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Tags: Family/Relationships - ChildrenParentingSexStay-at-Home MomStay-At-Home-Moms
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Tags: Family/Relationships - TeensHealthMother's DayMotherhood-FatherhoodSexSexualitySocial IssuesTeensValues
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Tags: AbuseChild AbuseFamily/Relationships - ChildrenIn Praise of Stay-at-Home MomsMotherhoodMotherhood-FatherhoodParentingRegarding Dr. LauraSexStay-at-Home MomStay-At-Home-Moms
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05/13/2010
IconDuring his recent African trip, Pope Benedict XVI said that the distribution of condoms would not resolve the AIDS problem.' The Pope has made it clear that abstinence is going to be the best way to fight AIDS.Google "Pope" and "condoms," and you'll never run out of reading material excoriating the man for his observation and opinion.' Many health advocates have gone ballistic in their criticism of his comments.' They feel it is one thing to promote abstinence as part of the Catholic religion, but that it is an entirely different thing to preach it to the world.On a person-by-person basis, wearing a condom does, of course, offer some protection against contracting various venereal diseases and (of course) unwanted pregnancy.' It is also true that condoms sometimes break, slip, or are put on incorrectly (taut to the very end).' Everything has its limitations...except abstinence.I remember listening to a rabbi describing a situation that occurred to his kosher family.' His 7 year old child was invited to a birthday party for a classmate at one of those fast-food hamburger establishments.' When he came to pick up his child at the end of the party, one of the mothers - clearly annoyed - chastised him for the pain he caused his son.' "All the children had hamburgers, chicken nuggets, french fries and dessert, and your little boy had to sit there and eat none of it.' Imagine how terrible your son must have felt?' How could you do this to him?' Food is food.' There is nothing sinful about food.' What you are doing to him is just cruel."' Just about at the end of her tirade, his son bounded up to him, gave him a huge hug around the waist, and said "I had a great time.' This was a fun party."The woman blanched and walked away.' The rabbi followed her and gently told her the following:' animals will eat whatever is around, even if it will make them unhealthy.' Humans are to rise above animals and become masters of their urges.' Imagine my son in a dorm room where harmful illicit drugs are being passed about.' We already know that peer pressure and urges will not force him to relent and give in to the impulse.' Learning at his early age to control impulse and desire is not a harmful trait - many times, it might be a life-saving one.' Look at him.' He enjoyed the company of your son and the rest of the children without giving up his values.' He looks happy and satisfied.' We really need to bring up our children to be masters of their instincts, not slaves to them, don't you think?The woman scowled, but listened to him.Yes, in any one instance, a condom could protect, but in the overall scheme of humanity, why do so many people wish to push away the enormous protective power of moral values?When the Pope suggests that human beings are best off saving their sexual passion for the stability of a covenant of marriage, he is making a statement that the act of sexuality is elevated by the context, and ultimately protects both man and woman from a myriad of hurtful consequences from venereal diseases to unwanted pregnancies (complete with abortions, abandonment, single-parenthood, and homelessness to name a few).The naysayers all have one thing in common:' they refuse to want, believe or accept that human beings can commit to a higher spiritual state of thought and behavior.' The Pope believes in us more than that.I am not Catholic, so this is no knee-jerk defense of my spiritual leader.' The truth is that he is simply correct and too many people don't want to hear it, because they want to live lives unfettered by rules.' It is sad that they don't realize that this makes them a slave to animal impulse versus a master of human potential. More >>

