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07/27/2010
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How to Answer theDreaded Questions
When you Go Home for the Holidays

By The Love Goddess
www.thelovegoddess.com


"I'm going to be asked by my aunt--yetagain--why I'm not married," and am tired of answering thequestion with "Because I haven't met anyone yet. Because the look onher face when I say that is, like, triumphant. 'Oh dear.' she says,shaking her head 'I guess, well,--and here she smiles--no one's reallygood enough. Such a shame. How old are you now?'"
'My brothers are going to tease meabout gaining weight. I need a quick answer that doesn't humiliate me.Help!
'My mother will put down myboyfriend--a fabulous carpenter just starting out--with little snydecomments like, 'And what do you do again, dear?

Okay darling earth girls; time to get smart--now, beforeChristmas. Answers to stupid questions require planning ahead,lest they make you so mad you lose your cool. Here are threetried-and-true ways to five answers to the world's most obnoxiousquestions. Note that they share a theme, and that it's the theme you'reto remember.

1. ANYONE WHO ASKS YOU WHY YOU'RE NOT MARRIED DESERVES A BLOW-OFFANSWER.--AS GOOFY AND INSINCERE AS YOU CAN MAKE IT. Don't takethe question or the person seriously, as it's not a sincere questionbut rather one designed to make you uncomfortable (for, after all, whatanswer can you give that doesn't require an intimate, honestexchange?). So, unless you're prepared to level the person and start afight, evade the question with a breezy, even goofy answer--it deflectsthe hostility and you come out looking cheerful and unfazed.

2. To hone this skill, try anticipating the questioner's real point,and offer the answer she or he wants to hear. "I guess no one's goodenough for me, Aunt Jane" is very good, as it saves her the trouble ofimplying just that. 'No one would ever marry me because I'm fartoo stupid is another good one. Whatever you suspect the hidden agendais.

3. Disarm the questioner with something more interesting than thequestion. "I came close to marrying Fred Auntie, but he got worriedwhen he discovered how rich I am." At least she'll do a double take.You? Rich? How and when? Huh? An excellent answer. Thenturn and pour yourself a drink--and don't join her again.

The theme here is to disarm the rude questioner in any way you can. Thegoofier the answer, the better. "Gosh, Grandpa, I DO want toget married and have found just the right guy....but my psychic told me not to get marrieduntil February of 2011. So I'm waiting. " (Grandpa won't knowwhether to ask about the psychic or the reasoning for the month ofFebruary, or why he didn't know you were engaged--by which point you'llhave dashed out of the room.) Your "psychic" could also be yourguru, or your priest or your Groom's mother. Anybody who hasn'tbeen introduced to the family, nor heard of at all, will do. You wantto sound like it's all taken care of--by some lunatic no one knows.

For a roomful of family friends who all seem to be asking the samequestion and can't shut up, try. "Oh, you haven't heard, UncleBill. I AM married! I just haven't announced it yet! You're thefirst to know--so keep it a secret for me for now, okay?" Bill willwant to know when you're going to tell everyone. Just say, "Soon! Verysoon!"

Same for your boyfriend, the neophyte carpenter. Have him tell yourmother he's working on a chest of drawers for the queen of England. Andtell your brothers that the reason you've gained weight is that you'reon the girls' basketball team and are taking steroids till you reachthe proper strength.

See?

And then walk away and find someone to talk to who loves you just theway you are.

Dalma Heyn, M.S.W., Founder of The Love Goddess, is the author ofseveral bestselling books on marriage and relationships. Dalma is awidely read columnist and sought-after speaker. She hasappeare--without her wings--on national talk shows including Oprah, The View, Charlie Rose, GoodMorning America, and Larry King Live. For more information visitwww.thelovegoddess.com or www.dalmaheyn.net. Permission granted foruse onDrLaura.com

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07/27/2010
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The Future of Parenting
Five Key Trends in the Future of Parenting

By Caron B. Goode
www.acpi.com


The future is uncertain. So is the future of parenting. The aftermath of disasters such as 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina has cast a shadow of doubt over our lives. This pervasive sense of insecurity and vulnerability has prompted many people to reevaluate and reclaim what is most important to them#151;their families. We instinctively reach out to our families for comfort. But is it possible to give that feeling roots? Is it possible for parents to give their children a sense of strength, security, and faith in the future?

According to Caron B. Goode, director of the Academy for Coaching Parents International, it is not only possible, it is imperative.

Five Key Trends in the Future of Parenting
  • Family First. Although statistics indicate a 10% increase in the number of stay at home parents, the majority of children today are raised in families where both parents work. While economic pressures make this situation hard to escape, parents have begun to give voice to their desire to put family first. According to a 2004 study by the Families and Work Institute, parents are starting to say no to overtime and yes to family time. In fact, a recent survey found that among working fathers between the ages of 22-37, 52% have no interest in taking on more job responsibility, as compared to 68% in 1992.

