I got this email from a self-described former "bad" wife, and I'll let it speak for itself: Dear Dr. Laura: Some people are recovering alcoholics.' I am a recovering bad wife.' I don't know much about the 12 step programs, but from the little TV I watch, I recall that the first step is to recognize that you have a problem, so here I go: My name is S., and I am a bad wife.' My addiction is not alcohol.' My addiction is the "blame-it-all-on-the-husband" or "take-it-all-out-on-the-husband addiction. I know you've described all of my symptoms much better than I can and much more eloquently in "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands," and that you've also given me the solutions to become a better wife, but I think my first step needs to be acknowledging my problem. I acknowledge that I have too much on my plate, and that I cannot do it all well, and that my husband's needs and desires have been at the bottom of my priority list for a long time.' People will tell you I am a really nice person, always ready to help, and yet the one person I should be caring about the most (my husband), does not get the respect, the love, and the care that he deserves. As of today, I am no longer a bad wife.' I am a recovering bad wife, and I vow to be the girlfriend and wife my husband deserves. Thank you, Dr. Laura, for hammering good sense into my head. S. More >>

My recent comments about obesity as both a health issue and an overall economic issue generated quite a number of responses.' Some people wrote, detailing medical histories that made it impossible for them to get down to a normal weight.' While there are always exceptions, I wanted to share with you a seemingly "impossible" situation faced by a woman who weighed over 400 pounds.' She knew that losing weight was going to be very difficult, but she made the changes in her life that kept her on the path to good health, and she's a real inspiration to us all (I've not included her name, for reasons of privacy): Dear Dr. Laura: I am an obese person.' Two years ago, my sister asked me to have surgery.' I did not want to have it, because I was afraid of the risk.' I did not know how heavy I was, because my doctor's scale limit is 400 pounds.' I promised my sister I would change my behavior, but not go on a diet. I went to the doctor and got some information and a health exam.' Then I began to make plans on changing my behavior.' [In the past], I was not eating breakfast or lunch.' I was so hungry when I got home, I would eat easy fast food instead of taking the time to prepare food.' I would also binge late at night.' The doctor suggested I no longer skip meals. First change: I eat breakfast and lunch. Second change: Drink before eating.' I drink water, and, for flavor, sometimes Crystal Light.' I learned that when the body needs something, it is not specific.' It just says "I need," and "stomach feels empty." Third change: Choose better foods.' If heart tells brain "I need nutrients," and stomach tells brain "I am full of garbage," the brain sends the message "empty stomach." Fourth change: Thinking of food in a different way.' It's neither my entertainment nor my entitlement.' Better food will get me up the stairs at work.' At 200+ pounds overweight, life becomes stationary.' Nutrition can replace that. Fifth change: Reduce the amount of food.' The doctor suggested that I keep a log of my food and drink.' I wrote down everything for two weeks.' I was eating more than I thought.' Over time, I reduced my starch in half and then in half again.' Today...I do not plan food or write it down.' For me, I would be thinking of food too much.' I eat set breakfast and lunch meals.' Dinner is now something that can be made in 30 minutes. Sixth change: Move more.' Your nagging worked.' The doctor suggested low impact exercise over a long period of time.' No jack rabbit starts and stops.' I can't sustain walking out of water, so I walk 1 hour in water and backstroke 1 hour, six times a week.' I get stares.' I stare back.' I am not ashamed.' I have changed. There is no diet for me to break from.' The only thing left is to feel the frustration.' It renews my dedication to my life change.' The first two years, I lost 70 pounds.' It's the first time in 15 years I have not gained weight.' I have been exercising for a month. Thank you, Dr. Laura, for all your nagging.' I wish I would have started earlier.' The last two years made it possible.' It gave me a foundation of nutrition that sustains me while I move.' I now move more and eat less.' I can hardly wait until next year. Thanks again for the kick in the butt. More >>