Tags: CharacterCharacter, Courage, ConscienceCharacter-Courage-Consciencechoose wisely - treat kindlyChoose Wisely-Treat KindlyDatingHealthMoralsMorals, Ethics, ValuesPersonal ResponsibilityReligionSexSexualityValues
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Tags: Family/Relationships - ChildrenIn Praise of Stay-at-Home MomsMotherhoodMotherhood-FatherhoodParentingRegarding Dr. LauraSexStay-at-Home MomStay-At-Home-Moms
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05/13/2010
IconIn the more than three decades I have been on the radio and in counseling practice, the saddest experiences (and the most difficult to be helpful with) are those where parents call to tell me their child is dead.' The child may have been the victim of an accident, war, a crime, an illness, or a suicide.' No matter which, the pain is unimaginable and the duration is infinite.' It is against the "order of things" for our children to die first; and it is against the order of things for us to feel incapable of protecting our children from everything, anything, and anyone.'The hurt and rage a parent feels is understandable.' A desire to do something with that hurt and rage is also understandable. It is generally difficult to get a sense of closure or justice or revenge.' And so many parents believe that, if they can get one or all of those, the pain goes away.' It doesn't....not really.An 18 year old young woman in Ohio sent nude pictures of herself to a boyfriend.' Apparently, this "texting" of private parts is quite the rage in the youth population.' At some point, the relationship ended, and he, I guess, thought it would be amusing to send the photos to other students at the school.In May, 2008, the young teen went on a local Cincinnati television station to warn other teens against sending personal body part or naked photos to others, lest they also go through the harassment that she got, as students - mostly girls - called her a "slut" and a "whore."' In spite of her noble efforts to warn other young people, and the gratitude she got from innumerable parents, two months later, she decided to kill herself, apparently as a way to avoid the painful embarrassment."Sexting" (as it's called) is a growing problem that has resulted in child pornography charges being filed against some teens across the country, because sending sexually charged pictures of minors is a crime' One national survey found that 39% or more of teens are sending or posting sexually suggestive messages, and 48% report receiving them!This young woman was humiliated by the daily snide remarks, and she started skipping school.' Her mother drove her to school to make sure she got there.' Then, after attending the funeral of one of her friends who committed suicide, this young, tormented woman hanged herself in her bedroom.Of course, the focus for her mother is an attempt to punish those students or the school with lawsuits and criminal charges.' The mother is understandably beside herself and wanting to lash out in rage.' However, the fault doesn't lie in the stars.' The openly sexual environment that children are exposed to makes these behaviors (like oral sex in middle school classrooms and bathrooms across the country) seem like the norm for the day.' Girls have always wanted to make boys love them, and cell phone texting technology just gives young people another avenue to express their hopeful desperation to be wanted and loved.It was pathetic and stupid of her to send the picture; it was unconscionable of her ex-boyfriend to expose her to ridicule; it was disgusting for girls (competitive little witches that some can be) to make fun of her; it was brave for her to use her experience to warn others; it was too bad her family didn't get her mental health support or transfer her to another school; it was a deadly coincidence that her friend committed suicide; it is an unspeakable anguish that she thought this was the best solution for a "temporary" problem.I hesitate to write "temporary" because, with the Internet, such photos are forever, and those who wish to cause hurt to others relish in exploiting such mishaps for their own pathetic ego gain.Parents, many of your children have already done this via hand-held video cameras or computer cameras.' Many of your children have already been "embarrassed," while others have become more popular.' Very few will kill themselves, but even then, something in them does die, as what is precious and private becomes entertainment for the immature and downright mean.' Parents, make sure your kids know not to become either. More >>

Tags: Family/Relationships - TeensInternetInternet-MediaInternet/MediaMental HealthSexSexualitySocial IssuesSuicideTeensValues
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05/13/2010
IconI'm turning my blog today over to a 15 year old, who wrote me the following: Dear Dr. Laura: Hi. My dad sent something to my email that frankly made me sick. A young 13 year boy is now the father of a baby girl that was just born last Monday. The fact that the parents of this young boy let him have a 15 year old girlfriend, and the fact that they support this, makes me angry. This poor little girl is going to grow up with an extremely young mother, an even younger father, and is probably going to live in a broken home. These kids are not ready to be parents. Fortunately, my parents are together and happy, and all my life I've been given examples of what a relationship should be. I'm 15, and will never make the mistake of getting pregnant before I'm married. I feel sorry for the mother and father of the baby, because they've been robbed of their childhood. They will never get the freedom now that I have. I've listened to you for as long as I can remember, and I guess some of what you've been saying has sunk in. I was talking to my mom about the story and telling her how this baby needs to be given a good home with GROWN UP parents to take care of her. I couldn't help thinking afterwards "WOW! That sounded like Dr. Laura!" Thank you so much for your preaching, teaching, and nagging that helps many little babies just like this one. It makes me cry to think that this story probably won't have a happy ending, and my heart goes out to that baby. Thank you so much for fighting for kids who can't speak for themselves, and being a great role model. Laura O. More >>

