Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, welcoming you to our YouTube channel. And I'm answering a question from Donald today:
"Is it better to stay in a loveless, stagnant marriage after 20 years and five kids (ages between 10-20) or to get out?
I know it's easier to get out, in some ways, but I'm wondering if our lack of love, affection, and warmth for each other does more harm than good for our kids.
My parents stuck it out through the good and bad times for the past 51 years. I'm not sure we can do that.
No infidelity involved. No issues of addiction to chemicals. Just two people who don't see eye to eye or even eye to nose anymore.
How can we decide whether to stay together or go our separate ways?"
There is no separate ways [makes slicing/cutting motion with hand to neck] while the kids are minors. It's going to destroy their lives and you don't have the right to do that. Unless there's violence or addictions or blatant infidelities, and obviously there's none of that. There's just two people putting no effort into loving the other person. When was the last time you woke up, looked at her, and said, "What can I do to make her happy that she's alive and married to me?" Imagine if you woke up and said that to yourself and then thought of something cool like rushing to the kitchen, getting some coffee and oatmeal and bringing it in and sitting there and just chatting while she's having the oatmeal, looking at you like you fell on your head.
What if you lived to see something eye to her eye? What if you made the effort to agree with things that really don't matter that much to you? What if you made her feel like her thoughts and ideas had some importance, some significance, and some standing? What if? Why don't you do that for a month and write to me again? Spend every day thinking about how you can make her happy she's alive and married to you and watch the change. That's probably something your parents learned.
I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel.