The Fashion Institute of Technology, as well as Ars Sutoria in Milan, Italy, she has had an extensive career in shoe design and production for Liz Claiborne, Jones New York and others, living in Italy, Indonesia, Taiwan, China and Hong Kong. Cathy plans to continue writing and illustrating books with uplifting themes for children of all ages. For more information visit
chemocat.com
or
amazon.com/Chemo-Cat-Cathy-Nilon/dp/0979192145
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:18Z
Change Your Language, Change Your Relationship
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Change-Your-Language,-Change-Your-Relationship
-
- /8545.html
2010-05-07T09:08:17Z
2010-05-07T09:08:17Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Change Your Language, Change Your Relationship
How We Say Things Does Matter
By Sharon Rivkin
www.sharonrivkin.com
That old phrase, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me" is not really true. Words may not inflict visible bruises like sticks and stones, but they pack a punch nonetheless. They injure our insides, our feelings, and our self-esteem. External bruises are tangible proof that we've been hurt. Internal bruises from verbal attacks are harder to prove, harder to acknowledge, and harder to talk about.
Words and how we say them do matter, so it's very important to be careful how you speak to your partner and others. The misuse and carelessness of how you speak are two of the main issues that undermine and can eventually destroy a relationship.
There are many positive and compassionate ways to get your point across to someone you care about. For example, a judgmental statement such as, "I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and can't say anything to my partner without him/her getting upset," can instead be reframed to "I want to show my partner respect and love by speaking to them with compassion and awareness." That doesn't mean you can't speak your mind, it just means you're being respectful and mindful of another person's feelings and vulnerabilities. It lets your partner know they're not a bad person, but you truly want them to hear you. Use of attacking language, such as "You're a jerk," "You always," "You never...," is guaranteed to get a negative response from your partner who has no choice but to be react defensively.
When communicating, keep the following four tips in mind:
Use "I" statements.
Have compassion for yourself and your partner.
Listen before you speak.
Speak as you would like to be spoken to.
Another example of reframing negative, judgmental language to positive and compassionate language includes:
Your partner is angry and yells at you for no reason. You could say, "Shut up, you're always yelling at me for no reason. You're awful!"
OR you could say:
"It's not okay to talk to me that way. I don't deserve it and it is hurtful."
Because this is a more neutral and uncharged way of speaking than the first accusatory example, it's going to be much easier for your partner to hear you, to reply in an understanding manner, and maybe even change his/her behavior. You're speaking your feelings without raking your partner over the coals.
Good communication means expressing your feelings without making another person defensive. What this ultimately means is taking responsibility for your feelings and expressing them in a way that is clear without blame, shame, or damage. The goal is to speak with consciousness and awareness. Remember...when we are compassionate in the way we speak, we can say even the hardest things to someone and still communicate our caring, love, and displeasure - altogether. Therefore, before you speak, remember:
LISTEN to yourself.
THINK about your partner and use words that he/she will understand.
COOL down before you talk. Don't talk in the heat of the moment. Try to express the feelings (hurt, anger, disappointment) that are hiding underneath the shame, blame, self-righteousness and judgment.
REMEMBER you want resolution and peace, not necessarily to be RIGHT.
KINDNESS and COMPASSION go a long way.
Sharon M. Rivkin, Marriage and Family Therapist, and author of
The First Argument: Cutting to the Root of Intimate Conflict
, has worked with couples for 27 years. Her unique insight into the first argument was featured in
O: The Oprah Magazine
and
Reader's Digest
, and has attracted people throughout the United States and abroad for consultation, workshops, and courses. For more information on Sharon Rivkin and her book, or to contact her, visit
www.sharonrivkin.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:17Z
Preparing Your Child for Today's World: 10 Tips for Teaching and Protecting Your Child
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Preparing-Your-Child-for-Todays-World:-10-Tips-for-Teaching-and-Protecting-Your-Child
-
- /8546.html
2010-05-07T09:08:15Z
2010-05-07T09:08:15Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Preparing Your Child for Today's World:
10 Tips for Teaching and Protecting Your Child
By Paula Statman
www.kidwisecorner.com
How do you prepare your to child to navigate safely and confidently in the world, ready to deal with situations and people he or she may encounter? Here are 10 parenting tips to help make the journey a little more effective.
Accept your role as your child's protector and teacher. The kinds of issues our children are expected to deal with today are complex and often dangerous. Problems like violence, bullying, and online predators are commonplace in their world. To protect your son or daughter's emotional and physical well-being, you must learn about these and other tough issues and develop the skills to discuss them effectively.
Teach your child that he/she has the right to be safe. From the time your child understands words, instill in her the core belief that no one has the right to make her feel threatened or unsafe. This right is non-negotiable and is guaranteed by the United Nations/UNICEF Children's Protections Rights.
Prepare - don't scare - your kids. It is easy to get overwhelmed with your worries about your child's safety. But, research shows that if you contaminate what you are trying to teach with your fears, your child won't remember your message, only that you were scared. Practice using moderate language and a matter-of-fact tone when you discuss sensitive issues. Focus on what your child needs to learn rather than why it upsets you. Share your fears and worries with other adults rather than your children.
Help your child say 'no.' Did you say no to your parents? Do your kids say no to you? Whether or not your grew up with the right to set verbal boundaries with adults in authority, children need to be empowered with the right to say no to anyone who is acting inappropriately, regardless of their position or power. This is a first step in turning "nice" kids, who are compliant in most situations, in to "safe and strong" kids, who obey adults unless they feel confused or threatened.
Teach your child to recognize, trust, and act on her instincts. Help your child respond quickly and self-protectively if he or she gets an inner signal that something is not right. It might be a voice in her head that says "Uh-oh, this isn't OK." Or maybe it's a feeling in the pit of his stomach. Regardless of how the warning alarm sounds, the important thing is that your child be taught to listen to it and not rationalizes a person's behavior or wait for the situation to escalate.
Teach and model healthy boundaries in relationships. Beginning with body awareness, children need to learn what a "respectful distance" looks and feels like. They also need to recognize if someone is ignoring their boundaries and what to do about it. The respect that you show for your children's physical and emotional space will set the tone for how they let others treat them.
Protect, Prepare, Practice, Praise, and Preview. Use these 5 steps to teach your child skills such as crossing the street safely, riding the bus, walking to school, basically any skill where his safety is at stake. The emphasize is on supervised practice, which allows you to gauge your child's progress and ensures that you don't give him a new privilege or responsibility before he is prepared to handle it successfully.
Monitor your child. Protective parenting is not about hovering or being paranoid. It's about being a good observer, supervisor, and sometimes a detective. Listen to and watch your child. Be curious, involved, and ask questions. Notice any changes in her behavior or moods. You want to catch early signs of a budding problem rather than deal with a full-blown crisis.
Cultivate your child's self esteem and desirable traits. Be strategic and enthusiastically praise glimpses of behavior that you want to see more of, such as using good judgment or acting responsibly. Your child or teen will pick up on your pleasure in watching him become trustworthy and responsible and will try harder to demonstrate those kinds of behaviors.
Tell them you love them. In addition to expressing your love and appreciation when you feel proud of your child, be sure to express your love for no special reason or when the going gets tough. Kids who are loved feel more worthwhile and are less vulnerable to mistreatment by others.
Paula Statman, M.S.S.W. is an internationally respected educator, speaker and award-winning author. Her practical, positive approach to raising safe and strong children has benefited hundreds of thousands of parents. Paula is a repeat guest on
Oprah
and the
Today Show
, has appeared on over 200 radio and television programs, and is featured in publications such as
Parents, Child, Redbook
, and USA Today.com. The founder and director KidWISE Institute, Paula lives in Oakland, California with her husband and daughter. Visit
www.kidwisecorner.com
for more information. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:15Z
Ten Rules for Talking to Your Children about Grades
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Ten-Rules-for-Talking-to-Your-Children-about-Grades
-
- /8547.html
2010-05-07T09:08:13Z
2010-05-07T09:08:13Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Ten Rules for Talking to Your Children about Grades
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
My teen came home with a poor report cart. How do I talk to her about it?
I want to praise my son for his recent grades but I don't want to go overboard. How should I handle it?
What do you say to a child who has a decent report card but you know they could do so much better?
These are just a few of the questions we have received in recent weeks via email, at workshops, or from clients. These parents, who place a high emphasis on grades, want to know what to say and how to talk to children about the grades and the comments teachers place on their report cards. To that end, we offer the following ten rules for talking to your children about grades.
Begin early. Talk with your children about grades before report cards come out. Clearly define what you think about grades and what expectations you have for your children regarding grades from the beginning of their school experience. Don't wait until you hold a report card in your hands before you begin this important communication.
Remember, your children are not their grades. Grades are only a partial reflection of who and what they really are, know, and are capable of becoming. Grades measure only what your child's particular school defines as smart. That narrow definition of intelligence does not measure emotional intelligence, spontaneity, integrity, trustworthiness, fortitude, sensitivity, creativity and a host of other important characteristics.
Rewards are ineffective if a love of learning is your goal. Paying kids ten dollars for each A, treating them to ice cream if they bring home a good report card, or buying a new video game if they get on the honor role promotes only short-term results at best. What getting rewards for grades really teaches children is that you don't study so you can learn and grow, you study so you can get a treat or special concert tickets. You are teaching your children that learning is not the goal; grades are.
Move up in consciousness before you move in with action. Take three deep breaths or count to ten before you say anything in response to a report card. Talk to yourself before you talk to the child. Remind yourself that he or she is not his or her grades. He is love and light, a child of God. Remember that what is, is. You cannot change these grades. They are what they are. It is where the child goes from here, what she does with the information that is on the report card, that is important. The next step is the only one that can be taken now. When you have all that in mind and you are emotionally under control, move to action using the following rules for discussing grades.
Listen more than talk. When discussing a report card, ask lots of questions. Ask your child: How do you feel about these grades? What do you attribute them to? Were there any surprises on this report card for you? What are you most proud of? Are there any disappointments here for you? What is one goal you have for next time?
Be descriptive rather than evaluative. Evaluative words like "good job," "excellent," "superb," "lousy," "pitiful," and "poor" are not helpful. Evaluation does not teach or give the child useful information. Describe what you see and leave the evaluation for the child. "Looks like you're a bit down from last time." "Two teachers mentioned missing assignments." Children who receive a positive report card need affirmation, not evaluation. Affirm what they have accomplished with descriptive comments. "I notice you went up in two classes." "Every one of your teachers said they enjoyed having you in class."
Separate the deed from the doer. "I love you and I don't like this report card" helps the child see that it is the results you don't enjoy, not the person. Help your children see that they are not their report card. Likewise, stay away from comments such as, "I love you so much when you bring home a report card like this." This style of communication obviously tells the child that your love is linked to high grades, so if the grades go down so will your love.
Focus on solution seeking. Dwelling on what you have defined as a problem brings negative energy to the situation and keeps you stuck in what is. Attention to solution seeking infuses the discussion with positive energy and helps you concentrate on moving things forward to a different ending. Fix the problem rather than fixing blame by searching for solutions.
Punishments don't work. Consequences and natural outcome do. What are natural consequences of poor grades? Having a tutor work with you on Saturday mornings. Going to a learning specialist three days a week after school. Investing part of your summer retaking a class. Explain to your child that "opportunity equals responsibility." When the responsibility stays up (a satisfactory report card), so does the opportunity to choose your own activities on Saturday mornings. When the responsibility drops, so does the opportunity.
Communicate positive expectations. One of the best things you can do for your children is to expect their success and communicate that to them. Use surprise talk when presented with a negative report card. "Wow. This is surprising," and "I never expected this" are ways to communicate that you hold higher expectations of them than the report card reflects. When they bring home a positive report card, use surprise talk in a different way. "Knowing you the way I do, this type of report doesn't surprise me." "This doesn't surprise me. Not after the way I have seen you study and prepare for tests. Congratulations."
Report cards come home several times a year. You will have more than one opportunity to use these rules with your children. When you do use them, keep in mind that your relationship with your child is more important than anything written on their report card.
Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of
Teaching the Attraction Principle to Children: Practical Strategies for Parents and Teachers to Help Children Manifest a Better World.
They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or to obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs visit their website today:
www.personalpowerpress.com
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:13Z
7 Tips for Hiring a Babysitter
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/7-Tips-for-Hiring-a-Babysitter
-
- /8548.html
2010-05-07T09:08:11Z
2010-05-07T09:08:11Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>7 Tips for Hiring a Babysitter
By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
You've heard the advice. "Take some time for yourselves. Create a date night. Hire a babysitter and spend quality quiet time together." Your friends have told you that. So have your closest relatives. Perhaps a counselor has recommended the same thing.
So you're convinced and ready to proceed. Get out the phone book and call a sitter. But wait! It's not that easy. Finding a babysitter who has a similar parenting style to your own is no easy task. More and more parents are finding this out and struggling to find a compatible, reputable babysitter, even if it's for a few hours a month. Some, aware of the recent news stories about incompetent child care, are consumed with fear and anxiety around leaving their children in the hands of a complete stranger.
If concern about quality babysitting is on your heart and mind, the following tips can help you in your search as well as relieve anxiety while you're out.
Do your homework. Take your time in this important search. Ask neighbors, friends, co-workers for recommendations. Check and double check their back ground and reputation. Find out if the person you are considering has taken child care classes, infant CPR certification, or training of any kind. There is no need to rush into finding a babysitter. Take your time.
Look outside your immediate family. Resist the temptation to let an aunt or cousin watch your children without giving the same scrutiny to them as you would a stranger. Cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents who baby sit have all been known to molest children. Being a dear relative does not exempt someone from incompetence, a poor attitude, or consuming self-interest.
Consider hiring a younger babysitter that you can train. Begin by hiring a "mother's helper" to come to your home to play with your child while you are home. You can observe the young person's interaction with your child, offer suggestions when situations arise, and model how you want the care of your child to take place. You can then extend the length and breadth of the young sitters role as their experience increases.
Clarify the babysitter's role. Be specific and direct about your expectations for them. Remind your babysitter that safety is your primary concern while your child is in their care. You do not want their focus scattered on other responsibilities. You may have to tell your babysitter that your child must be in view at all times. Point our specific dangers, such as where the poison chemicals are kept in your home, the steep back steps, or the closeness of the road to where some neighborhood children play ball, etc. Leave the number for the poison control center by the phone, both upstairs and downstairs. Show the babysitter where you keep the ipecac syrup in case vomiting needs to be induced. Remember safety first.
Instruct the babysitter to ignore the phone and television. These are obvious distracters. It only takes a few seconds for a child to enter into a dangerous situation. Remind the sitter that you are hiring them to interact with your child and be the adult present in their life while you are gone. One cannot be fully present while watching TV or talking on the phone.
Leave your babysitter a list of fun activities that your children like to do. Set it up so that your children enjoy the babysitter coming over to play with them. Make it an event to remember with fun games and activities. If the babysitter doesn't want to get down on the ground and play with your kids, get a different sitter.
When you find a good babysitter - keep them happy! Find out their favorite snacks/food and have them available. Write a thank you card to your babysitters a couple of times a year. When you can, give them a bonus, extra money, holiday or birthday gift. Do what you can to show your appreciation.
Consider positioning your babysitter as a valued member of your family. They can be an iatrical part in helping you raise your children. The steps you take to find that person can give you a much needed parenting break, ease your anxiety and create fun for your children too.
Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of
Teaching The Attraction Principle to Children
. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or to obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today:
www.personalpowerpress.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:11Z
Are you Tired? Lack of Sleep is Hazardous to your Health
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Are-you-Tired---Lack-of-Sleep-is-Hazardous-to-your-Health
-
- /8549.html
2010-05-07T09:08:10Z
2010-05-07T09:08:10Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Are you Tired?
Lack of Sleep is Hazardous to your Health
By Michael Esposito, MD
www.mikeespositomd.com
Nearly forty percent of Americans don't get enough sleep every night and they're paying the price. Recent studies show adults need eight hours of sleep a night and children about nine to eleven depending on their age. A large percentage of adults are sleeping less than six hours a night. The lack of sleep leads to decreased job performance, poor interpersonal relationships and above all, poor overall health.
The health risks associated with lack of sleep are both immediate and chronic. The most important acute problem faced by the sleep deprived is motor vehicle collision. The government estimates one hundred thousand accidents and one thousand, five hundred deaths are caused annually by people falling asleep behind the wheel. The most common offenders are young people in their late teens and early twenties.
The chronic health problems faced by the sleepy affect both the mind and body. Chronically depriving the brain of sleep can be compared to chronic vitamin deficiency or chronic malnutrition for the body. The brain will have decreased functioning or will fail to grow to its potential. The body suffers and chronic sleep depravation has been associated with sleep apnea, diabetes, heart disease, depression and many other chronic conditions. Studies suggest the relationship is bidirectional with these ailments. For example, lack of sleep leads to sleep apnea and depression as well as the reverse. The mechanisms are not completely understood currently.
The role of sleep is not completely understood but much is known. While sleeping, the brain processes information and stores memories, muscles and organs regenerate and the body's regulatory hormones are released. Sleep is necessary for normal homeostasis. Animals deprived of sleep will die and people who have less than six hours of sleep have death rates two times higher than the regular population.
There are many reasons why Americans are sleep deprived. Many of these reasons are under our control and can be adjusted for with lifestyle changes. These changes include not doing choirs right before bed, not working up until bed time and not watching television in bed. The specific sleep disorders such as insomnia and their treatments are too detailed for this article. Anyone interested can find information online including the National Sleep Foundation which is a non-profit organization created to treat sleep disorders. Your doctor can help or can refer you to a local sleep study center for treatment.
My suggestion is to take a different approach to your life. Set aside eight and a half hours for sleep every night. The extra half hour is needed for a well rested person about fifteen minutes to fall asleep. If you are falling right to sleep then you are probably sleep deprived. After setting aside this time for sleeping, you have about fifteen and a half hours to do everything else. Trim those other things so you can preserve your sleep. You will feel better and be healthier. You wouldn't starve your body of food then why deprive your brain of sleep?
Mike Esposito graduated with BS from University of Florida. Mike continued his Graduate Education in Nuclear engineering. He then entered Medical school at the University of South Florida. He then completed a four year radiology residency at USF and a subsequent fellowship in Neuroradiology at Duke University. Mike now is in private practice radiology in the Tampa area. He is married to wife, Kay with whom he has four children. For more information please visit
www.mikeespositomd.com
. Listen to Mike's radio show RadioMD at
www.webtalkradio.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:10Z
When Your Child is the Bully: Five Important Issues to Address
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/When-Your-Child-is-the-Bully:-Five-Important-Issues-to-Address
-
- /8550.html
2010-05-07T09:08:08Z
2010-05-07T09:08:08Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>When Your Child is the Bully:
Five Important Issues to Address
By Derek Randel
www.stoppingschoolviolence.com
"The phone rang one night last week and it was Mr. Scott, my son's math teacher. He was informing me that my son, Ben, was hitting other students and even threatened Mr. Scott. In our home, we do not like this math teacher very much because he is always picking on Ben. Why would my son bully anyone? We are an affluent and loving family."
If a teacher calls home with these concerns, should a parent be upset with the teacher? Should they immediately take their child's side? Why would they listen to a teacher and assume that the teacher is correct? Unfortunately, this is what is happening too often. Maybe we should consider there might be some truth in what the teacher is calling you about. If your child's teacher calls telling you that your child is bullying others and threatening the teacher, then this needs to be a wake up call.
I would recommend to any parent if they're told their child is a bully to look for the following: Uncontrolled anger, history of discipline problems, intolerance for differences, violent or aggressive behavior, expression of violence in writings or drawings, cruelty to animals, and destruction of property. These are just a few of numerous telling behaviors.
Threatening a teacher should get your attention and get the child expelled. Over a five-year period in the United States, 1.3 million teachers were victims to non-fatal crimes at school. This is a growing problem that needs to be addressed. In Ontario, Canada, 40% of teachers report being bullied by students. In Finland, nearly one in five Finnish teachers and one in three principals are targeted with bullying and mental violence by students' parents. In the United Kingdom, 61% of teachers have experienced verbal insults and threats and 34% had been subjected to "physical aggression". This is a serious problem that no parent should take lightly.
Five steps to take:
Discuss the topic of firearms
The easy access to firearms has led to numerous school shootings and accidental shootings. It would seem like a common sense move to keep them away from children. Unfortunately, this is not always possible. You must talk to your child about this topic. Owning a gun is fine. However, they need to be locked and placed in a secure location. Having trigger locks is also a good idea. The topic MUST be brought up in discussions with your children.
Control the amount of violent television shows and video games.
There's evidence that people become less sensitive to violence after observing it over and over. When children play violent video games for an extended period of time, the following can occur:
Tendency to be more aggressive
More likely to have confrontation with their teachers
Possibly encourage fights with their peers
Decline in school achievements
Increases in aggressive behavior because violent acts are continually repeated throughout the video game. Repetition has long been considered an effective teaching method in reinforcing learning patterns.
The interactive quality of video games differs from passively viewing television or movies because it allows players to become active participants in the game's script. Players are rewarded for their violent acts by moving up levels resulting in playing for longer time periods.
Parenting skills can be addressed
Most of the time, bullies are also victims and it could be coming from the home. Are you, your spouse, or a sibling a bully at home? Does your child frequently get criticized at home? Is there an abusive parent in the home? Does anyone yell or use name-calling or put-downs? Many times we do not recognize the habits we have. However, addressing our parenting can make life much more enjoyable for all.
Address supervision
Is there a lack of supervision at home? Maybe the child has too much time alone. Children get into more trouble between the hours of 3 p.m. and 6 p.m. because of having too much free time. Limit your child's unsupervised time. Also, spend more time with your child and their friends by inviting their friends over while you're home.
Work with the schools, not against the schools
Meet with school officials. Let them know there is a problem and ask them, "How can we work together to solve this?" Realize this may just be a wake up call that should be stopped before it becomes a huge habit. Working together with the teacher and principal should be more helpful than working against each other and passing the blame. This is extremely important because we won't have to face this situation alone. They may have dealt with this topic numerous times in the past.
Yes, your child could be a bully. We want to prepare our children for the real world and not protect them from it. Bailing your child out from consequences can lead to you needing to bail him out of jail in the future. Students must be held accountable for their actions.
Derek Randel is a parent coach who speaks nationally on how to remove the yelling from your home and how to protect your child/student from bullying and school violence. Derek has been seen on many television shows and is heard on radio shows around the country. He is the author of
Stopping School Violence
and was nominated for a Disney American Teacher Award. He also is a certified stepfamily coach through the Step-Family Foundation. For more information visit
www.stoppingschoolviolence.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:08Z
When Parents Disagree on Discipline
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/When-Parents-Disagree-on-Discipline
-
- /8551.html
2010-05-07T09:08:07Z
2010-05-07T09:08:07Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>When Parent#146;s Disagree on Discipline
By Armin Brott
www.mrdad.com
Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I discipline our children in very different ways. Oftentimes it leads to us arguing in front of them. What can we do to prevent this?
A: When parents have different disciplining styles, there#146;s bound to be dissention and arguing. Tension#146;s a given anytime two or more people work on the same project but each take a different approach.
Co-parenting is similar to any other partnership. Each person brings to the table what#146;s been learned along the way. As parents, we#146;re influenced by the disciplinary approaches we experienced growing up, and we tend to apply them to our children#151;often without first talking them through with our partner.
Imagine a baseball team#151;eager to win a game#151;but guided by two coaches who follow different rules and dish out contradictory information. Imagine the tension and the reactions of the players as they witness the coaches quarreling. When you and your wife fight in front of the children, you may not be aware of the ways in which they are affected. Some children may learn #147;that must be the way people resolve conflicts.#148; Others may learn how to play one parent against the other, which causes even more confusion and distress in the family.
The bottom line? You and your wife should try to get on the same page. That#146;s the best way to stop arguing with your kids as witnesses. Here are some strategies that can be helpful:
Agree on a signal to alert both of you that the conversation is, or is about to, get too heated and needs to be halted.
Make a commitment both to honor and act on the signal. You might walk away and have an agreed-upon cooling off period. Or set a time to revisit your differences in opinion. Or write down what you#146;re feeling and later share it with your partner, who might better understand where you#146;re coming from.
Create your own family #147;rulebook.#148; Write clear, reasonable, attainable rules (for both parents and kids) about what behavior is acceptable and what isn#146;t. Your family, like a baseball team, will be more successful when you have clear guidelines.
Consider taking a few parenting classes together. That way you#146;ll have a common parenting experience to draw on. Hearing how other people parent (and why) can give a fresh perspective on what you want for your own family. Even though we may have learned how to parent from our parents, as adults we benefit from learn new skills.
Seek a professional third party if you can#146;t find ways to work together in the areas you want to improve. Sometimes an outside perspective helps us understand the underlying reasons for disagreements.
Remember your successes. During your marriage, you and your wife have undoubtedly successfully negotiated many situations#151;with each of you both giving and taking a little until you reached some middle ground. You also be successful at ending arguments in front of the children
if you really want to
. It won#146;t be easy, but it will be rewarding. And your children will be the ultimate winners.
Having said all that, it#146;s important not to go overboard in trying to avoid arguments. Having small squabbles in front of the kids#151;and then resolving them peacefully#151;can actually be good for them; it shows that it#146;s possible to disagree with someone you love, and that relationships don#146;t end just because people are quarreling with each other.
Armin Brott bestselling
books
including the recent release Fathering Your School Age Child have helped millions of men around the world become the fathers they want to be#151;and their children need them to be. His most recent is Fathering Your School-Age Child. Armin has been a guest on
hundreds of radio and television shows
, writes a nationally syndicated column, #147;Ask Mr. Dad,#148; and hosts a weekly radio show. He and his family live in Oakland, California. For more information visit
www.mrdad.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:07Z
"Pick Me Up Mommy" - Ten Reasons to Hold Your Toddler
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Pick-Me-Up-Mommy---Ten-Reasons-to-Hold-Your-Toddler
-
- /8552.html
2010-05-07T09:08:05Z
2010-05-07T09:08:05Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"Pick Me Up Mommy"
Ten Reasons to Hold Your Toddler
By Joanne Baum
Some parents begin to think that toddlers shouldn't be held as much as they were holding their babies a few months ago. But I think that's largely a misperception. Toddlers still need a lot of holding. Think of life from their perspective: They've just discovered a whole perspective on the world from their legs instead of their knees. They can see more, climb more, explore more - which is heady fun stuff and scary to them when they touch more things that go "crash" and break or fall and thump. They need reassurance that where their brains are taking them is safe. They need more explanations of the new encounters they don't understand. And they need holding and nurturing so they feel safe and can go back out there and explore some more...
Why They Need "Arm Time"
They need reassurance that where their brains are taking them to is safe.
They need explanations for the new experiences they don't understand.
They need holding and nurturing so they feel safe and can go back out there and explore some more.
Toddlers still have "needs" for closeness and holding.
Toddlers are not as independent creatures as they may seem at times.
Toddlers are still very young and holding, when they ask for it, it's still important to do with a generous heart.
Parents are feeding their child's self-esteem, confidence, trust, and sociability by holding them when they ask for it.
A child usually asks for holding when they need some security, closeness and human connection.
The world is still a pretty foreign place to them and that need for human connection, to feel secure; to feel safe is important to their developing beings.
If you hold a toddler with resentment, or mixed feelings, the toddler will feel your unwillingness and that may make him feel more insecure and want to be held more - so when you do hold your child, hold your child lovingly, willingly and with compassion and a desire to give that child exactly what she needs.
I think toddlerhood is too young to stop a child from asking for "uppys" It's a time to willingly give uppys. If your child is too heavy for you, then tell your child you'd love to cuddle with him on the coach or in a comfy chair instead of holding him as you walk around the house. But give your child the cuddles he/she is asking for them. You're nurturing your child and it's good for your child to get those needs for nurturing met. If it feels like it's "too much" for you, ask yourself if you've been ignoring or neglecting your child's requests for other kinds of attention, or pre-occupied with work/personal things and unable to give your child as much as your child needs...If so, realize that your young child needs a lot from you. When you became a parent, hopefully you signed on for becoming and being a great parent, not just a barely adequate one. Feel good that your child feels safe enough to ask you for 'uppys'.
Also, remember - this parenting thing goes really fast. Before you know it your child won't be asking for "uppy" anymore. And before you know it you'll be fondly remembering the cuddly times and wishing your child wanted more cuddles.
By adolescence, you won't be cuddling nearly as often and that comes sooner than you think when you're looking at your toddler and wondering if your body will ever be yours again.
Joanne Baum, PhD., LCSW, has been a therapist, parenting coach, educator, and writer for over thirty years. Her latest book, Got the Baby Where's the Manual?!? won the 2007 IPPY Gold Medal in Parenting. You can find more information on her web-site:
www.respectfulparenting.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:05Z
Your Personal Productivity Personality and Self-Sabotage
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Your-Personal-Productivity-Personality-and-Self-Sabotage
-
- /8553.html
2010-05-07T09:08:04Z
2010-05-07T09:08:04Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Your Personal Productivity Personality and Self-Sabotage
By Laura Stack, The Productivity Pro reg;
www.TheProductivityPro.com
Have you ever considered that your biggest obstacle to finding more time might be YOU? The way you react to the world may be the reason you stay overwhelmed. To fix this you need to look at your behavior, habits, and choices, and then figure out which ones to adjust in order to support your desired direction in life. Here are a few tips that can help you do just that.
Control perfectionism. Realize that some things are good enough as they are. Instead of worrying about making things perfect, learn to leave well enough alone. Obsessing over small details can be deadly to your productivity.
Refuse requests when appropriate. You don't have to say "yes" to everything, whether that involves accepting extra work or baking brownies for a kid's party. Set boundaries about what you'll accept, and learn to say no to yourself, too.
Ask for help you need it. You're not a superhero; you can't do everything alone. Surround yourself with a team of helpers, and don't be afraid to delegate things that other people can do.
Avoid procrastinating. You know what you should be doing, so get out there and do it. If you put it off until tomorrow, you'll just end up working harder at the last minute -- and both your energy and quality of work will suffer.
Know and honor your energy levels throughout the day. Nobody has an unlimited supply of energy, so you'll have to learn how your personal energy levels ebb and flow in order to get through the day effectively.
Communicate clearly to avoid confusion and rework. Good interpersonal communication will help you reduce unnecessary problems and wasted time. Share information, state your expectations up front, and be specific.
Consistently meet and usually beat deadlines. If you get things done on time -- or preferably early -- you'll save yourself unnecessary stress, and your work will generally be of higher quality than if you waited until the last minute.
Focus on completing one task before getting distracted by another. When you turn your full attention to a task, your output is increased, you perform better, less rework is required, and your peace of mind is enhanced.
Maintain a positive attitude. Accept the responsibility for your own stress levels. While you can't control everything, you can look for the good in every experience, and learn to avoid "stinking thinking" in all its many forms.
Stop trying to please all the people all of the time. Stop caring so much about what other people think. Being a people-pleaser is a debilitating pattern of behavior that can cause stress and ruin the productive pursuit of your own goals. As singer Ricky Nelson once pointed out, "You can't please everyone, so you have to please yourself."
So take charge of your life. Learn to focus, stop beating around the bush, and don't be too proud to ask for and accept help if you need it. Most of all, kick the guilt habit. Guilt is a junk emotion that keeps you from unlocking your true potential. Stop "shoulding" on yourself, and get on with your life!
copoy;2008 Laura Stack. Laura Stack (
www.TheProductivityPro.com
) is a professional speaker who helps busy workers Leave the Office Earlierreg; with Maximum Results in Minimum Time#8482;. She is the president of The Productivity Proreg;, Inc., a time management company in Denver, Colorado, that caters to high-stress industries. Laura is the bestselling author of the books
Find More Time
(2006) and
Leave the Office Earlier
(2004). Her newest productivity book,
The Exhaustion Cure
(2008, Broadway Books), is available for pre-order at Amazon.com. Laura is a spokesperson for Microsoft, 3M, and Day-Timersreg;, Inc and has been featured on the CBS Early Show, CNN, and the New York Times. Her clients include Cisco Systems, Sunoco, KPMG, Nationwide, and Microsoft.Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:04Z
The Boy Who Saved Thousands of Lives
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Boy-Who-Saved-Thousands-of-Lives
-
- /8554.html
2010-05-07T09:08:02Z
2010-05-07T09:08:02Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Boy Who Saved Thousands of Lives
By Reg Green
On the night, thirteen years ago, that my seven-year-old son, Nicholas, was shot we were on vacation, driving along the main road in Southern Italy between Naples and Sicily. He was asleep, propped up on the back seat next to his sister, four-year-old Eleanor, and I, driving beside my wife, Maggie, probably thought, as I often did on these long car rides: "How can anyone be this happy?"
All this changed when a car that had been following us, instead of overtaking, ran alongside for a few seconds and through the night we heard loud, angry, savage cries - the words indistinguishable but clearly telling us to stop.
It seemed to me that if we did stop we would be completely at their mercy. So instead I accelerated. They accelerated too. I floored the car, they floored theirs and the two cars raced alongside each other through the night.
A few seconds later, any illusions that this was just a reckless prank vanished, as a bullet shattered the window where the two children were sleeping. Maggie turned around to make sure they were safe. Both appeared to be sleeping peacefully. A second or two later, the driver's window was blown in.
But by now, we were beginning to pull away and at last they disappeared back into the night. It turned out later that they had mistaken our rental car, with its Rome license plates, for another that was delivering jewelry to stores. We raced on, looking for somewhere with lights and people.
As it happened, there had been an accident on the road and the police were already there. I stopped the car and got out. The interior light came on but Nicholas didn't move. I looked closer and saw his tongue was sticking out and there was a trace of vomit on his chin. One of those bullets had hit him in the head.
Over the next two days his brain slowly died and all the brightly-colored dreams of a young idealist, who had planned to do such deeds as the world has never known, died too.
For a while, Maggie and I sat silently, holding hands, and trying to absorb the finality of it all. I remember thinking, "How am I going to get through the rest of my life without him?" Never to run my fingers through his hair again, never to hear him say, "Goodnight, Daddy."
Then one of us - we don't remember who but, knowing her, I feel sure it was Maggie - said, "Now that he's gone, shouldn't we donate the organs?" The other one said "yes," and that's all there was to it. It was just so obvious: he didn't need that body anymore.
There were seven recipients, four of them teenagers and two others the parents of young children. One, Andrea, was a boy of 15 who had had five operations on his heart, all of which had failed. By now, he could scarcely walk to the door of his apartment. Domenica had never seen her baby's face clearly. Francesco, a keen sportsman, could no longer see his children play games. Two of the teenagers, Anna-Maria and Tino, had been hooked up to dialysis machines for years to ward off kidney failure, four hours a day, three days a week, and already aware that they might never become adults. Silvia was a diabetic who was going blind, had been in multiple comas and couldn't walk without help. Finally, there was a vivacious 19-year old girl, Maria Pia, who was in her final coma from liver failure.
Since then, all seven have had new lives. To think of just one of them: Maria Pia, who bounced back to health, married in the full bloom of womanhood and has had two children, a boy and a girl - two whole lives that would never have been. And, yes, she named her boy Nicholas.
More than that, the story captured the imagination of the world. In Italy alone, organ donation rates have tripled, so that thousands of people are alive, many of them children, who otherwise would have died. Obviously, an increase of that magnitude - not even remotely approached in other developed countries - must have a variety of causes, but it seems clear that Nicholas' story was a catalyst that changed the attitude of an entire nation.
Organ donation goes beyond even life-saving surgery, however, to a new level of understanding. A young woman from Rome wrote this to us: "Since when your son has died, my heart is beating faster. I think that people, common persons, can change the world. When you go to the little graveyard place please say this to him, 'They closed your eyes, but you opened mine.' "
Reg Green is the father of Nicholas Green, a seven-year-old California boy who was shot in Italy in a botched robbery in 1994. The decision by Reg and his wife, Maggie, to donate his organs led to a worldwide increase in awareness of the shortage of donors. Since then the Greens have campaigned around the world, producing documentaries, writing articles and giving speeches. A made-for-television movie, "Nicholas' Gift," starring Jamie Lee Curtis, was made of their story. Reg, who was born in Britain, is a journalist and has written two books, "The Nicholas Effect" and "The Gift that Heals." Reg Green has just written a new book, called "The Gift that Heals." For more information visit
www.nicholasgreen.org
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:02Z
Children Need More Protection
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Children-Need-More-Protection
-
- /8555.html
2010-05-07T09:08:00Z
2010-05-07T09:08:00Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Children Need More Protection
By Nancy Carlsson-Paige
www.nancycarlsson-paige.com
''The Bourne Identity,'' an action spy thriller based on Robert Ludlum's best-selling novel, is a box-office hit. It's got martial arts-style fights, violent combat with esoteric weapons, and chase scenes that excite lovers of the action-movie genre. To them it's great entertainment. OK. But ''The Bourne Identity'' is not a movie for children.
So why is this movie rated PG-13 (''some material may be inappropriate for children under 13'')? Because the film ratings board is made up of people who are handpicked by the movie industry and work for it, because the ratings are given according to criteria that have never been made available to the public, and because the industry wants the lowest ratings possible in order to maximize profits. Decisions about who buys those tickets at the box office and whether or not a movie is good for them to see will always be in conflict with the bottom line.
In the last few years, we have seen a ratings slippage. Movies once rated PG-13 are now PG, and movies once rated R are now PG-13. Both the quantity and the intensity of violence in films rated OK for kids to see have increased. In the PG-13 movie ''The Mummy,'' for example, eyes and tongues are ripped out, arms are chopped off, and people are shot to death and burned alive. In ''Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones,'' rated PG (''some material may not be suitable for young children''), a father is decapitated, and his boy finds the severed head in a helmet. And this isn't the half of it.
In September 2000, the Federal Trade Commission published a landmark report showing how the movie industry has routinely marketed violent entertainment to children under the ages considered appropriate by the industry's own rating system. The report described a host of unethical marketing practices used by the industry to draw children into violent entertainment. One common way is to market violent toys linked to movies rated PG-13 or R to children as young as 4. This was done with ''Godzilla,'' ''Tomb Raider,'' ''Starship Troopers,'' ''Small Soldiers,'' and ''Spider-Man,'' to name just a few.
Often, toys linked to these movies are also linked to other media such as television shows and video games. These toys and their merchandising campaigns draw children into a culture of violence from a young age and help lay the foundation for violent behavior in later life.
Two years ago, six major medical groups - including the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Medical Association, and the American Psychological Association - got together and issued a statement on the effects of entertainment violence on children. After reviewing hundreds of studies, they found an overwhelming causal connection between media violence and aggressive behavior in some children.
They also found that children who watch a lot of media violence can become desensitized to violence in real life. This makes sense. Children are more affected by the violent acts they see on the screen and less able to understand them in a context of character, motive, and plot than adults are. Because of this, children are especially vulnerable to the desensitizing effects of violence in entertainment. We have seen many worrisome examples in recent years of young people who can shoot classmates or inflict pain on others without any apparent feelings for them.
A Gallup poll revealed that 86 percent of Americans think the amount of violence children see in movies is a serious problem. Six in ten adults say that the information provided by the Hollywood ratings system is inadequate for making judgments about appropriate entertainment for kids. A better system of rating movies is needed, as are controls on the unethical marketing practices identified in the FTC report.
Those of us who push for these changes are warned of the danger in limiting freedom of expression. But when seven major media conglomerates own most of the media we consume, exercise almost unlimited control over most of the images to which we are exposed, and are free to market their wares to children without concern for what is best for them, do we want to stand by and claim that it is their First Amendment right to do so? What about the rights of parents and children to live without the pervasive presence of violent media images in their everyday lives?
Children are vulnerable. They do need protection. It is not good for them to be exposed to images that make hurting other people look like fun, that encourage them to play with violent toys designed to reenact violence they've seen on the screen. We need to take steps to create a better and healthier entertainment climate for children. A reasonable start would be to restrict the marketing to children of toys and products linked to movies rated for older age groups and to create an independent film ratings board, one that operates outside of industry control. When you think about what the stakes are and what we already know about how violent entertainment affects children, these seem like small, long-overdue baby steps.
copy; Copyright 2002 Globe Newspaper Company.
Nancy Carlsson-Paige is a professor of education at Lesley University and the mother of Matt Damon, who plays Jason Bourne in "The Bourne Identity." Nancy Carlsson-Paige is a professor of early childhood education at Lesley University and a research affiliate at Lesley's Center for Children, Families, and Public Policy. Nancy has co-authored four books and written numerous articles on media violence, conflict resolution, peaceable classrooms and global education. Her latest book is called
Taking Back Childhood: Helping Your Kids Thrive in a Fast-Paced, Media-Saturated, Violence-Filled World
. For more information visit
www.nancycarlsson-paige.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:08:00Z
Buying Tips for Women: Never Be Oversold Again
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Buying-Tips-for-Women:-Never-Be-Oversold-Again
-
- /8556.html
2010-05-07T09:07:58Z
2010-05-07T09:07:58Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Buying Tips for Women:
Never Be Oversold Again
By Kelly McCormick
www.mccormickteam.com
"How did I spend double what I had budgeted?" Is that scenario familiar? Today, more than ever, many women find themselves up against sellers determined to squeeze every penny out of their wallets. The reason is very simple. Worldwide, women now make up the largest buying group in existence.
Female Buyers, Beware
Many companies are working overtime to understand what women really need and want from their products and services. They are also striving to sell in ways that fit a woman's unique buying style.
Unfortunately, in addition to the conscientious sellers trying to hone in on a woman's needs, there are countless vendors tripping over themselves in hopes of making a quick buck. They have caught on to the fact that there is significant spending power in a woman's wallet.
Even if the seller doesn't have exactly what a woman needs, they're determined to sell her something...
anything
. They see the opportunity as ripe for cashing in-at a woman's expense.
Give Voice to Your Opinions
Should you approach the buying experience as if preparing for a battle? No. However, as women we do need to get more comfortable in stating with confidence what will and won't work for us.
Saying NO hasn't always been easy for women. Throughout history, speaking out about what we did or didn't want often meant standing out-and not in a good way. Many societies view women as a calm presence in the world. Traditionally part of our role has been to keep the waters smooth. We are revered as the mediators and peacekeepers of the human condition, of which we can be proud. That is, until we pay the metaphorical price.
Saying NO can be uncomfortable. The common fear is that saying NO will offend someone. Worse yet, saying NO could alienate us from others. To avoid creating any hard feelings or difficult situations, many women will steer clear of saying NO, regardless of the cost.
Maybe I Will and Maybe I Won't
Women can be the mistresses of ways to skim around issues. We should get an award for the number of carefully crafted ways we can indirectly say NO without ever uttering the letters N and O.
The predicament this creates is one in which our indirect communication only points out that we can be swayed into saying YES. When a woman doesn't set a definitive boundary, what she consciously or unconsciously communicates is that her stand isn't a firm one. Sellers know that moving her from an indirect NO to a direct YES is an easy probability. Many sellers are up for that challenge.
Avoid Sending Mixed Messages
We can't fix what we don't recognize. Women tend to use qualifiers when we speak. Qualifiers can be words or statements that instantly change the message about how certain we are about something, the four most common being "sort of," "kind of," "I think," and "I guess." Most of us are unaware of how often we slip into our sentences these phrases that scream out "I'm really not sure about my decisions." When we do utter them, they quickly reveal how a woman really feels. Just as quickly, they alert the seller to turn up the heat in order to make a sale.
Those sellers are waiting to hear qualifying statements like these:
"I like this house. There are many things that could sort of work for our family."
"You're right. It's a good color on me, even though I was kind of thinking of trying something else."
"I think this product will work."
"I guess I could try it and see if I like it."
Taking a Stand
There are gracious ways to deliver a NO:
Cushion NO between thanks
"Thanks. But no thanks."
Be clear and concise
"This isn't what I was looking for."
Express gratitude
"However, I did appreciate the time you took to explain everything to me."
Some sellers won't take NO for an answer, at least not right away. Your best course of action in this situation is not to defend your position. Your explanations will only provide an opening for a persistent seller to mount a counter-selling attack. As an alternative, keep repeating the statement, "Thanks, but no thanks." Eventually you'll be heard.
If you run across a seller who does have your interests at heart, they may offer more products and services, even after you've graciously said NO. Even so, if you sense they are truly committed to finding what's right for you, hold on to that seller for life. You've found a gem.
Final Thoughts
The best way to ensure that you aren't oversold is to deliver a clear and direct NO. In doing so, you set boundaries for yourself.
Becoming more aware of your communication patterns allows you to communicate more effectively. It also makes saying NO, graciously, much easier. Now you are doing business on your own terms-under NO uncertain terms.
Speaker and entrepreneur Kelly McCormick's insider secrets on women and sales have proven to increase selling success on both sides of the counter. Frequently quoted in national media, Kelly offers insightful and entertaining presentations. Her How to Sell to Women and Selling Skills for Women sessions are a hit with corporations, businesses, franchises, and associations, both nationally and internationally. Kelly is the author of the soon-to-be released book OutSell Yourself - Breakthrough the Top 7 Selling Challenges. Born in Canada, Kelly now resides in Southern California. For more information, or to sign up for Kelly's Communication E-tip, visit
www.mccormickteam.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:58Z
Toddler Time into the Terrific Twos: Nine Tips for Maintaining Your Sanity
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Toddler-Time-into-the-Terrific-Twos:-Nine-Tips-for-Maintaining-Your-Sanity
-
- /8557.html
2010-05-07T09:07:56Z
2010-05-07T09:07:56Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Toddler Time into the Terrific Twos:
Nine Tips for Maintaining Your Sanity
By Joanne Baum, PhD
The Parenting Maven
www.respectfulparenting.com
You no longer are operating in that sleep deprived state. You rarely have spit up on your clothes. You've got the diaper thing down pat, and now your child is beginning to voice his or her concerns, desires, needs, and wants with actual words, sometimes more forcefully than others. You have patience, but it only goes so far, and you're occasionally wishing there was a button to push and mum your child for a few minutes of quiet time ....Down time? Do you remember that? When you could sit on the deck and read for a few hours without interruption... where going on a date with your spouse was not a major financial investment... when babysitters were not even on your radar screen... when skiing was something you did spontaneously...and when this wonderful small human being was not even in your life and you saw parenting as an adventure you were going to embark on as a lovely image in slow motion with a pink haze filter of love looking so alluring.
Now your life is more of a fast paced jumble with you at the center playing juggler with too few arms and hands....Who knew? Not to worry - all new parents are in the same position, loving most of it and wondering, at times, how long is 18 years or what did I get myself into....
Nine Tips for the Juggler Parent of a Toddler or Terrific Two Year Old
Remember to slow down, watch your child carefully, and be in awe of and in awe with your child, all he is learning and all she is experiencing. Let your child re-introduce you to the world of child time, filled with wonder and awe.
Respect your child's individuality. Watch how your child copes. Marvel at his ingenuity, enjoy her creativity. See how your child manipulates through a day. It's all still new and challenging to you and your child.
Appreciate your child's moods. Appreciate your child's efforts to interact with the world around him. Understand your child's challenges and frustrations, and avoid some of them.
Watch for your child's signals that he is hungry, lonely, tired, needs to be changed, or frustrated and try to avoid those times by anticipating them in advance and circumventing them with fewer errands, healthy snacks, respecting nap time as necessary for your child to rejuvenate herself.
Avoid "stimulation overload", which translates into doing too much or being exposed to too much visual and/or auditory stimulation, so your child has to let out the extra stimuli in the form of a tantrum, screaming or other behaviors that are telling you you've pushed your child too much and he or she needs a quiet break.
Incorporate time outs into your family routine. You can all take them when you're too emotional to react kindly or gently. Go sit someplace, figure out what's bothering you, and how you want to handle it differently. Then exit out, go back to your family, and share what you've figured out with them. You'll be able to enjoy each other again. Anyone can ask anyone else to please take a time out so you can have a pleasant time together. It's not punishment, it's meant to be a time you can cool out/calm down, by yourself, and come back with a different, lighter attitude.
Toddlers and two year olds are incredibly curious small human beings. Their brains are firing off connections at an incredible rate. They are led by their curiosity - don't squelch it, it's the way they learn. Encourage your child's explorations in safe ways. Marvel at the way your child's mind works.
Focus on your child. Answer all her inquiries and all his questions completely so you can share your knowledge and insights about the world with your child.
Respectfully parent your child and become an awe-full parent - filled with awe and understanding. Respect involves listening to, considering, liking, enjoying and being in a mutual, interactive relationship with your child.
Dr. Joanne Baum is a therapist, speaker, author, mediator, and columnist. With more than thirty years of clinical experience Dr. Baum specializes in issues faced by couples, parents, families, and individuals. Joanne does parent coaching in person, via phone or e-mail. Dr. Baum also works as a divorce coach, child specialist, and Child and Family Investigator for divorcing families. Joanne is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, a Board Certified Diplomat in Clinical Social Work, and a Certified Alcoholism Counselor, Level III. Dr. Baum has authored four books including her recent book,
Got the Baby...Where's the Manual?!?
She has a private practice in Evergreen, Colorado. For more information visit
www.respectfulparenting.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:56Z
PMS and Pain
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/PMS-and-Pain
-
- /8558.html
2010-05-07T09:07:54Z
2010-05-07T09:07:54Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>PMS and Pain
By Jesse Cannone, CFT, CPRS
www.LoseTheBackPain.com
It's no secret that many women suffer through their monthly periods, experiencing cramps, bloating and lower back pain, to name just a few. But a large number of them-estimated at anywhere from 30 to 90 percent-also endure the symptoms of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). Most women feel some discomfort before their periods. But if you have PMS, you may feel so anxious, depressed, or uncomfortable that you can't cope at home or at work.
What causes PMS?
No one know for sure what causes PMS or why some months are worse than others, but PMS is often linked to the changes in hormone levels that happen during a woman's menstrual cycle. PMS is not caused by stress or psychological problems, though these may make the symptoms worse.
"We probably don't get nearly enough magnesium from out diet," says Dr. Carolyn Dean, who specializes in managing and healing commonly misdiagnosed and chronic conditions such as hormone imbalance, and mood swings. "The Recommended Daily Allowance for magnesium is 350-400 milligrams (mg) per day, but for optimal health you may need twice as much."
Dean, who serves on the medical advisory board of the Healthy Back Institute, suggests taking magnesium supplements to prevent or ease PMS symptoms, including back pain due to water retention. She recommends magnesium citrate and taurate, as well as spraying on magnesium oil that is absorbed through your skin.
Some researchers have found that calcium levels are lower in women with PMS and that calcium supplementation may reduce the severity of symptoms. One study, for instance, reported that 300 mg of calcium carbonate four times a day significantly reduced bloating, depression, pain and mood swings.
How is PMS diagnosed?
There is no single test to diagnose PMS, but because thyroid disease is common in women of childbearing age, and because some of the symptoms of PMS-such as weight gain-are similar to symptoms of thyroid disease, your doctor may do a thyroid test. This can help rule out a thyroid problem as the cause of your symptoms. Often, a doctor will suggest that you keep a diary to track your symptoms for a few months.
How is PMS usually treated?
Medicines that are commonly prescribed include diuretics to help the body rid itself of extra sodium and fluid, which can ease bloating, weight gain, breast pain, abdominal pain, and back pain. Antidepressants can help with the severe irritability, depression, and anxiety that some women have with PMS. Doctors often prescribe birth control pills to help reduce some PMS symptoms by evening out hormone levels during your cycle.
Experts also suggest making some simple diet and lifestyle changes. These include eating more complex carbohydrates (such as whole grain breads, pasta and cereals), more fiber and protein, and more foods rich in potassium (such as fish, beans, and broccoli). Other things you can do: cut back on sugar and fat; avoid iodine salt (to reduce bloating and fluid retention) try sea salts, eliminate or cut back on caffeine and alcohol, get at least eight hours of sleep each night, and get regular aerobic exercise-even a short walk every day can help. In fact, research has shown that frequency-rather than intensity-of exercise can decrease PMS symptoms.
Are there alternative treatments?
According to a 2004 study in
Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine
, a drugless intervention that may provide relief from PMS is something called "external qigong." First, a little background: Human qi comes from two primary sources: one, your parents; and, two, essential substances in nature such as air, water, and food. Both of these qi sources-inherited and acquired vital energies-are refined and transformed by our organs.
By eating a healthy diet and breathing fresh air, the theory goes, the body extracts their most valuable essences and uses them to help form the vital energy. Following these simple principles are the first steps towards creating a healthy balance in the body.
In external qigong, a trained practitioner directs his or her own qi outward, with the intention of helping patients' clear blockages, remove negative qi, and balance the flow of qi in the body, thus relieving pain and helping the body to rid itself of certain diseases. Scientists in South Korea report that qigong can improve many of the symptoms associated with PMS, and that it may work as well as more traditional methods of relief.
Other techniques-such as breathing exercises, meditation, aromatherapy, and yoga-focus on reducing stress and promoting relaxation. It this regard, it is also advisable (where practical) to schedule events you expect will be stressful-that big family reunion, for example-for the week after your period. And because many women seem to be more sensitive in the weeks before their menstrual period, relaxation experts suggest setting aside personal time to unwind, let out pent-up emotions, and focus on things that will nourish your spirit.
You may also want to try evening primrose oil, a plant oil that contains gamma-linolenic acid, which is an omega-6 essential fatty acid. Gamma-linolenic acid is involved in the metabolism of hormone-like substances called prostaglandins that regulate pain and inflammation in the body. Other natural remedies commonly used for PMS: ginkgo, vitamin E, royal jelly, dandelion, wild yam, oligomeric proanthocyanidins(OPCs), uva ursi, St. John's wort, progesterone cream as well as Proteolytic Systemic Enzymes. Always check with your healthcare provider before taking anything new.
About the author: Fitness expert and best-selling author, Jesse Cannone, CFT, is the co-owner of
www.LoseTheBackPain.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:54Z
Oops, I Forgot to Have a Baby
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Oops,-I-Forgot-to-Have-a-Baby
-
- /8559.html
2010-05-07T09:07:52Z
2010-05-07T09:07:52Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Oops, I Forgot to Have a Baby
By Orly Katz
www.okcoaching.com
That was the startling headline in one of the leading magazines: "Oops, I forgot to have a baby..." The subject was age 40+ women who suddenly realized that, in the race for career, success, and salary, something had slipped their minds. They'd forgotten to have children - to create a family nest alongside their career nest. The article explored the feelings of women who had devoted their entire lives to their careers and were now spending a good deal of their time and resources on fertility treatments that had no guarantee of success.
A recent survey of hundreds of women in the U.S. touched on a highly sensitive issue: How do you define success in your life? What would give you a sense of satisfaction and peace? The respondents were married and single women, some of them also mothers. They were all employed, in a range of jobs and ranks - some business owners, others salaried employees, still others freelancers.
You might be surprised to learn that the survey results added nothing new to what we've known all along. The things we most desire in our lives are the things that always seem to lie outside our grasp. The responses gave further evidence that women aspire to four ideals in their lives which, for them, are the keys to satisfaction and contentment:
Time - time for their families, their partners, their friends, and, yes, for themselves. The pressures of our daily environment obscure everything else. We've got no time to breathe much less smile or just enjoy ourselves a little.
Balance - Women seek balance between their work and their personal lives. They want to succeed at work without missing out on a life! They want warm, loving families at the same time they hold satisfying jobs.
Control - Over themselves, over time, and over their future finances. They want to act, not react. Great numbers of women launch independent projects or become entrepreneurs. And 38% of all companies in the U.S. are owned by women!
Purpose - Women want a reason to get up in the morning. They want to bring about change, to contribute, to feel a sense of purpose. Women want to fill themselves with energy, passion, and drive to do the things they truly believe in.
Brenda Barnes was the CEO of Pepsi when suddenly, at age 43, she handed in her resignation. The
Wall Street Journal
devoted two whole articles to the story. The first discussed Barnes specifically. What motivated her to make this weighty decision? She was quoted as saying that after 20 years of missed birthdays, hotel stays, sleepless nights, and hours not spent with her husband and close friends, she decided it was time to stop. When else, if not now? She just set her mind to it and did it. The second
Wall Street Journal
article focused on reactions to Barnes' resignation. Who do you think was more supportive, men or women?
You're right - it was men. They understood her reasons and backed her decision. Women, on the other hand, reprimanded her. They sent her letters with comments like, "How can you do this to us?
Barbara Barnes replied by saying, "I didn't do this to you, or you, or you. . . . I did it for myself and my family. For me, the definition of success is choice. I choose spending more time with my family now. I don't want to miss another birthday. . . I'll now find something that doesn't force people to give up their lives for power!"
I present women with six very simple codes for applying the Law of Attraction in their lives. According to the Law of Attraction, the things that we think about are the things we attract into our lives, for better or for worse. We, as women, have particular patterns of thought and behavior that prevent us from attracting into our lives the reality we desire - one of peace, quiet, and balance. Instead, we attract a reality of worry, tension, and guilt pangs. Isn't it time we made some changes?
Here are a few questions to consider as you set out to apply the Law of Attraction:
Are you in the right place? Are you doing what you really want to be doing?Do you strike a balance between what is nearest and dearest to you and all the rest? Or are you paying too high a price to maintain "all the rest?" Do you know why you get out of bed each morning? Do you have the impulse to do something that emanates from down deep inside - something you do enthusiastically, joyfully, passionately? Are you attracting into your life the things you truly desire or the things you would rather avoid?
In other words, do you control your life, or does your life control you?
I'm not suggesting, of course, that each of you quit her job tomorrow. That's not a viable option for most of us. But if you want to attract the reality you long for, you certainly should be doing some introspection, checking your priorities, and keeping these concepts in mind: time, balance, control, and purpose.
Orly Katz MBA, is the founder of O.K. Coaching - The Women's Coaching Center, and is an international, life, business and career coach for women and an experienced workshop facilitator. Orly reveals the six Codes of the Law of Attraction in her new book:
Women, Decode the Law of Attraction
. Orly was born in Israel and is married and the mother of three. For further information about Orly's coaching programs, workshops, book, or to schedule her for a presentation, please visit her website at:
www.okcoaching.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:52Z
Get Organized for Tax Time
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Get-Organized-for-Tax-Time
-
- /8560.html
2010-05-07T09:07:50Z
2010-05-07T09:07:50Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Get Organized for Tax Time
By Laura Stack, The Productivity Proreg;, Inc.
www.TheProductivityPro.com
Imagine kicking back with your refund already in hand (yes, the early bird will beat the rush with the IRS) while all the procrastinators out there are still scrambling to dig up old receipts and complete IRS forms. The closer you get to that April deadline, the less likely you are to take the time and care to stay organized and do the job right. If you let yourself get stressed and rushed, you'll end up in survival mode, just trying to make it through another tax year.
So, with lots of time between now and April, let's make this the year to get caught up, straightened out, and financially organized once and for all. You can get a head start on the process. By putting yourself in tax mode nice and early, you can DRAMATICALLY reduce the amount of stress in your life down the road.
Begin by getting your files organized. I recommend a five-step process, which I call my "5-P System":
Purge: get rid of outdated information
Plan: map out your system
Place: get everything set up
Put: file in the appropriate place
Purchase: hire out what you can't do
Here's how to use it:
Purge. Throw away or recycle any unnecessary duplicates, outdated draft copies, and otherwise unnecessary materials before they turn into a huge mess and an intimidating chore. When it comes to purging, it is all too easy to keep way too much. Unless you feel like perpetually expanding your office space, adding a room to your home, or continually buying more filing cabinets, here are some guidelines on what you can toss or shred, anxiety-free:
Airline ticket stubs (once the miles have been applied to your frequent flyer account)
ATM receipts (once they have cleared your bank)
Business cards from others (input the data into your contact management software and toss the cards)
Catalogs you didn't request (if you want to buy something, you can probably find it online)
Credit card receipts (once you've reconciled your account, toss any that aren't tax related, needed for a warranty, or might be returned)
Financial records (anything older than a year should be moved out and stored in archive boxes)
Greeting cards (those that serve no sentimental purpose or plain-vanilla variety)
Old calendars with "pretty pictures" (donate to a school or nursing home)
Old college term papers (how often have you referenced those?)
Old newspapers (old news!)
Old warranty manuals (for items you no longer have)
Outdated policies (if you no longer hold the policy, you don't need it)
Stacks of magazines you haven't touched in years (enough said)
Plan. Decide what you need to keep for taxes and have a clear understanding of what needs to be saved (and how long to save it):
Paycheck stubs (until you are sure your W-2 is correct)
Bank statements, credit card statements and bills that document deductions (keep for three years)
Tax returns (keep for six years)
Warranty info and receipts for big-ticket items (for as long as you own the product)
Receipts for IRA contributions (keep forever-it's the government)
Investment statements (hold until six years after the investment is sold)
Home improvement receipts (retain as long as you own the house)
Place. Start a checklist of things that you'll want to have on hand when you file your taxes. Some of these (your W-2, for example) won't be available until after the end of the year, but there are others that you've been accumulating throughout the year. Keep a file folder marked "2007 taxes," where you put all tax-related receipts as you come across or receive them. You might need more (or less) depending on your situation, but here's a list of some documents that you should set aside after the close of the year:
W-2s from your employers
1099-INT (for interest earned)
1099-DIV (for dividends you received)
1099-B forms (reflect transactions involving stocks, bonds, etc)
1099-MISC forms (for any income from self-employment)
K-1 forms (if you have a partnership, small business, or trust)
1099-SSA (if you receive social security)
Don't forget about your deductions! Maximize your refund by making sure that you get every deduction you deserve. You'll definitely want to do some research or consult a professional on this one, but some common deductions include medical receipts, receipts from charitable donations, education receipts, moving expenses, mortgage interest, and childcare costs. One deduction that is often skipped comes from clothing or used-item donations. Whenever you drop something off with the Salvation Army or a similar organization, always get a receipt. The value of the donated items is deductible.
Put. Move all old (previous year) tax returns and related receipts and documents to archive files in a safe, out-of-the-way place. I remove all files I want to keep for history (bank statements, credit card statements, charity donations, etc.). Then I put each year's records in a white cardboard archive box, label it with the year, and store seven years worth of boxes in my basement. In my filing cabinets, I create new hanging files to replace these purged files (if I get audited, I don't want my paper jumbled together). Keep only current information in your central filing cabinets.
Purchase. Once you have all your documentation assembled, get help! Hiring a bookkeeper is essential for me since I own a business, but I know several people who use one to help with all their receipts, statements, and bills. Your bookkeeper can compile a tidy and professional set of files that will make life much easier when you need to access financial records, either for tax time or otherwise.
If you have a semi-complicated life like we do with two working parents, childcare expenses, and investments, it's definitely worthwhile to have a specialist do your taxes. Add in a few rental properties, a business, and education costs, and it's a no-brainer to hire an accountant. Frankly, in our family, doing it ourselves is simply not worth the time and brain damage.
Use software. If you use a bookkeeper, he or she will want you to use an accounting software program like QuickBooks or Quicken (non-business version). If you don't use a bookkeeper or accountant, you should learn to use the software anyway.
Imagine printing checks right to your printer with a few mouse clicks; looking up payments by name, date, amount, or number; balancing your checkbook without doing any math; never forgetting to enter a purchase in your manual bookkeeping system; and having automatic tax reports generated at the end of the year. All this is possible, and more! Take a deep breath, buy the software, install it, and go through the Wizard that pops up when you load it.
Follow this five-step process, and you'll be on your way in no time. You'll be so relieved that you'll never start your taxes after the New Year again!
Make it a productive day!#8482;
copy; 2008 Laura Stack. Laura Stack (
www.TheProductivityPro.com
) is a professional speaker who helps busy workers Leave the Office Earlierreg; with Maximum Results in Minimum Time#8482;. She is the president of The Productivity Proreg;, Inc., a time management company in Denver, Colorado, that caters to high-stress industries. Laura is the bestselling author of the books
Find More Time
(2006) and
Leave the Office Earlier
(2004). Her newest productivity book,
The Exhaustion Cure
(2008, Broadway Books), is available for pre-order at Amazon.com. Laura is a spokesperson for Microsoft, 3M, and Day-Timersreg;, Inc and has been featured on the CBS Early Show, CNN, and the New York Times. Her clients include Cisco Systems, Sunoco, KPMG, Nationwide, and Microsoft. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:50Z
Before You Have a Baby: Nine Things to Consider Before you Decide to be a Parent
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Before-You-Have-a-Baby:--Nine-Things-to-Consider-Before-you-Decide-to-be-a-Parent
-
- /8561.html
2010-05-07T09:07:49Z
2010-05-07T09:07:49Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:49Z
Choosing A College
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Choosing-A-College
-
- /8562.html
2010-05-07T09:07:48Z
2010-05-07T09:07:48Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Choosing A College
By Ruth Haag
www.RuthHaag.com
For those who will be a high-school junior this year, and want to go to college, it's time to determine what college they want to attend.
Folks often do this by talking with their friends, looking at brochures, and looking at the college's course offerings, but an often-overlooked factor is determining whether the academic and living environment at the school is one in which the student will succeed.
If the student is unhappy in the school and living environment, no amount of academic prestige will keep them there. Since the goal of attending college should be to graduate, the living environment is very important.
Colleges come in many shapes and sizes, so finding the right "fit" is not too difficult, if you understand the differences. Here, we review the different characters.
Small Private Schools
Small, private schools typically have 1,600 or fewer total students, or fewer than 400 per class level. They are often affiliated with a religious institution. They have small campuses and normally very attentive faculty.
In these schools, the student is assigned a guidance counselor who meets with them and helps them determine what courses to take. The faculty in these schools typically has Master's or PhD degrees.
Often the schools require the students to live on campus, and the school then provides dormitories and dining halls. The school takes a very active role in the student's education, and also in monitoring their living and partying habits.
A student who has not been away from home much, and who is a bit uncertain about the college experience, can be very successful in a small private school.
The main downside is that, since these schools are private, they cost quite a bit to attend.
Medium-Sized State Schools
Medium-sized state institutions typically have around 20,000 students, most working on Bachelor's degrees, but some working on Master's degrees and PhDs.
The student has a guidance counselor, but often has to seek out the counselor for help.
The students typically live on campus in dormitories the first year, but often live off-campus in apartments for the remaining years.
The student has to understand the college bureaucracy, and "work it." Living off-campus requires more independence. They must be able to pay their bills, and prepare their own food. No one from campus is there to oversee their living or partying arrangements. The range of courses offered at these schools is greater. The lecturers may have Master's or PhD degrees.
These schools are typically much lower in cost than private colleges, as long as the family is living in the same state as the school, or is "in-state." If the family is "out-of-state," then the tuition is normally three times the "in-state" tuition. This ends up being comparable to the tuition at a small private school.
Large State Schools
Large state institutions typically have a student body of 40,000 to 60,000. Students normally live in dormitories the first year, and off-campus the next years. The college may not even offer on-campus housing for upperclassmen. At these schools, the student has to be able to handle large corporate problems on their own. They, and about 1,500 others, are assigned a guidance counselor who signs their class schedule each semester. The student must be able to determine what courses they need to graduate, and be able to schedule these on their own. The lecturers have PhDs, and are assisted by graduate students. Much of the actual teaching, and most of the interaction with students, is done by these graduate students, who are working on their own Master's or PhD degrees. The professors have office hours, and are often helpful when approached, but the student must know that they have a problem in the class, and must take the initiative to find the professor and get help. These schools spend a lot of time trying to make themselves act like small schools, but they are largely unsuccessful.
A person who attends a large university must be able to cope on their own. The cost to attend most of these large state colleges is about the same as the medium-sized state schools, if the family lives in the same state as the school, or is "in-state."
Community Colleges
Community colleges often offer two-year degrees, but some offer four-year degrees. The students live at home while attending classes. The class schedules often allow for the students to have full-time jobs and attend school at the same time. Because the students live at home, the experience at a community college can be more like that of a high school. Most instructors at community colleges have Master's degrees.
The cost of a community college is generally less than that of the other options. Students often attend two years of community college and then make the jump to a four-year school to finish up their degrees.
The School's Personality
Colleges all have personalities. You can feel the personality when you arrive at the campus for a visit. If you visit the school and it does not feel like you, then don't go there. There is one major well-respected institution that we visited with one of our daughters, that we thought would be wonderful. What a joy to be able to say that she had a degree from that school! We arrived on campus and prepared to take the tour. The tour guide was what we used to call "flaky," but we chalked that up to happenstance. Then we sat in an auditorium and listened to a talk given by an admissions person. She also seemed to not "go very deep." We figured it was just the person available to talk that day. Our daughter attempted to talk to people in the department she wanted to attend. She had trouble getting in touch with them, and then had trouble getting any information out of them. Finally, she went for an interview with a graduate from the school who lived in our area. This person struck us the same as the others. This was definitely not a school for us.
Walk around campus and feel the personality of the school. You want to feel comfortable there. Do most of the people that you meet seem intelligent and happy? Are they stern? Are you stern? When you stand on the campus looking lost, does someone stop to help you? Do you want help? Or do you want to be left alone?
When you happen into the research area and find a researcher, do they stop to talk to you? Are they excited about what they do?
We once were standing on a sidewalk at a school with 60,000 students. A statistics professor stopped, asked if we needed help, and then told us all about the school. What a good feeling for us. Find a good feeling, for you.
Choosing
For a protected environment, choose a community college or a small private school. For independence, choose a larger school. Choose a school that feels right to you.
Definitions
Associate Degree: Two years of class work, generally four classes a semester. Normally given in a specific job-related field like Environmental Technician, or Engineering Technician.
Bachelor's Degree: Four years of class work, generally four classes a semester. Bachelor's degrees are split into either Bachelor of Arts (BA), which emphasizes disciplines such as English and Classics, or Bachelor of Science (BS) which emphasizes disciplines such as Botany, Geology, and Chemistry.
Master's Degree: Two additional years of study, past the Bachelor's Degree. Often a Master's degree requires some research work that extends research started by others. The divisions are like those for the bachelor's: Master of Arts (MA) or Master of Science (MS).
PhD (Doctorate): Two additional years of study past the Master's Degree. Normally original research is required, and is presented in a dissertation.
Underclassman: a freshman or sophomore, the first two years of a 4-year program.
Upperclassman: a junior or senior, the last two years of a 4-year program.
About the author: Ruth Haag (
www.RuthHaag.com
) helps managers and employees understand the dynamics of the work environment, and how to function smoothly within it. She is the President/CEO of Haag Environmental Company. She has written a four-book business series: #147;Taming Your Inner Supervisor#148;, #147;Day-to-Day Supervising#148;, #147;Hiring and Firing#148;, and #147;Why Projects Fail.#148; Her enjoyable, easy-to-read books provide a look at life the way it is, rather than the way that you might think it should be.Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:48Z
The Importance of Financial Awareness in Your Children
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Importance-of-Financial-Awareness-in-Your-Children
-
- /8563.html
2010-05-07T09:07:47Z
2010-05-07T09:07:47Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:47Z
Beyond The Blues: Kids and Depression
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Beyond-The-Blues:-Kids-and-Depression
-
- /8564.html
2010-05-07T09:07:45Z
2010-05-07T09:07:45Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Beyond The Blues: Kids and Depression
By Dr. Maryann Rosenthal
www.drma.com
Over 11 million prescriptions were written last year for kids with depression. That did not include those who didn't even see a doctor.
Growing up is never easy. It is a time of upheaval and emotional storms. The very openness children exuded and were rewarded for seems to invite penalties as they grow beyond adolescence They are exulting in their hoped-for independence even as they are frightened by the demanding, often-uncaring world of adulthood. During this confusing period, they end up changing from one mode to the other so often and so rapidly that it confounds their parents. Teenagers often turn to actions that provide emotional stimulation to counteract feelings of self-induced emptiness and low self-esteem.
All kids get sad or upset about things now and then: getting a bad grade on a test, arguing with a friend, being grounded, or being without a date for a big dance. These temporary disappointments are not necessarily depression, but stress in its many forms and the inability to deal with stress is a major factor in creating and exacerbating the problem.
Changes in behavior are normal as our kids try to figure out who they are and what they believe in. Most depressed kids are troubled by who they are, how others perceive them, and what parents, peers, and the world at large expect of them. Researchers believe depression affects 3 percent to 5 percent of preteens and up to 15 percent of adolescents with girls suffering from depression at twice the rate of boys. In an alarming study by Seventeen Magazine, 28 percent of girls said they feel depressed every day or at least a few times a week. Girls are looking to peers for validation and it is often hard for them to retain a positive self-image. Adolescent girls undergo more life changes than boys and for yet unknown reasons, they are more vulnerable to negative life events, while the sources of stress in boys are more commonly school performance or other factors outside of social relationships, such as a move to another home. The good news is that serious depression in our children is treatable but it is often difficult to diagnose. The symptoms may be mistaken for Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) causing misdiagnosis and incorrect treatment.
What should parents and teachers look for?
You really have to tune in and judge the signs of depression against your child's usual and normal behavior. Depression is different from "the blues" because it is longer in duration and more intense. Parents, friends, and teachers are crucial allies in the treatment of childhood depression. Don't ignore your instincts and if you think there's something wrong with your child, chances are you're right. It's a real danger sign when stress becomes too much to deal with and a child just feels like giving up, where life becomes overwhelming and hopeless.
If your child experiences two or more of these symptoms for two consecutive weeks, it might be depression and not just "the blues":
Decline in school performance
Change in eating/sleeping habits
Persistent unhappiness
Inability to concentrate
Irritable or angered easily
Aggressive, impulsive, or reckless behavior
Excessive guilt or anxiety
Withdrawal from people and activities previously enjoyed
Physical aches and pains
Talk about death or suicide-this should always be taken seriously
Tuning In!
Fortunately, there are effective treatments for childhood depression. First, you must overcome any discomfort or embarrassment that you might feel about the problem. A real key is to be able to talk calmly with your child about it.
Your physician can offer guidance and help with a referral to a mental health practitioner A good mental health evaluation should include discussions with teachers and other family members.
Psychotherapy, especially cognitive behavioral therapy should be part of every treatment plan and may be all that is necessary. Medication can be a powerful weapon against depression but should be prescribed only by an experienced physician in close consultation with family. Medication doesn't work for everyone and may make some depressed kids feel worse.
Clinical depression has biological origins and has been linked to an inherited imbalance in brain chemicals, although family environment is a contributing factor. Depression is in part a disorder of relationships. The depressed person withdraws and breaks connections with the larger traditions of which we are a part, such as family, culture, and religion. Part of the antidote is strengthening those relationships.
All of the medications and therapy in the world will not help a child if their home environment is a root cause of problems. In other words, depression is a family matter that involves everyone. Nurturing a child's self-esteem and confidence, staying active, exercising, and developing good eating habits can help alleviate stress and depression in our children.
It's important that you look out for serious depression and doubly important that you heed the great deal of research that shows that the more family-like connections a person has, the more inoculated against depression they are.
Dr. Maryann Rosenthal is a highly respected clinical psychologist on family dynamics and best selling author of
Be A Parent, Not A Pushover
, recently selected as a book of the year on effective parenting. She is a featured authority on regional and national television and a global keynote speaker. She has been selected by Yahoo! Health, to be a family relationship expert. For more information visit
www.drma.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:45Z
Direction and Discipline; Be A Parent, Not a Pushover
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Direction-and-Discipline;-Be-A-Parent,-Not-a-Pushover
-
- /8565.html
2010-05-07T09:07:43Z
2010-05-07T09:07:43Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Direction and Discipline;
Be A Parent, Not a Pushover
By Maryann Rosenthal
www.drma.com
The truth is, there are a lot of wimpy parents. They don#146;t trust their own judgment. They treat their kids as if they are delicate crystal that might shatter with even the gentlest handling instead of fairly durable glassware that#146;s designed to hold up pretty well if not abused.
But here#146;s what you#146;ve got to keep in mind: you know more than your children#151;and
you#146;re supposed to tell them what to do
. You weren#146;t created to be their pals, their playmates, their servants. You#146;ve got more experience and better judgment#151;use them!
What#146;s more#151;and trust me on this#151;all kids know they need guidance from their parents. In fact, they want it. They#146;re probably not going to admit that. To do so would be too much of a concession, too big of a blow to their youthful egos. They like the reassurance that comes with knowing there#146;s somebody who cares for and looks after them.
But, understand, it takes strength of will to set and stick with rules. One of the reasons so many parents wimp out and set weak rules, or none at all, is because they lack courage in their convictions. They know they#146;ll get pressured. Teens, especially, will push for a relaxation of the rules without having earned that. Other teens will lobby them to ease up because #147;all the kids#148; are doing something or other. Other parents may suggest that the stricter parents are out of step. Even society itself may seem arrayed against them. But if the parents have thought through the rules and those rules fit the plan, they should stick with them.
Another reason parents waffle on setting realistic limits is that they want their kid to love and admire them. That#146;s a worthy goal, but it#146;s wrong to think that leniency is going to achieve it. In fact, there#146;s some reason to believe just the opposite. Some kids, very quick to perceive weakness, may counter with, #147;If you loved me, you#146;d let me stay out till 4 a.m., like Jamie#146;s folks allow her to do.#148; Or, #147;I hate you because you#146;re so strict.#148; Parents need to have enough self-confidence to see through such fleeting#151;maybe even contrived#151;anger and stick to well-reasoned rules.
Maybe you didn#146;t have a very good relationship with your own parents. Perhaps they were too strict, and you suffered as a result. Maybe you or they, or both, have some guilt at not having gotten along, of not having come up with a division of power that worked for both parties. But that was then and this is now. Don#146;t repeat their mistake by going to the other extreme. Give your kid a reasonable structure: tough at first, then progressively more liberal as his or her behavior dictates.
My advice? If you know you#146;ve been fair and reasonable in setting limits, then gut it out. After all, you#146;re the grown-up here. And this, too, shall pass. Your child eventually will come around to see the logic of some rules, even if he or she doesn#146;t always agree with the specifics.
You#146;ll likely forge a better long-term relationship with your teen if you come up with strict rules and enforce them, than if you don#146;t. Sure, there may be some short-term grumbling. But over the long haul, the teen will know you really care and will respect you for investing time and effort in the rule-setting process, especially if you are calm, consistent, and give positive feedback.
Dr. Maryann Rosenthal is a highly respected clinical psychologist on family dynamics and best selling author of
Be A Parent, Not A Pushover
, recently selected as a book of the year on effective parenting. She is a featured authority on regional and national television and a global keynote speaker. She has been selected by
Yahoo! Health
, to be a family relationship expert. For more information visit
www.drma.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:43Z
My Child Was Bullied By Another Parent What Can I Do?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/My-Child-Was-Bullied-By-Another-Parent--What-Can-I-Do
-
- /8566.html
2010-05-07T09:07:41Z
2010-05-07T09:07:41Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>My Child Was Bullied By Another Parent #150; What Can I Do?
By Derek Randel
www.stoppingschoolviolence.com
Eight-year old Becky came home from school last Tuesday and was upset with how Sarah was treating her. The two of them have been friends since they were four-years old. As her father I wasn#146;t worried about the two of them having a disagreement. But what Becky said next just floored me, #147;Dad, Sarah#146;s mom was school today and she started yelling at me and called me a spoiled brat!#148;
As Becky#146;s father I wanted to call Sarah#146;s mom right away and straighten this out and let her know that she can#146;t talk to my daughter that way. We have always been cordial to each other but she did seem to be a very strict parent. She can yell at her daughter but I won#146;t allow her to yell at mine. After calming down I began to wonder if calling her and fighting for Becky would really be best for all of us. What other options are open to me when another parent bullies my daughter and what can I tell Becky?
I realized that I had choices: I could become involved and straighten this mother out and this for me would be the fun choice. This of course would end up having the two of us not getting along anymore even if our children become friends again. Or I can let Becky deal with it herself after all it is her problem, right? But this might deliver a hidden message that when you have a problem your father is not available to help you and with the teen years around the corner I want her to feel like I will be there for her.
A third choice and the one I chose, was to empower Becky with techniques for handling these types of situations. According to our parent plan, (you do have a parent plan don#146;t you?) we want to teach our children proper manners, how to address adults, how to treat others, and how to handle life when things don#146;t go your way. Here are three solutions that can make a difference for both you and your child in this difficult situation.
Modeling- The best way to teach any trait is to model it for your child. If you do not want your child to smoke, then it is best that you avoid smoking. Your child observes everything you do; nothing gets by their eyes. If they see you hold the door open for the elderly, then they will learn that this is the expected thing to do in our society. The old adage, do as I say not as I do, does not work when it comes to parenting.
Boundaries - We want to teach our children about boundaries. There are many types of boundaries. Remember that boundaries set limits. Here are some types of boundaries:
Physical Boundaries #150; You allow someone to enter your physical space.
Sexual Boundaries #150; You determine how you#146;re going to be sexual with someone.
Emotional Boundaries #150; You determine what you want or how you want to think or feel about any topic.
Spiritual Boundaries #150; You have the right to think and believe what you want.
Boundaries are all about freedom and recognizing when these freedoms have been crossed. Boundaries give us a framework in which to negotiate life events. Recognizing and acting when our boundaries have been crossed will protect our freedoms. By building foundations based on mutual trust, love, and respect we can expect our children to grow up more tolerant and with mature characters. Simply put, boundaries will simplify your life.
Self-Concept - Think of self-concept as a road map for our life. It determines where we go, what we achieve, and how we get there. If our children feel good about themselves, then they will feel capable of achieving success. Our behavior matches our self-concept. Now for the bad news: you cannot give your children high self-concept. High self-concept is an inside job. You cannot catch it from others like you do the flu. But, there are numerous ways you can help build their self-concept.
If I had modeled the expected behavior, if I taught Becky about her boundaries, and if I helped her nurture a high self-concept then I believe Becky would have the necessary techniques to handle Sarah#146;s mother bullying her and many other situations she finds herself in. Becky would know to be polite to every adult. She also would recognize when her boundaries have been crossed. Whenever someone crosses into your boundaries you must react but this is hard when so many people do not recognize their own boundaries. Becky knows no matter who crosses her boundaries she is to walk away and get the nearest authority figure to help. The idea that I can and I#146;m able to walk away from an adult is very important for all children. Becky now knows she is nobody#146;s punching bag or verbal garbage can. Imagine how many children would live a better life if they had this belief. Becky also knows that just because someone is your friend doesn#146;t mean she has to stay a friend if she is mean or abusive, or even if you just grow apart.
Sarah will have many issues to deal with because of her mother#146;s behavior. Look at the wonderful behavior that is being modeled and the mother does not seem to understand where her boundaries end and Sarah#146;s begin.
In our life all of us including our children will run into nasty people like Sarah#146;s mother. We do not have to own their garbage just because they#146;re trying to give it to us. By sharing with your child these simple techniques you#146;re giving them roots and wings simultaneously.
Derek Randel is a parent coach who speaks nationally on how to remove the yelling from your home and how to protect your child/student from bullying and school violence. Derek has been seen on many television shows and is heard on radio shows around the country. He is the author of
Stopping School Violence
and was nominated for a Disney American Teacher Award. He also is a certified stepfamily coach through the Step-Family Foundation. For more information visit
www.stoppingschoolviolence.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:41Z
Rekindling Your Holiday Spirit
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Rekindling-Your-Holiday-Spirit
-
- /8567.html
2010-05-07T09:07:39Z
2010-05-07T09:07:39Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Rekindling Your Holiday Spirit
By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
The holiday season is upon us. And for many it is accompanied by a hectic pace, bah humbug attitudes, and the holiday blues. Spouses cringe at the thought of spending a portion of the holiday season arguing with the family or long hours traveling to have dinner with relatives. Visions of children being let out of school for three weeks, with the weather turning too cold for them to be outside have some parents shuddering in anticipation of long days and short fuses. For many people the holidays have lost their appeal and the reason for the season has become wrapped more in frustration, greed, and disappointment than in joy and generosity.
Is it time to rekindle your holiday spirit? Are you in need of bringing some life, meaning, and enthusiasm to you and your family's holiday season this year? If so, it's not too late to implement a few of the inspirational ideas suggested below.
1. Slow down and enjoy the moment.
Repeat the following phrase 20 times a day to yourself beginning now and continuing through the New Year. "I relax into the flow of life and I let life provide all that I need easily and comfortably." Do this faithfully every day and you will be amazed at the results.
2. Donate some time and energy to a charity.
Giving brings out a special part in all of us. Ring the bell for the Salvation Army, volunteer at a soup kitchen, or help deliver food baskets. Your giving will be rewarded with inner feelings of peace and comfort.
3. Make your own holiday cards to mail to friends and family.
Involve your entire family in designing and coloring a holiday picture for your card. Agree on a saying or text message you want to add. Take it to a Kinko's or Office Max and have it made into your personalized holiday greeting that includes envelopes to match.
4. Take a unique and creative holiday picture of you or your family.
The popularity of the serious family photo used on a greeting card seems to be increasing. As a fun change of pace, why not surprise your family and friends with a unique or silly photo of you and your children? How about a group picture of the family's bare feet or a close-up picture of each family member's belly button with a contest to see who can match the belly button to the right person? The idea here is to be creative and have fun.
5. Bake cookies or bread and make a personal delivery to a few friends.
Bake as a family. Wrap as a family. And deliver as a family. The personal delivery adds a connecting link between your family and the recipient. It is an effective way to remember that being with someone is as important as doing for someone.
6. Record five holiday songs sung by the family or kids and send it to Grandma.
Grandma, Grandpa, or Aunt Julie will enjoy singing along with your family's rendition of some of the holiday classics. You never know, your family could be the next Partridge family.
7. Give a turkey or ham to five needy families.
Find a need and fill it. Your heart will be filled along the way and your children will learn a valuable lesson in charity.
8. Attend a holiday concert or festival of music.
Holiday music fills the heart and soul with memories of childhood, friends, family rituals, and special events. Allow your heart to open to the music of the holidays. Let it soothe your soul and let yourself be moved by its presence within you.
9. Make your own ornaments.
Decorate pine cones. Shape Play-Doah and let it dry. Make chains of green and red construction paper. Buy Styrofoam balls and paint them with glitter, glue, and string. Decorate cookies. The ideas are limitless; flow with it.
10. Go on a "light seeing" tour.
Jump in the car with the family and go on a neighborhood "light seeing" tour. When you get home encourage each person to talk about which light display he or she liked best and have them tell why. Take a different "light seeing" tour each night.
11. Make your own wrapping paper.
Trace cookie-cutter shapes onto large sheets of white paper, and color and paint the shapes as desired. Or cut sponges into holiday shapes and sponge-paint designs. Use that paper to wrap your holiday gifts.
12. Decorate a tree outside for the animals.
During the winter months many animals find it difficult to locate nutritious foods to eat. By stringing orange rings, apple rings, and carrots and placing them on a tree outside you create a beautiful tree that helps the wildlife survive a difficult time of the year.
13. Give the kids disposable cameras and allow them to take one picture each day from December 1 to January 1.
Finding the right picture to take can be a learning process for each person, young and old. Encourage them to search for something that is meaningful about each day on a personal level. Follow up in January by printing the pictures. Each person can then create their own countdown calendar to use during next year's holiday season.
Remember, it is you who creates the reason for the season. It is up to you to take charge and make it the holiday season you desire. Happy Holidays!
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of
The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose.
They also publish a FREE e-mail newsletter for parents and another for educators. Subscribe to them when you visit
www.chickmoorman.com
or
www.thomashaller.com
. Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. For more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their websites today. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:39Z
Seven Simple Steps to a Sweeter You
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Seven-Simple-Steps-to-a-Sweeter-You
-
- /8568.html
2010-05-07T09:07:37Z
2010-05-07T09:07:37Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Seven Simple Steps to a Sweeter You
By Connie Bennett, C.H.H.C.
With the winter holidays here and the New Year on the horizon, it's the ideal time to take stock of where you are and where you'd like to go. In other words, it's invaluable to take a probing look inward and make some moves in the direction of your dreams. Ask yourself:
Are you the kind of person you'd like to be?
Are you achieving your heart's desires?
How can you be kinder, better and sweeter?
What traits and skills do you need to develop or cultivate to get to where you want to go?
Or let's put it another way: It's time to do some internal housecleaning. Since we're human, each of us can always find something about ourselves to improve.
My clients have found that doing this kind of assessing and goal setting helps them to build confidence, achieve inner joy and love themselves.
Here are 7 areas to explore that can lead you to personal growth and transformation so you become a person you like, admire and respect.
1) Take delight. Do you view the glass as half full rather than half empty? Do you feel joy, delight and glee when you view a sunset, when you see trees, when your child looks at you with adoring eyes, when you first bite into an organic apple, when you walk down the street, or when you're immersed in a project? Make yourself to look at the bright side of things. No one wants to be around a killjoy so concentrate on fostering that part of you that's childish, innocent, sweet and fun. Become the kind of person people love to be around.
2) Listen with zeal. Do you pay close attention to other people when they speak? Do you care about their worries, goals and fears? Or are too wrapped up in yourself? There's nothing more annoying than someone who cuts you off in the middle of saying something. Challenge yourself to really focus on what people are saying. That way others will want to share with you more. Besides, you'll like yourself better, too.
3) Cultivate gratitude. Lately, giving thanks has been given good play-and not just around Thanksgiving. Being appreciative is something we should do on a daily basis. Have you thanked God or the universe lately for your loved ones, your home, your job, your friends, your innate skills and talents, your material possessions, etc.? If not, begin a gratitude journal or take stock on your computer every morning and/or evening.
4) Get enough zzz's. Lack of sleep seems to be an American hobby, if not an obsession, and I confess, I'm one of the worst offenders. Many of us seem driven by all that we have to do, whether it's answering e-mails, cleaning the house or catching up with a friend. But
recent research suggests
that sleep-deprived people may be more likely to be overweight. Not getting enough rest also may make you grumpy, brain foggy and unproductive. Even more frightening, sleep deprivation may increase your risk for heart attacks, strokes, colon cancer, breast cancer, heart disease and diabetes.
5) Enjoy quality carbs and real food. One of the most effective ways to become a healthy, energetic, kind, successful, loving person is to eat superior, nutritive carbs (vegetables, fruits, whole grains, nuts and seeds) and turn your back on those health-harming culprit carbs. Are you a sugar junkie or a carb craver? Do you grab chocolate, soda or donuts just to get through the day? As my book SUGAR SHOCK!, explains, overeating sugary foods and refined, much-like-sugar carbs (processed breads, pasta, crackers, white rice, etc.) could send you into sugar shock and lead to more than 150 ailments, including obesity, depression, heart disease, cancer, type 2 diabetes, mood swings, infertility, low libido, failing memory and premature aging.
6) Get moving. As we all know by now, physical activity can work wonders. If you're feeling like a zombie-that is sluggish, listless and unmotivated, there's nothing like getting off your derriere and dancing or just plain walking to energize you. It's well documented, as
the Mayo Clinic points out
, that exercise improves your mood, combats chronic diseases and can even put the spark back in your sex life. So put on your sneakers now.
7) Break free of clutter. The road to self improvement doesn't always have to be complicated. In fact, just getting rid of your "stuff" can give you a tremendous breakthrough experience. Cutting out clutter is one of those simple, but uplifting projects that can quickly bring you to a better place. It is exhilarating and exciting to discard excess documents, old clothes and undesirable doodads. (Guess I need to end this article now to wade through some piles of papers!)
Don't these 7 Steps to a Sweeter You sound pretty easy? Don't waste any time-pat yourself on the back because you've considered taking such important action. Now, start moving those goal-setting muscles and select one step to take each day of the week. I'm willing to bet that within three weeks, you'll already become more happy, content and self-fulfilled. So get going-start building the foundation for a sweeter life and a sweeter you.
Connie Bennett, M.S.J., C.H.H.C. is a former sugar addict and author of SUGAR SHOCK! (Penguin Group). Her book has been endorsed by many experts, including "Oprah" regular and bestselling YOU author Dr. Mehmet Oz, who says it "spills the beans." Connie is a certified holistic health counselor, sugar-liberation expert, speaker, frequent TV and radio show guest ("CBS News Sunday Morning," "Oprah Friends Radio," etc.) and founder of A Sweeter You Institute. She maintains the SUGAR SHOCK! Blog, hosts the weekly Stop SUGAR SHOCK! Radio Show and holds Sugar Liberation seminars. Connie also is an experienced journalist and columnist, who has been published widely in print and on the Web. To learn if sugar has control over you, take the SUGAR SHOCK! Quiz at
www.SugarShockBlog.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:37Z
The Secret Gift Inside your Child: Eight Ways to Nurture Respect This Holiday Season
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Secret-Gift-Inside-your-Child:-Eight-Ways-to-Nurture-Respect-This-Holiday-Season
-
- /8569.html
2010-05-07T09:07:36Z
2010-05-07T09:07:36Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Secret Gift Inside your Child:
Eight Ways to Nurture Respect This Holiday Season
By Joanne Baum
"The Parenting Maven"
www.respectfulparenting.com
If your child watches television and is able to talk, you are probably being inundated with your child's requests for the amazing things being shown on television. Remember, those companies pay people large salaries to create those ads your child is falling for. They are well done. They are accomplishing their goal. But at what cost to you?
It actually helps if your child has gotten one of these must-have presents the last year that was supposed to be soooooo cool and soooooo amazing and it turned out to be different than the commercial. You can remind your child of that this year. "Things are not always as they seem." Explain to your child that "wish lists" are just that, wishes and they do not all get filled. They are for you (and Santa if he is part of your holiday season) to choose from. They may remain wishes. One thing my dad always used to say to me when I asked for things when I was growing up was, "Joanne, it's always good to want things." Meaning: it's okay to want something just know you won't always get it, but it's something you can strive for and maybe earn it over time if you really still want it.
I remember one year (and this is showing my age) I really wanted a 3-Speed English racer bicycle. I really, really wanted it. I was dreaming about riding that shiny black bike long before I got it. My dad patiently sat me down and told me he'd like to get it for me for my birthday but that we just couldn't afford it and maybe I could help. I was about ten years old. How was I going to help? But somehow, a few relatives gave me money for my birthday and I was able to chip in. We went to the store together and bought the bike. It was so thrilling! I know I felt proud because I helped buy it.
At the time, I hated when my father said, "Joanne it's always good to want something." I hated hearing that because it usually meant I wasn't going to get it. And like every child, my wants were so strong and so immediate, like I had to have whatever "it" was. Slowly, over time I realized that a lot of those things I really wanted, when I didn't get them, and other friends did, I often wasn't as impressed as I thought I'd be, and it was really "okay" not to have it. Or, if I got a less expensive off brand that worked as well, I learned the benefit of shopping for value rather than name brand. Sometimes I learned that when I did not get the item in any way shape or form, that the desire went away and life was really okay without having that "thing" I had wanted so much. Another lesson was that my taste changed and sometimes a short time later I didn't even want "it" anymore. That one line taught me so many things. It's one of the lines I have chosen to repeat with my child only with a longer explanation than the one I received. He still doesn't like hearing it but hopefully he's learning some of the same valuable lessons I learned.
So how do we teach our child respect and limits this holiday season? Here are 8 ways to nurture respect in your child:
Be honest with yourself about your limit.
Share your limits with your child and discuss them so your child understands.
Make some gifts together so your child can feel proud about helping and creating a gift for someone else.
Make cards together having your child dictate messages to loved ones if he or she is too young to write a message.
Listen carefully when your child speaks and tell your child what you are hearing him say to say you.
Ask your child if you've heard him correctly. If you haven't, take the time to go over it again until you know you've heard what's important to your child.
Teach your child the differences between needs and wants, especially how both can feel very intense but they're not the same. If you can teach your child that, you'll be giving the best gift you can give.
Be respectful with your child: talk kindly, be patient, focus on your child, give your child positive messages, slow down to your child's pace, listen for your child's needs, and respect your child's limits. When you treat your child with respect you will get respect back. It follows naturally.
Dr. Joanne Baum is a therapist, speaker, author, mediator, and columnist. With more than thirty years of clinical experience Dr. Baum specializes in issues faced by couples, parents, families, and individuals. Joanne does parent coaching in person, via phone or e-mail. Dr. Baum also works as a divorce coach, child specialist, and Child and Family Investigator for divorcing families. Joanne is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, a Board Certified Diplomat in Clinical Social Work, and a Certified Alcoholism Counselor, Level III. Dr. Baum has authored four books including her recent book,
Got the Baby...Where's the Manual?!?
She has a private practice in Evergreen, Colorado. For more information visit
www.respectfulparenting.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:36Z
Parenting Strategies for De-Stressing the Holidays
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Parenting-Strategies-for-De-Stressing-the-Holidays
-
- /8570.html
2010-05-07T09:07:34Z
2010-05-07T09:07:34Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Parenting Strategies for De-Stressing the Holidays
By Paula Statman
www.kidwisecorner.com
Parenting is a tough balancing act. It's even tougher at holiday time, when all the excitement can have a negative impact on children. Having a flexible approach, setting priorities, and spending your time, energy, and money wisely will help keep kids' stress at bay and make the holidays enjoyable for the whole family.
Holiday Stress is Contagious
It's not realistic for parents to expect children to relax when they are running around like crazy, shopping, baking, decorating, and becoming stressed at the thought of blowing the holiday budget after just one trip to the mall.
If parents are experiencing an increase in stress then so are their children. Children reflect the mood of the household and the ideas and values of the family. So if the parents are spinning out of control, the kids will spin out of control, too.
How to Manage Kids' Stress
1. Adjust Attitudes and Manage Expectations
Have a discussion before the holiday season begins. Pledge to make the holiday season a time of love and peace, not a time focused on material goods and gifts. Talk to your children about the true meaning of the holiday season depending on your faith and heritage.
Kids need some degree of control and predictability. Prolonged uncertainty, constantly changing plans or last minute decisions can all increase stress. Include your children in holiday planning sessions, and let them know the final details well in advance. This will give them a chance to prepare themselves emotionally for the visits, dinners and other running around of the season.
Holiday shopping can be overwhelming for kids, so help them decide in advance who to buy for, what to buy and how much to spend. Or even better, discuss with your kids how they can make appropriate gifts for family and friends.
Manage your kids' expectations. Don't promise things you can't produce. For example, don't promise a parent will be home in time for the holidays if the decision is really out of your control. Don't try and compensate for an absent family member with lots of gifts. What most kids really want is your time and attention.
2. Create Rich and Meaningful Experiences
Don't underestimate how important traditions are to you and your children. Family traditions offer great comfort and security for children when everything in their lives is being disrupted by the holiday season. Focus on experiences rather than spending. Help children think about giving as well as getting. What they can do for the community, even at a young age, helps them understand that the world is about "we" rather than "me." Propose ideas such as baking cookies and delivering them to a local nursing home or soup kitchen.
Ask your kids what they would like to do. Crafts, baking, ice skating, stories around the fireplace, seeing friends are the things that memories are made of. Family traditions are what we recall as adults - not the gifts we got. Help your kids enjoy the holiday season by creating wonderful, stress-free memories that they will carry with them for a lifetime and pass own to their own children someday.
3. Preserve and Protect Routines
Stick to your normal family routine as much as possible. It's often hard to take time out of busy holiday preparations, but a walk, a trip to a playground or play area, or whatever else you usually do with your kids each day can be a great stress reducer.
Kids are often dragged along on shopping expeditions or taken to events over which they have no control. And when a routine is broken, stress can result. If possible, skip unnecessary activities or tag-team as parents. Have one parent do the shopping or run the errands while the other stays home to keep things status quo. It can make a big difference.
4. Eat Healthy and Consciously
Try to plan at least one healthy, homemade meal every day. And don't let your guard down with snacks... a nutritious snack can help a child function much more smoothly through a long afternoon of shopping at the mall. Limit the fast food during the holidays. Factor in sugary holiday treats that can cause kids to be hungry and stressed.
5. Monitor and Limit TV and Video Games
De-emphasize television. Much holiday programming seems to be designed to get children all worked up about the holidays. Try to mute or turn off the commercials, and be selective about your family's holiday viewing. Limit the amount of time kids playing video games.
Encourage physical activity and interaction with peers. Children who are experiencing some stress usually need more physical activity. Encourage your kids to bundle up and play outside. If you have younger ones, make time for a walk. The fresh air can work wonders.
6. Use Stress-Reducing Techniques
Instead of telling your child to go "calm down" this holiday season, give them the tools they need to manage stress and anxiety. If you see your children beginning to get stressed, try to spend some quiet time with them before the situation gets out of control. Stop for a snack, a game or a few minutes of reading before rejoining the holiday activities.
7. Keep the Mood Light
Hands down laughter is still the number one way to relieve stress at any age. Laugh it up with your kids and their mood will shift from good to bad in no time. Laughter is still the best way to beat stress and change everyone's mood from bad to good. Take time to read the comics to your children, or find a holiday joke book with family humor at your bookstore or library.
Parents are the gatekeepers for the level of holiday excitement and stress that reaches their kids. Their ability to parent with flexibility and strength, recognizing and responding wisely when they are their kids feel stressed will help them manage the pressure and tension that can affect everyone's enjoyment.
Paula Statman, M.S.S.W. is an internationally respected educator, speaker and award-winning author. Her practical, positive approach to raising safe and strong children has benefited hundreds of thousands of parents. Paula is a repeat guest on
Oprah
and the
Today Show
, has appeared on over 200 radio and television programs, and is featured in publications such as
Parents, Child, Redbook
, and USA Today.com. The founder and director KidWISE Institute, Paula lives in Oakland, California with her husband and daughter. For more information visit
www.kidwisecorner.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:34Z
Time-Saving Tips for the Holidays
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Time-Saving-Tips-for-the-Holidays
-
- /8571.html
2010-05-07T09:07:31Z
2010-05-07T09:07:31Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Time-Saving Tips for the Holidays
By Laura Stack, The Productivity Proreg;, Inc.
www.TheProductivityPro.com
When was the last time you had a really relaxing holiday? I don't mean that peaceful thirty-minute aftermath that follows a successful dinner party or the kids' gift-opening extravaganza. I mean a holiday that is relaxing, from beginning to end. That includes travel, dinner preparations, and shopping. All it will take is a little organization and advance planning. Here are some tips to get you started.
Plan your travel now. Need to be out of town to see family or friends? If you haven't already made arrangements, make it a priority. Especially if you plan to fly, the best deals disappear fast. Get online and start shopping around as soon as you know where you need to be and when. Once the arrangements are made, start getting things squared away with work. Whether you need to request time off, reschedule a recurring meeting, or just let your employees know that you'll be gone, do it as soon as possible. Depending on where you work, getting holiday time off can be competitive. Especially in this case, the early bird tends to get the worm.
Make a budget. Unless you've got more money that you know what to do with, it is easy for the holiday season to turn into a financial headache. Ninety-nine percent of that stress can be eliminated by thinking ahead and making a budget. Financial sanity doesn't come from having a ton of money; it comes from spending it wisely.
Decide how much you're going to spend and stick to it. Letting yourself creep over your budget probably isn't going to make you a hero in the gift department, but it might cost you a gray hair or two when it comes time to sort out the holiday bills. How many times have you charged expensive items and spent five months paying for them? See if you can break tradition this year by drawing names or just sending cards. Tell the people you're not buying for that you've pared down your gift list out of necessity and ask them not to buy for you as well.
Avoid the shopping marathon. Unless you really do enjoy the "shop 'till you drop" marathon mall sessions, skip the all-day shopping trips. If you start now (or better yet, six months ago), you'll be amazed at how much you can get done by picking up an item here and there while you're running your everyday errands. The secret is to sit down, make a list of the people you need to shop for, and keep it with you.
Ideally, your list will include one or two gift options for each person, too. Keep your list with you and cross off a few people every week. Also keep your eye out for stocking stuffers and similar small items. And as for that whole Black Friday thing - if you don't enjoy it, skip it! Unless shopping is in your blood, the money you'll save probably isn't worth the aggravation.
Wrap as you go. Don't put all of your wrapping off until the last minute. As you pick things up, go ahead and wrap them as soon as you get a chance. Wrap a couple extras for a guest who shows up unexpectedly and gives you a gift. It helps to have a dedicated wrapping area cornered off that is well-stocked with all the essentials - wrapping paper, scissors, gift tags, tape, etc. The easier you make it for yourself, the more likely you are to get it done.
Simplify, simplify. No matter how cool your friends and family might play it, you are NOT the only one who gets stressed out around the holidays. If the stress of preparations is getting out of hand, don't be afraid to propose a simplified pot-luck dinner instead of a more elaborate affair or a gift exchange instead of shopping for everyone individually. Even if you just try this approach with a small group of friends or extended family, it'll be at least a small relief for everyone involved. When it comes to reducing you holiday workload, every little bit helps.
Make friends with the Internet. More and more shoppers are finally taking the plunge and skipping the traditional brick and mortar stores completely. Internet shopping has come a long way in the last few years and you might be surprised at how simple it has gotten. You can easily compare prices and can generally find good deals on shipping that will guarantee arrival in plenty of time for the big day.
Play your cards right. Many people take one look at that mound of Christmas cards and can suddenly think of three or four other things that require their immediate attention. We love getting cards but hate the prospect of doing ours. So we procrastinate until December 22 and pull another 2 a.m. shift to get them in the mail by Christmas. So, I look at my cards as a process. Breaking the project down into smaller pieces makes it seem more manageable. You can even begin now! The first thing I do is create the labels.
Second, I stick them on the envelopes with a return address label and stamp. Next, I write the family newsletter and get it copied onto the special paper. Finally, I set up an assembly line: (a) add a salutation to the card such as "Dearest X Family," (b) sign our names, (c) enclose the newsletter and a picture, and (d) seal the envelope with a sticker. No licking for me! If you prefer to hand-write your cards, the trick is to write five each day, starting the day after Thanksgiving. Take some with you wherever you go, in case you find some free time: at the doctor's office, waiting for a meeting to begin, or picking your child up from a lesson.
Cheat. Unless you really enjoy preparing mass quantities of food from scratch, there's no reason not to take advantage of a short-cut or two. Particularly when it comes to the dessert menu, there are plenty of quick and easy mixes that can help you shave some serious time off of your meal preparation schedule. Just go to the grocery store and find a few easy-to-make offerings or buy something from the deli. For a special touch you can dress your desserts with extra holiday sprinkles or a squiggle of chocolate sauce across the plate for a very restaurant-looking presentation.
Give yourself the gift of time. How about purchasing a few months of housekeeping instead of clothes? Purchase a gift certificate to a restaurant so you don't have to cook. Have the veterinarian groom your dog instead of doing it yourself, being soaked, and making a mess. Buy a book on tape to listen to in the car on the way to work. Purchase a cell phone and eliminate phone tag by forwarding your calls when you leave the office. Have your groceries delivered once a week for a month (less than the cost of a blouse). Hire a teenager to do the major cleaning required before houseguests arrive.
Remember your priorities. Take shortcuts where it really doesn't matter: buy cookies instead of baking them or barter a task you don't like for one you do. I know two women who trade chores at holiday time. One hates to bake; the other hates to do crafts. So one woman decorates the other's home and wraps her presents beautifully; the other does the meal preparation and holiday baking for the other! Cut out as many social engagements as possible if you want more family time-you can't go to a school musical when it's more convenient. Kids appreciate happy and relaxed parents more than perfect decorations.
Get moving! However you choose to get a head start on the holiday season, you won't regret putting in the extra effort early on. Keep yourself motivated by thinking about how nice it will be to cruise through the end of December stress-free and full of holiday spirit. You might make a date with yourself to visit the mall on the last weekend before Christmas-just so you can observe the mayhem you successfully avoided by being so productive!
Make it a productive day! (tm)copy; Copyright 2007 Laura Stack. Laura is the president of The Productivity Proreg; Inc. and the bestselling author of
Find More Time and Leave the Office Earlier
. She presents keynotes and seminars on time management, information overload, and personal productivity. Contact her at
www.TheProductivityPro.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:31Z
Culture of Divorce: Family Relationships at Thanksgiving
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Culture-of-Divorce:--Family-Relationships-at-Thanksgiving
-
- /8572.html
2010-05-07T09:07:29Z
2010-05-07T09:07:29Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Culture of Divorce: Family Relationships at Thanksgiving
By Brian Orchard
www.vision.org
Thanksgiving can be a joyous opportunity to cement family relationships. However, with 50% marriages ending in divorce in the United States, moral values are crumbling. For fractured families the holiday can be a lonely, unhappy time, and thankfulness may not come easily.
For the children it can also be confusing. Even if equal time can be spent with Mom and Dad, the fact remains that something has gone wrong with the foundation of their lives.
With the divorce rate so high,
Vision.org
examines the societal influences which cause divorce. Over the past hundred years or so, there have been changes in religion and ethical issues that influence marriage, personal development and family relationships.
Statistics tell us that first marriages today stand a 45 percent chance of breaking up and second marriages a 60 percent chance, but those numbers just confirm what we already knew: Divorce has increased not only in frequency but also in acceptance.
It isn#146;t that marriages were perfect in the 18th and 19th centuries, and that toward the end of the 20th century we somehow wandered off the straight and narrow. But regardless of what the institution used to represent, it is well documented that the traditional roles of men and women changed greatly with industrialization and urbanization in the 20th century.
The harmful effects of divorce on children were documented in the Bible almost 400 years before Christ. There, we are told that God opposes divorce. (Malachi 2:16.) Marriage is a covenant. It is not independent agreement: The wife is not an inferior but a companion in whom the husband should take delight. Marriage also assumes a sexual union, and this union is much more than just a physical experience; it is the union of mind and spirit.
Over the last 40 years an increased acceptance of divorce has produced profound changes in our attitudes about marriage and family. The roles of men and women not only changed with industrialization and urbanization in the 20th century, but also during World War II when women entered the workplace. The birth control pill gave women control over fertility; and wages earned brought greater decision-making ability in family relationships. These societal changes brought freedoms that previous generations did not have.
During the 1970s, the divorce rate doubled as attitudes on fidelity, chastity and commitment in the younger generation became very different from those of their parents. The change reduced the incentive to work out marital difficulties. In this society and culture more and more couples are willing to endure the pain of ending a marriage without concern for the consequences to their children#151;a fact that is reshaping society. At no time is the pain felt more keenly than when others are celebrating.
Those who suffer are the children, who identify not only with their mother and father as separate individuals, but also with the parents#146; relationship with each other. They carry the experience of this relationship into adulthood as they create a new family.
Unless premature death interferes, marriage embarked upon in youth is intended to remain into old age. The marriage covenant relationship is intended to produce children and to provide them with the physical and mental nurturing that young, developing minds require.
This is precisely the basis of the injunction recorded by the prophet Malachi against ancient Israel. Society at that time was destroying the security of future generations by dismantling the marriage relationship#151;just as ours is today. Divorce weakens the basic building blocks of our society and culture. Children of divorce may be affected to greater or lesser degrees, but they carry the impact of the broken family into adulthood and this will, in turn, affect the next generation.
Perhaps it#146;s not too late for us to rethink divorce and society#146;s moral values and how our family relationships affect our society culture for generations to come.
Vision Media
is a Web site that looks at the issues which affect our society and culture. The visitor is challenged to examine Family Relationships with fresh eyes as Thanksgiving approaches. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:29Z
Special Thanks This Thanksgiving
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Special-Thanks-This--Thanksgiving
-
- /8573.html
2010-05-07T09:07:28Z
2010-05-07T09:07:28Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Special Thanks This Thanksgiving
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
Millions of parents will pause this Thanksgiving to do what the day was originally created for--- give thanks for the many blessings that exist in their lives. Turkey, pumpkin pie, and the presence of loved ones will receive their fair share of gratitude during this annual ritual of appreciation. The abundance provided by the universe, opportunities for meaningful work, and the laughter of children will be acknowledged with gratitude by loving parents as they thank the creator for their blessings. Indeed, this traditional day calls for a traditional thank-you.
But what if your appreciation this Thanksgiving took on a new look? What if the blessings you count this year included situations that aren't usually regarded as helpful, useful or valuable? Consider the following.
Why not be thankful that your child is two years behind grade level in his reading ability? This struggling reader is giving you the opportunity to read to him regularly at night. This evening ritual will help build connectedness between you and your child while at the same time modeling your love for the printed word. This opportunity is an incredible blessing. Appreciate it.
Why not be thankful that your daughter's soccer team lost their last game? It is important that your children have experiences of both winning and losing. By losing, children have the opportunity to learn to handle defeat and bounce back next time. With your help, they can learn that winning or losing is not the measure of who and what they are as human beings. Appreciate the opportunity the loss brings and be grateful for it.
Why not be thankful that your teenager received a speeding ticket for going 45 mph in a 25 mph speed zone? Getting a ticket is not a bad thing. Not if your teen learns from it and slows her driving for the next year. If she takes personal responsibility, pays the ticket, and is more cautious about her driving, the ticket may well save her life in the future. Bless the ticket and give thanks for its blessings.
Why not be thankful that your 8-year-old shoplifted in the grocery store? This is the perfect time to teach your child about shoplifting. Better now than when he helps himself to someone else's car when he is 18. Teach him how to make amends. Teach him what to say as he returns the candy bars to the storeowner. Help him learn to articulate what he learned and what he intends to do differently next time. Be grateful for the opportunity.
Why not be thankful that your youngsters track mud and sand into the garage and house? The next time you stand in the garage furiously sweeping sand and wishing that your children were better behaved, quietly remind yourself that one day you'll wish you had sand to sweep out of the garage. Love the mud. Love the sand. Be grateful for the signs of the presence of children in your life.
Why not be thankful for sibling rivalry? "He got more than I did" and "It isn't fair" are common childhood refrains. Bless these opportunities to help your children learn how to get along with each other. Sibling rivalry is a call for help, a signal that your children need lessons on how to interact positively with each other. Bless their unskillful way of asking for help. Be grateful that you recognize it and help them grow in working and playing cooperatively.
Why not be thankful that you got to stay home with a sick child last week? You didn't
have to
stay home. You
got to
stay home. You didn't
have to
take him to the doctor. You
got to
take him to the doctor. You
got to
show him you care enough to drive all over town to the doctors, the pharmacists and back home again. You
got to
be with your boy while he was sick. Chalk it up as a blessing. Celebrate it this Thanksgiving.
Why not give thanks that your child is spilling milk, talking with his mouth full, wiping cranberry sauce on his new pants, refusing to eat his vegetables, and interrupting his grandmother at the dinner table this day? It means you have more work to do as a parent. This is a blessing. You are still needed to help your child learn to pour milk more carefully, improve his table manners, learn to eat nutritiously, and show respect for elders. Give thanks for these opportunities.
This Thanksgiving remember that parenting is a sacred role that you are being called to perform. Give thanks that you have been called. Give thanks that you are willing to step forward and accept that call. Celebrate yourself and your contribution to healing the planet by helping your children evolve into the people they were meant to be. You are a blessing to the world. Give thanks that you are up to the task.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of
The Only Three Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need: Essential Tools for Busy Parents and The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose
. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up visit their web sites at
www.chickmoorman.com
and
www.thomashaller.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:28Z
Teaching Children to Appreciate Nature on Thanksgiving
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Teaching-Children-to-Appreciate-Nature-on-Thanksgiving
-
- /8574.html
2010-05-07T09:07:27Z
2010-05-07T09:07:27Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:27Z
10 Tips for Helping Your Child Adjust to School
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/10-Tips-for-Helping-Your-Child-Adjust-to-School
-
- /8575.html
2010-05-07T09:07:26Z
2010-05-07T09:07:26Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>10 Tips for Helping Your Child Adjust to School
By Dr. Laura Markham
www.yourparentingsolutions.com
So she's off to school every morning now, like a big kid. But instead of the exuberance you expected, you find many days - especially Monday -- starting with tears, or maybe a tummy-ache. Don't worry, it's not unusual for kids to need a little extra help adjusting to the start of school. What can you do?
1. Facilitate your child's bonding with the teacher. Kids need to transfer their attachment focus to their teacher to be ready to learn. If you notice that your child doesn't feel good about his teacher, contact her immediately. Just explain that he doesn't seem to have settled in yet, and you hope she can make a special effort to reach out to him so he feels at home. Any experienced teacher will understand and pay extra attention to him for a bit.
2. Facilitate bonding with the other kids. Kids need to feel bonded with at least one other child. Ask the teacher if she's noticed who your child is hanging with. Ask him which kids he'd like to invite over to play. If he isn't comfortable with how the other child would respond to a playdate invitation, you can always invite the mom with her kid for ice cream after school, or the entire family for Friday night dinner. You don't need anything fancier than pasta, and by the end of the meal, the kids will be racing around the house like long lost buddies. And who knows? Maybe you and the mom will hit it off.
3. Give your child a way to hold onto you during the day. For many kids, the biggest challenge is saying goodbye to you. Develop a parting ritual, such as a hug and a saying: "I love you, you love me, have a great day and I'll see you at 3!" Most kids like a laminated picture of the family in their pencil box. Many also like a token for their pocket, such as a paper heart with a love note, or a pebble you found on the beach together.
4. Calm her fears. Most school anxiety is caused by worries that adults might find silly, such as the fear that you'll die or disappear while she's at school. Point out that naturally people who love each other don't like parting, but she'll have fun, you'll be absolutely fine, the school can always contact you, and your love is always with her even when you aren't. End every conversation with the reassurance "You know I ALWAYS come back" so she can repeat this mantra to herself if she worries.
5. Stay connected. Make sure that every day after school you have special time with your big girl to hear all about her day, whether it's a 3pm snack or a long snuggle after lights-out.
6. Be alert for signs about why your child is worried. Most of the time, kids do fine after a few weeks. But occasionally, their unhappiness indicates a more serious issue: he's being bullied, or can't see the blackboard, doesn't understand anything, and is afraid to speak up. Ask calm questions about his day, listen deeply, and reflect what he tells you so he'll keep talking. Start conversations by reading books about school together; your librarian can be helpful. Offer your own positive school stories ("I was so nervous the first week I couldn't even use the bathroom at school but then I met my best friend Maria and I loved first grade") and the assurance that he'll feel right at home soon. If you sense a bigger issue that you can't unearth, it's time to call the teacher.
7. Ease the transition. If your child gets teary when you say goodbye, use your goodbye routine and reassure her that she'll be fine and you'll be waiting at the end of the day. If she continues to have a hard time separating, see if the teacher can give her a special job every morning to ease the transition.
8. Make sure you're a few minutes early to pick your child up. Not seeing you immediately will exacerbate any anxieties.
9. Downplay the time younger kids spend with you at home. If a younger sibling is at home with you, be sure your older child knows how boring it is at home and how much the younger sib wishes she could go to big kids' school.
10. Create a calm household routine with early bedtimes and peaceful mornings. If you have to wake your kids in the morning, they aren't getting enough sleep. Kids who aren't well-rested don't have the internal resources to cope with goodbyes, much less the rigors of the school day. Start moving bedtime earlier every night by having him read in bed before lights out, which also improves his reading. And get yourself to bed early too, so you can deal calmly with the morning rush and get everyone off to a happy start.
Dr. Laura Markham is the founding editor of the parenting web site
www.yourparentingsolutions.com
, featuring a popular advice column and parent-tested solutions you can use every day to connect with your kids and create a richer family life. Dr. Markham specializes in helping families nurture the parent-child relationships that protect today's kids. Her work appears regularly on a dozen parenting sites and in print; you can tune in to her biweekly chats on Wednesdays at Pregnancy.org. Dr. Markham speaks frequently in the New York area, where she lives with her husband, eleven year old daughter, and fifteen year old son. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:26Z
Bend Your Candy not Your Safety Rules
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Bend-Your-Candy-not-Your-Safety-Rules
-
- /8576.html
2010-05-07T09:07:24Z
2010-05-07T09:07:24Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Bend Your Candy not Your Safety Rules
By Paula Statman, M.S.S.W.
www.kidwisecorner.com
For many children Halloween is the most exciting night of the year. Imagine what it means to kids today who are raised to be cautious about strangers. On this magical night, not only can they accept candy from strangers, they can ask them for candy!
It is natural to want our kids to enjoy the same freedom we had. But these days it's better to bend your candy rules for a night than to set aside personal safety practices. Good safety is part of the privilege of trick or treating without adult supervision.
Here are some guidelines to use with grade school and middle school age children who will be going out on their own:
Prior to Halloween, make some rules and get your child's commitment to follow them.
Some examples:
"Follow the designated, pre-approved route." Everyone should know the route and your kids should agree to stay on it. If you need to find them in a hurry, you want to know exactly where to look.
"Cross only in the cross walks." Give them flashlights, make sure their costumes can be seen at night and remind them to watch for cars.
"Do not go inside people's homes; stay in open doorways." Sometimes people invite children in. Tell your kids to say that they want to stay on the doorstep.
"Bring your candy home untouched." You will check it before they eat it. Toss out unwrapped candy, open boxes or any treat that looks suspicious.
If you aren't sure your children will follow these rules, you can set up check points by phone. Give your children a cell phone and let them know you will be checking in at agreed upon intervals.
Another alternative if you are uneasy about your children going out unsupervised is to postpone the privilege another year. Give them more time to develop responsible behavior. Tell them you will walk behind them or across the street and will be discreet.
Make sure they can handle whatever or whomever they encounter.
Before you decide it's OK to let your kids go out on their own, have some "What if?" discussions to find out if they are willing and able to make safe decisions when unsupervised.
What would you do if some bigger and older kids took your candy?
What would you do if somebody dared you to smash a jack-o-lantern?
What would you do if someone told you that the best house for candy was off the route we agreed on?
People are friendlier on Halloween but the same rules about strangers apply. Tell your kids that if anyone acts too friendly or familiar - with offers of candy or a ride to a 'really cool house that has the best treats in town' or asks where they live - they need to get away and tell an adult that someone is bothering them. Tell them they can ask for help at any house that is welcoming trick or treaters.
Send your child out with at least 2 buddies.
Older kids like to travel in packs on Halloween night. Your job is to find out who is in the pack before you say yes. You have some say in your child's choices.
For example, you have the right and responsibility to veto a trick or treat partner who has had run-ins with the police on Halloween, has bullied younger children or has vandalized homes. You need to know if your child is with a group who will egg each other on or will egg peoples' houses.
Also, the later it gets, the more dares kids take. Set a curfew to reduce the risk of your child's involvement in behavior that may land him or her in trouble.
Finally, as you review the rules for Halloween night remember this: share useful safety tips in a helpful not fearful way. The ghosts and witches walking down the sidewalk are scary enough.
Paula Statman, M.S.S.W. is an internationally respected educator, speaker and award-winning author. Her practical, positive approach to raising safe and strong children has benefited hundreds of thousands of parents. Paula is a repeat guest on
Oprah
and the
Today Show
, has appeared on over 200 radio and television programs, and is featured in publications such as
Parents, Child, Redbook
, and USA Today.com. The founder and director KidWISE Institute, Paula lives in Oakland, California with her husband and daughter. For more information visit
www.kidwisecorner.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:24Z
Emotional Development is the Software
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Emotional-Development-is-the-Software
-
- /8577.html
2010-05-07T09:07:23Z
2010-05-07T09:07:23Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Emotional Development is the Software
By Sally Sacks
www.SallySacks.com
Just like a car needs gas to run, we need food to run our bodies and minds. The difference between a car and our minds, is that we have emotions, feelings and thoughts. Cars don't.
We also need fuel to run our minds effectively to deal with the challenges, disappointments, roadblocks and stop signs of life. Emotional development -- teaching kids to feel comfortable with themselves, their feelings and thoughts -- is the fuel for brain and mind development. If you don't help your child develop in this way, they will limp through life, missing stop signs, danger signs and turn left notifications. They will be unable to unload the feelings that pile up in the body, because they won't know how to cope with them. They will drink to deal, use drugs to deal, be closed and disconnected, work endlessly to avoid feeling, and have cavemen conversations, like, "huh/what? Talk to you later." No substance, no depth, surface lives, surface chatter, surface relations with others.
So what is emotional development?
It is noticing what someone isn't saying. If your child brings home a bad grade, you notice that, and maybe make an assumption that they didn't study, and you might ground them. Emotionally developed people would sit the child down and ask what happened. Are they having trouble in school? Is the work too much, too hard? It isn't making assumptions. You ask a child to wear an outfit and they say no. You reprimand them without questioning why they don't like it. You listen to their opinion. Respecting a person and their ideas and feelings is key.
If someone makes a mistake, your goal is to help them learn from it, not criticize them and put them down for their poor thinking. This creates low self esteem. Listening, questioning, caring and showing that through expression, all promote emotional development. Allow kids to have choices and make decisions about dinner, clothing, what they would like to do for the day. Fish for their ideas on school and family. Don't tell them what and how to think.
Evaluate their thinking and direct them when their thinking is getting them in trouble. Always explain why. Do not say" because, I said so." That is control, not joining with your child in a joint venture of cooperation and learning. The beauty of children cannot be compared with much in life. They are innocent beings, waiting to get the emotional teachings they need to get by in this world and to meet the most basic of needs, love, communication, freedom, happiness, choice and survival .
To promote emotional development you will:
Listen to your child, and look at them.
Offer affection, touch, love.
Set aside time to talk to them about feelings, not just what they did on Tuesday.
Inquire about how they feel, regarding a world event, a personal story.
Put them to bed with a hug and offer love and security. They all need it.
Don't make assumptions by their expressions and behaviors.
The angry child wants to talk, and the overly busy one needs attention.
Value their ideas and thank them for their input.
Honor them, like in Bat /Bar mitzvahs
Have a Bar/Bat Mitzvahs in your own way no matter what your faith.
Honor their transitions into new stages of life.
Ask them questions when you need help. Let them be valuable.
Love them, listen to them, dance with them!
Sally Sacks, M.Ed is a licensed psychotherapist, with 20 years of experience, counseling individuals, children, families and couples. Sally is the author of
How to Raise the Next President
, a groundbreaking parents' guide to teaching and instilling in their kids the qualities they'll need to be happy, successful and productive, no matter which path they choose in life. Sally offers personal and group coaching and can be reached through her website at
www.sallysacks.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:23Z
What to Do When Your Child is Afraid of Dogs
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/What-to-Do-When-Your-Child-is-Afraid-of-Dogs
-
- /8578.html
2010-05-07T09:07:21Z
2010-05-07T09:07:21Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>What to Do When Your Child is Afraid of Dogs
by Colleen Pelar, CPDT, CDBC
www.LivingwithKidsandDogs.com
Whenever Laura sees a dog, she shrieks and clings to her mother's leg. Thomas runs the other way. And Samuel just freezes, wide eyed in terror.
Each of these children is afraid of dogs. As parents, we strive to teach our kids how to cope with life and its challenges. Yet some parents mistakenly believe that it is good for a child to be afraid of dogs because then the child will be more cautious around them.
It doesn't usually work that way. When children are frightened, they often run, scream and flail. These actions typically bring a dog closer, not keep it away.
Dogs can and do bite children on occasion. But it is not as common as you might think, and there are many things you can do to help ensure that your child will not be bitten. The most important is to learn about dog body language and behavior.
The more you know about something, the less scary it becomes. Many kids are frightened because they don't know what a dog will do next. Dogs communicate almost entirely through body language. A basic knowledge of body language can help kids to understand a dog's intentions.
My favorite resource for teaching kids about canine body language is the Doggone Crazy board game (
www.doggonecrazy.com
). The game includes over 100 playing cards. Each features a color photo of a dog on the front and asks whether it would be safe to approach the dog. The back of each card gives the correct answer and explains why. I especially like that there are a variety of dogs and that each is called by name. I have found that kids are less afraid when they know the dog's name; "Teddy" and "Riley" seem less intimidating than "that collie" or "the wheaten terrier."
After you have a basic understanding of body language, start watching dogs from a distance. Park outside a pet supply store and talk about the dogs you see coming and going. Which ones look happy, which look frightened, which have been taught to walk nicely on a lead, which seem like old or young dogs?
When your child is very comfortable watching dogs at a distance, try introducing older, calm dogs to your child. Respect her fear and work at her own pace. Don't try to rush or cajole her into doing more than she's comfortable with.
Most children will reach out and touch a calm dog's haunches if the owner turns the dog's head away from the child. That's an excellent first step. Talk with your child about how the dog's fur feels. Ask her if she thinks other dogs' fur would be softer or more rough. Get her thinking about that one dog as an individual. Ask the owner to talk about some of the dog's favorite activities.
Work toward having your child give the dog cues (with dog's owner ensuring that the dog complies). Seeing a dog respond correctly to what she asks will help her feel safer.
It's best for her to work steadily with one dog until she feels very comfortable before adding another. Once she has met and likes three calm, adult dogs, begin thinking about introducing her to a puppy. Puppies are bouncy and outgoing, which can be unnerving for a tentative child.
Again, let her start out at a distance, simply observing the puppy's behavior. Talk with her about the ways in which the puppy is similar to and different from the adult dogs she's met. When she is ready, let her approach the puppy. Be sure that adults are there to prevent the puppy from jumping on her; that would set your progress back considerably. Give her treats that she can toss away from herself for the puppy to eat.
If she's comfortable, teach her how to lure the puppy into a sit. First, show her how holding a treat in your hand and moving it just barely higher than the puppy's nose in the direction of his tail will cause the puppy to lift his head up and put his haunches down. Do it a few times so she can watch you. Then have her put a treat in her fist and wrap your hand around hers and lure the puppy into a sit. (Still have an adult there to prevent jumping.)
Take it slow. It's much better to teach your child to be a skilled observer of animal behavior than it is for her to be thrown into situations that frighten her. With patience and time, she will learn that there are many gentle, social dogs, and she'll be able to interact safely and calmly with new dogs she meets. That's far, far safer than having her remain afraid of all dogs.
Colleen Pelar, CPDT, CDBC, author of
Living with Kids and Dogs . . . Without Losing Your Mind
, is America's Kids and Canines Coach. Colleen has more than 15 years' experience as the go-to person for parents trying to navigate kid-and-dog issues. Because every interaction between a child and a dog can be improved by a knowledgeable adult, Colleen is committed to educating parents, children, and dog owners on kid-and-dog relationships. For more information visit
www.LivingwithKidsandDogs.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:21Z
On Being a Long-Distance Friend of a Person with Breast Cancer
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/On-Being-a-Long-Distance-Friend-of-a-Person-with-Breast-Cancer
-
- /8579.html
2010-05-07T09:07:19Z
2010-05-07T09:07:19Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>On Being a Long-Distance Friend of a Person with Breast Cancer
By Ruth Haag
www.RuthHaag.com
I met my friend Nancy when we both lived in Findlay, Ohio in the early 1980s. When Nancy moved to North Carolina, we continued our friendship through letters.
In a letter from Nancy in November, 1999, she said, "It has been a strange couple of weeks. I found a lump in my breast just before Thanksgiving, went to my doc who decided he couldn't feel it, but I should go for a mammogram anyway. The mammogram showed the lump and then some.....the surgeon did a core biopsy last week and they found the lump was cancerous."
Nancy didn't want her illness to be called a "battle" or "fight" she wanted to call it a "chronic disease." Throughout the next four years, she tried her best to keep her life and family the same as it had always been.
So what should a friend, far-away, do when their friend has cancer?
Send gifts -- Often
We decided to send gifts to Nancy. We tried to send something to her at least monthly, but we often sent something every other week. We had so much fun deciding what Nancy might like. It gave us something positive to do, and Nancy liked receiving the gifts. She came to visit us in the summer of 2000, as she was leaving, she gave me a hug and whispered in my ear, "The gifts are great!" We sent books for her to read, tapes for her to listen to, warm socks in the winter, comfortable lounging clothes, flowers, easy-to-make dinners, and anything that she might mention to us. At one point, she wanted to hang crystals in her dining room window, to create multiple rainbows. We found about a dozen antique crystals of varying shapes and sizes and sent them to her.
Be a listener, not a questioner
I was once pretty sick, myself, and it was feared that I might die. I got very frustrated that everyone who called me asked first "What did the doctor say today?" I got so tired of repeating the facts and focusing on the illness. When I was talking to Nancy or writing to her, I talked about regular, every-day things. I talked about how my children were, how my work was going. I asked her to help me with things, just as she had always. For example, she reviewed and helped to edit the books that I was writing at that time.
I let Nancy decide if she wanted to tell me anything about doctor visits or her symptoms. She normally did, but it was her decision.
My family and I miss Nancy greatly, but we also have good memories of those last four years of her life.
Ruth Haag (
www.RuthHaag.com
) writes books that help people to understand life as it is, rather than how they think it should be. Her book, "Hope all is well there, Love, Nancy" is a collection of the letters that Nancy Caplan wrote to Ruth during Nancy's last four years of life. Ruth is the CEO/CFO of Haag Environmental Company. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:19Z
Great Costumes for Less!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Great-Costumes-for-Less!
-
- /8580.html
2010-05-07T09:07:18Z
2010-05-07T09:07:18Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Great Costumes for Less!
By Tawra Kellam
LivingOnADime.com/
You can really come up with some cute and clever ideas for costumes, even if you don't feel particularly creative. Don't wait until the night before Halloween to start your costumes. Look at the people and things around you and ask yourself how " how can I recreate this?" Look at thrift stores and garage sales for costumes. Go ahead and buy the costume or piece of a costume if the price is right. You really can't go wrong spending $0.25 on a piece of costume. Even if it doesn't work you haven't lost much.
Costumes can be very simple and still make a big impact. For example, instead of the usual witch robes, drag out your elegant black dress and add a witch hat with a veil of spider webbing stretched over your face. Cover the spider web with plastic spiders. For a man, a nice suit and tie and a funny mask makes a good simple costume. For a couple: get a REALLY big sweatshirt, both of you get in it and be Siamese twins! Some examples of costumes for kids are:
Sunflower - For the body, use a white sleeper or sweatsuit. Paint the child's face yellow, adding black spots to simulate seeds if you like. Make a flower to fit on the child's head out of felt or glue sunflowers on a white hat.
Angel - Again use a white sweatsuit or long white dress for the body. Make wings out of heavy white poster board and paint the edges gold. Attach tie straps to them that go around the shoulders. You can also shape a metal clothes hanger into a wing. Make two wings, hot glue fabric around them and add straps.
Pea Pod - Cut 2 small foam balls in half with an electric knife or a knife with a serrated blade. (Note: Do this BEFORE attaching them to the child!) Wrap in green fabric and pin them to the front of a green sweat suit. Make a hat out of 2 shades of green felt and a little brown felt for a stem.
Lion - Buy a yellow hat or dye a white hat yellow. Buy long brown fake fur, yellow fake fur and a yellow sweat suit. You can get fake fur at your favorite fabric store. Add brown fur to the top of the hat (for a mane), hot-glue yellow fur into a long tail, adding a poof of brown for the end. Pin the tail on the back of the costume. Make an oval of the fur for the child's tummy and use eyeliner for whiskers.
Dalmatian - Pin black felt dots onto a pair of white sweats. Paint black polka dots on the child's face. Add more polka dots to a white hat, make some black felt ears and add black shoes to finish it.
I Paint, Therefor I Am - Glue a copy of a painting with a face on it on a piece of cardboard. (Ex. Mona Lisa). Cut out the face and then put their face in instead.
Race Car Stroller - Decorate a stroller as a race car by adding fabric or paper racing stripes and a number. Add two flashlights for headlights, plus some reflector tape. If you want to get really creative, add a wind foil, a foil covered paper towel roller for an exhaust pipe or whatever else your clever mind conjures up. Cut asteering wheel out of cardboard for the child to hold. Your child can wear whatever clothes he wants. Just add an old helmet or baseball cap worn backwards.
Think of themes for all of the kids in the family. It can be fun for all the kids to dress up in costumes that complement each other. Some sample themes are - super-heros, vegetables, candy bars, rabbit family (or other animals) or cartoon characters (i.e. Mickey Mouse, Minnie and Donald Duck). They could also dress in pairslike a mouse and cheese, a plant and a watering can or doctor and patient. The sky's the limit.
Christmas theme:
One child could go as a present, another a Christmas tree, another Rudolph and the 4th as Santa.
Ideas for how to make the costumes:
Rudolph - Dye an old pair of sweats brown. Put a light brown felt tummy on the shirt, make a set of cardboard antlers and paint the child's nose red.
Present - Wrap an old box that is big enough for the child to wear. Cut out the bottom of the box and make holes for the arms and head. The child can wear a turtleneck stretch pants underneath it.
Christmas Tree - Cut two pieces of cardboard into the shape of a tree. Make two one for the front and one for the back. Hook them together with a piece of string over each shoulder. Paint the pieces green with latex paint and attach old tinsel and ornaments with hot glue. Make a star head piece by gluing glitter to a cardboard cutout or use a Christmas tree angel as a head piece.
Santa - Trim a pair of red sweats with white fake fur and a large black felt belt. Make a beard with more fake fur, top off with a Santa hat and add a little "Ho, Ho, Ho" for good measure.
Of course if all else fails you could wrap the child head to toe in aluminum foil and send him as a frozen burrito...
Tawra Kellam is the author of Dining On A Dime: Eat Better Spend Less. For more free tips and recipes visit her web site at
LivingOnADime.com/
. In 5 years, Tawra and her husband paid off $20,000 personal debt on an average income of $22,000 per year. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:18Z
How to help kids really <i>know</i> their grandparents-regardless of where they live
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-to-help-kids-really-iknow/i-their-grandparents-regardless-of-where-they-live
-
- /8581.html
2010-05-07T09:07:17Z
2010-05-07T09:07:17Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:17Z
What Parents Need to Know About Eating Disorders
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/What-Parents-Need-to-Know-About-Eating-Disorders
-
- /8582.html
2010-05-07T09:07:15Z
2010-05-07T09:07:15Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>What Parents Need to Know AboutEating Disorders
By Abigail Natenshon, MA LCSW, GCFP
Author of
When Your Child Has An Eating Disorder, A Step-by-Step Workbook For Parents And Other Caregivers
A Parent's Dilemma and Response
Even the most competent parents feel confused, inadequate, and guilt-laden in the face of their child's eating disorder. Parents typically do not know how to determine whether or not their child has an eating disorder, and if so, what, if anything, they should do in response. Misguided by the many myths and misconceptions surrounding eating disorders, diet and nutrition, the needs of adolescents, the psychotherapy process, and the assumptions that they may be to blame, parents fear losing their child's love or making matters worse by raising and pursuing uncomfortable issues.
In healing their child, parents need education about eating disorders, guidance and support, as well as permission to be parental in assisting their child to heal. Parents need to know what they are doing right; they need to learn to become fully responsive to, and supportive of, the changing needs of the recovering child and family. Empowered and proactive parents ultimately create a deeper and more meaningful emotional connection with the child, supporting recovery as well as the parent/child relationship from this time forward. Intervening with your child may be the greatest investment that parents can make. Not only that, it could save his or her life.
What eating disorders are about -
Contrary to popular belief, eating disorders are not essentially about food, eating, or weight management. The assumption that anorexics under-eat and bulimics overeat and purge is simplistic, describing only isolated aspects of highly complex, multi-faceted and integrative diseases. Anorexia, bulimia, and compulsive overeating are diseases with chemical, genetic, emotional, behavioral and social implications for the afflicted individual as well as for the family. They are indicators of emotional inflexibility and the patient's inability to face and cope with adversity, of developmental tasks not yet achieved and/or cognitive distortions capable of derailing the child's effective development into adulthood. Characterized by a preoccupation with weight and a pathological fear of becoming fat, erratic or inadequate food intake reflects excesses, disregulation, and a lack of control in life spheres that extend beyond eating and weight control.
For the patient, the symptoms of eating disorders create an illusion of control and stability in response to the normal vicissitudes and unpredictability of daily living, making them particularly hard to give up. At the root of dysfunctional eating behaviors lies in the emotional issues that underlie and drive them; full recovery will require changes in behavioral patterns as well as emotional functioning, resulting in an improved relationship with food, the self and others.
Eating disorders; Definitions -
Anorexia Nervosa represents a pathological fear of being fat, leading to food restriction and at times, purging and over-exercising. The condition is often accompanied by a distorted body image and the absence of the menses.
Bulimia Nervosa is the repeated cycle of erratic eating, bingeing followed by purging, and/or fasting or excessive exercise to compensate for the intake of calories. Bulimics often abuse laxatives, diuretics or diet pills and typically struggle with other forms of addiction.
Binge-Eating Disorder or Compulsive Overeating is characterized by eating when not hungry or without regard to physiological cues. Binge eaters report the inability to stop or control the behaviors. Deprivation-sensitive binge eating arises out of excessive dieting or food restriction; addictive or dissociative binge eating represents a form of self-medicating or self-soothing, with behaviors evoking tranquility or numbness.
EDNOS stands for Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified; this diagnosis describes eating disorders whose symptoms do not precisely fit the descriptions found within the APA Diagnostic Manual. Over 50% of eating disorders fall into this category.
Things you may not know about eating disorders -
Eating disordered individuals typically are of normal weight, and often appear to be the picture of health and self-discipline. One cannot necessarily recognize an eating disorder through physical appearance alone.
Dieting or food restriction is the worst way to lose weight and can be harmful to the metabolism.
In most instances, parents are not responsible for causing eating disorders in their children, but when enlightened and empowered, proactive parents can become instrumental in facilitating their child's recovery.
Not every eating quirk represents an eating disorder. The distinction between pathology and benign idiosyncrasy in eating patterns lies in the motivation or purpose behind the behaviors. Using food for reasons apart from satiety, nourishment or sociability deserves vigilance and possible response.
Eating disturbances in the very young child is generally the result of anxiety and compulsivity, sometimes in combination with the child's imitation of significant adult role models. Adolescent and adult eating disorders are driven by unresolved issues of power and control, identity, self-esteem and body image disturbance.
Eating disorders are curable in 80 percent of cases when treated early and effectively.
Abigail Natenshon, MA LCSW, GCFP is a psychotherapist who has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders with individuals and families for the past 37 years. The founder and director of Eating Disorder Specialists of Illinois, she is the author of the classic workbook
When Your Child Has An Eating Disorder, A Step-by-Step Workbook For Parents And Other Caregivers
. As a Guild Certified Feldenkrais Practitioner, Natenshon pioneers in using body-centered techniques to augment and promote body image awareness, acceptance and healing. View her three interactive web sites:
www.empoweredparents.com
,
www.empoweredkidZ.com
and
www.treatingeatingdisorders.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:15Z
Culture of Divorce: How Our Moral Values Affect Our Children
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Culture-of-Divorce:-How-Our-Moral-Values-Affect-Our-Children
-
- /8583.html
2010-05-07T09:07:14Z
2010-05-07T09:07:14Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Culture of Divorce:
How Our Moral Values Affect Our Children
By Brian Orchard
www.vision.org
Over the past hundred years or so, there have been changes in moral values that influence marriage, personal development and family relationships. But it may surprise you to know that the harmful effects of divorce on children were documented almost 400 years before Christ.
If divorce is so prevalent, so acceptable a thread in the social fabric of Western culture, have we perhaps missed some rather significant developments paralleling its increase? The definition of the word "divorce" means the dissolution or ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse.
In
The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce
(2000), Judith Wallerstein, senior lecturer emerita at the University of Berkeley's School of Social Welfare, asks, "What about the children? In our rush to improve the lives of adults, we assumed that their lives would improve as well. We made radical changes in the family without realizing how it would change the experience of growing up."
Over the last 40 years an increased acceptance of divorce has produced profound changes in our attitudes about marriage and family. The roles of men and women not only changed with industrialization and urbanization in the 20th century, but also during World War II when women entered the workplace. The birth control pill gave women control over fertility; and wages earned brought greater decision-making ability in family relationships. These societal changes brought freedoms that previous generations did not have.
During the 1970s, the divorce rate doubled as young folks' attitudes on fidelity, chastity and commitment became very different from those of their parents. The change created less of an incentive to work out marital difficulties.
Wallerstein's landmark 25-year study has deeply convinced her of the long-term effects of divorce on children: "Divorce is a life-transforming experience. After divorce, childhood is different. Adolescence is different. Adulthood-with the decision to marry or not and have children or not-is different. Whether the final outcome is good or bad, the whole trajectory of an individual's life is profoundly altered by the divorce experience."
The harmful effects of divorce on children were documented in the Bible almost 400 years before Christ. There, we are told that God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16.) Marriage is a covenant. It is not independent agreement: "Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant" (verse 14) This passage notes that the wife is not an inferior but is a companion in whom the husband should take delight. Marriage also assumes a sexual union, and this union is much more than just a physical experience; it is the union of mind and spirit.
This relationship between husband and wife is essential to a healthy family relationship. "A central finding to my research," says Wallerstein, "is that children identify not only with their mother and father as separate individuals but with the relationship between them. They carry the template of this relationship into adulthood and use it to seek the image of their new family."
Except in the case of premature death, marriage embarked upon in youth is intended to remain into old age. The marriage-covenant relationship is intended to produce children and to provide them with the physical-mental nurturing young, developing minds require.
This is precisely the basis of the injunction recorded by the prophet Malachi against ancient Israel. They were destroying the security of future generations by dismantling the marriage relationship-and so are we. Divorce weakens a basic building block of society. Children of divorce are affected to greater or lesser degrees. They carry the impact on into adulthood and in turn affect the next generation.
Wallerstein notes, "It's clear that we've created a new kind of society never before seen in human culture. Silently and unconsciously, we have created a culture of divorce."
Perhaps it's not too late for us to rethink divorce and society's moral values and how our family relationships affect our culture and the generations to come.
Brian Orchard is a pastor with 34 years of family counseling experience. He is a father and grandfather and has worked with youth programs in the U.S., Australia and the Philippines. You can read more articles on family and relationships at
www.vision.org
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:14Z
A New Dog with Old Kids
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/A-New-Dog-with-Old-Kids
-
- /8584.html
2010-05-07T09:07:12Z
2010-05-07T09:07:12Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>A New Dog with Old Kids
by Colleen Pelar, CPDT, CDBC
www.LivingwithKidsandDogs.com
We adopted a dog recently. Edzo is a 2-year-old Norwegian elkhound. He's sweet, social and gentle, and I have not seen one worrisome behavior in the time we've had him. My kids are really excited to have him in the family.
My three sons have been raised with dogs and have attended more bite-prevention events than they care to remember. They know how to be respectful and kind to dogs, so they've been a little puzzled by some of the rules I've set in place to help Edzo adjust to living in our home.
Supervision. We were told that Edzo was housetrained and did not chew household objects. As a dog trainer, I spend a lot of time talking to people about housetraining and about cleaning carpets. I really hate cleaning carpets. If I can help it, there will be no housetraining accidents, so we have to treat Edzo as if he were an untrained puppy and set him up for success. The first few days, I kept him very close by and would use his leash to tether him near me. Once I felt confident that he was reliably eliminating in the yard and not prone to chewing up random objects, I began giving him a little more freedom, which meant that instead of keeping him in my sight, I was leaping up and following him each time he moved.
More freedom for him meant less for me. I've gone back to living with a toddler, giving Edzo room to explore while providing the supervision necessary to ensure that he doesn't get into anything he shouldn't. When I cannot supervise Edzo for a few minutes, I've asked my 15- and 12-year-old sons to do it. They know that if Edzo has an accident or chews something on their watch, they'll be doing the cleanup. So far, so good. Edzo has had no accidents in the house and has only destroyed one sponge ball he found behind the couch.
Quieter Play. Our 7-year-old labrador is unflappable. When the kids chase each other through the house, he barely lifts an eyebrow. Edzo, on the other hand, needs some time to adjust to living with five people. He needs to learn that kids can be loud without being scary. The boys are doing a pretty good job of remembering to modulate their play, but I've had to remind them a few times. I'm not at all worried that Edzo would bite them for being too rambunctious, only that they might unintentionally frighten him. The goal is to have a dog that loves kids and is unfazed by their antics, so it's worth toning things down a bit for the short term.
Downtime. Every now and then, Edzo wanders into his crate, lies down on his cozy bed, and takes a nap. I am happy to see him choosing downtime on his own. I love when dogs learn to self-regulate their arousal levels. At times, I have also put him into his crate and closed the door for an hour or so. It's really important that new dogs be given some downtime to rest up and be ready to have more new experiences when they wake.
Keep in mind that everything in your household is new to the dog and that if the dog has never lived with kids, he'll be introduced to some behavior he's never seen before. When's the last time you invited adult guests over to play hide and seek or to build a fort out of couch cushions in the living room? Kids are different. Dogs can adapt well to change, but it's important to give them a balance of busy and quiet periods.
Meeting Friends. My 10-year-old son excitedly called all of his friends to tell them about his new dog. One of them wanted to come over at a time when I would be at work. I told Brandon that, while I'm sure Edzo will be delighted to meet his friends, I must be present to orchestrate the introductions. I want to be sure that Edzo doesn't jump on anyone and that the kids learn the proper way to meet a dog. I encourage children to let the dog sniff their hand and then to pet the dog gently under the chin or on the neck, but never on top of the head. It's natural for people to reach over a dog's head to pat him, but it's very disconcerting for the dog to have someone reaching toward his blind spot. I seize every chance to teach kids how to make dogs like them, and meeting friends for the first time is a prime opportunity.
Edzo is a fantastic dog. He's fitting in beautifully with our family-in part because I've insisted that we take the time to ease Edzo into our routines and to help him adapt to a busy household.
A little advance planning and extra effort on a parent's part can go a long way to having a dog that loves kids.
Colleen Pelar, CPDT, CDBC, author of
Living with Kids and Dogs . . . Without Losing Your Mind
, is America's Kids and Canines Coach. Colleen has more than 15 years' experience as the go-to person for parents trying to navigate kid-and-dog issues. Because every interaction between a child and a dog can be improved by a knowledgeable adult, Colleen is committed to educating parents, children, and dog owners on kid-and-dog relationships. For more information visit
www.LivingwithKidsandDogs.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:12Z
Six Tips for Less-Stress Parenting
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Six-Tips-for-Less-Stress-Parenting
-
- /8585.html
2010-05-07T09:07:10Z
2010-05-07T09:07:10Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Six Tips for Less-Stress Parenting
By Paula Statman, M.S.S.W.
www.kidwisecorner.com
.
Nobody ever said parenting was easy, but here are some practical tips for how to worry less and enjoy parenting more.
Find a pediatrician you like. In many ways, your pediatrician is like a partner. In fact, some women say that during the first couple of years, they talked to their pediatrician more than their husbands! Choose a pediatrician who offers practical advice and knows how to listen. Remember, there are no dumb questions when it's about your child. Also, it is a good idea to interview several pediatricians and choose the one that best matches your childcare philosophies.
Incorporate time-saving products and services into your daily routine, when you can. Without a doubt, parenting is one of the richest and most satisfying roles we play. It is also filled with repetitive, routine tasks that can zap our best energy. There has been an explosion of modern conveniences designed to save you time and sanity. For example, tear-free shampoos can help avoid bath-time battles; home-cooked meal delivery services ensure a nutritious dinner on the table. Of course, some of these luxuries may not fit in your budget, but decide where it makes sense to invest a little money to gain some time to do things that matter to you. Who said busy moms can't read a book, take a long leisurely bath, or go to a yoga class? Balance each day to include something you enjoy. Time saving tools can help.
Plan ahead for tomorrow. To make your morning less hectic, spend a few minutes at night making tomorrow's bottles and cups, picking out clothes, packing an "on the go" bag, etc. Make a to-do list so you don't forget important errands. All children, even younger ones, can participate in this routine. In the course of managing your time well, you are teaching them valuable skills such as planning ahead, organizing, and problem solving.
Establish a predictable night-time routine and create comforting rituals. Reading, singing or a warm bath at the same time each night will help your child understand it is time to go to sleep. Let your child use a safe comfort object to provide security. Keep an "open door" policy to make your child feel connected to you at night. The cuddling and intimacy of your evening routine will help your child say good bye until morning as well as create precious memories for you. With older children past the "read-me-a-story" stage, take a few minutes to relax with them. Most importantly, before you leave their room, tell them how much you love them and how glad you are that they are yours...no matter what kind of day it's been.
Avoid power struggles. Children don't want to interrupt their playtime to do something we care about, like putting toys away. Help your child cooperate with you by easing into transitions with plenty of notice, by allowing them to make choices ("Do you want to put this sock on first or the other one?") and by turning routine tasks like getting dressed into games and contests. You may not want to see the world through your child's eyes when you are in a hurry. But, that extra minute you invest can mean the difference between a temper tantrum and a hug.
Play is a powerful antidote to stress. I always say, "Where there is flexibility and forgiveness, fun's not far behind." Forgive yourself for the unfolded baskets of laundry and the leftovers for dinner. Design flexible schedules for yourself and don't let your to-do lists push you around. Parenting offers wonderful opportunities to rediscover and enjoy the child within you. Playing and laughing with your children not only deepens your relationship with them, it lightens your load and reduces your stress.
Paula Statman, M.S.S.W. is an internationally respected educator, speaker and award-winning author. Her practical, positive approach to raising safe and strong children has benefited hundreds of thousands of parents. Paula is a repeat guest on
Oprah
and the
Today Show
, has appeared on over 200 radio and television programs, and is featured in publications such as
Parents, Child, Redbook
, and USA Today.com. The founder and director KidWISE Institute, Paula lives in Oakland, California with her husband and daughter. For more information visit
www.kidwisecorner.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:10Z
Are Homework Expectations Realistic For Our Children?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Are-Homework-Expectations-Realistic-For-Our-Children
-
- /8586.html
2010-05-07T09:07:09Z
2010-05-07T09:07:09Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Are Homework Expectations Realistic For Our Children?
By Sally Sacks
www.sallysacks.com
I become increasingly concerned when I see the expectations being forced upon kids nowadays. It seems that so many kids are cutting themselves, a newer form of stress reduction, and engaging in other escapist, avoidant behaviors to dodge the pressure cooker they live in every day called school. Teachers are pressured by state requirements, they, in turn, pressure the kids, and the parents become pressured by the teacher and the school's expectations.
Sometimes the expectations are over the top, and your job as a parent is to realize when that is happening and when the expectations are reasonable.
So many kids tell me that if they miss a day or two of school, they are so far behind, that they say, "Why bother," and subsequently get a poor grade. Kids get sick, and they should feel that they can take the time they need to get well.
Many parents are worried, even at the fourth grade level when homework isn't done and grades are not A's and B's. If the child isn't motivated to come home after school and begin two hours of homework, they are worried they have a slacker, a lazy kid. I work eight plus hours a day and I don't usually come home looking for more work to do.
Let's put things into perspective. Children need to know that they have to do homework to make it through school, and most kids, unless they have serious academic limitations or other learning issues, will attempt to do it. If they downright refuse to do any homework, even a reasonable amount, then you have another problem that needs addressing. Maybe they really don't understand the work, and aren't telling you. Maybe they need a different school. Maybe there are emotional issues to be examined. Let them pick a time that's best for them, and you help them structure that time. If they get restless, and need a break, let them take a break. As long as they return to it, that isn't a problem.
It is important for parents to admit that most young kids don't love homework and think of creative ideas to help them through it. Here is what not to do in helping your child with homework:
Don't ask them to do homework as soon as they get off the bus.
Don't assume that they aren't overwhelmed by the amount, and are just lazy.
Understand that most kids don't love homework
Don't compare them to others and push them with your own anxiety
Many successful people in life didn't love homework
Keep in mind your child's age and motivation to get homework done
Don't overlook the strengths of a kid who doesn't think certain things are necessary to learn. That may be true. That kid may have many independent strengths!
Don't forget to help them when you can. They need support. Some of the work is very difficult
Don't forget what being young was like for you.
What To Do To Help Kids With Homework:
Do help them find a time that works for them to do it.
If they are having trouble with it, troubleshoot as to why. Ask questions.
Do help them find solutions, and acknowledge their negative feelings or difficulty.
Spend time with them when you can, showing enthusiasm toward their subject.
Expect rebellion and procrastination. It will happen.
Keep calm about their consequences if they can't get it done. They will eventually learn how to handle this.
If you push too hard, you will get your children to lie about doing it.
Show calm when they are filled with anxiety.
Hire a tutor if they need more support.
Love them and believe in them, even when they are not doing what you feel they should be to get ahead.
Sally Sacks, M.Ed is a licensed psychotherapist, with 20 years of experience, counseling individuals, children, families and couples. Sally is the author of
How to Raise the Next President
, a groundbreaking parents' guide to teaching and instilling in their kids the qualities they'll need to be happy, successful and productive, no matter which path they choose in life. Sally offers personal and group coaching and can be reached through her website at
www.sallysacks.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:09Z
Love is Good Insurance
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Love-is-Good-Insurance
-
- /8587.html
2010-05-07T09:07:07Z
2010-05-07T09:07:07Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Love is Good Insurance
By Paula Statman
www.kidwisecorner.com
Love is not only a wonderful gift to give your children. It's good insurance. Here's why: showing your love helps keep them safe. It tells them they are worthy of love and respect and shapes their expectations of how others should treat them.
For example, a child who feels loved will be less likely to look for love in the wrong places...from the wrong people. It's a documented fact that kids who feel loved don't accept affection from just anyone who offers it; they accept it from those who respect them and their personal boundaries.
Kids who have an unwavering belief that they are loveable and worthwhile know they don't have to "earn" someone's love by doing something they don't want to do. On the other hand, kids who are hungry for affection are more likely to believe that they don't deserve to be loved and that love has a price tag.
So, telling our kids we love them every single day -including those days when we question why we became parents - is good insurance. It makes our kids less vulnerable to being exploited. It shows them that they are treasured and worth treasuring. It makes them feel cherished and special. And that's how we want them to feel when they go out in to the world.
Here are some examples of how to express your love and appreciation anytime, anywhere.
Things you can
say
:
I love you.
I am so lucky that you are mine.
I'm so proud of you.
You are very special to me.
I love spending time with you.
Things you can
do
:
Show your pleasure in being you son's or daughter's parent. Let your child know that parenting is something you enjoy, not a dreary chore that exhausts you. This means taking good care of yourself so that you have enough to give. It also means finding good support, so that you don't become resentful about your responsibilities as a parent.
Learn about your child. Nothing is more validating for a child than having a parent who understands him. You are an important observer of your child's behavior and the key person to help him deal with his questions and concerns. This might mean that you take parenting classes, so that you become "fluent" in your child and learn how to guide and support him.
Appreciate their special qualities. This doesn't necessarily refer to artistic or athletic ability. It also includes personality traits that make them good human beings, like kindness, intelligence or compassion for others. Appreciate what is within your child as well as what can be seen by the world.
Care about and get involved with their interests, whether it's school, baseball, ballet or any other activity. The more they see your interest, the better they feel about themselves. Ask for time off work to attend events. Say 'yes' to volunteering. Show up in your kids' lives as their number one fan!
Take time to listen to your child, wholeheartedly without distraction. Being listened to and understood is something all children seek. It is also what sexual predators use to find their next victim; they look for children who feel lonely or misunderstood or believe they have no one to talk to. Posing as a special, caring friend, who is interested in every word the child has to say, they fill a gap in the child's life that is often left by a parent. Make sure that you are a person your child comes to, who listens, understands, and believes him or her. Giving your child this kind of attention is worth its weight in gold.
Invite him/her to spend time with you, just the two of you. Make a date, schedule it and don't postpone it due to work or some other demand in your life. Make time with your child a regular thing, rather than a special occurrence. Time invested now will bring major returns in the long run.
Celebrate your child. Look for creative ways to send the message that you feel like the luckiest parent in the world. Make a big deal of your kid, without spending a ton of money. Have a party "just because" or as a surprise, create a day devoted to your child's whims and wishes. It can be as simple as putting a loving note in their backpack: "I'm thinking about you and can't wait to hear about your day!" Expressing love and affection this way can take unlimited forms. The key is to find fun ways to share joy and laughter in your relationship and show how much you appreciate and cherish your child.
Paula Statman, M.S.S.W. is an internationally respected educator, speaker and award-winning author. Her practical, positive approach to raising safe and strong children has benefited hundreds of thousands of parents. Paula is a repeat guest on
Oprah
and the
Today Show
, has appeared on over 200 radio and television programs, and is featured in publications such as
Parents, Child, Redbook
, and USA Today.com. The founder and director KidWISE Institute, Paula lives in Oakland, California with her husband and daughter. Visit
www.kidwisecorner.com
for more information. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:07Z
How Is Your Child "Smart?"
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-Is-Your-Child-Smart
-
- /8588.html
2010-05-07T09:07:05Z
2010-05-07T09:07:05Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>How Is Your Child "Smart?"
By Rae Pica
www.movingandlearning.com
Helping a child to utilize his own special strengths and skills may mean looking beyond what the policy makers and society typically consider "smart." Or as developmental psychologist Howard Gardner has put it, you shouldn't be trying to determine how smart a child is; rather, you should be trying to determine how a child is smart.
Gardner wrote an influential book called
Frames of Mind: The Theory of Multiple Intelligences
. In it, he contends that intelligence isn't a singular entity that can be measured only with paper and pencil. Rather, he says, we each possess many different
kinds
of intelligence, in various combinations and to varying degrees. To date, he has recognized nine different intelligences, all of which he's identified through a rigorous scientific process. For our purposes, though, the important point is that Gardner describes an intelligence as the "ability to find and solve problems and create products of value in one's own culture."
Although Gardner intended his work for the field of developmental psychology alone, an interesting phenomenon happened: educators pounced on the idea. Why? Because for generations they've witnessed multiple intelligences in the children with whom they've worked. Although our society most values the linguistic ("word-smart") and logical-mathematical ("number-smart"/reasoning) intelligences -- the two intelligences measured by IQ and other standardized tests -- teachers could see that many of their students had other gifts, other ways of "learning and knowing."
In addition to the linguistic and logical/mathematical intelligences, Gardner has identified the visual/spatial (an understanding of how things orient in space), naturalist (determines sensitivity to one's environment), existentialist (belonging to people who question why they exist), interpersonal (the ability to relate well to others), intrapersonal (knowing oneself well), musical (a fascination with sound and the patterns created by sound), and bodily/kinesthetic (the ability to solve problems or create with the body or body parts).
It's important to remember that each of us possesses
all
of these intelligences but, as mentioned, to varying degrees and in different combinations. A surgeon, for example, has highly developed logical/mathematical and bodily/kinesthetic intelligences; the former incorporates the scientific aspect and the latter the meticulous use of the hands.
Where do your child's strengths lie? Does your son love to putter in the garden with you? He may be strong in the naturalist intelligence. Does your daughter create art everywhere, using everything from building blocks to mashed potatoes? Her greatest strength may lie in the visual/spatial intelligence. Is your child constantly dancing, indicating a developing bodily/kinesthetic intelligence, with some musical intelligence thrown into the mix?
When you're tuned in to a child's passions, skills, or intelligences -- whatever we may call them --you can support their development and offer the child encouragement. Biology will certainly have played a role in her interests and strengths, but the mainstream culture and the home culture are also influences. And since the mainstream culture -- society and the school system -- focuses on only two intelligences, you can help provide some balance in a child's life. This will be especially important if her strengths don't happen to lie within the linguistic or logical/mathematical intelligences.
As Gardner and his followers point out, it's difficult to identify special skills when we don't introduce young people to a variety of experiences. When the focus of schooling is on so few subjects, how is a child to discover passions that lie beyond such narrow boundaries? How is a child to unearth a love of landscape design, note a talent for composing, or cook up a desire to be a chef if his experiences have been limited to grammar, numbers, and technology?
One other point of which you should be aware: a child will use different intelligences for different tasks. For example, if she makes up a poem to help her remember historical dates, she's using her linguistic intelligence. If she makes up a song, she's using her musical intelligence. If you ask her to find a way to fit all of the toys back on their shelves, she'll have to call on her visual/spatial intelligence. And if she has to add by counting on her fingers, she's using her bodily/kinesthetic intelligence to get the job done. That's why it's important to give her a chance to further cultivate all of the intelligences. Opportunities to dabble and play can provide that chance.
At the preschool and elementary school ages, follow the child's lead, but don't get too invested in any one particular pastime. You certainly don't want to decide the rest of his life based on what you see in the earliest years. Children -- and their interests and skills -- evolve. And when he eventually discovers skills in many areas, as he's likely to do, he'll be able to make his own choices about his passions. That's why, whether we're talking about predominant intelligences, school grades, or the results of standardized tests, it's important to refrain from putting any labels on a little one. Instead, just know that the real standards for "smart" aren't found in school grades and test scores.
Rae Pica is a children's physical activity specialist and the author of
A Running Start: How Play, Physical Activity, and Free Time Create a Successful Child
(Marlowe Co., 2006). She has shared her expertise with such clients as the Sesame Street Research Department, the Centers for Disease Control, Gymboree Play Music, and the President's Council on Physical Fitness Sports. You can visit Rae at
www.movingandlearning.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:05Z
Is Your Breast Cancer Going Undiagnosed?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Is-Your-Breast-Cancer-Going-Undiagnosed
-
- /8589.html
2010-05-07T09:07:03Z
2010-05-07T09:07:03Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Is Your Breast Cancer Going Undiagnosed?
By Mike Esposito
Breast Cancer strikes one in nine women in America and is a leading cause for morbidity and mortality. The gold standard for detecting breast cancer has been mammography and breast physical exam. The combination is very effective in detecting breast masses in most patients. However, in some women breast physical exam and mammography miss cancers. The lack of sensitivity of these traditional methods of detection is often due to the dense or nodular breast tissue. The dense breast obscure early cancers on mammography and nodular breast make it difficult to find a small cancer amid other benign lumps in the breast.
Most breast cancers occur in women without a family history of breast cancer or in women without a genetic predisposition for cancer to occur. However, some women have known genetic makers which make them likely to develop breast cancer. These patients' cancers occur at a younger age and their cancers tend to be more aggressive. Aggressive cancers are faster growing and more malignant than normal making them harder to cure. These cancers need to be detected earlier to allow a better chance for cure. Mammography and breast physical exam may not detect cancer soon enough in these women to prevent them from presenting at a late stage.
There is a modality and an exam available for years which has recently has gained much attention due to its great sensitivity for detecting early breast cancer. MRI of the breast is the most sensitive for detecting cancer before any other modality. The test can identify malignancies in even the densest breasts and can localize early cancers in patients with a strong family history or a genetic predisposition. The test is now considered essential in these patients or in any patient considered high risk.
The downside of using MRI to detect breast cancer is that it can be too sensitive. The exam detects most things mammography does (with the exception of micro-calcifications) and much more. MRI finds so many suspicious lesions that many more biopsies have to be performed to exclude cancer. There are many benign lesions which would not have been seen or biopsied without MRI. These 'unnecessary' biopsies are acceptable to most women who have an elevated risk of developing cancer.
The drawback is mainly financial. The costs for screening the millions of women each year that would need a breast MRI are great. The exam costs about one to two thousand dollars depending on where you live and what type of insurance you carry. It is about ten to twenty times the cost of a screening mammogram. Also, the biopsies which are performed because of the MRI findings have high costs associated with them too. They can range from a few hundred dollars for a simple biopsy to thousands of dollars for an open, surgical biopsy. Remember, these masses that are biopsied are often benign. The cost benefit ratio or the efficacy for breast MRI has determined and the test is warranted in any woman with risk factors described above. The test can lead to early detection and cure. Without it we will be losing lives which shouldn't be lost.
Mike Esposito graduated with BS from University of Florida. Mike continued his Graduate Education in Nuclear engineering. He then entered Medical school at the University of South Florida. He then completed a four year radiology residency at USF and a subsequent fellowship in Neuroradiology at Duke University. Mike now is in private practice radiology in the Tampa area. He is married to wife, Kay with whom he has four children. For more information please visit
www.mikeespositomd.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:03Z
Back to School Brain Boosters
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Back-to-School-Brain-Boosters
-
- /8590.html
2010-05-07T09:07:02Z
2010-05-07T09:07:02Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Back to School Brain Boosters
By Kymythy R. Schultze, C.N.
www.kymythy.com
When your child's verbal loop switches from "I'm bored, there's nothing to do" to "I don't wanna go to school!" you know the time has come to do your parental duty and properly prepare them for another academic year. You'll buy them notebooks, backpacks, pencils and books. But, are you also putting every effort into insuring that their brain is fully charged? A child with good brain health has the opportunity to be more successful in their schoolwork, and that translates to a better school year for both of you. There are many factors that affect brain health, and in this article we'll focus on a few things you can do to make a positive difference in your child's learning and memory function.
Fortunately, there are safe, natural substances that you can use to help fight brain cell damage and increase cognitive function. One of the most readily available compounds are antioxidants. Consuming plenty of these nutrients provides your child's brain with powerful tools for good health. The best sources of antioxidants are found in fresh vegetables.
Wait! Don't give up just because we're using the "V-word" with regard to your child. There are creative ways to convince kids that veggies actually taste good. Experiment with recipes and types of vegetables to find ones that your child will readily eat. And let them in on the "secret superheroes" that veggies contain. Don't just say they have to eat them because they're good for them. Give them a short, kid-friendly version about the special nutrients found in vegetables that will help make them Super Smart! You know your child best, so if making a home science experiment with veggies stimulates them to indulge - go for it!
Protein is brain-food at its finest! Amino acids are the building blocks of protein and there are eight essential to health. Animal sources of protein such as meat, fish, poultry, and eggs supply all eight of the essential amino acids. Many of the brain's neurotransmitters are made from amino acids, so if your child doesn't consume enough quality protein, brain function and mood are affected. Protein supports energy and nutrient needs, plus it's very good at satisfying hunger. And that's a good thing because a hungry child is a grumpy child that lacks focus and concentration. Including ample protein in your child's breakfast is a great way to start the day.
Another supplement for brain health that has many exciting studies behind its use is fish oil omega-3 fatty acids. The brain is approximately 60 percent fat and most of that is comprised of DHA and AA fatty acids. AA is found in animal products such as meat, fish, eggs and poultry. DHA is found in cod-liver oil and fish body oils. Studies prove that adequate amounts of DHA are vital to learning, memory, and other brain functions. DHA is probably one of the most important supplements you can add to your child's diet. And don't despair; supplements have come a long way from our Grandmother's fishy cod-liver days! There are now fish oils that are deliciously flavored.
Because cod-liver oil contains fat-soluble vitamins A and D, it's best given during the winter when there's less sunlight (and thus less vitamin D). During the rest of year, use a good quality flavored fish body oil. Give according to the directions on the bottle. Carlson brand makes both cod-liver and fish body oils that are good enough to pass most kid taste-tests. And remember to tell them about how this supplement helps them have a Super Brain. Every kid likes to have some type of super power!
One more thing you can do to support your child's brain health is to make sure they get enough exercise. Studies in the U.S. and Japan prove that exercise improves memory and other mental skills. In the studies, people who received adequate exercise scored better on tests and completed them faster than people that did not exercise. So, get your child moving daily. If they're young enough to appreciate it, tie a dashing cape on them, and let them exercise by zooming around and enjoying their Super Brain super power!
About the author: Kymythy Schultze is a Clinical Nutritionist (C.N.) and has been a trailblazer in the field of nutrition for nearly two decades. Her best-selling books include
"The Natural Nutrition No-Cook Book"
which contains delicious and healthy kid-friendly recipes and "Natural Nutrition for Dogs and Cats". Both are published by Hay House, Inc. Visit Kymythy's website at
www.kymythy.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:02Z
Bullying Our Kids in Our Homes: Welcome to Cyber-Bullying
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Bullying-Our-Kids-in-Our-Homes:-Welcome-to-Cyber-Bullying
-
- /8591.html
2010-05-07T09:07:00Z
2010-05-07T09:07:00Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Bullying Our Kids in Our Homes:
Welcome to Cyber-Bullying
By Derek Randel
www.stoppingschoolviolence.com
Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room and said, "I got another one of those instant messages. It says, 'tomorrow you had better not show up at school or else'." She has been getting messages frequently. The result of this is that she no longer likes to turn her computer on.
Sue is 14 years old and in the 8th grade. She has been bullied at school for a number of years and she has had a difficult time getting the Principal and teachers to end it. Sue has two disadvantages that make her a target. First, she has always had a weight problem, not extremely heavy but overweight. Second, her last name is hard to pronounce. This has led to numerous ways to say and spell her name. Others have been very creative and cruel. Tom is aware that she needs to lose weight but what can he do about his last name....change it?
This should come as no surprise to anyone, but as technology changes so do the bullies. Bullying has gone wireless. These are situations our children face that we never did. How does this happen? The Internet, cell phones with text messaging, instant messaging, camera phones and e-mail are the bullies' new tools.
This is coming to a school near you if it hasn't already. The concerns involving cyber-bullying include:
Cyber-bullying can be much more damaging psychologically and can be much more intense.
It creates a barrier between the bully and the victim. This makes anyone who normally wouldn't be a bully now becomes a potential bully because there is no face-to-face contact. Smaller students have found a way to bully.
It is very difficult to catch the bully. When one is suspected or caught his or her defense is that it was someone else impersonating them or someone used my password.
Camera phones are making cyber-bullying more creative. They take a student's picture and then they manipulate the photo. Then it is posted on a website, e-mailed out, or posted on you-tube. Imagine getting an e-mail of a nude individual with your face attached to it, and you're only a teenager.
Parents must be aware
Many kids, including Sue, do not want to report this problem to their parents for fear of how their parents may react. Many believe their parents will take away their cell phone, computer, or Internet access. This is an obvious solution to stopping the messages. Sue feels harassed by the bully and then punished by her parents when her equipment is removed. This is a double punishment for her. Parents should strongly consider removing an Internet connection from a child's bedroom. Internet connections need to be in a central location.
SOLUTIONS - Ask questions and act as if you're unfamiliar with the topic. For example, have you heard of anyone receiving improper messages on their phone? Does anyone use their camera phones for taking pictures of others who don't want their picture taken? Also, everything must be documented.
Text Messaging shy; When Sue receives an obscene message, threat, or abusive message on her phone we want to teach her to not respond. Your wireless provider should be notified.
Chat-rooms and Instant Messaging shy;
She should never give out personal information.
She should not share her password.
If Sue receives inappropriate messages, have her disconnect or block the sender.
She should not respond to inappropriate messages. We do not want a dialogue to begin.
She should avoid giving out the name of her school.
No child should ever agree to meet anyone from a chat-room. That 17 year-old stud just may be a 53 year-old bald man with a potbelly.
E-Mail shy; Once again, when Sue is sent an inappropriate email, she should not respond. Go to the source button to find out information on tracking where it was sent from. If it was sent from someone at school, then print the e-mail to use as proof. Sue's parents can contact the school or their service provider to see what options are available. If there are threats involved, then contacting the police is always an option.
Look into e-mail filters, creating folders for these e-mails, and spam software to block them. Whatever you choose, it will never be 100% perfect in blocking unwanted e-mails. Filters do not block cyber-bullying messages.
Handling the topic of cyber-bullying with your child before it becomes a problem will make it easier when and if it becomes a problem. Your child needs your guidance and ignoring this issue does not help or support anyone who is a victim of cyber-bullying.
Derek Randel is a parent coach who speaks nationally on how to remove the yelling from your home and how to protect your child/student from bullying and school violence. Derek has been seen on many television shows and is heard on radio shows around the country. He shares his years of experience as a high school and middle school educator and was nominated for a Disney American Teacher Award. He also is a certified stepfamily coach through the Step-Family Foundation. For more information visit
www.stoppingschoolviolence.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:07:00Z
Connecting with Your Kids: Navigating the Terrific, Turbulent Tween Years
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Connecting-with-Your-Kids:-Navigating-the-Terrific,-Turbulent-Tween-Years
-
- /8592.html
2010-05-07T09:06:58Z
2010-05-07T09:06:58Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Connecting with Your Kids:
Navigating the Terrific, Turbulent Tween Years
By Dr. Laura Markham
www.yourparentingsolutions.com
Tweens are emerging teens, but they're still children. They'll astonish you with their ability to conceptualize, to argue brilliantly, and then to do foolish things.
The biggest danger for tweens is losing the connection to parents while struggling to find their place and connect in their peer world. The biggest danger for parents is trying to parent through power instead of through relationship, thus eroding their bond and losing their influence on their teen.
Parenting tweens is a challenge because hormones kick in as puberty approaches, and because the pressures of the peer group magnify. Many moms and dads react to their tween's moodiness, focus outside the family, increasing independence and maturing physical body by distancing somewhat from their child. But tweens need to feel they have a secure nest as they launch themselves into the exciting but scary world. Kids who feel disconnected from their parents lose their anchor and look for it in their peer group.
Fiercely maintain a strong bond with your child, even while you encourage age-appropriate freedom. How?
Stay connected by having dinner together every night, or as often as possible. Kids who have dinner with their parents do better in school, and are less prone to problems, from drugs and alcohol use to depression. Check in with your tween every single day with private time together; many parents find that 15 minutes at bedtime is most intimate.
Schedule regular alone-time with each parent, such as monthly brunch with Dad or weekly walks with Mom. Don't expect your son or daughter to invite closeness or volunteer vulnerable emotions at each interaction, or when you expect it. But if you set up enough regular opportunities to be together, it will happen.
To reduce rebelliousness, recognize and work with your tween's need for independence. Be aware that we often compensate for feeling less powerful as parents by becoming overprotective. Instead of breathing down his neck, agree on and enforce reasonable limits (no phone calls during dinner after 9pm, no online chatting or TV until homework is finished); be sure to offer empathy when they hate your limits.
Re-think your previous ideas about discipline. Power-based punishment strategies such as punishment/consequences will stop working as soon as your child feels like challenging them. You never win a power struggle with your child. The only leverage we really have with our tweens and teens is their love for us, which becomes a more potent motivator over time. That means the best way to get your tween to behave is to maintain a strong bond with him.
Don't underestimate hormones. Your child's body is changing, creating mood swings, distractibility, competitiveness, and preoccupation with the opposite sex. It can be hard for kids to focus on much else, and tweens can even find themselves in a full-blown tantrum. Kindly tell your tantrumming teen that you see how upset they are and you want to give them time to pull themselves together before you discuss it; then leave the room. They don't understand their moods any more than you do right now. Later, give them a big hug, explain that you know they're still learning to manage their new hormones, but that of course they know you can't reward such behavior by giving in to whatever prompted it.
Don't take it personally! When your tween yells at you to drop dead, don't over-react. When they hurt your feelings and you're tempted to withdraw, take a deep breath and stand your ground calmly. That doesn't mean you don't calmly demand civility, and it doesn't mean you can't use strategic withdrawals as a chance to regroup, but that you continue to reinforce your love for your child. Your best way to get your tween to act respectfully towards you is to extend respect to her, and to calmly insist on it in return.
The tween years are the perfect time to teach values, which is best done not by lecturing, but by asking questions. To get your child talking, become a brilliant listener, empathizer, and question asker. Tweens are usually curious about your own early years, those can be great opportunities to reassure them that even their parents were insecure, as all tweens are. It's also an opportunity to teach; don't be afraid to share real life examples of teens who died from drinking and driving, or became addicted to drugs. It's best, though, if your own stories set a positive, rather than negative example.
Be aware that the more popular culture your child is exposed to, the more risk she runs of drug and alcohol use, depression and teen pregnancy. Tweens want to grow up, so naturally they ape adult popular culture. Yes, they have to fit in with their friends, but they count on their parents to keep them safe and set limits. They aren't ready for the attention they get when they wear revealing fashions or sing that inappropriate song at the recital. They need you to enforce strict rules regarding internet use and what movies are appropriate. Tweens want and need your guidance, even if they can't show it.
Tweens are actively shaping their identity. Support their experimenting and exploring, even when they're into a new fad every few weeks. Don't comment on their fashions as long as all body parts are covered, and keep an open mind about their music. Especially support the deep passions into which they really pour themselves; those are protective during the teen years.
Stay involved with your teen's school, offering help as necessary in developing time management skills, insuring that homework gets done and big projects are worked on over time. Be aware that how hard your tween works at school will depend on whether his peers do, and try to have him attend a school where the kids consider good grades cool. Maintaining high expectations and insuring that homework doesn't get neglected in favor of evening IMing is critical.
Teach your tween good physical self-management: at least nine hours of sleep every night, regular protein and low glycemic snacks, regular exercise. Instilling these habits can take real creativity on the part of parents, but they greatly reduce moodiness and you'll be happy they're well-established when your child hits the teen years.
Be aware of the special needs of your son or daughter as they grow into adults in a culture that perpetuates unhealthy attitudes about men, women, and sexuality.
Girls will need your help handling media images of women, the pressure to be sexy, cultural expectations about attractiveness, her relationship with food, and her body. Remember that girls naturally fill out before they shoot up, and be careful not to impose society's insistence that only thin is attractive. Notice any issues you have as her body blossoms. Be aware of the research showing that most tween girls are anxious about the sense they get from the media that becoming a woman puts them in danger from men.
Boys need help integrating their sense of connection, tenderness and vulnerability -- which are a part of all human relationships -- with societal images of manliness. It's important for boys approaching their teen years to act cool, indifferent, and invulnerable with their peers, even when they're actually highly sensitive kids. A responsible, affectionate father or uncle can be a critical teacher as a tween boy learns how to be a good man.
Dr. Laura Markham is the founder of the parenting web site
www.yourparentingsolutions.com
, featuring a popular advice column and parent-tested solutions you can use every day to connect with your kids and create a richer family life. Her work appears regularly on a dozen parenting sites and in print, and she conducts frequent online chats with readers. Dr. Markham specializes in helping families nurture the parent-child relationships that protect today's kids. She lives in New York with her husband, 11 year old daughter, and 15 year old son. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:58Z
A Parent's Guide to Dog-Bite Prevention
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/A-Parents-Guide-to-Dog-Bite-Prevention
-
- /8593.html
2010-05-07T09:06:56Z
2010-05-07T09:06:56Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>A Parent's Guide to Dog-Bite Prevention
Colleen Pelar, CPDT, CDBC
www.LivingwithKidsandDogs.com
"If my dog ever bites my child, he's out of here!" I hear that all the time. It just makes me want to scream, "But that will be too late!"
Each year nearly 2.8 million children are bitten by a dog. Most of these bites are not coming from some scary dog that got loose. Sensational stories make headlines, but most dog bites are more commonplace. Half come from the family's own dog, and another 40 percent come from a friend or neighbor's dog.
As a dog trainer and a mother of three boys, I want families to love having a dog, but I am perpetually frustrated by the lack of knowledge most parents have about basic dog safety. They seem to be operating under the Disney-esque assumption that a good dog would never bite a child, and their dog is certainly a good dog.
Well, I'm sure their dog is a good dog and their kids are good kids, yet every day misunderstandings occur because the parents don't know how to set everyone up for success. We parents can do much more to prevent our children from being bitten by dogs. But it takes some knowledge.
The best barrier against aggression is a strong social drive. When choosing a dog for your family, look for one that adores people, especially children. A dog that really enjoys kids will give your kids the benefit of the doubt when they step on his tail or fall over him. Even with the best supervision, there will be times when a child hurts a dog. Today, one of my sons kicked off his snow boot, which went flying down the hall and hit the dog. Fortunately for all of us, Gordo didn't bat an eye.
Several times a month, I am asked to perform behavior assessments of family dogs. One painful part of my job is telling parents when I do not believe their dog has the right temperament to be a safe companion for their children. That breaks my heart, but I feel strongly that I must call the shots as I see them. Sugar-coating or painting a rosy picture might put the family's child in danger, and I can't live with that.
