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Letters From Listeners

Stop Repairing Parent-Child Relationships

Hi Dr. Laura,

I was listening to your program when a call really resonated with me.  You were talking to a woman had been married for 4 years, but separated for 2 of them.  She and her husband had been through therapy and he had always suspected her of cheating even while they were dating although this wasn't the case.  You asked her about her parents and her relationship with them.  Then you told her that she sought out this relationship because she was trying to repair the relationship with her mother/father.  You told the caller she sought out someone who was unavailable due to his own emotional issues and she didn't marry him but married a situation she was trying to repair.

I could have cried then and there.  I have spent years trying to figure out why I gravitate toward the same type of man and the answer is because in some way they remind me of my father - emotionally unavailable, unsupportive, not capable of developing a true connection about anything more than discussing the weather, etc.

And THEN you dropped the bombshell!  If the caller or me found a healthy man we would 1) be scared to death and 2) not know what to do with one. Sadly, you are correct on both counts.  I know that and I am trying to understand how to change that in me.  I very much want a loving, kind, caring man and long to be my future husband's girlfriend if I could just get the "choosing wisely" part down.

Thank you and God bless you for what you do.  You have helped me over the years more than you can ever know.

Tags: choose wisely, Choose Wisely-Treat Kindly, Family/Relationships - Parent/Child, Marriage, Parenting
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