I'm 51 and have been married for 29 years to my high school sweetheart. My parents moved out of state over twenty years ago, yet I always think I should try my best to make vacation plans to visit them a few times a year. They come to us to visit, but usually only once a year.
Lately, my sister-in-law has been planning family vacations with all of us, and it's getting more frequent. My husband only gets 2 weeks' vacation and one of those weeks we spend visiting my parents. Next year, we're planning our own big trip for our anniversary, but my parents are planning another trip at the same time to celebrate by father's 80th birthday. When my husband heard this, he said "No way. We're not doing two big trips in one year" - it's expensive and all his vacation would revolve around my family. He doesn't want to do it.
In the past, I would have tried to talk him into it, but after listening to you, I realized I couldn't put my family before my husband. It's not fair to him and that's not how good relationships work. I had been fretting over how to "let my mom down" when I tell her we can't do HER trip, but I finally "woman-ed up" and wrote her that we already had vacation plans for next year and wouldn't be joining in theirs (I didn't have the complete courage to call her). Although I haven't heard back yet, I'm at peace with my decision. I plan to put my husband first and not feel bad about telling my mom "no." I might have put my marriage in jeopardy if I hadn't heard you in my head steering me in the right direction. Thank you!