At a recent media fundraiser, I was asked how a parent in southern California could best tell a child why he or she would have to go to bed hungry.' My answer (which was met with some silence) was that in southern California, there is absolutely no reason for any child to go to bed hungry, and that parents should do whatever it takes, legally, to make sure that didn't happen.That means going to your local church and other available community resources for temporary assistance, getting some part-time, even menial, work in the evening for some extra income, going to "big box" stores with friends or relatives to pool your resources and buy cheaply in bulk....I could go on and on.I remember one point in my own family's life when we went through every pocket of every jacket and pair of pants, every drawer, and every little "box-like" entity in the house to pool together enough money to go to McDonald's with our son.' I remember crying in the mall one day, because we didn't have enough cash for a second pair of shoes for him.' I remember being angry and scared, and I remember hunkering down with my husband to figure out how to solve the problem.' I've been there. Dave Ramsey is in print and on just about every television program, giving good advice on what to do about your financial situation.' Check him out. More >>

I cannot even estimate how many recent callers fall into two discrete, and unfortunate, categories:' the first are largely women calling to find out how they can better deal with the bitter resentment they have toward their husbands, because of economic stress; the second are largely men calling to find out how they can better deal with the feelings of failure as a man because of economic stress.To the women, I say "Unless he actively burned money in the basement, gambled it away, or spent way, way, way over budget, your fears are turning into rage toward the one person you should turn to , and not on ."' When they (generally) limply come back with "Yes, he spent more than we had," and I come back with "And, didn't you?" then the meeting is called to order.To the men, I say, "I am heartened that you see your responsibilities so clearly, but you are letting your shock get in the way of your problem-solving skills.' You see a hungry tiger in your living room, salivating over your kids.' Shock sets in, and you can be depressed that you don't have a stun gun or you can't figure out another way around that tiger to save your family.' We indulge in the shock and sadness of it all, but now it's time to see the challenge."I have teenagers with small incomes from part-time jobs call, wondering if they have to "share" with their parents who are up against it.' Can you imagine that?' Instead of being rather excited about the ability to contribute to the family at a time of crisis, many of our teens are only looking out for "Number One."All cities are having charity drives not only for the holiday season, but for victims of fires and personnel layoffs due to incompetency in government and private industry.' Most of the time, this issue is food, but sometimes children's lists include iPods and laptops!' Can you believe that?' What have we taught our children about humble survival and retrenching when they are still focused on high-priced electronics? More >>

"Disney Accused by Catholic Cleric of Corrupting Children's Minds," was headline from The UK Telegraph that obviously caught my eye and curiosity.' I grew up with all the Disney cartoon movies...and save for Snow White shacking up with a lot of dwarfs with funny names - but no funny business - I can't think of anything corrupting about that Disney era.In fact, moral stories were always at the center: good guys and gals were ultimately saved and rewarded; and bad guys got their comeuppance in spades. What possible problem could Christopher Jamison, the Abbot of Worth in West Sussex, England have with Disney?He argues that the Disney Corporation pretends to provide stories with a moral message, but has actually helped to create a more materialistic culture which is in danger of losing its soul because of growing consumerism and the decline of religion.'Whoooo.' He's got something there.' These movies are wolves in grandma's clothing?' They present a dichotomy of good and bad and then market the heck out of it and make oodles of money seducing kids into buying all kinds of junk in the image of the cute - or nasty - images on the screen.Father Jamison targets the behavior of Disney in particular, which he says is "a classic example" of how consumerism is being sold as an alternative to finding happiness in traditional morality.' While he acknowledges that Disney stories carry messages showing good triumphing over evil (i.e., moral battles) he argues that this is part of a ploy to persuade people that they should buy Disney products in order to be a good and happy family and make them greedy for the merchandise that goes with them.While Father Jamison makes an obviously good point...it is a matter of the free market.' I don't begrudge Disney trying to make a buck selling stuffed animals and t-shirts based upon their story characters.' I do begrudge the weakness of parents saying, "Yes, dear," each time their child yells and demands something.' How 'bout instead of giving in so readily, you tell them to save up their money from putting out the trash or collecting leaves so they can buy their heart's desire for "101 Dalmatians" plastic or stuffed dogs?' The children will learn patience, and the art of saving toward a goal - actually gaining pride in earning what they desire.' In fact, after they work that hard and that long, that toy may not look as nearly as interesting a use of their hard-earned change.' This way, your children learn self-discipline, self-control and a real appreciation for the value of "junk," so they can make an informed decision as to how important it really is to them. More >>

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I'm all for feminists...in their place, of course (which clearly isn't in the kitchen; but I digress)Instead of marching in public to make sure that babies born even up to, but not including, their heads can be killed (also known as late term abortion), and that minors can abort their babies without mommy and daddy knowing, and demanding that the world provide day-care so that all mothers can dump their kids into the arms of hired help, and also that unmarried women can adopt babies in spite of the need of children for a daddy...how 'bout having these well- meaning activists go to Afghanistan and protect girls whose only wish is to go to school and be educated so they can participate in their society?'As reported by the Associated Press - and not for the first time - Taliban men on motorcycles attacked 15 girls on their way to school and squirted their faces with acid. The next morning, no girls showed up at school in Kandahar's Mirawais Mena girls' school.Arsonists have repeatedly attacked girls' schools and gunmen kill students.' UNICEF says there were 236 school-related attacks in Afghanistan in 2007.Activism is an important quality of people motivated with a mission to preserve and protect innocents.' Feminists go after fetuses...let them instead go after the Taliban.' I think it would make a huge statement and impact to have American women locked and loaded and protecting these young women who strive for the basic right to an education.If America's feminists would commit to such missions, I would respect and support them wholeheartedly. More >>

