I was so moved by your words recently on "picking wisely" that I felt compelled to share my story, mostly out of gratitude for how well things have worked.
When I was 24, I was shocked out of my frivolous youth with a positive pregnancy test. My boyfriend and I had been dating and obviously sleeping together for about a year without any real talk of marriage. I ignored my conscience and instead convinced myself I could handle the commitment-free sex because I was focused on my job, friends, going back to school, etc. The truth is I was wallowing in the nowhere-ness of my life, non-committal about pretty much everything, and lacking a purpose. My boyfriend was different. He was focused, climbing fast in his career, and attentive to me, his girlfriend, whether I appreciated it or not. It's a wonder he didn't dump me. And then, that pregnancy test changed everything.
A family member recommended a counselor to us, to help us decide how to move forward. The counselor met with us together, and separately. In my solo session, she urged me to see the potential in my significant other. She urged me to see the potential in myself, as a mother. She urged me to see how beautiful our life could be, if only I could commit wholeheartedly, to living for my future husband and child. She dismissed my whiney "but I'm not sure I even love him" with a wave of her hand, and posed questions about whether I respected him, whether I trusted him, and whether I trusted myself not to mistreat him. I realized that I was finally being challenged. It was my first test as a mother and future wife. How deep was my love for the life inside me? How big could I commit to providing a loving home for us all? Well, I am not one to turn down a challenge. I had it in me, and I was not going to fail; not myself, not my future husband, and definitely not my baby.
Fast forward: we had a courthouse wedding and rented a home. I quit my job, and a baby boy was born, followed two years later by a baby girl. And my husband is the hero to us all. He works 10 hour days AND takes on side projects for extra cash so that I can stay home. At the end of his days, he kisses me first then gets right on the floor to play with our kids. He is grateful for a home cooked meal, and just laughs on the many nights I apologetically order out. He encourages my side hobbies, he is slow to anger, and he is never too tired to read a bedtime story. He doesn't live for himself, but for his family. And I am so grateful for his example to follow, for such a deeply committed and lovable husband.
So there you have it. What started as an immature not to mention irresponsible fling, has evolved into committed partnership and love story. And even though it is true that love is not enough, when you've got everything else inside a happy home, it can't help but grow in profusion.
Emily