  • Fostering Resiliency. While parents may have never considered fostering resiliency in their children before, they do now. Resiliency is the ability to navigate stressors, major or minor, and then return to the business of living. Studies have shown that children who have close, supportive families and caregivers are more apt to deal with stress or trauma in a positive manner than those who do not. Having supportive, sensitive, and responsible parents helps ensure that children are equipped to handle life's stressors, now and in the future.

  • Raising Compassionate Children. More and more, parents are concerning themselves with raising compassionate children. As borders blur and the global community expands, parents feel it is important for their children to be understanding, empathic, and willing to help a neighbor in need. To be compassionate, one must first be capable of identifying with another, which is best taught by example. Parents who treat their children with kindness and respect, will see those same children treating others in kind. By nature, children are caring and compassionate creatures, but it is up to parents to nurture their altruistic behavior.

  • Finding Faith. Increasingly, parents are becoming interested in helping their children develop a spiritual base. A growing number of parents are turning to spirituality, whether it is religious, iconic or mystic in nature, to help them navigate rough terrain and master the uncertainty that inevitably visits every life. Teaching children to believe in something greater than oneself fosters a sense of community and reinforces the tenets of tolerance on many levels. The very nature of spirituality shows children that no one person is more important than another. It illustrates that we are, in fact, all part of a greater whole, and that this whole can be a powerful source of strength and a vital instrument for change.

  • Reducing Stress. Today many adults and children suffer with chronic stress which has been linked to a number of physical conditions such as depression, heart disease, and diabetes. In addition to the adverse health consequences, overexposure to stress may, in part, inhibit the development of healthy resilience. Scientists believe that our ability to manage stress is formed in childhood through a combination of genes and experience. Everyone must learn to deal with stress, and to a degree stress is necessary to a healthy, productive life. This generation of families is aware of this fact, but they are also starting to say enough is enough. Mothers and fathers are beginning to recognize that they can't nor do they want to do it all. Parents are spending less time on the things they feel they must do, and making room for the things they want to do, like spend time with their family. They are starting to insist that their children assume responsibility within the family, which in turn is helping their children learn how to manage time, become part of a whole, and develop a strong sense of community. They are also starting to replace the propensity to over schedule their children and acknowledging that kids need time to be kids. This shift in attitude is leading to a less stressful existence, and is putting the emphasis back on the family functioning as a unit.
Dr. Caron Goode is a parenting expert and the director of the Academy of Parent Coaching International. The Academy offers a parent coaching certification program for individuals interested in helping families nurture and grow their children. For more information, visit www.acpi.biz Receive a free online parenting magazine, visit www.InspiredParenting.net. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.

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07/27/2010
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Tax Time Identity TheftPrevention Tips
By John Sileo
www.ThinkLikeaSpy.com


This past week, I have beenhelping a gentleman recover from the theft of all of his taxrecords. Before it is all over, this gentleman will have spendhundreds of hours and thousands of dollars simply preventing anyfurther fraudulent use of his identity. That doesn't account for anydamages already done to his finances, criminal record, medical recordsor social security benefits. There is very little that is more damagingand dangerous to your identity than losing your tax records.

After all, tax records generally contain the most sensitive personallyidentifying information that you own, including Social Security Numbers(for you, your spouse and maybe even your kids), names, addresses,employers, net worth, etc. Because of this high concentration ofsensitive data, tax time is like an all-you-can-eat buffet for identitythieves. Here are some of the dishes on which they greedily feed:
  • Tax documents exposed onyour desk (home and work)
  • Private information thatsits unprotected in your tax-preparer's office
  • Improperly mailed, emailedand digitally transmitted or filed records
  • Photocopiers with harddrives that store a digital copy of your tax forms
  • Copies of sensitivedocuments that get thrown out without being shredded
  • Improperly stored and lockeddocuments once your return is filed
  • Tax-time scams that takeadvantage of our propensity to do whatever the IRS says (even if it'snot really the IRS asking)
TopTips for Tax Time Identity Theft Protection: Safe Preparation.Your greatest risk of identity theft during tax season comes from yourtax preparer (if you use one) either because they are dishonest (lesslikely) or because they are careless with your sensitive documents(more likely). Just walk into a tax-preparers office on April 1 and askyourself how easy it would be to walk off with a few client folderscontaining mounds of profitable identity. The devil is in thedisorganization.

