February 8, 2011I Always Have to Initiate Affection
Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel where I get to answer your questions. And you don't get to yell back at me [laughs] (I love that part).
This is from Courtney:
"I've been married for almost two years. My husband and I are both military and have been through a lot in the past including multiple deployments. How can I get my husband to show more emotion towards me? He never kisses me FIRST; I always have to kiss him. He never hugs me FIRST, holds my hand FIRST or gently touches me FIRST. I have to initiate everything and then I get the eye roll when I want a kiss. I'm really upset about this. Every time I ask him to show a little bit of love, it always turns into an argument. Please help."
Stubborn woman, aren't you? It sort of reminds me about women who called and said, "I'm really upset with my husband. We had a fight the other night. I said, 'You know, you never ask me to go to the movies.'
And he said, 'Okay. Do you want to go out to the movies?'
'Well, do you wanna go?'
'Well, I'll go if you want to go.'
'Well, no cause you don't really wanna go'."
I mean, the guy can't really win. The reality is men want to please, but guys have their own personalities and they have their own histories and they have their own discomforts and they're human beings.
So, here's the deal. He kisses you when you kiss him, he hugs you when you hug him, he holds your hand when you go to touch him, he responds to you. It's...for some reason, and I can't even guess, it's uncomfortable for him to initiate. Typically speaking, we think of the man as the initiator of all things physical and sexual. But some how the affectionate thing, I don't know, there is something in him that makes that difficult. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter, he responds! When you seduce him, he's there.
It sort of reminds me of one of the real old "All in the Family" episodes where the young couple is having the exact same fight because she's complaining that he never instigates sexual intercourse/love making, okay? And, they're having this fight, having this fight and she talks to her dad. And Archie is, you know, supposed to be a nasty, difficult, hates everybody kind of guy, but he was right there for his daughter. He said, "Look, does it really matter who starts it as long as you're both together finishing it?" Keep that in mind. If you have a man who you can snuggle up to who responds to that, enjoy it.
And by the way, thank you both for your military service; you are both my heroes.
I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, 'til next time.
Posted by Staff at 12:00 AM