Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and this is our YouTube channel, where I get to answer your questions, and this one is from Denise:
"We sent our 18-year-old to a distant community college [I love that..."distant". (Laughs)] and we are paying his rent and Grandpa is paying for school books.
Our son received a D.U.I. early in the summer before going off to school. He just got his first job, has probation for several months and has to get drug tested each month. If he fails drug testing, should we forget paying anymore and tell him he is on his own? He also has 40 hours of community service left which he has only completed 8 hours of. He must use the bus or bike for transportation.
We would rather not have him at home because he argues and is not appreciative, plus he will need a ride everywhere! I would appreciate your guidance on this."
Okay. We sit him down and we tell him, "If you don't fulfill your community service, if you test once for drugs or alcohol, if you mess up with your job, if you mess up with school - you're on your own. So you can think of things like the military where there are a lot of alpha-males who are not going to let you get away with anything, but you're going to be financially on your own even though we love you."
Sometimes white lies are necessary at a moment...you don't always love your kids; you feel like they're your kids, but sometimes you just don't feel the feeling of love. I understand that feeling when they're driving you crazy and seem like they must've landed from another planet because you could not possibly have produced such a difficult kid. But nonetheless, say it and just make it clear that these are the limits. That's it. And when he crosses the line, then you have a lot more money for vacations. Think of it that way. It's very sad when the kid is so off-track, but you know young males these days, at 18, are usually not on track. Someday, maybe ten years from now, he will be and that's when he'll come back. That's when your arms will be open.
I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. This is our YouTube channel.