I often see dogs that could be great family members with some support from the parents. Supervision, along with a basic understanding of dog behavior, is the key.
For example, here is something I bet you don't know: Dogs don't like hugs! Oh, I know, your dog loves when your kids hug him. While I believe that dogs can be taught to accept and, in a few cases, even welcome hugs, I also know that hugging is not a normal dog behavior. Think about the last time you saw one dog "hug" another. It wasn't a gesture of affection, was it? No, it was either mating or a dominance display. Do you really want your dog thinking your child is attempting either of those behaviors?
Children, especially preschoolers, rarely understand the concept of personal space. We parents need to be sure that our dogs get some downtime away from the kids. It's wearing to have someone following you around all day, even if he means well. My kids know that if the dog goes in his crate, they cannot talk to him or pet him until he chooses to come back out. It gives the dog a private refuge where he's not expected to be the local celebrity, the center of attention.
Learning a bit about canine body language helps too. There is a set of behaviors-called calming signals-dogs display when they are stressed. These serve two purposes: they are an attempt at self-soothing, akin to thumb sucking, as well as a message to others that the dog would like the situation to defuse. Watchful parents can step in when they see their dog exhibiting these behaviors.
Lip licking-When a dog is a little anxious, he will often quickly stick out his tongue and lick his lips. It's usually just a fast, little flick. Watch your dog; this is one of the most common signals I see.
Yawning-This is often mistaken for contentment. The dog is surrounded by kids, and he lets out a big yawn. Isn't that sweet? Nope, it's a sign that he's in a little over his head and would appreciate your help.
Shaking off-We've all seen dogs shake off when they are wet, but this happens at other times too. I liken it to a reset button on a video game. Time to shake off and start over. It will happen right after something makes the dog uncomfortable, usually as he's walking away.
Freezing-Watch out! Freezing is one step beyond a calming signal; it's often a last-ditch attempt to tell you to back off. Dogs typically freeze right before they snap or bite. That may sound obvious, but one of the scariest things I ever saw was when an owner told me, "Lucy loves to have kids hug her. Look how still she is." It was a heart-stopping moment for me. Lucy, thank goodness, did not bite, but she was definitely not enjoying the experience.
Spaying and neutering our pets helps too. Nearly 80 percent of dog bites come from intact males.
It's important not to blame kids for being kids or dogs for being dogs. Let's be realistic; it's impossible to control someone else's behavior 100 percent, be it dog or child. We parents can, however, teach dogs and kids to enjoy each other's company more by building an understanding of each other's behavior-and in doing so, we will decrease that scary number of annual dog bites and help ensure that our children are not bitten.
Colleen Pelar, CPDT, CDBC, author of
Living with Kids and Dogs . . . Without Losing Your Mind
, is America's Kids and Canines Coach. Colleen has more than 15 years' experience as the go-to person for parents trying to navigate kid-and-dog issues. Because every interaction between a child and a dog can be improved by a knowledgeable adult, Colleen is committed to educating parents, children, and dog owners on kid-and-dog relationships. For more information visit
www.livingwithkidsanddogs.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:56Z
Exercise and Pregnancy
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Exercise-and-Pregnancy
-
- /8594.html
2010-05-07T09:06:54Z
2010-05-07T09:06:54Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Exercise and Pregnancy
By Tracey Mallett
www.TraceyMallett.com
I know how exciting it is to finally hear the news that you're going to have a baby. I'm sure there are many questions going through your head about keeping you and your baby healthy throughout your pregnancy. I've gathered a few of the most-asked questions to guide you safely and healthfully on your journey to new motherhood.
Can I continue exercising in my first trimester?
The first trimester is not the time to start a NEW exercise routine. It is best to wait until you're in to your second trimester and have clearance from your doctor to start an exercise plan. However, for those who are already active, you can safely continue with what is familiar to the body through the first trimester.
What are the best activities to do through pregnancy?
It's very important to listen to your body and not take part in any activities that may cause abdominal trauma. It is also important to stay well hydrated and prevent over-heating. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, you can safely engage in 30 minutes or more of moderate exercise on most, if not all, days of the week.
Be aware you will have less oxygen available for aerobic exercise during pregnancy, so modify the intensity of your routine accordingly. Pregnancy will make exercise feel more difficult, especially in the first trimester, as the amount of blood circulated by the heart increases early in pregnancy and levels off during the third trimester at 30 to 50 percent above normal values.
Throughout exercise you should always be able to carry on a conversation. This is a great way of monitoring the intensity of your workout.
You also have to take into consideration that the heart rate increases during pregnancy and you will need to allow for additional recovery time to bring the heart rate down following an exercise session. It could take up to 15 minutes to recover.
Remember, it's important to listen to your body and stop exercising when fatigued. Don't exercise to exhaustion. You might be able to continue doing weight-bearing exercises at close to your usual intensity throughout pregnancy, but non weight-bearing exercise such as swimming is easier to continue and carries less risk of injury.
What activities should I avoid through pregnancy?
Don't do exercises in which you could lose your balance, especially in the third trimester. Avoid any exercise that risks even mild abdominal trauma. Jerky and rotational movements present in dance classes and kick boxing need to be taken with care especially in the third trimester when the center of gravity is greatly affected by the increased baby weight and may also cause balance issues.
I would steer away from classes that have high-impact moves or modify the routine, keeping both feet on the floor. A good fitness instructor will always cue this for people with knee and back issues.
Hot yoga is not recommended, due to the excessive heat which can cause harm to the fetus and can increase blood pressure.
Mat Pilates is really only appropriate when it's completely modified. Most of a typical mat class is lying on the back, which is not advisable for the second and third trimester exerciser, as it can decrease the blood flow to the uterus . Mat Pilates is fine for first trimester if you have been practicing Pilates consistently before conceiving. After that time, look for a prenatal Pilates class or do a Pilates Pregnancy DVD at home.
As you move toward the end of your pregnancy, the level of intensity and duration should be reduced as not to cause injury to the body with the extra weight of the baby and strain this may place on your joints and ligaments.
Avoid balance activities such as lunges, single-leg squats and exercises on the big Swiss ball. Excessive rotation of the torso can place strain on the fetus. Stay away from doing classic abdominal crunches as this may cause a diastisis recti -- the separation of the abdominal muscles.
When taking Yoga or stretching, it's important to remember that your joints and tissue will be loose during pregnancy because pregnancy hormones (relaxin), which help the uterus expand, also affect all of the body's connective tissue in the process. This is not the time to push your body to new found flexibility. You should instead work in a safe, comfortable range, maintaining good range of motion.
Unless the doctor has specifically cautioned you not to exercise due to an existing medical condition, you are free to continue with your exercise program. Research has supported that babies are leaner and healthier because their moms took part in a regular exercise program during pregnancy.
If you start to feel dizzy, light-headed, onset of headache, nausea, vision changes, extreme fatigue or shortness of breath, then exercise should be terminated.
Your body will tell you all you need to know. Get familiar with your new body and listen carefully.
Enjoy your fit pregnancy.
About the author: Tracey Mallett is an internationally-recognized certified personal trainer and sports nutritionist. She is also a certified fitness instructor, Gyrotonicreg; and Master Pilates instructor. Tracey is the creator and star of the "3-In-1 Pregnancy System," the first DVD of its kind combining Pilates, Yoga and strength training for pre- and post-natal mothers. Her newest videos are "Renew You" and "Super Body BootCamp." A proud mother of two, Tracey, who hails from Bloxwich, England, now lives in Los Angeles. Visit her online at
www.TraceyMallett.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:54Z
Learn the Real Dangers of Poor Sleep
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Learn-the-Real-Dangers-of-Poor-Sleep
-
- /8595.html
2010-05-07T09:06:53Z
2010-05-07T09:06:53Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Learn the Real Dangers of Poor Sleep
By Jesse Cannone, CFT, CPRS
losethebackpain.com
Ah...a good night's sleep. We all want to get in the recommended 7-8 hours, yet according to the National Sleep Foundation, almost one-third of Americans sleep 6.5 hours or less each night. So, not only are we walking around in a bad mood, eyes half open, giant cup of Joe in hand, but now research shows that we are actually putting our heart at risk!
Research by Dr. Alexandros Vgontzas, professor of psychiatry at The Pennsylvania State University in Hershey reveals that even modest sleep deprivation may be associated with low-grade inflammation, which can lead to a number of cardiovascular problems.
Vgontzas and his team of researchers deprived 25 men and women just two hours of sleep per night over a six-week period. They measured blood levels for immune-system molecules called cytokines, which are normally secreted during inflammation and infection. Both men and women in the study had increased concentrations of cytokines, which confirms lack of sleep may stimulate an increase in chronic inflammation.
This is troublesome, particularly because continuous inflammation has been shown to lead to hardening of the arteries, high blood pressure, stroke, heart disease and even heart failure. Also, lack of quality sleep has a significant effect on your blood sugar levels. If you are sleep deprived, it requires more insulin to balance your blood sugar levels, which, in turn, can lead to heart disease and a host of other health related problems.
So, you know you need more shut-eye but getting to bed early and sleeping in later just aren't an option with your busy schedule. Maybe the quantity of hours shouldn't be your main focus, let's try focusing on getting "quality" sleep. The first option that comes to mind for most people who want to sleep more soundly is to seek out over-the-counter or prescription sleep aids. However, there are several downsides to consider:
Risk of tolerance - meaning your body can require more and more of the medication in order to achieve results.
The lingering effects of sleepiness from the previous night's dosage can affect your safety, the safety of those around you and
even put lives at risk
.
They can be highly addictive - creating the danger that the body will never really learn to sleep on its own again
A far better choice is to consider more natural approaches. You can do simple things like avoiding caffeine and television before bedtime, or practicing relaxation exercises to help you unwind. You can also seek out a natural herbal supplement that will help you achieve the solid sleep you need in order to maintain good health and take care of your heart. Trying these more natural approaches may be just the thing to safely help you obtain a solid nights rest without the risks associated with other traditional medications.
There you have it. The evidence is overwhelming; getting sensible amounts of good quality sleep is essential to achieving optimal health and particularly a healthy heart. Ultimately it's up to you to make the right decision regarding your individual health. Remember... more zzz's equals less disease!
About the author: Fitness expert and best-selling author, Jesse Cannone, CFT, CPRS, is the co-owner of
losethebackpain.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:53Z
Ten Tips for Making your Trip to the Amusement Park the Best Ever
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Ten-Tips-for-Making-your-Trip-to-the-Amusement-Park-the-Best-Ever
-
- /8596.html
2010-05-07T09:06:51Z
2010-05-07T09:06:51Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Ten Tips for Making your Trip to the Amusement Park the Best Ever By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
Millions of people will visit an amusement park this summer. Some will do it as part of an extended vacation. Others will make it a one day trip or a week end event. Regardless of the length of stay, the theme of the park, or the part of the country you visit, the following tips can make your trip to an amusement park the best ever.
Establish a mutual plan. Allow every member of the family to have input and contribute suggestions for what they would like to experience at the park. Brainstorm all the possible rides and activities to visit. Build a list of things you want to make sure you don't miss. Make sure each family member's top priority is included on the list. By letting everyone have a say, you build commitment and lower resistance toward the planned activities.
Stick to the children's regular daily schedule and routine. The younger the child, the more important it is to stick to your regular schedule. While on vacation, children under the age of ten needs to go to bed, get up, and eat at the same time they normally do. Young children's bodies are not able to adjust quickly to time changes and schedule adjustments. If this means arriving the night before and getting a full night's sleep, do it.
Don't attempt to do it all. Most amusement parks have more to offer than can be accomplished in one day. Slow down. The more you and your family members attempt to "fit it all in," the greater the chance that irritability and frustration will occur. Do not push to do everything on your list. Remember, a trip to the amusement park is about enjoying and savoring the time away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. It is more important that you be fully present for the activities you do than it is to do everything.
Take breaks. Stop every hour or so and regroup. Sit down and discuss where to go next. Relax for a moment. To continue to push may extend small legs or tired feet beyond their limits can create unhappy children who resist the push to move on and finish.
Don't attempt to do everything together. It's okay to split up as long as an adult accompanies each child. You don't have to do everything together as a complete family. Different people have different interests. Allow opportunities for each person to experience activities without insisting others participate. Look for chances to have one-on-one time with each of your children. The experiences of each individual will add life and energy to the family as they are shared and talked about later.
Share the maps. Amusement parks have hand held maps they distribute at information centers. Large maps are posted along the route with arrows that show direction. Let your children be the guide for part of the day. Give them a map and follow their lead. Go in the wrong direction if necessary. This can be a useful learning experience for your children as long as you don't make them wrong for their decisions or say, "I told you so."
Do not force children to experience anything they feel is not right for them. Some children are afraid of heights. Others do not like to be scared of prefer quiet activities. Still others dislike rides that make them dizzy. Respect the wishes of your family members in this area. Insist that all family members respect the choices of each individual person. Name calling such as
sissy, scaredy cat, chicken,
and
wimp
are not allowed.
Get your needs met too. Do some things you like. Refuse to go on rides you detest. Tell your children, "This doesn't feel good to me. I don't enjoy getting frightened that much." Refuse to cave into peer pressure and model for your children knowing what is right for you and sticking to it.
Allow children to change their minds. Sometimes a ride looks a lot different close up than it did on the map. So what if you walked 15 minutes to get to it? Make it OK for the child to make a new choice.
Have a plan for getting separated from the group. Teach your children what to do if they get lost. Encourage them to look for the helpers. Point out security guards, park employees and teach your children how to recognize these individuals. Teach them what to say to the helper, "I'm lost and need to find my mom." Have them practice saying that to you and pointing out who they would go to if they were separated.
Once your trip to the amusement park is complete, come together as a family and discuss it. Look at pictures together and reflect on what each person remembers about that moment. Talk about most and least favorite activities. Consider adjustments that would make the next family adventure smoother and more enjoyable. Record them so you have them for next time.
Preserve the history of your family outing by putting the photos and captions in a photo album. Place it in the nostalgia corner of your home where you keep the family memories. Look through the album on occasion to build connectedness and remembrances of your best trip ever to the amusement park.
Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of
The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose
. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today:
www.personalpowerpress.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:51Z
Rational Parents = Rational kids
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Rational-Parents-=-Rational-kids
-
- /8597.html
2010-05-07T09:06:49Z
2010-05-07T09:06:49Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:49Z
Is Food the Right Answer?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Is-Food-the-Right-Answer
-
- /8598.html
2010-05-07T09:06:49Z
2010-05-07T09:06:49Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Is Food the Right Answer?
By Linda Spangle, RN, MA
www.weightlossjoy.com
The words slip out so easily. "If I eat something, maybe I'll feel better." When you're tired, stressed or physically ill, food is often the first thing that comes to mind. It provides an appealing cure for everything from a cold or the flu to exhaustion after a long day.
If you're tired because your body is needing fuel, eating probably will make you feel better. But having an energy drop doesn't always mean it's time to eat. Make sure that you can recognize the difference between your fuel needs and wanting an emotional fix.
Hunger or desire to eat?
Whenever you start thinking about food, take a minute to figure out whether you're having a physical need or an emotional one. Before you put the first bite in your mouth, ask yourself, "Is this hunger or a desire to eat?"
If you decide you are truly hungry, give your body some fuel. But if you're having a desire to eat, catch yourself on the spot and ask, "What's going on here? What's making me want to eat right now?" Then consider how you could take care of your real needs instead of appeasing them with food.
If you need to calm down or de-stress, try doing a few deep breathing exercises instead of eating. Give your eyes a rest from the computer or take a break from the task you're working on.
Remember that food doesn't usually fix a tired body. So if you recognize that you need rest, not food, go to bed, take a nap or just close your eyes and give them a break for a few minutes. Sip a cup of hot tea or a diet soda and allow your body to relax. Eventually, you'll discover lots of ways to build your energy without reaching for food.
Other ways to perk up
Instead of immediately reaching toward food when you feel tired or down, do something else first and see if it takes care of the problem.
Wait ten minutes
When you get a food craving, buy yourself some time by waiting ten minutes before you eat anything. During that time, do something positive such as read to your child or offer encouragement to a troubled friend. After ten minutes, see if you still need to eat or if your food thoughts have faded.
Move your body
Instead of heading for your recliner after an exhausting day, go for a brief walk or do something else that gets you moving. Physical activity will usually revive you better than lying on the couch with chips and a soda.
Get a drink of water
Being dehydrated can add to your fatigue or even make you think you're hungry. Drink a large glass of water, then wait 30 minutes. You may be surprised at your renewed energy level.
Get some rest
Put your feet up, take a nap (a lost art) or take time for a few minutes of meditation or stretching. Start going to bed earlier. Force yourself to rest when you need it.
Distract yourself
Do something that will take your mind off how you feel. Mentally escape with a book or a shopping trip. When you keep busy, you may find your tiredness lifts without a food fix. Be sure you choose a diversion that fills your mind, not empties it. Watching TV or playing computer games will often make you feel dull rather than revived.
Linda Spangle, RN, MA, is a weight-loss coach specializing in emotional eating, and the author of
100 Days of Weight Loss
, a book of daily lessons that helps people stay committed to their diet and exercise plans. Her website is
www.weightlossjoy.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:49Z
Changing the Self in Self Esteem
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Changing-the-Self-in-Self-Esteem
-
- /8599.html
2010-05-07T09:06:47Z
2010-05-07T09:06:47Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Changing the Self in Self Esteem
By Brain Orchard
www.vision.org
Self-esteem has many definitions ranging from simply "feeling good about yourself" to more detailed descriptions. These include "actualizing one's own attributes, having one's accomplishments validated by others, and being able to compare one to others favorably."
Many social ills have been attributed to low self-esteem, and early childhood development specialists recognize children's need for a favorable sense of self-worth to establish a good social foundation and to connect with the world around them.
This deep-seated emotional need is not limited to children, and it is not inherently bad. An influential number of educators, however, have come to accept that if students can simply be made to feel good about themselves, then success in school and beyond will automatically follow.
Educators often pursue this objective through programs of self-affirmation, prompting lively debate within the educational community. Many fear that feelings have been given greater weight than competence and character. Experts in the field maintain that excessive promotion of self-esteem can create selfish, unfulfilled people with a distorted self-image. Indeed, the breadth of greedy, egocentric, careless behavior observable in our communities appears to confirm that the current emphasis on feeling good is ill-advised.
While thinking for oneself can represent a healthy form of individualism, enshrining the self has served overall to degrade societal sanctions. An inward focus promotes self-tolerance, entitlement, victimhood and narcissism. Each of these lenses obstructs our vision of right self-esteem and its foundation.
Just As I Am
Tolerance is a critical social lubricant in our diverse society. However, in their haste to promote a virtue, many have misapplied the concept and fallen into the trap of accepting themselves unconditionally: "I must be accepted for who and what I am, regardless of whom and what I am."
When we choose to bolster our self-worth in this way, the positive characteristics of tolerance (patience, kindness and respect) are transformed into permissive attitudes that leave negative character traits unchallenged.
Accepting ourselves unconditionally is a dangerous aspect of false self-esteem which misconstrues tolerance by rejecting any objective measures for meaningful self-evaluation. Self-esteem and absolute standards are not comfortable bedfellows.
Entitlement Mentality
In tolerating our personal flaws, we can feel justified in asserting ourselves, defending our perceived rights, and claiming our self-determined fair share. This attitude can deteriorate into an assumption of entitlement: the feeling that we deserve something regardless of whether we have done anything to earn it.
The seeds are often sown early in childhood. According to psychologist Lynne Namka, "While it is normal for a child to ask for what he wants, some children are overly demanding and needy. They have not learned to balance taking from others with giving; they view other people as existing merely to give to them."
If unchecked, these attitudes intensify and may be manifested in behaviors such as road rage, students demanding better grades than they earn, or corporate executives awarding themselves exorbitant salaries. Attitudes of entitlement have the unfortunate consequence of divorcing both character and behavior from self-esteem.
A Society of Victims
Self-tolerance and a sense of entitlement produce another malady that is increasingly present in our culture: victimhood-placing the blame for personal inadequacies elsewhere.
The growing tendency among many psychologists and medical practitioners is to classify everyday behavioral problems as diseases. In this way bad behavior can be neatly isolated, clinically named, and subsequently treated. Thus an individual is unfettered by accountability for his or her actions. This trend mirrors a broad shift in cultural values from self-control to self-indulgence.
I Love Me
Individualism holds an elevated position in Western culture and can spawn narcissism-the obsessive love of self. The most worrying aspect of narcissism is the profound disconnection from reality. It promotes extreme responses to needs and desires that are perfectly normal. When the self becomes the center of the individual's universe, disconnection from other people also occurs. The feelings and needs of others take a distant second place, and personal identity is sought within narrow groups that validate self-centered views. The world is viewed from an emotional rather than a rational perspective; personal feelings override distinctions between right and wrong.
A Different Kind of Love
As society has become increasingly absorbed with the pursuit of individualism, it has lost sight of an important dimension of self-esteem: a standard by which to evaluate the self and its relationships with others. While many people have come to view self-love as the basis of self-worth, at its foundation it is always self-centered. It exists on the edge of dysfunction, because it is motivated primarily by emotions and desires. It loves only because of the pleasure and satisfaction it hopes to gain.
In contrast, true and sustainable self-esteem comes from a different source. It is based on outgoing love: a true concern for the well-being of others that subordinates the inwardly directed desires of the self. This love is the core of healthy self-esteem.
Brian Orchard is a pastor with 34 years of family counseling experience. He is a father and grandfather and has worked with youth programs in the U.S., Australia and the Philippines. You can read more articles on family and relationships at
http://vision.org/visionmedia/overview.aspx?id=96
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:47Z
Invasive In-Laws
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Invasive-In-Laws
-
- /8600.html
2010-05-07T09:06:46Z
2010-05-07T09:06:46Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Invasive In-Laws
By Armin Brott
mrdad.com
Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I recently had a baby. I'm thrilled with everything, but I can't help but feel like I'm taking a backseat to her parents. It's almost as if their opinions matter more than mine. Is there anything I can do or say?
A: Much as you may not want to hear this, in the minds of your wife's parents, their opinion DOES matter more than yours. Their daughter just gave birth to their grandchild, and they consider themselves to be the best authority on all things related not only to their new grandchild, but to their daughter as well. That's a tough dynamic to change, but you can do it.
The big kicker is that your wife has to be on board with you in order to make that change. First of all, you and she will need to have some serious discussions about what, exactly, your role is going to be and what "involved father" means to each of you. It is not uncommon for the man and woman to have very different expectations. Be very specific with each other about who'll be doing what. Who gets up for those three AM feedings? Who's responsible for the diapers-both changing and buying? When will you introduce solid foods and what will that food be? Will you use a playpen or not? Should your baby sleep in the same bed as you and your wife? Are you going to teach your baby sign language? A lot of couples avoid dealing with these issues because they're afraid they'll lead to conflict. But dealing with them now will make life easier for both of you in the long run.
Once you hammer out your roles, your wife will have to be the one to break the news to her parents. They won't hear it from you. She'll need to tell them, respectfully, that you and she have decided to raise your child in such and such a way. While you both appreciate their opinions and are very grateful that they're around to help out, you and she will be parenting the way the two of you have agreed. Yes, her parents did a wonderful job of raising their daughter, but times have changed. She should be sure to tell them what wonderful grandparents they already are, and how, as grandparents, they get to have all the fun of parenting with a lot less of the dirty work.
With any luck, that talk will have the desired effect. If not, your wife may have to take it up a notch or two by telling her parents that if they can't go along with the parenting program as you've outlined it and respect the two of you as parents, they simply won't be able to spend as much time with their grandchild as they'd like to. Hopefully, it won't come to that.
Armin Brott's bestselling
books
, including
The Expectant Father
and the recent release
Fathering Your School Age Child
, have helped millions of men around the world become the fathers they want to be-and their children need them to be. Armin has been a guest on
hundreds of radio and television shows
, writes a nationally syndicated column, "Ask Mr. Dad," and hosts a weekly radio show. He and his family live in Oakland, California. For more information visit
mrdad.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:46Z
How to Have Greater Conversations with Your "Greatest Generation" Parent
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-to-Have-Greater-Conversations-with-Your-Greatest-Generation-Parent
-
- /8601.html
2010-05-07T09:06:44Z
2010-05-07T09:06:44Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:44Z
Getting Kids Back to Nature
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Getting-Kids-Back-to-Nature
-
- /8602.html
2010-05-07T09:06:44Z
2010-05-07T09:06:44Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Getting Kids Back to Nature
by Rae Pica
When I was a kid we had twice-daily recess on school days, and once the last bell of the day rang, there was never any thought of being indoors. On weekends and summer days, we ran out of the house first thing in the morning, hollered for the next-door neighbor to come out to play, made quick trips in for lunch and supper, and then reemerged until darkness and our moms forced us inside.
Today's children spend
little or no
time outside. With studies showing that children spend from thirty-six to forty-four hours a week with electronics, there's little time left for being outdoors. Also, more and more kids' lives are too overscheduled for free outdoor play. When they're not attending an organized class or program, they're busy with homework, being drilled with flashcards, or "learning" on the computer. And because school is now more about seatwork and meeting requirements for standardized tests, they're lucky if they get fifteen minutes of recess a day.
But when children spend most of their time indoors, they're missing out on everything the outdoors has to offer them.
To begin with, the outdoors is the best place for young children to practice and master emerging physical skills and to experience the pure joy of movement. It's also the place where they're likely to burn the most calories, which is absolutely necessary in the fight against obesity.
Additionally, the outside light stimulates the pineal gland, which is the part of the brain that helps regulate the biological clock, is vital to the immune system, and simply makes us feel happier. Outside light triggers the synthesis of vitamin D. And a number of studies have demonstrated that it increases academic learning and productivity!
Young children learn much through their senses, and the outdoors is a virtual wonderland for the senses. There are different and incredible things for the children to see (insects, clouds, and shadows), to hear (traffic sounds, birdsongs, leaves rustling in the wind), to smell (flowers and the rain-soaked ground), to touch (a fuzzy caterpillar or the bark of a tree), and even to taste (newly fallen snow, a raindrop, or a freshly picked blueberry). Children who spend much of their time acquiring experiences through television, computers, and even books are using only two senses (hearing and sight), and this can seriously affect their perceptual abilities. Also, much of this learning, which falls under the content area of science, can't be acquired indoors. Nor can children who spend most of their time indoors be expected to learn to care for the environment.
Outside, children are more likely to invent games. As they do, they're able to express themselves and learn about the world in their own way. They feel in control, which promotes autonomy, decision making, and organizational skills. Inventing rules for games promotes an understanding of why rules are necessary. And although children are just playing to have fun, they learn:
communication skills and vocabulary, as they invent, modify, and enforce rules;
number relationships, as they keep score and count; and
social skills, as they learn to play together.
Then, too, there's the aesthetic value of the outdoors. Because the natural world is filled with amazing sights, sounds, and textures, it's the perfect resource for the development of aesthetics in young children. Since aesthetic awareness means a heightened sensitivity to the beauty around us, it's something that can serve children well at those times when, as adolescents and adults, the world seems less than beautiful.
Children learn their values from the important adults in their lives. When you don't encourage them to go outdoors, they learn that the outside doesn't matter.
I realize it may not be possible to go back to the "good old days" when children roamed free. So if concern for your child's safety is keeping her indoors, remember that any time you set aside to play with her can be spent outside. Sometimes it's just a matter of playing outdoors the games you would have played indoors, like Follow the Leader.
Also, in the same way you arrange play dates for your little one, you can trade off with other parents who are willing to supervise the children's outdoor play. Or in the same way you hire a babysitter for evenings out, you can hire a daytime "play attendant" when there isn't an adult available.
By giving your child every chance to be a part of the outdoors and nature, you'll be contributing to his health and well-being and enriching his experience as a human! After all, we evolved in the outdoors. As much as we may have changed since our days as cave dwellers, our brains are still hardwired for an existence in nature. We therefore have an innate link with it that, when broken, leaves a part of us bereft.
Rae Pica is a children's physical activity specialist and the author of
A Running Start: How Play, Physical Activity, and Free Time Create a Successful Child
(Marlowe Co., 2006). She has shared her expertise with such clients as the Sesame Street Research Department, the Centers for Disease Control, Gymboree Play Music, and the President's Council on Physical Fitness Sports. You can visit Rae at
www.movingandlearning.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:44Z
Connecting with Your Kids: Strategies for Tough Conversations
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Connecting-with-Your-Kids:-Strategies-for-Tough-Conversations
-
- /8603.html
2010-05-07T09:06:42Z
2010-05-07T09:06:42Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Connecting with Your Kids:
Strategies for Tough Conversations
By Dr. Laura Markham
www.yourparentingsolutions.com
Fewer than half of all sixth graders describe their family communication as positive and only 22% of high school seniors do. What would your kids say?
Most kids, once they hit the tween years, regretfully report that there are things about which they can't talk with their parents, either because their parents won't listen, won't understand, or will over-react. Which is our loss, because our ability to parent depends on knowing what's happening in our child's life, and being able to influence him or her. And that derives directly from a depth of communication.
The challenge for parents? Learn to listen. Be available without being pushy. And find ways to talk about the hard stuff, so that she feels comfortable sharing with you. If you can control your emotions and keep the situation safe, your child may be able to start sharing her deepest worries. That's when break-throughs happen. How?
1. Don't take it personally. Your teenager slams the door to her bedroom. Your ten year old huffs
"Mom, you never understand!"
Your four year old screams
"I hate you, Daddy!"
What's the most important thing to remember? DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! This isn't primarily about you. It's about them: their tangled up feelings, their difficulty controlling themselves, their immature ability to understand and express their emotions.
When your daughter says
"You NEVER understand!"
try to hear that as information about her -- at this moment she feels like she's never understood -- rather than about you. Taking it personally wounds you, which means you do what we all do when we're hurt: either close off, or lash out, or both, which just worsens a tough situation for all concerned.
2. Manage your own feelings and behavior. The only one you can control in this situation is yourself. That means you:
Take a deep breath.
Let the hurt go.
Remind yourself that your child does in fact love you but can't get in touch with it at the moment.
Consciously lower your voice.
Try hard to remember what it feels like to be a kid who is upset and over-reacting.
Notice if your "story" is making you upset
("But she lied to me!")
and if necessary expand the story to change your emotional response:
("My daughter was so afraid of my reaction that she lied to me. I guess I need to look at how I respond when she tells me bad news.")
Master your own fear about how she's acting. Just because she's emotionally overwrought at the age of twelve doesn't mean she'll always act this way.
3. Reconnect with your love and empathy for your child. You can still set limits, but you do it from as calm a place as you can muster. Your child will be deeply grateful, even if she can't acknowledge it at the moment. I'm not for a minute suggesting that you let your child treat you disrespectfully. I'm suggesting you act out of love, rather than anger, as you set limits. And if you're too angry to get in touch with your love at the moment, then wait until you are.
4. Always start the conversation by acknowledging your child's position, as near as you can make it out. That takes him off the defensive so he can hear you. Let him take off from your comments to correct and elaborate; then reflect his corrections so he knows you recognize his side of things.
5. Extend respect. Remember that more than one perspective can be true at once. Assume your child has a reason for her views or behavior. It may not be what you would consider a good reason, but she has a reason. If you want to understand her, you'll need to extend her the basic respect of trying to see things from her point of view. Say whatever you need to say and then close your mouth and listen.
6. Keep the conversation safe for everyone. People can't hear when they're upset. If they don't feel safe, they generally withdraw or attack. If your child begins getting angry, scared or hurt, back up and reconnect. Remind him - and yourself - how much you love him, and that you're committed to finding a solution that works for everyone.
7. Try hard to avoid making your child wrong. This isn't about winning, but about teaching. Use "I" statements to describe your feelings
("It scares me when you're late and don't call.")
Describe the situation.
("This report card is much worse than your previous report cards.")
Give information.
("Our neighbor Mrs. Weiner says that you were smoking in the back yard.")
8. Summon your sense of humor. A light touch almost magically diffuses tension.
9. Remember that expressing anger just makes you more angry because it reinforces your sense that you're right and the other person is wrong. Instead, notice your anger and use it as a signal of what needs to change. For instance, rather than throwing a tantrum because the kids aren't helping around the house, use your anger as a motivator to implement a new system of chores - one they help design -- that will help prevent the problematic situation in the future.
Dr. Laura Markham is the founder of the parenting web site
www.yourparentingsolutions.com
, featuring a popular advice column and parent-tested solutions you can use every day to connect with your kids and create a richer family life. Her work appears regularly on a dozen parenting sites and in print. Dr. Markham specializes in helping families nurture the parent-child relationships that protect today's kids. She lives in New York with her husband, eleven year old daughter, and fifteen year old son. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:42Z
Why Exercise is Important after Baby
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Why-Exercise-is-Important-after-Baby
-
- /8604.html
2010-05-07T09:06:40Z
2010-05-07T09:06:40Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:40Z
Avoiding the Summer Brain Drain
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Avoiding-the-Summer-Brain-Drain
-
- /8605.html
2010-05-07T09:06:40Z
2010-05-07T09:06:40Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Avoiding the Summer Brain Drain
By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
The summer is here! That long awaited school break has arrived. Your children are now enjoying their much deserved time away from the daily grind of spelling tests, math worksheets, book reports, geography lessons, science projects and homework. It is time for them to play in the sun, swim in the pool, go camp, walk the beach, shoot hoops, ride bikes, sleep in, relax, and lose three months of reading and math gains that they worked so hard to attain this past school year.
Yes, many children fall almost three months behind in math and reading skills over the summer. This phenomenon is so well known that educators even have a special name for it. They call it the "the summer slide". Because of the summer slide teachers often invest the first two months of every school year focusing on lesson plans that help students regain skills they lost over the summer.
But this doesn't have to be the case. The summer slide does not need to occur in your family. Creating a summer that is totally void of learning is not what children need. You can provide high-quality learning opportunities for your children during the summer months that are different from those activities children are exposed to during the school year. This gives them a break from traditional school work and yet prevents important skills from slowing draining away.
Below are a few tips you can use to create a different look and feel to the learning opportunities you offer your children this summer.
Math skills deteriorate rapidly in the summer. Use your environment to help them use math skills. When you put chemicals in the pool take the time to figure out the area, diameter, or volume of your pool. At approximately 9 pounds per gallon of water, how much does all that water weigh?
Taking a road trip? Calculate the mileage by using a map and adding up the distance as indicated on the map. What does miles-per-hour mean and how do you compute it? How many miles-per-gallon are you getting? What is the difference in gas prices in different locations?
Sit together with your eleven year old and balance the check book and compare it to the family budget. Help your teenager create a budget plan or pick a stock to invest in and track its progress through the summer.
Have your children handle money. Take pop bottles back and have them estimate how much money they will receive. Allow them to make change at your garage sale. Have them count the money you have in the family charity jar.
Keep it fun. Play games that require the use of skills learned in school. Remember the card game called "war". It's now called "Top it". Turn over a card and see if you have a card that is higher. For first and second graders turn over two cards, add them together and see which sum is higher. For fourth, fifth and sixth graders turn over two (or three) cards and multiply them and see which product is higher. Play Monopoly, Scrabble, Yahtzee, Rummikub, Boggle, Sequence, or Word Up. A brief stop at the department store game section and your list of options easily multiplies.
Keep lots of reading material around your home. Read to and with your children. Create a family book club. Pick a book with your child and both read it. Just the two of you sit down together over a pop or ice cream cone once a week and discuss the plot development or characters.
Model learning. Turn off the TV and get away from the video games. Let your kids catch you reading this summer. Learn a new computer program Start that book you've been wanting to write. Expand your horizons this summer with a wood carving class, parenting workshop, pottery or painting class.
Get help. Every community has learning activities for kids. Libraries have reading programs. Recreation centers and churches have day camps. Schools have inventor's camps. Art Institutes have drawing, painting, pottery and drama classes for children. Sign your kids up.
Create a summer that balances rest, relaxation, and fun with learning. Use the many opportunities that summer offers to help your children grow their brain. If you do you will help your children begin the new school year right where they left off when school ended this year and the only summer slide they experience will be the one at the recreation center or water park.
Thomas Haller and chick Moorman are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today:
www.personalpowerpress.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:40Z
Food-Both Important and Unimportant
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Food-Both-Important-and-Unimportant
-
- /8606.html
2010-05-07T09:06:39Z
2010-05-07T09:06:39Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Food-Both Important and Unimportant
By Linda Spangle, RN, MA
www.FoodisEasy.com
The day is filled with questions! Shall we have lunch at that snazzy new restaurant? What's your secret for that delectable salmon on the grill? Who made that wonderful carrot cake? Do you think I can I get the recipe?
Just picture it-succulent crab cakes, fresh asparagus with hollandaise and a piece of chocolate swirl cheesecake. Food is so wonderful! In our society, it's the king of entertaining, celebrating and connecting. It gives you a way to display your fabulous kitchen or to show off your culinary skills. But what about your diet? Somehow, you need a way to enjoy and appreciate food without sabotaging your weight or your health. And you can, by simply putting food in its proper place.
Let food be unimportant
When you get into your car, you don't expect every trip to be inspiring or memorable. Sometimes you just need to go to the store or visit your mother. In the same way, eating doesn't always have to be fun or exciting. Lots of times, food will be quite mundane, but since it's providing fuel, you eat it anyway. Instead of fretting about boring food, just label it as "unimportant."
Now picture a vacation where you catch a phenomenal sunset or discover a new road with beautiful mountain scenery. On this kind of trip, your drive takes on more status and importance. In the same way, a surprise birthday party or an exotic new restaurant can suddenly change your view of food. When this happens, you simply choose to let food be "important."
Just like the drive where you slow down and appreciate the scenery, you can do the same thing with food. Go ahead and give it your full attention and allow yourself to enjoy it. Appreciate the taste, delight in the eating experience and ask for the recipe.
Get picky about when it's important
You can't make food special all the time, so before you label it as important, think carefully about your goals. Are you enjoying the exquisite creations of a new chef? Or are you hoping to connect and communicate better with someone? In that case, focus on having a meaningful conversation and on showing love and appreciation.
In your day-to-day life, food doesn't always have to be the center of attention. So just like getting into your car, decide when you want to make food important and when to let it be routine.
Linda Spangle, RN, MA, is a weight-loss coach specializing in emotional eating, and the author of
100 Days of Weight Loss
, a book of daily lessons that helps people stay committed to their diet and exercise plans. Her website is
www.FoodisEasy.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:39Z
5 Ways to Kick Start the Dieter in You
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/5-Ways-to-Kick-Start-the-Dieter-in-You
-
- /8607.html
2010-05-07T09:06:37Z
2010-05-07T09:06:37Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>5 Ways to Kick Start the Dieter in You
By Kenneth Schwarz, Ph.D. and Julie North Schwarz
www.mariaslastdiet.com
Do you need to lose weight, but you aren't really doing anything about it? Boy, you tell yourself, I really need to go on a diet. Maybe you say that all the time, but you keep putting it off.
This is easy to understand, especially if you've been on diets before and you found them difficult or unpleasant and just plain too hard. Maybe at this point you doubt yourself and your ability. Maybe you are too afraid of failing again. So even though you want to lose weight, maybe in self-defense you've put the dieter in you to sleep. No more procrastinating. Here are 5 effective ways to get yourself to go ahead and do it, and not one of them is too hard for you.
Tap into your displeasure
Admit how your weight is affecting your life. Admit how it makes you feel. Acknowledge your feelings about yourself when you look in the mirror. Let yourself become more conscious of how displeased you are with your present weight in however many different ways. This admission will help tip the scales from passively living with it to going forward and changing it.
Visualize the fantasy-you
Define what you want to look like. In your mind's eye create a lifelike, specific, excellent, body-shape you. When you visualize your goal in this way, you are priming your brain to work in the direction of that goal. Imagine this fantasy-you several times a day. One of the things you need in order to become it, is to be able to visualize it. Once you are able to see it, it reinforces your desire to get there.
Set sub-goals
A great big distant goal can seem unattainable. If you tell yourself you must lose thirty pounds, it may seem like an impossible task. Who wants to start something that seems impossible? The answer is to break up the path to your goal into smaller, more easily reachable sub-goals.
Each sub-goal will be an important step along your path to the ultimate goal. For example, smaller diet steps might be losing the first five pounds, anticipating a high risk situation; cheating and going right back on. Since these are smaller steps, you'll be able to see them as being very possible and within your capability. This will give you the confidence and hope you need to jump right in.
Take the mind journey
Make a mental movie of yourself as if you are actually proceeding on this small-step path to your goal. As you imagine yourself doing it, you will begin to have new and creative ideas about how you might actually take these steps. You will begin to think of what can be most helpful to you as you go. Imagining yourself accumulating small successes is a great way to feel prepared. Feeling as though you are prepared is essential. It gives you the courage to start a serious weight-loss effort.
Go public
Go public with your decision to diet and it will help you keep your commitment in place. Don't keep it a secret, don't be hush-hush about it. If you keep the idea to yourself, it is much easier to go back on your word. If you decide to start your diet on Monday and you don't do it, no one knows but you. If you tell someone, you have more than yourself to answer to. Telling someone about your plans, or even several people for that matter, makes it a much more solid decision. You are less likely to procrastinate if you make a public declaration to go ahead and do it. This will also help the people around you to be on your side, which will give you a nice push in the direction of getting started.
Don't assume that a good dieter is just born that way, because then it can seem like you won't be able to lose weight no matter what you do. This mindset will sabotage your chances of going ahead. There is a let's-get-going dieter in you, waiting to stand up and be counted. She just needs a little kick start - a little more hope at the beginning, a little more encouragement, a little more planning and preparation, a little more faith in herself and in her ability to do it.
Dr. Kenneth Schwarz, a psychologist and psychoanalyst practicing in Connecticut, and his wife Julie are the founders of
www.mariaslastdiet.com
, a website offering strategies and support for diet success. Dr. Schwarz provides tools to help women succeed regardless of which diet they choose. Sign up for their free newsletter and receive ongoing support for total diet success. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:37Z
Elder Abuse: a Deepening Current Social Issue
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Elder-Abuse:-a-Deepening-Current-Social-Issue
-
- /8608.html
2010-05-07T09:06:36Z
2010-05-07T09:06:36Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Elder Abuse: a Deepening Current Social Issue
Preventing Elder Abuse Is a Question of Education, Ethics and Morality
By Rebecca Sweat
www.vision.org
According to a survey in the mid nineties, roughly 19 million adults (just over 10 percent) report at least some functional difficulty. Almost 6 million adults (3 percent) report either being completely unable to walk three blocks, climb 10 stairs, or stand 20 minutes. How do we care for these people?
In an earlier, perhaps more gracious time, it was not a problem. The young, the old, the strong and the weak were absorbed into the fabric of the extended family. In our fast culture is there a place for those who can no longer cope?
No one knows exactly how many elderly people are mistreated, but the National Research Council's Panel to Review Prevalence and Risk of Elder Abuse and Neglect estimated in a 2003 report that between one and two million Americans, aged 65 or older, have been injured, exploited, neglected or otherwise mistreated by someone on whom they depend for care or protection.
In September 2005, a frail 87 year old woman living in an expensive care facility was unhappy. It was suspected that she was being physically abused. The supplemental caregivers placed a hidden camera in her room and the results were horrifying. Their camera showed that day after day Norma was being thrown into her bed, threatened with fists, hit with a slipper and screamed at. The camera showed nurses helping themselves to Norma's money and food. Armed with the tapes, they went to the police and the nurses and the home were charged with assault and theft.
To persons of good will it is hard to understand what kind of person would abuse the elderly. Bullies actively seek out vulnerability and gains gratification provoking arguments and increasing hostility. Some even take pleasure in inflicting physical harm. There are signs you can watch for:
Physical Abuse:
This includes beating, hurting or harming the patient. It often includes unnecessary restraint. You should look for:
Caregiver's refusal to allow you to see your parent alone.
Look for bruises, broken bones, or broken eyeglasses.
Look for cuts, open wounds, and wounds in various stages of healing
Look for inexplicable sprains, dislocations, and internal injuries
Mental Abuse:
This includes threats, verbal abuse, name calling, humiliation or efforts to punish or make the patient feel helpless. You should look for:
Sudden changes in behavior
Agitation or anger
Withdrawal
Depression
Confusion
Elder Neglect:
Elder neglect is any failure to fulfill care-giving duties or obligations. You should look for:
Dehydration or malnutrition
Untreated bedsores
Unsanitary living conditions
Harmful living conditions
People are living longer and longer lives; many requiring ongoing, long-term care. Current events show that more elder abuse cases are being reported than in years past, and many experts believe that the actual number of cases will increase in the years ahead as older Americans constitute a larger proportion of the U.S. population than ever before. This is one of the pressing social issues of our time.
Many baby boomers, currently the age group ranging from 40 to 60 years old, can expect to live well into their 80s and 90s. Elder care often falls to the grown children of seniors, who now are baby boomers and busy with their own children and careers. Can anything be done?
Gaining a comprehensive overview of this current social problem is helpful.
Senior citizens, too, should educate themselves. They need to know what resources are available in their community, which they can use to protect themselves.
Children need to be educated and taught that old age is not a bad time. See Prescription for Elder Abuse on the Vision.org website. If the younger generation truly understands and respects the older generation, they will be included rather than excluded. The golden years are a fascinating time and older people have much wisdom to impart to the next generation.
This gets down to what is actually the more fundamental issue: ultimately the solution doesn't lie in acknowledging the issues and teaching people how the elderly should be cared for, helpful as those may be. Education can't fix the problem if people don't reassess their values.
In order to eliminate this growing social issue we need to become one another's keeper.
Vision offers in-depth coverage of current social issues, insights into the philosophical, moral and ethical values in society today - health care, science and environmental news and articles. For more information visit
www.vision.org
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:36Z
Bust the Old Habits That Ruin Your Diet
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Bust-the-Old-Habits-That-Ruin-Your-Diet
-
- /8609.html
2010-05-07T09:06:34Z
2010-05-07T09:06:34Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Bust the Old Habits That Ruin Your Diet
By Linda Spangle, RN, MA
www.foodiseasy.com
"Once I lose this weight, I'll never gain it back!" Sound familiar? Unfortunately, these are famous last words for many dieters. It takes more than determination and willpower to make that declaration stick. In fact, when a group of dieters were asked what contributed to them re-gaining weight, their answers had a common theme. Nearly all of them said, "I slipped back into my old habits."
Think about your own weight loss history. What are some "old habits" that easily get you into trouble? Is it buying chips or ice cream again after you've avoided them for months? Perhaps a couple of glasses of wine before dinner? Maybe you spend more time in the break room where you can't resist the doughnuts and other goodies. Or you slide back into using food to cope with stress or depression.
Identify your old habits
Take out a piece of paper and make a list of all the old habits that you know cause problems with your maintenance goals. Once you complete the list, keep it around to remind yourself of these danger areas. Then create a few strategies to protect yourself from letting these old habits sneak back into your life.
Now you have a good system for recognizing and preventing old patterns from causing the scale to go back up. But here's a funny thing-in the same way that it's easy to slip back into OLD habits, you can also slip AWAY from your healthy ones.
For example, how many times have you resolved to floss your teeth every day? Have you been able to make that into a habit? Personally, I have to re-create that one every couple of months!
Once you build new habits, you need to make them so strong that you can't imagine life without them. One of the best ways to do this is through repetition-doing the habit over and over until it feels permanent.
Replace old with new
On the piece of paper where you described old habits to avoid, create a list called "New Habits in My Life." Include some of the things you're already doing such as eating breakfast every day, not skipping meals and carrying a water bottle with you.
In your daily routines, look for ways to shake things up. For example, instead of heading straight for the refrigerator when you get home from work, try reading the mail over a cup of hot tea. Break up problem rituals by entering your driveway from the opposite side or using the back door of your home instead of your usual entrance.
When you're sitting down to watch TV football games, switch from drinking beer to having a diet soda. If you always search for something to eat before you get ready for to bed, consider relaxing with a warm bath.
Besides your routine, daily patterns, create habits that you can use year after year to manage holidays, birthdays or vacations. For example, if your family rituals include making huge meals or eating ice cream together, figure out how to stop yourself from automatically joining in. You might need to invent new ways to feel connected to others, even if you're the only person in the group who changes.
Old habits will get you in trouble every time. So instead of proclaiming you'll never gain your weight back, build a set of new habits and healthy patterns that will guarantee you can make this a reality.
Linda Spangle, RN, MA, is a weight-loss coach specializing in emotional eating, and the author of
100 Days of Weight Loss
, a book of daily lessons that helps people stay committed to their diet and exercise plans. Her website is
www.foodiseasy.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:34Z
Spring Cleaning For Parents
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Spring-Cleaning-For-Parents
-
- /8610.html
2010-05-07T09:06:32Z
2010-05-07T09:06:32Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Spring Cleaning For Parents
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
Rake the yard. Clean out the garage. Go through closets. Donate unused items to charitable organizations. Wash windows. You know the drill. It's called SPRING CLEANING.
But what if Spring Cleaning took on a new twist this year, one that would benefit your children greatly? What if you cleaned the cobwebs out of your mind? What if you wiped away all the limiting beliefs that keep you from becoming the parent you always wanted to be? What if you cleaned up a broken relationship, mended a mental fence, or re-minded yourself about the importance of you role in your child's life? This spring might just be the ideal time for cleaning up your responsibility as a parent. Consider the ideas below.
Reawaken your curiosity. Clean out your present expectations and your knowing of why your children do things. Return to wonder. Be fascinated by what they do. Let yourself be awed. Allow your curiosity to bloom this spring.
Eliminate judgment. Judgment keeps you from seeing your children clearly. If you judge a child as lazy, you are less likely to see ambitious behavior. If you judge her as uncaring, you will have difficulty noticing her benevolent acts. Clean the lens in your eyes by reducing the number of judgments through which you perceive you children.
Be out of your mind. Use silent times to wash old and useless thoughts from your mind. Resist the urge to over-analyze parenting issues. Stop thinking and cluttering your mind with incessant chatter. Listen to your heart. Follow your intuition. Pick parenting strategies that have your heart in them.
Appreciate the moment. The best present to give your children is to be fully present when you are with them. Throw out thoughts about the future and the past when you interact with your children. There is only one moment to see, feel, express, learn, grow, or heal with your children. This is it. Pitch the rest.
Clean up your schedule. Every child in the world spells love, TIME. Adjust your priorities. Pick through your list of social and business activities. Get rid of old obligations and habits that prevent you from investing time with your children.
Apologize and begin again. Spring is the time of new beginnings. Do you need to begin again with one of your children? Do you need to make amends? If so, tell your children what you learned and what you intend to do differently from now on. Then follow through.
Cut down on talking. Reduce your need to explain, lecture, moralize, rationalize, and convince. The first step towards love is to listen. Give your children the gift of your presence by hearing rather that telling, by acknowledging instead of convincing, by understanding rather that jumping to conclusions.
Rework truth. Cleanse you mind of the notion that there is ONE truth. You know your truth. Allow your children to find theirs. Model for your children how you live your truth. Support them in their efforts to find their own truth and encourage them to trust it.
Fix it up. What parenting concerns need to be fixed in your home? Do you need to fix a relationship, the use of the TV and the internet, or a reoccurring stress? Fix your mind first so you are tuned into fixing problems rather than fixing blame. Maintain a solution-seeking mindset as you fix it up this spring.
Give yourself a perception check. Remember, you can choose to see any parenting situation differently from the way you are presently seeing it. Perception is always a choice. Clean up your mind by asking yourself, "Is this way of seeing this problem the one that brings the most light and love to the situation?" Use springtime to enlighten your parenting perceptions and actions.
A thorough spring cleaning of your parenting style could make your home sparkle. It could be like a fresh coat of paint that brightens the exterior and the interior of you and your children. It might work like the cleansing combination of adding energy and love to a bucket of soap and water. Brighter, cleaner, healthier family relationships could well be the result of your spring cleaning this year. Happy cleaning.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of
The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose
. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today:
www.personalpowerpress.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:32Z
The Sneaky Chef says: Hide Slow-Burning Foods in Kids' Meals to Avoid Blood Sugar "Spike and Crash"
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Sneaky-Chef-says:-Hide-Slow-Burning-Foods-in-Kids-Meals-to-Avoid-Blood-Sugar-Spike-and-Crash
-
- /8611.html
2010-05-07T09:06:29Z
2010-05-07T09:06:29Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Sneaky Chef says:
Hide Slow-Burning Foods in Kids' Meals to Avoid Blood Sugar "Spike and Crash"
By Missy Lapine
www.thesneakychef.com
Kids love roller coasters. Moms don't - well, at least not the ones that take place inside our homes! I'm talking about the "spike and crash" syndrome that describes the rapid ups and downs of children's blood sugar levels when they eat too much sugar and overly processed carbs, especially on an empty stomach.
Foods that are especially high in sugar - even natural sugar and honey - are known to cause a very quick rise in blood-sugar levels. They are rated high on the " glycemic index" (GI) - a measurement of the effect a food has on one's blood sugar level. The higher the rating on the index, the more rapid the increase in blood sugar level. The spike doesn't last very long and is followed by a corresponding fast drop in blood-sugar level. (often it drops even lower than it was before we ate). This is commonly referred to as the "spike and crash syndrome."
Children seem especially susceptible to this phenomenon. After they eat the kid-favorite jelly beans (the ultimate sugar spike), particularly when it's on an empty stomach, parents notice them acting as if they've had four cups of coffee. They're bouncing off the walls and then, in a predictable amount of time, they crash - growing sleepy, lethargic, and cranky. The reason is that refined sugars (or carbs) raise blood-glucose levels too quickly, causing a surge of insulin, which soon removes even more sugar than when the person started; the loss of sugar is what makes him feel lethargic. For people who are particularly sensitive, the crash may be accompanied by shakiness, irritability, fogginess, and a feeling of intense hunger even though they just ate an hour ago. Almost all packaged snack foods and cereals that are marketed to kids today have this effect on them.
Examples of slower-burning carbs (those with a low GI) are high-fiber foods such as whole grain breads and crackers, vegetables, beans, legumes, brown rice, oats, and whole grain pasta. These high-fiber foods not only add nutrients, but they also contribute to the feeling of being full, which prevents children from overeating. Including low-GI foods in recipes keeps the blood sugar levels balanced, reduces subsequent cravings for more sugar and the snacks that contain it, helps manage weight, and has a positive influence on moods and concentration, among other things.
We need to get kids to eat these low GI, slow-burning foods more often, and at the right times (along with the high GI snacks, for example). That's just what the recipes below do, yet none of these sneaky additions are obvious. When your kids eat a Sneaky Chef Corn Muffin (below), all they know is that it's delicious. They stay satisfied longer than if they'd eaten a donut or candy bar, have more sustained energy, feel happier overall, and don't crave as much junk food. Your little muffins won't realize that the muffins they ate had enough fiber from the hidden vegetables, wheat germ and stone ground flour to stabilize their blood-sugar levels. They have no idea why the Sneaky Chef Chocolate Chip Cookie was so gratifying to eat. After all, it tasted just like any other chocolate chip cookie, so they couldn't possibly guess that it contained pureed white beans, whole grains, and half the sugar. The only one who knows these little secrets is you (and their healthier bodies).
As "The Sneaky Chef," I'm known for coming up with simple solutions that we can use right now, without radically changing our lives, but that make families healthier without a struggle. I live in the real world where kids eat sugar, junk food, and pizza, but I've found ways to boost all their foods with extra nutrition and help offset any ill effects of a less-than-ideal diet.
So here are 7 simple ways to prevent the sugar "spike and crash" syndrome and give your child lasting energy:
Sneak vegetables into high-carb foods -- these low-GI veggies add not only important nutrients, but lots of fiber that helps slow down the sugar rush. For example, hide pureed cauliflower and zucchini in corn muffins (see muffin recipe below).
Sneak whole grains into high-carb foods -- the high fiber grains not only slow the sugar rush, but help make kids feel satisfied so they won't be as likely to overeat. For example, mix wheat germ and whole wheat flour with white flour for homemade baked goods (see cookie recipes below).
Sneak beans into high-carb foods - low GI beans add not only important nutrients, but lots of fiber that helps slow down the sugar rush. For example, hide pureed white beans in homemade chocolate chip cookies (see recipe below).
Make snacks into "mini-meals" - instead of giving kids a "snack" of high-GI carbs alone (like potato chips, most cereal bars, even most fruits), make it a "mini-meal" and pair that fast-burning carb with some good fat and protein like a cheese stick, slice of turkey breast, or a handful of almonds to help slow the sugar rush.
Avoid high sugar foods before going to bed - this can cause the child to wake-up already in a sugar low and on the way to a downward spiral. If you're going to have the classic bedtime cookies and milk, make it the Sneaky Chef's high-fiber, low-sugar cookies below.
Start the day with fiber and protein - this is far more important than a glass of juice which has too high a sugar count. A whole grain breakfast of old-fashioned oatmeal with almonds (grind them up to hide them, if necessary) will hold a kid way longer than orange juice and a bagel. So will a slice of cheese melted on a whole grain English muffin. For a fast, "grab and go" breakfast loaded with whole grains and protein, try the recipe for Breakfast Cookies and Milk below.
Sprinkle cinnamon on cereal, desserts, and juice -- One of the easiest ways to balance your blood sugar for the day is to add a sprinkling of cinnamon in oatmeal, hot cocoa, chocolate milk, apple juice, or cereal. Cinnamon has been found to be one of the most effective ways to balance blood sugar levels and prevent the "spike and crash."
copy; Missy Chase Lapine, all rights reserved.
Missy Chase Lapine is the author of
The Sneaky Chef: Simple Strategies for Hiding Healthy Foods in Kids' Favorite Meals
. She is the former publisher of
Eating Well
magazine and the founder of a natural baby product line Baby Spareg;. Missy is currently on the Culinary Arts faculty of The New School, in New York City, and conducts workshops that teach families how to eat healthier. She is available to individuals, groups and businesses for private cooking instruction, workshops and personal coaching. Missy lives with her family in Westchester, New York. For more information visit
www.TheSneakyChef.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Recipes Below:
Breakfast Cookies
Chocolate Chip Cookies
Corn Muffins
SNEAKY CHEF'S BREAKFAST COOKIES:
Makes 16 to 18 large cookies
2 cups whole grain cereal flakes (such as Wheaties or Total)
3/4 cup Flour Blend (1/4 cup white flour, 1/4 cup whole wheat flour, and 1/4 cup wheat germ)
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 large egg
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup canola oil
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
3/4 cup low-fat ricotta cheese
Cinnamon sugar for dusting
Preheat oven to 400 degrees and line a baking sheet with parchment paper (or spray with oil).
Using a rolling pin, gently crush the cereal (in a sealed plastic bag) into coarsely crushed flakes. Alternatively, you can quickly pulse the cereal in a food processor.
In a large mixing bowl, whisk together Flour Blend, crushed cereal, baking soda, salt and cinnamon. In another bowl, whisk together egg, sugar, oil, vanilla, and ricotta cheese. Add the dry ingredients to the wet and mix just enough to moisten dry ingredients. Drop single tablespoonfuls onto the baking sheets, leaving about an inch between cookies. Flatten cookies with the back of a fork and then sprinkle tops generously with cinnamon sugar (or just sugar if your kids don't like the cinnamon flavor). Bake about 18 to 20 minutes, or until nicely browned and crispy around the edges.
SNEAKY CHEF'S CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES:
Makes about 50 two-bite cookies
1 cup Flour Blend (1/3 cup white flour, 1/3 cup whole wheat flour, and 1/3 cup wheat germ)
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup rolled oats, finely ground in a food processor
2 tablespoons blanched, slivered almonds, finely ground in a food processor (omit if allergic)
8 tablespoons unsalted butter
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 large egg
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/4 cup White Bean Puree* (see Make-Ahead Recipe below)
1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Remove butter from refrigerator to let soften.In a large bowl, whisk together Flour Blend, baking soda, salt, ground oats, and ground almonds (optional). Set aside.
In the bowl of an electric mixer, beat butter and both sugars until creamy. Beat in egg, vanilla, and White Bean Puree. Add dry ingredients and mix on low speed. Stir in chocolate chips. Make two-bite cookies by dropping rounded
half-teaspoonfuls
, spaced 2 inches apart, onto nonstick or parchment- lined baking sheets.
Bake for 12 to 14 minutes or until golden brown. Let cool on a metal rack. Store cookies in airtight container at room temperature.
*Sneaky Chef's Make Ahead Recipe-White Bean Puree:
1 15-ounce can white beans (great northern, navy, butter or cannellini)
1 to 2 tablespoons water
Rinse and drain the beans and put in the bowl of your food processor. Pulsing in on/off turns, puree the drained beans with just 1 tablespoon of water in processor until smooth, stopping occasionally to scrape down sides of bowl. The goal is a smooth, but
not wet
, puree. (You are aiming for the consistency of peanut butter.) If necessary, thin with a little more water by one teaspoonful at a time until there are no flecks of whole beans visible.
Store in the refrigerator up to 3 days, or freeze 1/4 cup portions in sealed plastic bags or small plastic containers. Makes about 1 cup of puree. Double this recipe if you want to store another cup of puree.
SNEAKY CHEF'S CORN MUFFINS:
Makes 6 large muffins (or 12 mini-muffins)
1/2 cup Flour Blend (3 tablespoons white flour, 3 tablespoons whole wheat flour, and 2 tablespoons wheat germ)
1/2 cup yellow cornmeal
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 large eggs
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup canola oil
1/2 cup White Puree* (See Make-Ahead Recipe below)
1/2 cup fresh or frozen corn kernels, pureed
Optional toppings: 1/4 cup chocolate chips or 1/4 cup shredded low-fat cheese
Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line a muffin tin with paper liners.In a mixing bowl, whisk together the Flour Blend, cornmeal, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. In another large bowl, whisk together the eggs and sugar until well combined, then whisk in the oil, White Puree, and pureed corn. Fold the wet ingredients into the dry and mix until flour is just moistened (don't over-mix or the muffins will be dense).
Scoop the batter into muffin tins, filling just over the top. If you're using mini muffin cups, scale back quantities to fit into the smaller sized cups. Top with a few chocolate chips, or sprinkle with shredded cheese, and bake for 22 to 24 minutes until tops are golden brown and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.
*Sneaky Chef's Make-Ahead Recipe -- White Puree:
2 cups cauliflower, cut into florets
2 small to medium zucchini, peeled and rough chopped
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
1-2 tablespoons water, if necessary
Steam cauliflower in a vegetable steamer over 2 inches of water, using a tightly-covered pot, for about 10 to 12 minutes until very tender. Alternatively, place cauliflower in a microwave-safe bowl , cover with water, and microwave on high for 8 to 10 minutes until very tender.
While waiting for the cauliflower to finish steaming, start to pulse the raw peeled zucchini with the lemon juice only (no water at this point). Drain the cooked cauliflower. Working in batches if necessary, add it to the pulsed zucchini in the bowl of the food processor with one tablespoon of water. Puree on high until smooth. Stop occasionally and push contents from the top to the bottom. If necessary, use the second tablespoon of water to make a smooth (but not wet) puree.
Makes about 2 cups of puree. Double recipe if you want to store even more, which can be done in the refrigerator for up to 3 days, or freeze 1/4 cup portions in sealed plastic bags or the small plastic containers.
copy; Missy Chase Lapine, all rights reserved.
Missy Chase Lapine is the author of
The Sneaky Chef: Simple Strategies for Hiding Healthy Foods in Kids' Favorite Meals
. She is the former publisher of
Eating Well
magazine and the founder of a natural baby product line Baby Spareg;. Missy is currently on the Culinary Arts faculty of The New School, in New York City, and conducts workshops that teach families how to eat healthier. She is available to individuals, groups and businesses for private cooking instruction, workshops and personal coaching. Missy lives with her family in Westchester, New York. For more information visit
www.TheSneakyChef.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:29Z
The Popularity Game: Teaching Kids How To Cope
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Popularity-Game:-Teaching-Kids-How-To-Cope
-
- /8612.html
2010-05-07T09:06:26Z
2010-05-07T09:06:26Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Popularity Game: Teaching Kids How To Cope
By Sally Sacks
www.sallysacks.com
As a mother and a professional therapist, my heart has been broken many times listening to the tales of life in the fast lane of 5th and 6th grade girls. I have likened the experiences to that of prisoners trying to get through their day unharmed, by knowing the right people and keeping their mouths shut. Apparently there is and will always be a social order, of who is best and who is not, and the who is not will always suffer.
The 'popular kids' are always the same. I was in school 40 years ago, and it was the same as kids describe now. The kids that wear the expensive clothes, Abercrombie, American Eagle, Hollister are the big ones now, and play sports, and can do school well, be cheery and outgoing , (and a big huge home helps), become popular. The kids who are not the straight cookie cutter variety, often are left out, misunderstood, or considered weird . The popular kids either deliberately or inadvertently make life hell for the others.
As a parent, watching kids go through this is very difficult, sad and anger provoking. Kids will come to me in counseling and tell me that they sit all day in fear of a girl dissing them, embarrassing them or rolling their eyes at another girl about them. These kids are terrified to speak up because then their reputation will be ruined. They can't tell a teacher because going for outside help is a sign of weakness. And most assured, going for help will cause reason for retaliation. Kids, due to this stressful experience, get stomach aches, anxiety, and all kinds of medical ailments, that are stress, turned inward to the body.The kids need tools to deal with this problem.
As a parent careful thought is needed because it is easy to say the wrong thing and anger your child, or render them feeling more helpless. Here are some wrong ways to handle it. The following are comments that DO NOT work.
Do not tell your child that she is prettier than that girl that thinks she is all that, and the girl is just jealous. This isn't believable to your child and isn't the point, therefore doesn't offer a tool to solve the problem. The child will have a come back for you about how not helpful you are.
Do not tell your child not to let it bother them, and that they are fine the way they are. The child will tell you how you don't get it, and that this is their life. How dare you make light of a huge problem, and tell them they are fine the way they are, when clearly they aren't or the others would like them more.
Do not tell your child how much smarter and interesting they are than the others. Don't criticize the others for their emphasis on Abercrombie and other trendy stores, saying that you find them stupid and unnecessary. Children want to fit in. They don't have that level of reasoning capacity.
Kids need to know what to do when they are in this situation. Here are examples of what to do to actually help your child. The first thing to do is:
Listen to your child's story of what is going on for them without making judgment. Hear them out. Empathize with their difficulty without overreacting, or under reacting. They need someone they can trust and talk to.
After they tell their story, ask them non judgmental questions, trying to understand what they would like to see happen in their situation. For example, I had a child who was upset because 12 kids in her class planned on going to the park together. She and her 4 friends were not invited. She felt unpopular, hurt and left out. I asked her what she wanted, and she said to be able to go with them. She felt she couldn't just invite herself, she'd look too desperate. I asked her why she thought she might be left out. Without judgment, this question helped her to think at a higher level than she had been.
Explain kid's behavior to your kids. Sometimes kids leave people out because they don't see you all the time, or feel if they ask you, they have to ask all your friends. Sometimes they need to know you better. Sometimes it may not be deliberate. In the case of the girl above, I gave her an example of how she might ask to go without being intrusive or too needy. Sometimes asking is a good thing. Sometimes you have to be assertive to be included. Take your child's lead and ask what they think about this. What would be hard about this for them, or not so hard about asking to join in? Listen again without judgment. Gather facts and work with them.
Try to help your child make more choices and expand their thinking by widening the idea of, "They don't like me; I'm not cool", to maybe they overlooked it, or they couldn't have more kids and had to pick their closest friends. Teach them how they might be noticed more or become a closer friend.
Let them know that believing in themselves and creating what they want for themselves is possible and necessary. Let them know how fortunate they are to have the close friends that they have and how to even meet more friends if their group is getting thinner, which it does.
Help them to get involved in activities that connect them to new friends and new ideas and options in their lives. Go for the take action strategy to change the things you don't like in your life, and waste less energy feeling bad about things. This is a lesson everyone must learn to get ahead in their lives.
Share examples with them about you, and overcoming those painful social school experiences.
Sally Sacks, M.Ed is a licensed psychotherapist, with 20 years of experience, counseling individuals, children, families and couples. Sally is the author of
How to Raise the Next President
, a groundbreaking parents' guide to teaching and instilling in their kids the qualities they'll need to be happy, successful and productive, no matter which path they choose in life. Sally offers personal and group coaching and can be reached through her website at
www.sallysacks.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:26Z
Ten Ways to Create Sibling Rivalry
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Ten-Ways-to-Create-Sibling-Rivalry
-
- /8613.html
2010-05-07T09:06:24Z
2010-05-07T09:06:24Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Ten Ways to Create Sibling Rivalry
By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
The Wilson's two children don't like each other. The Archer girls publicly put each other down. The Gonzalez boys pout if they aren't first, don't win, or don't do better than the other. This condition is called sibling rivalry and in each of these cases it was unconsciously created by the parents.
Do you want to make sure you don't inadvertently encourage sibling rivalry in your family? Do you want to avoid the ways many parents promote tension among their children? If so, read on and consider the top ten ways parents promote sibling rivalry without even knowing it. Then, if you decide sibling rivalry in not something you want to encourage in your family, do the opposite.
Compare your children to one another and let them know you are doing it. Say things like, "Your brother never acts that way," and "If your sister can do it, why can't you?" Holding one child up as the model and using that model to encourage better behavior on the part of the sibling is a sure way to create resentment and divisiveness among your children.
Put one child in charge of the other. Having to watch a younger brother while the parent runs out to the mail box or convenience store can create resentment. Making the older child baby sit during the summer while you are working is asking for sibling conflict. The older one will resent the fact that he has to do the sitting and the younger one will resent that he has to be watched, in his view, by a peer.
Allow humorous teasing or gentle and loving putdowns. There is no such thing as a loving or gentle putdown. Teasing is not funny! Making fun of someone or having a laugh at someone else's expense no matter how small still hurts. Teasing is never appropriate in loving families. A joke is not a joke if it is not a joke. When teasing occurs, someone ends up the recipient. That person often finds themselves in a defensive position and feels as if he has to attack back to create balance and save face.
Always give the younger child hand-me-downs. This ritual, if done often, can create a feeling of being a second-hand person or less-than the other child who gets the new things. When this occurs the younger one often strives to be first or get more attention. Yes, the economics in some families make hand-me-downs a necessity. In these cases make sure the younger child gets something new occasionally and the older one gets some passed on clothing as well.
Reward tattling. When children tattle, follow up by punishing those that were tattled on. This is a sure way to promote sibling rivalry. Refuse to listen to both sides of the story to further increase sibling rivalry. Create an atmosphere where the first person to get his story out is in the "right". If you want sibling rivalry growing in your home, do not invest time teaching your children when it
is
important to tell (health and safety issues) and when and how they can handle the situation on their own.
Ask your kids to spy. Tell your son, "I want to know if your sister uses the phone while I am gone." Inform your younger one, "If he splashes you again let me know." Tell one child, "The computer is off limits while I am gone. Your sister is going to be watching you to see if you follow the rules."
Buy and play many competitive games that require one winner and many losers. Focus strongly on the importance of winning and downplay the process of playing, learning, and having fun. This way your children who have lost can fight back in other ways being the only ones who know a new game is being played. The new game is called
getting even
.
Create even more competition in your family. Design artificial competition to manipulate a desired behavior such as seeing who can get ready for bed first. Use lots of competitive parent talk including, "The last one up the stares is a rotten egg," or "The first one with their coat on gets to pick where they want to sit."
Attempt to be fair. Make sure everyone has the same amount of orange drink in their cup or the same number of French fries on their plate. Did you cut equal amounts of cake? Even when you do children don't always see it that way. An effort to be consistently fair will create an atmosphere where the children are constantly checking to make sure they have the same or slightly more than the other child.
Run your house like a democracy. Put every decision to a vote. If two of the three kids always like to eat out at a pizza place and the third one likes Mexican food, the one who likes Mexican food will get out voted every time. Refuse to protect interests of a minority voting family member by voting to resolve disputes at all times.
Put these ideas to work in your family today and it won't be long before sibling rivalry will be firmly present in your home. Once you have it thriving, call up your brother or sister and brag about how competitive your children are. Challenge your own sibling to a contest. See who can create the best rivalry among your children. You just might win, but don't be surprised if your sister gets mad and pouts or attempts to get even.
Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of
The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose
. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today:
www.personalpowerpress.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:24Z
How to Outsmart Your Picky Eater
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-to-Outsmart-Your-Picky-Eater
-
- /8614.html
2010-05-07T09:06:22Z
2010-05-07T09:06:22Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>How to Outsmart Your Picky Eater
By Missy Chase Lapine
www.TheSneakyChef.com
One day, my youngest daughter had strep throat, and in the time-honored tradition of mothers everywhere, I hid her foul-tasting medicine in some chocolate pudding. As I watched her swallow it without protest, I couldn't help thinking about all the wars I had fought to get my kids to eat a fabulous grilled salmon or delicious carrot soup for dinner. Like other American children, mine had learned to run in horror from whole grains, fruits, vegetables, fish and legumes. It dawned on me that if I wanted them to grow up healthy and fit, I would have to take this "hiding" idea a step further. If it worked for healthy medicine, I reasoned, why couldn't it work for healthy food? And as I looked at the bigger picture, I knew there had to be a way to rescue dinner hour from being a battlefield, but without giving up on getting my kids to eat nutritiously. As a mother, this was a battle I couldn't afford to lose.
Thus was born The Sneaky Chef. I compiled a list of kids' favorite foods, the ones they would eat without resistance. I then came up with List B -- "superfoods," the world's healthiest ingredients. And finally: How could I hide the items on List B inside List A? How could I conceal the foods they
should
eat inside the foods they
would
eat? After trying out hundreds of ideas in my own test kitchen, I came up with the secret: As long as they couldn't see, smell or taste anything too different, they would eat what was placed in front of them without a fight.
Through careful testing, I eventually perfected the art of 13 hiding methods such as pureeing, using foods that hide well, and using visual and taste "decoys" to give food irresistible kid appeal. In the "make-aheads"- the recipe within a recipe that I worked into almost every dish - I made sure I used superfoods, which are ingredients that pack the most nutritious punch. Among them are spinach, which contains iron, calcium, folic acid and vitamins A and C; blueberries, which contain antioxidants, potassium, iron, calcium and magnesium; cauliflower, which is packed with vitamin C, folate and fiber, and which fights disease and enhances immunity; and sweet potatoes, which stabilize blood sugar levels and contain vitamin B and folates. The basic principle was that if I wanted to eat smart, I had to buy smart, so I kept as many of the superfoods in my kitchen as possible all the time.
The way I looked at this endeavor was that I was a warrior going toe to toe with the food giants, companies that threw millions of dollars into seducing my kids into eating refined sugars and transfats and empty carbs. If they could "package" their products in a way that enticed little ones into craving soda instead of milk, salty snacks, deep-fried vegetables and ultra-sweet junk foods of every conceivable variety, why shouldn't I entice them right back? Except that I would fool my kids, not with the goal of making a profit, but with the intention that they grow up strong and healthy.
Now I had my mission. All the sneaky methods I used in my signature "make-aheads" were designed to present the healthiest ingredients in great tasting, good looking "packaging." I realized that the success of any recipe depends on the kids' willingness to eat it. Any time doubt reared its head, I simply did more homework. Thousands of scientific articles pointed to the benefits of eating better, aside from the obvious point that it makes your body feel better. Add to that fewer illnesses, increased brain power, enhanced qualities of attention, strengthened immunity, better mood, and more energy.
The following make-ahead is an Orange Puree that blends excellently in pizza (and pasta) sauce, to bring a big nutritional boost to meals that usually aren't thought of as health foods.
ORANGE PUREE
1 medium sweet potato or yam, peeled and rough chopped
3 med-to-large carrots, peeled and sliced into thick chunks
2-3 tablespoons water
In medium pot, cover carrots and potatoes with cold water. Boil 20 minutes until tender. (Thoroughly cook carrots or they'll leave telltale nuggets -- a gigantic no-no for the Sneaky Chef). Drain vegetables. Puree on high in food processor with two tablespoons water, until completely smooth. Use rest of water to make a smooth puree.
Makes about 2 cups of puree. Store in refrigerator up to 3 days, or freeze frac14; cup portions in plastic containers.
POWER PIZZA
My kids have never noticed that I'm sneaking carrots and yams into their sauce! I mix the healthy puree right into the bottled tomato sauce, then I let the kids add the toppings. You can even prepare this pizza ahead of time without cooking it, and then refrigerate for a day or two. Simply bake when you're ready to eat.
Makes 1 large pizza or 4 smaller pizzas:
1 store-bought pizza dough or 4 " Greek style" pocketless pitas (whole wheat preferred)
frac34; cup store-bought tomato sauce
frac14; cup Orange Puree (see recipe above)
1 to 2 cups low-fat shredded mozzarella cheese
Preheat oven to 400 degrees and preheat a pizza stone or spray a baking sheet with oil.Stretch pizza dough, or roll out with floured rolling pin on floured surface, to form a pie. Transfer to stone or baking sheet. If using pocketless pitas, place them on the prepared baking sheet. Combine tomato sauce with Orange Puree. Mix well. Spread frac12; to 1 cup of the sauce mixture across the large pizza dough (frac14; cup for each pita), then top with 1 cup of mozzarella (frac12; cup per pita). Cover and refrigerate at this point, or bake for 15 to 20 minutes until bubbly and lightly browned. Allow to cool a few minutes, then cut into triangles and serve.
copy; Missy Chase Lapine, all rights reserved.
Missy Chase Lapine is the author of
The Sneaky Chef: Simple Strategies for Hiding Healthy Foods in Kids' Favorite Meals
(Running Press, March 2007). She is the former publisher of
Eating Well
magazine and the founder of a natural baby product line Baby Spareg; Missy is currently on the Culinary Arts faculty of The New School, in New York City, and conducts workshops that teach families how to eat healthier. She is available to individuals, groups and businesses for private cooking instruction, workshops and personal coaching. Missy lives with her family in Westchester, New York. For more information visit
www.TheSneakyChef.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:22Z
Bedtime for Toddlers
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Bedtime-for-Toddlers
-
- /8615.html
2010-05-07T09:06:19Z
2010-05-07T09:06:19Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Bedtime for Toddlers
Ten Steps to Sleep Without Tears
By Dr. Laura Markham
www.yourparentingsolutions.com
Toddlers don't seem to have an off switch. Often, when they're tired, they just reverberate faster, like an overwound toy, until they crash.
The bad news is that some kids seem to be born good sleepers, and some don't. The good news is that falling asleep is a matter of habit, and all kids can learn it. It may take some time to develop that habit, but your busy toddler can learn to put himself to sleep, and to stay asleep, eventually. Here#146;s how:
Start the wind-down process early in the evening. Toddlers who've been racing around can#146;t simply switch gears and decompress at bedtime. If dad comes home during the bedtime routine, make sure he reads a quiet story with the kids, rather than tossing them in the air as a welcome.
Follow the same evening routine every night, if possible. Dinner, bath, stories, then kissing and tucking in all the stuffed animals who share the toddler's bed, then prayers or blessings, then lights out while you sing to your little one, is common and effective. Beware of too elaborate a routine, because they have a way of expanding to take more time. Your goal is a sense of calm, safe, predictability.
Toddlers who are showing oppositional behavior may resist moving along with the bedtime routine. The best way to sidestep this is to have the clock, rather than you, be the bad guy. #147;Look, it#146;s 7:15! If we can get out of the tub now and brush your teeth, we#146;ll have time for an extra story before lights out at 7:30!#148; That way, you#146;re on his side, and he doesn#146;t need to rebel against you. He also begins to learn about responsibility and making smart choices.
Help your toddler set his "biological clock." Toddlers need a set time to go to bed every night. Most toddlers do better with an early bedtime (around 7pm), because it seems to fit their biological rhythm. When they stay up later, their adrenalin kicks in, and they actually have a harder time falling asleep. Dim lights in the hour before bedtime, as well as slow, calm routines, help kids' bodies know that it's time to sleep. And watch for those dinner-time yawns that signal he's tired. If he kicks into "overdrive" mode, getting him into bed will be much harder.
Set up a cozy bed. Your goal is to ensure that discomfort doesn't exacerbate the normal cycles of slight waking into real waking. Quiet matters -- make sure she can't hear the TV. Consider a "white noise" machine if necessary. Darkness matters -- make sure the curtains keep the streetlights out. Room-darkening shades are invaluable, especially in the summer months when your toddler will be going to sleep while it's still light out. Warmth matters -- if she kicks her covers off, make sure she sleeps in warm pjs with feet. And of course, once she's out of diapers, be sure she uses the bathroom last thing.
Many toddlers need a bedtime snack to hold them through the night, especially during growth spurts. Warm milk, a piece of toast with peanut butter (not hydrogenated oil, though), something calming and predictable, not too interesting, and without sugar, usually works best. If they can eat it at a snack table in their room while you read a bedtime story, before brushing teeth, you can move efficiently through the bedtime routine.
Don't give up naps too early. Although every child has individual sleep needs, most kids aren#146;t ready to give up naps till age 3. For many kids, going napless can make them cranky and adrenalized, which makes relaxing at bedtime harder.
Make sure they get enough fresh air and exercise during the day. Your grandmother was right: kids really do sleep more soundly when they get more outdoor play. Just not in the hour before bedtime, which re-energizes them!
Most toddlers fall asleep easily if you lie down with them, and many parents do this. Other parents resist the temptation, because they too often fall asleep themselves, and lose their evenings. This is an individual call, and there is no shame in waiting till your child is a little older before expecting her to put herself to sleep -- it does get easier for kids as they get older. Many working moms, particularly, treasure this time with their kids, and love being able to go to sleep early, then get up rested at the crack of dawn. One downside of this habit is that if the child is not in your bed, you#146;ll need to move, which wakes you up. The other downside is that when he awakens slightly in the middle of the night, during normal sleep cycles, he may well protest your absence.
All humans wake slightly at night during normal sleep cycles. Statistically, toddlers who sleep by themselves often wake fully looking for mom, since sleeping alone isn#146;t a natural biological state for them. If you don#146;t want your toddler appearing by your bed at night, you#146;ll need to teach new sleep habits so he can put himself back to sleep during the night.
If you've been nursing or rocking your child to sleep, he#146;s likely to wake during the night looking for you, and will need to be nursed or rocked again to fall back asleep. Your goal now is to help him fall asleep in his own crib or bed, comfortably. That means putting him in bed when he's awake, so he gets used to falling asleep there himself. Breaking habits can be challenging #150; he can#146;t understand why you won't nurse or rock him now. You can expect him to need your close physical proximity to settle down. In the beginning, it can also help to reward him with star charts and prizes.
Start slow. Begin (after your bedtime routine) by holding your child until he falls asleep -- not lying down, which puts you in danger of falling asleep. Use the time to meditate, if you can, or think of something delightful that you can look forward to. The next phase is to touch, but not hold, your child. Then, begin to sit next to your child while he falls asleep, without touching him. Finally, sit further and further away (with a good book and a flashlight if he can handle the light), until you#146;re outside the bedroom door. Another variation on this process is to move quietly around the room, straightening up or folding laundry, while your toddler falls asleep. This provides a sense of security, without him depending on your physical proximity. Eventually, you#146;ll find that your toddler is asleep almost as soon as his head settles on the pillow #150; and you#146;ll be amazed to find you actually have an evening!
Dr. Laura Markham is the editor of the parenting web site
www.YourParentingSolutions.com
, offering real-life solutions you can use every day to create the family of your dreams. She specializes in helping families nurture the parent-child relationships that protect today's kids. Dr. Markham lives in New York with her husband, eleven year old daughter, and fifteen year old son.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:19Z
Make Daily Physical Activity Part of Your Child's Life
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Make-Daily-Physical-Activity-Part-of-Your-Childs-Life
-
- /8616.html
2010-05-07T09:06:18Z
2010-05-07T09:06:18Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Make Daily Physical Activity Part of Your Child's Life
By Rae Pica
www.movingandlearning.com
Here's some of the bad news about sedentary lifestyles:
Forty percent of children ages 5 to 8 show at least one heart disease risk factor, including hypertension and obesity, which among children has doubled over the past two decades.
The first signs of arteriosclerosis are appearing at age 5 - something never before seen in anyone under the age of 30.
American children born in 2000 face a one-in-three chance of developing Type 2 diabetes - what used to be called adult-onset diabetes!
This is thought to be the first generation of children with a shorter lifespan than their parents'.
The good news is that it doesn't take much to turn things around. We just have to make sure our kids are physically active! Following are some tips for making that happen:
Turn off the TV! Research shows children are being electronically entertained an average of five to six hours a week. Without electronics, they'll have to find other ways to keep themselves entertained.
Encourage your children to engage in active play. Research has demonstrated that the most active children are those whose parents have encouraged them to be active.
Play with your children! Blow bubbles for them to chase, play tag and hide-and-seek, put on an up-tempo song and boogie in the living room, or break out the pots and pans and hold a parade around the house!
Serve as a role model, taking part in physical activity yourself - cheerfully!
Take the children to parks, playgrounds, or beaches; on hikes, bowling, or skating during vacations and weekends.
Don't send the wrong message about physical activity by endlessly circling the parking lot for the spot closest to the door. Instead, make a game out of parking as far as possible from the door and finding different ways to get to it (walking backward, tiptoeing, jogging, or skipping).
When it's time for gift giving, select items like hula hoops; balls in a variety of shapes, sizes, and textures; roller skates; or a wading pool or swing set. When shopping for games, Twister has more to offer than a board game. And CDs with lively music are a better choice than movie videos.
Don't expect organized sports to take care of your child's physical activity needs. There's more waiting than moving in most structured, adult-directed games.
Rae Pica is a children's physical activity specialist and the author of A Running Start: How Play, Physical Activity, and Free Time Create a Successful Child (Marlowe Co., 2006) and Great Games for Young Children (Gryphon House, 2006). She has shared her expertise with such clients as the Sesame Street Research Department, the Centers for Disease Control, Gymboree Play Music, and the President's Council on Physical Fitness Sports. You can visit Rae at
www.movingandlearning.com
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:18Z
Eating for Weight Loss
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Eating-for-Weight-Loss
-
- /8617.html
2010-05-07T09:06:16Z
2010-05-07T09:06:16Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Eating for Weight Loss
By Elizabeth Yarnell
www.gloriousonepotmeals.com
Healthy weight is just one part of an overall healthy lifestyle. The conclusion of all the research conducted by so many respected organizations is that people are overweight because not only do they intake more calories than they burn, but overweight people also tend to eat too many rich foods high in fat and sugar and devoid of nutritional value. I'll bet this sounds familiar. The most surefire way to lose weight is the one that people in our immediate-gratification society hate most to hear: eat less and exercise more.
Eat less and exercise more. Sounds simple, doesn't it? We won't discuss an exercise routine here, but please remember to discuss plans with a doctor before undertaking any exercise program. What we should know, however, is that the dictate to "eat less" doesn't have to be synonymous with "starve" or "feel deprived."
The dieter's rule of "eat less" should really be rephrased to "eat more fruits and vegetables!" Mostly composed of fiber and water, fruits and vegetables help us feel full while keeping our digestive system flowing smoothly and working efficiently. Packed with vitamins, minerals, and nutrients, fruits and vegetables give you a nutritional bang in each bite. And according to the Mayo Clinic, dieters can eat virtually unlimited amounts fruits and vegetables and still achieve their weight-loss and maintenance goals.
Healthy bodies need protein to build muscles, carbohydrates for energy, and vitamins, minerals and nutrients for good health. Beware of radical diet programs offering weight loss through elimination of one of these fundamental food groups.
Some low-carb diets are often high in artery-clogging saturated fat, and since some of them advocate reducing your fruit and vegetable intake, you lose many nutrients essential to health. Robbing your body of its fuel source of carbohydrates forces it to mine other body tissues for energy. While this may result in a temporary weight loss, the pounds often return upon reverting to normal eating habits.
However, you should choose carbohydrate sources carefully. Packaged rice and noodle mixes not only cost more than the ingredients themselves, but also include more sodium, artificial preservatives, and saturated fat than we might want. That slice of white bread won't provide half of the nutrition we receive from a slice of whole grain bread. Whole grain breads and cereals include both the fibrous outer bran layer and the nutrient-rich inner core containing vitamins E and B6 and folate. Whole grains also offer soluble fiber that remove bile acids from your intestines.
In a similar vein, a no-fat diet cripples the body in its attempts to cushion joints, insulate nerves, and pad organs. A government review of diet research released in 2001 found that moderate-fat programs are the healthiest for dieters and a proven way to keep pounds off. Of course, not all fats are the same and healthy eaters try to eliminate saturated fats like those found in many commercially-prepared foods. Good sources of fat include avocados, olives, nuts, and seeds and their oils, and fish. Red meat should be well-trimmed to reduce the fat concentration, and leaner meats such as poultry or fish should be substituted more often.
Adherents of food combining believe that the complete digestion experienced by eating proteins and carbohydrates separately encourages clean and efficient excretion of excess calories. According to the theory, allowing the body's natural enzymes to function properly breaks down the acids and bases of foods more completely, allowing fuller assimilation of nutrients as the food travels through the intestines. Not only is this believed to be healthier, but it also enables the intestines to separate out excess matter more easily and move it on through, as they say. Since excess matter is stored as fat, dieters hoping for weight loss may see a benefit by practicing food combining at times. Even eating only one meal a week of either starch and vegetables or protein and vegetables may make a difference in how you look and feel.
Since a healthy body seeks its own equilibrium of weight, the most beneficial diet you can feed your body is the one that supplies all of the elements essential for cellular functions. These elements are easy to find in whole, unprocessed foods: grains, produce, nuts and seeds, and lean meats. Stick to whole foods and balanced meals, try to get some exercise, and your weight will fall into place the way you really want it to: slowly, gradually, safely, and permanently.
Here's a great, balanced meal of whole foods in an easy to prepare one-pot meal.
Divinely Rosemary Chicken with Quinoa
Serves 2
Ingredients
3/4 cup quinoa
1 cup water or broth
1/4 onion, 1" slices, separated
2 pieces chicken, boned or de-boned, fresh or frozen solid
Salt and pepper, to taste
1 small yellow summer squash, sliced
1 cup broccoli, cut into florets
3-4 mushrooms, sliced thickly
2 sprigs rosemary
Instructions
Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Spray inside of 2-quart cast iron Dutch oven and lid with olive or canola oil.
Rinse quinoa in a strainer and place in pot with water. Smooth out the layer and add onion strips.
Rinse the chicken and place the pieces in the pot. Salt and pepper to taste. Create a layer of squash, lightly season with salt and pepper, and drop broccoli in on top. Arrange mushroom slices and tuck rosemary sprigs into crevices between the foods. Sprinkle lightly with the final salt and pepper.
Cover and bake for 45 minutes. Do not lift the lid before you smell the aroma of a fully-cooked meal escape the oven, and then wait three more minutes before opening the Dutch oven.
Tips
Don't forget to remove the rosemary sprigs before eating!
This recipe will work in both an enameled cast-iron Dutch oven and one of raw, uncoated cast iron.
Be sure your conventional oven is correctly adjusted and is fully pre-heated to 450 degrees F before putting the meal inside.
Pronounced "keen-wa", quinoa is one of the only grains that is a complete protein. The staple grain of the Incans, it has a unique, appealing texture. Find it near the rice in your grocery store.
About the author: Elizabeth Yarnell is a Certified Nutritional Consultant and the author of
Glorious One-Pot Meals: A new quick healthy approach to Dutch oven cooking
, a guide to a guide to preparing quick, healthy and balanced one-pot meals. Visit Elizabeth online at
www.gloriousonepotmeals.com
to subscribe to her free newsletter. The Glorious One-Pot Meal cooking method is unique and holds US patent 6,846,504. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:16Z
6 Things You Can Do To Get A Better Night Sleep Tonight
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/6--Things-You-Can-Do-To-Get-A-Better-Night-Sleep-Tonight
-
- /8618.html
2010-05-07T09:06:14Z
2010-05-07T09:06:14Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>6 Things You Can Do To Get A Better Night Sleep Tonight
By Jesse Cannone
www.losethebackpain.com
Let's face it. We live in a "go-go" world! Our lifestyle is harried, our food is fast and statistics now show it's taking a toll on one of the most important parts of our life--our sleep. The 2002 National Sleep Foundation (NSF)
Sleep in America
poll found that 74 percent of American adults are experiencing a sleeping problem a few nights a week or more, 39 percent get less than seven hours of sleep each weeknight, and more than one in three (37 percent) are so sleepy during the day that it interferes with daily activities. Our fast paced way of life is getting the best of us.
What about you?
Answer True or False?
Five hours of sleep at night is good enough.
It's ok to skimp on sleep during the work week as long as you make up the time over the weekends.
The effects of sleep deprivation are short-term (e.g., darkness under the eyes and dull and/or splotchy skin after a bad night's sleep) and has no effect on long-term health.
Drinking caffeine early in the evening does not affect sleep.
Keeping a TV or computer in the bedroom has no effect on sleep.
The amount of sleep I get has nothing to do with my weight, chronic pain, or overall health.
If you answered "true" to two or more questions you may need to make a few changes in order to achieve the highly coveted "good" night's sleep and keep yourself in optimal health.
Experts suggest that most people need between seven and nine hours of sleep each night but that doesn't apply to everyone. Some people only require six hours while those who are more active or have an illness may require more.
So how do you know if you are getting enough quality sleep?
Those who are sleep deprived often look the part. Dark circles and the "sleepy" look are common, but they also can have unpredictable moods, drowsiness during the day, have difficulty concentrating, weak immune systems and recover poorly from injury.
Sounding a little too familiar?
In fact, poor sleep has been found to impair the ability to perform tasks involving memory, learning and logical reasoning. This may contribute to mistakes or unfulfilled potential at school or on the job as well as strained relationships at home. Even more disturbing, inadequate amounts of sleep have been linked to an increased risk of diabetes, high blood pressure, weight gain, obesity, heart disease and depression, to name just a few.
But what if you go to bed early, have every intention on logging in your seven to nine hours but only to lie awake watching the clock...eyes wide open? Well, there are several simple adjustments you can make to stack the cards in favor of a better night's sleep.
Avoid watching TV before bed...especially
in
bed! The bed should be reserved for two things...sleep and romance...not
Desperate Housewives
or football! Research shows that those who experienced the most sleep disturbances had televisions in their bedrooms and used the TV to fall asleep.
Try a different pillow or mattress. It's scary to think how long some of us have been sleeping on the same pillows and mattresses for years and years. Does your mattress provide the support you like? Do you wake with your back aching? Is there enough room for you and your sleep partner? Do you sleep better, or worse, when you sleep away from home? These are all things to ask yourself to determine if your mattress could be the "sabotager" of your good night's sleep. Or more simply, just replacing your pillow with a new, fresh, higher quality version could be all that you need.
Avoid caffeine late in the day. Did you know that even a small amount of caffeine even 10-12 hours before bedtime can cause problems falling asleep! Try eliminating the tea, soda and even chocolate and see if sleep improves.
Listen to relaxing music. Establishing a relaxing bedtime routine, such as listening to music, could be just the thing you need to signal your body it is time to sleep. So, dim the lights and throw some slow jazz or purchase a "relaxing sounds" CD to help slow your mind and body down for an evening of peaceful sleep.
Try mind-body techniques. After an action-packed day, your brain and body need to unwind and detox before sleep can occur (a.k.a. you need to chill!) Create a "ritual" for bedtime - take a bath, meditate, do some easy stretches or yoga. Try to do your "ritual" in the same way, in the same place, at the same time each night. The repetition will trigger your mind and body that it is time to relax and sleep.
Try a natural sleep aid. For many people, while the above tips and suggestions may help, it often isn't enough. if you are one of those people who really have a hard time getting to sleep and staying asleep, you may want to try a natural sleep aid.
While over the counter sleep medications may help you fall asleep, they cannot be taken long-term and many have risky side effects. A sleep aid that uses natural ingredients is a better approach to getting a solid night's sleep.
About the author: Fitness expert and best-selling author, Jesse Cannone, CFT, is the co-owner of
www.losethebackpain.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:14Z
Healthy Habits: Make the Most of Your Child's Day
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Healthy-Habits:-Make-the-Most-of-Your-Childs-Day
-
- /8619.html
2010-05-07T09:06:12Z
2010-05-07T09:06:12Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Healthy Habits: Make the Most of Your Child's Day
By Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers
www.FreshBaby.com
It's a fact - eating and good eating habits makes you and your children brighter and better throughout the day. Here are a few tips that will help you and your family make the most out of each day:
Breakfast: Eating a good breakfast can do a lot more for your children than you may realize. Studies show that eating breakfast both reduces risk of obesity, and boosts school performance - both learning and behavior. With the early morning havoc of getting ready for work and school, breakfast runs the risk of being short changed. Don't let this happen, here are few tips for breakfast success:
A healthy breakfast is just like any other meal; it should consist of protein, whole grains, fruits or vegetables and calcium.
Keep the TV off and avoid other distractions.
Pack backpacks, lay out clothes, and get your children ready for school before bedtime - don't wait until morning.
Prepare breakfast foods in advance, and freeze them in single servings. They'll quickly defrost in the microwave or the toaster oven.
Have "on the go" breakfast items, such as small boxes of whole grain cereals, fresh fruits, yogurt in the tube, granola bars, etc. on hand. Just in case someone sleeps through the alarm clock.
Lunch: An uneaten lunch coming home from school, may not be a sign of dislike, but maybe a sign of too much talking and not enough chewing. School lunch periods are short. Encourage your child not to dawdle and get to the lunch room quickly.
When it comes to drinks, encourage your child to stick with milk or water. Many schools have eliminated soda and juices from their lunchroom, but no all have done so yet.
If you are packing your child's lunch:
Offer small servings, many choices - variety is a key to healthy eating. Providing your child with plenty of variety is not hard or time consuming. Many lunch foods can be purchased or prepared, in advance, in large quantities. Each morning, simply fill up small containers with different foods. Buy a small Thermos, and include soups in the list of lunch choices. If your child's classroom does not have a refrigerator, you'll need an insulated lunch bag with freezer pack to keep foods cool until lunch time.
If your child is buying lunch at school:
Unless your child's school is piloting a special healthy or organic lunch program, don't expect too much in the way of healthy choices in the school's cafeteria. Encourage your child to get on line quickly, and if given a choice, avoid chips and sugary items and choose a fresh fruit and a vegetable. If you are disappointed with cafeteria's lunch options, consider limiting buying lunch to once per week and pack a lunch for your child on other days. For a longer term solution, raise your issues at school board meetings.
Snacks: Don't be surprised to find that your kids arrive home from school starving. Be prepared with plenty of healthy snack choices on hand. Snacks provide the body with a boost of energy between meals. Snacks and junk food are not the same thing. Healthy snack ideas include:
Fresh fruit such as apples, pears, grapes or a container of cantaloupe chunks in the fridge
Cut up veggies with dipping sauces like fat-free ranch dressing or cucumber yogurt sauce
Dried fruits like raisins, apricots, dates and cherries
Nuts, sunflower seeds or trail mix
Celery sticks with cream cheese or peanut butter
Hard boiled eggs
Cheese slices, cubes or string cheese logs
Hummus or white bean dip and pita bread
Whole-grain crackers, baked snack chips or rice cakes
Yogurt
Dinner: Dinner time is a great time of the day to get to know your child! So turn off the TVs, videogames, Gameboys, MP3s, put down the newspapers, books, and magazines, and sit down at the dinner table to enjoy a great meal with your family. During the meal, talk to your children about their day at school. For conversation fun, ask everyone to share something good and bad about their day. Enjoy the time learning about what's going on in your child's life when you are not around.
About the authors: Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers are sisters, the mothers of five children and founders of Fresh Baby. Creators of products that include the So Easy Baby Food Kit and Good Clean Fun Placemats; Fresh Baby offers parents convenient and practical support in raising healthy children. Visit them online at
www.FreshBaby.com
and subscribe to their Fresh Ideas newsletter to get monthly ideas, tips and activities for developing your family's healthy eating habits! Fresh Baby products are available at many fine specialty stores and national chains including Target, Wild Oats, and Whole Foods Markets. Permission Granted for Use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:12Z
Flu Fighting Foods
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Flu-Fighting-Foods
-
- /8620.html
2010-05-07T09:06:11Z
2010-05-07T09:06:11Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Flu Fighting Foods
By Elizabeth Yarnell
www.gloriousonepotmeals.com
Winter doesn't have to mean the misery of colds, flu and other viral infections if you feed your body what it needs to fight them off.
A run-down body that is out of balance internally and externally provides an inviting environment for viruses to come in and stay for a while. While it is difficult to live in a society and not come into contact with the multitude of germs that are literally everywhere during the winter months, you can reduce your own susceptibility and strengthen your immune system by simply choosing the right foods to put on your plate.
Eat leafy greens every day. Kale, spinach, seaweed and algae are excellent sources of vitamin D, the immunity-booster we usually get from sunshine in the summertime. Along with contributing to a stronger defense against coughing colleagues, recent studies indicate that higher vitamin D levels can benefit ailments as diverse as osteoporosis and multiple sclerosis.
Include kiwis, grapefruit or orange juice in your daily routine. All are great sources of vitamin C, the antioxidant we've known for decades to be powerful in fighting colds and flu. It's also found in cabbage, bell peppers, tomatoes, cayenne pepper and broccoli.
Snack on almonds and sunflower seeds. Not only do they supply vitamin E, an antioxidant that fights off free radicals and keeps skin soft and young-looking, but they are a great source of essential fatty acids to keep body systems running smoothly.
Enjoy your garlic! The stinky bulb was once worn in a garland to ward off disease, a superstition that actually has scientific basis as eating garlic can provide a variety of health benefits, including a boost to the immune system that can help ward off nasty bugs. Besides, eating garlic usually ensures that people keep a bit of distance - always a desirable action for avoiding contagion with a flu virus!
Spike it with ginger. Ginger, long used as a folk remedy, can open nasal passages, soothe nausea and help the immune system work.
Finally, don't overlook the power of complex carbohydrates from whole grains, sweet potatoes and beans. Our bodies need complex carbs for energy, and when not enough are present it begins cannibalizing other tissues for the power needed to function. This creates a deficit somewhere else in the body, weakening the defenses along the line and opening a toehold for invading germs.
Try this easy, immunity-boosting one-pot meal full of cold- and flu-fighting foods. Eat it in good health!
Cajun Fish with Spinach
Serves 4.
Ingredients
2 med. sweet potatoes
frac12; onion, peeled and sliced thinly
frac12; - frac34;lb. white fish (catfish, sole, cod, halibut, tilapia...)
Creole or Cajun seasoning
3-5 whole garlic cloves, peeled
4 cups spinach or kale leaves, chopped roughly
8 small Roma tomatoes, washed quartered
Instructions
Preheat oven to 450 degrees F. Spray inside of 4-quart cast iron Dutch oven and underside of lid with olive oil or canola oil spray.
Scrub sweet potato well and cut out any bad spots or eyes. Slice into frac12;" rounds.
Line base of pot with onions. Wash fish and pat dry with paper towels. Lay the fish over the onions in the bottom of the pot. Sprinkle the top side liberally with Cajun seasoning mix according to taste. Layer potatoes, garlic, onions, and tomatoes, interspersing sprinkles of spices as desired. Top with spinach. Pack in as many vegetables as possible without compromising the seal when the lid is closed.
Cover and bake for 35-45 minutes, or until fish flakes easily. You should smell the aroma wafting from the oven that tells you everything is done. Wait 3 minutes until it is more of a full-bodied, finished meal aroma. Serve immediately.
Elizabeth Yarnell is a Certified Nutritional Consultant, MS patient, inventor and author of the award-winning cookbook, Glorious One-Pot Meals: A new quick healthy approach to Dutch oven cooking. Her recipes are protected by US patent 6,846,504. Visit Elizabeth online and subscribe to her free newsletter at
www.gloriousonepotmeals.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:11Z
Diet with Your Girlfriends: A Key to Successful Weight Loss
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Diet-with-Your-Girlfriends:--A-Key-to-Successful-Weight-Loss
-
- /8621.html
2010-05-07T09:06:09Z
2010-05-07T09:06:09Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Diet with Your Girlfriends:
A Key to Successful Weight Loss
By Kenneth Schwarz, Ph.D, and Julie Schwarz
www.mariaslastdiet.com
Do you talk with other women about food and weight? Do you really talk, or do you only speak about it superficially?what diet you are currently on, what you ate today, how you cheated, how much you've lost or not lost?
Do you ever really talk about what you go through in relation to your eating and your weight? Do you think you could share your secrets as you diet with another woman? If you haven't done this, it could be a great support system for you.
When you team up with another woman, you can bounce things off one another. You can check out your thinking. You can look to your diet buddy for new ideas. You can give one another added strength, confidence, and hope.
Here's how to partner up when you diet.
Decide how you will meet?on the phone, through email, in person.
Decide how often you will talk. It's good to set up a special time at least once a week and keep to it.
Pick a question of the day to discuss from the following:
Do we feel safe enough with one another to really open up?
You can share your apprehensions about discussing very personal matters and make each other feel comfortable enough to talk about real issues.
How much do we want to fix our weight problems?
You can confirm your desire to lose weight and discuss what things about the problem are most troubling.
How critical are we of ourselves and others?
Being self-critical is an important issue for women. You can help by supporting one another and not being critical of one another.
What has really been keeping us overweight?
You can encourage one another to find true answers.
How can we best help one another?
You can ask each other for what you really need.
What are our biggest secrets about our eating?
Sharing those things you are most ashamed of gets rid of a big burden.
What's the hardest part of dieting for us?
You can help one another over all the rough spots.
Do we have confidence in our ability to lose weight?
Through mutual support, you can greatly boost your confidence.
How can we stay motivated?
Together you can create strategies to help you stick to it.
These are conversation openers for you. It is around issues such as these that women can really bond, really support and inspire one another. As you become a stronger dieting team, you will come up with other important questions to add to this list. You will find a deep well of knowledge and strategies to dip into when you pool your resources with another woman in this way.
It can't be stressed enough how important it is to pick a diet partner who won't let you down. Many times women go on diets together, and too often one will do well, one is making a serious effort, and one is not. That is hard on the diet effort and it can also be very hard on a friendship. This is a serious endeavor and it won't help you at all if the woman you team up with takes it lightly and is not brave enough to explore the issues at hand.
Pick someone you truly like, someone you are comfortable with, someone you think will have the utmost respect for your innermost thoughts and feelings. Choose a woman whom you consider honest and straightforward, someone who will take this journey to permanent weight loss as seriously as you do. Establish this relationship with a partner who is worthy of you, someone who won't judge you, someone who will have sensitivity to what you feel, what you think, and who you are. Choose someone to whom you can say things directly, someone who will be direct with you as well. Choose a partner who is just as interested as you are in having meaningful discussions. Find another woman who is up to your standards in every way.
Dr. Kenneth Schwarz, a psychologist and psychoanalyst practicing in Connecticut, and his wife Julie are the founders of
www.mariaslastdiet.com
, a website offering strategies and support for diet success. Dr. Schwarz provides tools to help women succeed regardless of which diet they choose. Sign up for their free newsletter and receive ongoing support for total diet success. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:09Z
3 Tips For A Seductively Healthy Valentine's Dinner
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/3-Tips-For-A-Seductively-Healthy-Valentines-Dinner
-
- /8622.html
2010-05-07T09:06:07Z
2010-05-07T09:06:07Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>3 Tips For A Seductively Healthy Valentine's Dinner
by Elizabeth Yarnell
What can you do to make a special Valentine's Day Dinner for your sweetie? Make it hot, make it healthy, and make it easy!
First, make it hot! Studies show that spicy foods can raise your heart rate, cause flushing, and generally mimic some of the effects of sexual stimulation. For centuries, chiles and other heat-inducing ingredients have been added to love potions and other sensual aids to increase desire.
What's a better aphrodisiac than showing someone that you love them enough to prepare deliciously healthy foods? Pomegranates, those exotic fruits containing a multitude of sensual, fleshy seeds inside a thick rind, not only offer the luscious crimson color but also come packed with antioxidants and phytochemicals to keep you in top lovin' form.
Brown rice offers all the benefits of a whole grain, and the parboiled "quick cooking" kinds make preparing it quick and easy as all of these strategies will come to naught if you're spending all evening in the kitchen making supper instead of spooning morsels into each other's mouths. And, come to think of it, facing a train-wrecked kitchen after dinner can be a surefire mood killer as well.
Try this fabulously different recipe on your honey for Valentine's Day. It's sweetly spicy, inherently healthy, and couldn't be easier to prepare or clean up. Piri-Piri is an African term for hot and spicy. Control the amount of fire by adjusting the amount of cayenne pepper. This recipe is presented as mild-to-medium heat.
Piri-Piri Pomegranate Chicken
Serves 2
Ingredients
1 cup parboiled brown rice
1 cup water or broth
2-3 pieces chicken
frac12; cup ketchup
2 Tbsp. honey
2 Tbsp. pomegranate molasses
2 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice
2 cloves garlic, chopped
frac14; tsp. cayenne
Salt, to taste
18-20 Brussels sprouts, trimmed with shallow "x" cut into stem end
1 frac12; cup baby carrots, halved
1 cup oyster mushrooms, sliced thickly
frac12; pomegranate, seeded
Parsley
Instructions
Preheat oven to 450 degrees F. Spray inside of 2-quart Dutch oven and lid with olive oil.
Pour rice into pot and add liquid. Stir gently to coat grains and smooth into an even layer. Set chicken pieces in next in a single layer.
In a small bowl, mix together ketchup, honey, molasses, lemon juice, garlic and cayenne pepper. Drizzle 1/2 mixture over top of chicken. Drop in Brussels sprouts and carrots. Pour rest of mixture over all. Top with mushrooms and pomegranate seeds. Cover and bake for about 45 minutes, or about 3 minutes after the aroma wafts from the oven.
Notes
You can use any combination of boneless, bone-in, skinless, or skin-on chicken pieces in this recipe.
Look for pomegranate molasses in specialty or health food groceries.
Elizabeth Yarnell is a Certified Nutritional Consultant, MS patient, inventor and author of the award-winning cookbook, Glorious One-Pot Meals: A new quick healthy approach to Dutch oven cooking. Her recipes are protected by US patent 6,846,504. Visit Elizabeth online and subscribe to her free newsletter at
www.gloriousonepotmeals.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:07Z
Makeover Your Child's Reaction to Stress
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Makeover-Your-Childs-Reaction-to-Stress
-
- /8623.html
2010-05-07T09:06:06Z
2010-05-07T09:06:06Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Makeover Your Child's Reaction to Stress
By Patti Teel
www.pattiteel.com
MAKEOVER your child's reaction to stress; the benefits will last a lifetime!
"Modern over stimulation rocks the children of our nation.Too much, too soon, too loud, too quick-the din is making our kids sick.But rested bodies and relaxed minds can be attained in modern times.And though the din won't go away, we can help kids thrive today." (P Teel)
Many, if not most of our children's problems come from their inability to deal with stress in a healthy way. But a child is unlikely to know when he or she is overstressed and it's up to the parents to watch for tell-tale signs which may include: difficulties with sleep, health, mood and learning.
Physical symptoms of stress or anxiety in children may include:
recurring headaches, stomach pain and nausea, sleep disturbances, nightmares, bedwetting, decreased appetite and stuttering.
Emotional symptoms of stress or anxiety in children may include:
moodiness, difficulty with concentration (spaciness), scary thoughts, a tendency to worry a lot, low self-esteem, restlessness, clinging, aggression, stubbornness, not wanting to participate in family or school activities, being easily upset: crying, whining or excessive anger.
If parents suspect that their child is over-stressed or anxious, they would be wise to simplify their child's life by cutting back on extracurricular activities and creating a home environment that is a sanctuary from the outside world. Each child is unique and even in the same family the number of activities that could be overwhelming for one child, might be quite comfortable for another.
However, it's never possible to eliminate stress completely and we cannot (and should not) protect our children from every difficult experience. We can though, help our children to recognize and face their anxious feelings and react to them in a healthy way.
Ways to Help Kids De-Stress
Teach them to relax.
Practice the 3 R's: teach kids to
rest
their bodies,
relax
their minds and
refresh
their spirits. Take a few minutes each day to practice self-soothing relaxation techniques such as progressive relaxation, attending to the breath, and visualization.
Anticipate problems that are likely to occur and give your children a chance use their self-calming skills. Have a cue that quickly and privately signals a child to use his relaxation skills to become calm or to focus. It could be a word, or a physical cue.
Teach them to be active.
Try to ensure that your child has at least thirty minutes of moderate-intensity exercise each day.
Be a role model for an active lifestyle.
Find fun, outdoor activities that you can do together as a family.
Do slow sustained stretches in the evening before bed.
Teach them to turn it off.
Limit television and video viewing time, as well as time spent playing video or computer games.
Monitor TV shows, avoiding violent shows, those that are fast paced, and material that is inappropriate for your child's age and level of maturity.
Turn all electronic equipment off at least an hour before bed.
Dubbed "The Dream Maker" by People magazine, Patti Teel is a former teacher. She has created an award winning children's audio series and is the author of
The Floppy Sleep Game Book
, which gives parents techniques to help their children relax, deal with stress or fall asleep. To learn more and to subscribe to Patti's newsletter, visit her online at
www.pattiteel.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:06Z
How You Can Help Your Child Form Their Own Identity
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-You-Can-Help-Your-Child-Form-Their-Own-Identity
-
- /8624.html
2010-05-07T09:06:04Z
2010-05-07T09:06:04Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>How You Can Help Your Child Form Their Own Identity
By Sally Sacks
www.sallysacks.com
Children develop their identity by learning to know what they like about their environment, their way of dressing, their way of relating to others and the world. In order for children to develop an identity of their own, parents, the children's earliest programmers, must sponsor this development of identity by being aware of your child's actions and behaviors, and what those tell you about him/her.
For example if your child has a cluttered room, and has to save everything, you probably have a sentimental child that doesn't like to part with things. If you cleaned your child's room and threw away "the junk" that they had too much of, you might be ignoring who your child is as a person.
Children, not unlike adults, show their identity in many ways
They show it through their pictures in their room, through the friends they like to associate with, through their dress, food choices, activity choices etc. They are giving us the clues about who they are, as well as taking from us certain things they admire, and incorporating those into their identity. Many parents, due to a lack of awareness, forget to ask children important questions that can give clues to their child's belief system, and value system, and really help them to sponsor a healthy sense of self in their child.
For example, Miriam didn't like her daughter's taste in clothing, because it was different than hers, and she wasn't taught in her family to have her own identity. Every holiday she would buy her daughter what she liked, and the daughter wouldn't wear it. Mom would be disappointed and her daughter felt guilty. Leigh, the child, read magazines that mom disapproved of. Mom would get angry that her daughter was reading the magazine. However Mom never thought to ask her daughter what she liked about the magazine. That would give a clue as to why she was reading it, Mom simply didn't know to do this.
I asked my son the other day what he liked so much about sports, and got such clues to his personality. It was great. He liked the teamwork, the goal setting, the movement, the success. This not only tells you about sports, it tells you about the child. Emotional awareness is becoming aware of who your child is, and offering them support in growing that self into a very well formed identity that will offer them the ability to make positive choices and decisions in their lives.
To sponsor this healthy identity you need to:
Be aware of your child's actions and behaviors and what that tells you about them.
Ask questions about why they chose a topic, or picked an outfit, or read a certain book or magazine. Ask objectively without judgment.
Give them choices about activities they would like to participate in.
Offer them food and clothes choices, within reason of course.
Compliment them on their personal style.
Listen to their ideas openly, and don't force your ideas on them.
Offer them suggestions, without controlling their ideas and behaviors.
Make sure you know your identity, and have the confidence to let your child have theirs without criticism and judgment.
Create activities that help them identify who they are. Recently my daughters made collages. They cut out pictures of everything that symbolized them, and then reviewed each others. Then they personalized it even more and hung them over their bed.
Have them create a family party .or one with some friends. Ask them to plan it and design what they want. What kind of food, music atmosphere would they like?
The healthy identity of a child is their key to knowing and seeking what they want in life.
Sally Sacks, M.Ed is a licensed psychotherapist, with 20 years of experience, counseling individuals, children, families and couples. Sally is the author of
How to Raise the Next President
, a groundbreaking parents' guide to teaching and instilling in their kids the qualities they'll need to be happy, successful and productive, no matter which path they choose in life. Sally offers personal and group coaching and can be reached through her website at
www.sallysacks.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:04Z
Comforting Your Fearful Preschooler
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Comforting-Your-Fearful-Preschooler
-
- /8625.html
2010-05-07T09:06:02Z
2010-05-07T09:06:02Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Comforting Your Fearful Preschooler
By Dr. Caron B. Goode
www.acpi.biz
Have you ever woken from a dream that was so vivid you had to convince yourself it wasn't real? During those first unsure moments you are unable to separate dream from reality. Eventually, past experience allows you to ground yourself in the here and now. Unfortunately for preschool children, they lack this experience and often suffer at the hands of irrational fears and nightmares.
Preschool children do not have the ability to distinguish between fantasy and reality. In their minds if they experience it, it is real. For me, this fact was driven home after my four year-old spent the evening with a neighbor. My friend and next door neighbor, Sharon, invited my daughter to her house for movie night. They ordered pizza, fired up the VCR, and settled in for a little one-on-one time. When I picked my daughter up, she was unusually quiet. I just assumed she was tired from her girls' night in.
The rest of the night was uneventful and quiet. Too quiet. Normally, my daughter postponed bedtime with endless requests for stories, drinks of water, and questions. That night, after her story, she turned to the wall and I didn't hear another peep from her. Like I said, too quiet.
The following morning she peered at me over her cereal bowl and asked, "Why doesn't my heart glow?" Hmm. I responded with, "But your heart does glow. It glows when you laugh and when you smile." Not completely satisfied with the answer, she went back to contemplating her oatmeal. We rinsed the dishes and dressed for the day. While helping wrestle on her sweatshirt, I noticed my daughter seemed apprehensive. Her head was bowed and she was staring at her bare chest. I was stumped, and asked if there was something wrong. "I can't see my heart glow," she replied. "When the light goes out you die. I don't want to die." Figuring one of the older neighborhood children had told her a tall tale; I assured her that her heart did glow and that she was not going to die. "But it doesn't," she spit back. "I watched it all night, and my heart doesn't glow. Not like E.T.'s, and when his light went out he died. Ask Sharon. She saw it too."
Sharon. Movie night. E.T. Now everything was starting to make sense. My daughter did not question what she saw in the movie. She saw it, therefore, it was real. What she did question was what she didn't see, a light beam in her chest. She had stayed up all night searching for it in the dark. When it didn't materialize, she assumed she was dying, like E.T. I cradled my fearful four year-old and explained that it was just a movie and that movies were make believe. The look on her face told me she wasn't buying it, so I quickly changed tactics. "E.T. is an extra terrestrial," I said. "Do you know what that is?" When she shook her head no, tears sprinkled my face. "An extra terrestrial is a person from another planet. You don't look like E.T., do you? No. That is because you and E.T. are made differently. You have long blonde hair and he doesn't. He has crooked fingers and you don't. His heart glows and yours doesn't." Then I held her, massaged her head, told her I saw her heart glow everyday I loved her.
It took a while, but eventually my daughter stopped looking for her heart light. Her search and her fear, however, reiterated to me that preschoolers are very literal people. What they encounter, whether it is a dream, a movie or a book, is real to them. Therefore, it is important that parents exercise empathy and approach any fears with a literal awareness. Here are few tips that will help you comfort your fearful preschooler.
Monitor Your Child's Exposure. One way to handle fears is to head them off at the pass. When choosing a book, movie or television show for your child, preview it first. Look for fantastical images or ideas that may be frightful for a young child. Try to imagine how you would respond to the material if you could not distinguish fantasy from reality.
Adult Reasoning is not Comforting. Preschool children do not have the mental processes necessary to understand adult reasoning. Therefore, to tell them a movie is make believe, a book is just a story or a dream didn't really happen is not comforting. It is what you know to be true, but it is not your child's truth. Instead, concentrate on comforting your child with empathy. Tell them you understand that they are scared and that fear is an awful feeling. Let them know that you are there with them and will protect them for as long as it takes for the fear to subside.
Use Soothing Words and Comforting Touch. When your child is afraid, use soothing words and comforting touch to calm them. If your child has a nightmare, sit with him and massage his temples or stomach until he is able to return to sleep. Use low, smooth tone of voice to tell him he is loved, and know that simply having a parent with him until the fear passes makes your child feel safe and cared for.
Be Respectful. While a child's fear may seem silly to you, it is very serious for them. Respect that and honor your child's fear. If you downplay it or tell the child they are being ridiculous, you are teaching them to not trust themselves. Fear is fear, no matter how irrational it may seem.
Since preschool children can not differentiate between fantasy and reality, helping them overcome their fears can be challenging. Letting your child know he is loved, protected, and cared for can go a long way towards banishing his fears. That and the empathy that comes from remembering the weeks you spent hiding from flying monkeys after seeing the
Wizard of Oz
.
Dr. Caron B. Goode is the founder of the Academy for Coaching Parents International, a training and certification program for parent coaches. In addition to duties with the academy, Goode is the founding editor of the website
www.InspiredParenting.net
, and the author of ten books, the most recent of which is
Nurture Your Child's Gift
. For more information on The Academy for Coaching Parents International or to sign up for academy announcements, visit
www.acpi.biz
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:02Z
Why Is the Teacher Giving My Kid M&M's?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Why-Is-the-Teacher-Giving-My-Kid-MMs
-
- /8626.html
2010-05-07T09:06:00Z
2010-05-07T09:06:00Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Why Is the Teacher Giving My Kid MM's?
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
www.chickmoorman.com
Six-year-old Carlos Melendez stood in line waiting as his first-grade teacher bid farewell to her students at the end of the school day during the second week of school. She was completing her ritual of placing a sticker on the hand of every child who had been good that day. As she reached out to give Carlos a sticker, he informed her, "I don't need a sticker to know when I've been good. I can tell on the inside." When Carlos's teacher complained about his attitude at parent/teacher conferences, Carlos's parents told her his statement was correct. They politely informed the teacher that Carlos's motivation to do well in school came from the inside and they preferred that she no longer use stickers with him.
Karyn Murphy's parents recently received a letter from their child's third-grade teacher. It explained how many books their daughter would need to read in order to attend the class pizza party at the end of the month. The pizza party was the reward children would be receiving for their reading efforts. The letter instructed the parents to sign a form verifying her books and number of pages read. Karyn's parents returned the form to the teacher, accompanied by a letter of their own. It said, "Our daughter reads because she loves reading. Your program of rewarding children with pizza for reading teaches children that the reason to read is to earn an external reward. We feel this undermines her internal motivation of wanting to read for adventure, fun, and personal interest. We, as Karyn's parents, are not interested in a quick-fix style of motivation that results in many books read quickly to obtain a reward. We are interested in creating a lifelong reader. Pizza parties will not attain that result. Please know that we will continue to encourage Karyn's interest in reading our way and that we will not be recording the number of books she reads. We expect that she will be allowed to attend the party with her classmates."
The parents in the scenarios above represent a growing number who are speaking and acting out concerning their dissatisfaction with the escalating educational practice of distributing stars, stickers, smiley faces, grades and other external goodies in order to control how children act.
Most parents know that rewards produce short-term compliance. Any parent who has ever offered a child a trip to the movies if they clean their room knows that. And external rewards are incredibly easy to use. The problem is that many parents and some teachers do not know that external rewards do not produce lasting change. In fact, these extrinsic reward systems often have the reverse effect. They teach children that the reason to act responsibly, read, study, or behave altruistically is to get rewarded. This fails to help children develop an internal reason to do the desired behavior. So when the reward is ended so does the behavior.
An increasing number of parents are beginning to realize that the more rewards are used, the more they are needed in the future, and as children grow in age and size, it is necessary to increase the size of the reward.
These parents are concerned because the quick-fix control systems of rewards often used in schools teach that learning is something one does to get an MM, a gold star, or your name on the board rather than as something that is important for its own sake.
If intrinsic motivation has been carefully nurtured by the parent and does exist within a child, it is overridden as children learn to rely on the external control offered by teachers looking for quick and easy answers to their frustrations.
Offering children rewards for acting responsibly, learning a number of spelling words, or sitting silently at the school assembly assumes that these students have no interest in acting that way without the rewards. It shows a lack of trust of children and an unwillingness on the part of the adult to invest the time necessary to give reasons, teach the desired behaviors, or display patience while children learn from their mistakes. Rewards are being used by teachers who are looking for an easy way out, a way that does not require teaching children the compelling whys to do the desired behavior.
Rewards only create a temporary change in behavior. They do not alter what children believe or how they feel about an activity. They do not create self-motivated, self-directed, critical-thinking, reasoning children with a strong internal set of values.
Rewards teach children to do what is necessary to get the reward and no more. Creativity, thoroughness, and risk taking suffer. Children learn to play it safe, take shortcuts, and get done.
Parents like the Melendez's, and Murphy's are beginning to ask questions about the practice of dispensing rewards. Are the teachers who use them developing self-responsible children or youngsters who obey without thinking? Have the teachers thought about the long-term effects of the practice, or are rewards just a convenient way to gain compliance? How interesting and relevant is the assigned task if the teacher has to give my child a reward to do it?
The Melendez's and Murphy's have moved past just asking the question, why is the teacher giving my kid MM's? They are doing something about it.
Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or to obtain more information about how they can help you or your family, visit their website today:
www.personalpowerpress.com
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:06:00Z
Moving Mom and Dad
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Moving-Mom-and-Dad
-
- /8627.html
2010-05-07T09:05:58Z
2010-05-07T09:05:58Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Moving Mom and Dad
By Cheryl Riggs
www.lifecheckonline.com
Helping your parents move from the home they have lived in for many years is difficult. Normally, this move is not made by choice, but due to the death of a spouse, an illness, accident or other negative event. It also often signifies the loss of independence if they are being moved in with a adult child or into a community setting. No, making this transition is not easy, but it can be manageable if you keep these things in mind.
Keep the Memories
Before you begin the process of dismantling the house, have someone take lots of photos. Every family seems to have one person who enjoys putting together albums, so give them these house photos, and some older photos of family activities that have taken place in the home through the years. Assign them the task of putting together a small (no larger than 6" x 8") album that can be given to your parents as they settle into their new home.
This album will be a comfort when they miss their house and help them recall good time within its walls. If they are moving to a community setting, this album can also be shown as an introduction to other people as they establish friendships.
Schedule Time to Plan
If your parent is moving from a long term residence, there will almost certainly be a built up accumulation of stuff. Thinking that it can all be sorted out in a few days when your siblings are in from out of town is unrealistic and will lead to overly tired cranky disagreements about "who gets what".
It is better to schedule a few hours when mom or dad can help and get a general idea of what will be moved, thrown or given to a specific person. This session is the highest and best use of sticky notes - use them liberally on every item as it is discussed. At this point, do not argue with your parent if he or she wishes to take more than will fit where they are going or they want to get rid of antiques and move press-board furniture. It's their stuff and their life - let it go.
Even in cases where dementia is present, making these decisions together will make the process easier for everyone and provide needed closure for your parent.
Taking the time to do a scale drawing of the new residence prior to this session may also be helpful in the decision making process. It will be a visual reminder of the fact that as much as your mom would like to keep her dining room hutch, the space will not permit it. You can then help her decide which member of the family would be the most appropriate as the recipient.
There is no shame in renting a storage unit for a short time until final decisions or distribution can be accomplished. Just make sure that someone is in charge of paying the rent and you assign a timeline for completing the task.
Get Some Help
Unless you have a patient relative who can devote many hours to the process, it is often wise to hire help. If you are a member of a church or other community group, there may be a stay-at-home mom or older woman who is available to help. You are looking for someone with great organizational skills who can handle the physical aspects of moving and can work well with your parents. A church group or non-profit organization may also have volunteers willing to work on a garage sale if you are willing to donate a portion of the proceeds.
Two professional organizations are also available. The National Association of Senior Move Managers is a group that specializes in assisting families with this process, they are online at
www.nasmm.com
. The National Association of Professional Organizers also has members who specialize in helping organize a move. They can be found at
www.napo.net
.
Both of these organizations have members that can also help dispose of unwanted merchandise and organize an estate or yard sale which may help pay for their fees. They may also provide move in and set up services in your parent's new home which can especially helpful.
Having an outside person involved can help ease family tensions as they will provide a go between during this stressful time.
Face it with a Smile
Even the most meticulous of housekeepers may let down their standards if they are ill or their eyesight is failing. Therefore, when you move a piece of furniture and find more dust than Oklahoma in the 1920's, it may be hard not to react negatively.
Be kind and try not to make a big deal about anything including personal medical supplies, 28 years of stored newspapers, or food in the pantry older than you are. Having people rummage through their bathroom cabinet is probably more embarrassing for them than for you.
Helping your parents retain their dignity through this process should be a goal that you take seriously. After all, they were there for you through your teen fashion years - you owe them.
Your acceptance and a big smile on your face, even when you don't feel it on the inside, will make this transition easier for you and your parents. It's not an easy task, but handle it with love and compassion.
Cheryl Riggs is the owner of RCI Consulting, LLC and is committed to helping families cope with aging and preparing for the future. Her 20 years of experience in non-profit and small business management gives her a broad base of knowledge in many areas. She is a Certified Senior Advisor with a degree in Business Administration from Azusa Pacific University, a Master's of Science in Gerontology from USC, a credential in Fundraising from the University of California Riverside and a member of the National Association of Professional Organizers and is a licensed Realtor in California. For more information visit
www.lifecheckonline.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:58Z
How You Can Help Your Child Form Their Own Identity
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-You-Can-Help-Your-Child-Form-Their-Own-Identity
-
- /8628.html
2010-05-07T09:05:56Z
2010-05-07T09:05:56Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:56Z
Fighting Fair: Three Rules to Keep in Mind
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Fighting-Fair:-Three-Rules-to-Keep-in-Mind
-
- /8629.html
2010-05-07T09:05:56Z
2010-05-07T09:05:56Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Fighting Fair:
Three Rules to Keep in Mind
James Bardot
www.angrydivorces.com
Shakespeare's oft-quoted line, "All's fair in love and war," may be true, but it shouldn't be interpreted as license to do whatever we feel like-at least not if having a happy marriage is our goal. If you want to be happily wed, you will need to establish and follow some basic ground rules for resolving your differences. We might call this Fighting Fair.
When a man and woman join together in matrimony, differences will invariably arise, but like two coaches, two business heads, or two civic leaders, though their points of view may disagree sharply, they are still joined in a common goal, which is to promote and support their organization.
Likewise, in marriage, when disagreements arise, the end goal of spouses should be to resolve those differences in a way that will strengthen, not weaken their union. Yes, it can be challenging sometimes, very challenging, but that's a truism of any worthy endeavor in life. No one rises to the top of their career without a continuous application of effort. And even then, one false step can undo years of dedicated work. It's a delicate balance and one that requires constant vigilance, but the end product-a happy marriage-will yield dividends far beyond the efforts we put in.
It's really not that complicated. In fact, all you need to do is agree on a few simple guidelines. Most couples find that this requires only three:
First, know that any healthy resolution of problems is going to require the participation of both spouses. One person alone can't do it. You could liken it to two people carrying a stone; if one side lets go, the rock will surely fall-and falling rocks cause damage. Simply put, without a mutual desire to succeed as couple, the relationship has little hope of surviving.
The second rule requires that you not let your conflicts spill over into attacks on your partner. Sneers, criticisms, insults, "the silent treatment" and other ploys designed to hurt the other person will only intensify your differences and drive you further apart.
The third rule of Fighting Fair is to keep it private. Nobody wants their dirty laundry aired in front of others, and violating this rule becomes especially painful when our private affairs (and faults) are exposed by someone we love.
Of course it will help tremendously if these rules are established early on, before bad habits have a chance to fester, but more importantly, spouses must honor not just the rules, but their intent as well. For instance, if one of the ground rules is to not shout at each other, and instead of shouting, one spouse walks out of the room in anger, it's obvious to all that the rule-respecting the other person's opinion-has been violated.
Once these three boundaries (working out problems together, showing respect towards each other, and keeping it private) have been established, the actual mechanics of problem solving can take any number of forms.
For example, one couple agreed on the day they married never to go to sleep until every disagreement between them had been resolved. "We found that we both liked our sleep and learned early on to resolve our differences quickly," said the smiling wife of her marriage 63 years strong.
Another couple made a rule to go for a walk when things got heated and avoid looking at each other while they talked things out. "One of the things that attracted me to my wife was the fact that she was a mediation attorney," said the husband. "Before we married, she laid out plan for us to resolve our differences and those rules have kept us on an even keel for 14 years!"
A third couple agreed from the onset that they would never, under any circumstances, divorce.
(Dr. Laura's exceptions are abuse, addition, affairs.)
That security alone gave the couple the courage they needed to confront every problem, knowing that no matter how great their disagreements, the marriage itself was safe.
Fighting isn't necessarily bad. In fact, it can make the marriage bond even stronger, if done in a healthy manner: the greater the history of successful resolutions, the greater the chances of resolving the next one, when it arises. On the other hand, if your fighting is done in an unhealthy manner, the better solution may be to simply walk away. The end result will likely be the same, and you will have saved yourselves a lot of grief in the process.
James Bardot, author of
Angry Divorceacute;s Anonymous
, has founded several companies, holds two patents, and has worked as a private investor and business coach. Recently, he served on the Executive Committee of Tech Coast Angels, the nation's leading group of private investors in technology startup ventures. After two unsuccessful marriages, James turned his attention to bringing greater public awareness to the preventable damage caused by divorce and helping couples find the happiness they seek. He conducts workshops and is available for speaking engagements. James is the devoted father of three boys and lives in Southern California. For more information, visit
www.angrydivorces.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:56Z
Parents' New Year's Resolutions
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Parents-New-Years-Resolutions
-
- /8630.html
2010-05-07T09:05:55Z
2010-05-07T09:05:55Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Parents' New Year's Resolutions
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
In 2007, I resolve not to teach my children to have a happy productive life, but rather to help them choose a happy, productive day.
I resolve to help my children appreciate that there is no such thing as failure, only temporary results that they can use as feedback to determine their next step.
I resolve to fix problems rather than fix blame by maintaining a solution-seeking mindset and teaching my children a problem-solving process.
I resolve to aid my children in their struggle with autonomy by creating a balance of power through a shared control style of parenting.
I resolve to remember that I want children to behave in ways that reflect what THEY find unacceptable, not in ways that I, the parent, find unacceptable.
I resolve to welcome interpersonal skill errors as learning experiences and as important opportunities to implement consequences.
I resolve to parent in a way that demonstrates that I believe the only authority children take with them everywhere they go is their inner authority.
I resolve to allow my responses to my children to reflect a knowing that some lapses in self-control are developmentally appropriate. I will remember that they behave in certain ways because they are five or eight or fourteen years old.
I resolve to parent in a way that reflects my belief that the process is as important as the product.
When I am stumped and don't know how to respond to one of my children, I promise to ask myself, "What would love do now?" I also intend to listen internally for an answer.
I resolve to recall that I can choose to see any parenting situation differently from the way I have been seeing it. I will remember that perception is always a choice.I resolve to relax, while remembering that relaxing does not mean resigning.
I resolve to make my approach to parenting reflect the notion that raising a child is more about drawing out what already exists in a youngster rather than about putting in to fill perceived deficiencies.
I resolve to focus on the main purpose of parenting, the creation of who and what we really are as human beings.
I resolve to remember that "being right" doesn't work.
I resolve to parent as if I believe that a child's I AM (I am athletic, I am creative, etc.) is more important than his or her IQ.
I resolve to live today as if attitudes were more easily caught than taught.
I resolve to help my children and myself stay conscious of the choices we are making.
I resolve to remember the adage, "If you want a behavior, you have to teach a behavior," and I resolve to put that adage into practice in my home.
I resolve to see the hurting child in the child that hurts others.
I resolve to "be" the change I wish to see in my family.
I resolve to talk less and listen more.
I resolve to remember that experience can be messy. I will allow my children to learn from the messes they make and the cleanup that follows.
I resolve to hold my children accountable for their actions and choices with gentleness and love. I will implement consequences consistently and allow my children to experience the related, respectful, reality-based consequences that flow directly from their actions.
I resolve to make myself dispensable and assist my children in becoming increasingly in charge of themselves and their own lives.
I resolve to refrain from making my children wrong for their choices, even as I hold them accountable for their actions.
I resolve to recognize that my children are in my life as much so I can learn from them as they are so they can learn from me. I will be open to the lessons my children offer me and honor them for helping me learn and grow.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of
The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose
. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their websites today:
www.chickmoorman.com
or
www.thomashaller.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:55Z
Family Holiday Traditions
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Family-Holiday-Traditions
-
- /8631.html
2010-05-07T09:05:53Z
2010-05-07T09:05:53Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Family Holiday Traditions
By Dr. Laura Markham
www.yourparentingsolutions.com
Seven days of Kwanzaa, eight days of Hanukah, twelve days of Christmas. Enough time, if we seize it, to connect with our families, recharge our batteries, and satisfy our souls. Here are three great holiday lists to get you started.
12 Fabulous Family Holiday Traditions to start with your kids:
Make pies to take to the soup kitchen or to the firehouse where folks are hard at work.
Write a winter poem together every year; paste them in a scrapbook with a photo.
Go on a nature walk to gather greenery.
Write "Appreciations" - each person in the family puts one on each of their gifts.
Have a holiday card making party; invite the kids' friends.
Have a family session to clean and repair old toys and clothes and take them to donate.
Spread pinecones with peanut butter and birdseed and put them out for the birds.
Bake cookies together to give as presents.
Go apple picking, or just buy a bunch, and make applesauce to go with your Hanukah latkes or Christmas pancakes.
Deliver Meals on Wheels for homebound folks.
Go ice skating together.
Have an annual Hanukah, Kwanzaa, Solstice or tree trimming party.
12 Ways to Help Your Child Discover His "Inner Angel"
Have a Gift for the World, or Charity, or Tzedakah (the Jewish equivalent that means restoring justice) night. Let your kids make a "Wish List" of all the ways they'd like to make the world a better place. Then let each person in the family choose one thing to address one of those issues. For instance, you might make a donation to Hurricane Relief, plan to volunteer at a soup kitchen together, and make a commitment to drive less and buy more efficient light bulbs.
Go to the roots of your tradition to talk about giving. Kwanzaa, for instance, is about the principles and practice of bringing good into the world. Celebrating the birth of Christ gives ample opportunity to talk about good deeds. Tzedakah is a fundamental part of Jewish life.
Model generosity. Give to the panhandler, bake pies for the elderly. Donate to a worthy cause in honor of the holiday. Make giving a part of your daily life.
Don't force kids to share before they're ready, and don't force your kids to give things up "because others are needy." Giving shouldn't be painful.
Volunteer as a family. My kids and I volunteer at a local soup kitchen, and my kids love feeling like they're making a difference in these folks' lives. It also helps them feel better when they see a homeless person, to know that person can get a hot meal at "our" soup kitchen.
Find ways to involve your kids' friends, for instance by having a party to bake pies to donate. Take them to the local soup kitchen, or to the Firehouse, where the firefighters have to work on the holiday.
Have a Donation evening. Go through the house together looking for anything you no longer use that can be cleaned or repaired and donated.
Every child deserves the pleasure of giving her own money to a worthy cause. Try giving a little extra weekly allowance that goes in a special "charity" jar, and letting her give it away every year at the holidays.
Talk explicitly about your values and why they're important to you. Why do we share with others less fortunate? What IS integrity? Why is respectful behavior important in a church, synagogue or mosque? What does it mean to be a responsible member of a community?
Model taking responsibility for your community. "It's a pain to carry this trash till we get to the car, but I don't see a trashcan and we never litter." "This sign says parking is reserved for handicapped people, so of course we can't take that spot."
Start while your kids are young. As they get into their teen years, they'll find worthy causes of their own.
Share the idea with your kids that giving to others is one of the reasons we're alive. And one of the ways we can all make the world a better place.
12 Pleasing Homemade Presents to Make With Your Kids
A selection of handmade cards or wrapping paper to use all year long.
Personalized Mousepad.
Handmade soap or bath salts.
Hand-dipped candles.
Canvas bags with iron-on designs.
Homemade calendars with photos.
Painted picture frames.
Tie-dyed tee-shirts, sheets, etc.
Christmas ornaments (especially with kids' photos).
Gifts for other kids: homemade clay, finger paints, bubbles, puppets.
Something from your kitchen: Cookies, jams, fudge, quick breads, your famous spaghetti sauce, your special trail mix, or a kit with the makings for something yummy, tied with a ribbon: your perfect pancakes or scrumptious seven bean soup.
Certificates for your services: A massage, babysitting, dog walking, painting a room, flying a kite together.
Your goal is to delight your giftees with a token of your affection, not to garner status points or exhaust yourself. One strategy is to make big batches of something that most folks will enjoy -- fudge or bath salts -- so that many of your gifts can be made in one evening. You can easily find instructions for these gifts, and sources for supplies, online.
Dr. Laura Markham is the editor of the parenting web site
www.yourparentingsolutions.com
, offering solutions and inspiration you can use every day to create the family of your dreams. She specializes in helping families nurture the parent-child relationships that protect today's kids. Dr. Markham lives in New York with her husband, eleven year old daughter, and fifteen year old son. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:53Z
Nine Ways to Help Children to Cope With Loss and Grief
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Nine-Ways-to-Help-Children-to-Cope-With-Loss-and-Grief
-
- /8632.html
2010-05-07T09:05:50Z
2010-05-07T09:05:50Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Nine Ways to Help Children to Cope With Loss and Grief
By Sally Sacks
www.sallysacks.com
The biggest problem children have in coping with their grief is the inattention and lack of awareness adults have in the need to talk about it, express all kinds of feelings around it, and to help children to find a way to compensate for the loss.
Often parents are ill equipped to deal with grief in their children, because they have a hard time dealing with it themselves. For example many stoic type families just held it in, enforcing the need to be strong. If you grew up in a family like this you would have no outlet to express your feelings. It would not be welcome and you would know it, so you hold your feelings in. These people become parents and the cycle is repeated. If you let the feelings out, it's healthy, normal, and gives you a place to build from. Naturally, if you express your grief, you need to know where to go with it next, and again if you are a parent, you need to know how to direct your child.
I have dealt with many kids who have no way to connect to their deceased parent. I ask them how they keep their mom or dad's spirit alive, or keep a relationship with them, and they say they don't know. They are unaware that the relationship and image of another in your thoughts and in your memory never dies. The body dies, but the spirit does not. It is so strange how people can believe in and connect to a God that they have never personally witnessed or seen, but those same people can't connect to a person they actually saw, knew existed and loved.
People all over the world connect to the spirit of God, regardless of the lack of empirical evidence. They can believe in what's told to them to believe, but can't make the connection on their own. Children need to learn to make a spiritual connection. They need to find ways to talk with their deceased loved one. Parents have to guide kids on this one, no matter what their age.
I had a young girl recently who lost her dad, and was unable to talk about him, even though I asked lots of questions. It was too painful. She needed to let her feelings out. She was channeling her feelings out in the wrong direction, being needy with boys, and always angry at her mom. When we worked together, and I helped her to understand that her dad's spirit was alive, around her and in her. She began to think differently. She slowly began to focus on memories of her dad, and what he had given her, rather than focus outside herself. She became connected to him again in a new and different way, but a way that worked.
She expressed her anger at him for dying and leaving her. He was so good at so many things that he could have taught her, and wasn't there. She expressed her sadness at his terrible suffering from cancer, and the anger at how it destroyed him. No one could talk about it because it was too sad, and that made her feel even more alone. After she got the real feelings out we could work on keeping her memory alive with her dad. If you are a parent dealing with a child who has lost someone dear and you have too, get help for yourself and help your child. Here are nine things you can do.
Don't think that you need to go to a cemetery to express yourself to loved ones. If you teach spiritual development you are aware that the person doesn't live in the cemetery. They live in you heart and mind which are with you everywhere. You want to keep that memory alive by carrying out behaviors of the person.
Create a tangible reminder that you can see everyday. Keep their favorite item in your closet, or favorite picture in your room. Dedicate a sculpture or statue or flower arrangement in your house to them. Plant a tree in your yard for them, or a flower.
Take a balloon and attach letters to them and let it fly free to the universe.
Write to them in a special journal only for them and your private communication to them.
Wear something that they liked to school.
Order their favorite meal, or make their favorite cake on their birthday. You can even take a piece of cake and bottle of wine to the cemetery or their favorite place on their birthday, If you feel sad, let yourself be sad.
Always talk to children about their deceased loved one, reminding them of how they are like that parent or have such good qualities like them. If they are sad, disconnected or don't answer, that's ok keep doing it.
Get help with yourself for the loss, and dealing with it if you are having trouble helping your children. If you don't get help for yourself you will not be able to help your children with the things that they need to do to keep their loved ones spirit alive.
Teach children to live consciously, day by day in the moment. Life is short and we don't want to miss connecting to anyone that we love, dead or alive.
Sally Sacks, M.Ed is a licensed psychotherapist, with 20 years of experience, counseling individuals, children, families and couples. Sally is the author of
How to Raise the Next President
, a groundbreaking parents' guide to teaching and instilling in their kids the qualities they'll need to be happy, successful and productive, no matter which path they choose in life. Sally offers personal and group coaching and can be reached through her website at
www.sallysacks.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:50Z
Ten Tips for a Peaceful Holiday Season: Helping Kids Relax
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Ten-Tips-for-a-Peaceful-Holiday-Season:-Helping-Kids-Relax
-
- /8633.html
2010-05-07T09:05:48Z
2010-05-07T09:05:48Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Ten Tips for a Peaceful Holiday Season: Helping Kids Relax
By Patti Teel
www.PattiTeel.com
Kids get pretty anxious over the holidays. It's a time of excitement and wonder, and they often have a hard time relaxing, staying calm and sleeping well. Here are some tips to help your kids stay relaxed and on a healthy sleep schedule.
Don't overschedule your children. Cut back on the tasks and activities which are likely to overwhelm them. For example, avoid long trips to the mall with young children; short spurts of shopping will be more fun for everyone. Don't try to change your child's temperament; accept that he or she may be naturally timid and soft-spoken, or boisterous and loud. An activity level that might be comfortable for one child could be overwhelming for another-even in the same family.
Have activity-based celebrations. For instance, spend time with children making cards, decorations, cookies and gifts. You may wish to let each child select one activity for the whole family to do over the holidays.
Have children stay physically active. Don't allow busy holiday schedules to crowd out active play time. Physical activity is one of the simplest and most effective ways to reduce stress and ensure that a child gets a good night's sleep. Children should have at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity activity every day. (However, vigorous activities should not be done within several hours of bedtime because it raises the metabolic rate and may make it difficult for your child to relax.
When possible, have your children play outdoors. Exposure to daytime sunlight helps children to sleep better at night.
Teach your children relaxation skills such as stretching, progressive relaxation, deep breathing and guided visualization. Relaxation can be a delightful form of play and it's easy to incorporate the holidays in imaginative ways. For example, play a relaxing game of "Santa Says." Direct children to stretch and relax by curling up like a snowball, to move their arms and legs slowly in and out like a snow angel, or to open their mouths widely to catch snowflakes.
Banish bedtime fears and help kids put worries to bed. Make a ceremony out of putting worries or fears away for the night. Have children pretend, or actually draw a picture of what's bothering them. Fold, (or pretend to fold) the worry or fear until it's smaller and smaller. Then put it away in a box and lock it with a key. It's often helpful for older children and teens to list their worries in a journal before putting them away for the night.
Make your home a sanctuary from the overstimulation of the outside world by making family "quiet time" a part of every evening. * Limit total screen time, including computer games, video games and time spent watching television. Advertisements scandalously target children and the more they watch, the more they soak up the commercial messages of the season...instead of the real spirit of the holidays.
Tell or read inspiring holiday stories.
Sing and listen to soothing holiday music.
Give each other a gentle massage.
Maintain the bedtime routine. While routines are likely to be thrown off during the holidays, it's important to maintain a consistent bedtime, allowing plenty of time for a relaxed bedtime routine. Don't let holiday parties or activities interfere with your child getting a good night's sleep.
Instill compassion and encourage generosity.
Provide opportunities for your children to help others. Opportunities abound: have your child draw pictures and help bake and deliver food, encourage them to donate some or their clothes, toys or books; or regularly visit an elderly person who needs companionship.
Read or tell stories that emphasize giving.
Perform simple rituals to symbolize your care for others. Light a candle as you and your children send your good wishes or say a prayer for those who are in need.
Instill appreciation and gratitude. It's not possible to be upset and worried while feeling appreciative. Share good things that happened during your day and have your child do the same. They don't need to be major events; emphasize actions that demonstrate the blessings of the season. It could be a hug, words of love, the sound of the birds in the morning or a beautiful snowfall. Depending on your beliefs, you may wish to incorporate prayers of appreciation and thankfulness.
About the author: Dubbed "The Dream Maker" by People magazine, Patti Teel is a former teacher and the author of
The Floppy Sleep Game Book
, which gives parents techniques to help their children relax, deal with stress, or fall asleep. Visit Patti online at
www.pattiteel.com/
to subscribe to her free newsletter. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:48Z
What Really Keeps New Parents from Sleeping
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/What-Really-Keeps-New-Parents-from-Sleeping
-
- /8634.html
2010-05-07T09:05:47Z
2010-05-07T09:05:47Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>What Really Keeps New Parents from Sleeping
By Anh Vazquez
www.littlegrad.com
As if the new nocturnal feedings weren't enough to keep them from out of REM state, new parents have a host of other concerns on their minds. A recent survey released by Little Grad, the Saving for College company revealed how varying scary thoughts affect parents.
The survey asked parents to rank 10 factors in order of which one they worried the most about. The most worrisome, on a 1-10 scale was job security (3.48), followed by saving for retirement (3.75) and dying before their children grow up (4.30). The ability to afford their children's educational needs (4.48) rounded out the top four. The issues parents worry about less than saving for college include crime (5.05), the environment (5.20), rising gas prices (6.73), the amount of time their kids spend watching TV or playing video games (6.84), the threat of terrorism (7.27), and lastly, traffic (7.64).
In looking at this list, it was interesting to note that there are two categories of worry; those they have little control over and those that are mostly within their influence. By looking at the worries in these two categories, it helps to map out a plan for alleviating them, and finding more restful peace of mind.
Frightening, but 'out there'
Terrorism, crime, environment, gas prices, traffic, violent video games... while things undoubtedly affect our lives, and will impact our children's futures, they are largely, beyond any family's ability to control, and therefore don't have the 'wake you up in a cold sweat' factor. That being said, there are things that individuals and families can and should do to address these causes of stress.
Discuss responsible citizenship. Schools encourage students to discuss issues like terrorism, environmental concerns, crime. Parents should actively consider and discuss these items as well, so that a family has a jointly developed sense of identity and values.
Find ways to support ideals. If the family is stressed by high gas prices or traffic, this can be a call to make a change - whether that means buying a hybrid vehicle, finding carpool partners or changing jobs. Even if you don't take any actions immediately, considering your options is good for mental health.
Practice healthy escapism. A lot of worries come from the TV set or sitting in traffic. Finding family time in nature, or at someplace where you can connect and relax can put the world back in perspective.
It could happen to us
Parents keenly feel the new responsibility a child brings into their lives, and this drives job, financial and health insecurity in a new and powerful way. It may take some time to develop new habits, but once done, the effects on a parents stress levels can be remarkable.
Financial planning. Whether it is sitting down with the monthly bills and checking account, or visiting a financial planner, taking a level headed look at expenses, and comparing them with how they are aligned with your aspirations can help to keep nagging doubts at bay. This should be done at least once a year to keep pace with the changes of a growing family. Part of this exercise should include a discussion of wills and guardianship of children. Mortality is of concern to parents, and discussing it can take away its mental power over your dreams.
Stepping up savings. When they look at their income and spending, most families would agree that they could and should be directing more money towards savings. This would help alleviate the stresses related to job security, retirement and saving for college.
Focus on family health. Eating and exercise, making time for checkups, scheduling 'mental health time' - all these things can remarkably lower stress, and set a great example of a healthy lifestyles that kids will adopt as their own.
Enjoy your sleep
A full night's sleep is one of those things that you cannot fully appreciate until you have had it interrupted. To care for a new baby (or even a sick child) is tiring, but worth the exertion. Losing sleep over worries is perhaps unavoidable, but steps can be taken. To figure out why you are losing sleep, many experts recommend keeping a notebook and pen by your bed. This will help to find any issues that are hidden in the new parent haze, as well as helping you back to sleep once you've written the "must remember to go" item on it, that is assuming you can read your own handwriting in the morning.
Anh Vazquez, CEO of LittleGrad.com, earned a Master's degree from Stanford University and a Bachelor's degree from Carnegie Mellon University. After spending over ten years working for leading companies such as Intel, Netscape, and Wal-Mart, Anh's career interests shifted when she became the mother of two children. Anh drew on her experience as a senior executive at Wal-Mart's fastest growing division (Walmart.com) when she decided to start LittleGrad.com, a free service that helps parents save for their children's college education. LittleGrad.com has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, San Francisco Chronicle, and Money magazine. For more information please visit
www.littlegrad.com
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:47Z
Back to School Stresses: 4 Tips to Conquer Them
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Back-to-School-Stresses:-4-Tips-to-Conquer-Them
-
- /8635.html
2010-05-07T09:05:45Z
2010-05-07T09:05:45Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Back to School Stresses:
4 Tips to Conquer Them
By Anh Vazquez
www.littlegrad.com
As we drop our children at their classrooms, or watch them hop on the bus, or out of our minivans, thoughts race through our minds... will they eat a healthy lunch, did we spend enough time on their homework... are they making friends.. are we budgeting/saving enough for their future education... and so on. A recent survey from Little Grad, the Saving for College company, asked parents about the things that stress them out at back to school time.
Time Stress. Not surprisingly, the leader of the list was having enough time in the day to attend to homework, get to activities on time, and not feel as if we were always running behind. Surprisingly, this was a top concern even amongst parents of pre-schoolers!
Tip: It's a mixed blessing, having so many enriching activities to pick from. In your child's early years it is tempting to want to let them try a variety to see where their gifts lie. But once the kindergarten/elementary years start, and homework happens, a family needs to reevaluate their schedules. My recommendation is one activity per week, per child.
Money Stress. Parents primarily think of educational expenses in reference to putting money aside to plan for college costs - as well they should - but there are a number of things that can cause financial stress. Many parents underestimate the expenses of even public schools, such as PTA dues, suggested charitable contributions, and numerous activity fees and that can leave a family's budget strained at the end of each month.
Tip: Recognize that a child entering full time school is a change of phase of life - one that requires a sit down and re-set of a families monthly spending and priorities. If the family hasn't put in place some sort of saving plan for college, this is a great time to get started, whether that means starting an account, increasing the monthly automatic contribution, or looking into reward programs to add more to it. Also, recognize that the school community is an ongoing part of your life. If it adds value to your family, you will want to prepare to play your part financially.
Health Stress. I remember the first week of pre-school when my daughter brought back her lunch, nearly untouched. I was worried she was going to faint from hunger, and that I didn't know how to pack a proper lunch. (Then I found out they were letting her 'charge' hot lunches... I pulled her credit and the PBnJ lunches started to disappear!) But many times it is hard to determine the right mix of healthy foods that are easy to pack and kids will eat.
Tip: Get your child involved in the shopping and the packing of the lunches and snacks. You need your child to understand what a good balance of "go" and "slow" foods will make their bodies and minds feel strong all day long. You'll also learn interesting facts like which snacks are the easiest to eat while swinging from monkey bars.
Clueless Stress. A new element of uncertainty comes into our lives when our children start making friends on their own. They talk about things their new friends do, say and believe, and you will see that you are not the leading opinion setter in your children's lives. It is unsettling, especially as these new ideas are often different from the attitudes and beliefs you have been raising them with.
Tip: Invite these new influences into your home after school or a sleepover, or to meet somewhere neutral like a park for a play date. Get to know the parents and see what they are all about and why your kids are so drawn to them. Spending time with the friends also gives them the chance to get to know you - and to benefit from your thoughts, ideas and high spirits.
Fear not, stress less. As you enter a new phase of life, you'll be given new chances to grow with your children. When something causes you stress, take a deep breath, and step into the unknown with humility and bravery. You made it through the diapers and the twos... you can do anything!
Anh Vazquez, CEO of LittleGrad.com, earned a Master's degree from Stanford University and a Bachelor's degree from Carnegie Mellon University. After spending over ten years working for leading companies such as Intel, Netscape, and Wal-Mart, Anh's career interests shifted when she became the mother of two children. Anh drew on her experience as a senior executive at Wal-Mart's fastest growing division (Walmart.com) when she decided to start LittleGrad.com, a free service that helps parents save for their children's college education. LittleGrad.com has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, San Francisco Chronicle, and Money magazine. For more information please visit
www.littlegrad.com
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:45Z
Don't Spook Kids By Giving Non-Nutritious Candy This Halloween!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Dont-Spook-Kids-By-Giving-Non-Nutritious-Candy-This-Halloween!
-
- /8636.html
2010-05-07T09:05:44Z
2010-05-07T09:05:44Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Don't Spook Kids By Giving Non-Nutritious Candy This Halloween!
Hand Out Fun, Glow-in-the-Dark Objects, Stickers, Other Party Favors Instead
By Connie Bennett
www.SugarShockBlog.com
Adults, don't fall into the candy-giving trap this Halloween when those adorable, costume-clad kids ring your doorbell. Handing out those traditional blood-sugar bouncing "treats" is a "tricky" proposition. All that candy could send your neighbor's kids into SUGAR SHOCK!-which means you could contribute to their getting all kinds of health and emotional problems.
You certainly don't want to do anything that could help make these innocent children become angry, moody, depressed, tired, wired, sleepless, unfocused, or fat from those sugary foods, right?
This Halloween, choose fun alternatives instead. There's no limit to the options. You could give out all kinds of fun, age-appropriate doodads and gizmos, such as:
Glow-in-the-dark insects, spooky fingers and other objects
Halloween-themed stickers, pencils, temporary tattoos, or other toys
Holiday chalk, crayons, colored pencils, pens or animal-shaped erasers
Rubber worms, spiders, or other creepy figures
Non-Halloween-themed party favors such as hair clips, hair bands, scrunchies, plastic bracelets and rings (for girls).
Party favors such as engine whistles, key chains, pens, and stickers. (For boys or girls).
Rest assured, too: Kids will like your creative Halloween-giving ideas. In fact, researchers found that these non-candy favors can be a big hit.
One study from Yale University revealed that half of the 284 trick-or-treaters aged 3 to 14 didn't want lollipops, fruit-flavored chews, or hard candies. Yeah, instead they preferred such toys as glow-in-the-dark insects, stretch pumpkin men, or Halloween-themed stickers and pencils.
If you still insist on giving out food, try giving trick-or-treaters small, pre-packaged:
Almonds or walnuts (Stay away from peanuts since some children are allergic to them.)
Shelled sunflower seeds or pistachios
Raisins (Although these are high in natural sugar, they're far preferable to candy.)
Bottled water (Yeah, kids will be thirsty from all that trick-or-treating door to door!)
So this Halloween, forego those nutrient-lacking candies. Decide to do something nice for your neighborhood's kids and instead give out something fun or at least more healthy.
Connie Bennett is an experienced journalist (Los Angeles Times, TV Guide, cbs.com, etc.) and former, dedicated "sugar addict," who reluctantly quit sugar and refined carbs on doctor's orders in 1998. She now laughingly pokes fun of herself as a "Scary Sugar Shrew No More!" - see her fun cartoons at
/www.sugarshock.com/cartoons.shtml
. These days, Connie is regarded as a sought-after "Savvy Sugar Sleuth," who playfully and seriously educates people about the dangers of sugar and culprit carbs, which could include mood swings, depression, anger, "brain fog," and, of course, weight gain, and she helps "sugar sufferers" to break free from their dangerous habit. Connie is author of the engaging, engrossing book SUGAR SHOCK! (Berkley Books, Dec. 26, 2006); founder of an international KickSugar support group; founder of the award-winning SUGAR SHOCK! Blog (
www.SugarShockBlog.com
); a featured contributor to eDiets.com; a certified holistic health counselor; and a popular speaker. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:44Z
Helping Kids Overcome Their Fears and Phobias
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Helping-Kids-Overcome-Their-Fears-and-Phobias
-
- /8637.html
2010-05-07T09:05:42Z
2010-05-07T09:05:42Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Helping Kids Overcome Their Fears and Phobias
By Patti Teel
www.pattiteel.com
Children love the fantasy and fun of dressing up in costumes and Halloween is usually an exciting and fun event for them. During October, however, the television networks begin running their annual horror flicks. Remember, young children still have trouble differentiating real life from make believe and many scary movies should be "off limits."
A number of children have developed deeply rooted fears from watching movies that were too adult and scary. It can also be upsetting for children to see adults wearing terrifying masks or costumes. So enjoy the whimsy of the Halloween holiday but protect kids from the scary sights and sounds that could upset them.
By nature, some children seem to have more fears than others. When the word "fear" is used correctly, it refers to the feeling experienced in response to a tangible danger, such as a speeding car or an angry dog. "Phobias" are excessive or exaggerated fears of specific objects or situations. Common childhood fears (or phobias) include a fear of the dark, dogs, heights, spiders, and storms.
Jean Piaget is well known for his research regarding children's cognitive development. He calls ages two to four the "preoperational period" of development. It is characterized by reason being dominated by perception. This explains why preschoolers are often afraid of the dark and imaginary creatures such as monsters.
Piaget's research revealed that around the age of six or seven, children's thinking begins to become more logical. Not surprisingly, around this age, children usually lose their fear of imaginary creatures but may become worried about other types of things such as school performance and social relationships. Encourage your children to tell you about their fears. If your child's fear is having a negative impact on his life, there are steps you can take to help your child overcome it early on.
Many adult fears begin in childhood
Completely avoiding feared objects and activities tends to increase rather that diminish the level of fear associated with them. We can see many examples of this-a fear of drowning is not likely to lessen by avoiding water; a fear of flying is not going to go away by avoiding airplanes; and a fear of school is not going to go away by allowing a child to stay home.
Children often generalize their fears
For example, a child is likely to think that all dogs are mean and unfriendly after a frightening experience with just one dog. A friendly golden retriever may happily approach a child with his tail wagging, but the child with a fear of dogs is likely to perceive the dog as a mean animal that is coming to attack. If a fear is not overcome, a child may begin to generalize it further and develop phobias about other types of animals in addition to dogs.
Some fears must be confronted and dealt with because they will interfere with a child's daily life. Other phobias may not have to be confronted very often. Even when that is the case, beware that you can unwittingly teach your children to have the same phobias that you have. My husband and I have a rat phobia. I have generalized my fear to include opossums, hamsters, gerbils, and other rodents. Years ago, when we had a pet rabbit, he could even give me the creeps! While it seemed to me that I was only being a conscientious mother by passing along the dangers of rats to my daughter, when she screamed and came running out of her first-grade classroom in a panic because the teacher had a pet rat, I realized that I had probably overdone it.
Much more so than the actual events themselves, children's reactions to fear and anxiety will affect the quality of their lives, both emotionally and physically. Their response can lead to personal growth, or it can impair that emotional growth. When children respond to the emotions of fear and anxiety by becoming stressed, it can affect their ability to be happy and experience pleasure. Because we cannot control all of the things that will happen in our children's lives, it's important for us to help them learn healthy ways to cope.
Reactions to fear can include: shortness of breath, fast breathing, a racing heart, a tightness in the chest, a lump in the throat, butterflies in the stomach, lightheadedness, dizziness, shaking, trembling, tingling feelings, a surreal feeling that things seem strange and tightening muscles.
Steps to overcoming fears and phobias:
Learn relaxation and self-calming skills such as progressive relaxation, breathing techniques, and visualization.
Desensitize your child. By gradually exposing your children to their fears, you will be helping them to take progressive steps toward overcoming them.
Clear up misconceptions. Many fears are based on misconceptions. For instance, many children are afraid of thunder, but if you explain what it is the fear will begin to give way to curiosity.
Dubbed "The Dream Maker" by People magazine, Patti Teel is a former teacher and the author of
The Floppy Sleep Game Book
, which gives parents techniques to help their children relax, deal with stress, or fall asleep. Her innovative book also includes a section on ways to combat children's fears, phobias, and anxiety. Visit Patti online to subscribe to her free newsletter and learn more about her book at
www.pattiteel.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:42Z
Handling Homework
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Handling-Homework
-
- /8638.html
2010-05-07T09:05:40Z
2010-05-07T09:05:40Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Handling Homework
Excerpt from
The Floppy Sleep Game Book
, by Patti Teel
www.pattiteel.com
Limited amounts of homework in the primary grades may be beneficial; however, it should not be excessive, especially in the lower grades. The amount of homework assigned varies greatly from school to school and from teacher to teacher. As a rule of thumb, the National Education Association and the Parent Teacher Association recommend that children in elementary school spend approximately ten minutes of homework per grade. For instance, a first grader would be expected to do 10 minutes of homework while a fifth grader would spend 50 minutes.
However, the time it takes to complete homework will depend on a child's ability to buckle down and concentrate, his ability to do the work, and his level of perfectionism. What one child might complete in 20 minutes could very well take another child an hour. If you feel as if your child is unduly overloaded with homework that is either too difficult or lengthy, don't try to solve the problem by doing his work.
While it's difficult for parents to see their child frustrated by inappropriate homework, doing too much of your child's work is likely to lead to an overly dependent child who may be convinced that he cannot accomplish anything on his own. Most teachers are willing to individualize homework assignments if a child is truly struggling. If your child has a learning disability that is interfering with his ability to complete the homework, or is a perfectionist who spends an inordinate amount of time doing it, work closely with your child's teacher.
Oftentimes, the work may be appropriate, but because your child either processes more slowly or is a perfectionist, it takes an excessive amount of time for him to complete it. If this is the case, see if your child can be assigned a shorter version of the same assignment. That way, he will still be learning the same things as the other students. If the work itself is too difficult, your child should be given a more appropriate assignment. Each child is an individual and sometimes what works for most, won't work for all. One of the purposes of homework is to begin to teach responsibility and for it to serve its purpose, a child must receive appropriate homework assignments.
In the upper elementary grades, other issues may determine the amount of homework a child brings home. While some children use all their spare time at school to complete homework, others bring it home because they are not applying themselves at school. Also, teachers begin to give their students longer assignments, expecting children to budget their time and work all week towards completing it. This leads to problems for a child who procrastinate and attempts to complete a week-long assignment in a single night.
If your child has a tendency to put off his homework until the last minute, you need to be aware of his assignments. That way, you can help him to consistently chip away at a large project. Be aware that projects which require a great deal of planning and organization may be particularly difficult for a child with ADHD.
Often, their problems become more noticeable in the upper grades when organization becomes more of an issue. If your child is frequently misplacing his papers and is generally unorganized, help him to set up a system to keep his papers organized.
Don't allow excessive homework to interfere with your child's sleepRemember, getting a good night's sleep is the most important assignment of all!
Have a set time and place for homework. Have your child do his homework early enough in the evening so that he will have some down time before bed.
Set up a spot for your child to complete his homework that is well lit, quiet and away from the television.
Be available to help your child with his homework if he has questions, but don't do your child's work. Appropriate homework is a lesson in responsibility.
Dubbed "The Dream Maker" by People magazine, Patti Teel is a former teacher and the author of The Floppy Sleep Game Book, which gives parents techniques to help their children relax, deal with stress or fall asleep. Patti holds Dream Academy workshops at schools, hospitals and libraries across the country where parents and children learn the playful relaxation techniques from her book and widely acclaimed children's audio series. Children at the Dream Academy workshops practice the three R's by resting their bodies, relaxing their minds and refreshing their spirits. Visit Patti online to subscribe to her free newsletter at
www.pattiteel.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:40Z
Seven Ways to Keep our Parents Young
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Seven-Ways-to-Keep-our-Parents-Young
-
- /8639.html
2010-05-07T09:05:39Z
2010-05-07T09:05:39Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Seven Ways to Keep our Parents Young
By Stephan and Lisa LaCount
www.activeadultliving.com
What are some things we can do to help keep our parents young? Here are seven ideas to explore, which may slow down the ageing process and help keep your folks sharp and young at heart for years to come...
Physical activities are a great way to help keep everyone younger. Even if your parent is housebound or confined to a wheelchair, there are ways to get exercise. My mother-in-law is in her early 80's and still does her Jane Fonda workout tape every morning right in the privacy of her bedroom. My father-in-law is less motivated to do structured exercises, but he does join mom for a daily brisk power walk through a local indoor shopping mall. If your parent has trouble with back, hips or legs then water aerobic exercise may be just the key.
Mental exercise is important too! Nowadays, many community colleges and universities offer the opportunity to 'audit' classes (that is, to take the class for personal enrichment and not to earn a grade). Are your folks homebodies and not so social? My mum loves to do crossword puzzles and prides herself on her mental acuity, while my step dad enjoys seemingly endless hours surfing the Internet.
Having a proper diet goes hand in hand with the ability to enjoy physical and mental activities. My mum has always been very docile and became very overweight. She's always been passionate about buffet restaurants and gave in to too much food and too many calories. Unfortunately it led to type II diabetes; she still loves the buffets but through self-control and determination she shed 80 pounds and went down 10 dress sizes. My husband and I have tried on several occasions to encourage her to write
The Buffet Lover's Diet
book (but she's content just to do her crossword puzzles). The bottom line on diet is that a person needs a balance of carbohydrates, proteins and fats, and calorie intake commensurate with their activity level. Of course, vitamins and minerals will likely be recommended by their physician to supplement their diet, and plenty of water every day is crucial, too.
Social interaction is wonderful to help them connect with others of similar age and/or interests. Here again, even the housebound can now enjoy social interaction with online chat rooms or blogging. If they are able to get out and about, many seniors find great satisfaction in volunteerism, which provides social interaction as well as a sense of worth.
Having a soul mate is a richly fulfilling experience. If your parents are no longer together or one has pre-deceased the other, it's never too late to find love and/or companionship. Even if there's resistance to finding a soul mate, pets make wonderful companions.
Environment is an unfortunate necessity to consider these days. Adding years of life or improving one's quality of life must take into consideration how to effectively deal with such 21st century realities as pollution, additives, preservatives, toxins, and even stresses such as terrorism and living in an inflationary world on a fixed income. Obviously, anything that you can do to relieve or diminish your parents exposure to any or all of the environmental factors will certainly add quality, and likely, years of life.
Spirituality and the practice of faith is definitely a way to add years to one's life. There are certainly numerous benefits in turning over your cares and worries to a higher power through prayer or mediation. Additionally, the very gathering together with others of your faith to worship provides a forum for social interaction.
Stephan and Lisa LaCount are the authors of an exhaustive resource,
1001 Active Lifestyle Communities
, which is available through bookstores for or it may be ordered online at the website
www.activeadultliving.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:39Z
Today's Family Man: "Helping a Perfectionist Student"
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Todays-Family-Man:-Helping-a-Perfectionist-Student
-
- /8640.html
2010-05-07T09:05:37Z
2010-05-07T09:05:37Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Today's Family Man
"Helping a Perfectionist Student"
By Gregory Keer
A question I received over the summer from a concerned parent asked about her 10-year-old who was already getting anxious about going back to school because she's heard the fifth-grade teacher is hard. The father said his daughter is a good student, but is developing a sense of perfectionism. He pointed out that he never pressures his daughter to be such a high achiever, nor does his wife, so he wanted to know what he could do to help his child.
As a high-school teacher, I see all kinds of students, a number of whom have perfectionist personalities. Nothing but an 'A' is good enough, and often, if they don't achieve the highest score, they get upset or depressed. We're seeing younger and younger children begin anxieties over grades, body image, and old-fashioned popularity, so it's wise to start working on this issue now.
Often, academic perfectionism is due to parental pressure, which isn't the case with the questioning parent. Sometimes, it's due to peer pressure and sheer competitiveness. A child may want to stand out in her crowd or rise to a higher level among her peers by being the top student. And still another cause can be internal pressure to gain control over her world. Getting all or most of the answers right gives a child a sense that she's got a hold over some part of her life, when other things may be less manageable.
Talk to Your Child
As with most concerns about your child, you should start with talking to her. Perhaps you have done some talking, but this time, be really specific with your questions. Ask her how she feels when she doesn't get an 'A,' when someone else does better than her, or when she's confused about a math problem or writing assignment.
Be a Role Model
Tell your child stories about yourself as a student and what made you worried. Mention your failures and how you learned from them. One of the best ways to help your child is to make them see you as a credible model who survived similar challenges. Teach her that failure is the gateway to more knowledge and that no one, let alone you, gets all the answers, especially the first time around. Recognize that she may not completely identify with you, but she will see you as being willing to meet her at her level.
Speak to Other Parents and Siblings
Especially if you're not getting enough of a clear picture from your daughter, you might want to discuss how her friends' parents perceive her. This is a tricky area, and you may even want to ask your daughter's permission to talk to the other parents, but you can learn something from an outsider's perspective. Perhaps the parent's own child has talked about your daughter and can offer insight. If you have another child who's older than your daughter, talk to him/her too. A sibling sees with different eyes and may have just the perspective you need.
Inquire About the Teacher
Encourage your daughter to talk to students who had the teacher in question. How hard is she? Why is she difficult? It may be that only one or two students feel the teacher was challenging while others found her funny, fascinating, or inspiring. You can do this with her or have her call people and report back to you.
As a secondary resort, consider talking to the principal or other school advisor about the teacher and his/her expectations. Getting your daughter the lowdown in advance can mitigate a lot of anxiety. If possible, you may be able to meet with the teacher a couple of weeks before school starts since some instructors work on campus to prepare for the year.
Round Out and Prioritize Her Activities
Think about what your daughter does outside of the classroom or study time. Does she play sports or music? These are wonderful activities that can balance out her focus, as long as her perfectionism doesn't spill over into them. Discuss with her what she feels is most important to her life, as it stands today. Perhaps you can write down what she does on a given day and give each item a 'grade.' Does she need to do 'A' work in class? Would she be happy if she got a 'B' on the soccer field? Can she live with a 'C' on the flute?
Not everyone can be great at everything and, if your child is suffering from anxiety in the effort to be perfect, a grading of her activities can show her that she can still be pleased with herself and have fun though she's not at the top of the mountain.
Free Time
She should also have free time built into the day and week in general. Time to just hang out, listen to music, watch TV, etc. If she's resistant to be unproductive, try taking her to a yoga class for kids (they do exist!). Teaching her the habit of decompressing is essential and centering even at her age.
Watch Out for Other Signs
Because my advice may only scratch the surface, think about talking to your pediatrician because perfectionism can have significant physical effects. In fact, continually pay attention to your daughter's behavior. If she develops regular sleep problems or loses appetite on an ongoing basis, you should consult your pediatrician for advice. Your daughter is still young and malleable, so taking care of her patterns now will save you all a lot of grief later.
Offer Love and Support
At the root level, what your daughter needs most is your unconditional love and support. You may already be giving that, but keep reminding her of how proud you are of her efforts, whether they result in 'A's' or much lower. Celebrate her work by posting her 'C' paper on the fridge as well as the 'A' on the math quiz to show her that you think she's grand no matter how she does.
(c)copy;2006 Gregory Keer. All rights reserved.
Gregory Keer is a syndicated columnist, educator, and on-air expert on fatherhood. His Family Man(r) column appears in publications such as L.A. Parent, Boston Parents' Paper, and Bay Area Parent. In addition to writing for
Parenting
magazine and the Parents' Choice Foundation, Keer publishes the online fatherhood magazine,
www.familymanonline.com
. He also contributes to
USA Today, Pregnancy
, DrLaura.com, and ParentingBookmark.com. Keer is a guest expert on television and radio and advisor to the Cartoon Network. He and his wife are the proud parents of three sons. Keer can be reached at
www.familymanonline.com
. For details on his parent coaching, go to
www.familymanonline.com/section.php?section=consulting
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:37Z
Send Kids Back to School with a Healthy Diet
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Send-Kids-Back-to-School-with-a-Healthy-Diet
-
- /8641.html
2010-05-07T09:05:34Z
2010-05-07T09:05:34Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Send Kids Back to School with a Healthy Diet
By Elizabeth Yarnell
www.GloriousOnePotMeals.com
It's time for kids to gear up for school. So what does that mean for your child's diet? Hopefully not a strict diet of fast food five days a week as you run to football practices and dance lessons. The start of the school year can indeed be a busy time for families, but it is possible to make healthy meals even with time constraints. It just takes a little know-how.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), "The percentage of children who are overweight has more than doubled, and among adolescents the rates have more than tripled since 1980." Being overweight can be associated with diabetes and other physical and mental health issues for young people such as bone and joint problems, sleep apnea, and social and psychological problems such as stigmatization and poor self-esteem.
Whether or not we want to hear about it - and most of us don't - we need to start thinking about what we feed our kids.
The CDC found that 4 out of 5 teens don't get enough fruits or vegetables, over half get too much saturated fat, and most adolescents, particularly girls, don't get enough calcium in their diets.
Research is now showing that the antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals contained in fruits and vegetables may protect against everything from cancer, heart disease, and stroke to cataracts, chronic obstructive lung disease, diverticulosis, high blood pressure and a multitude of other diseases. Even chronic grown-up immunologic diseases such as multiple sclerosis and adult-onset diabetes may benefit from a varied diet rich in plant-based foods.
A diet based on whole foods rather than the packaged, processed, synthesized foods we have become dependent on, can be an effective long-term strategy to combat excess weight. Weight loss and maintenance become delightful side-effects of eating right, instead of the main and perhaps, somewhat distorted, focus. And best of all, by offering real food we are modeling great lifelong eating habits for our kids!
The major emphasis of the idea of eating for better health is on dietary patterns: what kinds of foods (processed or whole) we eat on a regular basis. This approach is extremely effective not only because it is easier to implement than calorie-counting for the individual and/or family, but also because a varied diet of whole foods provides a wide range of nutrients, vitamins and minerals for energy and health.
According to the American Institute of Cancer Research (AICR), "Every new vegetable, fruit, whole grain or bean that finds its way onto your plate contributes disease-fighting power. And all the fat and calories you save may make a real difference on your waistline."
Many of today's adults were raised on the "meat-and-potatoes" diet that included only a smattering of side-dish vegetables smothered in cheese, drenched in butter or deep-fried in lard. The idealized mother of the past built a meal for her family based around a hefty serving of meat followed by a large dose of processed starch (white rice, mashed potato flakes, packaged stuffing, etc.) with a few overcooked vegetables on the side, often smuggled away in napkins or under the table to the helpful family dog. It was cool eat food that came out of a box rather than from a farm, and to not like eating vegetables.
The time has truly come for us to change our ways and return to eating a diet based in whole, unprocessed foods. That means feeding our kids real fruits and vegetables, meats, whole grains, and legumes instead of fruit chews, lunch meats, processed cheeses and white breads.
Even a subtle change in diet can positively impact health and weight for the whole family. Knowledge is the key to making healthy food choices, and understanding that eating healthily is a lifelong opportunity may empower all of us to begin choosing healthy options of whole foods more often.
Here's an easy recipe that uses whole foods in a cast iron Dutch oven to create a kid-pleasing meal that is both nutritious and delicious. Real cheese, whole wheat pasta, and a variety of vegetables make this meal a healthy and tasty choice for dinner.
Use any combination of cheeses you desire, or even a cheese substitute (soy or rice cheese), to make this a mac-and-cheese you can feel good about serving.
Glorious Macaroni Cheese
Serves 4
Ingredients
4 cups macaroni-shaped whole grain pasta
1 1/3 cup water or liquid from canned tomatoes (see below)
6-10 drops olive oil
16-24 oz. cheese, sliced or grated
4 carrots, sliced
2 Tbsp. oregano, fresh chopped, or 1 tsp. dried
salt and pepper to taste
1 cup broccoli florets, halved
1-2 cups spinach, roughly chopped
4-6 tomatoes, chopped, or 2 14 oz. cans, drained
Instructions
Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Spray inside of 3 1/2 or 4-quart cast iron Dutch oven and lid with olive oil, taking care to fully coat all interior surfaces.
Place dry noodles in pot. If using canned tomatoes, drain and reserve the liquid and use to make the 1 1/3 cup of liquid, adding water as needed. If using fresh tomatoes, use all water. Add olive oil to liquid, stir and pour over pasta. Mix gently and spread pasta evenly across bottom of pot.
Place a layer of cheese over pasta. Add carrots. Sprinkle with half of the garlic and half of the oregano. Lightly salt and pepper.
Layer in broccoli and cover with a blanket of cheese. Sprinkle rest of spices and lightly salt and pepper. Top with spinach and fresh or drained canned tomatoes.
Cover and bake for 30-35 minutes, or about 3 minutes after the aroma of a fully cooked meal escapes the oven.
Tips
Overcooking this recipe may cause the noodles to clump and a crusty layer to form along the bottom and lower sides of the pot. While these tasty strips are fun to crunch, you can avoid this effect by paying careful attention to when the aroma first escapes the oven and announces that the meal is ready.
About the author: Elizabeth Yarnell is a Certified Nutritional Consultant and the author of
Glorious One-Pot Meals: A new quick healthy approach to Dutch oven cooking
, a guide to a guide to preparing quick, healthy and balanced one-pot meals. As a mother of young children, a diet of whole foods is an important strategy in her battle with Multiple Sclerosis. Visit Elizabeth online at
www.GloriousOnePotMeals.com
to subscribe to her free newsletter. The Glorious One-Pot Meal cooking method is unique and holds US patent 6,846,504. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:34Z
Back to School Time Management
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Back-to-School-Time-Management
-
- /8642.html
2010-05-07T09:05:33Z
2010-05-07T09:05:33Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Back to School Time Management
Jill Hart
CWAHM.com
The kids are headed back to school and it feels like you should have a lot of extra time on your hands. Why aren't you able to accomplish all that needs to be done? Time management is a big struggle no matter what stage of life you're in. As work at home moms, it is even more important that we manage our time wisely. Below are five tips on how you can accomplish more during the time the kids are in school.
Set your priorities - It's important to map out not only what needs to be accomplished during the time that you have allotted each day, but also what things are most important. Make a list of the tasks that need to be accomplished and then rank them according to deadline, desire to complete, etc. Keep in mind that the more you can do while the kids are in school, the more time you'll have with them the rest of the day. If at all possible, make time with you spouse and children the center of your day and try to work around it.
Schedule your time - Now that you know what order your list needs to be accomplished in, take the time to write out a schedule of how and when you will complete each item. This will give you a tangible way to see your progress each day. Your schedule doesn't need to be set in stone - it needs to be somewhat flexible so that it doesn't become burdensome. Having a plan of action will help you avoid distractions and accomplish more during the time you have available.
