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Students in the American Fork High School Marching Band swept the awards not long ago in a competition at Brigham Young University.' What made this story interesting and somewhat controversial is this:' on the way back from another competition held in Idaho, the driver of the bus in which the students were riding fell asleep at the wheel.' All of the students survived.' The one fatality was the 33 year old instructor who grabbed for the steering wheel when she noticed the driver was out cold.The controversial part occurred because some people believe that it is unseemly for life to go on, for joy to be in people's hearts, or for friends and relatives to be happy and involved in their lives when someone dies.' Some people believe that it is disrespectful, cavalier and insensitive for others to carry on as though a tragedy didn't happen.' Generally, this belief comes out of a confusion of pain, emotions and guilt over survival.I think it's a good thing that these students competed, and they did so in remembrance of Heather Christensen, the teacher who saved their lives.' And that's the point:' she saved their lives so they could live, love, and play music.' I believe they showed her immense respect by playing in her honor, continuing with the competition for which she coached them.'' Her immortality comes from being remembered fondly by her students who used the skills they learned from her to create the music she loved so much.When someone we love dies, we don't honor them by denying ourselves the normal pleasures of life.' I find that to be an insult.' Life is precious, and when somebody is gone from life, that which they lost should be treated with the utmost reverence by squeezing every moment of dignity, creativity, joy, adventure, work, love, compassion and fun that is possible.' This is the way you honor the deceased:' you carry on and do something of value with your life.The students received a long, standing ovation as they marched off the field and embraced in tearful hugs.' What a fitting memorial to a brave, caring teacher. More >>

We're all outraged when we hear the stories of children being beaten, locked in cages, raped by adult "friends of the family" (if not family members themselves), abducted, and murdered.' These are clearly horrendous realities that offend all decent people.'Then there are the "normalized" child abuse activities that barely make people shrug a shoulder.' We were somewhat amused and annoyed by the recent story of the reality show family who pretended their son was in a balloon flying high in the sky while the balloon was empty and the boy was hiding.' Turns out that this was all about auditioning for their own reality show.'TLC has a show called "Toddlers and Tiaras."' According to one of my listeners who alerted me to this program, it should have been titled "Mothers Who Exploit Their Children." It's a show about young girls (as young as 4 years old!) who compete in beauty contests.' The worst part is not that the mothers over-dress and overly make up their children.' The worst part is not that these young girls put on immodest swimsuits and high heels and parade in front of an audience.' The weird part of the show occurs after the competition ends and you see how these young girls and their parents react to the final results.' One young girl, who couldn't have been older than six, took second runner-up, and her mother was furious.' When the mother went backstage, there was no "you did a great job," or "I love you."' She simply said to her sobbing child - angrily - "I don't know what happened.' Come on...let's go."' Another little girl responded to the results by saying "I'm first runner-up.' That means I'm a loser."These kids are learning that they are only worth something if they win.' They're only loved up by their parents if they win.' And they're learning that winning a beauty competition is the way to a meaningful existence.These kinds of competitions shouldn't even be allowed.' If I had the power - no one would be able to exploit their children for money, infamy, notoriety, selfishness or stupidity.' We all have heard the stories of the warped and sorry lives of most former child stars - the drugs, alcohol, suicides, and self-destructive behaviors throughout their lives - generally because their worth was hitched to the wagon of public adoration.These so-called "family" reality shows are a form of child abuse and exploitation.' Children lose their privacy and have to cater to the desire of networks and cable executives for ratings and sponsorship income, and producers need outlandish behavior in order to get and keep an audience.' Parents expect them to do whatever it takes to keep their star in the sky.' It's disgusting, and our society not only allows it, but elevates these shows to an incredible level of importance.' How about all those news stories of Jon & Kate and their eight kids?' They're getting a divorce, and their pathetic story got coverage from actual hard news sources for weeks at the same time they were appearing on the covers of so-called "news" magazines.We have become detestable in our acceptance and normalization of obvious emotional child abuse.' Shame on us. More >>

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This is from Michelle: Dear Dr. Laura: A few weeks ago, you had a caller who was contemplating divorce, because her husband wasn't being nice and, in turn, she wasn't being nice to her young son.' During the call, the little boy started crying and to calm him, she picked him up and he immediately stopped.' You told her of the power of a mother's arms, and you told her that if she would just treat her husband the same way, he would melt just as her son did.' I thought about it, but forgot to do anything, and then I listened to the program again this week.' It was like you were personally talking to me. I have been married for 16 years to a wonderful man who has been the sole financial provider for all that time so I can be an at-home mom to our teenage son and daughter.' While I always thank him for making this possible, unfortunately, my attitude has been 'well, while you were at work all day, I had to deal with very important things like toddler meltdowns to teenager meltdowns.'' But your words changed all that. Last night, my husband arrived home after a business trip to find out we have some unexpected, high medical bills for our son (he has special needs so, while this has happened before, now is a particularly hard financial time).' Instead of me attacking my husband and telling him I had to consent to all the tests which resulted in the bill, I took your advice.' I held him in my arms and said:' 'This must be so hard for you, when you work so hard and you plan all the finances for our family, to have something so big come up when you don't expect it.' I really appreciate you supporting this family, and I feel our kids are so blessed to have you as their dad.' Dr. Laura, he melted, just as you said he would.' We went on to have a lovely night, planning how we would pay for this bill and then talking about other things.' If I had not taken your advice, we both would have been angry and sulking and it would have lasted for days.' You reminded me that even though my sweet husband is a big, strong provider, he still needs compassion and comfort.' How blessed am I that I could provide that for him. Your words have changed my life and my marriage, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.' Keep helping people do the right thing. More >>

