This is from Barry: Dear Dr. Laura: I was a participant in an unwanted, unnecessary divorce...because my wife wasn't 'happy.'' I have 3 minor children who, despite my tremendous efforts to the contrary...only get to see me 7-10 days a month.' I do everything I can to remain in their lives so I might display to them the importance and value of good character, good values/morals, and integrity.... For Valentine's Day, I wrote my 5 year old daughter a poem.' I'm not a poet by any means.' I'm your basic manly man.' These words simply came to me in the half-hour it took to write them down.' In it are references to many things we do as a family ....I thought you might like to read it: A Poem for Claire A poem for Claire is what I will try.'I hope it turns out - ya see, I'm only a guy.'There are jobs that I have-'One is being your Dad.'Out of all of the jobs'That one makes me most glad. We do things we like'And some we don't mind.'I'm pleased that you're nice'And so warm and so kind. I tell you I'm serious'But you know that I'm not'We're both very silly'And we smile a LOT! We sit out in back'And look at the clouds'You see shapes I don't see'You make me so proud. Walking to school'Is always so fun.'It's been so cold lately'We can't wait for the sun! You fiddle with your homework.'Maybe a snack instead?'But each night we read'Just before time for bed. I love when we play'You're so very special'We dance and we laugh'Now it's time to WRESTLE! We cuddle on the sofa'Watch TV at night.'But we don't watch a show'That might give you a fright. We make up games to play'Sometimes go for a hike.'But what you like most'Is riding your bike! You play Dan-Ball and Rock Band'And sometimes the Wii.'"Daddy, come look!'Come here! Come see!" I'm busy in the kitchen'Moving fast there to here.'You're the first and the loudest'During our dinnertime cheer. I miss you dearly'When we're far apart,'But I'll always remind you'I'm in your head and your heart. The message is clear'In this poem you hear.'Your Dad loves you greatly'And I will always be near. I want you to know'You're my best Valentine.'I will ALWAYS be yours'If you will be mine. I love you.'Dad You've made me a better man, Dr. Laura.' I thank you. More >>

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By this time, you all know that former Presidential hopeful John Edwards is not longer hopeful about too much.' According to press reports, Elizabeth Edwards has left him.After the Clintons and many other high profile power couples' personal issues with marital problems and affairs, I think we're all pretty numbed and crass about it all.This blog is not about affairs - it's about another form of betrayal.'Andrew Young was a former aide of the Edwards' who was personally intimate with them and a co-conspirator in John Edwards' tacky affair and secrecy surrounding his illegitimate child.' In fact, in addition to harboring the bimbo in his home, Andrew Young tried to take the credit for this baby to keep his boss in the limelight in a more positive way.All of this has now hit the fan, and these three are no longer speaking.' Andrew Young has written a "tell-all" book, " The Politician ," which goes on sale this week.' He maligns Elizabeth and John and even goes so far as to say that they both conspired to use her cancer diagnosis to promote John's campaign for President.' I don't know if that's true or not, but it just sounds so disgusting that I can't wrap my mind around it.'What a despicable character Andrew Young is!' First, for benefitting from his relationship with the Edwards family (with privileges, opportunities, trust, bonding, financial compensation, power and friendship), and then making money by betraying their confidences when he was a definite co-conspirator in everything they did (which he now criticizes).' People who do that are scum.Years ago, Eddie Fisher also wrote a tell-all book about the women he was intimate with, including Debbie Reynolds and Elizabeth Taylor.' Why they, or any of the other women, had anything to do with that toad is beyond me, but they did.' He did a "kiss and tell" book.' Disgusting.' All to make a buck.' He betrayed the tender confidences of women who once cared about him.I ran into him while he was on his book tour, and we were both appearing on a television interview program.' He dared to come up to me to cheerfully introduce himself.' I cut him short, saying I knew who he was, and that he was a disgusting human being and obviously not a gentleman for the book he wrote and now was hawking.' He looked stunned, and that made my moment!' I turned my back on him and then slowly, deliberately walked away.' He was trying to say something to me, but I just didn't care.Instead of buying Andrew Young's book demonizing Elizabeth and John Edwards, spend that money on buying some good children's books for your local school library. More >>