Effective Solutions:
  • Choose your preparer wisely.How well do you know the person and company preparing your taxes? Didthey come personally recommended, or could they be earning cash on theside by selling your personal information. Do they have an establishedrecord and are they recommended by the Better Business Bureau?
  • Interview your preparerbefore you turn over sensitive information. Ask them exactly how theyprotect your privacy (do they have a privacy policy?). Are they meetingwith you in a room full of client files, or do they take you to aneutral, data-free, conference room or office? Do they leave files outon their desk for the cleaning service to access at night, or do theylock your documents in a filing cabinet or behind a secure office door?Do they protect their computers with everything listed in the nextsection?
  • Asking professional taxpreparers these questions sends them a message that you are watching!Identity thieves tend to stay away from people they know are activelymonitoring for fraud. Remember, losing your identity inside of theiraccounting or bookkeeping business poses a tremendous legal liabilityto their livelihood.
SecureComputers. Last year, more than 80 million Americans filed theirtax returns electronically. To prevent electronic identity theft, youmust take the necessary steps to protect your computer, network andwireless connection. Additionally, your tax preparer should be workingonly on a secured computer, network and internet connection. Hire aprofessional to implement the following security measures:
  • Strong alpha-numericpasswords that keep strangers out of your system
  • Anti-virus and anti-spywaresoftware configured with automatic updates
  • Encrypted hard drives orfolders (especially for your tax preparer)
  • Automatic operating systemupdates and security patches
  • An encrypted wirelessnetwork protection
  • A firewall between yourcomputer and the internet
  • Remove all file-sharingprograms from your computer (limewire, napster, etc.)
Private information should betransmitted by phone using your cell or land line (don't use cordlessphones). In addition, never email your private information to anyoneunless you are totally confident that you are using encrypted email.This is a rarity, so don't assume you have it. In a pinch, you canemail password protected PDF documents, though these are relativelyeasy to hack. Stop Falling for IRSScams. We have a heightened response mechanism during taxseason; we don't want to raise any red flags with the IRS, so we tendto give our personal information without much thought. We are primed tobe socially engineered. Here's how to combat the problem:
  • Make your default answer,"No". When someone asks for your Social Security Number or otheridentifying information, refuse until you are completely comfortablethat they are legitimate. Verify their credentials by calling them backon a published number for the IRS.
  • If someone promises you (byphone, fax, mail, or in person) to drastically reduce your tax bill orspeed up your tax return, don't believe them until you have done yourhomework (call the IRS directly if you have to). These schemes flourishwhen the government issues economic stimulus checks and IRS refunds.
  • If anyone asks you forinformation in order to send you your check, they are scamming for youridentity. The IRS already knows where you live (and where to send yourrebate)! By the way, the IRS will NEVER email you for any reason (e.g.,promising a refund, requesting information, threatening you).
  • To learn more about IRSscams, visit the only legitimate IRS website, which is www.irs.gov. Ifyou are hit by an IRS scam, contact the IRS's Taxpayer Advocate Serviceat www.irs.gov/advocate.
MailSafely. A good deal of identity theft takes place while taxdocuments or supporting material are being sent through the mail. Ifyou are sending your tax return through the mail, follow these steps:
  • Walk the envelope inside ofthe post office and hand it to an employee. Too much mail is stolen outof the blue USPS mailboxes and driveway mailboxes that we use foreverything else to make them safe.
  • Send your return bycertified mail so that you know it has arrived safely. This sends amessage to each mail carrier that they had better provide extraprotection to the document they are carrying.
  • Consider filingelectronically so that you take mail out of the equation. Make surethat you have a well-protected computer (discussed above).
Shredand Store Safely. Any copies of tax documents that you no longerneed can be shredded using a confetti shredder. Store all tax records,documents and related materials in a secure fire safe. I recommendspending the extra money to have your safe bolted into your home sothat a thief can't walk away with your entire identity portfolio. Makesure that your tax provider appropriately destroys and locks up anylingering pieces of your identity as well. Tax returns provide more ofyour private information in a single place than almost any otherdocument in our lives. Don't waste your tax refund recovering from thiscrime.

About the author: John Sileobecame America's leading Identity Theft Speaker amp;Expert after he lost his business and more than $300,000 toidentity theft and data breach. His clients include the Department ofDefense, Pfizer and the FDIC. To further bulletproof yourself and yourbusiness, visit John's blog at Sileo.com. To book John atyour next event, visit
www.ThinkLikeaSpy.com. Permissiongranted foruse onDrLaura.com

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07/27/2010
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Relationship Red Flags
5 Tips for Identifying Your Negotiables and Non-Negotiables
By Sharon Rivkin
www.sharonrivkin.com


You're in a new relationship, and you're starting to see some redflags, warning you that the relationship may not be a good bet, butdoes that mean you should leave? How many red flags does it take tomake that decision? How do you know if the red flags mean futuredisaster, or are just a warning?

