Dr. Laura Blog

We often hear that it takes a father to raise a boy into a man, but mothers also have a lot to do with it. Here are some of the common ways moms turn their sons into relationship failures:

1. You allow your boyfriend or husband to treat you badly. If your partner berates, criticizes, or demeans you and you let it happen, your boy is going to think that’s normal and follow suit.

2. You push away every obstacle in front of him. You do his homework and projects, and always bail him out. I understand you want your kid to do well, but pushing every challenge out of the way doesn’t build strength or character - it deprives your child of important life skills.

3. You praise him a lot for things he hasn’t done. Warmth, support, and praise are vital to every child, but not when it’s phony. It’s a sure ticket to creating a little narcissist.

4. You treat him like your friend or therapist. It’s healthy and normal to have a close relationship with your son, however, it becomes what we call “covert incest” when you turn to your child for emotional support rather than your spouse, friends, or family. It’s a form of abuse.

5. You act nasty and cold towards your spouse. If you’re dismissive of your spouse, your child will subconsciously do the same.

6. You make empty threats. Don’t make threats that you haven’t already prepared to follow through on. Backing down and giving in teaches your boy to not take you (and others) seriously.

7. You ignore red flags. If everyone from teachers to neighbors to cops are warning you about your child, you need to acknowledge it and do something about it rather than living in denial.