Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel. I get to answer your written questions, like this one from Monica:
"My close friend of 25 years has become a drunk and a mean drunk in the last 6 times that I have invited her to my home. Last year I told her how upsetting her behavior was, but I know she is still drinking.
I am having another party soon, but do not want to invite her and I know (somehow) she will find out about it. This is very difficult because my heart breaks for her. [No, my heart breaks for people when a tornado takes down their home. When somebody voluntarily drinks, that’s not worthy of compassion. I’m sorry.] I love her, but I also know I can’t help her. [That is the truth.] I don't want to have the party ruined for my other guests, which has happened many times before.
Should I tell her about the party and why she is not invited, or just have the party and not invite her?"
You can do either one but just don't have her at the party. Either one is ok. I think she should know that there are consequences to her actions. Yes, she has the right to do whatever she wants – she can drink, she can be mean, she can jump off her roof, she can do whatever she would like, she’s free to do that. And you are free to make your choices and there are consequences to all our actions, good, bad or indifferent, fair and unfair.
So yeah, call her about the party and say, "You know, for the sake of our long-term friendship I wanted to tell you why I'm not inviting you to my home anymore, much less this party. Until you're clean and sober for about 6 to 9 months, I really don't want communication. The price of admission back into my heart and my life is that you're clean and sober." Now she will yell and say bad things, and make you feel horrible about yourself, and you'll cry and you'll feel bad but ultimately you're doing the right thing.
I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel.