A recent caller was concerned about being depressed or disinterested in her life/marriage. She had three young children and was tired all the time. More >>

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I love Susan Boyle.' I've never watched any of those "Idol," "Model," or "Talent" shows.' The only reason I know of Susan Boyle is that she has hit the news big time.' For those of you, like me, who don't keep up with these shows, Susan Boyle made a big hit on "Britain's Got Talent" as a singer.Unfortunately, the news was two-fold:' boy, is she ever unattractive, and boy, can she ever sing.Susan Boyle is 47, overweight, flabby, and has graying, frizzy hair, bushy eyebrows, and a blubbery face.' Susan Boyle also has the singing ability of an angel, giving a performance of the Les Miserables tune "I Dreamed A Dream" that has made her an instant star with more than 20 million views on YouTube.Now the debates rage:' should she or shouldn't she get some kind of makeover to look prettier on camera?''' The United Kingdom's Guardian published a "no, she shouldn't; she should stay natural" comment from one of their most "done over" women stars.' Others are repulsed by her looks, and can't imagine that beautiful voice coming from such a plain, frumpy woman.Many of those 20 million plus YouTube views very likely occurred simply because of that incredible contrast.' For many, it was like watching a geek or freak show, so they could laugh at her lack of physical attributes, without, of course, looking in the mirror themselves.Me?' I give her lots of credit for being more focused on her voice than on her lack of beauty.' She is definitely not attractive.' Should she get face work to match the scores of women who all look like they came out of the same factory:' the puffed-up face, abnormally protruding cheeks, and lips that look like the rump side of an orangutan?' I wouldn't advise it.Clearly, this is not a woman of means...yet.' So, getting her hair colored and calmed down, learning some makeup tips, and having clothes which best compliment her ample figure is something that is probably in the works now, which means that she'd be spiffing up what she has, and not getting surgically transformed into a vision which will make the snide snickers go away.' Making the best of what you have is admirable and advisable; getting re-made into something nobody is, is not admirable nor advisable.And the main point is that she has a beautiful voice, and a tremendous amount of talent.' If she were "pretty," I wonder how many YouTube hits there would have been.' Gosh...I long for the days before television and the Internet, when only the quality of what a person had to offer was revealed. More >>

During his recent African trip, Pope Benedict XVI said that the distribution of condoms would not resolve the AIDS problem.' The Pope has made it clear that abstinence is going to be the best way to fight AIDS.Google "Pope" and "condoms," and you'll never run out of reading material excoriating the man for his observation and opinion.' Many health advocates have gone ballistic in their criticism of his comments.' They feel it is one thing to promote abstinence as part of the Catholic religion, but that it is an entirely different thing to preach it to the world.On a person-by-person basis, wearing a condom does, of course, offer some protection against contracting various venereal diseases and (of course) unwanted pregnancy.' It is also true that condoms sometimes break, slip, or are put on incorrectly (taut to the very end).' Everything has its limitations...except abstinence.I remember listening to a rabbi describing a situation that occurred to his kosher family.' His 7 year old child was invited to a birthday party for a classmate at one of those fast-food hamburger establishments.' When he came to pick up his child at the end of the party, one of the mothers - clearly annoyed - chastised him for the pain he caused his son.' "All the children had hamburgers, chicken nuggets, french fries and dessert, and your little boy had to sit there and eat none of it.' Imagine how terrible your son must have felt?' How could you do this to him?' Food is food.' There is nothing sinful about food.' What you are doing to him is just cruel."' Just about at the end of her tirade, his son bounded up to him, gave him a huge hug around the waist, and said "I had a great time.' This was a fun party."The woman blanched and walked away.' The rabbi followed her and gently told her the following:' animals will eat whatever is around, even if it will make them unhealthy.' Humans are to rise above animals and become masters of their urges.' Imagine my son in a dorm room where harmful illicit drugs are being passed about.' We already know that peer pressure and urges will not force him to relent and give in to the impulse.' Learning at his early age to control impulse and desire is not a harmful trait - many times, it might be a life-saving one.' Look at him.' He enjoyed the company of your son and the rest of the children without giving up his values.' He looks happy and satisfied.' We really need to bring up our children to be masters of their instincts, not slaves to them, don't you think?The woman scowled, but listened to him.Yes, in any one instance, a condom could protect, but in the overall scheme of humanity, why do so many people wish to push away the enormous protective power of moral values?When the Pope suggests that human beings are best off saving their sexual passion for the stability of a covenant of marriage, he is making a statement that the act of sexuality is elevated by the context, and ultimately protects both man and woman from a myriad of hurtful consequences from venereal diseases to unwanted pregnancies (complete with abortions, abandonment, single-parenthood, and homelessness to name a few).The naysayers all have one thing in common:' they refuse to want, believe or accept that human beings can commit to a higher spiritual state of thought and behavior.' The Pope believes in us more than that.I am not Catholic, so this is no knee-jerk defense of my spiritual leader.' The truth is that he is simply correct and too many people don't want to hear it, because they want to live lives unfettered by rules.' It is sad that they don't realize that this makes them a slave to animal impulse versus a master of human potential. More >>

