August 5, 2011Advice to My Daughter on Marriage
This is a letter I gave to my daughter right before she married:
Posted by Staff at 12:00 AM
I have always tried to be a model for you of what it is to be a good wife. After all these years I am still in love with your father, more than ever. I hope you will be just as happy in your marriage.
I would like to give you some advice and I hope you will take it to heart. It comes from deep inside my soul. I have not always done the right things. Your dad and I have had our troubles along the way but I learned a lot. One of the greatest gifts I think we have given you is for us to have stayed together and actually to like the person we love.
Say "I love you" often and show it even more often. Hug, kiss, and hold hands. God made this man for you to have and to hold. Never turn your husband down for making love. He won't go anywhere else if he's fed well at home. Be playful, make it fun and keep it interesting.
Say "Thank you" for the things he does for you. Anywhere he takes you. Any gifts he gives you. Any money he gives you - even if it's bill money. Show gratitude by saying thank you and acknowledging his effort.
Be kind and sweet. Never cut him down in front of people especially your children. This will hurt him deeper than anything. Let him have his male pride even when you think he's wrong. Hold your tongue. It's better to be loved than to be right.
Think the best of him. Speak the best about him to others. Keep a mental rolodex of his shining moments. Draw on those memories when life gets hard. It will help pull you through the rough patches every marriage has.
Allow him to do his job - Lead, Provide and Protect you in the best way he knows how. Don't stand in his way or rise up against him. I know he will do his job as I have seen him taking charge and doing these things in your life already. Your calling is to be Honest with him and Respectful towards him. Right now it seems easy to do these things but there will come times when it will be hard. Be honest even when he will not like to hear the truth. Say anything you want but say it in a respectful manner. This will get you a long way. Children learn disobedience, dishonesty and disregard from their mother's example toward their father. Remember you chose him and God made him your leader though the covenant of marriage.
Love him more than you love your children. Don't put your children in front of him in your life. Women were created because man needed them, not primarily for children. Children are an expression of you and your husband's living breathing love.
Still keep having private time alone together. Laugh together, share secrets and have fun as a couple.
Stand by him when he disciplines your children. Never pick them up or cuddle them after punishment until they have made up with their father. Up hold his rules and leadership of the family. Remember he has veto power in all decisions. Never disagree with him in front of the children. Present a united front. You can voice your concerns at a more private time.
My grandma always said, "Women go to men for strength." Lean on him. Need him. Listen to him. Men go to woman for comfort. A clean house, a good meal, soft kind words, back rubs, sex. Always comfort him. Never make him sorry he came home to you.
You can come and tell me anything you want. I'm your mother and love you very, very much. But as long as your husband is doing his job (leading, providing and protecting you) I will never build a case against him to you. I will always direct you back to him. He is to be your head and you're his heart.
I think you have a good man. Treat him like one and he will act like one. He will lay the moon and stars at your feet for your pleasure. And you will be in his heart forever.
I love you very much and I am proud of the woman you have grown up to be. I can't wait to see how God writes the rest of your life story. I will be praying for you both as you start this new chapter of your life.