Delegate - Whenever possible, delegate tasks that can be accomplished by others. Have your kids stuff envelopes, have hubby print out business cards for you, and if you have a virtual assistant (VA), allow them to do some of the online work or phone calls for you. The best thing I've done for my business this last year is to hire a virtual assistant. She is fast, efficient and saves me a lot of time. I can be working with clients and making sales while she handles my article distribution and other tasks. The time saved is well worth the money spent.
Let the phone ring - Customer service is one of the most important parts of running a home-based business. Being available for your customers and being willing to answer questions is what will set you apart from the many other businesses out there. However, if you are working to accomplish a task that is important to your business it may be necessary to allow the phone to ring and the answering machine to handle some calls. I'm not suggesting that you ignore your customers, but that you use your answering machine for what it is - a message service. By knowing who has called and what they need, you can call your customers back when you have time to work with them without feeling rushed. Also, by knowing what your customers need before your speak with them you can make preparations ahead of time, thus spending less time on the phone and saving both yourself and customer time.
Take a Break - One of the biggest mistakes of work-at-home moms is to work too much. Because we are building our own businesses we feel that we will not succeed unless we're working - or at least thinking about work twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. This simply isn't true. Taking care of yourself is one of the best things that you can do for your business. Focusing on something other than your business can give you clarity and help you avoid burn-out.
Running a home-based business while your children are in school is possible, but it does take efficiency and organization. It's very important that you set your priorities and your schedule your time in a way that is flexible and that allows you to get the most accomplished in the time that you have available. Don't get discouraged if it seems like you're not accomplishing much some days. Rest, go easy on yourself and do your best.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Jill Hart is the founder of Christian Work at Home Moms,
CWAHM.com
. This site is dedicated to providing work at home moms with opportunities to promote their businesses while at the same time providing them spiritual encouragement and articles. Jill and her husband, Allen of CWAHD.com (Christian Work at Home Dads) reside in Nebraska with their two children.Listen to Jill's radio show, Christian Work at Home Moment, at
http://www.cwahm.com/loudblog
! Permission Granted for use on Dr.Laura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:33Z
Pain in the Back: Your Child's Backpack May Not Be the Cause
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Pain-in-the-Back:--Your-Childs-Backpack-May-Not-Be-the-Cause
-
- /8643.html
2010-05-07T09:05:31Z
2010-05-07T09:05:31Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Pain in the Back:
Your Child's Backpack May Not Be the Cause
Dr. Robert Duvall
www.losethebackpain.com
Back pain is pervasive throughout the adult population. It is one of the most common reasons to visit a doctor. Young children are suffering from back pain much earlier than previously reported, and the use of overweight backpacks is a major contributing factor. In addition to overloaded backpacks, improper wearing of them may predispose a child to various health problems. Back pain usually results from repetitive loading as well as improper mechanics, not to mention kids are getting weaker and less physically active, leading to the child's inability to handle the load of the backpack.
Does your child complain or exhibit the following signs and symptoms?
Aching back
Aching neck and shoulders
Tingling in the arms and hands
Slumped posture: rounded shoulders, forward head
Posture changes when wearing a backpack
Struggling when putting on or taking off the backpack
Redness and/or soreness on the shoulders
The major contributing factors associated with injury;
Muscle imbalances: too weak in the abdominal area, shoulder blades, and/or lower body
Slumped posture while standing and sitting
Posture changes: arching the back, leaning forward, leaning to one side
These factors may cause improper loading on the spine, which in turn can cause poor alignment of the vertebrae, which negatively impacts the function of the discs as shock absorbers. When the backpack is too heavy or positioned poorly, this causes muscles to work harder, leading to strain and fatigue that ultimately makes the back, neck and shoulders more susceptible to injury.
Recommendations to ensure proper and safe backpack use;
Do not carry more than 15 percent of the child's body weight. For example, a child who weighs 100 pounds should not carry more than 15 pounds in his or her backpack.
Utilize both straps over the shoulders. This provides better distribution of the weight. Make sure they are well padded. If the backpack has a waist belt, use it to reduce the load on the shoulders and neck.
Load the heaviest items closest to the child's back. Make sure the books and the other materials do not slide around.
Make sure the backpack is positioned across the mid back and do not allow it to hang below the waist of the child. Straps should not be loose, and should be adjusted while putting on and taking off to permit free movement of the arms without twisting and side bending the spine.
Parents should assist with the loading and the organization of the books and materials. Make sure the items are necessary for each particular day. If necessary, it's OK to have the child hand carry a couple of books.
Listen to your child. If he or she continues to complain of pain and discomfort do not shrug it off. There are plenty of things children can do to avoid pain. Have them evaluated by a medical professional.
You may consider a backpack that has wheels. Make sure the extended handle is the appropriate length to prevent the child from bending and twisting excessively.
Be aware of your child's habits and physical make-up. Proper exercise and nutrition are key to preventing injuries immediately as well as later in life.
The truth is as kids get stronger and their muscles become more balanced, they will build up the tolerance to these and other daily stresses of life. It just takes a little bit of knowledge and coaching from Mom and Dad to encourage your child to become more active in a fun way.
I encourage you to keep in mind what I call "balanced muscle development." It is the key to any and all development. If you are not certain as to how a child can achieve a balanced body, please seek professional help from a certified health care provider.
About the author: Dr. Robert V. Duvall, DPT, MPT, ATC, MGFI, graduated from Shenandoah University's Program in Physical Therapy with a Master of Physical Therapy degree in 1998. He earned his Doctorate of Physical Therapy degree from the Physical Therapy Program at Shenandoah University. Visit
www.losethebackpain.com
to sign up for your free back pain e-mail educational course. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:31Z
"What Did You Learn in School Today?" Tips for Getting Your Kids to Talk about School
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/What-Did-You-Learn-in-School-Today-Tips-for-Getting-Your-Kids-to-Talk-about-School
-
- /8644.html
2010-05-07T09:05:29Z
2010-05-07T09:05:29Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"What Did You Learn in School Today?"
Tips for Getting Your Kids to Talk about School
By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
"What did you learn in school today?"
"Nothing."
"Anything interesting happen?
"Nope."
"Did you like it?"
"It was OK."
Does getting your kids to offer information about school seem more difficult than pulling teeth? Do you ever feel like a lawyer cross examining your child in an attempt to find out what's really happening at school? Do you wish your child would volunteer more information about his educational experience so you wouldn't have to ask so often? If so, this article is for you.
Employ the following do's and don'ts to increase your child's willingness to share useful and important information about his school experience.
Don't play 20 questions. Ask a few questions each day and rotate them. No one likes being asked the same question every day. And no one likes being asked 20 questions on any one day. It feels like prying and gives the child one more reason to clam up. Scale back the number of questions you ask.
Do ask questions that require more than a one word response. "Did you have a good day today?" and "How did it go today?" require one word answers. If you ask that kind of question you do not encourage a lengthy response. The child can answer, "Yes," and "Fine." Instead, ask a question that requires some thought. "Tell me about the most interesting thing that happened to you today," and "What surprised you about school today?" will usually generate more lengthy responses.
Do use the "Say some more" technique to encourage your child to expand on a brief answer. After a short response, use the phrase, "Say some more" to elicit further information.
Say some more
is invitational and sounds less like a question. "Please continue," "Go on." and "Keep going" are parent talk phrases that encourage the child to keep talking.
Don't seem desperate. Children can smell desperation. It gives them a sense of power to withhold from an adult something the adult appears to want so badly. When you come across as wanting information desperately you encourage the child to cling on to whatever it is she has that seems so valuable to you.
Do use your parenting network to glean school information. If you don't have one, get one. Rely on the other parents in your child's classroom to provide you information.
Remember, in a network, information flows both ways. So when you have useful information or hear a disturbing report contact the parents in your network. See what they know and share what you have learned.
Do encourage your child to invite friends over. Your child will talk more freely in the presence of peers. Ask occasional questions to the friend to show your interest. Often the friend will tell you more than your own child. In addition, you will often overhear your child and her friends talking about school. Be still and listen.
Don't ask questions to which you already know the answer. This is a set-up for your child. He may not answer the way you expect and then you are in the position of trying to determine if he is lying or hiding something. Instead, tell him what you know and ask for further clarification from his point of view.
If your child ever starts talking about school, do stop talking and assume the listening stance. Give your child the space to talk. Listen non-judgmentally. Nothing will stop the flow if information faster than judging what is said. When you react like a judge the information flow dries up.
Don't expect that your child is going to tell you everything that goes on at school. It's not going to happen. Be active and involved. Find out what is going on by being present. Get involved at school. Talk to the teachers regularly.
Do create family times where conversation predominates. If the TV is on during dinner there is no space left for talk. If the radio and walkman's are on in the car, when can talk occur? Set the norm by talking about your day during these times. Be the change you would like to encourage in your family.
There is no quick fix to get your kids talking about school. There is only a series of strategies that need to be implemented and used consistently throughout the school year. These skills will work if you work the skills. Your child didn't learn to be silent about school information overnight and she won't learn to speak more freely overnight either. Invest the time. You, your child, and your child's education are worth it.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of
The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose
. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their websites today:
www.chickmoorman.com
or
www.thomashaller.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:29Z
Improve Your Life Right Away -- Get Dressed!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Improve-Your-Life-Right-Away----Get-Dressed!
-
- /8645.html
2010-05-07T09:05:28Z
2010-05-07T09:05:28Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Improve Your Life Right Away -- Get Dressed!
by Jill Cooper
www.LivingOnADime.com
Do you want to get out of debt? Do you want to get your house organized and have more control over your life? Do you want your family to respect you more than they do? Then get dressed!
I realize that for some people, like those with newborns and toddlers, this can be a challenge to say the least, but do what you can. At first it may mean only getting dressed during the baby's first nap of the day, but keep working at it until you can comb your hair and put on your make-up.
Getting dressed may not seem important but it really is at the top of the list of things you can do to improve your life. I had a woman once tell me she never got dressed in the morning, but that she could do her housework just fine. This same woman in the next breath was bemoaning the fact she couldn't get her family to help her or show her any respect. Take a good long look in the mirror at yourself and see what your family sees. Is it a woman perpetually dressed in pajamas or sweats, with hair sticking out all over and without any make-up? I know they are your family and are supposed to love you no matter how you look. They would never ever say anything to you because they do love you, but there is a difference between love and respect.
I know several women who never ever put on make-up or get dressed unless they are going to work or out someplace fancy. How do you think that makes their husbands and children feel? The message that a family receives is that they are not as important as the rest of the world. Many of these women wonder why their families don't respect them! If your boss showed up each day to work in her pajamas, without make-up and combed hair and then proceeded to sit down at her cluttered desk before demanding that you keep your desk spotless, wear pantyhose and a skirt and keep your nails manicured, how would you feel? Would you respect her? Would you want to even introduce her to your friends? You might do what she says, but you wouldn't respect her.
Do you think your husband and young children don't notice how you present yourself? Do you remember as a young child seeing your mom all dressed up to go to church or out for the evening and being so proud of how beautiful she looked? If your mom never dressed up, do you remember seeing your friends moms and wishing yours looked like that? Children notice even the littlest things. One day, my 5 year old granddaughter hugged me and said "Nan, you and Great Grandma always smell so good!" Even something as small as using a little perfume makes an impression and leaves a lasting memory.
I'm sorry, but it's a fact of life you have to earn respect. The dictionary's definition for earn is "to receive something for work done." The definition of work is "sustained physical or mental effort to overcome obstacles and achieve an objective or result." Translated, that means to get respect you will have to put forth some effort -- sustained or continual effort, even when there are Legos -- um I mean "obstacles" in your path.
One time I had to have major surgery. It was complicated by the fact I had a chronic illness and I was just plain worn out. The doctor insisted that I get some major rest. She told me that I was not to get out of my pajamas for three weeks. Why? Because once I got dressed, it was a signal for my friends and family that I was up to working again. Sure enough, the minute I slipped my clothes on, they were all over me. Now you may be reading this story and saying "If that's the case, I'll never get dressed again!" Trust me, I was tempted to stay in my pajamas for the rest of my life. But the point I'm trying to make is the way that you dress does send a signal -- to your family and yourself.
If you have been neglecting this part of your life and have been frustrated with a general lack of cooperation from your family, could it be that you have been giving them mixed signals?
Jill Cooper is the editor of
www.LivingOnADime.com
. As a single mother of two, Jill Cooper started her own business without any capital and paid off $35,000 debt in 5 years on $1,000 a month income. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:28Z
Getting Your Children School Ready
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Getting-Your-Children-School-Ready
-
- /8646.html
2010-05-07T09:05:26Z
2010-05-07T09:05:26Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Getting Your Children School Ready
By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
Back to school is in the air. Parents are currently being bombarded with back to school sales in magazines, newspapers, television ads, and store flyers. Whether you shop on line or wait in line, advertisers suggest that their store or website has everything you could possibly need to get your child school ready.
Have you made your list yet? Most lists include: a book bag, pens, pencils, glue stick, spiral note pad, compass, calculator, 3-ring binder, gym shoes, and clothes. You may even have a lunch box on your list.
But are these things what your children really need in order to be ready for school? Perhaps getting your child school ready involves more that buying things. Maybe supplies are not what you need to supply for your child to get them off to a good start this school year. It just might be that the best getting ready for school strategies you can employ are not found at the mall or your local department store. Consider the following.
Below are five suggestions for getting your children school ready. Do they need to be on your back to school list?
Start the school schedule early. Break the summer sleep-in/stay-up late mode. Begin the morning and evening school routine at least two weeks before school actually starts. Don't expect that you child will be able to make the adjustment to getting up for school quickly or easily without a break in period.. Take the full two weeks to work into the routine slowly by adjusting the bedtime and wakeup time a few minutes everyday until the desired time is reached. Your goal is to have the schedule set prior to the first day of school.
Create a positive attitude about going back to school. Talk to your children about being able to see their friends, meet their new teacher and all the opportunities that being at school provides. Focus on your child's area of interest and emphasize all the ways in which school helps to enhance that topic. When your child speaks negatively, redirect him into the positive.
Visit the school. Reacquaint your child with the school. During the summer classrooms change, teachers transfer to new buildings, principals are reassigned, and new playground equipment gets installed. Don't wait for orientation day to get reacquainted. Go to the school and play on the play ground, meet the new principal or office personnel, talk to the janitor.
Set goals for the upcoming school year. Help your children create realistic expectations for themselves about school. Talk about what they want to accomplish this school year, not what you want them to accomplish. Remember not all of school is about grades. Making new friends, speaking out in class, standing up for oneself, staying organized, and managing behavior are all crucial skills for a successful school year.
Model learning. Create a time in your home when everyone is involved in learning related activities such as reading, playing with numbers, telling family stories, journaling, or quiet reflection. Turn off the television and video games and have a set time for the whole family to feed their brain. In fact, model learning year round, even through the summer months. This will set the stage for homework. A study time can be a logical extension of the learning time you have in your home.
Give your kids every opportunity to be ready for school this year. Head to the mall or department store with your list of needed items and remember to add to your list the suggestions above. By doing so you give your kids what they really need to begin this school year---structure, energy, enthusiasm, and a positive attitude.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of
The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose
. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their websites today:
www.chickmoorman.com
or
www.thomashaller.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:26Z
Take Five Steps to More Energy
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Take-Five-Steps-to-More-Energy
-
- /8647.html
2010-05-07T09:05:24Z
2010-05-07T09:05:24Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Take Five Steps to More Energy
By
Dr. Thomas O. Goode
Energy is the key to life. When you have energy you are able to do more, see more, and be more. Unfortunately, we have lost touch with what our bodies need to perform well. This often leaves us chronically exhausted and sluggish.
The good news is that there are positive steps we can take to remedy this situation. First and foremost, we need to reeducate ourselves. Learning what the body and mind needs for peak functioning allows us to care for ourselves with intention. Only then is it possible to break the low energy cycle and live well.
Five Simple Steps to More Energy
Food. Food fuels your body. It supplies the energy you need to live your best life. The body needs proper nutrition to perform a number of tasks. It utilizes the food you feed it to make the energy necessary for all bodily functions. It uses the energy it produces for external tasks as well. Your mental and physical activities all depend on energy. If your body is not receiving the proper nutrients, it will first take what it needs to keep itself running. Whatever is left over goes towards your conscious actions. Therefore, in order to live well and accomplish your goals, you must feed your body well. This means giving your body more of what it uses efficiently and less of what it can not use at all. For instance, your body digests and utilizes protein first. Nonessential foods such as fat and alcohol are digested last or stored as fat. This is because your body doesn't need them to thrive. A well balanced diet consists of adequate protein, plenty of fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and a small amount low fat dairy and fat. You should also strive to eat quality foods. Foods in their natural state without added chemicals are good. Organic produce and grain fed meats are best.
Water. Dehydration is one of the major and lesser known reasons for fatigue. We reach this state because the body does not tell us it needs water until the last minute... Therefore, it is possible to be dehydrated before you become thirsty. In addition, we often confuse our thirst and hunger signals. That is why dieters are often told to drink a glass of water when they are hungry. Many times the body needs water not food. To ensure you get the water your body needs, drink 6-8 8 ounce glasses of water a day.
Exercise. When you are tired, exercise is about the last thing you feel capable of. But, exercise actually increases your energy level. When first adding regular exercise to your life, you will notice that you are tired afterwards. Stick to it. After a short amount of time you will be less tired after your workouts and have more energy overall. It is also important to remember that exercise does not have to be grueling or extensive. Be sure to choose an activity you enjoy and will enter into with pleasure. That could be walking, running, gardening, swimming or canoeing. Just as long as you are active. Walking for a half an hour a day provides you with enough exercise to increase your energy level and live well.
Emotions. Many people do not realize how much energy it takes to restrict their emotions. It takes a great deal more energy to keep your emotions in check or bottled up than it does to freely express them. Learning how to constructively express displeasure or ask for what you need is uplifting. Dealing with your emotional issues in a positive way takes away the burden of harboring them. This results in more energy for the things you enjoy.
Breathing. Most of us take breathing for granted. It is something our bodies do. Unfortunately, for many of us, it isn't something we do well. As we age, we begin adopt shallow breathing patterns. These patterns do not provide our bodies with the oxygen necessary to proper functioning. Proper breathing involves drawing big breaths and expanding the abdomen, solar plexus, and lungs with oxygen. Learning how to breath well can give your body more of what it needs. Then it can give you more energy and more of what you desire from life. For more information on proper breathing techniques, visit
www.fullwavebreathing.com
.
Dr. Thomas O. Goode is the co-founder of the International Breath Institute, which was created in 1991 to teach people how to enhance their health and prevent premature aging. He is also an inspirational speaker, workshop facilitator, and author of seven books, the latest of which is Fully Alive-Feel Better, Look Younger and Improve Your Sex Life. To contact Dr. Good, receive the free ezine, or for more information on Full Wave Breathing, visit
www.fullwavebreathing.com
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:24Z
Five Ways to Stop Cyberbullying
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Five-Ways-to-Stop-Cyberbullying
-
- /8648.html
2010-05-07T09:05:23Z
2010-05-07T09:05:23Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Five Ways to Stop Cyberbullying
By Steve Cross
www.guardiansoftware.com
A man named Bill Belsey is officially recognized as creating the term "Cyberbullying". Here's how Bill defines it.... "Cyberbullying involves the use of information and communication technologies such as e-mail, cell phone and pager text messages, instant messaging, defamatory personal Web sites, and defamatory online personal polling Web sites, to support deliberate, repeated, and hostile behavior by an individual or group that is intended to harm others."
What it means is other kids sending your kids threats, abuse, and profanity. According to a report on National Public Radio on 3/3/06, 30% of all girls have been bullied. Playground bullies have moved indoors, only now, using the internet and email, the bullies are both boys and girls. Your kids are not safe from this. Kids have become so despondent that they have taken their own lives over cyberbullying.
Here are 5 ways you can help stop cyberbullying:
Talk with your kids. Let them know they are not alone; you are there to help. And let them know they did nothing wrong. Some people are just bullies.
If your kids are being bullied, save all of their emails and the text messages they have received. These will be useful to law enforcement and educators. ISPs and cell phone companies can use these to find and disconnect perpetrators.
If one of your kids is being cyber bullied, report it to the police. Be persistent, and report the offenses. Also show copies of the emails and text messages to law enforcement.
If your kids won't talk with you about it, buy and install internet monitoring software. This is a kind of low cost software that will hide on their computer and monitor text, chat, IM, and emails. The best of these will email you reports.
And last, if your kid is on the giving end of cyber bullying, you must take away their privileges immediately. You have liability here, both ethical and legal.
Steve Cross, President of Guardian Software, is a columnist, author, and the former President of family-friendly internet pioneer YourFreeStuff.com. Steve wrote the book "Changing Channels", and was a columnist for the Gartner Group's "Channel Media" newsletters for years. Before purchasing Guardian Software he served in senior level executive positions with several software companies. For more information visit
www.GuardianSoftware.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:23Z
Help Reset Your Child's Internal Clock <i>before</i> School Starts
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Help-Reset-Your-Childs-Internal-Clock-ibefore/i-School-Starts
-
- /8649.html
2010-05-07T09:05:22Z
2010-05-07T09:05:22Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Help Reset Your Child's Internal Clock
before
School Starts
By Patti Teel
www.pattiteel.com
I have fond memories of my children excitedly preparing for each new school year. With a brand new pair of tennis shoes and backpack, they looked forward to the new school year with both eager anticipation and trepidation.
While buying our children new school supplies may help tip the scale towards eager anticipation, it's much more important to help children to prepare for their school year by making sure they're well rested. Parents can help their children get off to a good start by readjusting their sleep schedule
before
school begins.
While the first few weeks of school are exciting, they are also stressful as your child adjusts to new experiences, people and classes. Being well rested can help children make the transition, cutting down on some of the stress and ensuring that they are ready to face the challenges, to focus and to learn.
During the long summer break many children have gotten used to sleeping in simply "because it's vacation." Family trips and summer activities often throw off the schedules of even the most diligent parents. Children may have gotten into the pattern of staying up late and sleeping late. If this problem isn't corrected before school starts, children are likely to struggle as they adjust to an earlier schedule.
Parents can help re-set their children's internal clocks and correct this problem so they're ready for school. I suggest that for a week before school starts, you move up bedtime by 15-30 minutes. But simply having children go to sleep earlier won't solve the problem as long as they are still getting up late. Most importantly, parents need to consistently wake their children up earlier. To motivate your children to get out of bed, it often helps if you create a reason for them to have to get up in the morning. It would be ideal to have them spend time outdoors; the early morning sunshine helps to reset the internal clock. The first week that you wake your children up earlier can cause them to be tired and sleep deprived; however, if you continue to firmly enforce the wake-up time, your child should begin to naturally fall asleep earlier. By beginning this process a week before school starts children will have the advantage of being well rested and ready to learn-starting with the very first day of school.
When children have trouble getting out of bed on their own in the morning, are grouchy, and/or have irritable or moody behavior during the day, it's very likely that they need more sleep. Insufficient sleep affects mood, immunity and the ability to learn. Ideally, children should consistently go to bed at the same time every night. Even on the weekends, bedtime should not vary by more thanone hour a night or a total of two hours for the entire weekend. If it does,you're setting your child up for a kind of jet lag when Monday morning rolls around.
In addition, here are some sleep prep tips that may help with theback to school transition:
Allow time for a leisurely bedtime routine
Have a consistent bedtime.
Warn your children five to ten minutes before they need to get ready for bed so they can wrap up what they're doing.
Have quiet activities before bed. (Limit television, video games and computer time.)
Avoid caffeinated drinks in the late afternoon and evening.
Teach your children relaxation techniques to help them relax and fall asleep.
Dubbed "The Dream Maker" by People magazine, Patti Teel is a former teacher and the author of
The Floppy Sleep Game Book
, which gives parents techniques to help their children relax, deal with stress or fall asleep. Patti holds Dream Academy workshops at schools, hospitals and libraries across the country where parents and children learn the playful relaxation techniques from her book and widely acclaimed children's audio series. Children at the Dream Academy workshops practice the three R's by resting their bodies, relaxing their minds and refreshing their spirits. Visit Patti online to subscribe to her free newsletter at
www.pattiteel.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:22Z
Should You Send Your Kid To Law School? [Part 2]
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Should-You-Send-Your-Kid-To-Law-School-Part-2
-
- /8650.html
2010-05-07T09:05:20Z
2010-05-07T09:05:20Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Should You Send Your Kid To Law School? [Part 2]
Cliff Ennico
www.creators.com
Is a law degree the right way for a young person to pursue a career in the business world, or indeed anywhere else outside of the law?
The message in last week's column is that law school by and large is not a broadening experience. It is a narrowing one. It is not designed to make you a better person or expand your consciousness. It is designed to train you in the skills necessary to survive as a lawyer. People with law degrees who have succeeded in fields outside the law have mostly done so in spite of, not because of, their legal educations. If you read their biographies, you will find out that in most cases they had developed skills and contacts in fields other than law before they went to law school - skills and contacts they were able to exploit in pursuing other career options (in my case, I was a newspaper reporter between college and law school). In sum, you should not go to law school because "it opens so many doors". You should go to law school because you plan to become a lawyer someday.
What if you are intrigued by the law but want the flexibility to pursue other careers if you find that practicing law is not for you? My advice would be to sign up for a "joint program" where you would get both a law degree and a Masters in Business Administration (MBA) degree in four years. Most graduate schools offer this option.By getting a "JD/MBA", you broaden your options. You will not only be able to think like a lawyer, but you will also know something about accounting, marketing, finance and strategic planning - all essential business skills. You will be comfortable around numbers. You will qualify for a corporate or Wall Street career if you decide - either prior to graduation or two to three years into your career practicing law - that the law just isn't a "fit" for you. And, most importantly, your business clients will see you as something more than "just a lawyer" - they will see you as "one of them", always the first step to a healthy client relationship.
Better yet - don't go to graduate school at all right after college. Take a couple of years off. Backpack around the world. Volunteer for charitable work. Work at a job where you can see just how the business world operates. Do the sorts of things you can only do in your early 20's (without looking awfully foolish). Break a few hearts. Make a few mistakes. Above all, take the time to figure out what it is you were put on this Earth to accomplish. The high school and college "grind" doesn't give you much time to think about that.
I know far too many successful lawyers who are miserable because they now realize - too late - that they should have done something different with their lives. As one of them put it to me recently, "I've spent the past 20 years climbing to the top of the career success ladder, only to discover it's propped up against the wrong building". I know it's hard to feel sorry for someone making almost $1 million a year, but a wasted life cannot be compensated for in dollars alone.
There are two types of unhappy middle-aged people. There are unhappy people who did a lot of wild, crazy things in their youth and are sad because they can no longer do them (such people are prone to the so-called "midlife crisis" or "male menopause").
But far sadder in my opinion are those who never did any wild, crazy things in their youth and are sad because now they can afford to do them but no longer can. Here is some advice I heard not so long ago from the founder of one the country's leading franchises:
in your 20's, do everything;
in your 30's, figure out what it is you do best;
in your 40's, make lots of money doing what you do best;
in your 50's, retire and play golf.
There's always time for law school if you decide you really want it - I have friends who are attending law school in their 40s and 50s. Take the time and do the things you'll never have time for later in life. Your parents probably won't like it, and they may have to bail you out financially once or twice, but any kid who hasn't given his parents at least a few grey hairs is a kid who's probably not going to make much of a "splash" in life anyway. Such kids, in fact, have a depressing tendency to become lawyers.
Cliff Ennico (
cennico@legalcareer.com
) is a syndicated columnist, author and host of the PBS television series 'Money Hunt'. His latest book is 'Small Business Survival Guide' (Adams Media, $12.95). This column is no substitute for legal, tax or financial advice, which can be furnished only by a qualified professional licensed in your state. To find out more about Cliff Ennico and other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit our Web page at
www.creators.com
. COPYRIGHT 2006 CLIFFORD R. ENNICO. DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:20Z
Converting a Picky Eater
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Converting-a-Picky-Eater
-
- /8651.html
2010-05-07T09:05:18Z
2010-05-07T09:05:18Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Converting a Picky Eater
By Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers
www.FreshBaby.com
Recently, Time magazine ran a story called "Rethinking First Foods." It was a great summary of the latest information on the importance of feeding your baby healthy foods in the first two years of their life. The article had some very frightening statistics and comments from experts in the pediatric field who paint a doom and gloom story that confirms our kids are getting fatter. The problem with the story was it left us, as parents, feeling defeated.
We'd like to pick up where the story left off by offering tips that can make a difference when it comes to developing your child's eating habits. One of the points brought up in the story is that parents tend to feed their baby's and toddlers "kid food." We all know what this is. Its pizza, chicken nuggets, hot dogs, chips, etc. and we know this stuff is not healthy. So if it is just as easy to open a bag of baby carrots as it is a bag of chips why do are many parents reaching for chips over carrots? Many parents say it is because they have a "picky eater" and these are the only foods the child will eat.
What most parents don't realize is that all toddlers are picky eaters. And it's perfectly normal, even expected developmental behavior. It may surprise you to find out that this behavior has very little to do with the taste of food and is mostly about wanting control of a situation. Most toddlers learn very early that eating is very easy to control and it is likely to get a response out of you. This makes it fun (for your kid, not you)!
The big challenge for parents is NOT to give into this behavior, and DON'T fall into the trap of offering bland, unhealthy foods as a replacement for flavorful, healthy foods. This can be a difficult time. Here is our advice:
Start early: Children form habits that make them picky eaters. Habits are hard to break. You are better off if you can prevent the habits from forming. At the very first signs of finicky behavior, explain to your child that it is not healthy to eat the same foods all the time. Serve a good variety of foods at meals, and encourage your young ones to taste new foods. New food choices can be described as "special treats."
Include them: Children are more likely to eat something that they have helped make, so get your children involved in preparing meals. You can also take them shopping and teach them how to find and select foods. Involving your kids in making decisions reinforces that you care about their opinion and want to make things that they like. Never ask "Do you want broccoli for dinner?" offer choices like "Do you want broccoli or cauliflower for dinner?" Simple choices make your child feel like they are the ones in control.
Set goals: Be realistic about setting goals. It is not realistic to try to force your child to eat a whole serving of food that they claim not to like. Instead start off with small expectations, like one bite of the new food, and work your way up from there.
Be consistent, firm, and don't give up: Use the same tactics at each and every meal. Put new foods on your child's plate first. Remind your child of the goal and offer plenty of encouragement. Don't give in to stubbornness. It may also work to try "Look Mommy (or Daddy) will try a bite with you."
Don't rush meals: It is quite likely that your child is a slow eater, and this is a good habit to encourage. Offer your child plenty of time to eat a meal.
Praise: Even if it is just one nibble, congratulate your child. For a picky eater - this little nibble is a big deal. Ask them if they thought it was tasty. If the say "no," tell them it may take a few bites to notice the delicious flavor or suggest maybe it would taste better with ketchup on it. The point being, don't let them shutdown the thought that this food may actually taste good someday.
Be a good role model: It is plain and simple. You cannot expect to raise children that eat a good variety of healthy foods if you do not. This fact goes for all adults who sit at the table with your children. Your toddler learns from watching and mimicking you. You may have to venture out of your own comfort zone of eating and try new foods yourself. Remember, you are being watched.
Above all, don't scold your child or get mad if they don't eat new things right away. Some kids just need a little more time to try new foods. Eating should be a pleasurable experience.
About the authors: Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers are sisters, the mothers of five children and founders of Fresh Baby, creators of products such as homemade baby food kits, baby food cookbooks, baby food and breast milk storage trays, breastfeeding reminders, and child development diaries. Visit them online at
www.FreshBaby.com
and subscribe to their Fresh Ideas newsletter to get monthly ideas, tips and activities for developing your family's healthy eating habits! Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:18Z
Should You Send Your Kid To Law School? [Part 1]
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Should-You-Send-Your-Kid-To-Law-School-Part-1
-
- /8652.html
2010-05-07T09:05:17Z
2010-05-07T09:05:17Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Should You Send Your Kid To Law School? [Part 1]
Cliff Ennico
www.creators.com
"My daughter's in her junior year of college and has started to think about her future. Like most kids her age, she really isn't sure what she wants to do with her life (except, of course, become a famous actress or rock star), and I really don't want her working years in a dead-end job while she 'finds herself'. I am suggesting that she go to law school after graduating from college. She's not wild about the idea of becoming a lawyer, but I think a law degree can lead to so many different careers. What do you think?"
A law degree (which - full disclosure - I myself have) can be an excellent way to prepare for a large number of possible careers . . . as long as you don't become a lawyer after you graduate.
On the plus side, law school teaches you how to analyze situations very logically and precisely. "Thinking like a lawyer" means looking at situations that appear superficially the same, and realizing that they are quite different when you look at them closely.
When you read cases in law school, you learn how to sift through complicated fact patterns and sort through the irrelevant (but often colorful and distracting) details to focus on the essential facts - the one or two important facts that stuck in a judge's craw and made him or her decide for one party over the other. Lawyers are trained from day one to cut through the glitz, noise and hype and take a "no nonsense, just the facts ma'am" approach to life, and they tend not to suffer fools gladly. This can be a great asset in a business career, though it means lawyers often aren't as much fun at cocktail parties as, say, marketing people.
But there are negatives to a legal education as well.
(1) Lawyers don't help their clients make money: they protect their clients against risk. In law school, you never read about business relationships that work. You read only about the ones that went sour and led to lawsuits, and it's easy after a while to start looking at the entire business world as a lawsuit-waiting-to-happen. Business is all about taking calculated risks, and a risk-averse approach to life is a tremendous handicap in any business career.
(2) Lawyers are trained to be perfectionists. A Wall Street law firm partner I once worked for was fond of saying "when you're in school 95% is an excellent grade, but when you practice law 95% is a failing grade; anything less than a 100% accurate performance for a client we call 'malpractice'". Lawyers never advise their clients unless they are 100% certain of the facts, whereas in business "procrastination kills deals". If you wait until you have all the facts before you decide to enter a new market, or buy a company that's on sale at an attractive price, chances are either the business opportunity has long since passed by, or your competition has jumped on the bandwagon and has left you in the dust.
(3) Lawyers don't deal much with numbers. The focus in law school is on reading court opinions, statutes and other "texts", not dissecting balance sheets or making statistical assessments of marketing strategies. Law school students (many of whom were humanities or history majors who gave up on college math after first-year calculus) often develop "math anxiety" due to lack of exposure. In the business world, "if you can't quantify something, it's only a rumor". A basic knowledge of accounting, financial mathematics and statistics is essential to anyone pursuing a career in business.
(4) Last but not least, law school is expensive. VERY expensive. When you graduate from law school you are almost forced to work several years as a junior lawyer in a mid-sized to large law firm, because only at such firms will your income be high enough to pay off your college and law school debts as well as your living expenses. After several years of working in a law firm making a six-figure salary, it will be tough if not impossible to take a pay cut and do something else with your life, especially if you have since married, bought a house, had a kid or two . . .
So what's the best way for a college graduate to prepare for a fulfilling career when they don't really know what they want out of life? More next week . . .
Cliff Ennico (
cennico@legalcareer.com
) is a syndicated columnist, author and host of the PBS television series 'Money Hunt'. His latest book is 'Small Business Survival Guide' (Adams Media, $12.95). This column is no substitute for legal, tax or financial advice, which can be furnished only by a qualified professional licensed in your state. To find out more about Cliff Ennico and other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit our Web page at
www.creators.com
. COPYRIGHT 2006 CLIFFORD R. ENNICO. DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:17Z
What's more frightening than having a serial rapist stalking your neighborhood? Finding out you've known him all along ...
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Whats-more-frightening-than-having-a-serial-rapist-stalking-your-neighborhood--Finding-out-youve-known-him-all-along-...
-
- /8653.html
2010-05-07T09:05:16Z
2010-05-07T09:05:16Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>What's more frightening than having a serial rapist stalking your neighborhood? Finding out you've known him all along ...
Polly Franks
www.franksfoundation.org
Could YOU be putting your child at risk for sexual abuse and not even know it? You would never forgive yourself but the majority of parents in America are guilty of this denial. We hear the horror stories on almost a daily basis, but we think ..
'Not in my town, not in my neighborhood.'
Polly Franks, mother of three little girls thought the same thing. But she was wrong, almost dead wrong. After several years of a close relationship with a trusted family living in her neighborhood, her two young daughters were attacked by a sexual predator while they slept at the trusted neighbor's home ...But it wasn't an intruder...it was the neighbor himself...Imagine Polly's shock to learn her closest friend's husband was the "Bandana Bandit," a sexual predator linked to more than 86 cases in Richmond, Virginia alone. But to make matters worse, he was already infamous...known throughout Texas as the "Ski Mask Rapist", linked to at least 200 sexual attacks on women and children.
How can a loving mother be so close to a monster and not know?
Thankfully, families around the nation are no longer at such risk since the national database of sexual predators has been made available to the public.
The Franks Foundation (
www.franksfoundation.org
) - a nonprofit created to help protect America's kids from sexual predators advises - families use these safety tools to protect your children. So, before your take that apple pie over to your new neighbor ...
Check your local sex offender registry website.
Educate your kids on sexual abuse issues, such as good verses bad touching. Most important teach them to NEVER keep a secret from a safe family member.
Research and create a "Safe Family Network" in your local neighborhood.
The Boogey Man can look just like any one of us. He barbequed for Polly's family on Sunday nights, they carpooled the kids together and celebrated birthdays and other milestones throughout the years. Never once did he arouse suspicion until his wife caught him in the middle of night in the midst of a sexual attack on both Polly's children AND his own. Instinct alone is not enough - you need solid information!! Aren't your kids worth it? The Franks Foundation thinks so.
Bio: Polly Franks is a former licensed private investigator. She has appeared on numerous national television and radio programs, testified before Congress and lobbied on Capital Hill for tougher sex offender laws. In addition to creating the Franks Foundation, she is a founding board member of the National Coalition of Victims in Action. Contact Polly at
pollyfranks@franksfoundation.org
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:16Z
"Survival Tips" for Leaving Your House with a Baby (or Babies!) in Tow
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Survival-Tips-for-Leaving-Your-House-with-a-Baby-or-Babies!-in-Tow
-
- /8654.html
2010-05-07T09:05:15Z
2010-05-07T09:05:15Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:15Z
Teaching Kids to Make A Difference In The World
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Teaching-Kids-to-Make-A-Difference-In-The-World
-
- /8655.html
2010-05-07T09:05:15Z
2010-05-07T09:05:15Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:15Z
Sleep Deprived Children Have Health Problems
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Sleep-Deprived-Children-Have-Health-Problems
-
- /8656.html
2010-05-07T09:05:14Z
2010-05-07T09:05:14Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Sleep Deprived Children Have Health Problems
(excerpt from the
Floppy Sleep Game Book
by Patti Teel)
www.pattiteel.com
If your child has frequent health and/or emotional problems, consider that a lack of sleep may be all or at least part of the problem.
Every function in the body is affected by sleep. And for a child, the risks of sleep deprivation are much more serious than simply waking up in a grumpy mood. Research shows that children with sleep disturbances have more medical problems-such as allergies, ear infections, and hearing problems. They are also more likely to have social and emotional problems.
There is a whole host of health problems that have consistently been associated with inadequate sleep.
Sleep loss is linked to obesity and diabetes.
Sleep loss can contribute to weight gain and obesity by triggering the hormones that regulate appetite and hunger. In other words, inadequate sleep may cause children to overeat. University of Chicago researchers reported new evidence in December 2004,
Annals of Internal Medicine
, that a lack of sleep changes the circulating levels of the hormones that regulate hunger, boosting appetite and a person's preference for high-calorie, high-carbohydrate foods.
Many physicians believe that sleep loss can also affect the ability to metabolize sugar and trigger insulin resistance, a well-known factor for diabetes. At the American Diabetes Association's 61st Annual Scientific Session, new evidence was presented that inadequate sleep may prompt development of insulin-resistance, a well-known risk factor for diabetes. (In recent years, there has been a dramatic rise in the incidence of childhood obesity as well as type 2 diabetes.)
Sleep loss is associated with anxiety and depression.
Insomnia is a significant risk factor for depression. It also contributes to anxiety by raising corstisol, the stress hormone. We have known for some time that depression and anxiety can contribute to insomnia; however, recent research has shown that insomnia often precedes the first episode of depression or of a relapse. Physicians are looking more closely at the importance of solving sleep problems in order to eliminate or decrease the severity of anxiety or emerging depression.
Sleep loss may impede physical development.
The highest levels of growth hormone are released into the bloodstream during deep sleep. Because sleep deprivation results in a decrease in the release of growth hormone, height and growth may be affected by a lack of sleep.
Sleep loss affects immunity.
During sleep, interleukin-1, an immune boosting substance, is released. Several nights of poor rest can hamper a child's immunity.
Sleep deprived children are more accident prone.
A lack of sleep has an adverse affect on motor skills. Dr. Carl Hunt, director of National Center on Sleep Disorders Research at the National Institute of Health says, "A tired child is an accident waiting to happen." Bicycle injuries and accidents on playground equipment are more likely to occur when a child is sleep deprived. And unfortunately, the stakes get continually higher when poor sleeping habits continue and the accident prone child becomes the teenager who is driving while drowsy.
Sleep loss may affect the response to vaccinations.
A study published in the
Journal of American Medical Association
(September 25, 2002) reported that sleep deprivation limited the effectiveness of the flu shot.
About the author: Dubbed "The Dream Maker" by People magazine, Patti Teel is a former teacher and the author of
Floppy Sleep Game Book
, which gives parents techniques to help their children relax, deal with stress, or fall asleep. Visit Patti online at
www.pattiteel.com
to subscribe to her free newsletter.Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. If your child has frequent health and/or emotional problems,consider that a lack of sleep may be all or at least part of the problem.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:14Z
Your Child's Hero
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Your-Childs-Hero
-
- /8657.html
2010-05-07T09:05:12Z
2010-05-07T09:05:12Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Your Child's Hero
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
Johnny Johnson's thirteen your old daughter stayed up later than usual to finish her homework recently. She was working on a writing assignment that was due in the morning. Her middle school teacher had assigned it a week earlier, but like a lot of teens, the youngster saved her writing efforts until the last minute.
Mr. Johnson's daughter, Sabrina, had talked about the assignment earlier in the week. Her job was to pick one of her heroes and tell why this particular person was a hero to her. Gentle reminders from her father about completing the assignment during the week fell on deaf ears. "I've got it under control," Sabrina told him, "I have it already written in my head. This will be an easy one. I just have to take what I already know and put it on paper"
If your child received an assignment like this, which would they write about? A rock star, athlete, politician, or a television personality? Maybe they would write about a teacher, a clergyman, or a fireman. One would hope that the recipient of this attention would be someone the parent respected and thought worthy of their child's esteem and adulation.
Mr. Johnson found his daughter's assignment lying on the study table after she went to bed. It only took one glance for shock to begin its run through his body. He was stunned by what he read on the top of the first page. Her essay was entitled: My Father, My Hero.
What a compliment! What an affirmation of all this man has attempted to be as a parent! Don't we all wish our child would write about their mother or father if given this assignment? It could happen. Especially if our actions today are heroic, if we behave like a hero in front of our children. Listed below are several ways to be a hero to your children. Add them to your repertoire of heroic actions.
Be the good Samaritan. Rake the leaves of an elderly couple. Bake cookies for the nursing home residents. Allow your children to help and witness.
Be approachable. Tell the little ones that your easy chair is your listening chair. If they ever have a concern, question, or frustration they can ask you to sit in the listening chair. Follow through.
Attend sporting events, concerts, and school activities. Be visible in the stands when your child participates. If your child can see you, she knows you can see her. Demonstrate good sportsmanship and appropriate manners.
Search for Solutions. Focus on problem-solving with your children. Minimize blame and punishment. Focus on finding solutions instead. Give them a model of an adult that cares about finding ways to fix things rather than making people pay for their errors.
Hold your children accountable. Holding your children accountable for their actions and choices is one of the most loving things you can do as a parent. If you don't hold your children accountable, someone else might have to.
Be consistent. It's not the severity of a consequence that has the impact. It is the certainty. The kiss of death for any discipline system is inconsistency. Hold your children accountable for their actions with an open heart and do it with consistency.
Take their suggestions seriously. You children have ideas about what to do on your next vacation. They know certain places they like to eat. They have ideas on how to spend entertainment money. It is not necessary to use all their suggestion. It is necessary to hear them all, think about them, and give them serious consideration.
Teach. Teach your child to hit a baseball, ride a bike, and use a fork appropriately. Resist the effort to outsource important learning to other groups and individuals. Teach your child to care for pets, treat all living things with respect, and appreciate nature.
Invest in experiences rather than things. You child does not need a brand new $400 sandbox with a swing set attached that comes preassembled.. He needs the experience of going out in the back yard with you and building a sandbox together. One more new toy is not necessary. What is needed is the experience of taking a trip to the lake, the library, or to a rodeo.
Make charity visible. Let you children see your trips to the Red Cross to give blood. Let them participate in the decision on how to spend the money in the family charity jar. Let them help pick out the coat that goes to the Coats for Kids program. Allow them to put the money in the church plate as is passed down the pew.
Want to be a hero in your child's life? Add some of these ideas to your tool box of parenting strategies. Someday you just might find your child's writing assignment entitled,
My Dad (Mom), My hero.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of
The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose
. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their websites today:
www.chickmoorman.com
or
www.thomashaller.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:12Z
Entrepreneur Tips to Success in Running a Home-Based Business
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Entrepreneur-Tips-to-Success-in-Running-a-Home-Based-Business
-
- /8658.html
2010-05-07T09:05:09Z
2010-05-07T09:05:09Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Entrepreneur Tips to Success in Running a Home-Based Business
Diana Ennen
Work at Home Success -- How do you measure the success in your life? As a home-based working mom it's so different than the outside corporate world. I know for me, one day it can be a call from Borders that they are accepting one of my books, where another day it can be that I finally got my 8-year-old to go on a field trip at school. The last two she had missed being too scared to attend and instead spent the day home, sick. Both days, I consider huge successes! Both days, I felt a real winner.
Home based success can mean the little things such as a day we get all our work done while attending a sick child, or being one of the only parents able to attend a school function that your daughter so eagerly anticipated. That's what we are trying to achieve in our home-based business, the best of both worlds. And having worked at home since 1985 I can truly say, it can be done. As president of Virtual Word Publishing, http://www.virtualwordpublishing.com, I've enjoyed working at home while watching my kids grow up and become just as motivated and determined to succeed in business and life as I am. That's one of the perks is they get to see what you do.
So how can you achieve this success for your business and family? How can you make more good days than bad? Here are some tips:
Start Early: I find that by getting up an hour or so before everyone else, I can accomplish so much more. That allows me the extra 10 minutes of devotional time, a few minutes to enjoy my coffee alone, and then time to dig into my work. I usually save my peak work for this time as this is truly when I'm at my best.
Regroup and Rebalance: So often home-based moms feel overwhelmed and unable to accomplish anything because of this. Try breaking it all down. Take a day or two and write down your typical day. What can you change to make it better, to make it work? Often when it's down in writing, it's clearer to see where changes can be made. Try to lump together tasks and delegate any tasks you can. And above all else-avoid Guilt.
Eliminate time-robbers! We still have to cook dinner, (I tried, it didn't work!) but I don't have to talk to my friend, who doesn't work, for 45 minutes during my workday. Say No!
Also, with my kids I found some of the work I actually could take outside or in another room. There's no rule that says I have to work at my desk. Perhaps you can create different workstations around the home. Be creative. One work-at-home mom Missy DePew, President and Founder of MomMe TV Entertainment, Inc. has a laptop she carries from room to room so she can be near her kids when she has to absolutely work on her computer. Her new internet television web site, which was created for all moms, http://www.mommetv.com can be very demanding and trying to squeeze it all in can be difficult. DePew states, "With kids, laundry, and a new company - I try but it's very challenging. You just do what you gotta do to make your ship run."
Shortcuts To Success: What can you do to make your business run smoother? Constantly be thinking of ways to improve upon your business. Organization is naturally a big one. The more organized you are, the better you'll be at all things. Spend the time to organize and you'll find you have more time than you ever thought possible.
Another shortcut for me was to create different books of materials that I frequently used so I didn't have to reinvent the wheel each time and it was right in front of me. Thus, I created different 3-ring binder books of marketing letters, press releases, etc. Now when I want to write a marketing letter or a new press release, I can draw upon some of the quotes from my other letters and I find that often times I can use one of the letters I've already created.
Think about things that you can do for your business. Things that you use often, that you could print out and possibly make a collection of, and then look to as a resource. Or what other times savings tip could you think of that would help your business? Write them down. Now apply them to your business.
Another thing I do is buy paper that has 3 ring holes already in it. When I print out a client's e-mail, or client's article, I'll immediately put it into their binder categorized by topic. I'm now able to find things faster and also can see clearly all I've done with the clients. I also color coordinate my clients files. When Client A calls, I grab my red folder and automatically jump into his work mode. It saves me so much "think time."
Focus on Success: Continue to see yourself as a success and focus on your goals. Success is within your reach when you continually focus on your goals, both for your business and your family.
Diana Ennen is the author of numerous books including
Virtual Assistant: The Series, Become a Highly Successful, Sought After VA
. She specializes in publicity and book marketing and is president of Virtual Word Publishing
www.virtualwordpublishing.com/
and
www.publicity-va.com
. She also is the publisher of the science fiction thriller, Sledgehammer,
www.pauloreyes.com
. Articles are free to be reprinted as long as the author's bio remains intact. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:09Z
Healthy Habits: Juice and Kids
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Healthy-Habits:-Juice-and-Kids
-
- /8659.html
2010-05-07T09:05:08Z
2010-05-07T09:05:08Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Healthy Habits: Juice and Kids
By Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers
It may surprise you to hear that over consumption of juice can contribute to obesity. A recent study of small children found that those who consumed more than 12 ounces a day were more overweight than other children. While this study is not conclusive evidence, it is worthy of mention.
It is not uncommon, for children to want to drink juice all day long. For children, juice can be a refreshing drink, but drinking too much is not good. Along with a potential link to obesity, juice can replace healthier foods, cause diarrhea and promote tooth decay.
100% Juice in moderate servings can be perfectly fine for your child. The American Academy of Pediatrics has the following recommendation about juice:
Children under 6 years old, should not drink more than 4-6 ounces of juice per day.
Juice can be introduced at 8 months old.
Never put juice in a bottle, offer it in a cup.
Use of only 100% juice diluted 50/50 with water.
No unpasteurized juices until over the age of 12 months.
Juice should not be considered a substitute for your child's need for fresh fruit. When compared to fresh fruit, juice lags behind nutritionally. 100% juice does contain some vitamins and minerals, but far less than whole fruit. Whole fruit also contains fiber, which is not present in juice.
If you have a picky eater, pay special attention of the amount juice this child drinks. She may be filling her tummy with juice, leaving no room for healthier foods.
If you think your child drinks too much juice you can reduce the amount slowly by dilute servings with water.
And remember, water and milk (cow, soy or rice) are healthy drinks for your child.
About the authors: Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers are sisters, the mothers of five children and founders of Fresh Baby, creators of products such as homemade baby food kits, baby food cookbooks, baby food and breast milk storage trays, breastfeeding reminders, and child development diaries. Visit them online at
www.FreshBaby.com
and subscribe to their Fresh Ideas newsletter to get monthly ideas, tips and activities for developing your family's healthy eating habits! Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:08Z
Wonk, Wonk, Wonk- How to Train Your Kids to Ignore You
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Wonk,-Wonk,-Wonk--How-to-Train-Your-Kids-to-Ignore-You
-
- /8660.html
2010-05-07T09:05:06Z
2010-05-07T09:05:06Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Wonk, Wonk, Wonk- How to Train Your Kids to Ignore You
By: Carrie Lauth
It started with a trip to the grocery store. While I waited for the cashierto ring up my items, a mother behind me was delivering a soliloquy (only shedidn't recognize it as such!).
"Suzy, you're not going to take that home."
"Suzy, you can carry that around but I'm not buying that."
"Suzy, you've been naughty. Why should I buy that for you?"
"Suzy, put that away. I'm not paying for it."
"suzy, everyone is looking at how much trouble you're causing."
And on and on and on...
I was so thankful when the cashier gave me my total. I was tired of this woman blathering on and I don't have to live with her! Poor Suzy. She is being trained to ignore her Mother. The more Mom talks, the less she hears. Mom or Dad needs to learn rule number one:
Less Talk, More Action
Remember the Peanuts cartoons? When one of the adults spoke, all the kids heard was "wonkwonkwonkwonk". The more you lecture, threaten, warn, count to 3, etc... the less your child listens. Stop diluting your effectiveness as a parent with these non-actions. Use natural consequences as often as possible, and deliver the consequence calmly and swiftly. For example:
If your two year old won't stop running into the street, clearly explain to her that if she does it, she will be taken inside for the day. Then, when she does it(and she will, of course, cute little Scientist that she is!), calmly and withoutfanfare, escort her inside. Don't give her warnings or "another chance".
Toddlers and young kids don't understand an abstract concept like getting hit by a car... something they've never seen, felt or tasted. So talking about it until you're blue in the face is unlikely to do any good. But what they DO understand is cause and effect. "If I do "X", then Mommy or Daddy does "X"....EVERY TIME. Even young babies learn this. Ever noticed how excited your baby gets right before you feed him? He's learned that when you hold him a certain way, food is forthcoming. Our kids are smarterthan we think sometimes.
Another example: Two siblings are fighting about a toy. Don't waste your time trying to figure out who is in the wrong, it's virtually impossible and just encourages tattling. The children will learn how to work out their own negotiations if involving the parent means unpleasantness. The toy is put up for a period of time. End of story. Toy squabbles will dramatically decrease almost magically!
Let Your Yes Mean Yes Your No, No
Do what you say you will do. If you tell your child that acting up in the grocery store means no cookie from the bakery at the end of the trip, MEAN it. I'll never forget the look on my 2 year old daughter's face as she watched her brothers eat huge chocolate chip cookies while she went empty handed! Few things impress a young child more than you holding to your words, calmly and without a lot of emotion (that just makes you look like an idiot). Children don't respect you if you are always swinging back and forth like a pendulum. Decide what's important to you and expect those limits to be respected.
This rule makes parenting so much easier because your kids will stop testingyou so much, which is just their way of saying "Do you really mean it?".
The flip side of this is that when you promise something positive, you had better make good on it! If you do this, your children will learn that you mean what you say.
Another way to get your children to listen is to get their attention in a respectful way. At around 4-7, a lot of kids seem to develop selective deafness...it's not misbehavior, it's just that they're engrossed in an activity. Avoid yelling for your child from across the house. If you see that your child is busy doing something, approach your child and touch him on the shoulder. When you have his attention, then speak to him.
Carrie Lauth is a homeschooling Mom of 4. For more positive parenting and discipline tips, visit
www.natural-moms.com/Parenting_positive_discipline.html
, and listen to
www.NaturalMomsTalkradio.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:06Z
Don't You Dare Waste That Tax Return Mom!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Dont-You-Dare-Waste-That-Tax-Return-Mom!
-
- /8661.html
2010-05-07T09:05:04Z
2010-05-07T09:05:04Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Don't You Dare Waste That Tax Return Mom!
By: Carrie Lauth
According to a recent survey, most of us will spend our tax refund in less than 30 days. 38 percent of us will use the money within seven days or less and 40 percent of us will pay bills with our tax return.
Wait just a second.... Seven days? Pay bills?
Mom, can I spend a few minutes convincing you to invest in yourself and your business this year instead of paying a bill that will come again next month anyway?
Putting the money towards a purchase that will pay you again and again is a way to gain massive leverage financially. Spending money wisely in your business will cause your income to grow exponentially over time. Then paying the bills won't be such an issue.
I'd like to tell you about some of the investments I've made this year and how these have grown my online business.
XSitePro
XSitePro is a complete website building tool for online marketers. It's an easy "what you se is what you get" website builder, affiliate program manager, website organizer, Search Engine Optimization tool and more all in one. It's now my absolute favorite program for building websites and I use it exclusively for all my new sites. XSitePro saves me time because it keeps my sites and my affiliate programs organized all in one place, makes adding content, Google AdSense ads and affiliate links super quick and easy. XSitePro is easy to learn and a must for anyone wanting to build multiple websites lightning fast. I purchased XSitePro just two months ago and so far it has helped me earn approximately $740 in extra income. For more information visit
www.XsiteproSuccess.com
Mom Masterminds
I joined Mom Masterminds over a year ago and I would not be making money online if it weren't for the coaching, mentoring, exclusive resources and networking available there. The resources alone make it more than worth the monthly membership fee. And the value of having a group of dedicated, brilliant work at home Moms ready to brainstorm, network and partner with you is priceless. Without Mom Masterminds, I would never have had the courage and ability to create my first information product, affiliate program, and Internet radio show. Mom Masterminds is for the beginner who wants to avoid making common mistakes and dramatically shorten her learning curve as well as the more seasoned work at home Mom who wants to hit new income goals.
List and Traffic
Jimmy D Brown's List and Traffic is a monthly membership site that reveals all the tricks and techniques that successful Internet marketers use to grow their traffic and their subscriber lists to massive proportions. What I love about List and Traffic (other than the ridiculously low price!) is how he explains things in such a simple, step by step fashion, that even this sleep deprived Mom of 4 can "get it" and immediately start applying the gems of wisdom to my own business.
What Am I Investing In Next?
The Reese Report
If you've been in the online business arena for any length of time, no doubt you've heard about John Reese. His Traffic Secrets product made him over a Million bucks in 24 hours- and that was just one of his many success stories! He publishes a monthly newsletter that includes a printable report and video tutorials that show you all the techniques he personally uses to build his online empire. The man is a marketing genius and after reading my very first issue, I was hooked. This isn't for the beginner, but if you're already familiar with marketing online and want to really take things to the next level, this one is for you.
One important thing I need to mention about these resources- they all come with an affiliate program, so that if you obtain them and make honest recommendations, you can pay for them out of your affiliate earnings!
Think about it Mom- if you spend your tax return on the bills, the money will be gone forever. But if you invest in your knowledge and then apply that information to your business, you will make huge strides in your financial future. Forever.
Carrie Lauth is a work at home Mom of 4 who offers a free "No Fluff" ezine for moms new to online business. Get your copy, plus extra subscriber goodies, at
www.business-moms-expo.com.
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:04Z
Nutrition for Teens: Healthy Choices
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Nutrition-for-Teens:-Healthy-Choices
-
- /8662.html
2010-05-07T09:05:03Z
2010-05-07T09:05:03Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:03Z
"10 Time-Crunching Tips for Moms"
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/10-Time-Crunching-Tips-for-Moms
-
- /8663.html
2010-05-07T09:05:02Z
2010-05-07T09:05:02Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"10 Time-Crunching Tips for Moms"
copy; 2006 Christine Louise Hohlbaum
Laundry is plentiful. Time is not. For most moms today, multitasking has become a must just to keep up. In this fast-paced world, saving a few minutes here and there can make all the difference in the world.
Make a plan. Instead of swinging by the grocery store multiple times a week, limit it to once or twice. Use a grocery list and stick to it. Avoid food shopping when you are hungry to prevent impulse purchases.
Delegate. Children live in the house, too. Institute a few ground rules. "If you break it, fix it. If you make a mess, clean it up. Put things back where you found them." Follow these rules yourself. Encourage your children with praise and gentle reminders if they become wayward and conveniently "forgetful". Your job is not to clean up after them, but to show them how they can do it themselves.
Place baskets on the stairs. To reduce the number of times you have to run up and down the stairs, collect things in a basket to carry to the next floor. It will save you time and energy.
Limit TV viewing. According to a recent AARP magazine article, the average American spends 11% of his lifetime in front of the tube. If the average lifespan is 75, that's 8.25 years you could save doing something else.
Integrate exercise into your lifestyle. Instead of wondering when you can squeeze in an hour at the gym, coordinate a family activity with your exercise regime. Take a family hike or bike ride. You will teach your children the value of movement while getting enough yourself.
Use a timer. Distraction is a big time-waster. Give yourself a set amount of time to fulfill a task. If you need to clean out the kitchen drawers, allow yourself just enough time to complete the job before moving on. It will raise your awareness of the task at hand.
Say "NO!" Practice it in front of the mirror. Society does not encourage mothers to use the term very often. If your children's school or social group wants your help, agree to it only if you truly have the time. Extracurricular commitments can be all-consuming. Be aware of what is involved before saying "Yes."
Coordinate schedules. Instead of racing to the dentist for three different appointments, try to go to your 6-month dental check-up when your children do.
Take a break. The benefits of napping have been vastly documented. A 15-30 minute power snooze leave you refreshed and more productive than those who go full out all day.
You don't need to be in the rat race to lead a productive, fulfilling life. So snatch a few minutes, shift down a gear or two, and take a load off. You, and ultimately your family, will be happy that you did.
Christine Louise Hohlbaum, stay-at-home mom expert and author of Diary of a Mother and SAHM I Am: Tales of a Stay-at-Home Mom in Europe, lives near Munich, Germany, with her husband and two children. To subscribe to her weekly parenting ezine for helpful tips and tricks:
www.diaryofamother.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:02Z
Little Ones and Bedtime Woes!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Little-Ones-and-Bedtime-Woes!
-
- /8664.html
2010-05-07T09:05:00Z
2010-05-07T09:05:00Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Little Ones and Bedtime Woes!
by Jodie Lynn
www.ParentToParent.com
Younger children have so much life in them. Each day is an incredible learning experience. In fact, they are so pumped up about everyday events, that they hate the words, "time to do go bed." Many now know that after they go to bed, things are still going on and usually loudly protest and wildly resist having their engaging activities interrupted.
Other things that come into play is the fact that they are now beginning to conjure up monsters and bad things that go bump in the night. Another scary feeling is separation anxiety.
Here are some tips that should help with those bedtime woes:
Eight Ways to Nip Bedtime Woes:
Create a routine. It is necessary to have bedtime routines. Some of these can include bathing, changing into pajamas, brushing teeth, listening to music, reading a favorite story, story-telling, cuddling, and listening to music.
Tell them what is happening. After each step in the routine, tell them after we listen to music, it will be time for you to shut your eyes to go to sleep. If they know what is coming, it will help them to learn a consistent pattern and series of events that leads to the part where the parent leaves their room.
Make sure your child isn't over stimulated up to three hours before bedtime. There are many parents who will run their kid ragged with activities like allowing them to run around outside, jump on a favorite chair, watch a favorite movie, etc. before bedtime thinking it will help them to sleep better. However, most of the time, it does just the opposite. Young children, as well as all of us, can actually become too tired to settle down and sleep.
Cut out horseplay two hours before bedtime. Be sure that your child does not horse play with you or anyone else right before bedtime. They get so excited during the day, that it takes them longer to finally give in to go to sleep.
Watch what they eat right before bedtime. It's best to not feed children up to the age of five chocolate at least three hours prior to bedtime. Drinking caffeine is just a big of a no-no as chocolate.
Monitor what they watch before bedtime. Even if we think a movie is not scary, it might be to them. Their imaginations are running wild and many times, they really do not grasp the concept of pretend and real. If you are watching a movie with your child, watch the child for puzzling looks and gasping sounds. While it may be cute and funny to us, it could lead to nightmares.
Getting up out of bed. Set limits to how many times, if any, you are going to allow your child to get up out of the bed. They all want one last trip to the potty, one last drink of water, one last hug and so on. If you make this a part of your plan, then it will not upset you. For example, if you have accepted the fact that he will be calling you for various reasons, tell him you can only check on him three times. After the third time, let him know that you will not be coming in and he should try singing until he gets sleepy. You will have to stick to your guns on this.
Stay calm. Bedtime is one of the most stressful times of the day for many parents. Needless to say, it is just as stressful for your child. As children reach the age of three, they will have a tendency to test your rules a little. By staying calm, but firm, he will eventually learn when to calm down. If you scream, holler, yell, and spank, it will only add fuel to the fire. Everyone will become so upset that the whole endeavor will become exhausting. A power struggle will soon develop and while you may end up winning for the night, it is a very short-lived victory. He will learn to retaliate during the day and may not even know why as he will not be able to pinpoint his anger or even relate it to the previous night.
As your child gets older, getting them to bed becomes easier; life becomes easier and unbelievably, you will forget this frustrating experience just as he will -- you can bet on it.
copy; 2006 Jodie Lynn
Jodie Lynn is an award-winning internationally syndicated family/healthcolumnist and radio personality. Her syndicated column Parent to Parent (
www.ParentToParent.com
) has been successful for over 10 years and appears in newspapers, magazines, newsletters and throughout the Internet. She is a regular contributor to several sites including eDiets.com, KeepKidsHealthy.com, ClubMom.com, BabyUniverse.com and MommiesMagazine.com. Lynn has written three books and contributed to two others, one of which was on Oprah and has appeared on NBC in a three month parenting segment. Her latest book is -
Syndication Secrets - What No One Will Tell You!
. Her best-selling parenting/family paperback is Mommy-CEO: 5 Golden Rules . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:05:00Z
The Many Faces of Love: Staying Tuned to Your Child's Needs as They Grow
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Many-Faces-of-Love:-Staying-Tuned-to-Your-Childs-Needs-as-They-Grow
-
- /8665.html
2010-05-07T09:04:58Z
2010-05-07T09:04:58Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Many Faces of Love:Staying Tuned to Your Child's Needs as They Grow
By Anne Leedom
www.parentingbookmark.com
I am going to admit something that is not something I am terribly proud of. I get my feelings hurt quite a lot lately. My oldest daughter is 10 years old (almost 10 and frac12; as she would say) and she just isn't too thrilled with Mommy's never ending hugs and kisses. Oh, I think she still likes it when I make a fuss over her and all, but there is a major shift occurring in how she wants me to relate to her.I am suddenly hit smack in the face with the one thing about love that truly defines love....giving love to someone in the way THEY want to receive it, not the way YOU want to give it.
When my two girls were young I knew exactly what they needed to feel loved. They needed my endless patience, time and attention. They needed to be fed, bathed and rocked to sleep. They needed to be held. It was exhausting, but it was very straight forward in terms of how to make my children feel loved. I may not have always been able to provide it 24/7, but I knew what I had to do without question.
As they got a little older, it was still tiring...answering three thousand questions a day, listening to yet another version of who did what to whom or what the latest and greatest episode of Zack and Cody was all about. We played games, helped them with their homework and marveled at the amazing people they were becoming. The rules were still very clearly spelled out...spend time with your kids and they will generally feel loved and supported.
Ah.....but now the pre-teen years are lurking in the distance and the rules are changing faster than I can even begin to process them. They still need to be fed and clothed, but I have a lot less say and a lot less input into making that happen everyday. They are making good choices and it is time to give them some space to learn to take care of themselves.
They still love to play games and go on outings, but that will also become less of a factor as they continue to forge friendships that will soon rule their life. Thankfully, there is no end in sight to the countless songs and stories they want to hear at bedtime. Some shred of Mommy-hood remains.
However, I am left with a haunting, almost terrifying thought...when all of my tasks and the majority of my time are no longer focused on these wonderful and predictable ways to love my kids, how will they know everyday how much I treasure them and cherish them and worry about them?
The teenage years are clearly going to be about something very different than the childhood years. They are about standing back, a little more each day, more and more as the years go by. We want to raise independent, confident and happy kids and they need space and a certain amount of freedom to internalize how they want the world to be with the reality of how it works for them.
As our kids enter the pre-teen and teenage years, they will need strong boundaries so that when they push, someone is there to help them know when they are falling off a cliff and not just going for a walk in the woods. Somehow, having a 15 year old tell me she hates me will be harder to cope with then having a three year old say it. We have to be strong for them, not worry about being 'best friends' with our kids and remain consistent with what they need.
We, as parents, have a vision of the world they don't yet possess. There were many times growing up when I didn't feel terribly loved. My parents gave me way too much freedom, and while thankfully I didn't get into too much trouble, I did feel that my friends with strict parents were very fortunate...their parents cared about them.
I will be learning more about myself and my kids as the coming months and years unravel before me, however, I do have a great formula for moving into this frightening menagerie of the unknown. It all comes down to this...giving my kids the proper combination of space and boundaries along with my continued attention and support. How will I know if I am going about it the right way?
I will do what I have always done...the one thing that truly makes my kids feel loved. I will take my clues from them. In listening to my kids, watching their behavior and attitudes I have the greatest indicator at my disposal that I am making the difference in their lives that I want to make. When they know that I hear them and trust them, that they have earned that trust and that I am responding to their internal compass and reinforcing their strengths, they will feel loved...even when they are living far from home....someday.
Anne Leedom is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of
www.parentingbookmark.com
. She has been quoted in national print including Parents, Redbook and Nick Jr. Magazines and NPR. She contributes regularly to online publications and lives in Northern California with her husband and two daughters. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:58Z
The Balanced Mom - Fact or Fiction?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Balanced-Mom---Fact-or-Fiction
-
- /8666.html
2010-05-07T09:04:57Z
2010-05-07T09:04:57Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Balanced Mom - Fact or Fiction?
by Lesley Spencer, MSc. - Founder President
HomeBasedWorkingMoms.com
It's a pretty well known fact: Moms are pulled in many directions and their to-do list almost never gets completely crossed off. There's the kids, the husband, the house, the chores, the errands, the laundry, the meals, the appointments, the kid's activities, the birthday parties and on and on. It's an intensive job that requires some great time management and organization to ensure that everything gets done (or almost everything), and there's still enough time to spend relaxing and enjoying your family.
Here are some tips to you find some balance:
Use a calendar to stay organized. Keep track of home, school and work activities and appointments on your calendar. It may work best to use a desk calendar that you can take with you as well as set calendar reminders in a program such as Outlook to remind you of certain repeating activities, practices, birthdays, bills to pay, etc.
Be a team. Ask for help when needed and offer help where needed. Perhaps one week you can be in charge of homework or baths and the next week your spouse can. Come up with mutually beneficial plans to help your family function and have lots of time for family fun!
Let go of guilt and know that you cannot possibly do everything. Whether you need to hire a housekeeper, order take out or say no to a volunteer request, know that you are doing what's best for you and your family but not overextending yourself and putting unnecessary burdens and expectations on yourself.
Schedule a weekly date with your spouse as well as individual time with your kids. Also make time for yourself. Do not let one area of your life dominate the rest.
Use your evening time wisely. Instead of plopping down in front of the TV, go on a long walk with your spouse and/or your kids. Have a picnic dinner in the backyard. Play a game or do something that enables you to really connect with your family.
Be a smart shopper and meal planner. Buy cookbooks with quick, healthy meals or meals that you can double and freeze for another night. No need to do it all every night.
Know that you can always adjust and change your options. If the choices that were right for you last year are not as good this year, reconsider and re-evaluate all of your options. Talk it over with your spouse and close friends. Then decide what is best for you and your family today. Take life by the horns!
Stay flexible. Just as your children grow and your marriage matures, your individual, career, family and marriage needs will also grow, change and develop. Stay open to changes and realize that growing with each of these areas will be fresh, exciting, challenging and probably at times, frustrating and tiring.
If you work, remember in the end it is not going to matter how much you dazzled your clients or employer with long hours if you miss out on treasured moments with your children and your spouse. Remind yourself to check in occasionally on where you are spending your time.... and where you are not.
Do what's best for you and your family. Don't allow others to dictate what the best option is for you and your family.
With these tips and your own tried-and-true ones, you will find that being a balanced mom is not fiction. It truly can be fact. It just takes planning, delegating, flexibility, a positive attitude and some great organization. As a mom, I can proudly say and I'm sure you would agree: There's no better or more rewarding job in the world!
Copyright HBWM.com, Inc. 2006
Lesley Spencer is the founder and president of the national association of Home-Based Working Moms (
www.HBWM.com
), the HBWM.com, Inc. Network of Websites and author of the Work-at-Home Workbook. She has a Master's Degree in Public Relations and has been featured in numerous media outlets including CBS News, Forbes, Business Week, Parents, Wall Street Journal and USA Today. She has been working from home for over 11 years and has two children whom she absolutely adores! Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:57Z
Dealing with "Monsters" and Nighttime Fears
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Dealing-with-Monsters-and-Nighttime-Fears
-
- /8667.html
2010-05-07T09:04:55Z
2010-05-07T09:04:55Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Dealing with "Monsters" and Nighttime Fears
By Stacy DeBroff
www.momcentral.com
It can be difficult to think straight when your crying child shakes you awake in the middle of the night frightened and tearful by a nightmare or the monster she knows for sure has taken up residence in her closet or under her bed. Or a terrible dream that leaves her feeling shaken. Groggily, I would find myself talking half-asleep to my 4-year-old daughter, "Honey, I know that the monster moved out last week. He doesn't even like it here. He's completely afraid of you." But, to no avail.
Up we went to scope out the situation and reassuringly find her room clean of all mysterious creatures. As I went to tuck Kyle in, she looked up with me with sudden realization and declared, "Mommy. I just realized that the monster only comes out in the dark." Apparently her night-light and door opened a crack to the hallway light simply didn't count when it came to monster chasing.
Up went the dream-catcher (doing double duty now as a monster catcher as well) that my friend Judy had given me, and out came the "monster spray."
Change-up Bedtime Rituals
Read stories, or make up your own stories, about children bravely, or humorously, conquering the fear of the dark, shadows, monsters - whatever fear your child faces.
Tuck your child's sheets around her snugly.
Give her something warm to drink to calm and soothe her before bed.
Draw pictures of things your child loves, or cut them from magazines, to fill a box. Have her select a picture from the box to think about while falling asleep.
Provide soft lighting in her room. Move or remove a light that your child thinks throws frightening shadows on the walls.
Fill a spray bottle with water and label it "monster spray" and have your child spritz the room before bed.
Shake a little talc mixed with sparkles or just an empty bottle with the words "magic dust" around the room.
Help her make a sign for the door, such as "No monsters allowed!"
Buy new pajamas or a pillowcase and declare them monster-proof.
Make a thorough search of the room part of your bedtime ritual.
Make a ritual of shouting, sweeping, or throwing out any lurking monsters before bed. Close doors to scary closets. Go on a monster hunt to reassure your child that the coast is clear.
Tell your child that the monsters are more scared of her, and she has the power to frighten them away.
Give your child a flashlight to keep next to her bed, or next to her pillow, to use if she wakes up afraid in the middle of the night.
Hang a dream catcher in a corner of her room, and explain how it will help catch any nightmares.
On a warm night, lie out on a blanket under the stars to make warm, comforting associations with nighttime and the dark.
Middle of the Night Wake-ups
If your child wakes from a nightmare, talk a little about it with her.Sharing will help her feel reassured.
Rewrite a happy ending for her, where she vanquishes whatever scary thing she faced in the dream.
Let her know that dreams are magical things over which she the dreamer has control.
If your child is spooked by night sounds, keep a tape player by her bed with a soothing tape she enjoys to lull her to sleep. If she wakes in the night, she can play it for herself.
Make your child protector of her stuffed animals. Have her comfort a favorite one who might be a little scared as well, and reassure her that her stuffed animals will watch over her.
During the Day
If your child becomes afraid of shadows in her room at night, use daytime to teach her about shadows, make shadow puppets, and play tag with her own shadow.
If your child is afraid of thunderstorms, make a game out of thunder and lightening, counting as high as you can between the bolt and the clap, and seeing if you can clap or roar louder than the thunder.
Ask your child to draw you a picture of what frightens her, so you can talk about it and make it seem less powerful.
Don't trivialize your child's fears. Acknowledge them and explain some of your own childhood fears and how you got past them. Confiding your own fears as a child will normalize your child's fears and help her feel more in control of her emotions and hopeful about conquering her fears.
Eliminate violent or frightening books, movies, and cartoons.
Stacy DeBroff is a dynamic national speaker, consultant, corporate spokesperson, and writer. Stacy is President and founder of
Mom Central, Inc
. Stacy has also written several best-selling books on household and family organization including
The Mom Book Goes to School, The Mom Book: 4,278 Tips for Moms, Sign Me Up! The Parent's Complete Guide to Sports, Activities, and Extracurriculars
, and
Mom Central: The Ultimate Family Organizer
. Stacy has appeared on network television including NBC's
Today Show
and the CBS
Early Show
. Stacy holds a B.A. in Psychology and Comparative Literature from Brown University,
magna cum laude
and Phi Beta Kappa; and a J.D. from Georgetown University,
magna cum laude
. Prior to launching Mom Central, Inc., Stacy founded Harvard Law School's Office of Public Interest Advising, which still serves as a model for law schools across the nation. Stacy lives with her husband, Ron, and their two children, 12-year-old Kyle and 11-year-old Brooks, outside of Boston, Massachusetts. Visit Stacy at
www.momcentral.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:55Z
Dream the Dream and Step into It - Teaching Children to Think Positively
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Dream-the-Dream-and-Step-into-It---Teaching-Children-to-Think-Positively
-
- /8668.html
2010-05-07T09:04:53Z
2010-05-07T09:04:53Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Dream the Dream and Step into It
Teaching Children to Think Positively
www.pattiteel.com
By Patti Teel
While we'd like to believe that our children live carefree lives devoid of concerns and worries, many children become anxious and self-critical at an early age. However, parents can help their children to develop positive thinking, a discipline that can be developed through practice. Children can learn to replace worries with desire and faith, and to think and speak more positively. (In child-like lingo, this would amount to imagining that things will happen the way we want them to, and always saying good things about ourselves.)
Replace worries with desire and faith
Many children are born optimists. They have a wonderful feeling of self-assurance and absolute faith that their wishes and desires will come true. However, other children seem to be born worriers. They may worry about speaking in front of their class, that they are stupid, that no one likes them, etc. etc. Their list of worries can go on and on. Worrying is one of the most disregarded forms of stress. Instead of focusing on what we desire or want, worry focuses on what will happen when things go wrong.
vvvvWe attract what we pay attention to, but oftentimes children (and adults) don't realize that they are focusing on what they don't want, rather than what they do want. For instance, if you and your child have been sick, you're probably both clear that this is not what you want. However, if you're thinking and worrying about being sick, it's an entirely different perspective than focusing on being well.
When your child expresses a worry by telling you what she doesn't want to have happen, help her to identify and then start focusing on what she truly wants to have happen instead. For instance, if your daughter says, "I don't want to go to the party because no one will play with me," help her to identify what she wants by asking, "What would you like to have happen at the party?" And then, "What if you have fun at the party?" Children who worry a lot are great candidates for visualization and imagery. The truth is, worry is negative visualization and it takes a vivid imagination to imagine such horrible scenarios! Gradually, teach your children to focus on their wants and desires, rather than their fears and worries. Tell stories in which your child faces and overcomes a fear or attains his goal. Eventually, he will be able to visualize these positive scenarios on his own.
Think and speak positively
Challenge your child to direct all statements that start with "I am," towards positive statements and goals. Negative affirmations such as, "I'm just stupid," or "I'm always sick," are very harmful because they can penetrate a child's subconscious, which accepts them-hook, line, and sinker. Our minds and bodies are not separate entities-they are connected. When a child creates positive pictures and self-suggestion, it can have a beneficial effect on both his physical and emotional health. It sounds simplistic; however, children who picture themselves as happy and healthy will be taking an important step towards becoming happy and healthy throughout their entire lives. Happiness and improved health are gifts that each child can give himself through the power of his own thoughts and imagination.
As parents, we always need to keep in mind that we are our children's heroes and role models. If we are continuously worried and self-critical, our children are likely to be the same. Worrying projects negative energy and it doesn't do you or your children a bit of good. In fact, when children are aware that their parents are worried about them it projects a lack of faith and they tend to feel more anxious. Admittedly, there are times when our worries are well founded. Even then, instead of worrying and imagining the worst possible scenario, try to focus on the positive outcome that you desire and on actions that can help to bring it about.
About the author: Dubbed "The Dream Maker" by People magazine, Patti Teel is a former teacher and the author of
The Floppy Sleep Game Book
, which gives parents techniques to help their children relax or fall asleep. She is holding Dream Academy workshops at schools, hospitals, and libraries across the country where parents and children learn the playful relaxation techniques from her book and widely acclaimed children's audio series. Children at the Dream Academy workshops practice the three R's by resting their bodies, relaxing their minds, and refreshing their spirits. Visit her online at
www.pattiteel.com
. Permission granted for use on drlaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:53Z
Button Down Healthy Sleep Habits for Special Needs Kids
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Button-Down-Healthy-Sleep-Habits-for-Special-Needs-Kids
-
- /8669.html
2010-05-07T09:04:51Z
2010-05-07T09:04:51Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Button Down Healthy Sleep Habits for Special Needs Kids
(excerpt from The Floppy Sleep Game Book, by Patti Teel)
www.pattiteel.com
More children than ever before are being diagnosed with special needs "neurobiological disorders" such as ADHD, clinical depression, sensory integration dysfunction, autism and Asperger's syndrome. Children with these disorders are very likely to have sleep difficulties. In addition, the problems that characterize the disorders will be greatly exacerbated by a lack of sleep.
I cannot stress enough the importance of good sleep hygiene and relaxation skills. Children with neurobiological disorders are often stressed-as they struggle to control their behavior, "fit in," and try to keep up with their schoolwork. They may also suffer from sleep-related side effects of medications that they are taking. Medications to treat mood disorders, stimulant medications used to treat attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder and some of the medications used to treat tics in Tourette's syndrome can all contribute to sleep problems.
If sleep problems continue to plague your child, work with your physician. Consider alternative therapies such as nutritional and dietary supplements, biofeedback and Chinese medicine. This is likely to be an adjunct to the care provided by your child's primary-care physician. To ensure maximum benefits and avoid any negative interactions between traditional medication and alternative remedies, be sure that all of your child's health-care providers work together. When you find the right healing modality for your child, you are likely to see a big improvement.
All children do best with healthy sleep habits. However, everything needs to be "buttoned down" if your child has special needs. For instance, while many children would have some difficulty settling down after a stimulating evening, it might cause a child with a neurobiological disorder to be up half the night. And while a consistent bedtime is always recommended, a child with autism is likely to feel very unsafe and unsettled if his bedtime routine is disrupted. For many children, it's as if their reactions have been cranked up to full throttle. Of course, each child is different and you will know best what sets off a problem in your own child. However, in general, the same rules apply-only more so.
Tips for a Good Night's Sleep
Avoid late afternoon or evening caffeine and sugar consumption. (Sodas are usually a huge source of both sugar and caffeine.)
Avoid eating dinner later than three hours before bed if it seems to energize your child. (Eating too late at night raises the metabolic rate and energizes some children.) If your child has a bedtime snack, have it half an hour to an hour before bed.
Limit over stimulation. Limit television and video-game playing as well as reading an especially exciting book before bed. Play beautiful, soothing music of your choice to help calm and relax your household.
Have a quiet period just before bed. An easing-off period is important because most children have trouble going from full throttle to sleeping peacefully.
Have an evening bedtime snack that contains tryptophan. Tryptophan is an essential amino acid that the brain converts into melatonin, which assists in sleep. Many children find a glass of warm milk calming and it is a good source of tryptophan. Other sources of tryptophan include cottage cheese, yogurt, pineapples, plums, bananas, eggs, turkey, sesame seeds, sunflower seeds, cashews and peanuts. It's best to combine these tryptophan rich foods with complex carbohydrates like whole-grain cereals, bread or potatoes; it helps the brain to absorb the tryptophan. Bedtime snack suggestions: whole-grain cereal with milk, oatmeal with milk, peanut butter sandwich with ground sesame seeds, oatmeal cookies with milk.
Give your child a ten minute warning before it's time to get ready for bed to help him make the transition and finish up what he is doing.
Have a consistent bedtime and a consistent bedtime routine. A warm bath is particularly soothing for most children because it relaxes the muscles and gets their bodies ready for rest.
If your child is overly sensitive to light or sound, keep the lights dim and speak quietly throughout the bedtime routine.
Teach your child relaxation techniques such as those described in
The Floppy Sleep Game Book
.
About the author: Dubbed "The Dream Maker" by People magazine, Patti Teel is a former teacher and the author of
The Floppy Sleep Game Book
, which gives parents techniques to help their children relax or fall asleep. She holds Dream Academy workshops at schools, hospitals and libraries across the country where parents and children learn the playful relaxation techniques from her book and widely acclaimed children's audio series. Children at the Dream Academy workshops practice the three R's by resting their bodies, relaxing their minds, and refreshing their spirits. Visit her online at
www.pattiteel.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:51Z
A Celebration of Family
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/A-Celebration-of-Family
-
- /8670.html
2010-05-07T09:04:49Z
2010-05-07T09:04:49Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>A Celebration of Family
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
www.chickmoorman.com
International Parenting Commitment Day, March 20th is fast approaching. What do you have planned to celebrate this special day? Are you ready to commit or recommit to the sacred and important role of parenting so you can uplift, encourage, and inspire your children to become responsible, caring, confident people?
Please consider joining with millions of parents around the world who are making a commitment to parent with purpose. To celebrate International Parenting Commitment Day with your family consider implementing one of the following celebrations/rituals.
Commitment Celebrations
Pledge Night
Convene a family meeting. Propose that the family design a pledge that reflects your belief that feelings of oneness and a sense of belonging are important in your family. Include the importance of placing family first, honoring each other's uniqueness, and the security of family structure somewhere in your pledge.Allow all family members to have input by inviting suggestions and reaching a mutual consensus on the pledge. Display your pledge prominently in your home.
Principles of Work
Create a poster to display at you work site. Include beliefs you have about how you want to "BE" during your work time. Include items such as treat others with respect, listen to other's ideas, encourage others, and keep confidences private. Put at least 10 items on your Principles of Work. At the top add, SUCCEED AT HOME FIRST. Share your work principles with your family.
Goal Setting Evening
After your children are in bed for the evening, set some family goals with you spouse. Pick two or three to focus on for the upcoming year. With each goal you choose, list activities you can do that will help you move in the direction of accomplishing it.
Example:
Goal: Use self-responsible language with our children.
Activities:
Eliminate the words "Makes me" from our language patterns. Change "You make me mad," to "I am feeling angry about this."
Use the words "choose/decide/pick" over and over with our children. We will say, "I see you chose to help your brother," and "If you choose to throw the toy you will be choosing to give it a rest on the shelf for awhile."
We will stop "shoulding" on our children. We intend to replace our "shoulds" with "coulds."
Balloon Release
Buy two helium filled balloons. Write several parenting concerns on file cards that have troubled you recently. Also fill file cards with parenting stressors, situations that you create stress around with your children (loud radios, poor table manners, etc). Attach the cards to the balloon strings. Go outside, say a prayer asking God to take your stress and concerns and handle it in a way that achieves the greatest good for all concerned. Communicate your desire to be free of stress. Take a few deep breaths. Release the balloon, you concerns, and your stress into the air. Watch as the balloons carry your problems away. Feel lighter after having let go of all that stress.
Warm-Fuzzy Clothesline
A warm-fuzzy is a compliment (written or verbal) that is given to another person. Why not begin a warm-fuzzy clothesline in you home? Have each family member decorate clothes pins in their own image and write their names on them. Hang them on a clothesline that you place in a prominent spot in your home (kitchen or den wall). Use the clothespins as mini-mailboxes to share notes of encouragement, affirmation and praise with one another. Model this technique by sending at least one a day yourself.
Use this special day, March 20, to re-connect with your children by celebrating your mutual caring using one of the rituals above. When you do you will be demonstrating the importance you place on the sacred role of parenting. Enjoy.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of
The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose
. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their websites today:
www.chickmoorman.com
or
www.thomashaller.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:49Z
College Planning Starts Early
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/College-Planning-Starts-Early
-
- /8671.html
2010-05-07T09:04:48Z
2010-05-07T09:04:48Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>College Planning Starts Early
Sonja Montiel
www.collegeconfidence.com
No more than a few years ago, college planning started in 12th grade where it was the first time students learned about the SAT tests and build their list of colleges. Times have change with many students currently beginning their planning as early as 9th grade. While some may argue that beginning the college process this early is ridiculous, the truth is that it's quite necessary. Keep in mind that asking young students in 9th grade what colleges they are applying to does not define good college preparation; however, asking them if they would like to keep the educational doors open after high school is a conversation that must happen early on. Before reviewing the aspects of good college advising, let's look at three major influences that have impacted the way we plan for college.
Competitive Labor Market:
According to the Current Population Survey conducted by the U.S. Census Bureau in 2003, 77% of students who receive a high school diploma will enter the labor force compared to 85% who receive a bachelor's degree and 91% who receive a doctorate's degree. The same survey also revealed that the average earnings in 2002 increased with each education level with high school diploma workers earning an average of $27,280 annually, compared to the average annual income of $51,194 earned for the bachelor's degree holder (Stoops, 2004). The pressure and expectation of students attending college is no longer a "dream" or family quest, but more a requirement in order to obtain a career that gives a decent paycheck.
Population and Demand:
With competition increasing due to the sheer numbers of high achieving students, students and parents applying to college are feeling the pressure to prepare early. The panic of becoming the "top student" or "winning the race" has evolved into an obsession that leads students and their parents to push the college planning envelope as early as possible. The good old American "competitive spirit" is out there, and although often having negative effects on student performance (if this competitive spirit is not nurtured appropriately), the desire to become number one demands early college planning. It also ensures successful results in getting students in the college of their choice.
Increase Colleges Choices:
With over 3,000 colleges and universities in the United States and the bridging of a more global world, the encouragement of students to attend a college or university out of state has increased as well as the encouragement for students to consider applying to more colleges. At the same time, these colleges and universities have become aggressive in their recruitment and marketing techniques introducing more attractive opportunities that a student has to choose from. As a result, students must begin researching what colleges seem the "best fit" for them deciphering the difference between persuasive marketing messages. Just a reminder that finding the "best fit" does not mean finding out about the likelihood of being admitted. Instead, finding the "best fit" college means to conduct campus visits, research their personalities and atmosphere, and asked themselves "where do I really fit best?" All this requires more time for investigation and planning outside regular high school counseling hours.
It's evident that the college going culture is growing by the minute, and in order for students to end up happy and successful (in that order), the college conversation needs to start early. Be aware, however, there is a damaging assumption that in order to help students prepare for college, we must use tactics that instill (intentional or unintentional) anxiety, fear, and uncertainty to the process such as national rankings and statistical GPA and SAT averages. On the contrary, students who are most successful in the college process are those who can reflect on their own needs and interests, and more importantly act on those needs and interests, as well as establish good study habits and time management skills.
Also, keep in mind college admissions review student's academic and extracurricular activities for the entire 4 years; not only 11-12th grades. Many students who do not have a sense of what colleges expect of them risk the surprise of not meeting specific requirements or not having enough time to build on their interests in time. In order for students to reflect on what makes them tick, we must challenge our students to find their voice early in life, introduce the ideas of what a college education means in terms of opportunity, and prepare them to be advocates for themselves as they decide which high school courses to take and which activities to be involved in. This is the process of finding their voices, and it is their voices that will drive the college process as we as educators, counselors, and parents become their cheerleaders.
Sonja Montiel, M.A., is founder of College Confidence, a Westlake Village-based college counseling firm. Montiel serves on the executive board of the Western Association of College Admissions Counseling, is active with the National Association of College Admission Counseling and serves on the planning committee for Ventura County's National College Fair. She is also a member of the Higher Educational Consultants Association. For information visit
www.collegeconfidence.com
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:48Z
Potty Training 101 - Emotional Well Being
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Potty-Training-101---Emotional-Well-Being
-
- /8672.html
2010-05-07T09:04:46Z
2010-05-07T09:04:46Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Potty Training 101 - Emotional Well Being
I am not a fan of potty training children early. In the ten years I have been helping parents with potty training, I have never known even one who was completely trained when starting before the age of three. That doesn't mean that there are not success stories out there; however, completely potty trained means that they can go to bed in a regular pair of cloth underwear (not thick with extra padding) and wake up dry eight hours later. Those parents that say that their kids are trained before the age of two usually regress sometimes before the age of five.
Spanking, yelling and threatening always backfires. If a parent pulls a power play, the child will become absorbed in the unnecessary battle and become overwhelmed. Stress rises to a new, yet negative level. Unfortunately, for parents, the kids win on this one. They can potty (go to the bathroom) in the potty or potty in the underwear as a powerful tool resulting in negative retaliation creating major challenges in switching back and forth from potty training, poor eating habits and mood swings.
Using food as a reward is not a way to entice toddlers into becoming potty trained.
In fact, this can lead to harmful eating habits as well as using food for emotional satisfaction.
Here are a few tips that have seemed to work for others in keeping the process running smoothly as well as maintain emotional well being intact for everyone.
Concentrate on potty training only. Don't make it hard on kids but you will have to watch them almost every minute. Do not go anywhere with them for two weeks unless you can take the potty with you.
Use stickers as a reward. Let them pick out the stickers at a store.
Wrap up small gifts found as rewards after each time they successfully go to the bathroom. Children love to open presents. Put them inside a big box and let them choose the one they want to open. Rewrap them. That's right. Use them repeatedly. After they begin to get potty trained, tell and show them there are only six presents left and then, "they'll be all gone." Each time you let them open one, say, "Look, there's only 5 more left, but we have stickers," -- or whatever else you would like to use -- other than food.
Do not use food as a reward. Sweets, candy, or any type of food is not good for a positive reward system at this age. It will only leave them anticipating food as rewards for other accomplishments and could lead to eating disorders later in life.
After each successful potty trip, clap and say, "Whoohoo. You are such a big boy/girl! Good job!" Go call someone and share the news. Let the child tell them what a good job that they did. This only reinforces positive experiences for potty training.
Make up a calendar with tons of pictures of your child on it. Make the days of the week large squares to have plenty of room for the stickers. Let your child put up a big star each time he/she goes to the potty on that specific day.
Put Cheerios in the toilet and let the boys aim at them. Since they are a little more difficult to potty train, there are other incentives on today's market to attract little boys to the potty. Check at your favorite store for such tools.
Buy many books during clearance sales. Keep a box of books by the potty. If possible, read a page or two or share a picture book. Read one or two books, if your little one needs to go number two.
Monitor food and liquid intake. Take your child to the potty on a schedule. You will have to watch the clock to monitor food and drink intake. Cut out liquids two hours before bedtime and no caffeine -- ever.
Ship your precious little one off to grandmas or an aunt's house, if things get too hairy. Sometimes, other folks can potty train our children better than we can. If you have a relative who is willing to help and your kiddo will not "walk the plank" for you, let someone else try. You might be surprised how quickly the job will be completed.
Above all else, let the child show and tell you when he is ready. It may not be the calendar timing you'd like to follow, but the frustration and stress is just not worth the repercussions.
Remember, accidents will occur at the least expected time. Stay cool and anticipate it as part of parenthood...this too shall pass.
copy; 2006 Jodie Lynn
Jodie Lynn is an award-winning internationally syndicated family/healthcolumnist and radio personality. Her syndicated column Parent to Parent (
parenttoparent.com
) has been successful for over 10 years and appears in newspapers, magazines, newsletters and throughout the Internet. She is a regular contributor to several sites including eDiets.com, MommiesMagazine.com, ClubMom.com and is the Resident Mom Expert and Spokesperson for BabyUniverse.com. Lynn has written two books and contributed to two others, one of which was on Oprah and has appeared on NBC in a three month parenting segment. Her latest best-selling parenting/family book is
Mommy-CEO, revised edition
. Permission granted to use on Dr.Laura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:46Z
How to Find The Home Business Of Your Dreams
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-to-Find-The-Home-Business-Of-Your-Dreams
-
- /8673.html
2010-05-07T09:04:44Z
2010-05-07T09:04:44Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>How to Find The Home Business Of Your Dreams
By Liz Folger, Work-at-Home Mom Expert
I talk to mothers on a daily basis who all say the same thing. "I'd love to work from home, but I haven't a clue what type of business I want to start." And I'll admit it, that's pretty much how I felt many years ago. The only thing I did know was that I wanted the chance to raise my kids myself and start some sort of business from home.
The Key, Find a Business You're Going to Love Running
Every person reading this was born with a special gift that could be used to start a home business. Once you discover that gift, you will be able to find the best business for your personality. So when you wake up in the morning you'll say to yourself, "Yeah, I get to work today." You'll feel like that is what you were born to do. It's a part of you -- it's what makes you tick.
Now lets figure out the best home-based biz for you.
What are your interests?
What types of things do you enjoy doing. Yes, you can love your job!! Everyone is born with a special talents that sets them apart from others. Your job is to figure out what that talent is and find out a way to turn it into a business. One lady I profiled in my book, "The Stay-at-Home Mom's Guide To Making Money", had always loved horses. When she was younger she didn't have a horse of her own. So she would groom and feed other people's just for the chance to ride. Now that she is an adult she has turned that interest into a pet sitting business. She has niched herself in the area of horse care.
What are your hobbies?
Is your hobby candle making, painting portraits, herb gardening...? These are all great home businesses just waiting to happen. And you don't necessarily have to produce these items to make money. Maybe you could start a newsletter on the subject of your hobby for others just like you. Or maybe you could start to sell supplies for other hobbyists or businesses. Maybe you could write a book on the subject. Once you start brainstorming, you'll be surprised at all the ideas you will come up with.
You're producing a service or product for your friends and family for free already.
I talk with moms all the time who say their family or friends are always coming to them because they are great at creating a resume or they can really put a nice bouquet of flowers together for special events (floral designer). These are all great ideas for a home business.
Go with what you already know a lot about.
Maybe you enjoyed your work outside the home but still want to be home with your kids. Use your previous skills to get your business started. Teachers become tutors, secretaries become word processors, and graphic artists become -- graphic artists. The same can go for architects, photographers, and transcriptionists -- both legal and medical.
SCAMS
ONE WAY I do not recommend to find a home biz is to send "just $19.95 and I'll show you how you can make hundreds of dollars a week in the comfort of your home." These are all big time scams. Don't even mess with them. If any ad states easy money, no experience necessary, guaranteed success, lots of capitalization and exclamation marks, that is a scam! Or if you are talking with a sales person for a business opportunity and they force you to make a decision on the spot and it's almost like they are making you feel stupid if you say no, tell them to get lost and get out of that situation as fast as you can.
The key to unlocking the mystery of what home business to start, is right inside of you. This search is not a quick one, however. Take the time to rediscover your interests and don't be afraid to start a business in the area you really enjoy.
Liz Folger is the founder of
http://www.bizymoms.com
. Bizymoms.com is the leading online resource for work-from-home ideas. The site offers home-based business start-up kits, online classes, e-books, chats and enthusiastic support for moms who want to have it all - a family and a career. Visit
http://www.bizymoms.com
for more information. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:44Z
The Valentine Gift Every Child Wants
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Valentine-Gift-Every-Child-Wants
-
- /8674.html
2010-05-07T09:04:42Z
2010-05-07T09:04:42Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Valentine Gift Every Child Wants
By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
Valentines Day Is fast approaching. Love in the air. It's time to find that perfect gift that will express the way you feel about your loved ones.
What about your children? What Valentines gift will you present to them this year? Will you demonstrate your love with the traditional box of their favorite candy or a colorful red rose? Or will you purchase a new video game? Perhaps a card with a hand written note will be the way you'll express your affection to them this year.
Certainly love can be expressed with candy, flowers, notes or gifts. But is that what your child really wants or needs? Are those the things you want your child to associate with love? How about taking a different tact this year? This Valentines Day, why not spell love the same way your child does: T-I-M-E.
Yes, we're suggesting you give your child the gift of time, your time. Make a commitment this Valentines Day to be the best parent you can be by being present in your child's life on a regular basis. Your presence or lack of presence is constantly sending your children messages about their importance and about your love.
To make your love more than a consumable box of candy or a card that sits on the shelf, be active and interactive on a daily basis with your children. Shut down the computer, turn off the x-box, and walk away from the TV. Invest time with your children. Create the time to play catch, shoot baskets, throw water balloons, help with homework, attend the dance recital, play checkers, read bedtime stories, or help coach the soccer team.
Listed below are several ways to be creative and adventuresome in the ways you invest time with your children. These suggestions are intended to help you send the message "I love you" to your children in different and memorable ways this Valentines Day.
Jumbo board game. Remake your child's favorite board game in jumbo size and play it together. Candy Land or Shoots and Ladders are great fun around the house. Making it together and setting it up is half the pleasure.
Dress-up day. Dress-up like pirates and go on a treasure hunt, or dress-up like Barbie and have a fashion show.
Face painting. Paint each others faces with your favorite cartoon characters. Take pictures and display them on the refrigerator.
Giant puzzle. With large boxes from a local appliance store together make a giant puzzle to construct in the backyard or basement.
In-door camping. Move furniture and set up camp. Pitch a tent. Make a fake camp fire out of paper. Eat hotdogs and s'mores. Hold a family slumber party as you do outdoor activities only, in the living room.
Clean mud. Rip toilet paper into small strips. Grate ivory soap. Mix together with water and you have clean mud. Play with it on the kitchen floor, or in a tub on the kitchen table. Great for building, designing and frolicking will occur.
Shaving cream the table. Clear the kitchen table and spray it with shaving cream. You and your children will have a blast making shapes, writing letters and putting shaving cream on their face. Have a mirror handy, its fun to see yourself with a beard. Clean up is easy too, it all rinses away with water.
Balsa wood creation. Make your own boat or doll or car out of a chunk of balsa wood. With a 1 x 2 x 4 piece of balsa wood, rough and smooth sand paper, some paint, and cloth you can make almost anything. No cutting is required and the local craft or hobby store will have everything you need.
Slide show. Turn the kids loose with the digital camera with the direction of taking pictures of the family members over a set period of time. Together, create a power point slide show complete with silly sound effects.
Play restaurant. Help your children make a menu with appetizers, entree choices, deserts and prices. Create a fancy restaurant setting and prepare for fine dining where your children play the role of waiter/waitress, and chef.
Use any of these suggestions to help you turn Valentine's Day into a day your children will cherish and remember. Communicate your love, affection, and high regard to them in a language they understand. Tell your children that you love them with time. And do it throughout the year, time after time.
Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of
The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose
. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their websites today:
www.chickmoorman.com
or
www.thomashaller.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:42Z
Serving Sizes for Toddlers
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Serving-Sizes-for-Toddlers
-
- /8675.html
2010-05-07T09:04:40Z
2010-05-07T09:04:40Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Serving Sizes for Toddlers
By Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers
Parents often wonder how much food should their little ones (1-2 years old) be eating. Recent media coverage suggests over the past 20 years, restaurants and food companies have been increasing their serving sizes. This trend is considered to be a contributing factor in the rise in obesity (among adults and children).
We all know that children should eat less than adults. After all, they are smaller. The following are some serving size guidelines for a 1-2 year old that may help you out.
Milk/Dairy: Servings: 16-20 ounces of milk per day. Whole milk, soy or rice milk are recommended. Other equivalents: 1/2 -3/4 ounce of cheese = 4 ounces of milk. 1/4 cup of yogurt = 2 ounces of milk.
Fruits and veggies: Servings: 5 or more per day. Serving size: 1-2 tablespoons - Pureed, mashed, or cubed.
Grains: Servings: 3-4 per day. Serving sizes: 1/2 slice of bread, 1/4 cup of cooked cereal, 1/4 cup of dry cereal. 1/4 cup of pasta, 2-3 saltine crackers, or 1/2 tortilla.
Non-dairy Proteins (meat, fish, beans, eggs): Servings: 2 per day. Serving sizes: 1/2 egg, 2-3 tablespoons beans (i.e. black, pinto, edamame, etc...), 1 tablespoon peanut butter, or 1 ounce of fish, lean beef, pork or chicken.
About the authors: Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers are sisters, the mothers of five children and founders of Fresh Baby, creators or products such as homemade baby food kits, baby food cookbooks, baby food and breast milk storage trays, breastfeeding reminders, and child development diaries (
www.FreshBaby.com
). Visit them online at
www.FreshBaby.com
and subscribe to their Fresh Ideas newsletter to get monthly ideas, tips and activities for developing your family's healthy eating habits! Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:40Z
Well Balanced Moms Have More Fun
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Well-Balanced-Moms-Have-More-Fun
-
- /8676.html
2010-05-07T09:04:38Z
2010-05-07T09:04:38Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Well Balanced Moms Have More Fun
Aurelia Williams
Real Life Solutions
Or should I say #147;Well Balanced Moms Are More Fun#148;? Let me ask you#133; When was the last time you had lunch with some girl friends, or went on a girl#146;s night out? When was the last time you went on a romantic weekend getaway with your spouse? If you can#146;t remember, we definitely have to talk.
It#146;s so easy to fall into the mommy guilt trap. We feel guilty if we take time for ourselves, so we end up taking care of everyone in the family but us. It#146;s easy to lose ourselves in the quest to become Super Mom. Along the way we get stressed out and aggravated. It#146;s important to do something just for us to stay balanced moms. Here are some ways for you to get started on your journey to rediscover YOU.
Get together with some girlfriends. One of the best ways to rediscover yourself is to spend some time with your girlfriends each week. Have lunch together, go to the movies to watch the latest chick flick, or plan a girl#146;s night out every once in a while.
If you are having a bad day, call one of your girlfriends to vent, or just chat. You#146;ll be surprised how much better you feel and how it puts things back in perspective that seemed like the end of the world a few minutes ago.
Spend a romantic weekend with your spouse #150; anywhere but at home. Go away for a romantic weekend with your spouse a few times a year. Rekindle your passion for each other and feel in love again, instead just partners in dealing with the everyday #147;stuff#146; involved in raising kids.
Go on a date every week. Get a sitter once a week and go on a date with your significant other. Spend some time reconnecting with each other. If you have an activity that you both enjoy, take a class together.
Pamper Yourself. Do something every week to pamper yourself. Go get a new haircut. Visit your favorite nail saloon for a manicure, pedicure or to get your nails done. Call your favorite day spa and schedule a facial. Get a massage.
If you are on a budget, pamper yourself at home. Send Dad and the kids to the park. Take a hot bubble bath and paint you toenails. Honey makes a quick facial. Place a cloth in warm water and apply to your face to open the pores. Smear on honey, and leave on for 15 to 30 minutes. Rinse off with warm water.
Don#146;t feel guilty about taking time for yourself a few times a week. Your kids will appreciate it when they get a balanced and fun mom in return. You will be more relaxed, happier and actually be able to enjoy your family. After all, that#146;s why you had kids in the first place, didn#146;t you?
Aurelia Williams is the owner of Real Life Solutions (
www.reallifesolutions.net/personal/motivational.html
) a Family Resource site that helps you lead an emotionally physically healthier, more productive and less stressful life. Free to reprint as long as bio remains intact. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:38Z
Teach Your Kids to Cook
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Teach-Your-Kids-to-Cook
-
- /8677.html
2010-05-07T09:04:36Z
2010-05-07T09:04:36Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Teach Your Kids to Cook
By Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers
Years ago, it was a family tradition to pass down the secrets to treasured recipes and spend hours in the kitchen teaching children to cook. Somewhere between the addiction to video games and the overactive schedules of parents and children, cooking lessons have been neglected.
While there are many reasons for teaching kids to cook -- less expensive than eating out, preserves family heritage, etc, the most important reason is that by teaching your child to cook, you're giving him a better chance to be a healthy grown-up. Enabling your child with the ability to appreciate freshness and to transform ingredients into tasty foods opens their eyes to making wiser choices about what to eat.
Cooking is perfect for children. They enjoy assembling, measuring and chopping tasks. It offers them an opportunity to be proud of their accomplishments and to share them with others. Cooking has activities for all ages. Here are some age appropriate activities that can you get your started:
Activities for children 3-6 years old:
Washing fruits and veggies
Cleaning the tables and counters
Rolling things up on a baking sheet
Making shapes with cookie cutters
Activities for children 6-10 years old:
Reading recipes
Writing the shopping list when told the ingredients
Using measuring cups for dry and liquid ingredients
Stirring ingredients in a bowl
Using a dull knife to spread
Prepping fruits and veggies without a knife (i.e. snapping beans, husking corn, etc.)
Activities for 10-13 year olds:
Following steps and preparing simple recipes with little adult intervention
Using a microwave, oven and stove.
Using a hand grater
Using a knife with supervision
Operating a hand electric mixer
Activities for teens:
Planning a balanced meal, party menu or special event
Reading a recipe and creating a shopping list
Operating a food processor and blender
Making multiple ingredient recipes without supervision
When you begin to teach your child to cook it is important to teach appropriate kitchen safety and cleanliness practices. Introduce new safety and cleanliness concepts as your child progresses in his or her skill level. You can never review the basics of safety and cleanliness enough. And most of all have fun!
About the authors: Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers are sisters, the mothers of five children and founders of Fresh Baby, creators or products such as homemade baby food kits, baby food cookbooks, baby food and breast milk storage trays, breastfeeding reminders, and child development diaries (
www.FreshBaby.com
). Raised by parents who love fresh foods and entertaining, their mom, a gourmet cook, ensured that they were well-equipped with extraordinary skills in the kitchen. Both with long track records of business success, they decided to combine their skills in the kitchen with their knowledge of healthy foods and children to create Fresh Baby. Cheryl and Joan put a modern twist on the conventional wisdom that when you make it yourself, you know it's better. Their goal at Fresh Baby is to make the task of raising a healthy eater a little bit easier for all parents. Visit them online at
www.FreshBaby.com
and subscribe to their Fresh Ideas newsletter to get monthly ideas, tips and activities for developing your family's healthy eating habits! Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:36Z
Beyond Flowers
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Beyond-Flowers
-
- /8678.html
2010-05-07T09:04:34Z
2010-05-07T09:04:34Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Beyond Flowers
By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
How do you plan on saying "I love you" this Valentine's Day?
Many advertisers would have us believe that the best way to express love is with a large box of chocolates, a pair of expensive diamond earrings, or a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Others would recommend a candlelight dinner and a quiet evening together. At the very least, some suggest the perfect card with eloquent words written by a greeting card professional to express your loving feelings.
But what if you were to look beyond flowers, chocolates, and candlelight dinners this Valentine's Day? What if the single best gift you could give your spouse is one that enables your children to see more than a commercial-style Valentine's love? What if the gift you commit to this Valentine's Day helps your children realize that you truly love their mother or father every day of the year?
Below are a few ideas to communicate, "I love you," on February 14th and on every day following. They are designed to touch the heart and the soul of your partner as well as those of your children.
This year . . .
Be a listener more than a talker. Put down the newspaper, turn off the television, put the cell phone on vibrate, and focus on your spouse. Seek first to understand her wants, needs and feelings about a particular situation or the past day's events. There will be another time for you to share your personal wants and feelings. Be there for your spouse and let your children see that.
Share your appreciation for your spouse publicly. Let your partner know that you appreciate him and all that he is doing for the family. Do not do this with words that evaluate and rate performance, such as "good," "fantastic," "wonderful." Instead, be specific about what you appreciate and describe the effect his effort has had on you and your family life. Let your children overhear some of this specific appreciation.
Refuse to speak negatively about your spouse (or ex-spouse) in front of your children. Keep your feelings and comments to yourself or share them privately with the person in question, regardless of the circumstances. When you need to vent, do it with a friend, a family member, or a therapist. Negative comments about your child's other parent are never to be uttered in their presence. This is especially important in divorce situations. Remember, no matter how you feel toward your ex-spouse, he or she is still your children's parent. It does not hurt the ex when you make negative comments in front of your children. It hurts your children.
Demonstrate support for your spouse by encouraging her aspirations and interests. Remember, you are parenting as a team. Rearrange your schedule if needed so that your partner can enjoy yoga, volleyball, or reading quietly. When only one person's interests are being met in a relationship, imbalance occurs and the entire family feels the effects of the load being placed on the other parent. Create balance by supporting your spouse's interests so that your family can run more smoothly.
Keep your commitments. Do what you said you would do. When you say that you are going to pick the kids up at a specific time, do it. If you say that you will watch the children while your spouse takes a parenting break, then step up and handle the situations that arise.
Establish a date night every couple of weeks and actually spend time together as adults. Get a babysitter, pass the kids to the grandparents, or take turns watching another couple's children. Make the time to nurture your relationship on a regular basis. The kids will be comforted in knowing that Mom and Dad take care of themselves, too.
Succeed at home first. Yes, your professional lives are important. Yes, it is important that your careers flourish and that you find meaningful work that is satisfying and rewarding. And what is the value of being successful away from home if you are unsuccessful in creating a loving, connected family? Make one of your Valentine gifts to your family a commitment to place family first.
The traditional chocolates or flowers, accompanied by a meaningful card, are one way to say, "I love you." This year, let that be only the first step in communicating love for your spouse and children. Why not take the next step? Go beyond flowers and chocolates this year and use Valentine's Day to make a new commitment to those you love the most. Say, "I love you," every day by using the above suggestions to help your children see real affection in action throughout the entire year.
Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of the upcoming
Teaching the Attraction Principle#8482; to Children
and
The Only Three Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need: Essential Tools for Busy Parents
. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or to obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today at
www.personalpowerpress.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:34Z
The Truth About Teen Blogging
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Truth-About-Teen-Blogging
-
- /8679.html
2010-05-07T09:04:33Z
2010-05-07T09:04:33Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Truth About Teen Blogging
By Barbara McRae
www.teenfrontier.com
Four million teens are blogging! What's a blog you ask? A blog (web +log) is an online journal often hosted free of charge by such companies as MySpace.com, Live Journal, and FaceBook.com.
Blogging is quickly becoming the "teen" pastime of choice. It has huge appeal because it's fast and easy; if you can write, you can blog. It#146;s a place that allows free self expression and it's interactive; young people post their replies to individual blogs. It#146;s also social; kids can connect and share their ideas with other young people.
All of these reasons perfectly fit the needs of the Atari generation: kids born in the early 80s who grew up with video games. These kids are wired differently; they have unique characteristics and have a strong need for attention, close connection, and a fast feedback loop.
Blogging at its best can build social skills, enhance writing ability, and provide opportunities for asserting personal views and concerns to millions on the net.
At worst, blogging can turn negative. The illusion of privacy and typing into your computer within your own four walls can lead to dangerous consequences, including a rise in Internet stalking and cyber bullying.
Often the need for attention and self-identity is so great that teens post provocative pictures and outrageous descriptions that can get them in trouble. Blogging may FEEL like its private, but it's public! Plus, posting information that is deemed harmful to a person's reputation can result in legal action.
Blogging Tip for Teens:
Keep personal information about YOURSELF private; leave detailed information about your name, contact data, school name, your close relationships, and the places you frequent out of your blog. Predators look for this information.
Keep personal information about OTHERS private; giving out their contact information could endanger others. If you want to vent about suspicions you have of the behavior of others, don't post it. Rumors are gossip; if you gossip verbally and it causes injury to another, its slander; if you post it, its libel.
Check your post before submitting it. Read it as if you were a stranger and double check for revealing personal information. Then, ask yourself, how you'd feel if your post was read by your parents or teachers. Would you still send it? How about if it showed up in your daily newspaper? Remember, blogs are public. If you're not comfortable having the whole world know your content, rewrite it.
Check the photos that you are including. Are you compromising yourself or others? Would you be comfortable having your future employer see them? It's possible they would. The photos and information you post are readily accessible to anyone.
Protect your blog. Keep your password to yourself and exit out of your blog page when your computer is unattended to be sure that no one else can enter and write something, pretending to be you.
If you are concerned about your teen's blog, you can do a search on Google (
www.blogsearch.google.com
). Use keywords (your child's name or email address). You can also go directly to the popular teen sites listed above and enter your search information.
Should you read your child's blog? Given the public nature of blogs, why not? Just make sure that you don't over react if you find something disturbing. Turn it into a teaching opportunity instead.
Consider this:You can't help your teens if you're uninformed.
copy;2005 Barbara McRae, MCC.
Barbara McRae, Master Certified Coach, Parent/Teen Expert, and Founder of
www.teenfrontier.com
, #147;A Neon Whispers #153; Company#148;, is the bestselling author of
Coach Your Teen to Success
. Barbara coaches internationally, facilitates workshops, and has been featured in various media outlets, including radio, TV, national magazines, and newspapers. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:33Z
Healthy Habits: Starting Family Food Traditions
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Healthy-Habits:-Starting-Family-Food-Traditions
-
- /8680.html
2010-05-07T09:04:30Z
2010-05-07T09:04:30Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Healthy Habits: Starting Family Food Traditions
By Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers
Growing up our Mom and Dad were big on food traditions, especially at this time of the year. Every year around the holiday season, Mom would make her famous rum cakes as a gift for all of Dad#146;s big clients. We always looked forward to homemade spiced cider and a big plate of shrimp cocktail on Christmas Eve while we opened our gifts, and every year since we can remember we have eaten goose for Christmas dinner. We could go on with so many more examples.
It#146;s nice to have food traditions; they make for fond memories, lasting impressions, and great stories. Sometimes even funny stories, like the year Joanie proudly took over Christmas dinner responsibility from Mom, and forgot to put the goose in the oven. Let#146;s just say, we had a very late Christmas dinner that year (and many laughs about it).
Whether you carry on the traditions of your family, or invent new ones (Joanie has ditched the goose and now serves cheeseburgers for Christmas Dinner), they provide your family with something to talk about, something to look forward to, and something to remember.
Outside of the serving traditional meals during your holiday feast, here are a few ideas for starting a tradition that may remain with your family for years:
Pot Luck Dinner Party: These are great family fun, easy to put together, and you won#146;t spend the night in the kitchen. Here is how they work: each family you invite to the dinner brings a dish. When you do your inviting specify what type of dish (i.e. pasta side dish, veggie appetizer, main dish, etc.) you want each family to bring. Let them know how many people it needs to serve. Also, ask everyone to bring recipe cards for the dish they are bringing. Keep it simple by setting the dinner up buffet style. Collect all the recipe cards and send each family home with a #147;mini#148; cookbook of the evening.
Make homemade gifts: Preserves, salsa, relishes and candies make thoughtful gifts. Find one of your grandmother#146;s famous recipes and bring it back in her honor. The kids can help cook, and they can also help decorate the packaging. If the thought of more cooking during the holidays does not sit well with you, a fruit basket makes a wonderful holiday gift. Decorating the basket or hand making cards adds a great personal touch.
Volunteer during the Holiday: The holidays can be very lonely for folks without family. Family volunteering is quite common, and can involve children of all ages. Whether it#146;s Christmas caroling in a hospital, helping at a soup kitchen for Chanukah, or visiting the elderly during Kwanzaa, it will leave a great impression on you and your children.
Winter fun: After a snowstorm, take the whole family sledding. Bring along a Thermos of thick, creamy hot chocolate with plenty of whipped cream. When you get home make a nice pot of the warm soup and relax. Or have a new jigsaw puzzle, firewood, plenty of hot spiced apple cider and cheese fondue on hand to celebrate the first snowstorm of the year.
We asked our Mom to share her hot spiced cider with all of you. She has been making this recipe for as long as we can remember. It conjures up awesome family memories for us; we hope you can create some of your own around it.
Charlotte's Hot Spiced Cider
Ingredients:
frac12; gallon apple cider
1 quart cranberry apple juice
frac12; cup orange juice
Juice of a lemon
8-10 whole cloves
4 cinnamon sticks
frac14; - frac12; cup sugar, to taste
Directions:
It is best to make the cider a day ahead. Heat all of ingredients in a large pan and stir it until the sugar melts. Refrigerate overnight. When ready to serve, Reheat and ladle into cups. Avoid getting the cloves and cinnamon sticks into the cups.
About the authors: Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers are sisters, the mothers of five children and founders of Fresh Baby, creators or products such as homemade baby food kits, baby food cookbooks, baby food and breast milk storage trays, breastfeeding reminders, and child development diaries (
www.FreshBaby.com
). Raised by parents who love fresh foods and entertaining, their mom, a gourmet cook, ensured that they were well-equipped with extraordinary skills in the kitchen. Both with long track records of business success, they decided to combine their skills in the kitchen with their knowledge of healthy foods and children to create Fresh Baby. Cheryl and Joan put a modern twist on the conventional wisdom that when you make it yourself, you know it's better. Their goal at Fresh Baby is to make the task of raising a healthy eater a little bit easier for all parents. Visit them online at
www.FreshBaby.com
and subscribe to their Fresh Ideas newsletter to get monthly ideas, tips and activities for developing your family's healthy eating habits! Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:30Z
The Great Crib Escape
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Great-Crib-Escape
-
- /8681.html
2010-05-07T09:04:29Z
2010-05-07T09:04:29Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Great Crib Escape
By Armin Brott
www.mrdad.com
Dear Mr. Dad: My year-old child has begun to climb out of the crib at night. How do I keep her safe?
A: Start by thinking about her environment in larger and larger circles, from the crib to the door. First, the crib. There get rid of all those bumpers (those oh-so-cute fabric pads that used to protect your baby from banging her head against the inside of the crib). Bumpers make great stepping stones for climbers. Also, take all those big stuffed animals, pillows, and heavy comforters out of the crib. These items were dangerous as suffocation hazards when your baby was small. Now that she#146;s bigger, they#146;re tickets to freedom.
Start by explaining to your child that this is her very own, safe, special bed, and that she can sleep there all night, just like Mommy and Daddy do in their bed. Then, if you haven#146;t done it already, adjust the crib#146;s mattress so it#146;s at the setting closest to the floor. If the lower mattress and lack of climbing materials still don't prevent escape, you have a few options.
You might consider buying one of the commercially available safety nets that fit over the top of the crib like a large dome. These nets always seem a little like you#146;re imprisoning your child, but they#146;re a temporary solution (they#146;re also excellent for keeping roaming pets out of the crib).
If safety nets aren#146;t your style, consider installing a gate across her doorway or using a doorknob safety cover that your child won#146;t be able to open. If you go this route, though, be absolutely sure that your child#146;s room is completely childproofed.
As your child approaches two, she#146;ll begin associating climbing and jumping with the possibility of falling, and may become more cautious on her own. You can help the process along by reminding her#151;#147;Remember how you fell down and bumped your head and cried?"
Whatever you do, don#146;t just give up and put pillows around the crib, as some people do. Because pillows can shift around and expose the bare floor, this is not a good long-term solution.
The next step is a "big girl bed," which can be a mattress on the floor or a twin bed. The twin bed should be pushed against the wall, with a bed rail on the outside. This all applies until it is time for potty learning, when the world gets even bigger!
Armin Brott, hailed by
Time
as #147;the superdad#146;s superdad,#148; has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of
Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad#146;s Guide to the Second and Third Years
. His articles have appeared in The
New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men#146;s Health, The Washington Post
among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on
Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News
, and
Politically Incorrect
. He#146;s the host of #147;Positive Parenting,#148; a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at
www.mrdad.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:29Z
Special Thanks This Thanksgiving
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Special-Thanks-This-Thanksgiving
-
- /8682.html
2010-05-07T09:04:26Z
2010-05-07T09:04:26Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Special Thanks This Thanksgiving
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
Millions of parents will pause this Thanksgiving to do what the day was originally created for--- give thanks for the many blessings that exist in their lives. Turkey, pumpkin pie, and the presence of loved ones will receive their fair share of gratitude during this annual ritual of appreciation. Many parents will also give thanks for their children#146;s health, the arrival of a newborn, or a recent marriage. The abundance provided by the universe, opportunities for meaningful work, and the laughter of children will likely be appreciated by loving parents as they thank the creator for their blessings. Indeed, this traditional day calls for traditional thank you-s.
But what if your appreciation this Thanksgiving took on a new look? What if the blessings you count this year included items and situations that aren#146;t always seen as helpful, useful or valuable? Consider the following.
Why not be thankful that your child is two years behind grade level in his reading ability? This struggling reader is giving you the opportunity to read to him regularly at night. This evening ritual will help build connectedeness between you and your child while at the same time modeling your love for the printed word. Great literature like
The Little Engine that Could
or
The Diary of Anne Frank
can be shared as you simultaneously bond with your child. This opportunity is an incredible blessing. Appreciate it.
Why not be thankful that your daughter#146;s soccer team lost their last game. It is important that your children have experiences of winning and losing. By losing, children have the opportunity to learn to handle defeat and bounce back next time. With your help they can learn that winning or losing is not the measure of who and what they are as human beings. They can learn they are more than the score. They can learn it is effort, energy, and playing up to potential with good sportsmanship that defines a winner, not the scoreboard. Appreciate the loss and be grateful for it.
Why not be thankful your teenager received a speeding ticked for going 45mph in a 25mph speed zone? Getting a ticket is not bad thing. Not if your teen learns from it and slows her driving for the next year. If your teen takes personal responsibility, pays the ticket, and is more cautious about her driving the ticket may well save her life or the life of someone else in the future. Bless the ticket and give thanks for it#146;s blessings.
Why not be thankful that your eight-year-old shoplifted in the grocery store? This is the perfect time to teach your child about shoplifting. Better now than when he helps himself to someone else#146;s car when he is eighteen years old. Teach him how to make amends. Teach him what to say as he returns the candy bars to the store owner. Help him learn to articulate what he learned and what he intends to do differently next time. Bless this perfect time to teach lessons about taking things that don#146;t belong to you. Be grateful for the opportunity.
Why not be thankful that your youngsters track mud and sand into the garage and house? The next time you stand in the garage furiously sweeping sand, wishing your children were better behaved---quietly remind yourself, one day you#146;ll wish you had sand to sweep out of the garage. Love the mud. Love the sand. Be grateful for the signal of the presence of children in your life.
Why not be thankful for sibling rivalry? #147;He got more than I did,#148; and #147;It isn#146;t fair,#148; are common childhood refrains. Hitting, poking and teasing your sister are typical childhood behaviors. Bless these opportunities to help your children learn how to get along with each other. Use them as times to teach interpersonal skills and the importance of touching each other gently. Sibling rivalry is a call for help, a signal that your children need lessons interacting positively with each other. Bless their unskillful way of asking for help. Be grateful that you recognize it and help them grow in working and playing cooperatively.
Why not be thankful that you got to stay home with a sick child last week? You didn#146;t
have to
stay home. You
got to
stay home. You didn#146;t
have to
take him to the doctor. You
got to
take him to the doctor. You
got to
make sure he received the health care he needed. You
got to
show him you care enough to drive all over town to the doctors, the pharmacists and back home again. You
got to
be with your boy while he was sick. Not everyone gets to be with their children when they are sick. You did. Chalk it up as a blessing. Celebrate it this Thanksgiving.
Why not be thankful your adolescent asked you about oral sex? This is a great sign. It means your child trusts you enough to talk to you about sex. It means your child is not getting all her sex knowledge from the street. It means you have been taking your role as sex educator in your family seriously and that you have moved beyond #147;the talk#148; to having an on-going, honest conversation about the important subject of sex. Congratulate yourself. It is a blessing that you are willing to fulfill that role with your child and that she is responding to it positively. Give thanks.
Why not be thankful that your 20-year-old has moved out of your home? Did you really want to raise a 30-year-old Nintendo player who sits around your house all day sucking up diet Pepsi and pizza? Hardly! Your goal was to raise a responsible, caring confident child who would move away from home when they time was right for her. You have been successful. Pat yourself on the back. Yes, it would nice if she had chosen to spend this Thanksgiving with you rather than with her boyfriend#146;s parents. Maybe next year. This year give thanks. Your child is an adult. That is a blessing.
Why not give thanks that your child is spilling milk, talking with his mouth full, wiping cranberry sauce on his new pants, refusing to eat his vegetables, and interrupting his grandmother at the dinner table this day? It means you have more work to do as a parent. It means your job is not yet done. This is a blessing. You are still needed to help you child learn to pour milk more carefully, improve his table manners, learn to eat nutritiously, and show respect for elders. Give thanks for these opportunities.
Why not be thankful for your special needs child? Do you have a child with ADHD? Is your child autistic, dyslexic, or have Down#146;s syndrome? Is your child facing a serious health challenge? They are in your life for a reason. Perhaps they have come to help you learn patience, understanding, or commitment. Perhaps they are here to teach your family about tolerance, acceptance of differences, or unconditional love. Their presence is a blessing. Be thankful for the contribution they are making to the planet and to your family.
This Thanksgiving, remember that parenting is a ministry. It is a sacred role that you are being called to perform. Give thanks that you have been called. Give thanks that you are willing to step forward and accept that call. Appreciate that the way is being shown to you. Celebrate yourself and your contribution to healing the planet by helping your children evolve into the people they were meant to be. You are a blessing to the world. Give thanks that you are up to the task.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of
The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose
. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their websites today:
www.chickmoorman.com
or
www.thomashaller.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:26Z
Healthy Habits: Starting the Day Right with Breakfast
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Healthy-Habits:-Starting-the-Day-Right-with-Breakfast
-
- /8683.html
2010-05-07T09:04:24Z
2010-05-07T09:04:24Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Healthy Habits: Starting the Day Right with Breakfast
By Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers
Eating a good breakfast can do a lot more for your children than you may realize. There are many studies that conclude that eating breakfast has many health benefits, including reduced risk of obesity, better school performance -- both learning and behavior -- reduced tooth decay, and children who eat breakfast are more likely to get a full day#146;s supply of calcium.
Many of us often meet the challenge of getting everyone out the door on time. When this happens, breakfast runs the risk of being short changed or overlooked. Breakfast is just too important to your children#146;s success at school to let this happen.
Here are some tips for breakfast success:
Sit down and eat breakfast as a family
Turn TV off and avoid other distractions
Develop the habit of getting your children ready for school before bedtime, so there is more time in the morning for breakfast
Prepare breakfast foods in advance, and freeze them in single servings
Have "on the go" breakfast items, such as small boxes of whole grain cereals, fresh fruits, yogurt in the tube, granola bars, etc. on hand. Just in case someone sleeps through the alarm clock.
A healthy breakfast should consist of:
Protein
Whole grains
Fruit or vegetable
Calcium
Here are some examples of healthy breakfasts:
Breakfast burrito: scrambled eggs, black beans and salsa wrapped in a flour tortilla, and a glass of orange juice
Toasted English muffin, a hard boiled egg, a glass of milk and a bowl of strawberries
Bowl of whole-grain cereal with milk and a banana
Buckwheat pancakes with maple syrup, a bowl of melon and a glass of milk
Bowl of oatmeal with brown sugar and milk and glass of orange juice
Yogurt, a slice of whole wheat toast and a handful of raisins
Piece of spinach quiche, a slice of whole wheat toast and a handful of blueberries
Spinach Quiche
Quiche is quick to make, and makes a healthy breakfast for children and adults. Make it ahead of time, cut it into single serving pieces, wrap the individual pieces in foil or plastic wrap and freeze them. In the morning just defrost and reheat in the microwave. Simple and very tasty.
Ingredients:
frac34; cup of shredded Swiss cheese
frac34; cup of shredded cheddar cheese
frac14; cup of finely chopped onion
1 (10oz.) package of frozen chopped spinach, squeezed dry
4 eggs
1 cup of half half or milk
1 tablespoon flour
frac12; teaspoon salt
frac12; teaspoon pepper
1 prepared 9-inch pie crust
Directions:
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Sprinkle spinach and onion in prepared pie crust. Toss cheese with flour and sprinkle in the pie crust. In a large bowl gently whisk together eggs, half half (or milk), salt and pepper. Pour this mixture over all of the other ingredients in the pie crust. Bake 50-60 minutes, or until knife inserted in middle comes out clean.
Let stand 10 to 12 minutes before serving. If you are cutting it into single servings and freezing it, let the quiche cool completely.
About the authors: Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers are sisters, the mothers of five children, and founders of Fresh Baby (
www.FreshBaby.com
). Raised by parents who love fresh foods and entertaining, their mom, a gourmet cook, ensured that they were well-equipped with extraordinary skills in the kitchen. Both with long track records of business success, they decided to combine their skills in the kitchen with their knowledge of healthy foods and children to create Fresh Baby. Cheryl and Joan put a modern twist on the conventional wisdom that when you make it yourself, you know it#146;s better. Their goal at Fresh Baby is to make the task of raising a healthy eater a little bit easier for all parents. Fresh Baby#146;s breastfeeding accessories and baby food making supplies provide parents with practical knowledge and innovative tools to support them in introducing their children to great tasting, all-natural foods #150; easily and conveniently. Visit them online at
www.FreshBaby.com
and subscribe to their Fresh Ideas newsletter to get monthly ideas, tips and activities for developing your family's healthy eating habits! Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:24Z
How Can I Improve My Child's Eating Habits?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-Can-I-Improve-My-Childs-Eating-Habits
-
- /8684.html
2010-05-07T09:04:19Z
2010-05-07T09:04:19Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>How Can I Improve My Child's Eating Habits?
Eleven Ways to Raise the Bar
By Mia Cronan
http://MainStreetMom.com
As a mother of five small children, my eyes have really been opened to what we're putting in our bodies on a daily basis. Without even thinking about it, millions of Americans everyday are loading up their systems with sugar and other refined foods that go through so much processing that, by the time they hit our mouths, they're barely recognizable as having started out as anything consumable.
Have you ever noticed packaged products such as cheese that is labeled as a "food product"? I don#146;t know about you, but that scares me. And as addictive as sugar can be, we're doing our kids no favors by teaching them to fill up on it at an early age, starting with sweet cereals in the morning.
In my prior life working in hotel management, I was one of those who grabbed whatever was convenient, regardless of how it contributed to the balance of nutrition that I needed for serious fuel. Reading a nutrition label was out of the question. Who has time for that? A food label is something the government required of food producers, and little more than that. After five pregnancies, weight gain, losing my marbles while trying to lose the weight again, and aging ten years during the course of having babies, I have learned a lot about what we're eating and how it affects energy levels, clarity of mind, and sleeping habits.
This spring, our youngest daughter was six months old, and I got tired of looking in the mirror and seeing the stubborn baby weight that wasn't moving on so easily this time around. Being close to 40, I know my metabolism isn't what it once was, so I also know I have to work harder at losing weight now. Armed with having accepted that, I was ready to jump in and do something about it. My doctor recommended the South Beach Diet, but I'm not disciplined enough to follow a plan, so I adopted my own modified version. I have cut out refined sugar, refined flour, potatoes, rice, and other forms of starch. I have increased my protein intake, and I eat more veggies and fruits. Since that time, I have lost 23 pounds, am four pounds from my goal weight, and have never felt better. I sleep better, I have more energy, I can think more clearly, and my muscles have more tone and definition than when I was in college.
As soon as I started paying more attention to food labels and magazine articles about healthy eating for myself, I knew I had to do a better job of monitoring my children's eating habits, too. After all, if we say we want what's best for our children, why would we give them garbage to eat? So how do we get our kids to eat better? Here are ten things to try:
Walk the talk. Eat healthier, and talk about it to them. Explain how food is like gasoline for a car; we need fuel to make our bodies run. If we put garbage in our tanks, the car won't start! If your kids see you snacking on chips and cookies, they'll be mighty confused when you say no to them to the same things. Set the example.
When the kids ask for a drink, give them water. Aside from the fact that it's much cheaper, it's much healthier than pop and even juice. (I have trouble typing the words "healthy" and "pop" in the same sentence.) Have you ever looked at the sugar content on the food label of a bottle of juice? Think of a pond that is nearly dried up from a lack of rain. The yuck you see at the bottom comprises a much higher percentage of the whole pond than if the pond was full of water. The same goes for our bodies. Staying adequately hydrated keeps our systems clean and fresh. If you anticipate a lot of resistance on this from your children, give them time and don't lose sight of the goal. The kids will get used to drinking more water and, most likely, eventually crave it! Another idea is keeping a pitcher of green tea on hand. Green tea is loaded with antioxidants! Bear in mind, it does contain caffeine.
Don't buy the junk. You can't eat what isn't there, and the same goes for the children. Instead, have things like bananas, apples, carrot sticks, yogurt, cheese, and nuts in the kitchen. Encourage a small salad for a snack, or even a peanut butter sandwich on whole wheat bread and cut with a cookie cutter for some added fun! Don't even purchase things that are "ready to eat," like granola bars, fruit snacks, or packaged lunch meats. If lunch meats are a staple in your home, go straight to the deli and get it fresh. Kids love to be able to make choices; it helps them establish their independence. Be sure to provide several healthy alternatives so they can choose between them and not feel backed into a corner. Also, consider the fact that using food as a reward or a punishment can easily cause eating disorders, as adults will go back to the comforts they knew as children.
Have a healthy snack prepared and waiting for them. My kids get off the bus tripping all over themselves to get a snack. They are hungry after a day at school! And of course, if allowed, they would grab the quickest and most convenient item, which would no doubt be something prepackaged, loaded with sugar and sodium, and who knows what else. So think ahead, and be ready with something yummy and nutritious, to make sure they're refueling in the right way!
Take them to the grocery store and have them read food labels to you. You will be amazed at how much they pick up and will discuss with you later. Now is the time to get them in the habit. Recently, I offered my three-year-old son a banana, and he declined, claiming it has "too many carbs." It did not in fact have too many carbs for a growing three-year-old, but he knows the verbiage from hearing it around the house and at the grocery store!
Lunch at school counts, too. I am consistently shocked at how much food gets tossed and goes to waste at my daughters' schools, because teachers and aides can't possibly monitor every child eating every morsel. Take back control, and pack your child's lunch. This way, you can pack things you know your child will eat and also include healthy foods that you prepared yourself. If your child really likes chips, go for the baked chips. Instead of store-bought cookies, try trail mixes or even home baked oatmeal cookies, which have far fewer preservatives and chemicals. Crunchy veggies with dip and air-popped popcorn make great munchies, too. Instead of pre-packaged fruit in a sugary syrup, put a piece of fresh fruit or a box of raisins in the lunchbox. If your child has a well-insulated lunchbox, you can even include dinner leftovers that are nutritious.
Avoid vending machines. This is key as kids get older and are exposed to more of this method of finding a quick snack. Talk to your kids about what is actually in a vending machine. For example, we really don't know how long that pack of crackers with the spreadable cheese has been in there. How many preservatives does it take to keep it appearing fresh in the machine? Have you ever bought a ham sandwich from a machine? It may have been great the day someone slid it in there, but how about the day it drops into the "out" box. And how about the cost of it? Encourage them to think ahead and add a little something extra in their lunch for the purpose of snacking.
Take a stand against snack time at extra-curricular activities. It seems that every event, sport, or organization in which our kids participate, it's some parent's job to "bring a snack." This grates on my nerves, as anyone who knows me can validate. What is the purpose here? I've heard that it provides something for the kids whose activities fall around dinner time but don't have time to eat. Well, is it not the parents' job to feed the child, presumably something nutritious, either before or after the event? In my estimation, the snack thing takes up time, it creates an unnecessary nuisance and mess, it can get costly, it adds to a busy parent's burden, but most importantly, it's unhealthy! Most snacks brought to these functions are loaded with all the wrong things. Judging by the child obesity problem that we have in this country, I would say that this practice of bringing a snack to every function does not help the situation and should be reassessed.
Turn off the TV. Watching TV can lead to mindless snacking on whatever can be grabbed and shoved without looking. This lack of physical activity alone depletes the amount of aerobic activity a child gets and contributes to the obesity epidemic referenced above. Push the kids outside each day for some fresh air and exercise. They'll be ready for a healthy meal when you call them in for dinner!
Be careful of "energy" drinks and foods. Again, read those labels. Most likely, you'll find sugar carbohydrates make up the energy. First comes the sugar high, then the sugar crash. And the carbs that come from starch quickly convert to sugar, causing the same reaction. Encourage the protein intake, a more sustained source of energy.
Get sneaky. Most families have at least one child who is stubborn, or at least picky, about eating. I have five of them. This doesn't actually teach your child how to eat right, but as a last resort sneaking in nutrition where you can helps their growing bodies in the long run. Dawn, of
BabyUniversity.com
, says she puts Carnation Instant Breakfast into her son's morning milk because she can't get him to eat breakfast. She also puts flax seed oil in for his eczema. Another mom I know puts grated carrots in her meatloaf. She's a close enough friend that I can tell her how atrocious that sounds to me, but she says it works for her. On that note, merely encouraging family dinner time has health benefits, as parents can have family time and monitor what kids are eating at the same time.
Cheri, of
FabulousFoods.com
says, "Get them involved in cooking, not only do they learn a valuable skill, they are more apt to eat it if they helped make it themselves. From early on, introduce as many different foods as possible. I think it#146;s in the attitude. I have friends and acquaintances who are serious foodies and gourmets and their kids eat nearly everything, because that#146;s what the parents do, and that#146;s what they have always been taught."
The bottom line is, grab a hold of the steering wheel on this one, and your kids will learn and benefit from it. Our culture pushes junk food and touts it as convenient, but it also causes cancer, heart problems, digestion issues, skin problems, weight problems, diabetes, and a myriad of other unhealthy situations. For more information on this topic, visit these helpful links:
Feeding Baby (
click here for book review
)
But it's not just for babies, it#146;s really for all kids and also has meals the whole family can eat!
www.5aday.com/
www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpa/tips/
www.empoweredkidz.com/
Mia Cronan is an at-home mother of five children, ages 10, 8, 6, 4, and 1, living in northeast Ohio. She owns and edits
MainStreetMom.com
, the magazine for modern mothers with traditional values. Mia can be reached at
mia@mainstreetmom.com
. MainStreetMom.com is the flagship site of
EMCWebs.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:19Z
The Importance of DHA During Pregnancy and Breastfeeding
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Importance-of-DHA-During-Pregnancy-and-Breastfeeding
-
- /8685.html
2010-05-07T09:04:16Z
2010-05-07T09:04:16Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Importance of DHA During Pregnancy and Breastfeeding
Beth Vincent, MHS
When I was six months pregnant with my third child I noticed the letters #148;DHA#148; popping up on infant formula labels in the grocery stores. Then I noticed it on egg cartons and began to wonder, "What is DHA and why is it being added to these foods?" This is an important question to ask - and the answer is noteworthy, especially for pregnant women. DHA (short for docosahexaenoic acid, an omega-3 long chain polyunsaturated fatty acid) is found in every cell in our bodies. It is critical for brain, eye and central nervous system development and functioning.
During pregnancy, developing babies rely on their mothers to get needed DHA. Since DHA is derived from the foods we eat, the content of DHA in a mother#146;s diet determines the amount of DHA passed on to her developing baby. Unfortunately, the majority of pregnant women in the U.S. fail to get the recommended amount of DHA in their diets and DHA is not found in most prenatal vitamins. The good news is leaders in maternal health are beginning to educate women about the importance of DHA and some food manufacturers are starting to come up with creative ways to help people - pregnant and non-pregnant #150; get the DHA they need.
Current research suggests adequate levels of DHA may help increase a developing baby#146;s cognitive functioning, reduce the risk of pre-term labor and decrease the risk of postpartum depression. Consider the following:
A 2003 study published in the journal
Pediatrics
showed children whose mothers took a DHA supplement during pregnancy scored higher on intelligence tests at four years of age than children of mothers not taking DHA supplements.
A 2004 study published in
Child Development
found that babies whose mothers had high blood levels of DHA at delivery had advanced attention spans into their second year of life. During the first six months of life these infants were two months ahead of babies whose mothers had lower DHA levels.
Other research studies suggest breastfed babies have IQs of six to 10 points higher than formula-fed babies. Medical and nutritional experts attribute this difference to the
In a trial of women receiving DHA supplementation during the third trimester, the average length of gestation increased six days (
Obstetrics Gynecology, 2003
).
Research has found low levels of DHA in mother#146;s milk and in the red blood cells of women with postpartum depression. (
Journal of Affective Disorders
, 2002). Some scientists believe increasing levels of maternal DHA may reduce the risk of postpartum depression.
Renowned figures speak out about DHA
Research findings such as these have led pregnancy and child health experts to spread the word about the importance of DHA during pregnancy. Dr. William Sears, one of the nation#146;s leading experts on child health and development and longtime advocate of DHA, states #147;DHA is the most important brain-building nutrient at all ages,
especially
during pregnancy and the pre-school years when the child#146;s brain is growing the fastest.#148; Dr. Sears hosts DHADOC.com, a web site providing information on the importance of DHA in infant and maternal nutrition. In light of research findings and what he calls #147;common sense,#148; Dr. Sears recommends on his web site that pregnant and lactating women supplement their normal diet with 200 milligrams of DHA a day.
In what many consider the modern day pregnancy bible,
What to Expect When You are Expecting
, Heidi Murkoff,
et.al.
, devotes a section to the importance of adequate DHA in the pregnancy diet chapter of her book. She explains that DHA is important during pregnancy, #147;especially during the last three months, when your baby#146;s brain grows at a rapid pace and lactation (the DHA content of a baby#146;s brain triples during the first three months of life).#148; Another maternity expert, Rebecca Matthias, president of Mothers Work, Inc., the nation#146;s leading maternity retailer touts the benefits of DHA in her latest book,
51 Secrets of Motherhood
. She celebrates DHA as #147;the new wonder supplement that actually increases your baby#146;s growth.#148;
DHA is hard to get in your diet
Why do pregnant and lactating women, who so critically need DHA, find it difficult to get the recommended amount of this crucial nutrient in their diets? There are two primary reasons. First, during pregnancy the daily requirements of DHA increase from 220 mg to somewhere between 300 and 1,000 mg (depending on which expert you consult). Second, DHA isn#146;t easy to get in your diet #150; especially when you are pregnant. Significant amounts of DHA are found in animal organ meats and fatty fish.
Not the typical menu for most pregnant women! Liver does not hold mass appeal and we#146;re told to limit our intake of fish due to concerns over toxins. No wonder a recent study of 112 pregnant or lactating women found that fewer than 2 percent met the FDA#146;s current guidelines for adequate daily DHA consumption.
So what should pregnant women do to safely increase the DHA in their diets? A friend of mine began grinding flax seed onto her cereal every morning. Unfortunately putting flax seed on your cereal is probably a waste of time. Despite popular belief DHA is not found in flax seed. Flax seed (and green leafy vegetables) are sources of alpha-linolenic acid which may convert to DHA, but the process is inefficient and according to some experts may not happen at all. Alternatively you might choose to eat some of the #147;safer#148; fish choices such as pollock, haddock and cod. But according to Dr. Barbara Levine, associate professor of nutrition in medicine at Weill Medical College of Cornell University, #147;the purest source of DHA is not the fish itself, but rather what fish consume: the ocean#146;s vegetarian plant algae. Taking DHA supplements produced from marine algae is therefore a safe way for pregnant women to boost their fatty acid stores,#148; Levine says.
Martek Biosciences owns the technology that allows DHA to be manufactured from algae. DHA supplements made with Martek DHA are now available in health food and drug stores, as well as some maternity stores. If you don#146;t want to take yet another pill, look for other foods fortified with Martek DHA.
As leaders in all areas of maternal and child health continue to speak out about the importance of DHA for pregnant women, we can expect to see more food manufacturers offering products fortified with DHA. It takes time, but the word gets out. As Dr. Levine states, #147;It took forever to get the message across about the importance of folic acid early in pregnancy, but now it is in our products and most women get what they need. Now we are trying to get the message out about DHA.#148;
Thanks to perinatal health education efforts and thoughtful manufacturing today#146;s mothers-to-be and new moms can ensure their babies get the DHA they need to thrive. DHA is critical for developing babies during pregnancy and lactation #150; the benefits of this fatty acid last forever.
About the author: Beth Vincent is CEO and co-founder of Vincent Foods LLC. Beth holds a Masters degree from Johns Hopkins School of Public Health in Health Policy and Management. She has extensive knowledge in public health and maternal and child health having worked as a health care consultant specializing in maternal and child health and as a birthing doula prior to starting her company. Beth is a mother of three and lives in Baltimore, Maryland. For more information about Beth#146;s company, Oh Mama!, visit
www.ohmamabar.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:16Z
6 Tips for Asset Focused Parenting
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/6-Tips-for-Asset-Focused-Parenting
-
- /8686.html
2010-05-07T09:04:14Z
2010-05-07T09:04:14Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>6 Tips for Asset Focused Parenting
By Dawna Markova
Author of
The Smart Parenting Revolution #150;
A Powerful New Approach to Unleashing Your Child's Potential
As a nation, our attention on our children has shifted - from what might be natural assets to be developed in them, to what deficits need to be fixed. We are all wired differently. As such, an "asset-focused" parenting revolution is on the rise to help us remember to focus on what works. We can truly help our children succeed by going with the particular grain of their minds to help them to overcome challenges and foster their unique gifts. The message is that they don't have to master everything, but they can learn to trust in their own abilities. Here are just a few ways you can continue to help your children#146;s forward movement so that they can develop relationships of trust with their own minds:
Instead of focusing on what goes wrong, begin to study and amplify what#146;s right about both you and your child. As you tuck your child into bed, ask for and share three things that went right during the day.
With your child, begin a joint study of the causes of positive events. What about his studying for that math exam made it possible for him to get such a great score? What was it that made you feel so excited about what happened at work? What made it possible for your daughter to learn to play soccer so readily: was it watching someone else, or being told how to make a particular play before she had to do it? How did he and she resolve that fight instead of beating up on each other?
Post #147;Strength#148; stickies on the refrigerator, a different color for each member of the family. A strength is anything a person does that gives them energy when they do it, and that they#146;ve always been able to do really well.
Let each child design a play time for the rest of the family, based on his or her strengths. Jerome might have the whole family plan scenarios for the next vacation. Ana Li might interview each family member about the ways they are smart, and then make a big chart that anyone could add to. Dawna could tell stories at dinner on Tuesday nights about strengths she noticed each family member exemplifying during the week.
Do a family boredom study: Have each family member study their own minds when they are #147;bored,#148; and report at dinner what they discovered about what boredom feels like in their body, how to turn boredom into daydreaming, what triggered their boredom, what happens when they use a strength in a task that has always bored them, etc.
Have Family Focus meals: Each dinner can be a time when the entire family focuses attention on one person, asking questions about their latest hero or heroine, what activity has made them happiest that week, what three things went well, how they#146;ve used their strengths to face a challenge, etc.
It is important to understand that recognizing assets is not the same as giving praise or compliments. To praise is to give generalized compliments about a child in order to make him or her feel good. #147;You#146;re so cute.#148; #147;What a handsome young man.#148; #147;Oh your picture is beautiful.#148; I think of praise like candy. It may taste good, but it doesn#146;t nourish. Consuming too much can spoil a child#146;s appetite. Recognizing assets, on the other hand, is noticing what
specifically
is true about a child#146;s abilities, what he or she has accomplished, learned and achieved, his or her patterns of success.
Recognizing your child#146;s assets does not require that you become a different or better parent; merely that you shift what you are paying attention to. Rather than worrying that your child won#146;t measure up to other children, won#146;t get into a good college, won#146;t do well on the test, you can #147;worry well, #148; by thinking about what he or she
does
do well and wondering how to grow that. You and your child will be having conversations that will help you both investigate the pattern of what works and apply it to situations where something doesn#146;t work.
Dawna Markova, Ph.D., Author of
The Smart Parenting Revolution - A Powerful New Approach to Unleashing Your Child's Potential
is internationally known for her groundbreaking research in the fields of learning and perception. She serves as the president of SmartWired, the CEO of Professional Thinking Partners, and a research member of the Society for Organizational Learning, founded by Peter Senge of the Sloan School at MIT. In the past forty years, Markova#146;s work has expanded into the boardrooms and corporate headquarters of companies in America, Europe, Asia, and Africa. She now reaches hundreds of thousands of people around the globe through seminars, keynote speeches, and her eight books, which have been translated into seven languages. Dr. Markova was recently honored with the Visions to Action Award, #147;for people who have made a profound contribution to the world.#148; She lives in Northern California. Visit Donna at
www.smartwired.org
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:14Z
Healthier Halloween
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Healthier-Halloween
-
- /8687.html
2010-05-07T09:04:12Z
2010-05-07T09:04:12Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Healthier Halloween
By Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers
Halloween is truly a kid#146;s holiday #150;- good friends, creative costumes, event-filled parties #150;- all with a cool spooky theme -- who could ask for more? Oh yes, one more thing, the treats #150;- lots of sugary candy treats!
With all the fun of this holiday come a parent#146;s worst fears -#150; too many sugary treats in your kid's possession and the arguments that ensue over this treasured trove. If you don#146;t feel like to contributing to the neighborhood children#146;s tooth decay, consider giving treats that are healthier. Here are some suggestions:
Cheese and cracker packages
Naturally flavored and sweetened gun or sugar-free gum
Small bags of pretzels
Small packages of nuts or raisins
Peanuts in the shell
Fruit-Roll Ups
Granola bars
If you are not opposed to sugar, but would prefer your treats to be natural or vegan, we suggest you visit your local natural food store. There are many natural candy companies that offer a big variety of candies. The one drawback, expect to pay more for these items. Natural products come at a higher price tag.
You could make a homemade treat. Unless you are in a neighborhood with close friends, we don#146;t suggest this approach. Most parents are trained to go through the Halloween candy and throw out unopened, unwrapped or homemade treats. If you decide to make your treats, wrap your homemade item up well, and add your name and phone number to the bag with the treat. If the parent recognizes your name, it will make them feel the treat is safe.
Halloween treats do not have to be edible
An alternative to avoiding the junk food challenges is to hand out a non-food treat. Today, many families are opting for this choice. With a little bit of thought and some clever shopping, you can find some really nice items for a few cents per item. Here are few ideas:
Cool stickers or temporary tattoos
Halloween balloons, you can even rent a helium tanks and fill them on the spot
Crayons, pencils, colored chalk or fun-shaped erasers
Whistles or noise makers
Rubber spiders, worms, or other equally creepy figure
Spider, skull, or pumpkin plastic rings
Check your local dollar store for fun items. There is also plenty of time to shop online, and have items shipped to you. DollarDays.com and OrientalTradingCompany.com are just two sites that offer a good selection. A quick search on Google will give you plenty more online sopping choices.
Halloween Day:
Star the day off right, with a festive breakfast of bagels, pumpkin cream cheese (recipe follows) and fresh apples. This meal also works as a great treat for a morning Halloween party at your child#146;s school.
Pumpkin cream cheese
Beat in a bowl:
8 ounces softened cream cheese
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1/2 cup of canned pumpkin
1/2 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
Serve with toasted bagels and fresh apple slices.
Before your children venture out in their costumes, make sure they eat a meal before going trick-or-treating. Try the Incredible White Bean Pizza recipe below. It is fast and simple. With full tummies, they won't be so tempted to dig into their bag of goodies before they get back home. Ask your kids not to eat candy while they are out.
Incredible Bean Pizza
1 can white beans, drained and rinsed
1 clove garlic
2 tablespoons water
frac12; teaspoon oregano
1 pizza crust (like Boboli)
Shredded Mozzarella cheese
Fresh diced tomatoes
Chopped basil
Directions:
Puree first five ingredients in a blender and spread mixture over the pizza crust. Sprinkle with shredded mozzarella cheese, fresh, diced tomatoes and chopped basil. Bake in a 425 degree F oven until cheese is bubbly, about 10-12 minutes.
When your children arrive back at home, don#146;t let them take control over their bag or bucket of candy. Working with them, check the treats and keep only treats which are unopened. Be sure to inspect fruits and homemade goods for anything suspicious. While you are going through their candy, let them pick two or three treats that they can eat on this special night. Store the rest of the candy out of reach and out of sight.
Over the next few days or weeks, rationing the treats is the best approach. Allow your children to make their own selections, but tell them they can pick one large piece or two small pieces. If your children have trouble with this, do it for them (in advance). Just place small amounts of candy in bags, and let them select one of the bags. If there is just too much candy, consider donating some of it to a shelter. It will bring smiles to others.
About the authors: Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers are sisters, the mothers of five children, and founders of Fresh Baby (
www.FreshBaby.com
). Raised by parents who love fresh foods and entertaining, their mom, a gourmet cook, ensured that they were well-equipped with extraordinary skills in the kitchen. Both with long track records of business success, they decided to combine their skills in the kitchen with their knowledge of healthy foods and children to create Fresh Baby. Cheryl and Joan put a modern twist on the conventional wisdom that when you make it yourself, you know it#146;s better. Their goal at Fresh Baby is to make the task of raising a healthy eater a little bit easier for all parents. Fresh Baby#146;s breastfeeding accessories and baby food making supplies provide parents with practical knowledge and innovative tools to support them in introducing their children to great tasting, all-natural foods #150; easily and conveniently. Visit them online at
www.FreshBaby.com
and subscribe to their Fresh Ideas newsletter to get monthly ideas, tips and activities for developing your family's healthy eating habits! Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:12Z
To Stress or Not to Stress?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/To-Stress-or-Not-to-Stress
-
- /8688.html
2010-05-07T09:04:09Z
2010-05-07T09:04:09Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>To Stress or Not to Stress?
by Lesley Spencer, M.Sc.
Founder President of
HomeBasedWorkingMoms.com
Today it seems that no matter who we are or what we do, we have more stress in our lives than our parents or grandparents did. There are many factors and demands that cause stress in our lives: things such as demanding careers, relationship conflicts, financial worries, health concerns, parenting challenges, legal issues, fear of the unknown and so many others.
If that were not enough, the stress and worries these situations cause further diminish our ability to function well and to be healthy. In fact, stress can cause depression, fatigue, irritability, withdrawal, insomnia, appetite changes, head aches, lower sex drive and many other ailments and diseases. Some studies suggest that as much as 80% of all major illnesses are attributed to stress. Take note of that again -- as much as 80% of all major illnesses are attributed to stress! It is quite obvious -- stress is NOT good for us, and we are wise to get rid of as much of it as possible.
So how do you do that? First, do you know what things in your life are causing you stress? Think about it and write down those things. Next, go through your list and write possible solutions and ways to ease stress for each of those stress causers. Then, make a plan to do those things. That plan may look like a daily reminder that you read, post-it notes on your computer or a daily quiet time of prayer.
For those stress items that we cannot remove from our lives and for the unexpected stress that creeps into our lives, try these tips:
When you feel tense or stress, stop what you are doing, close your eyes and take several deep breaths. Inhale slowly counting to 10 and exhale slowly counting to 10. Try to do this at least three times. You may need to do this several times a day.
Start an exercise program. You may be amazed how much stress is relieved when you exercise. The endorphins that are released can reduce your stress, improve your mood and give you an energy boost.
Play relaxing music or soothing sounds that calm and relax you.
Plan a day off or at least plan some time just for yourself and do whatever is relaxing to you: sleep in, lay in a hammock, have coffee with a friend, take a bubble bath, have a glass of champagne, go for a hike, get a manicure or read a book.
Count your blessings. Record things you are happy and thankful about. Read them daily and add to your list as you recognize new blessings and things to be thankful for. The goal is to have a longer #147;thankful#148; list than #147;stress#148; list. Focus on the positive and remind yourself of the positive things in your life often.
Simplify your life. Are there unnecessary things in your life that you could remove? Are you over-extended or over-committed? Are their things in your life that you can outsource to simplify your life? Are your children in more than one extra-curricular activity? Is that adding more stress than is worth it?
Find more joy. Are their things that can truly add joy to your life? What are they? Are you focusing too much on work or negative things in your life? Are you taking time to stop and enjoy your life, your family, and your children?
Make today the day for new beginnings and for removing as much stress from your life as possible. Find joy. Make joy.
Lesley Spencer is founder and president of the HBWM.com, Inc. Network which includes:
http://www.HomeBasedWorkingMoms.com
,
http://www.WorkAtHomeKit.com
,
http://www.edirectoryofhomebasedcareers.com
,
http://www.momsworkathomesite.com
,
http://www.HBWMconferences.com
,
http://www.HBWMcanada.com
and
http://www.HireMyMom.com
(coming soon!). She has a Master's Degree in Public Relations and has been featured in numerous media outlets including CBS News, Forbes, Business Week, Parents, Wall Street Journal and USA Today. She has been working from home for over 10 years and has two children whom she absolutely adores! Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:09Z
Teaching Tips on Reading Skills for Kids
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Teaching-Tips-on-Reading-Skills-for-Kids
-
- /8689.html
2010-05-07T09:04:07Z
2010-05-07T09:04:07Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Teaching Tips on Reading Skills for Kids
By Jodie Lynn
www.ParentToParent.com
Getting kids to learn how to enjoy reading, can be quite stressful and frustrating for a parent. Here are some tips to utilize that seem to work well for those reluctant readers.
Get your child a library card. As soon as he is old enough, let him get his own card. It is very exciting for kids to have their own card and make their own choices in reading material.
Don't frown on his choice of books or reading material. Let your child make the choice on what to read. It might not be the book you would have picked out. In fact, it might even be a comic book, the back of a cereal box or a bubble gum wrapper. As long as your child picks up something and begins to read, it doesn't really matter.
Let your kids see you reading. Laugh aloud and show them what it is that you are laughing about. Open the book to that specific page or picture and point to the words and read them to your child. Say, "Books can really be funny!"
Set aside time for reading together. In the beginning, it might only be three times a week, then every other day and eventually move forward to each day. It almost always works best if you will take turns reading.
Ask questions about what he just read. Don't do this with every page. Children know exactly what you are trying to do. Indeed, it works much better if you make a statement like, "Wait -- I don't understand why Jordan did not like the large red truck -- do you?"
Encourage reading material on things he likes best. If your child loves Fairy Tales, shoot for that topic to begin. Alternatively, let them choose a wide variety of mixed topics, some of which you might was to roll your eyes -- but just stay calm and smile.
Be Flexible: If you have a reading time scheduled and he just does not want to do it, go with the flow. It's important to show your child that reading is fun and is not a chore, test or quiz. You can always catch up later.
Tape the session. Nothing is funnier as taping a reading session. Parents can get much farther with kids if they will let down their guard every once in a while and act silly. Play back the tape and your child will hear themselves reading and then hear your part where you acted silly. Maybe by changing your voice.
Share personal stories. When reading with your child, point out a similar instance in real life. For example, if a character in the book falls down and drops a glass of milk, you could say, "That happened to me when I was seven." Or, "That's just like the time when you fell down after tripping over the dog...remember."
Read everything aloud. If you will read signs, instructions, even the weather forecast off the TV and etc., aloud, your child will hear words and make a connection. He will see and hear how words are powerful, fun and descriptive while building his vocabulary and enjoyment for reading.
Remember, don#146;t punish your child if they are not catching on to the joy of reading as quickly as you would like for them to -- it#146;ll all work out as long as you stay calm.
copy; 2005 Jodie Lynn
Jodie Lynn is an award-winning internationally syndicated family/health columnist and radio personality. Parent to Parent (http://www.ParentToParent.com) is now going into its tenth year and appears in newspapers, magazines, newsletters and throughout the Internet. Lynn has a regular family segment on radio programs. She has written two books and contributed to two others, one of which was on Oprah and has appeared on NBC in a three month parenting segment. Her latest best-selling parenting/family book is
Mommy CEO, revised edition
. Preorder Lynn's new book, "Mom CEO: Avoiding the Distressed Housewife Syndrome and Winning at Motherhood," online or from any bookstore in early 2006. See
www.ParentToParent.com
for more details. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:07Z
School Has Started, Yeah!!! Help with those hundreds of lunches ahead!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/School-Has-Started,-Yeah!!!-Help-with-those-hundreds-of-lunches-ahead!
-
- /8690.html
2010-05-07T09:04:04Z
2010-05-07T09:04:04Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>School Has Started, Yeah!!!
Help with those hundreds of lunches ahead!
Jill Cooper
www.LivingOnADime.com
It#146;s that wonderful time of year that lightens your heart and fills your soul with peace tranquility. No, I#146;m not talking about Christmas! I#146;m talking about school starting!! Yes! Yes! Yes! It#146;s a bitter sweet time for most moms. Bitter because you#146;re back to hectic mornings, finding everyone#146;s books and papers and trying to get them out of the door on time... because you now have 180 lunches to make over the next 9 months if you have 1 child and 720 if you have 4 -- But hey, who#146;s counting? It is sweet because the peaceful quietness that penetrates the house is like gentle music to your ears and you can take a lovely relaxing bubble bath without what sounds like the whole US army trying to break down the bathroom door. Well, now that I think about it, I#146;ve not known many moms that had the luxury of a bubble bath in the middle of the day but I can dream can#146;t I? I can#146;t help you find time for that bubble bath but maybe I can help you with those 720 lunches. Here are a few lunch and snack ideas from Dining On A Dime Cookbook: Eat Better Spend Less that will satisfy even the pickiest of eaters.
To keep drinks cold in lunch boxes, pour a small amount in the bottom of the container (not glass) and then set the cap loosely on top. Put it in the freezer overnight. The next day fill with the rest of the drink. The ice should slowly melt all day long, keeping the beverage cool.
Have the kids pre-package chips and cookies in bags on the weekends. Store in a basket. Grab one out as needed for lunches.
Make a large batch of puddings and gelatins on the weekends. Pour into individual containers and refrigerate.
Save the catsup and mustard packets and napkins you don#146;t use from the fast food restaurants. Use them in lunch boxes.
Puddings - sprinkle with marshmallows, coconut, nuts, chocolate chips, butterscotch chips or peanut butter chips (for chocolate pudding) or berries (in vanilla pudding)
Banana, pumpkin or zucchini bread
Tuna, egg or chicken salad sandwich
Tuna salad and crackers
Sandwiches made from last night#146;s dinner meat (ie. roast beef, chicken ,turkey)
Pickles
Ants on a log-celery with peanut butter inside and raisins on the peanut butter
Hot dogs
Canned fruit
Carrot sticks, celery sticks or radishes with Ranch dressing
Homemade granola bars or cookies.
Granola Bars
1 cup brown sugar
frac14; cup sugar
frac12; cup butter or margarine, softened
2 Tbsp. honey
frac12; tsp. vanilla
1 egg
1 cup flour
1 tsp. cinnamon
frac12; tsp. baking soda
frac14; tsp. salt
1 frac12; cups rolled oats
1 frac14; cups crispy rice cereal
frac12; cup wheat germ (optional)
1 cup chocolate chips*
In a large bowl, cream sugars and butter until fluffy. Add honey, vanilla and egg. Mix well. Blend in flour, cinnamon, baking soda and salt. Stir in remaining ingredients. Press firmly into the bottom of a greased 9x13 pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes.
To microwave:
Press ingredients into a microwave safe dish. Microwave on medium power for 7-9 minutes. Rotate dish every three minutes. Bars will firm as they stand. Cool and cut into bars. Save the crumbs for yogurt or ice cream topping. Makes 24 bars
*The following may be used in addition to or to replace chocolate chips
1 cup coconut
frac12; cup creamy or chunky peanut butter
frac12; cup nuts
frac12;-1 cup raisins, dried apples, apricots
frac12; cup fruit preserves
Apple Oatmeal Bars
1 cup oatmeal
frac12; tsp. salt
frac12; cup butter
1 cup flour
frac12; tsp. cinnamon
2 frac12; cups apples, chopped or frac34; cup apple butter (omit cinnamon)
frac12; cup sugar
Combine the first five ingredients, and pat half into an 8x8 inch pan. Layer apples and sugar. Crumble remaining mixture on top. Bake 35 minutes at 350 degrees.
Tawra Kellam is the author of Dining On A Dime Cookbook: Eat Better Spend Less (formerly Not Just Beans) with over 1200 recipes and tips. For more free tips and recipes visit her web site at
www.LivingOnADime.com
. In 5 years, Tawra and her husband paid off $20,000 personal debt on an average income of $22,000 per year. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:04Z
Todays Family Man - "Night of the Shrinking Bed"
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Todays-Family-Man---Night-of-the-Shrinking-Bed
-
- /8691.html
2010-05-07T09:04:01Z
2010-05-07T09:04:01Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Today#146;s Family Man
#147;Night of the Shrinking Bed#148;
By Gregory Keer
On a cold night last year, my wife and I endured a fifth straight evening of multiple wake-ups from our newborn. After two feedings, three walks around the house, and four false-alarm cries, Wendy and I trembled with exhaustion. This was compounded by the stress of having just moved to a new home, my starting a teaching gig, and our older sons kicking off a new school year.
Finally, sleep came and, when it did, I went down hard.
That was until I felt a #147;presence#148; hovering over me. Dog-tired, I kept snoring. Then I heard a faint wheezing. The wheezing turned to heavy breathing, which got louder and louder. High-pitched moaning pierced my eardrums and my eyes snapped open.
A dark shape stood next to me, holding what looked like an axe!
I screamed. #147;Ahhhhhh!!!!.#148;
My wife jumped up and shrieked, #147;Where#146;s the baby?#148;
The figure screamed back. #147;Dadddeee!!!#148;
Bolting upright, I recognized the shape as my son, Benjamin. The axe I imagined was his tattered blanket.
My son burst into tears and fell across me in the aftermath of what had been a twisted recreation of the movie scene in which Drew Barrymore sees E.T. for the first time. In this case, I was Drew Barrymore.
#147;What were you doing standing over me like that?#148; I said breathlessly.
#147;I #150; just #150; wanted #150; to #150; cuddle,#148; Benjamin blurted between sobs.
And there it was. The dramatic comeuppance for two parents who had long struggled with the issue of a family bed.
Before my wife and I had children, we swore we'd never let our kids sleep with us. We judged others who let their kids in the bed, thinking that kind of arrangement could only create intimacy problems for the couple and therapy sessions for the children.
Sometime later, we found ourselves changing our tune. It began when Benjamin, then almost three and new to a #147;big boy#148; bed without rails, started sneaking into our room in the middle of the night. Due to fatigue and the sheer joy of cuddling, we let him snuggle with us for a few hours each night. This went on for a couple of years until Jacob got old enough to leave the crib and want his own time in Mommy and Daddy#146;s bed.
So we started a campaign to keep the kids on their own mattresses. We told them that they could crawl in with us in the morning, when it was light outside. Jacob, always a deeper sleeper, was easier to keep to the new rule. But we had to experiment with all kinds of tricks to keep Benjamin in his room. Over time, we tried clocks, a sleeping bag on our bedroom floor, extra stuffed animals, a special pillow, and just plain begging with intermittent success.
Then, there was the previously mentioned night of all that wheezing and screaming.
After we all calmed down, I escorted Benjamin to his bed, reminding him of the house rules. A little later, he returned. I got crankier and he went away wailing again. This back-and-forth occurred every 10 minutes, as he tried to gain our sympathy and we used every tactic from yelling to listing all the playdates he was going to lose.
Then, my son Jacob joined the fray, shouting out like a lost child that his pull-up needed to be changed. Jacob fell back asleep but he was replaced by the dog that scratched at the door to go outside and the cat that upchucked a fur ball on the bed. All the while, my wife and I bickered about how to handle the whole mess.
I pleaded with our first-born. I even cried when he cried, asking for mercy on his exhausted father who had to wake up to teach cranky high-school sophomores in the morning.
Finally, with Benjamin as worn out as I was, I found clarity #150; kind of like a Bugs Bunny horror spoof in which the rabbit realizes the way to stop the monster is by complimenting him (#147;Gee, Doc, you got really big muscles.#148;) So, I appealed to Benjamin#146;s desire to feel like the big boy he was.
"You graduated from kindergarten and now you're a first grader,#148; I explained. #147;It's time to graduate to sleeping the whole night on your own. You can do this." I then promised him a reward chart that would track how many nights he could stay in his bed.
Things have been much better ever since. Benjamin still crawls into bed with us at 6am or so, but he's proud of himself. He#146;s graduated to sleeping on his own and we have our bed back. Now, if we could only get our baby to stop kicking his crib like a T-Rex three times a night, we could actually get some sleep.
copy; 2005 Gregory Keer. All rights reserved.
Gregory Keer is a syndicated columnist, educator, and on-air expert on fatherhood. His Family ManTM column appears in publications across the country, including L.A. Parent, Boston Parents' Paper, Metro Augusta Parent, and Sydney's Child in Australia. Keer's parenting advice is found at his online magazine,
www.familymanonline.com
, which is the #1 ranked site for fathers, according to Amazon#146;s Alexa ratings. In addition to writing for
Parenting
magazine and the Parents' Choice Foundation, Keer contributes to
USA Today, Pregnancy
magazine, DrLaura.com, ParentingBookmark.com, Pregnancy.org, and CanadianParents.com. Keer is also a featured guest expert on television and radio and advisor to the Cartoon Network. He and his wife are the proud parents of three sons. Keer can be reached at his Web site,
www.familymanonline.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:04:01Z
Seven Ways to Protect Your Family from Internet Dangers
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Seven-Ways-to-Protect-Your-Family-from-Internet-Dangers
-
- /8692.html
2010-05-07T09:03:58Z
2010-05-07T09:03:58Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Seven Ways to Protect Your Family from Internet Dangers
By Steve Cross
It#146;s the Wild West on the Internet, and as a parent you are responsible for keeping your kids safe #147;out there,#148; Even though #147;out there#148; may be two feet away from your kitchen while you are preparing dinner. Scammers, sexual predators, cyber bullies, and every type of hack are lurking on the Internet, in a very real and aggressive sense.
If you are the parent of a girl, you probably think about what name she is using in chat rooms and for instant messaging (IM), and you are wise to be concerned. How can you protect your daughter if you are unaware what web sites she visits, what chat rooms, who she chats with, and the true identities of her online #147;friends?#148;
If your teenager is a boy; what is he downloading? Are you going to be liable for illegal music downloads? Is he downloading porn, and the viruses that ride along? What sites does he visit, what does he look at there? It#146;s a parents right to know these things, and a parent#146;s responsibility if, heaven forbid, something goes terribly wrong.
Boys are aggressive downloaders, according to studies and many of the most popular sites for illegal downloads of music and movies are infested with viruses, worms, and Trojan Horses (hacker software that sneaks in and lets the hackers use your machine later!). Many of these programs will seek out your personal data and then transmit it to the hackers. Whether it is just the theft of your credit card information or full fledged Identity Theft, you would be very wise to be alarmed by this possibility.
Did you know that recent studies show that teenage girls spend even more time on the internet than boys? That#146;s interesting and alarming news, as teenage girls are more likely to be cyber bullied, or sexually harassed online than boys.
Dr. Michele Borba, internationally renowned educational consultant and author of 20 books, wrote #147;There are some specific ways to protect kids from bullying both in cyberspace and on the playground. Parents today need a closer #147;electronic leash#148; on their kids and need to be more tuned into the cyberspace trend. This isn't about being controlling--this is good parenting.#148;
To extend her point, the monitoring of your children#146;s activities on the internet is not about control, or infringing upon their privacy, it#146;s about protecting your children from very real threats.
Some internet service providers (like AOL and MSN) have built in parental controls to #147;block out#148; certain types of web sites. However, none of these parental controls are foolproof, which means your kids are on the loose much of the time#151;and if you are a typical family, your kids probably know more about computers than you.
You can#146;t look over their shoulder at all times, but you can do a number of very smart things. Here are seven ways to keep your kids safe when they use the Internet.
Talk to them about the dangers of unrestricted use of the internet. Inform them about keeping passwords really secret, never sharing a credit card number with anyone, even their best friend. And please talk with them about cyber bullying, whether they are on the receiving end, or the giving end.
If they are on the giving end of cyber bullying, you must take away their privileges immediately. You have liability here, both ethical and legal.
If they are illegally downloading music and movies, make them stop. If the studios or record companies come after them, as their parent you have the legal responsibility of paying the fines.
Talk to them about stalkers and predators on the internet that use false identities, and urge them to be careful in chat rooms.
Use the parental controls that come with your internet service.
Take the computer out of their rooms and place it in a common area in the house. Your kids are much less likely to do something inappropriate or dangerous if other people are around.
Look into Internet Monitoring Software
Steve Cross, author of the book "Changing Channels", is a former columnist for Newman Media, Channel Media, and the Gartner Group. Steve is a contributor to various jazz publications. Currently, Steve serves as the Steve is president of Guardian Software.
http://www.guardiansoftware.com/monitor-pro.html
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:58Z
The Basics of Introducing Solid Foods
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Basics-of-Introducing-Solid-Foods
-
- /8693.html
2010-05-07T09:03:56Z
2010-05-07T09:03:56Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:56Z
Dont Give Up -- Try Our Two Secrets to Success At Home: Creativity & Persistence
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Dont-Give-Up----Try-Our-Two-Secrets-to-Success-At-Home:-Creativity--Persistence
-
- /8694.html
2010-05-07T09:03:54Z
2010-05-07T09:03:54Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Don#146;t Give Up -- Try Our Two Secrets to Success At Home
Creativity Persistence
By: Jill Hart
Working from home can be a very rewarding decision. There are so many benefits including freedom to create your own schedule, choosing the type of business that you want to represent, and being able to raise your children yourself. However, running a business can also become a very stressful situation. It takes time to build a successful business and many entrepreneurs become discouraged if they don#146;t achieve immediate results. Often times they give up too soon and regret it later. This doesn#146;t have to happen to you. Let us share with you what we found to be two top secrets to help you achieve success at home.
One important thing that many work-at-home moms do not recognize is that it can take six months to a year at minimum for your business to be successful financially. If you are aware of this going into the business and have planned accordingly, then you are already one step ahead of the game and won#146;t become unnecessarily discouraged.
Also, be aware that the time frame it takes to start a business will vary depending on the type of business that you are starting. For example, for those that are starting in direct sales, you may be able to jump in, hold some home parties, and see an income right away. In this case, then you just need to focus on maintaining this income to keep it successful.
However, if you are starting an Internet business selling your own products or services, it may take much longer to see the fruits of your labor. For some, it can take a year or even two to create a #147;presence#148; online and for people to recognize and seek out your products. You will find that the benefits are well worth the time and effort in the end, but it can be discouraging waiting to see a profit.
So, how does a person make it in the work-at-home world? I think the two most important aspects of running your own business from home are creativity and persistence.
Creativity#151;Be creative in how you market your products and/or services. Start by thinking of ways that you can reach customers that will make you stand out from others who offer similar types of products. Design contests, free offers and other types of marketing strategies that will bring customers to your website. Then, try to determine what your customers are looking for once they reach your website and offer the most popular products on your front page. Keep in mind that it#146;s important to keep your website fresh so consider changing the items or text on your website#146;s front page often. This will continue to pique the interest of your customers each time they visit and encourage them to come back.
Persistence#151;This is key when you are running a business from home. Don#146;t start out strong marketing yourself in every way possible and then simply stop marketing because you haven#146;t seen many sales. Most profitable businesses must continually be marketing their services to keep it successful. Try to think of a successful business that does no advertising. Can they just sit back and let the sales roll in from their website? Not really. It just doesn#146;t work that way. EVERY business must continue to advertise in some way to stay successful. For example, we found at Christian Work At Home Moms (
CWHAM.com
) that those that achieve the most success are the consistent advertisers, the ones who advertise regularly and keep their businesses, banners, and other promotions in front of their potential clients.
This does not mean that you must spend hundreds of dollars a month to advertise your home-based business. What it does mean is that you must be persistent in the advertising that you choose to do. Budget your advertising dollars in a way that you can do a small amount consistently. Get involved in groups online and ask advice from other successful moms. Whatever you do, don#146;t stop talking about your business!
And most importantly, don#146;t give up. Success IS possible. Take the time to be creative in how you are marketing your business. Be persistent and don#146;t expect profits immediately. Set realistic goals for your business and be patient while your business grows into something you can be proud of. Soon you#146;ll be among the millions of work-at-home moms who are enjoying it all: Being home with the kids, financial freedom, and the pride of having their own home-based business.
Jill Hart is the author of the e-book,
2 Weeks Devotional Journey for Christian Work at Home Moms
, and the founder and editor of Christian Work at Home Moms
CWHAM.com
. This site is dedicated to providing work at home moms with opportunities to promote their businesses while at the same time providing them spiritual encouragement and articles. E-mail Jill at
jill@cwahm.com
for additional information or stop by her site at
CWHAM.com
.
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. This article is free to reprint if the Author#146;s Bio remains in tact. For additional articles, please contact Jill Hart.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:54Z
Hey Mom, there are lumps in my food!: Introducing Food Textures
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Hey-Mom,-there-are-lumps-in-my-food!:--Introducing-Food-Textures
-
- /8695.html
2010-05-07T09:03:52Z
2010-05-07T09:03:52Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>#147;Hey Mom, there are lumps in my food!#148;:
Introducing Food Textures
By Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers
Lumpier and chewier foods help develop your baby#146;s oral (mouth) skills and build muscle tone. This is an important developmental step for your baby as better oral skills can influence how well your baby eats, speaks and makes facial expressions.
When your baby is eight to nine months old, you can begin introducing different textures into her food. You can begin with tiny, soft, unnoticeable lumps in your baby#146;s foods. At first, she may selectively spit out these lumps, but in time, she will master the ability to control these little lumps in her mouth and swallow them. Slowly, you can move on to introducing mashed, ground or chopped table foods. To introduce textures simply mix some textured foods into your baby#146;s smooth, pureed baby food.
Examples of foods that can be mixed with baby food to add texture include:
fork-mashed banana
mashed avocado
mashed tofu
puffed rice
iron-fortified baby cereal
oatmeal
cooked rice
fork-mashed baked potato (no skin)
fork-mashed baked sweet potato, butternut or acorn squash
cooked pastina (or very small, mashed pieces of pasta)
melted cheese (stirred into food and allowed to cool before serving)
Continue to feed your baby softly, pureed baby foods for most of the meal, and transition to more textures over a six- to eight-month period. All children develop at a different pace, and many children are very sensitive to textures. If your baby is having a tough time, just take it slowly, and discuss the behavior with your child#146;s healthcare provider.
To smooth the way for introducing textures, here are few tips that will help you out:
Always feed your baby in a #147;seated position.#148;
Don#146;t be in a rush. Introduce new food textures one at a time and slowly add different ones.
Start with foods your baby likes.
Introduce new textures with other #147;smooth#148; baby foods that you know your baby will eat.
Alternate new textures with familiar ones, this may help keep your baby interested.
Apple Carrot Casserole
2 tablespoons fresh apple puree (or baby food)
2 tablespoons fresh carrot puree (or baby food)
1 tablespoon cooked pastina or finely chopped spaghetti
Directions:
Mix all ingredients together. Warm slightly (optional) and serve. Makes one serving.
Fruity Breakfast Cereal
2 tablespoons rice baby cereal
2 tablespoons peach puree (or baby food)
2 tablespoons pear puree (or baby food)
1 tablespoon fork mashed cooked rice
2-3 tablespoons of breast milk or formula
Directions:
Mix all ingredients together. Warm slightly (optional) and serve. Makes one serving.
About the authors: Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers are sisters, the mothers of five children, and founders of Fresh Baby (
www.FreshBaby.com
). Raised by parents who love fresh foods and entertaining, their mom, a gourmet cook, ensured that they were well-equipped with extraordinary skills in the kitchen. Both with long track records of business success, they decided to combine their skills in the kitchen with their knowledge of healthy foods and children to create Fresh Baby. Cheryl and Joan put a modern twist on the conventional wisdom that when you make it yourself, you know it#146;s better. Their goal at Fresh Baby is to make the task of raising a healthy eater a little bit easier for all parents. Fresh Baby#146;s breastfeeding accessories and baby food making supplies provide parents with practical knowledge and innovative tools to support them in introducing their children to great tasting, all-natural foods #150; easily and conveniently. Visit them online at
www.FreshBaby.com
and subscribe to their Fresh Ideas newsletter to get monthly ideas, tips and activities for developing your family's healthy eating habits! Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:52Z
Helping Your Child Fit into the New Social Scene
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Helping-Your-Child-Fit-into-the-New-Social-Scene
-
- /8696.html
2010-05-07T09:03:50Z
2010-05-07T09:03:50Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:50Z
Got Substance With Your Child?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Got-Substance-With-Your-Child
-
- /8697.html
2010-05-07T09:03:50Z
2010-05-07T09:03:50Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Got Substance#133; With Your Child?
by Lesley Spencer, MSc; Founder President HBWM.com Inc.
http://www.HomeBasedWorkingMoms.com
How would your child answer the question, #147;Who knows you better -- us or your friends?"
