January 24, 2019
Cutting Ties To Save My Family

Dear Dr. Laura:

For the longest time, I didn't understand why I had become my parents' therapists.  I was put in the middle from the time I can remember.  My father even said to me "when you leave home, your mom and I will probably divorce."  I didn't have a choice when I was under their roof, but as I got older, I certainly had a choice.  The problem was I kept up the role as their "shrink."  I felt like a complete savior when I fixed situation after situation.

Finally, I thought about my unhealthy role in my parents' marriage and how I was betraying my own husband by committing time and emotion to help my parents.  Then I realized I wasn't giving it up because I held all the control, and I needed to make sure I was driving the train that was my parents' marriage.  Only then was I able to stop.  I sweetly told my parents that I couldn't talk to them about their relationship anymore.  It took a while to fully relinquish my role, but I have a much happier husband and a better-quality marriage.

Giving up such a powerful position wasn't easy, but it had to be done.  Thanks for everything you do and for helping me to see the importance of doing the right thing.

Judith


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Posted by Staff at 10:59 AM