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Grandma's Ignoring My Baby

Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel.  I get to answer your questions and this one's from Eva:

"My brother and I had our babies two months apart [it's probably his wife (laughs)...just occurred to me.]- it was his first, and my third.

My family has clearly shown more favoritism for his daughter -- more cooing, coddling, holding - than for mine. They didn't even seem interested when my daughter had some of her 'firsts' - first smile, first steps and the like.

My parents weren't this way when it came to my first two children.  They've always been loving and caring equally towards both, but now my youngest gets overlooked because they are so consumed with my brother's 'golden child'.   I should also tell you that my brother is the first-born, only son in our family.

Even my oldest daughter is noticing the cold shoulder my youngest gets from my Mom and younger sister.   Do I talk to them or not?  And what should I say to end this behavior?"

First of all, I think there are a couple things going on.  I don't think this is about your brother being the first born and only son, but it's their first grandkid with him.  And I think you're right, they're getting overly focused and not being very sensitive. 

Truthfully, I think your daughter that's noticed it should talk to Grandma. It's something different when you say, "You're paying more attention to my brother's kid."  Because then it sounds like sibling rivalry gone amok.  Right?  But if your daughter sits on Grandma's lap and says, "You know, you don't pay attention too much to my little sister."  That's going to really [makes noise and stabbing motion to chest] hurt.  So let's get them where they live. 

I think they're just not considering, because this is your third, and so they're making a fuss over the first.  I doubt there's any ill intent and I'm not naïve and I'm not a Pollyanna type, but I can sort of see the situation where it's their son's first kid so they're making a fuss.  But you're right, it's going to be very hurtful, divisive between you and your brother, much less the kids and it does have to be addressed. 

My advice: let your daughter do it.  I think it'll have much more impact.  (Yes, I am devious.)

I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger.  Until next time, here on our YouTube channel.



Tags: Adult Child-Parent, Baby, Family/Relationships - Adult Child/Parent, Family/Relationships - Family, Grandchildren, Grandparents, Parenting, Relationships, Relatives, Siblings
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