We hope our children answer us, but would they?
What about those deep conversations with your son or daughter that truly allow you into their world. Do you know the last time they cried or why they cried? Do they come to you with celebrations or things they are excited about? Or do they go to their friends? Where would they go in a crisis? Do they consider you a safe place to come if they needed help or guidance in their life? What about just to share a unique joy or something fun that happened during their day? Who would be the first person they would tell?
If your kids would not come to you, perhaps now is the time to make that an appealing and natural option for them. What are some ways you can enter into your child's life and really become part of their world?
Here are a few suggestions. The idea is to spend time with our children strengthening our relationship and opening the lines of communication with them.
Parent / Child Date Night - This could be dinner out or simply asking your child what he or she would most want to do with you on your special night out. If possible, treat each child to his or her own date night with mom or dad.
Boy#146;s / Girl#146;s Weekend Away #150; This could be an inexpensive camping trip or a hotel getaway for just the boys or just the girls.
Family Game Night #150; A great way to get the family laughing and having fun. Interacting as a family strengthens your bond and opens the lines of communication.
Dinner Time #150; Make it a point to eat dinner together every night if possible. Start a tradition of discussing the best thing that happened that day or what you are most thankful for that day #150; anything to get a positive conversation going with your family.
Ice Cream Fun #150; Make your own or go out for ice cream and enjoy discussing events and people in your kid#146;s lives. Ask about their day. What was fun or what was hard about their day.
Girl#146;s Manicure or Pedicure Fun #150; Most girls enjoy pampering so mom and daughters get out some nail polish and have some fun or head to a salon and get pampered.
Boys and Balls. Get out the football, baseball or basketball and use this time to engage your son and enter into his world through the love of sports (or whatever hobby he or she may have).
Mission Trips #150; My 10-year-old daughter and I participated in a mission trip to Mexico this year. It was a great bonding experience and a great way to more fully appreciate the many blessings in our lives. (You can learn about available mission trips by searching the Internet.)
Family Camp #150; Probably the most powerful bonding experience I have had with my kids is family camp. This is our fourth year to go to family camp and it is the most anticipated and enjoyed event of the year for my kids. The camp we go to well balanced with focused time with God and Bible lessons, family time, couple or individual time and group fellowship time. There is no shortage of fun, adventure and relaxation. I can think of no better experience for families than to spend a week growing spiritually and bonding as a family.
Lesley Spencer is founder and president of the HBWM.com, Inc. Network whichincludes:
http://www.HomeBasedWorkingMoms.com
,
http://www.WorkAtHomeKit.com
,
http://www.edirectoryofhomebasedcareers.com
,
http://www.momsworkathomesite.com
,
http://www.HBWMconferences.com
,
http://www.HBWMcanada.com
and
http://www.HireMyMom.com
(coming soon!). She has a Master's Degree in Public Relations and has been featured in numerous media outlets including CBS News, Forbes, Business Week, Parents, Wall Street Journal and USA Today. She has been working from home for over 10 years and has two children whom she absolutely adores! Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:50Z
Character First; Designer Jeans Last
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Character-First;-Designer-Jeans-Last
-
- /8698.html
2010-05-07T09:03:48Z
2010-05-07T09:03:48Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Character First; Designer Jeans Last
By Anne Leedom
Kids today are very fortunate. They have so many activities to choose from compared to what was available thirty years ago. However, parents might be cautioned to take a moment and decide#133;.is it really in your child#146;s best interest that she take on the next round of activities? Does your child need the expensive items? Do you really have your child#146;s best interest at heart? Let#146;s take a look at what the experts say.
Research is very clear on this one. Kids who are taught the virtues of empathy, compassion and self-control#133;those are the kids that succeed. They succeed in relationships, academically, and financially. So, next time you are thinking of what to nurture in your child, think character first. These guidelines can help your child get the most of their activities without compromising the most important goals parents have#133;.teaching their kids to do the right thing.
Set limitations in your household. It#146;s all too common to hear what other kids have or get to do. However, we each need to decide in our own homes what is appropriate and best and then stick to it.
Have your children earn their own spending money. They will scale down their wish list to affordable quantities and bargains. Children will reason: #147;I can#146;t afford this, but I can afford that#133;#148; Life is about learning to make wise choices.
Fill Kids Up From the Inside Out. Your children may be telling you that they feel empty inside, that they need artificial stimulation because they are hungry#151;hungry for you, the strong family unit. Talk to them more. Do activities together (not shopping). Make sure to have a family dinner hour to listen to them- try to listen more and only speak unless asked to. The best gift is yourself and your time.
Do volunteer work with your children. Let them see the internal side of life, not merely the external, and how they can make a positive contribution
Exercise with your children. Exercising will help children get rid of stress, raise their endorphins and make them happier.
Encourage creative expression. This can be through writing, painting, music, sculpting, carving, cooking, etc. Original thinking will encourage children to become nonconformists, take the road less traveled by and therefore not need the validation of looking like everyone else. Fashion and materialism are expressions of personal style; encourage your children to develop their individual style.
I will be the first to say that money is a nice thing to have. It#146;s a wonderful thing to provide well for your kids and enjoy the perks of life if you can. Just remember to incorporate a steady and consistent dose of gratitude and self-control, or the benefits you many be trying to give your child can actually come back to haunt them#133;and you.
Anne Leedom is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of
www.parentingbookmark.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:48Z
Discipline, not Punishment
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Discipline,-not-Punishment
-
- /8699.html
2010-05-07T09:03:46Z
2010-05-07T09:03:46Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Discipline, not Punishment
By Anne Leedom
It#146;s kind of tragic that just as we master the baby and toddler years we are thrown a whole new set of curves. Our kids grow and develop new and not always desirable behaviors and we now have to learn how to cope once again.
So I set out to construct the perfect plan and I am proud to say it has stood the test, at least for now. Behavior battles seem to be at a minimum in our home. Based on information from a variety of experts, I have put into motion a strategy that should provide long term relief and a much happier and harmonious day.
The Set Up
Let#146;s face it. We just push our kids too far. We stray from the routine to the point where even the most accommodating child will break. It could be preventing them from getting their rest, letting them get too hungry, asking them to be overly patient while we do our errands, chores or work, or providing so much fun and stimulation that they simply go on overload. This is a critical element to watch, or you will have the perfect situation for the ultimate tantrum.
Watch the Barometer
Without warning kids can suddenly hit their limits and patience begins to wane rapidly. Too often parents try to dictate in this moment how they want their child to behave. Unfortunately, the barometer is rising and our wishes will almost certainly fall on deaf and increasingly angry ears. As soon as you notice the struggle, begin to take the child aside to a quiet location and try to reason with them. For example, #147;I don#146;t want to take a bath#148; can become a conversation about whether to take a bath or shower. In these crucial early moments, giving kids a small choice can go a long way toward preventing a potential meltdown.
Change the Course
Even the most prepared parent will encounter those horrid moments when kids are just going to wail. The key in this moment is to move past the moment as quickly and quietly as possible. Deciding to give them a bath in the morning instead of right at that moment or letting your child read in bed with the door closed for five more minutes will almost certainly restore harmony. Sure, you may not be able to expedite the plan you had in mind, but the goal is to work together. It#146;s not about giving your child control; it#146;s about giving your child
some
control.
Disciplining your child is a team effort
. You need to involve your child in the solution so they are more willing to cooperate. Parents who raise kids in this manner have kids who will cooperate more often than not. The battles are over before they begin and you will not be caught wondering what to do when those difficult moments arise.
Keep in Mind
No one reacts well to the word #147;no#148;. There are dozens of ways we can say no without over-using this word. Simply saying, #147;Gee, that#146;s a thought. I will think about that,#148; has a completely different sound to a child. Kids know when we mean no. But once again, they like to feel they are being considered in the process. A little tact is another key ingredient to raising kids with at least a few less tantrums.
Ultimately, these strategies give parents something we all long for. We want to feel like we can actually overcome the battles and feel like we have won, but not at the expense of our kids#146; love and respect. Discipline that empowers the parent and the child is a winning formula for the long haul.
Anne Leedom is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of
www.parentingbookmark.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:46Z
Spoiling Children: The Eight Myths
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Spoiling-Children:-The-Eight-Myths
-
- /8700.html
2010-05-07T09:03:43Z
2010-05-07T09:03:43Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Spoiling Children: The Eight Myths
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
Myth #1
You will spoil your baby if you handle her too much. You should let her cry sometimes.
Reality: You can not spoil a baby. Babies need to be touched, squeezed, coddled, and held. Babies cry because they are hungry, sick, wet, messy, or desire attention. Pick up your baby and hold her. Do it as often as you like.
Myth #2
Kids should not grow up believing they can have anything they want.
Reality: It is desirable and an example of effective parenting to teach children they can have anything they want. They may have to work for it though. And they may not get it at this moment.
When you are shopping and your child asks, #147;Can I have one of those?#148; respond with, #147;Sure, how are you going to pay for it?#148; or #147;What are you willing to do to get it?#148; Ask, #147;How much money do you have?#146; or #147;#148;Do you have a plan for getting it?#148;
Our job as parents is to help our children learn they can have whatever they want if they are willing to work for it. During the process of figuring out how to get whatever it is they desire, they may learn about problem-solving, planning, setting priorities, and goal achievement. They may even come to see themselves as being able to create what they want in their own lives. That is about as far from being spoiled as you can get. We call this phenomena self-responsibility.
Myth #3
Spoiled children exist.
Reality: There is no such thing as a spoiled child. Spoiled is an inference, a judgment that people make after noticing behaviors.
Are there children who act as if they are entitled? Yes. Are there children who whine until the parents cave in? Yes. Are there children who pout if they don#146;t get their way? Yes. Are there children who seem unappreciative of small gifts? Yes. Does that make them spoiled? NO. It makes them children who have learned or are trying out new behaviors in an attempt to get what they want.
Children who do the behaviors in the paragraph above are not spoiled. They are children who are choosing inappropriate behaviors, behaviors that need to be redirected, that need to be replaced with other choices. These are children that need to be taught more effective ways of interacting, of asking for what they want, of expressing their feelings.
Myth #4:
Spoiled is a good descriptor of some children.
Reality: Spoiled is never an accurate descriptor of children. Spoiled does not describe a behavior. It judges it.
Do not label children as spoiled. Not aloud, nor in your head. When you label children as spoiled you tend to believe they are spoiled. When you believe they are spoiled you are more likely to notice anything they do that could be interpreted as spoiled. When you see things that can be interpreted as spoiled you prove your belief to yourself that the child is indeed spoiled. Your belief then becomes entrenched and you eventually communicate your belief to your child and she begins to see herself as spoiled.
Myth #5
It#146;s important to tell children when they are acting spoiled and call them on it.
Reality: Labeling children spoiled or telling they are acting spoiled in never a good parenting move. When you call a child spoiled what he likely hears is not #147;spoiled.#148; He is more likely to hear #147;spoiled rotten.#148; Do you want your child thinking of himself as spoiled rotten?
When you notice yourself thinking a child is spoiled, ask yourself, #147;What is the behavior he is doing that I am judging as spoiled?#148; Then communicate a description of that behavior along with any other helpful information you need to share. #147;Jenny, I see you sitting with your head down and a frown on your face. Would you like to tell me about that?#148; #147;Chico, that sounds like whining. Whining doesn#146;t work with me. Your best hope of getting what you want is to tell me in a normal voice and explain what you are willing to do to help get it.#148; #147;Roland, I noticed you paid little attention to grandma#146;s gift and shared no words of appreciation. Is there some way you could honor her giving even if you didn#146;t like the gift?#148;
Myth #6:
Children who have an abundance of material things are likely to be spoiled.
Not true.
A friend of ours recently bought a horse for his two young boys. A close friend of his, hearing of the purchase said, #147;There you go again spoiling your children.#148;
Is it spoiling the children if they contribute to the purchase price, clean stalls, and play a role in feeding and grooming the horse? Is it spoiling them if they learn lessons about safety around large animals, bond with another of God#146;s creatures, and learn about the self-discipline it takes to become an accomplished rider? Is it spoiling them if they connect with their father working side by side in the barn, sweating, laughing, and learning about each other?
Whether a child has a 10 speed bicycle, a horse, or a convertible is not an indication of whether or not she is spoiled. Look instead to how the material object was obtained, how it is used, and to the child#146;s attitude about it. That will give you more information about #147;spoiled#148; than the amount of material things she has.
Myth #7:
Spoiled children need to change
No, parents need to change. Parents need to change their attitudes about spoiled children and see instead a child who is attempting to satisfy his needs with an ineffective behavior. They need to change their own behaviors and be willing to take the time to teach new behaviors to their children. They need to be willing to confront, deal with conflict, and take the time to do solution-seeking.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of
The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose
. They also publish a FREE email newsletter for parents and another for educators. Subscribe to them when you visit,
www.chickmoorman.com
or
www.thomashaller.com
. Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are two of the world#146;s foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. For more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their websites today. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:43Z
Connecting with Your Kids: Loving Your Terrible, Terrific Toddler
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Connecting-with-Your-Kids:-Loving-Your-Terrible,-Terrific-Toddler
-
- /8701.html
2010-05-07T09:03:42Z
2010-05-07T09:03:42Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:42Z
Keeping Growing Kids Safe from Negative Influences
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Keeping-Growing-Kids-Safe-from-Negative-Influences
-
- /8702.html
2010-05-07T09:03:39Z
2010-05-07T09:03:39Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Keeping Growing Kids Safe from Negative Influences
By Anne Leedom
One thing all parents have in common is the awareness that kids grow up so fast. You really do blink and they have moved into another phase, another age and with it come a whole new set of attitudes, behaviors and potential dangers. I find it very comforting that I no longer have to worry about my babies succumbing to SIDS or choking. My house is no longer baby proofed. However, there is still a serious threat everyday of new and often more frightening dangers that threaten my kids. One of the most frightening aspects of these new dangers is that I won#146;t always be five feet away to protect them.
I have spent years researching the many ways to keep my kids safe and help guide them to know on their own how to do the right thing. Here the most important factors I have discovered to increase their chances of staying safe through their growing years.
Provide a sanctuary at home
Giving your kids a home where they feel comfortable is one of the most important things you can do to keep your kids safe. Let them know they can have their friends over. Know the kids your kids are hanging out with. Don#146;t worry about everything being perfect. One wise father I know puts together a wonderful party at his house for his kids during school dances. He gives his kids a place to come to with their friends where they can have a great time and not feel like they have to be in a place that might not be in their best interest.
Be a positive role model
One of the primary needs all human beings have is that of belonging. Give your kids a sense they are part of a family, whatever your family set up might be, that they feel proud of. Let them see you living a life you are happy and proud of. It#146;s a natural magnet. Kids really do want to be around their parents if their parents are happy and productive and excited about life. The best gift you can give your kids is to include them in a world where they feel blessed and life is good.
Keep communication lines open
One of my favorite times growing up was sitting in the kitchen talking with my mother while she made dinner. This didn#146;t happen every night, but it did provide a frequent and relaxed environment to discuss the day and what happened to both of us. The key element that kept communication flowing is that she shared things with me as much as she wanted me to share with her. It was a two way, respectful relationship where we both felt valued. This made it very easy to come to her with more difficult issues as they arose.
Make sure your kids feel treasured
There is a big difference between feeling loved and feeling treasured. When kids feel treasured and special they understand more deeply how much they hurt others by making poor decisions. Take a moment each day to write your child a note, put a flower in your daughter#146;s room, and spend some one on one time with them. Small, creative gestures build a special feeling in kids that they are truly valued. This not only builds self-esteem, but it also builds a sense of self-protectiveness in your child. When they feel connected to others who care about them, they are far less likely to place themselves in harms way. So ask yourself if your child FEELS loved, not just if you love your child.
Connect your child to the world
As kids grow they need to feel they are part of a bigger world than just their immediate family. Sheltering our kids too much sets them up for poor relationship choices. Involve them in outside groups and with other families YOU feel are in their best interest. By controlling initially where they spend their time outside of home, you will go a long way toward giving them healthy and safe alternatives.
Be constantly aware of changes in your child
The most attentive and involved parents may still find themselves facing challenges with their kids and the negative influences that confront kids everyday. One of the best tools to keep your kids safe is to be aware of changes in their behavior and or attitude that could signal that something is wrong. Signs of withdrawal or hostility and be normal as kids naturally become more independent. Be on the lookout for extremes or unusual and unexplained changes and be insistent on knowing what#146;s happening with your child. Don#146;t let them brush you off. By being consistent without being too invasive you can maintain a pulse for your child#146;s inner world and be a life saving device if needed.
Anne Leedom is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of
www.parentingbookmark.com
and a contributing editor to
www.tadpole.com
. She has been quoted in national print including Parents, Redbook and Nick Jr. Magazines and has been a guest on National Public Radio Affiliate WHWC on the show "Mental Health Today with Dr. Minette Ponick." Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:39Z
Worried about Toddlerhood? Dont. Just Let Them Play!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Worried-about-Toddlerhood-Dont.-Just-Let-Them-Play!
-
- /8703.html
2010-05-07T09:03:37Z
2010-05-07T09:03:37Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Worried about Toddlerhood? Don#146;t. Just Let Them Play!
By Jodie Lynn
www.ParentToParent.com
Just Let Them Play!
Parents can get pretty busy and our relationships with our kids, spouse and ourselves can be extremely strained leading to an unhappy mom. Our world is a whirlwind filled with schedules and constant deadlines. Make sure you are taking time out for a simple but important pleasure with your kids: PLAYING.
This doesn't mean you have to always entertain them, even have company over for them everyday, or even sign them up for every single activity possible to enrich their whole being of a
"perfect child."
Take a breather here and there to monitor their playtime and implement unscheduled time for them to just be a "kid" #133;for you to just be a mom and for good old dad to just be a "kid" -- er, a dad.
Playing With Others
If you are wondering if it#146;s OK for your child to be perfectly happy playing with play dough by herself, don#146;t fret. It#146;s not a big deal. In fact, it#146;s perfectly normal to stand back and watch others interact. Most toddlers aren#146;t into social behavior until the age of two or three. Check out this handy checklist and relax.
(Birth to age 15 months) - Repetition play helps the child to learn about her world. Dropping an object is one of the most common games. Even a six-month old will drop something and watch to see if someone will pick it up. If it does get picked up, it delivers pure delight when she gets to drop it over and over until someone stops picking it up. While it may drive many of us nuts, it is an excellent way to help the child gain control over her immediate environment while mastering a new skill.
(Age 15 months to 2 years) - Observing others but not participating is often referred to as the onlooker stage. This is common among all children. Playing by themselves is called solitary play. Here they just play by themselves. While older kids do this as well, it is not as popular as actually engaging in activities unless the child is reserved (which most parents refer to as being "shy.") Whether observing or playing, both help the child learn how to get along with others, building social skills while exposing them to language. Kids do not have to be a perfect little social butterfly -- and neither you nor your husband needs to feel stressed if they want to be alone.
(Ages 2 to 3 years) - Most older toddlers play side by side but are not really playing. This is called parallel play. There may not be any real interaction but it still provides a perfect chance to begin learning what belongs to whom...but mostly "mine." As they watch others and maybe dress up while pretending to pour and serve a drink, milk of course, they are experiencing their first taste to role-playing. All of this helps develop gross motor skills as well as some fine motor skills. So, relax, mom and dad, she will come around when ready.
(Ages 4 to 4 1/2 years) - This age group displays very unstructured organized play called associative play. An example of this would be when children are all sharing a box of action figures, but may all be playing different things with their own figures. Another example would be where children decide to play with a common aspiration in mind, like entertaining each other by singing a song for a pretend audience. The more interaction children have with other children, the better understood the rules of getting along would become. Playing with others teaches how to share, encourages language and the introduction of being fair. This age group can become quite creative and gain great self-esteem (especially if parents let go of the perfect child syndrome) and play right along the side of your bouncing rolling and free to be me kiddo.
(Age 5 and up) - Here is when things begin to turn into clear competition. While younger children often feel frustrated with rules of winning, the positive side is that games and rules offer the chance to build character and choose friends. As they grow older, they will enjoy being part of a group (some like large groups while others prefer small groups) which will help them become aware of different children and different ideas. This is especially a fun time for dad who often times acts like a big kid himself and children love it!
All in all, if your child is not into other kids, don#145;t push too hard. She will come around when she is ready. For now, give her the space she may need to become more independent while still being there when she needs you.
copy; 2007 Jodie Lynn
Jodie Lynn is an award-winning internationally syndicated family/health columnist and radio personality.
ParentToParent.com
is now going into its tenth year and appears in newspapers, magazines, newsletters and throughout the Internet. She is a regular contributor to many sites including eDiets.com and is the Mom to Mom Expert for BabyCenter.com. She has written two books and contributed to two others, one of which was on Oprah and has appeared on NBC in a three month parenting segment. Her latest best-selling parenting/family book is
Mommy CEO, revised edition
. Preorder Lynn's new book, "Mom CEO: Avoiding the Distressed Housewife Syndrome and Winning at Motherhood," online or from any bookstore. 2007 Permission granted for use by Dr. Laura.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:37Z
Parent Summertime Sanity Savers: Nine Simple Ways to Help the Kiddies Get Along, Curb their Bickering, Cut the Tattling <i>and</i> Still Have Fun at Your House
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Parent-Summertime-Sanity-Savers:-Nine-Simple-Ways-to-Help-the-Kiddies-Get-Along,-Curb-their-Bickering,-Cut-the-Tattling-iand/i-Still-Have-Fun-at-Your-House
-
- /8704.html
2010-05-07T09:03:34Z
2010-05-07T09:03:34Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Parent Summertime Sanity Savers: Nine Simple Ways to Help the Kiddies Get Along, Curb their Bickering, Cut the Tattling
and
Still Have Fun at Your House
Michele Borba, Ed.D.
Summer#146;s here and the neighborhood kids have chosen your home as the #147;cool#148; place to hang out. Great, eh? After all, friends do play a big part of our kids#146; happiness and well-being, and one of the best ways to instill happy home memories (as well as keep an eye-out for who your child is hanging around) is by making your house #147;kid friendly.#148; But you know the reality: Whenever kids get together, blissful, happy times are not always the outcome. Those giggles and gleeful sounds of merriment we all hope for, all too quickly turn into those unnerving noises of yelling, tattling, and arguing. Ah the squelched dreams of a blissful summer spent with the kids.
If you#146;re at your wits end from hearing kid-battles and are tired of refereeing or playing #147;negotiator,#148; have faith. There really is a way to curb kid bickering, tattling, and tears, and save your sanity. You really need to do two things to make the summertime fun for both the kids and you. The first is to take a little time to plan how to make your house kid friendly and the second is teach kids a few skills that will help them get along and reduce the bickering. Here are a few tips from my book,
Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me
(April 2005, Wiley) that might help you survive these hot summer months, but also teach your kids how to get along, tattle less, and solve their problems
without
you. The result: happier kids, more peaceful homes,
and
a saner you. What could be better?
Enforce a #147;No Tattling#148; rule. What kid wants to be around a pal who always wants to snitch? Arguments and tears are inevitable outcomes, so nix tattling, pronto. The best way to extinguish it is to lay down one law in your home: unless the report is intended to
keep the accused out of trouble or harm
you won#146;t listen. The rule could be as simple as: #147;Is this helpful or unhelpful news?#148; And then consistently enforce the policy every time your kid #150; or his friends -- tattles.
Buy an egg timer. A frequent reason for bickering is when one kid dominates others or doesn#146;t allow the same time on a task. So teach your kids to use an egg timer (or other concrete time keeper) to make things fair. Oven timers, egg timers, sand timers are great gadgets for younger kids to use. Older kids can use clocks or stopwatches. They first must agree on a set amount of time#151;usually only a few minutes#151;for using an item. When the time#146;s up, their turn is over. And everyone stays happy (including you).
Put away the good stuff. There are certain possessions that are very special to your child#151;as well as to other family members. So put those items away before a guest arrives. It actually minimizes potential conflicts. Then say, #147;Anything you leave out are things you have to share.#148;
Teach decision-makers. Rock, paper, scissors; drawing straws; picking a number; flipping a coin#151;these are old-time favorites that come in handy when kids can#146;t decide on rules, who gets to choose what to do, or who goes first. Teach them to your children so they can use them with their pals to help reduce those squabbles on their own.
Create activity bins. To minimize conflicts (and those #147;there#146;s nothing to do#148; complaints), create a few #147;activity bins#148; (baskets, boxes, or plastic bins) stocked with a few toys and age-appropriate activities. Contents for younger kids might include: Legos, Play-Doh, or clay and cookie cutters, bubble blowers, toy cars or dolls. Older kids#146; bins can have art supplies and paper, a craft set, and a pack of cards. These are great to help kids unwind or give them quieter play moments even away from one another. You might also want to have tucked away for those #147;just-in-case-when all else fails#148; parental sanity savers such a brand new video, coloring or comic books. Plop the kids down, hand them a comic book, and give yourself a five-minute breather.
Call for time-outs. Even a few seconds can be enough to stop a big quarrel, so help your child come up with a few things he can say to back off from an argument ready to blow. #147;You know I#146;m too mad to talk right now.#148; #147;Give me a minute to cool off,#148; #147;I need to take a walk,#148; or #147;Let#146;s go shoot some hoops.#148; Then help him practice the phrase so he can use it with friends.
Forget odd numbers. There#146;s truth to that old saying: #147;Two#146;s company, but three#146;s a crowd.#148; An even number of kids playing together usually is better than an odd number, simply because there#146;s less likelihood that one kid will be left out. So if bickering continues with certain kid combinations, set a rule for #147;pairs#148; only#151;and refrain from a three-some.
Teach conflict solving. Of course, the best way to stop kids from arguing is to teach them how to solve problems themselves. Just don#146;t make the mistake of assuming your kids know how to do so. Here are the four steps to conflict solving you can teach your child: 1. Stop and calm down. You#146;ll never solve a problem when you#146;re upset, so take a time out until you#146;re in control. 2. Take turns saying what#146;s bugging you. No interrupting, name-calling, or blaming. 3. Brainstorm solutions then agree to a fair solution that feels best to both of you. 4. Do it. Now just keep reviewing those four steps over and over with your child until he can do them alone.
Keep out of it. If you hear an argument brewing, stay within earshot, but jump in only when emotions are too high but
before
an argument escalates. A gentle reminder might be called for, such as a private, previously agreed-on signal (like tugging on your ear). With younger kids you might say, #147;I see two angry kids who need to cool down. You go to the other room, and you to the kitchen until the two of you can talk calmly and work things out.#148; Too much adult interference not only makes kids depend on you to solve their problems, but can actually escalate the squabble.
Of course, if all else fails and there#146;s still no peace, buy yourself a traffic light and put it in your window. It#146;s exactly what one mom told me she finally resorted to doing to try to buy herself a few hours of peace. Her house had become #147;Grand Central Station#148; one summer, though she wasn#146;t complaining. She loved that her kids#146; friends were always at her home. It#146;s just that she didn#146;t appreciate kids showing up at the crack of dawn or three hours after the sun went down. Her solution: she set the traffic light in her front window and every kid in town knew the signal. If the red light was on it meant one thing: #147;We#146;re tucked in for the night and we#146;ll see you tomorrow.#148; The signal worked like a charm (and the mom swore that the green light was turned on most of the time).
Michele Borba, Ed.D. is an internationally renowned educational consultant and award-winning author of 20 books including
Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me; No More Misbehavin#146;
, and
Don#146;t Give Me That Attitude!
, who is recognized for her practical, solution-based strategies to strengthen children#146;s behavior and social development. She appears on countless radio and NPR talk shows including,
Today, The Early Show, Canada AM, The View, Fox Friends, MSNBC
. She is an advisory board member for
Parents
magazine, a former classroom teacher, recipient of the
National Educator Award
, mom of three, and has presented workshops to over one million parents and teachers worldwide. For more about Dr. Borba#146;s work see:
www.behaviormakeovers.com
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:34Z
The Stranger in Your Child's Life
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Stranger-in-Your-Childs-Life
-
- /8705.html
2010-05-07T09:03:31Z
2010-05-07T09:03:31Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Stranger in Your Child's Life
By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
Authors of
The Ten Commitments: Parenting with Purpose
Would you let a stranger spend several hours with your child, communicating values, distracting them from homework, creating separation and distance from family? Even worse, would you let a stranger into your child's bedroom?
"No way," you say? Well, you'd better look again. Because if you are like most parents, there is indeed a stranger who is influencing, guiding, directing, and enticing your child. And yes, some of these strangers are even in your child's bedroom. This stranger looks innocent enough at first glance, but has the potential to influence your child in ways you may not even suspect.
The danger that is enticing your child is electronic media, and its presence is growing. Children in America now spend, on average, 6 frac12; hours a day exposed to electronic media. Their connection to this influence includes TV, computers, listening to music, playing video games, and other electronic devices. Two-thirds of children, according to a Kaiser Family Foundation report, now have a TV in their bedrooms. This doesn't account for the hand-held electronic devices many children carry with them wherever they go.
Not alarmed yet? What about this? Children with TVs in their bedroom watch 90 minutes more a day than children without a TV in their room. They also do less reading and less homework. According to the facts, the more kids watch TV, the more likely they are to be overweight. Obesity in children is a national crisis. Turning a child's bedroom into a media arcade does not help your child one bit.
Many parents say they care about what their children watch and listen to. Yet, children consistently report that their parents do not have any rules, create no conditions, and set no limits on the amount or type of media they use. Those who do create restrictions don't always enforce them. Children report that parents do not know what type of music they're listening to. Parents seldom check the rating on CDs or invest the time to check out the lyrics. They pay little attention to the elaborate TV rating scale and do not use it to make choices about appropriate viewing content for their children.
Violent video games and glorified violence on TV spur aggression in children. While watching violence does not make someone violent, research shows that children who are exposed to more visual violence engage in more aggressive behaviors. Isn't that reason enough to set limits on a youngster's television viewing and video game habits?
Allowing a TV in a child's bedroom or putting electronic media like Game Boys and cell phone video games into their hands is tantamount to putting the fox in the henhouse with the chickens while pretending the fox is of no danger. It is an example of child neglect at worst and gross misunderstanding on the part of parents at best.
Electronic media in a child's life increases isolation. It creates an environment in which the child can stay disconnected from family members. It severely limits family interaction. TV, the internet, and video games are creating an emotional gap between parent and child. What possible reason is there for a child to carry a video game with him wherever he goes, or for a parent to make a child's bedroom so attractive and so media friendly that she wants to spend most of her time there by herself?
What about family solidarity? What about creating feelings of belonging by doing things together? Yes, children need privacy. Yes, they need some solitude and some time away from us. But do they need 6 frac12; hours a day of "plug-in" contact?
Recently, while attending a soccer registration day, we heard a mother comment about her son, "I don't know why I bother to bring anything else for him to do. All he does is play that Game Boy." Sitting next to her was a child oblivious to the world around him. He was so engrossed in his video game that he was unaware of the rest of the world. And yet the mother went on to say, "The good thing about it is it keeps him busy and I don't have to worry about him getting into things."
Do you really want your child playing video games that glorify violence and numb him to real life events? A recent study revealed that 65 percent of seventh- through twelfth- graders played the controversial video game Grand Theft Auto. This game, rated for mature audiences, is loaded with larceny and violence. It shows the killing of police officers and the beating of prostitutes. Is this the way you want your child to learn what it means to be a responsible, caring, cooperative adult?
What about the strangers who are teaching your child through their appearance on television? Is TV really where you want your children to learn about values, attitudes, behaviors? Do you like the messages they get from soap operas? Do you want them exposed to beer commercials? Is the television really the best forum to teach your children about dating, intimacy, and sexuality? How do you feel about using sex to sell products? Have you seen any television talk shows lately? Is their model of disagreeing, which includes interrupting one another, increasing the volume, and not listening to the other's point of view the way you want your children to handle disagreements?
What about the computer? Who are your children talking to in chat rooms? What sites do they visit? Are they being bullied or talked to with inappropriate language? Are they bullying others? Do you know? Are you sure?
What are American parents thinking? What possible reason could there be for putting a TV or X-box in a child's bedroom or within easy access? Does the child have so many things that this is all that the parent can come up with for a birthday present? Do the parents dislike being with the child so much that they want to purposefully isolate the youngster? Or are the adults simply so busy with their own lives that they don't have time for their children?
The frenzy to connect to electronic media has created the Great Family Disconnect of our time. Don't parents realize that 6 frac12; hours a day of being plugged into media leaves children little time to plug into their family? Do the parents like it that way? Is family dialogue of such little value that it can be squeezed in between headphones and email? Has Monopoly, checkers, shooting baskets, skipping rope, and bike-riding together become obsolete? Do parents like that?
In 63 percent of homes a television is on during mealtimes. Is it too much to ask family members to take a 20-minute break from media noise to share a quiet dinner with meaningful conversation? Or would you miss your favorite program? Couldn't our children become our favorite program for part of the evening?
The Great Family Disconnect is increasing in direct proportion to the degree of connection of our children to their favorite electronic device. TV, computers, and video games have become the plug-in drugs of our times. They are creating family distance, isolation, and a decrease in feelings of belonging and connectedness.
The stranger enticing your children needs to be unplugged, kicked out of their bedroom, and sent packing immediately. This is your home, not his. This is your family, not his. Take back the influence this stranger has usurped in your family. Commit to being the parent you always wanted to be. Establish guidelines. Set limits. Enforce those limits. Do it consistently. Implement consequences if needed.
Disconnect from the Great Family Disconnect. Flip the switch. Bring prime time back to your family.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of
The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose
(available from Personal Power Press at toll-free 877-360-1477, amazon.com, and bookstores everywhere). They also publish a FREE email newsletter for parents. Subscribe to it at
ipp57@aol.com
. Visit
www.chickmoorman.com
,
www.thomashaller.com
, and
www.10commitments.net
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:31Z
Kid Camp Paradise
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Kid-Camp-Paradise
-
- /8706.html
2010-05-07T09:03:28Z
2010-05-07T09:03:28Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Kid Camp Paradise
By Bob Schwartz
When I saw my son with the brochure advertising for the summer camp devoted strictly to skateboarding and cartoon drawing, well I knew this wasn't exactly the camp of my youth. Times have changed since I attended those generic multi-activity camps. Camps where I had to endure my inept lanyard-making ability (one time I almost tied off circulation in two of my fingers with my less than brilliant braiding), before engaging in the thrill of water balloon scooter dodgeball.
In sending our first child to camp, we did find a general all-around sleepover one. When camp day arrived, I had the normal trepidation as my wife and I dropped him off with what seemed to be enough supplies to comfortably survive twelve years alone in the wilderness, while also having the capability to change clothing six times a day and never run out of T-shirts and shorts.
As we waved goodbye, I tried to convince myself that he'd write us many enlightening and lengthy letters detailing his superb camp experiences. But, deep down, I knew that was as likely as a bar of soap actually making physical contact with his body at any point over the subsequent two weeks.
As for mail, I just couldn#146;t quite foresee that he#146;d be saying to his bunkmates, "Hey, you guys go ahead and have your ice cream and start playing mud volleyball without me. I'm just going to stay inside here and finish up this five-page letter to my folks while I review my daily journal notes, and then do a quick spelling check.#148;
The first week passed without a single word from our camper. The mailman ultimately learned to put a rubber band around our mail, sprint past the house, and swiftly toss it toward our front door. This way he avoided being the recurring tackling dummy for an overly anxious information-starved parent, namely me, who desperately needed a camp letter of some kind.
As camp progressed into the second week, I wondered if our son had now completely forgotten us or had simply lost all of his seventy-two stamped and addressed envelopes with which we#146;d diligently equipped him. I thought that maybe we should have sent him with pre-made post cards that could be completed by simply checking the appropriate boxes:
Having lots of fun. I guess it beats school. Get me the heck outta here!
I miss everybody back home. See you soon. What was my brother's name again?
The food is great! I#146;m surviving on PBJ. I#146;ve lost 10 pounds and my shorts don#146;t fit!
Love and kisses. Signing off from your wild and crazy son. Adios from your tattoo boy.
After what seemed like a decade, we did eventually receive a letter and were pleased to learn the following:
He did indeed remember he had parents and two younger siblings.
The sole reason, apparently, that he finally wrote us was to request that we, as quickly as possible, forward him his latest
Nintendo Power
magazine.
He could still produce an almost legible four-syllable sentence that seemed, to me, to say: "Camp is a blast!" My more skeptical wife was left wondering if it were instead some new secret code actually reading "Damp in a mast!"
Certainly not a letter with as much detail as the
U.S. Tax Code
, but it was all we needed to know.
We did thereafter receive a picture of him along with a short, but revealing, note from his counselor. The photo showed our son with a fairly dirty T-shirt, worn inside out and backward, and sporting his shoes untied with no socks on. His hair clearly had not been introduced to his comb for the prior eight days, and chocolate cookie remnants surrounded his smiling mouth as he hammed it up for the camera. He appeared to be having the time of his life, which was indeed confirmed by his counselor's letter stating, "I've yet to meet a warm-blooded mammal of any age that enjoys things so much!#148;
We finally picked him up after fourteen long days for us and two weeks that zipped by at warp speed for him. We promptly learned about the inherent joy in having your bathing suit pulled off by a thunderous waterskiing wipeout; in addition he confirmed that he could actually eat sixteen #147;S'mores#148; without throwing up; he also admitted that he#146;d lost his toothbrush sometime in the first few days and that he#146;d learned some great Australian slang terms from his counselor.
He also casually advised us of his gigantic bullfrog named
Big Bertha
traveling home in his duffel bag, and asked whether we could change the upstairs bathtub into a terrarium for her.
But seeing him interrupt his little brother in mid-sentence with a genuinely affectionate bear hug, reaffirmed to us that despite the constant barrage of head noogies and obligatory older brother insults at home, he did truly miss him.
We also learned that our son could survive quite happily, for a time, without us. Which to a parent is both the most rewarding and frightening lesson of all.
But that is indeed what camp experiences are partially about. Of course that and his proudly wearing the ribbons for winning the
OutKast
karaoke contest and coming in a close third in the highly challenging
Cup - the - Hand - Under - the #150; Armpit- and #150; Generate - Noise
competition.
So proud.
Bob Schwartz is a syndicated humor writer whose essays have appeared in over 150 magazines and newspapers. Bob authored the popular humorous book on running,
I Run, Therefore I Am #150; NUTS!
His latest book is a hysterical look at parenting (Would Somebody Please Send Me to My Room!). He can be reached at
bob@schwartzhumor.com
and
www.schwartzhumor.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:28Z
Appreciation for Dads
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Appreciation-for-Dads
-
- /8707.html
2010-05-07T09:03:26Z
2010-05-07T09:03:26Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Appreciation for Dads
Jodie Lynn
www.ParentToParent.com
What happens to families, specifically to the kids, when there is not much interaction with the dad in the family? They go looking for someone to provide them with the discipline, conversation, fun, approval and love that they see other kids getting.
Sometimes, even if we know these facts, we still have a tendency to forget how crucial Dads are and assume that they are either not interested or don't care.
That is why it is so important to invite fathers to participate more in the lives of their children by sharing a few things here and there--but don't overwhelm him with long lists of facts.
Then, let them try their hand at things while we keep our thoughts to ourselves.
Allow Dad to solve perplexing situations on his own
Everyone, including your mother's brother's best friend, has parenting advice to share. That is okay; just take it with a grain of salt. Nevertheless, when it comes to sharing all of this advice with Dad, unless there is a safety issue, allow him to come up with his own way of solving a challenge. For example, if he is trying to comfort an upset toddler, and you come up and show him what works best, he might feel like you are criticizing his technique. The next time the toddler cries or throws a temper tantrum, he will remember this and may be less willing to help.
Provide Dad time to be alone with the kids
Fathers need to learn how to deal with the kids on their own. Find a time to be out of the house for a few hours and let Dad be by himself with the kids. If you are dying to leave a random list of favorite activities, don't. Unless Dad specifically asks for some suggestions, let him figure out his own schedule. Dads can come up with some pretty off-the-wall things that we would never think of that for some reason kids seem to love.
Let Dad feel important
If there is something that the kids love to do with Dad, let it be their special time. For example, if baby will not eat peas and squash for you but will for Dad, save that time for him. Maybe baby loves it when Dad acts like a choo-choo train when he puts the spoon in baby's mouth. That's great; let that be Dad's special technique and you stick with your own. Tell him how incredible and amazing you think this is and tell everyone else: relatives, friends, and neighbors, anyone who might mention it to him. This offers a surge in self-confidence for Dad and will encourage more interaction between him and baby. In the long run, this is how memories are made. Something as simple as feeding time.
There are a lot of devoted Dads out there but they just are not sure what it is that will work best with kids. They need to know that in many instances, it won't matter if everything he does is the same way you do it or even that it may not have the same outcome.
Sometimes, Dads will do anything and everything possible to avoid taking care of the kids. However, if you allow him to build his own personal relationship with them, he might opt to engage more often. Just like anyone else, Dads just want to be appreciated.
copy; 2005 Jodie Lynn Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Jodie Lynn is an award-winning internationally syndicated family/health columnist and radio personality. Parent to Parent is now going into its tenth year and appears in newspapers, magazines, newsletters and throughout the Internet. She is a regular contributor to many sites including eDiets.com and is the Mom to Mom Expert for BabyCenter.com and has a regular family segment on four radio programs, one of which is syndicated to over 20 stations. She has written two books and contributed to two others, one of which was on Oprah and has appeared on NBC in a three month parenting segment. Her latest best-selling parenting/family book is
Mommy CEO, revised edition
. Preorder Lynn's new book, "Mom CEO: Avoiding the Distressed Housewife Syndrome and Winning at Motherhood," online or from any bookstore.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:26Z
Are You Assertive or Aggressive?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Are-You-Assertive-or-Aggressive
-
- /8708.html
2010-05-07T09:03:23Z
2010-05-07T09:03:23Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Are You Assertive or Aggressive?
By JoJo Tabares
Do you have something to say but are afraid it won't be taken well? Would you like to present a different opinion, but are you afraid to rock the boat? Some people think assertiveness and aggressiveness are interchangeable. Others think they're being assertive, when in fact they're being rude. According to Webster's Dictionary, aggressive means "easily provoked to fight". Assertive means "affirming confidently". In practical terms, being assertive means that you appear self-assured and being aggressive communicates an arrogant and angry attitude.
Skillful assertiveness goes hand in hand with a person's confidence, leadership and overall effectiveness. Leaders can use assertiveness to reduce confusion and inefficiencies caused by misunderstandings and crossed wires by being clear when communicating goals/ideas and by motivating others to get behind their ideas.
Being assertive with your friends, family and business associates can result in an improved self-image, increased happiness and more success! So why isn't everyone assertive? People report that they are afraid to come off as aggressive or simply lack the confidence needed to be a bit bold. God gives each one of us something to say and here are some tips that can help:
Ask yourself if you are sharing this information as an exchange of ideas, to get further a cause you really believe in or just to make yourself look good. If there is no other purpose in being assertive other than to put someone else down, then as your mother always taught you: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!
Sometimes it is simply our perception of what will happen if we speak our mind that is based on fear and not grounded in reality. If you simply state your beliefs calmly and clearly with honesty and sincerity, most people will understand.
Know your audience and tailor your communication to the beliefs of the group you are addressing, especially if you are talking about a sensitive issue like religion or politics. If you are talking to a group of Republicans, you could be a bit more bold in making your case for the Republican candidate than you could be if you were speaking to a group who were predominantly Democrats.
If you are talking to a group of people who don't share your beliefs, preface your statements by saying something like..."I believe..." instead of "Everyone knows...". One is giving your honest opinion and could be backed up with facts and examples while the other is accusatory and aggressive in nature.
Substitute empty nodding and smiling that might be more comfortable but may be interpreted as agreement with the other side with a statement like "I see it another way...". This statement will be seen as an honest disagreement that may spark a discussion. Don't say "You're WRONG!" because everything after these words will fall on deaf ears! Maybe even yours because you will most likely be inundated with loud and heated debate material!
If something seems a bit too far fetched, ask the speaker to clarify his statements. "I am not sure exactly what you mean." This is a request for more information for the purpose of further understanding. As the person explains his view, you may find that you don't agree or you may find that you now understand more where he is coming from. The more you know about a person's views, the better prepared you will be to assert yours.
Don't exaggerate! "You always do this!." will put the listener on the defensive because he feels as if he has been attacked. Be clear and specific, say something like "I need the item by Friday at noon." instead of "I need that ASAP!".
Never assume! Ask questions. Confirm details. Some people will hear a demand and be too afraid to cross the other person so they will not let on that they can't have the product to you by Saturday. Tell them that you need it by Saturday and ask if they can deliver it by then. When you make arrangements with a someone, confirm the date, time and any other details to make sure you both have it clear what each is expecting. Sometimes errors are caught in confirmation that would have lead to a miscommunication too late to remedy the situation. Mary says "I'll see you at 12pm on Friday for lunch" but Susan heard 2pm on Friday. Or perhaps Mary said 12pm but meant 2pm. When you confirm the details, both parties get a chance to clarify the details.
JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication and has over 20 years of experience in the field. She is the author of the Say What You Mean series of studies on effective communication skills. If you would like more information on how to effectively communicate in small business, please visit
http://www.artofeloquence.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:23Z
Communicating Awareness for Safety
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Communicating-Awareness-for-Safety
-
- /8709.html
2010-05-07T09:03:20Z
2010-05-07T09:03:20Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Communicating Awareness for Safety
By JoJo Tabares
There is a knock at the door and your teenager opens it to find a young man standing there asking if the old car that is parked in your driveway is for sale. Your son is home alone for an hour when the phone rings and on the other end is a wrong number. You and your young children are walking in a parking lot at night when you hear footsteps behind you... Each of these scenarios can lead to disaster, but there are some things you can do and say that will communicate to a thief that you or your children are not worth the trouble.
Criminals are generally a pretty lazy bunch or they would go out and work for their money like the rest of us! They usually pick on people they think are weak, unaware or easy prey because they don't want to chance getting caught or hurt. They usually rely on the element of surprise to catch their victims off guard in order that they will be unprepared. This is their greatest asset. Knowing this is YOUR greatest weapon against them.
The way you walk and how you answer the phone/door communicates how aware and savvy you are. The idea is not to give the bad guy any more information than he already has and to show that you are fully aware of all that is going on in your surroundings. If you do that, the likelihood is that Mr. Criminal will choose another victim.
Tips for communicating awareness at the door:
Children should avoid answering the door if at all possible-even teenagers. This makes it appear that an adult is not at home and can give the visitor the upper hand whether it is true or not. Children are not as ready or able to deal with people they don't know and can get flustered in situations that are unfamiliar with. What is your 14 year old going to say to this man asking about your old car?
Always look through the peephole or window before opening the door. If it is a stranger, size him up. Is he carrying a clipboard? Is he wearing a uniform of some sort? Does he look menacing to you. Use your intuition and common sense.
Never give out any more information that the visitor already has.He knows your address, your car and now he knows what you look like. Don't give him any more information that he can use against you.
If you tell them that you still use the car for work, he now knows how to tell when you are not at home. Do not tell him how many people live in the house because then he knows how many to watch out for. Do not tell him who the car belongs to... "Oh that car is my brothers, but he is away at college." Now he knows that you have a brother and that the car is probably not used. It is amazing what information you can give this man just by answering his questions. And NEVER admit that you are alone or even who is not at home. "My brother isn't home right now, but I can have him call you if he wants to sell it." Do you see all you have told him?
Many years ago, I was asked this very question about my car that I drove to college and back in. I inadvertently gave him all the information he needed to be able to tell when the house was empty. He had been watching our house for weeks and then broke in when the last person had left that day. My mother happened to forget something and found him in the house! Thankfully this man found a safe route out of the house and didn't stop to hurt my mother.
Just because someone asks a question, doesn't mean that it's your obligation to answer!You can simply say that you are not selling it and close the door. If he continues to ask questions, it is perfectly within your rights not to answer. You can tell him that point blank or, if you prefer, you can simply say that you have to go now (have something on the stove, have to make a phone call, whatever).
Be careful about letting strangers into your house.If you have an appointment with the air conditioning repair man-fine, but unexpected strangers are a different story. I make it a policy never to let unexpected strangers into my house. I don't feel comfortable letting a man that I don't know into the house when my husband is not at home. Even if a scheduled repair man is coming into my home, I do not allow my children to be in the same room alone with him.
There was a story a few years back of a woman who let an unexpected repair man into her home and left her baby crawling around near him while she went to finish the dishes in the kitchen. He kidnapped the baby. Don't give a stranger the opportunity to hurt your family!
Tips for communicating awareness on the phone:
Children should not be allowed to answer the phone until they are trained in telephone safety. It is cute to have your 4 year old answer the phone when relatives call, but is your 4 year old savvy enough to avoid telephone safety pitfalls? Will she remember that you told her not to say that Daddy is on a business trip for two weeks?
Never give out your family name or phone number to anyone you don't know. Caller: "Is Josh there?"You: "There is no Josh here. You have the wrong number."Caller: "What number did I dial?"
Don't tell them what number they dialed. Ask them to tell you what number they wanted!You: "What number did you want?"Caller: "909-555-1212 Who is this?"
Never give out this information!You: "I'm sorry. You have the wrong number." (And hang up-even if they don't.)
Tips for communicating awareness when walking:
Walk with confidence.Hold your head up and walk with purpose from place to place-especially at night. This communicates that you are strong and have a plan about where you are going.
Walk with your keys in your hand.Preferably with the key between your fingers poised to use as a weapon if needed. This shows that you are ready to get into your car or house as soon as you get there. And it gives our villain a lot less time to do any mischief.
Look around you.Notice what is around you at all times. This communicates that you are aware of your surroundings. It is much more difficult for Mr. Criminal to use the element of surprise to catch you off guard if you are aware of things that are going on around you. And it helps you to identify when you may be in danger so that you can take the necessary actions.
Look under and all around your car as you approach before getting in.This tells our perpetrator that you are further aware. It also helps you identify any potential problems where you are headed and normally feel safe.
Train your children to follow a command.If there is ever trouble afoot, you should have your children trained to follow a simple order you give that tells them to get into the car immediately. Have the older ones get in themselves as you put any babies or toddlers in carseats.
Communicating awareness is essential for safety these days. It is imperative also that you train your children to be aware of their surroundings and to respond to a rehearsed command that you have in case the situation warrants.
JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication and has over 20 years of experience in the field. She is the author of the Say What You Mean series of studies on effective communication skills. For more information, please visit her website, Art of Eloquence at
www.ArtofEloquence.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:20Z
What to Do If Youre Concerned About Your Kids Friends
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/What-to-Do-If-Youre-Concerned-About-Your-Kids-Friends
-
- /8710.html
2010-05-07T09:03:16Z
2010-05-07T09:03:16Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>What to Do If You#146;re Concerned About Your Kids#146; Friends
By Michele Borba, Ed.D.
Excerpted from NOBODY LIKES ME, EVERYBODY HATES ME:
The Top 25 Friendship Problems and How to Solve Them by Michele Borba
Jossey-Bass Publishers; April 2005. ISBN 0-7879-7662-8
Bad friends. It#146;s every parent#146;s worst nightmare: we imagine only the worse: drugs, smoking, sex, trouble with the law. But what should parents do if they notice that their daughter is hanging out more with a kid whose values don't seem in sync with their own? Is there ever a time when you should forbid your son from being with a particular friend?
The bottom line on this one: It#146;s okay to have friends who are different from your child. After all, exposing our kids to diversity is a big part of helping to broaden their horizons, learn new skills and perspectives, and get along with others. The trick here is to figure out when the other kid#146;s values or lifestyle are really reckless, self-destructive or totally inappropriate. Consider this: could hanging around this kid damage your child#146;s character, reputation, or health? Keep in mind that our kids are rarely #147;made bad#148; by another kid, but the friends our kids choose to hang around with sure can increase the odds that he may#151;or may not#151;get into trouble.
Here are a few tips to help you handle these rougher waters of parenting.
Restate your standards. Be clear your child knows your family values and is aware of the consequence if he violates them. #147;No drugs, drinking, smoking.#148; #147;You always call to tell me where you are.#148; #147;You only go to homes where parents are there to supervise.#148; #147;You don#146;t leave one location and go to another without telling me.#148; A one time talk to your child isn#146;t going to cut it so plan to talk again and again.
Share your concerns. Instead of judging or criticizing your kid#146;s companion (which is guaranteed to end the conversation), describe the changes you see in your child. #147;I notice whenever you sit next to Kevin in class, I get a call from the teacher.#148; #147;You never swore before you starting hanging around that group.#148; If you#146;re not sure you understand what#146;s going on, ask questions. #147;You hid Ricky#146;s magazine when I came in your room. What exactly was it that you didn#146;t want me to see?#148;
Talk to the parent. Do try to talk to the other kid#146;s parent, and it#146;s best to do so as soon as your child befriends their child. Meeting personally would be ideal, but a phone call is usually more realistic. Try your best to be positive, friendly, and open minded. Exchange phone numbers. And if you haven#146;t taken time to do so with his other friends, make it a policy from now on.
Befriend your child#146;s friends. Get to them and let them know you are interested in their lives. You may see a different side. #147;Do you play any sports?#148; #147;How did you and Norma meet?#148; #147;Are you in any of the same classes?#148; #147;Can you stay for dinner?#148;
Ask #147;What if..#148; A good way to assess your kid#146;s ability to handle peers who could be trouble is by posing #147;What if...#148; questions. You make up the problem scenario, but then listen to how your child responds. Her answers will be a springboard to talk about possible solutions she may face in bad company. #147;What if you go to a friend#146;s house and you there aren#146;t any parents there?#148; #147;What if you#146;re at a slumber party and your friends want to sneak out and (smoke, drink, meet boys, etc)?#148;
Get the facts. Talk to other parents, teachers, and adults whose opinions you value. Do they know the kid and share your concerns? Does their kids hang around with them? If not, why? What do they suggest?
Know where your kid is at all times. Make it clear that immediately after school (or any activity) you want to hear from him. If your child doesn#146;t have access to a cell phone or pager, give him a phone card and teach him how to use it or how to make collect phone calls. There should be no excuses.
Keep an open house. Stock your refrigerator with sodas, save those pizza coupons, and make your house #147;kid friendly#148; so your child#146;s friends want to come to your house. In fact, worry more if you kid doesn#146;t want to bring his friends over. Besides feeling more comfortable and knowing where your kid is, you#146;ll also be able to keep your eyes and ears open to see if your concerns are really grounded.
Foster new associations. The best way to limit time spent a potential bad friend is to find other social avenues to go down instead. Look for places she can make new friends such as Boys Girls Club, scouts, clubs, music, sports. Arrange activities that your child really wants to do (the basketball team, guitar lessons, the art class).
Be prepared. Teach your child what to do any time he does not feel comfortable or thinks there could be trouble. Set up a code word that only you and your family know such as #147;Robin Hood,#148; #147;Trick or Treat,#148; #147;Jimmy called.#148; That way anytime you are talking to your child and his friends are listening, he can say the word and you#146;ll know you really want to come home. Also have a #147;parent support#148; group available in which you and another friend who knows your child well, agrees that anytime you#146;re not available your child will call her (and vice versa with their kid) to pick him up.
Watch for red flags. Are you seeing any changes in your child's behavior that are big warning signs that things are becoming more serious? The key is to look for differences you#146;ve noticed in your child since she began hanging around with this companion: Grades slipping, tears, moodiness, red eyes (drugs), alcohol or smoke smell (or cologne to possibly cover up the smell), defiant or disrespectful attitude, hiding things or acting sneakily, sleeping too much, more accidents, a complete wardrobe change that is #147;not#148; your kid. Remember to direct your concerns to where it really counts: how your kid acts instead of how the other kids behave.
Forbid bad friend when serious issues emerge. If the companion clearly is a "bad influence" and is pushing your kid into experimenting with serious issues such as drugs, substance abuse, shoplifting, sex, smoking, it's time to draw a halt to the relationship. This may be easier said than done, but and you might need to consider the extreme: changing schools, a summer camp, a month at a relative#146;s, a boarding school, or even moving. In some cases it really may be the only option to prevent a potential tragedy.
Above all, keep the lines of communication open and your relationship warm and positive as your child. You want to convey the message loud and clear: #147;I love you.#148; #147;Remember, I#146;m always here for you.#148; Don#146;t let your dislike of your child#146;s friends hinder your relationship with your child.
Michele Borba, Ed.D. is an internationally renown educator, motivational speaker, who has presented keynotes and workshops to over one million parents and teachers on four continents, and is the recipient of the National Educator Award. Dr. Borba serves on honorary board to Parents magazine and has appeared as a guest expert on Today, The Early Show, The View, Fox Friends, MSNBC, and NPR. She is the award-winning author of 20 books including PARENTS DO MAKE A DIFFERENCE, NO MORE MISBEHVAVIN#146;, BUILDING MORAL INTELLIGENCE, DON#146;T GIVE ME THAT ATTITUDE! and NOBODY LIKES ME, EVERYBODY HATES ME (all Jossey-Bass). For more information about her work see
www.micheleborba.com
.
copy; 2005 by Michele Borba. Permission to reprint if left intact. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:16Z
She Blinded Me With Science: Celebrating a Happy Mothers Day of Invention"
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/She-Blinded-Me-With-Science:-Celebrating-a-Happy-Mothers-Day-of-Invention
-
- /8711.html
2010-05-07T09:03:13Z
2010-05-07T09:03:13Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Today#146;s Family Man
#147;She Blinded Me With Science:
Celebrating a Happy Mother#146;s Day of Invention#148;
By Gregory Keer
I#146;m holding baby Ari while finishing dinner as Benjamin, 7, and Jacob, 3, run around the house, inflicting pain on each other, when my wife calls out, #147;Science experiments!#148;
Immediately, the little demolition men trample to the kitchen table, where what#146;s left of my enchiladas is whisked away in favor of a tall glass and a bottle of cooking oil.
#147;Tonight, we#146;re going to see what happens when oil and water mix,#148; Wendy announces like some kind of feminine (and infinitely more attractive) refugee from Beakman#146;s World.
#147;I want to pour the oil,#148; little Jacob says as he climbs on top of the Formica tabletop.
#147;I want to add food coloring!#148; Benjamin chimes in.
#147;Wait a minute, nothing toxic is going to happen here, is it?#148; I say, only half kidding.
Actually, the whole scene is anything but toxic as Wendy leads us on a chemistry journey to watch oil and water separate and food colors blend to form different hues. Being scientifically curious plays well for my wife, in her work as a professor of early childhood education, and as a mom trying to entertain a houseful of boys.
As someone whose own mother taught him not to play with chemicals because the wrong mix of rubbing alcohol and baby powder could melt off a limb, I have to wonder why my wife thinks science is so much fun. When did moms go from, #147;Don#146;t play with those chemicals, they might hurt you#148; to #147;Let#146;s blow something up?#148;
I don#146;t know, but, certainly, my children#146;s personal Marie Curie has wowed them with such tricks as a clay volcano that erupts from a concoction of vinegar and baking soda and the ever-amazing hard-boiled-egg-in-a-bottle trick. She#146;s taught the boys botany with plants around the garden and read them books on everything from geology to zoology.
But she#146;s not the only source of chemical-physical-biological fun. By now, Benjamin has attended half a dozen birthday parties headlined by the Mad Sciencereg; company. At these functions, various nutty-professor types perform experiments that entertain young children and send them home with their own dish of green slime (that sits on a shelf until your toddler opens it and turns your kitchen floor chartreuse).
And that#146;s not all! At school, Benjamin learned how mealworms turn into darkling beetles and, at camp, he built a battery-powered vehicle from scratch. For Jacob, he tested how long he could sit on his baby brother before Daddy noticed Ari was turning purple. In less sadistic situations.
Jacob has spent hours in an empty bathtub #150; with his clothes on #150; performing water displacement experiments.
All of this boggles my right-brained personality. I#146;m the artsy guy, the dad who prefers Lichtenstein to Einstein. Yet, the pull to dazzle my children with the magic of science has managed to suck me in, just a little #150; if only to keep up with my wife.
On a recent Sunday, Benjamin begged me to open a chemistry set marked for children 10 and older. I tried everything to dissuade him from delving into its disastrous possibilities. Wouldn#146;t he rather play some catch, watch mindless cartoons, or eat candy? Nothing would deter my little Dr. Jekyll.
#147;Let#146;s take this to the patio,#148; I said, gingerly moving the set from the dining room. #147;This way we can hose down the poisons.#148;
#147;No one#146;s going to get poisoned,#148; my wise 7-year-old assured me.
Outside, on a plastic table, wearing latex gloves and goggles, I proceeded to open up the box with Benjamin. It was then that Jacob padded out in his underpants, wearing my good glasses for his own safety.
#147;I want to do speriments, too!#148; he exclaimed.
Anxious that someone would get hurt, I went over all the written precautions, preaching to my son that, #147;Science is not like playing with soap and water,#148; I warned gravely. #147;This stuff can irritate your eyes, put holes in your jeans, and worse.#148;
Benjamin pulled out a mini beaker and some test tubes while I read the labels on the bottles of powder. On the first one, I ripped off the goggles and shouted, #147;Calcium hydroxide! Do you know this stuff is fatal if inhaled!#148;
Benjamin laughed. Jacob nearly cried as he picked up my goggles, #147;Quick, put them on or your eyes will turn into FIRE!#148;
At that point, Wendy came along to save the day. We boxed up the chemicals, but used the nontoxic plastic paraphernalia to perform an experiment with various liquids and some Play-Dohreg;.
Once again, Wendy made sure we were all entertained, happy and safe. It#146;s a talent she has both in science and in family. So it is for her, and all the other moms out there who manage to keep their husbands and kids in perfect chemical balance, that I wish a Happy Mother#146;s (of Invention) Day.
copy; 2005 Gregory Keer. All rights reserved. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
BIO: Gregory Keer is a syndicated columnist, teacher, and on-air expert on fatherhood. His Family ManTM column appears in publications across the country, including L.A. Parent, Boston Parents' Paper, Bay Area Parent, Long Island Parenting News, Metro Augusta Parent, and Sydney's Child in Australia. Keer's concurrent column, Today's Family Man, is found at his online fatherhood magazine,
FamilyManOnline.com
. He also writes for Parenting magazine and the Parents' Choice Foundation as well as such sites as Parenthood.com, Pregnancy.org, FamilyResource.com, DrLaura.com, SheKnows.com, KeepKidsHealthy.com, and CanadianParents.com. On television, Keer has appeared on morning shows and cable specials. He is the father of three sons and husband to Wendy, a professor in child-development.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:13Z
Affirming Your Children's Voice
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Affirming-Your-Childrens-Voice
-
- /8712.html
2010-05-07T09:03:10Z
2010-05-07T09:03:10Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Affirming Your Children's Voice
How and When to Encourage Your Child to Speak Up
By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
Authors of The Ten Commitments: Parenting with Purpose
#147;Stop interrupting me when I#146;m talking.#148;
"You have to learn to speak up for yourself."
"You ask too many questions.#148;
"Tell me with words. I don't understand whining."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Don't bug me when I'm on the phone."
"You should have brought that concern to me."
These phrases and others like them are sending mixed messages to our children. They are telling them: Talk, but don't talk. I want to hear your opinion, but not all the time. It#146;s no wonder many of our children are confused about when and how to access their own voice.
Children don#146;t automatically know when and how to speak up. They don#146;t understand the appropriate times to interrupt. Nor do they often demonstrate the skills that will enable them to speak up effectively. They don#146;t understand the power of words and how to use them to create change in their lives.
The most effective way for children to learn when and how to speak up is for you to teach them. If you want children to learn to use their voice in appropriate ways at appropriate times, you have to help them.
Below are suggestions for when and how to encourage your child to create his or her own voice so he or she can become an empowered, confident, self-responsible youngster.
Children need to speak up when . . .
They need help.
Children need help stacking blocks, reaching toys on a high shelf, writing a thank you letter, understanding a math concept, handling a peer relationship, and in many other situations as they move through each developmental stage. Some situations they can handle themselves. Others they cannot. A key component to becoming independent is knowing when and how to ask for help.
They want something.
Yes, it's okay for children to ask for what they want. Just because a child learns to speak up and ask for what she wants doesn#146;t mean she will get it. Sometimes what a child wants is unhealthy or unsafe. It is our job as parents to deny those requests while respecting the child's right to vocalize her desire to get what she wants.
For some children, whining becomes the preferred way of asking for what they want. Our role is to give our children useful words to say what they want instead of whining. By helping them learn to say, "I want to stay up longer,#148; "I want to be held," or "I want to get down," you teach them that using words is their best hope for getting what they want in your family. They also come to understand that whining doesn't work with you.
Say, "Brandon, that#146;s whining. Whining doesn't work with me. Use your words to tell me what you want. By using words, you sometimes get what you want. Sometimes you don't. And it's your only hope
They prefer NOT to have something.
Did you ever go on vacation with a teenager who didn#146;t want to be there, one who pouted for the entire week you spent in a cabin in the woods? If so, you know the value of teaching children to voice their opposition to something you want for them. #147;I don#146;t really like hooded sweatshirts,#148; is important information to have before you make a sixty dollar purchase that your child will never wear. #147;Lima beans is my least favorite vegetable,#148; is valuable data to accumulate before you head to the grocery store.
Their personal space has been violated.
Children need to be taught to find and access their voice whenever they experience inappropriate touch. Being touched in the private areas is always inappropriate. A discussion of appropriate and inappropriate touch needs to be held early and often in a child's life. Role-play both kinds of touch. Teach your children to speak up clearly if inappropriate touch occurs. Teach young children to say, "That's not appropriate," or "Nobody gets to touch me there." Teach them to use their voice to tell you if anyone touches them in an inappropriate way. Practice that conversation. Teach them the words to use. "Dad, Billy touched me," or "I got a wrong touch."
Help your teen learn to say, "It's my body and I want you to respect it," and "The answer is 'No' and I don't need a reason."
In addition to inappropriate touch, children need to learn to speak up to defend their personal space. Aunt Tilly doesn't get to plant a big wet kiss on a child without his approval. Your child does not have to be hugged if he doesn't want a hug. Even the gentlest touch in the most common of places is not okay if the child doesn't feel like being touched. Help him or her to say, "I don#146;t really want a hug right now," and "I'm not comfortable being kissed."
They are asked a direct question.
Recently, we asked a four-year-old how she was doing. The mother spoke for the child and replied, "She's feeling kind of shy today." The child never looked up. There was no need to. The mother was her voice.
When you speak for your child, you teach her there is no need to activate her own voice. The message you send her is, Your voice is not important. There is no need to use it. I'll take care of your thinking and responding. When you speak for your child, you encourage her to do less speaking for herself in the future.
Someone is in danger.
We wish someone had spoken up before the massacre at Columbine High School a few years ago. We wish someone had used his or her voice before the most recent teen suicide. Whenever there is potential danger, we want and need children to speak up. And we want them to do it quickly.
"I don't want to hear any tattling" a parent recently told her son as he began to tell a story about his older sister. But what if the older sister was stuck in a tree and was hanging from her broken ankle? What if the sibling was playing with matches? What if a schoolmate was urging her to sniff cleaning fluid?
Teach your child the difference between getting someone IN trouble and getting them OUT of trouble. If your son wants to tell you about how his sister took his ball to get her in trouble, teach him to use his voice to communicate his desires and feelings to his sister. Teach him to say, "I don't like it when you take my ball. I want you to give it back." Be there with him when he speaks to his sister to make sure his words are heard.
If your son witnesses a dangerous situation, teach him to communicate it quickly and directly. Give him some starter words that will tip you off that he is communicating potential danger. "Mom, I see danger," "Shannon needs help," or "Trouble alert" work well as clues that danger is lurking.
They feel afraid, angry, sad, hurt, or frustrated.
Teach your children to communicate their feelings. Use feeling words in their presence often so they develop a broad-based feeling vocabulary. Say, "I'm feeling really frustrated right now," "I get scared when I climb on the roof," or "I'm disappointed that the rain washed out my softball game." By using feeling words yourself, you help your children learn about their own feelings and the need to express them. You give them permission to have feelings and teach them the names for those feelings so they are more likely to articulate them in the future.
Tell your youngster, "You seem really angry with your brother right now. Why not tell him how angry you get when he marks on your paper?" Say to your teen, "Sounds to me like you are deeply disappointed that your dad wasn't there on time. It might be helpful to him and to you to communicate that to him."
Finding and learning how to use their own voice is a lifelong process for children. By implementing the above strategies with respect, patience, and understanding, we help our children gain skill and confidence when speaking up for themselves.
Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of
The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose
(available from Personal Power Press at toll- free 877-360-1477, amazon.com, and bookstores everywhere). They also publish a FREE email newsletter for parents. Subscribe to it at
ipp57@aol.com
. Visit
www.thomashaller.com
,
www.chickmoorman.com
, and
www.10commitments.net
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:10Z
The Five Mistakes Parents Make Helping New Grads Find Their Perfect Career Path
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Five-Mistakes-Parents-Make-Helping-New-Grads-Find-Their-Perfect-Career-Path
-
- /8713.html
2010-05-07T09:03:07Z
2010-05-07T09:03:07Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Five Mistakes Parents Make Helping New Grads Find Their Perfect Career Path
by Leslie Godwin, MFCC
www.LeslieGodwin.com
What parent doesn't want their graduating child to get a good job and have a great life? The problem is that most parents make five mistakes that will add years to the time they can turn their child's room into a guest room. They may make it even more difficult for their children to enjoy their careers in the years to come.
So how can parents:* Avoid the mistakes most parents make when helping their child choose a career path?
* Help their child have the right approach to their career search, and eventually marriage and family?
* Avoid having a 23 year old couch potato in their living room in a few years?
Here are five common mistakes that parents make in their efforts to help their grads find the right career path, and some tips to avoid them:
Don't let your anxiety cause you to advise your child to choose a "safe" career path.
Anxious parents advise their child to be overly sensible in career choices so that they don't have to worry as much. They respond to their child's ideas by noting, "That won't pay the bills" and advise them to "be realistic." This means that their child won't take what might be the only opportunity in their life to explore what they feel is their calling, try out different ideas, and learn from their experiences.
Don't hover.
Hovering is a great way to wind up with a 23-year-old couch potato. Children need to be self-motivated and deal with natural consequences. Instead, whenever your child is really interested in an issue, BE CURIOUS. Ask him to tell you more about it. Don't jump to ways he can turn this interest into a job. (He can get a "day job" to earn some money while pursuing his interest, if necessary.) Simply FOLLOWING UP ON AN INTEREST is the goal if your child seems unmotivated or unsure about how to take this important step.
Don't guide your child toward a prestigious job so you can brag to your friends.
Actually, parents do this because they believe that if their child is outwardly successful, they'll be happy, even though external success has almost nothing to do with feeling fulfilled. The bragging is just a side-benefit.
Don't lecture.
Be a role model. Do what you love (especially parenting) with enthusiasm, curiosity, and passion. Your child will learn how to do something they love from your example.
Don't pressure daughters to find a career path that will prevent them from being a stay-at-home-mom.
Telling your daughter that "she can be anything she wants to be" is great. But what if she wants to be a stay-at-home-mom someday? There are certain careers that don't allow the flexibility to take several years off or work part-time from home. Some examples are partner in most law firms, physician, and many jobs in the entertainment industry. Whether or not you were a stay-at-home-parent, encourage them to consider full-time parenthood once they are married and ready for children. If they can bring up a child, they'll be well-qualified for just about anything when they resume their career path!
Finding the right career path means staying in touch with your intuition and noticing what you are drawn toward. Being overly concerned about security or status, and being afraid of rejection, gets in the way of following your calling and seeing where it leads. And in my opinion, a calling isnsup1;t something a parent can have control over since it comes from a higher place than any of us.
It's a lot easier to figure out a way to make a living doing what you love, than it is to figure out what you love when you're in your 40's with a family and you barely remember what you were once passionate about. So let your children stay in touch with what they care about and they'll eventually figure out how to turn that into an income. You may find that having a happy adult child with a meaningful career is something to brag about!
Leslie Godwin, MFCC, is a Career Life-Transition Coach specializing in helping people put their families, faith, and principles first when making career and life choices. Leslie is the author of, "
From Burned Out to Fired Up: A Woman's Guide to Rekindling the Passion and Meaning in Work and Life
" published by Health Communications. For more information, go to
www.LeslieGodwin.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:07Z
Parents Report Card Time
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Parents-Report-Card-Time
-
- /8714.html
2010-05-07T09:03:05Z
2010-05-07T09:03:05Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Parent#146;s Report Card Time
by Lesley Spencer, MSc
A friend recently told me that he took his son out for a burger. While they were eating, his son said, #147;Dad, do you know why I am eating so slow?#148; His dad said, #147;No. Why?#148; And his son replied, #147;So I can have more time with you.#148;
Wow. Those are powerful, thought-provoking words. Kids need their parents. Kids desire their parents. They want our attention. They want our affection. And kids need our unconditional love and acceptance.
How are you doing in that area? Maybe its time for us as parents to get a report card. What type of grade would you give yourself in the following areas? And perhaps more importantly, how would your children grade you? Take a moment to grade yourself and if you are up for it, ask your children to grade you as well.
I praise my kids when they make good choices. _A _B _C _D _F
I look for opportunities to encourage my children. I#146;m their best cheerleader. _A _B _C _D _F
I point out their strengths and build up their self-esteem any chance I can. _A _B _C _D _F
I comfort them in their disappointments. _A _B _C _D _F
I enter into my child#146;s world by sharing time and talking with him or her daily. _A _B _C _D _F
I apologize to my kids if I respond in anger or make a mistake as a parent. _A _B _C _D _F
I ask questions instead of jumping to conclusions. _A _B _C _D _F
I let them know I am a safe place if they need to talk. _A _B _C _D _F
I look for teachable moments to teach my kids strong values. _A _B _C _D _F
I try to role model healthy, moral choices for my children. _A _B _C _D _F
I don#146;t withhold affection, praise or attention from my child as punishment. _A _B _C _D _F
I don#146;t put unrealistic expectations on my children. _A _B _C _D _F
I discipline in love, not in anger. _A _B _C _D _F
I let my children know they are loved unconditionally and without qualification. _A _B _C _D _F
A statement that has stayed with me for a long time is #147;Rules without Relationship = Rebellion.#148; Creating and maintaining lasting, deep, trusting relationships with our children is not quick, and it is not easy. But is it worth it? I think you know the answer.
There are definitely areas I need to improve in as a parent. How about you? Like our children, we will get another report card. If you need to improve in some areas, take some time to work on them.
One thing I make sure to tell my children often is that there is absolutely nothing they can do to make me love them any less. Sure, they can cause me to be disappointed, very disappointed, and even angry. But my love for them will never lessen. And my kids know that. To me, that deserves an #147;A#148;.
Lesley Spencer is founder and director of the HBWM.com, Inc. Network which includes: the national association of Home-Based Working Moms (
www.HBWM.com
),Mom#146;s Work-at-Home Kit (
www.WorkAtHomeKit.com
) the eDirectory of Home Based Careers (
http://edirectoryofhomebasedcareers.com
), Mom's Work-at-Home Site (
www.momsworkathomesite.com
) and HBWM Canada (
www.hbwmcanada.com
). She has a Master's Degree in Public Relations and has been featured in numerous publications including Forbes, Wall Street Journal, USA Today, Home Office Computing, Parenting, Business Start-Ups, Family PC and many others. She has been working from home for over 10 years and has two children ages 10 and 8.
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:05Z
Picky Eater?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Picky-Eater
-
- /8715.html
2010-05-07T09:03:03Z
2010-05-07T09:03:03Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Picky Eater?
by Jodie Lynn
www.ParentToParent.com
I have two words for you: Picky Eater
Do you have a picky eater? So do tons of other moms. So what can we do about it?
Here are 10 things that work #150; they really work! YIPPEE! If you can come up with more #150; let me know!
Healthy snacks count. Encourage healthy snacks throughout the day and try to time them so that they are not served close to meal times.
Limit juice and milk. Juice fills up tummies and the kids do not feel hungry. Nevertheless, they end up whining that they are starving anywhere from one to two hours later -- and they really are. This is especially true of toddlers whose tummies are only as big as your hand made into a fist. While milk is good for kids, it can fill them up quicker than expected. Serving caffeine? Don#146;t. It has nothing but empty calories and tons of sugar not to mention the hyper activity it can induce.
Give children small portions of table food that the rest of the family is eating during mealtime. If they are not allergic to a food you are serving, encourage them to at least have a small taste. This is known as a "thank you" bite.
Don#146;t use desserts as a reward. This can cause a dependency on sweets not to mention weight gain and bad eating expectations.
Try to stay calm. Do not scream, holler or yell if your child does not eat what you think he should. Did you know that if you make meal time a stressful event that your child will associate it as a negative endeavor in the life of a family?
Have fun with shapes of the food. This will spark new interest. For example, shape sandwiches into sailboats and made the sails out of turkey or chicken.
Make up a story. Try wheat crackers with tiny marshmallows and raisins smashed into the crackers on a yellow plate. Pretend to be Big Bird and peck the meal along with your child. Remember, kids live by Monkey See and Monkey Do rules.
Serve peanut butter on rice cakes. Rice cakes now come in all types of flavors. Find out which one your kids like the best and let them have a little peanut butter on it. Substitute another nutritious "spread" if he is allergic to peanut butter.
Shape the food with cookie cutters. Buy different shapes of cookie cutters to cut designs in cheese or cold cuts.
Get creative with the eating utensils. Try measuring spoons or chopsticks.
copy; 2005 Jodie Lynn
Jodie Lynn is an award-winning internationally syndicated family/healthcolumnist and radio personality. Parent to Parent(
http://www.ParentToParent.com
) is now going into its tenth year and appearsin newspapers, magazines, newsletters and throughout the Internet. She is a regular contributor to several sites including eDiets.com, MommiesMagazine.com and is the Residential Mom Expert for BabyUniverse.com. Lynn has written two books and contributed to two others, one of which was on Oprah and has appeared on NBC in a three month parenting segment. Her latest best-selling parenting/family book is Mommy-CEO, revised edition. Preorder Lynn's new book, "
Mom CEO: Avoiding the Distressed Housewife Syndrome and Winning at Motherhood
," online or from any bookstore in early 2006. See
www.ParentToParent.com
for more details. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:03Z
Have You Heard These Words Yet...I'M BORED!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Have-You-Heard-These-Words-Yet...IM-BORED!
-
- /8716.html
2010-05-07T09:03:00Z
2010-05-07T09:03:00Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Have You Heard These Words Yet...
I'M BORED!
By, Jodie Lynn
www.ParentToParent.com
Summer is a wonderful time to take advantage of free stuff to do with your kids, especially when you hear those two negative but all too common words: I'm bored!
Introduce one new hobby each week. Most everyone develops at least a couple of favorite hobbies early in life. Get creative. Introduce your child to painting, cooking, playing an instrument, dancing or a million other things. While they won't do much with the endeavor, it will expose them to something new each week and strike a chord with something that they might want to continue with during the school year.
Visit a nursing home. Whether or not you have a family member in a nursing home, those folks love to meet new people, especially if they are kids between the ages of 5 to 18. Make cookies or bread and take treats on your first trip. They also love to get magazines and could care less if they are old -- they are new to them.
Visit animal shelters. Show your kids what it's like to give back to the community animal shelter by allowing them to donate some of their money to one. Sometimes, if you will call ahead of time, they will tell you what kind of food and/or toys that they need. Explain to child beforehand that you are going to the shelter to say hello and have no plans to adopt a pet. This usually works well with kids ages 8 to 13.
Backyard Magic. If you are unable to go camping, do it in your own back yard. Put up the old tent and watch the kids become excited. In fact, if it's too hot to sleep outside, pitch it in the living room or family room. It's still something new and exciting. Play music or tell spooky stories. Hint: spooky stories can always end on a happy note.
Exercise Fun. Let the kids make up their own exercise routines, choose their own music and lead the program. They will exercise longer if they can create their own style and act silly too.
Don't forget your local science center. It may not be free, but many have discount or coupon days. Take advantage by watching the paper for those days and/or coupons. Science Centers can be a child's best friend in exciting learning adventures, especially if they have mini shows. A mini show is usually a series of new topics that the science center schedules for the summer months. Each one may only be available for around two weeks and then a new one is scheduled. These are usually in addition to the main theme and keep families busy and kids happy.
Take a nature walk. Sounds too simple, right? There are tons of butterflies, bugs, trees, and other amazing things to see if you really look. Bring along a throw away camera and let the kids take turns shooting whatever it is that they like best. It's an educational "jungle" out there, with all sorts of incredible creatures and plant life worth exploring.
Try on cooking. Summer is the best time to cook with your kids. Let them try new recipes or add zing to some old favorites. Don't worry about perfect outcomes or the mess that they are sure to make. Making healthy snacks is usually a good place to begin -- let them choose the ingredients. It's summer!
copy;2005 Jodie Lynn
Jodie Lynn is an award-winning internationally syndicated family/health columnist and radio personality. Parent to Parent is now going into its tenth year and appears in newspapers, magazines, newsletters and throughout the Internet. She is a regular contributor to many sites including eDiets.com and is the Mom to Mom Expert for BabyCenter.com and has a regular family segment on four radio programs, one of which is syndicated to over 20 stations. She has written two books and contributed to two others, one of which was on Oprah and has appeared on NBC in a three month parenting segment. Her latest best-selling parenting/family book is
Mommy CEO, revised edition
. Preorder Lynn's new book, "Mom CEO: Avoiding the Distressed Housewife Syndrome and Winning at Motherhood," online or from any bookstore. See www.ParentToParent.com for details. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:03:00Z
Why Do Decent, Intelligent People Have Hidden Values Conflicts?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Why-Do-Decent,-Intelligent-People-Have-Hidden-Values-Conflicts
-
- /8717.html
2010-05-07T09:02:58Z
2010-05-07T09:02:58Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Why Do Decent, Intelligent People Have Hidden Values Conflicts?
by Leslie Godwin, MFCC
www.LeslieGodwin.com
When I was young and naive, I figured that there were two types of people: there were people with decent values who cared about others, and then there were greedy, selfish types who didnsup1;t seem to care much about anything beyond their own skin.
As you can imagine, that simple but shallow point of view didn't help me understand the world very deeply, so I launched into an ongoing search to understand people and their motivations, which has continued to evolve.
I found that good people can hold values that conflict with their other values or priorities. These conflicts are usually hidden, since we rarely closely examine each of our fundamental beliefs. We do, however, feel stressed when these hidden conflicts inevitably clash. Feeling that stress is the best clue that you need to take a look at them.
MY HIDDEN VALUES CONFLICT:
I used to value being successful in a way that my parents and the outside world could immediately understand and respect. I also used to value being appreciated by people I didnt even respect, as well as those I did respect. (I just really wanted everyone to like me!)
Was I a good person? I think so. Was I good at what I did? Yes. Was I developing a deeper sense of who I was? No. In fact, I didn't articulate that as a value at the time, since I was concerned with how other people saw me and with achieving traditional success. Self-awareness became a critical value, and it conflicted with wanting everyone to like me, or with becoming rich and famous.
We are each unique in many important ways, so my story does not contain some kind of fundamental Truth that will resonate with every individual. But it did help me create a method for helping good and moral people understand that they probably have hidden values conflicts that may sabotage their best and most sincere efforts to be successful on their own terms.
DOES THIS RING TRUE IN ANY WAY FOR YOU?
Have you noticed a clash in values that has caused you to feel stressed? Other examples of values conflicts that many of us have struggled with at some point include:
being an overinvolved son/daughter vs. a good spouse or parent
earning more money vs. having more time for family and ourselves
keeping the house spotless vs. taking more time for personal growth
keeping others happy no matter how unreasonable their expectations vs. turning down requests from people who wonsup1;t be happy no matter what you do
upholding your idea of ethical behavior vs. being a loyal employee/volunteer
There are ways to resolve these differences without eliminating one side of the conflict -- in fact, getting rid of one side is the best way not to resolve the conflict if you define "resolve" as coming up with a higher-level understanding and coming to an inner peace with the issue or personal belief.
I've found that once I understand where the conflict lies, that I can make a conscious effort to back up my true value. If I value being a mom first, then I will try to stop myself from feeling deprived that we can't go on regular vacations. Or if I value my husband telling me the truth when I ask him for feedback, I can't feel like a victim if he doesn't agree with my latest "bright idea." (I still wish he wouldn't critique my new sweatsuit with the fake fur around the collar. I guess I can't pick and choose where I want the truth from him.)
When you re-examine your values, and consciously make choices that back them up, yousup1;ll find you're a lot less stressed because of the hidden values conflicts that can sneak up on you.
Leslie Godwin, MFCC, is a Career Life-Transition Coach specializing in helping people put their families, faith, and principles first when making career and life choices. Leslie is the author of, "From Burned Out to Fired Up: A Woman's Guide to Rekindling the Passion and Meaning in Work and Life" published by Health Communications. For more information, go to
www.LeslieGodwin.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:58Z
Quiz: Are You Spending Your Time On What Matters Most?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Quiz:-Are-You-Spending-Your-Time-On-What-Matters-Most
-
- /8718.html
2010-05-07T09:02:57Z
2010-05-07T09:02:57Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:57Z
Just Say No!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Just-Say-No!
-
- /8719.html
2010-05-07T09:02:54Z
2010-05-07T09:02:54Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Just Say No!
Debbie Williams, copyright 2002
Recently I was gently reminded of the importance to plan and prioritize projects. I say gently, because the reminder was not directed at me but to my friends and colleagues. I watched a neighbor run back and forth between home and "errandland" three times in less than two hours, a colleague add another work project to her already full plate, and found myself thinking "No wonder busy men and women today are so stressed - we're afraid to say NO."
What would happen if we said NO and really meant it? Would the sky fall if you did not bake cookies again for your son's class party? Would the internet shut down if you did not add fresh content to your website as scheduled? Would your manager fire you for passing on a new project? Most of the time, the answer to these questions is, ironically, NO.
It's very easy for me to pass judgment on these overworked overly-stressed people, isn't it? After all, I'm an expert in efficiency and time management, conquering clutter and changing people's lives. But the part of me who is a worker, mother, wife, woman, neighbor, daughter, and friend shares the same struggle as you each and every day.
Here are ways you can reduce the stress and constant overload in your work and home life, one day at a time:
Prioritize - Use simple tools to plan your day such as lists and really use them to prioritize your time. Don't just make a running list of things to do today, but group them by A, B, and even C priority.
Here's a tip: one of my clients likes to throw in a no-brainer to get herself motivated, such as MAKE A LIST, TURN ON COMPUTER, or PULL CHARTS. It's amazing how good you feel about yourself when you see a bright highlighted task crossed off your list!
Delegate - Share the load. Yes, it's easy to do when you are the boss and it's your job to direct and coordinate people and projects. But take that concept home with you, and you can dish out several chores to free up your time.
Teenagers and spouses can run an errand or two, your 10-year-old can set the table for dinner, and even the baby (well, he's 3 but you call him your baby anyway) can grab a pint-sized feather duster and help you chase the dust bunnies away.
Make it as structured as you wish, but do pull this tool out of your Manager's Toolbox often - it's the best way I know to teach the kids responsibility and give mom and dad back a little free time to boot.
Limit Interruptions - Don't have an open door policy, screen your phone calls, and stick to your rules. Manage your cubicle and home the same way, by concentrating on the task at hand and blocking out all the distractions.
It's the new millennium, so use those shiny power tools! Let the voicemail or answering machine be your secretary to screen calls, provide outgoing announcements, or to put your mind at ease. Turn off the ringer to your cell phone during movies, dinner, and walks in the park with your husband. (It's ok, really. No one will call the SuperParent police on you for not being accessible 24/7.)
Consolidate - By limiting interruptions during the day, you can focus on the immediate project or problem, then tackle the others at YOUR convenience. Voicemail has collected all those calls from clients or patients, and after your report is written, it's time for you to tackle them in a big time block.
Run errands on one day of the week, rather than going back and forth to town. Farmers' wives know full well how practical it is to go into town on a routine basis, and even urbanites can learn from this practice. You'll save gas, finish just one more little task, and find some hidden time for yourself.
Use time blocks - After using the time savers I mentioned earlier, you should be able to really focus on getting one or two of those A PRIORITY tasks accomplished. Not all of them, but some. And if your lists look like that of most of my clients, crossing just ONE thing off your list would be quite a feat!
Most of us learn better with the help of visual aids, so close your eyes and picture this: Picture a slim attractive mother of 3 gulping down a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in one huge bite, and slurping down a BIG GULP in 4 swallows. Not a pretty picture is it? Wouldn't you like to tell that woman: Slow down, you're going to choke! That burger isn't going anywhere, so eat it slowly and savor it!
Now picture that same woman slowly eating her cheeseburger one small bite at a time, savoring each morsel and enjoying the flavor of the grilled hamburger and cheddar cheese. She pauses to take a sip of her soda, taking the time to delicately wipe her mouth with a napkin. She chews her food and enjoys it, one bite at a time.
Get the picture? No matter what the BIG task is, you can tackle it one bite at a time. Need to clean out the garage, but you're waiting for a weekend of uninterrupted time? It's probably never going to happen! But you CAN clean it an hour each night after you get home from work, and pretty soon it will actually be organized. It's not going to dissolve into the mist like Brigadoon, so taking your time can't really hurt, can it?
One of my clients had not filed her personal papers for a year, and had almost given up. She was waiting for uninterrupted time to do this project all at once, but her husband and 2 kids kept her too busy. After learning her "system" and talking to her about the busy lifestyle she led, we came up with a new system, one that she would really use. She used the hour her youngest son napped to sort and do light filing of the huge paper stack, sitting with her older son during his "quiet time" as he watched a video. Mom worked at a slow pace, #1 son got some quality time with her, and #2 son recharged his batteries. Within 2 weeks, the project was completed - what was once an overwhelming task that made her feel overwhelmed had turned into a new filing system, and it didn't take forever to finish. Now she files her paperwork on a weekly basis, and feels such a sense of accomplishment!
Most organizing projects can be approached using the "one bite at a time" method. This is not new, or earth-shattering, but it's nice to be reminded of the common sense tips now and again. Delegating, limiting interruptions, and planning are other management tools that have been around for ages. Use them in all aspects of your busy lives. And start saying No Thank You those additional tasks handed to you during the course of the day - your plate's already full.
Debbie Williams is an author, speaker and radio host who offers toolsand training to help you put your life in order. Learn more tips like these in her book, Common Sense Organizing (Champion Press Ltd, January 2005). Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:54Z
Is Your Childs Car Seat Safe?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Is-Your-Childs-Car-Seat-Safe
-
- /8720.html
2010-05-07T09:02:53Z
2010-05-07T09:02:53Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:53Z
Grace-Full Parenting
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Grace-Full-Parenting
-
- /8721.html
2010-05-07T09:02:49Z
2010-05-07T09:02:49Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Grace-Full Parenting
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
Have you noticed more than a hint of anger creeping into your parenting style? Do you parent more with your vocal chords than you do with your heart? Are the typical frustrations, annoyances, and irritations associated with parenting beginning to get you down? Are you feeling like you need a two week vacation from your children? If your answer to any of these questions is "yes," you may need the gift of grace-full parenting.
Grace-full parenting is parenting that comes from the heart. It holds children in a state of grace, even as they are held accountable for their behaviors. It communicates love and caring while simultaneously implementing necessary discipline strategies.
Described below are 12 strategies for infusing grace into your parenting style. Consider using them to become an increasingly grace-full parent.
Assume the stance that mistakes are permitted here
Do not assign a positive or negative value to your children#146;s mistakes. Instead, simply see those errors as choices that offer opportunities for growth.
Do not name a behavior a "mistake" or judge it until you see how the child chooses to use it. If your teenager gets a speeding ticket, is confronted with the consequences, and then uses that experience to slow her driving, was the ticket a good thing or a bad thing? If your child forgets to put his bike away and loses the opportunity to use it for a few days and learns from that experience to see himself as cause, is forgetting to put the bike away good or bad?
Refuse to see children#146;s mistakes as bad, wrong, terrible, or awful. See them instead as opportunities for growth, as data and feedback to be used for learning. Children make mistakes. Why not add grace to your parenting style by choosing to see those mistakes as valuable, important cogs in the learning process?
Separate the deed from the doer
Children are not their behavior. They are not their report card. They are not their table manners. They are not their anger. Those behaviors are only their behavior in the present moment. It is not who and what they are as human beings.
"I like you and I don't like that behavior," is Parent Talk that separates the deed from the doer. It tells the child that it is the behavior that is inappropriate. Love remains for the child while the behavior is disliked. Using a communication style that clearly separates the deed from the doer keeps your verbal responses full of grace.
Accept that what is...is
The fact is that your twins did decorate the kitchen wall with permanent markers. That's what is. No amount of anger, frustration, noise, or irritation will change that. The wall is the wall and it is covered with permanent marker.
Yes, work to make changes on a physical level. Teach the necessary lessons to encourage that markers are to be used for writing on paper. Involve your children in cleanup. Implement appropriate consequences if necessary. Dealing with the situation on the physical level is important and necessary---and that part of parenting can be handled more effectively if you emotionally accept your present-moment circumstances.
See it all as perfect
Another way to become a grace-full parent is to see your present parenting circumstance as perfect. If your child is disrespectful to her grandparent, why not see that situation as the perfect way for your daughter to communicate to you that she needs to learn more about respect for the elderly? It is also the perfect time and the perfect opportunity for you to teach a lesson on respect.
When your child leaves his toys out, that is the perfect time for him to learn about what happens when he makes that choice. If your teen turns off the alarm and goes back to sleep, that becomes the perfect opportunity to allow her to experience the natural consequences of being late for school. If the dishes are stacked up in the kitchen, that#146;s the perfect time to delay dinner until the kitchen is in order.
Choose to view the present parenting events that show up in your life as opportunities to practice seeing it all as perfect.
See your children as unfinished
Your children are only beginning to move down the path of becoming who they are meant to be. Yes, there will be imperfection. Yes, there will be derailments. Yes, they will experience delays and misdirection. Don#146;t we all?
None of us is complete and finished. God is not done with any of us yet. Keep that in mind as you raise your children and you will move closer to parenting that is full of grace.
Make no assumptions.
Beware of the assumption trap. As parents we think we know. We think we know why our child lied to us. We think we know what she is thinking. We think we know what she will do next. We assume we know who started the fight in the next room. And our assumptions are not always accurate.
If you remind your ten year old about his responsibilities with the garbage, and he turns and walks away, you assume he didn't hear you or that he heard and doesn't care. With your assumption firmly in place, you use a tone and volume in your next communication that escalates the incident. Before you find out your son was on his way to get his shoes so he could take the garbage to the road, the situation sinks to a lower lever.
Keep your communication on the high road, and use grace-full parenting by freeing your mind of assumptions.
Focus on the situation, not on the child's character or personality
When you are frustrated, upset, or irritated with a child#146;s behavior, speak to the situation. If you see the recently purchased baseball glove laying out in the rain, tell your daughter, "I see a brand new baseball glove laying out in the rain. I feel irritated. Baseball gloves belong in the garage with the sports equipment."
This style of communication talks about the situation. It refrains from attacking character of belittling personality.
"What are you blind? You have no value of money. Get your lazy butt out there and take care of it," addresses character. Comments about eyesight, money values or laziness are about personality and thus, lack grace.
By speaking to the situation instead of a child's character you refrain from wounding their spirit and stay firmly grounded in grace-full parenting.
Implement consequences with an open heart
Remember, implementing consequences, holding your children accountable for their actions is one of the most loving things you can do as a parent.
It is not the severity of a consequence that has the impact. Consequences do not need to be severe. They only need to be certain.
Let children experience the related, respectful, legitimate consequences of their behavior. But do it from a heart-felt space. Let the consequence come from the love and concern within you rather than from disgust, anger, or feelings of retribution or revenge.
Give second opportunities
Once a specific consequence has been experienced, give the child another opportunity to handle the responsibility. If your child fails in his responsibility to put his bike away at dark, he loses the opportunity to ride that bike for a few days. Three days later he needs another opportunity to show he can handle that responsibility. If he doesn#146;t choose to take care of his responsibility, implement the consequence again. Later, give another opportunity.
Lessons aren#146;t always learned the first time. Grace requires many opportunities to learn the lessons that are before us. Extend those opportunities and you regularly extend grace to your children.
Search for solutions
To parent grace-fully you must believe that fixing the problem is more important than fixing blame. Searching for solutions and problem-solving puts you in a teaching mode. Handing out punishments places you in the role of policeperson, judge, and warden. Grace occurs when errors are corrected, not when they are punished.
Energy spent blaming your son for spilling milk does not improve his milk-pouring skills for next time. Angrily reprimanding your daughter for forgetting to feed the dog does not insure that the dog will be fed tomorrow.
Invest your time searching for and creating solutions and problems will not need to be continually addressed. By solving a parenting problem while refraining from punishing, you apply grace to the situation.
Look for the gift.
As you stay home with your sick child, your mind may send you messages of #147;poor me#148; and #147;this isn#146;t fair.#148; Your mind is taking the victim stance by generating limiting thoughts and concentrating on negativity.
Change your mind about your present circumstance by looking for the gift that it offers. It could be an opportunity to clean out a closet, wash the car, or catch up on thank you notes. Perhaps there is a gift waiting for you in a chance to snuggle with your daughter and watch a video. Maybe your gift arrives as a change in routine, a day off work, or time to play your guitar. The gift is there. It#146;s up to you to train your mind to find it. If you do so, you will take another step into grace-full parenting.
Stay in the present.
Focusing on the present and forgetting about the past is essential to the state of grace.
Treat every discipline situation as if it was happening for the first time. Remove phrases like, #147;OK mister, that#146;s the third time this week,#148; #147;This is getting to be a pattern with you, isn#146;t it?#146; and #147;Here we go again,#148; from your Parent Talk repertoire. If your son wet his bed for the fifth time this week, approach the fifth time as if it were the first. This ensures you treat your children as they are right now rather than holding them to what they have been in the past.
Grace-full parenting takes practice. It requires a conscious effort to purposefully implement the ideas above. Make these suggestions a priority in your life and add grace to your parenting style.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of #147;The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose," (available from Personal Power Press at toll free 877-360-1477, amazon.com, and bookstores everywhere). They also publish FREE email newsletters, one for parents and another for couples. Subscribe to one or both at
ipp57@aol.com
. Visit
www.chickmoorman.com
and
www.thomashaller.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:49Z
How Your Divorce Impacts Your Children
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-Your-Divorce-Impacts-Your-Children
-
- /8722.html
2010-05-07T09:02:45Z
2010-05-07T09:02:45Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>How Your Divorce Impacts Your Children
By Armin Brott
Author of
Father for Life
If you were divorced a while ago, you may only now be seeing the results. Ten years after their parents#146; divorce, young women who are now nineteen to twenty-three are afraid of intimacy with a male, afraid of betrayal, and/or afraid of losing love, says clinical psychologist Clay Tucker-Ladd. Young men the same age have many of the same issues. Ten years after the divorce, 40 percent of them are drifting in school, and don#146;t have any real sense of self-direction. There#146;s a pretty good chance that you#146;re still suffering too. According to Tucker-Ladd#146;s research, 30 to 50 percent of divorced couples are still bitter after the divorce ten years after the fact.
Your divorce, whether it happened a while ago or right now, is going to have a big impact on your relationships with your adult children. Later in life, divorced fathers get less care from and are less likely to live with an adult child, according to a study conducted by Barbara Steinberg Schone, Ph.D., of the Agency for Health Care Policy and Research, and Liliana Pezzin, Ph.D., of the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine.
If you thought that getting remarried would make things better, you#146;d be wrong. Remarried parents get less care from their children#151;and provide less cash assistance to them#151;than parents who are either in intact marriages or haven#146;t remarried, according to Schone and Pezzin.
For stepfathers there#146;s an interesting double standard. Although dads#146; ties with their step kids are not typically as strong as they are with their biological children, adult children get along better with stepfathers than with stepmothers, according to Harvard sociologist Constance Ahrons. About half of adult children whose mothers had remarried consider their stepfathers parents and were happy about the new marriage. But only about a third of adult kids whose fathers had remarried liked the idea of having a stepmother and considered her a parent.
If you think about this, it actually makes sense. In cases of divorce, more mothers get custody. That means that when Mom remarries, the kids have a chance to establish a good relationship with their new stepfather. Since they don#146;t spend as much time with their biological father, it#146;s natural that the kids wouldn#146;t bond nearly as well with his new wife.
A nationally recognized parenting expert, Armin Brott is the author of
Father for Life, The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for Dads-to-Be; The New Father: A Dad#146;s Guide to the First Year, A Dad#146;s Guide to the Toddler Years, Throwaway Dads
, and
The Single Father: A Dad#146;s Guide to Parenting without a Partner
. He has written on parenting and fatherhood for the
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:45Z
11 Secrets to Helping Your Child Handle Cliques And Navigate That Vicious Social Jungle
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/11-Secrets-to-Helping-Your-Child-Handle-Cliques-And-Navigate-That-Vicious-Social-Jungle
-
- /8723.html
2010-05-07T09:02:43Z
2010-05-07T09:02:43Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>11 Secrets to Helping Your Child Handle CliquesAnd Navigate That Vicious Social Jungle
By Michele Borba, Ed.D.
Excerpted from
Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me: The Top 25 Friendship Problems and How to Solve Them
Jossey-Bass April 2005. ISBN 0-7879-7662-8
Being #147;in#148; is every child#146;s dream, but being excluded is painful. There#146;s nothing worse than sitting alone in the cafeteria or not getting the invitations. Cliques rule. Trying to break in can be as tough as trying to make it into an exclusive country club or sorority. This isn#146;t about trying to make your child Miss or Mr. Popularity #150; this is about helping your child avoid a diet of put-downs and as much as you wish, you can#146;t take away your child#146;s pain from exclusion nor promise her that she will be included in the group#146;s next exclusive gathering. There are a few things you can say and do to help your child learn to navigate the social jungle, bounce back from rejection, and learn to fit in. Here are eleven ideas to try the next time your child suffers from the pain of rejection or complains: #147;Nobody likes me.#148;
Be empathic. #147;I know how tough it must be to be shunned like this. Let#146;s figure out what we can do about it.#148;
Provide a balance view. #147;Everyone does not hate you. What about your friend, Harold?#148; #147;Nobody has it made at first.#148; #147;A lot of famous people were unpopular in high school like Bill Gates, Steven Spielberg, or Christina Aguilar. You#146;ll find your niche.#148;
Don#146;t press too hard. #147;This is a tough topic. I#146;m here when you need me.#148; It can be humiliating for your child to confess this kind of rejection. Just being available and supportive may be a good first step. Later she may open up.
Don#146;t knock the other kids. Yes they#146;re snubbing your kid, but criticizing them won#146;t help. Your child wants their friendship, so don#146;t say: #147;Those kids are stupid. Why would you want to be friends with them anyway.#148; Do say: #147;We can see those kids have their way of seeing and doing things. We just have to find a way for you to fit in.#148;
Talk to teachers. Is it as bad as your kid makes it out to be? Find out the reality of cliques in your school by talking to those adults who are with the kids every day.
Start with one ally. One friend can be your child#146;s social entry card. Tell your child to not to aim at first for the whole group but start with just a one to one relationship with someone already there.
Help him blend in. Superficial as it may seem to you, having the right look, clothing, and hairstyle can be critical for being accepted by a clique. Take a good look at the crowd your child is trying to join, and then make a few suggestions.
Point for a different direction. If your child rebuffed by one group, encourage her to try another that may be more appropriate. Sociological studies have revealed an amazing number of different cliques and groups on a typical high school campus including everything from athletes to geeks and arty-types.
Encourage special strengths. Help your child identify what#146;s really special or unique about them like being a good singer, writer, musician, artist, athlete, a dedicated community worker. Use positive labels help her reframe herself. Ultimately this can both increase her self-confidence and make her more attractive to new friends.
Help manage frustrations. This kind of rejection can be very traumatic so offer your child healthy outlets and strategies for coping. Suggest she keep a journal, talk to mentor, express herself in her favorite creative way such as music, painting, or drawing.
Watch for downslide. If you think your child is really having a hard time, be available. Schedule a few weekends together. Take him to the gym with you. Take her to lunch. Tune into any red flags like poor grades, changing in eating or sleeping, mood swings, anger or withdrawal which could indicate problems he#146;s not discussing with you. If things get really tough, consider seeking professional help.
Michele Borba, Ed.D. is an internationally renown educator, motivational speaker, who has presented keynotes and workshops to over one million parents and teachers on four continents, and is the recipient of the National Educator Award. Dr. Borba serves on honorary board to
Parents
magazine and has appeared as a guest expert on Today, The Early Show, The View, Fox Friends, MSNBC, and NPR. She is the award-winning author of 20 books including
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:43Z
Love the One Youre With: A Lesson in Organizational Tolerance
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Love-the-One-Youre-With:-A-Lesson-in-Organizational-Tolerance
-
- /8724.html
2010-05-07T09:02:40Z
2010-05-07T09:02:40Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Love the One You#146;re With: A Lesson in Organizational Tolerance
Copyright 2001, Debbie Williams
Whether you are highly organized, a total messie, or somewhere in between, tolerating the organizing habits of those you live with is crucial to everyday living. There is nothing worse than being constantly reminded to pick up your dirty shirts off the bedroom floor by your wife, or to lighten by an oh-so-messy wife.
I#146;m sure none of you have ever tried to change the one you love (or at least won#146;t admit to it!), but take it from me#151;it just won#146;t work! Believe me, I#146;ve tried everything in my organizing bag of tricks to change the habits of my packrat husband, and nothing short of separate living quarters will come anywhere close to changing him. But that#146;s not such a bad thing to admit, and in fact when I finally DID stop trying to change his ways, accepting him for who he is, I found myself being much more calm and less stressed. After all, I did choose him, for better or worse, and those packrat tendencies are what make him such a great mechanic and all-around Mr. Fixit. So who am I to try to change his collecting habits?
I can recommend a few ways to live with a clutterbug, or avoid nagging from your significant other. His and Hers prep centers, Off-Limits Zones, and Compromised Areas are just the starting points for creating harmony in your home.
His Hers- If you have a spare bathroom in your home or apartment, consider setting up work areas separately, and just tidy up the one nearest the guestroom when you do have those infrequent guests. Many a marriage has been spared by using this simple technique, and I highly recommend it. Having an area all your own to spread, stack, or hide from view makes those morning rituals go all the more smoothly. If you don#146;t have the luxury of separate bathrooms , designate a drawer that is just for you and another that is just for him. Respect his need to have everything out in sight, and don#146;t expect him to share your need to tuck it away neatly into drawers. There is room for both organizing styles here.
Off Limits#151;If you live with a clutterbug, designate a room or area in your home that is totally off limits for cleaning, decluttering, and rearranging. This could be the attic, garage, basement, or home office. Maybe it#146;s just a corner of your bedroom that has been claimed by your messy spouse , but he does have the right to keep it the way he chooses. This no-man#146;s-land doesn#146;t come without a price, however#151;it not only avoids the spring cleaning brigade, but will gather dust and not garner the same routine respect as the other untidy parts of the house. Try to make your limits known to the self-proclaimed organizer in your home so that there are no misunderstandings. If you don#146;t mind occasional dusting and vacuuming around the piles, then say so. But if you don#146;t want any cleaning within a ten foot radius, then stake your claim now!
Compromised Areas- Many of us don#146;t have the luxury of having separate offices or private spaces in our homes, and since this is the real world, we need to relearn how to share. The rule that worked with your brother in third grade of not crossing over the invisible in your bedroom won#146;t go over too well with your wife! After all, it won#146;t really kill her to look at that towering stack of Consumer Reports in the corner of the living room, will it? And you can try not to throw all her toss pillows onto the floor each time you need to crash on the couch. A decent compromise might be for her to move those decorative (but impractical) pillows to her favorite chair or to another room of the house entirely. And maybe she can corral those magazines into a large wicker basket or copper kettle for storage. You#146;ll both be happier knowing that your property and your egos have been spared brutal attacks by the overly organized.
I could probably provide you with more tips to help you and create neutral territories in your own home, but I#146;m sure you#146;re already plotting ways to keep peace with the one you love. Feel free to get creative with your storage solutions and don#146;t hesitate to work together to bring harmony into your own love nest. Don#146;t worry#151;if you miss the clutter, you can always into your teenager#146;s room#151;you#146;ll feel right at home again.
Debbie Williams is an author, speaker and radio host who offers toolsand training to help you put your life in order. Learn more tips like these in her book, Common Sense Organizing (Champion Press Ltd, January 2005). Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:40Z
Celebrating Momm
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Celebrating-Momm
-
- /8725.html
2010-05-07T09:02:37Z
2010-05-07T09:02:37Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Celebrating Momm
www.thebusywoman.com
No, I did not misspell it! How many times a day when little ones are in a home do you hear, "Moooommmmmm!!! Mommmmmmmm!!!?" Even now with teenagers I hear it often. When I signed up as an AOL Community Leader in the Academic Assistance Center, back in 1995, I had to choose a screen name. Hence, ProfMomm, Professional Mom was born. This is how I sign my notes to my children.
I am proud to be Mom. However, when my first two children were babies, I had a hard time grasping what I was supposed to do all day. I sometimes cried from the loneliness being home all day with my first baby. She was a doll and I enjoyed every moment with her. But when the house was clean and we were done eating, I didn't know what to do with myself. Oh we'd take walks and go to the park. But there were usually two or more moms talking in their groups. They all had something together and I lived just a couple blocks away too many to be included.
There's only SO much play you can do in a day with a baby. Next my son came along and I had to learn to manage two of them all day. Things were still about the same except for the sleepless nights because of my son's colic. Moving on, our third child was born and her ears were always infected so she lived on my hip and the sleepless nights continued.
I couldn't blame the children for my sleepless nights. For my sanity, at about 12 noon each day, I'd tell the children that it was time for everyone to have quiet time. They would complain because they wanted to be outside or in front of TV, etc... I came up with this, "We all need quiet time. Even mommies need quiet time. Do you know what happens to your mommy when she doesn't get her quiet time?" Their eyes would open big and they'd say, "Uh ohhhhh." I'd go on, "Mommy turns into "Mommy Monster!"" I'd snarl and make faces and chase them into their bedrooms. They'd run laughing all the way down the hall. Of course I was carrying the baby and gave her certain toys she only played with at that time, each day, in her crib.
I didn't require them to sleep. They could do anything they wanted as long as it was relaxing and quiet. But instead of yelling and screaming, I explained to them that if I didn't get MY needed rest I would turn into a monster.
The point is that it took a LOT of thinking and ingenuity to come up with things to help me stay sane and still be a good mom. We had a rigid schedule because I home schooled. But that proved to be great because we would schedule in 3-5 hours of "Free Time" per day! I did this by setting up the house so that there was a place for everything and everything had a place. It took about a month or so to get it that way, but it is well worth the effort. Now, 20 years of marriage and three teenagers later, there have been a lot of changes and hard lessons learned. We all say we are going to do better than our parents. And in some things we do. But I'll never forget my mom telling me that one day I'll understand this and one day I'll understand that...
The past 4 months or so have been my awakening. On my way home from a recent trip I felt the need to stop in and tell my parents how much I appreciate and love them. I must have said it 10 times. I now understand what mom meant all those years. And oh how I appreciate them, the things they sacrificed, the things they did for us. When I came home from school as a child my mom would greet me with a smile and hug and say, "Hi Honey! How was your day?" I can still hear her.
My mom has not always been the gentle mom she is now. That's where I came up with mommy monster after all. However, I can see things more clearly now because I had so many of the same "Mommy Monster" Days with my children as she did with me. As a child though, you don't quite understand the reality of the situation. Somehow I don't remember the difficult times as vividly as I did before. I mostly remember all the gentle quiet times she shared with me. When I was in preschool, she helped out in the classroom and at one point was my teacher for a short time at a preschool. Then during the days I was home I remember her teaching me how to play cards. Her favorite at that time was Gin Rummy and you know what, my mom never let me win. That was a big deal! She would beat me fair and square. But on the off chance I would actually win, I KNEW that I had really won! I seem to recall many games of gin rummy, go fish, crazy eights, war, and slap jack. I remember; watching TV with her, getting to sneak some of the yummy food before her guests came for her Pan game, gentle rocking when I hurt or was sad (This one I remember most!). I remember her always being on all but two field trips I went on throughout my elementary school years and the ones she missed were only because she had surgery during one and was sick for the other. But she had the teacher sit with me on the bus to make sure I didn't get sick.
This is a tribute to MY Momm and Yours for all of their diligent service as Moms, their hard work, unconditional love, sacrifices and most of all, warm hugs. Seems as though when we get older, the good memories replace the bad and we can then see who our moms really are. I hope that happens to you sooner than it did me. Thank you Mom!!!
copyright 2002 Susie Glennan
Susie Glennan is the President of the Busy Woman, Inc. - DBA: The Busy Woman's Daily Plannerreg;. Her products have been featured in Real Simple and Parenting Magazines, CBS Early Show, San Antonio Living Show and many more! She is the editor of Organizing Round-Up as well as Busy Woman Tips Articles.
Susie has been happily married since 1982. She is mom to 3, a Home Maker, Teacher, Toastmaster, Speaker and is Author of numerous articles that have been published in magazines and across the web.
www.thebusywoman.com
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:37Z
In an Enviable Position: Dealing with Envious Attacks at Work and at Home
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/In-an-Enviable-Position:-Dealing-with-Envious-Attacks-at-Work-and-at-Home
-
- /8726.html
2010-05-07T09:02:35Z
2010-05-07T09:02:35Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>In an Enviable Position: Dealing with Envious Attacks at Work and at Home
By Leslie Godwin, MFCC
Jill, a reader in Virginia, emailed me about a serious problem she ran into at work. "I worked very hard for three years on a project. And when it took off, you could say I got too much recognition. The project was used in many of my boss' presentations as a success story, I was invited to meetings abroad, and I was nominated to special committees.
"But instead of my co-workers giving me credit for doing a good job, they kept looking for my dark side. 'She's just ambitious,' the nasty ones would say. The nice ones just told me not to work so hard.
"I tried to compensate for the negative reaction of some of my co-workers by being extra nice and even more helpful. This backfired. My office roommate, who'd been a close friend for years stopped talking to me for several months. Everything I did seemed to irritate her.
"My husband and family tried to get it through my head that it wasn't my fault; that this was her problem. Funny, now that her life is happier, we're close friends again."
DIAGNOSIS: ENVY
Envy at work affects many of us, but it's often very hard to identify. I had a similar situation many years ago myself, and tried some of the same things Jill did. I wanted to win my colleagues over by being even more kind and thoughtful. I couldn't understand it when that only led to more intense attacks on me and my work.
A psychologist at the hospital where I worked finally explained to me what was going on. I, like Jill, was the recipient of envious attacks from certain disgruntled co-workers.
WHAT IS ENVY?
Being envied feels like someone is attacking something good about you...it can even feel like you're being attacked for just being who you are. Envy occurs when someone who doesn't feel like they get what they need in life attacks what is good in you. They believe (on a deep level) that if they can spoil what's good in you, they'll level the playing field and won't feel so badly about themselves.
STAY-AT-HOME MOMS ARE OFTEN THE VICTIMS OF ENVY
Jill was envied by some unhappy co-workers, but many SAHM's are envied by those who wish they could be full-time parents.
I don't mean to say that most hard-working moms are envious of those who stay home with their children. Being envious is NOT the same as wishing you could do something differently. Envy feels like you want to attack the person who has what you want. If they make homemade cookies for a school event, you find yourself angry at them for showing off that they have the time to bake. You'd be quick to jump on anything they say about their life as if they were constantly angling to show their superiority.
Many SAHM's I've worked with have talked about neighbors shunning them or ridiculing them behind their back. Their reaction to the attacks is often similar to what Jill and I experienced. They try to downplay the fact that they are home and enjoy it, and they try to pacify those who attack them, sure that if they only knew how hard their life is, they wouldn't be so envious. But their efforts are in vain, since the envious person does not have empathy for them and feels that THEY are the victim, not the SAHM.
WHAT NOT TO DO IF YOU ARE THE VICTIM OF ENVIOUS ATTACKS:
DON'T:
Don't identify with your envier and try to appease, blame yourself, or win them over
Don't stop being yourself
Don't leave yourself open to more attacks
Don't withdraw so much that you're denying your normal and healthy needs for relationships (this can lead to burnout, among other problems.)
Jill explained that the more she downplayed her role on the project, and the nicer she was to her attackers, the more irritated they became. She started to act very quiet and withdrawn, afraid to draw any attention to herself.
Once she saw that there was a pattern -- it was the unhappy people who tended to be envious -- she started to realize that her husband and family had a point. She hadn't brought this upon herself with her behavior or attitude, and she couldn't solve it by being nicer or blending into the woodwork.
WHAT YOU SHOULD CONSIDER DOING:
DO:
Do keep your distance from your envier. Think of their envy as a kind of poison that will make you sick if you're in contact with it.
Do be yourself; try as best you can not to take their attacks personally
Do identify true friends and supporters, and focus on these positive relationships
Do give up the wish that you can win over your envier by being kind or explaining yourself to them
Do ask for guidance from a higher source. Pray, meditate, or tune into your intuition...whatever you can do to listen to a source of wisdom above and beyond the natural reactions anyone would have to these confusing attacks.
Jill recommends choosing your friends carefully, but then sharing everything with those trusted friends. Some traits she looks for now in friends and co-workers are those who don't gossip about others, are kind and compassionate, and seem happy in their own lives.
She adds, "I also learned to practice certain responses so I was ready for the nosy questions these disgruntled co-workers would ask me. I can get nervous when put on the spot, so that made me feel more confident."
Jill found that the more she "held my head up, treated myself with respect, and stopped sharing so much with those who didn't have my best interest in mind, that things got much better."
Leslie Godwin, MFCC, is a Career Life-Transition Coach specializing in helping people put their families, faith, and principles first when making career and life choices. Leslie is the author of, "
From Burned Out to Fired Up: A Woman's Guide to Rekindling the Passion and Meaning in Work and Life
" published by Health Communications. For more information, go to
www.LeslieGodwin.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:35Z
Valentines and Values
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Valentines-and-Values
-
- /8727.html
2010-05-07T09:02:34Z
2010-05-07T09:02:34Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:34Z
A Fresh Resolve for the New Year: Patience
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/A-Fresh-Resolve-for-the-New-Year:-Patience
-
- /8728.html
2010-05-07T09:02:31Z
2010-05-07T09:02:31Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>A Fresh Resolve for the New Year: Patience
by Ann Brazil
www.timeouttot.com
Recently a number of mom-friends shared their New Year#146;s resolutions with me. Each mother has resolved to be more patient with her children. This is great news!
Patience is an immensely important topic for parents and children. Over the next months as a regular feature of this newsletter, we#146;ll closely examine many of the factors that can influence patience. Join me every month as we put patience under the magnifying glass: why do we lose it, when do we need it most, what can we do to cultivate it, and how can we stretch it a bit further? I invite you to return here again and again for support.
The facets of patience #150; and their significance to you #150; are manifold. The mothers who shared their resolutions with us reveal just a few. One mother is a public attorney who describes herself as a #147;bookish intellectual.#148; She feels guilty for taking no interest in playing #147;mindless one-on-one games#148; with her daughter. Another mother is a stay-at-home mom and describes her job as #147;hard work#148; and finds that her fuse gets short when she is over-worked. A third mother finds it painfully ironic that as a schoolteacher she seems to have loads of patience for her twenty 2nd graders, but at home with her toddler she loses it in an instant. These mothers#146; challenges with patience, or lack of it, are very real and very human. So are yours.
What exactly
is
patience?
The English word
patience
comes from the Latin root
pati
, which literally means #147;to suffer#148;. Despite the fact that these mothers have openly acknowledged that they lose their patience when they feel they are #147;suffering,#148; it is doubtful these mothers#146; resolve is to suffer
more
this year. They seek ways to calmly face their parenting difficulties with greater poise and understanding. Their resolve, then, is to transform their #147;suffering#148; into a virtue, like compassion. When we calmly endure our children#146;s imperfect behavior, maintaining that they are good, but little and still learning, we not only model one of the most valuable human virtues (patience), we then have the wherewithall to teach them #147;proper behavior.#148;
Here are a few guidelines you and your child will appreciate. They are designed to help you cultivate and exercise more patience in those familiar patience-testing situations:
Know what pushes your buttons. The last three times you snapped, just what exactly
snapped
you?
Give yourself a reality check. Is your child intentionally pushing your buttons? Probably not. Social skills are learned, just like math and science. As Tot reminds us in his theme song,
they#146;re learning
. They
will
make mistakes.
Remember you are the teacher. Your child learns by observing your example. What is the example you set when the
little things
lead to regrettable outbursts?
Switch roles.
Why can#146;t you just sit still!?
Better to answer the question before you shout it. How do you set yourself up for disaster? Do you truly expect your toddler to wait patiently and quietly while you shop the post-Christmas sales at Nordstrom and Neiman Marcus? If so, did you bring a toy for her to play with while you wait in that line at the cash-wrap? Think like a child
and
think ahead.
Put your lifestyle under the microscope. When you#146;re coming down from the morning#146;s mocha latte boost, are you more likely to lose it? Do you really need so much caffeine? You drink a glass of Merlot to relax: does it actually relax you or put you on edge? Getting enough sleep? Exercise? Do you prepare ahead for the next day?
Breathe easy. Ever notice how contracted your breath becomes when you#146;re under stress? Just as your state of mind can change the way you breathe, your breath can change your state of mind also. Calm, even breathing steadies your mind, opens a space for patience to enter, and helps you detach from the
buttons
that, when pushed, ignite emotional outbursts.
Your Homework for January
Self-awareness is crucial if your resolution is to exercise more patience in 2005. This month, begin to notice what sets you off. Look for the patterns that lead to the misbehavior that tries your patience most. What is the time of day? Is your child tired? Hungry? Is he or she frustrated but unable to say why? For now, just take a look at yourself and your child in the mirror of each hour. Set your watch alarm to go off once every hour, if need be. When you hear the beep, check in with yourself. How#146;s it going? Keep a notepad and pen handy to jot down a quick note to yourself. And don#146;t forget to add a little reminder#133; you#146;re learning too#133;we all are. Learning from our mistakes may be the most painful learning process, but it#146;s the most productive!
Please share your ideas and insights about patience with me and other readers. You#146;re always encouraged and welcome to drop me a line at
www.TimeOutTot.com
.
Written by Ann Brazil, creator of
TimeOut Tot
-- the six-time award-winning program that teaches preschoolers good behavior. For more go to:
www.timeouttot.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:31Z
Valentines Day on A Dime
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Valentines-Day-on-A-Dime
-
- /8729.html
2010-05-07T09:02:29Z
2010-05-07T09:02:29Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Valentines Day on A Dime
By Tawra Kellam
www.LivingOnADime.com
Using a little imagination, you can make your Valentines Day a little more fun and a lot less expensive. If you want to add a little personalized romance or if you don#146;t have the time or money to buy all the pre-made things in the store, here are some ideas from
www.LivingOnADime.com
to help you make the day special.
For the Kids:
My mom always made a great but inexpensive Valentines Day treats for us. She would take construction paper and cut a big heart out of it. (About 8x10 inches) then she would staple the edges together and write our names and I love you on the outside. Then she would fill the heart with candy, purchased on clearance after Christmas. It was very inexpensive but we loved it!
Do a Valentines treasure hunt. Leave little notes around with the last one leading back to the kitchen table with heart full of candy.
For Lunches: Make heart shaped Valentines cookies, cut the kids (or hubby#146;s) sandwiches with a heart shaped cookie cutter to make a heart sandwich. Add a few Valentines chocolates and put a note in red with a big heart on their napkin.
Serve anything red for the day. Serve red Jell-o, red pudding, red apples, toast with strawberry jelly, tomato soup, red applesauce, red Kool-aid, strawberry milk, or red frosted cookies. Use powered food coloring from the cake store to get the deepest shade of red. Leave sticks of red gum in their Valentines Day cards.
Make red heart shaped cupcakes. Make cupcakes as usual but place a marble down the side of the muffin tin between the muffin tin and each cupcake cup. This will make heart shaped cupcakes.
Make hearts out of chocolate chips in each of your pancakes.
Mail your pre-addressed and stamped Valentines to Loveland, Colorado and they will postmark them and mail them for you. Send them to: Postmaster, Attn: Valentines, Loveland, CO 80537
Make a treasure hunt for your spouse. Start by mailing or e-mailing him the first clue. Then leave clues all over the house, yard, car or his office telling him where to find the next clue. End the hunt by making a picnic in the back yard or going to a park for a picnic. Use your imagination and have fun. The simple things are the ones people remember.
Things to do with or for your honey:
Go to a bookstore and enjoy the silence and browse. Get a cup of coffee and make a date of it.
Celebrate Valentines Day AFTER Valentines day. Everything is half off.
Mail a love letter to your hubby#146;s work.
Send your spouse a sexy email message.
Leave a "Why I love you" messages all over the house. Buy a package of the cheap Valentines. Leave a message on each one and hide them all over the house for your honey. They will get to enjoy the gift for months!
Use lipstick to make hearts and love notes on the rear view mirror, car windows, bathroom mirror or windows of the house. Leave a kiss on his napkin for lunch or dinner. Make a bunch of hearts out of construction paper. Put a love note on each one. Paste them all over the front door or car before your hubby or kids come home from work.
If you don#146;t have money to go out, have a picnic on the floor. Use some candles and lay a soft blanket on the floor. Put on some soft music and have a romantic Valentines dinner on the floor. Use some white Christmas lights for additional romantic lighting!
Tawra Kellam is the editor of LivingOnADime.com. For more free money saving tips and recipes visit her web site at
www.LivingOnADime.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:29Z
The Queen of Purge
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Queen-of-Purge
-
- /8730.html
2010-05-07T09:02:26Z
2010-05-07T09:02:26Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Queen of Purge
by Susie Glennan
www.thebusywoman.com
I thought I'd share my latest obsession or should I say compulsion on decluttering...
My Uncle died on March 7th. SO my family and I drove back and forth between his house and mine gathering his things. His house is 7 hours away and the 4 trips just about pushed me over the edge. I was the recipient of a lot of his nice furniture, many CD's, keepsakes and memorabilia. However, bringing it all home has made me go into a compulsive mode. After all, I AM the hand me down queen and am grateful for any good stuff someone wants to give me (IF I can use it that is. LOL). But when I have too much stuff, I get a claustrophobic type of feeling. That is the warning sign that itsup1;s time to purge the house of unused items.
So after our last trip I realized that there was just too much and I had been having trouble getting rid of things such as a dollhouse I made for my oldest over 12 years ago! Now come on, it was cute, but unfinished (still needed molding and curtains). Since there was no room for it in the new house, we left it on the side yard and didn't raise it off of the ground. So when it rained several times in the past year, water seeped up from the bottom. Then there are the two microwaves that work at 75%, tons of plastic chairs (a housewarming gift for all of the parties we wanted to have), old broken pots left by the previous owner, my table saw that I made the dollhouse with, also left outside and very rusted... and on and on and on! Something snapped into focus. I'm not sure what, but I have become a purging QUEEN!!! I've made so much room by throwing things away and combining boxes half full that I am in awe! And I'm still working on it!
I took advantage of one of my yearly FREE pick-ups by the city. And to say it feels good is an understatement! LOL Someone wrote an article about the trash man being her best friend. I had to laugh and agree! What a way to look at it. Then it hit me! I always scurry around on the weekends looking for anything that is trash and I can throw away. The trash is picked up on Monday! {{{light bulb moment}}} I am slightly compulsive and didn't even put two and two together until now.
So now I know how to explain to the family what I need. {smile} Really though they already know. Every year for my birthday and Mother's Day I request a deep housecleaning by the family, or a cleaning crew. They always attempt to do it themselves, but I always PRAY for the cleaning crew if you get my drift. Their hearts are in the right place, but they just can't accomplish what a cleaning crew is paid to come in and tackle.
Okay, back on track... For some reason, this time my compulsion is becoming an obsession as I have been going through every closet and cabinet, in every place in the house; bedrooms, bathrooms (DONE!), kitchen, garage, laundry room (DONE!), and outside in two sheds and a workroom which has been the dumping ground for the past year. You would not believe what I've gotten rid of. I have empty cabinets in the kitchen and laundry room! This is SO great! There's even space in the pantry.
I didn't do this all at once though. I have been doing it little by little each day. I do some each morning and it feels GREAT! Well, I am physically sore. But it FEELS GREAT!
One last thing... How many of you have papers from long ago that you don't need to keep, but can't just throw in the trash? Personal information know matter how old should be shredded. Let me tell you about one of my new best friends... you're going to laugh, but when I had to shred 10 years of papers I kept for tax purposes, it took me something like 3 to 5 days. So last week I said to my husband, "Hey Steve, how much do you think ShredEx would cost to come shred all of my boxes of old files?" He said, "Oh gosh Susan... probably $1000." Then while writing an article I stopped cold and called ShredEx. Guess what??? They only charged me $65 for 10 bankers boxes! I was so thrilled I could hardly take it! Now they're only a West Coast based Company, so you'll have to find a company in your own area that does the same thing. But so man people I've told (who live near me) are excited to call them and purge their papers.
So this got me to thinking... How many people DO NOT purge their old papers because they're not sure what to do with them? For years we've had tons of papers and didn't know where we could dispose of them. We all have a lot of personal information that you can't just throw in the trash. If we can share this information with others and find some companies to refer people to, it MAY just help them get the desire to purge those old papers! Look for your local paper shredding company in the yellow pages or call a local paper supplier to ask them. They'll know where you can find someone to shred those old papers. Take advantage of this if you have a lot of old files and papers. You'll be so glad you did!
Copyright copy; 2003 Susie Glennan - The Busy Woman, Inc.
Susie Glennan is the President of The Busy Woman, Inc. - DBA: The Busy Woman's Daily Plannerreg;. Her products have been featured in Real Simple and Parenting Magazines, CBS Early Show, San Antonio Living Show and many more! She is the editor of Organizing Round-Up as well as Busy Woman Tips Articles.
Susie has been happily married since 1982. She is mom to 3, a Home Maker, Teacher, Toastmaster, Speaker and is Author of numerous articles that have been published in magazines and across the web.
www.thebusywoman.com
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:26Z
The Bedtime Routine
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Bedtime-Routine
-
- /8731.html
2010-05-07T09:02:24Z
2010-05-07T09:02:24Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Bedtime Routine
It really is important,
That your child#146;s in bed by eight.
Anytime after that,
Is honestly too late.
It#146;s true they look adorable,
Dressed in their p.j.#146;s,
Making it real tempting to,
Let them have their way.
When they want a drink of water,
Or, to read another book.
When they #147;gotta go potty,#148;
And wear that panicked look?!
But, it#146;s
even
harder when,
They#146;re
shouting
these commands.
Past eight o#146;clock, we#146;re tired and,
Give them the upper hand.
Of course it is much easier,
Just to say, #147;OK#148;
But we face the repercussions,
Throughout the following day.
When our children are tired,
The whining escalates.
Our patience fades away,
And it#146;s an ugly fate!
They haven#146;t a chance to be,
Their best and nor do we.
Because we have to scold them,
For behavior that we see.
By giving in we nourish,
These unsightly seeds.
Children cannot blossom when,
They are choked by weeds.
And it#146;s extremely unattractive,
To see whining at eighteen.
The begging and the tantrumming,
Is an ugly scene.
No one wants them as a friend,
Or to hire them for work.
Even if they#146;ve got #147;good marks,#148;
Who#146;d employ a jerk?!
So#133;tonight when it is bedtime,
Explain to them #147;the plan.#148;
#147;Get two books, some water,#148;
And potty beforehand.#148;
If you make the routine clear,
And they understand #147;the plan,#148;
It#146;s makes it so much easier,
To keep the upper hand.
But you#146;ve got to be consistent.
Give it a night or three.
To get the routine down. Then#133;
You#146;ll have your evening free!
You need the time alone,
Or, together with your mate.
So, begin #147;the plan#148; tonight,
Before it gets too late!
We think that we#146;re good parents
When we meet their every need
But going #147;beyond the call#148;
Actually plants #147;bad seeds#148;
Ann Brazil
Pausitive Programs, LLC
2385 Sherwood Road
San Marino, CA 91108
Phone: 626-285-3091
Fax: 626-285-8439
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:24Z
Racing Stripes - A Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Racing-Stripes---A-Movie-Review
-
- /8732.html
2010-05-07T09:02:21Z
2010-05-07T09:02:21Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Racing Stripes - A Movie Review
Films Reviews from a Family Perspective by Phil Boatwright
www.moviereporter.com
With the synopsis and content, you can decide if the new films are suitable for your viewing.
Video alternatives
contain the same theme, but lack the offensive material.
Racing Stripes. Bruce Greenwood, Hayden Panettiere, and with the voices of Frankie Muniz, Dustin Hoffman, Whoopi Goldberg, Joe Pantoliano, Jeff Foxworthy and Snoop Dogg. Warner Bros. Kids#146; comedy. W-David F. Schmidt. D-Frederik Du Chau.
Opens 1/14/05
A widowed rancher finds a lost zebra colt one cold and rainy night. Giving the animal shelter in his barn seems like the right thing to do. But no good deed goes unpunished. When his perky teenaged daughter spots the adorable striped yearling, it#146;s love at first sight. #147;Can we keep him? Please, Dad!#148; #147;We#146;ll see,#148; he says as they leave. Yeah, right. That little black and white pony is there to stay. What#146;s more, he#146;s going to impact their lives.
This Warner Bros. comedy adventure may begin from a human perspective, but as soon as man and girl exit the barn, the shelter comes alive with talking animals, each trying to figure out what this strange-looking beast is. Even the newly dubbed Stripes doesn#146;t know what he is. But with four legs and a mane and tail, well, he must be a horse. But what kind of horse? The following day our four-legged protagonist spots a racetrack and meets two thoroughbred colts. They know who they are #150; they will one day be racehorses. That sounds pretty good to Stripes. If they are racehorses, then he must be, as well.
Befriended by the farm#146;s misfit troupe of barnyard residents, led by a grumpy Shetland pony (voiced by Dustin Hoffman), a wise old goat (voiced by Whoopi Goldberg), and a deranged big-city pelican named Goose (voiced by Joe Pantoliano), who claims to be hiding out until the heat dies down in Jersey, Stripes is soon groomed to enter the Kentucky Open. And can you guess whom they get to ride our young champion? Why, the perky teenaged daughter, of course.
#147;National Velvet#148; it#146;s not. Nor #147;Black Beauty.#148; Nor #147;Chicken Run,#148; for that matter. But the film, like the zebra who stars, has a lot of heart. Would it be my first choice for a film outing on a Friday night? No. But I wasn#146;t the intended audience. This one belongs to those who believe in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and in the suggestion that a zebra could outrun a trained thoroughbred.
During the screening, I#146;d look around at the youngest members of the audience to see their reactions. Each was entranced. Every aspect seemed to delight them. Hey, it#146;s a comedy about talking animals, little animals struggling against big animals. Of course little ones will be entertained. But what about their forced-to-attend guardians? Well, as I say, it#146;s no #147;National Velvet,#148; but if you can leave your intellect at the door, you#146;ll find several humorous moments #150; enough to keep you engaged. But what may be most satisfying for moms and dads is the reaction from their offspring. Though there are a few too many poop jokes (the pelican attempts to drop loads on the heads of his enemies, and two very funny horse flies land in a pile of manure), generally, it#146;s a gentle comedy that also contains positive messages about friendship, wanting to be accepted, and going for the impossible dream.
#147;Racing Stripes#148; is a winner. A delightful kids#146; film that parents will enjoy.
PG (there are a couple of sexual innuendos that will no doubt go over the heads of the littlest audience members, a few flatulence jokes, and some barnyard poop humor, but overall it#146;s a satisfying kids#146; movie, one filled with positive messages).
Go to Phil Boatwright#146;s website at:
www.moviereporter.com
for details on how to have reviews of new films delivered directly to your e-mail address. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
DEFINITIONS
Crudity
- Lacking in culture, tact
Expletive
- An obscene word or phrase
Obscenity
- Objectionable or repugnant to acceptable standards of decency or morality; indecent; pornographic; offensive in language or action.
Profanity
- Irreverence toward God or holy things
Blasphemy
- To speak impiously or contemptuously of God or sacred things
Adult subject matter
- Situations or subjects unsuitable for or difficult
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:21Z
Did You Know Most People Make The Same New Year's Resolutions?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Did-You-Know-Most-People-Make-The-Same-New-Years-Resolutions
-
- /8733.html
2010-05-07T09:02:20Z
2010-05-07T09:02:20Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:20Z
Explaining World Tragedy to Children
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Explaining-World-Tragedy-to-Children
-
- /8734.html
2010-05-07T09:02:17Z
2010-05-07T09:02:17Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Explaining World Tragedy to Children
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
Your 6 year old has just seen video of real children being washed out to sea. Your teen sits transfixed watching images of people clinging to trees, mothers wailing as they discover dead children in an endless line of unclaimed bodies, and babies crying hysterically for their mothers. At the dinner table your 5th grader asks, #147;Can anything like that happen to us, dad?#148;
How is a parent to respond? What should you say? What should you do? How do you deal with your child#146;s fears without increasing them? Is it possible to reassure your child at a time when you, yourself, are horrified by the images of intense pain and grief you see in the hearts and on the faces of parents half way around the world?
Yes, you are filled with empathy for the survivors who have lost loved ones, homes, and jobs. Yes, you are extremely grateful that your children are safe in your comfortable home as the horrific images continue to flow onto your television screen. And yes, you can use this incredibly tragic situation to help your children learn lessons of love, compassion, and of the indestructible nature of the human spirit.
Once children have seen the images of tragedy and suffering it is necessary to debrief it with them. The sooner the better. By debriefing, we mean answering their questions, providing information, asking questions, and reflecting their feelings.
Provide the scientific information for which they are asking. Tell your children in age appropriate language what you know about how nature can create a tidal wave, tornado, hurricane, volcanic eruption or whatever the tragedy might be. Keep this part factual. You can even use books or magazines to assist you in providing information.
Tell your children the effects of the natural disaster. Talk about the destruction that was created as a result of nature#146;s fury. This is a good time to make the connection between cause and effect. Limit what you say to what was seen on TV or directly questioned by your children. Too much information at this point can increase their fright and worry. The goal here is to be brief, accurate, and provide them with the specific information for which they are looking. If you fail to give them information, if you fail to debrief, children#146;s brains will fill in the blanks. Better to fill in those gaps yourself with factual knowledge than to have your children fill them with their imaginations.
Concentrate on feelings. Your children will be seeing a wide variety of feelings expressed on TV. They will see sadness, panic, grief, relief, joy, depression, frustration and desperation, among others. In addition, they will personally be full of unexpressed and often unrecognized feelings.
When you sense they are feeling empathy, sadness, or pain, say so. Tell them, #147;You seem deeply saddened about this,#148; or #147;You sound scared and frightened that this might happen to us.#148; Children are starving for feeling recognition and this is a great time to supply it.
When strong emotion is shown on TV, honor it by talking about it. Mention the extreme sadness and grief that is shown there. Refrain from being an adult who ignores the grief of others and refuses to acknowledge it. Do not treat hurting human beings like they are invisible. Talk about your feelings. Tell your children about the sympathy, empathy, and pain you feel for the loss of others. Allow your children to hear and see you express feelings. In so doing, you are helping them acquire a feeling vocabulary that they can use their entire lives.
When you communicate your feelings and honor the feelings of your children for people around the world, you teach them important lessons about the human condition. You help them appreciate how we are all more alike than different. You help them see that we are all connected, no matter how distant we seem. You help them learn we are all one.
As you go through this debriefing process, encourage your children to look for the helpers. Helpers always come. There are always people who step forth to help. In the case of a major tragedy there will be many helpers, playing out a variety of roles. Point them out to your children. When small problems occur in their own lives they will have learned to look for the helpers. There are helpers at school, on the playground, in the mall, and on the highway when our car breaks down. Learn to look for helpers and they will be more likely to show up when you need them.
Discuss with your children how you as a family can be helpers during this tragedy. Perhaps you can send money, give blood, say prayers, send love, or call the Red Cross to see what kinds of items can be donated. Choose one or more ways to be helpers as a family and allow your children to help implement that strategy with you. Pray together. Let them observe as you give blood. Take them shopping for the toiletry items needed by the Red Cross. Let them help you address the envelope that sends the check. Get them involved in the process of being a helper. Let them see and be love in action.
Our deepest sympathies and heartfelt prayers go out to the families directly affected by the most recent tsunami. The scope and depth of the pain and heartache of catastrophic tragedies like this are not measurable. Yet, those same horrific events can be used for good if we help our children learn about feelings, looking for the helpers, appreciating the connectedness of all human beings, and the beauty of one heart reaching out to another across the continents. We can help them learn that around the world is a long way away and still very much a part of our neighborhood.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of #147;The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose," (available from Personal Power Press at toll free 877-360-1477, amazon.com, and bookstores everywhere). They also publish a FREE email newsletter for parents. Subscribe to it at
ipp57@aol.com
. Visit
www.chickmoorman.com
and
www.thomashaller.com
, and
www.10commitments.net
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:17Z
Moms Time Management
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Moms-Time-Management
-
- /8735.html
2010-05-07T09:02:14Z
2010-05-07T09:02:14Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Moms Time Management
Work From Home Moms Time Management Tips
"How do you DO it?!" If I had a dime for every time I heard that, I would be able to quit my home business.
Just kidding.
Seriously, time management is a serious issue for work from home Moms. You want your home business to be a success, but you don't want the rest of your responsibilities to fall by the wayside...especially your children, who are thereason you chose to work from home in the first place.
While you're probably already doing some of the obvious things like taking advantage of naptimes and bedtime, I hope you find some additional ideas from the following time management tips to make things easier for you while working from home and caring for young children.
Time Management for your Home Business
Have a clear purpose when you go online
Whenever you go to your computer, have a definite purpose in mind. It helps to keep a notebook by your computer always with your goals and to-do lists in it, all in once place. This helps prevent you from aimlessly checking email or surfing the net and getting lost. Know what you need to accomplish, write it down, do it, and move on to the next activity.
Outsource as many tasks as you can afford
Consider hiring a virtual assistant if you have a lot of administrative tasks. Or pay your kids to do things for youthat are age appropriate. This can even be a tax deductible expense. Check with your accountant.
Analyze your activities
Think about the steps you engage yourself in with your business and see if those tasks are really paying off for you. A lot of work at home Moms do things like join safelists, traffic exchanges and other activities that most internet marketing experts agree are not the best use of your time. Ask people who are where you want to be in your business how they manage their time. Just because something is free doesn't mean you should be spending time doing it.
The best $20 you can spend on your business
It's amazing what you can get done during that time. Plus, your kids usually get worn out from all the fun and take longer naps. Everybody wins!
Think Assembly Line
In other words, group similar activities together. Don't check your email all day, check it two or 3 times a day (at most)and answer all the emails at the same time. When you want to make changes to your website, list them all and wait until you need to make several changes at once. When one child asks for a story gather them all around. Same thing for snacks. Run all your errands at once.
Utilize Technology
Get wireless internet and a laptop if at all possible. This can make a drastic improvement in your ability to work online around your children. You can sit on the front porch and work on your website while your kids play in the yard. Or you can drop them off at a friend's house and head to Starbucks and get online!
Use autoresponders, mailing lists and other resources to automate your business. If you find yourself typing out answers to the same questions over and over again, add pages to your website or create an ecourse or downloadable report that addresses those topics and refer your customers or downline or whomever to those.
Household time management
Simplify meal preparation and shopping
That doesn't mean you spend a lot of extra money on convenience foods that aren't good for you. But do make simple meals that even your children can help you prepare. Use your crock pot. Collect recipes that require few ingredients and no elaborate preparation.
Have a good routine for making menus and shopping. In the long run, extra trips to the store for that missing ingredient is costing you time and money. Most families eat the same 10 or so favorite dishes over and over. Enlist the help of your family to figure out what those favorites are, print up the ingredients into a shopping list, and take that to the store. Have the list posted on the fridge to mark things off as they're used up.
Get your kids to help out around the house more. Here are more work from home Mom house cleaning tips.
General Mom time management tips
Identify time wasters in your day
It's a different thing for everyone. Maybe it's the TV, maybe it's friends calling to chat in the middle of the day. Maybe it's activities that seem necessary but that really aren't productive, like posting a lot in message forums. Whatever it is, identify it and eliminate it if possible, or at least manage it. Use your voicemail, and call people back when it's a better time for you. Figure out if watching Oprah or the Apprentice is really adding value to your life or just wasting your time.
Make a timer your best friend
A timer has so many uses. You can set it to tell your child when you'll be available for them. Young children have difficulty comprehending time, and the timer will set them at ease so they won't bug for you that entire period.
It also keeps you on track and helps you finish up tasks more quickly. Use it when you're reading email, cleaning house, whenever you want to accomplish something fast.
Have a Routine
Having a routine for your household chores and business activities can really help Moms with time management. When you have a good routine, you can do things without thinking, and they always take up less time that way. Keep your routines written down until they're memorized. Use an organizing calender or digital system...whatever works best for you. Make sure everyone else in your household knows the basics of your routine so that things flow more smoothly.
Set limits
No one person can do everything. Your time and energy is valuable and you need to be firm in setting limits on how you spend it. Don't commit to things that you can't reasonably accomplish. Get enough rest. Learn to say No. Avoid negative people who like to whine.
As Moms we're constantly working on time management, but with creativity and good routines, we can have a thriving business and a balanced life.
Carrie Lauth is a work from home Mom of 3. She offers a free newsletter for Momsnew to marketing on the Internet plus more work at home Mom organization tips at
www.business-moms-expo.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:14Z
Tips for Staying Fit and Healthy at Home
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Tips-for-Staying-Fit-and-Healthy-at-Home
-
- /8736.html
2010-05-07T09:02:12Z
2010-05-07T09:02:12Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Tips for Staying Fit and Healthy at Home
By Lesley Spencer, MSc ; Founder Director:
www.HomeBasedWorkingMoms.com
Many Americans these days are finding themselves out of shape and overweight. Why is that? The bottom line is we are taking in more calories than we are burning. It takes a conscious effort to reduce calories, eat healthier and get regular exercise.
Exercise does not have to be a dreaded word either. The good news is that exercise gives you more energy, stress relief, better health, clearer focus, sharper mind, better sleep, better bone health, better sex life, and it decreases the risk of cancers, heart attacks and heart problems. Forget the benefits of just looking good and realize exercise not only makes you feel good, it can help you live a longer, healthier life.
Here are some tips to get you on your way to a healthier lifestyle:
Put your workout clothes on first thing in the morning. You'll feel more "obligated" to exercise once you are dressed in your workout clothes.
Use music to energize and motivate you to exercise. Get a few great CDs that energize you. Turn it up and jam out! The music will motivate you and help the time pass by more quickly!
Always keep a water bottle and a healthy snack with you. When you get hungry, go for the healthy snack instead of heading to the pantry. Try to keep your water bottle full so that you can drink plenty of water throughout the day.
Follow the two-bite rule. If there's something you absolutely must have, take two bites and be done! You'll get your fix and be proud of your will power to put it down!
No time for exercise? Make a goal to walk for 30 minutes at least three times a week. You'll find if you make it a priority, you can fit it in. Try going right after breakfast or after taking your kids to school.
Need to be motivated to exercise? Find one or two workout partners to motivate one another. If you don't have anyone near by, find a virtual workout buddy on the HBWM.com Self-Care message boards. Share successes, motivate one another and just enjoy doing something for yourself!
Keep a diary of what you eat for a few days. Calculate your intake and decide where you should cut back. (You can find nutritional charts on the Mom's Assistant section of HBWM.com.)
If you have cravings for something sweet, try eating something tart to curb the craving such as a pickle. If you crave crunchy salty snacks, try having an apple instead.
Take the leap. Commit to exercising a few days a week and before you know it, the benefits will be their own motivator! You will feel better, look better and be better.
Lesley Spencer is founder and director of the HBWM.com, Inc. Network which includes: the national association of Home-Based Working Moms (
www.HBWM.com
), Mom#146;s Work-at-Home Kit (
www.WorkAtHomeKit.com
), the eDirectory of Home Based Careers (
http://edirectoryofhomebasedcareers.com
), Mom's Work-at-Home Site (
www.momsworkathomesite.com
) and HBWM Canada (
www.hbwmcanada.com
). She has a Master's Degree in Public Relations and has been featured in numerous publications including Forbes, Wall Street Journal, USA Today, Home Office Computing, Parenting, Business Start-Ups, Family PC and many others. She has been working from home for over nine years and has two children ages nine and seven. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:12Z
The 10 Best Things to Say to your Partner in 2005
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-10-Best-Things-to-Say-to-your-Partner-in-2005
-
- /8737.html
2010-05-07T09:02:07Z
2010-05-07T09:02:07Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The 10 Best Things to Say to your Partner in 2005
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
Authors of #147;Couple Talk: How to Talk Your Way to a Great Relationship.#148;
Goal setting, reflection, and new beginnings are typical occurrences as one year ends and another begins. Resolutions, self- promises, and high resolve are the order of the day as people strive to improve important areas of their lives.
A time associated with new beginnings, New Year#146;s 2004 might just be the perfect time for you and your partner to examine your communication style. Look over the following list of the 10 best things you can say to your partner in 2004. Decide which ones you will use and when. Add them to you list of resolutions and commit to making 2004 your best year ever as a couple.
#147;If I were picking again today, I#146;d still choose you.#148;
Every spouse needs to hear these words on occasion. They are affirming, nurturing, and appreciative. They are an intimate expression of love and caring that can generate warm feelings in both hearts.
#147;If I were picking again today, I#146;d still choose you#148; meets the needs of both parties. It helps the receiver feel valued and cherished. Simultaneously, it reminds the sender that she is at choice, that indeed every day is a choice, and that this day she still chooses the partner she picked many days, many months, or many years ago.
Use this sentence only if you know it to be true. It is not to be used for manipulation, to get sex, to make up, or to make yourself look good. If you don#146;t mean it, don#146;t say it.
If you can#146;t say this phrase and mean it, ask yourself these questions: Am I sure that I#146;m where I want to be? How come I#146;m still in this relationship? What do I have to do, what changes need to be made, what thoughts, attitudes, and feelings need to change in order for me to be able to use this sentence and mean it?
#147;What#146;s your opinion?#148;
Asking #147;What#146;s your opinion?#148; communicates that you want to see the situation through your partner#146;s eyes. You#146;re delivering the message: I#146;m interested in you. I want to hear your ideas, thoughts, and opinions.
#147;What#146;s your opinion?#148; can serve two purposes. One is to elicit information from your partner that will help you arrive at a mutually agreeable decision about an area of concern to you both. The other is to open a dialogue that will help you think through the process of a personal decision and reach your own conclusion. Either way, #147;What#146;s your opinion?#148; helps your partner feel valued, loved, and appreciated.
#147;I noticed . . .#148;
#147;I noticed#148; is a five-second shot of self-esteem. It says to your partner, I see you. You will not be invisible here.
Everyone likes to be noticed. You like to be noticed. Your partner likes to be noticed. I don#146;t need to be noticed, you may be thinking. If so, pay attention to your reaction the next time you enter the room and your partner continues to read the paper without even looking up at you. Think about how you feel when you suggest an idea at a committee meeting and no one responds to it. If you#146;re like most people, you begin to feel invisible, unimportant, undervalued.
To notice your partner is to affirm his or her existence and importance in your life. It acknowledges their presence and communicates that they are valued and appreciated.
#147;Would you do me a favor?#148;
Many people want to be needed. They are willing to do for others. Yet they aren#146;t always sure exactly what to do or what is appropriate. That#146;s where #147;Will you do me a favor?#148; comes in. When you ask your partner, #147;Will you do me a favor?#148; you give direction to his or her desire to be of service, to demonstrate love, to help out.
You are not being an imposition when you ask for help. On the contrary, you are giving your partner a gift. You are gifting her with an opportunity to contribute, to feel valuable, to return the help that you have given in the past.
#147;Would you like a back rub?#148;
#147;Would you like a back rub?#148; is an offer to give your partner pleasure. It flows from two important and related beliefs. One belief is that giving pleasure to another builds intimacy. Connectedness and feelings of closeness grow as one person provides pleasure to the other. The second belief is that giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin. As we give pleasure, we get pleasure in return#151;the pleasure of giving, the pleasure of pleasing, the pleasure of seeing the beloved enjoying the receiving.
This type of pleasuring carries no demands. An hour or two of massage and sensual touch is not intended to lead to sexual intercourse. It is important to have no hidden expectations or agenda. The motivation is simply to have your partner feel good.
#147;Let#146;s do something weird.#148;
#147;Let#146;s do something weird#148; is a Couple Talk phrase that can add fun and adventure to your relationship#151;one that will remind you and your partner that a relationship can be more than problem-solving, conflict resolution, and struggle. It invites your partner to join you in discovering new and adventuresome ways to have fun together. It initiates grownup play.
#147;Let#146;s do something weird#148; is about giving yourself permission to do something unusual with your partner. It is a request to be the opposite of how we usually are: serious, thoughtful, guarded, mature. Brainstorming unusual, fun ideas together could lead to exploring change.
#147;Let#146;s do something weird#148; can be the beginning of an interesting dialogue. A playful discussion could challenge you to use the same Couple Talk communication skills you#146;d need if you were discussing a much more serious issue.
#147;Let#146;s make a plan.#148;
#147;Let#146;s create an adventurous vacation.#148;
#147;How about if we design the way we would like the new room to look?#148;
#147;Let#146;s develop a plan for dealing with this child.#148;
Planning is one activity in which healthy couples engage. They invest time in exploring each other#146;s desires, interests, and goals. They create a plan together and reach consensus. They make their plan concrete, verbalize it, and often put it in writing.
Sometimes the planning takes on the flavor of problem-solving:
How can we arrange your mother#146;s visit to meet everyone#146;s needs?
Other times it merely focuses on alternatives:
What are some possibilities here? Let#146;s make a list.
Goal-setting can be the focal point of productive planning:
What goal shall we create for our use of this Couple Talk material?
The planning conversation could concentrate on dreams or fantasies:
What would our dream house look like?
or
Where do we want to be ten years from now?
#147;Let#146;s check it out inside.#148;
#147;Let#146;s check it out inside#148; is a Couple Talk phrase that helps us remember to look within for answers. Each of us has a wise part within, an intuitive part that knows what is best for us. This inner knowing is invaluable when life presents us with problems whose answers aren#146;t in the back of the book.
This is not a request to spent time thinking or analyzing. This is an invitation to get out of your heads and into your hearts.
This inner knowing has been called by a variety of names. We#146;ve heard it referred to as #147;inner knowing,#148; #147;gut-level feeling,#148; #147;conscience,#148; #147;intuition,#148; #147;talking to God,#148; and #147;the wise part within.#148; What you choose to call it is not as important as learning how and when to use it.
#147;Let#146;s check it out inside#148; is a statement of self-trust. It#146;s an admission that there is much more to wisdom than merely logic. It#146;s a decision to consider all the data when making a decision#151;data that comes from the inside as well as the outside.
#147;What can we learn from this?#148;
Mistakes and misunderstandings happen in every relationship. They are a fact of life. Sometimes the infractions are minor. Other times the mistakes are so big the results are tragic. Regardless of their intensity and impact, mistakes happen for a reason. They occur so we can learn lessons, so we can grow and move on with our lives, wiser and better able to handle what comes our way.
#147;What can we learn from this?#148; is pivotal Couple Talk in the wake of a mistake or misunderstanding. It prompts a pivot turn away from dwelling on the mistake and moves a couple in the direction of learning from it. Often a lesson comes disguised as a mistake or misunderstanding.
Asking #147;What can we learn from this?#148; puts an end to finding fault and judging one another. It puts you and your partner on the same side, facing the problem together, focusing your energy on moving forward. It helps you search for lessons rather than for someone to blame.
Use your mistakes to your own advantage. Be willing to learn and grow from them. Turn your mistakes and misunderstandings into learning opportunities by asking, #147;What can we learn from this?#148;
#147;What would love do now?#148;
When making an important decision, couples consider a variety of criteria. Will we regret this later? How much money will it cost us? Will we get anything back? Will it be worth our time and effort? Will this commit us to anything else? Will it affect our lifestyle? Will we win or lose? Will we look good? What will we have to give up? What impact will this have on our time? How badly do we want to do this? Will this be something that will bring pleasure? Will we get any recognition?
Couples whose main purpose in being a couple is to help and support each other in growing spiritually often ask a different question than those posed above. When faced with a dilemma and unsure about what to do, they find it useful to ask, #147;What would love do now?#148;
There is no question more important to the spiritual development of you and your partner than #147;What would love do now?#148; If your reason for being together is to accumulate a healthy retirement portfolio, climb the corporate ladder, build fame and recognition, or hold on to what you have, then this question need not be part of your Couple Talk. If, on the other hand, Spirit is your goal, the most meaningful, relevant, helpful question you can ask in any situation is, #147;What would love do now?#148;
#147;What would love do now?#148; does not have to be used exclusively for heavy-duty issues like tough love and nursing home decisions. It can be used to determine how you and your partner budget your money, choose who to invite to a party, or decide whether or not your daughter goes to summer camp. You can use it to help decide if you should join a church committee, take dance lessons together, or give this article to a friend.
Conclusion
Your choice of words and style of communication are critical to the level of intimacy, connectedness, and trust you create with your partner. The way you talk to your partner, what you say, and how you say what you say#151;all impact the degree of respect and caring that is present. Why not resolve in 2004 to regularly examine the ways you talk to your partner?
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of #147;The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose," and #148;Couple Talk: How to Talk Your Way to a Great Relationship," (available from Personal Power Press at toll free 877-360-1477). They also publish FREE email newsletters, one for parents and another for couples. Subscribe to one or both at
ipp57@aol.com
. Visit
www.chickmoorman.com
and
www.thomashaller.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:07Z
Work From Home Moms Housecleaning Tips
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Work-From-Home-Moms-Housecleaning-Tips
-
- /8738.html
2010-05-07T09:02:05Z
2010-05-07T09:02:05Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:05Z
Moms: This Year, Look AROUND The Tree For Gifts!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Moms:-This-Year,-Look-AROUND-The-Tree-For-Gifts!
-
- /8739.html
2010-05-07T09:02:01Z
2010-05-07T09:02:01Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Moms: This year, look AROUND the tree for gifts!
Remember back#133;to when you first held your baby? When that tiny bundle of tightly wrapped hospital blankets was placed in your arms? Remember that feeling when you looked down and saw that adorable little face for the very first time#133;
It was the Fourth of July when I lay in the hospital bed looking down at my oldest son. I will never forget that incredible rush of emotion seeing his precious little face for the first time. I remember thinking to myself #147;Wow! Born on the fourth of July. Surely he#146;s going to be someone special. Someone who is going to do great things and make an impact on the world around him -- the President of the United States, maybe?#148; By the time I left the hospital I was convinced.
Well, I lived my fantasy for three years. Until one day, my best friend came to me and said #147;Ann, something is wrong with Brian. Something is different about him. You need to have him tested.#148; Shocked and angry, I refused to believe her. #147;There was nothing wrong with my son!#148; I thought. #147;Or, was there?#148; Reluctantly, I had him tested#133;and retested#133;and tested again. What a heartbreak. The dream that had been born on the fourth of July 1985, died in 1988.
At first we were told that Brian was developmentally delayed. This was explained to mean that it would take two--maybe three times longer for him to reach the typical milestones in early child development. Well, I was determined to prove them wrong. So, I began devouring everything in print on early childhood development as it related to people skills. I met with countless pediatricians, child psychologists, neurologists, behaviorists and teachers to educate myself.
Despite every effort to keep pace with his peers, it did. It took Brian three, four, maybe FIVE times as long. Brian sat perched on the floor in the middle of a blanket, while other little boys and girls danced and skipped around him. At the beach, he sat in a bulging#150;sandy-dirty-diaper while his peers were running up and down the beach in lightweight swim trunks, Brian pointed, groaned and fussed for objects he couldn#146;t reach and didn#146;t have the words to describe, while his peers were telling fanciful stories. My little leader was falling strides behind other children his age, and the gap continued to grow with the passage of each year. The playgroups grew painful for me and uncomfortable for my friends. Little by little they dwindled, and were replaced by #145;private#146; play dates arranged in soft whispers around me. Five years later Brian was diagnosed mildly retarded. Heartache.
But, good things are always bundled with the bad. Sure, you#146;ve got to sift through and look for them#133;and, sometimes you#146;ve gotta look pretty hard. There were many good things that resulted. One was the lesson I received in humility. All my life, I#146;ve been blessed me with an abundance of friends and opportunities for personal accomplishment. Never before had I felt such failure. Never before had I felt so alone.
Another valuable lesson I learned#133;and honestly don#146;t think I could have before working with #147;special#148; children and having one of my own #133; is that all men are, in fact, created equal. In the #147;special#148; classrooms I was introduced to children from all walks of life, every kind of learning style and personality imaginable. I learned that every child has strengths and every child has weaknesses. There is greatness in each one, and it is our role as parents to discover their talents and then nurture them. It#146;s not always easy to find them. Some talents are great and others are very very small. Take my son Brian, for example. What gifts (talents) does this mildly retarded, young man have?
He is good looking, warm and friendly. And like Forest Gump, you#146;d never know he was mildly retarded -- until you tried to carry on a conversation with him.
Another gift#133;perseverance. Let me explain. Brian is now 19 years old, and last year he was a senior in high school. A month before the prom he decided that he was going. Now, despite the fact that he is good looking and friendly, he has never had a friend. Never. The clarity of his speech is so poor that it prevents him from carrying on a conversation with enough depth of exchange to form any lasting friendships.
Well, when he made this announcement I was stunned. He#146;d never had a friend, what possessed him to think that he could get a girlfriend-- for the prom --that was a month away! But#133; he was determined! He took out last year#146;s yearbook to select his prom date, like it was that simple. Quietly, I was thinking to myself that maybe I could convince the neighbor across the street to go with him. When I dared to suggest this, he responded with a definite#147;No.#146; He was set on taking a girl from
his
high school.
What was worse, when he pulled out the yearbook, he began pointing to every other
gorgeous
girl saying #147;I am going to take her to the prom#133;or her#133;or her.#148; He did not know their names, because he didn#146;t know THEM#151;yet. Later that night, he decorated some t-shirts and said he was going to give one to each girl he asked. Heartache.
Sure enough, the next day he did just that! He asked
each
girl. How did I know? He came home without any shirts -- and without a prom date. This went on, day after day, until my heart couldn#146;t take it any more. Finally, I called his special education teacher and explained the situation. She already knew. He was just as possessed with finding a prom date at school as he was at home. In fact, everyone on campus knew Brian wanted to go to the prom. Even people at the supermarket and on the street were waving to me asking, #145;Does Brian have a prom date yet?#148; So, I asked his teacher, #147;Surely there is a girl at school who is just as desperate to go as he is? Would you kindly keep an eye out for one.#148;
The week before the prom, I got a call from Brian#146;s teacher. #147;At school today, Brian stepped into a circle of very attractive, popular girls, and went right up to one named Kelly#133;and asked her to the prom! Taken a bit off guard, Kelly paused and said, #145;Well, Brian#133; let me think about it.#146; Pausing again she said, #145;No, I don#146;t have to think about it. Sure. I would love to go with you to the prom.#148;
Brian#146;s teacher went on to explain that Kelly is a girl who could have gone to the prom with anyone she wanted to. She is drop dead gorgeous #150; inside and out. She just moved into town and had a tough time breaking into the social circles as a senior. Her heart went out to Brian. The town celebrated his perseverance.
He#146;s a hard worker. Brian is one of those restless souls who draws great pleasure from being productive. He loves building and works outside until the sun goes down. In our yard, is what might look to you like a pile of wood -- to Brian; it is the tree house that he has been building for about six years now. He has built it and rebuilt
around
the tree (My only restriction was#133; no nails in the tree.) Thank goodness I stood firm. ) There must be well over 2000 nails in it, I am sure. Nonetheless, it has become a permanent fixture in our yard.
Another type of work he enjoys is gardening. He trims the bushes in both front and back yards for me -- until the branches are barren. He also likes to clean windows. He cleans the windows on our house, leaving me with streak-stained spotted glass. He washes my car in the same fashion.
Much to my relief he has taken these #147;talents#148; into the community. For the last year he has been picking up the trash throughout the city with his $10 trash #147;picker-upper#148; that he got at Target and we replaced three times, He rides an electric scooter because he can#146;t drive. Never will. With trash bag and trash picker-upper in hand, he covers three school yards, two parks not to mention the back alleys and parking lots #150; waving and smiling to everyone he meets along the way. Everyone waves back, including the police who ignore the fact that he rides an electric scooter (apparently they are against the law). Brian is a hard worker, and the town knows this.
Brian is a law-abiding citizen. He is a rule follower! One might call it an obsession. I call it good citizenship. We live near the corner of an intersection in a very small town where there are no stop signs and there have been several fairly serious accidents. The city refuses to put in stop signs because they want to maintain the quaintness of the community. This bothers Brian#133;that people are not following the rules and speed through the intersection. It also bothers him that the city doesn#146;t do anything about it. Well, one day a car overturned, and Brian decided to take the law into his own hands. He ran to his room and got an old white t-shirt. He brought it to the kitchen table along with a big bottle of red paint and paintbrush. He was about to paint the shirt (and the wooden table, no doubt.) I raced to the table and intercepted him before he could begin, and asked as calmly as I could #147;What are you doing?#148; He told me he was going to paint his shirt. (That was as much as I could get out of him.) I asked him if he would please put newspapers beneath. I stood and watched. He painted a red stop sign on his shirt. Then, he put it on (wet) and stood on the corner directing traffic the rest of the afternoon. Truly a great citizen, and the town admire him for this.
Now, Brian may never be the President of the United States, but I ask you#133;how many 19 year olds do you know who have made such an impact on a community? And, if my son can find a positive way to utilize his talents, just think what YOURS can do --with a little encouragement and A LOT of patience!!
Don#146;t let the challenges of childrearing numb your feelings and blind you from seeing the #147;good#148; in your children. Celebrate their every little accomplishment and it will truly be a Happy New Year #150;Ann Brazil, creator of the award-winning
TimeOut Tot
. (www.timeouttot.com) To learn more about Ann and TimeOut Tot, visit
www.timeouttot.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:01Z
"I Am David" A Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/I-Am-David--A-Movie-Review
-
- /8740.html
2010-05-07T09:02:00Z
2010-05-07T09:02:00Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:02:00Z
Keep a Healthy Mind and Stay Fit During Holidays
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Keep-a-Healthy-Mind-and-Stay-Fit-During-Holidays
-
- /8741.html
2010-05-07T09:01:58Z
2010-05-07T09:01:58Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Keep a Healthy Mind and Stay Fit During Holidays
By Jodie Lynn
If you are wondering how to keep a healthy heart and stay fit during the holidays, avoid gaining weight and nine hundred other traps during this busy, but loaded down with obligations and food season, join the crowd. Millions of people will either crash on their current healthy eating habits or worse #150; chalk weight gain up to the season or totally give up.
Keep Honest Records
If you are counting calories and carbs, good luck. The easiest way to go is to keep a daily record, an actual journal, of what you eat. This is not the time to try and starve and then binge. In fact, yo-yo dieting is not only bad for your heart but also for your entire chemical and emotional make-up.
Keep honest records and when you do allow yourself a day to nibble on holiday treats, do so without too much guilt.
Eat A Little of What You Want
Try to eat as healthily as possible and munch on holiday treats in small quantities. Did you notice I did not say to avoid holiday meals or treats? If you try to avoid them, you will regret it. This is always a good rule of thumb. Eat healthily for six days, and then eat one or two items, holiday snacks or deserts on the seventh. Alternatively, consume a small piece of chocolate, Carmel or whatever is your most loved flavor of candy every other day during the six days. Of course, you do know that chocolate has been proven to be good for your heart -- right?
Keep Your Stress Level Low
The new saying, "Stress Can Make You Fat," is not new at all. (Where do people come up with these things?). Just like over half of the population, anytime I am stressed, I eat and/or drink. It#146;s a well-known fact that the more calories you consume, the more weight you will gain -- unless you double your exercise level.
Try to organize things early: food, recipes, gift buying and wrapping, party, inside and outside decorations, cards, travel arrangements for guests or for your own family, etc. Don#146;t forget not to schedule school plays and other social events too close together and try to buy any formal wear ahead of time.
Keeping your stress level as low as possible is a must during the holiday season and although it is sometimes hard, try to keep your regular work out schedule as normal as you can to stay fit.
Don#146;t Over Schedule
If something should happen and the best well-laid plans fall through, think positively about the situation. Some people will spend hours trying to figure out what it was that they did to upset someone. Schedules get crazy during the holidays and things will get mixed up or forgotten. Go with the flow and do the best you can with schedules, kids, climate and relatives. Don#146;t over schedule and sometimes that means having to say no and feeling OK about it. Do it and don't feel guilty!
Stay Organized
Having a daily checklist is probably the easiest way to stay organized. There are plenty of great planners out there that will include a side panel or space on the same page of each day. Write down your appointments and lists in pencil, in case it needs to be rescheduled and refer to it often. Share events that affect the whole family with everyone at a family meeting.
Before the holidays get too close, try to begin to make healthy meals and deserts. Try them out on family members, neighbors and/or the local homeless shelters. This way, you can get feedback as to whether or not the new recipe is actually good or something you might want to pass on for now. For those that make the cut, cook or bake them early, and freeze baby #150; freeze!
Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family/health columnist. Her latest paperback book is
Mommy-CEO, revised edition, Martin-Ola Press
. (It's not just for moms!) Check out our new Mom, CEO (Chief Everywhere Officer) merchandise. See
ParentToParent.com
for more details. copy;2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:01:58Z
Not the Best Table Manners
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Not-the-Best-Table-Manners
-
- /8742.html
2010-05-07T09:01:56Z
2010-05-07T09:01:56Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Not the Best Table Manners
By Jodie Lynn
"Eat your spinach with a toothpick!" shouted 13-year-old Nat. "Yeah, right," sighed his Dad. "What's going on?" I asked in a stunned voice. "Not much," said my husband. "I gave the kids an opportunity to show me what they#146;ve learned over the years and to check out how they might respond during the holiday meals and parties - or any old time. And, this is what I get!"
Don't lose your cool - enhance children's talents and knowledge of becoming a real person with a learning game. Kids have a tendency to listen and learn when parents or teachers make a game out of it!
Try this fun opposite game. Sit down at the next meal and tell the kids you have some Opposite Rules and watch the fun and valued lessons begin.
WARNING: Be prepared for much silliness -- and a gross show of "mouth food" and comments. With this in mind, serve up nonmessy dishes and have fun!
"Opposite Etiquette"
Never wash your hands before sitting down to eat.
Always talk while another person is talking.
Cough without covering your mouth.
Always take the last piece of bread or roll before asking if someone else would like it.
Never excuse yourself from the table to blow your nose.
Always let others see the contents of food in your mouth while speaking.
Never cut your meat into small pieces -- eat the whole thing right off the fork!
Try not to burp quietly and don't say, "excuse me."
Always tell the cook the meal stunk!
Never eat only one dessert.
At school, family dinner table, holiday parties or dining out, always grab your friend's food and throw it into the air.
Always switch food with the person sitting at your left, right or straight across; then switch back after taking two bites.
Grab your food and run outside - never to even swallow the first bite before you shout, "It's yucky, gross and basically stinks!"
Are you wondering if this will really work to help curtail rude crude behavior? While there are no guarantees in life (especially with kids) this is a great and fun game if you can stomach your children sharing highly outrageous comments at the table. Of course you know they are just trying to get the "raised eyebrow" response from you - don't you?
Parent Tip: Sometimes when they are trying to gross you out, get gross back. (Did I say that?)
Of course, all of us smart parents know they are really learning the correct way of table manners from every single disgusting example they will be sharing with us.
They know it too - but for now - let them have fun and act a little disgusting (only at home - ya know).
Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest paperback book is
Mommy-CEO, revised edition, Martin-Ola Press
. (It's not just for moms!) -- check out her new e-book, "Syndication Secrets" at
ParentToParent.com
for more details. We now have new Mommy, CEO merchandise and logo! copy;2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:01:56Z
Moms: Make It A Merry Christmas For YOU and Your Family
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Moms:-Make-It-A-Merry-Christmas-For-YOU-and-Your-Family
-
- /8743.html
2010-05-07T09:01:53Z
2010-05-07T09:01:53Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Moms: Make It A Merry Christmas For YOU and Your Family
Christmas can and should be a special time that the whole family looks forward to enjoying together. It#146;s what will keep your children coming back. If this isn#146;t the case, its time for you to change things this year. The first thing to change is YOUR attitude. It#146;s sets the tone for the rest of your family. So, create a tradition that you and the whole family will enjoy. If there#146;s nothing you can do about the dinner menu at your mother-in-laws with relatives you can#146;t stand -- there are still ways to weave in fun. This year make yours one that everyone will warmly remember. Here#146;s how:
Embrace the holiday: Decorate your house if you haven#146;t already. These do not have to be elaborate purchases. Some of the best are homemade. Have your children get intimately involved with the process. Talk about it at the dinner table. Ask them for suggestions. Follow through with a few. Choose a couple of things they can do all on their own --
and let go!
You can rearrange them later, when they are out of the house. The only thing you want them to remember#133;is being with you and your words of encouragement. Otherwise, they#146;ll never want to do it again.
Turn the dreaded event (if it is one) into a delight: Life is what YOU make it. Here are some tips: Get a new outfit. Do your hair differently. Polish your nails. Focus your attention on those you enjoy. Bring a new activity, dessert or pictures to share.
Remember -- it#146;s more than a one-day holiday: You can#146;t blame a bad holiday on one day out of the season. Half a day is typically dedicated to the Christmas celebration. The other days you can and should fill with fun activities for the whole family. These will be the times your family will remember. Put aside at least one hour each day for a family activity. Here are suggestions:
Make a special breakfast one morning.
Go on a hike.
Go Christmas shopping
Play in the snow.
Rent a movie everyone can watch.
One night, set the dinner table in a different room, or in a way that you don#146;t normally.
Decorate Christmas cookies.
Play a board game or cards together.
Make hot apple cider
Suggest family activities that YOU enjoy. If you don#146;t enjoy them, know one else will either. When you are happy, everyone is happy. No matter how hard you try and hide it, your children will sense your displeasure. And the chance for it becoming a tradition will be slim to none.
Have your husband choose a family activity #150; one that he enjoys. If the activity your husband chooses is something you really don#146;t enjoy, encourage him to take the children. Stay home and pamper yourself while they are gone. Take a bath. Read. Listen to music. Take a walk. Call a friend or relative. Before they return, set out a simple surprise for them to find!
Reduce stress by planning ahead: The weekend before, make sure your children#146;s Christmas dinner clothes are clean#133;and still fit. Then, set them aside so that you don#146;t have to hunt for the parts all over again at the last minute. If the #147;feast#148; is at your house, do everything that could possibly be done ahead of time -- the weekend prior.
Simplify; Don#146;t try to make everything perfect. If you do, you#146;ll make everyone --including yourself, miserable. This is the biggest trap even the best of mothers fall into. Do everything you can NOT to #147;lose it#148; because if you do, you#146;ll lose everything you hoped to accomplish.
Turn tasks into treats; If you are responsible for Christmas dinner, enlist the help of the whole family. With the proper approach, this too can turn into a fun family tradition. First, give everyone fair warning: #147;Tomorrow we#146;re going to begin to prepare Christmas dinner.#148; Then, plan a family reward that follows. #147;We#146;re going to spend the next hour preparing for Christmas dinner, so that we can all sit down together and watch the movie we rented.#148; Everyone should have a chore. Let them choose one to call their own. #147;Who wants to chop celery?#148; Even the littlest of hands should have a task #150; breaking the ends off the beans, for example, or folding napkins in half. Again, it doesn#146;t have to be perfect. Fix it later. If there is an argument about who gets which chore, let them settle it. Simply say #147;You two decide, or do them both together.#148; These times together invite conversation and are an invaluable investment in the future.
We have so much to be thankful for, don#146;t let the mundane tasks of maintaining a house inhibit you from appreciating it. Don#146;t let the challenges of childrearing numb your feelings and blind you from seeing the #147;good#148; in your children. Celebrate every day! Merry Christmas! #150;Ann Brazil, creator of the award-winning TimeOut Tot, The Behavior Coach (
www.timeouttot.com
) To learn more about Ann and TimeOut Tot, go to
www.timeouttot.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:01:53Z
Eight Things Women Can Do to Get Fathers More Involved
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Eight-Things-Women-Can-Do-to-Get-Fathers-More-Involved
-
- /8744.html
2010-05-07T09:01:49Z
2010-05-07T09:01:49Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Eight Things Women Can Do to Get Fathers More Involved
By Armin Brott
Author of
The New Father
and
The Expectant Father
About 90 percent of couples experience an increase in stress after their children are born. And the number one stressor, by far, is the division of labor in the home. Unfortunately, even the most egalitarian couples tend to slip into traditional roles, which mean that you#146;ll probably end up doing more of the housework and childcare than your partner. Research shows that the more equitably domestic tasks are distributed, the happier wives (and husbands) are with their marriages. So resolving these issues may be critical to the health and success of your relationship. How are you going to do it? Well, if your goal is to make the division of labor around your house fairer to you, take a deep breath and read on.
Look at it from his perspective
Researchers have found that women tend to measure what their husbands do around the house against what they do. Not surprisingly, on that kind of scale, most men fail miserably. Men themselves, though, compare what they do to what their fathers#151;and sometimes even against their male friends and coworkers#151;do. Using this standard, most husbands feel pretty satisfied with themselves and their contributions around the house.
Don#146;t ask for help
Just as men need to re-think their family roles as "assistants" to mothers, women need to change their ideas about what's reasonable to expect from their partners. Asking him for #147;help#148; only reinforces the view that he shouldn#146;t have much responsibility for the care and management of children. Of course, that doesn#146;t mean you shouldn#146;t ask him to do his share, of course he should. Asking for #147;help#148; makes it seem like whatever he's "helping" with is really your job and that you should be grateful.
Adjust your standards
Let's face it, men and women often have very different standards. "When my husband says the kitchen is clean he means that the dishes are in the dishwasher," says one mother. "The counter can still be filthy and the floor can still be covered with dirt." Adjusting your standards to his level doesn't mean that the kids will be wearing the same clothes every day. Also, there are a lot of different ways to change diapers, play, teach, and entertain the children. Yours isn't always the right one. The fact is that if you adjust your standards, your husband will be more involved in the household and with the kids. No child ever suffered a long term trauma by having her diaper put on a bit looser than it should be or by going out of the house with oatmeal stuck in her hair. It's hard to shift standards because for many women attention to domestic issues is part of their upbringing and part of they define themselves.
Go on strike
The days of the "second shift" where women try to do it all#151;work outside all day and do all the work at home, too#151;are over. Let your spouse or partner know that you have limits. A well-timed "your arm's not broken, do it yourself" may occasionally be a helpful reminder that men and women are partners in parenting.
Because you may begin to notice the unswept coffee grounds before he does, one of your biggest challenges may be to close your eyes to the mess and stick to your guns. Your partner will certainly get the message when he runs out of clean underwear. But if he senses that you#146;ll give in before he does, he#146;ll never learn to do his part.
Be (a little) insincere
As a group, men generally dislike doing things that make them feel incompetent. At the same time, they#146;re suckers for compliments. So, one of the best ways to get your partner to do something he doesn#146;t like to do is to praise him even when you know you could do it better. Television characters from Lucy Ricardo to Roseanne Conner figured this out long ago, and the same applies in real life: sweet-talk soothes; nagging only irritates. Tell him what a great job he's doing already and ask him to do the same thing again. Indirect compliments are effective too#151;let him hear you raving to a friend about how well he#146;s done some recent task. Sound manipulative? Maybe but it works. The more he feels that you#146;re noticing and appreciating his efforts, the more he#146;ll do. Guaranteed.
Don't be a gatekeeper
Many women tend to take charge of the household and childcare domains because this is the one arena that they can still control. But far too many women are so intent on keeping control of the household that they don't leave enough space for their partners to participate. For other women, control is not the issue, they just assume that men are either uninterested or incompetent. And men get the message: many find it easier to just back off. Your partner is part of the first generation of fathers to be seriously expected to take an active role in the home. By the time women become mothers, most have had years of subtle (or not so subtle) training. Female role models are plentiful, as are resources, from women's magazines to breastfeeding guides. But good male role models are rare, as is information specifically designed to help men prepare for fatherhood. The moral of the story? Even if you know how to stop the baby from crying, let your partner try to figure it out for himself before jumping in. Men and women have different approaches to the same issue and fathers need the confidence that only comes with practice. Letting him develop his own parenting style will also give your family twice as many baby-care options.
Especially after divorce, mothers need to open the gates and let their children have access to their fathers. It is important to remember that they may be ex-husbands but they'll never be ex-fathers.
Share and share alike
No single job in your home is any more valuable than any other, so assign everything to the most qualified person#151;unless, of course, that turns out to be completely unfair. So make a list of everything that needs to get done. If you#146;re good at something or like to do it, it#146;s yours. (At the same time, your partner gets to do his chores his way.)
Another option is to assign tasks to whichever of you cares the most. If a scummy bathtub bugs you more than it does him, clean it yourself. If he hates crumbs on the carpet, he gets to vacuum. Problems can arise, though, when one of you says, #147;Gee honey, nothing bothers me,#148; and the other gets stuck doing it all. These situations call for careful negotiation. You can do the more unpleasant jobs together or, if the budget permits, hire someone to do them for you. And just to make sure that everyone gets to have fun, switch responsibilities once in a while (if for no other reason than to get a better appreciation of what the other does). And be willing to bend gender stereotypes along with your partner. If you expect him to plan a meal and cook it, you should be prepared to unclog the toilet or change the oil in the car.
Re-define work
When dividing up responsibilities many couples have trouble defining what, exactly, the term "work" means. In many families, for example, couples err by neglecting to give parenting the same weight as ordinary chores. Yet childcare takes at least as much time, and may be just as tiring, as shopping and mopping. So even if your partner is wrestling with the baby while you're making dinner, things might not be as unequal as they seem. True, he may be having more fun but somebody has to do it. And if he plays with the baby today, he can fix dinner tomorrow while you wrestle.
The New Man may strike you as a great idea. But the Old Man has been around for tens of thousands of years, and he#146;s not going to disappear overnight. Even in these relatively enlightened times much of the domestic burden is going to continue to fall on you. But not all of it, and not all the time. You may need to give your expectations a reality check. Change between you and your partner may be slow. But if you work it out, you#146;ll see significant improvement#151;in your workload, in the quality of your marriage, and in your life together as parents.
A nationally recognized parenting expert, Armin Brott is the author of
Father for Life, The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for Dads-to-Be; The New Father: A Dad#146;s Guide to the First Year, A Dad#146;s Guide to the Toddler Years, Throwaway Dads
, and
The Single Father: A Dad#146;s Guide to Parenting without a Partner
. He has written on parenting and fatherhood for the
New York Times Magazine, The Washington Post, Newsweek
and dozens of other periodicals. He also hosts #147;Positive Parenting#148;, a nationally distributed, weekly talk show, and lives with his family in Oakland, California. Visit Armin at
www.mrdad.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:01:49Z
How to Discourage Materialism
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-to-Discourage-Materialism
-
- /8745.html
2010-05-07T09:01:44Z
2010-05-07T09:01:44Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>How to Discourage Materialism
By Dr. Michele Borba
www.behaviormakeovers.com
.
What to expect in the early grade-school years
During the early grade-school years, children grow more interested in the material world than they were back in kindergarten. Of course, at any age, kids vary widely in their acquisitiveness depending on how strongly materialism is emphasized at home, whether through exposure to TV or by older siblings or parents themselves. But, in general, many 6- to 8-year-olds are motivated by a combination of a young child's basic greed for fun toys, an increasing awareness of what
other
kids have, and the desire to fit in by having the same things themselves. After birthdays and holidays, the question shifts from "What did you do?" to "What did you get?" And a more sensitive child may start struggling with feelings of shame if his friends tease him because he's the only one in class wearing anonymous discount-store sneakers. Here are some ways to discourage materialism.
What You Can Do:
Set a good example. At this age, kids still look up to their parents more than to their peers, so you're the best role model for helping your child cope with our complicated material world. If you want to discourage him from developing an insatiable appetite for possessions, let him see you behaving with restraint and wisdom. Take him along to the shoe-repair shop, and explain why it's worth re-heeling your favorite shoes instead of buying new ones (you save money, and besides, your old shoes are so comfy). Don't let mail-order catalogues take up all your reading time, and comment that while you like his aunt's new SUV, your 6-year-old station wagon still runs just fine. Enjoy window-shopping together
without
buying anything to show that while it's fun to look at store displays and gather ideas for gifts and other purchases, you don't need to buy something every time you go to a store. But save the lecture: A few off-hand comments explaining your views will get the message across.
Turn off the TV. From cereal boxes to Saturday morning cartoons to clothing emblazoned with store names and Disney characters, advertising is everywhere in our culture. But television probably wields the greatest influence on children, who watch commercials as avidly as they watch programs. Kids also make up a huge portion of consumer spending, as buyers themselves and as forces affecting their parents' buying decisions. In fact, according to James McNeal at Texas AM University, last year alone America's 27 million kids, ages 8 to 14, spent more than $14 billion. Toy company executives know this, and they advertise relentlessly during children's programs. Limit your child's exposure to TV commercials, and he'll be less likely to develop a lengthy wish list. Children's public television, while it's not strictly commercial-free, offers quality programs with much less advertising.
Don't fulfill every request. Children who get everything they ask for don't learn to handle disappointment, and they don't learn to work #151; or even just wait #151; for things they desire. Do yourself and your child a favor by saying no to unending requests, even if that provokes tantrums in the toy store at first. Enlist the aid of friends and grandparents #151; who often delight in "spoiling" your child #151; by suggesting they buy only one gift at birthdays or holidays, instead of half a dozen.
Teach your child about money. Grade-schoolers can learn about the value of possessions by paying for them themselves. Giving your child an allowance provides him with cash and you with the opportunity to teach him how to use it. His cries of "Oh, I want that!" at the store can be met with, "That costs five dollars. Do you have enough of your own money to pay for it?" If you want to institute spending rules, set them up right away so he knows from the start that, for example, half of his money should go into savings and half is his to spend as he chooses.
At this age, children should also understand that some expenditures #151; like groceries and rent or mortgage payments #151; are necessities, while others #151; like yet another Game Boy cassette #151; are optional. When he whines, "But I want a new scooter!" you can respond sympathetically, "I understand that you want it," but then explain why he doesn't truly need it: "You already have a good scooter, and they're too expensive to collect." This teaches him that there are logical reasons behind purchasing decisions. It's wise to avoid bringing adult feelings of failure or resentment into the conversation.
Teach him to prioritize. If holidays or birthdays are coming up and your child is expecting lots of presents, give him some paper and ask him to make a list (or draw pictures) of the three things he most wants and then number them in order of importance. Tell your child, "Before your birthday arrives, let's clean out your closet so you've got room. We'll give away some of your old toys." If he helps you deliver a box of his toys to a charity, he'll be learning about empathy and generosity. But he may also get to thinking about how much he really wants lots of new toys if it means getting rid of old favorites.
Delay gratification. Teach your grade-schooler to think seriously about whether he really wants that new video game by making him wait for it. Have him write down or draw a picture of the item he wants and post it on the fridge along with a timeline of days #151; one or two weeks, say #151; until the date that he can go out and buy it with you. He can check off the days every morning. Finally getting it will be a much-anticipated treat, but if he loses interest before the time is up, even he will probably agree that he didn't really want yet another game after all.
Show an appreciation for the deeper value of things. Your child can learn that you prize objects not for how costly or trendy they are but for their inherent quality or sentimental value. "This is a good skateboard because it's so sturdy," you can point out. Or "This chair means a lot to me because it was Grandma's when she was little." Your child may not begin to adopt your reasoning right away, but over time he'll see that popularity and high price tags aren't the only factors that make objects beloved, and that quality is better than quantity.
Find out what's fueling his desire. Sometimes kids (and adults) crave possessions to fulfill an emotional need. If you notice that your son, who never used to care about games as much as his friends did, suddenly wants a PlayStation 2, talk with him about why that toy is appealing. If the answer is just that his two best friends both have one, you can have a simple conversation about the fact that it's okay to like different toys than the rest of the crowd. Or help him figure out whether he's afraid his friends won't like him if he doesn't have the same games they do.
Show how to give to others. Expose children to altruistic activities. The real opposite of materialism is spirituality. Try to do something with your child that's focused on giving to others in a way that he can see. Take him with you to bring dinner to a sick neighbor or to volunteer in a soup kitchen. That kind of activity can foster an attitude that will help counter materialism more powerfully than almost anything else.
Spend time rather than money on your kids. It's not easy in our hectic lives to give children the time and attention they crave, but that's the best way to ward off the "gimmes." If Mom and Dad are always busy, then the kids will retreat to their toys and TV and Nintendo. So try not to give your child things as a substitute for spending time with him. And make an effort to spend time together doing things that don't cost anything #151; go to the soccer field and the library, take nature walks and bike rides, play a game of charades. No matter what your child says, he wants #151; and needs #151; a secure sense of family more than a roomful of possessions.
Michele Borba, Ed.D. is an internationally renowned educational consultant and recipient of the National Educator Award. She is the author of 19 books including Building Moral Intelligence (Jossey-Bass) chosen by Publishers#146; Weekly#146;s list of #147;most noteworthy for 2001.#148; Her latest book is
Don't Give Me That Attitude! 24 Rude, Selfish, Insensitive Things Kids Do and How to Stop Them
. (Jossey Bass, 2004). (Her proposal to end school violence was passed in California law in 2003:SB1667). For more information about her work, check out
www.behaviormakeovers.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:01:44Z
The 7 Biggest Discipline Mistakes: A Primer for Puzzled Parents
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-7-Biggest-Discipline-Mistakes:-A-Primer-for-Puzzled-Parents
-
- /8746.html
2010-05-07T09:01:41Z
2010-05-07T09:01:41Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The 7 Biggest Discipline Mistakes: A Primer for Puzzled Parents
You May be Surprised to Discover What You#146;re Doing Wrong
By Dr. Michele Borba
So you#146;re trying to make your child quit bullying#151;or lying or cheating or defying you or #147;taking back#148;#151;and you#146;re having little success. You#146;ve tried threatening, scolding and even begging, but nothing seems to work. Frankly, you#146;re at your wit#146;s end. How can you ensure that your child stops his bad behavior for good? The first thing you must do is re-think your approach to discipline.
Behavior is learned, so it can be unlearned. Parents need a specific makeover plan designed to half their kids#146; bad behavior. But before you can implement such a plan, you must first understand what you#146;re doing wrong#151;and why it#146;s wrong.
Common discipline mistakes:
Thinking #147;It#146;s just a phase.#148; Bad behaviors don#146;t go away. They almost always need parental intervention. The longer parents wait, the more likely the behavior will become a habit. So don#146;t call it a phase: stop the bad behavior as soon as it starts.
Being a poor behavior model. Our behavior has an enormous influence on our kids#146; behavior. After all, what they see is what they copy. So before parents start planning to change their kid#146;s behavior, they need to take a serious look at their own.
Not targeting the bad behavior. It#146;s best to work on improving only one#151;and never more than two#151;behaviors at a time. And the more specific the plan the better. Don#146;t say, #147;He#146;s not behaving.#148; Instead, narrow the focus to target the specific behavior you want to eliminate: #147;He#146;s talking back.#148; And makeover will be more successful.
No plan to stop the bad behavior. Once parents have identified the bad behavior, they need a solid makeover plan to stop it. The plan must (1) address the kid#146;s bad behavior, (2) state exactly how to correct it, (3) identify the new behavior to replace it, and (4) have a set consequence if the bad behavior continues.
Not teaching a substitute behavior. No behavior will change permanently unless the child is taught a new behavior to replace it. Think about it: if you tell a kid to stop doing one behavior, what will he do instead? Without a substitute behavior, chances are the child will revert to using the old misbehavior.
Going alone. Big mistake! After all if your kid is using the bad behavior on other caregivers#151;be it spouse, grandparents, teachers, day care providers, coaches, scout leaders, babysitters#151;then use the same makeover plan together. The more you work together, the quicker you#146;ll be in stopping the problem behavior.
Not sticking to the plan long enough. Learning new behavior habits generally takes a minimum of twenty#150;one days of repetition. Parents need to commit to changing the bad behavior and then continue using the plan for at least three weeks. Only then will they see change.
Michele Borba, Ed.D. is the author of #147;No More Misbehavin#146;: 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them,#148; now available in paperback from Jossey-Bass in books and on-line. She publishes FREE E-newsletters for parents and educators. To sign up for your free subscription and for information on seminars and other publications contact her at
www.behaviormakeovers.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:01:41Z
Start Planning For The Holidays, Now!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Start-Planning-For-The-Holidays,-Now!
-
- /8747.html
2010-05-07T09:01:38Z
2010-05-07T09:01:38Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Start Planning For The Holidays, Now!
By Shelly Burke, RN, author of
Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom#146;s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family, and Her Home
www.homeiswherethemomis.com
The holidays will be here before you know it. Start planning now to save money, time, and your sanity.
To save money: Re-think gift giving. Consider giving just one gift, or a basket of small related gifts, to each person. Or maybe you#146;ll decide to draw names within your family, so you just have one person to buy for. Challenge everyone to re-gift something they have, but do not use or enjoy or are done with (for example, a CD that#146;s not in their taste, a book they#146;ve read, or a sweater that doesn#146;t fit). Or, give only home-made gifts like cookies or craft projects.
Make a master list of all the ingredients you#146;ll need for holiday baking and meals, and begin stocking up on the non-perishable items when they#146;re on sale.
Also list everything else you#146;ll need--candles, cards, lights, etc.,--and get them when they#146;re on sale. Or, purchase one or two things every time you shop to prevent sticker shock if you get them all at once.
To save time: Make a timeline for holiday projects. Pick a date when you want to be done with Christmas projects (make it at least a few days early so you have time just to enjoy the season), and work backward. Plan when you#146;ll start sending cards, baking cookies, purchasing gifts, and making craft projects.
To save time when gift giving, start now! Make a goal of purchasing one gift each time you shop. Or, make a detailed list of what you#146;re looking for and take a day during the week so the stores are less crowded, and get all of your shopping done at once.
Make your appointment to have your hair cut or nails done, now, so you get a time that fits into your schedule. Time slots close to holidays fill up early.
To save your sanity: Think about what is important to you and your family. It#146;s OK to change traditions if they cause more stress than joy! Instead of serving a huge meal to friends, acquaintances, co-workers, and family members, invite only people to whom you are very close. Ask them each to bring their favorite appetizer or dessert so you don#145;t have to cook as much.
It#146;s OK to do less! Decorate just one room, rather than going all out and decorating the whole house, inside and out. Instead of making homemade cards and sending them to people you haven#146;t seen or heard from in years, just send a printed letter to close friends.
Be sure to take time to take care of yourself--exercise, get plenty of rest, and so on. Commit to taking care of your own health, and establish habits now so you you#146;ll want to continue them all year.
Start now, and you#146;ll enjoy the holidays more than ever!
Shelly Burke, RN, is the author of Home is
Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom#146;s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family, and Her Home
. Read an excerpt, or download a FREE goal sheet and goal-making guide, at
www.homeiswherethemomis.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:01:38Z
The 7 Biggest Discipline Mistakes: A Primer for Puzzled Parents
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-7-Biggest-Discipline-Mistakes:-A-Primer-for-Puzzled-Parents
-
- /8748.html
2010-05-07T09:01:35Z
2010-05-07T09:01:35Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The 7 Biggest Discipline Mistakes: A Primer for Puzzled Parents
You May be Surprised to Discover What You#146;re Doing Wrong
By Dr. Michele Borba
www.behaviormakeovers.com
So you#146;re trying to make your child quit bullying#151;or lying or cheating or defying you or #147;taking back#148;#151;and you#146;re having little success. You#146;ve tried threatening, scolding and even begging, but nothing seems to work. Frankly, you#146;re at your wit#146;s end. How can you ensure that your child stops his bad behavior for good? The first thing you must do is re-think your approach to discipline.
Behavior is learned, so it can be unlearned. Parents need a specific makeover plan designed to half their kids#146; bad behavior. But before you can implement such a plan, you must first understand what you#146;re doing wrong#151;and why it#146;s wrong.
Common discipline mistakes:
Thinking #147;It#146;s just a phase.#148; Bad behaviors don#146;t go away. They almost always need parental intervention. The longer parents wait, the more likely the behavior will become a habit. So don#146;t call it a phase: stop the bad behavior as soon as it starts.
Being a poor behavior model. Our behavior has an enormous influence on our kids#146; behavior. After all, what they see is what they copy. So before parents start planning to change their kid#146;s behavior, they need to take a serious look at their own.
Not targeting the bad behavior. It#146;s best to work on improving only one#151;and never more than two#151;behaviors at a time. And the more specific the plan the better. Don#146;t say, #147;He#146;s not behaving.#148; Instead, narrow the focus to target the specific behavior you want to eliminate: #147;He#146;s talking back.#148; And makeover will be more successful.
No plan to stop the bad behavior. Once parents have identified the bad behavior, they need a solid makeover plan to stop it. The plan must (1) address the kid#146;s bad behavior, (2) state exactly how to correct it, (3) identify the new behavior to replace it, and (4) have a set consequence if the bad behavior continues.
Not teaching a substitute behavior. No behavior will change permanently unless the child is taught a new behavior to replace it. Think about it: if you tell a kid to stop doing one behavior, what will he do instead? Without a substitute behavior, chances are the child will revert to using the old misbehavior.
Going alone. Big mistake! After all if your kid is using the bad behavior on other caregivers#151;be it spouse, grandparents, teachers, day care providers, coaches, scout leaders, babysitters#151;then use the same makeover plan together. The more you work together, the quicker you#146;ll be in stopping the problem behavior.
Not sticking to the plan long enough. Learning new behavior habits generally takes a minimum of twenty#150;one days of repetition. Parents need to commit to changing the bad behavior and then continue using the plan for at least three weeks. Only then will they see change.
Michele Borba, Ed.D. is the author of #147;No More Misbehavin#146;: 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them,#148; now available in paperback from Jossey-Bass in books and on-line. She publishes FREE E-newsletters for parents and educators. To sign up for your free subscription and for information on seminars and other publications contact her at
www.behaviormakeovers.com
. Permission granted for DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:01:35Z
The Power Of One Voice: Making a Persuasive Stand At Public Meetings
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Power-Of-One-Voice:--Making-a-Persuasive-Stand-At-Public-Meetings
-
- /8749.html
2010-05-07T09:01:33Z
2010-05-07T09:01:33Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Power Of One Voice:
Making a Persuasive Stand At Public Meetings
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
Are you irritated by some things being allowed by the administration at your child#146;s school? Uneasy about some choices made by local government officials that make your job as an at-home parent more difficult (like tax increases, zoning decisions and restrictions on home-based businesses)?
Speaking up at city council or school board meetings can be intimidating. But fear not; with the right idea and presentation, you
can
fight City Hall - and win.
We asked Missouri state and local activist Lynette Holt to share some tips on making the most of your time at the podium.
Q: What kind of ID do I need to be admitted to meetings?
A: I have never been asked for any kind of ID. It may be a good idea to take proof of residency, such as a utility bill, in case your motive for speaking is questioned.
Q: Is there something special I need to do to be allowed to speak?
A: Call a week before the meeting to see what topics will be covered. Ask if they will be taking public comment. Find out how much time you will be allowed, and ask to be put on the agenda.
Q: How can I grab and maintain their respectful attention?
A: Dress nice. Business casual is a good rule. Be prepared, concise and professional, and do not get overly emotional. Have research to back up your opinion, and use visual aids if you have them. Type up your remarks, along with copies of your research, quotes, etc. and put them in a nice folder cover. Give a copy to each committee member. Include your name and phone number, and invite them to call for further information. Stay until the end of the meeting to talk with as many members as possible.
Q: What if things go badly and people start shouting me down?
A: Never lose your cool. Do not answer those in the audience who may shout out. Pause and wait for quiet; usually the chair of the meeting will call for order anyway. Then make your argument as compelling as possible.
Q: Why is it important for me to make my voice heard?
A: Public officials are elected to serve the public, and they want to be re-elected. The only way they know what the public wants is for individuals to speak out. Also, you may encounter others who share your opinion and may be the catalyst for them to speak up, too.
Comments? Contact Cheryl or Lynette by writing
Cheryl@homebodies.org
. Also stop by
www.homebodies.org
, where you can interact with other parents on a variety of lively message boards. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:01:33Z
The Holidays are Coming: Worried about Your Kids Table Manners?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Holidays-are-Coming:--Worried-about-Your-Kids-Table-Manners
-
- /8750.html
2010-05-07T09:01:29Z
2010-05-07T09:01:29Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Holidays are Coming: Worried about Your Kids#146; Table Manners?
Virginia M. Shiller, Ph.D.
www.rewardsforkids.com
No matter how many times you#146;ve asked your seven-year-old to remove his elbows from the table, does it seem that he can#146;t keep them off for longer than it takes you to reach into the fridge to fetch the butter? And do the magic words #147;please#148; and #147;thank you,#148; not to mention longer phrases such as #147;Would you please pass the milk,#148; sometimes seem like a foreign language your child will never master?
With the holidays coming, many parents are concerned that they should be preparing their children to perform acceptably at the family dinner table. Yet, this is a time when stress is mounting for parents, and children are weary at the end of the long school day. If reminders and nagging haven#146;t worked before, they are unlikely to work now.
To make the learning of better table habits as painless a process as possible, a carefully devised reward plan might just do the trick. All of us #150; adults as well as children #150; form new habits when we have adequate motivation and sufficient opportunity for practice. To increase your child#146;s motivation, consider offering a modest reward for consistently practicing better manners.
Don#146;t worry: You needn#146;t promise a new toy or more sweets if you feel your child gets more than enough of such things. Privileges such as the opportunity to stay up later on Friday evening, or special activities such as a family ice-skating outing may be sufficiently enticing incentives.
The basic steps for a reward plan aimed at improving manners are:
Devise and introduce a plan at a moment when you#146;re calm, not during a crisis at the dinner table. You don#146;t want to make promises you#146;ll later regret, and you want to introduce the plan in as positive a manner as possible. Take an upbeat, encouraging approach: for example, you might say that you see your child is showing more maturity in her homework habits or athletic skills, and you think she#146;s now up to mastering better manners.
Have reasonable expectations, and don#146;t demand perfection. Expect your child to make improvement, but also to slip at times into old habits. And it is usually better to ask children work on only one or two new behaviors at one time.
Make up a chart to record progress. If remembering the words #147;please#148; and #147;thank you#148; is the goal, you might offer your child a star for every dinner he manages to say these phrases at least five times. Young children will be more invested in the plan if they get to personalize the chart by drawing pictures on it or affixing their photo to the chart.
Provide reminders to help keep the tone of the plan positive and fun. Children could make placemats with words or pictures to remind them of their goals. To add some humor, you might devise and wear a cardboard #147;crown#148; to remind children to make requests respectfully. (After all, they#146;re talking to the queen!)
Provide the reward within a time-frame appropriate for your child#146;s age. Preschoolers may need a modest reward (e.g., an extra story at bedtime) daily. Elementary school aged children can wait to receive a reward once a week.
After two or three weeks, most children will have improved their habits, and typically will lose interest in the reward plan. You might award your child an #147;I Did It!#148; Certificate stating her new accomplishment to mark the end of the plan. And, before you head for the family holiday dinner, reinforce the new habits at one last dinner at home. You might come up with a secret signal (perhaps tapping your nose, or pointing to where the crown once sat) to remind children if they start to forget their best manners amidst the excitement of the family gathering.
While devising a reward plan takes a little effort, the joys of watching your children demonstrate better behavior makes the effort well worth it. Reward plans are a pleasurable way to improve a variety of child problem behaviors. And parents themselves feel rewarded when they watch their children behaving in more positive and mature ways.
Virginia Shiller, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in the treatment of children and families. She is a Lecturer at the Yale Child Study Center, Chair of the Connecticut Psychological Association Children and Youth Committee, and author of the book
Rewards for Kids! Ready-to-Use Charts Activities for Positive Parenting
(American Psychological Association, 2003). For more information, visit
www.rewardsforkids.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:01:29Z
Homeschooling Hurdles
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Homeschooling-Hurdles
-
- /8751.html
2010-05-07T09:01:25Z
2010-05-07T09:01:25Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Homeschooling Hurdles
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
Because of the amount of time involved, homeschooling parents are usually also stay-at-home parents. There are lots of reasons families decide to go this route. But once it is chosen, home schooling, like any other endeavor, has its ups and downs.
#147;My main concern about home schooling isn#146;t the lack of socialization,#148; says Carol, who is debating whether to send her child to private school in Mississippi or teach him herself. Instead, she is worried that he#146;ll be too sheltered. #147;He will miss the classroom and playground situations that help teach children how to deal with life and people. I am very concerned that my son will be too naiuml;ve, and my husband says school will help toughen him up.#148;
Kass encourages Carol to take a different view. #147;For my son, I'd rather be the one teaching him how to handle arguments, differences of opinion, bullies and such than to have him learn it on his own or from his peers. I am very glad that I'm nearby to guide him with learning the appropriate responses and behaviors in dealing with complicated and even everyday situations.#148;
Another roadblock some home schooling parents run into is lack of family support. #147;I thought that my relatives would come around,#148; says Pam, who is teaching her 6-year-old son at home. #147;But all except my mom have either disapproved or said nothing and then let something slip to show their true feelings (#145;Won't you be glad when your mommy lets you go to real school and play with the other kids?#146;).
#147;In talking with other home schoolers, I've found that there will always be family members who think you've lost your mind,#148; she acknowledges. #147;I guess you just have to deal with each person and incident as they arise. I've decided that I'm not arguing the point or trying to convince anyone anymore. If they change their attitudes, that's great. But I don't feel that the Lord called me to convert the world to home schooling. I know my kids better than anyone else. I#146;ll do what God has led me to do. The safest and best place in the world is in the center of His will.#148;
Home schooling is legal throughout America, but regulatory laws vary, so it is critical to know your specific state guidelines. Getting involved in a local home schooling support group will help you keep tabs on changing regulations and provide a network of friends who have made the same educational choices.
#147;I think every single home schooling family I#146;ve ever met has been more than happy to share what they know with others,#148; says Tori, an Ohio home schooler. She tries to ease worries of new home schoolers who may feel overwhelmed with all the perceived rules and regulations. #147;You do not have to have little desks, a dedicated schoolroom and lesson plans for 5-6 hours a day!#148;
Instead, many teaching experiences are woven into everyday activities, like going to the grocery store (math and economics), hiking in the woods (science and nature), and seeing a movie (literature and theatre). Some parents do set aside a special schooling area, but kids can work just as easily at the kitchen table. And though the state requires a set number of schooling hours per year, each family uses their discretion in establishing a schedule. (For instance, starting school at 10 a.m. instead of 8 a.m., or teaching every other day instead of five days straight.)
What about choosing curriculum? #147;There are tons of home schooling materials available, and to be a wise steward of your money, you need to come to some decisions about things,#148; Tori advises.#147;Deciding what to buy depends on why you#146;re home schooling, your personal teaching style, and the way your kids learn.
#147;My biggest reason for home schooling was to have control over what they learned and how they learned it. I wanted them to be taught subjects within a Biblical context and framework. That obviously affected the materials I choose.
#147;Some folks home school because they have kids that don#146;t fit the norm and have trouble in school #150; either they are brighter and need more information faster, or they are a tad slower in a couple of areas and need more one-on-one. Or perhaps they have a special needs child. Therefore,#148; Tori says, #147;my advice is to articulate WHY, then go on from there. Your decision will eliminate a fair amount of the available curriculum.#148;
#147;Homeschooling Hurdles#148; is an excerpt from Cheryl#146;s book,
#147;Stay-at-Home Handbook: Advice on Parenting, Finances, Career, Surviving Each Day Much More.#148;
To purchase a copy, visit
http://www.gospelcom.net/homebodies/bookstore/orderSAHH.php
or your favorite bookstore.Comments? Contact Cheryl by writing
Cheryl@homebodies.org
. Also stop by
www.homebodies.org
, where you can interact with other parents on a variety of lively message boards. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:01:25Z
Moving to a New Location?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Moving-to-a-New-Location
-
- /8752.html
2010-05-07T09:01:21Z
2010-05-07T09:01:21Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Moving to a New Location?
By Liz Franklin
liz@franklinizer.com
www.franklinizer.com
Moving can be a traumatic experience. The best way to sidestep the trauma (and cut the time in half) is to use this simple technique: pack your things in the opposite order in which you will use them.
It takes a little thinking ahead, but it's easy and works incredibly well.
Follow these steps:
Gather Your Supplies:
Cardboard boxes (I prefer bankers boxes which cost only $1.00 eachwhen you buy them 6 or 10 to a pack. Advantages over regular boxes: Bankers boxes have handles and lids; you can write on the sides; they stack well, and look organized and uniform; they can fit most household goods; when you want something they#146;re easy to get into; they don#146;t fall apart; and they#146;re reusable.)
Lots of labels, large enough to read from a distance (about 4" x4") (You could write directly on the sides of the boxes, but not if they are already covered with writing.)
Large rolls of tape and at least one tape gun
One big binder, with plain paper (not lined), three-hole punched
Carbon paper
Large tipped felt pens and regular ball point pens
If you don't do this next step you'll be sorry later!
Create a "Central Headquarters" by setting up an area that#146;s out of the general traffic flow, will not be disturbed throughout the entire move, and is close to the main door and the phone. A medium-sized table is perfect.
This is now your command post for the move. Don#146;t use your desk or kitchen table#151;moving papers and supplies will get mixed in with others and you#146;ll regret it. Create a special area, well away from other stuff, where you can answer questions, plot furniture layouts, find moving supplies, store extra boxes and spare lids, etc.
After each session of packing, return all supplies to this table. Tell everyone to make sure the scissors, tape, etc. are returned to Central HQ.
Packing:
This is the key to your entire move: PACK BACKWARDS. That means packing FIRST the things you won#146;t need until LAST. Then pack things you#146;ll need medium soon, and last of all pack the things you#146;ll need first.
Example:
Pick one room. Let#146;s start with the kitchen.
Ask yourself, "What will I not use for five years? Don#146;t laugh#151;I#146;llbet you have stuff you haven#146;t SEEN in longer than that!
Now grab your binder full of paper and a sheet of carbon paper.Slip the carbon between the first two sheets and write on the top sheet the number 1. Next to that put a large letter E, which stands for five years. (See the end of this article for the codes.)
Open the cupboards and pull out everything you won#146;t use for fiveyears. Pack it in a box.
Label ALL FOUR SIDES of the box the same as the page: "1 E". Nowadd the word "Kitchen", because that#146;s where the stuff is going when you get into your new place.
On the first (and carbon) page in the binder, list everythingyou#146;re putting in the box.
When the box is full, take the carbon out, tear off the secondsheet and tape it to the top of the box. Leave the top copy in the binder. You will eventually have a master list here.
Tape the box shut and set it aside. Put the carbon between the nextset of pages.
Now do the next box: It will be 2 E (the second box you#146;ve packed, with more stuff you won#146;t use for five years or more.) In this way, each room is first stripped of all seldom-used items. This technique also gives you more and more room to move around as the time gets closer to The Big Day.
If you don#146;t have any "five year" stuff, go look in another room. If you STILL don#146;t have any five-year stuff, go to the next time category which is one year. Pack as many boxes as you can, from as many rooms as you can, numbering the boxes in the order you#146;re packing them, and designating them "D" for "don#146;t need to open this for one year."
Labeling:
For total efficiency, put a large, brightly colored label on all four sides of the box, and label it just as you did the page in the binder. Be sure to note the room or area it#146;s going to. So our first label (or writing directly on the first box) would look like this:
1 E
KITCHEN
The number shows the total count of how many boxes you#146;ve packed. That way, when you#146;re unpacking, you can match the box numbers to the sheets in your binder and know immediately if any got lost in transit#151;and what was in them.
Packing#151;Stage TWO:
Now that you#146;ve packed all your five-year items, go back to each of the same rooms and pack all the items you won#146;t use for one year (in the kitchen, for example, if it#146;s January your "won#146;t need it for one year" stuff might include holiday decorations.)
These are the "D" items (moving backwards up the priority list), and are labeled as such in your binder and on the labels on ALL FOUR SIDES of the box.
12 D
KITCHEN
Packing#151;Stage THREE:
Pack all the "C" items: things you won#146;t need in the first six months in your new place. Be sure the label shows what room the box should go into. Even if the movers (or your friends) ignore the labels, you can sort the boxes out much more easily whenever you need to. If all you use is the number and letter code, you#146;ll have to delve into the binder to find what was in every single box every single time. Who needs THAT when you#146;re tired!
16 C
KITCHEN
Packing#151;Stage FOUR:
Pack all the "B" items#151;stuff you'll need in the first month but don#146;t have to open right away.
21 B
KITCHEN
Packing#151;Stage FIVE:
Pack all the "A" items#151;things you#146;ll want in the first week (but not immediately#151;we#146;re coming to that). Your "A" items might include the big coffeepot, extra towels, utensils, etc.
30 A
KITCHEN
Packing#151;FINAL STAGE:
Everything should have been moving smoothly so far, right up to this final stage. If you#146;ve been faithful to your Central Headquarters, you#146;ve found everything you need, when you need it.
Now pack a final set of boxes labeled "AA" for top priority. These are the things you will want immediately after you move in, including the keys to the new place; restaurant menus; two towels and two sets of silverware for each person; toothbrushes; personal phone books; the checkbook; favorite coffee cups; etc.
Unpacking
Now that you're in the new place, set up a Central Headquarters to reverse the process#151;a place to unpack. Stock it with knives for opening your boxes; your binder for checking items in as they arrive; room to stash empty boxes; a wastebasket, cleaning rags; etc.
During this entire process you should be able to find anything you need by looking at either the sides of the boxes or the binder. You don#146;t need to accomplish a mass unpacking as soon as you#146;ve moved in and you#146;re tired#151;just unpack the "AA" boxes (and maybe the "A#146;s") and get some rest. When you#146;re ready to unpack more, you can tell what room they go in, and you can pause again after the "B#146;s" are done. There#146;s some well-earned rest right there.
Other advantages include:
An inventory of all your goods, which you can give to yourinsurance agent
If you have to put some things in storage temporarily, you will besure they aren#146;t things you#146;ll need soon
You#146;ll be envy of all your friends because you#146;ll look so restedduring your move
You#146;ll enjoy the congratulations of your moving company for being so organized
Good luck! I#146;ve used this system at least five times and every time I appreciate it more.
KEY:
AA = Open First
A = Will need right away (first week)
B = Won't use for 1 month
C = Won't use for 6 months
D = Won't use for 1 year
E = Won#146;t use for 5 years or more
Liz is the nationally published author of How "
To Get Organized Without Resorting to Arson
," visit her website at
www.franklinizer.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:01:21Z
"Raise Your Voice" - A Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Raise-Your-Voice----A-Movie-Review
-
- /8753.html
2010-05-07T09:01:16Z
2010-05-07T09:01:16Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"Raise Your Voice" - A Movie Review
The Movie Reporter
By Philip Boatwright
www.moviereporter.com
Films Reviews from a Family Perspective
Raise Your Voice. Hilary Duff, Jason Ritter, John Corbett, Oliver James, Rebecca De Mornay, David Keith.
Most films nowadays are made with an intended audience. Adolescent males who enjoy seeing things souped up, blown up, or gobbled up are generally those courted first by movie studios. But teen and preteen girls, once very much neglected by Hollywood, have finally convinced the film industry that they will buy just as much popcorn as their male counterparts. After the success of #147;Mean Girls,#148; #147;Lizzie McGuire: The Movie,#148; and at least four recent Cinderella rip-offs, producers are now confident that the #147;Tween Girls Rule#148; genre is alive and well. So here#146;s another film with them in mind.
Hilary Duff stars as Terri Fletcher, a small-town girl who aspires to a big-time singing career. When a personal tragedy interrupts her steady life, Terri defies her father#146;s wishes and secretly heads off to a Los Angeles performing arts summer school. But the school brings a whole new set of challenges for Terri, who suddenly finds herself part of a highly competitive program in an intimidating new city. Though initially overwhelmed by her new surroundings, Terri rises to the occasion with the help of some newfound friends, an encouraging teacher, a first love, and faith.
Although I suspect anyone not into all things Duff may find it less than satisfying, teenaged girls who have grown up with Lizzie McGuire will love it. And why not? Young girls will either relate to the lead character#146;s adolescent frustrations or want to relate to her charms (Miss Lizzie has not only blossomed, she simply cannot be badly photographed).
A bit shallow for adults, but for its intended audience, the film successfully addresses several poignant issues, including standing up for yourself and drawing from a spiritual core when facing life#146;s realities. And while the film is gratefully far from the likes of #147;Thirteen,#148; it is a touch edgier than previous Hilary Duff efforts due to fact that the main character deals with the guilt of her brother#146;s death and the deceiving of her domineering father.
In the story, Terri (Hilary) must either go along with a sneaky plan formulated by her aunt and mother in order to get into the prestigious academy, or give up her dream and stay home with an overprotective father. Parents may initially fear that this premise condones lying to authority figures. What we must realize, however, is that without some conflict in a movie there would be no drama. But Terri is not a wiseacre Ferris Bueller-type who takes pleasure in pulling one over on bumbling parents. Rather, the character feels remorse throughout the film for her deception and ultimately the truth is faced. What#146;s more, the picture is actually addressing this moral issue. With any luck, family members will be reminded of the importance of communication.
The most satisfying moments for this old fogy weren#146;t in the final musical showdowns, but in the three or four subtle moments that reflected the family#146;s spiritual direction. At least twice, we see Terri go to church by herself; we even see her pray. (When#146;s the last time you saw that in a film aimed at juveniles?) Other times we see her singing in choir and rehearsing the Hallelujah Chorus. Also she wears and clings to a cross left to her by her beloved brother. (When asked why it#146;s a Celtic cross, the director, a practicing Catholic, gave a concise explanation by simply repeating his entire name -
Sean Patrick Michael McNamara
.)
Although Ms. Duff#146;s voice is still paper-thin, the film is full of lively and often joyous music, with positive lyrics #150;
follow your heart #150; don#146;t give up #150; I#146;ll be strong #150; believe in yourself
.
The actors give bright, sincere performances, and though somewhat linear and unsophisticated, Mr. McNamara#146;s direction is effective at keeping the narrative from becoming maudlin or sugary while never condescending to his intended audience. Add to that the fact that he has avoided the usual crudity found in most youth-orientated flicks and you have a funny, family-friendly film.
As for its star, Ms. Duff is beginning to outgrow her Lizzie-isms, showing signs of becoming a real actress. Having grown up on sound stages, Hilary has become close friends with movie cameras. Indeed, she may be the most photogenic child star since the young Elizabeth Taylor. She is a beauty and will no doubt be a gorgeous woman in a few years. But all too often actresses become overly conscious of their looks (especially when they#146;re only sixteen), which can limit acting muscles. No acting career survives on cuteness alone. Sincerity and truth are found under the skin. Therefore, if Ms. Duff#146;s management wants her to survive a fickle positioning on Hollywood#146;s wobbly celebrity rung, then its time to focus more on thespian skills than exploitive promoting. Though she is fine in this film, I would suggest she actually attend a performing arts school.
As for the film #150; it#146;s terrific for teens and tweens.
PG (Though I caught no harsh or profane language other than a few minor expletives, the expression #147;Oh my God#148; now a common euphemism among the young, is used frequently. A male student gets drunk, but is chastised by the lead for his behavior; One scene features a teen couple passionately kissing, then suddenly drops out of camera, presumably to further their new-found feelings. This is not the main couple. The lead is cautious and it is clear that she is not rushing into a relationship. A lie is at the center of the film#146;s premise, but it sets up the moral question. A car crash leads to the death of a family member. The director handles this situation and all the material with discretion.).
Go to Phil Boatwright#146;s website at:
www.moviereporter.com
for details on how to have reviews of new films delivered directly to your e-mail address. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
DEFINITIONS
Crudity
- A word or action lacking in culture, tact
Expletive
- A mild obscenity or needless expression
Obscenity
- Objectionable or repugnant to acceptable standards of decency or morality; indecent; pornographic
Profanity
- Irreverence toward God
Blasphemy
- To speak contemptuously of God
Adult subject matter
- Situations or subjects unsuitable for or difficult to comprehend by children
Staff
2010-05-07T09:01:16Z
That's The Ticket: Discount Night At The Movies
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Thats-The-Ticket:-Discount-Night-At-The-Movies
-
- /8754.html
2010-05-07T09:01:14Z
2010-05-07T09:01:14Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>That's The Ticket: Discount Night At The Movies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
Copyright 2004
In less than a month, #147;Lord of the Rings: Return of the King#148; hauled in more than $300 million from moviegoers. Ecstatic reviews propelled audiences into theaters across the country, eager to enjoy Peter Jackson#146;s talented team delivering Oscar-caliber performances.
Not to be an Orc about it, but the ca-ching of the Ring could have been held to only $298 million or so if ticket buyers had taken advantage of a multitude of discounts available to them. It only takes a change of hobbit #150; er, habit #150; to save money the next time you storm the walls of your local cinema.
GO BEFORE 6:00 PM. Matinees ticket prices are usually a couple of dollars cheaper than for prime time shows. That means a family of four can visit the concession stand with $8 extra dollars in their pockets if they head for the theater after school instead of after dinner.
LET AGE WORK FOR YOU. Children and seniors pay lower rates, as do students with current ID cards. Some drive-ins admit kids under 11 free. Don#146;t forget seasonal programs like Regal Cinema#146;s (
www.regalcinemas.com
) Family Film Festival and Dickinson#146;s (
www.dtmovies.com
) Summer Kids Movies pass featuring past G and PG-rated films. Sure, they#146;re already out on video, but it#146;s still great to see favorite films on the big screen. And at $1.50 or less per ticket, it#146;s a cheap way to entertain the tots.
CHECK THOSE COUPON BOOKS. The next time a fundraising student appears on your doorstep selling Entertainment or Gold C books (
www.entertainment.com
), invite them in. Recent Gold C books included coupons for Cinemark (
www.cinemark.com
), AMC Theatres (
www.amctheatres.com
) and Regal Cinemas. The Entertainment book tends to expand these listings, adding even more movie houses. Also flip through those coupon pages in your phonebook to seek additional discounts.
REWARD CARDS. Just like grocery stores, several nationwide theater chains reward repeat customers. Membership is free; ask for card applications at the box office.
AMC MovieWatchers accumulate 2 points for every ticket purchased (limit 4 points per visit). As they hit 10-point thresholds, customers receive coupons for free drinks, popcorn or tickets. MovieWatchers also get free popcorn on Wednesdays, and can order advance tickets with no service fee.
Many Dickinson Theaters feature the DT Movies Bonus Club Card. One point is awarded for each ticket purchased; moviegoers get free popcorn at 5 points and a free ticket at 10 points.
Saving this much money may put you in the mood to return to the movies again. Have fun, and may the Frodo be with you.
Comments? Contact Cheryl by writing
Cheryl@homebodies.org
. Also stop by
www.homebodies.org
, where you can interact with other parents on a variety of lively message boards. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:01:14Z
The Difference Between Men and Women
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Difference-Between-Men-and-Women
-
- /8755.html
2010-05-07T09:01:12Z
2010-05-07T09:01:12Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Difference Between Men and Women
by Candace Bahr, CEA, CDFA and Ginita Wall, CPA, CFPreg;
www.WIFE.org
www.MoneyClubs.com
Until recently, the world of finances has been pretty much male dominated. And men and women think and learn very differently. For the most part, men don't enjoy group interaction and sharing. Men are more likely to go it alone, prizing independence and autonomy, while women seek interaction and chemistry.
There are a number of scientific studies and findings that back up what we women have always intuitively known. Consider these:
Men focus, women integrate.
Studies show that men's brains are more localized, specialized and efficient at focusing. Women's are more distributed, connected and better at integrating. That's why so many women think holistically, and it explains their ability to pull together information, what we've always known as "women's intuition."
Men compare, women share.
Martha Barletta, an expert in gender focus marketing, has found that men relate to their friends by doing things together such as golfing, fishing, or going to ball games. Women, on the other hand, see sharing conversations as the primary point of getting together with friends. No matter what women do or where they go with their friends, they talk. They talk about people, family, and issues that are important to them. Men talk too. But when men talk, they talk about things or events, comparing performance and swapping scores.
Men compete, women cooperate.
Emory University recently studied women to see if they were more likely to cooperate or compete. But though they would earn more money by competing, the scientists found that most women engaged in cooperative strategy, helping each other to reach the goal. And when they cooperated, MRI scans showed their brains lit up with pleasure. Women love to help each other, and now we know why-we're wired for it!
Under stress, men fight/flight, women tend/befriend.
A study at UCLA found that under stress, men's bodies produce adrenaline, while women release oxytocin, a hormone that triggers an urge for interpersonal interaction and closeness. Women know that there's no one like a good girlfriend to talk to when you've had a bad day.
Rather than going it alone, that's why women prefer to go to health clubs to work out, they join book clubs and gather to play bunco. Women join groups when they diet. We all know that this is a far more effective way for women to succeed. And now we've got Money Clubs for women, so we can help each other as we help ourselves.
Cofounders sixteen years ago of the nonprofit Women#146;s Institute for Financial Education (
www.WIFE.org
) and the new MoneyClub for women (
www.MoneyClubs.com
), Candace Bahr, CEA, CDFA and Ginita Wall, CPA, CFPreg; are trusted financial guides for millions of women. As owner of her own investment management firm, Candace was recently recognized as one of the top ten brokers in the country for 2003 by Registered Rep magazine. Ginita has been named to Worth magazine#146;s Top Financial Advisors for seven years. Both authors are nationally-recognized experts on women and money and regularly appear on CNN and CNBC and in national financial and women#146;s publications. This article is excerpted from their new book
It#146;s More Than Money#151;It#146;s Your Life! The New Money Club for Women
(John Wiley, 2004). Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:01:12Z
How to Live a Creative Life
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-to-Live-a-Creative-Life
-
- /8756.html
2010-05-07T09:01:10Z
2010-05-07T09:01:10Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>How to Live a Creative Life
By Christine Louise Hohlbaum
www.DiaryofaMother.com
Parents are the most creative people alive. Don#146;t think so? They create life, sustain it, and nurture it for years. In short, they turn cells into human beings, and rather likeable ones at that. Parents assist in the process of making a newborn into a child who then grows into a teen, then an adult. Somewhere along the line, a lot of parents often forget to foster other aspects of their creativity, the power of their youth which made them into kings and queens for an afternoon.
How can we as parents regain a sense of the mystery within? It is simple, really. First, look at your children. We have built-in creativity machines in our midst. Learn from them. Observe how they can pretend four chairs and a blanket is a house. Wooden beads turn into a delicious meal. Sticks and rocks become log cabins and tiny treasures. If a random twig taken from a city park can be the bow for my daughter#146;s "arrow," then I might be able to come up with a few ideas of my own.
Next, look at nature. The clouds resemble animals; the trees look like people. Birds forage the ground for food. They seek what they need to survive. An integral part of our lives is recognizing the creative spirit ordained to do great things. We need to seek what we require to survive as well. But how?
When I speak to groups about time management, they usually agree that time is a rare commodity. Add children to the mix, and it seems near impossible to find a moment to yourself. If you are able, carve out an extra fifteen minutes per day to seek a moment of solitude. Silence is a key ingredient to nurturing your creative juices. Set the alarm 15 minutes earlier. Go to bed 15 minutes later and dedicate that time to your own thoughts. Take a lunch break by yourself and find a lone park bench. Keep a journal and record your inner emotions. Take creative dates with yourself, by yourself. If going to an expensive gift shop sets you on fire, do it. Nurturing your inner soul needn#146;t be expensive (so don#146;t buy anything at the gift shop#151;just browse!).
Surround yourself with supportive people. Join a club which offers your area of interest, whether it is chess, gardening, skiing, or stamp-collecting.
Set goals for yourself and write them down. Then make a timeline such as the following: "By the last Sunday of the month, I will have accomplished x, y, z#133;" If you need prompting, consider Julia Cameron#146;s book, "The Artist#146;s Way." I hold that book singularly responsible for jettisoning my writing career to the level it is today. It made me look into the mirror of my soul and see for the very first time the incredible potential I hold. You do, too. It is time to unearth your creative self and let it breathe.
Christine Louise Hohlbaum, American author of Diary of a Mother: Parenting Stories and Other Stuff, has been published in hundreds of publications. When she isn#146;t writing, leading toddler playgroups or wiping up messes, she prefers to frolic in the Bavarian countryside near Munich where she lives with her husband and two children. Visit her Web site:
www.DiaryofaMother.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:01:10Z
Don't be Spooked by the Teacher!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Dont-be-Spooked-by-the-Teacher!
-
- /8757.html
2010-05-07T09:01:07Z
2010-05-07T09:01:07Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Don't be Spooked by the Teacher!
By Jodie Lynn
www.ParentToParent.com
Parent/Teacher conferences are right around the corner. I am not sure why they come right before Halloween, but it is a known fact that once school is in session for a short time, for most schools, the conferences will greet or beat Halloween.
Q. Should kids go along to parent/teacher conferences?
A. Ask the teacher what he/she prefers. Sometimes, it helps the child to hear the good and the bad straight from the teacher#146;s mouth. Additionally, if your child is younger than seven, they may not want to sit still long enough to benefit from the conference.
However, if it is a performance review paired with an open house or something like an art show, it might benefit the child and be fun, too.
A good rule of thumb is to leave the children at home unless the teacher invites them, at least for the first conference. Very few parents bring their children in on the first parent/teacher conference. Nevertheless, sometimes, especially during the second time around and their grades are slipping, it helps to let them hear what the teacher has to say.
For example, children, and this means teens too, that are failing certain subjects can hear exactly what the teacher thinks may be taking place. There is nothing worse than going home and trying to explain to your child what the teacher said the problem was and what you think it is and then hearing something totally different from the child. Taking your kid along for the second go around is the perfect opportunity for the parent and teacher to hear what the child has to say about it as well. Nine times out of ten, it is not what you were told or what you thought the problem was. (Amazing, isn't it?)
It's also a great opportunity for everyone to become involved in offering suggestions to fix the problem without blaming or using one person against the other for excuses. Last year I heard one student tell his mom that he was embarrassed to be following her around from one room to the other; she simply replied, and loud enough for anyone within earshot to hear, that if that was the case, then she guessed he wouldn't be failing the same subjects next time...now would he?
I loved it because I knew that the mom was a stay-at-home mom and could stay right on top of all homework assignments her children had. In fact, as she was going into the conference room, I heard her introduce herself by beginning the introduction saying, "Hello, I am Tom's mom -- I stay at home and know exactly what is up with his homework. Now, about that low grade in the last essay..."
Tips to get ready:
To get ready for a conference and to adhere to your time slot, ask your child if there are any concerns two days before the conference.
Make a list of those concerns as well as any of your own.
Read your child#146;s concerns and ask about any you do not understand.
If there are bully issues, get full details.
Do not blame anyone for anything until you have heard the full story.
Stay positive, talk about the good points of the situation, and let the teacher know you are willing to work together for the success of your child.
Follow through with suggestions and talk to your child about a plan on improving specific areas.
Maybe having the conferences right before Halloween is timed precisely right -- this way, you can calmly mention any outstanding book reports, essays or other timely projects that need to be done by -- you guessed it, Halloween!
No completed assignment, no trick or treating. Of course, you have to follow through on the consequences, so be careful of empty threats. After all, I don#146;t know even one single adult who doesn#146;t enjoy the treats of Halloween.
Note: You asked for a Mom, CEO logo and now we have it on great merchandise at the
www.ParentToParent.com
site. ALL MOMS ARE WORKING MOMS!
Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest paperback book is
Mommy-CEO, revised edition, Martin-Ola Press
. (It's not just for moms!) -- check out her new e-book, "Syndication Secrets" at
www.ParentToParent.com
for more details. We now have new Mommy, CEO merchandise and logo! copy;2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:01:07Z
Three Wishes
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Three-Wishes
-
- /8758.html
2010-05-07T09:01:05Z
2010-05-07T09:01:05Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Three Wishes
By Christine Louise Hohlbaum
www.DiaryofaMother.com
My mother had three wishes when we were young. That we all bear children who behave as we did, that she occasionally get ten minutes to herself, and that her house were permanently clean (and not by her own doing). They are most likely wishes that every mother has had at one point or another in her career of active motherhood.
When I first had children, I really didn#146;t think much about my mother#146;s wishes. I was busy feeling overwhelmed, ill-equipped, and sleep-deprived. Once the dust settled and we had a routine, I began to see more clearly what was going on in my life.
And then it happened.
I didn#146;t mean for it to. I broke my vow. No, not a marital one. We#146;re just as happy as we were ten years ago on that hot August day when we both said "I do." Something else happened. I wished Sophia to have a daughter just like her. Aloud. In broad daylight. With witnesses. Okay, so it was just her three-year-old brother, but he heard it. So did I.
My mother used to say to me, "I hope you have a daughter just like you!" She would use her sing-song voice, the voice struggling for control over the desire to throttle her kid for doing what kids do best: drive their parents to the verge of insanity. I heard it so often that, while she never said it with malice, I had the sense it wasn#146;t a good thing to wish something like that on another person. Especially if that other person is slightly whiny. Or impatient. Or, well, a pain.
The other day I said it to my daughter, Sophia. Many times before I have wanted to say it and have not. I bit my tongue and did not yield to the temptation. But then, in a flash, I had to make a decision. She wanted a yogurt. I opened one and put it in front of her. She grinned and said, "I don#146;t want yogurt. I want melon." Gracefully, I turned on my heel and took in a breath. My lips parted ever so slightly and the thought jumped to my mind. Do not get angry. Get even.
I wheeled around and grinned back at my angelic child sitting daintly at the kitchen table and uttered the words, "I hope you have a daughter#133;JUST#133;LIKE#133;YOU!" She smiled and nodded in agreement. Lol! She knows not what I am saying, I thought.
Since that day, the dam has been broken. I have said it twice since that fateful afternoon when I dangled on the precipice between sane and mentally infirm. It is perhaps an unnecessary self-flagellation. My daughter#146;s face lights up every time when I say it. She probably thinks I wish her all the best--which I do. All the best entails growing and learning. As parents, we are faced with those challenges every day. If "all the best" involves a bit of personal stretching, by golly! I wish the best for my children. And ten minutes to myself. And a clean house to boot.
Christine Louise Hohlbaum, American author of Diary of a Mother: Parenting Stories and Other Stuff, has been published in hundreds of publications and has appeared on NPR twice. When she isn#146;t writing, leading toddler playgroups or wiping up messes, she prefers to frolic in the Bavarian countryside near Munich where she lives with her husband and two children. Visit her Web site:
www.DiaryofaMother.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:01:05Z
Teaching an "Only" Child to Share
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Teaching-an-Only-Child-to-Share
-
- /8759.html
2010-05-07T09:01:03Z
2010-05-07T09:01:03Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Teaching an "Only" Child to Share
Jodie Lynn
www.ParentToParent.com
A stay at home mom recently brought up a scenario that I frequently hear about in one-child families. Here is her dilemma:
Her son does not have any brothers or sisters and has been at home with her up until just recently. Now that school has started, he has gotten even worse about sharing. When he goes over to someone#146;s house, it does not take long before he wants to come home and play with "his" toys. When he has friends over, he will pull the toy or book away if the other child tries to play with it.
To tell the truth, I do not think this is a challenge that runs amuck in one-child families. It might be noticed more quickly, but all parents go through similar situations.
Make sure you understand the reason why your son does not like to share. Sometimes children may not know how to answer this and appear rude and selfish. Role-play. During role-playing, something said or done may click and you will understand his position. This does not mean you have to agree with it. It just provides you with more information so you can help him to help himself.
Try to check out the rules about sharing at school, outside activities or even at other children's houses. If others are not sharing, politely ask why and then explain it to your child. Maybe he is just doing what is being done to him and this is the way he is learning about the process.
Don't force your son to share special items. Have a box ready to keep these out of sight when others come over. Personally take the box and put it in a safe place from everyone including your son. If he is too young to understand this, do not let him see you do it. You can always bring the items out after the friend has gone home.
Find out who is coming over and how they play. If it is an "active" child, plan a few activities away from breakables and allow for a shorter playtime.
Don't make a big deal out of the situation. Change the subject and keep things moving. Remember to catch your son in the act of displaying acceptable behavior, give plenty of hugs and praise when he does share.
It is actually OK for you not to make him share every single toy or book in his room when a friend comes over to play. Rule number three works really well by labeling a box "special" and putting it up before kids come over. They will never see the box of toys or books and if the play date is kept short, your child may not even ask for them. If he does, say, "If I get out your special box of toys, your friend gets to play with them too. Do you agree to do this?"
Rule of thumb: He may not share even if he says he will until around age four or so. Be prepared to have to put the box back away and divert their attention to a new activity that will require both of them to become involved with "hands-on."
Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest paperback book is
Mommy-CEO
, revised edition, Martin-Ola Press. (It's not just for moms!) -- check out her new e-book, "Syndication Secrets" at
ParentToParent.com
for more details. We now have new Mommy, CEO merchandise and logo! copy;2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:01:03Z
Smarter Family Management
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Smarter-Family-Management
-
- /8760.html
2010-05-07T09:01:00Z
2010-05-07T09:01:00Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Smarter Family Management
ByKathy Peel
www.familymanager.com
Being the Family Manager means there#146;s always more than plenty to do#151;and the job starts over every morning. If we don#146;t find ways to handle day-to-day tasks so that everyone,
Mom included
, is cheerful, relaxed, and organized, we#146;ll struggle just to endure life and never get to enjoy it.
How we carry out each twenty-four-hour day can make a difference between a household in constant uproar and one that hums along smoothly. And, there is more at stake than just lost car keys on Monday morning or a missed school play due to unexpected calendar conflicts. Home is where our kids learn how to #147;do#148; life. Consequently, we need smooth-running homes both for sanity#146;s sake and for our kids#146; future success.
Every fall year when school starts, moms across the country deal with many of the same issues. Here are common complaints I hear, and solutions that can work for every family.
We never have enough time in the morning.
Figure out what time everyone has to be out the door and work backwards from there.
How long does it typically take each person to get ready? Set a wake-up time that gives each child enough time to wash, dress, eat, do chores, and get out the door#151;then add ten minutes for schedule snags so they won#146;t miss the bus or carpool.
Put a clock in every room so everyone is always aware of what time it is.
Have one person be in charge of giving family members a ten-minute warning#151;ten minutes before it#146;s time to walk out the door.
Every morning there#146;s a tense line at the bathroom door.
Design a rotating schedule for the bathroom and assign each child a time. Put a timer in the bathroom so they#146;ll know when their time is up. (Have teenagers get up fifteen minutes earlier than younger siblings since they need more time in the bathroom. Put a makeup mirror in girls#146; bedrooms to free up time for others.)
The kids change clothes a lot and we argue over what they want to wear.
Ask kids to decide and set clothes out the night before. (Pack away all clothing that doesn't fit and put away out-of-season items to simplify choices.) For children who like to decide in the morning, make decisions easier by hanging all their school clothes in one area of the closet, and build your kids#146; wardrobe on basic color bottoms that will coordinate with a wide variety of tops.
Also:
Buy socks all of one kind and color for each child. This saves searching for mates.
Buy #147;fast#148; clothes#151;shoes with Velcro fasteners, tagless T-shirts, and shirts with ample openings for easy slipping over the head#151;for young children. Buttons, snaps, zippers, and shoelaces slow them down.
The kids often forget things, and I have to make extra trips to school.
When homework is done the night before, it goes in the backpack and the backpack goes on a hook by the door, along with shoes, rain gear, and gym clothes.
Breakfast (if we eat at all) is always fast and furious.
Set the table and make as many preparations as you can the night before. Offer a very limited menu of easy-to-prepare but healthy foods. Divide preparation and cleanup chores between family members. Sit down at the table together, even if it#146;s only for four or five minutes, and talk about your children#146;s day. Ask about tests, activities, and if there#146;s anything you need to pick up for them at the store. This is an easy way to show them you care about what#146;s going on their world.
Making the day#146;s lunches in the morning just adds to breakfast chaos.
Fix tomorrow#146;s sack lunches while you#146;re cleaning up after dinner.
The kids come home loaded with papers and information. It#146;s hard to keep up with all the practices, games, and meetings at school.
Create a Control Central (a home base of operation) where you can organize and administrate the countless daily details#151;schedules, appointments, invitations, school papers#151;and oversee your family#146;s coming and goings. Kitchen is ideal location. You need a central family calendar, small dry erase board for messages, bulletin board, and an inbox for each child. When kids get home from school, have them unload backpacks right away and put important papers in their in-boxes. Mom or dad go through kids#146; inboxes at night.
It#146;s also a good idea to have a 3-ring binder and hole-punch at Control Central to store things like team and homeroom phone lists, class/homework rules, sick day policies, field trip guidelines, etc.
I end up doing all the work. I want my husband and kids to be more helpful.
Create a morning chore chart kids can follow. Post it at child level on the refrigerator. Have each child check off tasks as he completes them.
Have a rule at your house that kids do not get their privileges#151;watching TV, playing computer games, talking on the phone#151;until they fulfill their responsibilities. Stand firm.
Carve out some time to talk with your spouse about who does what around the house. Many times men don#146;t know specifically what needs to be done or how to be helpful. Print off a
Who#146;s Responsible for What
list at
familymanager.com
to jumpstart the conversation.
I#146;m tired of nagging. I would like my kids up to get up and get ready in the morning without yelling.
Create a no-play-until-ready rule.
Inspire a child by providing a special toy or game to be played with only when he is ready a few minutes early.
Create a #147;Sunshine Jar#148; for young children who drag in the morning. Put some change in the jar each day they make progress sticking to the family schedule. Give them the money to spend on a treat the end of the week.
Make sure kids get plenty of sleep.
Keep to a reasonable schedule for bed preparations and sleep. Don#146;t alter kids#146; schedules much on weekends; they learn a daily rhythm and struggle when it#146;s upset.
Set a specific time for younger children to bathe, brush their teeth, and go to bed, so they#146;ll have a sense of daily rhythm. Although they may stay up later n the weekends, don#146;t alter the schedule greatly if you want the school-day routine to be easy to maintain.
Enforce a #147;lights out#148; time by installing a timer on kids#146; lights. Let them read or listen to audiobooks until the light goes out.
Kathy Peel#146;s latestbook is The Family Manager Saves the Day (Perigee, 2004). To contact Kathy,visit
familymanager.com
. Permission granted for use on www.DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:01:00Z
"Vanity Fair" - A Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Vanity-Fair----A-Movie-Review
-
- /8761.html
2010-05-07T09:00:59Z
2010-05-07T09:00:59Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:59Z
Top 5 Ways Parents Waste Time
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Top-5-Ways-Parents-Waste-Time
-
- /8762.html
2010-05-07T09:00:57Z
2010-05-07T09:00:57Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Top 5 Ways Parents Waste Time
By Tracy Lyn Moland
www.TracyLynMoland.com
Disorganization #150; searching for keys, library books or mittens can take up a great deal of time. Find sensible homes for everything.
Perfectionism #150; there is a huge increase of time spent doing something perfect over excellent. Focus on making sure things are well done not perfect.
Details #150; we live in a time when we are lucky to have so many options available to us. This can also be incredibly overwhelming. Try to limit your options to 3 -5 choices. Take advantage of opinions of experts and friends.
Hidden time #150; when we pay attention to how long things actually take we can plan accordingly. A one hour workout at a gym can take two hours if you consider travel and preparation time.
Procrastination- we often spend more time thinking about what we have to do than it takes just to do it. If you catch yourself procrastinating, ask yourself why you are doing it and then solve that problem.
Tracy Lyn Moland is a life management expert and the author of Mom Management, Managing Mom Before Everybody Else (TGOT, 2003). Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:57Z
Benji: Off the Leash! Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Benji:-Off-the-Leash!--Movie-Review
-
- /8763.html
2010-05-07T09:00:56Z
2010-05-07T09:00:56Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:56Z
Help for Poor Handwriting -- Get a Grip on it Now!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Help-for-Poor-Handwriting----Get-a-Grip-on-it-Now!
-
- /8764.html
2010-05-07T09:00:54Z
2010-05-07T09:00:54Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Help for Poor Handwriting -- Get a Grip on it Now!
By Jodie Lynn
www.ParentToParent.com
What to do if your child#146;s handwriting is a problem. It#146;s OK -- it can get better.
Below is an excerpt of a heart-wrenching letter I received from a SAHM: #133;my twins were constantly being "encouraged" by the teachers to work on their handwriting. It literally drove us all to tears. It has taken me all of the summer to get them back on track to even think of the new school year in a positive manner. They are both going to be in the third grade, but to tell you the truth, I am scared to death of what the new school year will bring#133; I recently received the above plea for help from a desperate mom. While it may seem like a small insignificant task to some, the impact of the problem packs a huge whammy on self-confidence for the entire school year.
After having taught school for several years, I can sympathize with what the family might have gone through. It is especially devastating to highly sensitive children.
First of all, to all of you thousands of parents who have experienced this, and to those of you who may be notified of such a challenge in only a few short weeks, this is a common complaint for elementary children, especially for boys. Why?
Children are so into large motor skills, (running, kicking and hitting activities) especially boys, that their fine motor skills in the manual dexterity of the fingers, are just not developed.
Girls on the other hand, have a tendency to draw, bead or color, which leads to strengthening these muscles and coordination. The small and precise usage of this specific area leads to better hand writing.
Here are some acceptable tips to get your little champion back on the road to not only feeling good about personal self-esteem, but for pure and simple handwriting success. Best of all, these are fun activities and perfect for the SAHM.
Beading - Now that it#146;s cool for everyone to wear beaded necklaces - boys don#146;t mind a bit in producing their own choker.
Embroidery - If you start now, kids can make special gifts for grandparents or stepparents. Even if it is as simple as adding initials on a towel set or dinner napkins.
Drawing - Just about everyone can draw. It doesn#146;t have to be top notch. Start with free hand drawing or painting by numbers.
Coloring books - There#146;s really cool coloring books out today and many to them can be about one of your child#146;s favorite TV shows or musical groups.
Puzzles - these take time and patience. Begin with smaller ones and move up in the number of pieces.
Working on Model Cars - Supervise with glue and paint, otherwise, let the child work on the project in small periods.
Working on Model Airplanes - the same tips apply to airplane models or any type as they do to model cars. Having a special place where pieces can be kept out on a flat service making them readily available.
Lego's - Anyone and everyone love Lego#146;s and they are perfect for finger/hand/eye coordination.
Tracing - Most art stores have an unlimited supply of tracing paper and activities that kids love.
Tying and untying shoe laces - Make a game of this by seeing who can tie and untie their shoes the fastest between mom and dad and/or mom and child or vice versa.
Button and unbuttoning shirts/tops - When you put away summer clothes or while you are getting donations ready for pick up, ask your children to button all of the clothes: theirs, yours and the rest of the family#145;s clothes. The next week, ask them to undo the buttons. Alternatively, make a game out of it similar to the one for tying shoelaces.
Keyboarding - Let your child write emails to grandparents, relatives and friends. You might also suggest that they make up and write poems and/or stories and submit them to online contests.
Dialing on a rotary phone -- don#146;t have one - pick one up at the local resale, garage sale or Goodwill store. Call out various numbers and let them dial them with various fingers - not just the normal dialing fingers.
The key to optimizing the ultimate success of these activities is to make them fun, not to pressure and not to nag. In fact, don#146;t even mention why they are being done other than praising them for the end result.
Never force your child to do an activity for long periods. As soon as you see frustration setting in, switch to another activity and go back to the other ones another day.
Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest paperback book is
Mommy-CEO
, revised edition, Martin-Ola Press. (It's not just for moms!) -- check out her new e-book, "Syndication Secrets" at
ParentToParent.com
for more details. We now have new Mommy, CEO merchandise and logo! copy;2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:54Z
Saving Money on Family Fun Days
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Saving-Money-on-Family-Fun-Days
-
- /8765.html
2010-05-07T09:00:53Z
2010-05-07T09:00:53Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:53Z
How to Start a Toddlers Playgroup
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-to-Start-a-Toddlers-Playgroup
-
- /8766.html
2010-05-07T09:00:51Z
2010-05-07T09:00:51Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>How to Start a Toddlers#146; Playgroup
By Christine Louise Hohlbaum
www.DiaryofaMother.com
Your toddler is into everything, and the day feels longer than Rapunzel#146;s hair. How do you keep your little one occupied in a constructive and fun manner? Start a toddlers#146; playgroup!
You don#146;t need much in terms of materials, but you will need a space big enough to accommodate the number of children in the group. Too many children in too small of an area can lead to disaster. Ask your local church, synagogue, or community center for a two-hour slot in their building. Make certain that there are enough toys and books for the children to use.
If you need participants, advertise in your local parents paper. Oftentimes, parents papers offer free advertising for private groups. You might just be surprised at how many people respond to your ad. They#146;ve probably wanted to start a group themselves and didn#146;t know how!
Organizing the playgroup can be simple if you follow a few ground rules. Always start the group in a circle with a few songs of introduction. "My name is Sarah, my name is Sarah, what#146;s your name? What#146;s your name?" is a great song to begin your playgroup. It helps the leader get familiar with each child#146;s name.
Next, allow for some free play for the children. Oftentimes, the children are distracted by the unfamiliar toys in the room. Give them plenty of free time to play with the "new" toys and to interact with the other children. Allot 30 minutes for free play.
Singing the clean-up song helps teach children that it is time to put away the toys and start another activity. They also learn to help their parents clean up, instead of letting them do it by themselves!
Giving the children a snack before craft time is helpful. They are more likely to participate if their tummies are full. Provide a brief, healthful snack (such as fruit or cheese). Once that is cleaned up, you can opt to do a simple craft project or read a story.
I like to emphasize literacy even in the smallest of children. Using oversized books of classics such as "Good Night, Moon" or "Runaway Bunny" is helpful with a large group of children. Make sure to ask the children questions as you read along. Even if they do not respond, your diversified tone more likely will hold their attention.
Singing songs in which the children are engaged is the most fun. "Old MacDonald," "Itsy Bitsy Spider," and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" are some examples. Borrow a children#146;s songbook from your local library for other ideas.
At the end of the playgroup, you can signal that it is time to leave by singing a goodbye song, again in a circle. It helps ease the transition out of the room for toddlers who have a hard time leaving places, and it is a nice way to end a playgroup session.
Now go out there, gather your friends and their kids, and have some fun!
Christine Louise Hohlbaum, American author of Diary of a Mother: Parenting Stories and Other Stuff, has been published in hundreds of publications and appeared on numerous radio programs. When she isn#146;t writing, leading toddler playgroups or wiping up messes, she prefers to frolic in the Bavarian countryside near Munich where she lives with her husband and two children. Visit her Web site:
http://www.DiaryofaMother.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:51Z
Mom Management<SUP><FONT SIZE="-1">TM</FONT></SUP>
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Mom-ManagementSUPFONT-SIZE=-1TM/FONT/SUP
-
- /8767.html
2010-05-07T09:00:49Z
2010-05-07T09:00:49Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Mom ManagementTM
by Tracy Lyn Moland, Author of Mom Management, Managing Mom Before Everybody Else
http://www.MomManagement.com
For me,
Mom Management
TM holds a number of meanings, with
Managing Mom Before Everybody Else
TM being most important. I have always felt that being a Mom is a lot like being a manager. The skills we use to run our homes are very similar to skills used to run a business.
Regardless of our individual circumstances, we share a common bond - that of being a Mother. Being a Mom is an incredible experience but it is also very consuming. We have all experienced an incredible change from our pre-mother lives. Most of these changes are very positive but one that we all have trouble dealing with is a loss of our sense of self. At some point, we realize that we have let being a Mom become our entire identity. When my children were two and four years old, I realized that Tracy Lyn was missing. In tears, I realized I had lost my sense of self. In looking for myself, I decided to try doing a triathlon, thus setting one goal. Wow! The focus of that one goal, one thing just for me, re-established my sense of self. That initial goal led to five more triathlons, becoming an entrepreneur, a professional speaker, and now an author. During the long process of finding my true self again, I also became a better Mother.
As I realized, being a Mom is not
who
we are, but rather one of the many other roles that we fill in our lives. The term Mom Management was created as a reminder that the Me in Mommeee still exists, and needs to be nurtured. Flying provides us with the perfect analogy. At the beginning of each flight, we are told that, #147;If flying with children, make sure to secure your own oxygen mask first and then secure theirs.#148; As a Mom, we need to take care of ourselves first so that we can better meet the needs of our families. Rather than put ourselves second we need to secure our oxygen masks first.
When we truly care for ourselves, it becomes possible to care far more profoundly about other people. The more alert and sensitive we are to our own needs, the more loving and generous we can be toward others.
Eda LeShan
Knowing we need to care for ourselves and doing it are very different things. As Moms, we feel that we are being selfish if we take the extra time to pay better attention to our own needs. However, it is not selfishness but an absolute necessity for Moms to be cared for. By taking time to explore their dreams and determining their priorities, Moms have the chance to learn to manage themselves and become their own friend!
Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be a friend with anyone else in the world.
Eleanor Roosevelt
#147;Excerpted from
Mom Management, Managing Mom Before Everybody Else
copy;2004 Tracy Lyn Moland. Used with permission of The Gift of Time. All rights reserved.
http://www.MomManagement.com
#148; Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:49Z
He Says, She Says
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/He-Says,-She-Says
-
- /8768.html
2010-05-07T09:00:48Z
2010-05-07T09:00:48Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:48Z
Stay-at-Home Moms Get Burned Out, Too
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Stay-at-Home-Moms-Get-Burned-Out,-Too
-
- /8769.html
2010-05-07T09:00:48Z
2010-05-07T09:00:48Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:48Z
"Catwoman" Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Catwoman-Movie-Review
-
- /8770.html
2010-05-07T09:00:45Z
2010-05-07T09:00:45Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"Catwoman" Movie Review
The Movie Reporter
By Philip Boatwright
www.moviereporter.com
Starring Halle Berry, Sharon Stone, Benjamin Bratt.
Created by Bob Kane ("Batman"), Catwoman has always been a bad pussycat, for years being the alluring nemesis for the Caped Crusader. But now she has her own purrrfect movie (franchise) where she now uses might for right. After discovering crooked goings-on in a cosmetics company where she creates graphic designs, mousy Patience Phillips (Berry) is, by means of a mystical twist of fate, transformed into a woman with the strength, speed, agility and ultra-keen senses of a cat. With her newfound prowess and feline intuition, Patience becomes Catwoman, a sleek and stealthy creature balancing on the thin line between good and bad. Dressed in tight black leather and high-heeled boots, the purring pussycat goes up against veteran femme fatale Sharon Stone, while avoiding capture by a confused cop suitor. A mixed bag for me. The positives: it is the best film adaptation of a comic book since the first installment of "Spiderman." The cinematography, special effects and exuberant directorial style all add up to flashy filmmaking #150; which is ideal when transferring animated books to the silver screen. What#146;s more, it doesn#146;t take itself too seriously, it#146;s not as dark and brooding as "Batman," and it#146;s genuinely witty.
The film completely avoids objectionable language and does not glorify wrongdoing. Although the lead character walks a thin line between law and disorder, she ultimately does right and even shows regard for life #150; even that of the antagonist. Ms. Berry is (here I go again) purrrfectly cast as the sleek, leather-clad superheroine. As the frisky feline who foils felons and feds alike, she is vulnerable, believable and, sexy. Oh, come on, it#146;s Halle Berry, it#146;s Catwoman, it#146;s tight leather, it#146;s bound to be sexy.
That brings us to the downside, which really depends on your view of sensuality in movies. The main character becomes one who lives by her own rules, a crusading vigilante who answers to no one. However, a main element of that empowerment is her sexuality. Berry has been gifted with extraordinary looks and manages to exploit them here, both comically and sensually. One view could be that it#146;s all in good fun, not to be taken seriously. Okay, so we get a lot of backside shots as she saunters away from the camera. It#146;s all meant, you should excuse the term, as cheeky humor. It#146;s as amusing as it is erotic. That said, her voluptuous carnality can#146;t be denied. If you feel there is too much sexuality in movies, then you may wish to avoid "Catwoman."
PG-13: (I caught no harsh or profane language; the mysticism of cat power is so farfetched that it shouldn#146;t be taken anymore seriously than the effect bats have on Bruce Wayne#146;s alter ego; some gay humor from a male friend of the lead who lusts over the handsome cop as he enters the room; there is one sexual situation that implies the lead and her new suitor have slept together, but there are no sexual situations; lots of comic book action with martial arts battles, cat fights, if you will, some killings; there are several tense moments that could spook little ones).
Video Alternative: "The Phantom." A well-made, tongue-in-cheek salute to the Saturday serials of the #145;30s and #145;40s, based on the comic strip about a purple-costumed hero of the jungle fighting the forces of evil. Aided by his wolf, Devil, and his white horse, Hero, he seeks justice for the good guys and destruction for all evil doers. Lots of laughs for adults and much imagination-inciting adventure for the little ones. But beware, it's jam-packed with derring-do and violence.
For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:45Z
Little Adventures - "Adorable Dress Ups at an Affordable Price"
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Little-Adventures---Adorable-Dress-Ups-at-an-Affordable-Price
-
- /8771.html
2010-05-07T09:00:43Z
2010-05-07T09:00:43Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Little Adventures - "Adorable Dress Ups at an Affordable Price"
By Jenny Farnsworth
www.littleadventures.com
As a mother of five, it is a challenge to make ends meet each month. I ran a day care business for two years so I could remain home with my children. As a day care provider, I discovered how much children love to dress up. I went out to purchase some dress ups but was very disappointed. There were no dress ups on the market that met the needs of an active child. I decided to design dress ups for children that were made of quality fabrics, were washable and comfortable. I tried them out on my own children as well as the day care kids. The children loved them so much that many mothers expressed an interest in purchasing them. I saw this as a great opportunity to create a way to get out of the daycare business once and for all. I approached my friend Heather, the mother of one of the children in my day care, with the idea of starting a dress up business.
It has not been easy. Pregnant with my fifth child, I have memories of Heather and I sewing hundreds of costumes in the basement after the kids had gone to bed. Sometimes we were nearly in tears. The machines never seemed to cooperate when we were facing deadlines. Broken needles and jammed threads frustrated our efforts. To help us get through the struggles, our husbands tried to make us laugh and helped out a little more at home. There were times we wondered if our business was going to fail, which would have forced me to return to daycare or find employment elsewhere. I desperately wanted to stay at home with my kids and that motivated me to push my own limits. Heather and I decided to look into a local factory where we could turn the sewing over to someone else freeing us up to grow our business. In order to utilize a factory, we faced minimum requirements which meant large, expensive fabric purchases on our tight budget. I remember the big freight truck arriving and filling my driveway with fabrics in every color of the rainbow. I sat next to the pile wondering what I was going to do with all that fabric if our business did not succeed. Amazingly, that fabric was quickly sewn into hundreds of costumes that all sold. In fact, we outgrew the factory and were forced into other options. We currently have our dress ups sewn at a factory dedicated to our products in a small town in Idaho where the economy is depressed and many people are in need of jobs. We also employ five stay-at-home moms to make our accessories.
Here we are two and a half years later. We are able to be full time moms to our seven kids. Although we are up late with the business (as most work begins after bedtime hugs) and up early with the kids, we wouldn#146;t have it any other way. We love what we do and are proud to say that We are our kids' moms!
We believe that no matter the circumstances, all little girls are princesses and deserve to feel special. We have seen the joy of our own little girls as they dance and play as princesses. We would like to share that same experience with Dr. Laura#146;s kids and allow some to escape their circumstances, if only for a moment, and become princesses. We consider it an honor to donate to Dr. Laura#146;s "My Stuff Bags" program. We hope that as our at-home business continues to grow, our donations will be able to grow as well.
Little Adventures
Email:
info@litteadventures.com
Wholesale Website:
www.littleadventures.com
Retail eBay store:
www.stores.ebay.com/mydressuptrunk?refid=stores
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:43Z
Some Really Cool Things I Learned At Ebay Live!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Some-Really-Cool-Things-I-Learned-At-Ebay-Live!
-
- /8772.html
2010-05-07T09:00:40Z
2010-05-07T09:00:40Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Some Really Cool Things I Learned At Ebay Live!
By Cliff Ennico
cennico@legalcareer.com
If you are selling stuff on eBay, and missed last weekend#146;s eBay Live! conference in New Orleans (co-sponsored by eBay and Entrepreneur magazine), shame on you! More than 12,000 of your competitors were there, and they came away with some great advice about how to build their eBay businesses from over 100 of America#146;s leading business experts (including myself, who spoke on how to avoid being sued by disgruntled buyers).
When not speaking myself, I tried to attend as many of the classes, workshops and roundtable discussions as I could. Here are some of the best tips I picked up:
To see some of the weirdest things being sold on eBay, go to the home page and type #147;one of a kind#148; or #147;OOAK#148; into the search engine (Jim #147;Griff#148; Griffith, author of #147;The Official eBay Bible#148;) #150; a warning, though, some of this stuff is not for the squeamish
When choosing #147;keywords#148; to advertise your auction sites on the popular search engines (such as Google or Yahoo!), do not use somebody else#146;s registered trademark, as the trademark owner can sue you for infringement (Catherine Seda, author of #147;Search Engine Advertising#148;)
Don#146;t rely on accountants to tell you about all the tax deductions you can take when running an eBay business; you will be able to deduct more than most accountants will allow if you learn the rules yourself (Barbara Weltman, author of #147;J.K. Lasser#146;s Small Business Taxes 6th edition#148;)
More than 20 states have adopted legislation in support of the Streamlined Sales Tax Project (SSTP), which requires out-of-state vendors such as eBay sellers to charge sales tax when selling to in-state consumers; a 1992 U.S. Supreme Court decision forbids states from enforcing the SSTP, but legislation is pending in Congress to reverse this decision and allow states to pursue out-of-state vendors who don#146;t comply with the SSTP (Steve DelBianco, Executive Director of the NetChoice Coalition)
When hiring employees, don#146;t look for #147;safe#148; people #150; people you know won#146;t sue you if things don#146;t work out; instead, hire the #147;right#148; people for your business and learn to manage them the right way so lawsuits won#146;t happen (Eric Winegardner, Director of Product Certification for monster.com)
Don#146;t just list your auction on eBay#146;s site in the United States; for a small additional fee, you can list your auction on each of eBay#146;s overseas sites and reach millions of overseas buyers who don#146;t frequent the U.S. site (John and Kim Kincaid, CollectorBookstore.com)
According to a recent survey, 83% of eBay buyers won#146;t even look at your auction site unless you have posted a digital photo of the item you are selling (#147;Beginning Digital Photography#148;, a free handout from the Hewlett-Packard Corporation)
By listing your auction site with eBay Giving Works, you can donate a portion of each sale to your favorite charity (#147;eBay Giving Works#148;)
Consider changing your eBay user name to your Website address #150; that way people interested in your auction listings can visit your Website and see what else you#146;ve got for sale that isn#146;t on eBay (Chris Murch, President of the eBay Radio Network)
If you still don#146;t think eBay isn#146;t #147;big business#148; these days, more than 100 entrepreneurs rented booths on the trade show floor at eBay Live! to talk about the resources they provide for eBay sellers. Some of the more interesting exhibitors I talked to were:
The Disabled Online Users Association (DOUA), a nonprofit organization formed to helped handicapped people start eBay businesses out of their homes
iSold ItTM, a nationwide franchise of eBay consignment shops formed to help sellers who don#146;t have Internet access, can#146;t figure out how a digital camera works, or otherwise do not want to list their auctions themselves
Diane Kennedy#146;s TaxLoopholesTM, which provides a three-day #147;tax strategy camp#148; to teach eBay sellers about all of the business tax deductions they can take
TalkinAuction.com, which helps you add audio commentary to your eBay auction listings
WhatsItWorthToYou.com, which will review digital photos of your merchandise and give you online appraisals of specific items for $9.95 each
MyStoreCredit.com, which helps you offer #147;in-store credits#148; to successful bidders in your eBay auctions that they can use if they bid successfully in your future auctions
FreightQuote.com, which calculates the shipping charges for your eBay merchandise and helps you post a #147;calculator#148; on each auction listing so your buyers can figure out the shipping, handling and insurance charges without your having to do it for them #150; really useful if you are running lots of auctions and don#146;t want to calculate shipping for each one separately.
Cliff Ennico (
cennico@legalcareer.com
) is a syndicated columnist, author and host of the PBS television series 'Money Hunt'. This column is no substitute for legal, tax or financial advice, which can be furnished only by a qualified professional licensed in your state. To find out more about Cliff Ennico and other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit our Web page at
www.creators.com
. COPYRIGHT 2004 CLIFFORD R. ENNICO. DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:40Z
Creative Ways to Raise Money To Start a Home Based Business
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Creative-Ways-to-Raise-Money-To-Start-a-Home-Based-Business
-
- /8773.html
2010-05-07T09:00:38Z
2010-05-07T09:00:38Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Creative Ways to Raise Money To Start a Home Based Business
Carrie Lauth is a work from home Mom of 3
www.money-smart-women.com
If you're like many women who want to start a home based business, one of the things that may be stopping you is a lack of funds.
While there are many new Network Marketing and Direct Sales businesses that are free to join, it will take at least some money to get things rolling...money for business cards, inexpensive marketing and advertising methods, postage, your own personal products to experiment with, samples, etc.
Even if you are starting an online business that markets a service, or that has no physical product, you will need money for domain name registration, web site hosting, low cost advertising and the like.
Here are some ideas for raising the needed capital.
Get a loan
Do you have a relative who would loan you the money to get started? What about that Great Aunt who always said you'd be great in your own business? How about Mom or Grandma?
Perhaps they would accept barter (your new product, for instance...good rejection-proof way to get them hooked on it!) in lieu of repayment? Does Grandma have a shed full of stuff that she's been wanting to sell on eBay but doesn't have the energy? Would Mom like to have her house cleaned for the next few months?
Ask your sponsor for help
If you join a MLM (Multi Level Marketing company) ask your upline sponsor if they would consider buying the starter kit for you, and then taking the profits from your first parties or commission checks as repayment? Some sponsors do this already, but if not, she may be so impressed with your drive to succeed that she will say yes.
Have a yard sale
This is what I did to get started in my business. This one has twofold benefits...you're making some extra cash but also have a captive audience of people coming to you! If you're really energetic, go around to your neighbors and tell them that if they leave their castaways in a box on the curb, you will come pick them up. Do this before your sale. Slap a price tag on the merchandise and cha-ching!
Be sure to make a sign advertising your new product or service and plenty of flyers or business cards to give to each shopper.
Sell some stuff on eBay
Sell things from your own home (name brand kid's clothes and popular book titles are easy and almost always pull a good price). Go to library book sales and buy books for .10 or .25 and list those. Use your my eBay page to advertise your new website!
Release the clutter, sell a useless piece of furniture or item in your home
For me, it was the dusty electric guitar. Kitchen appliances (you know what I'm talking about here!) that were going to make your life easier, exercise equipment that makes you feel guilty when you trip over it...
Use the money you receive from your tax return
Pre-sell the product
I got this one from my beloved Kim Klaver. Go around to your tribe (the people who love you enough to do anything you say), your coworkers, neighbors, playgroup Mommies, and show them a "picture" of the product, tell them what it does, collect the checks, deposit them and order your product. You buy the product wholesale and they pay the retail price so you make a profit.
Do a quick, temporary odd job
A friend of mine just did this one. She put a sign up at a local health food market that said "Non-toxic cleaning services". (Notice that she created a niche). That day she got a call, did a job for an elderly women and made $150. Of course, she used her own nontoxic cleaning product and will probably end up getting a customer out of the deal too! Babysitting for a couple of weeks, dogsitting, housesitting...you get the picture.
Talk to your husband
Notice I'm leaving this one until last! Hopefully you have the kind of relationship where your husband will be overjoyed that you want to improve your financial standing. If you garner his support in the beginning he is much more likely to be helpful along your journey, with the inevitable ups and downs of business life.
Carrie Lauth is a work from home Mom of 3. Visit her on the web at:
www.money-smart-women.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:38Z
"Sleepover" A Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Sleepover-A-Movie-Review
-
- /8774.html
2010-05-07T09:00:35Z
2010-05-07T09:00:35Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"Sleepover" A Movie Review
The Movie Reporter
By Philip Boatwright
www.moviereporter.com
Coming-of-age comedy starring Alexa Vega, Mika Boorem, Jane Lynch, and Sara Paxton.
In the summer before their freshman high school year, four girls have a slumber party during which they attempt to shed their less-than-cool reputations. Challenged to a scavenger hunt by their #147;popular#148; rivals, our heroines sneak into a nightclub, hijack a parent#146;s car, seek their first kiss, and begin to learn more about themselves.
Though the 14-year-old lead tells a few fibs and gets caught up with the fears of high school social status, she and her fellow 9th-graders are the antithesis of the young protagonists of #147;Thirteen.#148; True, the main character gives her over-protective mother the usual eye-rolling attitude (an outward reflection of the metamorphosis known as female teenhood), but she possesses a sweetness and concern for others that is no doubt a reflection of how she has been raised. When, for instance, the mean girl of the story belittles a classmate for being overweight, Julie (Alexa Vega from the #147;Spy Kids#148; trilogy)immediately embraces the wounded girl into her group, signifying her distain for injustice and clearly judging others more for what#146;s inside a person than the outside.
Director Joe Nussbaum (making his feature debut) and writer Elisa Bell (#147;Vegas Vacation,#148; #147;Thirty Wishes#148;) keep things lively. With wit and affection, the filmmakers address the subject of fitting in, but,more importantly, they pass along a message to teen girls that spunk and personality should never take a backseat to physical appearance. That said, the film never becomes preachy. Wisely borrowing heart andhumor from films such as #147;Ferris Bueller#146;s Day Off#148; and #147;Sixteen Candles,#148; they choose to entertain first, teach second.
Now, this story is about teen girls and aimed at preteen girls, so adult characters are reduced to the same clicheacute;s as in a thousand other adolescent screen adventures. What#146;s more, the girls are never punished for their nocturnal antics that include driving without a license and vandalizing a security cop#146;s car. However, the humor targeted at buffoonish grownups is never really mean spirited. What#146;s more, the mother rises above the stereotype to be realized as a smart, cool and caring parent. Sorry, guys, the father figure doesn#146;t fare as well. Although loving, he#146;s a bit of a boob.
PG (a couple of minor expletives, but I caught no harsh or profane language; the #147;cool#148; girls hold up thong panties, implying that#146;s what they wear; while in a bar, an underaged girl orders a drink with a distinctly sexual title, but she is given a ginger ale #150; she#146;s not there to drink alcohol, but to fulfill the obligations of the treasure hunt; the girls tell fibs and sneak out; a visual grosses out the girls when they see the lead#146;s dad bending down, working under the sink, his pants not quite fitting; one flatulence gag when a dog eats too much pizza #150; it brought the biggest laugh from the screening#146;s mostly juvenile audience; the girls get a date off the internet #150; and while they make a point that it is a safe website, still the practice of hooking up with someone from the internet is not a good film message; a girl sneaks into a boy#146;s house to get his boxer shorts for the scavenger hunt #150; she sees him from behind #150; her eyes wide #150; as he disrobes; while some of this content is objectionable, the overall mood is sweet-spirited, lacking the usual amounts of crudity aimed at a young audience, and the messages in the film are mostly positive, with the lead girls learning respect and helping little girls in the theater realize that that they are not alone with insecurities and fears of life#146;s unknowns; however, the naughty behavior should be discussed #150; attempting to buy alcohol and slashing the tires of a security guard#146;s car #150; it may work for comedy in a movie, but in real life there are consequences for such antics).
For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:35Z
Grocery Savings Made Easy
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Grocery-Savings-Made-Easy
-
- /8775.html
2010-05-07T09:00:32Z
2010-05-07T09:00:32Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Grocery Savings Made Easy
By Tawra Kellam
www.livingonadime.com
For many people, making the decision to switch from two incomes to one can be a scary experience. They know they're spending too much, but don't know where to begin to cut back.
Most people don't think they can live the frugal life and still be comfortable. I feed my family of 5 on $175 month. In 5 years my husband earned an average of $22,000 per year. In those 5years we paid off $20,000 debt. There are countless ways you can cut, but if you are a frugal beginner, try these simple suggestions from Not Just Beans for saving on your food bill first.
Before you shop, take a tour through your pantry and your refrigerator. Be organized! Don't buy what's already hiding in your kitchen.If you're a fan of coupons, remember this: It#146;s not what you save, it#146;s what you spend. If you save 30 cents on something you wouldn#146;t ordinarily buy anyway, you haven#146;t really saved anything.
A typical fruit item is significantly larger than one serving. Most people would be just ashappy eating a small apple as eating a large one so buy smaller fruits!
This month, try two meatless meals a week (or one, if you're a diehard meat fan). Use meat as an ingredient instead of a main dish. A good recipe for this is Green Chile. It uses only frac12;-1 pound of pork.
Cut back on the juice and milk. Use the money you've saved from eating less meat and drinking less juice and buy something that's on sale. Those sale items will help you cut back even further next month.
In staying at home, it's the little things that add up so start small!
Green Chile
frac12; 1 lb. pork roast, or chops cubed into small pieces
10 frac12; oz. chicken broth
1 onion, finely chopped
frac14; #150; frac12; tsp. garlic powder
1 can (7 oz.) green chiles, diced
frac14; jalapeno, finely chopped
1 tsp. salt
2 Tbsp. flour, dissolved in water
white flour tortillas
Toppings
cheddar cheese, gratedlettuce, shreddedtomato, sour cream
Simmer pork in broth on low for 10 minutes. Add all other ingredients except flour and simmer 45 minutes. Thicken with flour so it is like a thick soup. Spoon about 1/4 cup into the center of a flour tortilla. Roll up tortilla and top with more green chile. Sprinkle with cheese, lettuce and tomato. Top with sour cream if desired. This green chile freezes really well.
Steak and Mushroom Gravy
1 Tbsp. margarine
frac12; onion, chopped
5 Tbsp. flour
salt and pepper (to taste)
5 Tbsp. dry milk
2 cups water
1 2 cups leftover beef
1 small can mushroom pieces
1 tsp. beef bouillon powder
Melt margarine in a large skillet and sauteacute; onion. Mix flour, salt and pepper and dry milk in a jar. Add water and shake. Stir into onions until simmering and thickened. Add beef, bouillon powder and drained mushrooms. Reduce the heat. Simmer, stirring constantly, until heated through. Serve over noodles, rice or mashed potatoes or toast. Serves 4.
Tawra Kellam is the author of the frugal cookbook "
Not Just Beans: 50 Years of Frugal Family Favorites
." "Not Just Beans" is a frugal cookbook which has over 540 recipes and 400 tips. For more free tips and recipes visit her web site at
www.LivingOnADime.com
. In 5 years, Tawra and her husband paid off $20,000 personal debt on an average income of $22,000 per year. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:32Z
"Americas Heart & Soul" - Disney Documentary Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Americas-Heart--Soul----Disney-Documentary-Review
-
- /8776.html
2010-05-07T09:00:29Z
2010-05-07T09:00:29Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"America#146;s Heart Soul" - Disney Documentary Review
The Movie Reporter
By Philip Boatwright
www.moviereporter.com
Director - Louis Schwartzberg
Opens 7/2/04
#147;The most joyous filmgoing-experience I can remember.#148;
Phil Boatwright, The Movie Reporter It#146;s Friday night, you#146;re looking through the entertainment section of the paper, searching for a film the whole family can enjoy. You spot the ad for #147;America#146;s Heart Soul.#148; You#146;ve heard of it. But, someone says, #147;It#146;s a documentary.#148; #147;A documentary!#148; you exclaim. #147;Who wants to see a documentary on a Friday night?#148; So you pass onto the next advertisement. Big mistake. Huge mistake.
At the press screening, I turned to a friend about midway through the film and told her, #147;I don#146;t want this to end.#148; That#146;s something I have never said about a movie. Funny, moving, insightful, breathtaking, inspiring, it#146;s everything you want in a movie-going experience. Best of all, it#146;s a wonderful example of how film can unite people.
A gifted documentarian, Louis Schwartzberg has packed up his camera and hit the road, with a goal of capturing both the unparalleled beauty of the U.S. and the incomparable spirit of its people. Unobtrusively, the filmmaker delves into the lives of ordinary Americans, who just so happen to have extraordinary stories, seamlessly blending their values, dreams, and passions into a spirited and well-paced film-event.
In an era of #147;reality#148; programming that generally focuses on the negative and cynical, #147;America#146;s Heart Soul#148; gives us a positive and powerful glimpse into the diversity of our country#146;s citizenry. It celebrates our commonality #150; our innermost need to dream and to find our place.
Some of the vignettes will cause your sides to ache from laugher, while others will bring a tear to your eye. Just to spotlight a very few: There#146;s the aged gospel singer who joyfully proclaims, #147;I#146;m a child of the King,#148; as she prances across the stage, defying her years; the Appalachian woman who profoundly, and rather poetically, analyzes the human experience; the father/son team who enter a marathon, the younger man suffering from ALS, the father professing, #147;I#146;m the legs, he#146;s the heart#148;; the sculptor who collects junk, calling it #147;rusty gold#148; and finding love and respect through his art; the blind mountain climber who has a grateful appreciation for what he has; and the salsa dancers who evidence the skill and interpretation of dance.
The documentary also pays homage to our nation#146;s religious beliefs, paying close attention to uplifting gospel music and several visuals that spotlight the Christian faith, while still other portions examine the eccentric, the inspiring and the emotional traits that make up the mutt-like pedigree that is uniquely American.
I#146;d suggest sharing this cinematic treasure with friends, half the fun being the appreciative discussion during the drive home.
PG (I found nothing objectionable or exploitive. The intent of the filmmaker is to present a positive view of what America is and what it can become.)
For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:29Z
The Kids are coming, the kids are coming.
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Kids-are-coming,-the-kids-are-coming.
-
- /8777.html
2010-05-07T09:00:26Z
2010-05-07T09:00:26Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Kids are coming, the kids are coming#133;.
Tracy Lyn Moland
www.TracyLynMoland.com
The countdown is on #150; only 42 more days of school. The kids are ecstatic and the parents in fear. We all have different summer memories #150; great times, boring times, and traveling. Summer is a wonderful time but it can certainly come with some challenges. Our children are out of school and that can mean some interesting scheduling. Unfortunately, the working world does not generally allow for holidays that mirror the local school systems. However, with a bit of advance planning parents can ensure that they avoid bored kids and maintain their own sanity.
The following tips can be very helpful in staying sane with the kids out of school:
Plan ahead #150; Look closely at your schedule now. Are there certain days or events that pop out for you? Do you have some important meetings, guests or travel for work? Is there certain events that take place in your city? Do you have company coming? Mark these events on a main calendar so you can plan around them.
Ask your children what they want to do #150; Last summer I had all these things that I thought we would do. My children had other plans. With over 15 children living on our cul de sac they were content to hang out here and play outside with their friends. If your children do want to take certain programs, you may need to book now.
Research your city #150; Many cities offer a lot of interesting programs during the summer. These can range from free to paid programs. There may be park programs, day camps, summer camps, festivals, or shows. Your church, community center or school may run programs. The more you are aware of the more options available to you.
Chose and commit to a few events #150; Coordinate your schedule and the events in your city. If you have a busy work week this may be the perfect week to enroll your children in a bible camp or a sports camp. If there is a fun festival, maybe you can take a day or 2 off work and hang out with your children.
Enlist help #150; Find out what your children#146;s friends are up to for the summer. Our children miss their friends so see if you can alternate some childcare. Have your children#146;s friends over one week and then send your children to their house the next week.
Visit family #150; I have more time off than my husband so often I will head out to visit friends and family in other cities. We also will invite family to come visit us. We may all head into the mountains for the day or just stay home and let the kids play and adults relax and visit.
Take a road trip #150; head out of town for a day or two. There is often some pretty neat stuff in close driving distance that you never have time to get to. Learn the history of your area, see the sites or relax on a beach.
Act like a tourist #150; what do tourists do in your city? Where do you send your company? Pretend you are visiting and do these things. Get to know your community and explore.
Alter your schedule #150; In the hot summer months, move the children#146;s rooms to the basement. Allow your children to share a room, sleep in or stay up later. Changes in routine and schedule can be a fun way to add variety to the summer!
Allow Imaginations to Soar #150; By adding a few new ideas and events into your summer months you can avoid boredom for the children and frustration for you. However don#146;t forget that sometimes in the summer the most fun comes from the fact that we can do nothing at all. Children create amazing games with their friends while playing outside or watching the clouds.
Free Events
Playground programs, wading pools. splash parks, bible schools, nature trails, hiking, lakes/rivers/beaches, biking, rollerblading, library programs
Paid Ideas
sport camps, animal camps/zoo events, imagination/science/fantasy camps, movies, festivals, amusement parks, swimming lessons, waterparks
Summer is truly a special time. Take advantage of all that is available to you and your family and have fun!
Tracy Lyn Moland is an author, speaker and consultant specializing in improving the lifestyle of Mothers by providing solutions to them and to those that sell to them. She is the author of the best selling,
Mom Management, Managing Mom Before Everybody Else
(tgot, 2003). For more information visit,
www.TracyLynMoland.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:26Z
"The Notebook" Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Notebook-Movie-Review
-
- /8778.html
2010-05-07T09:00:23Z
2010-05-07T09:00:23Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"The Notebook" Movie Review
The Movie Reporter
By Philip Boatwright
www.moviereporter.com
Starring: Ryan Gosling, Gena Rowlands, Rachel McAdams, Joan Allen, James Garner. New Line. Drama, romance. W-Jeremy Levin, based on a book by Nicholas Sparks. D-Nick Cassavetes.
It#146;s the type of drama/romance/life-lesson one expects from Hallmark Hall of Fame, but seldom finds at the local cineplex. And although it has two fresh faces in the lead roles, it also has some well-seasoned ones with nearly as much screen time. It#146;s a love story we might have seen back in Hollywood#146;s Golden Era. What#146;s more, it#146;s good. The cynical side of me wonders, however, what kind of reception it will receive from those who think, #147;It ain#146;t a movie if something doesn#146;t explode!#148;
The story concerns an elderly man (Garner) who reads from a faded notebook to the Alzheimer#146;s-suffering woman (Rowlands) he regularly visits at a nursing home. As he recites from the diary, we are taken back in time to a quiet town and the beginnings of true love between a young couple (Gosling and McAdams). They are a sweet pair who obviously belong together, but not unlike Romeo and Juliet, have interfering parents ready to douse our young lovers with a cold pale of water at just the right moment.
Along with over-protective folks, the couple is further separated by misunderstanding and the battle cry of World War II. But as Garner continues to read to Rowlands, whose character only has brief moments of lucidity, we continue with our trek back in time to see the sweethearts passionately reunite 14 years later after their lives have taken different paths.
My favorite TV show of all time is the #145;90s English situation comedy #147;As Time Goes By,#148; starring Judi Dench and Geoffrey Palmer. That series concerned a couple separated by misunderstanding and time, only to find one another thirty-some years later. #147;The Notebook#148; borrows freely from this concept, perhaps not quite as satisfyingly, but with the same tenderness and regard for amore. Definitely a date flick, #147;The Notebook#148; is an involving tale of love lost and found, of new beginnings and second chances.
#147;It is a story of unconditional love. They love each other through everything that comes up. And it#146;s probably the most passionate display of young love I#146;ve ever seen in a movie. By that I mean the intensity of the feelings,#148; says author Nicholas Sparks (#147;Time In A Bottle,#148; #147;A Walk To Remember#148;), whose novel the film is based upon.
Indeed, the story deals with themes seldom seen in movies these days, that of lifelong commitment and the sanctity of the marriage covenant. #147;The film is the closest adaptation of one of my works. I was so pleased with the outcome, I agreed to do the DVD commentary and I#146;ll be doing all sorts of promotion for the film,#148; Sparks adds.
While the film does contain brief content that may raise the eyebrows of some Sunday school teachers, nothing is done of an exploitive manner. Nor is the film done to titillate. It is about romance and love, not bedroom gymnastics.
Although we are never privy to the religious beliefs of the couple, the film#146;s main characters are believers in the marriage contract #150; for better or worse, in sickness and in health. The narrative gently pays homage to those who seek a soul mate and cherish one true and lasting love.
While Mr. Gosling is not all that charismatic, his costar holds our attention every time she appears in a scene. Ms. McAdams gives a standout performance that ranges from humorous to heart wrenching, as do her elder costars, James Garner and Gena Rowlands. New Line Cinema should be congratulated for the courage of incorporating a positive message concerning marriage and giving us a movie where nothing explodes. Good luck, New Line.
PG-13: (3 misuses of God#146;s name; 3 obscenities and several minor expletives; some drinking; brief wartime violence; there is some sensuality as the young couple are drawn together, but any scene dealing with sex is handled with discretion, cutting away before becoming graphic; it is implied that the male lead sleeps with a woman outside marriage during the years he is separated from his true love; the main couple does eventually sleep together before marriage, their years of pent-up passion needing release, but even these scenes are devoted more to their abiding love than mere sexuality; as I say, there is some sexuality, but the point of the story is the covenant between two people who were fortunate enough to find each other - twice).
Video Alternative: If the content prohibits you from viewing this film allow me to suggest the following: #147;C.S. Lewis Through The Shadowlands.#148; Not to be confused with the Anthony Hopkins/Debra Winger version, this English film stars Josh Ackland and Clair Bloom. A lovely film about the renown author#146;s friendship and eventual marriage to a woman who discovers she is dying.
DEFINITIONS
Crudity
- A word or action lacking in culture, tact
Expletive
- A mild obscenity or needless expression
Obscenity
- Objectionable or repugnant to acceptable standards of decency or morality; indecent; pornographic
Profanity
- Irreverence toward God
Blasphemy
- To speak contemptuously of God
Adult subject matter
- Situations or subjects unsuitable for or difficult to comprehend by children
For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:23Z
"Two Brothers" Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Two-Brothers-Movie-Review
-
- /8779.html
2010-05-07T09:00:21Z
2010-05-07T09:00:21Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"Two Brothers" Movie Review
The Movie Reporter
By Philip Boatwright
www.moviereporter.com
Starring: Guy Pierce, Christian Clavier. Universal. Family live-action adventure. W- Jean-Jacques Annaud, Alain Godard. D- Jean-Jacques Annaud.
In 1989, #147;The Bear,#148; a captivating movie about the adventures of an orphaned bear cub and its protector, a giant Kodiak, caused me to exclaim, #147;Wow, what a great film-going experience.#148; The makers of that adventure have just completed #147;Two Brothers,#148; a Rudyard Kipling-ish fable concerning twin tigers whose idyllic life is interrupted by plundering white hunters. Once again, I say, #147;Wow, what a great film-going experience!#148; Bravo to writer/director Jean-Jacques Annaud, who maintains that the greatest special effect is still the process of storytelling.
Set in the jungles of Southeast Asia, it quickly becomes apparent that the film is a parable dealing with friendship and the bond between brothers. The two tiger cubs #150; one shy, the other bold #150; are cruelly separated by fate. The bold brother is sold off to a circus, where homesickness and living in a cage rob him of his spirit. The shy cub becomes the beloved companion for the governor#146;s lonely young son, until the child is forced to give him away to a man resolved to break his gentle nature and turn him into a fighter for sport. A year passes and the brothers find themselves reunited #150; but as forced enemies pitted against each other.
The often-breathtaking cinematography, the exotic locations filmed around the temples of Angkor near the Cambodian city of Siem Reap, the director#146;s energized pacing, and the actors, especially Guy Pearce (#147;Memento,#148; #147;L.A. Confidential#148;), who seems genuinely simpatico with his feline costars, each blend together, giving viewers a colorful, enchanting tale.
Then there are the animals. As cubs the expressive tigers continually garner awes and giggles from the audience. Later, fully grown, they generate a mix of wonder and respect. And thankfully these cats don#146;t talk. Oh, they communicate. Very clearly. But director Annaud and associates wisely eschew conventional voice-over narration and there#146;s no cutesy dialogue uttered by the likes of Gilbert Gottfried. Like people, animals have personality. The fact that the animals#146; persona has been captured on film reflects the regard -- and patience -- the filmmakers have for their subjects.
Even more powerful than the tigers, however, is the story itself. It has, dare I say this, an old-fashioned quality. Before special-effects departments became the stars of movies, emphasis was placed on storytelling. Occasionally, as in the case of this film, we see a moviemaker return to the spinning of yarns. As moviegoers have been overdosed on computer gimmickry, the old scenario has become new again.
Although Annaud wisely chooses to put his social commentary second to the entertainment value, he does address contemporary issues such as the conservation of nature and the preservation of culture within his morality play. What#146;s more, whether intentional or not, there are striking similarities to several biblical parables about overcoming evil and hatred. The filmmaker captivates with a strong narrative, proving that a witty, well-told yarn is ultimately more satisfying than attacking computer-generated Trojans or Harry Potter wand-pointing wizardry. Annaud gives us an exciting action adventure for the whole family, one with soul, charm and intrigue.
PG (Toward the beginning, we see two tigers copulating, resulting in the birth of the film#146;s central figures. But this sequence is handled with discretion. Indeed, the production is careful not to overwhelm or exploit. We see some violence, including the hunting and shooting of tigers, a brief battle between the two brothers, and the animals defending themselves against harsh humans, but gore and excess have been carefully avoided. The film shows how cruel man can be, but also gives examples of his ability to better himself. That said, one scene needs to be pointed out. At one point, a brave boy approaches a grown tiger that he raised. Parents should point out that this is just a movie #150; not real life #150; and that children should not approach wild animals.)
DEFINITIONS
Crudity
- A word or action lacking in culture, tact
Expletive
- A mild obscenity or needless expression
Obscenity
- Objectionable or repugnant to acceptable standards of decency or morality; indecent; pornographic
Profanity
- Irreverence toward God
Blasphemy
- To speak contemptuously of God
Adult subject matter
- Situations or subjects unsuitable for or difficult to comprehend by children
For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:21Z
Summer Vacation: Things to do When Traveling by Car
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Summer-Vacation:--Things-to-do-When-Traveling-by-Car
-
- /8780.html
2010-05-07T09:00:18Z
2010-05-07T09:00:18Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Summer Vacation: Things to do When Traveling by Car
By Jodie Lynn
www.ParentToParent.com
"Mom, Trey hit me," screamed Gabbie. "You grabbed my headphones first and popped me in the ear," shouted Trey. It#146;s one thing when kids are in the house while arguing; you can separate them and put them in their own rooms. But there, inside the car as you try to squeeze all of the different personalities into one small space, tempers are bound to flair, and flair and flair. Especially with these competitive twins.
This is the time of year when families begin to plan for their vacations. Due to the uncertainty of overcrowding airplanes and high prices of tickets, when you have four or more kids, many will be taking to the roads via automobiles and need help in trying to make it a good experience. Why do vacations seem more like work than, well, vacations?
Some pointers that other kind families have shared are listed below. It#146;s great because through trial and error, these parents have found that they really do work.
Plan ahead and get the kids involved in the planning the trip along with a map or road atlas.
Discuss what you will see and perhaps get a video of where you are going.
Check out possible points of interest along the route and stop there for meals or a stretch.
Kids enjoy talking into a tape recorder to "report" what is out the window or other momentary facts.
Borrow great classics on tape from the library. Use cassette recorder to play "The Borrowers" and "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe."
Bring along a bag of distractions. Hand them out only as a last resort.
Buy things ahead of time by doing shopping on a weekly basis. This will help to spread out the cost and to consider taking things back if you find something you think they might like better.
Start your trip early around 3:00 a.m. so the kids will still want to sleep through the morning, make frequent stops to use the bathroom, eat light snacks, run around, stretch at the rest stops and do not let the kids drink caffeine.
When traveling with twins, or any kids, get things for them to share and things just for each child. LeapFrog has all kinds of travel kits as well as those that are off brands but are just as entertaining. "Trouble-Free Travel With Children" by Vicki Lansky, (Book Peddlers, $9.95) has tons of things to do with your children as well as plenty of ideas to do before you get started to ensure it is the best one yet. The "Everything Kids Travel Activity Book," by Erik Hansen (Adams Media Corporation, $6.95) has many choices for kids in the age range of 8 to 12. Think about buying music that everyone in the car will enjoy like "The Trees of Life," by Steve Schuch, (Night Heron Music, $15.00) which is now available at
www.nightheron.com
and "Kids Rock #145;n Roll Party," by ROSENSHONTZ - Gary Rosen and Bill Shontz of Teddy Bears#146; Picnic - (Lightyear Entertainment, $6.95) has cool rock #145;n roll tunes from the 70#146;s in today#146;s kids#146; words and themes.
"Dad, I hate to always have to sit by Aunt Martha. She kisses me too much and asks me stupid questions," says Karen. Dad looked at Karen and quietly replied, "Well, you can always sit by your twin sister." "No way, I#146;m not sitting by her! When we pick up Aunt Martha, I will just ask her to listen to my new CD for a while."
Dad gave mom a knowing look like, "I told you I could keep things running smooth." Mom glanced at the clock on the dash board, gazed out the window and silently thought, "Yes, as usual, you were right honey, and I can#146;t wait to see how the other fifteen
hours
go."
Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest book is
Mommy-CEO, revised edition, Martin-Ola Press
. (It's not just for moms!) Please see
www.ParentToParent.com
for more details. We now have new Mommy, CEO merchandise and logo! copy;2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:18Z
Swimming Safety
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Swimming-Safety
-
- /8781.html
2010-05-07T09:00:15Z
2010-05-07T09:00:15Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Swimming Safety
New Research Shows Nearly 9 Out of 10 of Children Who Drowned Were Being Supervised U.S. Surgeon General, Olympic Swimmer Join The National SAFE KIDS Campaign To Educate The Nation about Drowning Prevention
April 28, 2004 (NEW YORK) New research revealed today by the National SAFE KIDS Campaign and Johnson Johnson shows that 88 percent of children who drowned were under the supervision of another person, usually a family member. Supervision was defined as being in the care of another individual, not necessarily in their direct line of sight.
While better quality supervision is critical, the study also found that many adults were not properly fencing pools, requiring use of personal flotation devices (PFDs), or teaching their children how to swim. Additionally, SAFE KIDS found that the majority (55 percent) of parents say they are "not at all worried" or "not very worried" about their child drowning.
Drowning remains the second leading injury-related killer of children ages 1-14, claiming more than 900 children's lives each year. It is a complex issue with no single safety device that works in all cases. Water safety entails the understanding and practice of four water safety wisdoms supervision, environment, gear and education.
The report, Clear Danger: A National Study of Childhood Drowning and Related Attitudes and Behaviors, examined the circumstances of drowning deaths occurring in 2000 and 2001 among 496 children using data from Child Death Review Teams in 17 states. SAFE KIDS also commissioned nationally representative surveys of parents (of children 14 and under) and children ages 8 through 12 to determine knowledge, attitudes and behaviors concerning water safety.
The research was released today by U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Richard Carmona, Olympic gold medalist Jenny Thompson and pediatric trauma surgeon Dr. Martin Eichelberger to launch National SAFE KIDS Week May 1 through 8, 2004 a week-long, nationwide, public education campaign.
"Adults need to actively supervise children around water. This means watching and listening at all times and staying close enough to intervene in an emergency," says Dr. Eichelberger, director of Emergency Trauma Services at Children's National Medical Center in Washington, D.C. and CEO of the National SAFE KIDS Campaign. "We know that parents are well-meaning and don't want to put their children at risk."
"We want kids to be active and enjoy swimming but we want them to do it safely," adds Dr. Carmona. "Drowning is a silent killer that can strike even older, more experienced child swimmers."
Study Results
Supervision
More than half (55 percent) of parents say there are some circumstances where it is acceptable for a child to swim unsupervised.
Even when parents say they are supervising, many are participating in a variety of distracting behaviors including talking to others (38 percent), reading (18 percent), eating (17 percent) and talking on the phone (11 percent).
SAFE KIDS recommends adults take turns serving as the "water watcher" whose sole responsibility is to constantly observe children in or near the water.
Environments
While 98 percent of pool- or spa-owning parents report they have taken adequate steps to ensure children's safety, most have not made the necessary environmental changes.
Nearly two-thirds (61 percent) of pool or spa-owning parents do not have isolation fencing around their pools or spas, and 43 percent have no self-closing and self-latching gate.
Installation and proper use of four-sided isolation fencing could prevent 50-90 percent of residential pool drownings.
Gear
Many tweens (kids aged 8 to 12) admit they never wear a life jacket when riding on a personal watercraft (50 percent), participating in water sports (37 percent) or on a boat (16 percent).
One in five parents (19 percent) mistakenly believes that air-filled water wings can protect their child from drowning.
It is estimated that 85 percent of boat-related drownings could be prevented if all passengers were wearing properly fitting life vests.
Education
Nearly three-quarters (74 percent) of drowning victims studied did not know how to swim. Seventy-three percent of victims ages five to nine and 30 percent of victims ages 10 to 14 were non-swimmers.
Although the majority of parents agree that all children should have swimming instruction by the age of 8, 37 percent of parents report that their child has never taken lessons.
SAFE KIDS recommends that children should be enrolled in swimming lessons with a certified instructor by the age of eight.
Splash Into Safety
Throughout SAFE KIDS Week hundreds of SAFE KIDS coalitions and chapters will conduct safety fairs and community events all across the nation to teach families how to prevent recreational water injuries and save lives. As part of this initiative, the Johnson Johnson family of companies has created an informative Water Safety Checklist (in English and Spanish) to help parents determine their own level of knowledge of water injury prevention for their children. The test is being distributed at community events and through retail stores along with safety information and a free-standing insert of coupons to 45 million households across the nation. Johnson Johnson also is supporting SAFE KIDS Week with a national advertising campaign and a donation of 2,000 personal flotation devices to SAFE KIDS coalitions across the country. Johnson Johnson has developed a marketing partnership with Turner Broadcasting to distribute public education advertorials supporting SAFE KIDS Week 2004.
For more information or for a free copy of the SAFE KIDS/Johnson Johnson Clear Danger: A National Study of Childhood Drowning and Related Attitudes and Behaviors, contact the National SAFE KIDS Campaign at (202) 662-0600 or visit
www.safekids.org
.
The National SAFE KIDS Campaign is the first and only national nonprofit organization dedicated solely to the prevention of unintentional childhood injury the number one killer of children ages 14 and under. More than 300 state and local SAFE KIDS coalitions in all 50 states, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico comprise the Campaign.
Johnson Johnson, with approximately 110,600 employees, is the world's most comprehensive and broadly-based manufacturer of health care products, as well as a provider of related services, for the consumer, pharmaceutical and medical devices and diagnostics markets. Johnson Johnson has more than 200 operating companies in 57 countries around the world, selling products in more than 175 countries.
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:15Z
"Laws of Attraction" Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Laws-of-Attraction-Movie-Review
-
- /8782.html
2010-05-07T09:00:12Z
2010-05-07T09:00:12Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"Laws of Attraction" Movie Review
The Movie Reporter
Films Reviews from a Family Perspective
by Phil Boatwright
With the synopsis and content, you can decide if the new films are suitable for your viewing.
Video alternatives
contain the same theme, but lack the offensive material.
Laws of Attraction Pierce Brosnan, Julianne Moore, Parker Posey, Michael Sheen, Nora Dunn, Frances Fisher; New Line Cinema. Romantic comedy
Two hotshot divorce lawyers find themselves attracted to one another despite their differences: he's a laid-back Oscar, she's an uptight Felix. Pitted against each other over the divorce settlement of a rock star and his fashion designer wife, the attorneys travel to Ireland to obtain separate depositions, go to a Guinness-fueled festival, let down their hair, get drunk, and wind up in bed, discovering the next morning that they're married! Sound like a Doris Day/Rock Hudson farce? Well, for those of us who remember the screen dynamic between Day and Hudson ("Pillow Talk," "Lover Come Back"), this new romantic comedy will seem like a fond salute to those klutzy comedies of the early 1960s. For those of us, however, who also like watching Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy on the late, late show, "Laws of Attraction" will seem like a carbon copy; it's good, just not as good. If unfamiliar with the writing skills of Ruth Gordon and Garson Kanin ("Adam's Rib," "Pat Mike"), or the directing touches of George Cukor ("Adam's Rib," "Born Yesterday," "The Philadelphia Story," "The Women") or Howard Hawks ("Bringing Up Baby," "His Girl Friday," "I Was A Male War Bride"), you may be satisfied with this endeavor. And certainly those involved deserve a B+ for attempting to revive grown-up banter and sophisticated predicaments on the silver screen.
Skipping the critical kibitzing, did I like it? Well, despite its flaws and failings, yes, I did. Alas, I think I liked it more for what it was trying to be than for what it actually was. Mainly, I appreciated it for being a film aimed at those of us no longer challenged by oily skin and changing voices. It's an intelligent comedy for the moviegoers often ignored in studio boardrooms these days - adults. It's a pleasure to watch good-looking movie stars who weren't embryos just last week. And get this: None of the humor is based on flatulence jokes or other anatomically embarrassing shtick. Topping it off, the film is pro marriage. Make that pro-marriage between a man and a woman. Ain't that a kick?
Unfortunately, movie dialogue for emancipated women has grown harsher than in the days of Rosalind Russell and Irene Dunn. Today, you just can't find a film that refuses to abandon profanity all together. Here we hear God's name followed by a curse on two occasions, one each from the female leads. Besides the biblical instruction against such usage, the incorporating of profanity by the female star deconstructs the classiness both director and star have worked so diligently to achieve. Suddenly the lead is more Tanya Harding than Greer Garson.
Also disappointing both creatively and socially is the fact that the leads wind up in the sack, twice, both times unaware of how they got there. True, the one occasion sets up the story's premise. Two times, however, just makes them look like they share a drinking problem. The earlier situation is structurally unsound, surpassing an edgy tension that would have added more dimension to their relationship, and causing the pivotal moment, when they discover they have bonded in wedlock, to be rather anticlimactic.
Some Christian filmgoers will be frustrated with the excessive drinking, the several objectionable words and the air of promiscuity. If able to adjust to the unnecessary content, they may appreciate the seldom-filmed pro-marriage scenario, along with the fact that it is rare to find a movie tailored for the over-25 set, and the fact that the film takes a profound stance, a clear defense if you will, for lasting commitments. In a culture that promotes the quick disposal of friendships and marriages at the first hint of dissatisfaction, here is a movie that declares love is worth fighting for.Readers must decide for themselves if the content is a deterrent. For me, the message was uplifting, and the performances delightful, especially the scene-stealing Frances Fisher as the audacious mother of the prim and proper lady lawyer. When this character, who spends her life fighting off old age, is asked, "Are you really 56," she quickly retorts, "Parts of me." Ya gotta love that.
PG-13 (2 profanities, 6 obscenities, several minor expletives, the expression "oh my God is used three times, and one obscene gesture; a couple of sexual innuendoes, a few crude remarks, and the couple awaken in the same bed after a night of drunkenness - twice; lots of drinking; adult subject matter).
Vid. Alt.
Adam's Rib. It's got some age on it, but if you can abort a prejudice for black white movies, you'll find it a literate and funny battle-of-the-sexes comedy with man and wife attorneys (Spencer Tracy, Katharine Hepburn) facing off in an attempted murder trial.
DEFINITIONS
Crudity
- A word or action lacking in culture, tact
Expletive
- A mild obscenity or needless expression
Obscenity
- Objectionable or repugnant to acceptable standards of decency or morality; indecent; pornographic
Profanity
- Irreverence toward God
Blasphemy
- To speak contemptuously of God
Adult subject matter
- Situations or subjects unsuitable for or difficult to comprehend by children
Download Boatwright#146;s book #147;How To Choose A Good Video Every Time!#148;
FREE
when you subscribe to his weekly film guide. For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:12Z
My Eggs Are Frozen
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/My-Eggs-Are-Frozen
-
- /8783.html
2010-05-07T09:00:10Z
2010-05-07T09:00:10Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>My Eggs Are Frozen
by Cheryl Demas
No, I'm not participating in a fertility study. My husband did the grocery shopping last night. That's right, grocery shopping. So this morning I went to the refrigerator to make omelets for the girls, and found no eggs. I phoned my husband, and he was positive that he had purchased eggs. "I know I bought eggs, they're there someplace. Keep looking."
They're there someplace.
Now that's a scary thought. Somewhere in the house lurked a dozen eggs, and if I didn't find them we would all be sorry. So I started searching the various places where my husband might have put the eggs. I checked the cupboards and the car and finally the freezer. There they were, frozen solid. Eggs don't freeze well, so we were stuck with a dozen rock-hard eggs and no omelets.
My husband isn't usually this absentminded; it's just that when he's in the kitchen his mind is usually on more important things, like cheese. And ham.
We all have times when we need help. And there are times when outside help isn't that much "help" at all. This was one of those times.
You will often hear that to run a successful business you have to surround yourself with a good team of helpers and advisors. Since I work at home, my business team includes my family. My girls have been involved with my home business since the beginning and my husband is a wonderful advisor. He's the first person I turn to when I need advice.
But sometimes I recognize when there are things that are best left for me to do for myself. I have certain ways that I like to have things done, and I can't expect anyone else to read my mind and do things exactly as I would. That's fine, if I can live with their style, I delegate the task, if not, I happily do it myself.
Make a list of
your
daily chores and business tasks. Which items can someone else do? Which items do you want to do yourself? I know some women who love filing and organizing their paperwork, others adore making phone calls and following up on sales leads. Find a balance and use your team. You will get so much more accomplished.
I'm happy with my extended business team and my family members contribute so much as well. So I'm willing to overlook a few (or twelve) frozen eggs.
By the way, frozen eggs make excellent flying projectiles. I know from experience.
Cheryl is the founder and publisher of
WAHM.com
. She lives and works at her home in California with her husband and two daughters. She is also the author of
"It's a Jungle Out There and a Zoo in Here/Run Your Home Business Without Letting it Overrun You"
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:10Z
Do Teen-agers Have To Be So Expensive?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Do-Teen-agers-Have-To-Be-So-Expensive
-
- /8784.html
2010-05-07T09:00:08Z
2010-05-07T09:00:08Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Do Teen-agers Have To Be So Expensive?
By Jonni McCoy
www.miserlymoms.com
Question: I have three teens living in my home and there are cost issues that need to be addressed. We have problems with their clothing expenses, car insurance and snack foods. They don't like the fashions at Wal-Mart, their jobs don't pay enough to pay for their own car insurance, and they are picky eaters that are never full! Can you help? Jonni's response:
There is no doubt about it - teen-agers are expensive. But there are some ways to make a dent into how expensive they are. Let's take clothes first. What seems to work the best for our family is to give the teen what you have allotted for their clothing budget. It should be enough to cover them with normal clothes (not stylish or brand name) that you could buy on sale at the department stores. If they want to spend more than that amount on stylish or name-brand clothes, then they will have to make up the difference with their own money. This has been tried and works well. They make mistakes at first, like blowing the entire wad on one jacket. But after a few months of wearing the same clothes, they learn from it. These are the years where they have to learn to make choices with their money and should not expect to have everything that they want.
As for the car insurance, make sure to investigate the discounts that are available to you (good-student, multi-policy, etc.) Make sure you are getting other discounts on your own coverage to reduce the overall cost (non-smoker, middle-age, anti-theft-devices, low mileage, etc.). We have also found it cheaper to keep them on our policy than to have them on their own policy. Ask your insurance agent for suggestions as well. You should also shop around for quotes from different insurance carriers. Insurance rates very considerably between companies. Just make sure that the company is reputable - cheapest is not always the best. To check a company's rating, visit
www.insure.com/ratings/
.
I recommend that you make them be responsible for their own insurance. If they still cannot afford the insurance, then perhaps they shouldn't have the privilege to drive.
Your last area of concern was food. Snacks are what eat up a family's budget, whether it's because of teens or not. Snacks are handy and usually taste better than "staple" food. So we need to be careful in this area. If the family had a choice, they would make snacks their meals. At our house, we budget for a certain amount of store-bought snacks, and if they eat them all in one day, that's their loss. The snacks don't get replenished until the next week's shopping. But they won't starve, because we have a supply of homemade snacks on hand: banana bread, cookies, muffins, popcorn, etc. Homemade snacks cost a fraction of the cost of store-bought. We cook them in bulk and keep them on hand. I even taught my teenage son how to cook his favorites so he can feed himself :-)
Jonni McCoy and her family live in Colorado Springs, Colorado. She is the author of Miserly Moms, Frugal Families - Making the Most of Your Hard-Earned Money, and Miserly Meals. You can visit her website at
www.miserlymoms.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:08Z
The Parents Television Council Names Winners Of 2004 Seal Of Approval
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Parents-Television-Council-Names-Winners-Of-2004-Seal-Of-Approval
-
- /8785.html
2010-05-07T09:00:07Z
2010-05-07T09:00:07Z
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:07Z
Know the Ten Warning Signs of Alzheimers
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Know-the-Ten-Warning-Signs-of-Alzheimers
-
- /8786.html
2010-05-07T09:00:02Z
2010-05-07T09:00:02Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Know the Ten Warning Signs of Alzheimer#146;s
Jacqueline Marcell
www.ElderRage.com
Seventy-seven million baby boomers, The Sandwich Generation, are heading into the caregiving years with their elderly parents, yet few are prepared to manage this incredibly difficult, but inevitable, chapter of their lives. I certainly wasn#146;t, and what I didn#146;t know cost me a year of my life as well as a fortune in Kleenex.
Suddenly I had to give up my nearly 20-year career as a television executive to go take care of my elderly parents in San Francisco. I remember being surprised when I read that caregivers have a 63% higher death rate than other people their own age because of the stress. A year later without a day off, as I struggled to solve the endless crisis--I was surprised that the statistic was that low.
For 11 years I had begged my obstinate 83 year-old father to accept a caregiver to help him with my ailing mother, but he adamantly insisted on taking care of her himself. When she almost died from an infection caused by his inability to keep her clean, I had to step in despite his loud protests. I was stunned that my once-adoring father became verbally and even physically abusive towards me--and I was heartbroken to have lost his love. What I didn't understand was that his deeply engrained life-long negative behavior pattern of screaming and yelling to get his way (though
never
at me before), and his need to be in total control, was becoming intermittently distorted with the onset of dementia, namely--Alzheimer's.
Forty caregivers came and quit as my father called them nasty names and threw them out of the house. I cried rivers and fought through an unsympathetic medical system, astonished that he could act completely normal in front of the doctor when he needed to. I didn't understand that his doctor was not trained to diagnose or treat dementia, and I really didn#146;t understand that demented does not mean stupid--at all.
Finally, after four times in a psychiatric hospital for violence (where he was released every time because they couldn#146;t find anything wrong with him), a geriatric dementia specialist spent the time and did the numerous tests needed to uncover the subtle, intermittent signs of Stage One Alzheimer's in my father. I was shocked. He received medication to slow the dementia down and improve cognitive functioning (Ask about Aricept, Exelon, Reminyl or Memantine), as well as medication for the (often-present) depression, and then medication to help smooth out his damaged impulse control and aggression.
It wasn#146;t easy and we had to work hard to get the dosages just right, but once my father#146;s brain chemistry was properly balanced and his nutrition optimized, I was able to implement some creative behavioral techniques to manage him. Instead of using logic and reason, I learned when it was best to use distraction, redirection, or reminiscence--and how to validate his frustrated feelings while keeping myself in a state of calm compassion.
The next piece of the puzzle was to get my parents out of bed ("waiting to die") and enrolled in Adult Day Health Care, which completely turned their lives around at 80 and 85. It was a gradual process to get them into the routine, but then they loved all the activities. They were busy for hours and the pressure on me to entertain them was drastically reduced. Then I was able to spend quality time with them in the evenings and on the weekends.
Then, with the help of an Alzheimer's support group, solutions started to present themselves while I was around others who were going through the same situation.
I was so surprised that none of the many professionals I had turned to initially had shown me the #147;Ten Early Warning Signs of Alzheimer's#148;--which would have alerted me to what was happening to my father a year sooner. I mistakenly thought that his intermittent illogical and irrational behaviors were just a normal part of aging and untreatable senility. It was a costly mistake--in every way.
Once I figured it all out (medically, behaviorally, socially), I knew I had to write a book and become an advocate for eldercare awareness and reform--so that no one else would have to go through the misery that I had.
The biggest advice I have is to encourage you to look into buying a comprehensive Long-Term Care Insurance policy prior to the diagnosis of any dementia, which will cover the cost of caregivers in the home, as well as in any level of care facility. Also, make sure you have Durable Power of Attorney in place on your loved ones (for health and financial), prior to a diagnosis, so that if they become incapacitated you can step in and make decisions for them.
Please study the #147;Ten Early Warning Signs of Alzheimer's#148; and if any of them ring true about someone you love, please reach out for help sooner than later. With early diagnosis and treatment, dementia can be slowed down by 2-4 years, buying some time for medical science to come up with better medications--and hopefully a cure.
Ten Early Warning Signs of Alzheimer's
Recent memory loss that affects job skills
It's normal to occasionally forget assignments, colleagues' names, or a business associate's telephone number and remember them later. Those with dementia, such as Alzheimer's disease, may forget things more often, and not remember them later.
Difficulty performing familiar tasks
Busy people can be so distracted from time to time that they may leave the carrots on the stove and only remember to serve them at the end of the meal. People with Alzheimer's disease could prepare a meal and not only forget to serve it, but also forget they made it.
Problems with language
Everyone has trouble finding the right word sometimes, but a person with Alzheimer's disease may forget simple words or substitute inappropriate words, making his or her sentence incomprehensible.
Disorientation of time and place
It's normal to forget the day of the week or your destination for a moment. But people with Alzheimer's disease can become lost on their own street, not knowing where they are, how they got there or how to get back home.
Poor or decreased judgment
People can become so immersed in an activity that they temporarily forget the child they're watching. People with Alzheimer's disease could forget entirely the child under their care. They may also dress inappropriately, wearing several shirts or blouses.
Problems with abstract thinking
Balancing a checkbook may be disconcerting when the task is more complicated than usual. Someone with Alzheimer's disease could forget completely what the numbers are and what needs to be done with them.
Misplacing things
Anyone can temporarily misplace a wallet or keys. A person with Alzheimer's disease may put things in inappropriate places: an iron in the freezer, or a wristwatch in the sugar bowl.
Changes in mood or behavior
Everyone becomes sad or moody from time to time. Someone with Alzheimer's disease can exhibit rapid mood swings from calm to tears to anger for no apparent reason.
Changes in personality
People's personalities ordinarily change somewhat with age. But a person with Alzheimer's disease can change drastically, becoming extremely confused, suspicious, or fearful.
Loss of initiative
It's normal to tire of housework, business activities, or social obligations, but most people regain their initiative. The person with Alzheimer's disease may become very passive and requires cues and prompting to become involved.
Jacqueline Marcell is an author, radio host, national speaker, and advocate for eldercare awareness and reform. She#146;s the devoted daughter in her bestseller,
Elder Rage, or Take My Father... Please! How to Survive Caring For Aging Parents
, a Book-of-the-Month Club selection being considered for a feature film.
Elder Rage
has received numerous endorsements, including: Hugh Downs, Regis Philbin, Dr. Dean Edell, Duke University Center for Aging and Johns Hopkins Memory Clinic. Jacqueline also hosts an Internet radio program: #147;Coping with Caregiving#148; heard worldwide on
www.wsradio.com/copingwithcaregiving/
. For information see:
www.ElderRage.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:02Z
Endless Potential
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Endless-Potential
-
- /8787.html
2010-05-07T09:00:00Z
2010-05-07T09:00:00Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Endless Potential
Excerpt from #147;The Wealthy Spirit#148;
By Chellie Campbell #147;I am definitely going to take a course on time management#133;just as soon as I can work it into my schedule.#148;#151;Louis E. Boone One of the benefits of our fast-moving, information-saturated, technology-enhanced lives today is the wide variety of choices we are offered. It#146;s wonderful to have the freedom to choose where we#146;ll live, what work we#146;ll do, what friends we#146;ll have. This is also a major cause of stress. We want to do everything, be everyone, live all our lifetimes in this one. There#146;s so much we could do#151;if only we had more time, more energy! Frantic to #147;live up to our potential,#148; we run through our lives like we#146;re trying to jump on a moving train. Then we#146;re scared we#146;ve chosen the wrong train, so we keep jumping on and off, changing trains at every station.
In my hunger for experience and fear of missing out on something, I always seemed to take on too much. As a high school senior, I was Pep Chairman, Secretary of Girls League, Worthy Advisor of Rainbow Girls, and the lead in the school play all at the same time. During one period in college, I performed in a semi-professional dance company, choreographed and appeared in a campus main stage production, and rehearsed a reader#146;s theater production from midnight until four A.M. because that was the only time I was available. Meanwhile I carried a full schedule of classes.
The over-commitment habit continued in my professional life as I juggled building a business with community service and holding board positions in organizations. It seemed I couldn#146;t join an organization without being president or vice-president, often holding board positions in more than one organization at the same time.
But as I hurried through my life, with no time for reflection or thought, once in a while I would meet a business owner who was calm. They would smile serenely and say they used to be like me. But after building their businesses, working constant eighty-hour weeks, they finally sold their businesses and became consultants, working out of their homes. I didn#146;t understand why on earth they would want to work at home. But every so often, I noticed these tranquil people at the corners of my life.
Then one day my frantic life began to fall apart, like a plate-twirling circus performer who put too many plates in the air at once only to see them all crash in pieces on the ground. The crash seemed awful at the time, but in actuality what a gift it was! As I sorted through the wreckage, I picked back up only the valuable pieces. I cleared space in my life for reflection, meditation, friendships, a slower pace of work. I simplified my life to contain only those things I most cherished. I became a consultant working out of my home.
Now, I take time to be happy and to know that I am. And I have no intention of living up to my potential.
You don#146;t have to, either. Just because you can doesn#146;t mean you must.
Today#146;s Affirmation: #147;I now claim and celebrate the abundance of my life!#148;
Chellie Campbell is the author of
The Wealthy Spirit: Daily Affirmations for Financial Stress Reduction
, selected as one of Dr. Laura#146;s book recommendations in March, 2003. She created and teaches the
Financial Stress Reductionreg; Workshops
on which her book is based in the Los Angeles area and gives programs throughout the country. Her free e-newsletter is available at
www.thewealthyspirit.com
. Permission granted for use on Dr.Laura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T09:00:00Z
Busy Families Need to Sign Up and Organize Summer Plans Now
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Busy-Families-Need-to-Sign-Up-and-Organize-Summer-Plans-Now
-
- /8788.html
2010-05-07T08:59:58Z
2010-05-07T08:59:58Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Busy Families Need to Sign Up and Organize Summer Plans Now
Jodie Lynn
ParentToParent.com
Make plans and sign up for economical summer activities.
QUESTION:
I work from home and need some good and economical ideas for summer activities for kids ages 4-9.
TIPS:
Our library has a summer reading program and you can begin to sign up now. They offer great prizes and a sidewalk chalk art day for families that is all free. If you are near a rural area ask a local farmer if you can help feed chickens or pet horses one afternoon. If not, pet stores charge nothing for browsing and even touching most of the critters. Fire stations and bakeries will usually give free tours to small groups if you make arrangements ahead of time. Grab another mom with kids and make it a field trip. If all else fails, sidewalk chalk with a little water makes great body paint that washes off easily with a run through the sprinkler. - Leslie in Idaho
I had 4 children all under 5 and understand what it is like to get more for less. At those ages I would take my kids to different parks on certain days of each week, attend library classes, story time and workshops. I collected all kinds of things from the home and had craft days. A small pool for the kids on hot days provides great fun for the backyard. Use one day a week for play dates with friends. The consistency of the planned activities allowed them to look forward to the next week. - Jodi in NY
I've found that hosting a family movie night once a week is an inexpensive way to spend time with my children. I also give the kids some responsibilities - the child that's not responsible for selecting the movie gets to select the menu for dinner that night (and help prepare it). We often try theme dinners -- for example, when we rented "Angels In The Outfield" - we had hot dogs, soda and popcorn for a baseball theme evening; and for "Alice in Wonderland" - I served tea and finger sandwiches for a Mad Hatter tea party. - J.D. in Calif.
From Jodie: If you are a work at home or a stay at home parent, just like many of us, you are probably interested in economical and fun activities. These are anything you can do with your children that may be different but yet inexpensive and/or free. Get their creative juices flowing by suggesting they either put on a play of a favorite book, TV show, game or better yet -- just make one up. Let them help to write it and decide on who plays which part. In fact, they will be busy for days just writing and rehearsing it. Go bananas on the wardrobe by making do with "stuff" you have around the house. For example, use old hats, shoes, dresses, pants, shirts, belts, and, etc., to make up awesome costumes. Get out the glue gun (or purchase one for $1.99) and create and design awesome custom-made dress up clothes. Let them add beads, ribbon, feathers or whatever you have handy to jazz up old clothes. The kids can go around and sell tickets (made out of construction paper) for .25 and tell neighbors to bring their lawn chairs. Select music and have fun with a huge and successful neighbored play. Before you know it, the kids will make up many other plays.
Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest book is
Mommy-CEO, revised edition, Martin-Ola Press
. (It's not just for moms!) Please see
ParentToParent.com
for more details. We now have new Mommy, CEO merchandise and logo! copy;2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:58Z
"The Ladykillers" Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Ladykillers-Movie-Review
-
- /8789.html
2010-05-07T08:59:56Z
2010-05-07T08:59:56Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"The Ladykillers" Movie Review
The Movie Reporter
Films Reviews from a Family Perspective
by Phil Boatwright
With the synopsis and content, you can decide if the new films are suitable for your viewing.
Video alternatives
contain the same theme, but lack the offensive material.
The Ladykillers. Tom Hanks, Irma P. Hall. Touchstone Pictures. Comedy. WD-Joel Ethan Coen.
Tom Hanks teams up with filmmakers Joel and Ethan Coen (#147;Fargo,#148; #147;O Brother, Where Art Thou?#148;) for a remake of the 1955 English comedy of the same name. This version has Hanks in the Alec Guinness role, playing a charlatan Southern gentleman professor who#146;s assembled a gang of so-called experts for a heist. The base of operations: the root cellar of an unsuspecting, church-going, little old southern black lady named Mrs. Munson (Irma P. Hall). The ruse: the five need a place to practice their church music. The problem: it quickly becomes evident that the professor#146;s thieves lack the mental capacity to do the job. The bigger problem: Mrs. Munson has discovered their crime. The solution: they plot her demise. The surprise: other forces are with this God-fearing woman.
I can#146;t remember laughing this much at a film. In my opinion, it is the funniest dark comedy since #147;Dr. Strangelove.#148; The whole premise is exceptional: incompetent criminals battle an unsuspecting widow woman, who#146;s protected by her naivety and their ineptitude.
There is, unfortunately, a fly in the mint julep. Along with the positives (a very witty premise and script, brilliant comic performances by Hanks and Hall, and several toe-taping southern gospel tunes sprinkled throughout), this remake has sadly taken on a modern-day nastiness by incorporating excessive coarse and irreverent language. With at least 20 uses of God#146;s name followed by a curse and over 100 extreme obscenities, the Coen brothers have given this droll comedy a 21st-century harshness that#146;s downright mean-spirited.
One of the thieves, portrayed by Marlon Wayans, can#146;t seem to form a simple declarative sentence without incorporating the use of the f-word #150; or worse. I understand that his language is a descriptive element of his character, but it is a clicheacute;d element, one that makes the black actor appear to be as cartoonish as the #145;40s African-American actor, Stepin Fetchit.
I could have accepted the obscenity as character development, although it doesn#146;t do much to develop Mr. Wayans role, it merely becomes annoying, but I will not adjust my thinking when it comes to the acceptance of profaning God#146;s name. Hearing it over and over sends out negative messages #150; his use of blasphemy doesn#146;t just show the character#146;s ignorance, it also declares that the actor has no regard for those it may offend, nor a fear of the Almighty.
What a shame. This should be a classic. I was enjoying the wit, the music and the performances thoroughly, but the incessant brutal language began to grieve my spirit.R (Though a very funny farce, it contains an endless stream of profanity and obscenity, with one black character using the N-word several times. There are a few minor sexual references. The violence is played for laughs, consisting of several deaths, each caused by ne#146;er-do-wells upon members of their own gang #150; sometimes on purpose, sometimes by accident. The humor, though very funny, is very dark, including violent imagery.)
Clarification: If you#146;re asking, #147;Phil, you#146;re saying this is the funniest movie you#146;ve seen in a long time. So, am I supposed to go, or not?#148; By declaring my appreciation for this film#146;s wit, I am attempting to be fair and balanced in my analysis of the filmmaker#146;s efforts. But the more inclined we become to following God#146;s principles, avoiding this film should be an easy call.
In both the Old and New Testaments, we are instructed not to profane or speak harshly. #147;But I#146;m not going to start talking like that just because I hear it in a movie.#148; Well, if we aren#146;t supposed to talk that, then is God pleased with our supporting entertainment that does?
In a way, I#146;d like to see a quality film fail at the box office. Then moviemakers will be forced to ask, #147;Why didn#146;t this work?#148; Perhaps they will realize that they insulted their audience.
When an artist exposed herself on the Super Bowl, arrogantly pushing the limits of taste and propriety, America negatively responded, believing the woman had gone too far. Isn#146;t showing irreverence to God equally offensive? Not to the world. Using God#146;s name followed by a curse is meaningless to those who do not regard God or His Word. When we protest actions that deny the Lord#146;s sovereignty, we are taking a stand. We are announcing that we believe in a higher power and will show Him respect.
Forgive the sermon, but I#146;m hearing all too often, #147;I just ignore that language.#148; Fine, but the bottom line in Tinseltown is the almighty buck. Our silence can only be seen as acceptance. Thus Hollywood#146;s shame becomes ours.
Vid. Alt.
The Ladykillers
. The 1955 British version with Alec Guinness, Herbert Lom, and Peter Sellers is a hoot. Lacking the crude language of the remake, it settles for wit and snappy storytelling. Alec Guinness and his gang are just as hysterical.
DEFINITIONS
Crudity
- A word or action lacking in culture, tact
Expletive
- A mild obscenity or needless expression
Obscenity
- Objectionable or repugnant to acceptable standards of decency or morality; indecent; pornographic
Profanity
- Irreverence toward God
Blasphemy
- To speak contemptuously of God
Adult subject matter
- Situations or subjects unsuitable for or difficult to comprehend by children
Download Boatwright#146;s book #147;How To Choose A Good Video Every Time!#148;
FREE
when you subscribe to his weekly film guide. For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:56Z
The Beauty Of Discipline
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Beauty-Of-Discipline
-
- /8790.html
2010-05-07T08:59:55Z
2010-05-07T08:59:55Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Beauty Of Discipline
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
#147;Don#146;t make me come in there!#148;
Then they do.
Now comes the choice: Will we angrily punish our child for their behavior, or will we take advantage of this chance to do something that really is for their own good?
There#146;s a big difference between punishment and discipline. Punishment springs out of fury, demanding revenge for a wrong act. The main goal of discipline, on the other hand, is to redirect unacceptable behavior. Or to put it a different way, punishment focuses on a bad person while discipline focuses on a bad act.
#147;One of my burdens is for the many moms who look at these opportunities and don't see them as such,#148; says Donna, a Virginia SAHM with two daughters. #147;They cringe as they view the situation as another time for punishment rather than a wonderful opportunity for loving correction - an opportunity for shaping and molding, for helping (their children) become more beautiful inside and out.#148;
Resist the anger that so naturally builds as kids push (and sometimes obliterate) the boundaries you set for them. #147;We have a part to play in not just changing their behavior but in finding the root, getting to their heart, and in essence, effecting their lives for good,#148; Donna notes.
The groundwork for effective discipline is laid during the times when things are running smoothly. #147;Obviously, relationship is key here,#148; she says. #147;You can't have a good conversation without first spending time listening to your kids, enjoying who they are. Then comes the time to talk to them.#148;
When you do sit down with them, don#146;t be afraid to be transparent about your own struggles, especially in the same areas your kids are wrestling with now. #147;Trust is extended as we are honest, sharing with them our own faults, failures and things we've learned.#148;
Weave gentle discipline throughout each day. #147;I have had many opportunities, especially about 10:00 at night, to come alongside and talk about the heart that motivates the deed,#148; Donna notes. #147;I love those teachable moments.#148;
Comments? Write Cheryl or Donna at
Cheryl@homebodies.org
, or visit
www.homebodies.org
, where you can share your thoughts on discipline and other subjects with other parents on the active messageboards. Copyright 2004 Cheryl Gochnauer. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:55Z
Bunnies and Ham and Eggs, Oh My!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Bunnies-and-Ham-and-Eggs,-Oh-My!
-
- /8791.html
2010-05-07T08:59:54Z
2010-05-07T08:59:54Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Bunnies and Ham and Eggs, Oh My!
By Jill Cooper and Tawra Kellam
www.livingonadime.com
It#146;s almost that time of year again. You#146;re standing, dumbfounded, in front of a mound of hard boiled eggs, sliced ham and chocolate Easter bunnies. You wonder #147;what am I going to do with 6 dozen eggs, 6 lbs. of ham and 25 chocolate bunnies#148;. The stress of it is almost enough to send you to bed for a week--or at least tear most of your hair out. Here are a few ideas and recipes from
www.notjustbeans.com
to help you avoid both of those.
Leftover Bunnies: Take a rolling pin to them and crush the life out of them. Then use the crumbs to sprinkle on ice cream, use in milk shakes, stir a few in a mug of hot chocolate, use in place of chocolate chips for making cookies or melt for dipping fruit and candy.
Leftover Ham: Save bone for bean or split pea soup. Make ham salad, chef salad or ham sandwiches. Chop and freeze to use in: potato salad, scrambled eggs, omelets, to top baked potatoes, for potato soup, scalloped potatoes, au gratin potatoes, pasties or pizza- with pineapple.Top tortilla with ham, salsa, and cheddar cheese and warm, for hot ham and cheese sandwiches.
Leftover Eggs: Make potato salad, tuna salad, pasta salad, chef salad, spinach salad with eggs and bacon, deviled eggs, golden morning sunshine or fill tomatoes with egg salad.
Golden Morning Sunshine
2 cups white sauce
4 eggs, hard boiled and chopped
Make white sauce. Once the white sauce has thickened, add eggs. Serve on toast.
White Sauce
frac14; cup dry milk
2 Tbsp. flour
dash salt
1 cup cold water
1 Tbsp. margarine
In a covered jar, combine dry milk, flour and salt and mix well. Add water. Shake until all the ingredients are dissolved. Melt margarine in a 1 quart sauce pan. Stir in flour-milk mixture and cook over low heat until mixture thickens and starts to bubble. Keep stirring until thickened completely.
Tawra Kellam and Jill Cooper are the editors of LivingOnADime.com. For more free tips and recipes visit their web site at
www.livingonadime.com
To order their frugal cooking cookbook Not Just Beans: Send $17.95 (shipping included) to Not Just Beans, P.O. Box 4252, Wichita, KS 67204. Permission for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:54Z
"Starsky & Hutch" Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Starsky--Hutch-Movie-Review
-
- /8792.html
2010-05-07T08:59:53Z
2010-05-07T08:59:53Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"Starsky Hutch" Movie Review
The Movie Reporter
Films Reviews from a Family Perspective
by Phil Boatwright
Starsky Hutch. Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson. Warner Bros. 3/5/04Spoof of the '70s cop/adventure TV-series is mostly mock-ish comedy with the duo going undercover to nab a drug dealer. There are some laughs, but it's not smart enough to be considered satire. Most of the humor is devoid of subtlety, each gag hammered home, usually by crudity. Aimed at 14-year-old boys, my real objection is the repeated misuse of Christ's name throughout. PG-13 (Christ's name is treated as a mere expletive at least 12 times; there are also that many obscenities and several minor expletives throughout; there is the occasional sexual innuendo, with the sometime exploitation of the female anatomy; the violence is played for laughs, such as an Asian kid throwing knives at our heroes, the knives actually hitting the targets; some gunplay, a couple of explosions and of course, the inevitable finale car chase).
Video Alternative: For an example of true satire, try, "The Mouse That Roared." Every time I see a film that attempts satire, I come back to this Peter Sellers classic. This English comedy has a small country declaring war on the U.S. in order to get federal relief from the conquering America.
DEFINITIONS
Crudity
- A word or action lacking in culture, tact
Expletive
- A mild obscenity or needless expression
Obscenity
- Objectionable or repugnant to acceptable standards of decency or morality; indecent; pornographic
Profanity
- Irreverence toward God
Blasphemy
- To speak contemptuously of God
Adult subject matter
- Situations or subjects unsuitable for or difficult to comprehend by children
Download Boatwright#146;s book #147;How To Choose A Good Video Every Time!#148;
FREE
when you subscribe to his weekly film guide. For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:53Z
Easter Egg-stravaganza!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Easter-Egg-stravaganza!
-
- /8793.html
2010-05-07T08:59:52Z
2010-05-07T08:59:52Z
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:52Z
The Hottest Topic For Spring - Potty Training Tips
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Hottest-Topic-For-Spring---Potty-Training-Tips
-
- /8794.html
2010-05-07T08:59:51Z
2010-05-07T08:59:51Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Hottest Topic For Spring - Potty Training Tips
Jodie Lynn
www.ParentToParent.com
Identifying if your child is ready for potty training is easy; it's the actual process that is driving parents over the edge. Here are a few "tried and true" tips. Just remember, if you are a stay at home parent, you can expect to give this training process a 2 to 3 week window for the best success.
Your child might be ready if:
They know the difference between a wet and dry diaper.
The sensation involved in getting a wet or messy diaper.
Interested in the big potty.
Interested in sitting on the big potty.
Can stay dry during naptime or other two to three hour periods.
Have a bowel movement on a regular schedule.
Can pull down own pants.
Can tell you about the need to go to the potty.
Training Tips:
Set out portable potty by the age of two and a half to three.
Do not expect them to use it right away.
Let them get used to seeing it in the bathroom.
Never rush.
Keep in mind that boys are usually a little slower.
Potty training can take up to two to three weeks or longer (especially for bowel movements).
If the child is in any type of outside activity or childcare, ask the teacher or provider to help you to potty train using the same methods.
Use stickers, colorful big boy and big girl training pants, books, music and praise as rewards.
If you are traveling, take the potty with you.
Never spank.
If your child refuses to use the potty, back off as this will create a power struggle and unfortunately the toddler will not only win - but often times will also regress in training.
Patience and positive encouragement is the key.
If all else fails let someone else try to do the training. A new person with a new perspective just might be what is needed for a successful endeavor.
Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest book is Mommy-CEO, revised edition, Martin-Ola Press. (It's not just for moms!) Please see
www.ParentToParent.com
for more details. copy;2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:51Z
For Their Own Good
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/For-Their-Own-Good
-
- /8795.html
2010-05-07T08:59:50Z
2010-05-07T08:59:50Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>For Their Own Good
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
Flipping through the papers in my daughter'sbackpack, I noticed a book crammed into one of hernotebooks.
"What's that?" I asked.
"I don't know," she answered.
Now, my daughter is a preteen, which means she knowsabsolutely everything. My radar went up. Pullingthe novel out of the folder, I flipped it over - andmy heart sank. It was one of those popularwitchcraft/horror-based books that are expresslyforbidden in the Gochnauer household.
I didn't know whether to yell or cry. And mydaughter didn't know whether to look at the ceilingor the floor; she just knew she didn't want to lookat ME.
I decided not to yell or cry. Instead, I held thebook and got very quiet inside. It was another ofthose teachable moments. We'd talked about thissubject before, about how important it is to beselective about the activities we watch, read aboutand participate in. But it had been a while. Infact, as I thought about it, it had probably beenover a year since we'd covered this specificsubject.
Not a long time to a middle-aged mom, but aneternity to an absorb-the-world, hormone-chargedpreteen.
I set the book on the table. "I'll return this tothe school library for you," I said, removing thetemptation. "When you get home tonight, we'll talk.I don't want to just say 'NO' without youunderstanding why. And I want to get inside yourmind a little bit, so you can share with me what itis that makes this kind of book seem attractive toyou."
My daughter nodded, and headed out the door. She'sgot a lot to think about before our conversationtonight.
Censorship? Absolutely. If there's any place inthis world where we should applaud censorship, it'sin the parenting arena. No matter what we do orwhere we go, regardless of position or authority, wewill never have a better opportunity to shapeanother human being.
I'm not talking about churning out little robotsthat think just like us. But I am talking aboutproviding direction - helping our kids to focus onthose things that are noble, right, pure andadmirable.
Our children are bombarded everyday with conflictingmessages. If I don't take responsibility for mygirls in this area, who will? You can be sure therewill always be someone or something ready to stepright up and do our job for us, and we may not likethe results.
It's crucial that kids are guided by someone wholoves them. And I do love my girls, more than life.If that means taking heat for being a mean mommysometimes, so be it.
Comments? Write
Cheryl@homebodies.org
, or visit theactive messageboards at
www.homebodies.org
.Copyright 2004 Cheryl Gochnauer. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:50Z
Are You Too Busy For Play?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Are-You-Too-Busy-For-Play
-
- /8796.html
2010-05-07T08:59:48Z
2010-05-07T08:59:48Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Are You Too Busy For Play?
Jodie Lynn
ParentToParent.com
Work-at-home-parents can get pretty busy. Our world is a whirlwind filled with schedules and constant deadlines. Make sure you are taking time out for a simple but important pleasure with your kids: PLAYING. This doesn't mean you have to always entertain them or even have company over for them everyday. Just take a breather here and there to monitor their playtime and implement unscheduled time for them to just be a "kid," and the same can be said for you. Enjoy being a kid with your child.
Playing With Others or With Mom and Dad
If you are wondering if it#146;s OK for your child to be perfectly happy playing with play dough by herself, don#146;t fret. It#146;s not a big deal. In fact, it#146;s perfectly normal to stand back and watch others interact. Most toddlers aren#146;t into social behavior until the age of two or three. Check out this handy checklist, relax and join in. Play can be fun and
(Birth to age 15 months) - Repetition play helps the child to learn about her world. Dropping an object is one of the most common games. Even a six-month old will drop something and watch to see if someone will pick it up. If it does get picked up, it delivers pure delight when she gets to drop it over and over until someone stops picking it up.
YOUR PART:
While it may drive many of us nuts, it is an excellent way to help the child gain control over her immediate environment while mastering a new skill. Play along with her only when you know what is going to take place and schedule time (and frame of mind) to interact.
(Age 15 months to 2 years) - Observing others but not participating is often referred to as the onlooker stage. This is common among all children. Playing by themselves is called solitary play. Here they just play by themselves. While older kids do this as well, it is not as popular as actually engaging in activities unless the child is reserved (which most parents refer to as being #147;shy.#147;) Whether observing or playing, both helps the child learn how to get along with others, building social skills while exposing them to language.
YOUR PART:
A popular activity for this age group is building blocks. They love to stack them up and then watch them fall. It is a perfect activity for a parent to do with the young child. It can also become educational by buying the colored blocks and naming the colors as you stack them. Most of the blocks have numbers, pictures and even letters on them as well. Don't hit her with everything at once. One day work on the colors, the next the letters, etc. Have fun.
(Ages 2 to 3 years) - Most older toddlers play side by side but are not really playing. This is called parallel play. There may not be any real interaction but it still provides a perfect chance to begin learning what belongs to whom...but mostly #147;mine.#147; As they watch others and maybe dress up while pretending to pour and serve a drink, they are experiencing their first taste to role-playing. All of this helps develop gross motor skills as well as some fine motor skills.
YOUR PART:
Boys and girls alike love to serve tea, cookies and pretend to cook. The play kitchens are an excellent interactive tool. As many of you know, the cooling utensils as well as dishes can be purchased to add more lifelike play. Again, this is very important play and work at home parents really need to plan on a good 40-minutes with this one.
(Ages 4 to 4 1/2 years) - This age group displays very unstructured organized play called associative play. An example of this would be when children are all sharing a box of action figures, but may all be playing different things with their own figures. Another example would be where children decide to play with a common aspiration in mind, like entertaining each other by singing a song for a pretend audience. The more interaction children have with other children, the better understood the rules of getting along will become. Playing with others teaches how to share, encourages language and the introduction of being fair. This age group can become quite creative and gain great self-esteem (especially if parents let go of the perfect child syndrome).
YOUR PART:
Dump out a bucket full of action figures and begin role playing. Let your action figure (yes, this includes Barbie) to make up or sing a favorite song. Show your child how important it is to take turns. Be silly and enjoy this age and stage in your child's life.
School-aged children (age 5 and up) - Here is when things begin to turn into clear competition. While younger children often feel frustrated with rules of winning, the positive side is that games and rules offer the chance to build character and close friends with a couple of others. As they grow older, they will enjoy being part of a group (some like large groups while others prefer small groups) which will help them become aware of different children and different ideas.
YOUR PART:
Grab a kick ball or any sizable soft ball and head for the backyard. Show your child how to kick the ball, show her the positive side of making it around the base line (running form base to base) and going in to home plate. Let her decide where to put the bases and what to use for the bases. Maybe she can invite over a couple of friends and you can become a team? Just remember, when other kids come over to play, you will also assume the role of coach, nurse and referee. To think you are going to get much work done would be pretty silly on your part. So, don't do it.
There's a big kid in all of us so let yourself go and have a little fun with your play partner. Why? Because play is serious business...just don't let them know this!
All in all, if your child is not into other kids, don #145;t push too hard. She will come around when she is ready. For now, give her the space she may need to become more independent while still being there when she needs you and play, play play.
Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest book is Mommy-CEO, revised edition, Martin-Ola Press. (It's not just for moms!) Please see
www.ParentToParent.com
for more details. copy;2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:48Z
Watch Your Receipts
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Watch-Your-Receipts
-
- /8797.html
2010-05-07T08:59:47Z
2010-05-07T08:59:47Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Watch Your Receipts
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Since my ability to stay home hinges on my financial status, I guard my money when I shop. I'm not talking about watching out for muggers, though that's a wise idea, too. It simply means I watch cash register totals carefully and point out discrepancies when I see them.
You would be amazed how many times the totals are wrong, whether you are at the grocery store, the gas pumps or your favorite discount center. Here are some common shopping pitfalls to watch for:
Sale items ringing up at regular price.
"New and improved" packaging that charges the same price for lessproduct.
Clerks forgetting to subtract coupons.
Items being rung up twice.
"We just ran out" excuses, when you're shopping on the first day ofthe sale.
Perishables being sold past their expiration date.
Substitutions that don't match the quality of the advertisedproduct.
Damaged product (dented cans, slit boxes, broken seals, etc.) soldat full price.
It's also important for the customer to understand the requirements of any special deals being offered. For instance, I may have to buy more than one of the advertised item to get the discount. Perhaps I have to make a minimum purchase or submit a special coupon before the savings kick in. Or maybe the markdown is only valid on certain days.
Another thing to keep in mind? These hard-saved dollars are too precious to be spent at stores that don't respond positively to customers' requests and concerns. Smart managers understand they attract a lot more Momma Bears with honey than vinegar.
So watch those receipts, and let both price and service be your guides as you shop for your family.
Comments? Email
Cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit the active messageboards at
www.homebodies.org
. Pernmission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:47Z
Help! Our 6 Year Old Cannot Read
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Help!--Our-6-Year-Old-Cannot-Read
-
- /8798.html
2010-05-07T08:59:45Z
2010-05-07T08:59:45Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Help! Our 6 Year Old Cannot Read
Jodie Lynn
www.ParentToParent.com
Everyday parenting and family dilemmas drive all of us crazy. If you are a work at home parent, your child is supposed to be smarter, kinder more courteous. Right? But, when things go wrong at school, a work at home parent feels really guilty. I mean, we stay at home so more things can be implemented to enrich our children's everyday experiences. Plain and simple. So, when your son's teacher shakes her head and suggests that he might need to be held back a grade, how does this make you feel?
Question:
Our 6-year-old cannot read. We are work at home parents and feel really bad about this. We feel like we haven't spent enough time with him. Should we hold him back?
Our local school has a host/mentor program in which sometimes older students or parents will volunteer to help younger kids, or those with reading problems, learn to read. My daughter has an older student as her mentor at the school. My daughter has learned to read more this year than last. Ask about this program at your school. - Amanda in OK
As a first grade teacher, I can tell you that there are many considerations that should lead to a decision to retain a 6-year-old, and because every child is different, there is no one guideline in making this choice. Is he able to sustain his attention span and work independently by the spring of the year? Check his physical activity level, (is it high) and whether or not he is socially immature and physically small in relation to classmates, or has poor fine motor skills? Retention may not be an option for children who are already physically larger than their classmates or have a learning disability. Children with learning difficulties sometimes do not benefit from being retained but would do best in staying with their peer group and receiving added academic support. At the core of any decision should be what is in the best interest of the child now and in relation to his/her academic future. - L.M. in New York
If your child cannot read at 6, holding him back may not be a bad idea if his entire school performance is suffering. If he does well in other areas, it may just make him bored. There are several ways you can help him learn to read better: Read to him. Take him to the library and allow him to pick a book he wants to read. Comic books can sometimes motivate a child who is not generally interested in other books. Most schools also have testing available that can identify if a child is perhaps dyslexic. Reading is extremely frustrating for kids who have a minor correctable problem. A tutor at school who can spend some individual time may help. I also suggest a trip to the eye doctor. It may be something as simple as needing glasses to better see the words. - Darla in MO
I suggest you really talk with the teacher and find out exactly the reasons as to why she suggests the 6-year-old needs to be held back. If your son cannot read at all, then it might be better. Reading is the key to all other lea rning. Visit the local library frequently to encourage reading as a good habit. - Joan in OK
From Jodie: Don't feel guilty if you have really tried to do your best in spending the amount of time needed in this area. There may be other things to take in consideration as well. Don't forget to get your son's hearing checked. If everything checks out, get started in teaching him how to read taking the approach for slow starters. And, keep your attitude positive. It's not a shameful situation as many children go through this. Really.
Everyone seems to panic and take it as a sign of failure if a 6-year-old cannot read. It is not failure. Begin putting in extra time and working with him now and even over the summer if needed. If you are terribly frustrated let someone else work with your son. For example, an older boy could probably work wonders or even a grandparent. Calm non-pressured educational summer activities could make the difference between learning and feeling lost where reading is concerned. To begin with, buy or check out favorite books with only a few words but with lots of pictures and interactive activities. Make "learning" fun, and remember, boys are sometimes slow in reading but usually catch up quickly.
If he is emotionally up to snuff and knows basic everyday words, ask if he can be reevaluated in ninety or so days. Most school systems have their own tutors and if they don't, the No Child Left Behind can pay for private tutoring at some of the very best learning centers. Have your teacher check it out. You could also send an email to the Huntington Learning Center through their website. I personally talked with Dr. Huntington and know firsthand that his centers were approved for this specific program and he is very committed to finding success for each and every child.
Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest book is Mommy-CEO, revised edition, Martin-Ola Press. (It's not just for moms!) Please see
www.ParentToParent.com
for more details. copy;2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:45Z
Why DOES Dr. Laura continually urge parents to keep their kids out of daycare?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Why-DOES-Dr.-Laura-continually-urge-parents-to-keep-their-kids-out-of-daycare
-
- /8799.html
2010-05-07T08:59:44Z
2010-05-07T08:59:44Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Why DOES Dr. Laura continually urge parents to keep their kids out of daycare?
by D. Schattner
www.daycaresdontcare.org
The answer is simple:
Because daycares don#146;t care about or love your child like you do.
Deep down, everyone knows it#146;s true, but almost everyone#146;s afraid to say it.
For years, many experts have been warning us about the detrimental consequences for children placed in daycares. Their findings show that no amount of legislation, government funding, money, early childhood training, regulations, or inspections can make a daycare
love
your child.
My wife and I got so sick-and-tired of people hounding us to put our kids in day care, I created a website,
daycaresdontcare.org
, to counterbalance the relentless pressure placed upon parents to abandon their children to these impersonal institutions.
This website contains an extensive collection of information about daycare intended to encourage and affirm those parents who have made the choice to care for their own children -- a choice that too often has been criticized and devalued by many in our society.
Daycaresdontcare.org
features:
An index of the inherent problems with daycares from a variety of media, including
Books
,
Magazines
,
Newspapers
, and the
Web
An overview of the
History of Daycare
from its origins to the present
A Daycare #147;
Dictionary
#148;
A common sense commentary featuring
What People Say
about daycare
A #147;
Recommended Reading
#148; section (featuring Dr. Laura#146;s bestseller,
Parenthood By Proxy
!)
And more#133;
For more information, go to:
Daycaresdontcare.org
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:44Z
Love Your Body! 5 Tips to Get You Started
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Love-Your-Body!-5-Tips-to-Get-You-Started
-
- /8800.html
2010-05-07T08:59:42Z
2010-05-07T08:59:42Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Love Your Body! 5 Tips to Get You Started
By Carrie Myers Smith
Author of
Squeezing Your Size 14 Self Into A Size 6 World: a real-woman#146;s guide to food, fitness and self-acceptance
with a foreword by Keli Roberts
(
www.championpress.com
)
February#133;the month of love! But while many of us have an easy time showering other people with love, we find that Cupid has yet to hit us with the #147;body love#148; arrow. Don#146;t wait for Cupid! Begin today to start appreciating, accepting, and yes, even loving your body.
Stop picking yourself apart. Let#146;s face it: No matter how close-to-perfection a body you have (and just what is the perfect body anyway?), chances are, there is something you would change about it if you could. Even celebrities and models who have been stamped with the media#146;s #147;perfect body#148; rating have parts they dislike#151;their feet, their hands, their ears#151;and they don#146;t necessarily have high self-esteem, either! Rather than pick your body apart, look at your body as a whole (and read the next point#133;).
Consider the marvelous functions of your body. There are millions of microscopic functions that go on in our bodies every day#151;and you don#146;t even have to think about them! They just happen! Unfortunately, it often takes a crisis or a tragedy, such as a brush with death, a go-around with a disease, or a debilitating accident for some women to realize that their bodies weren#146;t so bad to begin with and that their body hang-ups were a big waste of time. Don#146;t let that be the case with you! How much time are you spending each day worrying about your weight, your body shape, the size of your rear#133;and what could you be doing during that time? Maybe you#146;re supposed to be the first female president, but you#146;ll never know because you#146;re too busy obsessing about your abs!
Get real. Did you know that most of the images you see on television, movies, and magazines aren#146;t even real? A model for a magazine cover goes through hours of professional hair and make-up, has professional stylists, top photographers who know her #147;best side,#148; professional lighting#133;and that#146;s all before the chosen photo goes to a company where they remove stray hairs, wrinkles, blemishes, and #147;extra#148; curves (can you believe that someone who qualifies as anorexic has extra curves?). Sometimes Model A#146;s head is stuck onto Model B#146;s body. What you see is totally made up (just see how their professional photos compare to the candids caught by the paparazzi!)! And it#146;s not just fashion magazines that are creating a fantasy. Most of today#146;s #147;fitness#148; magazines are following suit. On top of airbrushing and computer generating their models, fitness magazines now need to audition their models to be sure they#146;re strong enough to just do basic exercises! Muscles are even airbrushed in! It#146;s time to get real! Find real role models who emanate the qualities you desire. Educate yourself about what really goes on #147;behind the scenes.#148; And realize that no one naturally #147;glows#148; the way those models in the magazines do!
Change your inner dialogue. It#146;s been said that we teach others how to treat us. If we believe that, due to our bodies, we are not worth being liked, loved, or treated with respect, that message comes across to others#151;and mostly from what we#146;re not even saying. Choose to believe that you are worth taking care of, and that you have the right to be respected and treated with dignity#151;and act like it!
Take care of your body. Diets, pills, quick-fixes, binging, not exercising, over-exercising#133;all these things disrespect one of the greatest gifts you have been given#151;your body! You only get per lifetime#151;give it the respect it deserves. You will not only feel better, but you just might become someone else#146;s role model!
Carrie Myers Smith is a licensed WellcoachTM, co-founder and president of Women in WellnessTM, and author of
Squeezing Your Size 14 Self into a Size 6 World: A Real Woman#146;s Guide to Food, Fitness, and Self-Acceptance
(Champion Press, 2004). To join her FREE Wellness Club and receive her FREE weekly wellness newsletter, visit:
www.womeninwellness.com
.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:42Z
Hitting at School
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Hitting-at-School
-
- /8801.html
2010-05-07T08:59:40Z
2010-05-07T08:59:40Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Hitting at School
By Jodie Lynn
ParentToParent.com
Kids are a major part of having a good work-at-home environment. If there are family challenges with kids, working at home can be pretty yucky. Why? The biggest reason is because normally you can't hand the problem over to someone else like if you were working out of an office and your child was in child care. Here, a 5-year-old kindergartner is hitting people at home and at school. The question is being sent to me from the parents and I have a few choice words for them. Along with my two-cents is advice from a few other parents who work from home.
Question: Our 5-year-old kindergartner is hitting everyone. What is the responsibility of the school to correct this?
My wife and I made the decision long before we had children to raise our own kids -- that is, that one of us would stay home. My wife was very happy to stay home with our daughter. I was not making a lot of money at the time. It was not easy making the dollars stretch, but we made it work because we knew it was best for our child.
Since then, many people have told us we were lucky to have one parent able to stay home (as if our family had some unfair advantage over the rest of the world). Virtually every family has the potential for one parent to stay home and raise the children. Most families opt not to because they see more benefits to having a dual income than to raising their own children. - A. and J. R. in MO
It's not the school's responsibility to teach your child how to behave with other children. It's your own responsibility as parents. The school is there to provide you a service, not to raise your children for you. - P. C. in Texas
Communicate with and enlist the help and support of your teacher. Begin by finding out what seems to cause your child to hit, and what the teacher's response is. Talk to your child. Your child will benefit from you talking to him calmly about why he shouldn't hit, and asking him why he does. Offer a reward for consecutive days without hitting, such as the opportunity to do a special activity with you. Your child needs to know he has your love and support as he learns appropriate ways to control his emotions and interact with others. - K.G. in IL
Your child's behavior is your responsibility. He is trying to tell you something and this is the only way he knows how. If he is in half day kindergarten, quit your office job and stay home with him. I promise you it will make a difference. - M.A.M. in TX
From Jodie: Let me answer your question directly. Communication and doing your part at home is the key here. Take a look around at your son's home environment. Are you spending too much time working on projects after he arrives home from school? If he is in half day school and you still need to get a few things done after he gets home, maybe consider taking a forty-minute break and do something that involves just the two of you. If he goes to all day school, it's best just to call it a day until he is in bed for the night.
Check out what he is watching on TV. Are you using TV as a baby-sitter even if it is an educational program? Kids eventually wise up on these type of things. He may just need more human interaction and is seeking any type of attention he can get - especially from you.
Are older siblings wrestling and play fighting with him? Younger siblings always want to be like their older siblings. At this age, any type of hitting action will be imitated. He may think that hitting is just as normal as putting on shoes because it is acceptable behavior in your home?
Monitor his computer and video games. Is he watching what his older siblings are watching? If so, this is not a good start for him. He needs his own age appropriate games.
Talk to him quietly and tell him how he can play with others without hitting. Tell him if he hits other children, they will not play with him and he will be lonely and sad. Make sure you watch his diet as well. Do not allow your son to have caffeine drinks. If he is already used to them, begin now to dilute them with water and eventually switch to caffeine free. Keep sugar and chocolate intake low especially right before school. Remember, chocolate has both sugar and caffeine and can be found in many of today's more popular cereal and have a tendency to make children more assertive in behavior.
If he seems really keyed up after he arrives home from school, take him out to the backyard or to the park and let him kick and chase a ball for at least one hour. In fact, kick the ball with him. It will do the two of you a world of good.
Pop into the school unexpected and watch him unnoticed. This will give you firsthand information. Talk to his teacher about the incidents, and find out the exact rules on inappropriate behavior at the school. Ask your child to show you how he is hitting. Find out "why" by role-playing. If he hits only Billy, you become Billy and act out a scene. If this doesn't work, switch roles and become your son, and he can pretend to be Billy. As a rule of thumb, the latter will usually work better.
Work together with the school and stay calm accepting responsibility for your son's behavior while monitoring your own environment at home on a daily basis. Your first priority is not your work at home business. Your kids are your top priority - please do not forget that.
Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest book is
Mommy-CEO, revised edition, Martin-Ola Press
. (It's not just for moms!) Please see
ParentToParent.com
for more details. copy;2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:40Z
Help - My House Is A Mess!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Help---My-House-Is-A-Mess!
-
- /8802.html
2010-05-07T08:59:39Z
2010-05-07T08:59:39Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Help - My House Is A Mess!
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
"Most people don't believe that with five childrenI am new to the SAH thing," says Mary Anne, an at-home mom from Riverdale, Maryland.
"I worked because I thought I had to. My childrenrange in age from 17 years to 6 months old. I wentback to work when my youngest was 12 weeks old.I thought I could do this. I had a job I loved at my children's school. But from Day One I was miserable. My three-year-old cried for me all the time. My mother-in-law was wonderful about staying with the kids, but it was not the same. I quit work for good right before Thanksgiving 2003. It has been wonderful, but here is the problem.
"You talk about getting the house clean, etc., butI cannot even get a shower everyday! My house isa disaster and I feel like a failure. My kids arehappy and they don't seem to notice the mess. Myhusband is wonderful and says that as long as thekids are fed and happy we can live with the mess.Now when I say mess, I mean clutter. I can washthe dishes and keep the floors clean etc, butstuff just piles up. Maybe because I spend somuch time with the kids? I don't want to notspend time with them, and my three-year-old islearning to clean up his toys and loves to helpwith laundry.
"I just need some encouragement that I am on theright track. Thanks for listening." - Mary Anne
Hi, Mary Anne -
There is no "right" way to keep house, so throwthe Suzie Homemaker mantle off your back! I seefrom your email that you have a three-year-old anda six-month-old. With only these two kids, yourhome would never be neat. Add three more plus ahusband, and you can see why everything's socluttered.
Erma Bombeck did a lot of writing about this sortof thing. I remember one column in particularwhere she talked about how she used to yell at herkids for trashing the place. But when they weregone, she would have given anything for a pair ofsneakers on the stairs for her to trip over.
Also, you have the approval of the one personwhose opinion means the most: your husband. Ifhe's okay with the clutter, don't worry about it.(Sounds like he's got his priorities straight!)
My girls are now 11 and 15, and our house isneater than it's ever been (except for theirrooms, of course). That's because they're oldenough to help me pick up everything. We often do10-minute blitzes where we run from room to roomand tidy up. I know you've got older kids, too,but as you know, until the babies hit school-ageor so, they'll still be totaling the area foreverybody.
You, too, will someday have a neat house. Butdon't stress out about it now. Concentrate onbuilding clean characters more than a clean house.
- Cheryl
Comments? Write
Cheryl@homebodies.org
. If you'dlike to get an autographed copy of Cheryl's "Stay-at-Home Handbook," visit
http://www.gospelcom.net/homebodies/bookstore/orderSAHH.php
Copyright 2004 Cheryl Gochnauer. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:39Z
Tips on Homework For The Best Success: work at home parent dilemma!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Tips-on-Homework-For-The-Best-Success:-work-at-home-parent-dilemma!
-
- /8803.html
2010-05-07T08:59:38Z
2010-05-07T08:59:38Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Tips on Homework For The Best Success:
work at home parent dilemma!
Jodie Lynn
www.ParentToParent.com
Homework success for many work at home parents can leave the whole family baffled as to why their routine is failing. Try these tips for the best success.
Most children need a quiet and well-lit area to do homework. Not always! Some can concentrate with music in the background while singing along. How can that be true? No one knows. There are different learning styles for different kids.
Some kids learn well by sitting down and doing it all at once. Some learn and can retain more by taking mini breaks every 20-minutes or so. Children with ADD or ADHD make need to take breaks more often.
If your child has more than 15-minutes of homework per grade - check it out. For example, 15-minutes times 3 (for third grade) is 45 minutes. If it's more than that, unless your child has a learning disability, or is working on a school project, it's time to go ask questions.
Talk with the teacher about what's up and why is there so much homework. Work with the teacher to get this under control.
Don't do the homework for your child just to get it done. Let the child complete his own assignment and learn from his own mistakes. This is how the teacher checks to see what a child knows or doesn't know. If a parent does the homework for the child, the teacher will not know that the student needs additional help and is not prepared to move to the next level. If she thinks he is making great grades and moves on to the next level, it will only cause more headaches at home, deplete the child of self-esteem, and build more resentment on you both.
As we all know, make sure everything your child needs is right there so he will not have to get up and down and lose his train of thought.
The second session of school, right now, is a new beginning to catch up and move forward in getting those grades back up to where they need to be.
It is imperative to get those good homework habits in line and any questions answered right away. There are only a few months of school left and it's time to address your child's needs as soon as possible.
Don't forget to go in and volunteer. You will be getting a bird's eye view and gathering firsthand information. There's so much that can cause a child to not do well in school. Here is a mini list of some the things parents often times overlook. Go over them and ask yourself if any one strikes a chord with your situation.
Lack of motivation for good grades:
Learning disability
Being bullied
Depression
Being constantly teased about clothes or hygiene
Feeling sick due to dust and mold in class
Classroom is too noisy
Classroom is too hot or too cold
Classroom has too many windows
Hearing challenge (get hearing checked)
Blackboard (eye sight needs to be tested)
Runny nose - (allergies need to be addressed)
Not getting enough sleep at night
Over scheduled
Hates going to after school program
Not enough attention at home
Divorce
Unsettled home environment
Poor nutrition
Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest book is
Mommy-CEO, revised edition, Martin-Ola Press
. (It's not just for moms!) Please see
ParentToParent.com
for more details. 2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:38Z
"Teacher's Pet " Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Teachers-Pet--Movie-Review
-
- /8804.html
2010-05-07T08:59:36Z
2010-05-07T08:59:36Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Teacher's Pet
The Movie Reporter
Films Reviews from a Family Perspective
by Phil Boatwright
With the synopsis and content, you can decide if the new films are suitable for your viewing.
Video alternatives
contain the same theme, but lack the offensive material.
TEACHER'S PET: Disney animated adventure, with the voices of Nathan Lane, Kelsey Grammer, Shaun Fleming, Debra Jo Rupp, David Ogden Stiers, Jerry Stiller. W-Bill Cheri Steinkellner. D-Timothy Bjorklund.
A talking dog named Spot fulfills his ultimate wish to become a #147;real boy#148; when he hooks up with a mad scientist. Spot becomes a canine #147;guinea pig#148; in the kooky doctor#146;s evolutionary experiment, with the dog successfully turned into a human. The only catch is that the silly scientist didn#146;t calculate for #147;dog years#148; and Spot finds himself in the body of a middle-aged man! The fur really flies as his pals (led by best friend and master, Leonard Helperman, a cat named Mr. Jolly, and a boisterous bird named Pretty Boy) help him out of his #147;tight Spot#148; and try to right this genetic wrong.
Cute, with a creative storyline and a wonderful voice performance from the witty Nathan Lane, this is a lot of fun for kids and, unlike a lot of animated adventures for little ones, tolerable for accompanying adults. Full of vibrant drawings and lots of energy, the plot makes room for life lessons concerning selfishness and helping others fulfils their dreams.
PG (A trip to a Jerry Springer-like program has the audience members chanting #147;wacko#148; at the mad scientist during the show. Later, the boy and dog go to the mad scientist#146;s house #150; the address consisting of the numbers 666, a biblical numerology that refers to the anti-Christ. Because the scientist is attempting to turn animals into humans, the question of nature vs. science is touched upon. But the storyline doesn#146;t seriously address this subject. At one point both dog and boy are strapped down to an operating table and undergo transformations. Other creatures that didn#146;t do well during transformations appear as freaks. But they are more comical than scary. I felt the filmmakers were careful about what they put in front of their intended audience. As always, however, I suggest a parent attend when taking any child under ten to a movie. You just never know when parental comfort is going to be needed #150; and no other relative can meet that need quite like a Mom or Dad).
