Yes, I stuck around in a relationship because I thought I could change a man. In fact, I married him... More >>

A number of news sources recently reported that (sniff, sniff) people just can't afford to get divorced anymore, what with mortgages upside down, and diminished family income.Furthermore (more sniffs) , in most cases, the couples have to stay together under the same roof just to make ends meet.' No longer can divorced spouses count on maintaining a lifestyle.' No longer are kids summarily thrown into visitation chaos and feelings of abandonment....and that, obviously, is a good thing.One of the sadder aspects of my three decades plus on radio talking to people in some sort of crisis is the growing realization that many people see adversity as a motivation to turn on each other, rather than to turn to each other.' I understand husbands who feel depressed when they can't adequately support their families, and I understand wives who feel desperate because they worry for the well-being of their home and children.' But I don't understand turning away from each other at a time when both need support and hope.' Each spouse needs to (as Archie Bunker often said on "All In The Family" ) "stifle themselves" and try to buoy up the other's state of mind.In trying to make the other person still feel valued, competent and loved; in telling your spouse that you know that, ultimately, you can count on him/her; in letting your once "dearly beloved" feel your support, makes not only them feel better, it makes YOU feel better.I'm sure everyone reading this has some sort of strain or stress in their marriage.' Generally, it's something that can be overcome if you both pull together and put aside your individual resentments and fears long enough to follow through on your marital vows to love, honor and cherish. More >>

A number of people have expressed to me that they feel somewhat guilty that their lives are so blessed and/or peaceful right now while people are being blown up in Afghanistan, Pakistan and other places - and by their own countrymen!' Or that people are suffering and dying by the tens of thousands in Haiti in the aftermath of a devastating earthquake."How [they ask] can I dare to have a good day when all of this is happening?"I think that's a good question asked by decent people.'The answer is simple:' what choice do you have?Shall you undermine yourself and those who count on you by crumbling under the awareness of this cruelty of people and nature?' Does that add to the miserly of the world?' YES.' Does that minimize the misery of the world?' NO.Your job is to do and be your best and to bring light into darkness in your own mind and home, and among family, friends, and community.' Where you have the wherewithal and the expertise to extend that to deserving people and places, do so because all humanity benefits by your action of caring - if not aided directly , then at the very least inspired by your example.Where you can't extend yourself to some place around the world, be cognizant that compassion and love in a circle around you has a ripple effect to help perfect the world for whatever moments of bliss might exist.' They add up.'Whether close at hand or off to a distant land, when you extend mercy, you do an act which magnificently defines humanity. More >>

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How did we as a people get so "knee jerk" about going into therapy every time we face a challenge or disappointment?One caller to my radio program was having her three year old son tested for muscular dystrophy, a devastating illness, and the results wouldn't be coming for two weeks.' She wanted to know how to "cope" with the two week wait.' I told her that she was simply going to feel stressed and scared - that was normal, and was to be "endured."' She, like many others realizing they had to feel some emotional pain for a while, asked if she should go into therapy!I asked her what she thought the folks who blazed the trail west in covered wagons did when people died of illness or accident, or if the Indians attacked or food got scarce?' Did they all line up in front of a therapist's tent to express their pain and look for a magic cure to get through the sometimes unpleasant realities of life, or did they pray, hold onto each other and ultimately....endure?She laughed, and said, "I see what you mean." We are sturdier creatures than we take credit for.' I am a licensed therapist, and there are, indeed, situations in which individuals cannot endure, due to a distinct compromise in a person's ability to be rational, such as mental illness or severe trauma.' In these situations, I refer people to mental health professionals.'But most things in life that we must deal with often are best served with some love, some advice, some prayer, and an acknowledgment that sometimes life just doesn't feel good for a while.I have told innumerable callers that there is no quick fix for a bad situation - and sometimes, there is no "fix" at all.' I tell them also to turn to each other (family and friends), rather than turn on each other with resentment, frustration, or anger.Much of life must be endured.' There is still always beauty, such as seeing the flowers among the fertilizer, and there is always light (hope and alternatives). More >>