These are tough questions to answer. But if you've identified your redflags, you can begin to get clear about staying or leaving by lookingat your negotiables and non-negotiables. These are the patterns ofbehavior in the relationship that either you can deal with (negotiable)or you can't (non-negotiable). A negotiable item does not go againstyour integrity, but a non-negotiable does. For example, if you valuehonesty in your relationships, and your partner is continually lying toyou, that is a non-negotiable. How could you really have a healthyrelationship with someone whose very behavior goes against the essenceof who you are? If you compromise on this behavior by deciding thatsometimes lying is okay, you are cutting into the deepest part of yourpsyche. Non-negotiables are those issues that you will not compromiseon because it goes deeply against your values.

Negotiables are not deal breakers and are those issues that don't cutas deeply. For instance, maybe your partner is messy and you valueneatness. However, messiness doesn't cut into your integrity andalthough it may never change, you could live with it and not feel asthough you've compromised your very essence.

It is important to know your negotiables and non-negotiables. That way,you can decipher which of these two categories the red flags fall into.If in your current relationship most of the red flags arenon-negotiables, it will be nearly impossible to have a lovingrelationship for more than two or three months. Our integrity can onlybe compromised for a short period of time#151;the honeymoon phase#151;before weget angry and resentful of our partner. If your negotiables outweighyour non-negotiables, it makes sense to continue the relationship.

Use these five tips to help you identify your negotiables andnon-negotiables:
  1. Make a list of issues youknow you can compromise on that your partner is displaying. "She's lateall the time, but I can live with that."
  2. Make a list of issues thatyou know you can't compromise on. "He says he's going to call me andeither doesn't or calls much later than planned. He always has anexcuse, and I want someone who keeps his word 99% of the time. I can'tsee living with this much inconsistency."
  3. Make a list of issues youwould compromise on within yourself for another person. "I know I'mmessy, so I'd either get an organizer to help me with this or bewilling to hire a housekeeper."
  4. Make a list of issues youcould not and would not compromise on. "I am an independent woman, andcould not be with a partner who wanted me to give up my work or myfriends for him."
  5. If you're not sure whichcategory your red flags falls under, ask yourself this question: If this behavior never changed, could Ilive with it? You have to assume it may never change and thatalone should help you determine if it's a negotiable or non-negotiable.
If you know your non-negotiables,theres still the issue of infatuation/love/passion/fantasy that cloudsour judgment and overrides our good senses. Sometimes we ignore thesigns of disaster and plunge forward anyway. That's just called beinghuman, so don't beat yourself up if this happens. Nevertheless, knowingyour negotiables and non-negotiables is important because when thefantasy dies down and you're wondering what happened, you can look atyour list as a reminder. This will help you pull back, reevaluate, andhave a clearer sense of what to do. The negotiables and non-negotiablesare exactly the framework and boundaries needed when trying to decideto stay or leave. It doesn't matter how long you've been involved, thenegotiables and non-negotiables are always there to remind us of who weare, what we want, and what we don't want.

Relationship and Conflict Resolution Expert, Sharon M. Rivkin, M.A., M.F.T.,author of The First Argument: Cuttingto the Root of Intimate Conflict, helps hundreds of couplesbreak the argument cycle with her proven, groundbreaking technique thatresolves the most painful issues, stops repetitive conflict, savesrelationships, and puts the love back in your marriage. Sharonhas been featured in O: The Oprah Magazine, Reader's Digest, and majorwebsites such as YahooPersonals, DrLaura.com, Hitchedmag.com,SheKnow.com, and many others. Visit Sharon at
www.sharonrivkin.com. Permission granted for use onDrLaura.com.

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07/27/2010
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Your iPhone 4: Is itSafe?
By John Sileo
www.Sileo.com


While the new features keep the iPhone at the forefront of technology,they also cause some privacy concerns.

One concern that carries over from previous iPhone models is the Always-on iPhone Apps that trackyour every move through the GPS navigation system. Back in April, Applebegan allowing location-tracking applications to run in thebackground. So, for example, companies like FourSquare, Yelp, andFacebook can continuously track your location, providing automaticnotifications to your friends when you are less than 1/2 mileaway from them, if you allow them.

For example, I just had a highly confidential client meeting at theclient's corporate headquarters. To the uninitiated, that meansthat the company I was visiting is probably having data theft issues(and has brought me in to help). If the media finds out that they arehaving these issues before the company has had a chance to start thedamage control process, their stock will drop far faster than if theyhave prepared for the news to go public. If Facebook or FourSquare isbroadcasting my whereabouts, my followers already know which company ishaving the problem, their competitors know it (if they are following myGPS broadcasts), and the media sits and waits for me to enter thebuilding. Luckily, I'm not well-know enough for anyone to care, butjust in case, I don't broadcast my whereabouts. Other, far moreinfluential people, do so without thinking twice about it. Which goesto show you that there are ways to utilize all of the cool newtechnology without letting it control you. With the right knowledge,you can take control of how your information is utilized.

