Dear Mother Laura,
My husband and I just reached the end of one of our hardest years of marriage. After 2 years of dealing with stress at work, and not being able to resolve some major issues with administrators, my husband "checked-out" for a while. He was often frustrated, angry, distant, and dismissive. This was understandable after what he was going through, but after a while I felt lost and lonely.
A male "friend" of my husband's was all too willing to fill that gap in my life, and I began to enjoy his attention and the excitement it brought to a rather dreary time in my marriage. While I wised up before anything physical happened, after 3 weeks of secretive texts and conversations, my husband found out and was devastated. His world came crashing down because of MY stupid mistake and mishandling of our marriage.
As we began to work through issues that spanned all the way back to our childhoods, I learned so much from my husband. He took a hard look at his role in our marriage and FOUGHT hard to reverse what had been done. He scaled back at work even though he knew he would suffer backlash, and he did! He listened to my needs and made an effort to show me love every day. Above all, he taught me about forgiveness. He could have clung to his anger and hurt, but he worked harder than anyone I've ever seen to let go of that anger and fill our marriage with a new beginning instead of festering wounds.
Real men are not perfect, and they don't have perfect marriages. When he is in hot water, a real man will fight, crawl, struggle, and drag himself up and out. He will do whatever it takes to learn from the past and make a better future. A real man does not necessarily have a strong body or powerful muscles, but strong morals and a powerful character. I thank God every day I am lucky enough to have landed such a man, and I can guarantee I will never take "friendship" with another man so lightly again.
Thank you for all you do for marriages, Dr. Laura!
Bethany
P.S. Women, run away from that "friendship with another lonely man" lure as fast as you can. It looks fun at the moment, but whatever you are dealing with in your marriage now will pale in comparison to what happens when everything blows up in your face.
