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Letters From Listeners

Raising My Children Alone

I have been a divorced parent for many years. When I tell people this, I often get, "Oh you should go out and meet someone", or "I know someone you would really be great for you". When I tell people I choose to be a divorced parent they are really taken aback by that statement. It is a choice. Is it the best situation? Absolutely not! A two parent household is optimum. However, I left a marriage that was unhealthy and destructive. I was depressed and lonely at first, but in time I realized how much happier my children were. Their father chose not to be a part of their lives and wow did he ever miss everything!! They have struggled and I have worked hard to be both parents. I have a great support system which has seen me through the rough times.

I had 4 children. My eldest died in a car accident and it was devastating to us. He was only 19. I have twin daughters who are now 26 and they are both successful, in healthy relationships and have chosen to wait to get married until they are ready to have children and be a mom. My youngest is 17. He is wonderful and will be going to college next year.

I chose my children over my "desire' to be involved with a man. This was not an easy choice. I do not date. I do not go out to bars. I do not look for men. I attend all band and school functions to support my son. I cook, clean, shuttle kids to and from events and school. I work full-time and it was hard in the beginning, but I have been creative and fortunate that my hours working matched school hours. It was the best way I could work and care for my children. All of them freely say they love me. They are caring and kind. Even the 17-year-old boy will give me hugs. None of them do drugs, the older ones drink rarely and responsibly.

I am happy. Do I want to find someone and grow old with? Yes. Of course I think about that. Am I happy? Absolutely! I am 58 years old and ready to have a relationship, travel and spend time with a mate. I am not sure I look forward to dating, (ugh) but I am not concerned about meeting someone. So who knows? In a year? After my baby's graduation and he is off to college? I may meet a decent man and enjoy the second half of my life.  Okay, so I may not live to be 116, but I have no regrets. I did the job I signed up for. I have raised my children to be safe, responsible and productive citizens. The time for me is around the corner and I am happy waiting for it. I wanted to write this so that maybe others will know that parenting means sacrifice, with or without a partner. It was better for me to single parent my children rather than add another person to the dynamics in our life. I have no regrets. I am not some weird ugly woman who can't have a decent relationship. I just chose the path that would best support my children. Every sacrifice was worth every second of the life I have had raising my children.
Thank you,

Tags: Dating, Divorce, Divorce effects on children, Personal Responsibility, Relationships, Responsibility
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