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E is for Effort, H is for Hope

By: Bonnie Bonadeo

Single and not sure how to meet people, most venture into the online dating world. You think about your friends that have done it and possibly met people from online dating. You then look at all the profiles in your gender to see how you compare. What is your competition and what is going to have you stand out amongst all these other beautiful women? Being blonde Brunette, athletic, in a particular industry, fun, rock-n-roll or county music? You then begin the hardest thing you have ever had to do, write a profile about yourself that sounds interesting when in truth you are sitting home on a Saturday night doing nothing. 

In the animal world, there are many courtship rituals, Penguins collects little rare rocks to present to his beloved, the bowerbird build a tower of sticks and then adds a blue object to it and the females pick the best tower and most interesting blue object. Male pufferfishes create mystery circles at the bottom of the ocean floor to attract the female and the black widows expect the males to twerk their way into their life by vigorous rump shaking. If you are out in the wild on a Saturday night, your kind may come by and introduce themselves or even buy you a drink to begin the ritual. What can you expect once you display your profile to this wild kingdom of online dating? You may believe you are heading into unknown territory, but hopeful! 

Although hopeful is only good with a little effort. There is a theory called 'Indirect Effort'. It states that you get almost everything in your relationships with others more easily by approaching them indirectly rather than directly. Now what that meant to me is that online dating is not enough effort or action to have the results I want. Maybe you believed that you could meet the love of my life within a 20-mile radius of your home and you would live happily ever after (hopeful) or if I had to be in the world trying on dating and believing in the ritual of courtship to find the best mate, you needed to be prepared to meet someone at anytime and anywhere and to try on this Indirect Effort approach. Stepping up your game.

1. Looking your best to go to the post office and grocery store and yes even Walmart. It's easy to say love me for who I am and not feel like you must primp and go red carpet to run errands, however, a random "meet cute" as the line goes in one of my favorite movies, The Holiday
  • You may meet someone randomly. Do you act or let the moment pass you by? 

  • You may run into to someone you know. The conversation could be: "Hello, you look great. What are you up to now?" The vulnerable and honest answer could be, "I'm single and looking for love!" You never know who they may know. 

  • Just feel good about yourself. Your confidence will soar about being out in the world and ready to stand out. 

2. Heightening your awareness of expected and unexpected opportunities to connect with others
  • Standing in lines at Starbucks or the bank.
  • Airports and traveling, yes dare to sit next to that attractive person and have a conversation.
  • We spend most of the time at work and those connections may be our Kevin Bacon, the first degree of separation.  It may be frowned upon to be dating someone you work with, but they have friends they may know. 

3. The art of saying to yes to invitations that would be easy to say no to
  • Say yes to the happy hour, or the weekend festival, even if parking is a nightmare.
  • Do you have a dog, go to a public dog park? People love to boast about their dogs to others, which makes for easeful conversations.
  • Rally your coupled-up friends for support. There is no threat to them to introduce you to others.

Indirect effort means doing more than sitting at home. It means trying to make a connection with another. It is making the choice to start living and believing that love just may show up when you least expect it. 

Bonnie Bonadeo is a Coach, Author, Speaker, and Radio Host. A mother with a son in college Bonnie is in a beautiful and healthy relationship with herself and recently got engaged to a beautiful and loving man. They share a long-distance relationship from Phoenix to Atlanta for now! Are you ready for an amazing life? Let me help Connect You to You! You can also connect with me on Instagram @bonniebonadeo, Facebook @bonniebonadeocoach, and Twitter @bonniebonadeo1. Permission granted for use on and  
Tags: Attitude, Dating, Internet-Media, Marriage, Personal Responsibility, Relationships, Stress
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