Why don't I like so-called "reality" or "actuality" TV shows?'' Because they're mean.'They are intended to be mean, because "mean" is entertaining to some segments of the audience, and that scares me.''Throwing Christians to the lions and watching gladiators fight to the death used to be considered wonderful entertainment in ancient times.' And while I'm not comparing actually killing someone with humiliating and demeaning them, there is a continuum here.''Christians and slaves didn't volunteer to become fodder for death to those eating popcorn in the stands.' The people on TV do volunteer to put themselves in situations which contribute to the demise of public taste, humane behavior, compassion and sensitivity.' They humiliate themselves for attention and profit.' That they volunteer for it doesn't make doing it to them right.' It just makes them terribly pathetic.'When people go on an " American Idol "-like program in the hopes of being discovered for their talents, a simple "winning" or "losing" seems sufficient to me.' However, having judges who become popular by hurling horrendously insulting comments seems to be the real motivation for these programs.' Hurting people in front of others is an egregious act.' Televising it, or making money off of sponsors who support it, so that people at home can feel superior and powerful (because they're not the ones being attacked) is purely disgusting.'These shows bring out the worst in people.' Martians watching our entertainment media would probably choose not to come to our planet, or else just wipe us off the face of the galaxy, because of how humanity displays itself on television (much less the Internet and the United Nations).''No one is ashamed anymore.' They pass it off as giving the audience what it wants.' "It's only TV," or "it's only a way to make a living," they say.''Sad. More >>

Lately, I've been asked quite often by callers if it is "okay" to apologize to someone for a wrongdoing even years after the offense.' I can understand why that question might be asked.' It can feel a bit embarrassing to have to face someone and face up to what you've done.' It is worrisome that they might not be gracious about your apology.'' It is possible that they might "lay into you."' It may be that they say "You caused me so much grief and pain that I can't forgive you."' They might not even be willing to talk to you.' Or, they might say, with tears, "Thank you.' That means a lot to me."It IS a big risk to take.' But the most valued things in life do come with a big risk attached.' That's part of what gives them value.You must remember, however, that whatever their response might be, you are doing the apology not to wipe the slate clean (damage is damage, and some never goes away), but because true repentance requires that you do what it takes to repair the damage.' That includes the sincere... sincere ...apology.' None of that "if you were hurt, then I'm sorry" nonsense.' That is pure annoyance!'So, if you truly have remorse (and are not just trying to manipulate someone into a situation which benefits you ), then apologize... anytime ...and tolerate their first and maybe second unpleasant reaction.''Seeds take time to germinate, and coping with an apology means the whole thing is brought up again in their minds.' Be patient and understanding.' While they may never forgive you, know that you still did the right thing. More >>

There's a new study out from San Diego State University saying that children and young adults today are the most anxious and depressed of the last seventy years.I'm not surprised at all.' Having too many choices is chaos.' Morals and values have been sacrificed in favor of infamy and fortune.' When sports heroes are infamous and rich'because they took drugs to increase their performance, that is demoralizing to kids who work hard to aspire to athletic greatness simply by practicing a lot.' When other young people get famous for flaunting drugs and anti-social behavior, it makes it difficult for the kids who simply work hard.When you have a major Hollywood producer/director putting together a movie to excuse and explain Hitler (in context, he says), you have a generation that has no clear understanding of evil.When you have military dying in the fields of foreign countries because we are at war with a religious ideology that wants to terminate western civilization, and one of their combatants is caught and tried only as a common criminal, you have a generation that is confused.When you have a culture that does not support the basic building block of education - the family - we have children turning to equally confused peers and pop culture.When the people in positions of power, authority and fame turn out to be of little character, you have a generation that doesn't know what to respect or whom to emulate.It all matters.Our kids pay the price. More >>

Let's talk about having conversations.' You read that right - I didn't goof and actually mean confrontation , which typically is what I hear most about on my radio program.' It is not a good plan to think of trying to communicate something delicate or important to someone by approaching them through the lenses of battle, which is what confrontation implies.There are ways to deal with another person on difficult issues that don't necessarily feel like the throwing down of a gauntlet (an attack against which they have to be defensive).' The moment you get someone's defenses up, the quicker the whole situation degenerates into a "lose/lose" predicament, usually making things even worse than they were.If the information is to a loved one, start out with a "Sweetie" or "Honey" or something that sets the tone as one of friendship, love or caring.' Continue with the explanation that it is to improve the situation that you're coming to them (because you don't want the relationship hurt by misunderstandings or errors in judgment or word choice).'' Then they know that you are not attacking them, but you are trying to preserve the relationship and they will be more open to hearing your point of view.It's also important to start out with some verbal "gift," i.e., that you compliment them with sincerity by suggesting that you understand what their position might be, but that you're confused, hurt, upset or worried that ________ [fill in the blank].' Remind them what you've meant to each other and how you want that to continue, and that this is a glitch which can be remedied with mutual consideration and understanding.If you're up against a reasonable, caring individual, things will go well.'If you're up against an un reasonable, self-centered human being, things will go well if you walk away.Rule number "PRE-one:"' Don't wait for emotions to fester.' Handle things as they happen before you work yourself up to the point that you can't be reasonable. More >>

The other day, someone made an honest comment to me about a gift I gave them - a rude comment, but an honest one.This is the sort of circumstance I hear about a lot on my radio program.' Callers get very upset about some small moment of discomfort, stupidity, rudeness, thoughtlessness - you get my drift.' It sends them into a tizzy, because I guess they yearn for this perfect world where everyone else's behavior conforms to what it is that makes them happy.People are largely busy with their own lives, and they don't always monitor their mouths or body language.' Sometimes, they're prone to say things without consideration of how it might be received.So, back to my story - I just laughed.' Look, my feelings can get hurt just like yours.' But since I am "Dr. Laura," and because I have the experience of over six decades on the planet, I have learned to choose what will annoy me.' When you have friends and acquaintances, you have to' 1) cut everyone some "stupidity slack" once in a while (as you would have them forgive you);' 2) look at the totality of that person and realize that, percentage-wise, they're "fine," and 3) decide whether or not their action was intentionally meant to do you harm or was just a quirk of their personality.When someone is downright evil, please avoid them.When someone is simply a bit thoughtless of others, then put them in their place...in your mind, that is.' Know that they have this "quirky-ness" and in the future, don't have expectations for them that are out-of-proportion.You can still be friendly, and even be friends, once you accept their limitations.So, if you don't have a "goat" to get , they can't get your goat! More >>

I notice that there are way too many people who want to believe that "not wanting to know something is true" will magically make it " not true."' If it worked, I'd bottle and sell it.I'd like a dollar for each caller to my radio program who complains about some extraordinary behavior or circumstance that is making them miserable in their relationship, whether they're dating, already married, or married and three kids later!' I ask the dreaded question: "Did you see/know about this before you...?" At first, frankly, most people lie and say "No." Sensing they're being defensive, I push.' Finally, they admit it by modulating it: "Well, it wasn't that bad." Meaning, of course, that they knew it and didn't want to know it.Why does this happen?1. We don't want our dreams and desires squished.2. We are so far along with our feelings and actions (sex, engagement, long dating) that we simply don't want to lose what we have, or we don't want to lose face.So, the next step is "magical thinking:" "Well, LOVE should fix this," or "It's really not that bad," or we simply just try to ignore it.' When parents or friends bring it to our attention, we find ways to extinguish reality by claiming that they are just exaggerating or wanting to hurt you or take away your happiness or are too bossy or too critical.Every now and then I get a caller, as I did recently, who was only dating a few weeks and was seeing what some would call a "red flag."' She wanted to check it with me to see if she was being unnecessarily cautious or critical.' After listening to her, I complimented her on listening to that small voice inside which was telling her "NO...not this one!" So what I wish for all of you this new year is to listen to that small voice of good sense, and put aside emotion and magical thinking.' The road to hell is not built with good sense.Keep that in mind. More >>