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Letters From Listeners

Losing My Virginity

Dr Laura,

When I was 18, I thought I was "all grown up" and part of the way I wanted to prove it was to have sex and lose my virginity. The first willing contestant I found was a real loser. He was much older than me (26) so of course this stroked my need to feel like an adult. This "man" lied to me about pretty much everything in his life - his age, his child, his tattoo, his country of origin, his other girlfriend... And when the relationship went sour (it didn't take long, only a few months) I was left feeling younger and more vulnerable than ever. I realize now in hindsight how immature my choice was to get naked with this man.

After the "relationship" (if you can even call it that) I spiraled out of control trying to get that feeling I was looking for (an adult relationship that would turn into marriage) by sleeping with every willing male I could find.

My husband of almost 10 years (our anniversary is Dec 21!) waited. He knew better and kept himself for me. I wish someone would have told me how this hurts your future partner and how damaging it is to your marriage. He spent a lot of time when we were dating and first married, trying to figure out how to deal with the fact that other men had been intimate with me. He was jealous and it was the one thing he wanted that I couldn't give him. We made the mistake of not waiting until we were married though too... And it resulted in pregnancy. I thank God EVERY DAY that this happened with my MAN because it (or disease) could have happened with any of the other number of men I threw myself at. Media tells us that sex has no lasting consequences unless you get pregnant or a disease... But sometimes the lasting emotional effects are just as bad.

Signed, a regretful My (4) Kids Mom,

Tags: Abstinence, Dating, Marriage, Values, Virginity
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