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Letters From Listeners

My Priorities Were Different Than Hers

My first serious relationship began about 2 years after I graduated from college and got my first full-time job. A friend set me up with a blind date, who was a coworker of the girl he was dating at the time. It began to get serious after the third date.

It lasted just over two years, and in that time I began to understand how desperate she was to be married.  Being relatively naïve, I didn't realize this sooner.  Her (much more well-endowed) younger sister was already preparing for her wedding at that time as well. Her dad had already passed from a heart attack at a young age. She was willing to do pretty much ANYTHING to get me to the altar, including becoming pregnant out-of-wedlock. She tried, unsuccessfully, to get me to facilitate that on several occasions. After I managed to break up with her - the first time - my roommate got us back together for a date a few weeks later.

During that date, she tried again to initiate sexual activities. As soon as I removed her hand from my crotch, without saying a word, she quickly exited my vehicle and went into her house. The next thing I heard (from my roommate) was that she had married one of her coworkers.

My reason for dragging my feet was simply that I could not see how I was going to be able to provide the kind of life with her that we both - and any children - deserved and needed. But this young woman was not willing to wait until I was fully prepared - emotionally and financially - to make the commitment and follow through on it properly. I have never heard from or about her since. That was over thirty years ago.

I did not date anyone more than once or twice for the next 6 years, until I met the girl I would marry. We are still married, for 23 years now, with two great young adults as our children. Ours is not a perfect marriage, but I am so glad I waited.


Tags: Dating, Marriage, Raising Boys to Men, Real men, Relationships
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