Dear Dr. Laura,
For me, security comes not from knowing what the other person might do... it comes from knowing completely what you will do.
My husband "cheated" on me, left and married the girl a year later. Of course he denied anything, but I was worried about their relationship for 5 years. All sorts of "proof" and feelings of things that I knew were off. He was so good at turning it back on me and I felt like I was wrong and actually crazy. After he was let go from where he worked, but she was still there, phone calls from the company were still showing on his cell phone record. When I confronted him, he turned it back on me saying how dare I get into his "private" information. My biggest mistake was not having enough respect for myself to draw the line and ask him to leave. We were married for 20 years with 4 children. I was afraid.
I filed for divorce 3 months after he left. That was 10 years ago.
I am now married to an awesome man who I completely trust. His ex-wife cheated on him over and over. He was married for 21 years with 3 children. We both know that if either of us were to cheat, that would be it. The marriage would be done. It is the line of our relationship. We both know it. It is a very strongly marked line.
Thank you for all you do. I have absorbed much of your wisdom and share it with our children.