June 3, 2015
Sacrificing Motherhood to Avoid Sacrificing a Child
Dear Dr. Laura, 

I am married and childless.  My childhood friend is shacking up.  She got pregnant and after suffering severe perinatal depression and anxiety, she lost the baby. I have now learned, despite all that and an incredibly unstable relationship with the boyfriend, she is now trying to get pregnant again because she has a "right" to be a mother. 

I waited until I was married before trying to get pregnant. Thanks to you, I knew a child would have its best chance at succeeding in life if I could provide a stable, committed, two-parent environment. By the time I could give that, I was 37.  I miscarried due to endometriosis and had to have a hysterectomy. Despite this, I have never regretted putting the happiness and well-being of my potential child before my own desire to be a mother. 

Through you, Dr. Laura, I learned what my feminist mother was not able to teach me - a mother's first and foremost duty is to look after the health and welfare of her child. Part of that duty is to make sure she brings her child into a stable environment emotionally, mentally and financially. If she is not going to be able to provide that, then she needs to take a closer look at why she wants to have a child. A child's "right" to that environment supercedes a woman's "right" to motherhood. A mother is supposed to sacrifice for her child, not sacrifice the child to meet her own needs and wants. 

I will share this with my friend, knowing she will never talk to me again, because it's the right thing to do. 

It hurts I could not have my own child and we could not afford to adopt. However, I would rather have that pain any day than know I hurt my child by putting my needs ahead of theirs. 

Thank you for all you do. 

Sarah

Posted by Staff at 10:59 AM