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07/27/2010
 The Key to SuccessfulRelationships:
Put Yourself First
By Winn Claybaugh
Author of Be Nice (Or Else!)
www.beniceorelse.com
Before you can have successful relationships with others, you mustmaster your relationship with yourself. Here's a radical challenge:Make it a goal to fall back in love with yourself. When I say that to aroomful of people in my seminars, I usually hear lots of nervousgiggles. Even the thought of 'falling in love with me seems extreme,and many people reject the idea. But before you can offer others thegifts of happiness, joy, purpose, and fulfillment, you have to own themyourself.
I once had the honor of knowing a wonderful woman named Noel DeCaprio.A successful spa owner, Noel was heralded as a mentor and leader withinher industry. She'd been featured and interviewed in magazines and ontelevision for her wisdom, and many people looked to her for coaching,business ideas, and her 'you can do it approach.
Noel experienced a 14-year battle with breast cancer, which eventuallytook her life in December 1998. Six months before her passing, Iinterviewed Noel for an audiotape to raise money for breast cancerresearch. In that interview, she said that after her double mastectomyand months of chemotherapy, she looked in the mirror and hated herself.Noel was wise enough to know she had to find a way to fall back in lovewith herself, and she did it by making bathing a ritual. Every day,she'd spend hours in the ritual of bathing. She focused on the bathsalts, candles, oils, creams, and aromas. She spent time visitinglittle boutiques that sold such items, having them gift wrapped eventhough she was buying them for herself. She put so much time intosomething she'd never had time for before#151;something that seemed soselfish and narcissistic#151;that eventually she realized she was back inlove with herself. And when that happened, Noel told her family,friends, and staff, 'Tell everyone I have cancer! I'm out of thecloset, and I want everyone to know so I can help as many people as Ican.
How Noel went on to raise money and awareness for cancer wasunbelievable. But let me ask you: Could she have accomplished so much,and benefited so many people, had she not fallen back in love withherself?
Once you solidify your relationship with yourself, you're ready to moveon to your relationships with others. People often think relationshipsmean that 'one and only person in their life, but every person youcontact is a relationship that requires your commitment. If you drivein traffic, you have a relationship with everyone on the freeway. Ifyou drive down the freeway screaming, 'Get out of my way! it's goingto be very difficult for you to walk into work and say, 'Hi, happy toserve you. If you verbally abuse waiters, waitresses, or bank tellers,it's going to be very difficult for you to have a successful, intimaterelationship with a spouse or partner.
Remember that every relationship offers you the opportunity to grow andlearn. If you assume that everyone is doing their best#151;just as youare#151;and choose to give people a break, you'll find yourself developingthe warm, wonderful, nice relationships you desire.
Winn Claybaugh is the author of Be Nice (Or Else!) and 'one of thebest motivational speakers in the country, according to CNN's LarryKing. A business owner for over 25 years with over 8,000 people in hisorganization, Winn is the co-owner of hair care giant Paul Mitchell'sschool division. Winn has helped thousands of businesses build theirbrands and create successful working cultures. His clients includeSouthwest Airlines, the Irvine Company, Vidal Sassoon, EntertainmentTonight, Mattel, For Rentmagazine, Structure/Limited/Express, and others. Winn is a frequentguest on national radio and a regular contributor to onlinepublications. Visit www.BeNiceOrElse.com to sign up for his free monthly Be Nice (Or Else!) newsletter.. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
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