I always look for patterns in callers' questions, because I'm interested in what that pattern means in terms of what folks have come to believe...and why.' A persistent thought seems to be that impulse is irresistible.' That means, if you feel like a burger or a cigarette or a roll in the hay with someone you know you shouldn't be with, then you have some kind of addiction, which means a disease, which means out of your control .That's a darn good rationalization...but it ain't true.' The only irresistible impulse is one which hasn't been resisted , and that is most definitely (but not simply) a choice .I say "not simply," because resisting impulses is difficult and sometimes painful.' Generally, such inappropriate behaviors have the purpose of 1) immediate gratification of feelings, and 2) hiding you from other emotionally distressing thoughts and feelings.' That means that, if you resist the impulse to drink, eat, or have a sexual fling in the office stationery closet, you will be left with the anxiety or sadness that resides within.It is clear, therefore, that the emphasis should be on dealing with the not-so-well submerged anxieties and sadness.' For example, a man called recently to say that he is mean to his wife, criticizing anything he sees around the house.' I immediately suggested that he saw the cluttered kitchen counter as a sign his wife didn't love him.' Now, you'd think that was a ridiculous leap, but it was "spot on."' He (after some nagging from me) offered that his mother had not been, well, "motherly" and loving.' To this day, he has his wife do things to prove/make up for the lack of affection and attention he missed as a child.' Did he know he was doing this and why?' Yes for the "doing;" no for the "why."I suggested he go home with a flower in hand and tell his wife that he needed her to hold him.' I told him that's what "his woman" was for.' You can always hire a maid, but you can't hire someone to really love and care about you.' He was treating his wife like his mom, when he really needed her to be a wife with loving kindness.You get love by being open to it, and by being loving in return.' You do not get love by eating that cake, smoking that joint, drinking that beer or overpowering those who care about you.'Resist those impulses.' Yes, it's painful and difficult, both physically and emotionally, but the ultimate reward is the very thing you've been trying to get (just all in the wrong way), and that thing is LOVE. More >>

It seems that it's very much in the nature of human nature to expect more without having more expected of us.' Because so much energy is being focused on the cost of health care and the proposed programs for universal health insurance, the flip side of the equation is starting to get attention.The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention unveiled a free website application last week called LEANWorks, designed to motivate employers to start "healthy living" and weight loss programs for their employees, because being overweight is a major cause of certain illnesses, and also contributes to missed work days and higher insurance costs.' Of course, representatives of organizations like the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance are up in arms over this.A keystone to the LEANWorks program is the "obesity cost calculator" for companies to estimate how much their obese and overweight employees are costing them in higher insurance rates and missed work days each year.' The ultimate point is to get preventive programs in place.Of course, the "fat advocates" don't want responsibility - just perks.' They are claiming everything from prejudice to discrimination.' In their view, facts are irrelevant.' It's just their "feelings" that count.'It's no secret that obesity is a big risk factor for chronic diseases.' Obesity has accounted for over 25% of the rise in medical costs between 1987 and 2001, according to Dr. Bill Dietz, Director of the Division of Nutrition, Physical Activity and Obesity at the CDC.' While it is also true that people of normal weight have medical issues which result in work day losses and higher insurance costs, most of their conditions are not as controllable as excess body fat.It is the moral responsibility of those who are overweight and obese, of those who smoke, of those who abuse alcohol and various drugs to correct their activities for the greater good of the community which has to take on responsibility for the negative consequences of their behavior, and their lack of self-discipline and commitment to health.If the greater "we" is responsible for taking financial hits in order to cater to the predictable consequences of your actions, then you become accountable to the greater "we," and we cut out the nonsense about discrimination and prejudice against fat.' It isn't healthy, plain and simple.' And now that you think about it, it isn't fair , either. More >>