Download Boatwright#146;s book #147;How To Choose A Good Video Every Time!#148;
FREE
when you subscribe to his weekly film guide. For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:36Z
The New Year At A Glance: Taming The Sign-Up Activity War
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-New-Year-At-A-Glance:-Taming-The-Sign-Up-Activity-War
-
- /8805.html
2010-05-07T08:59:34Z
2010-05-07T08:59:34Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The New Year At A Glance:
Taming The Sign-Up Activity War
by Jodie Lynn
It's another New Year. How are you proposing to keep your new resolutions intact? Get your family organized today to ensure a rested, easier and more positive year. It may alleviate stress later.
Many moms want to be better organized but lack the tools or motivation to do so. For many families, the second part of the school year is just as busy, if not more, than the first part. Hard to believe? It's true! Why does this seem to ring so true?
Well, this is the catch-up and make-up segment of your child's progress. It's the final stretch to make and take everything academically back up to snuff. Not only this, spring and summer activities take a "snooze and lose" attitude towards early sign-up, especially things like summer camps.
Work-at-home parents try just as hard as any other career-oriented individual to review commitments and family plans. Sometimes, with children in school and a few at home (under foot while you try to work) things can get pretty hairy! It's a double whammy that often times delivers a double headache, not to mention back pains!
Set systems into place that streamline days into making better use of time and allow for family activities. Begin by making this new year and upcoming spring a more positive one by squashing the over-scheduling dilemma today in the month of January. Here are a few good tips to get you started and hopefully keep you from pulling out your hair!
Review individual needs:
Sit down with your children separately and look over their activity schedules for the spring and even the summer. Ask them what they would like to do, instead of assuming. Just because you think they#146;d like it, or even if they participated last year doesn#146;t necessarily mean they want to do it. Letting them choose is better in the long run, unless it is something they obviously need, like summer school for enrichment or for poor grades. Tell them why you are making a calendar and organizing so much. Let them know that getting organized will help everyone in the family with time management and will make you a happier mom.
Write it down for visual aid and better motivation:
Although there are plenty of tools and aids on the market today to help busy moms, they are no good if not efficient and easy to use. A simple calendar will work, especially one of those larger ones with more writing room, or you can use some computer or Palm software. Plan your month day by day trying to include various details that will make up the day like meals, appointments, practices, games and etc. It sounds like a lot of work, but you will save so much time in the end as you will know what to expect for every day. Personally, I go with my computer planner/calendar. Many of today's computers come with a daily planner/calendar that can be filled in and printed out for a handy visual aid. If you need more space, the squares of each day can be adjusted to print out a little bigger. Make a copy of each month and keep it with you. Give a copy to your spouse and anyone else who may need it and hang one in an area for other family members to see as well. To utilize a better charting system, use the first initials of each family member's name and color code it. For example, mom is orange, dad is green, son is blue, etc. If they want to check the family calendar for their daily schedule, they can easily find it by the specific color code. Just remember, the best laid plans can and do go astray -- so be flexible.
Have it all at a glance:
Include columns in your plan for special help, other appointments and daily reminders for best success. Make a list of names, times, activities and locations so other family members can help out, even if it is just giving a ride. Manage time by going as far as planning meals and other necessities on the same sheet. Keep a column open to write down meals and items needed for a specific meal, doctor appointments and etc, to help in planning what can be done on days of practice or game days. Keep a space on the calendar handy for preprinted numbers of neighbors, childcare professionals, vets and/or relatives for emergencies. For example, on Monday if you can visually see that it takes 20 minutes to get to your son after school, and another 20 minutes to get him to basketball practice (and you know that you can't make it because you have to stop at the store) call someone from your emergency help list. Have them pick up your son or go to the store and pick up certain ingredients for dinner.
Chart family time with rescheduling:
Schedule family time into each month. Be upfront with family members and let them know an activity may have to be changed or switched if it's not working for the family as a whole. Make family time an important time and treat it as a priority. If you see after a while that certain activities conflict with certain days, reschedule them. For example, if your daughter's dance class on Tuesdays creates a large overlap with a planned family activity and gets everyone in a bad mood every week, change it. It's not worth the hassle if everyone gets in a bad mood because of one day each week. Remember that one day a week adds up to several weeks a year and resentment and blame will soon follow.
Make time for yourself:
Don't think for one-minute moms don't need time for themselves. At least three times a week, or at least three hours, go do something for you. Take a walk; go for a run; attend an exercise class. Maybe consider joining a book club or visiting a nursing home. Do something - anything - away from kids. Don't feel guilty about it -- just do it. If you "FLS" (feel like screaming) -- you will! It's like the old saying goes -- "If mama ain't happy -- nobody is."
Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest book is
Mommy-CEO, revised edition, Martin-Ola Press
. (It's not just for moms!) Please see
ParentToParent.com
for more details. 2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:34Z
What Do I Tell People About Why I Am A Stay At Home Dad?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/What-Do-I-Tell-People-About-Why-I-Am-A-Stay-At-Home-Dad
-
- /8806.html
2010-05-07T08:59:33Z
2010-05-07T08:59:33Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>What Do I Tell People About Why I Am A Stay At Home Dad?
by Jodie Lynn
"What do I tell people about why I am a stay at home dad without getting upset at all of their questions?"
You are very lucky to say the least to be in a position to stay at home with your children. You should remind these people who are asking questions that it is your decision and the best plan for your family.
Most of the time people are just curious and really don't mean to be nosy. But go ahead and tell them that it is your decision and it is a personal one made within your family. Let them know they should also consider the option for themselves should it ever be presented. There's no need to debate the topic. Just offer a smile and a hug to your children in front of this person.
Usually there are two types of questions. One is supportive and curious and the other is trying to assess whether or not you are as good of a role model as the mom would be. The first one can be answered by reflecting on the awesome experiences everyone in the family is benefiting from and offer input into whether or not they might try it for themselves. And, for number two, be polite and say your instincts are more family friendly than your spouse who is really good at what she does in the business world.
It is important for society to finally become educated in this area. With the recent layoffs, firings, company closings and/or delays in promotions, we will probably see more dads deciding to work at home or just take an early retirement so they can be there for the kids. It has been the experience of many dads that being home for children offers a positive and educational endeavor for the whole family. As many families know, the first three to five years of a child's life is crucial for all types of development, coordination, self-esteem and much more. But society is also seeing how important it is for someone to be home when older kids come home from school as well as for our teenagers. "It keeps us grounded and helps us keep them motivated for good grades, behavior and better moral standards to say nothing of their safety," says one father who wrote to me on the topic. Another dad says "there is so much they can get into, talked into or feel the need to perform that I am glad I can meet and greet them at the front door.
I say, "BRAVO!" to all dads who are taking an active role in helping to raise their own children.
Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest book is
Mommy-CEO, revised edition, Martin-Ola Press
. (It's not just for moms!) Please see
ParentToParent.com
for more details. 2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:33Z
An Encouraging Word
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/An-Encouraging-Word
-
- /8807.html
2010-05-07T08:59:32Z
2010-05-07T08:59:32Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>An Encouraging Word
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
Copyright 2003
My inbox has been filling up with email as Homebodies readers share their experiences regarding peers who either praise or criticize their decision to stay home with their children.
Nisi wrote in to compliment her sister-in-law, who seems to be just the kind of wonderful, supportive relative at-home parents hope and pray for:
#147;I have been a stay at home mom since my first child was born 14 years ago,#148; Nisi says. #147;We have four children, the 14 year old, a 12 year old, an 8 year old, and the light of our lives, a darling 1 year old girl.
#147;My husband got laid off December 5th from his job, is freelancing, and looking hard for a new job. All my insecurities about staying at home bloomed as I thought about my extensive education and skills not helping out with the family income at this rough time.
#147;But I have been praying about it, and did reach out for support to my sister-in-law." She said the following: "Your children are the warmest, kindest, happiest children because of
your
choices. They are so blessed to have a highly educated mother staying at home with them, guiding them through their lives' highs and lows. Thank goodness you have been there all these years, and not an indifferent daycare provider. You are doing a fabulous job!"
#147;What she said rang true, but it was like water to a thirsty plant in the desert to hear her words just then,#148; Nisi remembers. #147;Sometimes it is necessary to hear the encouragement from others, especially in a society that puts so much importance into acquisition and material gratification.#148;
As Nisi points out, a few well-chosen, kind words can immediately change someone#146;s perspective, providing a lift just when they need it.
Life is hectic. We spend so much time stomping out fires, it#146;s easy to neglect sparking hope in others. Take time today to encourage a friend. If you#146;re not close enough to give them a hug, why not pick up the phone or shoot off a quick email? Let#146;s launch the New Year with a smile!
Comments? Write Cheryl or Nisi at
Cheryl@homebodies.org
, or visit
www.homebodies.org
where you can interact with other at-home parents on the active messageboards. Copyright 2003 Cheryl Gochnauer. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:32Z
"Cheaper By The Dozen" Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Cheaper-By-The-Dozen-Movie-Review
-
- /8808.html
2010-05-07T08:59:30Z
2010-05-07T08:59:30Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"Cheaper By The Dozen" Movie Review
The Movie Reporter
Films Reviews from a Family Perspective by Phil Boatwright
With the synopsis and content, you can decide if the new films are suitable for your viewing.
Video alternatives
contain the same theme, but lack the offensive material.
Cheaper By The Dozen. Steve Martin, Bonnie Hunt, Hillary Duff, Piper Perabo, Ashton Kutcher. 20th Century Fox. Family comedy. W-Sam Harper, Joel Cohen, Alec Sokolow. D-Shawn Levy.
This #147;update#148; of the 1950 Clifton Webb classic concerns a devoted couple raising twelve children. More like #147;Yours Mine and Ours,#148; this new version is a pale imitation of either of those earlier films, with
holes
in plausibility #150; make that
canyons
#150; and few memorable moments. Okay, that#146;s the critic in me. Now, just as a moviegoer who still likes theater popcorn, I had a good time with this film. True, it#146;s no
#147;Life With Father,#148;
but it had some very funny moments and a couple of touching ones as well. What#146;s more, it was like stepping back in time, for this is the cleanest movie I have seen all year. No bad language, no off-color humor, the husband and wife love each other, and get this, the family is religious. Not much is made out of their faith, but it is dramatized by the fact that the parents do not accept their grown-up daughter living with her guy outside of marriage. When the daughter comes home to help out during a crisis, the boyfriend sneaks over. When finding out that the young couple slept together, her folks are incensed, proclaiming #147;This is a G-rated house.#148; They love their daughter, but it is clear that their religious values are to be adhered to while under their roof. I haven#146;t heard that declaration in movies for quite some time. As a matter of fact, the last time I remember the praises of virginity until marriage upheld in a movie was in the very funny and warm #147;Yours, Mine and Ours.#148; In that film the father tells his stepdaughter, #147;It#146;s not going to bed with someone that shows you#146;re in love. It#146;s getting up with them in the morning and facing life together.#148;
Here, the story has been time-warped from the turn of the 20th century to the beginning of the 21st. Pops has been given his dream job, coaching the football team of his old alma mater, and uproots the family, something none of them are thrilled about. Poor dears, they move to an incredible home, and no longer have to wear hand-me-downs. Not exactly child abuse, but they behave like movie kids are supposed to, sullen and selfish.
Mom also has an exciting career. She#146;s the author of a biographical novel entitled #150; oh, come on, guess the title. When she has to go on a two-week book tour and dad is left behind with a neighborhood of kids all living under the same roof, well, havoc ensues. For the sake of situation comedy, dad can#146;t get any domestic help because he has so many kids, and therefore he unsuccessfully balances a work schedule with a clumsy attempt at governing home life.
The saving grace for this film is found in its two stars, Martin and Hunt. Bonnie Hunt, the star of TV#146;s
#147;Life With Bonnie,#148;
has a relaxed manner and a quick wit. And Steve Martin, nearly always funny, is sensitive and believable. The couple work well together.
So, now back to being a critic, My main problem with this film is the kids. They are just a bit too bratty and too stagy. In a family that size, discipline and responsibility would be a forgone conclusion, working together expected. But while mom is off, none of the older kids do much to be supportive. They gripe about dad never being there for them, despite the fact that dad#146;s out making this great living for them. Other plot holes become somewhat annoying, but the leads come through and moviegoers are left with a fun, holiday family film.
PG (I caught no bad language during the film, with only a mild expletive from Ms. Hunt and a bleeped profanity from Ashton Kutcher during the outtakes during the final credits; some of the kids get a little smart-alecky, but they all pull together at the end and we are left with a strong family portrait; a vomit scene is a bit graphic; a young couple are seen nestling in bed the morning after, but they are later chastised for sleeping together, giving movie audiences a message they seldom hear in movies about chastity; a dog attacks a man #150; this is played for laughs, and it is more playful than vicious; positive lessons including the difficulty of #147;having it all#148;).
DEFINITIONS
Crudity
- A word or action lacking in culture, tact
Expletive
- A mild obscenity or needless expression
Obscenity
- Objectionable or repugnant to acceptable standards of decency or morality; indecent; pornographic
Profanity
- Irreverence toward God
Blasphemy
- To speak contemptuously of God
Adult subject matter
- Situations or subjects unsuitable for or difficult to comprehend by children
Download Boatwright#146;s book #147;How To Choose A Good Video Every Time!#148;
FREE
when you subscribe to his weekly film guide. For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:30Z
"The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King" Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Lord-Of-The-Rings:-The-Return-Of-The-King-Movie-Review
-
- /8809.html
2010-05-07T08:59:28Z
2010-05-07T08:59:28Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King
Movie Review
The Movie Reporter
Films Reviews from a Family Perspective
by Phil Boatwright
With the synopsis and content, you can decide if the new films are suitable for your viewing.
Video alternatives
contain the same theme, but lack the offensive material.
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, Ian McKellen, Viggo Mortensen, John Rhys-Davies. D-Peter Jackson. Action/Adventure, Fantasy.
This
Ring
is a flawed jewel. It suffers from the same problems found in chapters one and two. First, you must be somewhat versed in Tolkien ideology in order to clearly follow along. Concocted, otherworldly names of people, places, and things are bandied about in nearly every line.
Reading the press notes, I flashed back to college exams I was ill prepared for: As the shadow of Mordor grows across the land, Aragorn is revealed as the hidden heir to the ancient kings. Gandalf miraculously returns and defeats the evil wizard, Saruman. Sam leaves his master for the dead after a battle with the giant spider, Shelob; but Frodo is still alive--in the hands of the Orcs. And while the armies of the Dark Lord are massing--and the one ring comes ever closer to the Cracks of Doom. You see what I mean?
Collectively, the three #147;The Lord of the Rings#148; films tell the story of Frodo Baggins, who battles to save Middle-earth from the grip of evil. In their adventures across the treacherous landscape of Middle-earth, Frodo and friends attempt to rid the world of the One Ring #150; a ring that can only be destroyed by being thrown into a lake of fire.
I understand that scholars of Tolkien#146;s mythic anthology find ethereal messages contained in the books, as if Tolkien was providing Christianity in code. In the film versions, you can find a good vs. evil theme. And I#146;ll grant there is an example of how good men can be tempted by evil. But I found the allegories overshadowed by one deafening battle after another, one gruesome and very frightening-looking ghoul after another, and a somber narrative that could have been told in 96 minutes rather than its three-hour, 20-minute length.
And that brings me to the next problem. At the end of the year, we can always expect the Hollywood heavyweights to bombard us with epics that come close and often extend beyond the three-hour mark. Okay, so we have come to expect that. But this one at 200 minutes just doesn#146;t seem to know how to end. Indeed, there are several endings.
To be fair to the filmmakers, they wanted to be true to the books, and respectful to those familiar with every subplot. And although there are many changes, the overall feel is faithful to the book series. It is a difficult thing adapting a book to the screen. The screenwriters should be congratulated for their efforts, but if you haven#146;t studied the books, you may question from time to time, or in my case, scene to scene, just what the heck is going on.
Also troubling is the amount of violence in this film. Believe me, you#146;ll get no inkling of the film#146;s ferociousness from the family-friendly merchandising tie-ins. But it is one of the most violent films I#146;ve seen in quite some time. Not much blood, but there#146;s torture, duels to the death, main characters are killed, nightmarish sequences pop up every time someone puts that ring on, and there are hordes of demonic-looking villains bent on eliminating our little band of wood imps.
And lastly, I never grew close to these characters. Barely a scene goes by where someone#146;s eyes don#146;t pool up, yet I was unaffected. Because it all seemed fantastical, I was unable to sense any real emotional depth. Perhaps a great performance rather than an adequate one would have conveyed that sensation.
You have to be a fan of this genre to best appreciate this metaphor-laced action adventure. I freely admit that I do not share the enthusiasm that I#146;m sure many of my colleagues in criticism will lavish upon this production. But I also admit an admiration for the visual opulence director Jackson has brought to the screen. Although it#146;s not my cup of tea, there is no question that it is epic storytelling and grandiose filmmaking. The visuals in every scene are breathtaking, often mesmerizing. Sir Ian McKellen is majestic in the role of Gandalf. And it is a film that luxuriates in the storytelling process.
What#146;s more, there are spiritual ideals that can be gleaned concerning faith, honor, loyalty and man#146;s struggle with his inner nature. Tolkien#146;s themes deal with friendship, mercy, self-sacrifice, nature versus industry and, finally, redemption. Where I found these ideas muted in the first installment, dwarfed by the action sequences, both the second and now this final chapter leave a more thoughtful impression.
Director Jackson is quick to point out, #147;What we are trying to do, as we adapt #145;The Lord of the Rings#146; into a film medium, is honor these themes. While you can never be totally faithful to a book, especially one over one thousand pages, we have tried to incorporate the things that Tolkien cared about when he wrote the novel, and make them the fabric of the films.#148;
Actor John Rhys-Davies, who plays the courageous dwarf Gimli, adds to Jackson#146;s explanation, #147;Tolkien is aware of the presence of evil. Evil is a very unfashionable thing to talk about in our time. It makes everybody squirm. He#146;s also aware of the fact that civilizations can be lost. Tolkien knows that every hundred years or so, there comes a challenge to a generation where you can lose it all. Your way of life, your civilization. If you do not have unity, courage and a willingness to sacrifice yourself, you can lose it all.#148;
Rhys-Davies, gifted with a commanding voice and a thoughtful use of language, continues by merging his own assessment of our times with Tolkien#146;s goals. #147;Our civilization matters. We take it for granted. Tolkien reminds us that there are things worth fighting for.#148;
Buffs of the series should be delighted. And it will most likely satisfy most others. But it would help if you could first take J.R.R. Tolkien 101 before attending. And if you should attend, don#146;t exit until the end credits begin to appear, because just when you think it#146;s over, it isn#146;t.
PG-13 (constant violence and a few sequences that may be nightmarish for little ones, but no inappropriate language or sexuality; the opposing warriors look demonic, as does Gollum, a schizophrenic creature who leads Frodo throughout the film; though the battles are fairly bloodless, they are intense and frequent #150; and do include brutalities such as decapitations; parents, be advised that there are moments and characters in this movie that may traumatize very little ones).
DEFINITIONS
Crudity
- A word or action lacking in culture, tact
Expletive
- A mild obscenity or needless expression
Obscenity
- Objectionable or repugnant to acceptable standards of decency or morality; indecent; pornographic
Profanity
- Irreverence toward God
Blasphemy
- To speak contemptuously of God
Adult subject matter
- Situations or subjects unsuitable for or difficult to comprehend by children
Download Boatwright#146;s book #147;How To Choose A Good Video Every Time!#148;
FREE
when you subscribe to his weekly film guide. For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:28Z
Holiday Films Reviewed
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Holiday-Films-Reviewed
-
- /8810.html
2010-05-07T08:59:24Z
2010-05-07T08:59:24Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Holiday Films Reviewed
Compiled by Philip Boatwright, The Movie Reporter
www.moviereporter.com
.
Animated:
Dr. Seuss#146; How The Grinch Stole Christmas.
In 1966, Dr. Seuss#146;s classic picture book was transformed into an animated TV masterpiece by Warner Brothers cartoonist Chuck Jones. The seasonal fixture featured the amiable voice of Boris Karloff as the rhyming narrator and the title character. It still holds up today as delightful family entertainment.
The Little Drummer Boy.
(1966). Family Home Entertainment. The very moving seasonal song comes to animated life with the capable voices of Greer Garson, Jose Ferrer, and Teddy Eccles. Opens with a quote from Luke 2, then segues into the tale of a bitter orphan who is kidnapped by a Fagan-like villain to front for the thief. The boy is full of anger until he beholds the Christ child. Lesson: Hatred is wrong. Ends with "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."
The Greatest Adventure #150; The Nativity.
Hanna /Barbera. A respectful homage to the greatest story ever told. 3 young archeologists go through a time portal and find themselves in Jerusalem during the birth of Christ. Entertaining. Good animation. Voices of Roscoe Lee Brown, Darlene Carr, Helen Hunt (Mad About You), Gregory Harrison, Vincent Price.
A Charlie Brown Christmas.
(1965) A perfect animated tale by Charles Schultz with the "Peanuts" gang searching for the true meaning of Christmas. Great d ialogue, charismatic voice performances, and an award-winning jazzy score by Vince Guaraldi. One of the few Christmas presentations, either animated or live action, that pays tribute to the true meaning of the season - the birthday of our Savior.
Mr. Magoo#146;s Christmas Carol.
(1962) The myopic curmudgeon plays Ebenezer Scrooge in this delightful animated musical version of the Dickens' timeless classic. With the voice of Jim Backus, the superbly adapted teleplay by Barbara Chain and the music and lyrics of Jule Styne and Bob Merrill, you find true children's programming doesn't have to be condescending.
The Night Before Christmas And Best-Loved Yuletide Carols.
(1992) Meryl Streep reads the classic Christmas Eve tale by Clement Moore with moving renditions of Christmas carols by George Winston, The Edwin Hawkins Singers and Christ Church Cathedral Choir set to breath-taking illustrations. Ms. Streep does a fine job singing It Came Upon A Midnight Clear. The highlight -The Edwin Hawkins delivery of Go Tell It On the Mountain , which is both stirring and reverential. A perfect bedtime video. Made by Rabbit Ears, a company committed to family programming.
CHRISTMAS STORIES.
Children's Circle Home Video. 4 delightfully told bedtime stores. Entertaining and well illustrated. Stories include Morris's Disappearing Bag - a last present under the Christmas tree contains a bag that causes you to disappear, The 12 Days of Christmas - a long song with illustrations, The Little Drummer Boy - a simple gift from the heart is the most precious, and The Clown of God - a once famous juggler, now old and penniless, gives one last performance on Christmas Eve. For ages 3-10.
Inspirational:
Cotton Patch Gospel.
(1988). A musical comedy/drama placing the Gospel of Matthew in modern-day Georgia, with Jesus being born in Gainesville. Funny, moving, inspirational, with lively music by the late Harry Chapin. Ask your Christian bookstore to order it from the Bridgestone Production Group.
The Fourth Wiseman.
(1985) Gateway Films/Vision Video. Martin Sheen, Alan Arkin and cameos by the leads' offspring and other well-known faces. Based on the Henry Van Dyke tale of a good magi seeking the birthplace of Jesus, but because of his duty to others, is delayed in the desert for 33 years, only to see (from afar) the Savior as He is being crucified. He spent his life searching for the Messiah in order to give valuable treasures, but one-by-one he sells his priceless gifts to help the needy. Full of illustrations of how our Lord would have us treat our fellow man. Arkin serves brilliantly as comic relief in his role as the magi/doctor's self-serving slave. A selfish man, the slave is finally moved by his master's constant self-sacrifices.
Fun For The Entire Family#133;
Little House On The Prairie; The Lord Is My Shepherd.
Troubled Laura Ingalls learns a lesson in love from a kind-hearted hermit, who may be more than he seems.
Prancer.
(1989) Orion/Nelson Entertainment. Sam Elliott, Rebecca Harrell, Cloris Leachman. Rated G (3 "Oh my Gods" from different characters in the film). A precocious 8-year-old cares for a wounded reindeer she believes is one of Santa's flying helpers. Not just another film promoting the existence of Santa Claus. It's theme is about believing in things unseen. Contains positive lessons about faith, family love (although the father is a bit of a grump - a no nonsense farmer frustrated with financial problems and single parenting, but we see his love for the children by film's end), spiritual healing, and doing what you believe is right. Respectful church scene, including the singing of How Great Thou Art. Sentimental, engrossing.
A Dream For Christmas.
(1973) Hari Rhodes, Beah Richards. 100 min. Warner Home Video. Baptist minister moves his Arkansas family to L.A. in 1950. Unfortunately, the elders have neglected to inform him that the church he's to pastor has been set for demolition. The family must pull together to save the church. Written by Earl Hammer, Jr. (#147;The Waltons#148;). Family togetherness, faith, perseverance.
Old St. Nick#133;
Miracle On 34th Street.
(1994). Richard Attenborough, Mara Wilson. The manager of a New York department store hires Kris Kringle to be the store Santa. Soon the old fellow has to convince the woman and her precocious daughter that he truly is Father Christmas. A delight and a rarity, as it is one of the few worthwhile remakes. Full of laughter, poignancy and charm, it is noteworthy for containing both visual and verbal Christian metaphors and points out that Santa is a symbol. Contains a great visual: A cross lit in Christmas lights on the side of a building, centered in the screen with decorated trees outlining the tableau. What an image! It places the true meaning of the holiday at the center of the screen and the story! There's even a Thanksgiving prayer - when is the last time you saw that in a Hollywood production? PG (one expletive; Santa is provoked by the villain, but he later repents). Although Edmund Gwenn and Natalie Wood have nothing to worry about, this newest Miracle is destined to become a classic. The scene where Santa communicates with a little deaf girl is worth the rental price.
The Santa Clause.
(1994) Tim Allen. PG (Santa falls off a roof; one or two mild expletives). When Santa is incapacitated, a divorced man trying to win back his estranged son takes over and soon finds himself the new Santa. It's both funny and imaginative and I found nothing objectionable as long as you don't mind the film's struggle to convince young ones of Santa's existence.
And don#146;t forget -
Holiday Inn, White Christmas
and
The Bishop#146;s Wife
!
Classics with #145;nary a Reindeer in Sight#133;
Stars In My Crown.
One of my favorite films of all time #150; Joel McCrea stars as a pistol-packin#146; preacher who helps the citizens of a small western town cope with life#146;s frustrations. Sentimental, inspirational and very entertaining. This is not an easy one to find, but you can order it from The Dove Foundation. Call 1-800-968-8437, ext. 2 for details.
Three Godfathers.
(1948) John Wayne, Pedro Armendariz and Harry Carey, Jr. portray three outlaws who come across a dying woman and her newborn baby. The symbolism between the Christ child and this new foundling has a redemptive effect on the three bandits. Sincere performances, beautiful cinematography and the skillful direction of John Ford highlight this insightful western.
Friendly Persuasion.
Charming portrayal of a Quaker family caught in the Civil War conflict. President Reagan gave a copy to Mikhail Gorbachev.
The Chestnut#133;
It#146;s A Wonderful Life
(1946) Republic Pictures Home Video. 160 min. George Bailey wishes he had never been born. When the angel Clarence grants him that wish George is able to see what life would have been like for his friends and relatives had he not been around. I consider this one of the most important films Hollywood ever produced. James Stewart's George Bailey reminds us that we touch so many lives and can have a real influence on those souls. Full of Christian symbolism, It's A Wonderful Life reinforces the belief that our compassion and responsibility do make a difference in the lives of those with whom we come in contact. Not rated, it does contain one suggestive remark made by on-looking men as the town's wild girl walks by. But it is handled tastefully.
The Masterpiece:
When it comes to the famous Dickens#146; tale, here are three of the best renditions:
A CHRISTMAS CAROL
(1951) starring Alastair Sim;
A CHRISTMAS CAROL
(1984) with George C. Scott; and the musical version,
SCROOGE
(1970), with Albert Finney. Each is a well-acted parable with regard to redemption.
After the little ones are snug in their beds#133;
The Preacher#146;s Wife.
(1996) Denzel Washington, Whitney Houston, Courtney B. Vance. Touchstone. PG (1 mild expletive; the grandmother smokes, but the angel chastises her, "Our stay here on earth is precious" - an excellent indictment against smoking; the Scrooge-like character drinks, but alcohol use is not glorified). An over-worked pastor gets help from a classy angel. In some ways it outshines the original, The Bishop's Wife, especially when it comes to proclaiming the gospel message (through songs), but it doesn't surpass that Christmas classic when it comes to charm. Whitney is a one-note actress, but for those who like her music, you won't be disappointed. Denzel is handsome and cool, and Courtney B. Vance is exceptional as the neglecting father and husband. Replete with moral teachings concerning marriage, home life, faith, and the fact that we can make a difference. One sad note; although the story is about religious people and takes place at Christmas time, the name Jesus is never uttered. Ironic, considering most every other movie of this era now uses, or should I say, misuses that name as a mere expletive.
The Bishop#146;s Wife.
(1947) Cary Grant and Loretta Young. An angle aids a struggling minister. I marveled at the ending sermon given by the Bishop, played by David Niven. Standing behind his pulpit, the Reverend reminded his parishioners to focus attention on Christ. #147;All the stockings are filled, except one. We#146;ve even forgotten to hang it up. The stocking for the child born in a manger. It#146;s his birthday we#146;re celebrating. Don#146;t let us ever forget that. Let us each ask what He would wish for most. And then, let each put in his share.#148; Wow.
The Gathering.
(1977) Ed Asner, Maureen Stapleton. This Emmy-winning TV movie focuses on a dying man's efforts to reunite his family. It reinforces the importance of family and presents positive Christian images including a believable prayer, the scripture reading of Jesus' birth, and a child's christening.
Find of The Year:
Saint Maybe. (1998) Blythe Danner, Edward Herrmann, Melina Kanakaredes, Thomas McCarthy, Jeffrey Nordling, Mary-Louise Parker. Hallmark
When a ne#146;er-do-well finds himself the cause of his brother#146;s death, he seeks a reason for his life. He stumbles upon a church gathering and quickly turns his life around, living for others.
This affecting Hallmark Hall of Fame presentation of a family dealing with the loss of a loved one is a wonderful film suitable for the Christmas holidays. There are so many powerful messages and life lessons, none of which over-powers the entertaining drama.
What a delight to find a film where scripture is quoted, the Christian lifestyle is not mocked, prayers are spoken and the gospel message is put into practice.
Due to the adult subject matter and two deaths, the material may not be suitable for little ones, but older children and their parents will be nurtured as they see a family come together after tragic circumstances. I really liked this movie. But beware: have a Kleenex on hand. It will move you. Unrated (two women have a beer; a car crash kills a man #150; seen twice; an accidental death by drug overdose; the family pet passes away).
From all of us atThe Movie Reporter,
Merry Christmas
THE MOVIE REPORTER
I present the synopsis and content so you can decide if the new releases are suitable for your family's viewing. With this information, you can discuss "hot" new releases without financially supporting them. I also suggest Video Alternatives: films with the same theme or style as the new releases, but without the offending material.
Go to my website for over 1,000 FREE past reviews. My site will give you my background as well as information on how to subscribe to the weekly guide. Every Friday I send out reviews of theatrical releases, made for TV originals, plus extras. For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:24Z
Morality of Radio and TV
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Morality-of-Radio-and-TV
-
- /8811.html
2010-05-07T08:59:22Z
2010-05-07T08:59:22Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Morality of Radio and TV
Bart Buskey
www.Fatherville.com
Here it is almost Christmas time. If it wasn#146;t for mywife we wouldn#146;t have most of our Christmas shoppingdone. I tend to wait until the last week to get allthe presents.
The subject I want to talk about doesn#146;t have a lot todo with Christmas. Well, it could, depending on if youare considering buying music and movies for yourchildren as presents.
I want to talk about our responsibility as parentsabout what we let our children hear on TV and radio.Mostly I want to talk about the #147;F#148; word.
I know some of you are saying that you can#146;t say the#147;F#148; word on TV or radio. Starting in 2004 the FCC hassaid that the #147;F#148; word can be used on TV and radioduring prime time if it is used as an adjective andnot a verb.
Yes this is true. I believe that this is sad andwrong. Here is their ruling:
http://www.fcc.gov/eb/Orders/2003/DA-03-3045A1.html
One of our responsibilities as Stay at Home Dads is toprotect our children from this trash. Isn#146;t itinteresting that when #147;I Love Lucy#148; was on that eventhough they were married they slept in different bedson the show. During this era they couldn#146;t even saythe word pregnant on TV.
Today the morality of TV and radio has changed.Morality on TV has gone down. It is ok to say justabout any word over the airways you want. You can talkabout having sex with animals or watch a couple havesex on TV. Is this really what we want our children tosee? I know I don#146;t. There are no TV shows that we canwatch together as a family anymore.
I remember when I was a child there were shows that weused to watch as a family: Happy Days, The Waltons,Little House on the Prairie, Hee Haw, and such. Myparents didn#146;t have to worry about what was on TV. NowI have to watch the cartoons on Saturday morning tosee if my boys can watch them. It is really sad sinceI used to watch cartoons like the Bugs Bunny RoadRunner Show, Speed Buggy, Hong Kong Foey, Scooby Doo,and etc. Cartoons today do not even compare to what wehad. My parents knew there was nothing to worry aboutbut they always kept their ears open just in case.
I am not going to debate about good and bad morality.I am saying that what is on TV is not good for ourchildren to see. The morality of what is on TV hasplummeted. It is our responsibility to watch andscreen what our children watch. We need to takeresponsibility in letting our congressmen,representatives, and the five commissioners on the FCCboard be told that we don#146;t approve of what is beingallowed on TV and radio. If you want to tell the abovethat you disapprove of what is happening on TV I wouldsuggest going to
http://capwiz.com/afanet/alert4124576.html
Let#146;s see if we can clean up TV. Let#146;s tell them we nolonger want to see naked men and women on TV. Let#146;stell them we want to get rid of the raunchy words thatare on TV and radio. Let#146;s tell them we need cleanwholesome family shows and to keep out the bad words.
I am taking a stance and I hope you will follow. Take responsibility on what your children are watching. If there is nothing but trash on TV or the radio play a family game or go rent a good family movie like #147;Swiss Family Robinson#148; or #147;20,000 Leagues Under the Sea#148;, #147;Veggie Tales#148; or some good cartoon movies.
Give your children a hug and tell them that you lovethem.
Bart Buskey is a stay at home dad and homeschools hischildren. Bart also writes for the website called Fatherville.com. Fathers supporting Fathers is at
www.fatherville.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:22Z
"The Last Samurai" Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Last-Samurai-Movie-Review
-
- /8812.html
2010-05-07T08:59:20Z
2010-05-07T08:59:20Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Last Samurai Movie Review
The Movie Reporter
Films Reviews from a Family Perspective
by Phil Boatwright
With the synopsis and content, you can decide if the new films are suitable for your viewing.
Video alternatives
contain the same theme, but lack the offensive material.
The Last Samurai: Tom Cruise, Timothy Spall, Ken Watanabe, Billy Connolly, Tony Goldwyn. Warner Bros. Action/adventure. W-John Logan, Marshall Herskovitz, Edward Zwick. D-Edward Zwick.
Captain Nathan Algren (Cruise) is a man adrift. Once he risked his life for honor and country, but, in the years since the Civil War, the world has changed. Pragmatism has replaced courage, self-interest has taken the place of sacrifice and honor is nowhere to be found - especially out West where his role in the Indian Campaigns ended in disillusionment and sorrow.
A universe away, another soldier sees his way of life about to disintegrate. He is Katsumoto (Watanabe), the last leader of an ancient line of warriors, the venerated Samurai, who dedicated their lives to serving emperor and country. Just as the modern way encroached upon the American West, cornering and condemning the Native American, it also engulfed traditional Japan. The telegraph lines and railroads that brought progress now threaten those values and codes by which the Samurai have lived and died for centuries.
The paths of these two warriors converge when the young Emperor of Japan, wooed by American interests who covet the growing Japanese market, hires Algren to train Japan's first modern, conscript army. But as the Emperor's advisors attempt to eradicate the Samurai in preparation for a more Westernized and trade-friendly government, Algren finds himself unexpectedly impressed and influenced by his encounters with the samurai. Their powerful convictions remind him of the man he once was.
#147;The Last Samurai#148; is a captivating action/drama, one that addresses issues of honor, redemption and the sanctity of life, along with a strong performance by the film#146;s star and an exceptional one by Ken Watanabe. A cross between Toshiro Mifume (#147;The Seven Samurai#148;) and Yul Brynner (#147;The Magnificent Seven#148;), Watanabe is intense, dynamic and sensitive. Expressing depth and complexity, Watanabe gives filmgoers one of the best, most controlled performances of the year.
As for the film#146;s violence; it is inescapable yet not exploitive. Definitely not for the squeamish or for little ones, the battles do become graphic, with samurai swords and spears doing what they do best. Artistically, however, I found the battle scenes incredibly well choreographed. Not cartoonish as in #147;Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon,#148; here the dynamics of one-on-one battle is done in order to reveal the skill of a real warrior. Well, yeah, and to entertain us. For although this is an #147;eastern,#148; it#146;s really a western. And a very good western. Following in the steps of Akira Kurosawa (#147;Yojimbo#148;), director Edward Zwick intertwines the epic with the intimate, giving us an action-packed adventure that also makes statements.
As for those statements, it#146;s the one area that caused my eyebrow to rise. While some were universal, others seemed to disclose the filmmakers#146; political and social views of America, indicating a belief that the white man of yesteryear and today is fueled by arrogance and aggression at the expense of other civilizations. White man bad, Indian good, or in this case, white man bad, Japanese man good.
Unfortunately, these accusations cannot be denied. But once again, as with #147;Dances With Wolves,#148; this negative and rather myopic portrait ignores any positive qualities of the white settlers and founders of our nation. It glorifies another race as if it were faultless, as if its members had not committed the same atrocities in their history that liberal filmmakers love to remind us about our own founders.
Interesting that while Mr. Cruise makes a point of belittling arrogance, he has managed to establish a rewarding career based on arrogance. That#146;s not meant as a knock towards his off-screen character (I understand he#146;s a pretty good guy), but can you name me one character he#146;s played that didn#146;t either start out arrogant or end up that way?
I can#146;t tell you how glad I am to have Tom Cruise set me straight about American diplomacy, American history and the true character of the white Anglo Saxon protestant. Throughout the film, he belittles western soldiers, American ambassadors, statesmen, pioneers, military leaders and George Armstrong Custer. According to this film and evidently Mr. Cruise, because it#146;s his film, all white men are overbearing, haughty and destructive. Now see, I didn#146;t know that.
Footnote: Hollywood has either romanticized Custer out of all proportion (#147;They Died With Their Boots On#148;) or vilified him (#147;Little Big Man#148;). A recent History Channel documentary pictured Custer somewhere in between those two conceptions. According to many true historians, he was not a madman, nor was he an idiot. Then again, Custer was no saint. While I wouldn#146;t attempt to defend General Custer, I would warn moviegoers not to get too much American history from today#146;s moviemakers. Years ago, when Mr. Cruise was making the film version of #147;Mission Impossible,#148; he gave an interview, exclaiming #147;We took a 30-minute TV show and turned it into a two-hour movie.#148; That statement made me suspicious that perhaps the star had never watched the series. For surely, he would have realized that it was an hour long TV show. My point: Although he#146;s handsome, rich beyond belief, gifted and has exquisite taste in women, Tom just might not know everything.
R (2 profanities, 5 obscenities #150; each by gruff white men; a woman is seen after bathing, but she is covered but for her shoulder; there are no explicit sexual situations; the film gets its rating for the detailed battles of which there are several. The violence included depictions of severed arms and decapitations, a couple of suicides #150; out of shame, it is considered noble #150; it#146;s a samurai thing; there are several battles; this, however, is not just an action film, it does deal with ideas including honor, friendship and the sanctity of life).
Video Alternative:
The Ugly American
. If you feel the violence in #147;The Last Samurai#148; is a bit much, then try renting this alternative. New on DVD, Marlon Brando gives a superb performance as an Ambassador assigned to an Asian country where he discovers that an old friend, who is now a formidable voice in that country, has become a communist. While the film does reveal a naive perspective we Americans have concerning interference in other countries, it does show a genuine concern that many US citizens have for suffering people around the world.
DEFINITIONS
Crudity
- A word or action lacking in culture, tact
Expletive
- A mild obscenity or needless expression
Obscenity
- Objectionable or repugnant to acceptable standards of decency or morality; indecent; pornographic
Profanity
- Irreverence toward God
Blasphemy
- To speak contemptuously of God
Adult subject matter
- Situations or subjects unsuitable for or difficult to comprehend by children
Download Boatwright#146;s book #147;How To Choose A Good Video Every Time!#148;
FREE
when you subscribe to his weekly film guide. For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:20Z
Gift Ideas to Keep You From Becoming a Basket Case!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Gift-Ideas-to-Keep-You-From-Becoming-a-Basket-Case!
-
- /8813.html
2010-05-07T08:59:18Z
2010-05-07T08:59:18Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Gift Ideas to Keep You From Becoming a Basket Case!
By Tawra Kellam and Jill Cooper
www.livingonadime.com
Need Gift Ideas for Christmas but don#146;t want to spend a lot? Here are some tips from Tawra Kellam, author of Not Just Beans: 50 Years of Frugal Family Favorites.
Buy items in sets and divide them among the baskets. Buy a four pack of nail polish for four ladies baskets or buy packs of whistles or other party favors for the kids. Take individual popcorn, coffee or cocoa packets out of their boxes. They will fill the baskets better.
Shop garage sales and thrift stores for baskets and other containers
Dollar stores have lots of great inexpensive gift ideas. Browse!
Use cellophane bags to package your mixes. They are inexpensive when purchased at party stores or florists.
A gift can be as simple as tea bags in a tea cup tied with a pretty ribbon. A large soup mug and saucer with soup mix or a small glass bowl with some potpourri might also make a simple but nice gift.
Try making these specialty gift baskets:
FOOTBALL FAN - (teenage boys, brothers, fathers and brothers-in-law!) Fill a large bowl purchased at the dollar store with candy bars, bags of microwave popcorn, sodas, chips, dips, a favorite football flag or hat, and a calendar of game days.
FISHERMAN - In a tackle box or fish bowl put hooks, bait, line, hot chocolate or sodas, trail mix, gloves, fishing magazines and a fish pillow.
DOG - In a dog bowl, place a ball, old sock with a knot tied in it, dog bones, rawhides, a leash, a name tag and a brush. You might include a picture of a mailman with "the enemy" written on it.
CAT - In a cat litter box, place a catnip toy, cat food, a poop scoop, a leash, a name tag and a little rubber mouse.CAR - In a large bucket, place fuzzy dice, air freshener, wax, car wash, chamois ("Shammy"), tire cleaner, a car trash can, a key ring, ice melter for cars and an ice scraper.
BABY BASKET - Spray paint a basket white and line it with a baby blanket or use a diaper bag. Fill with bibs, baby oil, baby lotion, baby powder, diaper ointment, a teething ring, burp cloths, wipes and a rattle.
RELAXING BASKET - Line a basket with a hand towel. Add a lavender candle, bath oil or bubble bath, bath salts, a favorite magazine or book, a poof and scented soap, and a do not disturb sign (Make one out of a piece of cardboard.).
COFFEE LOVER - In a basket, include flavored coffee packets, cinnamon sticks dipped in chocolate, wrapped in cellophane and tied with a ribbon, cookie mix or cookies, flavored powdered creamer and a coffee cup.
BAKER#146;S DELIGHT - Line a large mixing bowl with a dish towel. Add cookie mixes, hot chocolate mixes, brownie mix, muffin mix, a package of walnuts, measuring cups and pot holders.
ICE CREAM LOVER - Place tissue paper on the bottom of a basket. Add sundae dishes, an ice cream scoop, nuts, hot fudge sauce, butterscotch sauce, chocolate syrup, Maraschino cherries and a gift certificate for 2 frac12; gallons of ice cream.
SOUP BASKET - In a basket, stock pot or bean crock, add large soup mugs, 7 bean soup, cornbread mix, cookie mix and oyster crackers wrapped in cellophane bags and tied with a ribbon.
NAIL POLISH BASKET - In a pretty bucket or basket, add a variety of nail polish, emery boards, nail clippers, polish remover, cotton balls, hand cream, cuticle cream and a nail buffer.
FAMILY NIGHT - In a large bowl, add a puzzle or game, popcorn, candy bars, soda, hot chocolate mix and mugs.
FRUIT BASKET - Line a basket with tissue paper. Add apples, oranges, hot chocolate mix, various teas and dried fruits (like figs or raisins). Sprinkle nuts on top of everything.
COOKIE DELIGHT -In a basket lined with tissue paper, add two cookie mixes in cellophane bags or jars tied with ribbons, Russian Tea (also in a cellophane bag or small jar tied with ribbon), cookie cutters, a teacup and two pot holders.
CHOCOLATE LOVER - In a basket, add Hot Chocolate Mix, Brownie Mix , Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookie Mix, Party Mints, Mexican Hot Chocolate Mix and a small package of marshmallows.
Hot Chocolate Mix
8 cups dry milk
4 frac34; cups powdered sugar
1 frac34; cups cocoa
1 frac12; cup non-dairy creamer
1 sm. pkg. instant chocolate pudding mix
Sift the ingredients into a large bowl. Place the mix into an airtight containers.
Attach this to the jar:
Hot Chocolate
5 Tbsp. (1/3 cup) Hot Chocolate Mix
1 cup hot water (not boiling)
marshmallows or whipped cream
Place the Hot Chocolate Mix into a mug. Add boiling water. Stir until Hot Chocolate mix is dissolved. Garnish as desired with marshmallows or whipped cream. Serves 1.
Apple Cinnamon Muffin Mix
2 cups flour
frac12; tsp. baking soda
frac14; tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
frac12; cup raisins and/or nuts
In a bowl, mix together first 5 ingredients. Place in an air tight container. Package raisins and nuts separately.
Topping
3 Tbsp. sugar
frac14; tsp. cinnamon
frac14; tsp. nutmeg
Mix topping ingredients in a bowl. Package in a small cellophane bag.
Attach this to the jar:
Apple Cinnamon Muffin Mix
To prepare, preheat oven to 350 degrees
Mix together:
Apple Cinnamon Muffin Mix
raisins and/or nuts
1 cup apple juice
2 Tbsp. oil
frac12; cup applesauce
margarine, melted
Stir just until combined. Spoon into lightly greased muffin tins and bake for 20-25 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. While still warm, dip in melted margarine and then topping. Makes 12-15 muffins.
Tawra Kellam and Jill Cooper are the editors of LivivgOnADime.com . For more free tips and recipes visit our web site at
LivingOnADime.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:18Z
Santa Shops Year-Round
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Santa-Shops-Year-Round
-
- /8814.html
2010-05-07T08:59:16Z
2010-05-07T08:59:16Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Santa Shops Year-Round
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
Copyright 2003
If you're a smart Santa, youdon't wait until the last minuteto fill your sleigh with giftsand treats. That's `way tooexpensive and not nearly as muchfun as planning your purchasesover time.
Coreen, a Homebodies reader fromIdaho, has some tips toshare with other holidayshoppers. "We have many friendsand family members - I wind upgifting about 25-30 people everyyear. Many of my gifts arepremiums received because I useda given product. (You know, send2 proofs of purchase with theoriginal cash register receiptand this form ...) But for tenpeople this year, I am givinggift baskets.
"In January I made out myChristmas list. The ten who arereceiving the gift baskets willget a set of crocheted hot pads(you can see why I start inJanuary), a jar of homemademarinara sauce, a pound of pastabought with coupons and on sale,and a Christmas tree ornament. Imay also include homemade jam, acandle (if you watch the thriftstores you can get them still inthe original wrapper, or you canre-do them easily) and some otherbit of memorabilia or treat.Caramel corn makes a neat treat.A 2-liter bottle of soda is alittle big, but I do have theseneat .75 coupons off one.
"I found enough paper twist inthe recycling bin to make bowsfor the baskets. The baskets were.50 each at the thrift store. Ialso bought curling ribbon lastyear after Christmas for .25 perball.
"These baskets will wind upcosting around $2.00 each, but Ihave taken it out of the grocerybudget all year long. Maybe I'llsplurge and buy some neatcellophane from the florist towrap them in!
"My teen granddaughters will getsmaller baskets, filled withcosmetics that I bought verycheaply or for free with couponsand sale prices.
"The grandsons will get a Brucethe Shark float, tee shirts thatwere earned with candy wrappersmostly saved for me by a friend,and some popular videos gottenfree with promotions.
"When you start in January,Christmas isn't bad."
- Coreen
You can write Cheryl or Coreen at
Cheryl@homebodies.org
, or visit
www.homebodies.org
to readCheryl's column and those ofother family-focused authors. Herbooks, "
So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom
" and "
Stay-at-HomeHandbook: Advice on Parenting,Finances, Career, Surviving EachDay and Much More
", are availableat DrLaura.com, your favorite bookstore or thepublic library. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:16Z
"Brother Bear" Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Brother-Bear-Movie-Review
-
- /8815.html
2010-05-07T08:59:14Z
2010-05-07T08:59:14Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"Brother Bear" Movie Review
The Movie Reporter
Films Reviews from a Family Perspective
by Phil Boatwright
With the synopsis and content, you can decide if the new films are suitable for your viewing.
Video alternatives
contain the same theme, but lack the offensive material.
Brother Bear
Disney animated family adventure with the voices of Joaquin Phoenix, Jeremy Suarez, Jason Raize, Rick Moranis, Dave Thomas, Michael Clarke Duncan. W-Tab Murphy, Loren Cameron, David Hoselton, Steve Bencich, Ron J. Friedman. D-Aaron Blaise Robert Walker.
Although Disney is an incredible animation factory, with more classics to its credit than nearly any other studio, it also has a tendency to use occult themes and imagery while relating symbolic parables. For example, in #147;Atlantis: The Lost Empire,#148; a hidden world is protected by an unknown force, with magical crystals worn by each of its inhabitants. With the New Age popularity of crystals as a healing and meditative element, I felt the subject matter might be confusing for adolescent minds, and possibly intriguing to their older siblings. Since I can find no affirmative Biblical instruction concerning the use of crystals as a healing element, and because sorcery and the occult are frowned upon in both New and Old Testaments (Leviticus 19:31, 1 John 4:1), I question where the true power source of these crystals comes from. In #147;Brother Bear,#148; Disney avoids the existence of God, preferring to generate the myth that human spirits control the weather and our lives. The film tends to glorify the creation while nullifying the Creator.
Three brothers who lived long ago, when mammoths roamed the American Northwest, each have been given a totem by the village shaman. The wise old woman, drawn to look like Maria Ouspenskaya (a great Russian actress, unfortunately best known for her role as the gypsy woman in 1941#146;s #147;The Wolf Man#148;) mystically talks to the spirits of the village ancestors and announces with the presentation of the totems that the totems symbolize their spiritual character and that the Great Spirits will guide the brothers through life. But Kenai, the youngest and most fool-hearty sibling, is not thrilled with his totem, a carved bear, representing love. What#146;s more, he believes that to be a man you must conquer the animal world #150; the bear in particular.
When his eldest brother is killed by a bear, Kenai tracts down the animal and kills it. But the dead eldest brother, now spiriting with his ancestors in an aurora-borealis-looking mist at the top of the world, mystically transforms his little brother into a bear, so that he can learn life lessons about compassion and being one with nature. The shaman once again appears and tells the boy/bear that to be transformed back into a human, he must travel to the mountain where the light touches the earth. You still with me?
On his journey he meets funny animals and a bear cub that we later discover is the baby of the bear Kenai slew. Meanwhile, Denahi, the middle brother, pursues the bear he thinks killed Kenai, not realizing that the animal and his brother are one and the same. (it#146;s getting a little Shakespearian, ain#146;t it).
Kenai and the little cub make their way across the northern country through glacial caverns, frosty tundras, and treacherous gorges. At a salmon run, Kenai finds a warm welcome from other bears gathering for some sort of circle-of-life festival. During this warm, fuzzy moment, highlighted by a song composed by the film#146;s music composer, Phil Collins (a great artist, but his compositions here are underwhelming, with this piece, #147;Welcome#148; being perhaps the silliest tune ever). The song is used to underscore Kenai#146;s newfound respect for nature, showing the animal kingdom to be givers rather than takers. Oh yeah, I#146;ve seen lots of animals #147;sharing.#148; Here, all the animals accept one another and live in harmony. Well, except for the salmon, which swim serenely along, happy and content despite the fact that the bears are devouring them. (Evidently, fish, like Christians, are not covered by Hollywood#146;s PC protection plan.)
When it comes to animation, Disney is still the champ. There are some background paintings here that would give renown painter of light Thomas Kinkade a run for his money. The colors are mesmerizing and the facial drawings are effective, both humorous and touching. The voicings are also well cast. And there are several very funny lines. But with lackluster, often preachy songs, and a storyline dominated by perverted Native American myths, the film loses its momentum and leaves the viewer unsatisfied. As I left the theater, I overheard two mothers ask their young daughters if they liked the film. Both eight - or nine-year-olds silently shook their heads no.
G (Some of the action may frighten very little ones as, once again, Disney kills off what we discover to be the mother of one of the lead characters; there are several intense battles between man and beast and difficult situations the leads must overcome; New Age mysticism include the theory that animals have souls and that dead ancestors are responsible for the changes in the seasons and able to guide our lives; while these themes can be looked upon as symbolic parables, young minds may be influenced by the film#146;s occultic teachings. If the Bible truly is the inspired Word of God, then much taught in this film is untrue and misleading.).
Vid. Alt. The Bear. Wow, what a great film experience. It follows an orphaned bear cub and his new protector, a huge Kodiak. There#146;s no Disney-styled narration or cutesy voice-overs. #147;The Bear#148; is simply a captivating, humorous look at the daily life of these two mammals. The film takes place in 1885 British Columbia, with stunning, often breathtaking photography, locations and some truly touching moments. Caution, the PG content contains a couple of frightening scenes: Hunters are after the Kodiak, dogs and horses are wounded by the bear when he is cornered, - but no animals were actually harmed during filming. I believe little ones can handle this film if parents are there to reassure. Standout moment: an unprepared hunter comes face to face with his quarry. After some rather loud roaring, the huge mammal takes pity on the frightened hunter and walks away. Later, the bear is also spared.
DEFINITIONS
Crudity
- A word or action lacking in culture, tact
Expletive
- A mild obscenity or needless expression
Obscenity
- Objectionable or repugnant to acceptable standards of decency or morality; indecent; pornographic
Profanity
- Irreverence toward God
Blasphemy
- To speak contemptuously of God
Adult subject matter
- Situations or subjects unsuitable for or difficult to comprehend by children
For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:14Z
Power Pampering
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Power-Pampering
-
- /8816.html
2010-05-07T08:59:12Z
2010-05-07T08:59:12Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Power Pampering
by Kristie Tamsevicius
www.WebMomz.com
I just feel like I can't focus today! I feel like I'm not enjoying my job like I used to. What's the matter with me? CALGON, TAKE ME AWAY!
When you are CEO, head nurse, mommy, head of janitorial services, and chief crafts coordinator, life can leave you a little weary sometimes. As a business owner YOU are your most valuable resource, so it makes sense to take care of yourself! When you start to feel overwhelmed, it's important to know when to slow down and take a break. Below you'll find 10 tips to help you take a vacation pamper and renew.
Schedule a day off. When we are the busiest, this is often when we need a break the most. Write a day in your calendar just for you. Promise to enjoy your time off. Turn off the computer, and don't answer the phone. Don't let guilt or a list of impending deadlines steal your relaxation and enjoyment for the day.
Make time for the special relationships in your life. Go on a date with your husband. Enjoy a cup of gourmet coffee with a friend. Steal away on a mommy and daughter/son breakfast. Write a special note to a friend or spouse letting you know how you feel about them. Give someone a long meaningful hug. Spend a little extra time cuddling with your children before bed.
Take time to celebrate. Make up a holiday. Invite a friend to a "just because" lunch. Order out for pizza. At our house, we have a tradition called "pajama party." When we want to celebrate, we all get into our pajamas extra early, get all our pillows and blankets, pull out the sofa bed, snuggle up, watch a special movie, and tell each other stories. This is a special treat that the whole family REALLY looks forward to!
Pamper yourself. Indulge in a candle-lit bubble bath. Listen to some soothing music. Read a juicy romance novel. Take a day at the spa. Soak up some sun at the beach. Sip a glass of wine and watch the sun set in your back yard. Why not buy yourself a bouquet of flowers?
Nurture your body. Treat yourself to plenty of sleep, eat balanced meals, drink lots of water, and take vitamins. If you've been neglecting a checkup, now's the time to schedule it! When you take care of your body, you'll have more energy and feel happier.
Get up from that chair and exercise. Sitting in your office chair all day isn't exactly the ideal workout. Head to the gym, take a walk through the park, or take a dip in the pool. Take in a game of golf, racquetball or tennis. Exercise is a proven stress reducer!
Catch a ray of sunshine. Remember the song, "I'm walking on sunshine, well...and don't it feel good"? There's nothing more energizing then feeling the sun on your face and breathing in some fresh air. Spend time in your garden, play ball with the kids, or take a trip to the park. I enjoytaking a "nature walk" right in my back yard. I walk slowly looking at each flower, and really taking each detail in again as if for the very first time.
Be a kid for a day. Forget your responsibilities for just one day. Put away your "to do list" and revel in all the things you'd like to do but shouldn't. Let your house be messy, sleep in, eat an ice-cream sundae for supper, and watch a funny movie. Make up a silly song. Put on yourfavorite CD and dance! Mix up a batch of monster size cookies! Let the little kid in you come out and play!
Renew your spirit. Often in the busyness of life, we forget to take quiet time for ourselves. I encourage you to take time to journal, daydream, read the scriptures, or meditate. In stillness, you can tune in to what really matters to you. Take time to listen to your heart; reflect on and honor the quiet voice within.
Treat yourself to a day at the spa. When you look good, you FEEL good. Get a new haircut or a manicure. Get a facial or indulge in a back or foot massage.
* Article by Kristie Tamsevicius, America'sFavorite Small Business Success Story. This article is an excerpt from Ch 10"Work/Life Success Strategies" of the new book"I LOVE MY LIFE: A Mom's Guide to Working from Home"by Kristie Tamsevicius - (Wyatt MacKenzie Publishing March 2003 Available at Amazon.com Join our community of Work at Home parents at
www.WebMomz.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:12Z
"RADIO" Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/RADIO-Movie-Review
-
- /8817.html
2010-05-07T08:59:11Z
2010-05-07T08:59:11Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"RADIO" Movie Review
#147;Know Before You Go#148; reg;
Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective
THEATRICAL RELEASE
Radio, starring Cuba Gooding, Jr., Ed Harris, Alfre Woodard, Debra Winger. Sony Pictures. Drama.
I can#146;t remember having more fun, while at the same time being so encouraged and so uplifted by a movie. Smartly written, reflective in its style, and surprisingly witty, #147;Radio#148; reminds us cinephiles of why we keep going to movies #150; because select ones make us feel good. And although many of my secular colleagues in criticism tend to enjoy movies that dwell upon the darker side of the human experience, this is one reviewer delighted whenever a film features positive messages, characters who acknowledge a place for God in their lives, and lighthearted moments not depended on crudity.
Mike Rich, author of #147;The Rookie,#148; tells the true story of a mentoring relationship between a high school football coach (Harris) and Radio (Gooding), an illiterate, mentally challenged man who helped transform a small South Carolina town. Although their friendship raised some non-approving eyebrows at first, Radio's growth under the coach's guidance ultimately inspired both the local townsfolk and their beloved football team.
Never once do you feel lectured, yet the storyline is jam packed with observations and life lessons that inspire and nurture. For example, when we discover the coach#146;s motive for helping this young man, we are reminded, as with #147;The Emperor#146;s Club,#148; that a man#146;s character isn#146;t defined by one wrong past deed. Rather, the parable clearly states that character is developed over a lifetime. And when Radio covers for a teen who has done him wrong, the moment exemplifies the biblical principal, love one another.
Every so often a film#146;s #147;special effects#148; are found in the writing and performing. Such is the case here. What#146;s more, the writer has dramatized powerful themes such as forgiving others who have mistreated you, giving out of your need, self sacrifice, making churchgoing a part of your life, learning from your mistakes, and loving your enemy.
Youth group leaders may be a bit nervous about a scene that contains an objectionable phrase repeated several times by both leads, but even that scene teaches a lesson (read the content below).
Director Mike Tollin (#147;Summer Catch,#148; #147;Hardwood Dreams#148;) captures small town America#146;s love affair with sports, but also energizes his story with ideas and feelings. He keeps the action tight, blending in moral structure without a moment of maudlin preachiness. It is not a film designed to proselytize, but like #147;A Walk To Remember#148; and #147;The Fighting Temptations,#148; it features people whose faith is an understood part of their daily life.
The leads are outstanding. Ed Harris proves again that he is one of the best actors in Tinseltown. Once more, he gives a striking, completely honest performance as Coach Jones, full of subtle emotions expressed with a mere glance or the simplest of dialogue. And Mr. Gooding is never cartoonish or false in his delivery. Like Tom Hanks with Forrest Gump, Gooding understands the responsibility of portraying challenged people with dignity and truth.
#147;Radio#148; is often funny, repeatedly inspiring, and always, always entertaining. This one will make my Top 10 favorites of the year.
PG (There are 10 minor expletives and at one point the coach, angered at a bad call, uses the expression #147;chicken s----#147; several times. Radio, feeling the coach#146;s frustration, repeats the phrase over and over. The scene becomes humorous, but it also teaches a lesson; the things we say and do are going to affect those around us. There#146;s no violence to speak of, other than the football team brutalizing Radio early on by locking him in a shed and taunting him. There are no scenes of a sexual nature. And there is no misuse of God#146;s name).
For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:11Z
12-Hour Lightsticks: For Safety And Recreation
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/12-Hour-Lightsticks:-For-Safety-And-Recreation
-
- /8818.html
2010-05-07T08:59:10Z
2010-05-07T08:59:10Z
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:10Z
Crisis Meal Planning
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Crisis-Meal-Planning
-
- /8819.html
2010-05-07T08:59:09Z
2010-05-07T08:59:09Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Crisis Meal Planning
Copyright 2003 Deborah Taylor-Hough;
Used with permission. All rights reserved
hometown.aol.com/dsimple/
If your home is anything like mine, you've probably found that five o'clock each evening is one of the most hectic times of the day. Mom and dad are just finishing up a long day of work at home or at the office. The kids are hungry and tired after a full day of school and afternoon sports. It's time to fix supper -- or at least we should be getting dinner started if we want to eat a meal before midnight!
But what's for dinner tonight? Well, your guess is probably as good as mine ... and it seems like more often than not, nobody knows! So the whole family hops into the car and heads through the local drive-thru for the third time this week.
Someone I know once called it "crisis meal planning." Each night's dinner is the latest in a string of mealtime crisis management decisions. Everyone's tired. The kids are hungry. The whining has started in earnest. What's a parent to do?
Rather than planning ahead to prevent panic and poor nutritional choices, many families coast through their day without giving a thought to dinner, and then discover that they've crashed headlong into that nightly mealtime crisis once again.
Cooking ahead for the freezer can be the answer to this all-too-frequent mealtime dilemma. I've discovered as people become more adept and experienced at cooking for the freezer, they often switch from doing a full one-day-each-month cooking frenzy to using a simpler process referred to as "mini-sessions." A mini-session consists of choosing one main ingredient, such as chicken, and then preparing a group of chicken recipes in a single afternoon or evening. A mini-session usually involves only an hour or two of cooking rather than the eight to ten hours often required for a complete month of cooking.
By waiting for main ingredients to go on sale at your local market, you can stock up on large quantities and take advantage of great prices. For example, if you stock up on lean ground beef at this week's sale, a relatively short mini-session could easily supply you with five to ten ground beef meals tucked away in the freezer. When chicken goes on sale later in the month, you can add another five to ten meals to your personal stash of Frozen Assets.
Simply by purchasing and cooking in bulk as you follow the sale flyers from the grocery store, you can save a great deal of time and money without ever investing an entire day in a monthly cooking session.
For more information on cooking ahead for the freezer, go to:
hometown.aol.com/oamcloop/
Or consider joining the Frozen Assets Email Discussion Group to share tips, recipes and encouragement with other cooking investigating the benefits of preparing meals ahead of time for the freezer. For details and subscribing information, go to:
groups.yahoo.com/group/frozen-assets/
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
--Deborah Taylor-Hough (free-lance writer, wife and mother of three) is the editor of the Simple Times and Bright-Kids email newsletters. She's also the author of the popular book,
Frozen Assets: how to cook for a day and eat for a month
, and the newly released Frugal Living For Dummies(r) (Wiley Publishing, 2003). For more information, visit Debi online: http://hometown.aol.com/dsimple/ You can also subscribe to one of her free ezines! Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:09Z
Homebodies Hints: One-Income Living
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Homebodies-Hints:-One-Income-Living
-
- /8820.html
2010-05-07T08:59:08Z
2010-05-07T08:59:08Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Homebodies Hints: One-Income Living
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
Copyright 2003
Holly, a SAHM from Indiana, has been an at-home parent for nine years. She has four children (ages 7, 9, 18 and 22) plus three grandsons, and is well-versed in managing a one-income budget.
#147;We are considered a middle class family with an annual income of $34,000,#148; Holly says. #147;We have one auto payment and a house payment. Those are the only payments we have going out a month besides our utilities.#148;
She counsels prospective at-home parents to #147;make sure all your bills are paid off before you quit your job. We had everything paid off except our house but eventually got a van because of our family size.#148; She and her husband finished paying for their van before buying him something different, so they would only have one car payment at a time. #147;We shopped around for his vehicle and feel like we made a frugal purchase.#148;
Holly applies this same money-saving mindset as she gathers other things her family needs. #147;Food items are usually on sale and I cut coupons faithfully every week. Ninety-eight percent of our clothing is from garage sales or Good Will. We Christmas shop at garage sales and clearance isles. You can get like-new items for pennies on the dollar. So far no one has complained at all about our purchases. It is also a good way to spoil our grandchildren.#148;
Although it#146;s important to take advantage of cost-cutting options available to families, communicating with your spouse is the key to frugal living. #147;I can't stress enough that you need to take time with your husband every day to talk to him,#148; Holly says. #147;Let him know what a great husband he is and how proud you are of him for supporting his family.#148;
Comments? Write
Cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit the messageboards at
www.homebodies.org
, where you can interact with at-home parents from around the country and throughout the world. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:08Z
"School of Rock" Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/School-of-Rock-Movie-Review
-
- /8821.html
2010-05-07T08:59:07Z
2010-05-07T08:59:07Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"School of Rock" Movie Review
"Know Before You Go" reg;
Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective
Philip Boatwright, Editor
Theatrical Release
"School of Rock." Jack Black, Joan Cusack. Paramount. Comedy.
Hell-raising guitarist Dewey Finn (Black) worships the power of rock and roll. With a penchant for stage-dives and 20-minute solos, Dewy is determined to lead his rock group to victory at the local Battle of the Bands#133;but his bandmates fire him instead.
Down and out, in need of rent money and wallowing in his apartment strewn with take-out containers, Dewey picks up a phone call intended for his roommate, and impulsively accepts a job as a substitute teacher at the prestigious Horace Green Elementary School.
While Dewey hasn't a clue how to teach, he does know how to inspire confidence in his young fifth graders. And when he accidentally overhears them performing in an orchestra class, he decides to mold these young musical prodigies into a high-voltage rock band, and allow himself to lead the unknowing students to victory in the upcoming Battle of the Bands contest.
Anti-establishment to the hilt, irreverent to the max, Jack Black's Dewey Finn is Mad Magazine's answer to "Mr. Holland's Opus." Self-centered and slovenly, this is one movie teacher not concerned with being educator of the year. He just wants to know when it's time for lunch. But along the way, don't you know, he learns life lessons.
Parents beware, however; although he gets his pupils to overlook their outward appearance (some are overweight, some fear they are perceived as geeks), Dewey is teaching them to "kick ass" and "stick it to the man." True, nothing can be taken seriously in this overwrought comedy, but I'm not sure many of you will want your little ones sensing they must rebel against "the man." I think it's best to wait until they graduate grammar school before they join Greenpeace, don't you?
PG-13 (a few expletives - some from kids - and several rude comments, but no harsh or profane language; while the lead does promote rebellion, and while there is the occasional drug reference, the lead is anti-drugs and believes in heading an RR band, not to "get chicks," but as an artistic expression; he tells lies continuously, but by film's end teaches the kids that it is wrong to lie - well, sort of; a long running gag implies that one of the students has gay tendencies; the lead takes the school principal - an excellent Joan Cusack - out for drinks, attempting to get her drunk, thereby winning her over to his deceitful plan to get the kids out of school and to the contest audition; though he teaches the kids to respect themselves, Dewey doesn't show much tolerance for those he does not like, sending the message that we should care for our friends and loved ones, but simply use others - not exactly a New Testament teaching).
Vid. Alt. "Yours, Mine and Ours." Lucille Ball, Henry Fonda. Based on a true story of a widow with eight kids who marries a widower with ten. Lucy is very funny in this film for the whole family.
DEFINITIONS
Crudity - A word or action lacking in culture, tact
Expletive - A mild obscenity or needless expression
Obscenity - Objectionable or repugnant to acceptable standards of decency or morality; indecent; pornographic
Profanity - Irreverence toward God
Blasphemy - To speak contemptuously of God
Adult subject matter - Situations or subjects unsuitable for or difficult to comprehend by children
For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:07Z
Spendaholic
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Spendaholic
-
- /8822.html
2010-05-07T08:59:05Z
2010-05-07T08:59:05Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Spendaholic
The Dollar Stretcher
by Gary Foreman
I am 22 years old and I live in NYC. I am in some serious debt, which I have turned over to a debt consolidation company. I make a decent amount of money, however, I can't seem to keep it for more than a few hours. I end up spending my entire paycheck within the first day I have it....seriously. I am trying to find a support group in NYC, but am having no luck. I know I have a problem and I can't continue to live like this.
Donna
My Dad used to call it 'letting money burn a hole in your pocket'. Call it what you will, but it's a serious problem for some people. If you regularly spend all the money you have, you'll always be broke.
There are two main strategies that Donna can use. First, she can severely limit the amount of cash and credit that she has available for spending. Second, she can change the way that she relates to money.
Let's begin with the tools that will limit how much money Donna has at any time. If her employer offers it, she should use direct deposit. If that's not available, she'll need to deposit her entire check as soon as she receives it.
Donna should use payroll deductions to force savings. Otherwise, she's probably going to have trouble accumulating any. Deductions are also a good way to save for retirement. She might want to consider making regular monthly contributions to an IRA or mutual fund account.
It's foolish for Donna to carry much cash. She'll just be tempted to spend it. Before she leaves the house in the morning Donna should list the items that she expects to buy that day. Include everything. Even snacks and the daily paper. The idea is to only carry the cash she'll need and get in the habit of only making purchases that are on the list.
Donna has already seen what credit cards can do. They're meant to be convenient to use. And, that's the problem. It's easy to keep charging until she reaches her credit limit. Leave them at home unless they're needed for a planned purchase.
Once Donna limits the amount of cash and credit that's available, it's time to change the way that she relates to money.
She already recognizes that it's easier to reach your goal if other people are involved. Contacting a local social services agency could turn up a support group for spendaholics.
Another source of support is an 'accountability partner'. It could be a friend, relative or mentor. Someone who can be trusted. Donna would regularly report to the partner on how well she was doing. Sometimes just knowing that we'll have to confess our failures is enough to keep us from stumbling.
That partner can also be helpful when Donna does suffer a setback. And they will come. A compassionate partner can help dust us off and get us back on track.
If you can't find someone to hold you accountable, create a system to hold yourself accountable. It could be as simple as keeping track of the days that you stuck with the morning spending list.
Donna should also consider using a budget. It would put her on notice when she had already spent the money that she had allocated for entertainment, clothing or any other category.
Avoid the places that are most likely to trigger spending. Just as the alcoholic can't hang around bars, the spendaholic shouldn't go window shopping. It's like dancing with the devil. You're bound to get singed.
Use rewards and punishments to encourage good spending behavior. We all respond to appropriate rewards. Donna might find that she's never had the money for good seats at a Broadway show because the money is always gone. The idea is to pick something that had not been attainable under the old system and then reward yourself after an important goal has been met.
It will get easier the longer you persist. It's hard to break old habits. Especially if they contain some behavior that could be addictive. Remember that tomorrow will be easier than today. But you have to get through today first.
Donna has already taken the first two steps. She's recognized the problem and started to look for help in solving it. Hopefully she'll be successful in using some of the tools to take control of the situation and begin to build a new pattern of relating to money.
Gary Foreman is a former financial planner who currently edits The Dollar Stretcher website
TheDollarStretcher.com
and newsletters. You'll find hundreds of articles to help you stretch your day and your dollar! Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:05Z
"The Fighting Temptations" Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Fighting-Temptations-Movie-Review
-
- /8823.html
2010-05-07T08:59:01Z
2010-05-07T08:59:01Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"The Fighting Temptations" Movie Review
Know Before You Go
Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective
Philip Boatwright, Editor
The Fighting Temptations. Cuba Gooding, Jr. Beyonce Knowles, Mike Epps, Faith Evans, T-Bone, Shirley Caesar. Paramount. Musical/comedy. D- Jonathan Lynn. 9/19/03
Jesus being worshiped in a modern-day church service #150; wow, that#146;s something a Christian critic doesn#146;t get a chance to experience often at the local Cineplex. And while as a film reviewer I have a few complaints, I do feel the film has merit.
Darrin (Cuba Gooding, Jr.), a marketing executive from New York (and a bit of a con man), has just been fired when suddenly he#146;s called back to his rural Georgia hometown to collect a sizeable inheritance. The catch? In order to collect the cash, he has to take over his aunt's dismal church gospel choir. And although he has no musical ability himself, he struggles to lead the members of the small black Baptist choir to success in an upcoming competition.
A good premise. Alas, there are some problems. Indeed, when people stop singing, this film stumbles around searching for a plot and a few honest emotions. With only about fifty percent of the jokes rising to their full potential, and several thematic elements coming across as half developed, this theme deserved far more attention by its writer, director, editor and the casting exec. Closely resembling #147;Sister Act#148; 1 and 2 and so many other films about a worldly con artist who learns what#146;s truly valuable by film#146;s end, the magical elements that derive belly laughs or move you to tears are not as well conceived as possible.
Beyonce Knowles, the lead singer of Destiny#146;s Child, who proved she had a screen presence in #147;Austin Powers in Goldmember,#148; dully attempts the cool goddess image here, imitating Janet Jackson#146;s screen persona. Unfortunately, she has even less success with that routine than Ms. Jackson. The novice thespian should avoid being too controlled and too aloof on screen. Rather she should develop that warm appeal we only occasionally glimpse.
As for the script, it#146;s lackluster, stale and often a pale imitation of other films.
So what we have here is a film wherein the leading lady needs acting lessons, the joke writer needs a second opinion and the filmmakers need to address the theme with a fresh slant. But even with these negatives, I would still view this film again. Why? That music.
The music in #147;The Fighting Temptations#148; is pure joy. There are several singers and musical styles that truly will delight as they bring this movie to life. There#146;s even #150; and I can#146;t believe I#146;m going to say this #150; a terrific rap piece. I kid you not. That song is full of energy, humor and insight. It#146;s #150; and I really can#146;t believe I#146;m saying this #150; the high point of the film.
Sadly, the filmmakers seem almost apologetic about the Christian setting. You can be a gay, Wicca-practicing anarchist and still be one of the gang in Hollywood. But Heaven forbid you should acknowledge a reverence for things Christian. None of the characters is ever given a chance to express a love of Christ. Indeed, Christianity is downplayed, except for the hypocrisy of some churchgoers. But does every film representing the Christian walk have to contain an altar call? I don#146;t think so. I think films such as #147;A Walk To Remember#148; and #147;The Fighting Temptations#148; are ground breaking in that they present Christians as real people, warts and all. What#146;s more, I think the film does represent spiritual truths within its music.
Another plus #150; most black films these days, like most films starring whites, are permeated with coarse, crude or vulgar language and images. There have been exceptions over the years (#147;Sounder,#148; #147;Once Upon a Time When We Were Colored,#148; #147;Lilies of the Field,#148; #147;Green Pastures,#148; #147;The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman,#148; to name a few), but all too often black America is portrayed in a stereotypical buffoonery manner. Well, #147;The Fighting Temptations#148; is an exception I will be able to use as a video alternative for years to come.
As a reviewer, it#146;s my job to analyze a film. By looking at it critically, I try to examine its strengths and its weaknesses, hopefully giving you information that serves when choosing a movie. I felt some things could have been better handled in this production. But I don#146;t think many viewers are expecting this to be Academy Award material. While leaving the theater, I overheard a gentleman say, #147;Now that#146;s a good, clean movie.#148; And you know what? That#146;s really the review. While it has its faults (so does just about every film other than #147;Casablanca#148;), #147;The Fighting Temptations#148; fills a void left by many of today#146;s comedies; entertainment without incessant coarse humor. And that music. I want the score!
PG-13 (2 fairly mild obscenities and three or four expletives, but no harsh or profane language; a couple of sexual conversations, but mild by today#146;s film standards; Beyonce sings a sensual rendition of Peggy Lee#146;s #147;Fever#148; and there is a scene where two men stare at a woman in short shorts).
Phil Boatwright publishes The Movie Reporter, a weekly film review guide from a family perspective. Check out his website at
www.moviereporter.com
. Know Before You Go Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective Published by C. C. Publications Philip Boatwright, Editor, Box 7178, Thousand Oaks, CA 91359 copy; 2003 C.C. Publications. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Article:
Major Movie Presents Gospel Message
Philip Boatwright
It seems I#146;m always falling short of being worthy. But He still loves me.
That#146;s an amazing lyric to be heard in a comic movie produced by MTV Films and Paramount Studios. What#146;s more, those dynamic words are being sung by
Destiny#146;s Child
lead singer Beyonceacute;. The song is sung in a church, backed by members of a gospel choir, in pure dedication to our Lord and Savior. #147;Did you say Paramount Studios? MTV?? Beyonceacute;???#148; Yep.
Movie-going audiences are in for an unexpected treat this September 19th when the new comedy
The Fighting Temptations
hits movie screens. The previous lyric is in the moving
He Still Loves Me
, sung by Beyonceacute; and Walter Williams, Sr. (of the O'Jays). And it#146;s only one of several gospel offerings supplied by the likes of Shirley Caesar, Ann Nesby, Faith Evans, Melba Moore and Christian rap artist T-Bone.
Audiences who follow
Destiny#146;s Child
or hip hop artists such as P.Diddy and Faith Evens, may also be astonished to hear songs proclaiming
Jesus, he loves you so
and
I#146;m getting ready to meet the Lord
. Paramount Studios and MTV Films are releasing this musical comedy about a New York yuppie who returns to his childhood home in rural Georgia where he expects to inherit a sizeable financial endowment. The catch? In order to collect the cash, he has to take over his aunt's dismal church gospel choir. And although he has no musical ability himself, he struggles to unify the members of the small black Baptist choir and lead them to success in an upcoming gospel competition.
The film stars Cuba Gooding, Jr. (
Jerry Maguire
) and Beyonceacute; (
Austin Powers in Goldmember
). Neither of these stars, nor most of the supporting cast, which includes the usually bombastic Mike Epps, is often associated with Gospel messages. But both the film and those that participated in its production are surprising.
#147;I grew up in church. But when I was 12 years old we started going to a another church where I experienced the power of gospel music,#148; says hot singing sensation Beyonceacute; Knowles. #147;I joined that choir for two years and this film was like going back there. There#146;s so much power in gospel music. These songs are full of rejoicing and happiness. They lift your spirit,#148; she continues, her face beaming.
The film#146;s producer, Loretha Jones, also grew up in church. She began her entertainment career first through her legal background, then moving into co-producing projects such as the Spike Lee-directed
School Daze
. Soon her interests led her into producing other films including
The Five Heartbeats, Meteor Man
and the television series
The Parenthood
.
#147;My grandmother was sort of the music teacher at our church. I grew up listening to the likes of Shirley Caesar,#148; says Ms. Jones. #147;Our film begins in the 1980s. At that time, gospel was much more traditional. And Shirley Caesar sort of epitomizes that traditional sound. I just had to have her start the movie off.#148;
Jones continues, #147;As gospel has evolved over the past twenty years, it was important to try to find a way to evolve the music along with the choir. So with hip-hop artists and Beyonceacute; involved, you have a more contemporary feel.
#147;If you have any sort of message in your film, which we do, you can get it across better if you#146;re not hitting them over the head with it. I felt if I didn#146;t incorporate some contemporary rhythms, beats and sounds into the gospel, it wouldn#146;t feel authentic to members of the audience who follow Beyonceacute; or Angie Stone, or hip hop.#148;
Actress Latanya Richardson, who plays the film#146;s antagonist, Paulina Pritchett, is also a Christian and churchgoer. #147;I grew up in church. And I#146;ve seen some people who were like Paulina. You wondered how they can do that or say that and still be a Christian. But in finding the truth of who she was, I gained an understanding and knew that despite her faults, she had a personal relationship with God,#148; she states. #147;There are positive examples of what a Christian is supposed to be in our little film, but you need to show faulty people. That#146;s what salvation is all about,#148; says Ms. Richardson.
Richardson, who in real life is married to Samuel L. Jackson, further states, #147;I#146;m interested in doing a movie with a strong Christian message, but how we live together and the choices we make are the basic messages of this film.#148;
Hip-hop and gospel artist, T-Bone, was the most outspoken when it came to his faith and the purpose of his music. #147;There is so much negativity in rap music. But what we have to remember is that music in general was not created by Satan. It was created by God, Himself. Music was intended to give God glory, no matter what kind of music it was. The devil has perverted much of it, turning it around and using it to his glory. I#146;m trying to take it back from the enemy and use it for its original purpose #150; to lift up the name of Christ.#148;
When asked where his life was going before he met Christ, T-Bone succinctly states, #147;Straight to Hell.#148; He continued, touchingly with, #147;One of my best friends was shot and killed in a gang related incident. As he was lying in the grass, twitching in his blood, he told those standing over him, #145;tell everyone to wear red at my funeral.#146; He died for that color. And I knew I was going to end up like that. I knew I needed to turn my life around. My parents are pastors. I went to their church and accepted the Lord into my life. And that#146;s when I became a #145;redeemed hoodlum.#146;#148;
T-Bone strongly, but without hostility points out, #147;Don#146;t put God in a box. Don#146;t say he can#146;t use this music. God can use whatever He chooses.#148; He then adds, #147;I want to point people to Jesus Christ. There are so many people searching. They#146;re involved in drugs, in gangs, in pornography, in unfaithful relationships. I want them to know that the fulfillment to that emptiness they#146;re trying to fill is Jesus.
Some youth group leaders may be nervous over the PG-13 content (two fairly mild obscenities and three or four expletives, but no harsh or profane language; a dance number to the song #147;Fever#148; is somewhat suggestive, but it is the only song done in such a style; there are a couple of coarse conversations referring to a woman#146;s backside from one comic sidekick, but mild by today#146;s film standards). The filmmakers, however, do their best to present a modern-day story that both a young audience and older filmgoers can appreciate, one that entertains without the bombardment of obscenity and crudity found in the majority of today#146;s comedies.
While the film is not without its artistic shortcomings, the pure joy of the Gospel music makes for a fun night at the cinema. Certainly, it is impossible to find any film not guilty of some objectionable word or deed, but #147;The Fighting Temptations#148; struggles valiantly to offer up positive messages. It blends together traditional music such as
Love Me Like a Rock
, and
Swing Low, Sweet Chariot
with newer takes on the genre, including rap. But fear not hip-hop haters,
To Da River
, sung by T-Bone, may be one of the most joyous, entertaining, masterfully done pieces of music you are likely to hear.
Yes, but is the Gospel preached in this film? I come back to the lyrics in
He Still Loves Me. It seems I#146;m always falling short of being worthy. But He still loves me.
Ain#146;t that the Gospel?!
The Fighting Temptations
opens nationwide, September 19th and the soundtrack is now in stores.
For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:59:01Z
"Secondhand Lions" Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Secondhand-Lions-Movie-Review
-
- /8824.html
2010-05-07T08:58:58Z
2010-05-07T08:58:58Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"Secondhand Lions" Movie Review
Know Before You Go
Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective
Philip Boatwright, Editor
Secondhand Lions. Michael Caine, Robert Duvall, Haley Joel Osment, Kyra Sedgwick (now there's a cast for ya). New Line Cinema. Comedic adventure/fable. WD-Tim McCanlies. 9/19/03
The opening scene has Mae (Kyra Sedgwick), a struggling divorcee who's completely inept at motherhood, driving her introverted 14-year-old son Walter (Haley Joel Osment) through rural Texas. Much to the boy's surprise, he is being taken to meet and stay on with two crusty old great uncles (Michael Caine and Robert Duvall), while dear old Mom goes off to court stenographer school - or so she tells the boy. It's a klutzy scene. Osment, now going through that awkward stage with voice changes and facial features not quite settled, seems uncomfortable not just with his character's fate but with his dialogue as well. I was alarmed. Was this going to be another PG movie that we were to accept as quality family fare simply because there's no bad language? I actually uttered to myself, "Uh-oh." How glad I was the moment Robert Duvall and Michael Caine appeared, assuring us almost immediately that the characters were not going to be cartoonish, but complex and interesting. And how glad I am to report that "Secondhand Lions" quickly becomes one of the funniest, most charming and uplifting films of the year.
Set in early 1960s Texas, a quiet boy, abandoned for the summer on the farm of his unusual uncles, learns about their exotic and mysterious pasts as the men become role models and help the boy become a man.
As the story develops, Walter begins to take interest in the past lives of his uncles. During their youth, both men had great adventures. A teller of tales, which we are not sure are truth or imagined, Garth mesmerizes young Walter with the exploits of the brothers, which involves a love story with an exotic beauty and chronicles of derring-do. The Arabian Nights-styled accounts fascinate Walter and at the same time represent some of the lessons that the uncles are trying to teach him - what it is that a man does and how a man comports himself.
How do I describe Hub and Garth McCaan (Duvall and Caine)? Gruff, eccentric, old, none of those one-word descriptions seems adequate. For if any characters in recent cinema history have grasped the Big Picture of life, it's these two ol' boys.
While it is a word critics too often rely upon, delightful best describes these two veteran actors and the men they are portraying. Duvall's Hub could easily be the descendant of "Lonesome Dove's" Augustus McCrae and the more benign Garth (Caine) is a moral version of Peachy from "The Man Who Would Be King." The two actors make few if any false moves. They do so much with a mere glance, using dialogue only as a last resort in an effort to express their intensions and moods.
So versatile are Caine and Duvall that it would have been a simple task for them to switch roles, bringing equal integrity to either part. And though Duvall's Hub may seem the flashier of the two, Caine is never outgunned by his costar. Gone is his familiar cockney dialect, replaced by a believable, if hard to locate, southern accent. There is gentleness in his speech and movement that adds a dimension to the old codger character that many actors would have left out. Both actors inhabit their parts with empathy that never becomes maudlin. They find life amusing, because they have lived it and learned not to take things too seriously. They aren't silly. What makes them fun and funny is that they ignore the absurdities that still puzzle those around them.
Once past that clumsy opening scene, Osment also shines in a role that calls for him to be part Poindexter, part Hardy Boy. In "The Sixth Sense," Osment impressed because he revealed a quality found only in the best of the best - an ability to transmit a revelatory look into the mind and soul of his creation. Few actors are able to say so much with their eyes as this young thespian. You know just exactly what he's thinking. What's more he's always developing thoughts that are profound even when dealing with simplistic ideas. Here his Walter's young life has been marked by broken promises. He desperately needs to believe in something. While on his journey to manhood, Walter gets to wrestle a lion, introduce his gun-happy relatives to the sport of skeet shooting, and discover a cellar full of loot.
After he comes to love his uncles, a question arises as to how their fortune has been accumulated. Was it from an African prince who admired them as honorable adversaries, or did the two just rob a bank, as rumored by money grabbing distant kin? Are their stories true or just fables? Are they men of honor, or just loveable rogues? Young Walter discovers that to believe, you must have faith. (Hmmm.)
The film deals with the boy learning life lessons and we are reminded of the importance of a father figure upon a child's development. Many religious folk may at first be disappointed that as Hub describes what's truly important in life - courage, honor, and virtue - a reverence for God is not verbally included. But in the scene, and throughout the rest of the film, faith in things unseen subtly becomes evident.
You've heard the phrase, "This movie has something for everyone." This film certainly lives up to that credo. While it's a rite-of-passage for young people, it also addresses issues for the elderly. A bit "Stand By Me," a pinch of "To Kill A Mockingbird" and a smidgen of "Princess Bride," "Secondhand Lions" borrows from classic coming-of-age movies while adding its own charm. It is a great outdoor adventure for the entire family.
PG (26 expletives, mostly "damns" and "hells," but I caught no harsh or profane language; one use of the expression "By God"; shotguns are used to frighten off wearisome traveling salesmen and used instead of fishing poles (hilarious); after Hub beats the daylights out of some young hoodlums who taunt him (a fight scene, but handled with humor) he takes the young men home, feeds them, patches them up and then gives them a speech about becoming a man that actually connects with the young toughs).
For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:58Z
"The Legend of Johnny Lingo" Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Legend-of-Johnny-Lingo-Movie-Review
-
- /8825.html
2010-05-07T08:58:57Z
2010-05-07T08:58:57Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"The Legend of Johnny Lingo" Movie Review
Know Before You Go
Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective
Philip Boatwright, Editor
As a baby, Tama washed up on the shores of a South Seas island, but as a boy he's been labeled a bad-luck troublemaker and shunned by the entire village. His only real friend is Mahana, an unloved and unwanted ugly duckling whom the other village girls tease mercilessly. Tama finally decides to seek a better life and leave the island on acanoe he built, but promises to return one day for his friend. His travels take him to the home of the famous sea trader Johnny Lingo, and there Tama grows to be a man of honor and virtue. Under the tutelage of the fatherly Johnny Lingo, Tama learns about sacrifices needed in the name of love. Eight years later he returns for Mahana - but will she take him back?
The budget was small, there were no name stars, indeed the acting won#146;t garner Oscar attention, yet #147;The Legend of Johnny Lingo,#148; much like the little engine that could, is very determined. It struggles to entertain despite its shortcomings. With its pristine Polynesian locales and simple yet engaging story, the film becomes captivating.
It#146;s a small film that very likely will go to video quickly, but in a summer season where most cineplexes rumble with aggressive fantasies that do little else other than go boom, the gentle little film is a treasure. #147;The Legend of Johnny Lingo#148; is a satisfying, eye-catching family adventure.
G (I found nothing objectionable, but parents beware, our young hero and his only friend are put-upon throughout the film. People say the most unkind things to them, including the girl#146;s drunken father, who ignores his daughter whenever he#146;s not telling her how worthless she is. But by film#146;s end, many of these folks learn how special these two are, including the father, who we discover has deadened himself to the world through alcohol due to the loss of his beloved wife in childbirth. Like characters in countless Dickens' tales, these children take much verbal abuse, but they survive. The film sends a message that while you can survive bad behavior from others, it#146;s necessary to find someone who believes in you and cares for you. People, like everything else in nature, must be nurtured). #147;A great outdoors adventure for the entire family#148;
For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:57Z
A "Batty" Adventure
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/A-Batty-Adventure
-
- /8826.html
2010-05-07T08:58:54Z
2010-05-07T08:58:54Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>A "Batty" Adventure
By Patricia Chadwick
patti@parentsandteens.com
I#146;m about to tell you a true story in the life of my family. It#146;s a story of courage #150; staringdanger in the face and doing something about it. It#146;s about looking out for each other; watching each other#146;s back. It#146;s about a mom and two nutty teens trying to rid theirhouse of a very unwelcomed guest#133;a bat!
It was 11:00 at night and my husband was gone on an overnight trip. I was settling into bed and my two teens, David (15) and Jeni (17) were settling in also. Next thing I know, David comes running into my room. Breathlessly he exclaims, #147;There is a bat in the house!#148;
At first, I didn#146;t believe him. Baby D, as we lovingly call my 15 year old, loves to play practical jokes on me. When he#146;s not joking, he#146;s usually exaggerating. So I calmly replied, #147;Okay, what did it look like?#148; As I continued flipping through the pages of my magazine. #147;What did it look like? Duh. You know, a black thing with wings#133;that flies through the air. It was huge. It flew over my head and then out my bedroom door.#148; #147;Are you sure it wasn#146;t a moth that looked really big in the shadows?#148; (We tend to get a lot of moths in the house). #147;Mom! It is a bat!#148;
So I told him to calm down. I had to think. Now, I generally think of myself as a very independent woman. I know how to take care of myself and my family. But this was different. We are talking about a flying creature, here, stuck in my house. What would I do? I hate bats. To be honest, I more than hate them. Bats freak me out.
I suppose I should be used to them by now. It seems we get at least one bat in the house every summer, but my darling husband is always home to take care of them! The first time we ever got a bat in the house, we were in bed at night sleeping. I woke up and saw the shadows of the bat flying in my bedroom and my cat was trying to catch it. I screamed, #147;Bat!#148;, flipped on the light, ran out the door, slamming it shut and leaving my half-dazed husband in the bedroom with the bat flying around his head. I proceeded to lock myself in the bathroom.
So as you can see, I wasn#146;t going to be much help here. Good thing I trained my teens to think for themselves#133;because I certainly wasn#146;t thinking clearly.
My son assured me that he#146;d protect me. But just to be safe we better get his sister, to help. #147;Jennnnnnni! There#146;s a bat in the house#133;help!!!!
Since bats are known rabies carriers, we had the foresight to protect ourselves. We all put on pullover sweatshirts with hoods. And believe me, the hoods were up. We also decided we needed weapons. So we each grabbed a tennis racket, David grabbed a baseball bat, and Jeni grabbed a roll of wrapping paper. Yes, wrapping paper. When fear is involved, rational thought flies out the window!
So we were set for our quest to find the bat. We were really quite a sight, clad in our hoods and armed to the hilt. I mustered the courage to lead the troops, tennis racquet in hand, swinging wildly in front of me#133;just incase the bat was anywhere in the vicinity. We looked in all the bedrooms and the bathroom. We checked curtains and closets. No bat. We went down the stairs to the main floor of our home and checked the living room, dining room, front porch (it didn#146;t matter that the door was shut.) No bat. We proceeded to the basement, turning on all the lights and checking the entire area. No bat.
My daughter and I turned on my son. #147;Are you SURE you saw a bat? We think you were seeing things!#148; But my son insisted, #147;There was a bat! It flew over my head.#148; As they walked into the kitchen, the kids screamed. The bat was hanging upside down on one of my kitchen cupboards.
That threw me for a loop. Every time I saw my husband take down a bat, it was flying and he used the tennis racquet to knock it down. But this stupid bat was latched on to my cupboard. #147;Okay,#148; I whispered, #147;NOW what do we do?#148; First, I got close to make sure it WAS a bat. My eyes aren#146;t what they used to be. It was indeed a bat. But it just sat there. My kids decided to turn this into a science lesson. #147;Do bats hear?#148; #147;Can they see in the light?#148; #147;Will it attack us?#148; Geesh. Are we city folk or what? My son then piped up with, #147;Is it a Vampire bat?#148; After hearing that last question I decided that my kids watch too many movies.
I approached the bat with the tennis racket ready to hit it, but I just couldn#146;t do it. I was afraid I#146;d break the cupboard door or, worse yet, it would fly in my face. My son said, #147;I#146;ll do it#148; and as he started forward I screamed, #147;No, don#146;t#148;. I hate to admit it, but I was almost paralyzed by fear.
If we couldn#146;t do this ourselves, we needed a Plan B. So our next thought was, #147;Who can help?#148; I thought of calling the police, but my son just laughed at me. #147;Who#146;d call 911 because a bat was in their house?#148; Obviously I would. Then I thought of our new neighbors. Some young adults moved in across the street and a young man lived there. My daughter voted against that one. She#146;d rather sleep in the house with the bat then ask this guy to help. What if his girlfriend was there? She#146;d feel like a baby. Jeni then suggested the older gentleman across the street (you know, ancient#133;my age). He was a more fatherly figure; so she didn#146;t have to worry about losing her cool. I went outside to see who had lights on, but felt so childish that I couldn#146;t take care of this myself. I went back in. We were back to square one#133; #147;What are we gonna do???#148;
My daughter, the outgoing one of the family, decided to take the matter into her own hands. SHE would go get the neighbor. She dashed across the street clad in her wacky PJ#146;s which consisted of a long t-shirt and a pair of her dad#146;s boxers. She rang the bell and meekly told the neighbor our dilemma. #147;My dad is gone and we have a bat in the house. Can you come and help us and kill it?#148; Poor guy. What could he say. So Dan trudged over across the street to our house to assess the situation. #147;What do you have to capture it with?#148; #147;Tennis racquets and a Tupperware container. That#146;s about it.#148; He came in the kitchen and stared at the bat. #147;Yep, it#146;s a bat.#148;
Seeing that the #147;men#148; didn#146;t need us at this point, my daughter I ran out the door and hid behind the van in our driveway. In a matter of seconds Dan and my son came out with the bat caught between two tennis racquets. They tossed it into the grass and then it flew away. Then they walked toward us with a swagger. #147;Well, that#146;s taken care of#133;#148;
We thanked our neighbor profusely and I assured my son that he was very manly, even though we needed another man#146;s help. We tried to settle back into bed. It was tough. #147;Can I sleep in your room?#148; asked David. #147;Sure#133;just keep the door shut#133;just in case.#148; Jeni didn#146;t feel the need to sleep with us#133;until one in the morning when I heard my door creak open. David I both screamed. It was just Jeni, not the bat. *whew* #147;I can#146;t sleep#133;can I come in here?#148;
So there we spent a rather restless night. We jumped at every noise and laughed about our zany antics as we tried to get rid of the bat. And we thanked God for a friendly neighbor.
We were sure glad when Dad came home. Tonight we can sleep in peace.
Patti Chadwick is a freelance writer and creator of two websites:
www.parentsandteens.com
is geared to help parents connect with their teens;
www.historyswomen.com
is an online magazine highlighting the extraordinary achievementsof women throughout history. Visit her online and sign up for her FREE newsletters! Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:54Z
Until Kids Do Us Part
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Until-Kids-Do-Us-Part
-
- /8827.html
2010-05-07T08:58:53Z
2010-05-07T08:58:53Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Until Kids Do Us Part
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
Copyright 2003
"I love being an at-home mom," says Lee, a 30-something with a couple of boys, ages 2 and 5. "I love the rewards of children. But I feel like it will be an eternity before I get my husband back, all to myself.
"We have a very wonderful and solid marriage, but with little ones around, all our conversations are hurried and interrupted." Lee misses quiet walks and spur-of-the-moment getaways, and when she heard some friends were going on an exotic vacation - again - her heart sank. "What I wouldn't give to spend a week all alone with my husband, to savor the joy of being married. I would revel in the opportunity to lay on a beach somewhere and watch the sun go down, momentarily leaving the cares and worries of life behind."
But she's a stay-at-home mom. There's no money for exotic vacations. There's hardly enough money for a movie!
"People tell me that this time passes quickly, but right now it feels like a life sentence," Lee admits. "I strive to find the joy in the little things that I do to serve my family. And most days I am successful." She still misses quality time with her husband, though.
I'm sure there are lots of women nodding their heads as they read Lee's words. It's easy for our relationships to get off-balance, especially when children are very young. Babies and toddlers are so high maintenance! The good news is, it does get easier as they get older. Preschoolers are easier than toddlers; 6-year-olds are easier than 4-yearolds.
The bad news is it may be MONTHS before the current stage eases. So what to do? If I can't head to the islands with my lover, what's Plan B?
"Bump time with your husband up on the priority list," suggests Nina, a Canadian stay-at-home mom. "Keep him in mind as you survey the different areas of your life. Some things about having a busy, young family you can't change, but others you can.
"It's said so much that now it's a clicheacute;, but PLAN IT IN! If you get too caught up in the day to day, you'll never have time to relax, grow, have fun, etc. You know in your heart that if you neglect yourself, you and your family will suffer for it."
"Make sure the kids are getting to bed at a decent hour so that you and your husband have some time together in the evenings." Note Nina's key phrase "decent hour". Wait until you're exhausted, and you slip into a coma instead of into something comfortable.
"Write notes to each other. I tape little notes inside my husband's lunch pail."
Get out of the house and away from the kids. "When you visit relatives, take advantage of it," Nina advises. Let them enjoy the youngsters while you and your spouse go spend time together.
"Brainstorm with your husband about other ideas such as these that you can incorporate into your life to ease some of the struggles."Where there's a will, there's a way. Stand still in the swirling storm of diapers, tricycles and Beanie Babies. Look your husband in the eye, tell him you love him, and join forces. You'd be surprised how many creative ideas a motivated couple can develop in carving out time together. And the children will ultimately benefit, too, as that primary relationship in the home - between husband and wife is given the nourishment it needs to grow and shine.
Get more family-friendly ideas from Cheryl's "Stay-at-Home Handbook: Advice on Parenting, Finances, Career, Surviving Each Day More", available at
your favorite bookstore
. For an autographed copy, visit
http://www.gospelcom.net/homebodies/bookstore/orderSAHH.php
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:53Z
Stay-At-Home Checkup
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Stay-At-Home-Checkup
-
- /8828.html
2010-05-07T08:58:52Z
2010-05-07T08:58:52Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Stay-At-Home Checkup
Homebodies
www.homebodies.org
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
Copyright 2003
If you're like most stay-at-home parents, you put a lot of time and energy into planning your move from the office to home. You lined out reasons for making the change, gathered the support of family and friends, and got your finances under control so you could ease into your new lifestyle.
Likewise, you've probably given considerable thought to moving back into the workforce someday, after the kids are older and you're ready to pick up your briefcase again.
Great - you've got the past and the future covered. But what about now?
Every six months or so, I suggest couples sit down and take an objective look at how things are going. It's very common to go through a honeymoon period when Mom first comes home. You're reconnecting with your children, enjoying time with your husband, and feeling the relief of working a single full-time job instead of two (one at work and one at home).
But then the stresses start seeping in. Money gets a bit tight; former co-workers call less frequently. There's no one to relieve you from the colicky baby, the kids are squabbling more than you expected and your husband's focus is once again on projects at work (instead of your adventure at home). You can't seem to get ahead of the housework, or you're all caught up and don't know what to do next. Frustrations build until you realize you're one unhappy mom and Oreos have become your new best friend.
Stop! Step away from the Haagen-Dazs and ask a friend or relative to watch your kids for a few hours so you and your husband spend some quiet time together. It's time for a "checklist chat".
STAY-AT-HOME CHECKLIST
Why are you home? Why does your husband think you're home?
What do you love about being a stay-at-home mom? What does heappreciate most about your arrangement?
What frustrates you? What is he uncomfortable with?
Do you need to revise the way you're handling money?
How can your husband help you be more successful as anat-home parent? How can you make him feel more secure?
Which friendship would you most like to cultivate? Schedule ablock of time each week when Mom will be "off the clock", free from household and childcare responsibilities.
Mark your calendars for another checklist chat in about sixmonths.
Comments? Email
Cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit
www.homebodies.org
to read more articles relating to at-home parenting. Copyright 2003 Cheryl Gochnauer. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:52Z
Tackling Back-To-School Expenses
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Tackling-Back-To-School-Expenses
-
- /8829.html
2010-05-07T08:58:50Z
2010-05-07T08:58:50Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Tackling Back-To-School Expenses
Homebodies
www.homebodies.org
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Copyright 2003
Just when I#146;d settled into my summertime routine, the ads started blaring: #147;The first day of school is right around the corner!#148; According to local retailers, it#146;s time to hit the stores in search of the perfect everything. In the face of this media blitz, my one-income budget demands a clear head and a bit of creativity as I begin gathering true essentials for the coming school year.
SCHOOL SUPPLIES. Thanks to discount stores like Wal-Mart, K-Mart and Target, school supplies aren#146;t too scary. Since everybody needs them, competition is fierce. They#146;re practically giving away glue, markers and folders, hoping that you#146;ll pick up a backpack or two while you#146;re there. Resist the impulse and recycle last year#146;s more expensive items whenever possible. Use coupons and bring competitor#146;s fliers for price matching. Keep your eyes open for rebates, which are very common this time of year.
CLOTHES, COATS AND SHOES. Hopefully you remembered to purchase the kids#146; fall and winter coats last spring at the 70 percent-off sales. If not, it#146;s not too late to scour neighborhood garage sales in search of a gently-used jacket. Since jeans are the uniform of choice for most students, watch sales. Recently I spotted flares at Wal-Mart for my 5th grader - $15 jeans marked down to $10, then $7, then $3 each. I grabbed five pair and headed to the registers, where they rang up at ONE DOLLAR EACH. (God bless Sam Walton!)
EXTRACURRICULARS. There#146;s not much lee-way in dodging sports and band fees, but you may be able to save on the uniforms and instruments. Check the classifieds for second-hand items. Email friends and classmates to see if anyone has something you need for sale. Ask coaches and tutors for leads on used equipment. If there#146;s a good chance your child will be on the same team next year, allow some growing room. Buy a little big; there#146;s a good chance that soccer or cheerleading outfit will work for two seasons instead of one.
FUNDRAISERS. Most schools kick off with some type of fundraiser. Parents, I hear those groans! But don#146;t turn away every kid who knocks on your door, because they might be peddling something that benefits YOU as much as their sports or drama team. I#146;m talking about those Entertainment and Gold Coupon books (and their many clones). I love these buy-one, get-one-free deals. They allow me to splurge on a night out or fun fest #150; at half-price. The books usually pay for themselves the first time I use them.
Hint: Think through fundraisers before pitching products to your neighbors. To offset cheerleading costs, I bought 20 fundraising coupon books at $1 each #150; which my daughter was then supposed to sell for $5 apiece. (She would pocket the extra $4 per book, clearing a total of $80.)
But each book #150; which offered discounts at my favorite grocery store #150; included a #147;$5 off the total purchase#148; coupon, along with another $50 or so in additional savings. Since I shop at that store every week, I gave my daughter $80 toward her uniform, kept the books and used the coupons myself.
The $5-off coupons alone saved me $100, plus I saved hundreds more with the remaining coupons in the 20 books. Next year, I#146;ll buy FORTY books and double this year#146;s savings!
MORE QUICK TIPS:
If your kids don#146;t take the bus to school, carpool with other families. (That goes for before and after school practices, too.)
Most days, have children take lunches instead of buying at the cafeteria.
Get required vaccinations through your local county health department, where shots are often offered at a discount or free.
If you#146;re paying tuition, work part-time or substitute at the school to offset expenses. (It#146;ll make it easy to pop in on their class parties or keep an eye on your teen, too!)
Comments? Email
Cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit
www.homebodies.org
to read more articles relating to at-home parenting. Copyright 2003 Cheryl Gochnauer. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:50Z
Classroom Helping Hands
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Classroom-Helping-Hands
-
- /8830.html
2010-05-07T08:58:49Z
2010-05-07T08:58:49Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Classroom Helping Hands
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
The new school year is right over the horizon. One benefit of being a stay-at-home parent is having the flexibility to become more involved in our children's classrooms. But like any other endeavor, it's important to scope out the situation and see where we can be most effective. I remember thinking that, in order to be a good homeroom parent, I needed to be able to bake elaborate cut-out cookies and fashion presentation-quality table decorations from doilies, glue and glitter. Since I hate to bake and have no artsy-crafty skills whatsoever, I began to dread the periodic calls for volunteers. That is, until I learned a fundamental rule of parent participation: There's only one teacher, and 20-plus sets of parents. The teacher doesn't have time to discover our hidden talents. It's up to us to let the teacher know where we'd best fit in. I'm a communicator, so instead of me bringing in some burnt-around-the-edges cookies or some donuts I bought at the grocery store, I should volunteer as a story-teller. Or a whip-'em-into-a-frenzy game coordinator. However, I know a mom who can put together four loaves of the best banana bread you ever tasted in no time, and present it with a garnish. She loves to cook - and she should let the teacher know it. There's the cookie lady! Then there's the woman who used to work at Hallmark, who can do amazing things with construction paper, scissors and a glue stick. She's a perfect candidate for the bulletin board or party decoration committee. Find your niche, then jump right in. Your child and their teacher will love you for it. And be sure to volunteer for the daytime openings first, giving working moms a chance to help out with evening activities.
If a call for volunteers comes at a bad time, be gentle yet straightforward - you won't be able to help out this time. But keep a copy of the upcoming events schedule handy so you can say something like, "Christmas is really busy for me. But go ahead and put me down for the Valentine's party." There are lots of ways a parent can participate in their child's classroom activities. Explore the various opportunities available to you. Volunteering is fun, once you find where you fit.
Copyright 2000 Cheryl Gochnauer. Have you taken a look at Cheryl's book, "
So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom
"? Don't be fooled by the title - this inspirational book encourages working moms who want to come home someday, but ALSO helps parents already enjoying (or struggling with!) their at-home lifestyle. Request a copy at your local library, favorite bookstore, or
online
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:49Z
May Our Children Have Interesting Careers
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/May-Our-Children-Have-Interesting-Careers
-
- /8831.html
2010-05-07T08:58:48Z
2010-05-07T08:58:48Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>May Our Children Have Interesting Careers
According to the RoperASW survey that has been tracking our definition of the good life since 1975, only 26% of Americans say they have an interesting job today, down from 40% in 1975. With as much time as adults spend on the job, how is it that most of us have careers that are not satisfying? How can we turn this around for our children, and perhaps ourselves?
Jill Sanborne, creator of the
MYCOOLCAREER.com
career exploration Web site and Web radio show for teens and twenties, is out to increase the future job satisfaction among our youth.
"What elements create career-love vary by the individual, and widely," says Sanborne. Sanborne has interviewed over 85 people who love their career, "but the two qualities that unite these diverse professionals are that their careers play to their strengths and that they find their careers personally interesting."
These two qualities are also the ones that 60% of graduating high school seniors said, in a 2001 study, they wished someone had helped them determine before graduation. Sanborne says that all too often, how we choose college majors and careers has nothing to do with what kinds of career directions would make us happy, and that knowing our strengths and passions will lead to interesting careers.
Sanborne says the three steps to a "cool" career are 1) career assessment, 2) exploration of career ideas for a reality-check, and 3) the education and training to get "there?"
This week's career guest on
MYCOOLCAREER.com
's Web radio show is John Payne, journalist and the music editor for the
LA Weekly
. Payne talks about his beloved career and offers advice to burgeoning. He says, "Read, read and read quality literature, and love what you do." Payne's career-love is created by an obsession for music, love for reading and a talent for writing. The
LA Weekly
is a large newsweekly in Los Angeles.
MYCOOLCAREER.com
is a career exploration website for teens and 20s with over 40,000 visitors per month.
Sanborne,
MYCOOLCAREER.com
creator, studies careers, the future workplace, teens' dreams and provides solutions to the challenges they face in learning about and preparing for rewarding careers, is a regular talk show guest, and speaks to teens and parent audiences about how teens can prepare now for an awesome future in the new workplace. The site shows teens how to get to their own cool career in three steps. email:
host@mycoolcareer.com
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:48Z
Break The Shopping Rules!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Break-The-Shopping-Rules!
-
- /8832.html
2010-05-07T08:58:46Z
2010-05-07T08:58:46Z
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:46Z
"Freaky Friday" Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Freaky-Friday-Movie-Review
-
- /8833.html
2010-05-07T08:58:46Z
2010-05-07T08:58:46Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"Freaky Friday" Movie Review
Know Before You Go
Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective
Philip Boatwright, Editor
THEATRICAL RELEASE
Freaky Friday
. Jamie Lee Curtis, Lindsay Lohan, Harold Gould, Chad Michael Murray, Christina Wood, Mark Harmon. Disney. Comedy. W-Heather Hach, Lesslie Dixon. D-Mark Waters. 8/6/03
Dr. Tess Coleman (Curtis) and her fifteen-year-old daughter, Anna (Lohan), are not getting along. They don't see eye to eye on clothes, hair, or music, and certainly not in each other's taste concerning the opposite sex. Everything soon changes when two identical Chinese fortune cookies cause a mystic mayhem. The next morning, their Friday gets freaky when Tess and Anna find themselves inside the other's body. They gain a little newfound respect for the other's point of view, but with Tess's wedding coming on Saturday, the two have to find a way to switch back (and fast).
True, this genre has been done to death, but it is a great genre - having to walk around in another's body and world. And if it's done right, as it is here, the premise can be both hysterical and insightful.
Everything works - the script, the direction and certainly the performances, making this a fun movie-going experience. A mix of slapstick situations and witty dialogue, this smart family comedy also contains some honest empathy as the two leads confront issues such as a teen dealing with her mother's upcoming marriage and a mom's anxiety as her little girl nears womanhood.
If you are concerned about the "magical" element, rest assured the film does not promote any sort of mysticism. The supernatural contrivance of a mother and daughter switching bodies after cracking open fortune cookies serves only as a story device that leads to a clever and symbolic parable. It's not about Asian voodoo, but rather, about switching points of view. PG (2 minor expletives and 14 uses of the expression "oh my God" or variations of it; one crack about conservative clothing and selling Bibles, evidently implying that if one has something to do with Bibles they can't dress smartly; the surly attitude from the teen girl begins to annoy, but life lessons about love and family are learned by the precocious high schooler).
DEFINITIONS
Crudity - A word or action lacking in culture, tact
Expletive - A mild obscenity or needless expression
Obscenity - Objectionable or repugnant to acceptable standards of decency or morality; indecent; pornographic
Profanity - Irreverence toward God
Blasphemy - To speak contemptuously of God
Adult subject matter - Situations or subjects unsuitable for or difficult to comprehend by children
For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:46Z
A Mother's Teen Angst
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/A-Mothers-Teen-Angst
-
- /8834.html
2010-05-07T08:58:45Z
2010-05-07T08:58:45Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>A Mother's Teen Angst
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
Copyright 2003
Something wonderful happened this summer between me and my 15-year-old daughter. It may sound unbelievable, but I think I actually LIKE this girl!
Parents of elementary kids and under may be saying to themselves, "What's she talking about?" But those in the teen trenches will tell you - it ain't easy nudging these overgrown gangly birds onto the right flight path. They're perfectly ready to jump out of the nest; that's not the problem. It's the way they land with a thud or go "SPLAT" as they dive right into the nearest wall. (Which you've been pointing out as a hazard since they were six. But do they listen? Of course not. You're just their mom.)
Since I'm a so-called parenting expert (a title I cherished until my daughter hit puberty and all the wheels fell off), it's been humbling to find myself regularly washed up on Beats Me Beach. ("Why do they do the things they do?" "Beats me.")
One of the benefits of being a stay-at-home mom is that you're around to irritate your teen all the time. You're constantly there to provide direction (that they don't take), suggestions (that they don't follow) and protection (that they dodge as much as possible).
At least it seems that way. Until the day arrives when you realize they were listening, after all. Not to the angry words or threats or temper; they tuned those out, and rightfully so. But somewhere in the flak they snagged chunks of advice that worked, most of which were sprinkled with large doses of parental love. And - amazing as it may seem - you've been listening, too. Somewhere along the way, you've found some middle ground where the two of you can do more than co-exist. You can respect and - surprise! - even enjoy each other.
I used to comfort myself by saying, "Only six . only five . only four more years, and she's outta here." Now I think, "Only three more years, and she's outta here," but I've got a completely different expression on my face. I like this girl. I really, really like her.
I suspect she'll send me and her daddy through the blender a few more times before she leaves, but I have a feeling the worst is over.
Of course, I haven't handed her the car keys yet.
Cheryl's latest book, is "
Stay-at-Home Handbook: Advice on Parenting, Finances, Career, Surviving Each Day More
" (InterVarsity Press, 2002). Visit
www.homebodies.org
or write
Cheryl@homebodies.org
. You can also read her column on the Web at
www.gospelcom.net/homebodies/experts/cgochnauer/index.php
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:45Z
If Your Teen Can't Find a Summer Job: Make This Their Summer of Self-Discovery
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/If-Your-Teen-Cant-Find-a-Summer-Job:-Make-This-Their-Summer-of-Self-Discovery
-
- /8835.html
2010-05-07T08:58:44Z
2010-05-07T08:58:44Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>If Your Teen Can't Find a Summer Job
Make This Their Summer of Self-Discovery
It's official, from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics to the teen on the street: teens are having a challenging time landing summer jobs this year.
MYCOOLCAREER.com
, where teens are requesting help finding summer jobs, agrees.
So what to do? Jill Sanborne of MYCOOLCAREER.com, says that today's Millennial generation teens are interested in more than summer jobs: they want information, and that this is the perfect summer to start providing it.
"Parents who invest in their teens' futures this summer will reap large and satisfying rewards," says Sanborne. She says that more than the three previous generations, this one is interested in their financial future, and how to get there in a straight line.
Sanborne collects teen dreams, and she's impressed with the seriousness of their goals. From ER doctor and toy designer to forensic accountant and sports public relations, Sanborne helps teens learn how to "get there from here" in weekly 30-minute web radio interviews with professionals in the requested fields.
MYCOOLCAREER recommends for this SUMMER OF SELF-DISCOVERY for teens:
Take self-assessment tests. The number one action that parents can take this summer to help their teenagers is to line up a battery of assessment tests with a career consultant. Assessments don't only evaluate career options by aptitude - they also provide career ideas based on personality, interests and values. In a recent study, 60% of graduating high school seniors wished somebody had helped them with assessments for career compatibility!
MYCOOLCAREER.com
provides access to some free and low-cost online assessment quizzes.
Explore their top three career ideas.
Do DIY career interviews with local working professionals, because the reality of careers is often different than what teens imagine. MYCOOLCAREER.com provides The Interview Questions to Ask and how to set up an interview.
Join classes, workshops, camps, clubs and community activities that feed their interests, build skills that will help them get to their dreams, or expose them to new ideas.
Volunteer in a field that interests them so that they can see what the environment is like. Future doctors and nurses will have no problem finding opportunities in hospitals!
Buy a "dream book" like the Fiske Guide to Colleges to adorn the family coffee table - the new one for 2004 will be available in July.
Read books and biographies around these career dreams.
Choose from the 80+ information-packed streaming MP3 career interview shows on the
MYCOOLCAREER.com
website.
MYCOOLCAREER.com
is a career exploration website for teens and 20s and it's growing quickly in popularity with over 40,000 visitors per month.
Jill Sanborne, MYCOOLCAREER.com site and show creator, studies the future workplace, teens' dreams and provides solutions to the challenges they face in learning about and preparing for rewarding careers, is a regular talk show guest, and speaks to teens and parent audiences about how teens can prepare now for an awesome future in the new workplace. The site shows teens how to get to their own cool career in three steps. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:44Z
Sewing, Quilting and Other Foreign Languages
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Sewing,-Quilting-and-Other-Foreign-Languages
-
- /8836.html
2010-05-07T08:58:42Z
2010-05-07T08:58:42Z
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:42Z
Seven CEO Skills Moms Can Use To Create Wealth From The Home
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Seven-CEO-Skills-Moms-Can-Use-To-Create-Wealth-From-The-Home
-
- /8837.html
2010-05-07T08:58:42Z
2010-05-07T08:58:42Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Seven CEO skills moms can use to create wealth from the home
Del-Metri Williams
www.momthink.com
A successful mom and a successful chief executive officer share superiority in nearly identical skills:
NEGOTIATION
CEO finesses lower interest rates on a loan.A MomEO offers to do her landlord's bookkeeping inexchange for a reduction in rent.
A CEO talks a mid-level manager into taking early retirement.A MomEO cajoles her middle child into an early bedtime.
Whose job is harder?
CRISIS MANAGEMENT
A CEO makes headlines when he meets a productionschedule despite a labor strike.A MomEO finds a last-minute baby-sitter for a sick child,so she can take her infant who just fell down the stairsinto the hospital emergency room. Then she picks upthe dog from the vet, packs her husband's suitcase fora business trip, and fills prescriptions for bothchildren and the dog. After all this she makes dinner!
Whose job is harder?
FINANCIAL ACUMEN
A CEO studies the real estate market and snatches up adozen distressed properties he can use to expand hisbusiness.A MomEO studies sales and clips coupons so she canstretch her grocery budget by 50 percent.
Whose job is harder?
MULTITASK EFFICIENCY
A CEO is talking to a supplier in Tokyo, a buyer in Milan,and a banker in Los Angeles. At the same time he'ssigning letters, tipping a masseuse, and ushering hisnoon appointment into the office.A MomEO interrupts a phone conversation with her son'steacher three times to answer call-waiting signalsfrom the pediatrician, the cable company, and someoneselling time-shares in Florida, while she is also making dinner, paying bills, and holding a colicky baby on her hip.
Whose job is harder?
BUDGETING
A CEO who runs finances into the red has to facecompany shareholders and the possibility of layoffs.A MomEO who is short of cash at the end of themonth must face her family and the probability oflate-fee notices and dunning phone calls.
Whose job is harder?
BOTTOM-LINE MENTALITY
A CEO pays midtown Manhattan rent only if the forty-sixthfloor office space is crucial to profit-making potential;otherwise, he leases a warehouse in New Jersey. He hasto be hard-hearted enough to reduce payroll and to cancelholiday bonuses when sales fall behind expenses.A MomEO pays rental premiums to keep her children inthe best school district even though she could live inmuch nicer quarters on the other side of town. Andin lean times, she has to weigh the pay-back potentialof hiring a tutor for her daughter who wants to getinto medical school versus hiring a voice coach for herBroadway-bound son.
Whose job is harder?
LEADERSHIP
A CEO inspires his team to work weekends, forfeit vacationtime, and miss family functions in order tocomplete an important project on schedule.A MomEO convinces her husband to miss MondayNight Football, her seventeen-year-old son to driveher five-year-old daughter to a pajama party, and herten-year-old son to do the dishes so that she can takea night class at the local college.
Whose job is harder?
There are two reasons mothers who choose to stay at home often feel undervalued and unappreciated:
Society does not honor the mother's role.
Moms do not honor their role.
Society will never be a force for change-it is a reaction to change. So it's up to these moms to start treating themselves with respect, to acknowledge and prove their worth.
Personal success does not have to be at odds with parental success. And this is not just a twenty-first century concept-there is a proverb thousands of years old that supports this concept. It is known as the story of the virtuous or noblewoman. This lady was a mother who owned two businesses. Her clientele were wealthy men. Her business was so profitable she became a real estate investor. Her husband was a political figure with a lot of influence in the city. She hadher own personal household staff, and her children were proud of her.This mom's story appears in the Bible! I believe this is God's way of saying that He wants us to use all of the gifts and talents He has given us. Through these abilities, we can create wealth for ourselves-even if we are stay-at-home moms.Perhaps, especially if we are stay-at-home moms!
Excerpt from
AS A MOM THINKETH; A MOTHER'S GUIDE TO UNLIMITED WEALTH
Del-Metri Williams (President and Founder of Mom Executive Officers)
www.momthink.com
www.momeos.com
E-mail:
info@momthink.com
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:42Z
Whistle While They Work
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Whistle-While-They-Work
-
- /8838.html
2010-05-07T08:58:40Z
2010-05-07T08:58:40Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Whistle While They Work
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
Copyright 2001
Shirley, a stay-at-home Missouri mother whose children are now grown, clearly remembers the challenges of teaching kids to help out around the house. "If there was a trash bag sitting in the middle of the hallway, Cheryl would yell, 'Mom, do you want me to pick this up?' Rob would walk around it. Jimmy, the youngest, would kick it down the hall. None of them would do the right thing from the start - simply pick it up and take it to the dumpster."
I can't believe she hasn't gotten over that "trash bag in the hallway" thing yet. Mom, that was 35 years ago!
As your Homebodies hostess and Shirley's reformed daughter, this is the part of the column where I'm supposed to give you some wonderful advice on raising tidy kids. I have to admit, however, that training my own daughters to do their chores has been more than a little challenging.
Neither my kids nor any of my friends' kids were born with a natural inclination to whistle while they work. In fact, I think the trend points the other way. From what I've observed, most children work very hard in avoiding any kind of household labor.
Don't feel alone as you're telling your child to clean up his room - again. Avoid throwing your hands up in despair when faced with a bombed out bathroom. Your sisters have been there, and are fighting the same battles now with their children. Calmness, clarity and consistency seem to help. (Resist screaming, which may get the chore done but demoralizes both screamer and screamee.) Be very specific about what you want done, how and when. Make sure everyone understands the goal, tying penalties and rewards to the outcome.
If they fail to do the job, don't hesitate to impose sanctions!
Tomorrow, do it again: calmness, clarity, consistency. Calmness, clarity, consistency. Wear them down. Repeat after me: You are the parent; you will prevail!
Time for me to take my own advice. I'm downstairs finishing up laundry when the oven timer goes off, announcing the cake is done. I know Karen is doing her homework at the kitchen table, approximately 10 feet from the oven. I keep folding shirts as the buzzer continues to blare. After about three minutes of incessant beeping, Karen crosses to the staircase (which, incidentally, is farther away than the oven) andyells:
"Mom, do you want me to turn this off?"
Must be genetic.
Comments? Write
Cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
. Cheryl's books,
"So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom"
and
"Stay-at-Home Handbook: Advice on Finances, Parenting, Career, Surviving Each Day More"
are available in
Dr. Laura's Reading Corner
or at your favorite bookstore. Or you can order an autographed copy directly from Cheryl by
following thislink
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:40Z
Divorced Stay-at-Home Mom
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Divorced-Stay-at-Home-Mom
-
- /8839.html
2010-05-07T08:58:39Z
2010-05-07T08:58:39Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Divorced Stay-at-Home Mom
The Dollar Stretcher
by Gary Foreman
gary@stretcher.com
Gary,
Do you think it is realistically possible for a divorced, single Mom of a 15, 12, and 6-year old to stay home with her children? I do not have a profitable skill, a degree or money in the bank. All I know is that a tired, stressed-out mother is not what I want for my kids. They deserve more of me.
I currently hold a temporary job that has lasted over a year so far. It covers the monthly expenses, including car payments for a pre-owned car I just purchased this past November. Their Dad kicks in his share, but not enough for us to live on alone. Any suggestions?
Sue
Sue has plenty of company. Over 1 million couples get divorced each year and roughly one third of all families are headed by a single parent. According to Raise the Nation, an advocacy group, there are over 13 million single parent households raising 20 million children. They also estimate that only 1/4 receive full child-support.
So is it possible to Sue to get by financially without working? Probably not. Studies indicate that financial problems are one of the biggest hurdles for single parents. In fact, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics nearly one half of all single mothers have more than one job. Talk about stress!
With a little work Sue can determine whether it's possible to survive without a job. If she doesn't already have a budget, she'll need to create one. Having a budget is a good idea whether she tries to stay-at-home or not. It's important to know how much income you have and where it's going. And Sue's stress level will go down once she knows that her expenses don't exceed her income.
The next step is to adjust her budget as if she wasn't working any more. How much income would she lose? And, how many of her expenses could she reduce if she were staying at home? The exercise isn't exact, but it will give her a pretty good idea of whether there's any possibility of staying home. Chances are that she'll find that staying home isn't financially feasible.
But Sue shouldn't give up if she can't stay home. There are other ways to reduce stress.
The first step is to guard against depression. A divorced person is three times more likely to suffer from depression. Fortunately, doctors are better at identifying and treating depression than in previous generations.
A single parent must stay organized. There simply isn't time to look for lost keys. There are many resources that can show you how to get things under control. Organization can bring a sense of serenity to a home.
Train your children to help. Even preschoolers can learn their colors by helping to sort laundry. You're not cheating them by teaching them to cook and clean. In fact, you're preparing them for adulthood. And, sharing tasks is often the real quality time that they'll remember years later.
Also remember that children aren't damaged because they don't have everything that their friends have. Despite what the advertisers or your kids say.
Sue will be well served by spending time with other adults. A lack of adult friends breeds depression, fatigue and fear.
A mentor could be valuable to Sue. Someone who has been a single parent and knows the challenges.
Same thing with a good friend. Knowing someone in similar circumstances puts your own situation into perspective. Being able to help them, and be helped by them can be beneficial, too. And don't limit the friendship to talking. Cooking an extra meatloaf to share with your friend will relieve their mealtime stress one day!
If Sue finds that she's still overwhelmed, she might want to consider sharing housing with another single mother and her children. By sharing cooking, cleaning and shopping chores the two mothers regain some of the advantages of a two parent home.
Finally an editorial comment. In recent decades people have laughed at the notion of 'staying together for the children'. After hearing of the struggles of single parents like Sue maybe it's time to reconsider the idea. That isn't to say that people should stay in an abusive relationship. But perhaps trying to tolerate a troubled marriage is less painful and takes less effort than trying to raise children alone after a divorce.
Hopefully Sue will find the resources to live comfortably and enjoy the years she spends raising her children.
Gary Foreman is a former financial planner who currently edits The Dollar Stretcher website
www.stretcher.com
and newsletters
subscribe@stretcher.com
Copyright 2003 Dollar Stretcher, Inc. all rights reserved. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:39Z
Summer Reading for You & Your Teens
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Summer-Reading-for-You--Your-Teens
-
- /8840.html
2010-05-07T08:58:38Z
2010-05-07T08:58:38Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Summer Reading for You Your Teens
By Patricia Chadwick
www.parentsandteens.com
patti@parentsandteens.com
Though summer can be very hectic and busy with camps, vacations, and a host of other activities, I encourage you to take the time to relax and catch up on your reading - and encourage your teenagers to do the same. When my kids were younger, every summer we had a reading chart. As they would finish the required hours of reading they'd mark it off on the chart and collect their prize from mom. If they finished the entire chart, they got a special "Grand Prize".
Even though they are teenagers now, I still use a reading chart to encourage reading in my kids. For every 4 hours of reading I give them a small prize like an ice cream sundae, a ticket to the local minor league baseball game ($2.00), a tube of lipstick or other make up, candy bars, etc. You get the idea. Something that costs a dollar or two. If they finish the entire chart, ( I usually set it around 35 hours of reading) I give them something special. They pick the prize before we start, and it usually costs about $10.00. I encourage you to start your own reading program with your teen. Mine may not work for you. Be creative and come up with something that will work for your family. Set goals for all of you and plan on achieving them this summer! When you get tired of the frantic pace that summer can bring, steal away and curl up with a good book.
Patti Chadwick is the creator of Parents Teens found at
www.parentsandteens.com
. She is also the author of MISSION POSSIBLE: RAISING GREAT TEENS! and LOOK UP! A 30-Day Devotional Journal for Teens. Both books are available on her website in both ebook and print formats. To purchase visit:
https://www.pcpublications.org/pt/securebookform.html
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:38Z
Learning to Read Is Child's Play
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Learning-to-Read-Is-Childs-Play
-
- /8841.html
2010-05-07T08:58:36Z
2010-05-07T08:58:36Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Learning to Read Is Child's Play
By Jeanie Eller
www.ActionReading.com
Find out if your child can read. Sit down with your child. Take something they have not memorized (like a story in today#146;s newspaper or this article) and have your child read it out loud to you. If your child has completed first grade they should be able to fluently, accurately and independently read a story in the newspaper and answer comprehension questions about the story. If they cannot, you need to immediately teach your child to read. The Federal Government spent 2 Billion Dollars of our tax money to find out how children learn to read. They came up with 7 principles of learning to read. The following are ways that you can teach these principles and your child can enjoy learning to read.
Phonemic awareness just means the awareness that words are made up of sounds. A person (child or adult) must have this awareness before they can move on to the next step of learning to read. Sing songs; play rhyming games and start making the connection of the beginning sound of the child#146;s name with the symbol (letter) that represents that sound. For example if the child#146;s name is Keelan, every time you see a letter K in a book or on a sign, say, #147;Look, there#146;s your sound kuh. kuh#148;. Do not call it by its letter name Kay. Call it by its sound, kuh.
Teach your child letter sounds not letter names. Teach your child the aah, buh, cuhs first, not the ABCs. Letter names do not make words. Sea Aye Tea does not make a word. When your child says the sounds of the letters, Cuh-aah-tuh the word #147;cat#148; will come right out of their mouth. For help with teaching the sounds get the FUNdamentals program. You can also make and play the following games.
Have your child make an Aah-Buh-Cuh Book. Take a cheap scrapbook with white or beige pages. At the top of each page write one letter. (Both capitol and lower case). Let your child cut or tear pages out of magazines and paste them on the appropriate pages. I also let my children have any duplicate photos. My son pasted a picture of a friend at a party on the Dd page and said, #147;Dan Doherty dancing. Duh, duh, duh#148;.
Aah-Buh-Cuh Bingo. Take a piece of paper and make 5 rows across and 5 rows down to form 25 Bingo squares. Say a word that begins with each sound of the alphabet. You can always leave out one. Have the child write the capital and lower case letter for the sound. Then give the child Cheerios or MMs to use for markers. Say a word that begins with a sound and the child will find that sound and put the marker on it. When they have a straight line across, down or diagonally they say #147;Aah-Buh-Cuh#148; and they get to eat that row.
Aah-Buh-Cuh Checkers. Take a cheap checkerboard and write the letters in random order with a black marker. Each time the child moves apiece they say the sound they are moving to. If they forget or say the wrong sound, they lose a turn.
Tips on How to Help Your Child with Reading From LEARNING TO READ IS CHILD#146;S PLAY. Jeanie Eller has been a classroom teacher for over 36 years. She trains teachers all over the country. She taught illiterate adults to read in two weeks for the Oprah Winfrey Show. She is the developer of the ACTION READING FUNdamentals learn to read at home program. She can be reached at: 1-800-378-1046 or
www.ActionReading.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:36Z
Crabby Kid Day
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Crabby-Kid-Day
-
- /8842.html
2010-05-07T08:58:35Z
2010-05-07T08:58:35Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Crabby Kid Day
Shelly Burke
www.homeiswherethemomis.com
Just like mom and dad, kids have bad days. Their trauma of missing Barbie dolls, or dropping a pass during the recess football game may not be as dramatic as a big people crisis, but they're still real to the kids. Sometimes you can tell your child is going to have a bad day from the moment he wakes up, grumpy. Or, you can tell by the way your daughter walks into the house after school that she had a bad day. Try to find out the cause of the bad mood. Bad moods may be a result of changes in the child's life, like starting school, a new sibling, potty training, or vacation. It might be the first warning of an illness, or there might be no discernable cause.
Tips for Helping Kids get Through a Bad Day
Talk about it
Even young children can answer your question, what's making you unhappy? You might have to ask more direct questions of older kids, like, what's bothering you? or, did something in school happen to upset you? Sympathize with what happened, talk about it (if your child wants to), dry tears, and give hugs. If your child doesn't want to talk about it, reassure her that, when you want to tell me about it, let me know and we can talk.
Time alone
Ask your child if he wants to be alone, and respect his wishes to play, pout, read, rest, cry, watch a video, or just relax. Check in on him periodically to see if he's ready to talk.
Stay close
Even if your child doesn't want to talk, she might want to be close to you. Talk about your day, take a walk, tell a joke, tickle her, wrestle, read a book, bake cookies together, or let her just sit on your lap and be close. Eat! Even if it's not nutritious, a snack will increase his blood sugar and may improve his mood.
Take charge
If grumpiness or a bad mood is out of proportion to what caused it, or affecting the whole family, it's time to be firm. Say, enough talking about it for now. It's time to think about something else. Let's do something fun!
The tactics you use depend on your child and the particular situation. Try as many different things as you need to. With a little help from you, your children can get through bad days. Shelly Burke is the author of Home is Where the Mom Is. For more information, to read another excerpt, or to order, go to
www.homeiswherethemomis.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:35Z
The Mother of All Battles - Redux
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Mother-of-All-Battles---Redux
-
- /8843.html
2010-05-07T08:58:34Z
2010-05-07T08:58:34Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Mother of All Battles - Redux
By Judy Gruen copy;2003
(For permission to reprint, either online or in print, please send me an email at
judy@judygruen.com
. Forwarding is most welcome. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com)
I breezed through the kitchen as the kids were in their usual seated positions, wolfing down breakfast and snatching at the berries from other people's bowls. Canvassing the riot of cereal boxes, milk cartons, and lunch fixings mussing up my kitchen, I decided this was as good a time as any to introduce my brand new parenting technique. I cleared my throat and addressed the masses.
"Good morning. Beginning today, I will conduct a daily briefing with all of you at 0700 hours to assess the status of Operation House Clean-Up. First, everybody needs to participate in mop-up operations after breakfast. I will also assign you each a reconnaissance mission throughout other areas of the house that are not yet secured from mayhem, dirty school pants, and puzzles half-completed and then abandoned. When these goals are achieved, we will reconnoiter at the van at 0745 to leave for school, most likely joining a long convoy of other vans, so make sure to use the latrine before we exit."
"Why are you talking like Donald Rumsfeld?" asked an older child.
"What do you have against Rummy?" I asked, feeling defensive. It has given me no end of pleasure in recent weeks to watch this man stare down journalists asking "Are we there yet?" questions about the war. How could anyone fail to admire a guy who wasn't afraid to let journalists know when they were asking stupid or repetitive questions, which was often? I proceeded. "Furthermore, it has come to my attention that episodes of looting have taken place in one of the boys' rooms. Be forewarned that this type of activity will not be tolerated. Perpetrators will be captured and will feel the consequences."
"I thought this war was supposed to be about freedom from tyranny," moped another kid who, I had just decided, had been reading too many war articles in the newspaper. "You're taking away our civil liberties! It's our right as kids to make messes and then just get up and leave them."
"Look," I explained, "how many resolutions need to be made and then broken before you people know I'm serious? Look at this place! Backpacks all over the floor, homework lying around on the dining room table, empty Corn Pops boxes on the counter. Why, last night I personally witnessed at least a dozen sock-flying sorties in the no-fly zone in the living room. I'm looking for a coalition of the willing to introduce some order here."
Then another kid piped up. "What happens if we don't want to join? Do you really intend to go it alone, and force your will on us unilaterally?"
"What will happen is that those individuals who fail to join our coalition might find their faces on a pack of playing cards with WANTED notices written under their names, their last known whereabouts, and a reward fortheir capture."
"If we agree to join your coalition of the willing, does that mean we can also go without showers for a month, like the Marines in Iraq?" The boy who asked this looked hopeful.
"I'll have to refer that question to Central Command, which happens to be me. The answer is No."
At this point the kids became quiet, except for the one busily blowing bubbles into his sugary cereal milk with a straw. This seemed to settle the matter for a few days, though I encountered pockets of resistance throughout the house. Some of my recruits had trouble prioritizing. For example, my daughter found it more important to gently wave her hands around outside as her nails dried than to set the table for dinner. And the boys still found playing computer war games more gripping than sorting laundry. Go figure.
However, I remain undeterred in my mission. My only fear is that if I get too tough, I might find the kids slapping my photo with their shoes. On the other hand, at least I will have found a way to make them pick up their shoes from the floor in the first place.
Judy Gruen is the author of "Till We Eat Again: Confessions of a DietDropout" and "
Carpool Tunnel Syndrome: Motherhood as Shuttle Diplomacy
"(both from Champion Press). Subscribe to Judy's email humor column at
www.judygruen.com
. Enter your email on the Newsletter page or write to her at
judy@judygruen.com
.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:34Z
Remembering to Nurture The Nurturer
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Remembering-to-Nurture-The-Nurturer
-
- /8844.html
2010-05-07T08:58:32Z
2010-05-07T08:58:32Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Remembering to Nurture The Nurturer
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
It's a good thing Carrie was born on a Sunday, or her daddy might havemissed the whole thing. The year Carrie arrived, Terry was workingfull-time, plus starting his own business on the side. He allowedhimself one day off a week. That's it. The other six days, he workedevery waking hour, and many of the ones when he should have beensleeping.
Was he a workaholic because he was supporting his stay-at-home wife?
Nope. I was working full-time, too. And because he was sleeping when Iwas working, we never saw each other. Literally.
I take that back. We had a standing date for lunch on Wednesdays. Wemet at a little cafeacute; near my office, 1-2 p.m. Then he had to run.
Two years of this ridiculous lifestyle brought us nothing but a failedbusiness and an almost failed marriage. Absence does not make the heartgrow fonder. Absence makes the heart grow resentful.
Many couples who have had to deal with love on tight schedules know whatI'm talking about. A great relief settled on the Gochnauer householdonce Terry dropped the second job. And when I came home two yearslater, our marriage really started to grow.
That's because we were finally able to spend lots of time together. Itdidn#146;t matter what shift Terry worked, because when he was off, I wasoff.
We hear a lot about how having a stay-at-home mom benefits kids. I'mhere to tell you - having a stay-at-home wife benefits a husband, too.
But what if we're working opposite shifts so our children are never indaycare?
Be careful. Sometimes we get in trouble by focusing too much on thekids and not enough on Mom and Dad. It's crucial that we cultivate therelationship that's holding this family together, treating it with asmuch respect as the mother and child bond.
Whatever schedule you and your husband are on, build in lots of qualityAND quantity time for the two of you alone. A peck on the cheek as thebaby is passed from one parent to the other isn't going to cut it.
Each husband and wife needs to feel as loved as the children they'renurturing. Try to find the balance that will allow all members of yourfamily to blossom, as everyone receives the affection and attention theyneed.
You might want to check out Cheryl#146;s latest book, #147;Stay-at-HomeHandbook: Advice on Parenting, Finances, Career, Surviving Each Day More#148; (InterVarsity Press, 2002) from your local library. If you#146;drather have your own copy, visit
www.homebodies.org/bookstore/orderSAHH.htm
or write
Cheryl@homebodies.org
. You can also read her column on the Web by
clicking here
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:32Z
A Process To Deal With War/Terrorism Jitters - How We and Our Nation Can Learn To Cope with the Worries Over The War With Iraq
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/A-Process-To-Deal-With-War/Terrorism-Jitters---How-We-and-Our-Nation-Can-Learn-To-Cope-with-the-Worries-Over-The--War-With-Iraq
-
- /8845.html
2010-05-07T08:58:31Z
2010-05-07T08:58:31Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>A Process To Deal With War/Terrorism Jitters
How We and Our Nation Can Learn To Cope with the Worries Over The War With Iraq
By Dr. J. Mitchell Perry, Business Psychologist and Human Performance Expert
We are being bombarded daily with war news in Iraq.The news is unsettling and unnerving and is taking a toll with the serenity ofAmericans at home. We are becoming more worried than usual, and some of us are having trouble coping with the stress.How can we cope with this threat to our well-being and life- as- we-know it?Here are five tips:
Accept the Reality That War/Terrorism Happens
Recognize that war is a constant and that war will always be with us. About a dozen wars are ongoing in the world at any given time. Understand that terrorism and war rocks our perception of stability, but, in essence, stability is merely a perception. Remember that you will always feel better when you accept circumstances as they are rather than agonizing about how things should be.
Control Over- Compensating Behavior
By overeating, over-drinking, gambling, incurring credit card debt, chronic lying, overworking, etc., we are living our lives out of control. Start by identifying the out of balance indicators. Next start to solve aberrant behaviors to get our life back in order. Take some proactive steps toward more control and responsibility over what you can control. Lose the weight, exercise, get your financial house in order, increase your effort to live up to your basic governing standards, manage your time better....in short take more command over your life. When you do, you will find the severity of concerns/worries about the war with Iraq will lessen once you have better control over your own personal and business life.
Look At the Threat Realistically
By accepting the reality of war, we can focus on a solution on how to deal with it. When we focus on a solution, we will go beyond merely describing the problem and provide ourselves with mental and emotional tools. Problem describing can be a chronic habit and lead to more worries, increased perception of helplessness and powerlessness. So spend more of your time focusing on problem solution. Your power will increase and so will your ability to cope with the reality of war.
Keep the "Worry" In Context with the Rest of Our Lives
Change your behavior to protect against the perception of disaster. Preparefor and be ready to accept a new reality. Since September 11, the world has changed and so have our ways of dealing with national security. We now face the task of coming to terms with the daily threat of terrorism. Remember that other countries have been dealing with this for years (like Israel and South Africa). When you catastrophize, you get weaker. When you concentrate on what you can do, you get stronger.
Focus On Connection With Others Around You
Spend more time making contact with people your care about. Strengthen those relationships that need time and attention. Do the maintenance on yourself and those important people in your lives. Make your relationships closer and you will feel stronger and less alone. Get out of worrying alone and spend more time with others. In that way you will feel less hostage to the latest news release promoting fear.
The reality is that we have more control than we think over what develops in our lives. Sometimes events outside our control can be a threat to our perception of control. However, our journey can be smoother once we strengthen our lives with more balance. Our goal is to increase our personal power and decrease being hostage to fear. The above ideas can aid significantly in that goal.
Dr. J. Mitchell Perry is a business psychologist, author and human performance expert. He is based in Ventura, California and his website is
www.jmperry.com
. Email:
drjmperry@jmperry.com
Phone: 800 JMPERRY. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:31Z
Just Say No....and Challenge Yourself
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Just-Say-No....and-Challenge-Yourself
-
- /8846.html
2010-05-07T08:58:29Z
2010-05-07T08:58:29Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Just Say No....and Challenge Yourself
By Carrie Myers Smith
Saying no is tough! But it's a necessity if you're to become a woman inwellness. Recently, a friend and I were talking. Her son was playingbasketball (among other activities, including karate and snowboarding),our boys were not. She wanted to know how we did it.
"How do you do it? How do you say no?"
"Simple," I replied. "I open my mouth." Okay, so it's not really thatsimple. In a nutshell, you first need to desire a certain outcome. Inthis case, we didn't want to confine our entire winter-weekends and week to basketball. Secondly, you need to make a choice-either go withwhat you desire, or choose what you know in the end will not make youhappy. We chose to not do basketball. Our boys do soccer and baseball,and we thought that was plenty. Since we live in the Northeast, they didoutdoor activities instead-and didn't suffer because of missing out onbasketball. Finally, you need to act on your decision. That's whereactually saying no comes in.
If you live in a small town, you understand the pressure for your kidsto be involved in everything. And because everyone knows everyone, smalltown people really have a knack for slathering on the guilt when youdecline. But you need to decide what is best for you and your family,not what's in the town's best interest. In our case, it definitely paidoff. The parents whose kids played basketball complained all season longbecause of the crazy schedule. Weeknights and every weekend wereengulfed in basketball. Some games were more than two hours away. Andsome days, they had a game somewhere in the morning and another gamesomewhere else in the afternoon. Did I mention these werenine-year-olds?
Learning to say no is one of the first steps in becoming a woman inwellness and building the healthy life you and your family deserve. Now,go to a mirror and practice saying it: no, no, no. You can do it!
Challenge Yourself
Have you come to a point in your life where you feel good rather thanguilt for saying no? Obviously, there are times we have to say no tosomething we really wish we could say yes to. But so much of our livesis filled with fulfilling other people's expectations of us. How manyhours a week are you spending on fulfilling other people's expectations?How many hours a week are you at your home? How much time does yourfamily spend as down time-together?
I want you to do a littleexperiment. Keep a log for a week of your schedule. I don't just mean acalendar. I mean, really keep track of what everyone is doing. Tally upthe time each day that everyone is together. If you're single, keeptrack of how much time you're at home or doing something you reallyenjoy-work doesn't count! At the end of the week, figure out how muchtime you actually spent with someone else in your family. How much timeis everyone in the house at the same time? Sleeping doesn't count!
Nowsit down with your family and show them the results. Discuss whatactivities each person could consider cutting down on. I'm notadvocating quitting half-way through a sports season or otherresponsibility. But begin today to practice saying no. Stop and think ofthe implications it will have on yourself and your family if you take on"just one more thing."
One other thing I encourage you to do is considereach of your children's true gifts and talents. Are they being nurtured?In our Super Woman ways, we try desperately to create Super Offspring,often at the expense of nurturing their true gifts. There is so muchcompetition in today's world to have well-rounded kids. They know alittle bit about a lot of things, but each child has a special talent. Ichallenge you to sit down with each child and discuss this with him orher. Kids get stressed out, too, and they may be relieved to have yourblessing to cut down on some of their activities.
Carrie Myers Smith is a Wellness Coach, contributing editor for Energymagazine and founder and president of
www.womeninwellness.com
. Click
here
for a free 30 day trial toCarrie's Women in Wellness Life Coaching Program. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:29Z
The "Marriage Advantage" Married Men Earn More
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Marriage-Advantage-Married-Men-Earn-More
-
- /8847.html
2010-05-07T08:58:28Z
2010-05-07T08:58:28Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The "Marriage Advantage" Married Men Earn More
Joanne Watson
Studies show married men earn an average of 10-40% more money than thosewho have never married, yet have similar education and work experience.
And in the current economy, being part of a team, is one way to giveyourself a real advantage. If you are a stay-at-home mom (or want to beone) you can contribute to the family income by helping your husbandmake more money, while being home with your kids.
Here are some tips for couples who want to work together to boost theirincome.
Build your husband's confidence. Confidence will open a lot of doors.Get him to tell you about the five accomplishments he is most proud of,and write them down. Then add his best qualities to the list. Is heeasy-going? Dependable? Persistent and methodical? Creative? Once herealizes how valuable he is to an employer, it will be much easier to goafter a raise or a higher-paying job and get it.
Husband and Wife networking. Think about who you know that could giveyour husband an introduction to a great, higher-paying opportunity. Itcould be someone you meet on the job, at the PTA, a volunteer activityor any number of places. If you are the social type, you may also wantto have parties or host charity functions to give your husband a chanceto connect with his business contacts on a social level.
Help "Market" your husband. He may be great at his profession, butthat doesn't mean he is great at marketing himself. Help him get aterrific resume done, send a mailing to employers, and help make him theemployee they just have to have.
Practice with him. Asking for a raise or interviewing for a job can beawkward. If you practice over and over, your husband will be preparedfor the possible questions and responses and will be ready with his"come-backs". By practicing with him, he will be cool, calm andcollected and you will increase his chances of success.
Share his dreams. Having someone who believes in your dreams andgoals, and talking about them can help them materialize. Every greatcompany was once just an idea, and most top executives started outsomewhere less prestigious, but they had a goal and they accomplishedit. Listen to his dreams and offer support and encouragement, and youmay help him accomplish his goals as well.
There are many ways you can help boost your husband's earnings. Byforming a team, couples can make the "marriage advantage" work for them,and help make at-home parenting affordable.
Joanne Watson is the author of
How to Help Your Husband Make More Money,So You Can Be a Stay-at-Home Mom
(Warner Books Jan. 2003). Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:28Z
Four Ways To Take Back Your Family's Time Together
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Four-Ways-To-Take-Back-Your-Familys-Time-Together
-
- /8848.html
2010-05-07T08:58:27Z
2010-05-07T08:58:27Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Four Ways To Take Back Your Family's Time Together
by Leslie Godwin, MFCC, Career Life-Transition Coach
Year-round school makes scheduling family vacations next to impossible. Sports practices often take precedence over family dinners. Pagers, cell phones, and laptop computers keep us tethered to work no matter where we are. Many families are bossed around by schedules on steroids and are starting to fight to get their lives back.
You may not be ready to declare war on school officials, team coaches or your boss, but you can improve the quantity AND quality of time together by putting these ideas to work:
HOLD FAMILY MEETINGS:
A weekly family meeting provides the time and place to discuss family priorities and goals, as well as major and minor disputes (everything from "Kelly went in my room again and borrowed my clothes!!" to "I want to sleep over at Stephanie's house this weekend. I can get my chores done Thursday.")
BASE OUTSIDE ACTIVITIES ON FAMILY PRIORITIES:
Your family meetings will give you a chance to create family guidelines or rules. Base family and outside activity levels on those agreed-upon priorities and values. This has the wonderful side-effect of teaching your kids how to plan the details of life based on the Big Picture.
ENSURE UNSTRUCTURED FAMILY TIME:
Kids and adults need unstructured time to read, play, and just hang out together. Too much structured time doesn't allow spontaneity and doesn't teach your children that grown-ups can play and have fun without needing fancy vacations, trips to amusement parks, or other pre-packaged ways to enjoy themselves. (Don't you wish your parents taught you this lesson when it would have been easy to learn?)
Enjoying time together is easier when you have a playful attitude. What if you acted playfully and relaxed in these everyday situations: bathtime, when preparing dinner or when helping your child get dressed. (Within reason, of course. I understand that as soon as parents step inside a supermarket, children become inhabited by aliens.)
TEACH YOURSELF, SO YOU CAN TEACH YOUR KIDS, HOW TO VALUE BEING IN THE MOMENT:
Many young children know this but forget it when social and family pressures to "do" and "accomplish" start to crowd out the more subtle appreciation of being in the moment. This is best taught non-verbally by your example. So here are some ways to teach YOURSELF how to be more present in the moment:
Meditate a few minutes every day to quiet your mind and feel centered.
Be aware of when you are getting caught up in an emotion like fear or excitement about something that MIGHT happen and calmly ground yourself in the present moment as much as possible.
Don't schedule activities too closely together. When you're rushing, you aren't in the moment. Instead, make an effort to do your chores, work, and other activities on your body's natural schedule so you can relax and enjoy (most of) them. You'll probably save time because you won't make as many mistakes as you would if you were in a hurry.
Life isn't going to slow down so we can catch up. So the next time you find yourself saying, "Let's go, we're running late!" take a deep breath, remind yourself that you're getting off track, and refuse to be bossed around by your schedule.
Leslie Godwin, MFCC, is a Career Life-Transition Coach specializing in helping people put their families, faith, and principles first when making career and life choices. She publishes a free email newsletter on career and life transition. To subscribe, email
godwinpss@aol.com
and mention that you'd like to be on the email newsletter list. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:27Z
Why do we need Family Friendly Jury Duty?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Why-do-we-need-Family-Friendly-Jury-Duty
-
- /8849.html
2010-05-07T08:58:26Z
2010-05-07T08:58:26Z
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:26Z
One Income Beats Two
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/One-Income-Beats-Two
-
- /8850.html
2010-05-07T08:58:26Z
2010-05-07T08:58:26Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>One Income Beats Two
Two income families aren#146;t getting what they want#151;and it#146;s costing them more.
In a poll by Survey USA, 73% of moms surveyed said being a two income family doesn#146;t allow enough time with the kids, and 87% said they would prefer to be home if they could afford to.
Yet, if one income isn#146;t enough to pay the bills, many women will go to work when they would rather be home. However, a better solution is to help your husband make more money.
Take this example:
Sam makes $40,000. Sam and Donna#146;s family expenses are $50,000. In order to cover the $10,000 shortfall, Donna would have to earn $25,000 out of which she would pay child-care for two children, office wardrobe, possibly a second car and insurance, office lunches and more meals out or convenience foods due to busy schedules.
Even if Donna#146;s income were higher, the same expenses would have to be deducted. And, the higher combined incomes might put Sam and Donna in a new, higher tax bracket, which would mean Sam would take home less than what he was taking home before Donna went to work.
Instead, Donna and Sam could just work together to boost Sam#146;s income by $10,000 for the same net result, but with Donna able to stay home.
Something that isn#146;t that hard to do when armed with the right information. In fact, couples working together have an advantage.
Helping your husband may not sound #147;politically correct#148;, but working as a team to increase one income may be the ticket to having a lower-stress, family friendly lifestyle, and still being able to pay the bills.
The joys and rewards of being home with your kids makes one income beat two, hands down.
How to Help Your Husband Make More Money, So You Can Be a Stay-at-Home Mom
by Joanne Watson (Warner Books Jan. 2003) is available in
Dr. Laura's Reading Corner
bookstores nationwide. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:26Z
Moments for Mom a Wife
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Moments-for-Mom-a-Wife
-
- /8851.html
2010-05-07T08:58:24Z
2010-05-07T08:58:24Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Moments for Mom a Wife
February, 2003
I'm going to take you on a little tangent this month, ladies. We'regoing to talk about the men in our lives seeing as it is the month oflove (according to Hallmark, at least).
I don't know about you - but laughter is hugely important to me. I loveto laugh and my husband, Kevin, in his unique way, makes me laugh harderthan anyone else can. (Definitely one of the reasons I married him.)
The other day, I told my husband, Kevin, that I wanted him to come upwith a nickname for me. Something other than honey or Beth. Somethingthat meant something to both of us. And something that was actuallynice. I explained to him that two of our couple friends' husbands havenicknames for their wives and I thought it was really sweet. He sighed,rolled his eyes, and said, 'You're kidding me, right?' But he startedthrowing some out nevertheless.
'Toots?' Um, no. I'm looking for a tad more personal, please.
'Slim?' Why? 'Because you're slim.' That's sweet, but no.
'Winnie?' Winnie?! 'You say, 'I win' a lot.' No I don't, so no.
'Blackie?' What? 'You look good in black?', he said with a bit of aquestion, his weariness showing, his creativity waning. Again, thankyou, but no.
'Peri?' Why Peri? 'Your favorite color is periwinkle.' No, no it'snot. I actually dislike periwinkle. (By this time, I'm beginning towane.)
Til he tossed out his final offering, and quite confidently I must add,'7.' 7? Are you kidding me? Why? 'It's your favorite number.' Noit's not, I said with a sigh of resignation. 'Well, what's yourfavorite number then?' 63. '63?! Whose favorite number is 63?! Andwho calls anyone 63?!' No one calls anyone by their favorite number!
Sigh.
So 7 it is.
Just a peek into our goofy life. And there's only one reason I gave youthis glimpse, because I want to encourage you to laugh, to find theidiosyncrasies in your relationship that make it so unique, to remindyou that your lives are so intertwined that the bond is unbreakable, toremind you that you have a history and a present and a futuretogether, and to remind you that all of this is a gift from God. HappyValentine's Day, ladies!
copy; Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2003. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Elisabeth K. Corcoran is the author of Calm in My Chaos: Encouragementfor a Mom's Weary Soul (2001), which can be purchased directly throughher publisher, Kregel Publications at #1-888-644-0500 or
www.kregel.com
,or at chrbook.com or familychristian.com, or through yourlocal Christian bookstore. This column is original and not excerptedfrom her book.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:24Z
Myths and Misunderstandings of the Grieving Process
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Myths-and-Misunderstandings-of-the-Grieving-Process
-
- /8852.html
2010-05-07T08:58:22Z
2010-05-07T08:58:22Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Myths and Misunderstandings of the Grieving Process
by Brook Noel Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D.
It is the rare school or family environment that teaches what to expect either emotionally or pragmatically, when life collapses in tragedy, especially the advent of sudden and unexpected death. A sudden loss can put one into a whirlwind of emotions and visceral responses, twisting and turning us until we are set down in a place that feels as foreign as another planet. Like a hurricane, there is nothing like it, and nothing can prepare us. We can only follow suggested guidelines, i.e. evacuate, board up, etc. However, unlike a hurricane where there is often advance warning, with sudden death there is no such warning#151;no way to prepare.
We are ill-prepared to handle sudden death because we don#146;t expect life to be so tenuous, so fragile. However, once our lives are touched by the experience of tragic loss, we never look at life in quite the same way. We become acutely aware of the delicate nature of the human organism, and life becomes precious in a way it never was before.
You can consciously shift from feeling grief is #147;something that happens to you#148; to #147;grieving is something you do to heal.#148; Remember, when life feels out of control, and it#146;s bound to during this time, that you do have control over how you will grieve and this can be very empowering.
In this article we will cover many of the common myths that people hold today. You may have encountered some of these already or been feeling pressured by them yourself. By examining the myth we can create a more well-rounded picture.
Myth #1 - Death is death, sudden or long term and we all grieve the same way. Of course there will be some commonalties in the grieving process. Truth is, depending on our life experiences, age, sex, resiliency, number of previous losses, health, cultural expectations and relationship to the deceased, we will each #147;do grief#148; in our own unique way. No two of us are exactly alike in our histories and in our relationship to the deceased.
Myth #2 - By keeping busy I can lessen or eliminate my grief. In an attempt to avoid the pain, grievers may choose to keep busy. We may find ourselves cleaning the house, dusting bookshelves, cleaning closets and engaging in other non-important tasks. However, you will find this #147;busyness#148; is simply a sidetrack that will only work for a short time. There is clearly no way around grief.
Myth #3 - I am going crazy and I#146;m afraid I will stay that way. Sudden death creates trauma for the survivors on many levels. Trauma victims may not behave as people would expect. Many people report feeling numb and indifferent. Those around you, may expect you to be more openly distraught and you may hear comments like, #147;My, you sure are taking this well,#148; or #147;I expected to find you in a more disturbed state.#148; You may find yourself walking around in a fog with an inability to make decisions. You may behave in a matter-of-fact way and you may appear to be functioning at a rather high level. Blank stares are common as the mind tries to grapple with the unimaginable. You may not weep, cry or wail for some time. All of these behaviors may puzzle onlookers and family members, and all of these behaviors are normal and temporary.
Myth #4 - I will need to make sure I don#146;t grieve for too long#151;one year should be enough. Sometimes societal and religious beliefs impose rules like time limits for grief, what we should wear, how we should behave, when and where we should talk about the death and to whom. With sudden death, as with any death, we must find our own way through to embrace life again. Most recoveries from sudden death take at least two years, and in some ways we never #147;get over#148; the loss completely. Our expression of grief needs to come out of our need to make meaning or sense from what feels like meaningless tragedy, and no time limit can be set on that.
Myth #5 - If I express my anger at God or the circumstances of the death, I am a bad person and will #147;pay#148; for it. Anger is an extremely uncomfortable emotion for some of us, but it is one of the most important ones to express. If you become angry with God, don#146;t judge yourself too harshly. As Earl Grollman writes, #147;It#146;s okay to scream at God. He can take it.#148; The Psalms are full of raging at God about injustices. We believe God can handle anything we throw his way. However, if you find your anger is becoming out of control (i.e. breaking valuables, threatening or preparing to kill someone, wanting to burn the church or hospital down or you have suicidal thoughts) immediately seek appropriate professional help and guidance.
Myth #6 - I won#146;t have to grieve as much and I will feel better if I use alcohol or medication to alleviate my sadness. Some survivors will use, or increase their use, of alcohol or antidepressants. By doing this however, they distance themselves from what they need to feel to heal, and they distance themselves from their family members and support systems. The grief simply goes underground and waits to be expressed. They may mistakenly believe that #147;If I drink (drug) to get over it, then the grief will be gone when I#146;m sober.#148; Nothing could be further from the truth. Some will need the temporary relief that medication can provide in order to function and a competent therapist should help make this decision.
Myth #7 - If I talk about my loss I#146;ll feel worse. You cannot move through your grief unless you experience it. Hiding it or denying it will only prolong it. Meeting and talking with other people who have been through this process will help you. Ellen Sue Stern writes in Living with Loss: Meditations for Grieving Widows, #147;It#146;s essential to allow yourself to talk as much as you want; healing is hastened by reminiscing about your husband [or loved one] processing the last days of his life, the funeral and any other details surrounding his death. For now choose only to spend time with people who are supportive and understanding, who can lovingly listen as long as you need to talk.#148;
Myth #8 - After a while I won#146;t think about it anymore. You may be ambushed by grief when you least expect it. To believe you can forever put the loss and the circumstances surrounding the death #147;out of your mind#148; is a completely unrealistic expectation. You will, from time to time, throughout your life, re-experience feelings associated with the loss.
Myth #9 - I should be relieved that they didn#146;t suffer a long and lingering illness. You may hear some say #147;well at least he died quickly#151;be happy for that.#148; Perhaps you are thinking this way if the person you lost suddenly was much older or had been suffering. But for most of us, the sudden death was an untimely one#151;one that occurred way too soon for the person and those left behind. There may be little, if any, relief in the knowledge that they died quickly.
Myth #10 - Once I am done with one stage of grief, I will simply move on to the next. With the popularity of the well-known #147;Five Stages of Grief#148; (Kuuml;bler-Ross,) some people mistakenly believe that grief is a linear process. Like we said before, recovery is not like an elevator that takes you from the basement of despair to the penthouse of joy. It is more like a maze where you go forward a bit, move back a few steps, cover the same ground again and find yourself at the beginning. Like a fun house hall of mirrors, you see yourself over and over again, distorted and misshapen until you come out the other side.
Myths can prohibit the process of recovery. Use the above Myth-Busters to work past the myth to reality.
Excerpted from
I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: surviving, coping and healing after the sudden death of a loved one
by Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair. Available through your favorite bookseller or at
www.championpress.com
Brook Noel is also the founder of GriefStepsTM
www.griefsteps.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:22Z
Goals for the New Year
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Goals-for-the-New-Year
-
- /8853.html
2010-05-07T08:58:20Z
2010-05-07T08:58:20Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Goals for the New Year
By Patricia Chadwick
www.parentsandteens.com
As the New Year dawns, now is the time to think of your goals for the coming year. I'd once heard a saying, "If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time!" I found this to be quite true and have strove over the years to write down my goals and review them often. I find this helps me to accomplish the things that are important to me.
I suggest that you get away by yourself for a day in order to really think about the goals you want to set for you and your family. You will benefit by having several hours alone without any distractions. That way you can really think deeply about the things you want to accomplish. If you can't take a day, split your goal setting session into 2 or 3 hour sessions until you are done. If your teens are in school and your husband works outside the home (2 things that I don't have!), you can spend your time when they are gone setting your goals. Turn off the phone and television - and don't go on the Internet! Since I don't have this opportunity, I've done it several ways. One year, I went up to our summer cottage, lit the wood stove, and spent the day goal setting. Another year, I took a drive to a small, quiet restaurant in a neighboring county and spent the day sipping hot cocoa and setting my goals. Another year, my husband took my family away for the day and I stayed at home, spending the day writing out my goals. Anyway you can, make it happen! Setting your goals down on paper will help you attain them throughout the year.
As we think of these objectives, we might wonder what types of goals we should be setting. This is something personal. To set my goals I use a loose-leaf notebook with a yearly calendar in it. I break the notebook into 12 categories. You may find that more or less works for you. Think about what is important to you and set out to attain it! Below are some ideas to get you started.
Spiritual Goals
This section will help you focus on what you would like to accomplish spiritually during the year. You might want to include things like:
Studying the Bible more in depth
Reading through the Bible in a year
Practice the spiritual disciplines (prayer, fasting, journaling, etc.)
Learn to be quiet and listen to God's voice and then do what he says!
Read a certain Christian Book
Develop a certain character trait
Work on loving your neighbor as yourself
Family Goals
In this section you will focus on what you wish to accomplish as a family. It may include character traits you wish to instill in your children. You may want to include items such as:
Work on treating each other with respect
Discuss sexuality with my young teen
Help your teen prepare to get his license
Work on developing a closer relationship
Help teens become more independent and self-sufficient
Train teens in various practical living skills
Continue to develop Bible study skills
Have family devotions
Strive to eat supper together at least 5 times a week
You may also want to break it down into separate goals for each member of your family.
Marriage Goals
This section will help you focus on improving your marriage relationship.You may want to include things such as:
Work on understanding my spouse better
Read 2 marriage enrichment books this year and practice what I learn.
Remember to show respect and love
Find a counselor who can help with marital difficulties (if needed)
Plan a "date night" at least once a month
Pray meaningful prayers for my spouse
Personal Goals
This section will help you focus on yourself. What goals do you want to attain personally in the coming year? Do you have hopes and dreams for your own future? This is the place to write them down! You may want to include items such as:
Take a college class community college
Learn how to use the internet more efficiently
Learn how to design web sites
Read at least 3 books "just for fun"
Make one new friend
Work on living healthy - eating better, exercise, etc.
Financial Goals
This section will help you focus on making ends meet and saving for the future. You may want to include items such as:
Stay out of debt
Tithe regularly
Work on living more simply
Begin saving $40 per month in savings
Eat out only once a week to save money
Work out an investment plan
Business GoalsThis is a section every WAHM will want to work on. You many include items such as:
Develop a business plan for a new home business
Research new marketing techniques
Read at least one book on improving your home business
Find a new customer base
Education Goals
Some families homeschool, others have their teens attend public or private day schools. Some have children in college. This section will help you develop educational goals for your family. You may include items such as:
Decide whether homeschooling is right for your family
Decide on which school your teens should be attending
Help teens plan their schedule for next year
Help teens develop ideas of what careers they'd enjoy as adults
Look into colleges and scholarships with older teens
Develop a savings plan for college
House Goals
This section will help you to put (and keep!) your house in order.You may include items such as:
Shampoo Rugs
Spring Clean
Paint the Kitchen
Clean out closets toss old clothes
Read a book on organization
Have house powerwashed windows washed
Keep lawn mowed
After you set your goals, put your notebook in a place where it is readily available to you. You don't want to just write the goals down and forget about them! Throughout the year, make a special effort to get out the goal notebook and review it and see how your doing. If you need to work harder on certain objectives, then make a note of it and work harder! If you've accomplished a goal, check it off. If you do this consistently, by the end of the year, you will be amazed at how much you've accomplished and will have the satisfaction of knowing that you did indeed hit what you aimed for!
Patti Chadwick is a freelance writer and creator of two websites,
www.parentsandteens.com
and
www.historyswomen.com
. Visit her sites and sign up for her FREE weekly newsletters. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:20Z
Marathon Mom
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Marathon-Mom
-
- /8854.html
2010-05-07T08:58:17Z
2010-05-07T08:58:17Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Marathon Mom
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
copy2000
(The following is an excerpt from Cheryl#146;s latest book, #147;Stay-at-Home Handbook: Advice on Parenting, Finances, Career, Surviving Each Day Much More#148;, InterVarsity Press 2002.)
As I write this handbook, my daughters, at ages 8 and 12, are neither toddlers nor teens. I like to tell people that I#146;m in the relatively easy years, and it#146;s true. But don#146;t think I#146;ve forgotten what it was like when they were younger! For those who are still tackling 2-foot-tall tornadoes, I say, #147;Hold on, Marathon Mom. It gets better, I promise!#148;
When my husband, Terry, proposed, he didn#146;t use the classic #147;Will you marry me?#148; line. Instead, he asked me to be the mother of his children. Misty-eyed, I agreed.
I didn#146;t realize I had just signed up for the race of my life.
Now don#146;t misunderstand me. I would do anything for our 2 jaunty little redheads. But I#146;m learning motherhood has a lot more to do with running shoes than baby booties.
The glorious days of hitting the snooze button are over. Each morning, the alarm beside my bed fires off like a pistol shot.
My naiuml;ve images of Madonna and Child left in the dust, I#146;m off on a fast track unlike any I experienced in the working world. Relatives and friends cheer from the sidelines, shouting their favorite child rearing pointers and admonitions.
There are no set rules for this tough course, however. I#146;m going to have to figure it out as I go, as the road ahead veers with twists and turns to challenge the most determined marathon mom.
Flipping on overhead lights and whipping back bedspreads, I tickle little bottoms as my kids grope blindly for their covers. #147;Time for school! Let#146;s go!#148;
This morning#146;s hurdles include dressing my preschooler, Carrie, who is yelling, #147;I can do it myself!#148; -- but can#146;t -- and beating my third-grader#146;s rumbling bus to the curb. With a hurried hug and a half-zipped coat, Karen is on her way. Her sister perches expectantly at the window, then waves a pudgy hand and oatmealy spoon, splattering the TV, our cat and herself as she belts out, #147;Bye-Bye!#148;
Bounding up the stairs with Carrie in tow, I dash back to their bedroom. On the floor are five or six discarded outfits that didn#146;t make the first string. Peeling off the soiled garment, I find myself back at the starting line. Howling #147;I CAN DO#133;umph!#148; Carrie#146;s demand is muffled as I do it myself, pulling a stubborn turtleneck over her carrot top.
As the whipping whirlwind continues to swirl, my husband is caught up in the fun, too. Smoothing bedspreads and plopping breakfast dishes in the sink, Terry jogs along beside me for a while, then veers off to his own job.
Running in place, I watch him leave, wondering at the ease with which he separates the track at home from the track at work. How do guys do that? Even when I worked full-time, my mommy track plotted a course right through the middle of my office.
There is no time to think of that now, though. Gathering speed, I face into the headwind. Snatching various hats on and off throughout the day, I sprint through my various roles: accountant, chauffeur, cook, interior decorator, laundress, maid, physician, secretary and preschool teacher. That is just for today. Tomorrow, the course will change, and so will the hats.
By the time Karen bursts in the front door with a backpack of homework and serious case of the munchies, I#146;m beginning to get winded. But there is still dinner to be prepared.
Uh, oh. Mother Hubbard#146;s cupboard is bare. Ready or not, it is time for that most thrilling of all challenges: grocery shopping with the kids.
An hour later, we are back home, with fast food. After streaking down aisles, rescuing teetering boxes and bottles in the wake of my two mini-tornadoes, I decide to let off the pace a bit. The local hamburger joint can do the dishes.
#147;Daddy! Daddy!#148; Karen and Carrie race to open the door as Terry#146;s key turns in the lock. Together, we sit at the kitchen table, munching fries as I don my counselor#146;s hat. Workplace traumas, schoolyard adventures, and household mishaps shared, the course finally begins to wind down.
After homework and splashed-to-the-ceiling baths, it is time for songs and books. With a kiss and snuggle-hug, I tuck in each of the girls and flip off the light.
As I cross the finish line, the imaginary crowd fades into a peaceful contentment. I haven#146;t set a new world record or anything like that, but I have run a good race.
Maybe I didn#146;t realize the implications of saying #147;Yes#148; to Terry when he asked me to be the mother of his children. But I wouldn#146;t trade my marathon for anything. Tomorrow, I get to hack out a fresh course. I#146;m looking forward to seeing what is around that next curve.
Cheryl loves to hear from readers. Write her at
Cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit
www.homebodies.org
, where you can interact with lots of other at-home parents in the active message forums. Also check out your
Homebodies Columnists
#150; there are now more than 20 talented writers who will encourage and equip you in your family-focused lifestyle choice!
Books make great Christmas gifts. Your Homebuddies have several titles they'd like to recommend, including Cheryl's own "So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom" and the #147;Stay-at-Home Handbook#148; excerpted above.
Check out this link at Homebodies.
To read a sample chapter of "So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom,"
click here
.
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:17Z
A Lousey Plan Is Hatched
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/A-Lousey-Plan-Is-Hatched
-
- /8855.html
2010-05-07T08:58:15Z
2010-05-07T08:58:15Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>A Lousey Plan Is Hatched
Judy Gruen
www.judygruen.com
My husband and I had just landed in New York for a weekend getaway, ourfirst in three years. After working day and night for a week to get readyfor the trip, I felt heady with excitement. I had even managed to getthrough airport security without having to take off my shoes or surrender mytweezers. Life was good.
We were still in the car heading to the hotel when my cell phone startingthrumming in my purse. I sensed this was a bad development. The only peoplewho call me on the cell phone are my kids, and they only call to alert me toa crisis, such as the discovery that we are out of ketchup and it#146;s hot dognight.
I answered fearfully, the way one does when one suspects it#146;s the principalcalling again, saying it#146;s time to reconvene to discuss young Cheyenne andher #147;need for excessive socialization during class.#148;
#147;Hello Mommy?#148; It was my charming young daughter. #147;Bad news, Mommy. Me andthe boys have lice.#148;
Now I like to think I#146;m a pretty good mom, and as such, I had contingencyplans for many emergencies likely to strike during my absence, such as earinfections, civil unrest and earthquakes. But tiny disgusting insectscongealing to my children#146;s heads was one I hadn#146;t figured on.
#147;You have lice???#148; I fairly screamed across the nation. #147;Are they sure?#148;
#147;Yeah. You need to pick us up. They don#146;t want us in school.#148;
#147;I can#146;t pick you up, because you are in Los Angeles and I#146;m on the LongIsland Expressway!#148; After stating this simple fact, I broke down in tears.Why had the good Lord done this to me? I tip fairly. I hold doors open forpeople. I don#146;t even eat the last donut in the box, and don#146;t think that#146;san easy thing. Where was the justice in this?
For the next several hours, I cursed the fact that I hadn#146;t coughed up theextra few bucks for the national calling plan on my cell phone, because Ihad to make about seventy-five calls, all of which entailed cripplingroaming charges. But I had no choice. Hours of time spent making elaboratechildcare and sleepover arrangements were down the drain. Who would take myplague-infested children now? I started calling in favors (real andimagined) from friends and relatives. No amount of pleading, begging orgroveling would be beneath me. It would take a village to de-louse mychildren. And the villagers would have to -- I was on vacation!
I mean, talk about a bad hair day.
But that wasn#146;t all. Because, as everyone knows, once lice are in the house,you also have to launder every scrap of material under the roof, everystitch of clothing, bedding, and teddy bear, (no matter how fragile). Or, ifyou are unwilling to do 450 loads of laundry, you can simply take all thecontents of your household, including the children, and have themhermetically sealed for two weeks, after which time experts claim it is safeto unseal them.
Later that evening, I basked in the comfort of knowing that I had real, true friends, the kind who buckled under the pressure of my threats and cries of desperation. I had friends who actually came over to lather up my kids with expensive anti-lousing agentsand launder my every possession. I also discovered who wasn#146;t my friend #150;namely, the Commandant of Lice at the school. She was the one who at firsttold me not to worry, she would take care of my kids till the end of the dayuntil their carpool picked them up. She made it sound as if she was justdoing it because she was filled with the milk of human kindness. She thenpresented me with a bill for two-hundred and fifty smackers upon my returnfor services rendered.
I still didn#146;t get off so easy. Even now, two weeks later, yucky things arestill hatching on my kids#146; heads, we are still laundering like crazy andoiling each other#146;s heads as if we are getting ready to be anointed Pope.Feeling paranoid, I even had the kids begin to check my own scalp, whichthey were happy to do and which elicited many gasps of #147;Oh my God! I didn#146;tknow you were so gray!#148; and #147;I think I see something! Oh, never mind, Ithink that#146;s just rust.#148;
We are now resorting to more drastic measures, and one of my sons now sportsa military crew cut. If these diabolical creatures don#146;t stop erupting inour hair, the rest of us will do the same thing, and I will end up lookinglike Sigourney Weaver in the movie #147;Aliens.#148; (Well, since she#146;s eight inchestaller than me and we have other, trivial physical differences, maybe I won#146;t look exactly like her, but once you#146;re walking around with a shaved head,who notices the rest of you, anyway?)
All this goes to prove one thing, in my opinion. During these times whenmany of us still fear the threat of domestic terrorism during air travel, wedon#146;t even know the half of it. The real danger may be nesting in our kids#146;hair.
Judy Gruen is the author of
"Carpool Tunnel Syndrome: Motherhood as ShuttleDiplomacy."
Sign up to receive Judy's free, twice-monthly email humor columnat
www.judygruen.com
, and enter your email address on the Newsletter page.(c) Judy Gruen, 2002. For permission to reprint, either electronically or in print, please contact the author at
judy@judygruen.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:15Z
Dream A Little Dream With Me
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Dream-A-Little-Dream-With-Me
-
- /8856.html
2010-05-07T08:58:14Z
2010-05-07T08:58:14Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Dream A Little Dream With Me
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
Copyright 2000 Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
As an at-home parent, it's important to surround yourself withpeople who support your family-focused decision. To illustratethis point, this week I'm including part of a message boardposting from a Homebodies reader, Shelly, and some responses herposting generated:
"Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of being married tomy handsome prince, having babies and making my home a safeharbor for my family and friends. It was a simple, non-glamorousdream, but it was my heart's desire.
"I am the only lady to stay home with children in my husband'sfamily, and every now and then I get feedback as to my lifestyle. Recently, I was having a conversation with my sister-in-law, whodoesn't have any kids. We were talking about working, and shecommented, 'Well, I could never see myself staying home with mychildren, because I wouldn't want to lose touch with reality andhaving a structured life.'
"When I get these little jabs, it hurts. But I have never feltthe need to be like everyone else; in fact, as I get older, Itry very hard to be myself and am thankful I am what I alwayswanted to be: a wife, mother and homemaker." - Shelly
Thoughts from other Homebuddies on Shelly's situation:
"When I was a stay-at-home mom, my life wasn't structured.That's what I loved about it. We woke up when our bodies told usto; we played outside when the weather let us; we went with theflow. As far as being in touch with reality, that is a commonproblem with some SAHMs. If you aren't careful, your entirelife will revolve around sippy cups and potty training." -Jennifer
"My own sister is married and doesn't have kids. For a longtime she used to harass me about staying home and doing 'nothing'all day. Until she walks the walk, she's not going to know.Don't let people get to you. You know your heart; stand by whatyou believe." - Terri
"Although your desire was to be a mom all along, lots of usdreamed of a career, house, hubby AND kids, so it may be veryhard for your sister-in-law to imagine that your dream wasdifferent. It wasn't until we had all those things that some ofus realized our values had changed." - Mary
I appreciate the thoughts expressed in each of these ladies'postings. Are you looking for the same sort of support asyou're tackling your at-home parenting role? Visit the messageforums at Homebodies
www.homebodies.org
and link upwith new friends with common goals.
Not connected to the Internet? Check with your local churchesand boards of education to discover parenting support groups inyour area. Like Jennifer said, at-home life is more than "sippycups." Mix up your routine by meeting other like-minded moms,whether in person or on the Web.
Cheryl loves to hear from readers. Write her at
Cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
where you can interact with lots ofother at- home parents in the active message forums. Also checkout your Homebodies Columnists - we now have 25 talented writerswho will encourage and equip you in your family-focusedlifestyle choice!
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:14Z
Opening Your Home For The Holidays
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Opening-Your-Home-For-The-Holidays
-
- /8857.html
2010-05-07T08:58:12Z
2010-05-07T08:58:12Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Opening Your Home For The Holidays
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
copy;2001
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE VISITORS, and all through the house, the hostess was obsessing, drafting children and spouse.
Do you really need to dust the top of the refrigerator? "The more I do, the more I feel I have to do," sighs Sally. "I'm like one of those hamsters on the wheel."
Relax. Your home should be comfortable, not spotless. Most people feel less pressured when family's on the way than they do entertaining first-time guests. Either way, people are coming to see you, not conduct a white-glove test.
HARK! THE HERALD DOORBELL RINGS. One source which, understandably, wished to remain anonymous, says, "With my family, there's no notice. They just come and run you over." Avoid having to just say "Go" by scheduling the visit's end before guests arrive.
Give new visitors a tour. Present simple ground rules positively. If you'd rather guests not smoke inside, provide an alternative. Demonstrate how to operate remotes and microwaves. If they have free access to the refrigerator, tell them.
WHAT "CHILD" IS THIS? When guests surprise you with Fido, remain calm. If you don't allow indoor pets, offer your garage, suggest a nearby kennel, or ask that the animal be confined to its carrier.
On the flip side, forewarn visitors about your own pets. "I make it known that I have a dog, and the dog lives in the house," says Teresa. "If they can't handle that, they need to find somewhere else to stay."
DANCE OF THE SUGAR-FREE PLUM FAIRIES. "My husband, Bob, and I talk with guests ahead of time to see if they have any unusual food preferences or dietary needs," says Charlotte. Sidestep the disappointment of a "no, thanks" response to your seven-course meal by determining crowd-pleasing menus ahead of time.
