I googled "how to be a better stay at home mom" last night. I came across a blog (I think) where a woman had asked essentially the same question. I read through the responses until I came to one from a woman who mentioned your book. She said it may seem odd for her to recommend the book, but once she read it, it helped her be a better wife and then a better mother. And so, I looked it up through my iBook store on my iPad. When I saw the title, "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands," I thought, 'you have GOT to be kidding me' but I downloaded a sample, because I am desperate to be the person I always imagined being.
My husband and I had a very rough start to this year. I am barely a chapter into your book and have already been drawn to tears, realizing it was widely my fault. We spent a great deal of time blaming each other for the way we treated each other, if that makes sense. It was an endless circle of how he treated me such and such way because I treated him such and such..... It was a nasty, vicious cycle.
I became a stay at home mom almost 3 years ago, just before the birth of our second child. I've spent more time than I care to admit being resentful of these roles: It felt more like I was the maid at times and taken advantage of. (I should mention my brother has moved in with us which only aided in my frustration.) My husband mentioned for months, "What happened to the woman who was excited to take care of me and our home and children?" This, of course, only made me angrier. I had completely forgotten why we chose for me to stay home in the first place and how excited I was to be able to take care of my family. I even remember wanting to show him how much I appreciated how hard he works for me to stay home. But I forgot all that. It seems, I became concerned with my feelings only.
Our fighting nearly ended our marriage. Fortunately, one night we talked about it all, after a very serious threat of divorce from us both, and we made the conscious decision to make our marriage work. He works nearly 7 days most weeks, and even though we actively work on our relationship, I am ashamed to say I had very much forgotten my 'role.' I'm also, ashamed to admit almost everything you mention in your book about using others as a sounding board and, well, really EVERYTHING is something I have unfortunately done. All of the things you mention from other husbands and how they feel are the same things my husband has said to me, down to how I tend to discount his feelings.
I know I'll learn much more from your book that will help me continue to see where I've been and get me back on track with my husband so we can have a more successful family and marriage.
Sorry for rambling, thanks for your time.
T.
