July 17, 2013Waiting for an Apology I'll Never Get
Posted by Staff at 12:39 PM
I want to thank you for your latest video; I Want a Mommy. Your message really hit home for me and gave me a true "ah-ha" moment when I realized that I NEVER BONDED with my mother. I am nearing my 60th birthday and have been carrying anger, resentment and sadness in my heart toward her for all of my life. It continues 17 years after her death. I wanted a mommy and she wasn't one, at all.
My mother got pregnant with me at age 16 and I was born in an unwed mother's home a few weeks after she turned 17. I was adopted by a young couple and stayed with them until my teenage birth mother changed her mind prior to the adoption being finalized. I was removed from the care of my adoptive mother who I had been with since BIRTH, and returned to a confused, unmarried and sexually active teenager. In no time, she became pregnant with a second child and the father was not involved. Out of desperation, she met and married a man, 25 years her senior while she was pregnant with that second child. Three more children would be born during the marriage, which ultimately crumbled. When I was about 10 years old, my mother was deemed to be "unfit" by the court and our father was awarded FULL custody of the 5 of us. As I grew up, I started seeing how emotionally distant my mother was and I especially felt disconnected from her. In fact, I really did not LIKE my mother and that feeling always seemed mutual. I tried to develop a true relationship with her but never felt she could be honest about her failings as a mother or that she'd ever apologize for the HELL she put us through as kids. I guess I have been waiting for an apology I never got. I truly understand now that I have been wanting a mommy, and she wasn't it. That poor woman who raised me for my first 5 months was who I bonded with and I was ripped from her loving arms. Sad, true and now understood.
Thank you so much,