Today, I listened to a young woman agonize over her mother-in-law's request to have an additional bridesmaid at her wedding. Her youthful narcissism demanded she execute HER wedding HER way, launching her marriage on a make-believe sea of perfection without careful regard to the relationships that will sustain her for a lifetime, and weather the storms that most surely will come her way. My heart wanted to break. While she is anticipating the arrival of problems with her mother-in-law, I face the heartbreaking reality that my years with them are limited. And I cherish each moment.
I was a newlywed when I suffered the recurrence of a rare cancer. It was both sets of parents that sustained us during the treatments. My mother-in-law took the train to my house every Monday, and helped me with my newborn twins and two-year-old, returning back to her house every Friday. When we visited them in those early years, they would insist on taking the babies porta-cribs and all into their room at least one of the nights, so we could have an entire night of uninterrupted sleep. When my husband was relocated to the Midwest, they booked flights to help settle us in to our home; and when we returned, we were welcome guests.
Twenty-five years have passed. They still help with the kids, who are all in college, and I still find such solace and love in their presence. Not only have they helped me become the parent I am today, they have graciously modeled how to be amazing in-laws, when that time comes. They have been such an amazing source of support during this journey. Additionally I have found, during these decades of marriage, that how I treat my mother-in-law is directly proportionate to the appreciation my husband shows me. So is it worth the extra bridesmaid? This child of 24 has no idea what life holds in store for her. But rest assured there will be so many challenges, and the relationships one builds with family is so precious. There will be many big things to fight for. This is not one of them. I'm going to send my ma-in-law a card tomorrow letting her know how I feel....while I still can.
With Gratitude,
Irene