Tags: ChildrenFamily/Relationships - TeensMotherhood-FatherhoodParentingPersonal ResponsibilityPregnancySexSexualitySocial IssuesTeensValues
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05/13/2010
Icon"I love your show, but it makes me CRAZY when you subscribe to the double standard that men get a pass on being sexually cavalier but women are to be thoroughly and soundly condemned.' Why, oh why, don't you condemn the men as much as the women?' Why aren't they just as 'piggy' and deserving of condemnation?' That societal attitude encourages men to attempt to use women sexually as their birthright and also encourages women to be insecure and distrustful of sex in general.' You're putting a sexual burka on women overall with that attitude. I'm not advocating casual sex.' I'm condemning the acceptance of a double standard.' Come on!' There are two sides of that coin and each should assume major responsibility for engaging in casual sex.' Until the act is equally condemned, how can women take those rules seriously?" This is a recent email from a listener taking me to task for what she perceives is a sort of anti-female, double standard mentality.'First of all, God and nature are responsible for the reality of a double standard.' Women have breasts from which to suckle the baby born from their uterus after a nine month gestation.' Women's high-pitched voices and hearing are geared for the infant-mother bonding that miraculously takes place right after birth.' Women's temperaments to nurture, cuddle, coo, and protect are hardwired into their psychological programming.' Women are different from men.There is no question that men more easily dissociate love and sex.' Young males in particular are open to sexual experiences for the challenge, orgasmic satisfaction, and status among other males.' These qualities are not synonymous with femininity.Women give themselves sexually to men out of love, a desperate desire to be wanted and loved, or for money.' It is not typical, as it is with men, for a woman to feel proud of the number of men who have penetrated her; and the only women who look for the sexual challenge are those so twisted with anti-male rage that domination of a male is a form of psychological rape which satisfies that neurotic anger.Males are generally out of control every which way until they fall in love and take on the obligations and responsibilities of a man committed to a woman and family.' All the research demonstrates that men who are married make more money, are healthier and happier, and function better socially than "loner" men.' In fact, the deranged males who perpetrate horrendous acts of violence are generally such loner males with no families to make them feel important, give them purpose and direction...and love.Women are the taming and socializing force in society.' Men will only do what women allow.' Remember the ancient Greek classical play "Lysistrata" ?' The women in the town refused to have sex if their men continued to participate in war and violence.' Poof, all the violence stopped.' Women have always had the power over men; but feminism got women off the track of realizing that, and on the track to only hating or disdaining men.Now, women have largely become "pigs."' Instead of embracing modesty, pride, values, and self-value, they parade around showing their bodies like Playboy bunnies, have sex before "hello," shack up with men without marital commitment, make babies on their own (declaring that men/fathers aren't necessary), use abortion as birth control, and don't imagine feminine sweetness has any place in marriage and are bored with sex with their husbands but turn on to every other Tom, Dick, and Harry.' That is why men have little respect for women these days. More >>

Tags: Character, Courage, ConscienceCharacter-Courage-ConscienceCommitmentFeminismPersonal ResponsibilitySexSexualitySocial IssuesValues
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Tags: EconomyFamily/Relationships - ChildrenMotherhoodMotherhood-FatherhoodParentingSexValues
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05/13/2010
IconRecently, a male listener, with a very undeveloped maturity bone, called to complain about his new wife.' It seemed that she was no longer the party girl he dated for two months prior to the well-thought out marriage, and he was upset that she was starting to "nest."' How utterly disappointing and boring.I told him he had to dump her and find a drug addicted, alcoholic, promiscuous hussy to marry to keep the party going.'' And then I went onto the next caller.' It was that kind of day.It is important, though, to know what you want when you date; it saves time and emotion.' CNN.com recently posted a blog by Wendy Atterberry entitled, " Seven Traits to Investigate on a First Date ."' The seven were:1.' Pet situation,2.' Employment status3.' Dream vacation4.' Perfect Saturday night,5.' Perfect Sunday afternoon6.' Romantic aspirations ... dating for fun or marriage?7.' Kissing style.''''My take is that #6 should determine whether or not to even have a date in the first place.' I have told many women on my program that they should inquire as to the long-term intentions of the man before or at the beginning of the first date . "I'm dating to look for someone to share my life with and help raise my 84 children in a forever marriage...and why are you dating?" would be a good start as far as I'm concerned.'' If you both want to party, or only one is serious...it's important to know.Numbers 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, are interesting and have importance down the line for the sake of mutual interest and compatibility of lifestyle, although a lot of that can change when one is in love.Number 2, employment status, is another one of those significant facts to know before you agree to a date.' Folks who are flaky, unstable, unmotivated or unprepared for adult lives shouldn't date.I was seriously stunned that the most important issues - for example, religion --' were left out.' It is an important bonding agent to have mutual spiritual identities.' Relationship with parents is also important, as it tells you a lot about the health of the extended family.' The desire to have children and about how many is an important issue, as is the determination to raise and love children or pay hired help to "raise" them and watch them grow from a busy distance.' Finances, debts, and philosophy of saving versus spending would be good to know in advance too.'Hobbies and other activities which can both build interest and mutual experiences, or interfere with the relationship and leave someone lonely are important as well.' Politics and life philosophy discussions would reveal similarities and differences (not always bad) in expectations, preferences, and attitudes''''Am I kidding?' Do I really think you folks should talk this seriously on the first date?' Shouldn't you just marinate in each other's furtive, sensual glances?No, I am not kidding.' Yes...even before the first date if you're spending some "get to know you" phone time.' And yes...romantic glances are wonderful. More >>

Tags: intimacyMarriagePersonal ResponsibilitySexValues
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