Why slave alone in the kitchen while friends reminisce in the den? Prepare several meals in advance. Make double portions and throw the extra in the freezer. Stock up on foods that won't spoil if everyone decides to eat out - or if guests don't show at all. Make breakfast easy for everyone, whether they be early-risers or sleep-ins, by setting out cereal the night before.
SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE. Make guestrooms as dreamy as possible. Test the bed's comfort, imagining yourself as an outsider. Furnish a nightlight, alarm clock, extra blankets and storage space for belongings. Please night owls with a television with an earphone jack, or magazines to browse in the wee hours. Plan for pallets, in case parents want their small children to sleep in their room.
IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHAOS: If everybody's enjoying themselves, there's no reason to rush friends and family to the door. But if they're there for several days, you should definitely look to them for help. Don't be shy about inviting guests into the kitchen to help chop vegetables or set the table. Playfully toss them a dishtowel after dinner. If they're getting low on clean clothes, show them how to operate your washer and dryer. Point out extra toilet tissue and cleaning supplies under the guest bathroom sink.
OH HOLY NIGHTLIFE. Explore the local holiday sites together. Have a tentative entertainment schedule set before guests arrive so you can coordinate your plans with theirs. Tug-of-wars over checks are avoided, too, by discussing finances in advance. Will you split expenses, or treat each other? Presenting options in a forthright, cordial manner sets everyone at ease. Be sure to carve out some downtime so your guests can spend some time to themselves, too.
AWAY IN A MINIVAN. As the visit winds down, do a room-by-room check to make sure no one's forgotten anything. Help take luggage to the car, then gather everyone together for one last photo, surprising children with a small gift to entertain them on their way home.
Hugs. Kisses. Waves.
Close the door. Reclaim your recliner.
Enjoy the silent night.
(Comments? Write
Cheryl@homebodies.org
and be sure to visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
where you can read 25 columnists devoted to encouraging at-home parents. All rights reserved, Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:12Z
Unique Gifts for Teens
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Unique-Gifts-for-Teens
-
- /8858.html
2010-05-07T08:58:11Z
2010-05-07T08:58:11Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Unique Gifts for Teens
By Patti Chadwick
www.parentsandteens.com
Tired of giving the same gifts year after year? Looking for something unique to give your teens? Check these out!
Clothes in a Bottle
A great way to wrap a clothing item for your teen is to roll it up and put it inside a mason jar. Decorate the flat part of the lid by gluing holiday fabric to it and tie with a matching ribbon. If you want to conceal the clothing, cut a large square of fabric and place it in the jar, then add the gift and lid.
Hackey-Sacks
Cut 2 pieces of fabric in the shape of an 8 without the holes in the center. The top of one eight should fit along the middle of the 2nd 8. Hand stitch the 8s right sides together, following the curves, leaving a small opening. Turn right side out and fill with black-eyed peas or rice. Close opening.
Movie Theater Tickets
You can usually buy presale movies certificates in a book at a discount price. I find this is a favorite among my teens.
Key Chain with Car Keys
Give your older teen their own set of keys to the family car along with a house key on a teen-friendly key chain. They will love this.
Gasoline Certificates
Most gas stations now sell pre-paid gas cards. Get some of these for your driving teens..
Clothing Gift Cards
Instead of giving clothes that you pick out, why not give your teens gift cards from their favorite clothing store?
Video/Music Gift Cards
Give gift cards to their favorite video or music store.
Magazine Subscriptions
Buy your teens subscriptions to their favorite magazines. Girls usually like fashion or teen magazines (why not try Focus on the Family#146;s
Brio
magazine). Boys usually like sports or video game magazines (why not try Focus on the Family#146;s
Breakaway
magazine.)
Good Books
Buy your teen a book from their favorite genre.
Backpacks
Buy your teen a new backpack, purse, or make up bag.
Computer Software
Give your teen some new software for the computer #150; either educational software or a fun computer game.
Wallet
Give your teen a genuine leather wallet.
Roller Blades or Ice Skates
For your sports-minded teen, why not get a new set of roller blades or ice skates? While you are at it, how about a season#146;s pass for the local ice rink.
Privileges
Most kids love getting privileges. Give out certificates good for
Extending curfew for one evening.
Driving the favorite family car on a date
Having control of the TV or computer one evening
Take a date out for steaks #147;on the house#148;
Receive a double allowance for one week
Toiletries
Fill that Christmas stocking with much needed soaps, shampoos, hair gels other hair products, deodorants, and acne creams.
Candy
What teen doesn#146;t like candy? It#146;s something you just never seem to outgrow. I#146;m not a big fan of chocolate, but I feel special occasions deserve good chocolate! The week before Christmas you will find great sales on candy EVERYWHERE. Also, if you like to make your own, you will find candy-making supplies at specialty stores and most local grocery stores. For those who don#146;t like chocolate or are allergic, try making carob candy - check out your local health food store for supplies and details.
School Supplies
Another great stocking stuffer is school supplies. About this time of year, school supplies have either run out, been lost, or are worn out. Fill that Christmas stocking with new pens, pencils, folders, notebooks, and notebook paper.
These gift ideas were taken from the new book
HAPPY HOLIDAYS WITH TEENS
written by Patti Chadwick, available in both ebook and print formats at
www.parentsandteens.com
. Stop by Parents Teens and pick up a copy today. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:11Z
The Frozen Chosen
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Frozen-Chosen
-
- /8859.html
2010-05-07T08:58:09Z
2010-05-07T08:58:09Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Frozen Chosen
By Leanne Ely, C.N.C.
The kids have been in school for awhile now and it's back to the ol' routine. For most of us, that means lots of activities and increased busyness. Do the math and you'll find your equation quickly lacking in time to prepare good healthy meals for the family. So what do you do? Give up and throw yourself in front of a truck at the drive-thru?
What you should do is chill out... literally. Have you taken a stroll down the frozen food aisle lately at the supermarket? There is a bevy of perfectly wonderful, good-for-you foods just waiting to take up residence in your home freezer. Today's frozen foods are a quantum leap over the stuff passed off as "cuisine" a few years back. Using your freezer as a pantry can help you get meals on the table in a jiffy, without icing down the nutrition.
Here's my Frozen Chosen: 10 Quick 'n Easy Foods complete with a simple-yet-tasty recipe or serving suggestion for each.
Get The Juice Out! I am particularly fond of orange juice, especially the calcium-fortified kind. For a great after-school snack, freeze a mixture of half orange juice and half vanilla yogurt in a Popsicle mold. Minute Maid has a "country style" brand with calcium that tastes fresh squeezed to me.
Wok This Way! Stir frys are a snap when the veggies are ready to go. There are plenty of varieties and brands to choose from. The Basil Herb Primavera Easy Recipe Creation from Birds Eye caught my eye. Add some chicken and pasta and you have a healthy gourmet meal.
Stop Meating Like This! One of my favorite quick meals is a veggie burger. Add a whole-wheat bun, all the fixin's of a regular burger and you won't even miss the meat. I'm partial to the Gardenburger, but I also like Boca Burgers. Morningstar Farms also has an unbeatable line up of frozen un-meats, too. Their breakfast patties make for a great breakfast sandwich. Simply add a scrambled egg and slide the whole thing between a whole-wheat English muffin for a terrific breakfast to go.
Don't Chicken Out! You're probably up on the fact that chicken is a good bet nutritionally. Tyson's frozen boneless, skinless chicken breasts cut down the time for cooking. You don't even have to thaw the chicken! Toss your favorite seasoning on the top of a frozen breast and bake. While the chicken is baking, cook up some instant brown rice and throw a salad together and you've got dinner ready to go in less than 30 minutes.
A Favorite Pasta Time! The varieties are endless and so are the ideas for making them into a meal. Bake some raviolis with spaghetti sauce for a casserole, cook up some tortellinis (Italia makes a good one) and plop some Italian dressing on them to make a salad. Need a quick appetizer for a party? Those same tortellini in Italian dressing make a great hors d'oeuvres. Simply skewer them kabob-style on large toothpicks.
Something Fishy Here! Gorton's and Van De Camp's both make grilled frozen fish fillets. No deep-fried stuff here -- just fish and some spices (two of my faves: lemon pepper and Italian herb). They're easy to use as is, for fish sandwiches or even for a main course salad.
Berry, Berry Good! Today's technology has improved the quality of everything, especially frozen fruits. Fruits are picked in their prime and flash frozen preserving their incredibly sweet flavors as well the nutrients. Cascadian Farms offers organically grown fruits. Mix frozen berries with some yogurt and cereal (like Grape Nuts) for a refreshing quick breakfast.
Waffle Over Breakfast! Hallelujah and pass the syrup. It's about time frozen waffles were made with whole-wheat flour. Eggo Waffles has two whole-wheat varieties. My choice is the low-fat one: half the fat and all the flavor. Try a smear of peanut butter (if you're not allergic) and sliced bananas on your toasted waffle. Fold over like a taco and you've got another easy, kid-friendly breakfast to go.
Veg Out! While the stir-fry option is nifty, plain old frozen veggies are a good choice in their own right. CW offers tender baby green beans, petite peas and other tasty selections (even a few organic ones).
. A Quick Fix! For those days when the best cooking effort you can muster is to operate a microwave, sow some Seeds of Change. . as in the top-notch options available in ready to go meals in a bowl. The Moroccan Lentil Rice Pilaf and the Zesty Cilantro Quinoa Blend are both very good.
You may find that not all markets carry the stuff I mentioned above. But I've found the quickest way to get something is to ask for it. Make sure you talk to the frozen food department manager or go right to the top and corner the grocery store manager.
Believe me, they appreciate hearing what you want because they want to keep your business. Competition for your grocery dollars is stiff!
Above all, don't sweat your busy schedule. Take a chill pill and put your cares on ice. It's easy when you've chosen the best in frozen foods.
BIO: Leanne Ely is the radio talk show host of Heart of a Woman. She is the author of
Healthy Foods
, The Frantic Family Cookbook, a nutritionist and the editor of Menu-Mailer, the definitive answer to that perplexing question, "What's for Dinner?"
www.menumailer.net
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:09Z
Time Wasters
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Time-Wasters
-
- /8860.html
2010-05-07T08:58:06Z
2010-05-07T08:58:06Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Time Wasters
Excerpted from Home is Where the Mom Is
Copyright 2002; permission granted for use on Dr Laura website.
Contact author Shelly Burke at:
homemom@megavision.com
. As an at-home mom you have long, unstructured amounts of time to fill. A very structured schedule would not allow for the flexibility children need and the emergencies that require your attention #147;right now.#148; But with no boss, no deadlines, and no meetings or set coffee breaks or lunch times, it can be a challenge to discipline yourself to use your time wisely.
Think back to a day when your to-do list was a mile long. You probably got up early (or at least on time), worked very efficiently, and crossed off almost everything on your list. Now look at a day when you had just a few things planned. Did you work just as hard and efficiently and have some free time to do something enjoyable at the end of the day? Or did the few things on your list take the same amount of time as the long list of jobs? Too often, #147;. . . work expands as to fill the time available for its completion.#148; (Parkinson#146;s Law). If you#146;re not conscious of how you#146;re spending your time, it can take all day just to complete a few tasks. If you don#146;t manage your time wisely, you may never get around to doing the things that are important to you.
This quote from
Organizing for the Creative Person
should guide us all; #147;Become aware of how you are actually spending your time and whether these efforts are helping you to achieve your goals. If not, you need to change either your goals or the way you spend your time.#148; For a few days, be very conscious of how you spend your time. Keep a detailed log if you want. Include the time you spend looking for something (one report says that Americans waste nine million hours a day looking for misplaced items!), talking on the phone, doing household chores, and watching TV. Also list the time you spend doing things you enjoy, like reading the paper, surfing the net, devotions, playing with your kids, cuddling with your husband. Next, list activities you#146;d like to do, but haven#146;t yet found the time to squeeze into your regular schedule. These might include joining a Bible study group, exercising, spending more time with your husband and kids, writing, and so on. Now let#146;s fit these truly important activities into your schedule.
First evaluate your day and eliminate non-productive activities. Some time wasters will be obvious; watching lots of TV, for example. Cutting out TV all together is probably not realistic, but try turning it on only for the morning and evening news, or programs you really want to watch. If you consistently spend time waiting in line at the grocery store, try shopping at a different time or a different store. How many newspapers do you subscribe to? I had a friend who subscribed to and read four newspapers every day (she was very well informed!). When she realized how much time she spent reading the papers, she cancelled three of the subscriptions (she#146;s still well informed). One person#146;s time waster is another person#146;s sanity saver. I spend about 20 minutes every morning reading the newspaper (just one!) and eating breakfast. Some moms might consider this a waste of time; I consider it a necessary breather between getting everyone to their daily destinations and starting my day.
Eliminating Time Wasters
Make it your mission to look for and eliminate at least some of the time wasters in your life. Once you#146;ve identified a time waster, try one of these fairly painless solutions to minimize or eliminate it.
Eliminate the task or do it less frequently. Scrubbing the kitchen floor may be a necessity, but do you have to do it three times a week, or would once a week, with spot wipe-ups in between, be enough? Say #147;no#148; to organizing the salad luncheon (you know from experience it will require many, many time-consuming meetings and phone calls). Offer to bring an extra salad, instead.
Lower your standards. #147;Good enough#148; might be a high enough standard. Do your husband#146;s shirts have to be ironed perfectly, or will #147;good enough#148; do? Is it necessary to move all of the furniture every time you vacuum (I sure hope not!), or just once in awhile? Do the books have to be in alphabetical order, or just on the shelves? You don#146;t have to write Pulitzer-Prize winning thank-you letters if quick notes will express your gratitude just as well. Instead of giving everything your #147;all#148; (100%) give less important things 80%, or even 50%. Most times this will result in a more than satisfactory result, and give you the extra time to devote 100% to the tasks that really count.
Let someone else do it. Tasks you dislike can be huge time wasters. Sheila hates ironing, and recalls her solution; #147;I used to put it off until the pile was huge, and the clothes were full of dust and dog hair and had to be washed again before I could iron them. Then I found out that dry cleaning a shirt costs less than a dollar! This minimal cost was a huge bargain, considering what I saved not having to wash the clothes twice. It also saved wear and tear on the clothes and I didn#146;t have to waste energy coming up with excuses not to iron.#148;
Your babysitter would probably welcome a little extra money in exchange for doing light housework after the kids are asleep. Ask her to dust, organize the videos, fold clothes, clear out the dishwasher, or sew on buttons. As your kids get older they can take on more responsibilities. Jane said, #147;Folding laundry was one of my least favorite tasks. I taught my kids to fold washcloths and small towels when they were just three years old. Now that they#146;re older they fold all the towels and washcloths along with their own clothes. I can#146;t wait to teach them to iron!#148;
Many tasks can be done faster, safer, and better by professionals with the training, experience, and tools necessary to do a difficult job. Unless you#146;re an expert, hire someone else to clean the gutters, trim trees, or paint the house.
Avoid interruptions. You develop a momentum when working. According to Time Management for Dummies, #147;By interrupting yourself and losing your flow, rhythm, and momentum, you#146;ll find it twice as difficult to resume your work . . . don#146;t drop everything . . . ignore these interruptions and continue working.#148; You can#146;t tell a crying child to wait until you#146;re done cleaning the closet, but you don#146;t have to answer the phone every time it rings, or answer every knock at the door, or check your e-mail or daily mail the moment it arrives.
Now that you#146;ve eliminated some time wasters, you can fit more into your schedule. But don#146;t always fill your time with more work; fill it with activities you enjoy! Instead of scheduling half an hour to wash your windows (you hired a teen-ager to do it), you can take a bath, call a friend, or play #147;dollies.#148; Later in this chapter you#146;ll make a list of enjoyable activities you#146;d like to do when you have extra time.
Excerpted from
Home is Where the Mom Is
, copy; 2003, permission granted for use on the Dr. Laura website. Contact author Shelly Burke at
homemom@megavision.com
or visit Shelly's website at:
www.homeiswherethemomis.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:06Z
Parenting Trends for the New Year
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Parenting-Trends-for-the-New-Year
-
- /8861.html
2010-05-07T08:58:05Z
2010-05-07T08:58:05Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Parenting Trends for the New Year
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
What will happen on the parenting front in 2006? Are there signs already in place that point in specific directions? Can predictions be drawn from the evidence currently available? Will there be an upturn in taking parenting responsibility seriously or a continued slide towards parenting indifference?
While, there is no parenting crystal ball that will accurately predicts what will happen to the state of parenting in 2006, events already in place and the energy surrounding those events seem to suggest several parenting trends. Our predictions follow.
Prediction Number One: The purchase and reading of books on parenting will decline in 2006. Sale and use of parenting resources on the internet is on the rise. Traffic to sites that offer practical, useable advice for parents on specific parenting issues will increase. CD sales will also go up so that busy parents can glean valuable parenting information while they drive to work or school.
Prediction Number Two: Busy parents will continue to outsource their parenting responsibilities. There will be a dramatic increase in parenting consultants who will be hired to teach children how to ride a bike, hit a baseball, divide fractions, sleep through the night, or become potty trained. Party planners, tutorial services, and companies offering to take over parent responsibilities will flourish.
Prediction Number Three: The concept of Parent Coaching will explode in 2006. Even skilled parents will emulate professional athletes who, although they are the best in the world at what they do, have coaches who continually help them to improve and stay at the top of their game. A growing number of parents will huddle on a regular basis with coaches via the internet or telephone in an effort to learn how to raise responsible, caring, confident children.
Prediction Number Four: International Parenting Commitment Day will be recognized by a record number of families this year. Last year, March 20th was officially designated as International Parenting Commitment Day and attracted attention world wide. This year, more families will celebrate this special day with unique activities that bring attention to its importance. Check
www.10commitments.net
for more information on ways to celebrate this significant day.
Prediction Number Five: Fantasy sport leagues will continue to grow in popularity. This growing interest will see more men investing time deciding who to play on their next fantasy team than actually playing with their own children.
Prediction Number Six: Children#146;s use of electronic media will level off at 6 frac12; hours per day. This will do little to address the problem of the Great American Family Disconnect. The strangers that lurk in children#146;s bedrooms (computer, television, media centers) will continue to teach attitudes, values, and behaviors as well as distract them from homework and create separation and distance from family.
Prediction Number Seven: In 2006 there will be a widening gap between children that receive effective parenting and those who#146;s parents over-function or under-function in the parenting role. Effective parents will continue to improve their verbal skills, build family traditions, and support their children with time and energy. Simply put, high-skilled parents will get better and low-skilled parents will get worse. The parent effectiveness gap will continue to expand.
Prediction Number Eight: Reality #150;based TV shows about parenting will continue to attract attention. Some parents will tune in to watch how parents of unruly children learn to take control and make kids obedient. Others will watch and be appalled at what they consider shame-base parenting that attacks character and wounds the spirit. The producers will continue to find dysfunctional families with few parenting skills and out-of-control children that will shock viewers into staying tuned to the program. Many parents will view the sensationalized accounts and think they are learning valuable techniques to use with their families. Others will be appalled and simply grateful that they have been taking parenting seriously for many years and recognize that extreme measures are not needed in their families.
Prediction Number Nine: The number of parenting conferences offered around the country will increase in 2006 as will the number of participants attending. We have observed these phenomena over the past several years at the parenting conferences where we have presented and have seen a steady rise in number of attendees and new conference opportunities being offered to parents. This trend will continue.
Prediction Number Ten: Parents will show a growing interest in the spiritual aspects of parenting. Interest in our
Grace-Full Parenting
and
Enlightened Parenting
workshops are at an all time high. Seeing parenting as a sacred responsibility and as an important ministry is growing in popularity among parents throughout the world. More parents will join that group in the coming year.
What parenting trend will you help promote in 2006? Will you be a book reader or a CD listener? Will you spend more time playing fantasy football or playing with your children? Will you get your parenting techniques from a TV show or from an enlightened parenting workshop? Will you celebrate International Parenting Commitment Day, hire a coach, or outsource your parenting responsibilities. However you answer these questions in 2006, you will be helping establish a trend.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of
The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose
. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their websites today:
www.chickmoorman.com
or
www.thomashaller.com
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:05Z
Hark, The Herald Registers Ring
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Hark,-The-Herald-Registers-Ring
-
- /8862.html
2010-05-07T08:58:03Z
2010-05-07T08:58:03Z
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:03Z
Make Ahead Turkey For The Holidays
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Make-Ahead-Turkey-For-The-Holidays
-
- /8863.html
2010-05-07T08:58:03Z
2010-05-07T08:58:03Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Make Ahead Turkey For The Holidays
Copyright 2002 Deborah Taylor-Hough
simplemom.com
Can you imagine a relaxed Thanksgiving or Christmasdinner without needing to actually cook a turkey on thebig day? You'd be able to enjoy the festivities as muchas your friends and family!
Believe it or not, it's possible to roast your turkey aheadof time and store the cooked meat in the freezer to reheatand serve on the big day. If this sounds a bit too much likeeating leftovers, let me assure you that by following thesesimple freezing and reheating instructions, you'll have moist,delicious turkey -- and not one of your guests will suspectyou didn't spend the entire holiday slaving away in the kitchenkeeping watch over a hot oven.
Feel free to use your own favorite turkey recipe if you prefer,and then follow the freezing/reheating instructions at the endof this article (but I personally don't think you'll find a tastierturkey recipe!).
TO PREPARE TURKEY:
3 onions, quartered
6 celery stalks, cut into 2-inch pieces
2 medium carrots, cut into 2-inch pieces
2 bay leaves
1 1/2 cups white wine (or water)
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 teaspoons salt
2 teaspoons pepper
2 teaspoons sage
1 teaspoon thyme
3 cups chicken broth, canned (reserve for freezing process)
In bottom of a deep roasting pan, place two quarteredonions, four celery stalks, the carrots, bay leaves andwhite wine (or water). Remove turkey giblets, rinsebird inside and out. Pat dry with paper towels. Stuffturkey loosely with remaining quartered onion and celerystalks. Brush turkey with olive oil mixed with salt, pepper,sage, and thyme. Cover turkey loosely with a large sheetof foil coated lightly with olive oil, crimping foil on to edgesof roasting pan. Cook according to chart below. Duringlast 45 minutes, cut band of skin or string between legsand tail. Uncover and continue roasting until done.Baste, if desired.
Turkey Roasting Chart (loosely wrapped with foil):
12-16 pounds / 325 degrees F / 4 - 5 hours
16-20 pounds / 325 degrees F / 5 - 6 hours
20-24 pounds / 325 degrees F / 6 - 7 hours
Testing for doneness:
About 20 minutes before roasting time is completed, testbird. Flesh on thickest part of drumstick should feel softwhen squeezed between fingers, drumstick should moveup an down easily, and meat thermometer inserted intothickest part of leg should read 185 degrees F. (Or followmanufacturer's instructions.)
FREEZING INSTRUCTIONS
DRIPPINGS: Pour liquid and drippings from roasting paninto a bowl. Remove vegetables. Allow bowl of liquid tocool in refrigerator until fat congeals on top. Scoop off fatwith a spoon and pour drippings into a labeled freezer bag.Thaw to use for making gravy on serving day.
TURKEY: Allow turkey to cool in pan for 1/2 hour; thenplace turkey and its roasting pan into refrigerator. Allowto cool completely (several hours). When fully chilled,slice turkey as usual. Remove all meat from bones.Place breast and dark meat slices into labeled freezerbags. Pour canned chicken broth into bags over meat.Freeze.
TO SERVE: Thaw bag of meat and broth, and place intoa covered baking dish for 30 minutes at 350 degrees F.Or place turkey and broth into a microwave-safe dish,cover with plastic wrap, and heat until hot (the time willvary with different microwaves, so check manufacturer'sinstructions). Drain off broth (reserve to make more gravy,if needed). Arrange the heated turkey slices attractivelyon a serving platter. Serve hot.
**Excerpted and adapted from the 10-Day Holiday MealPlan in the bestselling book,
'Frozen Assets: How toCook for a Day and Eat for a Month' (Champion Press)
.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
--Deborah Taylor-Hough (free-lance writer, wife, andmother of three) is the author of
'Frozen Assets: How toCook for a Day and Eat for a Month' (Champion Press)
and the soon-to-be-released 'Frugal Living for Dummies(r)' (Wiley, Feb. '03)For further ideas on simplifying life,
subscribe to her freee-newsletter
. Cooking ahead info:
http://hometown.aol.com/oamcloop/
Used with permission. All rights reserved. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:03Z
Moving and New Communities
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Moving-and-New-Communities
-
- /8864.html
2010-05-07T08:58:01Z
2010-05-07T08:58:01Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Moving and New Communities
By Jodie Lynn
www.ParentToParent.com
You may be thrilled to be moving, or you could be scared to death! Moving can leave you sad, glad, or a mixture of all. Don't worry - I have done this too many times not to be able to help out. Here are some ways to help make moving into a new community easier.
Remember that moving is very time consuming and your patience will be tested. Everything will be new, and for many it's exhausting! Don't try to do everything at once! I once lost my mind trying this stunt -- I later found it behind the diapers in row 6 at Walmart!
First on your list should be to go and meet your closest neighbors. Don't wait for them to come over. Ask if there's a neighborhood phone directory and find out where you can get one. Look for children's birth dates -- call the homes where the children's ages are close to your own kids'.
Ask for recommendations on babysitters. Ask how their children like the sitters. This will lead to many a good relationship. Most families are very willing to help. (They were once a new family in a new area.)
Call local paper for information on parenting organizations. Go visit all that are of interest to you -- and some that are not. If you stick to those that are only in your area of most interest, you could be missing out on some wonderful relationships.
Contact the local Welcome Wagon. There's one in almost every town. They will lead to The Newcomers Club, which has more hobbies and mommy groups than you will know what to do with.
Visit churches. Many churches now offer parenting and play groups that are embraced by the whole community, not just members.
Go for a family walk. In the evening after dinner is a good time. This is usually when the Dads are available to chat as well. Keep a pen and paper ready in the stroller or in your pocket to write down your new phone number and names of your family -- and get their names and numbers, too!
If your children are old enough, send them out to play and let them find families to play with (it works)! Sooner or later, someone will want to spend the night or your cutie will ask someone over. Perfect situation for making new friends with other parents.
Find out where the parks are. Get going -- even in the winter. There will be kids and moms there.
Take a trip to the zoo. Enroll your children in an activity at the zoo and meet new faces and have fun with the NURSERY of baby animals at the same time.
Look at the grocery store for a free local parenting newspaper and/or magazine. These will usually have places to see and things to do for family outings.
Check out the Libraries and local YMCA/YWCA for activities for kids. Many places now have free story time and introductory offers for new folks just moving to the area.
Call the athletic association in your area to find out about soccer, baseball, basketball, etc., registration and sign your kids up! Begin to take pictures right away.
Volunteer at the new preschool and/or school. You will meet many other moms there. Take pictures of the new house, yard, new friends, school, classmates, teams, etc. It will help the children see how easy the transition of moving can be. Keep a positive attitude and so will your family!
Last but far from least, don't forget to do some things for yourself. Ask other moms where they go for exercise, hair salon, clothes, books, make-up, restaurant, doctors, resale shops, house goods, etc. Good luck and smile. It'll all work out!
Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest book is
Mommy-CEO, revised edition, Martin-Ola Press
. (It's not just for moms!) Please see
ParentToParent.com
for more details. We now have new Mommy, CEO merchandise and logo! copy;2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:58:01Z
Hypertasking Moms No not us
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Hypertasking-Moms--No-not-us
-
- /8865.html
2010-05-07T08:57:59Z
2010-05-07T08:57:59Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Hypertasking Moms #150; No not us#133;
Tracy Lyn Moland
www.TracyLynMoland.com
What are you doing right now? Reading this article with a child on your lap, the television on, a load of clothes in the machine, supper on stove, another child doing homework, checking email, and #133;
Or are you at work right now #150; reading this online while emailing your husband, talking with a co-worker, typing up a report, going thru a pile of paper, and waiting on hold on the phone?
The latest trend is a level of multitasking known as "Hypertasking". It is the state in which you appear extraordinarily busy at all hours of the day but actually produce very little. Women often feel compelled to do it all.
Today, women play more roles than ever before: Wife, Mother, Teacher, Daughter, Business woman, Athlete #150; with each role encompassing its own long list of duties. During the course of a busy day how do women find time for the role of self, let alone a five-minute shower? This chance to re-charge is a key symptom of "hypertasking".
With the terms hypertasking and its predecessor multitasking coming from computer terms, we have to remember that we are human. Unlike a computer we need to shut down and re-charge. Research has found that our brains are not made to jump back and forth between a number of tasks. #147;Mommy brain#148; is not just in our imaginations. It is our brains reaction to all the things we are trying to do at once.
Studies have found that people can lose up to 40% of their productivity by doing too much at one time. Hypertasking is affecting everyone around us #150; from our extremely over scheduled children, to our work place, to our formally relaxed homes. We need to realize that while multitasking is beneficial in some cases hypertasking is going too far.
With our ever increasing to do lists, what can we do to eliminate hypertasking?
Awareness #150; Begin to pay attention to how often you have #147;Mommy Brain#148; #150; need to re-read, re-repeat or re-do something. Roughly time how long things are actually taking #150; does the time make sense? Become aware of how much is too much for you #150; some multitasking does work.
Focus #150; Many jobs are accomplished much quicker and easier if we focus in on them. Start with ten minutes and focus on the job at hand. Get one phone call made, one bathroom cleaned or one report completed. Once we see how much more we can get done by focusing we will find ways to increase the length of time we focus.
Prioritize #150; Carefully look at all the different roles you play in life and what is involved with each. Pick the most important pieces and focus upon these. Begin to let go of some things and delegate others. Remember that often saying yes to one thing means saying no to another.
Energize #150; We can all do more if we are feeling energized. Make sure to take care of yourself by getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising and doing something just for you.
In a time of #145;more is better#146;, often less is the key to success and sanity.
Tracy Lyn Moland#146;s hypertasking expertise is highly sought-after including a recent interview on "Living It Up! with Ali Jack" as well as in Reader#146;s Digest. She is a frequent guest on U.S. and Canadian radio and television and featured in numerous magazines and newspapers. Her book #147;Mom Management#148; recently hit the Amazon.ca best-seller list. She is speaker and consultant specializing in providing solutions to the #147;Moms#148; and those who sell to them. She lives in Canada with her husband and two children.
www.TracyLynMoland.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:59Z
Motherhood Is Not For Wimps! MR. MOM, GET A JOB!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Motherhood-Is-Not-For-Wimps!-MR.-MOM,-GET-A-JOB!
-
- /8866.html
2010-05-07T08:57:58Z
2010-05-07T08:57:58Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Motherhood Is Not For Wimps!
MR. MOM, GET A JOB!
By Judy Gruen
judy@championpress.com
Copyright 2002 Permission granted for use on Dr.Laura.com
Have you heard the news? Scientists have finally #145;fessed up that being a househusband is dangerous to a guy#146;s health. Women in very high-stress jobs also risk having their tickers give out early. This politically charged evidence was presented by bona fide medical researchers, the kind who wear their glasses pushed far down on their noses and have cheap pens stamped with names like #147;Zoloft#148; sticking out of their shirt pockets, so it must be true.
The scientists studied more than 3,600 men and women over a ten-year period and revealed their findings at an American Heart Association meeting in Honolulu, a place where you are not allowed to have heart attacks since it scares away tourists. I could have told them all this, if only they would have sprung for my airfare to the Big Island and plied me with drinks decorated with little yellow umbrellas.
But can this news really have come as a surprise to anybody? Just watch any man have to choose between the #147;regular fabrics#148; versus #147;delicate#148; cycle and you can sense his blood pressure rise. His life experience vis-agrave;-vis laundry has most likely been: wear clothes. Drop dirty clothes into closest receptacle. Wait for clean clothes to magically reappear in closet. Sure, he may know how to fix the washing machine when it goes kablooey, but using it is another matter entirely. And think: laundry is only one of the 459 typical daily challenges of running a home with children!
Observe as a regular guy tries to figure out how to make dinner and get to the market when the baby is spiking a fever, he#146;s on for afternoon carpool and it#146;s his turn to sell scrip in the carpool line, and you can almost see the plaque on his arteries multiply by the minute. And when his wife calls at 6:30 p.m. when the kids are shooting peas up their nostrils, the dog is biting a neighbor and the smoke detector has started beeping and she says, very apologetically, #147;Sorry, hon, but I#146;ve got an emergency brewing here and I may need to take the red-eye to Baltimore to discuss the merger,#148; five more years have been whacked off his life. After all, it is bath night and the book review and display board are due tomorrow. And on top of all that, he#146;s somehow got to remember to put Tyler#146;s slugs from the yard in a shoebox since she is excited to bring it for show-and-tell the next day and he knows she will probably need heavy sedation if, God forbid, they arrive at school and the slugs have been forgotten.
There is only so much a man can take. I mean no disrespect to men. I like men, and I have found them to be very capable beings in many guy-oriented areas. I am happily married to one and am raising three men-in-training, so I have a vested interest in the self-esteem of guys. It#146;s just that in my experience, men perform best when they are given specific instructions, such as #147;Load that truck over there until all the boxes are gone,#148; or #147;Run out and tackle the guy with the ball.#148; They like to finish one thing before moving on to the next. But women must be able to do thirty-seven things at once, and if I do say so myself, it is a skill that comes quite naturally to us. Our work may be stressful, but as long as we haven#146;t maxed out our credit cards, we will probably be okay. We need to help reverse this alarming trend in heart disease, and I say, let#146;s start by giving flex-time to women trying to shatter the glass ceiling. (Just the thought sounds painful, doesn#146;t it?) And we must immediately pull all those Mr. Moms out there off of yard duty and send them back where they belong, out in corporate America, staging hostile corporate takeovers. After all, their very lives may depend on it.
"Motherhood Is Not For Wimps!" is Judy Gruen's sometimes hilarious, sometimes serious reporting from the front lines of motherhood. Judy, the mother of four, is the author of
"Carpool Tunnel Syndrome: Motherhood as Shuttle Diplomacy"
(Champion Press, 2002). Her work has also appeared in "Ladies Home Journal" and "Woman's Day" magazines. Judy's semi-monthly humor column, "Off My Noodle," is available by email subscription. Go to
www.championpress.com/offmynoodle.htm
. Contact her at
judy@championpress.com
.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:58Z
When Dad is Also Coach
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/When-Dad-is-Also-Coach
-
- /8867.html
2010-05-07T08:57:57Z
2010-05-07T08:57:57Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>When Dad is Also Coach
As your son or daughter signs up for youth soccer or T-ball, you'll noticea little box on the application which a dad can check if he's willing tocoach.
Well, even if you've never coached, I'd suggest you go for it-maybe justas an assistant coach. If you do check that box, here are a few things tothink about before the season begins:
First, don't put pressure on your child. Believe it or not, your child maynot be the star or team leader. Let him find his own place on the team.Sometimes you'll beam with pride and want to scream, "That's my son."Other times you'll want to hide. I know your heart will be pounding everytime he runs out there. But whether he succeeds or fails, do your best totreat him just like his teammates.
Second, make sure you have some practice time alone with your child. Manyof the other kids will go home and play catch with their dads. You maythink that, as a coach, you've already done that. But your son or daughteralso needs your time one-on-one.
Third, we've all heard Vince Lombardi's words: "Winning isn't everything,it's the only thing." I'll agree with that only if we canredefine what winning is. Are you out to have a perfect win-loss record?Remember, Coach, little league wasn't formed so middle-aged men could showoff their coaching skills. The goals are fun, exercise, sportsmanship andself-improvement. Make sure everyone participates to the best oftheir ability and contributes to the team. Give that struggling kid a fewextra innings at second base-he may cost you a game, but he'll alsoeventually throw somebody out. That's real winning.
Finally, coaching can be a chance to reach out-not just to your kids, butto some of the other kids on the team. These days, if you put fifteen kidson a ball field, at least two or three will come from broken homes andanother few will have dads who just don't have a clue. What a great chancethis is for them to be encouraged by an adult male who cares for theirwell-being.
As a coach, you can make a life-changing impression on yourchild and every other kid on that team.
Ken Canfield
copy;2000 National Center For Fathering. All Rights Reserved. You may makecopies for non-commercial use, all other uses contact NCF through theirwebsite at
www.fathers.com
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:57Z
Moments for Mom
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Moments-for-Mom
-
- /8868.html
2010-05-07T08:57:56Z
2010-05-07T08:57:56Z
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:56Z
"Swollen Feet"
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Swollen-Feet
-
- /8869.html
2010-05-07T08:57:55Z
2010-05-07T08:57:55Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"Swollen Feet"
Jodie Lynn
www.ParentToParent.com
"Swollen Feet" -- If you are pregnant, you can relate to these moms! But, if you are a stay at home mom, you may be better off.
I looked straight into the shoe clerk's face and wanted to cry. Well, why not? My once-medium-sized foot had now swollen to yet another size larger. While I used to wear a size seven, I now take a nine. A nine! We're talking about small boats here. Why, I'm only 5' 3" -- and shrinking fast! "How can this be?"
The saleswoman looked at me, and I saw her trying to form an acceptable excuse as to why she didn't have the shoes I now needed, at least not in CANOE size. "Honey," she said, "don't even think about it." What, she was being nice? "I did the same thing when I was pregnant; just try to lay off of the salt." She then gave me a reassuring pat on the boat, er, foot. I did feel a little better as I squeezed into my old pair of sneakers and waddled out the door. Think you're the only one with big fat swollen feet? Well, read on moms-to-be and see what other mother ducks have done.
Pam in Indiana
- I wear comfortable shoes and get plenty of exercise by walking as much as possible. If my feet began to swell, I prop them up at night by placing a pillow under them while sleeping. During the day, I try to take mini-breaks and elevate my feet as a part of a pick-me-up regimen. This seems to help a lot. As an extra precaution, I take an additional pair of really "cushy" shoes everywhere I go to change into if needed.
S. in TN
- I tried to cut out salty snacks with each pregnancy. It was hard because this is what I personally craved. After changing shoe sizes twice in two pregnancies, a friend of mine who was a nurse gave me a great tip to help me with my salt craving. Buy saltless pretzels, get them wet by sprinkling a few drops of water over the top, and add "salt sense" very lightly (and evenly). Place in an oven for 6 minutes on 350 degrees and you've created a yummy snack. They have the salty taste but with a salt substitute. While this is not the perfect solution, it really did help.
From Jodie
: With being so short, I pretty much looked like a pregnant elf! I tried to watch my salt intake, but it was hard because we lived down in Cajun country where there's no such thing as a dish made with a "light" anything. I started taking snacks along with me everywhere I went so the temptation of fries and Cajun seafood wouldn't be too great. (This lasted all of a good two weeks.) I was in an outside sales position at the time and walked what seemed like a zillion miles every day. This was good and bad. Food, food and more food was everywhere I went.
My doctor said to prop up my feet as often as possible. How is this done if you work outside the home, I wondered. I finally decided to spend the lunch hour in my car. I'd eat fruit and rice cakes while propping my feet up and reading. I read for one glorious hour. (Yeah, it sounds a little corny, but don't knock it until you've tried it.) It actually made a difference.
Three months before the baby was due, I said good-bye to outside sales. When I found myself at home, it was easier to maintain my weight, baby and household duties and still get a little work done in my freelance writing endeavor. This is one of several advantages to working and/or being a stay-at-home mom. You can manage you and your baby's health and activities easier.
Of course, I was not always perfect. There were a couple of time, (all right - three or four times) where I couldn#146;t resist crawfish boils and Cajun hot chips and I literally blew up like the Goodyear blimp. For these delightful naughty - I mean - rare slip-ups, the one thing I did that seemed to help, was to lie on my back with my rear and legs up against a wall. Don't forget to use a small pillow in the bend of your back. Well, it worked for me... now, if I could just get all of that salt to stop coming out of my ears...
Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest paperback book is
Mommy-CEO, revised edition, Martin-Ola Press
. (It's not just for moms!) -- check out her new e-book, "Syndication Secrets" at
ParentToParent.com
for more details. We now have new Mommy, CEO merchandise and logo! copy;2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:55Z
True, Noble and Right
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/True,-Noble-and-Right
-
- /8870.html
2010-05-07T08:57:54Z
2010-05-07T08:57:54Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>True, Noble and Right
By Cheryl Gochnauer
(NOTE TO READERS: As we all pause this week to remember 9/11, I'mrerunning the Homebodies column I wrote in September 2001, two weeksafter the attacks. - Cheryl)
I've been a mess these past couple of weeks. But normal life isstarting to come back into focus, and one of the reasons is because I'vefinally turned away from the TV.
I haven't clicked it off completely. My family applauded PresidentBush's speech to Congress, and passed tissues during the musicalsimulcast of "America: A Tribute to Heroes". My brother is a servicemanoverseas; my father is retired Army. The military is in my blood. I'mcompelled to at least catch my favorite news commentator each evening tohear the latest developments.
But I've decided to stop feeding my brain only troublesome images. Ican't handle bad news, 24/7. It's not good for me, and it's not goodfor my family.
Like many Americans, the attacks prompted me to dust off my Bible andreview some passages I hadn't read in a while. Look what leapt from thepages today:
"Brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - ifanything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me -put into practice" (Philippians 4:8-9, NIV)
What have my children learned or received or heard or seen in me overthese past dreary days? Sorrow and apprehension, anger and melancholy.That's only natural. Like those around me, I've been grieving.
These are hard times, no doubt. But I'm not without hope. Young facesturn toward mine, wondering how to respond to the turbulence. Switchingoff the round-the-clock news, I'm finally ready to share true, noble andright images. Read pure, lovely and admirable stories. Point outexamples that are excellent and praiseworthy.
I have to choose between depression and empathy, fear and caution,revenge and justice. I'm determined to purge personal terrorism from myhome via optimism and faith.
Questions or comments? Contact
Cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit herwebsite at
www.homebodies.org
, where you can order an autographed copyof her new
Stay-at-Home Handbook
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:54Z
Marital Interaction
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Marital-Interaction
-
- /8871.html
2010-05-07T08:57:53Z
2010-05-07T08:57:53Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Marital Interaction
Ken Canfield
www.fathers.com
One of the best things a father can do for his kids is love their mother and build a strong marriage. The effort you put into your marriage is worth it to your children.
To prove that, I'm going right to the source. Just listen to this sixth grade girl who wrote about her father for one of our essay contests. Shewrites:"Everybody in my family has had to put up a lot with all the things that have gone wrong. One thing about this divorce is that when I go over to my friends' house to spend the night or something, their fathers usually come in and say, "good-night," not "good-bye." When my father comes over to get something and he is about to leave, he always comes over and kisses me on the cheek and then says "good-bye," and walks out. And it hurts a lot. Sometimes I want to just cry." This girl feels the pain so deeply that she is tuned in to subtle nuances like the difference between "good-night" and "good-bye." Her father may see her regularly and show her physical affection, but still the dominant images of her father will always bring her pain.
Compare that to what another youngster, a fourth grader, wrote in heressay: "He treats my mom very nicely, which makes me feel wanted." A strong marriage breeds security. The child with two parents who are still in love-and show it-does not need to fear that the foundation of her life is suddenly going to shake and buckle and split apart.
Even more than that, your marriage relationship is a model for your children's future relationships-dating and marriage.
Your sons are taking subconscious notes. They're asking: What does it mean to be a husband? How should I treat women? Your daughters also have their eye on you. Giving themselves to a man in marriage can be a fearful thing; they're asking themselves how well their mother fared in the deal.
One of the greatest legacies you can leave your children (and your yet-unborn grandchildren) is the firm believe that marriage is not to be taken lightly. It's worth committing to. It's worth sticking it out through the tough times. Marriage-your marriage-is worth every ounce of effort you can put into it.
Ken Canfield copy;2000 National Center For Fathering. All Rights Reserved. You may makecopies for non-commercial use, all other uses contact NCF through
www.fathers.com
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:53Z
Homebodies In The Workforce
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Homebodies-In-The-Workforce
-
- /8872.html
2010-05-07T08:57:51Z
2010-05-07T08:57:51Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Homebodies In The Workforce
By Cheryl Gochnauer
A few months ago, the Census Bureau came out with a welcome reportannouncing that, for the first time since the mid-70's, more new motherswere staying home with their babies than were going back into theworkforce. Some mothers return to their cubicles after the first year. Many grab their Daytimers as kids reach preschool age, and a flood ofmothers head back to their desks once their children start kindergarten. Others hold out until their toddlers become teens, and beyond.
So how do you know when it's time for you to go back to work outside thehome? If you're content to be a full-time homemaker, the answer may be"never". But the biggest slice of the statistical pie does plan on somedayrejoining the traditional workforce.
Recently, I took a position at my daughters' school, after almost eightyears as an at-home parent. Back in 1994, when I first came home, Karen andCarrie were ages 6 and 2, and I was sure I'd go back to work when myyoungest started school. But by the time she was a kindergartner, I waswell-versed in managing our limited budget. It seemed silly to go back towork outside the home just because the calendar said so, and so I settled infor the long haul.
It took a combination of two sets of braces and the desire to send my girlsto private school to get me thinking seriously about going back to work. Istarted networking among friends, looking for a family-friendly job thatwould allow me to earn the money we needed without compromising mycommitment to be readily available to my children. When the position poppedup at the private school of our dreams, I recognized it for what it was - atailor-made opportunity for me and my family.
Granted, not all of us will have the chance to work a job with our babies inthe building. But after spending time as a stay-at-home mom - especially ifyou've done it for several years - it's important to be choosy about how andwhere you'll ease back into the workforce.
Wait for the right job, one that won't make you feel like you're undoing allthe good you've done during your timeout. As you interview, noteprospective employers' flexibility and rank their family-friendliness. Resist pursuing high-pressure positions that tax workers' spirits and leaveno energy for after-work fun. Resolve to limit debt so that you have theoption of returning home, should you decide to.
We go through different seasons in our lives. I loved my stay-at-homeseason, and now I'm enjoying transitioning back into the workforce, with myhusband and daughters cheering me on. Wherever you find yourself in thespectrum, whether turning in your keys or picking them up again, carefullyweigh each work-style decision. When you hit the combination that benefitsboth you and your family at this point in time, go for it!
(Wondering if Cheryl's Homebodies ministry will go on, now that she's headedback to work? Of course it will! You can continue to enjoy her encouragingmessages for at-home parents via this column and her website at
www.homebodies.org
. Contact her with questions and comments at
Cheryl@homebodies.org
. Copyright 2002 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:51Z
Fighting At-Home Frustrations
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Fighting-At-Home-Frustrations
-
- /8873.html
2010-05-07T08:57:50Z
2010-05-07T08:57:50Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Fighting At-Home Frustrations
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Thinking about running away from home?
Sit down, kids. I'm talking to your mom.
I've been there, Ladies. We all have. So if you're feeling like you're theonly one, and nobody's ever felt like this, and you're the worst parentthere ever was, don't.
Let's look at some common triggers of at-home frustrations, and ways tofight them.
FATIGUE.
Children, especially little ones, seldom give us breaks when weneed them. My girls are older now, but I still remember living fornaptime -- when they were asleep and I could relax! If you're feeling wornout, don't use naptime to rush through chores. Instead, lie down when thekids lie down. Let the whole house get quiet. Recharge your own batterieswhile the kids are recharging theirs.
VANILLA, VANILLA, VANILLA.
Doing basically the same thing, day in and dayout, gets boring. Try new activities, especially things that get everybodyoutside. Invite playmates over, and allow kids to visit friends' homes.Kids enjoy a change of scenery, and like playing with different toys. Ifthere aren't any families close by, head for the local library, swimmingpool or park, where you're likely to find other little boys and girls readyto play. Do things together as a family that everyone - including Mom -enjoys.
WE'RE ALWAYS BROKE.
It's true that there isn't as much money to work withwhen only one spouse is bringing in a regular paycheck. But the mainprinciple to hold onto is this: It's not what you make, it's what youspend. Sort "wants" from "needs" and take on a frugal mindset. Don't fallprey to instant gratification, which steals your precious dollars. Paredown expenses. Postpone purchases and use coupons, rebates, and discountstores. Note: If you've been cutting back and still can't make your bills,consider a part-time job. Your kids will not benefit if their parents gobankrupt!
NOBODY CARES.
If it has been a while since your husband mentioned how greatit is having you home, don't assume he has changed his mind. He probablyappreciates what you're doing, but doesn't think to tell you - the old "Isaid I loved you once; I'll let you know if it ever changes" type. Let himknow how important it is to hear his affirmation, both in talking directlyto you and about you to others.
I'M LONELY.
While seeking playmates for your children, don't forget to findfriends for yourself. Link up with other at-home moms by joining aparenting group like Mothers of Preschoolers (
www.mops.org
) or Moms in Touch(
www.momsintouch.org
) or Hearts at Home (
www.hearts-at-home.org
). Or trademessages at the Homebodies Forums(
http://forums.gospelcom.net/view/homebodies
). Interacting with women whohave made the same choices can really brighten your day.
I MISS WORKING OUTSIDE THE HOME.
Lots of mothers find the perfect balanceby holding a part-time or work-at-home position. This allows them to focuson their families while maintaining skills and professional relationships.Be sure to keep that balance, though. Don't fall prey to the "Attack of theKiller Home Business", which eats up all your family time even though you'reworking under your own roof.
Whatever frustrations you're going through, don't keep them to yourself.Surround yourself with supportive people (your spouse, friends and groups)that understand and can encourage you. And when all else fails, turn toyour child for a hug. That's a great way to get back to basics - toreinforce to yourself again just why you made this choice.
(Comments? Email
Cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
, where you can sign up for her free weekly emailnewsletter. Copyright 2002 Homebodies.Org, LLC.)Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:50Z
One Income Living in a Two Income World
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/One-Income-Living-in-a-Two-Income-World
-
- /8874.html
2010-05-07T08:57:48Z
2010-05-07T08:57:48Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>One Income Living in a Two Income World
by Deborah Taylor-Hough
I hear it all the time: "It must be nice making so much money you can be home with your kids. We could never afford to do that."
Excuse me?!
Our family of five lives on an income which could easily qualify for several low-income programs. We make so much money, huh? Where is it?!
Now please don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. My husband and I have voluntarily, and quite happily, chosen this frugal lifestyle. But it's funny to hear the misconceptions others have about our finances.
COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS
The assumption seems to be, if you're home with your children full-time you must be rolling in piles of money. Common urban folk-lore unsettles us with the "fact" that it will cost over two hundred and fifty thousand dollars to raise each child to adulthood. According to those figures, it would cost over half a million dollars to raise our three children!
Gulp. . . .Maybe the numbers are accurate if I bought my children's clothing exclusively at up-scale specialty stores, sent "Buffy" and "Skip" to ultra-expensive private schools, and outfitted their rooms with the latest audio/visual equipment and top-of-the-line designer crib ensembles.
REALITY
But the reality in our neighborhood is drastically different. Nearly every family on our block has consciously made the choice, at least for a time, to make the necessary sacrifices so one can parent can be home with their young children.
I hope you won't think we've all dropped out of life and taken up an existence of soap operas and bon-bons. Far from it. Many of the women have cottage industries or attend college. Some do consulting work to stay abreast of their professions. A neighbor stays home with her children, actively pursuing a writing career.
But even with additional part-time incomes, the families on our street don't make the money that statistics claim we'll need to adequately raise our kids. But raise them successfully, we will!
THE SECRETSo, what's the secret to "one income living in a two income world?" Actually, there are several easy tricks:
Watch Your Purchases
Watch your purchases, even small ones, carefully. If you're cautious with your pennies, the dollars will take care of themselves. For one month, keep a detailed spending diary of all expenditures, even for newspapers and coffee. Seeing it all in black and white can be eye opening. Buying a latte' at the local espresso bar each morning can easily cost you $30-$40 per month. Most people spend at least $5 each weekday on food related items at work. (Lunch, pop, coffee, snacks, etc.). Bringing lunches, treats and drinks from home could save your family nearly $100 per month, or $1,200 per year!
Groceries are one of the few fairly flexible expense categories in most families. Learn tricks for saving money by careful meal planning and using up leftovers. Investigate the concept of cooking for the freezer (i.e.: Frozen Assets). Learn to buy in bulk, and take advantage of lower prices by planning your menus around the grocery sales flyers in the newspaper.
Little expenses add up quickly if they're done on a regular basis. When you find the areas in your life where the money is draining out, plug up the holes!
Live Within Your Means
Vow to live within your means. Easier said than done -- but it can be done! The first step is establishing a budget. If you have problems keeping to a written budget, try the envelope system. Figure out how much money you need each month for the different categories of expenses (food, clothing, gasoline, bus fare, etc.) and place that amount of cash in separately labeled envelopes. You will have a concrete visual aid to show you exactly how much money you have left to spend in each category. And you will see clearly that borrowing money from another envelope leaves less money in that other category.
The envelope system is great for people who tend to think that as long as there is a positive balance in the checkbook, they can keep on writing checks.
Get Out of Debt
Get out of debt, and stay out. In 1996 alone, there were over one million personal bankruptcies filed in the United States. The majority of these were the result of poorly managed consumer debt.
- Does your installment debt (not including mortgages) total more than 20 percent of your income?
- Have you taken cash advances on one credit card to pay the monthly payments on other cards or credit accounts?
- Are you at your credit limits?
- Are you receiving letters, phone calls, or notices from collection agencies?
- Do you have difficulty imagining your life without credit?
If you answered "yes" to even one of these questions, consider seeking advice from a financial planner. You could be on the way to severe financial difficulties, or even bankruptcy. Contact Consumer Credit Counseling Service for free financial advice and debt counseling. Call 1-800-388-CCCS for the office near you.
Identify Priorities
Identify personal priorities. No one can set your family's priorities for you. But if you don't take time to think them through, articulate them clearly and live them out, you'll find you have lived a life that is not a true reflection of your inner priorities.
Clarify your personal definition of success and meaningfulness by writing out a brief mission statement for your life. Then evaluate every purchase and activity in light of your personal life mission. If having time for community involvement is an important priority, can you pare back the non-essential activities to allow room for volunteering and service? Watching evening television might be a relaxing pastime, but is it adding anything to your community's quality of life?
If staying home with your children is a top priority, are you willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen? It's not a crime to shop at thrift stores for your family's wardrobe essentials. And your children won't hate you if you don't take them to Hawaii every year (these are extreme examples, but I think you get the point).
A Support Network
Establish a support network of friends in similar financial circumstances. If money is tight, every decision can become a financial one. It helps to have friends who understand personally the difficulties you face, and can offer support for the choices you're making.
Resources
Tap into the many resources available for simple living. There are newsletters, books, web-sites, and even local study groups that can inspire you and offer practical ideas for living within your means.
WHAT IT TAKES
It doesn't take a salary the size of Bill Gates' to live on one income. But it does take careful planning, focused priorities and a non-negotiable commitment to stay out of debt. There are sacrifices involved, but if your heart's desire is to be home with your children, the rewards of staying true to your convictions will far out-weigh any losses you might experience.
Our family faced these decisions nearly ten years ago. We followed our hearts, and we'll never regret it. I drive my used, rusty station wagon with pride. Laugh if you must, but we don't make monthly car payments and our yearly license fees and insurance premiums are minimal. Driving used cars is just one of the many choices we've made that allow me to be home each day with our young children.
SACRIFICES?
Am I making sacrifices? Maybe.
But for me, the real sacrifice would be giving up the joys I share each day with my three kids. Laughing together. Growing and learning side by side. Being available to others in need. Those are joys that I can never recapture if I miss this opportunity now. Carpe diem. Seize the day.
By making a few not-so-difficult financial decisions, we have been able to reach our dream of living on one income in a two income world. If you share that dream, I believe you can make it happen, as well. It can be difficult, but the benefits of making it work are beyond belief!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Deborah Taylor-Hough
(free-lance writer, wife and mother of three) is the editor of the Simple Times and Bright-Kids email newsletters. She's also the author of the bestselling book,
Frozen Assets: how to cook for a day and eat for a month
,
Frozen Assets Lite Easy
,
Mix and Match Recipes
,
Curriculum Yellow Pages
and
A Simple Choice: a practical guide for saving your time, money and sanity
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:48Z
Home Theater Heist
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Home-Theater-Heist
-
- /8875.html
2010-05-07T08:57:45Z
2010-05-07T08:57:45Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Home Theater Heist
by Michael Kellam
www.notjustbeans.com
Have you ever thought that some particular purchase would save you money. I often hear people talk about how they can save money by purchasing something that will save them in other ways. A good example of this is a home theater system. Many of my movie buff friends, awed by snazzy displays in electronics stores have convinced themselves that there is no cost in this type of purchase. After all, it is difficult to find a first run movie theater that sells tickets for less than $6.50 each and many are substantially more. Surely, they reason, at say $8.00 per ticket, they would save money purchasing this system that attempts to approximate the theater experience. Is this really the case?
One particular friend purchased his system in stages. First he purchased the large screen television for a cost of around $2000. Then he purchased a mid range stereo system including a DVD player for another $2000. For these prices, surely the stereo would include speakers, but says my friend, that is not the case. He spent another $1500 purchasing speakers and a sub woofer because he likes the bass. My friend was telling me how he got a great deal because he purchased several of the components at once. He asserted that he "saved" several hundred dollars on the equipment and that the entire system would pay for itself since he would no longer incur the cost of seeing theatrical releases.
Considering his assertions, my curiosity got the best of my and I began crunching numbers. I added his equipment costs and figured that his system cost $5500.00. At $8.00 per movie, that means he would have to watch 688 films on his home theater before it would pay for itself. Not bad, you might think. He might see that many films in two years if he watched one every day. Of course, this assumes he is watching films that he would have seen in the theater but chose to view them on his home theater instead or else he wouldn't be saving money. My friend found that even with his home theater, he did not want to give up theatrical movies all together, so maybe it would take a little bit longer for the system to pay for itself.
What my friend never figured into his numbers was that he was going to have to have DVD#146;s to watch on this new system. At the purchase price for DVD#146;s, suddenly it would be cheaper for him to watch a movie in the theater. His system could never pay for itself. My friend decided that he would instead rent the DVD#146;s from the local video store, where DVD#146;s rent for about $4.00 each. If all of the DVD#146;s he watches are rented, he only saves $4.00 over the price of watching the film in a theater. This means that we have to do the math all over again. Now for the system to pay for itself (dividing the $5500.00 system by the $4.00 savings), my friend would have to watch 1375 movies for the system to pay for itself. He would have to watch at least one movie every day for close to four years before the system pays for itself. Now my friend is serious about movies, but lets face it, one movie every day is a lot of movies.
My friend never considered that after a couple of years, the technology would be so much better that he would want a new one. Sure his system was great, but look what they have now. Still, the system has not paid for itself so he must press on. He never considered that if he had simply paid the eight bucks to see a theater movie every day that he would be $3000 ahead at this point and not in hock for this stupid home theater. Heck he could have gone to the theater AND bought popcorn every day!
What makes it worse is that my friend bought his system at one of those electronics stores with the 1 year same as cash. How can you beat that #150; no interest! What he didn't know was that if the balance isn't paid off by the end of the year, that the company charges all of the interest back to the date of the purchase as if it was never "same as cash". To add insult to injury, the credit company charges 29% interest on purchases. That means that in addition to the $5500.00 my friend paid, he also has to pay $1595 PER YEAR interest until it is paid off. If he only pays the minimum payment of $150 per month, it will take him 91 months (7 frac12; years) to pay off the system. The total cost of the system is then $13,647 including $8147 in interest. This means that including the $4.00 savings per movie, he will have to watch 3412 movies before the system pays for itself. That is a heck of a lot of movies. If my friend watched a movie every day, it would take him more than nine years for the system to pay for itself. In this case, my friend could have paid full price to watch movies every day at the theater for more than nine years. In fact, the system is not really paying for itself if my friend would not otherwise have actually paid the $8.00 every day for nine years to see that many films. It also does not take into consideration that most people see at least SOME movies in discount theaters. If my friend would have seen a film in a discount theater, he would actually be spending more for each movie he chose to view on his home theater.
What I have not mentioned here is that my friend works a job that pays him $20,000 per year. If he pays cash for the system (NOT using a credit card), he will have had to work over three months for no other reason but to pay for his home theater. If he uses a credit card, he will have had to work for more than 8 months to pay for the system. Now, I don't know about you, but if I could take 3-8 months off of work and still live at the same standard of living, I would rather do that than go to a job and work more for someone else so I can "save" money purchasing a home theater that might not pay even for itself for nine years.
I am not saying that home theaters are bad. I am simply saying that you should consider carefully the cost of something before you purchase it. I personally would not purchase such a system when I can see a film in glorious Technicolor on the big screen as it was meant to be seen (in 2.35:1 wide screen of course). If you feel that it is worth it to you to spend the money on such a system (for instance, if you are permanently confined to bed), it is your prerogative to spend it on whatever you wish to spend (keeping in mind that you must want it more than that other thing you can't afford after you have bought it). So go enjoy the movie! And say "Hi" to the ticket taker for me!
Michael helps his wife Tawra run the website
www.notjustbeans.com
. They paid off 20K in debt in 5 years on an income of 22K a year. Tawra's frugal cookbook
Not Just Beans: 50 Years of Frugal Family Favorites
. has over 540 recipes and 400 tips. For more tips and recipes visit their website at
www.notjustbeans.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:45Z
Kids and Clutter: Pink Bunnies
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Kids-and-Clutter:-Pink-Bunnies
-
- /8876.html
2010-05-07T08:57:43Z
2010-05-07T08:57:43Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Kids and Clutter: Pink Bunnies
Copyright 2002 Deborah Taylor-HoughUsed with permission. All rights reserved.Adapted from "A Simple Choice: A practical guide for saving your time, money and sanity" (Champion Press, 2000)
While talking with one of my daughters, we discussed the need for decluttering her bedroom. Over the years, she'd collected quite an array of toys, books, decorative objects, and miscellaneous odds and ends. Because she tends to bond emotionally with anything that enters her room, convincing her to willingly clear out the excess "stuff" had always been quite an ordeal.
I've learned over the years, the more clutter and excess stuff I carry with me, the more disorganized and scattered my life feels. As my daughter and I looked around her room I asked, "When you look at the piles of papers and toys in your room, do you feel overwhelmed by it all -- not even sure where to start when you need to clean your room?"
She agreed that was just how she felt. Many of the items I saw in her room were things she never used or played with anymore. But I could also see she had special items that really held meaning to her and she used regularly.
I suddenly had an idea. I picked up her two all-time favorite toys (the ones that were "real" in the Velveteen Rabbit sense of the word), held them up to her, and asked, "Big Bird and Fluffy are your special toys, right? They're your comforting friends, your buddies you sleep with each night. They've seen you through surgeries and scary times. You'll probably want to keep them forever, won't you?"
She smiled and nodded as she realized I knew how much her favorite stuffed animals meant to her. Then I grabbed two pink bunnies from under her bed that she never played with anymore. They were nothing special to her, just a couple of plain old pink bunnies.
"Now, look carefully at these pink bunnies," I said. "Do you want to lug them around with you for the rest of your life? They're nice bunnies. They're even cute bunnies. But are they 'special' bunnies?"
She laughed at the idea of hauling those pink bunnies around with her forever, and agreed they weren't anything she played with or even thought much about.
As we looked around, she realized her room was full of other "Pink Bunnies" -- those items that just took up space, cluttering her closet, dresser and floor. I suggested she make two piles of things in her room. The "Pink Bunny" pile and the "Big Bird and Fluffy" pile. If something wasn't a favorite item and used regularly, it belonged in the "Pink Bunny" pile. Items that brought joy, had particular meaning, and were used frequently would go into the "Big Bird and Fluffy" pile.
Suddenly it became easy to sort her toys, and even also lots of fun! I'd hold up a toy and ask, "What's this one?"She'd laugh and shout, "It's a 'Pink Bunny'!" And then happily toss it into the pile of toys destined for the yard sale box in the garage. As we sorted, we discovered the Pink Bunnies outnumbered the special toys by about three to one.
After we finished going through her toys, my daughter had a nice manageable pile of only her very favorite toys. Not only did it reduce the clutter in her room, but it also brought her a great sense of accomplishment. She finally was able to sort through everything and let go of the things she didn't use anymore.
When I decided to try the same general idea with my son several months later, the whole "Pink Bunnies" scenario didn't apply. No abandoned stuffed animals hiding under his bed. He mainly had an overabundance of fast-food kid meal toys, small cars, and building block sets.
So, what could I use for the Pink Bunny pile in his life? I knew there had to be a similar idea that could inspire him to start happily tossing out the unused clutter. I thought about it for a couple of hours ... and then had a brainstorm! For my son, the two decluttering piles became "Dirt" and "Diamonds." He really enjoyed sorting his toys into those categories, and before I knew it, we were down to just his favorite cars, toys, games, and building blocks. "Dirt" worked like a dream!
So, on a more personal note, how many Pink Bunnies do you have in your house and life? Whether it's in a child's room, or one of your own closests, maybe it's time to sort through any accumulated clutter and find out.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
--Deborah Taylor-Hough (free-lance writer and mother of three) is the author of
Frozen Assets: How to cook for a day and eat for a month
, and A Simple Choice: A practical guide for saving your time, money, and sanity. She also edits the Bright-Kids email newsletter. To subscribe, email:
join-bright-kids@ds.xc.org
Visit Debi online at:
http://hometown.aol.com/dsimple/
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:43Z
Make Cleaning A Game
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Make-Cleaning-A-Game
-
- /8877.html
2010-05-07T08:57:42Z
2010-05-07T08:57:42Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Make Cleaning A Game
by Penny E. Stone
www.championpress.com
My house was so cluttered and messy! I had been suffering with extreme lower back pain and bending over to pick up anything off the floor was out of the question. I was under a doctor's care and in physical therapy for the condition. I had a good excuse for a messy house, but it still grated on my nerves.
Finally I decided I could let it go no longer. As I looked around, I came to the conclusion a mess this bad was going to take me at least three days to clean up; not to mention the amount of time I'd be "out of commission" as a result. And it was a given that the kids didn't want to do the work either. What's a mother to do at times like this? Then the idea hit me....why not make a game of it? I called my three kids together, ages 10, 5 and 2. This is what I told them. "We're going to play a game! I'm going to turn on the CD player with some real lively music. You're all going to draw a slip of paper out of a hat and you can ONLY DO that ONE THING for ONLY as long as ONE SONG lasts. When the song ends, you HAVE TO STOP!" I picked up a pad of post-it notes and walked through the house, jotting down one chore per piece of notepaper. I folded each slip and put it in my son's plastic fireman hat. The chores included, "Pick up all pop cans, empty, and put in recycling bag." "Pull everything out from under the couch." "Pick up all books and put them on the bookshelf." "Take all dirty dishes to the kitchen." You get the idea. My two-year-old even got in on the game. To ensure she could find chores suited to her age and ability, I marked the easiest one's with her initial on the outside of the paper. The two older kids knew if they drew a slip with a "K" on it that it went back in the hat. Only Kiersten could draw those. When the song ended, they all had to stop doing what they were doing. We ended up drawing chores and working during every-other-song. If the chore was not completed, the post-it note went back into the hat. If it did get completed, we discarded it. After playing this game for almost two hours, I inserted a slip marked with an "X" in the hat. Whoever drew that slip HAD TO SIT AND REST for the entire song while everyone else worked. (My son wanted to dance to the music instead of resting!) But no one was allowed to keep the "X" slip for two consecutive times. To my amazement, my house was totally cleaned in just under four hours. And my kids loved doing it! My five year old even said, "Can we play that game again, Mom?" I think this tactic for cleaning house worked because it kept my kids focused on only one chore at a time and they worked for short durations of time. The next time your house gets really messy, why not make cleaning it a game? Your kids will love it and I guarantee you'll love the results! I know I did!
Penny Stone has written several books for Champion Press.
Crazy About Crockpots: 101 Easy Inexpensive Dinners for less than .75cent; a Serving
is a collection of original, down-home cooked crockpot dinners that can be prepared for under a dollar per serving.
"As an entrepreneur myself, there have been times when it's been 'feast or famine' for my family."
Penny's other books are
365 Quick, Easy Inexpensive Dinner Menus
, a collection of family favorite recipes (almost 1,000 in all!), kitchen tips and wisdom, food-related trivia, and lots of kid-friendly activities and
The Taste of Culture
series.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:42Z
Resolution Checkup
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Resolution-Checkup
-
- /8878.html
2010-05-07T08:57:40Z
2010-05-07T08:57:40Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Resolution Checkup
By Cheryl Gochnauer
About six months ago, we were toasting the New Year and making resolutions.
How are you doing on those plans you made? Are you well on your way tobecoming that thinner, smarter, more socially aware and family-focusedperson? Or did your plans fade by February and dissolve completely by May?
If so, don't worry; you've still got plenty of time to regroup and reachyour goals before 2003 arrives. And if you're right on track, now is agreat time to celebrate your successes!
IN THE WORKPLACE. Re-evaluate where you're going in your career,whetheryou're working as a full-time stay-at-home mom, working outside the home, orpursuing a homebased business. Still giving 110 percent? Or has yourdedication slipped to 80 percent or lower? Has your determination to avoidoffice politics or neighborhood gossip slackened, as you find yourselfengaged in those same old gripe sessions?
Renew your commitment, or start steps to move to a position where you'llthrive.
Take classes to sharpen your professional edge.
Scope out your career landscape, re-aiming for passes through workplacemountains.
If you're an at-home parent, revisit your reasons for being there and tryto recapture the joy you originally felt about coming home.As you zero in on your chosen career, "remember that you work to live, notlive to work," says Dr. Robert Ramsey, a Minneapolis personnel managementexpert. "Be sure you have time for family, friends, church, community andyourself, as well as for work. You'll be a better, happier person for it."
ON THE HOMEFRONT. If you're not spending quality time with your kids, stopeverything and make a date with them now. As resolutions go, this oneshould rank at the top, priority-wise.
Speaking of dates, what are you and your spouse doing this Friday night?Renew your resolve to strengthen your commitment to your mate, too.Regarding the family budget, remember that promise to slip a little bit ofeach paycheck into savings? If you haven't managed to set any aside, callPayroll and arrange for an automatic deduction. You're less likely to missit if you never see it.
MIND AND BODY. Internet usage has exploded in the past couple of years. Soif you said you'd become more knowledgeable about your world this year, justlog on.
Go to your favorite search engine, and plug in a subject you'd love to knowmore about. To access your local library, visit their webpage and enter yourcard number. Under "InfoTrack," you'll discover a rich bank of freemagazine and newspaper articles literally at your fingertips. Ask yourlibrarian for the site address.
If you promised to lose 20 pounds by December 31 and you've yet to shed any,trim your goal to a more manageable 10 pounds and go for it. Things you cando today:
Watch the fat.
Stop when you're full.
Resolve to love your body, whether you're at your goal or still inprocess.Resolutions of every kind are easier to keep when we make them forourselves. If you haven't kept up with guilt-induced pledges, good for you.Leave those bogus checkpoints behind.Instead, focus in on those changes YOU desire, and revive your resolutionstoday.
(Comments? Email
Cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
. Copyright 2002 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:40Z
The Movie Reporter: Seabiscuit; Spy Kids 3D: Game Over; Lara Croft: Tomb Raider - The Cradle of Life
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Movie-Reporter:-Seabiscuit;-Spy-Kids-3D:-Game-Over;-Lara-Croft:-Tomb-Raider---The-Cradle-of-Life
-
- /8879.html
2010-05-07T08:57:37Z
2010-05-07T08:57:37Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Movie Reporter:
Seabiscuit
Spy Kids 3D: Game Over
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider - The Cradle of Life
By Philip Boatwright
www.moviereporter.com
SEABISCUIT
: Tobey Maguire, Chris Cooper, Jeff Bridges, Elizabeth Banks, William H. Macy. Universal/Dreamworks Pictures/Spyglass Entertainment. Drama. WD-Gary Ross.
Based on the best-selling book, the film tells the story of three men #150; a jockey (Maguire), a trainer (Cooper) and a businessman (Bridges) #150; and the down-and-out racehorse that took Depression-era America by surprise. A triumphant account of a roughhewn, undersized horse that became one of the world#146;s most renowned celebrities and arguably the greatest champion of all time.
I have never had an interest in gambling. I#146;ve never even been to Las Vegas. So seeing a movie about horse racing isn#146;t going to tempt me to go to the track. But I want to be sensitive to those who struggle with the addiction of gambling. No movie is worth being tempted toward self-destruction. Got a problem with gambling? Then don#146;t go to this film. That said, #147;Seabiscuit#148; is not about financial betting. While wagering is central to horse racing in the real world, it is not a focal point to this film. It#146;s about surviving, overcoming, honor, caring, faith and the kinship between man and beast.
God#146;s name is profaned 11 times in this movie. #147;Well, Phil, you#146;re always saying we shouldn#146;t support a film with profanity.#148; No, what I say is, let#146;s not get to the point where we accept the misuse of His name. There is a difference. If this generation accepts profanity in entertainment, will not the next generation be more inclined to include such language in their everyday use? I cringe every time I hear a profane utterance. But this film isn#146;t about blaspheming God. It#146;s about people from different walks of life searching to find their place. And in one scene, the Jeff Bridges character and his wife are in church. What#146;s more, they have brought the trainer and jockey with them. While those two men seem unfamiliar with a church service, the film sends a positive message that the businessman is a man of faith and has invited these other men into the house of God. It#146;s a quick scene. I#146;m not even sure why it#146;s there. But I simply said, #147;Wow.#148; Not many films acknowledge God to be a part of a main character#146;s life. This film does.
A small horse, barely 15 hands and considered less than an underdog, Seabiscuit caught the imagination of 40 million Americans who tuned in to the Seabiscuit-War Admiral race as the two thoroughbreds went nose to nose for a full half-mile.
I wish I was capable of describing the power of cinematographer John Schwartzman#146;s work (#147;The Rookie,#148; #147;Pearl Harbor#148;). But great art, including the art of photography, touches portions of the soul where words can#146;t reach. It must be experienced to be best appreciated.
A word must be said about the film#146;s color. Sumptuous. Great painters work magic with color. Color brings light, shading, depth to a work of art. The same is true when used properly in movies. (Have you seen #147;The Adventures of Robin Hood#148; on DVD?)
The dialogue is sharp, witty, and often insightful. The story never becomes saccharine, but serves to exemplify the strength of the human spirit.
And then there are the performances. Each of the leads has proven himself to be a journeyman actor. They take a role and transform an often one-dimensional character into a fleshed out, fascinating human being. What#146;s more, they make it look effortless. Here we are transfixed, because these actors are telling us something not just about their characters but about us, as well. There is a scene where jockey Maguire needs to borrow a few dollars from businessman Bridges. Keep in mind that this was a time in our nation#146;s history when asking for money said a great deal about your personality and self-esteem. He asks for $10, a tidy amount for that period. It#146;s a difficult request. The businessman, who in some ways has become a father figure to the horseman, puts a twenty in the younger man#146;s hand. Maguire doesn#146;t tear up. That would have been too easy. No, he goes deeper. The emotion we see is palpable, causing
us
to tear up. It is a brief scene, a telling scene, it is a remarkable scene.
Reportedly Chris Cooper once again had to fight for a role, this time for the part of the trainer. When will the industry learn to give him any role he wants? For he#146;s as good as they get. And Bridges as the real-life Charles Howard should once again receive Oscar attention. These and other people in the film reveal character. They stand for something, relaying emphatic messages concerning honor and respect for God#146;s creations.
The film is almost epic in its scope, portraying the hopes and struggles of America before, during and after the Great Depression. Author/historian David McCullough, the narrator of Ken Burn#146;s award-winning documentary #147;The Civil War#148; also serves to give poignant perceptions of America at its best.
Not just a horseracing movie, #147;Seabiscuit#148; is a perceptive tale of three men who find a sort of redemption. The second installment of #147;Lara Croft: Tomb Raider#148; opens the same day as #147;Seabiscuit#148; and #147;Terminator 3#148; is still going strong at the box office. But if you are looking for a film that energizes, engrosses and thoroughly entertains, this one is the real thoroughbred.
PG-13 (11 profanities, 13 obscenities, and 8 milder expletives; occasional smoking, which is done not to promote the habit, but merely to depict it as a part of most Americans#146; lives at that time; occasional drinking; one scene shows some jockeys celebrating at a bordello; it is implied that the Maguire character has sex with one of the prostitutes, but nothing is seen; there is some violence that includes a couple of brutal boxing matches, but again, the scenes are handled with taste and don#146;t become gory; a tragic accident off screen results in the death of a child #150; yes, this is difficult, but it serves to show the character of the father and why he later becomes a father figure to others; a horse-racing accident causes a rider to badly injure his leg, but he later triumphs over the setback).
Vid. Alt. If you do not wish to support this film due to the content, try my video alternatives: Black Beauty, The Black Stallion, The Red Pony, National Velvet, The Story of Seabiscuit, Misty, My Friend Flicka, Wild Hearts Can#146;t Be Broken.
SPY KIDS 3D: GAME OVER
: Alexa Vega, Daryl Sabara, Antonio Banderas, Carla Gugino, Ricardo Montalban, Steve Buscemi, Sylvester Stallone. Dimension Films. Family action/adventure. WD-Robert Rodriguez.
An evil toy maker (Syl Stallone) is out to takeover the minds of the world#146;s children through his brain-controlling three-dimensional video game. Young Juni and Carmen discover the villainous plot and set out to defeat the evil genius.
This movie uses the very latest digital technology to weave 3-D images directly into the Spy Kids' trademark espionage action, inviting audiences of all ages to become part of the larger-than-life excitement on the screen #150; because we all know, it wouldn#146;t be a movie without digital effects.
Disappointing. The 3-D special effect gives it a grimy, unnecessary and often obtrusive look, the interplay between brother and sister that made the first two installments lots of fun is missing as we don#146;t see much of Alexa Vega until the final third of the film, the acting by young Daryl Sabara who is the focal character in this sequel is dismal, most of the pop-culture references will be lost on the intended audience, and Sylvester Stallone as comic relief isn#146;t.
The muddled plot, mostly taking place within a video game, lacks energy or focus. Once again a special effects-laden film gives evidence that an involving story and good acting are essential. Unfortunately for the audience, this time out writer/director Robert Rodriquez gets so caught up in the technical magic of special effects that he pays little heed to that truth.
That said, less discriminating adolescents may enjoy the film. To be fair, there is a lot going on to keep them involved. And the film does include positive messages about family relations, what#146;s truly important in life #150; not winning or losing but how you play the game #150; and a philosophy seldom promoted in action adventure movies #150; the fact that revenge is not the answer.
PG (I caught no objectionable language and although there are several putdowns common among youngsters, there is a positive element concerning working together for the common good; there is a great deal of comic book action and violence, but nothing really graphic; still its always best for an adult to attend with very young ones just in case they begin to take the dramatic events, such as the possibility of dying if you don#146;t win the game, too seriously).
Videos - Spy Kids 1 2.
LARA CROFT: TOMB RAIDER - THE CRADLE OF LIFE
: Angelina Jolie. Paramount. Action/adventure. W-Dean Georgaris. D-Jan De Bont.
Oscar winner Angelina Jolie (#147;Girl, Interrupted#148;) reprises her role as Lara Croft, taken from the celebrated video game about a wealthy adventurer who could teach James Bond or Indiana Jones a thing or two about survival. This time out, the intrepid tomb raider travels through exotic places such as Hong Kong, Kenya, Greece and over the Great Wall of China in search of an infamous site known as #147;The Cradle of Life,#148; where life supposedly began. An evil mastermind is seeking Pandora#146;s Box, said to house the most unspeakable evil ever known. It rests at this location and Lara must get there before he does, or he will unleash a disastrous horror that will devastate the world as we know it.
It starts out fun, but there are tedious moments where the pacing lags and the story becomes convoluted. Jolie again plays the part with a sullen distaff personality that lacks much emotion or humor (what humor she displays is very cynical). And when we finally arrive at the mysterious and spooky Cradle of Life, suddenly the film#146;s tone becomes somewhat creepy. When a man falls into oil-like ooze that surrounds Pandora#146;s Box, he begins to disintegrate down to his skeleton, then finally screams as he submerges below the black substance. The scene could give younger members of the audience nightmares.
Although the lead, a cross between Modesty Blaise and Wonder Woman, lives on her terms alone, she is motivated to do the right thing, in this case saving mankind from a nutcase determined to repopulate the world with perfect people once he#146;s done away with the rest of us. Adolescent males who enjoy seeing a buffed-up woman kicking the tails of bad guys and shooting twin hybrid 45s will likely find this actioneer satisfying. There is a lot of stylized action, including blowups, shoot-#145;em-ups and beat-#145;em-ups #150; all sharply choreographed. But it didn#146;t do much for me. I#146;m not sure I like the lead character, nor do I like the inference in one scene that biblical teaching is untrue.
PG-13 (One or two obscenities and four expletives, but I didn#146;t catch any misuse of God#146;s name; one sexual scene as Lara entices a man only to trap him #150; the scene is brief and does not contain nudity or anything explicit; while discussing the location of the Cradle of Life, Lara explains that this location where life supposedly began is not the #147;Sunday school version,#148; implying her disbelief in the Bible; the film gets its rating for the violence, which is often cartoonish, but like a video game, is nearly incessant; ancient temples fall down and break, men #150; mostly bad guys #150; are beaten, shot and blown up continuously; one scene features tree-like statues surrounding the Cradle of Life that suddenly spring to life, becoming quick-moving monsters that devour the intruding infidels; this scene becomes quite scary and is far too much for little ones, taking on a creepy, demonic feel).
Vid. Alt. The Phantom. Billy Zane, Kristy Swanson, Treat Williams. Paramount. Kids Action Adventure. A well-made, tongue-in-cheek salute to the Saturday serials of the #145;30s and #145;40s, based on the comic strip about a purple-costumed hero of the jungle fighting the forces of evil. Aided by his wolf, Devil, and his white horse, Hero, he seeks justice for the good guys and destruction for all evil doers. Lots of laughs for adults and much imagination-inciting adventure for the little ones. But beware, it's jam-packed with derring-do and violence.
PG (2 or 3 mild obscenities; one use of the expression, "for God's sake", but no other profanity; lots of cliff-hanging action; some brutal violence, but more cartoonish than most action films of late; the villain refers to "the forces of darkness" and states that God is dead; one scene featuring scantily clad women, but no nudity or sexual situations).
DEFINITIONS
Crudity
- A word or action lacking in culture, tact
Expletive
- A mild obscenity or needless expression
Obscenity
- Objectionable or repugnant to acceptable standards of decency or morality; indecent; pornographic
Profanity
- Irreverence toward God
Blasphemy
- To speak contemptuously of God
Adult subject matter
- Situations or subjects unsuitable for or difficult to comprehend by children
For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:37Z
A Penny For My Thoughts
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/A-Penny-For-My-Thoughts
-
- /8880.html
2010-05-07T08:57:35Z
2010-05-07T08:57:35Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>A Penny For My Thoughts
By Cheryl Gochnauer
"That woman can pinch a penny 'til it bleeds!"
It's true -- I've learned a lot about stretching our family's finances sinceI decided to become a stay-at-home mom.
I seldom shop without coupons, or buy something that's not on sale.
Sunday papers only get purchased if they contain enough usable coupons topay for them.
Eyeing everything from sale flyers to adjustable interest rates, my internalprice-checker/comparison shopper is constantly on auto-pilot, ready tosnatch the best deal on anything we need.
I'm trying to teach my girls a healthy respect for money, too. Notice Isaid "respect", not "love". The love of money can be just as destructivefor people who don't have much as for those who are swimming in it.
My husband, Terry, and I recently started giving the kids an allowance.Instead of a fixed amount, we decided to give them a percentage of Terry'sweekly paycheck. Half their allowance is saved, 10% goes to charity, andthe rest is theirs to spend as they like.
I'm sorry we waited so long to let them handle money. Karen and Carrie lovepassing wadded dollar bills to the cashier or clinking coins in the offeringplate.
Plus, the experience of earning a paycheck is teaching the girlsresponsibility, while freeing me up from some housework. Maybe they'lllearn to use towels more than once after folding the mountain they createeach week!
I read a great idea in a local parenting newsletter. Chores are written onscraps of paper and placed in a container. Every day, the child takes threeslips from the container and performs two of the designated tasks. He'sallowed to put one slip back. To earn an extra dime or so, he can do thethird chore, if he desires.
Great! This gives the child some control, but still gets jobs done. I likeit. I think I'll go make up some slips right now. Let's see...setting thetable...vacuuming their room...changing the oil -- wait, that'sTerry...sweeping the kitchen...
This could be a pretty good deal for me. Why didn't I think of this sooner?With the new shared chore schedule, there'll be more time to do fun stuff,like:
Going to the movies (discount matinees);
Teeing off at the local miniature golf course (2 for 1 coupons);
Visiting the zoo (on Tuesdays, when it's only a dollar); and
Jaunting to the ice cream shop. (Dutch treat, of course. Hey, they get anallowance!)
(Cheryl Gochnauer's brand-new "
Stay-at-Home Handbook: Advice on Parenting,Finances, Career, Surviving Each Day More
" is out. Catch it at yourfavorite bookstore, in
Dr. Laura's Reading Corner
or order an autographed copy for $13.99 fromcheryl@homebodies.org. Copyright 2002 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:35Z
I Think I Can...I Think I Can...I Think I Can...
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/I-Think-I-Can...I-Think-I-Can...I-Think-I-Can...
-
- /8881.html
2010-05-07T08:57:33Z
2010-05-07T08:57:33Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>I Think I Can...I Think I Can...I Think I Can...
By Patti Chadwick
patti@parentsandteens.com
www.parentsandteens.com
Remember the story about the little train that took the risk and tried tomake it up that HUGE hill? It was daunting, but it kept telling itself,"I think I can...I think I can...I think I can..." - and it found outthat it could! We had a similar experience, but this time it involved my daughter, Jeni, riding IN a train!
According to my 16-year-old daughter, life is an adventure. This past weekend we moved into new territory and she had herself a grand old time being an independent woman.
My daughter has always loved going to Delta Lake, her favorite Christian camp (
www.deltalake.com
- incase you are interested!).
Since the 4th grade it has been the highlight of her summer. This year she was old enough to apply for a job there - and she got the position.
She will be attending her own camp plus working two weeks as a counselor. She also had to attend 4 day orientation over the Memorial Day weekend.
"How nice for her," you may be saying. But did I mention that this camp was about three hours from our home? You can do the math - 12 hours of driving over Memorial Day weekend, plus another 36 hours of driving during the summer. While my young lady was thrilled about the plans for her summer - Mom wasn't quite as ecstatic. The thought of driving for 12 hours for four weeks of my summer was not very appealing, yet I did want her to have this experience.
So what's a mamma to do? I started thinking - "How can I get her there WITHOUT me driving her?" I checked bus schedules...no luck.I asked around to see if anyone else was going to swap rides with...no luck. Then I thought of the train. Sure enough - there was a train station about an hour from here that went right to Rome, NY (where Delta Lake is located). The price was reasonable and the camp director said they'd be glad to pick her up.
I thought it was a great idea, but I was a bit worried. Sweetie has never traveled alone before. Was she ready? I asked her about how she'd feel about taking the train and she thought it would be a splendid adventure. So we went on the Internet, bought the tickets, and waited for the Memorial Day weekend.
As the time for her departure neared, darling daughter got a little nervous. She'd be ALL alone on the train for three hours. What if the people on the train were "creepy"? What if the camp forgot to pick her up? Valid questions. I tried to prepare her the best I could. I gave her my cell phone so she could call me if she wanted...or the camp...or 911! I sent her with extra money incase she missed her train and had to buy a new ticket or needed to take a cab. We tried to think of everything.
The day finally came. Jeni was excited, but a bit overwhelmed by her sudden independence. As we sat waiting for the train to arrive she made an amazing statement to me. Now you need to know that this is the same girl who has reminded me since the day of her sixteenth birthday of how she is now ALMOST seventeen! She said to me, "Mom, I can't believe you are letting me do this. I'm ONLY 16 you know!" I had to laugh. I hugged her and told her I knew she'd be fine. I'd never let her go if I didn't think she could handle it. That seemed to give her some confidence. If I thought she could handle it, well, she COULD handle it.
The train pulled into the station and she boarded. I was hoping she'd get a window seat so I could wave good-bye. My eyes scanned the windows looking for her, but they were tinted and I couldn't see in too well. Right as the trained pulled away I spotted her. There was my oh, so grown-up daughter waving frantically and blowing her mamma a kiss. Priceless.
Just in case you are wondering, the trip was a success. The camp picked her up and dropped her off on time and I was there waiting for her when the train pulled into the station. My daughter got on thatfirst train a nervous teenager, but she walked off that homebound train a confident young woman.
I love this stage of parenting. Yes, it can be scary, but in order togrow you sometimes have to step outside your comfort zone. And we need to teach our kids that too. You know, I think my daughter is right, lifeIS an adventure. I'm so glad to be a part of hers.
Patti Chadwick is a SAHM of three teenagers. Visit herwebisites at
www.parentandteens.com
and
www.historyswomen.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:33Z
more0
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/more0
-
- /8882.html
2010-05-07T08:57:32Z
2010-05-07T08:57:32Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Managing The Costs Of Moving
By Cheryl Gochnauer
I am a habitual coupon-cutter. That means I apply the same penny-pinchingprinciples no matter what I've got my eye on, whether it is marked $10 or$100,000.
My family is in the process of moving into a new home. This is undeniablythe biggest big-ticket item we've ever purchased, but my guidelines remainthe same: Get the best deal on everything from the mortgage to the welcomemat. Here are some suggestions on managing the costs of moving.
TRY FSBO. By reading up on the subject and working closely with our titlecompany, Terry and I went the "for sale by owner" route and saved severalthousand dollars in commission fees. At the same time, we worked with anexcellent buyer's agent to find our new home (a no-cost convenience for us -sellers pay her fee). Even if you decide to list with a realtor, try tonegotiate a lower percentage. For instance, you might agree to do themarketing (running ads, showing your house, getting a contract) and pay therealtor half commission to handle the ensuing paperwork and closing.
BUY SMART. Is that fixer-upper really a good deal? Maybe. But figure ineverything you'll have to do to make it "perfect" (including your time).
Also, take a hard look at the neighborhood. Are homes still appreciating invalue? Remember that you'll be selling this house yourself someday. Choosewisely, and your house will make money for you. Choose poorly, and you'lltake a financial bath.
If you're buying new, try to get in on the first phase of a development. Asthe second and third phases are built, your home will automatically go up invalue. That's because building costs continue to rise, making it impossiblefor builders to recreate your home for the same price. This is an excellentway to build fast equity.
MORTGAGES. Contact several mortgage companies, comparing interest rates andclosing costs. When you find your best deal, call your favorite lender andask them to match or beat it.
FURNISHINGS. I spotted my dream refrigerator in the clearance aisle, but ithad a small dent in the side. The price was right, but before I settled forthe dent (even if it wouldn't show once it was installed), I wrote down themodel number and approached a competitor. Sure enough, they agreed to matchthe clearance price. I got the frig I wanted, brand-new and in the box forthe same price as the damaged one.
I am a big believer in supporting mom-and-pop businesses whenever possible.
So I shopped for several pieces of furniture at discount centers, againnoting model numbers and prices. Then I gave my hometown furniture storethe chance to match their prices. They did, plus threw in free delivery(which saved me another $150).
MOVERS. Packing requires you to go through your house and examine everysingle item. Is there a spot for it in the new place? Now is the time toget rid of the dead weight. Toss the junk. Have a garage sale. Give tocharities. Don't pay to move stuff you never use.
Rent a trailer and ask friends to help you load. If you use professionalmovers, call around for the best hourly deal. On moving day, make sure you've got everything boxed up and ready to go, so you aren't paying movers towatch you pack.
Moving is expensive, no doubt. But hold onto your frugal mindset as youmake your way through the process, and you may be surprised at how much youcan save.
(Comments? Contact
Cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
where you can purchase an autographed copy of her new "Stay-at-Home Handbook: Advice on Parenting, Finances, Career, Surviving Each Day Much More." Copyright 2002 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:32Z
Simple Family Field Trip Ideas
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Simple-Family-Field-Trip-Ideas
-
- /8883.html
2010-05-07T08:57:30Z
2010-05-07T08:57:30Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Simple Family Field Trip Ideas
Copyright 2002 Deborah Taylor-Hough
Used with permission. All right reserved.
http://hometown.aol.com/dsimple/
Family field trips are a simple, fun, and fairly inexpensiveeducational enrichment activity you can enjoy regularlywith your children. Here are some quick ideas to getyou started:
Many manufacturing plants offer free tours to families orsmall groups, and any free samples given out make greatsouvenirs when on vacation. Call ahead to find out abouttour availability.
Field trips to local attractions such as zoos or aquariumscan be expensive, but purchasing an annual family passpays for itself in just a couple trips. Knowing you can comeback again and again, frees your family to thoroughly enjoythemselves without feeling the need to hurry and see every-thing in one day to get your money's worth out of theadmission price. Return to the same site whenever youwant a family outing, and then buy a pass to a differenteducational attraction next year.
If your family enjoys attending live performances, checkfor free concerts, plays and other cultural events in localparks during the summer months.
You can also contact college or community performancegroups (drama, ballet, orchestra, etc.) to see if they'llallow you to watch them rehearse for free.
Many local theater groups need volunteer ushers fortheir live performances. Volunteering in this manner is anexcellent way for the older members of your family to gainfree admission to a wide variety of cultural events, plus itprovides a useful service to the local arts community.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
--Deborah Taylor-Hough is a full-time mother of three, free-lance writer, and author of the bestselling book, "FrozenAssets: How to cook for a day and eat for a month."
Available In The Dr. Laura Reading Corner
Shealso edits the Bright-Kids email newsletter. To subscribeto this free resource for fun and easy educational ideasfor the bright kids in your life,
join-bright-kids@ds.xc.org
Visit Debi online at:
http://hometown.aol.com/dsimple/
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:30Z
The Power of One: Confessions of a Cultural Vigilante
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Power-of-One:-Confessions-of-a-Cultural-Vigilante
-
- /8884.html
2010-05-07T08:57:29Z
2010-05-07T08:57:29Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Power of One: Confessions of a Cultural Vigilante
I#146;ll never forget the day I decided to become a #147;cultural vigilante.#148; I was driving with my two little boys in the back seat. My eldest son, then 7 years old, tried out his new reading skills on a billboard we passed.
#147;Look, Mommy,#148; he said. #147;It says, #145;Get your butt in here.#146;#148; He and his 5-year-old brother tittered at the language. They were not allowed to use vulgar language at home, yet here on the street, it hit us smack in the face.The billboard was intentionally provocative. It revealed a bare-bellied young woman with jeans unzipped halfway down. I was incensed. I felt that this kind of advertising was an assault not only on my children#146;s innocence, but also on the standards of decency that our culture once adhered to. Over the years, we have become accustomed to increasingly explicit and coarse images and slogans from magazines, radio, television, movies, and retailers. We cannot erase what we have seen or heard. A steady diet of this kind of rubbish desensitizes us and robs us of our civility, bit by bit. That day I began to wonder, why were we not as concerned with first-hand cultural pollution as we were with second-hand smoke? I decided to take a stand. I called the retailer responsible for the billboard and complained about the image and wording. Though prepared for resistance, I was happily surprised to hear that others, too, had registered their protest, and that the entire ad campaign would soon be scrapped. In the five years since this incident, I have succeeded in getting many offensive billboards removed from my community. The advertisers have ranged from soft-porn self-promoters and phone sex lines to others so vulgar that it boggles the mind that anyone thought it clever. The most recent example was a billboard for a sports radio station that displayed the clothed backsides of four males, all of whom were unzipping themselves in order to urinate.
Additionally, I gave the name and number of the person responsible to business managers whose stores faced the billboard. That one came down in less than one week. It is often easier than people think to get these offensive ads removed. Most billboards feature the name of the sponsoring outdoor media company at the bottom. From there, the phone book is your guide. On occasions when I couldn#146;t be sure about a number or company name, my city councilwoman#146;s office helped me hunt down the information. I have found that a polite but firm phone call or letter with a rational explanation of my feelings usually gets results. When I call, I am patient and listen to the other side. I don#146;t expect people to snap to attention just because I#146;m unhappy, but I don#146;t back down either. In the end, most people have a hard time defending blatant raunchiness for general public consumption.
Violent images are also a big problem. I wrote to the vice president of a national chain of bowling alleys protesting the violent video games in their facilities. Just days later, the V.P. called me back to thank me for my letter, promising to share it with other executives at their next meeting. During a lengthy conversation, he also noted that the company had already removed what they deemed the most objectionable games.I#146;ve also lobbied by phone, letter, or e-mail, to other companies and media outlets, explaining why I felt their seamy material harms us all. Obviously most will not change their campaigns or programs because they hear from me.
But when enough people speak up, change will happen. Most respectable businesses don#146;t want to get a bad rap, and companies know that for every one person who bothers to call or write, hundreds more were offended by what they saw.I#146;m never deterred when I am told, as often happens, #147;No one else has complained about this. You#146;re the only one.#148; Even if it#146;s true, I tell them, it doesn#146;t mean I#146;m wrong. But imagine that it is true, that I am the only one who calls. I still get results more often than not. What a powerful testimony to the difference each and every one of us can make in our own communities!
Judy Gruen is the author of
Carpool Tunnel Syndrome: Motherhood as Shuttle Diplomacy
(Champion Press, 2002)available in Dr. Laura's Reading Corner. This article originally appeared in Woman#146;s Day magazine.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:29Z
Myths and Misunderstandings of the Grieving Process
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Myths-and-Misunderstandings-of-the-Grieving-Process
-
- /8885.html
2010-05-07T08:57:27Z
2010-05-07T08:57:27Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Myths and Misunderstandings of the Grieving Process
by Brook Noel Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D.
excerpted from
I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: surviving, coping and healing after the sudden death of a loved one.
nbsp;It is the rare school or family environment that teaches what to expect either emotionally or pragmatically, when life collapses in tragedy, especially the advent of sudden and unexpected death. A sudden loss can put one into a whirlwind of emotions and visceral responses, twisting and turning us until we are set down in a place that feels as foreign as another planet. Like a hurricane, there is nothing like it, and nothing can prepare us. We can only follow suggested guidelines, i.e. evacuate, board up, etc. However, unlike a hurricane where there is often advance warning, with sudden death there is no such warning#151;no way to prepare.We are ill-prepared to handle sudden death because we don#146;t expect life to be so tenuous, so fragile. However, once our lives are touched by the experience of tragic loss, we never look at life in quite the same way. We become acutely aware of the delicate nature of the human organism, and life becomes precious in a way it never was before.nbsp; You can consciously shift from feeling grief is #147;something that happens to you#148; to #147;grieving is something you do to heal.#148; Remember, when life feels out of control, and it#146;s bound to during this time, that you do have control over how you will grieve and this can be very empowering.In this article we will cover many of the common myths that people hold today. You may have encountered some of these already or been feeling pressured by them yourself. By examining the myth we can create a more well-rounded picture.
nbsp;Myth #1 - Death is death, sudden or long term and we all grieve the same way. Of course there will be some commonalties in the grieving process. Truth is, depending on our life experiences, age, sex, resiliency, number of previous losses, health, cultural expectations and relationship to the deceased, we will each #147;do grief#148; in our own unique way. No two of us are exactly alike in our histories and in our relationship to the deceased.
nbsp;Myth #2 - By keeping busy I can lessen or eliminate my grief. In an attempt to avoid the pain, grievers may choose to keep busy. We may find ourselves cleaning the house, dusting bookshelves, cleaning closets and engaging in other non-important tasks. However, you will find this #147;busyness#148; is simply a sidetrack that will only work for a short time. There is clearly no way around grief.
nbsp; Myth #3 - I am going crazy and I#146;m afraid I will stay that way. Sudden death creates trauma for the survivors on many levels. Trauma victims may not behave as people would expect. Many people report feeling numb and indifferent. Those around you, may expect you to be more openly distraught and you may hear comments like, #147;My, you sure are taking this well,#148; or #147;I expected to find you in a more disturbed state.#148; You may find yourself walking around in a fog with an inability to make decisions. You may behave in a matter-of-fact way and you may appear to be functioning at a rather high level. Blank stares are common as the mind tries to grapple with the unimaginable. You may not weep, cry or wail for some time. All of these behaviors may puzzle onlookers and family members, and all of these behaviors are normal and temporary.
nbsp;nbsp;Myth #4 - I will need to make sure I don#146;t grieve for too long#151;one year should be enough. Sometimes societal and religious beliefs impose rules like time limits for grief, what we should wear, how we should behave, when and where we should talk about the death and to whom. With sudden death, as with any death, we must find our own way through tonbsp;embrace life again. Most recoveries from sudden death take at least two years, and in some ways we never #147;get over#148; the loss completely. Our expression of grief needs to come out of our need to make meaning or sense from what feels like meaningless tragedy, and no time limit can be set on that.
nbsp;nbsp;Myth #5 - If I express my anger at God or the circumstances of the death, I am a bad person and will #147;pay#148; for it. Anger is an extremely uncomfortable emotion for some of us, but it is one of the most important ones to express. If you become angry with God, don#146;t judge yourself too harshly. As Earl Grollman writes, #147;It#146;s okay to scream at God. He can take it.#148; The Psalms are full of raging at God about injustices. We believe God can handle anything we throw his way. However, if you find your anger is becoming out of control (i.e. breaking valuables, threatening or preparing to kill someone, wanting to burn the church or hospital down or you have suicidal thoughts) immediately seek appropriate professional help and guidance.
nbsp;nbsp;Myth #6 - I won#146;t have to grieve as much and I will feel better if I use alcohol or medication to alleviate my sadness. Some survivors will use, or increase their use, of alcohol or antidepressants. By doing this however, they distance themselves from what they need to feel to heal, and they distance themselves from their family members and support systems. The grief simply goes underground and waits to be expressed. They may mistakenly believe that #147;If I drink (drug) to get over it, then the grief will be gone when I#146;m sober.#148; Nothing could be further from the truth. Some will need the temporary relief that medication can provide in order to function and a competent therapist should help make this decision.
nbsp;nbsp;Myth #7 - If I talk about my loss I#146;ll feel worse. You cannot move through your grief unless you experience it. Hiding it or denying it will only prolong it. Meeting and talking with other people who have been through this process will help you. Ellen Sue Stern writes in Living with Loss: Meditations for Grieving Widows, #147;It#146;s essential to allow yourself to talk as much as you want; healing is hastened by reminiscing about your husband [or loved one] processing the last days of his life, the funeral and any other details surrounding his death. For now choose only to spend time with people who are supportive and understanding, who can lovingly listen as long as you need to talk.#148;
nbsp;nbsp;Myth #8 - After a while I won#146;t think about it anymore. You may be ambushed by grief when you least expect it. To believe you can forever put the loss and the circumstances surrounding the death #147;out of your mind#148; is a completely unrealistic expectation. You will, from time to time, throughout your life, re-experience feelings associated with the loss.nbsp;
nbsp;nbsp;Myth #9 - I should be relieved that they didn#146;t suffer a long and lingering illness.nbsp; You may hear some say #147;well at least he died quickly#151;be happy for that.#148; Perhaps you are thinking this way if the person you lost suddenly was much older or had been suffering. But for most of us, the sudden death was an untimely one#151;one that occurred way too soon for the person and those left behind. There may be little, if any, relief in the knowledge that they died quickly.
nbsp;nbsp;Myth #10 - Once I am done with one stage of grief, I will simply move on to the next. With the popularity of the well-known #147;Five Stages of Grief#148; (Kuuml;bler-Ross,) some people mistakenly believe that grief is a linear process. Like we said before, recovery is not like an elevator that takes you from the basement of despair to the penthouse of joy. It is more like a maze where you go forward a bit, move back a few steps, cover the same ground again and find yourself at the beginning. Like a fun house hall of mirrors, you see yourself over and over again, distorted and misshapen until you come out the other side.
nbsp;nbsp;Myths can prohibit the process of recovery. Use the above Myth-Busters to work past the myth to reality.
nbsp;nbsp;nbsp;
Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair
are the authors of I Wasn#146;t Ready to Say Goodbye: surviving, coping and healing after the sudden death of a loved one. Available in Dr. Laura's Reading Corner,
click here
. Or at
www.championpress.com
nbsp; Brook Noel is also the founder of GriefSteps#153;
www.griefsteps.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:27Z
Decluttering Your Home Office
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Decluttering-Your-Home-Office
-
- /8886.html
2010-05-07T08:57:26Z
2010-05-07T08:57:26Z
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:26Z
The Eyes Have It
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Eyes-Have-It
-
- /8887.html
2010-05-07T08:57:25Z
2010-05-07T08:57:25Z
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:25Z
Dealing With Crybabies
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Dealing-With-Crybabies
-
- /8888.html
2010-05-07T08:57:25Z
2010-05-07T08:57:25Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Dealing With Crybabies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Since Karen and Carrie are now 13 and 9, you might think I'm out of touchwith mothers of newborns. No way. I have an excellent memory and I want youto know, my glassy-eyed, sleep-deprived, still-in-my-bathrobe-at-5 friend,that you will live through this.
Poor Baby.
I remember a particularly bleary day when Karen started screaming at 8 a.m.and didn't quit for six hours. SIX hours! About five hours into it, I wasstanding on my front porch, screaming myself (in my bathrobe, of course).
Fortunately, all my neighbors worked, so no one was around to call the cops.
Then again, I probably would have been grateful to be hauled off to a nice,quiet cell.
Baby swings were usually helpful in getting my little ones quieted down.
With Karen, I had one of those crank jobbies that would run out of steamjust as she was nodding off. Waaaaah! When Carrie came along, I got smartand bought a battery-operated swing and constantly kept a fresh supply ofAAs on hand.
Babies cry, and for as little as they are, they're remarkably good at it.
Since they can't talk, crying is their main means of communicating, and itwill help keep your temper in check if you try to view their bawling in thatlight. Approach their outbursts as you would a foreign language, spoken bysomeone you'd give your life for.
It takes a relatively short time for Mom to decipher which cry means what.There's the "I'm hungry" cry. There's the "I'm tired" cry. There's theemphatic "I need a new diaper" cry. (Who wouldn't wail at that?) And inCarrie's case, there was the "My sock's on crooked and somebody's gonna pay!" cry. (Even at three months, she was a perfectionist.)
If you're a stay-at-home mom, I can point out a silver lining surroundingthe up-all-night cloud: once you collapse in bed at 4 a.m., you don't haveto get up for work at 6 a.m.
There were times when I was sure people in the next county could hear myredheaded foghorns. But read my lips: this too shall pass. Your baby willlearn to sleep through the night. You will wear makeup again. Both you andyour baby will learn to communicate in ways other than crying.
Meanwhile, make sure you arrange for regular renewal time away from yourchildren. Days on end without a break sap energy and patience, and achronically tired mother has little to give her family. So take Grandma upon her offer to baby-sit; ask your husband to watch the baby while you get asoda with friends; build some mad money into the budget for a sitter so youcan get out a couple of hours a week.
That's another thing I remember - how revitalizing a short break can be. Bythe time I walked back in the door, I was refreshed and swept my baby backin my arms, ready for our next adventure together. Give yourself somebreathing room, and there's a good chance you'll feel the same.
(Comments? Email
Cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
. Her new "Stay-at-Home Handbook", is available at yourfavorite bookstore or directly from Cheryl (autographed!) at
www.homebodies.org
. Copyright 2002 Homebodies.Org, LLC.)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:25Z
The Fine Art of Paper Management
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Fine-Art-of-Paper-Management
-
- /8889.html
2010-05-07T08:57:23Z
2010-05-07T08:57:23Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Fine Art of Paper Management
Jill Savage
1/26/02 Pantagraph Hearts at Home column
Do you ever lose your kitchen counter? Do you find yourself simply moving mail and school papers from one pile to another? Do you struggle knowing what wonderful art papers to keep and what to discard? Are you frantically searching for your child's field trip permission slip minutes before they leave for school? If you can answer yes to any of the above questions, you are not alone. Most mothers struggle with the hundreds of school papers that descend upon our kitchen counters every week. When you add in information about the soccer league, church programs, and kindergarten registration it becomes almost overwhelming. Then the mail comes each day and you are ready to throw in the towel. How can we handle all of the paper that comes into our home each day? What can we do to minimize the stress this adds to our life?
With four children ranging from ages 5-17, it seems that paper management is one of my biggest jobs. By default, I'm a pile maker. My mom was a pile maker, too. Of course, she always seemed to know what pile that permission slip was in. I, on the other hand, found myself being stressed about not having the use of my kitchen counter. I didn't want to live simply moving one pile to another just to prepare dinner. I had to find a new way.
Through the help of organized friends and Don Azlett's book "Clutters Last Stand", I finally began learning new strategies for handling the snowstorm of papers that blow in each day. Here are some of the tips I've learned over the years:
When trying to decide what cute art papers to save, anything that has their picture on it or has been created using a handprint or footprint takes priority. When looking at a picture of a snowman that's been created with glued cottonballs and a picture of a turkey created out of Austin's handprint--the handprint picture is saved and the cottonball snowman is tossed. As children grow older, save one or two major school projects, papers, or essays that they particularly enjoyed doing.
Toss school papers everyday unless they fit the above criteria. Make sure you toss them out of your child's sight to eliminate confusion for the child. Some moms choose to toss while the child is at school the next day. After all, new papers will be coming home in a few hours. If you struggle with tossing papers so soon, put their school papers in a hanging file each day and empty the file each Monday to prepare for the next influx of papers.
Consider keeping a 9x12 envelope addressed to each set of grandparents. Rather than throwing away a child's work, put it in the envelope to mail to the grandparents once a month. This is a great way to keep grandparents involved in their grandchildren's daily accomplishments!
Display artwork and good papers prominently. Many of us use the refrigerator as a makeshift bulletin board. In one home we lived in, I made a display for artwork going down the basement stairs. We draped a large fishing net on the wall and used clothespins to clip new artwork and school papers to the net. Remember each time you add one to the display, you remove one, as well.
When the kids come home after school or preschool immediately ask for school papers. Fill out permission forms and attach checks, if necessary, and place back in their school bag for the next day. Don't let them sit and hope you remember them--just handle them once.
Transfer dates and pertinent information for activities to a family calendar or your personal planner. Throw away newsletters and information pages as soon as the dates are transferred.
Keep a hanging file system in the area where the papers seem to congregate. Make a file for each child for any papers that need to be kept for upcoming activities. Create files for bills and medical/insurance paperwork. Keep some revolving files on hand for seasonal projects. Are you planning a vacation this summer? Make a vacation file to keep brochures, maps, and travel reservations together. Is your child going to summer camp or participating in a summer mission trip? Make a file for it to keep correspondence, packing lists, and brochures at easy reach.
Keep a file or an "inbox" for papers you have finished with, but dad still needs to see. Make sure your husband knows that he needs to discard the papers after he sees them.
Learning to manage paper clutter has not been easy for me--but it's been necessary as the home manager. And the fringe benefit of reclaiming my kitchen counter has been worth it all!
Jill Savage and her family of six live in Normal, Illinois. Jill is the founder and director of Hearts at Home,
http://www.hearts-at-home.org
and the author of "Professionalizing Motherhood". Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:23Z
At Home Vacationing
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/At-Home-Vacationing
-
- /8890.html
2010-05-07T08:57:22Z
2010-05-07T08:57:22Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>At-Home Vacationing
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
While lots of people love to travel, vacation time can still be a blastwithout leaving town. It's a perfect chance to re-fire friendships andremove hovering home projects from your radar.
DE-STRESSING HONEY-DO'S.
Relax the rest of your year by using vacation timeto get monkey-on-your-back duties done. The key is to approach vacationprojects as family fun, not work.
Paint trim. While you're touching up the leaves, let youngsters slap somepaint on weathered outdoor benches. Or choose a new color for the frontdoor and shutters to give a fresh look without tackling the whole house.
Clean closets. Sandra Felton, founder of Messies Anonymous, suggestssorting items into three boxes: "Give Away," "Throw Away" or "StoreElsewhere." Hold a garage sale, take things to a consignment shop, or calla charity to arrange a pickup.
Plot plants. Gather the family in the yard to strategize landscaping.Pick a place for a festive kids' garden, where they can plant unusualvegetables and flowers. Visit a nursery, choosing a potted plant or two toadd life to your living room now.
BOND WITH BUDDIES.
Transform a vacation week into Friends and FamilyAppreciation Week. Some suggestions:
Spend an afternoon exclusively with each of your children. Let themchoose a favorite snack spot and activity. Now hire a baby-sitter andschedule a "whatever-she/he-wants" day with your spouse.
Revitalize relationships by meeting a different friend for lunch each day.
Shoot hoops with neighbors in the driveway, or play volleyball in thebackyard.
Invite friends over for a movie marathon, or to play cards and boardgames.
Organize a progressive dinner. Everyone goes to one house for appetizers,the next for salads, another for entrees, and finishes up at your home fordessert.
Hold an adult slumber party, or camp out in your backyard with severalother families.
Whatever you decide to do over vacation, keep the tone light. "I like to dothings where there's laughter," says Ruth Strobach, who resides near KansasCity. "We live in such a serious world, under so much stress. It's fun toget together with people where you can be yourself, laugh, relax and shutout the cares of the world for a little while."
(It's April, and that means Cheryl's new "Stay-at-Home Handbook" is hittingshelves in a bookstore near you. If you'd like a personally autographedcopy, write
Cheryl@homebodies.org
or click on this link for moreinformation:
www.homebodies.org/ordersahh.htm
. Cheryl's other newbook, "Mom to Mom", makes a perfect Mother's Day gift. For orderinformation, go to
http://www.homebodies.org/mom2mom.htm
. Copyright 2002Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:22Z
Asking Great Questions
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Asking-Great-Questions
-
- /8891.html
2010-05-07T08:57:21Z
2010-05-07T08:57:21Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Asking Great Questions
By Patti Chadwick
www.parentsandteens.com
patti@parentsandteens.com
Do you want to know what your teen is really thinking? Try asking great questions. Too many times we ask closed questions that require only a ?yes? or ?no? answer. Does this sound familiar:
How was school? Good.
Do you have homework? No.
How was the game? Okay.
We need to learn to ask specific questions that require thought and will encourage conversation. Why not try some of these:
Was that test in Spanish as hard as you thought?
What were some of the questions on it? Which question was the hardest for you?
Who scored the highest in the basketball game after school?
Were there any amazing plays?
How many people came to Lindsay's birthday party last night?
What kind of presents did she get.
On a more personal level why not try asking things like:
What do you think Heaven looks like?
What kind of person would you like to marry?
What's the nicest thing I ever did for you?
What's the best thing you remember from your childhood?
If you could travel anywhere in the world ? where would you like to visit? Why?
The list could go on and on, and it should! Why not make your own and begin asking your teen questions that will lead to meaningful conversations.
Patti Chadwick
is the creator of Parents Teens found at
www.parentsandteens.com
. She is also the author ofMISSION POSSIBLE: RAISING GREAT TEENS! and LOOK UP! A 30-Day Devotional Journal for Teens. Both books are available on her website in both ebook and print formats. To purchase visit:
www.parentsandteens.com
.
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:21Z
Mommies On The Web
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Mommies-On-The-Web
-
- /8892.html
2010-05-07T08:57:19Z
2010-05-07T08:57:19Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Mommies On The Web
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
Copyright 2002
If you're only using your computer to help your kids with their schoolwork, you're missing out on one of the greatest support systemsavailable to stay-at-home moms - a worldwide network of likemindedparents.
Isolation can be a big problem for SAHMs, especially those who live insmall towns or out in the country. Surrounding yourself with friendlymoms, however, can be as easy as logging onto the Internet.
Thousands of women visit the Homebodies website (
www.homebodies.org
)each week, and many of them are headed for the message boards. There,our Homebuddies exchange frustrations and successes, encouraging andempowering each other with been-there, done-that advice. Although thewebsite offers columns, links and other resources for SAHMs, the messageboards truly reflect the heart of the site.
So what IS a message board? I compare it to a regular bulletin boardyou pass in a hallway. On the physical bulletin board, someone can pinup a piece of paper, telling what they need. The next person comingdown the hall can read what the first wrote, then keep on going. Orthey can write their own message on that piece of paper for everyone,including the original writer, to see.
Everyone walking down that hall benefits from reading the advice shared,and has the opportunity to share their own thoughts, too. That is whata message board is like, except you type your message on a special webpage and post it on a virtual board.
For instance, you can access the Homebodies message boards by going to
www.homebodies.org
, then clicking on "HB Discussion". You will be givena choice of different message boards you can access, like "Finances","Education", "Pregnancy" or "General Discussion" (the most popularboard). Click on one of these links and a string of messages willscroll down the page. You can read and/or respond to these postingsanytime, day or night.
The great thing about the Internet is that it really is a Worldwide Web.On any given day, Homebodies may have visitors from the United States,Canada, Australia, Japan, France or Zimbabwe. The next day, we may hearfrom Sweden, South Africa and Sri Lanka. It's eye-opening to see thatno matter where we live, all parents share similar concerns and hopesfor their children.
I've pulled together some comments that past visitors have posted, togive you an idea of what's going on at Homebodies, where owners Mat andRegi Casner have done their best to provide a safe atmosphere for you.
"I wanted to say thanks to everyone! I was just re-reading the repliesyou all sent to me awhile back (re: life w/a toddler). I wanted to letyou know how much I appreciated your input and support. It's nice toknow I'm in such good company as a SAHM! This board is one place I knowI can come to and feel validated as a full time mom, in a society thatdoesn't always recognize the hard work we do each and everyday. You allare GREAT!"
"I am still adjusting to my new lifestyle, but I can say that I trulyfeel that this is the right decision. I plan on reading these boardsdaily, and I would love a few ideas from experienced SAHMs."
"Gracias. Thank you. Merci. Danke. I just wanted to thank you all forall your support and love and guidance over the past months. As youknow, I do this periodically so that you all remember how special youare and that you also remember that SAHM's ROCK! I just want you to knowthat I appreciate that you put up with all my wackiness andopinionatedness (I think I just made that word up but it sounds aboutright). I want you to close your eyes (not right now - keep reading)spread your arms out really wide and wrap them around yourself andsqueeze - that's a hug from me. ."
There's no need to feel alone, Mom. Come meet some new Homebuddies at
www.homebodies.org
.
"Mommies on the Web" is excerpted from Cheryl's latest book,"Stay-at-Home Handbook: Advice on Parenting, Finances, Career, SurvivingEach Day More" (InterVarsity Press, 2002). For order information,visit
www.homebodies.org/bookstore/orderSAHH.htm
or write
Cheryl@homebodies.org
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:19Z
Contentment Robbers
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Contentment-Robbers
-
- /8893.html
2010-05-07T08:57:18Z
2010-05-07T08:57:18Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Contentment Robbers
Copyright 2002
Deborah Taylor-Hough
http://hometown.aol.com/dsimple/
Someone recently told me that they were tired of being in debt and were ready to get their spending under control. But they were concerned about the fact that they still enjoyed spending money to pamper themselves. They were looking for inexpensive "luxury" ideas. I didn't necessarily have specific luxury ideas to suggest, but what I've found over the past several years is that my idea of what constitutes a luxury has changed greatly.
When we started on a drastic debt-repayment plan, we had no extra money for anything but the absolute barest necessities for almost five years. I couldn't even shop at thrift stores for clothes -- that would've been too expensive for our severely limited budget. We learned to make things ourselves, accept hand-me-downs from friends and family, make do with what we had, or do without. It was either live like that or be forced into Bankruptcy by our impatient and increasingly nasty creditors.
We chose to knuckle under and do what needed to be done, no matter how difficult, in order to pay off our creditors (mainly some huge hospital bills from three premature babies).
One of the fist things I noticed when we started our debt repayment plan was the discontent that seemed to overtake me almost constantly. I started praying that I would discover where this discontent was coming from so I could overcome it and put it to rest.
Well, it turned out (for me at the time) that the main Contentment Robbers were:
Mail-order Catalogs
The beautiful items in these catalogs were a constant reminder of all the "wonderful" things I couldn't have anymore -- I overcame this Contentment Robber by tossing all catalogs into the recycling bin as soon as they arrived without even glancing at them.
Shopping Malls
I hadn't realized how much "recreational shopping" breeds discontent -- I started avoiding malls at all costs unless I had something specific I needed to buy -- and even then I only went in for what was on my list and then I hurried back out before I got distracted by some new housewares store (my personal weakness).
Commercial Television
Seeing all the latest and greatest constantly paraded before my eyes bred discontent -- I turned off the TV except to watch videos from the library or PBS specials with my kids.
Womens' Magazines
I cancelled my subscriptions -- I didn't have many magazine subscriptions but the pages of the ones I did have showed perfect homes, beautiful clothes, pampering personal toiletries, etc., which really caused me to begin suffering from a form of lust (maybe "greed" is another word for it?).
Shopping Channels / The Internet
I've never watched Shopping Channels on TV but I suppose they're probably contentment robbers for some people. Also certain "malls" and "shopping" areas on the Internet would serve as contentment robbers, as well.
But probably the biggest surprise of all to me was that the longer I practiced frugal living and read books on the topic, I found that I was more satisfied by the simpler pursuits I was discovering than I ever was by all the shopping and personal luxury items that I had previously considered such a treat.
Well, we're no longer in debt (Hooray!!) and money's still tight (being a single income family of five means money is always tight), but I'm not discontent anymore. I have great satisfaction knowing that our debts are "Paid in Full." The accomplishment of paying off our debts is a great luxury in and of itself!
Plus, through the process of getting our finances in order, I've gained a new appreciation for the beauty and joy of life's simpler pleasures. Shopping and acquiring new stuff holds little appeal for me anymore. Now I would much rather spend a day hiking a Nature Trail and picnicking in a meadow with my kids, than spending an expensive afternoon sauntering around the Mall eating designer cinnamon rolls and sipping gourmet coffees.
But those weren't always my priorities ... I can honestly say I'm much more content since my priorities and ideas of luxuries have changed.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Deborah Taylor-Hough (free-lance writer, wife and mother of three) is the author of "A Simple Choice: A Practical Guide to Saving Your Time, Money and Sanity" and the bestselling book, "Frozen Assets: How to cook for a day and eat for a month (Champion Press). To subscribe to her free, twice-monthly email newsletter, Simple Times,
subscribe-simple-times@ds.xc.org
Visit Debi at:
http://hometown.aol.com/dsimple/
Used with permission. All rights reserved.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:18Z
So You Want To Be A Stay-At-Home Mom
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/So-You-Want-To-Be-A-Stay-At-Home-Mom
-
- /8894.html
2010-05-07T08:57:15Z
2010-05-07T08:57:15Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>So You Want To Be A Stay-At-Home Mom
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
Copyright 1997
(Note from Cheryl: Homebodies was born several years ago, after achecker at a convenience store refused to accept my home number as a"real work number". Infuriated, I wrote a 2500-word letter to the editorof our local newspaper, outlining why I believed deciding to become astay-at-home mom was as valid a career choice as any other.
Reader response was so great, the editor asked me to write a weeklycolumn, which spread to scores of other print and online publications,sparked several books and the popular
www.homebodies.org
, and fired an e-zine currently read by35,000 subscribers and their friends. It's a perfect example of makinglemonade out of lemons. If that checker was still around, I'd shake hishand!
I hope you'll enjoy this condensed version of that first letter to theeditor.)
I have found the Promised Land, and it is in my own backyard.
The honey flows sweetly, whether soft spring breezes are ruffling mychildren's hair, or the kids are splashing through summer's sprinklers,or I join them tumbling in autumn's leaves. Even smacked upside thehead with a preschooler's snowball, I love being a stay-at-home mom.
I am a thirty-something, college-educated, work-oriented woman. Rankinghigh on my list of career priorities is providing the absolute best lifefor my children, my husband, and myself. I personally can best achievethat goal by putting my training and education into action on thehomefront.
Organizational skills gleaned from the classroom and workplace serve mewell as I juggle my family's needs. In my role as Chief FinancialOfficer, I take our family's paycheck and stretch it in all waysimaginable.
As Family Counselor, I untangle a web of relational challenges, fromsibling rivalry to deciphering a toddler's intricate code words. Iactually have the patience to listen to my husband's venting after ahard day, since I'm not just waiting for my chance to grind an axe aboutmy own frustrating experience at the office (although I may have a goodstory or two about the kids).
Life is certainly entertaining as I juggle various roles at our FamilyIndustrial Complex. You've seen the hats listed before: teacher,interior decorator, gardener, chauffeur, cook, laundress, accountant,secretary, physician, etc. All rolled together, they equal astay-at-home mom.
A classic Type A personality, I am sure that quitting full-time workoutside the home has extended my life considerably. I no longer feel myhead is about to explode as I rush to daycare, rush to work, rush toerrands at lunch, rush back to work, rush to daycare, rush to thesupermarket, rush home, rush supper, rush housecleaning, rush my kids tobed so I can have a moment's peace, rush to my pillow to rush in sixhours sleep before we start this all over again tomorrow.
Instead, I can follow a flexible schedule just as vital as any I used tooutline in my Daytimer. I work for a smaller corporation now, a privateentity composed of me, my husband, and our two children.
It hasn't always been this way. Although I sincerely wished I could behome with my two daughters, I didn't believe it was financiallypossible. But as I took a complete look at our finances, I found thatafter Uncle Sam, the babysitter, the car finance company and thefast-food diners took their cut, I was bringing home $39 a week.
I was sacrificing my dream of being home with my kids for less than adollar an hour. According to the figures, I had been working for thismeasly amount for almost a year.
I called my husband and asked if he could pick up $39 in overtime aweek, to which he immediately responded, "Yes." I turned in my noticethat day.
It's true. It's not how much you make, it's how much you spend. Wesold our late model luxury car and paid cash for an ancient butwell-maintained auto. Do I miss my plush car? Of course. Am I willingto work full-time so I can have it? Of course not.
So I live within my means, knowing that someday, when my children aregrown or more money appears in our household, we may choose to buy a newcar again.
Instead of racing to the restaurant for a primo lunch - and watching theclock, cursing the slow waiter, then paying triple what it would havecost to make it myself - I can brown-bag a lunch of PBJ (the perennialkid's favorite) and go to the park on a time schedule I set myself.
My luxury car languished in a parking lot when I worked. Now my oldercar patiently waits as my children and I brown ourselves under sunnyskies. We lay on our bellies, our faces inches above the microworldcontained in grass we once just trampled, discovering tiny treasures. Chubby fingers push back my hair and soft lips smack my forehead. "Ilove you, Mommy."
No car is worth this.
You probably instinctively knew all the pluses to staying home beforeyou started reading this article. Sounds like a great dream, but youcan't afford to quit work.
Maybe. Or maybe not.
Sit down with your spouse and determine your goals for your family.Don't just look at finances; include personal and spiritual goals. Whatwould be the ultimate situation for your family? What would betolerable? What is unacceptable?
Cut out everything that is wasting your money, time and energies.Discover the difference between wants and needs. Are some of your wantsstunting an area of need? Your children are precious. What expendableitems stand between them and you?
You may be proud of the beautiful house you have provided for your kids.However, if you find they spend little time there with you - that theyare instead at a childcare center while you make the money to pay themortgage, then there may be a problem in priorities.
Same thing with the fancy car. If Mom's not there to drive to funplaces, why bother?
There are universal truths, and one Truth is this: when given a choice,young children will always choose time with their beloved parents overtime with things.
If after making all the cuts you can muster, you still don't see enoughroom in the budget to leave the office behind, consider the next bestthing: working part-time.
It's not always possible for a woman to make the jump from full-timeworker to stay-at-home mom in one leap, even if she wants to. There aremany reasons she might choose to work part-time first.
Maybe the budget won't allow a total break right now. Maybe herhusband's a little nervous. Maybe she's not sure exactly how she willlike being home all the time. Whatever the reasoning, going thepart-time route is a road an increasing amount of mothers are choosingto maneuver.
Cutting back on work commitments benefits both you and your children.But you may be surprised at the change in your husband, too. Instead ofevenings filled with laundry and housework, you can schedule your choresso that you get off work when he does. Now the evenings are free forfamily fun.
Deciding to stay at home is definitely an example of "less is more".Consider simplifying your life and realize the rewards of downscalingmaterial expectations. Like me, you might discover the Promised Land inyour own backyard.
Want to read more by Cheryl? Stop by her page at
Homebodies
where you can read her columns and get info on her at-home parenting books, "
So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom
", "Stay-at-Home Handbook" and "Mom to Mom". Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:15Z
What Are They Selling?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/What-Are-They-Selling
-
- /8895.html
2010-05-07T08:57:13Z
2010-05-07T08:57:13Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>What Are They Selling?
Helping Your Kids Say "No!"
Copyright 2002 Deborah Taylor-Hough
http://hometown.aol.com/dsimple/
Do you ever feel helpless in the face of the massive advertising campaigns directed at your children?
While watching television, our family has found a way to educate our children about the advertising methods used in commercials. We play a game called "What Are They Trying to Sell Us?"
Whenever a commercial comes on the air, we ask our kids to tell us what's being sold, and we also ask what methods are being used to convince us to buy the products. The kids love this game because the answer is not always obvious. Sometimes the commercials are subtle, and it can be challenging for young children to identify what's being sold.
By becoming aware of the methods used, our children are finding themselves amused at attempts to convince them they will be more appealing, smarter, etc., by purchasing various items. Rather than passively watching television commercials, this game helps teach that commercials are trying to manipulate people's behavior through the media.
By becoming aware of the subtleties of advertising, children and adults alike can become stronger to withstand the commercial onslaught in our daily lives.
About The Author:--Deborah Taylor-Hough (free-lance writer, wife and mother of three) is the editor of the Simple Times
join-simple-times@ds.xc.org
and Bright-Kids
join-bright-kids@ds.xc.org
email newsletters. Debi's also the author of the bestselling book, "Frozen Assets: How to Cook for a Day and Eat for a Month",
click here for more information
.and "A Simple Choice: A Practical Guide for Saving Your Time, Money and Sanity" (Champion Press).Visit Debi at:
http://hometown.aol.com/dsimple/
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. All rights reserved.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:13Z
Mommy To The Max: Seven Wonders of a Mother's World
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Mommy-To-The-Max:-Seven-Wonders-of-a-Mothers-World
-
- /8896.html
2010-05-07T08:57:13Z
2010-05-07T08:57:13Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Mommy To The Max:
Seven Wonders of a Mother's World
by Debi Stack
www.maxedout.net
The world is full of wonders: the pyramids of Egypt, the Grand Canyon, what any woman ever saw in Woody Allen. But a mother's world has wonders all its own. Below are just seven that I find both awesome and unanswerable.
A mother wonders why fussy babies will demand their mothers hold them standing instead of sitting, even though the babies' position doesn't change at all. She stands-the baby calms. She sits-the baby cries. How can infants, who will put any disgusting object in their mouths without hesitation, have such high standards for posture?
A mother wonders why the gravitational pull of a kitchen floor is directly related to how clean it is. No one seems to drip juice or drop eggs on a dirty floor. But on the very day that we scrub and super-shine our floors, plates of syrupy-pancakes topple of their own accord.
A mother wonders why a child can ignore a certain toy for months and scornfully reject it as being "for babies" until he spots it on the garage sale table or in the give-away box. Suddenly, he clutches the rescued item protectively, tells you it's his "favorite" and looks at you as if you'd just shot Bambi.
A mother wonders why her preschooler can spend 45 minutes taking a bath, use an entire bottle of shampoo and yet emerge dry and dirty from the waist up.
A mother wonders why her husband's way of telling the kids goodnight is to swing them in the air, wrestle with them on the floor and chase them through the house until everyone is sweaty and somebody gets hurt.
A mother wonders why her own mother, who forbade elbows on the table and other abominations, allows a toddler-grandchild to make his own indoor sand pile by pouring boxes of cereal on the floor and then declares the resulting mess to be, "Adorable!"
A mother wonders why even on days when she's too maxed out to fix her hair or put on makeup, she hears her children say, "You're the prettiest mommy in the world."
Debi Stack is an author, speaker and media guest who addresses the topics of stress, overcommitment and perfectionism. Her humorous, self-help book for maxed-out women, Martha to the Max: Balanced Living for Perfectionists, is in multiple printings and translations. Visit
www.maxedout.net
. This "Mommy to the Max" column is used by www.drlaura.com with permission. Copyright 2002. All forms of reproduction strictly prohibited.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:13Z
more
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/more
-
- /8897.html
2010-05-07T08:57:11Z
2010-05-07T08:57:11Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Planning Your Garage Sale
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Here in the Land of Opportunity, we're on the brink of Garage Sale Season.
Figuring out what to part with is easy. You're tired of it. It hasn't fitin two years, and never will. The color is wrong; the style is wrong; it'sjust not you.
But hang a sign on it, and somebody's sure to think it's perfect for THEM.With the right spin, trash miraculously transforms into prime merchandise.Flame your entrepreneurial spirit with these tips for your upcoming garagesale.
PRESENTATION REALLY IS EVERYTHING
. Appear disorganized and dirty, and buyerswill drive right by.
Instead, mow the grass and sweep the sidewalk. Advertise in the local paperand post bright signs at nearby major intersections, leading buyers to yourdoor with arrows. Tie balloons to your banister. Move large, eye-catchingitems like furniture out on the driveway. Open all garage doors; turn onall lights. Make everything easy to see.
Smile at visitors, but don't hover. Stand at their shoulder, and you'll losesales. Instead, sit at a table on the driveway, with pop and cookies.Divide your garage and driveway into clearly defined zones, like babyclothes, household items, children's toys, bedding and linens, etc.
Thumbtack sheets to hang from the ceiling, then stash "not-for-sale" itemsbehind the curtain.
Have an extension cord ready to prove electrical items work.
Don't lump 50 stuffed animals together, hoping someone will take time tosort through them. Instead, place an elf next to a sparkly Christmasdress...position a cowboy peeking over a pair of boots...have a huge teddybear "read" one of a series of books piled beside him.
Know your customer. Used prom dresses are a hard sale to adults, but takethose same chiffons and hawk them in the toy section under "Dress-upClothes" and a mini-ballet dancer or princess will clean you out.
Play jazz or easy listening music, giving your sale ambiance. Instead ofstacking pictures on a table, display them in appropriate areas: astill-life by some dishes, an angel positioned over a crib.
If something's dated, come up with a new way to enjoy it. For instance,don't display an old Selectric with your office supplies. Roll in a pieceof glow-orange paper, set the typewriter with the kids' stuff, and plug itin. Watch a preschooler fall in love with its tap-tap-tap.
Put cars, trucks and other "try before you buy" toys on a sturdy area rug.While Mom shops, Junior will bond with something, then take it home.
Don't pack clothes tightly on rods; separate them by size and type. Hangdresses; put shorts and tops in clearly marked boxes or baskets: "Boys2T-4T;" "Girls 10-12." Display frilly baby outfits on ladder rungs.
PLAYING GARAGE SALE LIMBO
: How low will they go? That's the question onshoppers' minds as they spring from cars. Don't keep them in suspense; postprices prominently. Color-coded dots work well; stick one on every item andlet shoppers check a chart for prices: yellow-25, blue-50, red-75, etc.
Garage-salers are looking for deals. Don't demoralize them with $10toddler dresses. Know what similar items are selling for at other sales,then charge SLIGHTLY higher prices. When merchandise is clean andattractively displayed, shoppers are willing to pay more. (But not tentimes more.)
The first person up your driveway will try to negotiate, but don't dropprices before noon. If someone makes an offer, write down their phonenumber.
Build in perceived value. If books are 50 cents, offer "3 for a dollar".Toss in free sheets when you sell a bed.
Start the day with plenty of change so the first shopper doesn't clean youout, using a $20 to pay for a 75-cent purchase. Keep money in a fanny pack,and immediately take large bills in the house for safekeeping.
Garage-saling is a combination of fun and sport. Tailor your sale to pleaseyour customers, and stuff will fly off your shelves.
Copyright 2002 Homebodies.Org, LLC.
Advance copies of Cheryl's new"Stay-at-Home Handbook: Advice on Parenting, Finances, Career, SurvivingEach Day Much More" are now available ($10.99 plus $3.00shipping/packaging). "Stay-at-Home Handbook" has 42 chapters, featuring theinsights of 60 families and a foreword by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. To orderyour autographed copy, visit
http://www.homebodies.org/orderSAHH.htm
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:11Z
Four Reasons Why This is a Great Time to Work at Home
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Four-Reasons-Why-This-is-a-Great-Time-to-Work-at-Home
-
- /8898.html
2010-05-07T08:57:10Z
2010-05-07T08:57:10Z
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:10Z
Moments for Mom
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Moments-for-Mom
-
- /8899.html
2010-05-07T08:57:09Z
2010-05-07T08:57:09Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Moments for Mom
by
Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2002
So my 5-year-old daughter says to me in the van, 'Mom, are you thinking what I'm thinking?' Don't you just love when your kids repeat grown-up phrases? Especially when you're pretty sure they don't know what they're actually saying. So I had to smile. And reply. And I said, 'I seriously doubt it, but what are you thinking, honey?' She then said, 'Nothing!' and burst into giggles.
Actually, unfortunately, she was pretty close. I had just about nothing on my mind. If I did, it was definitely nothing worth recounting here. I think I was in one of those random thought patterns where your mind floats around topics like 'I need to change the sheets' to 'what am I going to wear for Easter?' to 'I need to pray for Sue' then back to something banal again like 'I would kill for some chocolate'. Please tell me I'm not the only one who seems to have little control over my inner world sometimes. Please tell me those thoughts parallel your thoughts at least sometimes.
But how I wish I could have longer stretches where my mind is not unoccupied or when it is not occupied with meaningless trivialities. Reminded me of II Corinthians 10:5b and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. I really believe that God cares about how I spend every minute of my time, and that includes my mind-wandering moments.
Though, it may be built into us as humans to wander from time to time - and maybe that's a good stress-reducing habit - I know I sure can use a little thought captivity now and then where I actually stop myself in mid-thought and redirect its path to something of higher value something that is true or noble or right or pure or lovely or admirable or excellent or praiseworthy something that will allow me to tell Sara next time that I actually am not thinking the same nothing that she's thinking for once.
Elisabeth K. Corcoran
is the author of
Calm in My Chaos: Encouragement for a Mom's Weary Soul
(2001), which can be purchased directly through her publisher, Kregel Publications at #1-888-644-0500, online at
amazon.com
or through your local Christian bookstore. This column is original and not excerpted from her book. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:09Z
Meatball Mania!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Meatball-Mania!
-
- /8900.html
2010-05-07T08:57:08Z
2010-05-07T08:57:08Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>MEATBALL MANIA!
Copyright 2004 Deborah Taylor-Hough
Used with permission. All rights reserved.
Recipes adapted from "
Frozen Assets: How to cook for a day and eat for a month
"
http://hometown.aol.com/dsimple/
Cooking up a large batch of meatballs in advance to store in the freezer goes a long way toward establishing a supply of quick and easy meals. And if you take advantages of sales on ground beef and stock up, this can be a tremendous boon to your family budget, too!
In addition to stirring meatballs into spaghetti sauce, you can also use them in soups, serve them on skewers (kids love this!), or heat in brown gravy or a warmed can of cream of mushroom soup served with mashed potatoes.
The following recipes prepare a large batch of freezer meatballs and also include examples of ways to use frozen meatballs. The sauces require some preparation, but the meals go together quickly with your stockpile of precooked meatballs in the freezer.
MILLIONS OF MEATBALLS
(this makes a lot -- at least four dozen, depending on size)
12-ounces tomato sauce
1 1/2 cups dry bread crumbs
4 eggs, lightly beaten
1/2 cup onion, finely chopped
1/4 cup green pepper, finely chopped
1 teaspoons salt, optional
1/8 teaspoon dried thyme, crushed
1/8 teaspoon dried marjoram, crushed
4 pounds ground beef
In a large mixing bowl, combine first eight ingredients. Add ground beef and mix well. Shape into meatballs (use a small cookie scoop if available) and place on boiler pan so grease can drain while cooking. Bake uncovered in 350 degree oven for 30 minutes. Divide into meal-sized portions. To prevent from freezing into a solid meatball-mass, freeze individually on cookie sheets and then place in freezer bags. Label and freeze.
To serve meatballs, thaw completely and reheat with your choice of sauces (six sample sauce recipes follow).
SWEET-N-SOUR MEATBALLS
(5 servings)
1 (14-oz) can pineapple tidbits or chunks, undrained
1/4 cup brown sugar
2 tablespoons cornstarch
1/2 cup water
1/4 cup cider vinegar
1 teaspoon soy sauce (or more to taste)
1 family meal-sized portion of freezer meatballs
1 (5-oz) can water chestnuts, drained and thinly sliced
1 green pepper, cut in strips
Drain pineapple tidbits, reserving syrup. In medium saucepan, combine brown sugar and cornstarch. Blend in reserved syrup, water, cider vinegar and soy sauce. Cook and stir over low heat until thick and bubbly. Carefully stir in meatballs, water chestnuts, green pepper strips and pineapple. Heat to a boiling. Serve over hot cooked rice.
CHILI-DAY MEATBALLS
(5 servings)
This recipe sounds a little strange (chili sauce and grape jelly?), but it tastes like burgundy sauce (only without the wine)
1 (12-oz) jar chili sauce
11-oz. jar grape jelly
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 cube beef bouillon dissolved in 1/2 cup water
1 family meal-sized portion of freezer meatballs
Whisk together chili sauce, grape jelly, lemon juice and bouillon, breaking up all clumps. Simmer on low heat until sauce starts to thicken. Add freezer meatballs; cook in sauce until meatballs are fully thawed and heated through. Serve over hot cooked noodles or rice.
MEATBALL SANDWICHES
(6 servings)
1 family meal-sized portion of freezer meatballs (approximately 4-5 meatballs per person)
6 hot dog buns (or hoagie rolls)
6 thin slices mozzarella cheese
2 cups prepared spaghetti sauce
Thaw meatballs and spaghetti sauce (if using frozen). Place both in medium saucepan. Heat until hot. Place meatballs into warmed buns. Ladle small amount of spaghetti sauce onto each sandwich; place mozzarella slice onto each sandwich.
TOMATO-SAUCED MEATBALLS
(5 servings)
1 (10 3/4-oz) can condensed tomato soup
1/2 cup water
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 family meal-sized portion of freezer meatballs
Mix together soup, water and Worcestershire sauce. Place meatballs in a medium sized saucepan; pour soup mixture over meatballs. Simmer until meatballs are heated through.Serve over hot cooked rice.
MEATBALL STROGANOFF
(5 servings)
0 3/4-oz) can condensed cream of mushroom soup
1/2 cup sour cream or plain yogurt
1 cup mushrooms, sliced and cooked in butter until soft
1 family meal-sized portion of freezer meatballs
In medium saucepan, mix together mushroom soup and sour cream. Gently stir in mushrooms and meatballs. Simmer until meatballs are heated through. Serve over hot cooked rice or over egg noodles tossed with melted butter and chopped parsley.
CATALINA MEATBALLS
(5 servings)
medium onion, thinly sliced
2 teaspoons olive oil
1 bottle Catalina salad dressing
1 family meal-sized portion of freezer meatballsSaute' onion slices in olive oil until softened. Place frozen meatballs in medium skillet. Pour dressing over meatballs.
Cover skillet and cook over low heat until dressing caramelizes on meatballs and onion, and the meatballs are fully thawed and heated through. Serve over rice.
About The Author:
--Deborah Taylor-Hough (free-lance writer and mother of three) edits the Simple Times and Bright-Kids e-newsletters. She's also the author of several books including Frozen Assets, Frugal Living For Dummies(r), and A Simple Choice: A practical guide for saving your time, money and sanity (recently featured in Family Circle magazine). Browse Debi's books and subscribe to her free email newsletters at:
http://hometown.aol.com/dsimple/
. Used with permission. All rights reserved. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:08Z
Easter Baskets for Teens
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Easter-Baskets-for-Teens
-
- /8901.html
2010-05-07T08:57:07Z
2010-05-07T08:57:07Z
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:07Z
Pack it Right
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Pack-it-Right
-
- /8902.html
2010-05-07T08:57:04Z
2010-05-07T08:57:04Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Pack it Right
Making Lunchboxes Healthy
By Leanne Ely, C.N.C.
Over the years, the school cafeteria has become a place of too many choices--from franchise fast food offerings to the usual stuff we grew up with--most kids don't know how to pick a healthy lunch or are not inclined to do so considering the many tempting offerings. The alternative is packing your child's lunchbox and is probably one of the healthiest things parents can do for their school-aged children.
Like anything else, lunch is a time to balance your child's meal. Having a decent protein/carbo ratio in your child's lunchbox, will help him or her finish the day with energy to spare. And while sandwiches are okay, the Ultimate Tortilla Roll-ups (see recipe) is perfect lunchbox fare. Not only are they easy to make and pack well, kids truly love them. There are hundreds of variations on this theme, too--you don't have to just stick with any one recipe. Tortillas make great transportation for almost any filling--experiment a little bit and try different things--even your basic PB J takes on new meaning when wrapped in a tortilla.
Most kids feel their lunch box isn't quite packed unless there are chips aboard--not the healthiest food around. Baked tortilla chips are a good option or even better are baked Pita Chips (see recipe). Not only are they healthy and inexpensive, they're simple enough to make that your 5th grader can crank out a whole slew of them for the week. If you're going to make chips, you might as well throw in a little dip and some veggies. Basic Black Bean Dip (see recipe) could be made in mass quantities and frozen in little plastic containers to save time. It couldn't be easier to make, but it's even easier to thaw. The only trick is getting the container home!
Don't skimp on the fruit. Bananas are great for lunchboxes--convenient, a great source of potassium and come in their own carrying cases. Pack it on the very top though, and wrap it in a couple of napkins for protection-nothing worse than a bruised and mushy banana.
And for a great dessert, pack a Puffy Grain Chewy Bar (see recipe), a much healthier alternative to the marshmallow-laden rice crispie bars. This is another easy recipe the kids can make themselves.
But what about a beverage? Where's the juice, soda or milk? According to the AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) drinking too much juice (yes, even 100% fruit juice) can contribute to the problems of cavities, childhood obesity, diarrhea and other gastrointestinal problems, such as excessive gas and bloating. Get your child into the good habit of drinking water. Try freezing a small bottle of water instead of the usual juice and flavored drinks. Most children don't drink enough water and packing that frozen bottle is a smart move. By the time lunch rolls around, the bottle has served two purposes: hydrating your child and keeping his lunch cold. Besides, those goofy blue ice thingies always seem to leak their blue stuff everywhere.
Packing a healthy lunch isn't a big deal and something you can easily train your child to do. As a matter of fact, children who learn to pack a healthy lunch are the kids who learn to make responsible nutritional decisions as they grow up--good habits that will serve them for a lifetime.
Allowing your children free range in a school cafeteria can be hazardous to their health, unless they can make good choices. That is, if there are even any good choices available.
Great Easy Packables
Curds and No Whey--no kidding! Try drizzling a little honey over the top of that cottage cheese and some cinnamon. Kids think it's great.
Cue the Carrots--the produce department keeps making it easier for busy moms. Those little carrots are indispensable for packing it right and the price is reasonable, too.
Cheese on a String--or whatever other type of cheese, ready to go in the cheese section of the dairy case.
All Dried Out--like just a handful of raisins for example. Get the itty-bitty boxes and encourage your child to put them on their cottage cheese. It's really good that way!
Apple This Way--quarter the apple and sprinkle with cinnamon in a baggie. You won't have to hear about it turning brown and the flavor is just like apple pie. Put a little plastic container with some peanut butter for dipping in there too, and you've got some protein thrown in on the side, too.
RECIPES:
All Recipes are from Healthy Foods: An Irreverent Guide to Understanding Nutrition and Feeding Your Family Right (Champion Press)
The UltimateTortilla Roll-Up
Makes One
flour tortilla -- *health food stores have a sprouted wheat tortilla that is delicious
1/2 ounce low-fat cream cheese -- you can use less
1 ounce chicken breast without skin -- tuna, or whatever you have on hand
2 slices tomato -- chopped
1 romaine lettuce leaf -- shredded
1 green onion -- minced fine (optional)
1 teaspoon vinaigrette -- whatever you have on hand
Lay tortilla flat and spread cream cheese all over. In a small bowl, toss lettuce, tomato and optional green onion with vinaigrette. Set aside.
Lay chicken out evenly over cream cheese. Spread lettuce mixture evenly on top of the chicken.
Roll up like you would a sleeping bag and secure with a toothpick or just place on a plate, seam side down. If this is for a lunch box, wrap securely with plastic wrap.
Per serving: 373 Calories (kcal); 11g Total Fat; (26% calories from fat); 16g Protein; 54g Carbohydrate; 21mg Cholesterol; 483mg Sodium
Chips for Dips
Serves 12 (as an appetizer)
12 corn tortillas -- or pita, whole wheat tortillas, whatever non-stick spray (health food stores have ones without the propellant or use an oil pump)Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Spray a cookie sheet generously with non-stick spray.
Stack the tortillas and cut them into 6 even pieces, sort of like a pizza. Place on the cookie sheet and lightly spray the tortillas. Bake for 8 minutes or so checking to make sure they don't get too brown.
Let cool and serve with hummus or Black Bean Dip. Put a generous portion of veggies out with the chips, too.
NOTE:
Make sure you only use the non-stick sprays from the health foodstore. The others are full of propellant and unless you plan on flying your food, propellant doesn't belong there. Or buy an oil pump that uses air to help spray. Available at Wal-Mart and other stores, for under $10. Great investment.
Per serving: 56 Calories (kcal); 1g Total Fat; (9% calories from fat); 1g Protein; 12g Carbohydrate; 0mg Cholesterol; 40mg Sodium
Basic Black Bean Dip
Serves 12 (as appetizer)
1 black beans, canned (15 oz.) -- drained
1 can green chili peppers -- drained
1/4 cup salsa -- use what you have
2 teaspoons cumin
1 teaspoon garlic -- pressed
1 squeeze lime or lemon
Dump it all into a food processor and whir like mad. When it's done, blop it into a bowl and serve with any type of chip that turns your key. But preferably with a healthy one you made from these recipes.
Per serving: 14 Calories (kcal); trace Total Fat; (11% calories from fat); 1g Protein; 2g Carbohydrate; 0mg Cholesterol; 58mg Sodium
Puffy Grain Chewy Bars
Serves 12
1 cup each: Puffed kamut, brown rice, millet from the health food store or use 3 cups regular puffed wheat from the grocery store. Or try Kashi cereal.
1/2 cup peanut butter -- or almond butter
1/2 cup honey
1 teaspoon molasses, blackstrap
Dump the cereal in a big bowl. Heat the honey, peanut butter and molasses together. Pour into cereal mixture, working quickly to get it mixed. Press very firmly into a 13 X 9 inch pan. Let sit for as long as you can wait (the longer, the harder) and then dig in.
Per serving: 108 Calories (kcal); 5g Total Fat; (42% calories from fat); 3g Protein; 14g Carbohydrate; 0mg Cholesterol; 51mg Sodium
NOTE: Variations of a theme: Try using brown rice crispies in place of the puffed rice, and toasting the millet and kamut on a cookie sheet (425 oven till toasted) for a crispy texture instead. For more variety, use this recipe as a base and add raisins, chopped dates or chopped nuts.
Leanne Ely
is a nutritionist, former caterer and the author of Healthy Foods: An Irreverent Guide to Understanding Nutrition and Feeding Your Family Well (Champion Press). Ely is also the editor of Menu-Mailer, a weekly e-zine that provides menus, grocery lists and recipes and answers the question, "What's for Dinner?" For more information, send an email to:
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:04Z
Dream A Little Dream With Me
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Dream-A-Little-Dream-With-Me
-
- /8903.html
2010-05-07T08:57:03Z
2010-05-07T08:57:03Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Dream A Little Dream With Me
By Cheryl Gochnauer
As an at-home parent, It's important to surround yourself with people whosupport your family-focused decision. To illustrate this point, this week I'm including part of a message board posting from a Homebodies reader,Shelly, and some responses her posting:
"Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of being married to my handsomeprince, having babies and making my home a safe harbor for my family andfriends. It was a simple, non-glamorous dream, but it was my heart'sdesire.
"I am the only lady to stay home with children in my husband's family, andevery now and then I get feedback as to my lifestyle. Recently, I washaving a conversation with my sister-in-law, who doesn't have any kids. Wewere talking about working, and she commented, 'Well, I could never seemyself staying home with my children, because I wouldn't want to lose touchwith reality and having a structured life.'
"When I get these little jabs, it hurts. But I have never felt the need tobe like everyone else; in fact, as I get older, I try very hard to be myselfand am thankful I am what I always wanted to be: a wife, mother andhomemaker."
- Shelly
When Shelly's posting went up, several Homebuddies jumped in to encourageher:
"When I was a stay-at-home mom, my life wasn't structured. That's what Iloved about it. We woke up when our bodies told us to; we played outsidewhen the weather let us; we went with the flow. As far as being in touchwith reality, that is a common problem with some SAHMs. If you aren'tcareful, your entire life will revolve around sippy cups and potty training."
- Jennifer
"My own sister is married and doesn't have kids. For a long time she usedto harass me about staying home and doing 'nothing' all day. Until shewalks the walk, she's not going to know. Don't let people get to you. Youknow your heart; stand by what you believe."
- Terri
"Although your desire was to be a mom all along, lots of us dreamed of acareer, house, hubby AND kids, so it may be very hard for your sister-in-lawto imagine that your dream was different. It wasn't until we had all thosethings that some of us realized our values had changed."
- Mary
I appreciate the thoughts expressed in each of these ladies' postings. Areyou looking for the same sort of support as you're tackling your at-homeparenting role? Visit the message forums at Homebodies (www.homebodies.org)and link up with new friends with common goals.
Not connected to the Internet? Check with your local churches and boards ofeducation to discover parenting support groups in your area. Like Jennifersaid, at-home life is more than "sippy cups." Mix up your routine bymeeting other like-minded moms, whether in person or on the Web.
(Advance copies of Cheryl's new "Stay-at-Home Handbook: Advice onParenting, Finances, Career, Surviving Each Day Much More" are nowavailable [$10.99 plus $3.00 shipping/packaging]. "Stay-at-Home Handbook"has 42 chapters, featuring the insights of 60 families and a foreword by Dr.Laura Schlessinger. To order your autographed copy, email
Cheryl@homebodies.org
. Autographed copies of Cheryl's Mother's Day book,"Mom to Mom" are also available by going to this link:
http://www.homebodies.org/mom2mom.htm
)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:03Z
Make Time For Your Teen
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Make-Time-For-Your-Teen
-
- /8904.html
2010-05-07T08:57:02Z
2010-05-07T08:57:02Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Make Time For Your Teen
By Patti Chadwick
We live in a fast-paced world. Our lives are so full of things that need to be completed that from morning until evening we are in perpetual motion. Amidst the hustle and bustle we need to carve out the time to spend with our teens.
You are probably wondering just how to do this. You are busy#133;your teen is just as busy! Make no mistake, it will take both time and effort, especially if you have more than one child, but it will be worth it.
Begin by looking at the schedules of the entire family. Can you find free times and make a #147;date#148; with your teen to get a soda, have lunch, or go for a walk in the park? If your schedules are impossible #150; all is not lost! You just need to be resourceful!
Do you need to take your teen to the dentist or doctor? Take a little extra time to make the time alone special. Use your time alone in the car to talk instead of listening to the radio. After the appointment, stop at a coffee shop for a drink and a chat.
Do you have an errand to run? Ask one of your kids to tag along.
Does your teen have a project due? I bet they could use an extra pair of helping hands. Maybe they just need someone to bounce ideas off of #150; let that someone be you!
Let#146;s not forget dinnertime. Try to eat as many meals together as possible #150; and make mealtimes a relaxing time filled with good conversation as well as great food.
I encourage you to be creative. Think outside the box. Find the time to spend with your teenager. You both will benefit from the times you share together.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:02Z
Asking Great Questions
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Asking-Great-Questions
-
- /8905.html
2010-05-07T08:57:01Z
2010-05-07T08:57:01Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Asking Great Questions
By Patti Chadwick
Do you want to know what your teen is really thinking? Try asking great questions. Too many times we ask closed questions that require only a #147;yes#148; or #147;no#148; answer. Does this sound familiar:
#147;How was school?#148; #147;Good#148;
#147;Do you have homework?#148; #147;No#148;
#147;How was the game#148; #147;Okay#148;
We need to learn to ask specific questions that require thought and will encourage conversation. Why not try some of these:
Was that test in Spanish as hard as you thought? What were some of the questions on it? Which question was the hardest for you?
Who scored the highest in the basketball game after school? Were there any amazing plays?
How many people came to Lindsay#146;s birthday party last night? What kind of presents did she get.
On a more personal level why not try asking things like:
What do you think Heaven looks like?
What kind of person would you like to marry?
What#146;s the nicest thing I ever did for you?
What#146;s the best thing you remember from your childhood?
If you could travel anywhere in the world #150; where would you like to visit? Why?
The list could go on and on#133;and it should! Why not make your own and begin asking your teen questions that will lead to meaningful conversations.
Patti Chadwick is the creator of Parents Teens found at
www.parentsandteens.com
. She is also the author ofMISSION POSSIBLE: RAISING GREAT TEENS! and LOOK UP! A 30-Day Devotional Journal for Teens. Both books are available on her website in both ebook and print formats.
Click to purchase
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:57:01Z
The Importance of the Family Dinner Table
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Importance-of-the-Family-Dinner-Table
-
- /8906.html
2010-05-07T08:56:59Z
2010-05-07T08:56:59Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Importance of the Family Dinner Table
By Leanne Ely
Copyright (c) 2002
"Dinner! Come to the table!"
Do you remember your mom hollering that very statement when you were a kid? Do you remember running down the stairs to familiar smells and rushing to take your place at the table?
The family dinner table is a place of communion, fellowship and a means of reconnecting with those we care about the most. Over a simple dinner of scrambled eggs or more elaborate family fare of meatloaf and mashed potatoes, important stuff happens. Relationships are realigned, the news of the day is exchanged and coming events are discussed. More importantly, memories are made for both adults and children. One day, your child will look back on all those dinners around the family table with fondness. One day, you too will look back wistfully, actually missing the chaos of trying to get everyone to the table while the meal was still hot!
Unfortunately, today's family dinner table is all but missing from the home. We have sacrificed our family table for all manner of activities and way too often, our meals are situated around the blue glow of the family television. Conversation is limited to pass the salt and stony silence while the blare of TV fills the room.
But actually making the meals is a big issue, too. Women are busy, tired, exhausted and overwhelmed with responsibility. Mom works hard at home all day. Making menus to post on the refrigerator doesn't happen anymore because there is "no time". Going to the grocery store usually means going without a list and throwing a bunch of prepackaged stuff into the cart because dinner needs to be easy and fast.
The simple practice of making a menu each week will not only help you provide some structure to the family dinner hour, but also will save you a lot of money on your food budget--so very important to stay-at-home moms. A simple thing like keeping a running grocery list on the fridge will help you avoid last minute trips to the grocery store. Your family will be eating healthier and you won't be as stressed out because you know what's for dinner Tuesday night. And while you might not be able to pull off a Norman Rockwell picture perfect family dinner every night, I bet you could do it at least one night a week.
Menus aren't just for restaurants. They deserved a special place of honor on every family's fridge.
Leanne Ely is the author of Healthy Foods: An Irreverent Guide to Understanding Nutrition and Feeding Your Family Well and the editor of a weekly paid subscription newsletter called Menu-Mailer. Menu-Mailer will give you the menu, healthy family recipes and a grocery list every week delivered right to your email address. Send mailto:
leanneely@aol.com
for more information.
Author, nutritionist and editor of Menu-Mailer, the answer to that perplexing question, "What's for Dinner?" Need help in the kitchen?
more-info@ds.xc.org
for more info (autoresponder only) Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:59Z
Facing The Daycare Dilemma
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Facing-The-Daycare-Dilemma
-
- /8907.html
2010-05-07T08:56:58Z
2010-05-07T08:56:58Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Facing The Daycare Dilemma
By Cheryl Gochnauer
"In my nearly 9 years of motherhood, I've always wanted to be a stay-at-homemom," says Kass, who has three young sons. "It's not just because I don'tlike working outside the home. It's not because I'm not particularlycareer-minded, or because I love to spend every minute of the day with mywonderfully obnoxious, energetic boys. It's because I simply dread thewhole 'gotta find a babysitter/childcare provider/daycare' baloney!"
"In nearly every job I've had, I've left or had to change jobs becausechildcare issues affected my attendance and productivity at work," shecontinues. "Either the kids aren't happy or adjusting, the provider isn'twilling to work with me, or she can't accommodate my working hours anylonger, or I just plain can't afford it."
Kass found no help at church or her homeschooling group. Her neighborshaven't worried about daycare in 15 years, and aren't the babysitting type,anyway. Local childcare referral agencies only disappointed her. "One hascats, oops allergies - she's out. Two don't speak English, oh bother. Fourcan't do Saturdays, which I really need to keep my job. The rest want myright arm and left leg - up to $50 more a week than I earn."After a stint as an at-home parent, Kass stepped back into the workforce toput more money in the checkbook. But daycare expenses and aggravationovershadowed the gains she anticipated. "I know childcare providers mustearn a decent living, and so must set their rates to adequately compensatefor their long hours, hard work and expenses," Kass says.She's right; we're not faulting daycares or dedicated people who care forothers' children. But if you're encountering the same headaches as Kass,take a moment to revisit your decision to work outside the home. Are youexploring all your options?
Take Daycare Costs Out Of The Equation
Work during school hours,telecommute from home, or work an opposite shift so your spouse can watchthe kids.
Ask Your Spouse To Work Overtime.
Though it's slowly changing, men arestill usually paid more than women. Why work 10 hours if your husband canmake the same amount in 5? (Plus, you won't have to pay for 10 hours ofdaycare.)
Look At The Budget --Again!.
As Ben Franklin said, a penny saved is a pennyearned. A frugal mindset is an at-home parent's best friend. Cut coupons;shop sales; be creative in using what you've got. For some money-savingideas, read my article, "Dollars and Sense: How I Carved $1000 from OurMonthly Budget", at
www.homebodies.org/dollars.html
Joanne Watson has written a book I'd like to recommend: "Team Work: How toHelp Your Husband Make More Money, So You Can Be a Stay-at-Home Mom." It'sa unique look at helping your spouse in determining if he is underpaid,negotiating his raise, hunting for a higher-paying job or building abusiness of his own. Definitely an idea-sparking book that may provide somealternatives you haven't considered. Request it at your local library orfavorite bookstore.
(Comments? Write
Cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
Copyright 2002 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:58Z
Emergency Kitchen Substitutions
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Emergency-Kitchen-Substitutions
-
- /8908.html
2010-05-07T08:56:57Z
2010-05-07T08:56:57Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Emergency Kitchen Substitutions
Copyright 2003 Deborah Taylor-Hough
Used with permission on DrLaura.com. All rights reserved.
http://hometown.aol.com/dsimple/
Do you ever find yourself all geared up and ready to makea favorite recipe ... but then discover you're staring at anempty container of a needed ingredient? Ugh. You don'twant to run out to the store right now. So what do you do?
Well, that's when emergency kitchen substitutions comein handy. I've printed out the following list and keep acopy taped to the inside of my pantry door at all times.
Although these substitutions will work in a pinch, I don'trecommend always substituting ingredients in your recipes.The recipes will technically work with substitutions, but oftenthe finished product won't be exactly the same as when youuse the original ingredients called for in the recipe.
Also, be sure you don't make more than one substitutionin a particular recipe at once. The more ingredients yousubstitute, the more "off" your product will be when you'refinished.
EMERGENCY SUBSTITUTIONS:
For: 1 Tbsp fresh herb
Use: 1/3 to 1/2 tsp dried herb (of the same kind)
For: 1 clove garlic
Use: 1/8 tsp garlic powder
For: 1 egg in baking
Use: 1 tsp cornstarch plus 1/4 cup water
For: 1 whole egg
Use: 2 egg yolks plus 1 Tbsp water
For: 1 cup whole fresh milk
Use: 1/2 cup evaporated milk plus 1/2 cup water, OR 1/3 cup dry milk plus 1 cup water
For: 1 cup buttermilk
Use: 1 cup plain yogurt, OR 1 cup sour milk (4 tsp white vinegar OR lemon juice plus milk to make 1 cup -- let sit for five minutes before using)
For: 1 cup sour cream (in baking)
Use: 7/8 cup buttermilk OR sour milk plus 3 Tbsp butter
For: 1 cup sour cream (in salad dressings, casseroles)
Use: 1 cup plain yogurt OR 3/4 cup sour milk plus 1/3 cup butter
For: 1 cup cream
Use: 1/3 cup butter plus 3/4 cup milk
For: 1 cup corn syrup
Use: 2/3 cup granulated sugar plus 1/3 cup water
For: 1 cup brown sugar
Use: 1 cup granulated sugar plus 2 Tbsp molasses
For: 1 3/4 cup confectioners sugar
Use: 1 cup granulated sugar, packed
For: 1 cup margarine or butter (in baking or cooking)
Use: 1 cup hard shortening OR 7/8 cup vegetable oil
For: 1 square unsweetened chocolate
Use: 3 Tbsp cocoa plus 1 Tbsp oil
For: 1 ounce semi-sweet chocolate
Use: 1 ounce unsweetened chocolate plus 4 tsp sugar
For: 3/4 cup cracker crumbs
Use: 1 cup bread crumbs
For: 1 cup cake flour, sifted
Use: 7/8 cup all purpose flour, sifted (1 cup minus 2 Tbsp)
For: 1 tsp baking powder
Use: 1/3 tsp baking soda plus 1/2 tsp cream of tarter, OR 1/4 tsp baking soda plus 1/3 cup sour milk
For: 1 Tbsp cornstarch for thickening
Use: 2 Tbsp flour
For: 1 Tbsp flour for thickening
Use: 1 1/2 tsp corn flour, arrowroot, potato flour, OR rice flour; OR 2 tsp tapioca
For: 2 Tbsp tapioca for thickening
Use: 3 Tbsp flour
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
--Deborah Taylor-Hough (wife and mother of three) is theauthor of the bestselling book,
'Frozen Assets: How tocook for a day and eat for a month,'
and the new book,'Frugal Living For Dummies(r)' (Wiley, 2003). You cansubscribe to her newest free newsletter by sending anemail to:
tips-and-quips-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Visit Debi at:
http://hometown.aol.com/dsimple/
.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:57Z
Moments for Mom
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Moments-for-Mom
-
- /8909.html
2010-05-07T08:56:56Z
2010-05-07T08:56:56Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Moments for Mom
If I were to ask you to picture your closest friend, does one particular person come to mind? Is it a female??? I would like to share a lesson with you that I am currently working on. Our husbands are our friends. Some of you may be thinking, 'Duh? Of course he is.that's why I married him.' But is he really? And if he isn't, why not? Are you possibly the hindrance in the friendship? I read somewhere that you are your husband's best friend. Even if you can't picture that, look around his life - more than likely he is sharing more with you and depending more on you than he is anyone else. For him, you're it! What are you doing on your end to be his friend?
A girlfriend was sharing with me how she noticed that when she talks on the phone with her husband, she was matter-of-fact and curt, even showing disappointment with him. But that when she talked with her girlfriends on the phone, she was lighthearted and kind. I asked my husband a while back what I could do in our marriage for him to be happy. His answer (that cut through my heart and pride), 'be nice to me'. Ouch. Why is it that we forget so quickly that the guy we married - you know, the one we eat with, sleep with, spend with, worship with, have kids with - is actually our friend?
So here is something I am currently working on --- I have resolved to myself just recently that I will share with Kevin first. I'm not just referring to stuff about Kevin or our marriage, but church stuff, friend stuff, things I'm struggling with. If I haven't shared it with Kevin, I won't share it with anyone else.
As far as specific marital problems go - please don't share these with all of your friends. Either seek out counseling if it's serious enough or if you just feel stuck, or find a woman you can trust who can mentor you in your marriage. Don't allow yourself to get together with your girlfriends and husband-bash. It really does no one any good.
So bottom line - ladies, we need to go to our husbands first. Your husband needs to be the most important person in your life. And I don't say this lightly - no matter the state of your marriage relationship. We are called to be wives before and long after our calling to mothering.so please commit with me to make this a priority in your heart and with your time.
Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2002
Elisabeth K. Corcoran is the author of Calm in My Chaos: Encouragement for a Mom's Weary Soul (2001), which can be purchased directly through her publisher, Kregel Publications at #1-888-644-0500, online at amazon.com or through your local Christian bookstore. This column is original and not excerpted from her book. You can catch Elisabeth at the National Conference of Hearts at Home in Bloomington, IL this March 15-16. She'll be speaking on "Calm in My Chaos" and "When Life Feels Harder Than You Think It Should Be".
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:56Z
Temp Jobs Ease Family Budget Crunch
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Temp-Jobs-Ease-Family-Budget-Crunch
-
- /8910.html
2010-05-07T08:56:54Z
2010-05-07T08:56:54Z
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:54Z
A Heavy Weight Decision
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/A-Heavy-Weight-Decision
-
- /8911.html
2010-05-07T08:56:54Z
2010-05-07T08:56:54Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>A Heavy Weight Decision
By Patti Chadwick
One of my family's New Years Resolutions is to shed some extra pounds. Actually, the resolution was made in December, but it's carried over into the New Year! Over the years I've tried and tried to encourage better eating habits and planning healthy meals for my tribe, but with the busyness of life it seems for every three steps forward we make, we take two steps back.
Besides myself and my darling husband, I have two children who struggle with their weight. My eldest boy, however, is a lean-mean-eating machine who eats anything he wants, whenever he wants and somehow never seems to gain weight. Needless to say, the rest of us are not fond of this boy. I guess we are just jealous!
I have mixed feelings about teenagers dieting, but I also know what it's like to struggle with your weight. Since my weight was bothering me, and my two children were struggling losing a quite few extra pounds, we decided to take the plunge and get some professional help. We chose to go to LA Weight Loss and so far it's been a very good experience.
The counselors were really wonderful and set us up with an individual eating program. We need to keep a food diary and go into the Center three times a week to weigh in and talk to a counselor about how we are doing. This may seem like a lot, but it helps to keep us on track. And while we've had to give up some beloved food items, the eating plan leaves room for some of our favorite dishes. This plan is do-able.
Since December, each of us has lost about 13 pounds. That's no small feat for my youngest boy and I. My daughter is at a good weight now, but of course she still think she has to lose about 10 more pounds! Junior is starting to feel pretty good about himself and I feel a lot better physically.
This whole experience has been more of a lifestyle change than a diet. We understand that we can never go back to eating the way we used to, even after reaching our goal weight. Improving our eating habits has become a "family thing". I've changed the way I grocery shop and the way I cook. That in itself will promote better health in our family.
Even for the skinny our "skinny" one.
I will keep you posted on our progress. Remember, losing weight is a personal decision for each of us. If your teen really struggles, try to find a way to help. The old saying, "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels" is so true. Now is the time to make some lifestyle changes that will benefit your teen for the rest of their life.
Patricia Chadwick
is a freelance writer and columnist in several online publications. E-mail her at
patti@parentsandteens.com
or visit her websites and sign up for her FREE weekly newsletters at
www.historyswomen.com
www.parentsandteens.com
. Patti is also the author of
"History's Women - The Unsung Heroines".
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:54Z
Mom's Resolutions
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Moms-Resolutions
-
- /8912.html
2010-05-07T08:56:53Z
2010-05-07T08:56:53Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Mom's Resolutions
By Cheryl Gochnauer
The beginning of a new year is a natural time to muse over fresh ideas andcommitments, and the homefront is a perfect place to start. For 2002, I'mresolving to take conscious steps to improve my relationship with my kids,my spouse, and myself.
KIDS, I HEREBY RESOLVE TO...
Catch your eye with a smile and a wink; to prove I love you everyday.
Notice good stuff on your report card first, bad stuff second, and grade itall in perspective.
Be affectionate with Daddy in your presence so you can learn how to treatyour own mate someday. I'll not hide minor disagreements, but will avoidbeing petty so you can learn how to work through conflict while maintaininganother person's dignity.
Encourage you to spend time with your sibling, even if there is a gap inyour ages. We'll discover activities you can enjoy together, and I'll treatyou in such a manner that you'll realize you're both my favorite child.
Resist trying to fix all your problems. Instead, I'll give insight onpossible actions you might take by asking you questions you can answeryourself.
Treat you so you never doubt my love for you, even when I am discipliningyou. I will speak well of you in public, and never intentionally humiliateyou.
Praise but not flatter you, and thereby build in you a fair sense of yourabilities. We'll work together to temper any perceived weaknesses, andpursue your known strengths so that, this time next year, you'll be thatmuch more rooted as you look toward future plans.
FOR MY SPOUSE, I RESOLVE TO...
Make time to freshen up, both physically and mentally, a half an hour beforewe get together after work each day. If that means putting on makeup in thecar, I'll do it!
Monitor your nonverbal signals and avoid being "chatty" if you're not. I'lllet you finish your story of what happened at work, without interruptingwith my own day's crisis.
Resist asking you to fix anything until after dessert. Unless it's leaking.Or smoking.
Spend an evening each week talking alone with you, whether away from home orrelaxing while the kids are out at an activity or with a sitter. I'll alsoencourage you to carve out occasional getaways with each of our children,where they can have you all to themselves.
Encourage you to develop close friendships with other men who share yourmoral values and treasure their families.
Tell you everyday that I love you, and prove it in action and in word.
Remember you'll be here long after the kids are gone, so our relationship isthe most important one under this roof.
AND TO MYSELF, I HEREBY RESOLVE TO...
Do what I can, and guiltlessly let the rest wait. I'll try to be content inwhatever circumstances I happen to be.
Strive to be the best thing that happened in someone's life today.
Keep everything in perspective and not over-react. Unless it's leaking. Orsmoking.
Accept the love of family and friends, and reflect it right back.
Plant happy memories in my children's thoughts, and water them daily withencouragement and humor.
(Comments? Email
Cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit her parenting website at
http://www.homebodies.org
. Copyright 2000 Cheryl Gochnauer.)
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:53Z
Shopping Seasonal Sales
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Shopping-Seasonal-Sales
-
- /8913.html
2010-05-07T08:56:52Z
2010-05-07T08:56:52Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Shopping Seasonal Sales
Raising teenagers can be very expensive. There are a lot of added expenses as your children grow up. Clothes are more expensive, there are added fees for extra-curricular activities, not to mention the socialevents that are a "must" for many teens. As frugal parents of teens, we need to learn to save money in different areas that will compensate for the extra money we will need to spend during the teenage years.
One of the easiest ways to save money on many every day items is by shopping seasonal sales. You can save hundreds of dollars every year by planning your spending to take advantage of the rhythmic pattern of buying and selling. It is just as important to know when to buy as it isto know how and where. I suggest you get your teens involved in your seasonal shopping. Learning this skill will help them learn to live frugally as they move into adulthood.
While local marketing conditions and each store's unique situation are reliable indicators of the frequency, time, and type of sales, and the amount of price reductions, the following sale calendar can help you get the most for your dollar when making purchases.
January
After-Christmas sales of Christmas merchandise, winter clothes, clothing, shoes, fur, handbags, toiletries, tablecloths, costume jewelry, furniture, toys, dishes, sports equipment, appliances. This is also the month that most stores feature a "White Sale", which includes most bedding such as sheets, pillowcases, blankets, and quilts.
February
Furniture, rugs, mattresses, curtains, bedding, china, glassware, silverware, housewares, radios and C.D. players, stereo equipment , and used cars.
March
Garden supplies, luggage, spring clothing, infant's wear, shoes, laundry appliances, luggage, skates, ski equipment, storm windows.
April
After-Easter sales for mostly clothes items including, men's and boy's suits, women's and children's coats, housecoats, and women's hats.
May
White sales, clean-up/fix-up supplies, blankets, women's undergarments, TV sets, handbags, sportswear, tires.
June
Women's ready-to-wear, TV sets, refrigerators, fabrics, summer clothes, dresses, building materials, lumber.
July
Shoes, summer clothes, bathing suits, lingerie, sportswear, home appliances, air conditioners, fuel oil, radios and stereo equipment, rugsand carpet, summer sports equipment, used cars.
August
Furniture, white sales, camping equipment, housewares, lamps, coats, tires, lawn mowers, sprinklers, yard tools, barbecue sets and tools, air conditioners, new cars, paints, school supplies, school clothes, bathing suits, fans.
September
Back-to-school supplies, housewares, bicycles, car batteries and mufflers, children's clothing, dishes, gardening equipment, glassware, hardware, lamps, paints, rugs and carpet, tools.
October
Fishing equipment, glassware, hosiery, housecoats, school clothes, school supplies, silverware, cars.
November
Coats, pre-Christmas items, quilts, shoes, boots, men's and boy's suits,kitchen appliances, water heaters.
December
Toys, gift items, coats, shoes, party items, quilts, used cars. The day after Christmas is Bargain Day all over.
This excerpt was taken from the book:
MISSION POSSIBLE: RAISING GREAT TEENS! By Patti Chadwick. It comes in three formats: ebook ($5.95),CD ($9.95), and print ($14.95). To place an order visit:
https://www.wmsecure.com/%7Ehistoryg/securebookform.html
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:52Z
Christmas Eve Checklist
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Christmas-Eve-Checklist
-
- /8914.html
2010-05-07T08:56:50Z
2010-05-07T08:56:50Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Christmas Eve Checklist
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Are you ready for Christmas? It's time to make our list and check it twice,so we don't forget anything:
Condensed or Evaporated? Make sure you've got the right ingredients forthat special holiday baked treat. Dick Carnal, an IGA Super Center manager,notes Christmas Eve is one of the year's busiest grocery shopping days."Everybody seems to wait until the last minute." If you're missingsomething, get to the store before dusk, since IGA and most other storeswill close at 6:00 p.m.
Let Mom Enjoy Christmas Morning, Too. Plan a simple breakfast of pastries,fresh fruit and juices, served on festive disposable plates and indecorative cups. No cooking; no dishes.
Poised for Pictures. Check your supply of batteries and film. Charge thecamcorder battery; make sure you have plenty of videotape. Speaking ofvideos, take a few minutes now to set your VCR to record several favoriteholiday shows airing between now and the 24th. You can enjoy them Christmasnight and throughout the rest of the holiday break, when things have wounddown a bit.
Gather Your Packages. If you're heading to more than one party, separategifts for each place into colorful oversized shopping bags for easy toting.Take along an extra wrapped gift, like a Christmas book or CD, for a quicksave in case someone you've forgotten remembers you.
Ready to Roll. Planning to travel? Fill up the gas tank; check oil andwindow washer fluid levels. Put an emergency kit in the trunk: blankets,flashlights, a spare tire, etc. Pack some snacks, too. "You just don'tknow," says Ronica Stromberg of Mission, Kansas. "If you do have any carproblems, you want to have something to stay warm and feed the kids."
To help time pass on the way to Grandma's, surprise children with a fun-packto explore, stuffed with coloring books, hand-held games or dolls.
Give Santa a Break. Want to avoid wrangling with bike parts at 2 a.m.? "Wealways put the boxes under the tree, then assemble gifts as a family," saysMissouri dad Roger Young. His twins, Mark and Mary, enjoy watching presentstake shape on Christmas morning.
"We're a lot more appreciative of the gifts, since we help put themtogether," says Mary.
Sweet Dreams. You've been waiting weeks to see your child's reaction tothat perfect gift. Get a good night's sleep, or you'll snooze through the"oohs".
Finish your baking as early as possible on Christmas Eve; wrap the lastpackage before nightfall. Ease kids into bed at their regular time, readingthe original Christmas story from the Bible (Luke 2:1-20) or sharing happyholiday memories from your own childhood.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night.
(Comments? Write
cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit her website at
http://www.homebodies.org
, where you can interact with lots of friendlyHo-Ho-Homebuddies on the various message boards:
http://forums.gospelcom.net/view/homebodies
. Copyright 2001 Homebodies.Org. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.comLLC.)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:50Z
Mom On A Mission
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Mom-On-A-Mission
-
- /8915.html
2010-05-07T08:56:48Z
2010-05-07T08:56:48Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Mom On A Mission
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Do you ever feel like queen of your castle? After years of working forsomebody else, I like the perk of having time to polish my own 1400 squarefoot domain. It may not be the Taj Mahal, but it's mine. Well, mine andthe bank's.
Anyway, now that I get to spend my days here instead of at the office, I'vehad time to explore every corner, and I've discovered that I like keeping atidy house. Don't worry; I'm not perfect. But like my high-maintenancehero in When Harry Met Sally, I know what I want, and I'm not afraid to askfor it.
I want a clutter-free house. Toy-strewn bath and shower stalls bug me asmuch as over-stuffed file cabinets used to. Along the same lines, though Imay have bought them at thrift stores or clearance sales, I like clothesthat match, and furniture that fits. Every so often, I take a critical walkdown the halls and through the rooms. Lights pop on in closets and thebasement bares its secreted junk. Peeking under beds and over railings,out-of-place and under-used items are illuminated by my analyticalhigh-beams.
My daughters sense a garage sale looming, and suddenly toys they haveignored for months become precious. You would not believe the tugs-of-warI've gotten into over ratty old blankets and dresses two sizes too small.
"Look - it still fits!" Karen models her favorite high-water jeans with thetop button undone. Desperately she rallies support for its matching shirt.".And if I pull down the sleeves and hold my arms like this.. Mom! I wantthat!"
I'm getting smarter. Most of the time, I do my dirty work while the kidsare away. Like the sticky-fingered Grinch, I silently stalk toy boxes andlaundry baskets. This works really well. It may be years before one of themturns around and says, "Didn't I used to have.. Mom!"
I have no regrets.
You just have to have a plan. For instance, take disposing of tatteredartwork that has languished in a discarded backpack for six months. Shakeoff the old cookie crumbs, then bury the picture deep in a black trash bag.Don't trust those thin bags you can see through. If you do, the piece willcome back to haunt you, plucked from oblivion as a now spaghetti-splatteredwork of art, magneted back in its hallowed spot on the refrigerator door.
I especially enjoy getting rid of those games with 1,001 pieces. I don'tthink there is any real object to those games, except to scatter the piecesand leave. Territory markers, that's what they are. Well, this is myterritory and there are no squatters allowed! Into the garage sale box theygo. Believe it or not, the kids usually don't realize the game is goneuntil they see it out on the driveway with a sticker on it.
Another note: Send the kids to Grandma's on garage sale day. Otherwise,they'll be chasing cars like schnauzers and half your inventory will end upin a reverent pile in the middle your child's bed.
The perfect solution for kiddy clutter? Sell it to a neighbor withyoungsters near the same age as yours. That way, your children can go overto their house, scatter the pieces, and then come home. Both you and yourkids are happy!