Apple does realize the privacy concerns with location tracking andgives users a way to control how much information is shared. Whenyou open an app, the top bar will show a little arrow in the right-handcorner, indicating location awareness (pictured to the right). Therewill also be a dashboard where you can toggle location-trackingpermissions on and off for different apps. Regardless, this means thatmore companies will have access you your location than before. Ihaven't spent a lot of time thinking through the negative implicationsof location tracking, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be aware thatit is going on in the background so that we can make decisions from aposition of power.

High-definition video is a second tool that will be used by data spies.What could be easier than for an identity thief to pretend they are onthe phone as they are actually filming you typing in your ATM PIN infront of them? Why does iPhone 4 change the game? Because Hi-definitionmeans that they can stand further away and still get high quality videowith which to read your data. A simple sweep of an office desk, aclient file, etc. with high definition video gives me all of thedocuments I need to learn more about your company. Think of it as a spycamera that provides thousands of pictures a minute and is hidden asthe most ubiquitous device on the planet - a cell phone. Powerful toolboth for good and bad.

About the author: Tofurther bulletproof yourself and your business, visit John's blog at www.Sileo.com. Tobook John at your next event, visit www.ThinkLikeaSpy.com.John Sileo became America's leading Identity Theft Speaker amp; Expertafter he lost his business and more than $300,000 to identity theft anddata breach. His clients include the Department of Defense, Pfizer andthe FDIC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.





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07/27/2010
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Facebook Privacy:Hiding from Google
By John Sileo
www.Sileo.com


The New York Times recentlypublished an article that discusses the severe changes Facebook hasmade to privacy settings.

What Can Google See? (Keep Your DataOff the Search Engines)

When you visit Facebook's Search Settings page, a warning message popsup. Apparently, Facebook wants to clear the air about what info isbeing indexed by Google. The message reads:

There have been misleading rumors recently about Facebook indexing allyour information on Google. This is not true. Facebook created publicsearch listings in 2007 to enable people to search for your name andsee a link to your Facebook profile. They will still only see a basicset of information.

While that may be true to a point, the second setting listed on thisSearch Settings page refers to exactly what you're allowing Google toindex. If the box next to "Allow" is checked, you're giving searchengines the ability to access and index any information you've markedas visible by "Everyone." As you can see from the settings discussedabove, if you had not made some changes to certain fields, you would besharing quite a bit with the search engines#133;probably more informationthan you were comfortable with. To keep your data private and out ofthe search engines, do the following:

1.Fromyour Profile page, hover your mouse over the Settings menu at the topright and click "Privacy Settings" from the list that appears.
2.Click "Search" from the list ofchoices on the next page.
3.Click "Close" on the pop-upmessage that appears.
4.On this page, uncheck the boxlabeled "Allow" next to the second setting "Public Search Results."That keeps all your publicly shared information (items set to viewableby "Everyone") out of the search engines. If you want to see what theend result looks like, click the "see preview" link in blue underneaththis setting.

Be proactive about what you share on Facebook and protect your onlineprivacy!

About the author: John Sileobecame America's leading Identity Theft Speaker amp;Expert after he lost his business and more than $300,000 toidentity theft and data breach. His clients include the Department ofDefense, Pfizer and the FDIC. To further bulletproof yourself and yourbusiness, visit John's blog at
Sileo.com. To book John at your next event,visit www.ThinkLikeaSpy.com.Permissiongranted foruse onDrLaura.com

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07/27/2010
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Teaching Tips on Reading Skills for Kids
By Jodie Lynn,
www.ParentToParent.com


Getting kids to learn how to enjoy reading can be quite stressful and frustrating for a parent. Here are some tips to utilize that seem to work well for those reluctant readers.
  1. Get your child a library card. As soon as he is old enough, let him get his own card. It is very exciting for kids to have their own card and make their own choices in reading material.

  2. Don't frown on his choice of books or reading material. Let your child make the choice on what to read. It might not be the book you would have picked out. In fact, it might even be a comic book, the back of a cereal box or a bubble gum wrapper. As long as your child picks up something and begins to read, it doesn't really matter.

  3. Let your kids see you reading. Laugh aloud and show them what it is that you are laughing about. Open the book to that specific page or picture and point to the words and read them to your child. Say, "Books can really be funny!"

  4. Set aside time for reading together. In the beginning, it might only be three times a week, then every other day and eventually move forward to each day. It almost always works best if you will take turns reading.

