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Trust Intuition when Raising Children By Dyan Eybergen, RN Most parents know instinctively that their child is a unique blend of character traits, personality and temperament; that no two children are alike. Most parents respond to their child's distinctiveness through intuition during the first few years of their baby's life by interpreting their baby's cries and responding appropriately. But with regards to parenting their child past the toddler stage, many parents fail to continue to "listen to their gut" and go in search of quick-fix methods that promise solutions to parenting challenges. As a consequence, the parent's ability to tap into their intuition becomes compromised and the child's uniqueness is lost to the one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. Contemporary parenting solutions are not all bad, it just that they often do not take into consideration an individual child's needs, personality or family's dynamic. So often, the child is being raised in ways that go against the child's natural disposition. As a result, there is often parent-child conflict, stressed out moms and dads and anxious kids. Here are some ways you can improve the quality of knowing and understanding your child which will help you return to parenting him/her from a place of intuition: Always keep the lines of communication open. Make an effort to know your child: his/her friends names; favourite colour, movie, bands, food; how your child feels about certain issues like smoking/drinking, recycling, pollution, bullying; etc. Keep a journal: record the things your child says and does; what he/she is most interested in and how he/she reacts to certain situations or responds to you. Look for patterns or changes in your child's behaviour: How does he/she process his/her emotions? Which parenting approaches work? Which approaches exacerbate a situation? Where does your child excel, what comes easy to him/her? Where does your child struggle? Write down anything that would be helpful in discovering the true nature of your child's personality so you can begin to utilize parenting strategies that compliment who he/she is. Write about the day your child was born and list everything you remember about him/her in the first few weeks of life. Do any of those words you use to describe your infant still ring true for them today? Was your baby quiet and remains quiet or shy as a nine-year-old? Or did he/she come out of the womb crying with fierce determination and is a feisty indomitable 12 year-old now? Create a time-line picture collage following the life of your child from infancy to present day. Label the pictures with captions that give meaning to the pictures and the child's experience in that situation. This will create a story of identity for your child and bring your emotional connection with him/her back to where you started when you relied heavily on your instincts to parent. Tell tales of character traits of family members and see who your child most identifies with in terms of personality. You know your brother "Sam"? Is he most like your eldest son? So how would you describe your brother? Does your daughter remind you of your mother? What is your mother like? Take a personality test of your own so you will gain a basic understanding for personality development. You may come to appreciate that the way you are made differs from your child's make-up and that these differences may be why there is conflict between you. This will go a long way in helping you to parent your child according to he/she is and not according to who you think he he/she should be because of who you are. Dyan Eybergen, a child and adolescent psychiatric nurse and award winning author has more than ten years experience working as a therapist and parent educator. Eybergen currently resides in St. Albert, Alberta, with her husband and three sons. Out of the Mouths of Babes is her first book. For more information visit www.childperspectiveparenting.com .Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

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Now Aren't You The Prettiest Little Thing?: Helping Your Children Find Beauty from the Inside Out By Erik Fisher, Ph.D., aka Dr. E... www.ErikFisher.com I picked up my 2 and a half year-old daughter from our caregiver's home and to my shock her caregiver said, "Show Daddy your pretty nails." My daughter then showed me her painted nails. They had a nail painting party that day. My wife and I had not painted our daughter's nails before, nor did we plan to for some time. As a psychologist and a father, I take a deeper look at the parenting experience and all of the potential issues that influence our children. Some parents may read this example and think, "What's the big deal?", while others may share my concerns. I ask this: "What is the first thing that people say when they see a little girl who is showing them her nails?" Often the response is, "Don't you look pretty with your nails." I want my child (and every child) to feel absolutely beautiful, but from the inside out, not the outside in. I also want her to believe in who she is, not what she wears or what she does to her body. The messages that our children are given about beauty begin very early in life. They range from the very subtle, "Don't you look pretty in that dress", to the very obvious, "You shouldn't eat so much, or you will get fat." Societal pressure is one culprit, and it has only grown more intense since I started my research into body image more than 20 years ago. We compare clothes, jobs, schools, homes, cars. We surrender our power, and ultimately the power of our children to everyone else to tell us if we are pretty, smart, talented, successful, strong... It feels good when someone compliments us, however, how many of us thirst for those compliments? How many of our children do? We don't start out as parents wanting to cause pain and heartache to our children, however, somewhere along the way, our children are absorbing very subtle and obvious messages about themselves, some from us and others from society. What are we going to do, and when are we going to look at ourselves? Here are some things that you can do to help your child feel empowered from the inside out: Let your children know that beauty starts from within. The more you let them know that beauty is who they are, not what they are, the more it will sink in. If they wear pretty clothes or wear nail polish, tell them that the dress or the nail polish looks pretty, while letting them know that they are always beautiful. Teach your children to believe in themselves. If your child feels that others have done or said things to hurt them, let them know that they have the power to let it bother them, or look at why the other person may have behaved as they did. We teach our daughter to look at why she may