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Letters From Listeners

Getting It Right The Second Time Around

Dear Dr. Laura,

I heard a caller the other day talk about an argument she had with her husband that escalated into one where he had apparently smacked her. You totally blamed the caller for pushing her man, and then acting like the "victim".

That call reminded me of my first husband. You see, we were married about 14 years. In that time he smacked me a couple times, he also had an affair with two different women (very short lived).  I complained loudly to anyone who would hear me about my "victim-ness".

My second husband is kind, loving and loyal. He would do anything for me. He loves me and tells me so. He buys me gifts. We talk and laugh often. He tells me "I would swim through hell with gasoline drawers on for you!" (Lol!)

Funny thing, this is the SAME man as my first one. I found "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and figured out that I was CAUSING the bad behavior. I don't always act perfectly now, but it's ok. He loves me and appreciates my efforts. Thank you Dr. Laura for all you do. We women really do have enormous power over our men, it's up to us as to how we use that power. My "man of my dreams" and I are now going on 30 years (total!) we both consider the first 14 just a trial run. I am a lucky woman he came back and gave me another shot.

Tags: Marriage, Response to a Call, Response to a Caller, The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage
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