After a break up of my daughter's, she tearfully asked who was going to be interested in her at 25. I pulled out a post-it pad I had in my pocket and said, I could guarantee she would not waste any more time on people who were not ideal.
IF she covered these basic items on the first 1 or 2 dates, and any 1 is a deal breaker if it does not align with hers.
- 1. what is his intent? marriage, a hook up, just having a girlfriend etc.
- 2. If he was intending on settling down, what was his timeline in months and years? Assuming the right person was chosen.
- 3. What is his history: Married, children, the law, work.
- 4. What is his job now, and what are his career aspirations.
- 5. What is his feeling about family /children /parenting /working mothers etc.
- 6? What were prior relationships like? Was he living with someone? Engaged? "What # are you in his life? If greater than 3, ask yourself/him who #4 is likely to be.
- 7. Ask him about his family... does he have a good relationship with them? What is their marriage like? The way he was raised is a strong indication of what he has groomed to become.
- 8. Assess his attitude toward alcohol/drugs. If there appear to are excesses demonstrated during your first or 2nd date, run.
- 9. Does he treat you like a lady? Language, demeanor, temper, attitude toward others... waitress, concierge etc. This shows his charter beyond his performance trying to impress you.
- 10. If he passes these 9 tests, I want to meet him. Family when intact is usually the best judge of a person's intent and character. Sussing out the basics before diving in allows you to make a rations decision before there is any emotional involvement. Emotion will only create "but... he's ____" when confronted one of these big red flags.
Needless to say, she pulled the note on the first date and went through the list. A short time later, she brought him around for a meeting and today they are married with a child; with the entire family's delight and blessing!
Unfortunately, not every child is willing to take such logical steps, and the consequences are left for the family to pick up afterward. I'm just an Old Fashioned.
"Father Knows Best"
