January 9, 2013 I'm Busy. I'm Tired. I Can't Get in the Mood.
I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Welcome to our YouTube channel where I get to answer your questions. This one's from Tessa:
"My husband and I argue over sex all the time, mostly about how little we have sex. Sex is not a priority to me. I am busy with work, I am busy with the kids, and I am busy with the house. He doesn't understand that I am tired and sex is the last thing I want when I go to bed.
We are lucky to have sex every few months. I just can't get into the mood. Is this normal? I am 38 years old and he is 42 years old. What do I do?"
Ok, I'm going to parse this. "I'm busy." What?! You're a married woman. This is supposed to be your boyfriend, your lover, your best friend. He's last on the list?! What?! You're so busy and do so many things, you don't deserve a reward? And great sex, the feelings that come from that (an orgasm that blows out your circuits), that's not a good reward?! You're too busy to feel good?
Ok, a couple of things. You're busy with work, the kids, the house. Well something has to give. You made your husband, your marriage be the thing that gives, which gives your husband the following alternatives: he can masturbate to porn, he can find a girlfriend on the side (that might end up in him leaving you), he might spend the finances of the family to find hookers, he might join a monastery (I don't think that's possible) but the first three are usually the ones people go to. And since women are so available these days, you don't need to spend money on whores.
So basically speaking he's going to be masturbating or finding a girlfriend. My guess is the girlfriend after the masturbation gets old. So those are his alternatives and what do you say that he's supposed to understand -- that he got married, provided you with a wonderful home and babies and a family, and then he's put on the shelf?! How would you like it if you were the husband in this situation? "Oh honey, I have everything I want and I'm busy with the things that really matter and you don't." Your own sensuality doesn't matter? His emotional needs to be close and loving with you don't matter? What kind of a lousy wife are you?
So you have too much on your plate. Maybe the job needs to go because gosh knows that if you have a full-time job, your kids are not getting you either. You can't possibly be keeping up the house and cooking nice meals and making the smells [raises head and sniffs the air] that everybody remembers in a home when they grow up. What the heck are you doing?
You've got to decide first to be his girlfriend. Without that in the center as the sun, there's nothing that's going to be revolving around it [makes circling motion with pointed finger] without chaos. So you're feministly short-sided, emotionally selfish, romantically blind and you're destroying your marriage. And no, this is not normal. Typical with feminist mentalities that, "I have to have a full-time job and being a wife and a mother and things like that are beneath my dignity." Well you know what? You should've been one of the ones then to never get married or you should've signed a thing with your husband saying, "Guess what? When I get all the things I want, [makes sideways slicing motion with flat hand] you're toast."
I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Oh, by the way, read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. The author? [Hits forehead with a stumped/puzzled look on face] Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel. (I almost forgot.)