November 16, 2011Traditional Roles for Husbands and Wives
Dear Dr. Laura:
I was just listening to the call from the newlywed gal who had quit her job and was going back to school. She was having a hard time getting all of the housework done and wanted more help from her husband. This made me think of my first husband (by the way, I did not choose wisely).
We both worked full time and had no children. I took care of all of the housework, yard work, laundry, cooking, pet care, and did all the inside painting when needed. I did this because I loved him and it left him more time for his hobby which was car racing. Did I mention that I would make sure his gear and food was ready for when he went racing? Whenever we would get into an argument, he would tell me how I did not do anything around the house and I did not support him in his racing. Well I supported him enough to let him spend all the money he wanted on it, while I tried to make myself happy by overspending on my credit cards. Needless to say, we could not work things out and after 17 years, I left him.
About six months after I left, I met a really nice man. We started dating. We did not live together. Since we both worked, we spent most of our time together on the weekends. When he would say he had housework and laundry to do, I would offer to help him. That way we could get it done faster and get on with the fun stuff. He let me do that about twice. Then he sat me down and told me how much he hated housework and would rather work two jobs and pay someone to do it, than do it himself. He then said he used to pay someone to clean house for him and so he did not like me doing it for free. I just about fell off of my chair, as my ex-husband had put no value in it and used to tell me I lived at our house for free. So my new man started paying me for two hours every week to clean his house. I will admit, I was short on cash at the time and it came in really handy.
We got married this summer and I still take care of the house and laundry and pets, but he does all of the yard work and likes to cook a couple of times a week. I cook him breakfast and fix his lunch for him everyday and cook most nights. I love doing it and I would not have it any other way; he loves being taken care of. And he takes care of me. I want for nothing and I never have to ask for anything as he is always way ahead of me there. I can't wait to get home to him every night. He is my king and I am his queen. I never thought it could be this way. I thank God everyday his ex-wife and ex-live-in girlfriend left him to me.
As for my ex-husband, he is now finding out how much work it takes to run a household. And his place shows it. It does not look as good as it once did. It breaks my heart as I lived in that house longer than any other place in my life. But I would not go back for all the money in the world. Money does not buy happiness. Making the person who you love happy, does!
Keep up the great work!
Posted by Staff at 2:47 PM