have done things that may hurt others and why others may have done things to hurt her. Be aware of how you dress and how much you talk about your body, the clothes you wear, how much you or others make and the things you have. Do you focus on fashion and your appearance? Parents, sometimes without realizing it, talk about their weight, food intake and appearance. They talk about the new car or house their neighbor has. Kids listen to everything, even when you think they aren't. If people are communicating messages to your children that you do not want them to be exposed to, tactfully say something to them. Try not to confront them in front of others. Find some time to talk with them on the side and let them know what happened and what you would like to have happened. In terms of our sitter, for example, the next time I saw her, I let her know that my wife and I did not want our daughter's finger nails painted, because we felt that it sent a message about outward beauty. I explained that I wanted my daughter to feel pretty from the inside first. She was very receptive to this feedback, and we have not had an issue since. Be aware of the movies and television shows your kids watch, as well as the toys that they have, because some have messages that foster unhealthy comparisons, and focus on looks and materialism. For example, I am not a fan of older Disney movies such as Cinderella and Snow White because they send the message for women to wait for a man to come rescue them. On the other hand, Disney movies in the last ten years, like Mulan , send a more empowered message for girls and women. Talk to your children about some of these issues in our society. Also, watch them around others. Listen to what they are talking about. You may be surprised at what you hear and see. Ask them how they feel about themselves. Ask them what they think makes someone pretty or handsome. Ask them if they worry about what others think of them. We can't prevent our children from life, but we can prepare them for it. Parents often don't realize the power of their actions and are not trained and/or have become immune to looking at where our children absorb their messages. As you understand where you may have learned some of the messages you absorbed, you can then begin to change what your child may be learning. Let's make sure our kids start healthy and stay healthy. About the author: Erik Fisher, PhD, aka Dr. E..., is a licensed psychologist and author who has been featured on NBC, CBS, FOX and CNN. Visit him at www.ErikFisher.com to learn more about his books "The Art of Empowered Parenting" and "The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict or to check out his blog. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com More >>

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Back to School Readiness By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman The first sign that summer is coming to an end has been spotted. You can't miss it. It's the sale of every school supply imaginable. Book bags, pens, pencils, glue sticks, spiral note pads, compasses, calculators, three-ring binders, gym shoes, and clothes have already been observed for sale in a variety of stores. Soon to follow will be back to school sales in magazines, newspapers, television ads, and store flyers. Many parents have begun the process of thinking about what their children will need to go back to school in style. Their thoughts have been initiated by the plethora of materials in plain sight in many stores. But what do children really need in order to be ready for school? Perhaps getting children school ready involves more than purchasing stuff . Maybe something more than mere school supplies is what is needed to give children a great beginning to the school year. Maybe the best get-ready-for-school items are not found at the mall or your local department store. Maybe they aren't even items. School readiness can not be purchased in a store. It can only be created by conscious parents who set out to create that readiness with purpose and intentionality. School readiness is a process and a state of mind, not a series of products. Consider the following. Start the normal school schedule early. Break the summer sleep-in/stay-up late mode. Begin the morning and evening school routine at least two weeks before school actually starts. Don't expect that your child will be able to make the adjustment to getting up for school quickly or easily without a break-in period. Take the full two weeks to work into the routine slowly by adjusting the bedtime and wakeup time a few minutes every day until the desired time is reached. Your goal is to have the schedule set prior to the first day of school. Create a positive attitude about going back to school. Talk to your children about being able to see their friends, meet their new teacher and all the opportunities that being at school provides. Focus on your child's area of interest and emphasize all the ways in which school helps to enhance that topic. When your child speaks negatively, redirect him into the positive. Visit the school. Reacquaint your child with the school. During the summer classrooms change, teachers transfer to new buildings, principals are reassigned, and new playground equipment gets installed. Don't wait for orientation day to get reacquainted. Go to the school now and play on the play ground, meet the new principal or office personnel, and talk to the janitor. Set goals for the upcoming school year. Help your children create realistic expectations for themselves about school. Talk about what they want to accomplish this school year, not what you want them to accomplish. Remember not all of school is about grades. Making new friends, speaking out in class, standing up for oneself, staying organized, and managing behavior are all crucial skills for a successful school year. Model learning. Create a time in your home when everyone is involved in learning related activities such as reading, playing with numbers, telling family stories, journaling, or quiet reflection. Turn off the television and video games and have a set time for the whole family to feed their brain. In fact, model learning year round, even through the summer months. This will set the stage for homework. A study time can be a logical extension of the learning time you have in your home. Give your children every opportunity to be ready for school this year. Head to the mall or department store with your list of needed items and remember to add to your list the suggestions above. By doing so you give your kids what they really need to be prepared for this school year---structure, energy, enthusiasm, and a positive attitude. Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are authors and leading parenting authorities. Visit their blog at www.uncommon-parenting.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>