Beware "The Calorie Police!"' At least, that's how some look at the newly proposed Federal legislation which would require chain restaurants with 20 or more establishments to post the calories of everything they serve, right on the menu.' The National Restaurant Association, which originally fought calorie posting, now says it supports it.Dr. Lynn Silver, Assistant Commissioner, Bureau of Chronic Disease Prevention & Control at New York City's Department of Health and Mental Hygiene says "We hope this law will have a significant impact on both the frequency of obesity and diabetes in our city [which already has the law, by the way].' We estimate that in our city there will be 150,000 fewer people obese because of this." Well, I don't know if that's true, since every time I go out to eat, I see relatively fit people eating fish and vegetables and fat people eating lasagna with extra cheese.I've only encountered the calorie menu one time so far, and it was in New York.' There were dishes I thought were healthy, but I was totally wrong about them.' I definitely ordered my meals completely based on calorie content, leaving out foods I knew were yummy but which were calorie-laden.' Nonetheless, I was shocked to see how many relatively innocent-looking dishes had enough calories for the entire day and the next morning too.I know people who have worked in a number of restaurants, and they tell me that to make food "delicious," extra sugar, fat and salt are added by the bucketful.' Butter, butter, and more butter; sugar to make the food sweeter, and salt to give more flavor.' This is especially true when the meat, poultry or fish is not of the highest quality or if it's a bit old.I've gotten to the point that no matter what I order (even fish), I ask for whatever sauce they are serving to be put on the side.' I never have salad with dressing - again, I order any dressing on the side.' If I use any sauce or dressing at all, it's a micro drizzle for a little taste.'Do I think this will diminish obesity?' No.' I do think, however, that it will help people with self discipline as well as the motivation to be healthy to make the right choices and not be undermined right under their noses.' I think that, generally, folks with limited motivation and self-discipline will ignore or rationalize the calorie facts and add unwanted pressure to our health system, where the health-conscious have to financially support the health- un conscious behavior of others.'I do believe that the calorie count posting laws might serve to have restaurants cut fewer corners when it comes to the quality of their cooking and their menu planning.' And that I am looking forward to! More >>

I was enthralled when on a vacation trip with my husband and then adolescent son, we visited the actual homes of the Anasazi Indians.' The drive through Arizona was amazing, but climbing the sheer cliffs of the Anasazi dwellings was astonishing.' They actually lived, with newborns and toddlers, in completely open 5-6 foot indentations in the rock with some six feet between where they slept and ate and played....from a drop of at least 1000 feet.' I honestly don't know how many kids fell to their untimely deaths - but I guess that was a very rare occurrence as these folks lived there successfully for centuries.Contrast this to some irresponsible and outrageous parents living upstairs in a duplex in Oregon.' A toddler fell out of the window and injured her head.' Never mind that the mother had left this child alone with an open window...she sued the landlord.' To add stupid to absurd, the jury found for...the mother... to the tune of $560,000!The company plans to appeal...I sure hope they succeed.' The jurors actually held the landlord responsible for not telling the parents about the danger of open windows....DUH?I guess a primitive tribe of Indians has better sense than an educated, middle class woman living in a duplex with indoor plumbing.But what is with that silly jury?' I'll tell you: it is part of the growing infantilization of American culture: be responsible for nothing...make somebody else responsible!' This is a moral decline which will have more and more negative impact on America, which is no longer a "bootstraps" kinda culture...it has become a "bailout" kinda culture.Then again...remember Flip Wilson's famous signature line:' "The devil made me do it!"'' Which is why I'm not responsible for these comments if you're offended. More >>

I recently read a news report from Kansas City about a 5 foot tall, 275 pound woman who needed an MRI exam.' The problem is that MRI tables often can't support heavier patients and the tubes into which the patient must be moved generally can't fit someone of her girth.You don't usually see body scanners that will accommodate bigger patients, because they don't provide the clearest images, and those that have large openings increase the possibility of the magnetic field dissipating into the room.The obese woman in question reported that someone at the hospital suggested that she could go to the zoo for an MRI as they accommodate larger critters.' The suggestion was made to "help" and not to "insult."' According to news sources, the woman said: "I thought, I know I'm big, but I'm not as big as an elephant.' And my husband got mad." Sadly, she has a tumor on her spine, has had multiple surgeries, and now has partial paralysis. This event is purported to have happened two years ago.I've heard that there are some court cases to force airlines not to charge obese people for the two seats it takes to carry them.' This is yet another situation where no responsibility is taken for being obese.' What is it with our thinking that no matter what irresponsibility we demonstrate, the world is supposed to accommodate us?There is a difference between making access for folks who are in wheelchairs and making access for people who simply abuse their bodies and then demand that the consequences of their actions be borne by others.This woman eventually did find a place with an "open" MRI machine.' I hope her treatment is successful and she takes from this experience some sense of purpose in getting her body more healthy, rather than anger that not everything will adapt to her.' She has some responsibility too. More >>