  5. Ask questions about what he just read. Don't do this with every page. Children know exactly what you are trying to do. Indeed, it works much better if you make a statement like, "Wait -- I don't understand why Jordan did not like the large red truck -- do you?"

  6. Encourage reading material on things he likes best. If your child loves Fairy Tales, shoot for that topic to begin. Alternatively, let them choose a wide variety of mixed topics, some of which you might was to roll your eyes -- but just stay calm and smile.

  7. Be Flexible: If you have a reading time scheduled and he just does not want to do it, go with the flow. It's important to show your child that reading is fun and is not a chore, test or quiz. You can always catch up later.

  8. Tape the session. Nothing is funnier as taping a reading session. Parents can get much farther with kids if they will let down their guard every once in a while and act silly. Play back the tape and your child will hear themselves reading and then hear your part where you acted silly. Maybe by changing your voice.

  9. Share personal stories. When reading with your child, point out a similar instance in real life. For example, if a character in the book falls down and drops a glass of milk, you could say, "That happened to me when I was seven." Or, "That's just like the time when you fell down after tripping over the dog...remember."

  10. Read everything aloud. If you will read signs, instructions, even the weather forecast off the TV and etc., aloud, your child will hear words and make a connection. He will see and hear how words are powerful, fun and descriptive while building his vocabulary and enjoyment for reading.
Remember, don't punish your child if they are not catching on to the joy of reading as quickly as you would like for them to -- it'll all work out as long as you stay calm.

copy; 2005 Jodie Lynn

Jodie Lynn is an award-winning internationally syndicated family/health columnist and radio personality. Parent to Parent (www.ParentToParent.com) is now going into its tenth year and appears in newspapers, magazines, newsletters and throughout the Internet. Lynn has a regular family segment on radio programs, one of which is syndicated to over 20 stations. She has written two books and contributed to two others, one of which was on Oprah and has appeared on NBC in a three month parenting segment. Her latest best-selling parenting/family book is Mommy CEO, revised edition. Preorder Lynn's new book, "Mom CEO: Avoiding the Distressed Housewife Syndrome and Winning at Motherhood," online or from any bookstore. See www.ParentToParent.com for more details. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.

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07/27/2010
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Countdown to Fire Season:
Five Things to Do Now to Prepare

By Larry Koman
www.disasters911.com


The recent fires in Santa Barbara are a stark reminder that the California Fire season is here early. If you escaped damage from the fires, consider yourself lucky. Losing a home to a fire is a life-changing event that no one should experience. Even if you don't live in a rural area, you are not immune to damage from fire. Many people in San Diego would have never expected that they would be affected by brush fires, but many lost their homes anyway.

You should take this time to make sure you are prepared in the event of a fire. Here are five things you can do to be ready.

Have an Evacuation Plan Any plan is better than no plan. Think about what you would do if you were suddenly told to evacuate. Where would you go, what would you do? What about the kids, pets, and the elderly? Have a family meeting. Talk about what to do if you were forced to evacuate. Make sure everyone knows their role, where to go, where to meet, and where to call. Talk about what stays and what goes. Remember that you might not have much time. Write it down, make a checklist. This will take the stress out of the evacuation order and make things easier.

Review your Insurance Coverage This is a good thing to do from time to time. Call or visit your insurance agent and review all of your insurance, especially your fire insurance. If you don't know who your fire insurance company is, find out and write it down and keep it with your important papers. Most Insurance Companies will be happy to review your coverage with you, and many have tools especially designed for this purpose. Make sure you know what is covered. This will give you piece of mind in the event of a fire.

Inventory your belongings Take some time to make a list of what you own. This doesn't take long but will help you remember if it is all gone after a fire. Go from room to room and write down what you see. Make notes about the items like where you got it, how much it cost, etc. Don't forget the obvious, like the furniture, but don't overlook the little things either, like window coverings, pictures, paintings, and special finishes. When you're finished, put the list in an envelope and put it somewhere you can get to it after a fire. Keep it somewhere else; a safety deposit box, an office, or a relative's house. If possible take pictures of every room and keep the pictures or disk with your inventory.

Gather Important Things Together I look around my house and I notice I have important things in a lot of different places. I looked for a copy of a picture a while ago and found that I have a drawer in the kitchen, a drawer in my office, and a drawer in the den, all with pictures. If I had a fire today, I might lose all of them. I also have some important papers in my office and some in the den. You should gather important pictures and files together so they can be gathered up quickly. Placing them in a fire proof safe or cabinet away from the garage or kitchen will help insure that they survive. The hardest thing to replace after a fire is the pictures and important papers. Take this step now and have peace of mind in the event something tragic occurs.

