August 16, 2013
Ode to Dr. Laura
Dear Dr Laura,
I'd like to share with you my "Ode to Dr. Laura" to express my affection/gratitude to you! Here ya' go! :
Dr. Laura is her kid's mom and her husband's girlfriend;
She works out like a maniac to maintain her tight end!
Push-ups, pull-ups, pumping iron, "Oh, my!"
Shooting pool, shooting guns - mess with her? Don't even try!
Tattoo on her arm of a skull with a rose;
She's one tough chick who can strike a mean yoga pose!
Dr. Laura loves her family, she loves her dogs,
She rides a Harley - yes, she loves those hogs!
60's music in her red Charger with red stripe;
"Credit card info for XM, please"...swipe-swipe-swipe!
Jewelry and crafts; creations so unique,
Check them out at the Dr. Laura Boutique!
A warning for future callers:
1. If you plan to say "I don't know,"
don't even bother calling the show.
2. Don't talk over her; she makes it quite clear,
otherwise you'll get a shrill whistle in your ear.
3. "EVEN IF" her eyes are green and purple Martians land in Times Square,
her answer won't change...save your air!
4. If half-way through the call you "up-the-anty" or change your story somehow,
The call is OVER with a: "Y'all have a nice day now..."
5. Anything that follows a "but" or "it's just..." will not be heard...
She won't tolerate it...not a single word!
6. Don't call and boast about your BEAUTIFUL children;
she appreciates DECENT people, not "Barbie & Ken".
7. If it's insight from Dr. Laura you plan to gain;
be ready to do the work and use your brain!
8. She'll sit quietly while you ponder and think,
just don't fidget with papers or dishes in the sink!
9. Don't ramble mindlessly in Dr. Laura's ear,
or an ascending "ma'am, Ma'am, MA'AM...!!" is what you will hear.
Dr. Laura's "Words of Wisdom"
1. Memorize the formula for a perfect marriage: "choose wisely, treat kindly..."
love is not enough; don't marry blindly!
2. Life is not a fairy tale; when you wish upon a star,
you can bet, disappointment isn't far.
3. If someone in your life is causing you endless pain,
move away as an amoeba...who hasn't even a brain!
4. WOMEN: Keep yourself on a pedestal - demand more;
don't shack up with some stud; lest you become his "unpaid whore!"
5. Turn on the music: dance, dance, dance;
You'll feel better in no time...give it a chance!
6. You are the architect of your life;
avoid those who cause you grief and strife.
7. Love is a verb, as Dr. Laura would say;
like "Swimming through shark-infested waters to bring her a lemonade"
XM Radio, 4 hours a day,
Podcasts and social media galore,
YouTube, FaceBook, Twitter & more!
Call or listen for wisdom, advice, most anything,
just remember: "Now...go DO the RIGHT THING!"
Thank you for all you do!
My husband's girlfriend and my kids' mom
Posted by Staff at 10:26 AM