There are two sure fire comments that I can make on the air which will get hackles way, way up.' The first is to say anything which even sounds remotely like a criticism of cats (for some reason it doesn't work for dogs, chickens, pigs or parakeets...just cats) or comment that, for the most part, being fat is your own darn fault.' There's even a fan site for my show called "We Love Dr. Laura" - which has a thread that goes wild whenever I take a "fat" call and give my opinion that by and large, being fat and unfit is a voluntary condition.Let me give you an example: a woman called to tell me about her mean, mean, and oh so mean, husband who is trying to influence her to lose weight and start working out.' She just about had a fit on the phone, telling me that he should just love her the way she is...or he's, simply, a bad guy.' Since when don't we owe our families our healthiest selves: mind, body and soul?When I didn't agree with her, the harrumph resounded across the land.I've basically told people who call about weight that it is ultimately a simple issue: "eat less, move more."' That might not result in the kind of body they show off in all those home exercise equipment videos (by the way...does anybody believe you go from fat and flabby, to svelte and ripped exercising 20 minutes a day, three times a week?).' Nonetheless, you can evolve into a more healthy, fit, and attractive version of yourself.This is all in preparation for an inspirational story of a fat man, 330 pounds, who wanted become a Marine.' Their answer was, well, nope.' Committed as he was to joining the military, he did what is generally said to be too difficult to do: without miracle weight loss potions sold on television, he moved more and ate less.' The 23-year old man gave up beer, cut his food portions way, way down, and exercised 140 pounds away in about a year.Kindly, the Marine recruiters also worked with him - helping him to develop an appropriate, safe yet effective workout regimen.When his friends would sit down for beer and pizza, he'd put on a head lamp and go out for a run in the dark.Eat less...move more.' It's the least expensive weight management program on the planet. More >>

According to a study being released in November's American Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry , Internet web searching may just enhance brain activity and keep your elderly (55-75 years of age) brain working at top function.The study compared 24 subjects between the ages of 55 and 75, and discovered using MRI scans that reading a book helped stimulate certain areas of the brain that had to do with language, memory, and visuals.' They also found that searching the Internet created these same stimulations, but activated more of the frontal, temporal, and cingulated areas of the brain - areas that have a lot to do with decision-making skills. More >>

As I have mentioned on the air many times, I race sailboats.' I've won some races and lost some, but the favorite wins have been the ones that I least expected would or could happen.' I remember the time that we were over early at the start and had to do a penalty turn of 360 degrees, after getting out of the way of the other starting boats.' We had a heck of a time starting again, as, by the time we finished our penalty turn, many boats were already in our way.'This incident happened early on in my sailing training, and I became despondent almost immediately, because I realized we now had absolutely no chance of even a third place finish, let alone a first.' My coach and tactician sternly yanked me out of my doldrums and told me that we were "down but not out," and we had to work even harder now to catch up.' Frankly, I thought this was philosophically lovely, but hugely impractical, and I could barely see the sterns of the boats in front of us as they had so much distance on us.Nonetheless, after considering breeze, windshifts, current, direction choices, steering, and crew work, there were enough variables to work with to keep our chins up.'We pulled together as a team, and worked very hard to maximize every option we had, and we ended up winning the race.' I learned a lot that day.' It's a lot more gratifying to succeed when it is a righteous challenge than when it seems like more of a slam dunk.Jason Lezak knew this lesson.' Fifty meters from the finish line in the 4x 100 meter freestyle relay at the Beijing Olympics, Mr. Lezak doubted he could overcome the half-body length lead of his French opponent, Alain Bernard, who also happened to hold the world record in the 100-meter freestyle.Instead of just accepting the probable loss, a determined Mr. Lezak pulled grit from down deep, and swam the fastest he's ever done, and touched the electronically sensored wall, winning by eight one-hundredths of a second.' He shattered a world record and won a gold medal.'And then he heard the fat lady sing...the American national anthem! More >>