September 18, 2012 My Adult Son is Unwilling to Work!
Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel, where I get to nag you (almost in person). I have your emails:
"My 23 year old son graduated a year ago from college and now is unwilling to get a job! [Really?!] He did get a grocery clerk job for a short time and lived on that plus money I had given him for school that he squandered. Now it's a year later, jobs are out there, and all his friends have moved on to grad school, law school, or other careers.
He likes to sit and read or play chess the day away. He's now tapping into the last of his savings to cover his living expenses and tells me a new story about what he plans to do 'soon'. I think he's become used to having an unorganized day to himself. My husband is saying he should move back home. [What?!! No, no, no.] YIKES! What should I do?"
The first thing you should do is say, "What?! No, no, no, no." And stop giving him money. You know, we have prolonged adolescence to what, 23 years of age? Back in the day, people barely finished school when they were already apprenticing for something. And your son is just apprenticing for being a non-rich ne'er-do-well.
So my advice to you is that you tell him you love him and you'll have him for chicken dinner on Sundays, but his life is up to him right now. And I don't know what your husband's deal is, but sometimes when there are problems in a marriage, one spouse likes to bring a kid back home because then they can focus on the kid and they don't have to focus on each other. That's just one thing that comes off the top of my head because it's unusual for "Dad" to want to rescue kids.
It's usual for "Mom" to do that because you know, they suckled at our breasts after they were born so we feel we have to do that for the rest of our lives. But we don't, we shouldn't and he's taking advantage of all your good will and he's not taking advantage of his capabilities. And you have to let him sink, sink, sink, sink. Sundays = chicken dinner. Other than that [makes a cutting motion with her hand], that's it.