I cannot emphasize enough how, as a marriage and family therapist, I am impressed with female fiddler crabs.' A study published in the journal Animal Behavior , found that females of the species Uca crenulata - also known as' fiddler crab - may check out 100 or more male fiddler crabs and their burrows before finally deciding on a mate.Now...make no mistake : she's not getting it on with 100 males.' She is making certain that the one she picks is one she can count on to protect and provide for her young 'uns.'Why are female fiddler crabs so picky?' The survival of their offspring appears to be strongly linked to the size of their mate and his "crib" - to borrow some vernacular.' The size of the male's....burrow...affects the development time of the larvae.' A burrow of just the right width and depth dimensions allows larvae to hatch at the perfect, safest time, the peak outward nighttime flow of the biweekly tidal cycle.So here's how it all looks: the male fiddler crabs stand in front of their burrows and wave their enlarged....claws....at prospective female passers-by, much as a human fellow might wave his arms or hands in a "come over here" motion. The interested females initially eye the males, and if something tweaks 'em, they partially or fully enter a burrow to size it up.' When a female finds a mate and burrow to her liking, one of them closes the door behind them, they mate, and incubate their eggs, which later hatch and release little baby crab larvae that are quickly flushed from the estuary by high night tides.Why is this of interest to me...and should be of interest to you?' Because I am amazed at how little effort so many women and men seem to put into making one of the most important decisions of a lifetime: their life-long (if they're smart) mate.' I have long nagged that judges and clergy should not marry people who have not undergone at least 6 months of pre-marital counseling to make sure that they are:' 1) capable of making a loving commitment to another person, 2) are reasonably objective as to the quality of this "match," 3) have had experience working through problems and differences with this person in non-combative, constructive ways, 4) have quality familial relationships all the way around, and 5) are in agreement on basic but important issues such as children and child-care, financial considerations, religious persuasions, geography, life-style, ideals, values and goals.....and that is just for starters.Good marriages - life long ones - don't just happen.' Choose wisely - then - treat kindly. More >>

As long as you keep sending me stories like these, I'll continue to post them on this blog.' Today's email came from Lori: This is long overdue.' I started listening to your program 20 years ago, when I was in my twenties, newly married, and focused on my career.' I was in the middle of a graduate program that I had worked very hard to get into, when I got pregnant with my son.' I always thought your ideas that a parent should stay home with their child were ridiculous - I thought it was a crazy, backward notion.' That is what day care was for!! Then I had my son. He was six weeks old when I left him with a day care provider to continue my graduate program.' That was also the last time he was with a day care provider.' I physically and mentally could not stand to think that someone else was spending the day and providing for my son - something I should be doing and wanted to do.' After all, who could do it better?' My husband felt the same, so I quit graduate school and all my career plans went out the door so I could stay with my son full time.' While at first it wasn't easy, I can say without a doubt what a great decision that was! When my son and I went to the park or took a walk, I arranged it so I could listen to your radio program at the same time.' While I was sure about my decision, I had VERY LITTLE support from many others.' I got many comments or "put-downs" about what a waste of my life this was.' I felt like you were one of the few who supported me.' You were my advocate, and when I would feel especially down and question my decision, I would listen to you and it would lift me up, and I knew I was right. So, a belated thank you for what you gave me, my wonderfully supportive husband, and my son - who is now a smart, kind, funny, well-adjusted 16 year old.' Keep speaking up for us stay-at-home moms.' I can look back at that time of my life and say I absolutely have no regrets. More >>

Evidently, there are so many identity thieves that the intense competition has driven the prices for stealing your identity way down. Credit card numbers were selling for as little as 40 cents each (dropping 50%), and access to your bank account was going to ten dollars in the second half of 2007, according to the latest twice-yearly "Internet Security Threat Report" from Symantec Corporation. Full identities - including a functioning credit card number, Social Security Number or equivalent, and a person's name, address and date of birth - are going for as little as two dollars apiece! Your life can be wrecked for about ten dollars. Stolen identities of European Union citizens, however, sell for considerably more than American identities - they go for about thirty dollars, because those identities can be used in multiple countries. More >>