Are you thinking that the person you’re getting serious with could be the one? Here are some questions you need to ask yourself first:

1. Do they encourage you to try and do things, or do they seem intimidated by what you like to do? When you try to expand yourself or learn more, do they try to hold you back, or are they your cheering squad? I was recently speaking to a couple, and I asked them what is the most important thing they each get from the other person. The woman replied, “I can be my quirky self and not be uncomfortable.” No one should be in a situation where they feel like they are not allowed to be authentically accepted as they are.

2. Do you know yourself? How the heck are you going to make a good pick if you do not know who you are? That’s why I suggest people wait until they are at least 28 before getting married. Up until then, you are desperate, scared, insecure, and don’t make good choices. 

3. Are you happy? Don’t be with someone you are unhappy with in the hopes that after you get married things will magically get better. You can’t imagine the number of times I have heard people say, “I wasn’t really happy, but I thought we’d become happy.” Marrying in the hopes that things will be different is a bad, bad idea.

4. Do you feel trapped? Maybe you’re being inattentive, uncaring, or thoughtless as a means to abort the situation. You may need to go into counseling to figure yourself out.
   

5. Is your relationship balanced? Balanced doesn’t mean I give you a cookie and you give me a cookie - it simply means you’re doing things for one another. You compromise, care, and support each other. If the relationship doesn’t go both ways, it’s really a stupid idea to take things any further.
   

6. Do you have fun together? You need to be able to have fun together as well as when you’re apart.

7. Why are you in the relationship in the first place? Is there awe, admiration, respect, trust, and common values, or are you just horny, needy, or dependent?

8. Do you trust each other? If you don’t trust them, there’s no chance the relationship can work. By the same token, if they don’t trust you (they are constantly checking where you are, looking at your text messages, etc.), there isn’t a future either.

9. Is there physical attraction? Physical attraction is not the most important component in a relationship, but forcing yourself to be in a relationship with someone you are not attracted to simply isn’t fair. You will feel resentful, and they will feel rejected.

10. Are your lives headed in the same direction? Most couples get married without ever having the big talks: religion, babies, in-laws, money, etc. They think these things will just work themselves out because they love each other. However, you’re both going to feel duped when things don’t run smoothly.

11. Can you grow together and independently? Everybody grows; people expand what they are invested in, what they are involved in, and what’s important to them. You both have to be doing that together, and independently.

Ultimately, trust your gut. I also recommend six to nine months of premarital counseling with someone who is an expert in premarital counseling.