Dear Dr. Laura,
What follows is a note written to my wife this morning. 13 years ago she had a traumatic brain injury that has changed her and the dynamics of our marriage. And I was diagnosed with early onset Parkinson's disease 6 years ago. And if that isn't enough, we just said goodbye to a precious and dearly loved 14-year-old son after a 9 month battle with bone cancer. Nonetheless, I strive to be my wife's boyfriend and long for her to be my girlfriend.
You said something last night before bed that concerns me. You said, as I heard it, that you resent me wanting you to read the book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
, so that I can be nurtured by you. If I heard you correctly, I have reason for concern. And quite simply I went to bed sad.
I am "all-in" in this marriage and I need it to grow and thrive. I know that this is a very difficult time, but I am right here with you. I am going nowhere. I know growth takes time and I understand that. But I want to, and need to, see we are taking baby steps in the direction of more intimacy. And yes, sex is a part, but only a small part!
Over the last 13 years, I have felt I lost my girlfriend. And sorry to bring it up, but the only time I saw you excited about being someone's girlfriend, I was not him. And this brings me back to the book. Every day I hear women on Dr. Laura's show calling in boasting they are their husband's girlfriends and talking about how that attitude has changed their husband and their marriage. I am both green with envy and sad I am not one of those men.
Honestly Love, many times I feel like a once-loved, but now discarded, pair of shoes at the back of your closet. I want to yell out, "See me. Look at me! I am still beautiful! Remember how great we once looked together? Give me another try! Put me on with some different clothes and see how I look! And yes, I have some dust on and don't quite have the shine I once did, but with a little TLC (nurturing), you'll be surprised at how far we can go and how great we can look and feel together."
I am with you until the end, and I know you love me, but I am feeling much like those shoes and I would love to be your boyfriend. I just can't do it without being taken out and polished on a more regular basis. And I would love it if you would like to be my girlfriend! I do love you….