Fireproof your Home Although there is really no such thing as fireproof, there are things you can do to reduce the risk of fire damage to your house. If you have an older home with a shake roof, think about replacing it now with a composition shingle or cement tile roof. Spending a little money now will give you added peace of mind later. Clear debris from around your house, even if you don't live in a rural area. Clearing combustibles from around your house will reduce the threat of fire damage and make it possible for Fire Fighters to maneuver around your house to help defend it.

Whether you live in an area exposed to brush fires or not, taking these steps now will help make your family safer and give you peace of mind. If your home is suddenly destroyed, you're prepared.

Larry Koman is a Certified Property and Casualty Underwriter and a Licensed California General Contractor with more than 20 years experience inspecting and rebuilding homes damaged by fire, earthquake, and other disasters. For more information visit www.disasters911.com. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.

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Tags: Adult Child-ParentFamily/Relationships - Adult Child/ParentMarriageParentingRelationships
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07/27/2010
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Discipline, not Punishment
By Anne Leedom


It's kind of tragic that just as we master the baby and toddler years we are thrown a whole new set of curves. Our kids grow and develop new and not always desirable behaviors and we now have to learn how to cope once again.

So I set out to construct the perfect plan and I am proud to say it has stood the test, at least for now. Behavior battles seem to be at a minimum in our home. Based on information from a variety of experts, I have put into motion a strategy that should provide long term relief and a much happier and harmonious day.

The Set Up
Let's face it. We just push our kids too far. We stray from the routine to the point where even the most accommodating child will break. It could be preventing them from getting their rest, letting them get too hungry, asking them to be overly patient while we do our errands, chores or work, or providing so much fun and stimulation that they simply go on overload. This is a critical element to watch, or you will have the perfect situation for the ultimate tantrum.

Watch the Barometer
Without warning kids can suddenly hit their limits and patience begins to wane rapidly. Too often parents try to dictate in this moment how they want their child to behave. Unfortunately, the barometer is rising and our wishes will almost certainly fall on deaf and increasingly angry ears. As soon as you notice the struggle, begin to take the child aside to a quiet location and try to reason with them. For example, 'I don't want to take a bath can become a conversation about whether to take a bath or shower. In these crucial early moments, giving kids a small choice can go a long way toward preventing a potential meltdown.

Change the Course
Even the most prepared parent will encounter those horrid moments when kids are just going to wail. The key in this moment is to move past the moment as quickly and quietly as possible. Deciding to give them a bath in the morning instead of right at that moment or letting your child read in bed with the door closed for five more minutes will almost certainly restore harmony. Sure, you may not be able to expedite the plan you had in mind, but the goal is to work together. It's not about giving your child control; it's about giving your child some control. Disciplining your child is a team effort. You need to involve your child in the solution so they are more willing to cooperate. Parents who raise kids in this manner have kids who will cooperate more often than not. The battles are over before they begin and you will not be caught wondering what to do when those difficult moments arise.

Keep in Mind
No one reacts well to the word 'no . There are dozens of ways we can say no without over-using this word. Simply saying, 'Gee, that's a thought. I will think about that, has a completely different sound to a child. Kids know when we mean no. But once again, they like to feel they are being considered in the process. A little tact is another key ingredient to raising kids with at least a few less tantrums.

Ultimately, these strategies give parents something we all long for. We want to feel like we can actually overcome the battles and feel like we have won, but not at the expense of our kids' love and respect. Discipline that empowers the parent and the child is a winning formula for the long haul.

Anne Leedom is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of www.parentingbookmark.com. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.

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Tags: Family/Relationships - FamilyMarriageParentingRelationshipsRelatives
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07/27/2010
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TheGraduation Speech Your Kids Really Need To Hear
By Cliff Ennico
www.creators.com

Members of the Class of 2009:

I was sorry to hear that the children's TV show hostwho was to have been your commencement speaker today had to bow out atthe last minute due to an attack of terminal cuteness. I wasdelighted, however, when the Trustees called me about an hour ago andasked me to fill in.

Now, I've never done this before, and I wasn't givena whole lot of guidance, except that I was told to tell you to "followyour dreams" and "reach for the stars", since there's a federal lawrequiring those statements to be included in all graduation speeches[pause for laughter].

While I know some of you already have jobs and some,OK most of you, do not, I know that all of you are wondering today whatyour lives are going to be like. I know I did when I sat in oneof these chairs back in 1975. Let me tell you something it'sgoing to be a lot different than you think it will be. As JohnLennon once said, "life is what happens to you when you're making otherplans."

I have two pieces of news for you, and neither ofthem are fun to talk about, but I feel they must be said, and no bettertime than today. First, whatever dreams most of you hope toaccomplish in your lives, you won't be able to achieve them until youhave achieved some measure of financial security for yourself and yourloved ones. Like many generations before you, unless you wereborn wealthy (and sometimes even then), finding and keeping thatfinancial security will be the primary, if not the only, thing you willspend time on for the next 50 years.