As a seasoned mother and unmuddler, I stand behind the advice given above.I've only been burned on this system once. There was this stuffed animal,you see, who had been lying in a haphazard heap in the corner one month toolong. It was whisked away during one of my whirlwind tours, and tagged tosell. When Little Red realized her Ballerina Bear had a new home, there wasa scene I could have sold movie rights for.
I guess I should have let that bear gather another year's worth of dust.Instead, I unwittingly gave my daughter and a future support group somethingto talk about.
But, HEY - my house looks great!
(Comments?
cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
. Copyright 2001 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:48Z
What in the World is a STAY-AT-HOME Mom?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/What-in-the-World-is-a-STAY-AT-HOME-Mom
-
- /8916.html
2010-05-07T08:56:47Z
2010-05-07T08:56:47Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>What in the World is a STAY-AT-HOME Mom?
We've all heard the term Stay-At-Home mom. I've even used the term to describe myself many times. I'm currently the SAHM of Teens columnist on
www.Homebodies.org
. But really, who EVER heard of a mother of teenagers that actually STAYS at home? Not me, that's for sure. And it's a pretty safe bet to say that it doesn't describe you either.
Sometimes people (very misguided people, I might add) have asked me what I do all day. Some even chuckle about how nice it must be that I can stay home all day and how I must have so much time on my hands with nothing to do. Are they kidding? Them are fightin' words.
I have three teenagers who don't have their driver's license yet and who are all involved in a variety of activities. Now, when I was young, I did a lot of walking and bike riding to get myself where I needed to be. Sometimes I think I should have my kids do more of that, but to be honest, the thought scares me. We live in a different world now than when I was a kid and I'd really be afraid to have my teen out on the streets alone, especially at night. So what choice is there? Mom's Taxi logs in several miles a day.
Want to know my typical day? I bet yours is similar! Let's look at yesterday. After dropping the kids to school, I came home to clean the kitchen of breakfast dishes, have my daily time with God, and began homeschooling my youngest, who asked to be taught at home this year.Two hours later I assigned him work to do on his own while I went to pick up his sister for the dentist. I dropped her to the dentist and ran errands until she called my cell phone to come and get her. I then dropped her off to school. I checked over my son's work and then made lunch. After lunch (and more dishes) I worked at my "job" as a writer until it was time to help junior do his newspapers because it was raining. After that I picked up my daughter from school and dropped her off at work. An hour later I picked up my oldest from football practice, stopped at the grocery store to let him buy flowers for his cheerleader (this is a whole other story!) and came home to prepare dinner. After dinner (and more dishes) I brought one son to work, picked up my daughter FROM work and brought her to her soccer banquet. Upon my return home I was asked by my youngest to bring him skating. When I got home, my oldest called informing me that his place of employment overscheduled workers for the night and didn't need him to work and that I needed to go back and pick him up. (By the way, his boss had better be looking over his shoulder for this inconsiderate act!) I then had to pick up junior from skating and (because my daughter managed her own ride home) I was able to come home and collapse into my bed only to hear "Mom, I'm sorry, but my math project is due tomorrow and I just ran out of..."
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
The joys of being a "Stay-At-Home" mom. Who in the world ever came up with that term anyway?!?
Patti Chadwick
is a freelance writer and a Stay-at-Home mom of16 years. She's also author of the new bookMISSION POSSIBLE: RAISING GREAT TEENS! available for $5.95 at
www.ParentsandTeens.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:47Z
Home Sick
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Home-Sick
-
- /8917.html
2010-05-07T08:56:46Z
2010-05-07T08:56:46Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Home Sick
By Cheryl Gochnauer
"Carrie's got laryngitis," my husband announced after going into the girls'room to administer morning hugs. I groaned. There went my "mother's dayout" and much-anticipated lunch with a girlfriend.
I do love my daughter, however, so tossing self-absorption aside, I kickedinto Physician mode. My little redhead limped into the bedroom and croaked,"Hi, Mommy." There was more, but her voice gave out. She crawled up on myside of the bed and hugged a pillow.
As the day of throat-soothing cool juice, warm soup and snuggles in Mommy'slap passed, I reflected on past sick days. There was a time when a warmforehead in the Gochnauer household signaled ominous overtones for more thanthe ailing child.
When I worked full-time, the decision to doctor my sick child was much morecomplicated. Which parent will miss work? Whose boss is moreunderstanding? Is she really sick, or can we send her to the sitter'swithout adverse results? And (I admit this shamefully), if I give her someTylenol, will her temperature go down - and stay down - until after my 11o'clock meeting?
If she was indeed needing that personal attention only Mommy can give, aseries of apologetic phone calls to coworkers and department heads, after anervous check of dwindling vacation days, would start my own head pounding.No longer is my decision to personally treat my child up for committee vote.
This afternoon, I pause to peek in the darkened bedroom where Little Redsnoozes, passed out from the double-whammy of antihistamines anddecongestants. She sleeps peacefully, knowing Mommy is nearby, armed withbackrubs and cool washcloths.
Later, we have a date to color and whisper to Barbies.
Carrie's daddy called at lunch to see how his little frog was doing. He'sdriving his tractor-trailer, concentrating on providing for the family,confident his youngest daughter is in good hands. At school, Karen eyes theclock as she finishes up her assignments. Maybe Carrie will feel good enoughto have a snack and watch Nickelodeon when Big Sister gets home.
Even on sick days, I love being a stay-at-home mom.
(Visit Cheryl's website at
www.homebodies.org
, or email your comments to
Cheryl@homebodies.org
. Her book, "So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom",may be a perfect gift for someone you know this Christmas. You can order anautographed copy from Cheryl at
www.homebodies.org/order.htm
.Copyright 1999 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:46Z
Chhhanges!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Chhhanges!
-
- /8918.html
2010-05-07T08:56:45Z
2010-05-07T08:56:45Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Chhhanges!
By Patricia R. Chadwick
This year has brought a lot of changes for me. One of biggest changes is returning to homeschooling. Many moons ago, I homeschooled all of my children. For five years I taught 4 kids of varying grades in both elementary and Middle School. I really enjoyed it, but the time came when 2 of them wanted to return to school. My husband was injured at work that year, so we decided it was time for all of them to return to the public school. So, for the past 5 years, I've had the freedom to finish my B.A., work on my Master's Degree and develop interests of my own - including setting up this website. I have to admit, I've thoroughly enjoyed having this time alone while the kids were in school. But, as always, things change.
My youngest has always struggled in school. And while he loved elementary school, going to the Middle School in 6th grade was just more than he could handle. He struggled and wanted to give up. He began to dislike school and spent a good portion of the year being "sick" in the morning or calling home "sick" from the nurse's office.
He developed migraine headaches and nearly every day became a struggle to get (and keep) him in school. He asked to be homeschooled once in a while, then would change his mind.This past summer I asked him if he wanted to homeschool in 7th grade.
He finally decided that he wanted to try 7th grade at the Middle School. The second day of school he called home sick with the elusive stomach headache. Yikes. The decision was made to give homeschooling a try.
Now, I will admit, I wasn't too happy about this. My baby and I tend to butt heads. Maybe we are too much alike, I don't know. Maybe we are too different. Regardless, he bugs me when we are together too much. Not a good sign. But I really felt that God wanted me to do this. *sigh* Why does He so often call me to do things I don't want to do? I can't say I accepted the challenge too graciously - at first.
Though I knew this was the best option for my son, I resented giving up my free time and my personal endeavors. I hope I didn't show it. But I felt it. Of course, it didn't help matters much when he gave me attitude and sass when he saw that homeschool was STILL school!
Well, it's been two weeks of homeschooling now. His books finally came in and we've settled into a routine. I'm glad to report that he's doing really well and that we are getting along splendidly for the most part. He's becoming more interested in learning and loves being home. I'm finding his behavior much improved. And so is my attitude. I have come, once again, to the conclusion that positively influencing the life of even just one of my children is just as important as reaching out and helping the world. I just needed to be reminded!
Today we took a field trip and then went out to lunch. While we were sitting at the Olive Garden eating our pasta, my son said to me, "You know Mom, just because you are homeschooling me doesn't mean you have to give up your writing. After lunch I can finish up my school work on my own and give you a few hours to write." As I sat there I realized how mature he's getting. And considerate. Maybe this will work out after all!
Patricia Chadwick
is a freelance writer and has been a stay-at-home mom for 15 years. She is currently a columnist in several online publications as well as editor of two newsletters. Parents Teens is a twice-monthly newsletter geared to help parents connect with their teens. Subscribe at
www.parentsandteens.com
. She is also the author of MISSION POSSIBLE: RAISING GREAT TEENS! available at:
www.parentsandteens.com
Permission granted for use of DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:45Z
The Definitive Choice
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Definitive-Choice
-
- /8919.html
2010-05-07T08:56:43Z
2010-05-07T08:56:43Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Definitive Choice
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Copyright 2000
Are you thinking about becoming an at-home parent, but feel paralyzed when faced with actually making the decision? Take a look at an email I received on this topic:
Cheryl,
How do you get past the 'waffling'? I know being a SAHM is the best thing for me and my family. However, I still like 'things and stuff'. Does that mean that the SAHM life is not a reality for me? I want to make a sane decision. I feel financially close to being home but unsure of thelong-term SAHM budget issues. I keep thinking through things and my head feels like it is about to pop. I am afraid to walk away from work. I make more than my husband and I really enjoy what I do. I don't want to makeeveryone suffer because of what I want. This whole situation makes me feel between a rock and a hard place!
Lynne
First of all, Lynne, DO NOT QUIT FULL-TIME WORK YET. That might sound funny coming from me, but the stay-at-home lifestyle demands confidence.
Confidence that you're making the absolute best move for your family; confidence that you're called to do this; confidence that there's no other place you'd rather be, even on the tough days. (My motto remains, "The worst day at home still beats the best day at the office.")
What does your husband say? Do you have supportive people around you? Is there a possibility that you could transform your full-time job into a job-sharing or part-time scenario? Lots of women find their perfect balanceby blending their home time with a undemanding part-time job, or a work-at-home position. (Think about it -- that's what I'm doing. I'm a mother first, but I'm also an author and speaker who works out of her home.)
Here's another way of looking at it. Say your husband asked you to marry him, but you didn't know him well enough yet. So you were all kinda jumpy and apprehensive, because -- even though he turned out to be the one foryou -- you weren't convinced of that fact yet (although you had to admit, the guy was cute!). Would you go ahead and marry him anyway? Not if you're smart.
What you would do is date him a while longer, while you were gathering the info that you needed to make your commitment to him. The when you said, "I do," you did so with all your heart. And even when the tough times came,they didn't threaten your commitment, because you knew why you married him.
The same principle applies to making the jump to home.
(Comments? Write
Cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
. Books make great Christmas gifts. Visit Homebodies' "Recommended Resources" page for some ideas:
www.homebodies.org/recbooks.html
. Watch for Cheryl's article, "Super Stay-at-Home Mom Syndrome", in the Nov/Dec issue of Today's Christian Woman, now in bookstores. Copyright 2001 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:43Z
Finding Your Mentor
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Finding-Your-Mentor
-
- /8920.html
2010-05-07T08:56:42Z
2010-05-07T08:56:42Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Finding Your Mentor
By Cheryl Gochnauer
In high school, it could have been the coach who believed in your abilities.In college, a professor who challenged you to think beyond ordinary logic.On the job, the boss who took you under her wing, then taught you to soar inthe business world.
Mentors appear throughout the seasons of our lives. It's a wise woman whotakes advantage of their wisdom. As you consider becoming a stay-at-homemom, talk to women who are already there.
Gather with moms your own age, but also interview older mothers whosechildren are grown. They've seen it all, from budgeting to Band-aids, andhave great insight on the stay-at-home mom's life.
Most helpful is the mom who's presently in the thick of it, but who's beenenjoying her at-home role a few years. You'll get firsthand, up-to-dateinfo on handling the stresses and joys of this precious profession fromsomeone who has not only been there, done that, but is doing it still.
Be direct; ask the tough questions. What's it really like, living on areduced income? Does your husband respect you as he did when you wereworking outside the home? How do you keep your foot in the door at work, incase you want to come back after the kids are older?
Even if you believe the worst day at home has got to beat the best day atthe office, find out how she handles that inevitable tough session. What DOyou do all day? Will 24 hours a stretch, week upon week with a toddler turnyour mind to mush?
More than likely, what you hear from moms who have gone before will make youeven more anxious to join them. I've tried it both ways, and this morerelaxed, more focused lifestyle has done wonders for me and my family.Although it is definitely not for everyone, the at-home lifestyle definitelyIS for me.
I invite anyone else who's interested to come check it out. But be smart.Do your homework. Find your mentor, and lay a solid foundation before youquit your job. Then if you choose to become a stay-at-home mom, you can doso confidently and fearlessly, knowing it is the right move for you.
(Comments? E-mail ,
Cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
, where you can sign up for her free weekly e-zine!)
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:42Z
Planning a Fool Proof Family Vacation
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Planning-a-Fool-Proof-Family-Vacation
-
- /8921.html
2010-05-07T08:56:41Z
2010-05-07T08:56:41Z
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:41Z
Simplify SuperMarket Trips
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Simplify-SuperMarket-Trips
-
- /8922.html
2010-05-07T08:56:41Z
2010-05-07T08:56:41Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Simplify SuperMarket Trips
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Uh oh.
Mother Hubbard's cupboard is bare. What can we do to make the trekto the supermarket as pleasant as possible?
Snack Right, Dress Right
. Goodies have a way of springing off shelves whenyou shop hungry, so have a small snack before you leave home. Do this andyou won't cave in to those high-priced convenience foods beckoning from thedeli.
Pop off the heels and slip on some sneakers to save your feet. If yourgrocery store has them, use special carts with built-in child seats so youaren't balancing a toddler on your hip as you head down the aisles. Betteryet, patronize stores that feature free supervised play areas for childrenwhile parents shop.
Shop Centsibly
. You're armed with a detailed shopping list, ads and couponsfor items you actually use. Carry all your coupons in a packet, with theones designated to be used this trip in a separate envelope.Now be alert for unadvertised in-store promotions. Tags like "Manager'sSpecial", end-of-aisle displays, and double-coupon/rebate offers you hadn'tanticipated can save you megabucks. Don't forget to sign up for free storediscount cards that award you as a "preferred shopper". You might even getan item for free, once you figure in sale price, doubled-coupon and rebate.
Tag Team Shopping
. Split up your list among family members, and cover thegrocery store in half the time. Send older kids on a scavenger hunt an aisleahead; have your husband hit the drycleaners while you return the video.
Inspect The Spuds
. Beware specials on groceries nearing their expirationdate. It's counterproductive to stock up on items that will spoil beforeyou use them, no matter how inexpensive they seem. Don't buy dented cans;pass on packages with rips. On hot days, have a cooler in the car in whichto place refrigerated items.
Belly Up To The Barcode
. Be courteous; don't make the person with a gallonof milk wait while you check out a once-a-month mountain of groceries. Inthe same vein, avoid the "12 Items or Less" line when you have 13 or more.Ask attendants to sack delicate groceries separately, and hand-carry anyspecial items (flowers, cake, etc.) to the car so they aren't crushed.
Congratulations! You've survived your trip to the supermarket. Now who'smaking dinner?
Comments? Write
Cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
. Copyright 2001 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:41Z
Homeschooling Your Teenager
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Homeschooling-Your-Teenager
-
- /8923.html
2010-05-07T08:56:40Z
2010-05-07T08:56:40Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Homeschooling Your Teenager
By Patricia R. Chadwick
This year has brought a lot of changes for me. One of biggest changes is returning to homeschooling. Many moons ago, I homeschooled all of my children. For five years I taught 4 kids of varying grades in bothelementary and Middle School. I really enjoyed it, but the time came when 2 of them wanted to return to school. My husband was injured at work that year, so we decided it was time for all of them to return tothe public school. So, for the past 5 years, I've had the freedom to finish my B.A., work on my Master's Degree and develop interests of my own - including setting up this website. I have to admit, I've thoroughly enjoyed having this time alone while the kids were in school. But, as always, things change.
My youngest has always struggled in school. And while he loved elementary school, going to the Middle School in 6th grade was just more than he could handle. He struggled and wanted to give up. He began to dislike school and spent a good portion of the year being "sick" in the morning or calling home "sick" from the nurse's office. He developed migraine headaches and nearly every day became a struggle to get (and keep) him in school. He asked to be homeschooled once in a while, then would change his mind.
This past summer I asked him if he wanted to homeschool in 7th grade. He finally decided that he wanted to try 7th grade at the Middle School.
The second day of school he called home sick with the elusive stomach headache. Yikes. The decision was made to give homeschooling a try.
Now, I will admit, I wasn't too happy about this. My baby and I tend to butt heads. Maybe we are too much alike, I don't know. Maybe we are too different. Regardless, he bugs me when we are together too much. Not a good sign. But I really felt that God wanted me to do this.*sigh* Why does He so often call me to do things I don't want to do?I can't say I accepted the challenge too graciously - at first. ThoughI knew this was the best option for my son, I resented giving up my free time and my personal endeavors. I hope I didn't show it. But I felt it.Of course, it didn't help matters much when he gave me attitude and sass when he saw that homeschool was STILL school!
Well, it's been two weeks of homeschooling now. His books finally came in and we've settled into a routine. I'm glad to report that he's doing really well and that we are getting along splendidly for the most part. He's becoming more interested in learning and loves being home. I'm finding his behavior much improved. And so is my attitude. I have come, once again, to the conclusion that positively influencing the life of even just one of my children is just as important as reaching outand helping the world. I just needed to be reminded!
Today we took a field trip and then went out to lunch. While we were sitting at the Olive Garden eating our pasta, my son said to me, "You know Mom, just because you are homeschooling me doesn't mean you have to give up your writing. After lunch I can finish up my school work on my own and give you a few hours to write." As I sat there I realized how mature he's getting. And considerate. Maybe this will work out after all!
Patti Chadwick is a SAHM of 3 wonderful teens.Visit her websites at:
www.historyswomen.com
and
www.parentsandteens.com
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:40Z
Opening Your Home For The Holidays
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Opening-Your-Home-For-The-Holidays
-
- /8924.html
2010-05-07T08:56:38Z
2010-05-07T08:56:38Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Opening Your Home For The Holidays
By Cheryl Gochnauer
'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE VISITORS, and all through the house, the hostess was obsessing, drafting children and spouse.
Do you really need to dust the top of the refrigerator? "The more I do, the more I feel I have to do," sighs Sally. "I'm like one of those hamsters on the wheel."
Relax. Your home should be comfortable, not spotless. Most people feel less pressured when family's on the way than they do entertaining first-time guests. Either way, people are coming to see you, not conduct a white-glove test.
Hark! The Herald Doorbell Rings. One source which, understandably, wished to remain anonymous, says, "With my family, there's no notice. They just come and run you over." Avoid having to just say "Go" by scheduling the visit's end before guests arrive.
Give new visitors a tour. Present simple ground rules positively. If you'd rather guests not smoke inside, provide an alternative. Demonstrate how to operate remotes and microwaves. If they have free access to the refrigerator, tell them.
What "Child" Is This? When guests surprise you with Fido, remain calm. If you don't allow indoor pets, offer your garage, suggest a nearby kennel, or ask that the animal be confined to its carrier.
On the flip side, forewarn visitors about your own pets. "I make it known that I have a dog, and the dog lives in the house," says Teresa. "If they can't handle that, they need to find somewhere else to stay."
Dance Of The Sugar-Free Plum Fairies. "My husband, Bob, and I talk with guests ahead of time to see if they have any unusual food preferences or dietary needs," says Charlotte. Sidestep the disappointment of a "no, thanks" response to your seven-course meal by determining crowd-pleasing menus ahead of time.
Why slave alone in the kitchen while friends reminisce in the den? Prepare several meals in advance. Make double portions and throw the extra in the freezer. Stock up on foods that won't spoil if everyone decides to eat out - or if guests don't show at all. Make breakfast easy for everyone, whether they be early-risers or sleep-ins, by setting out cereal the nightbefore.
Sleep In Heavenly Peace. Make guestrooms as dreamy as possible. Test the bed's comfort, imagining yourself as an outsider. Furnish a nightlight, alarm clock, extra blankets and storage space for belongings. Please nightowls with a television with an earphone jack, or magazines to browse in the wee hours. Plan for pallets, in case parents want their small children to sleep in their room.
It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Choas: If everybody's enjoying themselves, there's no reason to rush friends and family to the door. But if they're there for several days, you should definitely look to them for help. Don't be shy about inviting guests into the kitchen to help chop vegetables or set the table. Playfully toss them a dishtowel after dinner. If they're getting low on clean clothes, show them how to operate your washer and dryer. Point out extra toilet tissue and cleaning supplies under the guest bathroom sink.
Oh Holy Nightlife. Explore the local holiday sites together. Have a tentative entertainment schedule set before guests arrive so you can coordinate your plans with theirs. Tug-of-wars over checks are avoided, too, by discussing finances in advance. Will you split expenses, or treat each other? Presenting options in a forthright, cordial manner sets everyone at ease. Be sure to carve out some downtime so your guests can spend some time to themselves, too.
AWAY IN A MINIVAN. As the visit winds down, do a room-by-room check to make sure no one's forgotten anything. Help take luggage to the car, then gather everyone together for one last photo, surprising children with a small gift to entertain them on their way home.
Hugs. Kisses. Waves.
Close the door. Reclaim your recliner.
Enjoy the silent night.
Comments? Email
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:38Z
Confessions of A WAHM of Teens
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Confessions-of-A-WAHM-of-Teens
-
- /8925.html
2010-05-07T08:56:37Z
2010-05-07T08:56:37Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Confessions of A WAHM of Teens
By Patricia Chadwick
www.parentsandteens.com
patti@parentsandteens.com
Women work at home for different reasons. Some choose to workat home because of the flexibility it gives them. Some choose to work at home because they want to be their own boss. And some, feeling God's call to raise their families, choose to work at home because a job outside the home takes them away from this awesome responsibility. Those in this last category often call themselves WAHMs.
Since I've been a stay-at-home mom, I've always had lots of jobs to help pay for the "extras" in our family. Nothing was ever really long term, just some freelance work here and there, usually where the kids could help me out. My children were always the priority. God did not call me to be the breadwinner of our family, but the heart of it.
As my kids continued to grow and become more independent, however, I found that I had more free time to pursue a career of sorts. I didn't want to work outside the home, because I am a firm believer that God's call on a mother's life does not end when the kids reach Middle School. It is essential that a mom be available for her kids - even, no ESPECIALLY, when they are teens. So I found my niche and started working toward establishing myself in the field of writing, working from the computer in my parlor.
But I found that while I pursue this new career, I need to be careful that I don't neglect my primary job - being a wife and mother. Many days I have found myself at the computer until late at night while my husband and kids were off taking care of themselves. It really was an easy trap to fall into. I no longer had a toddler to pull at my pant leg or try to climb up into my lap while I was working. And they were really good about it, so it was easy to go back to the computer after supper and work into the night. One day I realized that this was becoming a habit and they were living there lives around me, not with me.
Many times we forget that our teenagers need us to be available for them. Our being constantly busy sends a message to our them that other things are more important to us than they are. If we are too absorbed in our work, even while we are home, we will miss valuable opportunities for communication.
Children need their mom no matter what the age. Even if they seem all grown up on the outside, they still need their parents to show an interest in and be a part of their lives. God still give us this precious opportunity to mold and shape their lives. If you are like me, a stay-at-home mom who has taken on a new career as a work-at-home mom, let's not forget our true vision for being a WAHM - putting our families first.
Patricia Chadwick is a freelance writer and member of Mommy Works At Home, which offers moms the opportunity to earn a good income with a minimal investment. To find out more about how you can actually make money from home and have access to a great WAHM library visit:
www.parentsandteens.com/mwah.html
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:37Z
Driving Me Crazy!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Driving-Me-Crazy!
-
- /8926.html
2010-05-07T08:56:36Z
2010-05-07T08:56:36Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Driving Me Crazy!
By Patricia Chadwick
www.parentsandteens.com
One of the biggest milestones in a teenager's life is becoming old enough to obtain his/her driving license. I live in New York State and here 16 is the magic number. I can remember myself, just on the edge of that enchanted birthday, awaiting the day with bated breath. As soon as the day dawned, I crammed for my written test and at 8:00 am sharp, I was down at the DMV taking the test to obtain my learner's permit. And woe to the teen whose birthday happened to be on the weekend during that 16th year! They'd have to wait until the following Monday to take their written test to obtain their learner's permit!
Did you ever notice how history has a way of repeating itself? Now, 20 years later, my oldest has his learner's permit and my daughter, who is fifteen and counting, is chomping at the bit for her 16th birthdayto roll around. Now, as my dear mother would say, it's payback time! I now know what they went through with a cocky teenager behind the wheel of the family car, learning how to drive!
My first teaching experience with my son was a real trip. Not being a very "machine oriented" young man, it was interesting watching him acquaint himself with the driver's side of the car. His main concern was how to keep one arm out the window, be able to turn the car stereo to the correct station, and keep one hand on the wheel at all times! Needless to say, Junior wasn't happy when I insisted on closed windows, both hands on the wheel, and the radio OFF! But he got over it! Soon we were buzzing down the highway at a good clip of 20 miles an hour. It was a little harder than he imagined!
One of our first trips was to his workplace where he very suavely went to the drive-through window and placed an order. The smile on his face as his co-workers "oohed ahhed" over him being behind the driver's wheel was worth my racing heart as he just missed crashing into the building as we rounded the corner to the pick-up window. Not being totally cold-hearted, I did let him keep the window down and play the radio until we were out of sight!
Since my son began learning to drive, my daughter has been anticipating her own chance to get behind the wheel. Periodically she nags me to let her drive - without her learner's permit. Upon her request my hearty laugh can be heard echoing throughout the entire neighborhood. She is not amused. After I quit laughing, I try to assure her that soon it will be her turn.
They grow up so fast, don't they? One day you are pushing them in a stroller and the next they are pushing you to let them drive your car! But it's all a part of life and rather than fight it, I've decided toaccept it. All I can do is teach them how to be responsible and handle their new-found freedoms and privileges with caution.
Patti Chadwick is a SAHM of 3 wonderful teens. Visit her websites at:
www.historyswomen.com
and
www.parentsandteens.com
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:36Z
Decluttering Your Home Office
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Decluttering-Your-Home-Office
-
- /8927.html
2010-05-07T08:56:36Z
2010-05-07T08:56:36Z
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:36Z
On-Hand Presents Make Gift Giving Easy
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/On-Hand-Presents-Make-Gift-Giving-Easy
-
- /8928.html
2010-05-07T08:56:34Z
2010-05-07T08:56:34Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>On Hand Presents Make Gift Giving Easy
By Cheryl Gochnauer
"Mommy, Billy's birthday party is tomorrow."
Not quite ready for the wakeup call you received while tucking your child in tonight?
Don't let "Surprise!" take all the fun out of your gift giving. Instead, pull together a stash of unisex presents and packaging so you'll never flip out at last-minute party announcements again.
Party On. With 8 children ranging in age from 4 to 15, Kansas mom Elaine Munyan is a hearty advocate of pre-stocking. "If I run across a good deal, like specials on coloring books, paints, crayons, markers - anything like that - I buy a whole bunch," Munyan says. "That way, when a birthday creeps up unexpectedly, I can just take my child shopping in my closet."
A suggested hoard for youngsters: beanbag dolls, books, travel-sized games, art supplies, yo-yos, zoo passes, sidewalk chalk and bubbles.
When shopping at discount stores, keep your eyes peeled for clearance signs. I found a cart at Wal-Mart that had Winnie the Pooh journal/stationery sets, normally $7.95, slashed to $1.00 each. I bought eight presents for the price of one, and now I'm set for girls' birthday parties through the end of the year.
Grown-Up Gifts. It's nice to have presents for adults on hand, too, especially during the holidays, when seldom-seen friends can drop in unexpectedly. Consider stashing some movie passes, gift certificates, or flavored coffees and teas. Teens appreciate candles, salsas, and calligraphy pens. All of these are relatively small items that can be stored easily.
I recently spotted dessert bread mixes (cranberry, pecan, banana, carrot, etc.) on sale for $1.50 each. I'd been saving my bread mix coupons for several months, anticipating such a sale. The grocery store doubled my coupons, slashing my cost to 50-60 cents a box. I bought 16 mixes, a total investment of about $9.00. Throughout the Christmas season, I'll bring fresh bread (wrapped in colorful cellophane with a bow) whenever I'm asked to provide treats. The loaves make great gifts for teachers and neighbors, too.
Eye of The Beholder. Traditional giftwrap and bows work fine, but why not mix packaging up a bit? "We're doing a lot of mesh bags," says Ken Hamilton, owner of Bugs Ear Gifts in Liberty, Missouri. "People pick out what they want, put it in a bag, and we tie it off with a bow."
The empty colorful mesh bags are reusable, made from recycled products, and sell for under a dollar. Scrunch a bunch in your closet to fill when that unexpected invitation comes your way.
Here's a tip for fun kids' or baby shower presents. Take plastic sand buckets, decorate them with paint pens and stickers, then fill with small gifts. Store already assembled buckets on a top shelf for easy grab-and-go.
In a pinch, a paper sack can be transformed into a personalized gift bag using paint pens, stickers and crayons. Colored newspaper comics still make nifty wrapping paper, too.
Instead of spending time browsing greeting card racks, keep a stack of unlined colored index cards and a set of pinking shears handy. Cut an index card into a fanciful shape, write a personal heartfelt sentiment, then use ribbon to attach it to a gift.
It's Outta Here. If you exchange gifts with out-of-town friends and family, don't forget to set aside the necessary shipping materials. Keep a couple of padded envelopes on hand, along with brown wrapping paper and sturdy packing tape.
Stockpile small gifts and packaging for unexpected surprises, and you'll put a wrap on unplanned shopping frenzies.
www.SheLovesGod.Com
is holding their second annual Virtual Women's Conference this week, and Cheryl is leading the "Becoming a Stay-at-Home Mom" teleclass on Thursday, October 18. For more details on how to sign up for this almost-free event (long distance phone charges may apply), visit
www.shelovesgod.com/classes/
. Copyright 2001 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:34Z
Poetry on a Plate
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Poetry-on-a-Plate
-
- /8929.html
2010-05-07T08:56:33Z
2010-05-07T08:56:33Z
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:33Z
Moments for Mom
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Moments-for-Mom
-
- /8930.html
2010-05-07T08:56:33Z
2010-05-07T08:56:33Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Moments for Mom
by Elisabeth K. Corcoran
My precious Sara. A girly girl through and through. Last year she went through a bit of a phase of wearing a leotard (fully loaded with tutu and crown and scepter, I might add) around the house just for kicks. Like, every day, basically. I thought it was cute, until I tried to take her out in public and she refused to put on anything else.
Well, now, her preference is a dress. Every day. Even if we#146;re just hanging out at home. So in my attempt to appease my daughter#146;s boycott on pants, I have done my best to stock up on all kinds of dresses. Ones she can just kick around in at home, some for school, and some for church. Now, I also stumbled upon about 3 really wonderful dresses that I am saving for the holidays #150; these beauties will be perfect for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year#146;s and all the festivities in between.
Here#146;s the thing. A ways back, when tackling the clothing switch project (removing all summer clothes from her closet and replacing them with fall winter), I filled her closet with all of her new dresses#133;including those sparkly, furry, dressy dresses set apart just for the holidays.
Well, you can just imagine her first glimpse into that closet #150; it was like a brand new wardrobe. So many choices (so many decisions!) #150; she now had a reason to change her outfit two and three and four times a day! (Oy vay!) But with as much flair as any human can muster, with that same human nature always looking for something they can#146;t have #150; she asked to wear, each day, her Christmas dresses. And each day, for about three weeks, I told her the same thing, "No, honey #150; we#146;re saving those for special occasions." And each day she#146;d pitch a mini fit and we#146;d have it out.Until one day this week. She was deciding what to wear and proclaimed to me, pointing to those exceptional dresses, "But not these, right, Mommy? These are for special times, right?" And before I could say yes, she went on to say, in more wisdom than I usually have, "Mommy, can you just put them away then? I don#146;t even want to see them anymore."The temptation was too much for my precious little girl#146;s heart to bear. She so much wanted to look her most beautiful, but her Mommy knew that if she wore them now, they wouldn#146;t be as special later. And she just couldn#146;t stand being told no anymore. So she asked to have them removed from her life until they could actually be choices in the running again.
Wow #150; how I wish I had the wisdom to take a look around my life and see what catches my eye that maybe shouldn#146;t. What person or thing or idea that steals a bit of my heart each day that I know I can#146;t and shouldn#146;t be even mulling over #150; and then taking matters into my own hands and removing the enticement from my life. Maybe I#146;ll just have to do that. Because my God, who occasionally says no to me, knows what He#146;s talking about too. But how much easier on my heart to not even have something in front of me that makes me drift in the first place.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:33Z
"BEST BARGAINS
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/BEST-BARGAINS
-
- /8931.html
2010-05-07T08:56:32Z
2010-05-07T08:56:32Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"BEST BARGAINS#148;
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Where are the caravans of mothers roaming yard to yard, greeting fellow shoppers they'd already seen at three other sales today?
My third grader needs a nice winter coat. Groaning, I remember the pristine parka I passed up this summer. Its $8 price tag seemed ridiculously high when the thermometer was spiking at 95. Now I realize I will probably pay many times that amount to keep her warm this winter.
I spot an arrow up ahead. Encouraged, I signal and turn the indicated direction. Three more pointers wind me through a subdivision, then disappear. Stranded, I drive up and down several streets, hoping to pick up the scent. Nothing.
Looks like I blinked and missed my last chance this season to cut costs by sifting through my neighbors' stuff. The good-buy waterholes have dried up.
I've got the Garage Sale Blues.
Chiding myself for being such a miser, I head for the local discount store. Their prices really are quite reasonable, although it's hard to beat four shirts for a dollar.
I remember spring, its warm breezes ushering in another era of raised doors and card tables on the driveway. Balloons, streamers and posters promised the "lowest prices, best deals." Sometimes, the bold boasts were genuine, and I splashed through piles of nearly new clothes that fit my children to a tee. We cheerfully haggled - I know it's a great deal at 50 cents, but will she take a quarter? Cast-offs became keepsakes.
It's all just a memory now.
Until the birds fly north, I'll have to console myself with Sunday fliers and holiday sales. Coupons in hand, I'll forge through clearance aisles. Occasionally, I may even pay - ouch - full price.
Hold me back before I cross the line from conscientious shopper to penny-pinching cheapskate! I know I'm spoiled. Besides, although I missed the parka, I was smart enough to stock up on boots and sweaters last July. Like a chipmunk, I hoarded away clothes calculated to fit when my daughters hit those mid-winter growth spurts.
We're pretty much prepared. Still, I'll miss digging for those elusive gems buried in all the junk.
Until spring hatches another bargain-hunting season, I'll be singing the Garage Sale Blues.
Comments? Write
cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org.
Copyright 2001 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:32Z
Frighteningly Frugal Fun!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Frighteningly-Frugal-Fun!
-
- /8932.html
2010-05-07T08:56:30Z
2010-05-07T08:56:30Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Frighteningly Frugal Fun!
By Tawra Kellam
The average American family spends over $100 per year on Halloween goodies. As your kids drag you through aisles full of ghosts and goblins, the scariest thing about Halloween is threatening to leave bite marks in your pocketbook. No wonder so many moms flee screaming from the store... It can be much less expensive and a lot more fun to devise your own chilling creations. Here are a few tips that you can use to stave off the greenback gremlins and exercise your creative muscle. It won#146;t hurt a bit! These and other free frugal tips are available at
www.notjustbeans.com
Face Paint
1 tsp. corn starch
frac12; tsp. water
frac12; tsp. cold cream
food coloring
Mix all ingredients together in an old muffin pan and you
are ready to paint. This amount makes one color.
Fake Wound
1 Tbsp Vaseline
tissue
cocoa powder
2-3 drops red food coloring
Place Vaseline in a bowl. Add food coloring. Blend with a
toothpick. Stir in a pinch of cocoa to make a darker
blood color. Separate tissue. Using 1 layer,
tear a 2x3 inch piece and place at wound site. Cover with
petroleum jelly and mold into the shape of a
wound. The center should be lower than the sides. Fill the
center with the red petroleum jelly mixture. Sprinkle
center with some cocoa. Sprinkle a little
around the edges of the wound to make darker.
Fake Blood
Mix 2/3 cup white corn syrup, 1 tsp. red food coloring, 2-3
drops blue food coloring to darken and 1 squirt dish
soap (helps blood to run well).
Abrasions -Dab brown, red and black eye shadow on
area. Apply blood over area with cotton balls. Use
comb to gently scratch area in one direction. Apply
cocoa or dirt over wound with cotton balls.
Black Eye -Apply red and blue eye shadow to
depressions around eyes.
Bruises-Rub red and blue shadow over bony area to
simulate recent bruises.
Blue and yellow eye shadow to create older bruises.
Look Old - Cover face with baby powder. Draw dark
lines on your skin for wrinkles. Smooth edges to
blend. Cover again with baby powder. Add baby powder
to your hair to create gray hair.
Deviled Eyeballs-Make deviled eggs. Add a green
olive with pimento in the center for an "eyeball".
Radioactive Juice- Mix equal parts Mountain Dew and
blue Kool-Aid
Toxic Juice- Add some green food coloring to
lemonade for a spooky color!
Brains- Scramble eggs with some green, yellow and
blue food coloring
Bloody Eyeballs- Boil cherry tomatoes 30 seconds.
Allow to cool; then peel skin.
Goblin Hand- Freeze green Kool-Aid in a rubber or
latex glove, float in punch.
Use the tape from old cassettes or black yarn to make
spider webs.
Use cotton balls stretched out for small spider webs.
Glass Jack-o-Lantern- Outline a pumpkin face on a
spaghetti or pickle jar with black paint. The paint
around the outside of it with orange paint. Place a
candle inside for a jack-o-lantern.
Halloween Guess It Game
In this game, you challenge the participants to reach into mystery boxes filled with creepy things and try to guess what each item is. The person with the most correct answers wins the game. An example is if you want them to guess "grapes", you might try to confuse them by saying, "I think it#146;s eyeballs..."
Cut a hole in the top of a shoe box or laundry box for each item to be used. Cover the box with black spray paint. Decorate each box with pumpkins or spiders for a more festive flavor. Place the following items inside, one per box. Be sure to place enough of each item so the guests can adequately "feel" the guts:
Eyeballs - grapes or peeled cherry tomatoes
Intestines- Cooked Spaghetti
Skin- oil a piece of plastic bag
Brains- scrambled eggs
Hair- an old clown wig
Bones- thoroughly washed chicken bones placed in
some sand
Vomit-chunky salsa
Fingers-hot dogs cut into finger sized pieces
Teeth- corn nuts, pine nuts or popcorn
Have a Pumpkin Hunt
Hide mini pumpkins like you would Easter Eggs. Let the kids
find and decorate them. For small children use
glue sticks with construction paper cut-outs for decorations.
Edible Slime
Pour lime gelatin into a glass bowl. After it is partially
set, add gummy worms. Chill until lightly
set. Then serve slopped all over the plate.
Bloody Popcorn- Add red food color to melted butter and
pour over popcorn.
Freeze gummy worms in ice cubes and add them to drinks.
Cut gummy worms in half if needed.
Tawra Kellam is the author of the frugal cookbook Not Just Beans: 50 Years of Frugal Family Favorites. Not Just Beans is a frugal cookbook which has over 540 recipes and 400 tips. For more free tips and recipes visit our website at
www.notjustbeans.com
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:30Z
Talking Politics with your Children
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Talking-Politics-with-your-Children
-
- /8933.html
2010-05-07T08:56:28Z
2010-05-07T08:56:28Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Talking Politics with your Children
By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
www.personalpowerpress.com
You are your child's first and most important teacher. You teach your children to walk, talk and ride a bike. You teach them about manners, respect, and the opposite sex. It is also your job to teach your children about the American way of life, our form of government, and the election process.
It is not the high school's government teacher's job to teach your child about a participatory democracy. It is your job. It is not that teacher's responsibility to teach your child the value of dissent and the strength that comes from diversity and honest, but differing viewpoints. That is your responsibility.
This year's Presidential election is a significant historical event. There is no better time than the present to include your entire family in the election process and learning about our government and how it works. Step up now and do your job. Teach your child valuable lessons in how and why you respect and love our democracy. Honor your role as your child's most important teacher by using the tips below to help you and your children be a part of history together.
Share all sides of the political discussion. Don't just share your opinion. If you are a Republican, Democrat, or other, your job is not to convince your child that your thinking is correct. It is to get them to do their own thinking. Read to them from the newspaper, magazines and promotional material. Yes, you can share your views, but encourage your children to ask questions and come to their own conclusions.
Talk about our country's political process and its significance. Talk about the democratic process and relate it to how you run your family. Show them the connections. Teach them what women and blacks had to endure to finally gain equal voting rights. Explain how some of us resisted those efforts and others worked to make it happen. Explain how not everyone agrees in our country, but that is one of our strengths.
Watch the Presidential Debates together. Make this a happening. Treat it as something special. Announce it head of time. Then count it down, "Only two more days until the next debate." Show them through your actions that this is more important than Dancing with the Stars, Desperate Housewives, and The Simpson reruns.
Take your children with you when you vote. Show them the voting process and explain what you are doing each step along the way. Take them into the voting booth with you and let them watch you mark your ballet. You get to do this. Seriously, take them in the both with you.
Follow the election results together. Discuss the outcome with your children the next day if their bedtime dictates missing the most important information. Since the final results will come well after they are fast asleep, discuss the results at breakfast the next morning. Remind your children that some people will be particularly happy this day since the person they voted for got elected. Others, will be disappointed because their favorite candidate did not get elected. Discuss how mature people handle these kinds of situations and that in the democratic process it is important to support the final decision so we can work together as one country.
Just like a family, our government works best when everyone gets involved and participates. Just like a family, our government works best when the leader accepts his or her responsibilities and leads to the best of their ability. It is time now for you to demonstrate to your children that you participate fully in our governmental process and in the education of your family. It is time for you to model for your children an effective leader who moves confidently into his responsibilities and teaches his family about the value of a participatory democracy.
Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of
Teaching the Attraction Principle to Children: Practical Strategies for Parents and Teachers to Help Children Manifest a Better World
. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today:
www.personalpowerpress.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:28Z
Are We Really Depriving Our Kids?
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Are-We-Really-Depriving-Our-Kids
-
- /8934.html
2010-05-07T08:56:27Z
2010-05-07T08:56:27Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Are We Really Depriving Our Kids?
By Jill Cooper
One of the main questions I get asked about frugal living is "won#146;t I be depriving my children if I live the frugal life?" Maybe I can answer that question with a question.How am I depriving my children by having them drink water for every meal instead of juice and soda? Isn#146;t one thing doctors are always complaining about is we don#146;t drink enough water? Cutting out just one glass of soda per person per day for a family of four would save $547.50 a year and make them healthier.
How am I depriving my children by having them eat an apple or homemade granola bar for a snack instead of a bag of chips? Obesity is a major problem among children in the United States. If you cut out just one bag of chips a week you would save $104.00 a year and make them healthier.How am I depriving my children by having them walk to school or to a friend#146;s house instead of my always driving them there? Lack of exercise is a big problem. You would save time and wear and tear on your car by having them walk and make them healthier at the same time.
How am I depriving my children when I don#146;t buy them every toy they see and want? We wouldn#146;t dream of giving a baby on baby food all the chocolate that he wants because we know it would make him sick. His body can not tolerate that much chocolate even if he desires it. In the same way, an older child can#146;t emotionally deal with the overload of toys. I as an adult become stressed just from trying to buy a bottle of shampoo. Have you ever noticed how many options you have? Trying to make a decision can be overwhelming. Do I get it for thin, fine, dry and damaged or colored and permed hair? The list goes on and on. In the same way when a young child looks at mounds of toys, he can become very stressed over choosing which one to play with. If you watch, you will notice that they tend to play with the same couple of toys over and over. If you didn#146;t give them all the toys they asked for and bought one less brand new toy at $10 a week, you would save $520.00 in one year and you would help relieve them of some stress.
It is no wonder our children stay confused. We insist that they should eat healthy yet we take them out to eat 3-5 times a week at Mc Donald#146;s. We give them a bag of carrot sticks in their lunch because it#146;s healthy and then give them a bag of chips when they get home from school to get them off our backs.
We want them to have strong character yet the moment they whine or cry for another toy or some candy at the store we give in out of guilt. We are afraid that if we don#146;t give them what they want, they won#146;t love us so to rid ourselves of uncomfortable feelings we say yes. How can we teach them to be strong in character when we are so weak?
How could our society and way of thinking have gotten so mixed up that we think a child is deprived if a mom chooses to stay home and not go to work? We have come to believe that moms should work outside the home so that children can have the most expensive clothes, education or material things. (Note I didn#146;t say best but rather most expensive since the most expensive doesn#146;t mean the best.) If a mom goes to work so a child can have all those things it#146;s not considered depriving the child of anything but it#146;s mom. Which do you think does a child more harm- being deprived expensive things or it#146;s mom?
For you stay at home moms: Before you become too puffed up with pride be aware that too many social, church and school activities can deprive your children of you just as much as working. Do all things in moderation.
Jill Cooper is the inspiration behind her daughter Tawra#146;s frugal cookbook Not Just Beans: 50 Years of Frugal Family Favorites. Not Just Beans is a frugal cookbook which has over 540 recipes and 400 tips. For more tips and recipes visit our website at
www.notjustbeans.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:27Z
A Letter to Moms from Hearts at Home Director Jill Savage
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/A-Letter-to-Moms-from-Hearts-at-Home-Director-Jill-Savage
-
- /8935.html
2010-05-07T08:56:26Z
2010-05-07T08:56:26Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>A Letter to Moms from Hearts at Home Director Jill Savage
In the past week I have found my emotions ranging from disbelief to grief. In the midst of it all has been fear as well. I'm not normally a fearful person, but when I reflect upon my role as a mother in the midst of a crisis like this, it brings about something within me that only another mother would understand.
I remember a night, almost 17 years ago, shortly after we brought our first child home from the hospital. I found myself in the dark of the night weeping tears that I had never experienced before. As a new mother I suddenly found myself with a new perspective. I began to see the world in a different way. I no longer had only myself to consider, I now had the responsibility of another life.
For the first time in my life, I began to see the realities of the world that I had brought this child into. Suddenly the report of a murder on the evening news brought with it a new emotional experience. A story about a child missing was almost too much to watch. And world news that included the talk of war or conflicts with other countries was very unsettling.
As time continued and we added three more children to our home, I found myself coming to terms with the good and the bad in this world that we live in. Each time we added to our family, those old thoughts would creep in, but they would quickly subside as I became wrapped up with the daily responsibilities of motherhood.
That is, until September 11. Suddenly I found myself back in a familiar place. Like a mother bear who protects her children I found myself feeling very protective with the lives of those I love. Each news report of the terrorist attacks bring about an emotional response in me that only comes from being a mother When carrying there responsibility of another life our viewpoint changes. We see death, destruction, and world conflict from the perspective of responsibility. It is a feeling that only another mother can understand.
The events of the past week cause me to pause and consider what it is I need to equip my children with to live in this crazy world. What can I give them that will keep them strong when the winds of chaos, and even destruction, blow throughout the world What can I pass on to them that will keep their feet firmly planted in hope when hopelessness prevails around them? What gift can I give them that will allow them to find stability in an unstable world?
I have only one answer to those questions. The answer is faith.
It is faith that will calm their fears. It is faith that will give them peace in the midst of chaos. It is faith that will help them sort through the lies of this world. It is faith that will show them the next step when it seems too dark to walk ahead.
You see it was faith that got me through that first night of tears when I contemplated this messed-up world as a new parent. My faith helped me replace my own fears with God's promises. My faith is what allows me to learn to let go as my children grow older. You see my hope for the future of my children can't be based on their relationships in this world, but rather their relationship with the God of the universe.
If you've been considering what to do with all that has happened in the past few days, consider giving your children the gift of faith Open up the Bible and read it for yourself and then share with your children what you are learning. Make church a priority each Sunday. Pray for and with your children every day.
When we give our children the gift of faith, we are giving a gift that will last a lifetime.
Jill Savage is the author of a new book, Professionalzing Motherhood. She also serves as the director of Hearts at Home, an organization designed to educate, encourage, and equip women in the profession of motherhood. For more information about Hearts at Home call 309-888-MOMS or find them on the web at
www.hearts-at-home.org
Jill lives in Normal, Illinois with her husband and four children ranging in age from five to sixteen.
Permission Granted For Use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:26Z
Parenting Teens Column: Teens Cope With Tragedy
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Parenting-Teens-Column:-Teens-Cope-With-Tragedy
-
- /8936.html
2010-05-07T08:56:25Z
2010-05-07T08:56:25Z
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:25Z
What Matters Most
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/What-Matters-Most
-
- /8937.html
2010-05-07T08:56:24Z
2010-05-07T08:56:24Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>WHAT MATTERS MOST
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Like every Tuesday morning, little kids were tossing a football around our front yard, waiting for the school bus to rumble up the street. Like every Tuesday morning, I smiled at them from behind the glass storm door, then turned toward the TV, clicked the remote, and caught the news.
The second plane hit the World Trade Center.
"Carrie, come here!" I yelled out the front door to my 3rd grader, making her miss the pass.
"Wow!" she said, watching the instant replay. Then, "Can I go play?"
Man - I wish I could go play. Instead, I'm transfixed in front of the TV, watching the rescue efforts, praying for the missing. My girls seem to be okay. Carrie did ask to sleep with me that night, but since then has been busy planning her birthday party. Her 8th-grade sister, Karen, is studying American History. "That book will have a new cover next year," I remarked. "It'll be a picture of the World Trade Center imploding."
We lost more people Tuesday than from Pearl Harbor (2200), D-Day (1500) and the Titanic (1500), combined. It's staggering.
So is the response of Americans. I'm a political news junkie, and my stomach has been tied in knots more times than I can count over the past couple of years. Through impeachment, the election and the erosion of religious rights, I've shaken my head, convinced our country was headed for moral meltdown.
Then came Tuesday.
Amazingly, America leapt up, grabbed her flags and her Bibles and ran to help. Monday, we bickered about taxes and rebates. Tuesday, we flooded New York and Washington with volunteers, money and supplies. Politicians held hands and sang "God bless America" on the Capitol steps. There was an unexpected union of church and state, and our country was better for it.
A sad silver lining, I know. But a silver lining none the less.
Each of us are now making our way through the stages of grief (defined by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross as denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance). We've all been jolted; we all understand how fragile life is, and how precious.
Those who read this newsletter every week and visit the website and message boards do so because you love your families, and want to spend as much time with them as possible. Tuesday's events sharpen our resolve to live our lives in such a way that there will be no regrets. As we help others through this tragedy, let's also take this as a universal wake-up call.
Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today. If your heart is calling you home, act. Pay off those bills; put away the charge cards. Bypass anything standing between you and your kids. Those who scoffed at your desire to be an at-home parent last Monday will support you today. As the phone calls from the towers reflected, family is what matters most.
(Comments? Email
Cheryl@homebodies.org
. Or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
where you can post messages about the attacks on a special discussion board. Copyright2001 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:24Z
Until Kids Do Us Part
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Until--Kids-Do-Us-Part
-
- /8938.html
2010-05-07T08:56:23Z
2010-05-07T08:56:23Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Until Kids Do Us Part
By Cheryl Gochnauer
"I love being an at-home Mom," says Lee, a 30-something with a couple of boys, ages 2 and 5. "I love the rewards of children. But I feel like it will be an eternity before I get my husband back, all to myself.
"We have a very wonderful and solid marriage, but with little ones around, all our conversations are hurried and interrupted." Lee misses quiet walks and spur-of-the-moment getaways, and when she heard some friends were going on an exotic vacation - again - her heart sank. "What I wouldn't give to spend a week all alone with my husband, to savor the joy of being married. I would revel in the opportunity to lay on a beachsomewhere and watch the sun go down, momentarily leaving the cares and worries of life behind."
But she's a stay-at-home Mom. There's no money for exotic vacations. There's hardly enough money for a movie! "People tell me that this time passes quickly, but right now it feels like a life sentence," Lee admits. "I strive to find the joy in the little things that I do to serve my family. And most days I am successful." She still misses quality time with her husband, though.
I'm sure there are lots of women nodding their heads as they read Lee's words. It's easy for our relationships to get off-balance, especially when children are very young. Babies and toddlers are so high maintenance! The good news is, it does get easier as they get older. Preschoolers are easier than toddlers; 6-year-olds are easier than 4-year-olds. The bad news is, it may be MONTHS before the current stage eases.
So what to do? If I can't head to the islands with my lover, what's Plan B?
"Bump time with your husband up on the priority list," suggests Nina, a Canadian stay-at-home Mom. "Keep him in mind as you survey the different areas of your life. Some things about having a busy, young family you can't change, but others you can.
"It's said so much that now it's a clicheacute;, but PLAN IT IN! If you get too caught up in the day to day, you'll never have time to relax, grow, have fun, etc. You know in your heart that if you neglect yourself, you and your family will suffer for it."
"Make sure the kids are getting to bed at a decent hour so that you and your husband have some time together in the evenings." Note Nina's key phrase "decent hour". Wait until you're exhausted, and you slip into a coma instead of into something comfortable.
"Write notes to each other. I tape little notes inside my husband's lunch pail."
Get out of the house and away from the kids. "When you visit relatives, take advantage of it," Nina advises. Let them enjoy the youngsters while you and your spouse go spend some time together.
"Brainstorm with your husband about other ideas such as these that you can incorporate into your life to ease some of the struggles."
Where there's a will, there's a way. Stand still in the swirling storm of diapers, tricycles and Beanie Babies. Look your husband in the eye, tell him you love him, and join forces. You'd be surprised how many creative ideas a motivated couple can develop in carving out time together. And the kids will ultimately benefit, too, as that primary relationship in the home - between husband and wife - is given the nourishment it needs to grow and shine.
Comments? Email
Cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
For a list of recommended resources for at-home parents, go to
www.homebodies.org/recbooks.html.
Copyright 2001 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:23Z
Treasures Abound In A Mother's Day
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Treasures-Abound-In-A-Mothers-Day
-
- /8939.html
2010-05-07T08:56:21Z
2010-05-07T08:56:21Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>TREASURES ABOUND IN A MOTHER#146;S DAY
by Dayle Allen Shockley
When my daughter was born, I left my job to become a full-time mother. There were those who cheered and those who jeered. But regardless of which side of the fence my peers were on, the most frequent question I heard was: Don't you get bored?
That question always puzzled me. What did they picture me doing most of the day? Sleeping? Staring into space? Watching the grass grow?
If there is one thing mothering is not, it is boring. Certainly, there are times of frustration when you long for nothing more than a month of solitude or a week of socializing, but even if the offer came, few mothers would accept it. They know, as I do, that to do so would mean they would miss something of great value. For even the most ordinary day in a mother's life holds unexpected treasures #150; moments that are beyond price.
I am sure you have favorite memories. One of my most cherished days as a mother occurred in 1993. It had been a stressful week. Everywhere I turned, hands were out, begging for more of my time or money or both. I did what I could, often without a simple thank you. That only left me feeling used and unappreciated. What had happened to good manners?
It was while I drove home from church that I mulled these things over. Anna, then 7, sat beside me, pretty as a picture in her flowered dress and white patent shoes. Chestnut curls gathered at the crown of her head and dangled in soft coils above her neck.
My heart ached as I studied her sweet profile. The last few days had found me working feverishly on projects for the ungrateful crowd, which often resulted in my being a disagreeable mother. More times than not, my daughter's requests had been answered with things like, "Just a minute." "I#146;m busy." "Please, don't bother me now." Yet there she sat without complaint, holding no grudges.
Not me. Today, I was full of complaints, and I resented those who robbed me of my time and expertise with no mention of appreciation.
Anna seemed to sense my mood and remained quiet on the drive home. As we rolled into the driveway, she said, "Since Daddy is at work, we can just have our own private time, can't we, Mama?"
I wasn't sure what she meant, but it sounded good to me. "That will be great, baby. You can help Mama fix lunch, and then we can have our own private time." Through the course of preparing lunch, however, I forgot about her unusual offer.
Now, I sat in my office, still brooding like a spoiled brat.
In a minute, Anna joined me, settling into the wing-back chair beside my desk. She smoothed down her dress and crossed her legs. Suddenly, I remembered the "private" time and wondered if this were an indication that it had begun. I smiled at her, saying nothing.
"Mama," she began, "I just want to tell you how good it is to have you and Daddy."
I sat up straight. She didn't wait for my response.
"You and Daddy do so much for me, Mama. You buy me clothes and give me food," she said, without hesitating. "You take me to a Christian school and buy me toys. And... I have a nice chair like this to sit in," she said, patting the arms of the chair. I noticed her lips began quivering. "You just do so much for me, Mama."
Suddenly, she bolted from the chair and flung herself into my arms. For a long while, we just held onto each other, sobbing. It felt as if my heart would burst.
Finally, she pulled away. "I just wanted to say thank you, Mama. Thank you so much."
I can't express all of the varied emotions that welled up inside of me. There was joy at the fact that, even with all of my blunders, I must have done something right as a mother. There was grief, recalling the many times during the week that I had ignored my precious daughter's simple wishes, while rushing to satisfy the complex requests of virtual strangers. But perhaps more than anything, there was an intense gratitude that God had blessed me with the notable title: mother. Looking into the face of my child, I couldn't think of a single thing that I would rather be.
This article first appeared under a different title in The Dallas Morning News. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Dayle Allen Shockley is an author whose work has appeared in dozens of publications. Her editorials and essays are regular features in The Dallas Morning News and online at
Jewish World Review
and
www.homebodies.org
. Dayle lives with her family in Texas, and is a writing instructor at North Harris College in Houston. Contact her at
dshock@family.org
.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:21Z
Making Ends Meet
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Making-Ends-Meet
-
- /8940.html
2010-05-07T08:56:19Z
2010-05-07T08:56:19Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>MAKING ENDS MEET
By Joanne Watson
Getting By On One Income
If your spouse's income alone doesn't cover all your expenses, you may havethought putting your child in day-care and working outside the home was youronly option.
However, by lowering your expenses or raising your spouse's income (or acombination of both) you may be able to stay home with your child and stillmake ends meet.
Expenses
With the expenses of you working (daycare, a second car, work clothes,lunches out, a possible higher tax bracket due to combined incomes) you mayfind that the second job isn't bringing in as much money as you thought.
By cutting back here and there, you may be able to make up for thedifference, and still stay home with your child.
Money-saving tips:
Your Mortgage
You can check mortgage rates on-line at sites like
www.Americanloansearch.com
and
www.Bankrate.com
. If your current mortgageis at a much higher rate, you may be able to bring your bills in line byrefinancing at a lower interest rate.
Groceries
Plan meals ahead for 1 week, and only go to the grocery store after you'veeaten. You are much less likely to blow your budget on impulse buys.
Take advantage of sales and coupons. Try to stock up when there is a greatprice, and check your pantry before going to the store.
On-line coupons are available on sites such as.
www.Coolsavings.com
and
www.Valupage.com
that can help you lower your expenses.
Major purchases
Another great feature of the Internet is that you can comparison shopwithout running all over town. On major purchases, you may save asubstantial amount of money.
Surf the sites you are familiar with, and don't forget to check the searchengines for new places to shop. Sites like
www.Mysimon.com
can help you findthe best bargains on larger items
Car payments
Can you do without the second car? If your husband works nearby, maybe hecan leave you the car if he takes the bus or if you drop him off.
Whether you have one or two cars, if your payments are too high, think abouttrading in and reducing your payment.
Keep track of spending.
Those "helpful" ATM cards may be using up your freedom $20 at a time. It'seasy to lose track of spending when you don't register each purchase in acheckbook. Put away your ATM and credit cards. Try using only checks for 30days, and for smaller items, decide at the beginning of the month exactlyhow much money you want to spend. Take that out in cash and put it in anenvelope. Then, when it's gone-it's gone-you can't spend money that isn'tthere.
A useful guide to cutting back is You Can Afford to Stay Home by MaliaWyckoff and Mary Snyder.
Income
Sometimes, no matter how much you cut back or how many coupons you clip, youjust need more money.
By helping to raise your husband's income, he may be able to make up for thedifference in what you would be bringing home in after-tax (and afterwork-related expense) dollars, so you can stay home..
The just released book, Team Work: How to Help Your Husband make More Money,So You Can Be a Stay-at-Home Mom by Joanne Watson provides strategies on howto build your husband's confidence, help him negotiate a raise, find a new,higher-paying job, or build a business of his own, and how to use theInternet to help him succeed.
Team Work tips include:
Build his confidence -
and you may build his income. Remind him of how terrific he is by asking himto tell you about the five accomplishments he is most proud of. Tell him youknow he is worth more, and his employer is lucky to have him
Network
Think about who you know. One of those people may be in a position to helpyour husband by introducing him to a potential employer. Employers oftenprefer to hire someone who has been referred to them by a person they trust.Also encourage your husband to join the trade association for his professionand add to his network. Find one at
www.associationcentral.com
Help your husband to learn new skills.
Knowledge is power-and more money. Take advantage of sites that offer freeon-line training such as
www.free-ed.net
or
www.webmonkey.com
, and check outthe low cost management training from the American Management Association at
www.amanet.org
.
Offer to watch the kids so he can study.
Help "market" your husband.
Make sure his resume shows him in the best possible light. You can get yourhusband's resume re-done professionally at a site like
www.resume.com
. oruse your local phone book. Ask to see samples of their work before choosinga resume writer.
Find out if your husband is underpaid.
Check out the salary surveys at
www.salary.com
or at the reference desk ofyour local library to find out what the average pay is for your husband'sposition. If he is underpaid, print out the survey for him to use innegotiating for a raise.
Practice for success
Help your husband practice asking for a raise or interviewing for a new job.By being prepared, he is much more likely to be cool, calm and collected inthe actual interview.
Drill the possible responses and his come-backs to his raise request untilhe is comfortable and confident at it.
Rather than let your financial situation dictate your decision about whetherto stay home or return to work, getting (and using) the right informationcan empower you to make choices based on what is right for you and yourfamily.
Ed. Note: Tips from Team Work: How to Help Your Husband Make More Money, SoYou Can Be a Stay-at-Home Mom by Joanne Watson are re-printed with permission from Family Books. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:19Z
Mom Thinks I'm A Slacker
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Mom-Thinks-Im-A-Slacker
-
- /8941.html
2010-05-07T08:56:18Z
2010-05-07T08:56:18Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>MOM THINKS I'M A SLACKER
By Cheryl Gochnauer
If your parents and in-laws support your decision to be an at-home mom, givethem a big hug. Not everyone is so blessed.
"My mother never misses an opportunity to let me know how unimpressed she iswith my choice," Brandy says. "I left my dream job to come home to my twodaughters. The catalyst was my oldest starting kindergarten, which wasgoing to change the routine drastically. My husband and I decided thatafter all the years of thinking about it, we would go for it.
"My mom tried to talk me out of it, and now that it's done, she keeps makingcomments. We'll be in a store together and I'll point out something I like,and she says, 'Well, if you had your own money, you could get it.'
"She also said my five-year-old is 'suddenly getting so hard-headed. Whendid this start?' Maybe I'm oversensitive, but I want to say, 'On the day Itook over raising her!' I also want to say, 'Don't worry. She'll be inschool full-time soon, and I won't have as much of a chance to mess her up.'She hasn't yet mentioned the two-year-old backsliding behavior-wise, but I'msure it's coming.
"Mom's always worked, and she doesn't really enjoy small children, so shecan't understand why I would want to 'isolate' myself from adults, blah blahblah."
"All I have to say is, I look at my girls and my husband, and don't worry abit about what she thinks - or try not to, anyway."
Hang in there, Brandy. Everything you're going through is normal. Theinitial resistance from some relatives, the kids acting up - many newat-home parents experience the same things.
You mentioned that your daughter is getting "hard-headed". Just wanted youto know that this is a very common occurrence when moms first come home. Allthe boundaries have changed, and so kids go into testing mode.
My own two-year-old followed me around everywhere that first month. I wasalways tripping over her. But she was simply curious as to when I was goingto leave. After a few weeks, she settled down.
Let your mother know that, in the long run, your children will likely bebetter behaved than if you weren't home. That's because you're on the sceneas a loving parent to immediately protect, correct or redirect according toyour family's values.
Overall I'm a strong advocate of passive resistance when dealing withunsupportive people. Don't snap back at irritating comments, firing theconflict. Instead say something like, "I see your point" or "thank you forsharing your opinion."
Notice I didn't follow either of those comments with "but.". There's an oldsaying about not throwing your pearls before swine. Now I'm not callingyour mother a pig! I simply mean that it does no good to share heart-heldbeliefs with someone who will only trample them.
Watch for opportunities to bridge the gap in those quiet times when you andyour mother are friendly and open toward one another. It's not necessary totry to win her over in one conversation. Instead, let time do that, as shesees positive changes evolve and watches your marriage and her grandchildrenthrive because of your decision to be home.
(Comments? Email
Cheryl@homebodies.org
. Or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
where you can read a sample chapter of her book, "So YouWant to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom" (InterVarsity Press). Copyright2001 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:18Z
Tax Preparers Work Only Three Months Per Year (OR How To Improve Your Golf Skills) <b>Read NOW</b>
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Tax-Preparers-Work-Only-Three-Months-Per-Year-OR-How-To-Improve-Your-Golf-Skills-bRead-NOW/b
-
- /8942.html
2010-05-07T08:56:17Z
2010-05-07T08:56:17Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Tax Preparers Work Only Three Months Per Year
(OR How To Improve Your Golf Skills)
From
www.mycoolcareer.com
Wednesday, April 9 - Find out about the career of a Tax Preparer!
Los Angeles, CA - April 4, 2003 - According to the IRS nearly 47 million individual tax forms were filed electronically during the 2002 tax filing season. More than 33 million of these taxpayers hired a tax professional to do the e-math, up from over 22 million in 2001.
Many taxpayers continue to utilize the not-free services of tax professionals. The National Association of Tax Professionals (
www.natptax.com
) says that because of the experience and knowledge of the latest tax law changes that tax professionals have, "consulting a tax preparer not only pays for itself, but offers you a learning experience that will help you better structure your financial matters for future savings."
Andrew Lewis, a veteran self-employed tax preparer in Santa Monica, California says he's got a great job, the three-month crunch from mid-January to April 15 and all. Lewis said, "I enjoy the people part of my career and I look forward to meeting my clients annually, finding out what's new in their lives, and making the tax season easy for them."
Lewis says that one of the most amazing things about preparing for a career as a tax preparer is that it requires only a high school diploma, some training by a company like HR Block, and passing the licensing exams. Says Lewis, "It's one of the easiest careers to access." Lewis, who did earn a 4-year college degree and is himself a former IRS employee, adds, "It's not necessary to go to college and become a CPA in order to become a tax preparer. That's a myth!"
Lewis talks about the details of becoming and being a tax preparer (and his nine-month golf vacation), in the upcoming 30-minute web radio show webcast from
MYCOOLCAREER.com
on Wednesday, April 9th at 5 p.m. PT.
MYCOOLCAREER.com
, popular career exploration website for teens and 20's, features fun and info-packed 30-minute weekly career interviews. Jill Sanborne hosts the weekly webcasts, researches young adults and provides solutions to the challenges they face in planning for rewarding careers, and speaks to teens and parent audiences about how teens can prepare for an awesome future. The site is recommended by
CareerProNews.com
, endorsed by Barbara Sher and the Los Angeles Unified School District Counseling Services K-12.
Contact Jill for more information about preparing teens for the workplace at
jill@mycoolcareer.com
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:17Z
Why Are You Still At Home? Responses for Stay-at-Home Parents of School-Age Kids
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Why-Are-You-Still-At-Home-Responses-for-Stay-at-Home-Parents-of-School-Age-Kids
-
- /8943.html
2010-05-07T08:56:15Z
2010-05-07T08:56:15Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Why Are You Still At Home?
Responses for Stay-at-Home Parents of School-Age Kids
By Lucynda Koesters
So you're a stay-at-home parent of kids in school. It's back toschool time and you just know you're going to get those questions andcomments from people, some well-meaning and some not. You know: "What areyou going to do all day now that the kids are in school?" "Are you goingback to work?" "Can't you get a part-time job?" "Aren't you going to getbored?" "Don't you feel guilty not working?"
No matter how much you brace yourself for this onslaught, you stillcringe when the questions arrive. Part of it probably is a little guiltyou feel because you have no intention of returning to any work outside thehome. That's ok, because it is societal pressure that makes you feel thisway. Everyone is supposed to work at a job in this country. While we paylip service to the at-home parent of small children, it is somehow wrongfor a parent of school-age children to remain at home.
Responding to these inquiries in a pleasant and non-defensive frameof mind is very hard to do, but it is not impossible. What's required is afirm belief in your chosen way of life.
Why ARE you at home with children who are now back in school formost of the day? Why AREN'T you going back to work? What are thebenefits of being at home at this stage of family life?
Sorry, but to successfully handle the inquiries, you must be ableto answer these questions in your own mind. The first step is getting ridof the guilt and gaining a firm belief in yourself and your chosenlifestyle. To help you get started, reflect on these benefits of astay-home parent:
A stay-home parent is usually the last person children see and talk tobefore they leave and the first person to greet them when they arrive home.Children derive a great sense of security from knowing a parent isavailable to them immediately before and after school. Children have achance to get valuable words of encouragement in the morning and anopportunity to share their day in the afternoon. Children are also greatlysupported in the knowledge that mom or dad is at home and available duringthe day in case of a problem at school.
A stay-home parent can get household chores, cooking and errands doneduring the school day, thereby freeing up the valuable afternoon hours tohelp with homework and creating true family time in the evenings.
A stay-home parent often has the freedom and flexibility to volunteer atthe children's school during the school day. Seeing the parent'sinvolvement, children learn to value their education. The parent gets aninvaluable understanding of the inner workings of the school and how thechildren spend time there. Parents develop better relationships withteachers, school staff and other parents, increasing the children's senseof security.
A stay-home parent is often a less-stressed parent, fully available tosupport the needs of the family in the after-school hours. Having a calmand content parent to anchor the family is a great benefit to all members.
Now that you have reviewed a few reasons you are not going to work,what do you say to all these people who question your choices? Here are afew diplomatic and non-threatening responses:
I plan to remain at home to be available before and after school for thekids, and to volunteer at school during the day. Between housework,homework and school duties, I will keep very busy.
Our family really needs me to remain at home - it's worked out well sofar, and I plan to continue as long as possible.
The children like the fact that I'm home. They like coming home afterschool instead of going to the after-care program. It gives us time tocomplete homework before going to soccer practices.
During the day, there are a million things to get done at home; I'mreally very busy. But, I like to have afternoons and evenings free for thefamily, so I plan to stick to this schedule.
So, the next time you encounter some well-meaning, or maybe not sowell-meaning friend or relative firing off questions about your lifestyle,remain calm and pleasant and answer them with quiet conviction that yourlifestyle is best for you and your family.
Lucynda Koesters is a stay-home mom of two school-age kids and a free-lancewriter, concentrating on family issues. Write her at:
lkoestrs@venus.net
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:15Z
Fighting At-Home Frustrations
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Fighting-At-Home-Frustrations
-
- /8944.html
2010-05-07T08:56:14Z
2010-05-07T08:56:14Z
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:14Z
Thanksgiving Thoughts
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Thanksgiving-Thoughts
-
- /8945.html
2010-05-07T08:56:14Z
2010-05-07T08:56:14Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Thanksgiving Thoughts
by Jill Savage
Do you ever find yourself focusing more on what you don't have, ratherthan all that you have? Do you feel overwhelmed with the mundane choresof family life and wonder if any of it really makes a difference?
With Thanksgiving fresh on our minds, I've been thinking about all I havebeen given. In fact, I've been giving thought to the veryresponsibilities that I have as a mother that I often take for granted. Isometimes exhibit an ungrateful attitude in doing these tasks when Iforget the gifts I've been given in them. This weekend I'm working on ashift in thinking. I'm considering a different perspective. As I evaluateall my blessings, I'm finding I'm thankful for:
Laundry#133;
because it means that my family has clothes to wear.
Dishes#133;
because it means that my family has food to eat.
Bills#133;
because it means that we have financial provisions.
Making Beds#133;b
ecause it means we have a warm, soft place to rest at night.
Dusting#133;
because it means we have furniture to enjoy.
Vacuuming#133;
because it means we have a home to care for.
Picking Up Toys#133;
because it means I have children to bring joy to my life.
So often we grumble about taking care of the gifts we have been given.
Caring for the needs of our spouse and our children is being given theopportunity to invest in the life of another. This kind of care shouldnot be described as mundane chores. Instead it is an honor to serve myfamily when I make meals or do laundry, dishes, dusting, and vacuuming.
My jobs may be unseen to the eyes of others, but they are valuable to thefamily unit as a whole.
Sometimes we need a fresh perspective. Sometimes we need to think aboutall we have. When we do, we're reminded of the incredible gifts we'vebeen given!
Jill Savage, author of Professionalizing Motherhood, is a mother of four children ranging in ages four to sixteen. Jill lives with her family in Normal, Illinois, where she serves as the Director of Hearts at Home, anorganization designed to encourage women in the profession of motherhood. For more information about Hearts at Home check out
www.hearts-at-home.org
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:14Z
Motherhood...A Valid Profession
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Motherhood...A-Valid-Profession
-
- /8946.html
2010-05-07T08:56:13Z
2010-05-07T08:56:13Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Motherhood...A Valid Profession
By Jill Savage
Sixteen years ago I became a mother. Fourteen years ago I found myself committed to the profession of motherhood. I've often had people comment that they sure do wish they had the luxury of staying home with their children. A luxury? We could never describe my commitment to be home a luxury.
Does it take two incomes for a family to survive today? We hear if you want to give your kid what he "needs," you will have to have two incomes. Are you aware that over 7.7 million families in the United States live on one income? For many of these families it is not a luxury, but a sacrifice they are willing to make. The husband is not making more than an average salary and they are living in average homes. Bottom line, most of these families are living with less than what we are made to believe we need to be happy.
Bill Flick, a newspaper columnist, questions the concept of the "high cost of living." He says it's more like "the high cost of the way we choose to live." The concept of "keeping up with the Jones'" affects us whether we realize it or not. We believe we need certain "things" for the basic existence of daily life. My husband and I have been trying to think through our purchases with this in mind. We ask ourselves, "Do we really need this or do we want it?" One area we have found to cut costs is cable television. Yes, you can get TV reception without cable--even in some rural areas! We're living proof of that. We haven't had cable television for fourteen years. Our children have not been hurt by the absence of cable in our home. Are there times we wish we had cable? Yes, there are. Can we afford it? No, it doesn't fit into our budget. So we use an antenna and watch the basic network channels (when the reception is good!).
It is possible to live on one income in today's society. But it takes some willingness to practice delayed gratification. Delaying some of the things we would like to have now in exchange for doing something we need to do now is what it is all about. As much as I'd like to have a new car (for once in my life!) or new furniture in just one room of our home, I choose to forgo those things in exchange for being able to be home with my children. It's a concept that we don't hear much about today, but it's one we can learn to embrace. By practicing delayed gratification we are on our way to living without regrets, making choices now, about things we will reflect upon in the future.
It can be a challenge to live on one income, but it is not as impossible as the media would want us to believe. At the same time, there are certainly some circumstances where there is no choice in the matter. Single mothers and families with extenuating financial struggles face very real challenges. But we do need to ask ourselves--is it really about the high cost of living or the high cost of the way we choose to live?
What are some ways we can choose to live with less?
Cancel the cable television.
Eat out less.
When eating out, share meals. (Make sure and tip the wait staff the estimated percentage of two purchased meals!)
Plan meals and shop less often. With the exception of running to the store for bread and milk, I shop only once a month. This keeps temptation at a minimum.
Give homemade gifts rather than purchased gifts. (Fresh baked goods are always a hit!)
Make dates with your spouse simple: a walk in the park, a drive in the country, a bike ride to the ice cream shop to share a root beer float--complete with two straws!
Let the creative juices flow! You can begin to live with less. As you learn to enjoy the simplicities of life, you will find that your stress will decrease and your contentment will increase!
Jill Savage lives with her husband and four children in Normal, Illinois. She is the founder and director of Hearts at Home, an organization designed to encourage, educate, and equip mothers at home. Jill is also the author of Professionalizing Motherhood. To get more information about Hearts at Home call 309-888-MOMS or visit the website at
www.hearts-at-home.org
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:13Z
Summertime Developmental Goals
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Summertime-Developmental-Goals
-
- /8947.html
2010-05-07T08:56:12Z
2010-05-07T08:56:12Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Summertime Developmental Goals
By Patti Chadwick
Life with teenagers is hectic. The school year is especially busy with studies, sports, and extra-curricular activities. During the school year it is hard for your teen to find time to work on personal growth or to pursue special interests. With the summer coming and the school year coming to a close, now is the time for your teenager to work on personal development - and you can help them! While both you and your teenager will want some free time in the summer to just "be", if you don't plan for developing special interests or personal growth, you will spend most of the summer idle. Remember the old sayings "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail" (A Mother's Summer Survival Manual, p. 8) and "If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time!" Don't fall into that trap. Here are some ideas to help both you and your teen "plan your work and work your plan."
1) THE PARENT'S GOALS
In order to plan for developmental and personal growth in your teens over the summer break, you will need to think about what areas of their lives need to be concentrated on. Think of where your teen is intellectually, physically, spiritually, socially, emotionally, and in terms of practical living skills. Ask yourself where would you like your teen to be in each of these areas by the summer's end.
2) ASK YOUR TEENS FOR INPUT
Since they are no longer little children, but young adults, it is very important to discuss these plans with your teenager. What goals do they have for the summer? What would they like to learn? What athletic abilities would they like to hone? What special interests would they like to pursue? What practically living skills do they wish to attain?
3) DETERMINE HOW GOALS WILL BE MEASURED
How will you measure progress? Remember, each teen is an individual and will grow at his or her own pace. It is wise to be flexible as you work together toward these goals.
4) WRITE DOWN GOALS
Writing down goals will provide the structure needed to keep you and your teen moving toward the goal and provide a framework for activities you will plan.When deciding on the interests to pursue and what you both would like have accomplished over the summer, you need to keep two things in mind: your objective and your plan to reach those goals. To help you get started, I've included a sample "Summertime Personal Growth Goals Worksheet."
SAMPLE SUMMER PERSONAL GROWH GOALS WORKSHEET
Intellectual Goals
Objective: Increase Vocabulary
Plan: Read 4 books this summer, one being a classic.
Physical Goals
Objective: Improve Soccer Skills
Plan: Play in a summer soccer league.
Spiritual Goals
Objective: Learn more about the life of Jesus.
Plan: Read all four Gospel accounts.
Social-Emotional Goals
Objective: Give back to the community.
Plan: Volunteer two times per week at the YMCA.
Practical Living Skill Goals
Objective: Get Driver's License
Plan: Drive with parents 2-3 times per week and learn how to do a 3-point turn, and parallel park.
This is just a sample. Use this worksheet as a guide, but be sure to add to it or delete from it. Whatever works best for your family.
Now, armed with these examples, find the time to get alone with your teenager and make plans on how, as a team, you can make the most of summer vacation. While you are at it, why not make plans to work on your own personal growth this summer!
Patricia Chadwick is a freelance writer and columnist in several online publications. E-mail her at
patti@parentsandteens.com
or visit her websites and sign up for her FREE weekly newsletters at
www.historyswomen.com
www.parentsandteens.com
. Patti is also the author of "History's Women - The Unsung Heroines" available in e-book and print formats at:
www.webbserv.net/historyswomen/form.html.
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:12Z
Queen Of Your Castle
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Queen-Of-Your-Castle
-
- /8948.html
2010-05-07T08:56:10Z
2010-05-07T08:56:10Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>QUEEN OF YOUR CASTLE
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Once upon a time, there was a fair princess who, though she was beautiful(especially in her parents' eyes), was very confused. Her mother, thequeen, loved the castle and was content to raise her family within itswalls. But everyday rabble-rousers outside the castle banged on the gatesand tossed rocks with messages tied round them into the courtyard. Theprincess would untie the messages and read them:"The queen is wasting her life, just staying in the castle with you and theyoung princes."
"Princess, the queen is a coward. Or maybe she's just lazy. Then again, Ibet she's not very smart. Because brave, busy and bright queens leave theircastles and become part of the real world."
"I can't believe how selfish the queen is. She makes your father, the king,work like a serf to take care of her while she watches Oprah the Great spintales all day." The princess, who up until this time had been happy to play in the castlewith her brothers and the queen, began to mope. "If the queen would get ajob outside the castle, my life would be so much better," she thought."There would be money for more toys, I could play with other kids all day atWee Royal Daycare, and the queen could drive me about in a brand-newcarriage."
The king noticed the princess pouting, and beckoned her to him. "What's thematter, Child?" he asked as she crawled up in his lap. When the princesstold him about her plight, the king realized it was time for a royal chat.He beckoned the princes and the queen, and the entire royal family gatheredto hear his words.
"Alas," the king began, "I fear a plague has entered the castle grounds,transported here by the rocks thrown over the castle walls. It isaffluenza, a dangerous and fast-growing affliction that brings sorrow toalmost every family it infects.
"Affluenza's victims are stricken with a warped perception of true wealth,"the king explained. "Instead of valuing what they have, they want more.They trade their time for things, and then have no time to enjoy the thingsthey've traded for.
"Princess, don't you like to play with the queen and the princes?" he asked.She nodded. "Well, if you spend from 7 a.m. until 6 p.m. everyday in WeeRoyal Daycare, you won't have much time to play with the queen. And sinceWee Royal Daycare doesn't take princes under 2 years old, you'll beseparated from your youngest brother, too." The princess scooted a littlecloser to the baby prince.
"With the gold the queen made from working outside the castle, we couldafford to buy the new carriage," the king acknowledged. "But you wouldn'tspend much time in it, except driving back and forth to Wee Royal Daycare.And new carriages cost so much, there wouldn't be much money left over fornew toys, either."
"It's nice having the queen around to help you learn and answer questions,isn't it?" the king asked. "At Wee Royal Daycare, there are nice teachers,too. But with one teacher to ten children, they are very busy, and what'simportant to you and the queen isn't always important to them."
"Tell me what you saw the queen doing today at the castle," the king said.
"Let's see," the princess thought. "She cleaned the castle, bartered withshop owners, washed and mended our clothing. She soothed the baby prince,counseled the teen prince, and helped me with my letters. Then she preparedthe feast, and listened to you talk about fighting dragons outside thecastle."
"The queen doesn't sound lazy or scared or dumb to me," observed the king.
"She's wonderful," cried the princess, as she threw her arms around thequeen.
"Yes, she is," said the king. "And I should have let you know I thought soearlier. Sometimes I get so busy fighting dragons, I forget to say how muchI appreciate her creating a safe haven inside the castle.
"Princess, there's a wide, often whimsical world beyond these walls. Youhave many choices of what you might do with your life when you grow up. Butno matter what you do, remember that simply becoming queen of your castle isa noble choice."
(Cheryl Gochnauer is queen of her castle in Kansas City, Missouri. You may write her at
Cheryl@homebodies.org
, or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
. Her book, "
So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom
," isavailable through
Dr. Laura#146;s Reading Corner
. Copyright2001 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:10Z
The Inheritance
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Inheritance
-
- /8949.html
2010-05-07T08:56:09Z
2010-05-07T08:56:09Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>THE INHERITANCE
By Cheryl Gochnauer
I spotted my mother in the most unexpected place the other day. She lives four hours away, but as I passed the hall mirror, I saw her.
It was just a flash, but there she was - the familiar expression, the tilt of the head, the amused glint in the eyes. She had gained a bit of weight and her hair was red instead of silver-salted brown. But it was definitely her. And it was definitely me.
For most of us, comparisons begin the day we're born, as observant relatives decide which parent we favor. The benign competition goes on, as each set of genes asserts itself over the years. I watch my own daughters, thanking God they've inherited their daddy's long legs while admiring my own contribution of shiny carrot-tops.
But I don't want my influence on these precious little ones to only run skin-deep. There's a greater inheritance to share with them, as we spend these fleeting years together - and the years are passing at an amazing rate. My preteen's time at home is more than half over. It seems she just got here! I've still got a few years to guide her, though, and I plan to make the best of those teachable moments sprinkled throughout our relationship.
At the risk of sounding like I need to be in a rocking chair, I must say that when I was ten, I was surrounded by the turbulent uprisings of the late '60s. The U.S. was on fire then, literally and emotionally. Societal shifts sprang from that decade, then reverberated through my teen years in the '70s.
By the time I became a young adult, I had swallowed the "I'm okay, you're okay" hook whole. "I may not agree with what you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it." It sounds pretty good, this "can't we all just get along" mantra.
But as I look in my daughters' eyes, I feel a deep uneasiness in passing on such a philosophy. I don't want to leave them with a legacy of shifting sand that holds no solid ethical absolutes.
Boundaries do not trap children; rather, they define safe zones. I am resolved to teach, to tutor, to advocate the tough, honest choices now, while Karen and Carrie are still receptive to their Momma's insights. "Train up a child in the way he should go," the old proverb says. I will. And when my daughters make their future decisions, no matter how they choose, they will be able to draw upon an instilled moral compass.
That's an inheritance I can live with.
(Comments? Write
Cheryl@homebodies.org
, or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
. Her book, "
So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom
," isavailable through
Dr. Laura#146;s Reading Corner
. Copyright2001 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:09Z
Learning To Say No
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Learning-To-Say-No
-
- /8950.html
2010-05-07T08:56:07Z
2010-05-07T08:56:07Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Learning To Say No
By Jill Savage
"So how do you do it?" she asked. "Do what?" I replied. "How do you say NO?" she questioned. "I just say no," I answered. "No, I don't mean like that. Do you say no and offer an excuse or do you just say no? I feel so guilty when I say no." Thus began a recent conversation with a mom who called and asked how we keep our balance between volunteer activities and family responsibilities.
As mothers at home it is not work and family we need to keep in balance. For many of us it is balancing volunteer positions (church, community, and school) with our family responsibilities. Some of us figure a home business or part-time job into our schedule, too. We can easily put ourselves back in the position of working full-time outside-the-home hours without bringing home the pay. We must learn the "N" word and how to use it effectively.
Here are some guidelines for finding and keeping balance in your home:
Remember that you are going to be asked more often, simply because you perceived to be more available. With many mothers working outside the home, there are less school, church, and community volunteers available during the day. Keep this in mind and remember that you alone know what is best for your family.
Never say "Yes" on the spot. Always tell them you will call them back after you've had time to pray and think about it. This keeps you from regretting a quick on-the-spot decision you may regret later. You can say "No" on the spot if you know immediately that it will not work for you.
When figuring a time commitment, make sure you figure in preparation time. Most of us underestimate the time it takes to really do a job. If they are asking you to bake 5 dozen cookies, look at the calendar and determine whether you truly have that much free time available before the cookies need to be delivered. If it looks too busy, tell them "no".
When considering long-term commitments, make sure you figure all your household responsibilities into your time frame. It may seem that becoming the president of an organization you really believe in will not take too much time. But after a few months, the phone calls, meetings, and errands have begun to take up the time you previously used for laundry, housecleaning, or paying the bills. These are big jobs that need to be figured into your weekly and daily responsibilities. Don't allow your family responsibilities to be sacrificed for your volunteer responsibilities.
Remember to figure in the "brain space" this responsibility will require. Have you ever been listening to your children, but really thinking about a new project or the hundreds of things you need to do? When your mind is cluttered, you are not mentally available to your family.
It is important to remember that every minute of your day does not have to be scheduled. If you have a "doer" mentality, you will think of a spare hour or two as a way to fit in one more "yes". In reality, we need some time to do nothing. If you need to, schedule in "down time" each day. Write it on your calendar and say "No" to anything that would jeopardize that time.
Set a limit to the number of long-term commitments you will carry. For instance, I have chosen to keep one large and one small long-term volunteer commitment. If I were to take on another long-term commitment, I would have to give up one of my previous commitments. By limiting your long-term commitments, it does allow for more time to help out in short-term service projects. You will be more likely to have the time to bake brownies for your child's classroom, or be a teacher's assistant during Vacation Bible School if you follow a similar approach.
Ask for accountability. Ask your husband, a close friend, or your Bible Study group to hold you accountable for the number of commitments you will carry. Be open to their insight. If you have trouble saying "no" ask them to help you during the first few months while you will be getting things back in balance. When you tell someone you will call them back, check with your accountability partner first before providing an answer to that most recent request. Sort through your schedule with them. Eventually you won't need their help, but it can help you get on your feet as you are learning to say "no".
When saying "no" don't feel that you need to give a long list of excuses. You know what is best for your family and for yourself. If you feel you need to give an excuse, simply say that it would not fit into your schedule at this time.
Keep in mind that you do not have to say "yes" simply because you are capable. You may have strong leadership skills and will most likely to be asked to lead most anything you will be involved in. That doesn't mean you have to say "yes" to those responsibilities. You say "yes" only after considering your passion for this organization, your time availability, other volunteer responsibilities, your family commitments, and what you might need to give up to properly do this job.
If you have too much on your plate now, begin by evaluating your priorities. Determine what responsibilities you need to let go of. Give a one month notice to organizations you will not be able to serve any longer. Although it may be difficult to give up a responsibility, you are not doing the organization or your family any good when you cannot fully commit to the job. As soon as you let go of the responsibilities you were carrying, instill new boundaries into your time. Don't let yourself become overcommitted again.
Saying "no" allows others the opportunity to say "yes". Don't take service opportunities away from others.
Don't forget to figure in time to have a friend over, take your kids to the park, write a letter, or go on a date with your husband. We don't usually schedule these activities in, but they are the first to go when we are overcommitted.
Remember that saying "yes" to some activities outside the home will be important to your sanity. Moms of young children especially need to get out of the house to socialize and think about something other than diapers, bottles, and coupons. Contrary to popular belief, your brain will not turn to mush, it will just feel like it at times. We need to choose carefully, though, those things we will be involved in so our time will be used wisely. You will be amazed at the patience you will have with your family when you find balance in your activity schedule.
Jill Savage, author of Professionalizing Motherhood, is a mother of four children ranging in ages four to sixteen. Jill lives with her family in Normal, Illinois, where she serves as the Director of Hearts at Home, an organization designed to encourage women in the profession of motherhood. For more information about Hearts at Home call 309-888-MOMS or check out
www.hearts-at-home.org
. Copyright 2001 Hearts at Home. All rights reserved. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:07Z
Dealing With Crybabies
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Dealing-With-Crybabies
-
- /8951.html
2010-05-07T08:56:06Z
2010-05-07T08:56:06Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>DEALING WITH CRYBABIES
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Since Karen and Carrie are now 12 and 8, you might think I'm out of touchwith mothers of newborns. No way. I have an excellent memory and I want youto know, my glassy-eyed, sleep-deprived, still-in-my-bathrobe-at-5 friend,that you will live through this.
Poor Baby.
I remember a particularly bleary day when Karen started screaming at 8 a.m.and didn't quit for six hours. SIX hours! About five hours into it, I wasstanding on my front porch, screaming myself (in my bathrobe, of course).Fortunately, all my neighbors worked, so no one was around to call the cops.Then again, I probably would have been grateful to be hauled off to a nice,quiet cell.
Baby swings were usually helpful in getting my little ones quieted down.With Karen, I had one of those crank jobbies that would run out of steamjust as she was nodding off. Waaaaah! When Carrie came along, I got smartand bought a battery-operated swing and constantly kept a fresh supply ofAAs on hand.
Babies cry, and for as little as they are, they're remarkably good at it.Since they can't talk, crying is their main means of communicating, and itwill help keep your temper in check if you try to view their bawling in thatlight. Approach their outbursts as you would a foreign language, spoken bysomeone you'd give your life for.
It takes a relatively short time for Mom to decipher which cry means what.There's the "I'm hungry" cry. There's the "I'm tired" cry. There's theemphatic "I need a new diaper" cry. (Who wouldn't wail at that?) And inCarrie's case, there was the "My sock's on crooked and somebody's gonna pay!" cry. (Even at three months, she was a perfectionist.)
If you're a stay-at-home mom, I can point out a silver lining surroundingthe up-all-night cloud: once you collapse in bed at 4 a.m., you don't haveto get up for work at 6 a.m.
There were times when I was sure people in the next county could hear myredheaded foghorns. But read my lips: this too shall pass. Your baby willlearn to sleep through the night. You will wear makeup again. Both you andyour baby will learn to communicate in ways other than crying.
Meanwhile, make sure you arrange for regular renewal time away from yourchildren. Days on end without a break sap energy and patience, and achronically tired mother has little to give her family. So take Grandma upon her offer to baby-sit; ask your husband to watch the baby while you get asoda with friends; build some mad money into the budget for a sitter so youcan get out a couple of hours a week.
That's another thing I remember - how revitalizing a short break can be. Bythe time I walked back in the door, I was refreshed and swept my baby backin my arms, ready for our next adventure together. Give yourself somebreathing room, and there's a good chance you'll feel the same.
(Comments? Write
Cheryl@homebodies.org
, or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
. Her book, "
So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom
," isavailable through
Dr. Laura#146;s Reading Corner
. Copyright2001 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:06Z
This Mother's Place
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/This-Mothers-Place
-
- /8952.html
2010-05-07T08:56:05Z
2010-05-07T08:56:05Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>THIS MOTHER'S PLACE
By Cheryl Gochnauer
It's not easy holding down two demanding jobs, one outside and one insidethe home. So when my daughters were 6 and 2, I turned in my resignation andbecame a stay-at-home mom.
I was 36, a nearly-20 year veteran of office politics and project deadlines.This was merely a time-out, a season of my life when I would focus on familyinstead of faxes. As soon as my baby hit first-grade, I'd head back for mycubicle.
That was the plan, anyway. But the more time I spent with my girls, themore they depended on me. And as our once-elusive quality time togetherexpanded, I realized I needed them, too.
I suppose some may view scaling back material possessions as sacrifice. ButI know I've made a good trade when I'm on hand for those teachable momentsin my children's lives. And surprisingly, they didn't halt when my youngeststarted school. In many ways, those opportunities have increased as mygirls have grown.
Recently, my preteen burst off the bus and in the front door, her face athundercloud of anger and barely contained tears.
Wiping my hands on a dishcloth, I stepped into the living room from thekitchen, where I was starting dinner. "What happened?" I asked.
"Nothing." Didn't look like nothing.
Guiding her over to the couch, we sat down. With my hand on her shoulder, Iasked again. "What happened?" Then the cloud burst, and the story of herdisintegrating relationship with another girl poured out.
I'm so glad I was there! It was about 4:00 p.m. In my old life, I wouldn'thave even been home until 6:30 p.m. By then, my daughter would have plowedher feelings under. The chance to bond would have been lost.
What was I making for dinner that night? I don't have a clue. But themoments spent helping heal my child's hurt are forever seared in my heart.
This time at home has turned out to be a gift to me, as well as to mychildren. That's because we've found the balance that fits our uniquefamily. Since we are all individuals, it would be unfair to cookie-cutevery mother into being a full-time stay-at-home mom. But being homecertainly has turned out to be the perfect place for me.
It has been a while since my youngest entered first grade. My projectedtarget date for returning to the office has come and gone. But that's okay.I'm happy on this path. For me, the Promised Land lies in my own backyard.
(Comments? Write
Cheryl@homebodies.org
, or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
. Her book, "
So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom
," isavailable through
Dr. Laura#146;s Reading Corner
. Copyright2001 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:05Z
Three Umbrellas Every Parent Needs
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Three-Umbrellas-Every-Parent-Needs
-
- /8953.html
2010-05-07T08:56:04Z
2010-05-07T08:56:04Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Three Umbrellas Every Parent Needs
by Debi Stack
Probably sometime in the last 24 hours, if you're a mommy (or daddy) to the max, your child shared a wild idea, and then BOOM! Down poured your list of all the logical reasons why it won't work. Here are two examples of how I've done it with my own kids.
--While watching an old movie starring Gene Kelly with my then-preteen daughter, she commented on how handsome he was and how romantic it would be to dance with him. What I should've said is, "Yes, he is good-looking. And I'm sure if you could somehow hop into this movie, he'd think you were cute as a button." What I actually said was, "He's probably dead by now."
--While driving with my then-preschooler son beside me, he noticed a stray dog and began talking about how when he is grown up he will take care of all the animals in the world that don't have homes. What I should've said is, "You have such a kind heart. That's one of the things I love about you." What I actually said was, "Most of them would probably have diseases and need to be put to sleep."
AARRGGHH! I hate it when I do that! Of course, I could blame my poor responses on being sleep deprived with my daughter (she likes to start watching a movie when I'm ready for bed) or at being traffic-distracted with my son (he likes to jabber faster and louder during rush hour).
But my response had nothing to do with them. It's just typical of perfectionists to automatically focus on what's wrong and ignore what's right. This is like an oversensitive fire alarm: at the slightest hint of heat, PWEEEEESSSHHH!!! The sprinkler system kicks in and everything is drenched, doused and water-damaged.
The good news is that we can retrain ourselves to turn down the over-sensitivity to "wrong" and turn up the sensitivity to "right." Here are three tips that help keep me from raining on my kids' parades.
Umbrella #1: Give them my full attention. When I'm tired or distracted, this takes extra effort, but maintaining eye contact with my optimistic children as they share their exciting ideas softens my heart and my response. Their sweetly expectant faces are irresistible! (Besides, don't I require their full attention when I speak to them?)
Umbrella #2: Show real interest. The easiest way to enter into my kids' dreams is with play-along questions. When my then-preschooler daughter talked about what kind of princess dress she would wear to a ball, I asked, "What kind of shoes would go with that? What color dress could I have? Would you paint a picture of that for me?" (See? I do say the right thing sometimes!)
Umbrella #3: Suppress evaluations. Instead of jumping in with an adult-level judgment ("That will never work"), offer affirming statements: "I like the way you think." "Your imagination inspires me!" "It's fun to share your dreams."
Yes, most of our kids' parades will eventually be rained upon, but parents should be the last to drizzle and drip on them. Instead, let's offer each of our little dreamers the shelter of our attention, interest and affirmation. That will keep them singin' in the rain for years to come.
Debi Stack is an author, speaker and media guest who addresses the topics of stress, overcommitment and perfectionism. Her humorous, self-help book for maxed-out women,
Martha to the Max: Balanced Living for Perfectionists
, is in multiple printings and translations. Visit
www.maxedout.net
. This "Mommy to the Max" column is used by DrLaura.com with permission. Copyright 2002. All forms of reproduction strictly prohibited.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:04Z
The History of Father's Day
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-History-of-Fathers-Day
-
- /8954.html
2010-05-07T08:56:02Z
2010-05-07T08:56:02Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The History of Father's Day
-by Patti Chadwick
www.parentsandteens.com
patti@parentsandteens.com
In today's world, Father's Day seems like a tradition that has been around forever. The truth of the matter is, however, that Father's Day is a relatively new institution, which became an official holiday only 29 years ago.
There is a discrepancy over who was actually the originator of the holiday. While some feel that the first Father's Day observance was planned by Mrs. Charles Clayton of West Virginia in 1908, popular opinion credits Sonora Smart Dodd, of Spokane, Washington with the idea.
Sonora Smart Dodd had lost her mother during the birth of her sixth child. For twenty-one years her father, William Jackson Smart, raised his six children on his own, making all the parental sacrifices that come with raising a family. To Sonora, her father was the perfect example of a selfless, loving, courageous man.
In 1909, while listening intently to a Mother's Day sermon extolling the virtues of motherhood, Sonora longed for a way to honor her father for all he had done for her and her siblings. It is then that shecame up with the idea of holding a Father's Day celebration to honor fathers everywhere.
Mrs. Dodd was able to gain support for a local Father's Day celebration from the town's ministers and members of the local Y.M.C.A. The date suggested for the first Father's Day was June 5, 1910, William Smart's birthday. However, because of the time needed to prepare for the celebration, the date of the first Father's Day celebration was moved to June 19, the third Sunday in June.The rose was selected as the flower to be worn in Father's Day celebrations; the red rose for those whose father was living and the white rose for those whose father had passed away.
Newspapers across the country that were endorsing Mother's Day carried stories of the Father's Day observance in Spokane. Interest in Father's Day increased and local observances popped up across the nation. The state of Washington made Father's Day an official holiday that same year.
Though the holiday was popular as a local celebration in many communities, it wasn't readily accepted nationally. In 1912, J.H. Berringer, of Washington conducted a Father's Day service, choosing to wear a white lilac as the Father's Day flower. In 1915, Henry Meek, president of the Lions Club of Chicago also began promoting Father's Day celebrations. He gave several speeches around the United States supporting Father's Day and in 1920 the Lions Clubs of America presented him with a gold watch with the inscription "Originator of Father's Day".
Many famous people supported Father's Day and attempted to secure official recognition for the holiday including William Jennings Bryan, Woodrow Wilson, and Calvin Coolidge. In 1916 President Wilson observed the holiday with his own family and in 1924 President Coolidge gave his support to states wishing to hold their own Father's Day observances believing that widespread observance of the holiday would draw families closer together. In 1957 Senator Margaret Chase Smith lobbied Congress for a national Father's Day, but it wasn't until 1966 that President Lyndon Johnson signed a presidential proclamation declaring the 3rd Sunday of June as Father's Day. In 1972, President Richard Nixon established a permanent national observance of Father's Day to be held on the 3rd Sunday of June.
Today, Father's Day is celebrated across the globe. While it is not as widely celebrated as Mother's Day, Father's Day is the fifth-largest card-sending occasion in America, with over 85 million greeting cards exchanged.
Patricia Chadwick is a freelance writer and has been a stay-at-home mom for 15 years. She is currently a columnist in several online publications as well as editor of two newsletters. Parents Teens is a twice-monthly newsletter geared to help parents connect with their teens. Subscribe at
www.parentsandteens.com
. History's Women is weekly online magazine highlighting the extraordinary achievements of women. Subscribe at
www.historyswomen.com/subscribe.html
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:02Z
Homebodies Spotlight: One Husband's Transition
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Homebodies-Spotlight:-One-Husbands-Transition
-
- /8955.html
2010-05-07T08:56:01Z
2010-05-07T08:56:01Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Homebodies Spotlight: One Husband's Transition
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
Copyright 2003
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Stephanie had been an at-home parent for about 10 months, and loved it.But like many wives, she ran into resistance from her husband when shefirst expressed her desire to stay home with their children. Here's alook at how they worked through their conflicting stances.
Q: What was your husband's initial reaction when you brought upbecoming a SAH wife and mother?
He was dead set against it; said we were in no financial position toeven consider it. He was somewhat correct about that, but it was not asgrave as he initially made it out to be.
Q: How long did it take him to come around?
I first brought it up around September, when our second child was aninfant and we had two in daycare, nine hours a day. I resigned my jobin June, so 9 months.
Q: What kind of evidence/information did you use to sway him?
I drew up a detailed budget of how much I made in take-home pay, and howover half of that went for daycare tuition payments. Add gas, lunchesout, work clothes, dry cleaning, etc. Another biggie was the dramaticchange for the worse in our older son's behavior. He picked up allsorts of bad habits due to being moved up into an inadequately staffedroom at the daycare center. His other rooms were great, but this onewas a disaster! Also, I showed my husband that I could not keep up witha full time job, two kids in daycare, keeping house, and attending toour marriage without having a nervous breakdown. He finally got thepicture.
Q: Has your one-time hesitant husband ever expressed any resentment or regret that he agreed to bringing you home?
No, never. We compromised; I waited to resign until after he took abetter paying position and was in that job for about 6 months. We paiddown some debt, drew up a budget and socked away as much of my salary aspossible. We barely feel the pinch financially, which leads me tobelieve that my salary was virtually non-existent after expenses. Ithink most husbands worry about the finances first and are resistant tothe SAHM idea until you convince them that you will be okay without thatextra salary. And now my husband comments on the improvement in ourhousehold and children all of the time.
As Stephanie illustrated, money concerns can cause a knee-jerk "No way!"reaction from husbands when the stay-at-home subject is first laid onthe table. But keep those lines of communication open and look at allyour options, together. Then make family-focused decisions that bothspouses can support wholeheartedly.
Cheryl's latest book, is "Stay-at-Home Handbook: Advice on Parenting, Finances, Career,Surviving Each Day More" (InterVarsity Press, 2002). Visit
www.homebodies.org/bookstore/orderSAHH.htm
or write
Cheryl@homebodies.org
. You can also read her column on the Web at
www.gospelcom.net/homebodies/experts/cgochnauer/index.php
.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:01Z
Parent Your Teenager Into Adulthood
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Parent-Your-Teenager-Into-Adulthood
-
- /8956.html
2010-05-07T08:56:00Z
2010-05-07T08:56:00Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Parent Your Teenager Into Adulthood
Many people think that once their children become teenagers their parenting will become much easier. They figure that the days of physically caring for their children will be almost over and that somehow teens will want to take care of themselves from the day they hit 13. Those who hold these beliefs have never had a sick teenager in the house!
This has been a bad winter for the Chadwick household. The flu has hit us pretty hard and the only one that has managed to stay healthy isMamma Bear. While my kids are all teenagers, when they are sick, they want the same doting as a two-year-old child! They want mom home at all time and preferably at their side. #147;I need Kleenex...#148; #147;I need water.#148; #147;I feel awful, can you rub my head.#148;
When my 15-year-old daughter came down with the flu this winter, she reverted to her former child-like self. Normally, she is very independent and likes to take care of herself. She takes care of all areas of her life: finances, studies, care for her clothing, etc. When she got sick, however, all she wanted was for mom to be there, taking care of her. In fact, it was a busy week for this work-at-home mom and apparently I wasn't giving my girl enough attention. She was upstairs in her room and every time she needed something she would call me on my cell phone from the telephone in her room with her requests. As she began to feel a little better, but not totally well, she would call and say, #147;Mom where are you? I'm lonely!#148; So much for being independent!
My point is that no matter how grown up your teens seem to be they always need their parents. They need your advice, they need your listening ear, they need your watchful eye, they need to have you to be available for them, and when they are sick they need you to pamper them! So many parents make the mistake of giving their teens too much freedom and become too busy with other areas of their lives during the teenage years. Just because they may seem grown up on the outside, it doesn't mean they are grown up on the inside!
God has given us a responsibility to raise our children to love and worship Him and to choose to live a godly, moral life. He promises us in Proverbs 22:6 that if we teach our children to choose the right path, when they are older, they will remain upon it.
Don't give up this opportunity to parent your teenager into adulthood. You have the good fortune to be the most important influence at this critical time in their lives. It is from you that they will learn to make daily choices to follow God's ways, which is really the biblical definition of wisdom! Rise up to the challenge and before you know it they will be grown and making decisions on their own. Your parenting days are numbered; use this time well!
Patricia Chadwick is a freelance writer and columnist in several online publications. Visit her website and sign up for her FREE weekly newsletters at
www.parentsandteens.com
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:56:00Z
Attack of the Beenie Babies
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Attack-of-the-Beenie-Babies
-
- /8957.html
2010-05-07T08:55:59Z
2010-05-07T08:55:59Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>ATTACK OF THE BEANIE BABIES
By Cheryl Gochnauer
When I went garage saling last week, I was amazed to see all the marked-downBeanie Babies. I'm old enough to remember when Beanies sparked mania acrossour cities, and it's a little sad to see them tossed haphazardly incardboard crates on strangers' driveways.
Those who know me well are grinning as they read that last line. Theyremember how hard I fought my Beanie addiction - right up until Pugsley wonme over. But I'm getting ahead of the story. . . .
Let's flash back a few years, and re-live "Attack of the Beanie Babies", aHomebodies column I wrote in 1997:I refuse to give in to every whim that presents itself. I didn't adopt aCabbage Patch doll; refused to blow a fuse over Buzz Lightyear; managed toignore Tickle Me Elmo.
Amused, I watched as fellow moms collected all 101 Dalmatians and overdosedon Happy Meals in order to get every Teeny Beanie. Those littlepebble-stuffed animals seemed harmless enough.
But then Beanie Babies took on a life of their own. My friends -- grownwomen, mind you -- were going bonkers for Beanies. One lady waited in linefor three hours to purchase four (the limit). Another ran up long distancebills, calling out-of-town Hallmarks for leads on the elusive critters.
Teachers passed out Beanie Baby rosters and kids logged onto the Beanie BabyWebsite, with full-color photos and stats on each innocent-looking entry.
Everywhere, from grocery store to hardware shop, I noticed mountains ofbeanbag dolls, all (in my novice eyes) as cute as could be. "What's thedeal?" I asked my daughter, Karen. "There's all kinds of Beanie Babiesaround."
"Those aren't the REAL Beanies, Mom. See, the real ones have a little redheart with a poem."
"These have poems. And names, too," I persisted.
"They're all right, I guess," Karen sidetracked, but I knew she wasn'tconvinced.
It really didn't matter to me, anyhow. I thought the whole thing wasstupid, and so I shrugged it off and got on with my life.
Karen's birthday was in two weeks, and I was feeling the pressure of findingsomething a nine-year-old would like. Too old for toys; too young to besatisfied with new clothes.
The only thing she had shown an interest in was those Beanie Babies herfriends all had. All right. I'll get her a bunch of Beanies.
Little did I know. I should have been shopping for Beanies eight monthsago. We were in the midst of a Beanie drought. Babies on the Beanie blackmarket were bringing 10 times their face value.
A Hallmark clerk laughed in my face, saying yes, they did get a shipment ofBeanies in last week. All 120 were gone in 10 minutes.
What is there, some kind of Beanie Underground?
Rumor said a shop downtown had a stash, but the owner only sold to "private"customers. Maybe by dropping a name, I'd have some luck.
Forget it! My head was splitting with the injustice of it all.
Then I started getting calls from the Beanie hotline. Addicts phoned inleads. It was as surreal as Elvis sightings.
"There's a handful at the Odessa Outlet Mall!"
"A lady in Warsaw has one for $20. I'd take it."
"My cousin had some doubles. Let me check with her."
I resisted as long as I could, but then...I'm sorry...I get a littleemotional here.
I gave in.
I became a Beanie Weenie.
Memory clicked and I remembered a source who could get me a couple ofBeanies in time for Karen's birthday. Ironically, this same lady hadoffered each of my girls a free Beanie Baby a few months earlier. I hadlaughed at her then; now, I was scrambling for her phone number.
The Beanies were no longer free, but she had connections on the Internet.She could pull a few strings...and shamelessly, I let her.
Karen's' reaction to Pugsley and Blizzard was worth it all.
And that Pugsley...he's SO cute!
I've got to get a grip.(Comments? Email
cheryl@homebodies.org
, or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
. Her book, So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom, isavailable at your favorite bookstore. Copyright 2001 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:59Z
Online Resources for Stay-At-Home Parents
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Online-Resources-for-Stay-At-Home-Parents
-
- /8958.html
2010-05-07T08:55:57Z
2010-05-07T08:55:57Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>ON-LINE RESOURCES FOR STAY-AT-HOME PARENTS
1) At-Home Mothers
www.athomemothers.com
The National Association of At-Home Mothers offers complete support for theat-home motherhood lifestyle, including a quarterly magazine called At-HomeMother, as well as numerous other member benefits. NAAHM is "committed tofinding solutions to all of your at-home mothering concerns". Membership is$18 per year. You can get more information by writing the NationalAssociation of At-Home Mothers, 406 E. Buchanan Ave., Fairfield, IA 52556,or by e-mail:
information@AtHomeMothers.com
. Also take a look at theircomprehensive website, which offers free information, sample articles andInfo Guides, a bookstore of publications chosen specifically for at-homemothers, and much more.
2) Caring at Home
www.momsnetwork.com/suites/parentchild/caringathome/
Caring at Home is a non-profit organization operated by work at home momswho would like to make a difference in the lives of the nation's childrenand the people that care for them. They want to create a link among allpeople who share the same concern and help them reach the ears ofgovernmental decision-makers. Their motto: Together we can make adifference!
3) Cheapskate Monthly
www.cheapskatemonthly.com
Author Mary Hunt's Cheapskate Monthly is a 12-page newsletter published 12times a year and delivered either to your mailbox or via the Internet.Cheapskate Monthly's purpose is (1) to empower and educate those that areliving financially responsible lives to become even more effective moneymanagers, and (2) to help those who are struggling to live within theirmeans find practical and realistic solutions to their financial problems, toget out of debt and begin living joyfully beneath their means. Bothversions of Cheapskate Monthly are filled with tips, humor and greatinformation to help you stretch those dollars till they scream! Tosubscribe to Cheapskate Monthly, send a check or money order for $18.00 toCheapskate Monthly, P.O. Box 2135, Paramount, CA 90723-8135. For moreinformation, call (562) 630-6474.
4) Cyber Working Moms
www.cyberworking.com
Cyber Working Moms site was built to encourage working women who chose to stay at home with their children, by providing helpful information, encouragement, tips on how to make things easier and secondly for support and advice from other "work at home moms."
5) Daddy's Home
www.Daddyshome.com
An on-line resource for primary caregiver fathers.
6) The Dollar Stretcher
www.stretcher.com
The Dollar Stretcher is dedicated to "living better...for less" and featuresways to help you stretch your day and your budget. The website includes alibrary with over 3,000 free articles covering everything from babies tovacations. There are also three free electronic newsletters, as well as amonthly print newsletter that is available by paid subscription. The site'seditor, Gary Foreman, is a former Certified Financial Planner and purchasingmanager. If you want to save money, this is the place to start.
7) Hearts at Home
www.hearts-at-home.org
Founded by Jill Savage in 1993, Hearts at Home offers a variety of resourcesand events to assist women in their job as wife and mother. Resourcesinclude the Hearts at Home magazine, the Hearts at Home devotional, and theHearts at Home website. Additionally, Hearts at Home conferences make agreat getaway for individuals, moms' groups, or that special friend, sister,or sister-in-law. Regional conferences attended by over 10,000 women eachyear provide a unique, affordable and highly encouraging weekend for thewoman who takes the profession of motherhood seriously. Contact: Hearts atHome, 900 W. College Avenue, Normal, Illinois 61761. Phone: (309) 888-MOMS.
8) Home-Based Working Moms
www.hbwm.com
This is a professional association and an online community of parents whowork at home and those who would like to. HBWM members receive a monthly(print) newsletter, free advertising options, Hire-A-Mom directory listing,national publicity opportunities, e-mail discussion list, private messageboards, support, networking, information, more! Home-Based Working Moms,PO Box 500164, Austin, TX 78750. Phone: (512) 266-0900
9) Homebodies
www.homebodies.org
Author and speaker Cheryl Gochnauer's aim is to empower and encourageat-home parents and working mothers who are considering the at-homelifestyle by providing practical financial, emotional and career-planningadvice. Her website features columnists, resources and message boards whereyou can interact in a safe environment with likeminded parents around theworld. Read how she cut $1000 from her family's monthly budget:
www.homebodies.org/dollars.html
.
10) Main Street Moms
www.mainstreetmom.com
Main Street Moms is the online magazine for modern mothers with traditionalvalues. You will find articles on parenting, marriage, family budgeting,craft ideas, spiritual growth, family life, and more. You will also findlively discussion boards, free newsletters, and monthly contests. Foundedin 1998,
MainStreetMom.com
has developed into a community of at-home momswho network their ideas, joys, and frustrations. Money is tight for all ofus, but through sharing ideas, we help each other get through the toughtimes so that we can fully put our children first.
11) Miserly Moms
www.miserlymoms.com
Miserly Moms is a multi-faceted organization founded by Jonni McCoy in 1992.Jonni's goal is to help people (especially moms) get the tools that theirfamilies need to save money and spend more time together. Jonni writes booksand articles, teaches workshops, runs discussion groups, and does radio andtelevision appearances, all for the purpose of educating people on how toshop more wisely to stretch their dollar.
12) Mommies on the Web
www.mommiesontheweb.com
A site offering not only parenting information and articles, but alsosupport and friendship to all moms. Join the online community to meet andinteract with other mothers. Enjoy planned chats, special events, recipeexchanges, and many mailing lists. Or shop in the MomVentures mallfeaturing services and products offered by work at home moms.
13) Mommy Savers
www.mommysavers.com
This website is for thrifty moms who want the best for their families butdon't want to spend an arm and a leg to get it. The decision to be astay-at-home mom is one of the most difficult many new or prospectiveparents face. The main reason many parents feel it is not possible isfinancial. How can a couple with two wage-earners get by on one salary whileadding another member to the family? It certainly is not easy. While everyfamily is different, they all have one thing in common: nobody takes hometheir entire salary. That is where the cost of work comes in. To read therest of the article, go to
www.mommysavers.com/moneywise/cost_of_work.htm
14) MOMS Clubs International
www.momsclub.org
MOMS Clubs are exclusively for at-home mothers, no matter how old theirchildren are. Founded in California in 1983, they now have over 2200 chapters and over 110,000 members across the United States. MOMS Clubsmeet during the day, and children are welcome.
15) Moms Promoting Moms
www.joemamaproductions.com
Ann Diaz of Joe Mama Productions in Littleton, Colorado, has a great idea:She provides a business opportunity for parents who want to work from home -and the opportunity involves having that parent create opportunities forother parents who want to work from home. It's a real win-win. Says Ann, "Iam in the business of helping other work-at-home moms to be more successful,by presenting them to their local communities as a group, giving them aunique co-op type of marketing venue. I do this by publishing a bookletcalled Moms Inc.: Business Directory of Work-at-Home Moms T."
For a modest upfront fee, Ann provides essential materials, businessguidebook and marketing support that a person needs in order to create adirectory in her own city. "One of the great features of this businessopportunity is that your out-of-pocket expenses are very low. "When I wasdoing my first directory, I started from scratch and with no workingcapital. I didn't go to the printer until I had generated enoughadvertising income to pay for it. That way, there was no risk. If Ifailed, I would have simply returned everyone's checks. Fortunately, ittook off!"
Interested in creating a Moms Inc. directory for your city? For informationabout becoming a licensed publisher of Moms Inc.: Business Directory ofWork-at-Home Moms in your local area, or to find out if there's a Directorycoming soon to your area, contact Ann Diaz at (970) 593-0604; or e-mail:
joemamapro@aol.com
. You can also visit her web-site at
www.joemamaproductions.com
.
16) Mothers More
www.mothersandmore.org
Mothers More is an international not-for-profit organization supportingsequencing women - mothers who have altered their career paths in order tocare for their children at home. The organization addresses women'spersonal needs and interests during their active parenting years, promotesrecognition and respect for sequencing women, and respects the right ofevery mother to choose if and how she will combine parenting and paidemployment. Mothers More also acts as an advocate for public andemployment policies that accommodate sequencing. Visit their
website
orcall (800) 223-9399 to find a chapter close to you.
17) Mothers at Home
www.mah.org
Mothers At Home is the first and largest national non-profit organizationdedicated to the support and encouragement of at-home parenting. Founded in1984, Mothers At Home publishes an award-winning monthly journal, WelcomeHome, as well as books and information on at-home parenting issues. MothersAt Home serves as an advocate on behalf of at-home parents through mediainterviews, public policy analysis, and presentations to parenting groups.For more information visit our website, e-mail us at:
mah@mah.org
, call(800) 783-4666 for a free information packet, or write Mothers At Home,9493-C Silver King Ct., Fairfax, VA 22031.
18) Stay At-Home Dads
www.Slowlane.com
The Slowlane web site is a friendly online environment to help support,advocate and inform dads, with particular attention given to stay-at-homedads (SAHD). The site is a comprehensive collection of resources includingthose that handle the common issues like starting a playgroup with otherdads and running a home business as well as the tough issues (divorce,death, custody, etc.), so a dad who needs specific information will easily beable to find a resource to fit his personal search criteria.
19) Work-at-Home Moms
www.wahm.com
The Online Magazine for Work-at-Home Moms (
www.wahm.com
). This site ispacked with useful information about succeeding in the work-at-home mom(WAHM) arena. Excellent links and resources, plus a smattering of cartoonsand light commentary, make this an excellent resource for current WAHM's orWAHM wanna-be's.
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:57Z
One Habit At A Time
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/One-Habit-At-A-Time
-
- /8959.html
2010-05-07T08:55:55Z
2010-05-07T08:55:55Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>One Habit At A Time
Copyright 2003 Deborah Taylor-Hough
Used with permission on DrLaura.com. All rights reserved.
hometown.aol.com/dsimple/
I've been told it takes four to six weeks for any action tobecome a habit. So, keeping that in mind, one way I'mgoing to insure my success at keeping my New Year'sresolutions this year is by working on only one newhabit at a time each month. Then, every time I turn toa new calendar page, I'll work on developing a differentgood habit.
At the end of the year, I could easily have twelve newpositive habits in my life. Once something's becomea habit, it's simply a part of my life and not somethingI'll even have to think about anymore.
Here are some sample goals and habits I'm planning toimplement throughout the coming year (in no particularorder -- taken one at time, one per month):
Use both an aerobic video and my exercise equipment 3-4 times per week
Spend 20-30 minutes reading aloud to my children everyday
Get up at 5am for personal prayer, and Bible study
Work on my next book for half an hour everyday
Spend ten minutes each day decluttering
If I had started the New Year off by attempting to doall of these things at the same time, I know I would'vebecome overwhelmed, and then given up long before anyof these activities became habitual and second-nature.
What's the area of life you're most concerned about?Exercise? Weight loss? Healthy eating? Gettingorganized? Saving money? Spending more time withyour kids? Break your goal down into simple steps thatyou can easily manage, and then start working your wayto your goal, one small step at a time.
As the old cliche' says: How do you eat an elephant? ...One bite at a time. By making small and consistentchanges, it's possible to change your health, your body,and your life.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Deborah Taylor-Hough (free-lance writer and mother ofthree) is the author of several books including
'FrozenAssets: How to cook for a day and eat for a month
,' andthe brand new 'Frugal Living For Dummies(r)' (Wiley,mid-January '03). Debi also edits the free Simple Timese-newsletter:
subscribe-simple-times@ds.xc.org
Visit Debi online at:
hometown.aol.com/dsimple/
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:55Z
Summer Family Time
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Summer-Family-Time
-
- /8960.html
2010-05-07T08:55:54Z
2010-05-07T08:55:54Z
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:54Z
Shopping For Groceries
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Shopping-For-Groceries
-
- /8961.html
2010-05-07T08:55:54Z
2010-05-07T08:55:54Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Shopping For Groceries
Jodie Lynn
www.ParentToParent.com
"Mom, can I push the cart?" "Can I do it this week mom -- you PROMISED!" "It's my turn -- nooooooooooooo...MOM!!!!!!!!!"
With everyone's eyes glaring at you, you know THOSE eyes from the other 92 grocery store customers, (yeah, those eyes) -- you feel like disappearing.
Does this scenario sound and feel familiar? Well, if it does, it's only just the beginning -- really, right as you step inside the door this fiasco begins. Right? This is especially nerve wrecking on work-at-home moms because you never get a break from the kids.
Here are a few doable tips that might work for your crew:
Tell them what behavior you expect and the consequences if they don't.
Follow through on the consequences.
If they begin to cry or throw a fit, leave the store and come home with nothing.
Help them make a wish list and they can bring it into the store.
Make your own list.
Tell them you are going to buy only what is on your list because they are the things you need to make meals.
Tell them you will buy one thing off of their wish list if their behavior is acceptable but do not use the word "promise."
Don't give into whining.
Let them help to add things to the cart.
Make it a fun time by asking them to find an item -- this also helps them to learn to read.
If they are old enough, let them bring a hand held calculator and add up the items -- this teaches math skills as well as responsibilities.
Go early in the morning or late in the evening when crowds are smaller and you can spend a little more time asking and answering questions.
If you are in a rush, leave them at home with dad, baby-sitter or friend.
Remember, all moms are working moms and are the real CEOs in life. Check out my new Mommy,CEO totes, cups and T-shirts on the ParentToParent.com website and order yours today. They are beautiful, practical and washable. Come on moms -- tell and show the world who you are!
Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest paperback book is
Mommy-CEO, revised edition, Martin-Ola Press
. (It's not just for moms!) -- check out her new e-book, "Syndication Secrets" at
ParentToParent.com
for more details. We now have new Mommy, CEO merchandise and logo! copy:2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:54Z
Welcome to Stay-At-Home on DrLaura.com
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Welcome-to-Stay-At-Home-on-DrLaura.com
-
- /8962.html
2010-05-07T08:55:53Z
2010-05-07T08:55:53Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Welcome to Stay-At-Home on DrLaura.com
The most frequently asked question on my radio show is "How can I become a stay at home mom?" So, in response to everyone who wants to know the steps to take to stay home or for parents who need moral support, tips or advice, we are debuting a new section on my website, devoted to YOU and your needs. yuml; You'll find success stories from parents who are committed to staying at home and making it work-- they'll tell you in their own words how they did it.
You can also get ideas and information on how to make money at home to supplement the family income, as well as seminars, associations and more!
I promise you, you'll want to keep visiting my website for new tips and to read about people like Lisa Barnes, who started Baby Bee, Inc. Lisa found a way to stay at home and to help less fortunate children at the same time.
There are only two types of mothers. The ones who happily stay at home and the ones who wish they could.
Will Rogers once said, "Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." I hope my website will be the vehicle to help you take charge of your life.
So if you stay at home or just dream about being home with your little bunchkins take a look at the entire Stay-At-Home section on my website.
-- Dr. Laura
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:53Z
Party At A Progressive Dinner
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Party-At-A-Progressive-Dinner
-
- /8963.html
2010-05-07T08:55:52Z
2010-05-07T08:55:52Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>PARTY AT A PROGRESSIVE DINNER
By Cheryl Gochnauer
The best banquet in town won't be found at the buffet down the street. Ifyou want a great blend of friends, food and fun that won't cost you abundle, try a progressive dinner.
THE MORE, THE MERRIER. Round up a couple of dozen of your buddies anddivide them into four groups. From each group, choose one person tovolunteer their home as a stop on your tantalizing tour.
Usually, it's best to choose houses close to each other, so drive time isminimized. Draft mini-van owners to ferry people from point to point, soyou don't freak your neighbors out with 20 cars in your driveway.
VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE. Split the party menu into appetizers,salads, entrees and desserts, then assign each course to a different house.A group of 20, for instance, would break out like this:
House No. 1: five appetizers.
House No. 2: five salads.
House No. 3: five entrees.
House No. 4: five desserts.
Avoid repetition by coordinating with others assigned the same course.Brownies are great, but you don't want to face five or six pans of them whenyou could have pie...and cake...and cookies...and ice cream sundaes...andcobblers...and whatever other goodies your imaginative friends cook up.
Hosts furnish ice and soft drinks; everyone else provides their favoritetreat. Make enough of each dish so everyone can have a sample.
PROGRESSIVE PRE-PLANNING: When they sign up for the dinner, have each familypitch in a dollar or two to cover the cost of paper goods and utensils,which will be transported to each location.
Drop off dishes at the respective houses ahead of time, simmering in CrockPots or cooling in refrigerators. Choose heated foods that can bemicrowaved or otherwise warmed quickly. You don't want to be stuck cookingan entree at House No. 3 while everyone else is munching on appetizers atHouse No. 1.
GRUB AND GAMES: Tie a group activity to each stop. While everyone snacks,draw them into a rousing round of Pictionary, Charades, Truth or Dare, orother favorite game. Peg the last house as the place where everyone goesbelly-up for a movie marathon or other low-key activity.
T.J. Stephens, who's chomped through many a smorgasbord with his Lee'sSummit church group, offers this advice: "The key to these dinners is, youkeep standing up. That way, you can eat more."
And when you're done pigging out, and you've got to sit somewhere? "Youdon't," T.J. says. "You just lay down."
(Cheryl Gochnauer is queen of her castle in Kansas City, Missouri. You may write her at
Cheryl@homebodies.org
, or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
. Her book, "
So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom
," isavailable through
Dr. Laura#146;s Reading Corner
. Copyright2001 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:52Z
You Can Be an At-Home Parent Too!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/You-Can-Be-an-At-Home-Parent-Too!
-
- /8964.html
2010-05-07T08:55:51Z
2010-05-07T08:55:51Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>You Can Be an At-Home Parent Too!
At-Home Parent Profiles
Name: Stephanie Schultz
Home State: Wisconsin
Number Ages of Children: 3#151;4 yrs., 2 yrs., 5 months
Stephanie and her husband Steven live in a small town where family is a high priority. Steven is a full-time firefighter.
At-Home Parenting Obstacle Encountered (e.g. income, self-esteem from job, husband not supportive, etc.)
: When their second child was born Stephanie desperately wanted to stay home full time. She was working as an administrative assistant at a small insurance firm. Steven was resisting because they had just purchased a house and Stephanie#146;s income was essential in making the payment (or so he thought).
How They Overcame this Obstacle
: With her maternity leave nearly over Stephanie decided to find out for herself just how much her income was contributing to the total family income. She carefully recorded all of her work expenses including the obvious child care that would increase with the new baby, car expenses traveling to work, wardrobe; and less obvious expenses such as office gifts, lunches out, more convenience foods and eating out for the whole family, etc. When she subtracted this amount from her net pay, she was shocked to find out that the total amount of actual net income she would be providing was only $35/week! Stephanie was certain that she could save at least this amount by buying less pre-packaged foods, paying attention to sales and coupons, etc. For two weeks she tested her theory and ended up saving over $75 on groceries and household purchases alone.
Stephanie turned in her resignation the next day, and since then has found numerous other ways to save on utilities, refinancing their mortgage, and so on. She has also started selling a very unique line of dried flower wreaths, gift boxes, etc. at a local consignment shop which has provided a small but steady additional income. The Schultzes estimate that they are financially ahead about $250/month over what they were when Stephanie was working, plus they have the added priceless value of having a parent home full-time with their children.
For more information on Your REAL Take Home Pay,
click here
.
Parents profiled in this feature are members of the National Association of At-Home Mothers. For more information or if you#146;d like to be profiled
click here
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:51Z
The Popularity Game: Teaching Kids How To Cope
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Popularity-Game:-Teaching-Kids-How-To-Cope
-
- /8965.html
2010-05-07T08:55:50Z
2010-05-07T08:55:50Z
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:50Z
Getting Your Kids to Brush Their Teeth
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Getting-Your-Kids-to-Brush-Their-Teeth
-
- /8966.html
2010-05-07T08:55:50Z
2010-05-07T08:55:50Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Getting Your Kids to Brush Their Teeth
By Armin Brott
www.mrdad.com
Dear Mr. Dad: Our five-year old refuses to brush his teeth-almost every night my wife and I end up screaming at him (and each other) and he ends up in tears. We're thinking about bagging the whole idea. Does he really need to be brushing his teeth at this age? If so, what can we do to make the process a little less miserable for all of us (and our neighbors, who probably think we're torturing our son)?
A: Okay, here's something you probably didn't know: dental caries (better known as tooth decay or cavities) is a disease, not just a hole in a tooth. Actually, it's the single most common chronic childhood disease-far more common than asthma and obesity, according to the California Dental Association. And to make matters worse, tooth decay is contagious, just like the measles, the flu, and small pox. The bacteria that cause decay can be passed from one person to another by kissing or sharing drinking cups or silverware.
Pain and suffering due to untreated tooth decay can lead to problems in eating, speaking and paying attention in school. In other words, cavities hurt. And having them filled hurts too. (New laser treatments are promising to make cavities and fillings pain free. But don't tell mention that to your child.)
One way to avoid cavities is to make sure your child brushes twice a day, every day with a soft brush. This comes directly from the top, the ADA. Unfortunately, until your child is about six years old, he won't have the coordination to brush his teeth on his own. He can get the process started, but you'll need to give his mouth a once-over to make sure the job gets done right.
As your child gets older, show him how to brush with a fluoride toothpaste and floss on his own. There are all kinds of flavored flosses out there that you can buy to make to task less onerous. You also might want to pick up some disclosing tablets or drops at your local pharmacy. You may remember these tablets from grade school. When you chew them or swish the drops around any unbrushed spots on the teeth will show up red. Use the tablets or drops every day for the first week that your child is brushing solo. Then cut back to once or twice a week.
If your child refuses to brush, you've got a few options.
Sticks. Taking away some privileges or treats until the teeth start gleaming.
Carrots. Incentives and rewards for doing the job right. This is generally more successful then punishment.
Scare tactics. Caring for your teeth and gums does more than improve your smile and your breath. The bacteria that cause tooth decay can get into the bloodstream, where they increase the risk of ulcers, pneumonia, digestive problems, heart disease, stroke, and diabetes. This is absolutely true.
Gum and candy. Yep. But not just any kind. It has to be sugar free and sweetened with xylitol, a natural sweetener that keeps bacteria from sticking to teeth. Chewing gum with xylitol for five minutes after each meal has been shown to reduce cavities.
Sealants. About 80 percent of cavities in kids are on the tops of their molars, and studies have shown that sealing these teeth with a special kind of resin is extremely successful in preventing cavities.
Armin Brott bestselling
books
have helped millions of men around the world become the fathers they want to be-and their children need them to be. His most recent is Fathering Your School-Age Child. Armin has been a guest on
hundreds of radio and television shows
, writes a nationally syndicated column, "Ask Mr. Dad," and hosts a weekly radio show. He and his family live in Oakland, California. You can contact him at
armin@mrdad.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:50Z
Moments for Mom
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Moments-for-Mom
-
- /8967.html
2010-05-07T08:55:48Z
2010-05-07T08:55:48Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Moments for Mom
By Elisabeth K. Corcoran
Another family moment within the confines of the minivan#133;
oh minivan, sweet minivan
. Sara and Jack were being their normal kinda loud, sometimes aggravating selves, carrying on their occasional kinda frustrating, kinda maddening minivan behavior. They were arguing over a book or something#133;you know the kind of thing where that book has sat there for probably 2 months, but because one of them was reading it, the other just had to have it right then and there. So, I was doing my typical best to tune them out with the radio, or prayer, or some type of mantra like, #147;I am not going crazy#133;I am not going to lose my mind#133;this too shall pass#133;#148; When all of the sudden, Sara gives Jack the book and says to me, #147;Mommy #150; I want to ask you a question.#148; #145;Okay#146;, I said, almost a little afraid. #147;Did you have two kids so that we would fight and leave you alone?#148; Before the words, #147;Oh, don#146;t be silly#133;Mommy and Daddy had two kids because we wanted to have a family to love and take care of, blah blah blah#148;, could come out of my mouth, I said, #145;Pretty much.#146; And she said, #147;That#146;s what I thought.#148;
This was one of those times when seizing the teachable moment felt a little out of reach#133;my reserves were spent and I had nothing to give. Did I feel even the slightest bit guilty that I answered my sensitive and inquisitive daughter with sarcasm? Not really. What can I say #150; some days my head hits the pillow a little lighter than others#133;this was just not one of those days. But there are other days when I realize after the fact that one of those sometimes illusive teachable moments has happened #150; and I had no idea.
A while ago, my daughter was having a meltdown in public#133;you know the kind, where you have to physically remove the child from the store kicking and screaming? How pleasant. Well, she#146;s yelling things at me, within earshot of several customers and clerks, and I was cringing at what I heard (but couldn#146;t help smiling a bit too). Because she wasn#146;t yelling things like #147;I hate you, Mom!#148;, for which I was truly grateful; instead she chose to tell me the following: #147;I#146;m disappointed in you! I#146;m telling Daddy about this when he gets home! You#146;re being disobedient!
You need a consequence!
#148; Wonder where she got all of that?! That little girl of mine is listening to me#133;
and learning
.
And then there was the time when we were driving down the road and there was a man holding a sign that said, #147;Will work for food#148;. Well, I felt the nudge of the Spirit to buy him lunch, so I went up to McDonald#146;s and then drove back around again to bring it to him. It was hard to be inconspicuous as I had to stop traffic, roll down the passenger side window and sort of yell to get his attention#133;so Sara, of course, wanted to know what I was doing. I explained it simply and that was that #150; we never talked about it again. Until about six months later when we were driving down that same street and passed that corner#133;the man was not there this time, but my 6-year-old Sara said to me, #147;Mommy, do you remember that time you gave that man lunch?#148; And I said, #145;Yes, honey, I remember#146;, almost trembling because I had no idea she had that capacity for memory. And she said softly, #147;Mommy, that was so generous of you.#148; She is watching me#133;
and learning
.
So by all means, grab those teachable moments when you see them. But cut yourself some slack when you just can#146;t muster up a creative comeback#133;because they are watching you
all
of the time (and I do mean this as an encouragement!).
copy; Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2003. Elisabeth K. Corcoran is the author of
Calm in My Chaos: Encouragement for a Mom#146;s Weary Soul
. She is wife to Kevin, and mom to Sara, 6--1/2, and Jack, 5. Her passion is encouraging women and she fulfills that through heading up the Women#146;s Ministries at Blackberry Creek Community Church in Aurora, IL and writing as much as she can. Calm in My Chaos (2001) can be purchased directly through her publisher, Kregel Publications at #1-888-644-0500 or www.kregel.com, at
DrLaura.com
, or through a local Christian bookstore. This column is original and not excerpted from her book. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:48Z
Dare You! Get Rid of the Sugar: Watch The Benefits Come On In
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/-Dare-You!-Get-Rid-of-the-Sugar:-Watch-The-Benefits-Come-On-In
-
- /8968.html
2010-05-07T08:55:47Z
2010-05-07T08:55:47Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>I Dare You! Get Rid of the Sugar:
Watch The Benefits Come On In
By Connie Bennett, C.H.H.C.
www.sugarshockblog.com
You may find it really tough to believe that eating tempting, tasty desserts and processed, quickie carbs can dramatically harm your moods, energy levels, relationships, libido, thought processes and overall health.
This is why I flat out invite you to doubt my claim. Go ahead: Do NOT believe me! Do NOT take my word for it.
That's right. Be skeptical of my emphatic assertion that fast-acting, processed culprit carbs can greatly endanger you.
For three weeks, eat only high-quality protein, veggies, fruits, legumes, nuts, seeds, fats, and whole grains. (Beware of gluten if you have sensitivity to it.) Then, as you test out this sugar-free way of eating, take a step back and assess how you feel.
Tune into your body and emotions. Jot down some thoughts. Do you:
Have more energy?
Feel more focused?
Feel more cheerful?
Have improved libido?
Find getting up in the morning more enjoyable?
What other benefits, if any, are you experiencing?
At that point, make a decision. You may choose to stick to your new sugar-free habits, because your benefits are just so tremendous.
But if, after those 21 days, you're still not convinced of the value of going sugar-free or almost sugar-free, then allow yourself one single day of indulgence. (Please do this only if your doctor gives you permission and you don't have a medical condition such as hypoglycemia or diabetes. Bear in mind, however, that I'm not giving medical advice here.)
Now, please remember: I'm NOT recommending that you pig out. I'm merely presenting the idea that you may wish to partake of polite portions of pasta, pizza, pastries, soda, wine, candies, cookies, cakes or other "taboo" foods on that one designated day.
After indulging, step back again and watch yourself very closely. In fact, study yourself dispassionately and observe yourself as if you were a lab rat. Get out your pen again and take more notes.
How do you feel a half hour after ingesting sweets?
How do you feel an hour after caving into your carb cravings?
How do you feel 2 hours later?
How do you feel the very next day?
How do you feel 2 days later after your deliberate indiscretion?
What specific emotions and sensations are you feeling?
Are you experiencing a feeling of hyperactivity?
Are you feeling more cranky and crabby?
Are you feeling really wired or high -- and then later really tired or low?
Are you completely crashing energy-wise?
Are you short on drive to get things done?
Be really specific. I'm absolutely convinced that you'll be completely flabbergasted by the wonderful benefits.
Connie Bennett is a former sugar addict and author of SUGAR SHOCK! (Berkley Books), with Stephen Sinatra, M.D. Connie helps thousands to break free of their debilitating sugar habit through the 21-Day, Stop SUGAR SHOCK! Countdown Diet(tm). Connie is a certified holistic health counselor and an experienced journalist, who has contributed to eDiets.com, The Los Angeles Times, and many other media outlets. Take the fun, provocative SUGAR SHOCK! Quiz at
www.sugarshockblog.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:47Z
From Career to At-Home Mothering: Mastering The Transition
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/From-Career-to-At-Home-Mothering:-Mastering-The-Transition
-
- /8969.html
2010-05-07T08:55:45Z
2010-05-07T08:55:45Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>National Association of At-Home Mothers
Info Guide #31
From Career to At-Home Mothering: Mastering The Transition
You've thought it over, weighed the pros and cons, and changed your mind a half dozen times. You long for the positives of being a full-time parent#151;the opportunity to guide and nurture full time, the security of knowing that you can be there whenever your children need you, the freedom from feeling yourself spread tissue paper-thin trying to juggle too many demands on your time and energy. You've certainly acknowledged the drawbacks#151;decreased family income, the possibility you'll feel bored or isolated, loss of the status your career has afforded. But finally one day something clicks. You realize you don't
want
to go back to your job a few short weeks or months after you've given birth. Or you realize that your kids have bonded with, and later had to say good-bye to, too many caregivers. Or you realize that, despite the "official" policy, your boss really does hold it against you when you miss work to attend your child's kindergarten play. You make the decision#151;you're going to be an at-home mother#151;and a good one, to boot. You feel a tremendous sense of relief just from finally making the decision.
But making a successful transition to this new way of life requires a bit more than just giving two weeks' notice to your boss and smiling during your going away party. It requires attending to the process of transition itself. You already know how important a good start is for future success. A good start is a gift you want to give your children, one of the reasons you've chosen at-home parenting. And by understanding the nature of transitions, it's a gift you can give yourself as well.
Transitions are, by definition, a process of moving from the old and
familiar
to the new and
unknown
. And no matter how tiresome or difficult the old, familiar way was, moving into the unknown can be difficult and downright scary. Even when the change is one you really desire. If you don't believe it, just think about what it was like to be an adolescent. You couldn't
wait
to be grown-up. You probably screamed bloody murder if someone treated you like a child (especially when you were acting like one) but in truth you simply hadn't yet mastered the skills to function successfully as an adult. And to make the whole thing even more complicated, you felt you couldn't admit that there were times when you really
wanted
the security of childhood. It was a crazy-making time.
But that's just the nature of transition#151;not quite knowing who you are anymore, and not quite feeling like you fit. It's the desperation of having one foot on the dock and the other on a moving boat. And if being an at-home mother is new for you, you're going to experience some degree of distress in making the change. So what things can you do to master the transition?
Recognize that the transition to at-home parenting is stressful
. You need to take
better
care of yourself during the changeover#151;get plenty of sleep, pay attention to nutrition, make time to exercise. The tricky part here is that you may find yourself feeling morally obligated to spend every waking minute doing for your family because that is your new "job." Fight the temptation. You're infinitely more valuable as a role model than a servant. Hopefully what you're modeling is that full-time parenting doesn't mean exhaustion and martyrdom.
Guard against taking on the entire job of parenting yourself
. Your children have a father, too, and it's important that his contributions are still seen as essential even though Mom is now around a lot more. Your husband may at first be delighted that you may have time for the vacuuming or bathtime or shopping or whatever chores were his when you both were employed outside the home. But he can soon start to feel like an outsider if he is suddenly "excused" from participation just because you're at home with the kids now.
Plan to be the real you, and to let your family see who that is
. It's tempting to try to become some combination of Martha Stewart and Mother Theresa, but if that's not who you are, it's not likely to work very well. You can choose to become a gourmet cook or an expert in child development if you want, but keep in mind that neither is necessary to be a really great parent. There are lots of ways to be a wonderful mother; finding your own is the key to real success.
Set aside time to be a couple
. Keep communicating, and be sure that you do have things to talk about besides the children. If money is tight, find another couple with whom you can swap kids so that you can have the occasional night out alone.
Actively seek out a support network
. Although there may not seem to be many at-home mothers these days (there are only two on my street), they are out there if you look. Your church group, the YWCA, toddler story hour at the library, neighborhood parks#151;all are places where you are likely to meet kindred spirits who share your lifestyle.
Accept that you're going to feel some real sadness or grief
over the things you've given up in order to be an at-home mom. And you may in fact feel worse before you feel better. Especially on those thankfully-infrequent but absolutely-inevitable days when the washing machine breaks down and the baby has the croup and you hear that your worst enemy from high school has been named Vice President of some Fortune 500 company. It's only human to have at least a
little
sadness or envy or regret, or even anger, that you're no longer primarily out there in the world of grownups. Allow yourself to experience these unpleasant emotions#151;and know they will pass.
Set aside some time each week, even if it's in small increments, to fill up your brain
. Read a book about anything but children. Write poetry, or an essay entitled, "Who I Am Now." Take a class in something you know nothing about. Attend a lecture. Call your smartest friend to discuss philosophy, or politics, or the space program. Otherwise, it's easy for you to forget how really bright you are.
Find some external rewards for the work you do
. Face it, there aren't a lot of job promotions and pay raises in the at-home world, and believe it or not, those warm feelings of self-satisfaction don't always do the trick. Maybe you need your husband or mother or best friend to tell you periodically that you're doing a terrific job. Let them know you need it.
Establish goals
. They can be extravagant or simple, short-term or long-term#151;having some of each is best. Do you plan to teach your children French? To take them to the park three times a week? To build a new redwood deck during naptimes? To breastfeed for eight months? To start a home catering business? To make two new friends who are also at-home mothers? Whatever your goals may be, write them down and check your progress once a month. So much of parenting is more about daily maintenance than about achievement; it helps to know you're accomplishing as well.
Remind yourself (daily!) that this is the course you have chosen
. Bumps in the road are a little easier to handle if it's a road we want to be on. And as most at-home mothers will tell you, there will be those times that you'll be dismissed with a bored or pitying look by others after you respond to the question, "What kind of work do you do?" It's annoying, even hurtful. But if you know in your own mind that you have chosen to spend this time at home to nurture your children, others' opinions about it will matter a whole lot less.
Re-evaluate periodically
, perhaps once a year or so, in much the same way you used to have an "annual review" at work. Ask yourself how you are doing, how the children are doing, how the family as a whole is doing. Revisit your original reasons for being at home, and determine whether they still apply. Don't be surprised if you find that it has been one of the most rewarding years of your life, and that you wouldn't
think
of going back to the old lifestyle. Obviously the opposite is a possibility, too. What is most likely, however, is that you will discover at-home mothering is very much like the rest of life#151;lots of wonderfulness with just enough unpleasant stuff to keep you from becoming smug.
It is clear that children need the grownups in their lives to
want
to be with them. It's also a safe bet that they can tell if you don't. If you honestly find that you can't summon any joy or warmth or enthusiasm for at-home mothering, then do everyone a favor and make some changes. Talk over with your husband how you are feeling, and see if you can come up with solutions together. Consider other ways for you to fill your emotional tank. Perhaps if your children are school-aged, going back to work part-time will give you the balance you need while allowing you to spend time with your children. Look at your options, try something new, and of course, be prepared for another transition! Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:45Z
How to Get the Support and Understanding You Need for At-Home Mothering from Friends and Family
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-to-Get-the-Support-and-Understanding-You-Need-for-At-Home-Mothering-from-Friends-and-Family
-
- /8970.html
2010-05-07T08:55:44Z
2010-05-07T08:55:44Z
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:44Z
Un-Stick Your Habits and Stick-To Your Diet
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Un-Stick-Your-Habits-and-Stick-To-Your-Diet
-
- /8971.html
2010-05-07T08:55:44Z
2010-05-07T08:55:44Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Un-Stick Your Habits and Stick-To Your Diet
Kenneth Schwarz, PhD
Julie Schwarz
www.mariaslastdiet.com
Sticking to a weight loss diet plan takes more than wanting to lose weight. It takes more than posting a food plan on the fridge. You need to have a plan for changing the things you do so automatically that bring your diet down every time.
Sticking to it is too hard when your habits keep working against you. You can actually change those habits so they work for you. You may think changing your ways is too difficult, but it's not. What it takes is recognizing that you do certain things without thinking and it continually gets in your way. That's the trick. These are the things that cause you to fight against yourself when you diet. They keep their power over you only when you don't stop to notice them.
Here is a list of habits that will sabotage your weight loss diet plan again and again, no matter how good a plan it is. You probably don't have all of these habits, but even one or two can mean the difference between staying on and going off.
Which of these anti-diet habits do you stick to?
I hang out with people who overeat
I don't ask anyone for support when I diet
I try to be perfect
I put everyone else's needs first
I always expect to lose the weight fast
I don't speak up for myself
I never look in the full length mirror
I see every cheat as a failure
I don't leave time to relax
I engage in negative self-talk
I don't reward myself for my accomplishments
I don't anticipate high risk eating situations
I don't acknowledge painful feelings
I blame myself for everything
I keep very tempting foods in the house
I don't get enough sleep
I take on too many tasks at one time
I set unrealistic goals for myself
I pick diets that don't fit my lifestyle
I don't admit how I feel about my weight
Take the three habits you have that you think are the stickiest and begin to take them seriously.
Ask these important questions:
When do they occur most?
What purpose do they serve?
When did they start?
Are there other situations in my life besides dieting where these habits come into play?
Are they really necessary to my life?
Can I see myself living without them?
Would life be better without them?
Giving this kind of careful consideration to your habits, realizing the effect they have on you, will motivate you to change them. For example, if you have habit #1, you can try not to spend a lot of time with people who overeat, especially in the beginning of the diet when you are most vulnerable. If you have habit #2, you can try to ask for support the next time you diet because helping relationships are essential to diet success. If you have habit #3, you can stop trying to be perfect because no one is perfect. When you learn to accept your slips, you can pick yourself up after and continue on to diet success.
You won't suddenly erase these habits from your repertoire of behaviors, but believe it or not the most important thing is to notice them, admit them, acknowledge them. This has a powerful effect. Take stock of all the anti-diet things you do day after day without so much as a second thought. Question these things, give them that second thought, think about them, and you will begin to un-stick them. Then you can go ahead and put your effort into turning things around.
After all, you deserve habits that work for you when you diet.
copy; 2007 Maria's Last Diet
Dr. Kenneth Schwarz, a psychologist and psychoanalyst, and Julie North Schwarz are the founders of Maria's Last Diet, an online weight loss support website for women. At Maria's Last Diet, you'll find tools to fix the thoughts, feelings, and automatic habits that fight against you when you diet. It's never just about the food. Visit
www.mariaslastdiet.com
for more weight loss tips and dieting support. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:44Z
Tips for At-Home Mothering Success
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Tips-for-At-Home-Mothering-Success
-
- /8972.html
2010-05-07T08:55:43Z
2010-05-07T08:55:43Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Tips for At-Home Mothering Success
Whether you are a seasoned at-home mother, or contemplating this choice, here are a few key tips to help ensure that at-home mothering is a positive experience for you and your family.
Communicate
. Clear communication between you and your spouse is vital. You must
both
feel that this is the right choice for your family. Write out your reasons for choosing at-home mothering, and your priorities as a family. Discuss how the chores and childcare will be divided, how you#146;ll manage financially, how you#146;ll schedule time for yourselves and your marriage, and any other issues that are important to both of you.
Create a support system
. It is likely that past co-worker friends or those without children will not be able to relate to your lifestyle. Finding a new set of mothering friends will help you avoid isolation and loneliness. Nothing is more helpful than connecting with others who have the same concerns, frustrations and joys. Check bulletin boards at grocery stores, libraries, etc. for a playgroup or mother#146;s group in your area. If you can#146;t find one, start one yourself with mothers in your neighborhood. Making an effort to meet other at-home mothers is well worth it, and may lead to meaningful, life-long friendships.
Re-evaluate family finances
. Giving up a second income may not be as hard as you think. After subtracting childcare and other costs of working, such as wardrobe, commuting, convenience meals out, office gifts, etc., you may be surprised just how little you were actually bringing home. You may be able to make up the difference by carefully looking for ways to save. If you still can#146;t make ends meet, at-home contract work, or a small home business can bring in the income you need. An added bonus is that you may keep your skills up-to-date, have more adult interaction and higher self-esteem.
Develop a sense of mission
. With all the demands of mothering, its easy to get lost in the endless daily chores and details, and loose the big picture. Developing a #147;mission statement#148; and an #147;action plan#148; much like a business does, will help you: clarify your priorities and goals, make better parenting and financial decisions, see your progress and accomplishments, and allow you to let go of those things that are less important. Write down what you#146;d like to accomplish as a mother, wife and person. List concrete actions you could take. Schedule activities to begin to accomplish your goals. Most importantly, be flexible to allow for inevitable interruptions and the changing needs of your family.
Remember your priorities
. There will always be housework and a multitude of other demands on your time, energy and attention. Don#146;t forget that spending time with and caring for your children is your priority. Remind yourself daily that this is the course you have
chosen
. Bumps in the road are a little easier to handle if its a road we want to be on.
copy; 1999 National Association of At-Home Mothers. All rights reserved. Permission granted for use on drlaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:43Z
The Trouble With Fat Kids
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-Trouble-With-Fat-Kids
-
- /8973.html
2010-05-07T08:55:41Z
2010-05-07T08:55:41Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>The Trouble With Fat Kids
Men's Health Magazine
It's Halloween night, the last trick-or-treater's gone, you're staring at your kid's bulging bag of candy on the table.
As you open the bag and begin to eye the treats hungrily, you askyourself: "Is there any chance some of this candy could actually be good for my kids?"
"You bet!" says a special report in the November issue of MEN'S HEALTH magazine.
Or at least let's say that you, as the parent, could use that candy to teach your kids a few things about nutrition and self-control...
...which would be a very good idea since kids in the US are quickly becoming overweight and obese at an almost-epidemic rate.
Take a look around you...childhood obesity is a giant problem.
In fact, here's some shocking statistics...just days before Halloween:
ONE IN SEVEN U.S. KIDS IS OVERWEIGHT OR OBESE, a jump of 50% in 20 years.
A KID'S RISK OF BECOMING OBESE DOUBLES FOR EVERY HOUR OF TV HE WATCHES...and the average kid watches 21 hours of TV a week.
THE AVERAGE KID EATS ABOUT 1,900 CALORIES EVERY DAY...but their bodies only need 800-1,300. AND HERE'S THE KILLER: Fat kids grow up to be fat adults...and are at dramatically greater risk of succumbing to diabetes, heart disease, colon cancer and other diseases associated being overweight.
DO STATISTICS LIKE THESE SCARE YOU? They should.
BUT HERE'S THE STATISTIC THAT SHOULD SCARE YOU THE MOST:
A kid's #1 role model when it comes to diet and healthy-eating are his parents...
...so what you do next with your kid's bag of Halloween candy may determine whether he or she grows up to be healthy and fit, or fat and plagued with significant health problems for life.
Because the rate at which kids in the U.S. are becoming overweight and obese is at a level that is almost-epidemic, Men's Health magazine is offering a special report on childhood obesity titled: "
The Trouble with Fat Kids
". (Not all content in MensHealth.com is endorsed by the Dr. Laura Program)
This special report is stuffed full of tips and ideas on how you, as the parent, can take control of your family's weight and the future of their health.
For more information on MEN'S HEALTH, go to
www.menshealth.com
. (Not all content in MensHealth.com is endorsed by the Dr. Laura Program)
Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:41Z
Mom On A Mission
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Mom-On-A-Mission
-
- /8974.html
2010-05-07T08:55:41Z
2010-05-07T08:55:41Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>Mom On A Mission
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
Copyright 2001
Do you ever feel like queen of your castle? After years of working for somebody else, I like the perk of having time to polish my own 1400 square foot domain. It may not be the Taj Mahal, but it's mine. Well, mine and the bank's.
Anyway, now that I get to spend my days here instead of at the office, I've had time to explore every corner, and I've discovered that I like keeping a tidy house. Don't worry; I'm not perfect. But like my high-maintenance hero in When Harry Met Sally, I know what I want, and I'm not afraid to ask for it.
I want a clutter-free house. Toy-strewn bath and shower stalls bug meas much as over-stuffed file cabinets used to. Along the same lines,though I may have bought them at thrift stores or clearance sales, I like clothes that match, and furniture that fits. Every so often, I take a critical walk down the halls and through the rooms. Lights pop on in closets and the basement bares its secreted junk. Peeking under beds and over railings, out-of-place and under-used items are illuminated by my analytical high-beams.
My daughters sense a garage sale looming, and suddenly toys they have ignored for months become precious. You would not believe the tugs-of-war I've gotten into over ratty old blankets and dresses two sizes too small.
"Look - it still fits!" Karen models her favorite high-water jeans with the top button undone. Desperately she rallies support for its matching shirt. "...And if I pull down the sleeves and hold my arms like this.... Mom! I want that!"
I'm getting smarter. Most of the time, I do my dirty work while the kids are away. Like the sticky-fingered Grinch, I silently stalk toy boxes and laundry baskets. This works really well. It may be years before one of them turns around and says, "Didn't I used to have.... Mom!"
I have no regrets.
You just have to have a plan. For instance, take disposing of tattered artwork that has languished in a discarded backpack for six months. Shake off the old cookie crumbs, then bury the picture deep in a black trash bag. Don't trust those thin bags you can see through. If you do, the piece will come back to haunt you, plucked from oblivion as a now spaghetti-splattered work of art, magneted back in its hallowed spot on the refrigerator door.
I especially enjoy getting rid of those games with 1,001 pieces. I don't think there is any real object to those games, except to scatter the pieces and leave. Territory markers, that's what they are. Well, this is my territory and there are no squatters allowed! Into the garage sale box they go. Believe it or not, the kids usually don't realize the game is gone until they see it out on the driveway with a sticker on it.
Another note: Send the kids to Grandma's on garage sale day. Otherwise, they'll be chasing cars like schnauzers and half your inventory will end up in a reverent pile in the middle your child's bed.
The perfect solution for kiddy clutter? Sell it to a neighbor with youngsters near the same age as yours. That way, your children can go over to their house, scatter the pieces, and then come home. Both you and your kids are happy!
As a seasoned mother and unmuddler, I stand behind the advice given above. I've only been burned on this system once. There was this stuffed animal, you see, who had been lying in a haphazard heap in the corner one month too long. It was whisked away during one of my whirlwind tours, and tagged to sell. When Little Red realized her Ballerina Bear had a new home, there was a scene I could have sold movie rights for.
I guess I should have let that bear gather another year's worth of dust. Instead, I unwittingly gave my daughter and a future support group something to talk about.
But, HEY - my house looks great!
Comments? Email
Cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit
www.homebodies.org
, where you can interact with other moms on the lively messageboards. Cheryl's books, "
So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom
" (InterVarsity Press, 1999), "
Stay-at-Home Handbook: Advice on Parenting, Finances, Career, Surviving Each Day More
" (InterVarsity Press, 2002) and "Mom to Mom: Committing Our Children to God" (Beacon Hill Press, 2002) are all available by visiting Cheryl's webpage at
http://www.gospelcom.net/homebodies/experts/cgochnauer/index.php
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:41Z
200+ Ideas For Summertime -- Or Anytime -- Fun!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/200+-Ideas-For-Summertime-----Or-Anytime----Fun!
-
- /8975.html
2010-05-07T08:55:39Z
2010-05-07T08:55:39Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>200+ Ideas For Summertime -- Or Anytime -- Fun!
Copyright Deborah Taylor-Hough
Used with permission. All rights reserved.
hometown.aol.com/dsimple/
Since we don't use the phrase "I'm bored!" in our home,we never hear our kids complaining about being boredduring those long days at home during the summermonths. But ... I have to admit that we're still anincredibly normal family.
Even without the "b-word" in their vocabulary, there arestill those times when my three children (ages 16, 12and 8) just seem to be at a total loss for something constructive to do.
On one of those "I-can't-think-of-anything-to-do" days,I had my children sit down and make a list of everythingthey could do completely on their own without parentalhelp. After they brainstormed about it for over an hour(which was a good anti-boredom activity itself), thekids had a list of about fifty activities. Surprisingly,they even included a few household chores like dustingand weeding! I decided to ask for input from some othermoms, and now my children have a list of over twohundred ideas to beat summertime boredom, and thelist just seems to keep growing.
Thanks to the suggestion of one mom, we've put eachitem on this list onto individual pieces of paper, placedthe papers into a container, and when the children need inspiration for an activity, they draw two or three papers and then decide which idea they want to do, either as a group or individually. The mom who suggested pulling ideas out of a container told me she found this method more helpful than giving the kids a huge list of possibilities. By narrowing the choices down to just two or three, it was easier for the kids to pick out the one that sounded the best to them.
200+ IDEAS FOR SUMMERTIME ACTIVITIES
In no particular order, here's our current (but continuallygrowing!) list of activities:
ride bikes
roller blade
basketball
play board games
make a tent out of blankets
squirt with hoses
run through the sprinkler
jump rope
read books
blow bubbles
make homemade play dough
play with play dough
press flowers
do crafts with pressed flowers
write a letter to a relative, friend or pen pal
clean bedroom
vacuum livingroom
clean bathroom
make a craft
draw
color
paint
pull weeds
watch a movie
write stories
use binoculars
use magnifying glass
use microscope
bird watching
write a play
act out a play
invent circus acts
perform a circus
play card games
make art on the front walkway with sidewalk chalk
play catch
play baseball
collect rocks
collect leaves
collect feathers
play Frisbee
make Frisbee's out of old plastic lids, decorate with markers
dust the house
brush the pet
write letters
read a magazine
play dress-up
play Cowboys
pick vegetables
play outside with the pet
build a fort in your rooms
build a fort in the backyard
do a jigsaw puzzle
play on the Geosafari
play on the computer
listen to a story or book on tape
do extra schoolwork to get ahead
do brain teasers (ie: crosswords, word searches,hidden pictures, mazes, etc.)
cook
prepare lunch
surprise a neighbor with a good deed
play store
prepare a "restaurant" lunch with menus
hold a tea party
have a Teddy bear picnic
play with toy cars
play dolls
play house
chase butterflies
collect caterpillars and bugs
plant a garden or a pot
collect seeds
hunt for four-leaf clovers
learn magic tricks
put on a magic show
plant a container garden
sprout seeds or beans
make sock puppets
put on a puppet show
make Christmas presents
make homemade wrapping paper
make homemade gift cards
make picture frames from twigs glued onto sturdycardboard
crochet or knit
make doll clothes
sew buttons in designs on old shirts
run relay races
make bookmarks
take a quiet rest time
take a shower or bath
bathe a pet
feed the birds or squirrels
watch the clouds
organize a dresser drawer
clean under the bed
empty dishwasher
vacuum under the couch cushions and keep anychange found
write these ideas on pieces of paper and pick outone or two to do
whittle
whittle bars of soap
practice musical instruments
perform a family concert
teach yourself to play musical instrument (recorder, harmonica, guitar)
fold laundry
sweep kitchen or bathroom floors
sweep front walkway
sweep or spray back patio
sweep or spray driveway
wash car
vacuum car
vacuum or dust window blinds
clean bathroom mirrors
clean sliding glass doors
clean inside of car windows
wash bicycles
clean garage
play in the sandbox
build a sandcastle
work with clay
copy your favorite book illustration
design your own game
build with blocks or Legos
create a design box (copper wire, string, odds-and-ends of things destined for the garbage, pom-poms, thread, yarn, etc.)
plan a neighborhood or family Olympics
have a marble tournament
paint a picture with lemon juice on white paper andhang it in a sunny window and see what happens in afew days
finger paint with pudding
make dessert
make dinner
give your pet a party
paint the sidewalk with water
start a journal of summer fun
start a nature diary
have a read-a-thon with a friend or sibling
have a neighborhood bike wash
play flashlight tag
play Kick the Can
check out a science book and try some experiments
make up a story
arrange photo albums
find bugs and start a collection
do some stargazing
decorate bikes or wagons and have a neighborhoodparade
catch butterflies and then let them go
play hide-and-seek
create a symphony with bottles and pans and rubberbands
listen to the birds sing
try to imitate bird calls
read a story to a younger child
find shapes in the clouds
string dry noodles or O-shaped cereals into a necklace
glue noodles into a design on paper
play hopscotch
play jacks
make up a song
make a teepee out of blankets
write in your journal
find an ant colony and spill some food and watchwhat happens
play charades
make up a story by drawing pictures
draw a cartoon strip
make a map of your bedroom, house or neighborhood
call a friend
cut pictures from old magazines and write a story
make a collage using pictures cut from old magazines
do a secret service for a neighbor
plan a treasure hunt
make a treasure map
make up a "Bored List" of things to do
plan a special activity for your family
search your house for items made in other countriesand then learn about those countries from the encyclopediaor online
plan an imaginary trip to the moon
plan an imaginary trip around the world, where wouldyou want to go
write a science-fiction story
find a new pen pal
make up a play using old clothes as costumes
make up a game for practicing math facts
have a Spelling Bee
make up a game for practicing spelling
surprise an elderly neighbor or relative by weeding his/her garden
fingerpaint with shaving cream
collect sticks and mud and build a bird's nest
write newspaper articles for a pretend newspaper
put together a family newsletter
write reviews of movies or plays or tv shows orconcerts you see during the summer
bake a cake
bake a batch of cookies
decorate a shoe box to hold your summer treasures
make a hideout or clubhouse
make paper airplanes
have paper airplane races
learn origami
make an obstacle course in your backyard
make friendship bracelets for your friends
make a wind chime out of things headed for thegarbage
paint your face
braid hair
play tag
make a sundial
make food sculptures (from pretzels, gumdrops,string licorice, raisins, cream cheese, peanuts, peanutbutter, etc.) and then eat it
make a terrarium
start a club
take a nap outside on your lawn
produce a talent show
memorize a poem
recite a memorized poem for your family
Have a wonderful summer! (And for all you people inthe Southern Hemisphere, feel free to save this articlefor December reading!)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
--Deborah Taylor-Hough (wife and mother of three) is a free-lance writer, editor of the Simple Times ezine, author of the bestselling book "
Frozen Assets: How to Cook for a Day and Eat for a Month
" and the newly released "Frugal Living For Dummies(r)" (Wiley, 2003). Visit Debi online and subscribe to her free e-newsletter at:
hometown.aol.com/dsimple/
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:39Z
To Roast or Not to Roast!
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/To-Roast-or-Not-to-Roast!
-
- /8976.html
2010-05-07T08:55:34Z
2010-05-07T08:55:34Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>To Roast or Not to Roast!
By Tawra Kellam
Peter Piper Picked a Profoundly Plump Pumpkin -- Now what does he do with it?
Every Fall I get many questions about what to do with pumpkins. Many people find curious fascination in imagining what it would be like to grow these versatile little gems, as if growing something that produces a large fruit is somehow more respectable than growing, say, a Serrano pepper. Many people eventually venture into pumpkin experimentation. Some succeed and many fail. Much like a dog that chases a car, many people never give thought to what they would do if they actually succeeded in successfully raising a patch of these fall favorites. Whether you have found yourself with more pumpkins than you know what to do with or you are one of the people who had to buy pumpkins and duct tape them to the vine, these tips for roasting and using pumpkins are sure to help you make the most out of them (no matter how you acquired them)!
How to Roast a Pumpkin
You can only do this with a freshly carved pumpkin! Do not use on a pumpkin that has been carved and sitting out for several days.
To bake a fresh 6 to 7 pound pumpkin, halve the pumpkin crosswise and scoop out the seeds and strings. Place halves, hollow side down, in a large baking pan covered with aluminum foil and add a little water. Bake, uncovered, at 375 for 1 to 2 hours or until fork-tender. Remove. When cool, scrape pulp from shells and puree, a little at time, in food processor or blender. Mix with a little salt.
To freeze pumpkin puree. Put 1-2 cups in freezer bags along with spices and use in pies.
To use pumpkin puree for recipes: Line a strainer with a double layer of cheesecloth or a flour sack dish towel and let the pumpkin sit to drain out the extra moisture BEFORE cooking with it. Pumpkin is very moist, so in order for your recipe to come out correctly, you MUST strain it.
Roasted Pumpkin Seeds
Boil seeds in water for 5 minutes. Drain well. Sprinkle with salt or seasoned salt. Place a thin layer on a cookie sheet. Bake at 250 degrees. Stir after 30 minutes. Bake 1 hour more or until crunchy.
*Squash seeds may also be used.
Pumpkin Pancakes
2 cups flour
2 Tbsp. brown sugar, packed
1 Tbsp. baking powder
1 tsp. pumpkin pie spice
1 tsp. salt
1/2 cup nuts, chopped (optional)
1 cup pumpkin
1 large egg
2 Tbsp. vegetable oil
1 cups milk
Combine ingredients. Stir just until moistened; batter may be lumpy. Heat griddle or skillet over medium heat; brush lightly with vegetable oil. Pour cup batter onto hot griddle; cook until bubbles begin to burst. Turn and continue cooking 1 to 2 minutes. Serve with Pumpkin Maple Sauce and nuts.
Pumpkin Maple Sauce
1 cup maple syrup
1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon or pumpkin pie spice
1 cups pumpkin
Mix together until well blended.
Tawra Kellam is the author of the frugal cookbook
Not Just Beans: 50 Years of Frugal Family Favorites
and Halloween On A Dime. For more free tips and recipes visit our website at
www.notjustbeans.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:34Z
Whistle While They Work
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Whistle-While-They-Work
-
- /8977.html
2010-05-07T08:55:33Z
2010-05-07T08:55:33Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>WHISTLE WHILE THEY WORK
- by Cheryl Gochnauer
Shirley, a stay-at-home Missouri mother whose children are now grown,clearly remembers the challenges of teaching kids to help out around thehouse. "If there was a trash bag sitting in the middle of the hallway,Cheryl would yell, 'Mom, do you want me to pick this up?' Rob would walkaround it. Jimmy, the youngest, would kick it down the hall. None of themwould do the right thing from the start - simply pick it up and take it tothe dumpster."
I can't believe she hasn't gotten over that "trash bag in the hallway" thingyet. Mom, that was 35 years ago!
As your Homebodies hostess and Shirley's reformed daughter, this is the partof the column where I'm supposed to give you some wonderful advice onraising tidy kids. I have to admit, however, that training my own daughtersto do their chores has been more than a little challenging.
Neither my kids nor any of my friends' kids were born with a naturalinclination to whistle while they work. In fact, I think the trend pointsthe other way. From what I've observed, most children work very hard inavoiding any kind of household labor.
Don't feel alone as you're telling your child to clean up his room - again.Avoid throwing your hands up in despair when faced with a bombed outbathroom. Your sisters have been there, and are fighting the same battlesnow with their children. Calmness, clarity and consistency seem to help.(Resist screaming, which may get the chore done but demoralizes bothscreamer and screamee.) Be very specific about what you want done, how andwhen. Make sure everyone understands the goal, tying penalties and rewardsto the outcome.
If they fail to do the job, don't hesitate to impose sanctions!
Tomorrow, do it again: calmness, clarity, consistency. Calmness, clarity,consistency. Wear them down. Repeat after me: You are the parent; youwill prevail!
Time for me to take my own advice. I'm downstairs finishing up laundry whenthe oven timer goes off, announcing the cake is done. I know Karen is doingher homework at the kitchen table, approximately 10 feet from the oven. Ikeep folding shirts as the buzzer continues to blare. After about threeminutes of incessant beeping, Karen crosses to the staircase (which,incidentally, is farther away than the oven) and yells:
"Mom, do you want me to turn this off?"
Must be genetic.
(Comments? Write
Cheryl@homebodies.org
, or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
. Her book, "
So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom
," isavailable through
Dr. Laura#146;s Reading Corner
. Copyright2001 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:33Z
School's Out - And Mom's Stressed
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Schools-Out---And-Moms-Stressed
-
- /8978.html
2010-05-07T08:55:32Z
2010-05-07T08:55:32Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>School's Out - And Mom's Stressed
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Your children are counting down the days, and so are you - but with adifferent attitude.
What am I going to do with these kids all summer?
If you're working full or part-time outside the home, it's gnawing torealize your take-home pay over the next three months will drop dramaticallyas you provide all-day childcare for your elementary-aged children.
But stay-at-home moms encounter their own challenges - keeping their kidsentertained all day.
If your little ones aren't in school yet and you already spend every wakinghour with them, you may be wondering what the fuss is all about. You lovethem; you spend time with them. The End.
Good attitude. That's the one we're going for. But sometimes it feels morecomplicated than that.
I remember the transition I went through when my youngest daughter startedfirst grade. For the first time in my parenting life, I had a tremendousamount of freedom. I put my kids on the bus at 8:15 a.m. and, unless therewas a problem or I was volunteering at school, I didn't see them until theygot off the bus at 4:15 p.m.
My house never looked better, my work-at-home freelancing opportunitiespicked up, and I even got to enjoy the occasional matinee, since my kidswouldn't miss me, anyway.
But as summer loomed, I had to face the fact that they were coming back. Myhouse would be trashed, my writing time slashed, and I'd be back to movieswith animated characters.
Now don't send me lots of nasty emails about how I'd become a spoiled brat.(I know that already!) I'm simply being transparent here, and I suspectmany readers have experienced similar pangs as they felt their independencebeing reined in again.
If you've got the end-of-school blues, snap out of it! We've got someawesome kids, and summer provides a great opportunity to reconnect withthem. They've changed a lot since last June, and as they grow, so do theirabilities.
Plan activities that intrigue their inquisitive minds and re-establish theall-day bonding process. Set work concerns and personal projects on theback burner. If you work from home as I do, limit the number of assignmentsor tasks you tackle during the summer months. Cut back on volunteering, ortake this opportunity to get your kids involved, too, helping others as afamily.
There's a lot to be said for downtime. It's good for our children to take avacation from their studies, and we can turn summer into a renewal time forus, too. With a bit of an attitude adjustment, I'm learning to appreciatethese school-free months as the blessing they are.
(Comments? Email
Cheryl@homebodies.org
or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
. Check your local listings for Cheryl's appearances onCornerstone Television's "Getting Together" and "His Place" programs on June10th. Copyright 2002 Homebodies.Org, LLC.)Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:32Z
The New Front Line In Parenting
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/The-New-Front-Line-In-Parenting
-
- /8979.html
2010-05-07T08:55:31Z
2010-05-07T08:55:31Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>THE NEW FRONT LINE IN PARENTING
By Cheryl Gochnauer
I recently received the following email from Carrie, a Homebodies readerfrom California. Her comments were well-expressed and thought-provoking. I'd like to share them with you.
"I am a stay-at-home mom to my two-year-old daughter, Madeline. When I amnot changing diapers, filling juice cups, playing in the sandbox or blowingbubbles (not to mention hanging out the laundry, putting away the cleandishes, loading up the dirty dishes, picking up toys, etc.), I sometimeswrite or design websites.
"Today was a two-year-old day. My daughter wasn't listening to a word I wassaying. If I said, "Go up," she'd yell "NO!" and go down. By the end of theday, I was fried! But you know, I wouldn't trade the worst day at home forthe best day at an outside job. My husband, who is a steadfast supporter ofdoing what's best for our daughter, hence, my staying home, gets a bitjealous at times. And who can blame him? I have the best job on earth, andit pays nothing in terms of money, but is priceless in terms of what it doesfor my soul.
"My husband likes me at home for other reasons. A fastidious housekeeper, wecan both well imagine what life would be like if I worked outside the homeand then had to come home and complete my chores. That little person wouldget lost in the shuffle, be told to get out of the way, and be snapped at,I'm sure.
"I was part of a generation that was sold a bill of goods on working outsidethe home. I was in honors classes and graduated a semester early with a 3.87GPA. I went to college and did well there, too. Along the way, I was toldwhile sitting in class, 'Don't have babies, and if you do, don't let it interfere with your success.' We were groomed to become the next front line of the feminist revolution. We were bred to be the next generation of materialists and consumers.
"I have seen the results of the warehousing of children in my own extendedfamily. My niece and nephew are a breeding ground for every virus on theplanet. Parents regularly, knowingly, send their children into day caresick, since they have important meetings and appointments. My niece has hadover 100 different providers in the centers she's been to. She never knowswho will be taking care of her in any five-minute time period. She whines,cries, and we have watched her go from the bubbly baby new to daycare to thesullen first grader who looks as if she knows too much about getting lost inthe shuffle.
"I am part of a new front line - those of us who are reclaiming our pride inparenting. Those of us who know that Quality Time cannot be scheduled. IfMaddie wants a bubble bath at 2:16 in the afternoon, she can have one. Ifshe wants to color at 4:27, we can. In between it all, I make sure theironing, vacuuming, mopping and cleaning are done by the time my husbandgets home. Because of this, our stress level as a family is down, and ourenjoyment of the home up.
"I thank you for being a member of this force as well, because we are doingbattle. The rocks are being hurled at the castle, and it is us who stay athome who are the ones fortifying our homes in order that the attack notreach inside.
Sincerely,
Carrie
Forest Ranch, CA
(Comments? Contact Carrie or Cheryl by writing
Cheryl@homebodies.org
. Also stop by
www.homebodies.org
where you can interact with other parents on a variety of lively message boards. Her book, "
So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom
," isavailable through
Dr. Laura#146;s Reading Corner
. Copyright2001 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.)
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:31Z
"Raising Helen" Movie Review
Staff
http://www.DrLaura.com/b/Raising-Helen-Movie-Review
-
- /8980.html
2010-05-07T08:55:30Z
2010-05-07T08:55:30Z
<img alt="Icon" class="blog-icon-large" src="/images/Site/Icons/150x150/parenting.jpg"/>"Raising Helen" Movie Review
The Movie Reporter
Films Reviews from a Family Perspective
by Phil Boatwright
With the synopsis and content, you can decide if the new films are suitable for your viewing.
Video alternatives
contain the same theme, but lack the offensive material.
#147;Raising Helen#148; is romantic, stylish and downright funny.
Phil Boatwright, The Movie Reporter
Raising Helen. Starring: Kate Hudson, Helen Mirren, Joan Cusack, John Corbett, HectorElizondo. Disney. Comedy. Director: Garry Marshall.
Kate Hudson plays Helen, an up-and-coming assistant to the boss (Helen Mirren) of a modeling agency. But her career plans are put on hold after her sister (Felicity Huffman) and brother-in-law are killed in a car crash, leaving her to care for their three kids, ages 5 to 15. She gets help from another older sister, the bossy Jenny (Joan Cusack), and a pastor (John Corbett), who falls in love with Helen while guiding her down life's new path.
Though you could find the same dilemmas surface in a bad made-for-TV melodrama, director Garry Marshall avoids the trappings of television sitcom. Applying his well-honed theatrical abilities, the creator of #147;Happy Days#148; and director of #147;Pretty Woman#148; and #147;The Flamingo Kid#148; gently develops both story and character, carefully avoiding maudlin schlock during the sensitive scenes, utilizing kid actors without cutesy preciousness, and finding humor in everyday situations, making the obvious seem fresh #150; or at least honest. What#146;s more, he adds a moral structure seldom used in comic movies. Although religious teachings are not on the production#146;s main menu, they are gently simmering on the back burner.
Perhaps the best example of this is the use of a Christian school and minister. The lead takes her charges to a private religious school, and although it is obvious that she has not been a churchgoer, the humor never mocks religious beliefs. Rather, the jokes show how little non-churchgoers actually know about the Christian faith. John Corbett (#147;Northern Exposure,#148; #147;My Big Fat Greek Wedding#148;) portrays the Lutheran pastor and school master. And get this, he has a sense of humor, he#146;s intelligent, able to take charge, and I believe most ladies will find him to be a romantic hunk. The filmmakers avoid cartoonish caricature while presenting this man of God. Ranking with movie portraits of ministers such as Fredric March in #147;One Foot In Heaven,#148; Joel McCrea in #147;Stars in My Crown,#148; and Richard Todd in #147;A Man Called Peter,#148; John Corbett fleshes out a constructive screen version of a man of the cloth.
Garry Marshall has to get comedy out of heartbreak. The parents of these three kids have passed away. The director is sensitive to this. There is a scene with the kids huddled in their parents#146; closet after the funeral. When discovered, the littlest one says, #147;It smells like Mommy.#148; If you don#146;t tear up at that, have your pulse checked. But the movie isn#146;t about the passing of the parents. Rather it is about the growth of its main character, Helen, as she discovers what#146;s really important in life.
Kate Hudson won my heart in #147;Almost Famous,#148; the best film of 2001 (though Oscar disagreed, giving the statuette to the makers of #147;Gladiator.#148; Oh please.) However, since her screen deacute;but as Penny Lane, a teen rock groupie, Ms. Hudson has struggled to find the right character and film. Wanting to follow in her mom#146;s (Goldie Hawn) formidable funny footsteps, the young comedian has floundered about in one disappointing romantic comedy after another. Never has the disappointment been due to her performance, but rather with the material, which has never seemed to compliment her uniqueness. Not that #147;Raising Helen#148; will garner her Best Actress attention. When an actor makes it look easy, award committees underestimate the artistry. And Kate Hudson makes it look very easy. Pretty, perky, and already a pratfall pro, Ms. Hudson is loaded with comic charms as well as charisma and genuine warmth. Her role as Helen allows her to showcase all her best traits.
#147;Raising Helen#148; is one of the few and far between films the Christian community is always saying they want. Witty, involving, even perceptive, it is a movie that thoroughly entertains without crudity, profanity or exploitive sexuality. #147;Raising Helen#148; is romantic, stylish and downright funny.
PG-13 (In my opinion, the film receives its PG-13 rating for rather arbitrary reasons. I think it is a very clean movie. The content is not used to exploit, but rather help further the story and show the need for parental involvement. According to the MPAA, it gets the PG-13 for a scene depicting a teen party and because a boy takes a girl to a motel after the prom. Nothing happens at the motel. The scene is there to show Helen having to behave like a concerned parent as she arrives to rescue the girl. Also, just before the cavalry arrives, the look on the teen girl#146;s face relays the girl#146;s awareness that she is not ready for sexual involvement, which may send a positive message to teens about abstinence. While this character harbors a great deal of female teen angst, she is also loving and responsible, often displaying these affections for her younger siblings.)
DEFINITIONS
Crudity
- A word or action lacking in culture, tact
Expletive
- A mild obscenity or needless expression
Obscenity
- Objectionable or repugnant to acceptable standards of decency or morality; indecent; pornographic
Profanity
- Irreverence toward God
Blasphemy
- To speak contemptuously of God
Adult subject matter
- Situations or subjects unsuitable for or difficult to comprehend by children
Download Boatwright#146;s book #147;How To Choose A Good Video Every Time!#148;
FREE
when you subscribe to his weekly film guide. For further information, visit
www.moviereporter.com
. "Know Before You Go" reg;Philip Boatwright, Editor Film/Video Reviews from a Family Perspective, Email:
moviereporter@sbcglobal.net
. Published by C. C. Publications, 835 Northstar Ct., Tonganoxie, KS 66086. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Staff
2010-05-07T08:55:30Z