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Email of the Day

It Was Me, Not Her

Dr. Laura:

My 38 year old daughter and I were very close when she was growing up, but then we went through a rough stage.  She was mean.  I cried.  She rarely came to visit.  I complained.  But because I listen to your show whenever I can, I began to realize how I wasn't helping our not-so-good relationship.  I slowly began changing what I said to her so she would know I wasn't trying to run her life.  I then backed off 99.9% from giving advice.  Every time I learned something new from you about a mother-daughter relationship, I began to ingrain it into my life.

Before, I was hurt and disappointed that my daughter didn't need me and didn't seem to even like me.  Then I realized that it was MY neediness that was the problem.  She didn't need recipes and quotes and cleaning tips - THAT she could get on the Internet.  She DID need support, honest praise and hugs.  Once that sank in, life between us became good again. 

Thank you for helping me see how I could repair our relationship!  We are now in a much better place and can enjoy each other again.

Tags: Adult Child-Parent, Attitude, Behavior, Motherhood-Fatherhood, Parenting, Relatives
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