It gets worse. The second thing is that it hasnever been a more difficult time to make a decent living inAmerica. I'm not just talking about the collapsing banks,bankrupt auto companies, or global warming. I'm talking aboutsome mega-changes in our economy.

Many of the career paths your parents andgrandparents enjoyed working for large corporations are no longerthere. Oh, many of the corporations are still there, but they'vegot a different outlook than they did in my day. To them, peoplecost money, and you have to keep your costs as low as possible to stayalive. So if you can buy computers to do the work of lots ofpeople, you buy the computers and fire the people. If you musthire people to do a job, because no computer is good enough, you hirethe cheapest people you can in Asia and Latin America. And if youreally must hire Americans, you "outsource" them as independentcontractors rather than employees. That way you don't have to paytheir health insurance.

The Government won't be there to bail you outeither. Social Security, Medicare and other government programsthat helped your parents and grandparents either won't be there whenyou are ready for them, or they will be so scaled back that only themost poverty-stricken Americans will qualify for them. Hopefullythat won't include any of you [pause for murmuring/dodge vegetables].

And if you think you can scale back yourexpectations and work in a small, simple business, there's a massivewave of immigrants from Asia, Africa and Latin America who are only toowilling to take the jobs we Americans are too proud to take.

The terrible truth about your future, ladies andgentlemen, is that there is only one person you can rely on to help youbuild your future and success, and that is you. Sooner or later,you will find yourself running your own business, and you had betterstart preparing for that day now. It may happen next year, it maynot happen until you turn 50. It may be a part-time business,

Many of you, I'm sorry to say, are totallyunprepared for the challenge. While the American educationalsystem is still, for my money, the best in the world, the sad truth isthat most of you are totally clueless about what business isabout. Far, far too many of you, including even a few Phi BetaKappas and Rhodes Scholars, don't know the difference between revenueand profits, can't balance your checkbook, and couldn't tell thedifference between a balance sheet and an income statement if your lifedepended on it. To be successful in this brave new world, youwill have to learn how business really works on the job, with lots ofself-study, practical experience, and by making a few mistakes.

Now before you business students start thinking youhave a leg up over your liberal arts classmates, let me tell you thatyour education has been grossly deficient as well. You know a lotabout numbers and spreadsheets, but you don't know diddly about thehuman heart. Make no mistake to be a success in business, youmust be a keen observer of human nature above all else. To knowwhich customers are more willing to buy than others, and whenperceptions of your products and services are changing, is a lot morevaluable to a business than knowing the difference between "accountingprofit" and "economic profit".

What is probably worst of all, many of the best andbrightest of you have a dim view of business, period. Like manybefore you, you think you are too good for a business career, or thatone has to be unethical, greedy and unscrupulous to be a success. Sadly, it's hard to blame you for that, given all of the recentfinancial scandals, grossly overpaid executives and business' totaldisregard for the environment. But let me assure you that youdon't have to be ruthless, obnoxious, devious or even Republican tosucceed in business [pause for laughter/applause/murmuring/vegetables].

For those of you who think a business career isn'tchallenging, let me remind you that any activity that generates incomefor you and your family, is a business. If you are a collegeprofessor, getting published and being granted tenure is yourbusiness. If you work for a corporation, staying employed andimpressing the right people every day is your business. If youare an artist, creating works that you know will sell quickly (andpreferably have been paid for in advance) is your business. Whileit's admirable to look at what you do as a calling, if you neglect the"business side" of what you do, you are taking the first baby steps tofailure and ruin.

I have had the pleasure of working with over 15,000business owners in my career, and they are a more diverse group eventhan you are. They come from all walks of life andbackgrounds, and their personalities are all over the map. Contrary to what you may believe now, there is no such thing as a"success type". The beauty of this wonderful country ofours is that anyone - I mean anyone - can succeed in business with theright training, the right outlook on life, and the determination to dowhat others are too squeamish or hesitant to accomplish.

So by all means reach for the stars and follow yourdreams, for without faith, hope and passion your business will neversucceed, even if you're as smart as Einstein.

Just whatever you do, don't run out of money.

Cliff Ennico (cennico@legalcareer.com)is a syndicated columnist, author and former host of the PBS televisionseries 'Money Hunt'. This column is no substitute for legal, tax orfinancial advice, which can be furnished only by a qualifiedprofessional licensed in your state. To find out more about CliffEnnico and other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit ourWeb page at www.creators.com.COPYRIGHT 2009 CLIFFORD R. ENNICO. DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE,INC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.


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Tags: Character, Courage, ConscienceCharacter-Courage-ConscienceMarriageMorals, Ethics, ValuesValues
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