I cannot emphasize enough how, as a marriage and family therapist, I am impressed with female fiddler crabs.' A study published in the journal Animal Behavior , found that females of the species Uca crenulata - also known as' fiddler crab - may check out 100 or more male fiddler crabs and their burrows before finally deciding on a mate.Now...make no mistake : she's not getting it on with 100 males.' She is making certain that the one she picks is one she can count on to protect and provide for her young 'uns.'Why are female fiddler crabs so picky?' The survival of their offspring appears to be strongly linked to the size of their mate and his "crib" - to borrow some vernacular.' The size of the male's....burrow...affects the development time of the larvae.' A burrow of just the right width and depth dimensions allows larvae to hatch at the perfect, safest time, the peak outward nighttime flow of the biweekly tidal cycle.So here's how it all looks: the male fiddler crabs stand in front of their burrows and wave their enlarged....claws....at prospective female passers-by, much as a human fellow might wave his arms or hands in a "come over here" motion. The interested females initially eye the males, and if something tweaks 'em, they partially or fully enter a burrow to size it up.' When a female finds a mate and burrow to her liking, one of them closes the door behind them, they mate, and incubate their eggs, which later hatch and release little baby crab larvae that are quickly flushed from the estuary by high night tides.Why is this of interest to me...and should be of interest to you?' Because I am amazed at how little effort so many women and men seem to put into making one of the most important decisions of a lifetime: their life-long (if they're smart) mate.' I have long nagged that judges and clergy should not marry people who have not undergone at least 6 months of pre-marital counseling to make sure that they are:' 1) capable of making a loving commitment to another person, 2) are reasonably objective as to the quality of this "match," 3) have had experience working through problems and differences with this person in non-combative, constructive ways, 4) have quality familial relationships all the way around, and 5) are in agreement on basic but important issues such as children and child-care, financial considerations, religious persuasions, geography, life-style, ideals, values and goals.....and that is just for starters.Good marriages - life long ones - don't just happen.' Choose wisely - then - treat kindly. More >>

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In 2005, Britain changed the law protecting anonymous sperm donors and allowed children to learn the identity of donor fathers (which is bad news) and limited the number of women who can use sperm from one donor (which is good news).In 1991, Britain registered some 500 sperm donors; since the change in the law, the numbers have dropped by 40%.' Obviously, the men were anonymously donating sperm for the financial compensation, and not for the purpose of fatherhood.' Once the anonymity factor was gone, motivation declined as these men likely felt threatened by potential future responsibilities to a child they had no intention of taking any responsibility for; either financially or emotionally.Another concern about anonymity is the sanctity of the family.' I have always advised married, infertile folks who have called my program to keep their plans a complete secret.' I don't believe it is in the best interest of children to have a sense that the wonderful man protecting, providing, and loving them is not their daddy.' Anything which interferes with that child/father bond should be avoided whenever possible.' And, I never thought the origin of the haploid DNA contribution was as significant as the ultimate parent/child relationship.Britain capped the number of babies which can be created from one donor.' Sperm from one man can now be used to produce only 10 babies (in Holland the number is 25).' The United States does not cap sperm donations at all...and I think that is ridiculous.' You certainly don't want anonymous sperm in one geographical location to be used to make scores of babies who are unaware of their genetic relationship.' The statistical probability of them meeting, falling in love, marrying (aw, I'm such a romantic) and then having children is not insignificant.' This is a factor that could lead to obvious medical problems for their offspring. More >>

There have been a number of lawsuits over the years concerning the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) during relatively casual sex in relatively casual relationships.' The New York Post published a story about a forty-seven-year old attorney who filed suit against his wife of twenty-two years, charging that her straying had left him with Herpes Simplex virus 2, an STD that caused him to experience "pain, suffering, emotional, mental, psychological and physical injuries and the loss of enjoyment of life."I guess he figured that if he had it, and had sex with her, that she'd contract it and then he'd blame it on her during their estrangement so that he could leverage his position with respect to collecting back monies he'd have to give her in a divorce.' I guess that's it...because she filed papers last month with the results of her blood test which was negative for HSV-2, commonly known as genital herpes, with which the lawyer husband says he's infected.Nonetheless, the question still remains: who is responsible for the transmission of an STD in a casual or dating relationship?' Is it the full responsibility of the infected individual to reveal in advance of any sexual activity that they have the communicable disease?' Or, is it the responsibility of each and every individual to not rely on the kindness of strangers?I believe that anyone who knowingly transmits an STD should be prosecuted criminally and sued civilly.' The severity of the consequences should match the seriousness of the STD.' Some of the STDs are curable with medication; others are simply controlled with medication; some may lead to a higher incidence of cancer; and some are a virtual death sentence.'Considering these factors, people who don't ask - much less are foolish enough to believe it when they're told, "No, I don't have anything," - who don't take precautions such as condoms (which aren't foolproof), who have multiple sexual partners, and who don't value the monogamous commitment of marriage after both people have complete physicals and blood tests to ensure a "clean slate," have to take some responsibility onto themselves for their foolishness.It's like this: when you let your dog loose off the leash and it runs into the streets to be run over by a speeding car...the car actually killed the dog; but you put the dog in the place where it could happen.' That is shared liability and shared moral obligation.DO ask, and DO tell; and be truthful. More >>