I have watched film adaptations of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice in all its incarnations many, many times, and I recently watched the 2005 film version again. I love the film...no matter what criticisms may be about a portrayal or a performance. I clearly have a profound attraction to this work.First and foremost, I love the utter regard the men had for women, which is evident from how they addressed them: "Miss..." (and their first names if they were single) or "Mrs...." (and their last names if they were married). Men bowed upon entering and leaving a woman's presence, and women curtsied, even under unpleasant conditions. Flirting was ever-so-subtle: a look, a light "accidental" touch of a hand. A man romantically yearned for and tried to earn the affections of a woman. The sweetness of the regard for women in this era (particularly in upper and middle classes) was something to be admired, and something we now miss. There was a clear distinction between a "good" woman and an easy, loose woman or whore.That distinction is gone today. Now, women put down good money for music that represents them as whores without pay. So many young men are casual about women and sex in general, and sex is a casual expectation almost always fulfilled.Young women scoff at dignity and modesty as just stupid, prudish, sexist notions. They "shack up" with some dude without a marital commitment, yet expect the love and respect, fidelity and loyalty to exist without the spoken vows, only to be disappointed, hurt, and generally confused.There was a recent film comedy, called "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past," in which Matthew McConaughey (in a twist on Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" ) got to go back into his life to see all his old girlfriends. There was one scene in the television ad for the movie which showed a seemingly endless dining table filled with hundreds of girls. Obviously, this was meant to show how shallow and manipulative he had been. To me, it just showed how many stupid girls there were (and are), "putting out" in a situation where there was clearly no respect, regard, or intent.Men used to have to ask a woman's dad for permission to "court" her, even when the woman was an adult! Now, all he has to do is show her a bedroom, back seat of a car, or a motel room, and the date is sealed. When men had to explain and express their intentions, they had to take the whole activity of dating much more seriously, as there were personal and social consequences to misleading a young lady. That reputation would annihilate any chances he might have had of marrying a good woman. He'd have to move states or provinces away. Now? That kind of rakish reputation makes girls/women want to line up to get some from an infamous entity.The women's revolution did not raise any consciousness worth elevating. It mostly diminished a woman's sense of herself as special, minimized her value in the minds of men, put sex on the level of animals, created a nanny/baby-sitter/institutionalized day care financial boom (as women gave up the blessing of nurturing their own children), increased the use of abortion as a birth-control technique when an accidental pregnancy occurred with a guy who did not want fatherhood, created perpetually unhappy, angry, nasty wives, and made it very difficult for "nice girls" to be respected and cherished.The last scene in Pride and Prejudice between the two now-married lovers has them discussing what she wants to be called by him when he is not using her given name. He suggests one name, and she rejects it sweetly, because it is what her father calls her. She then asks him what he will call her when he is angry. He, not being able to envision that situation, talks to her about always letting her know how lovingly important his happiness in wrapped up in her...forever...and he kisses her gently about her face as he says "Mrs. Darcy" over and over again. He gave her his heart, his life, his vows, and his name. And, in that era, giving a woman your name was the ultimate public and private statement of his total commitment to her, which makes that scene so moving to most of us, and infuriating to feminists who see that scene only as ripping away the woman's identity.I always cry at the end of the movie.I cry also for what women have given up in exchange for wanting to have it all and not be subordinate to a man. I don't know...I kinda think being on a pedestal is not subordinate. But what do I know? I'm only a recovered feminist. More >>

I'm still laughing...I read an article last week in one of the online news reporting sites about a new book on economics, called Superfreakonomics .' In the book, the authors discuss the issue of prostitution in today's economic climate.' As it turns out, prostitution was a profitable enterprise (focusing on mainstream sex acts) until the sexual liberation movement in the 1960s changed "the business of intimacy, and a generation of 'free love' altered the marketplace forever." The "modesty traditionally displayed by women in search of Mr. Right evolved to a bold pursuit of Mr. Right Now." The 1960s genesis of casual sex became prostitution's direct rival.So, prices for sex acts plummeted.' Hookers had competition from the average woman who would have sex for free (without even getting a dinner out of it). Being entrepreneurial, hookers then began to provide more unconventional sex -' the kind of things men can't get from their girlfriends - and the price for those often depraved acts hauled the fees way back up.As one call girl said: "Thank God prostitution is illegal, 'cause if it weren't, I wouldn't be making $500 an hour; I'd probably be back doing what I was doing, which was working as a computer technician for a Fortune 500 company." Of course, if you're the prostitute for a state governor, you'll probably get lots of media offers!The call girl entrepreneur who was interviewed was asked whether or not she would suggest this "career" for her daughter.' She obfuscated like crazy, saying she hoped it would be only one of many, many options, and then the article ended with the revelation that she's now quitting prostitution to go to school to study economics.' I guess morality finally caught up to her.This is why I use the term "unpaid whore" for women who shack up with guys, rather than dignify themselves and sexual intimacy with a marital commitment.' I tell them that at the very least, they ought to be paid for sex, since it ultimately means nothing profoundly important to him past the orgasm.' Now I can mention that they are taking food out of the mouths of prostitutes and their families!!Women cannot run away from their true nature, and our true nature (apart from any psychological problems) is to nurture and nest.' We can act like wild women and say it's our right and freedom, but I take the calls every day from disillusioned, hurt women who did , in fact, expect love and loyalty from the men they had sex with.So, ladies, have pity on the call girls and prostitutes.' Give them back their turf, and re-elevate womanhood so that men again have a mountain to climb and earn, and therefore value . More >>

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