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Letters From Listeners

You Don't Have to Keep Messing up Your Life


Dear Dr Laura, 

In advance, I apologize for my English, I'm from Germany.  I just read your book, Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess up Their Lives. I completely understood what you were saying, because it's true! 

I have a lot of female friends who are always saying: I was treated badly so everything has worked out as it worked out. But if you were treated badly, why are you making it worse- NOW? 

And I have asked myself the same question. I was abused by my father until I was 14, as was my sister.  And my mother was a furious person. In short: not the best life you could have as a child... 

But now- what can I do to make it better? 

I hated myself for a long time, my body, my speech, all. I wanted to stop all these feelings inside me.  I had bad relationships with other women and men. This is my life, so I thought, but I need to do something! And one woman told me: "I think you want to be hated and you want to hate yourself.  The question is: why?" 

And that's it: why? Because life can be so much better! 

There is so much you can be fighting for.  The stupidest choice is to make your life worse.  

And so I started therapy and I talked to a lot of people. I left home at 16 and have no contact to my family.  That's one of the best choices I've made. Now I have my own home, my own place. I'm studying and work a lot. I have my dreams. I want to work for an organization in the education sector after my studies are completed.  If that doesn't work, I will study again and become an engineer. And why not? Yes! I will do that. 

And I will get rid of my father and what he has done by living my life, by saying no to violence- no matter what. I talk with other women and we are making petitions.  We are fighting against hate, violence and anger and that's the best. There are so many brave women in this world- believe me! And I know the feeling of hopelessness and hate against myself- but I do not want to live that way. I want to make it better! I dream of a better life- for me and my friends and for all women and men. 

And why not go for it? 

Furthermore, I just wanted to scream when my friend told me that her boyfriend is a complete a-hole, (I just translated what she said).  The she goes on to ask, "And what can I do to make the relationship work?" 

Oh yeah, well... This relationship really has a chance, doesn’t' it? Wonderful. 

My best friend had an relationship full of violence and she told herself she needed that. Could you believe that? She needs violence. Wonderful, that's the best thing I've ever heard. An intelligent woman, a strong woman is telling me she needs violence...?  

There are too many women who think that way.  We can choose different.  We can be different.  We CAN! WE CAN! WE CAN! 

Tags: Abuse, Attitude, Dating, Family/Relationships - Parent/Child, Friends, Friendships, Parenting, Relationships, self-esteem, Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives, Violence, Woman's point of view, Women's Point of View
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