Dr. Laura Blog

No matter who the guy is, what every relationship boils down to is how he treats and respects you. These are the excuses women make to stay with the wrong guy:

1. “I can’t help who I love.” Just because you spend time together and have feelings for each other doesn’t automatically mean you’re in love. It could be attachment, dependency, or fear of being alone. A lot of these feelings get mixed up with love. True love requires mutual and reciprocal awe, admiration, and respect. If that’s not happening, it ain’t love.

2. “He needs me.” If the main reason for being with someone is that he needs you, all it means is that you’re so insecure about someone loving you that you’re using that person to feel safe. In other words, if he needs you, he’s not going to dump you. That’s what we call a codependent relationship.

3. “His behavior is not his fault.” You give him a pass because he had a rough childhood, or he’s stressed out about work. Please - we all make choices. History is not destiny.

4. “There’s no one better out there.” You’re overlooking the red flags because you’re afraid of change or being alone. However, putting in the effort to find a healthy relationship is far easier than the work of staying in an unhealthy one.

5. “We’re different.” Don’t justify staying with someone because the situation is “complicated” or “unique.” Listen with an open mind to the people in your life who know and love you.

6. “He’s sorry.” An apology loses its luster after it has been repeated 40 times. If he’s constantly treating you like crap, he’s not ready to change. The apologies are just a way to get you to shut up.