By Bob Grantwww.relationshipheadquarters.com
Most women have been told that once they get married their husband will no longer have any interest in being romantic. In fact, there is nothing further from the truth. Most wives I've told this to politely look at me with a blank stare. In their minds, they believe that I'm just being an idealist (I know this to be true because they have told me later!). They believe that I'm simply saying this because I want
it to be true. The realities of their marriages have convinced them that they simply have to settle for a marriage where romance rarely occurs.
Here are 5 Secrets that your husband wants you to know about him, but doesn't know how to tell you.1) He feels more romantic than you realize
Most wives I've spoken with believe that they have little influence over how their husband feels toward them and nostalgically remember the early part of their relationship where their husband seemed constantly infatuated with them. What they often forget is the missing ingredient that single women know. Men respond to women. Specifically, most wives forget to flirt with their husbands. They assume that because they are married that he'll just naturally want to be romantic with them. Sorry, but that's so wrong.
Remember when you were dating and you knew better than to simply leave the relationship up to him? I've seen wives in my counseling sessions that are excellent at this skill. One husband in particular started to raise his voice at his wife, and she simply twirled her ankle as he spoke. He didn't have a chance. After a couple of minutes, he seemed to forget what he was so upset about. Even though he was upset, he was powerless to resist her charm.
Oh that may sound simplistic, but wives who frequently flirt with their husbands find the power they have to arouse passion is quite real. Try it for just one week and see if you don't find yourself having to tell him to keep his hands to himself. 2) He's dependant on your happiness
It may seem that your husband doesn't care about your happiness, but that's often not what he's really thinking. Most men deal with problems by working hard to solve them. They don't rest until whatever is bothering them is "fixed." If they can't fix it, they temporarily forget about it and try and fix it at a later time. When they don't feel they can make their wife happy, they may try harder. If that doesn't work, they often quit trying because they feel they can't succeed.
What he wants is to make you happy. When you're happy, he feels he's a wonderful husband. It makes him feel like he's a man. In fact, nothing improves his self-esteem more than feeling your happiness.
It isn't enough that you tell him you are happy - he has to know it. He knows it when you show him by using emotional words. Telling him "thanks," won't cut it. If you like something or if he does something that makes you happy, he wants to know it worked. But most wives like it when their husband is trying to please them. What they often forget is to show their pleasure to their husbands. Husbands often tend to quit trying to please their wives because they don't think they can be successful. 3) It's hard to listen when you're in pain
Most women tell me how much it means to them when their husband listens to them talk about their fears and frustrations. What they don't understand is what it's like for their husbands to listen to these emotions.
Here's an example I frequently tell wives to illustrate this point. Imagine you were to tell your husband this, "I want you to sit right here in this chair and watch me get slapped and beaten by this other man. I don't want you to offer me any help. Just sit and listen as I cry in front of you." As hard as it might seem to believe this, that is how it feels for your husband to sit and listen to you talk about a problem and be told to do nothing about it.
He tries to fix your problem because it makes him feel powerless and weak to simply sit there and do nothing. What your husband needs is your reassurance that his listening to you is actually quite nice. Tell him how special it makes you feel when he listens, and he'll know that he's helping you without having to solve your problems.4) Your husband is still attracted to you
I know this is going to sound unromantic, but here it goes. If you could look inside your husband's brain and actually read his mind, you'd hear something like the following:
"When we first dated it was because I thought you were pretty. There was something about you. I liked you enough that I kept wanting to spend time with you. I'm happy I have a roof over my head when I sleep at night, but I don't feel the need to share this with anyone. I realize I might not say it to you, but when you look at me with that twinkle in your eye, I remember how lucky I am to have married you."5) Asking For Help Makes Me Feel Like a Failure
Most women don't realize how important it is for a man to feel that he is good at something. For a husband, being able to make his wife happy or proud of him is crucial to his self-esteem. For your husband, asking for help is the same as admitting he isn't capable of solving his own problem or as one husband described it, "It makes me feel like I'm a little boy when my wife offers to help me fix something. Like she doesn't believe I can do it." Yes ladies, this is why he doesn't want to stop and ask for directions.
I'm not suggesting that you never offer to help, but unless he asks for it, I'd suggest you don't offer your help. What means more to him is your belief in his ability to overcome whatever is bothering him. Try saying something like this when you can tell he's frustrated by a problem: "I don't know how you'll solve this, but I know you and I know you'll find a way to fix this. I know this because I'm your wife."
If you say this, I promise you he'll feel like he can accomplish anything and he'll grow even closer to you emotionally.Bob Grant
, L.P.C. is the author of the best-selling relationship book, What Husbands Can't Resist
. For the past 20 years, he has provided unique and po werful insights for thousands of men and women in over 50 different countries. You may visit him at www.relationshipheadquarters.com
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